The History of the CITY LƲCRECE.

THis Lucrece, which I call of the City, to distinguish her from that Roman that stabbed her self, and was of a very different humor, was a tall handsom Maid, that want­ed neither wit nor spirit, but abounded in vanity. 'Twas pity she had not been bred at Court or amongst Persons of Quality, which would have freed her from many affectations that wronged her good parts, and too clearly made evident the place of her Education.

She was Daughter of a Register of the Chan­cery, and left very young with little portion, to the Conduct of an Aunt, an Advocates Wife of the Third Order, I mean that was neither eminent nor altogether without practice: [Page 21] This good man, more laborious than learned, was all day shut up in his Study, where he got his living by drawing Writings, but slightly paid for, and knew not all that passed in his House: His Wife was so good a huswife, she would have maundred two dayes for wasting a Candles end, or throwing away a Match before it had been lighted at both ends; but on the o­ther side she was a great Gamester, frequent­ing the world, as she used to express it, though it was properly no more but to see many faces. After Dinner Cards and Tables were produced, and immediately a great many young people of all conditions, resorted thither more to see Lucrece than to divert Mrs Advocate. When she won, she affected to appear liberal, send­ing for a Tart and Puff-paste, which with some Sweet-Meats made in the House, gave a Treat to the Company.

This served instead of Supper to her self and Niece, and sometimes also to her Husband, though he never tasted it; for she forgot to provide for him, when she her self was not hun­gry. On this accompt she passed amongst the Neighbourhood for very splendid: her house-keeping was much cried up, and I heard a Clerks Wife that lived thereabouts, say in choler, None it seems may pretend to Magnifi­cence, but Mrs Advocate.

Lucrece then was bred in a Family thus or­dered, a dangerous Post for a Maid that is ne­cessitous, and on that account obliged to suffer all sort of Gallants. Her heart must have been [Page 22] frost-nailed to have gone firm in so slippery a road. All her fortune was built on the Charms and Conquests of her Eyes, a very slender and feeble foundation, that seems only to make old Maids, and to marry them by a Suit in the Arches.

She yet carried the Garb of one of Quality, though as I have said, her portion was little or rather nothing at all; and she was reported to have Fifteen thousand Crowns.

On which supposition though false Lucrece built high expectations, and if an Advocate were propounded as a Husband for her, Fie, she would cry out, I hate these Gown and Pen and Ink-horn Men. She pretended to a Knight or at least an Esquire, and her Charms drew many Servants, for a House that keeps an ho­nourable Academy of Gaming, keeps one also of Love, which is at first very honest, but af­terwards no more than needs must; this puts me in mind of what was once said by a good fellow, That to do so, is little less than to hang out a Bush to publish there is some excellent piece ready to be set abroach.

They came, as I told you, more to see Lu­crece than to play, yet there was a necessity of playing, that they migbt see her. Some having played a while gave their Cards to another to hold, whilest they courted her; others went her Aunts halves; she also went halves with some others that engaged to play: but having put her forces in order, she went up and down the Hall entertaining the Company, and knew so well [Page 23] how to content them all, by affording each a share of her Conversation, that you would have thought she had regulated her discourse by the Hour-Glass.

She made no small profit by play, having her share of what was won, but never participating in any loss. Nothing pleased her so much as when certain Coxcombs fell into her hands, that think it an excellent Complement to let Ladies win their Money: by such an honoura­ble way to possess them of the Presents they in­tend to make them. This was a great mistake of old, with which (thanks be to heaven) Cour­tiers and Gallants are now no more abused. It is true that crafty Wenches are very well pleased to win at play, but looking on that effect which they attribute to their own skill or good for­tune as Conquest, they do not think themselves in the least obliged to the poor Fool that loseth his money, but call him their Cully, and never give him over till they have plucked his last fea­ther; and it is then too late to go to work with some other Gallantry; for they never esteem a man that hath played the Fool, though to their advantage. And indeed to what purpose so much Ceremony? is it not better to play ones best, and neither excuse nor over-see any thing; and if we be minded to present them, do it without circumstance or disguise. Do any of them refuse or send back what is presented them, this may possibly have been done in the dayes of old when they knew not how to live; but if we improve at the rate we have done [Page 24] lately, for my part I bylieve we shall ere long make direct bargains, and say I send you such a present for such a favour, and demand security; for to speak seriously Women are deceitful. But while I talk of Gaming, I have almost for­got Lucrece, who above all other Gallants lo­ved those that used to play for discretions; for if she lost, she paid with some ribbon, and if she won, expected Jewels. She was clothed with nothing else but the good fortune of Play, or folly of her Servants. The Silk Stockings on her Legs were a discretion, her Ribbon and Gloves another discretion; her Whiske of Point de Gennes another.

In a word, from head to foot she was all discretion. But she played so long for discreti­ons, that at last she lost her own, as you will hear anon: I give you notice betimes, because I design nor to surprize you, as some malicious Authors are wont to do, who aime at nothing else.

Amongst the many Lovers, whose youthful fervor adored Lucrece, was a young Lord, but to say Lord signifies little, without adding 40, 50, or 60 thousand Livres a year; for there are so many of these of late Editions, and Forreign and Exotick Impression, that they are little considerable, unless with their Lordships they make us acquainted with their Revenue, as one did that styled bimself Lord of Twenty hundred thousand Crowns. This never yet gave in any accompt, but he lived high, with daily change of Clothes, Feathers, and Ribbons, which in [Page 25] Paris are commonly the best testimonies of Per­sons of Quality, though to speak seriously, not a little deceitful. He had seen Lucrece in the Church, I had almost said that I have described, whither he went on the Solemn Day I told you of, on what account I know not, but certainly on any, rather than to say his Prayers. As soon as he saw her he was charmed, and as soon as she went out, sent his Page to enquire after her, but before his Pages return he was made acquainted with all by the Sexton, that drives away Dogs and lets Pews; but makes greater profit by understanding the Intrigues of all the Women of the Parish, than by both the other Trades. A Half Crown Piece therefore got my Lord the Name, Dwelling, and Quality of Lu­crece, with her Aunts, and their usual imploy­ments, and Names of the most of those that frequented them; with many other particulars, that could not have been learned of a private Family without much time; which makes ap­pear that such as are so governed, begin to be publick. Being very discreet, he studied how to find some body to introduce him, for want of which, he resolved to make use of the pretence of Play, the great Passpartout that admits into such Companies. But as it fell out, he stood in need of none of these, for passing next day in his Coach through the Street where Lucrece dwelt, he perceived her at the door, whither her impatience to have received no Visit, drew her: and as she heard the noise of a Coach, she turned her head that way, thinking it was [Page 26] some body coming to her. The Lord placed himself in the Boot, the more conveniently to salute and enter discourse with her.; and an un­fortunate accident was but too favorable: an Ost­lers Boy galloping a Horse that he pricked with a rusty Spur fastened to his left Shoe, the Street being narrow and the Kennel broad, covered the Coach, the Lord and Lady with dirt. The Lord was about to swear, but respect of the fair Sex restrained him; he would have sent after, but the Trooper was so well mounted they could do him no hurt, unless they shot him flying: he therefore alighted all dirty as he was, to com­fort Lucrece, and at his first approach told her, Madam, I have been punished for my temerity in approaching too near to behold you, but I am not so much troubled to see my self in this condition, as that you partake of this dirty present. Lucrece out of countenance to see her self so accoutred, or perhaps because she had no Complement rea­dy on so unexpected an accident, could say no more, but civilly offer him the Hall to make himself clean, or tarry in while he sent for shift, and then took her leave and went to change her own Linnen; she quickly returned with other Clothes, and it was occasion of no little pride to a person of her condition, to make appear she had variety, and could so suddenly produce a Whiske of Point of Sedan instead of that of Genoua she left off.

The first thing the Lord did, was to send his Page home in all haste, to bring him another Suit and other Linnen, hoping they would let [Page 27] him have some Chamber where he might shift himself. But the Page comes back sweating, to tell him that his Valet de Chambre had carried away the Key of the Wardrobe, and that after he had dressed his Lord a Mornings, he used not to return till Night, as those Loiterers use to do, whose Masters leave them to drink and play, for want of other business; imagining it would de­rogate from their greatness to imploy a Servant in more than one Office. He had therefore no remedy but patience, which could not yet pre­vent him from condemning his little sore-sight, that he had not taken along in his Coach in a Band-Box another Suit of Linnen, since his Coachman was so provident to carry Hammer and Nails, to fasten his Horse-shoes or mend any thing that might be broken about the Wheel. But he could do no more at that time than place himself in the darkest corner of the Hall, and against the light to conceal his wounds as well as was possible. He hath sworn since (though that is not it that obliges us to believe him, for he sometimes swore vainly enough; but I have met some Professors of Gallantry that told me it was very possible) that amongst all his amorous Adventures, he never suffered greater vexation nor more bitter resentment, then to be fain to appear in so bad a posture the first time he saw his Mistriss. Notwithstanding the violence of his love often pressed him to de­clare his passion, and that he found favorable occasions for it, he put up all his Complements, and imagining the spots on his Clothes were stains to his honour, became extreamly morti­fied; [Page 28] like a Peacock that looking on his feet, immediately lets fall his Train.

To increase his misfortune, he was no soon­er seated, but there came in a great many Maids of Lucrece Neighbourhood, of whom some were her friends, others not; for all flocked thither as to a General Rendezvous of Gallan­try, there to seek Husbands, as others go to the Intelligence Office to enquire for Lackeys or Va­lets de Chambre's; some sat down to Cards with young Men that were newly come in, others prated with Lucrece.

Not knowing the Lord, they took him for some pitiful Countrey Gentleman, and so used him, for City Dames as well as Court Ladies, have got the trick of rallying these; and here they failed not to give every one her Attaque. It must be confessed, says one, this Gentleman is very well drest to day, for he wants no Black­patches; But, said another, is it the fashion to wear them upon Linnen; the third added, Though possibly he forgot to take Holy Water this Morn­ing, somebody hath had the charity to be sprinkle him: and the last, a bold Gossip, replied, Alas, all this will be nothing but a little dust at Midsummer.

The Lord at first suffered all these wipes, which are very common ones, with a great deal of patience, and pressed by conscience of his guilt, durst not justifie himself against an accu­sation that so evidently convinced him. But they at last provoked him so far, he could not avoid a Reply. I perceive well (Ladies) said he, you will put a necessity upon me of defending Slo­vens, but I know not how I shall acquit my self in [Page 29] it, having hitherto very little meditated on that subject, because I thought I should never have occasion for it on my own account, nor had not, but for the misfortune lately happened to me. You will be the less partial (replied Lucrece) if you have so little interest in the Cause, and oblige a great many persons, if you plead it well. I am not of a Profession, said the Lord, to plead or make Apologies, but such an occasion presenting for it, I must tell you that I think it very strange that in most companies men are neither respected nor scarcely suffered, unless all about them be cu­rious and proper even to excess; nay sometimes un­less rich and magnificent. Mens merits are not at all examined, and judgement is made of them only by their outsides, and by qualifications that may at all times be taken up at the Mercers and Lacemen. Tbis is very true, said one, and Paris is so full of dirt it is impossible to escape it.

I have to day found by experience (said the Lord) that it is hard to do so, since my Coach could not secure me; and I must needs approve of their opinion, that maintain that such as are curious, ought to use Sedans. The old Proverb, which to express one that is so, says he, Looks as if he came out of a Box, is now a days verified; and perhaps gave occasion for these portable Boxes.

But, said the City Dame (again interrupt­ing him) every one cannot pay for them, the Por­ters exact and are too chargeable. Once when it rained I would have been carried to Nostre Dame, and they asked a Crown. It is true, said the Lord, [Page 30] the charge is great, and cannot be born by such as are in low or mean conditions, as most persons of merit are; who by reason of this are confined to the Visits of their Neighbours only, as in little Cities, and cannot enjoy the advantages Paris would other­wise afford them; for here we might select a handsome society of the best qualified persons, did not chance and business scatter them into several very distant Quarters.

It is not long since a Gallant made me a very plea­sant complaint on such an accident, He went, he said, from the Fauxbourgs St. Germain, intend­ing for the Marais de Temple, with pure Linnen and a neat Suit, his Galloches very streight and the day fair; he most successfully saved himself from dirt by the favor of Shops and Alleys, into which he very judiciously retreated at the least noise of Horse or Coach At last; thanks to his a­dress, and the many compasses he had taken to pick out the fairest way, he came near the desired Haven, when a poor Ass, that went modestly enough his grand Paw, and probably meant no mischief, set his foot in a hole, and almost the only hole in the Street, and dashed him as plentifully as could have been done by the boundingst Horse that is ridden to the great Saddle; upon this he durst not continue his design, but lapping himself up in his Cloak, very discontentedly returned to his Lodging. Thus he was unfortunately bereaved of the pleasure he expected in his Visit, and they which were to receive it, of the satisfaction of his entertainment. This accident gave him such an aversion for re­mote Visits, that he hath lost all the acquaintnce [Page 31] he had out of his own Quarter. Your friend (said Lucrece) was a little too scrupulous, had he done well, he should have thought it sufficient at his first entrance to have made an excuse in behalf of dirty Stockings, an invective against the Govern­ment of the City and the Scavenger, with a word of imprecation against the hypocritical Ass, that was the occasion of the scandal: This sure had been sufficient to have secured him against all re­proach. Methinks (interrupted Hippolita (who was a pretender to wit, and began the first raillery) he did very discreetly to go back, else had any of my humor been in the company, he had certainly been attacqued. Why (said Lucrece) was he in any fault? Have you not observed his many precautions? What shall his time and pains in sheltring himself in so many Shops and Alleys signifie nothing? No, said Hippolita, nothing, why did he not take a Sedan? You enquire not, said the Lord, Whether he had wherewithal to pay for one; but you are not single in your humor, and I foresee if the luxury of the times goes forward, some great Persons, after the examples of those that have founded Chairs for Professors of Divini­ty, Physick, and Mathematicks, will charita­bly bequeath a Revenue to establish Sedans to car­ry Gallants cleanlily unto their Mistrisses Alcoves, and in a condition to be admitted into good company. Such an Establishment, said Lucrece, would be admirable, and no less commendable than those other for the encouragement of Learning, but it would cost a great deal, because of the many pre­tenders to Gallantry.

This Establishment, replied the Lord, will not be so soon made, and I rather wish than expect it for that Ladies sake (pointing to Hippolita, whose Name he knew not) that she may not meet any more such dis-satisfactions as at present. The Lord seemed to speak this with some animositie, vexed that she had first began to rally him; and to be quit, added somewhat briskly, I could yet allow Women of Quality, who have magni­ficent Apartments, and converse with none but such as are brave, thus difficultly to suffer other persons, but I think it strange that City Wives imitate them, they which go a Mornings to Mar­ket in liquord Shoes, wrapped up in their Scarfs, and on Houshold occasions admit high Shoes into their Chambers, to the no little pains of the Maids arm that rubs the floor; that these I say should be nicer than all others is insufferable.

Certainly, said Lucrece, the Gentleman hath a great deal of reason, and for a Courtier admi­rably understands the people of the Town: I know some persons (and they are not far off) very hard to be satisfied in this particular, and I think would better like a man that spoke ten impertinen­cies in their company, then that had the least irre­gularity in his Clothes

But, said Hippolita, do you then approve of those Virtuoso's, that under pretence of internal Endowments, altogether neglect the exterior. For example we have in our Neighbourhood a Lawyer very rich and no less covetous, that wears a Night Cap down to his Chin, and, had he the Ears of Midas, deep enough to cover them; another that goes ever [Page 33] in a thread-bare Cloak; would you excuse persons so sordid and extravagant, or deny good company the pleasure of laughing at them?

I do not, said the Lord, think that any ever ap­proved such affectations, but on the contrary look with contempt and indignation on all formal Pe­dants; whose Cloaths are as ridiculous as their Manners; we ought yet to be favorable to such Per­sons of Merit as employing themselves better, have not time to think of dressing; not that I would ex­cuse those that out of avarice or negligence go still in a posture like enough to make those sick that look upon them; these are extremities equally blamea­ble: but how many are there that notwithstanding their care in dressing and concealing their poverty, cannot prevent its appearing in some flapping Hat, broken Stocking, or other wound, for which for­tune alone is to be blamed. You have reason, said Lucrece, and I have alwayes opposed such nice­ties, wishing it were sufficient to go decently; but variety and magnificence are also required, for now a-dayes Men every where take place according to their Cloaths, and their merits are valued by the depth of their Laced Bands. This must be granted, said Hippolita, and as I think reasonably enough, for how can you judge of a Man that comes into company, but by his outside? If his Cloaths be rich, he is taken for a Person of Quality, well born and bred, and consequently that hath worth. This I could allow you, said the Lord, if Stran­gers only were so used, and excuse the honour done to a Rascal, that under favour of his good Cloaths, passes for a Person of Quality, the honour being [Page 34] paid to the worth that is supposed to be in him; but they which are best known, are so dealt with, and many Women judge of Men only by their vari­ety of Suits, Feathers, and Ribbons. Coming from a Ball or Visit, I have heard them thus en­tertain one another, What an excellent Set of Rib­bons my Lord had on? I never saw a richer: and Sir Thomas had a new Stuff I have not seen be­fore, that was very pretty: another said, That great slovenly Squire goes like a Bearherd, he dares not change his Clothes sure, for fear no body should know him; yet it sometimes happens that the slovenly Squire falls fowl and beats the rich trimming worn by a Coward, and that he that wears the fine Stuff talks like a Coxcomb. Nay one Lady was so silly, that she commended the extravagance of a Gallant, that to mourn for the death of his Mistriss, trimmed a Suit with Black and White Ribbons, with Death-heads and Tears figured upon them, in such a manner as Churches use to be hung at Funerals. I think, said Lucrece, he may more properly be said to have mourned for his reason that was dead. And you are in the right, said the Lord, but half mourning would have been sufficient, it being so long since it departed. This is very pleasant, said Lucrece, and more than I expected from a Cour­tier, and one that by his Meen seems to be curious and magnificent.

I must acknowledge, said the Lord, that my quality obliges me to expence in Clothes, because the humor of the times requires it, and that I may not be taken for morose or covetous, I follow Fashions [Page 35] and sometimes invent them: but this is contrary to my inclination, and I had much rather divert such fond disbursements into liberalities to Persons of Merit that stand in need of them: and the excess of these things I have ever blamed, pitying such as fall into the hands of Noble Criticks in Gallan­try, that abound in idleness, and can discourse of nothing else; by these we are examined from head to foot, like as Malefactors at the Bar, and what care so ever we have taken to adjust our selves, they most certainly condemn us. I have been often engaged in Conferences about such tri­fles, where many most ridiculous questions have been controverted very seriously. I one day saw a Coxcomb attacqued on this accompt, one Lady told him his Band was ill put on, another that it was not well starched, a third justified the fault to be in the cutting; but he defended himself bravely, by telling them it was made by the Kings Semstress, that had a Crown a-piece for the Fashion. At the Name alone of this Lady, Sentence passed in fa­vour of the Band; I say Lady, at which you ought not to wonder, for the age is so fertil in Ladies, that the Title hath been acquired by common Players, Makers of Periwiggs; and Cutters of Black-patches. That authority, said Lucrece, was conclusive, and the question no longer proble­matical; and it must be granted that the Band is the most difficult and important of all Ornaments, and first discovers whether a man be a just; there­fore too much care and time cannot be emploied a­bout it: as I have heard of a great Lawyers Wife that was an hour every Morning putting on her [Page 36] Cuffs, and publickly maintained they could not be well put on sooner. After the examination of this Band (said the Lord) they fell upon Pantaloons, and considered whether they had too many folds behind or before, and in this also opinions varied; at last they came to Silk Stockings, and this was argued a very new and considerable controversie, not yet decided by any Author, whether they do best drawn strait or plaited on the Calf of the Leg. After two hours spent in such ridiculous enter­tainment, perceiving they intended to examine all the rest article by article, and line by line, as if it had been a reckoning; I broke off and with­drew, and they adjourend, appointing another day to go on with the rest: for the determination of a Case so important required several Sessions.

You rally so handsomely (said Lucrece) the persons you dislike, one had need be very careful what they say. I have too great respect (replied the Lord) for all that comes from so fair lips, and have observed in you conceptions so just, and remote from all we have rallied, that you have no­thing to apprehend on that accompt. Indeed, said Lucrece, I do not approve our entertaining our selves with such trifles, nor the being so punctual as to little defaults, methinks it is enough, if we be so habited, that we give no general disgust. Besides I know that what care soever can be taken, especially by such as are not Courtiers, something will still be objected; for Fashions changing daily, and the dayes not being marked in Almanacks like Holydayes, it is necessary to have intelligence and Spies at Court, to give notice of the varieties that happen every moment.

You have a great deal of reason, replied the Lord, and the difficulty intimated by you is al­most invincible, without erecting an Office of Modes or at least publishing a Gazette, which in form of a Journal should acquaint the world with what is new. This design (said Hippolita) is ex­cellent, and I believe more of these Gazets would be sold than of the other.

Since you please your self with such designs, said the Lord, I will acquaint you with an admira­ble one I heard propounded a while ago by a Lawyer that sought some Patentee to joyn with him.

And wonder not that I have correspondence with this sort of men, and sometimes make use of their terms; two troublesome Suits, by obli­ging me to frequent them, have taught me (to my cost) more than I cared for learning. He told me it were very necessary to the Kingdoms good, to establish a great Council of Modes, and that it would be easie enough to provide it with Officers: for Councellors of Modes might plentifully be found amongst Mercers, Drapers, and Ex­change-men; and amongst Taylors Attorneys of Modes, who should fit them for hearing and make their reports. Judges should be chosen amongst the vaniest and extravagantest Courtiers of both Sexes, who should justifie or condemn, and give all authority and credit: there should also be Messengers of Modes, to disperse them thorow the Kingdom; and last of all Censors of Modes, who ought to be very disoreet persons to limit their extravagances; for example not to suffer Hats to rise as high and pointed as Sugar-loaves, nor fall as flat as Pancakes; which is much to be apprehend­ed, [Page 38] whilest every man raises or depresses them in e­mulation of his Neighbor, according to the ebbes and flows of the Mode of Hats.

They should also endeavor a reformation of Clothes, with all necessary Decries, as of Ribbons that for­merly crept up as high as our Pockets; Regulations of all differences that might concern the Jurisdiction, should be kept in the Office, and a Puppet of the new­est Mode made like a Jackalent, to be communicated to the several Shires. All Taylors should be obliged to these Models, no less than Carpenters and Brick­layers to those of the Houses they undertake to build. There should hang up in the Office a Table, in which all Fashions, with the circumstances and regulations, should be specified, with the lengths of Cotes, Breech­es and Sleeves, qualities of Stuffs, Trimmings, La­ces, and other Ornaments. This would be no small ad­vantage to the publick, and prevent Dutchmen or Countrey-Gentlemen, that bestow a great deal of mo­ney to make themselves fine, from failing in their design, notwithstanding their consultations with all manner of Tradesmen for clearing difficulties. For it often happens, that if the Suit be well, it is not so with the Hat or Stockings, and the poor Gallants live alwayes in ignorance and incertainty; whereas then if they doubted (for example) whether their Hats were handsome, they had no more to do, but to carry them to the Mode Office, to have them gaged and measured as Pecks and Bushels are at the Town-House. Being thus examined from head to foot, and taking out an authentick Certificate, their consciences might be at rest, and their honour secure against the reproaches of the most critical Ladies.

It is great pity (said Lucrece) that you joy­ned not with the Inventor of this Monopoly, you would have made it very profitable, I be­lieve there are many Officers in the Kingdome less useful, and Laws less necessary then would be ordained by them. And I have heard wise men say, That there are Countries in the World, where there are Justices, expressly, for regulation of Clothes, but not being Book­learned, I cannot tell you where they lie.

Lucrece had scarcely made an end, when her Aunt broke her game, and the box she had in her hand, in anger, at an ambs ace, she threw very unhappily: This also broke the Dis­course, for, she came with a great Cry, to pub­lish the misfortune which she lamented with as pathetical expressions, as if it had endange­red the safety of the State.

This disordered our little Cabal, some of which, in Civility joyned in the invective against the unlucky ambs ace that came uncal­led for, others comforted her, by representing Fortunes Inconstancy, and promising her 2 sices another time. The Lord, the mean while, that waited for an opportunity to be gone, took leave of Lucrece: not without telling her in private, that he hoped to waite on her the next day in better equipage, and begged leave to continue his Visits. But at his going he was very near suffering by the like accident as at his arrival. For Ostlers are very frequent in that quarter. He could no more beat this then the former, because this also rid away, [Page 40] but his page revenged him, and not being so reasoable in his Answer as his Master, dischar­ged it on another Ostler that was on foot hard by the gate, and when the fellow cryed out, Hold, Sir, I dash no body, answered, no mat­ter, This is for those thou hast dash'd, and wilt dash hereafter: A very remarkable equity, [to the shame of our Suburb Justices.]

As soon as the Lord was in his Coach, the footmen, following his and the pages examples, (animated against dashers of the Kings free-born Subjects) fell upon certain Carmen, that seemed as hasty as extraordinary Posts, the great Carts threw a great stone, that was loose, from the pavement, and hit one of the Carmen, that was got up in his Cart, such a blow on the reins, as mighgt have broken anothers back, while the Clown did no more, but shake his head, and looking over his shoulder, bid him kiss—and so whipping on, was soon out of reach of the broken pavement. The Lord came next day to see Lucrece in an equipage that made apparent it was not for him­self he made the Apology of the preceeding day.

I take this to have been the Visit in which he discoved his Passion, but will not positively af­firm it, it is possible he did it not till some of the dayes following. For both these Lovers were very discreet, and mentioned not their amours but with great Caution. It is very un­lucky for this History, that neither Lucrece had a friend in whom she confided, nor the Lord [Page 41] any Squire, to give us the particular terms of of their most private discourse. These use not to be wanting to Hero's and Heroines, for how otherwise, can their adventures be writ­ten, and fill so many vast Volumnes: how can their greatest secrets, and, almost, their thoughts be made publick? how else get we Copies of all their Love-letters, and Verses, with the rest that is necessary to the contri­vance of an Intrigue? Our Lovers kept no such officers, so that all their Concerns cannot be told you: Neither did I gather, what I have written, from any one person, whose Memory must needs have fallen very short of retaining all passages; but I have gotten a little here, and a little there, and, to confess the truth, added something my self. Nevertheless, if you be ex­treamly desirous to know the manner of laying open such Passions, I can point you out enough, in Amadis, Astrea, the grand Cyrus, and other Romances; that I have neither time nor Intention to transcribe and steal, as most Authours doe, that make use of the Inventions of such as write before them: nay, I will not give my self the trouble of quoting the Books and pages, for you cannot miss them, what part soever of those Volumnes you accidental­ly open: but you will finde still the same thing, and, as it is enough to set down the first word of the Burthen of the Song with an &c. It is also so now, to tell you that our Lord was in love with Lucrece, &c. you may easily guess, and adde what he said, or at least might have [Page 42] said, or at least might have said to charme her.

All that is incumbent on me, is to acquaint you with the success of his Love, for, I take for granted, you will be curious to know whe­ther Lucrece was kinde or cruel, since one of these is as probable as the other.

Know then, that the Lord made great Ad­vances in little time: yet it was neither his wit nor good meen that won her, though he was one of the most accomplished Gentlemen of France, of the most charming appearance, and amorous temper; but these were not the things that made the greatest impressison, for though she had a value for so good parts, she resolved, never to ingage her heart but in or­der to establishing her fortune. The Lord was therefore forced to make more Promises then he intended to perform, as much a person of honour as he pretended himself: for what is there that a Lover wounded to the heart, will make difficulty to promise: and what engage­ment will a Gentleman make scruple of break­ing, rather then dishonour himself by an un­worthy alliance? He made his first ap­proaches to her good opinion by liberality, and sometimes letting her win his mony, yet in such a manner, as she might perceive, it was not sil­lily, nor for want of Understanding the game; then he came to down right Presents, which (though proud enough) she made no difficul­ty of receiving, for she abounded not in wealth, so much as in vanity: she affected to live high, [Page 43] which her own fortune could not maintain. Treats and Promises of Pleasure, the high wayes by which the honour of citie Virgins posts away, were very frequent, but not yet conclusive, and Lucrece bestow'd but insignificant favours, which the Lord yet was fain to accept as current mony, but in the end his Passion so far prevailed, that he gave her a promise of Marriage, written and signed with his blood, to make it more authen­tick: this is one of the most effectual mines for overthrowing a poor maids honour. Few hold it out when this playes, and Lucrece de­fended hers, no better then others had done before her, but gave up her faith and affection to the Lord. There was ever after this a perfect understanding between them, yet without co­ming to the highest of Engagements, each of them was flattered with pleasing hopes, the Lord of possessing his Mistress, and Lucrece of being a Lady. But this satisfyed not our Im­patient Lover, his Passion was too violent for a longer expectation of the greatest fa­vour. Yet there was an invincible obstacle against the making good his Promise of Marri­age, though he had intended it. He was un­der age, and had a Mother and Uncle that pos­sessed great estates, on which the grandeur of his family depended. Neither of these would ever have given consent, so that he should have hazarded a disinheriting, or at least to see his marriage made null. He therefore pressed Lucrece closer, and at last lighted on a favora­ble [Page 44] Opportunity, at one of those mischievous takings of the Air, they so often used

Do not yet believe that Lucrece ever went without her Aunt, and some other maids her Neighbours, accompanied by their Mothers: but good women think their Daughters safe enough, as long as they go out a doores with them, and return in the same manner. This yet is a trap in which many have been c [...]ught. For the Country still affords something of Liberty, spies being there less frequent, and wayes more open for going astray, so that one can­not long want an opportunity of giving a Mistress a green Gown, as much the Criti­cal minute as when her smock is over her ears. Adde to this that Courtiers never sterve for fear of calling for what they want, and take advantages upon City lasses, they durst not at­tempt against great persons, whose qualities oblige them to respect. To make short, our Assailant so often summoned the place, and pres­sed it so close, that he one day surprised it un­guarded, and far from assistance; for her Aunt was then busie at an important game at Tic-tac.

Lucrece thus yielded; I am sorry to tell it; but it is very true: and for her honours sake, wish, I could let you know the pathetical ex­pressions of her Lover; which had that success, which all he had to that time used, failed of.

I believe the saffron on his face was very ef­fectual, for Melancholy had made him very yal­low; and am of opinion he pulled a Stilletto [Page 45] out of his Pocket to pierce his heart, in her pre­sence, when he found he could not die of Love. He neglected not to put her in mind of the Pro­mise of Marriage he had given her, and of abun­dance of others to confirm it. But the worst is, none of these things can be known, because all passed in private: nevertheless they are ve­ry advantagious towards the discharge of the Lady: and you ought to believe he pressed hard, Lucrece being a Virtuous maid, that had a great respect of her honour, of which, I sup­pose, you are already sensible, if you have ob­served how long she held out, though, if you consider the manner of her breeding, you may perhaps imagine her a slight Sconce, that might be stormed very easily: Whatever you fancy, she was more careful of establishing her fortune, then setling her Love.

She went not about, immediately, to carry the Lord to a Scrivener or Parson, who might probably have been talkative enough to di­vulge the business, and so given occasion to the Lords Relations to break it off. She thought earnest ought to be laid down, before matters came so farre, and that it was better for her to hazard something, then miss an opportunity of making herself a great Lady. It cannot be said to be the fault of Lucrece, if [...]he Lord kept not his word, which she had been told, was inviola­ble amongst persons of honour: and truely there were very many that did not blame her, because themselves had been caught in the like manner▪ This love lasted a while with more [Page 46] familiarity then formerly, and without any me­morable Accident, for the Lord had no Rival to dispute against him the place he had gained, or that gave his Mistress false intellig [...]nce to his prejudice: There was neither Picture, watch, nor Bracelet of hair suprised or lost, nor that passed into other hands: no absence, nor ma­licious report of death or inconstancy, all which are the most necessary and common Materials that build the Intrigues of Romances. Inventions that have been presented in so many formes, and so often turned and patched they can no longer be made use of.

I can, therefore, tell you no more of this Sto­ry, and though I were never so curious, all I could inform my self of would be only this, how many Turkies had been eaten at St. Cloud, how many dishes of strawberries and cherries in May, at Vaugizard, because the Bills of these Collati­ons are yet to be found in the Inns where they were made, though they were sometime be­fore discharged by the Lord, who was so good a pay-master, it derogated from his Nobility. They also carryed themselves so discreetly, that none could discover any privacy more then formerly: all this yet prevented not some per­sons of an Inferiour ranck from courting Lu­crece, yet with something of respect for the Lord.

They watched their Advantage in his ab­sence, and as soon as he came, gave way to him: For you know, Noblemen are something terri­ble to Citizens, and on that account injure ma­ny [Page 47] maids by frighting away Suiters which might be very convenient for them.

Lucrece had accustomed her servant to permit her to receive all comers, as before, which she did after her fault with greater freedom, be­cause remorse of Conscience made her appre­hend it to be more publick then indeed it was, & though she flattered herself with hopes of being a Lady, yet while the thing was not done, (no­thing being so certain but it may fail) she was willing to keep others on her hand, to have recourse to, in case of necessity. Besides this, it is natural to women to love to be courted by persons of all conditions, though they have nei­ther esteem nor affection for them.

In this reserve of Gallants, sufficiently nume­rous, Nicodemus made one, he was a great complimenter, and, as I have already said, a universal Inamorado, but in this amour he inga­ged so farre, that one day, having laid open his Passion with all the Rhetorick he could pos­sibly find out, Lucrece told him, she gave no credit to his words, and must have more authen­tick testimonies; he answered very seriously she should have them in what kind soever she desired, and she referrred the choice to himself▪ Nicodemus, then to make evidence he would alwayes love her, told her he would immediately give her a promise in writing, she laughed and defied him: and Nicodemus soon after expresly retiring unto an Anti chamber, brought a pro­mise of Marriage, and put it into her hands; she took it, but still continued her rallerie, and [Page 48] to slight it, wrapped in it a China Orange she had in her hand; yet she neglected not to lay it up very carefully afterwards, that it might be useful when occasion presented, if to no other purpose, yet to shew she once had a servant.

All this passed before Nicodemus engaged with Javota, and a while after it happened that a Proctor called Villeflattin, a friend and Neighbour of Lucrece's Uncle coming to see him found him in his Chamber by the fire side, Lucrece was then, by chance, looking in a Ca­binet of hers that stood in the same Chamber: & as it is usual with old men to ask maids when they are to be married, this was the Proctors first Com­plement. Well Mistress, saies he, when shall we dance at your Wedding, I know not when, answered Lucrece, smiling, but this I am sure of, it needs not be deferred for want of Servants: look you here is a promise of marriage were I pleased to accept it; with that she shewed him a paper folded up, which was the Promise she had accidentally lighted on▪ which yet she did not much value, for she grounded all her hopes on that of the Lord, which she was too cunning once to mention. The Proctor read the other, and told her, he knew the person that had sub­scribed it, and that he was rich, but added no farther commendation, as thinking that word contained [...]ll th [...]t could be said. He asked if the Promise were reciprocal, and whether she had given another? Lucrece without affirming or denying, still answered fooling: but he seri­ously [Page 49] recommended to her the care of it, offering his service on that occasion, and to make an exact inquiry after Nicodemus estate.

A few dayes after, it happened that Villeflat­tin met Vollichou Javota's father, and being of his old Acquaintance, Vollichou told him of his daughters approaching wedding: Villeflat­tin immediately wished him joy, saying it was well done to marry her young, that Maids were as difficult to be kept as Treasure, and that a father is never at quiet till he is no longer re­sponsible for their freaks, and their husbands obliged to take care of them. That Javota was, questionless, very discreet, but the times were so corrupt, and youth so deboist, there was no more scruple made of surprising an innocent Virgin, then of drinking a glass of water. Af­ter other discourses of the like nature, which I purposely omit, not for want of Information, (for I have heard them a thousand times) he asked whom he had chosen to his Alliance, and when the Wedding was to be solemnised. Volli­chou replyed, the Banes had been already asked at St. Nicholas and St. Severine the parishes of both parties▪ that they were to be contracted within two dayes, and that Nicodemus was to be his Son in Law. How? (said Villeflattin) I have heard he was to have Mistris Lucrece our Neigh­bour? I have seen, read, and had in my hand a Promise of Marriage to that purpose, authen­tickly signed by him. You very much surprise me (said Vollichou) and, I beseech you, Inform [Page 50] me better, and tell me whether—and then without concluding, left him hastily, crying out, Who calls Vollichou? This was a certain Sollicitor that brought a small Client, they would not let go up stairs.

His avarice that permitted him not to neglect the least gain, suffered him not to consider that he abandoned a very important affair for ano­ther that was possibly of no moment, as indeed it was not. As soon as he got quit from it, he returned to seek Villeflattin, to ask him if he remembred in what terms the Promise of Mar­riage expressed it self, since it seemed he had it in his hands: but he was gone, for being a great servant of Lucrece and her Relations, obser­ving the abrupt departure of Vollichou, he thought he made all that haste to acquaint his Wife and Daughter how they were abused, and that another party had got a Promise of Marri­age of Nicodemus. Indeed he thought he went to strike up the Match immediately, before any opposition could be made; lest he came short in a business that was really advantageous to him.

This made him on his own head (without e­ver speaking to Lucrece, or to her Uncle or Aunt) for fear of losing time, to put a stop to this Wed­ding with the Curates both of St. Nicholas and St. Severin: Besides all which, he obtained from the Official a Prohibition of the Bains, and gave notice of this both to the Curates and Vollichou, for he knew not Nicodemus's Lodging. About 3 Afternoon he came sweating to tell Lucrece [Page 51] he had News for her, that she was not a little beholding to him; that he had neither eat nor drank that day, but continually ran up and down to serve her. After many such Prologues he related his rancounter with Vollichou, and all the exploits he had afterwards performed.

Lucrece was very much surprized at this Sto­ry, and her Cheeks were died with a blush deep­er than ever before. Her thanks to this Pro­ctor were, That he had indeed served her with great zeal, since he had not taken time to mention the business to her Aunt or Ʋncle, that for her own part she had little inclination to marry Nico­demus; especially to force him to it by Law. Ah! said the Proctor, we must make such vain youth; know what it is to deceive honest maids, we have his hand, and he shall at least pay costs and dama­ges; let me alone to deal with him: so reiterating, I have neither eat nor drank to day, I will see you again; he shut the Chamber door and went down stairs, nay he double locked it, for fear they should follow to bring him back.

Lucrece, whom by good chance he had found alone, was not a little perplexed, her Lord was gone a while before, and had left behind him Pledges of his Love; for she had lately dis­covered a certain indisposition, that threatned quickly to spoil the neat shape of her body: this had obliged her to press him to marry; but when she so earnestly conjured him, that he knew not how to excuse himself, he received an Order from the Court to go to his Regiment; which he obeyed, though with a seeming re­gret, [Page 52] and not without many protestations of returning speedily to make good his promise. Well, away he went, but the time he prefixed for coming back I know not certainly, but this I am sure of, he is not yet come. Lucrece writ him many Letters, but received no Answer; and then, though too late, perceived she had been abused; and the more to confirm her in this opinion, she could not find the Promise of Marriage he had given her; nor yet imagine how she had lost it, considering her care in lock­ing it in her Cabinet: Thus it happened,

The Lords passion having been a little allay­ed by fruition, he reflected on the folly he should be guilty of if he made good his promise to Lucrece. Besides the disparaging his Family, by a mis▪ becoming Alliance, he apprehended all his Relations incensed against him, would de­prive him of those Inheritances, without which he could not support the lustre of his birth; and on the other side he was sensible that if Lucrece sued him on accompt of the Promise of Marri­age, it would be a bad business; for besides that such Suits ever leave behind them some blemishes to the honour of a Man of Quality, because they publickly reproach him with infide­lity and breach of promise, their events are doubtful, and how happily soever one ge [...]s quit of them they are very costly; he resolved by Stratagem to free himself from the difficulty in which too violent an affection had engaged him.

To this purpose, he one day carried his Mi­striss to St. Germains Fair, and telling her he would present her the richest Ebony Cabinet that was to be found there, desired her to chuse it and bargain for it her self; she did both, and over and above gave him thanks for his liberali­ty. The Lord would needs undertake the care of sending it home, but first secretly ordered double Keys to be made, of which he kept one himself, and sent the other with the Cabinet to Lucrece.

She had no sooner received this Present, but she put in it all that she had greatest esteem for; and amongst the rest the Lords Promise of Marriage.

A little before his Journey, he went to Lu­crece's Lodging, when he was sure she was not at home, and familiarly entring, as he had wont to do, and pretending some important occasion of speaking with her, desired to stay for her in her Chamber. He was soon left a­lone there, and then with the Key he had re­served to himself, opened the Cabinet, and finding the Promise, carried it away. Lucrece at her return perceived nothing, nay she disco­vered not the theft, till a little before the Acti­on Villeflattin entred against Nicodemus, and never once suspected the Lord. But his absence continuing, without writing to her, and the Promise of Marriage being lost, she no longer doubted his infidelity. She had no other com­fort at the time of this affliction, but more carefully to cherish her other Conquests. Now [Page 54] it being very important for her to marry before that which it so highly concerned her to conceal, discovered it self; she began to be less troubled at her Neighbours indiscreet zeal in getting her a Husband in spight of her teeth, by the way of Justice.

She therefore patiently attended the success of that affair, reasoning thus, That if she got the better of it, she got also a Husband, of which she stood in great need; and if the worst, she might say, as was true, she approved not that proceeding, and that it was commenced without her consent; which she thought sufficient to secure her ho­nour. Neither had she any time to consider, for the Proctors precipitation having already given sufficient occasion to the world to rally and censure, she must necessarily expect the conclusion. Villeflattin returning at night, ask­ed her for the Promise. Shame having as yet not suffered her to take any resolution, she pretended she had mislaid, and possibly lost it. That would be very fine, said he.

But tell me freely, have no other privacies pas­sed between you, hath there been no copulation? Speak boldly, for this may be material to your Suit; on such occasions we must not be scrupulous, least we repent, when our Allegations cannot be received.

Lucrece blushed at this with so inexpressible disorder, she knew not how to make any reply; and the surprize of this downright expression, made her acknowledge her misfortune; to which by his manner of proceeding, she gues­sed [Page 55] he was not a stranger: she therefore be­sought him to mediate with her Uncle and Aunt for her pardon. Villeflattin supposed she blush­ed, because he had too abruptly questioned her about a business, of which he ought to have sought information more discreetly; and with­out any farther pressure commended her mode­sty: Be as wise for the future (said he) as you have been hitherto, and leave the care of this to me.

In the mean time Nicodemus, that knew nothing of these new accidents, went that very Evening to visit his true Mistriss Javota, wherewith clean Linnen and Hair curled and powdred, he arrived in a Sedan, very jocund, turning up his Mustachio's and singing a new air. He found the Mother and Daughter in the Hall, imploied very Citizen-like, in fitting Linnen to compleat the Packet of the Contracted Maid. Their cold Reception somewhat surprized him, but taking hint for his discourse from the work they were about, My good Mother-in-law, said he, your Daughter is not a little obliged to you, for questionless you work for her; to which the other abruptly answered, Yes Sir, for her, but in that you are little concerned; you are extreamly confident to come any more hither, after the affront you have done us: but know my Daughter is young and cannot want a Husband, neither will we commence a Suit in Doctors Commons to get a Son-in-law. Go your wayes to your other Mi­striss, to whom you have promised Marriage, we will not be the occasions of her dishonour. Nico­demus [Page 56] much surprized, swore he was engaged to none but her Daughter. As if (said she) we had not wherewithal to convince him; Go up Juliana and bring down the Paper on the Mantle­tree of the Chimney, and then we shall see how he will look on it. When it was brought, Do I speak without Book, said she. Nicodemus almost swounded in reading it, for knowing Lucrece so well, he could not imagine her Pride would have condescended to sue a Husband. He re­membred she received the Promise rallying, and without grounding any hope or design of Marri­age on it: and indeed she had not to that time ever mentioned it; so that he thought this was not produced by her order: and therefore told his Mother-in-law, This is a trick put upon me by my enimies, but if this be all, I will to mor­row bring you a Renunciation of this taken before a Notary.

I have nothing to do, said she, with Notaries nor Renunciations, and will not give my Daughter to a Debauchee and Courter of the Eleven thousand Virgins; I must have one that will make a good Husband and mind getting his living.

Nicodemus, that found no great satisfaction in all this, and besides impatient till he might know from whence the cause of it proceeded, took his leave quickly after: he was not bold e­nough to salute his Mistriss at parting, after the manner of declared Lovers, and Javota thought it sufficient to make him a silent Courtsy; but as she arose, she let fall a Bottom of Threed and her Cissars, that lay in her lap: Nicodemus cast [Page 57] himself headlong at her feet to take them up; Javota thought it manners to stoop and prevent him, and in this they both so well timed their motions, that their Fore-heads knocked with such violence, each retained a bump. Nico­demus stark mad at such a misfortune, hasted a­way, and not taking notice of a lame Cupboard that was behind him, gave it such a justle, that he caused to fall from it a fair China Vessel, which (there being no more of them in the House) was esteemed almost equal to the only Daughter. This made the Mother fall to downright scolding, and him to his Mil­lions of pardons and excuses; and gathering up the pieces, by them to take his measures for sending such another: but going apace, with new shoes, on a floor very well rubb'd, and so as it ought to be, in order to Javota's being contracted, his foot slipt, and he (as usually in such accidents, we seek help of what is next us) caught hold of the Tassels of the Strings of a Looking-Glass, which the weight of his body breaking, Nicodemus and the Looking-Glass fell together; but the Looking-Glass got great­est mischief, for it was broken into a thousand pieces, and Nicodemus escaped with two or three contusions, not very considerable. The Attorney's Wife cried out lowder than ever, What have we to do with this House-breaker, this universal destruction; and went about to drive him away with a Broom-staffe. Nicodemus, strangely in disorder, got to the door, but be­ing extreamly angry, opened it with such vio­lence, [Page 58] it struck against a Theorbo a Neighbour had set against the Wall, and broke it in pieces: It was no small happiness to him that it was Night, for otherwise the scolding of Mrs. At­torney, would have raised an Hue and Cry of Boys to have followed him. Well, away he went, alike inflamed with shame and rage, and it being too late to do any thing that Night, resolved in the Morning to visit Lucrece.

In the Morning then, that he might make his Visit handsomely, he called for his best Suit of Laced Linnen, which was brought him the Band excepting, for that was missing; he sent his man to fech it at the Laundresses, but she answer­ed she had it not. Nicodemus, that was a good thrifty Student, sought it himself amongst all his Linnen, both fowl and clean; and at last found as well what he sought as what he sought not: but you are first to understand that this Laundress washed also for the Family where Lucrece lived, and was very well acquainted there; amongst his fowl Linnen he found a Smock in some places died in grain, and plea­santly asked, If it belonged to Mrs. Lucrece? Goody Laundress answered with a great deal of innocence, No by my faith Sir, Mrs Lucrece is now the cleanliest Maid in Paris, this Three Moneths day I have not seen the least spot in her Linnen, but she puts it off in a manner as white as she puts it on. Well, but how does she, said Nicodemus? Alas, good Gentlewoman, said the Laundress, not well: when I go thither a Mornings, I find her so strangely troubled with [Page 59] Vomitings, Qualms, and Pains at her Heart and Stomack, she cannot endure to be laced; yet she ne­ver complains, and so carefully conceals her indi­sposition, it is not known to any of the Family. In the Afternoons she entertains company, as if she ailed nothing, and is truly the best and patientest creature alive.

Nicodemus very well observed the simplicity of these words, and instead of his Visit to Lu­crece, went to a Doctor, and one of his Brothers of the Barre, suspecting the truth and more than the whole truth; for he conceited that Lucrece's relations had set on foot this Action, to oblige him to marry her, as a remedy for her rising Belly: he supposed also, that to excuse her fault, she had informed them he had decei­ved her, with that promise of Marriage he had foolishly given her. His friends, with whom he advised, told him (and he ought to have known it himself, it being a point of his Profes­sion) his Cause was bad, that a Maid got with Child, on account of a Promise of Marriage, would be sooner believed by the Justice than he; and that none of his Oaths could ever destroy the presumption that it was his work. Besides all which, Lucrece was handsom, and on that ac­count had many Friends in Court, that could make her prevail, were her Cause never so bad: and yet more, she seemed so discreet, and was so crafty, that though her Gallantry were notorious, she could not be convicted of any misdemeanor. For these reasons he resolved to quit himself of this Affair, before it became too publick, cost [Page 60] what it would; for he conceived, that as soon as he had allayed this storm, and annulled the opposal, he should easily strike in again with the Parents of Javota, with whom he was de­sperately in love; and certainly had this been known, it would have cost him very dear. He therefore cunningly imployed some time by friends to deal under-hand with Lncrece's Un­cle, not daring to go to him in person. And this he effected by means of an acquaintance of Villeflattins, the Plenipotentiary and Director General of this Affair, that gave a willing ear to his Proposals.

Lucrece in the mean time was extreamly af­flicted, she continually apprehended her mis­fortunes becoming publick, and perceiving there was no more hope of the Lord, resolved to take advantage of the affair, chance and the Proctors rashess had presented; and that which made her the rather give consent, was, that she had once listned to a Consultation of the same kind held at her Uncles, where the bu­siness was concluded in favour of a Maid in the like Agony. She therefore took her Promise of Marriage, with intention to shew it her Uncle, beg his Pardon, and oblige him to re­pair her honour. But alas she had at that very instant two strange reluctances, one of disco­vering her fault, the other of accusing an inno­cent, which yet was very necessary on this oc­casion.

Thrice went she up to her Uncles Chamber, and thrice came down again without saying any [Page 61] thing, but at last returning with a better reso­lution, she began, Good Ʋncle, but immedi­arely repenting to have begun, concluded; and when her Uncle demanded, What she would have? asked, If he had not seen her Cissars which she left on the Table? but after many wheelings she at last charged home. Ʋncle, said she, I am desirous to acquaint you with a certain affair, in which I beseech you to be favorable to me. But she had no sooner begun to explain her self, and withal to blush, but her Uncle was called down about busines that required haste; down he therefore went, and a while after sent for his Cloak and Gloves. Lucrece thought her self very fortunate not to have then begun the reci­tal of her adventure, in which she would have been very sorry to have been interrupted. This Uncle was sent for by Villeflattin, to ac­quaint him with the business he prosecuted without the others knowledge, and at his own meer and proper motion, because of his ex­traordinary care of all the interests of that Fa­mily. The good man was much surprized a [...] the News, and thought it very strange his Niece had never said any thing of it to him: but he was more surprized, when Villeflattin having acquainted him with what he had done, told him the Suit was at an end if he pleased: That great damages and advantages were offered, and that Nicodemus's Solliciter had been at his House, and proffered to give Lucrece Two thousand Crowns ready down, provided the bu­siness might be made an end of. That he had [Page 62] told him Nicodemus did not at all distrust his Cause, nor of being able to prove theirs ill grounded; but that he was desirous to remove the jealousie it gave the Parents of Javota, whom he was about to marry: and more especially be­cause the time in which Weddings were per­mitted, being near expiring, he was loath to suf­fer delays. In a word, that he sacrificed this money to his satisfaction, and to prevent loss of that most precious time; and in another con­juncture would not have done it. Villeflattin who had been promised a handsom gratuity, knew so well how to cajole the good old man, he brought him to an acceptance of the Propo­sal, not without menaces that in case of delay, the proffer would be revoked the next day, and then they must go to Law in earnest. But that which moved him more, was Villeflattins cel­ling him that Lucrece could not find her Promise of Marriage, for want whereof they should quickly be non-suited; wishing him also to con­sider that Lucrece pretending to no more but a simple Promise, and a Solemn Contract having been made with Javota, the Law would afford only Costs and Damages, which seldom amount to any thing considerable, and depend meerly on the humor of the Judges.

A Conference therefore was agreed on, in which it was not necessary that Lucrece should be a Speaker, being under age and having an Uncle that very well understood her interests. He accepted there the Two thousand Crowns, which stood him in good stead afterwards, and [Page 63] went presently with the good News to Lucrece, and Villeflattin bawled it out as soon as he came at her door, Did I not tell you, said he, I would get you Costs and Damages? here I have brought you Two thousand Crowns, yet had not the Promise of Marriage in my hands; imagine what that might have produced, had you not lost it: might you have had you will, all had come to no­thing; Chuse whether you will thank me or no, but I do little less than give you this Money. Lu­crece surpriz'd at the Complement, and more at the conclusion than beginning of the Suit, an­swered in such a manner as expressed a gene­rous contempt of riches, pretending she would not out live it, and that she had disapproved the whole proceeding: She thanked him neverthe­less for his good will, and that very night sent him a summe of money as a reward for the pains he had taken, which he generously refused; and next day made him a Present of thrice the value, which he courteously received, Lucrece was now no longer concerned to publish her secret indisposition, but to find new inventions for concealing it, which she did, as you shall know hereafter: but it is best to let her rest a while, it being incivil to be too long trouble­some to a Maid that is with-child.

Nicodemus very glad to have thus purchased his quiet went immediately to Javota's Father, yet not before he had pacified her Mother, by sending her another Looking-Glass, another Theorbo, and another China Vessel; but Vel­lichou received him not so cheerfully as he ex­pected, [Page 64] not much valuing the renunciation of the opposal; and under pretence that he which had been guilty of one folly, might probably have committed many other, demanded time to make enquiry, and therefore would have the Wedding deferred, which Nicodemus was fain to suffer, yet not without regret of the money he had paid in hope of being suddenly married. This yet was not the reason of Vol­lichou's delay, but because a day or two before a more advantageous Match had been pro­pounded for his Daughter, and that he might have (as he called it) two Strings to his Bow, and if he could engage with the more wealthy, im­mediately break off with the other.

The other Gallant propounded for Javota was also an Advocate, or at least one that went to the Hall in a Bar Gown, though the only time he ever appeared there was when he took his Oath to observe the Rules, and the truth is he observed them very well, for the never had occasion to break them. In twenty years he never missed the Hall one Morning in Term time, yet no body ever took his Council, im­ploied him to draw a Bill, or plead: but instead of these he walked still up and down the Hall very busie in discoursing false News and errone­ous Politicks, censuring the Government, a­mongst such other idle persons, as take upon them to be State Controllers, Officers in great request, and which I wonder are not taxed in the Subsidy-Book; in the Afternoons he went to hear Lectures, Mountebanks, and to all other [Page 65] Publick Diversions that cost nothing: for ava­rice had an absolute dominion over him, and was a quality he derived from his Father (who was a Haberdasher) with his inheritance. He was grown very rich by sparing his Money, and very grave by sparing his Beard; his Name was John Bedou, short of stature and grey, some­what flat-nosed and broad-shouldered. His Chamber was a Cabinet of Antiquities, not in regard of any particular Curiosities, but of all its Furniture. His Table and Cupboard were ingraven with ancient Figures, so tender and de­licate (I mean the Table and Cupboard) it would have been impossible for them to have suffered removal, without packeting in Cotton or Straw, like Earthen Ware. His Stools and Hangings were several pieces, every one of them so considerable it had not its fellow. Over his Chimney were placed two or three Fire Arms, which had rusted there ever since the time of the League. At the Beam went cross his Roof hung Cages of Birds taught by himself to sing and whistle.

But the only thing in which he pretended to be profusive, was a Library consisting of Choice Books, for he was very careful to select such as were cheapest. The several Tomes of one and the same Author, were of different Volumes, Impressions, and Bindings, and ever imperfect.

He avoided to come in good company, out of apprehension it might cost him Money, and broke off from a Soceity, where was very good [Page 66] discourse, that might have been instructive to him, because at the years end he should have paid Half a Crown for some small conveniences, and to a poor man that made clean the room. He thought this present too excessive, but was willing to give Sixpence, which with no small pains, and having turned his Pocket, encom­bred with many other Trinkets, he at last drew out, and amongst the rest a good handful of Crums of Bread, which made some rally him, and say he had on purpose put these amongst his Money, to keep it from rusting, as Knives seldom ussd are kept bright in bran: this rupture was satisfactory enough to the Com­pany, for they perceived his Brain was like a Pumice Stone, and could not possibly be po­lished.

He wanted not yet some good qualities, for he was chaste and sober in an eminent degree, and no less possessed of all thrifty vertues. He was very bashful, which might have become him had he been young. He could not look on a woman without blushing like a Cherubim, and he was so very shamefaced, that still whilest he talked to one he looked on another, playing with his Buttons or Bandstrings; sometimes gnawing his Gloves, and scratching where it itch­ed not; in a word, he had not the least assurance in his Meen. His Clothes were no less ridiculous than it, they were Memorials of all Modes that had ever been in vogue in France. His Hat and Head were alike pointed; his Shoes flat, and the soles as even as the Floor: He never appro­ved [Page 67] Fashions, but when little Bands, little Skirts, and Strait Breeches were in use; these because they spared Stuff, he was very Opinia­tor in adhering to; his Hair was fat, though his Face was lean; and his Beard and Eyebrows ve­ry well grown, considering how slenderly they were fed.

It was pity a Plant so excellent and singular in its kind, produced no Ciens, he therefore spoke of marrying, or rather some body else spoke of it for him; for he was a man to marry as Princes use to do, by an Ambassador; as greatness obliges those, so did bashfulness him. In order yet to this, he had a mind to play the Gallant, and to visit now and then his Neighbors, and that so friendlily, that they supped together on Sunday and Holyday Nights, every one send­ing in his Dish; where it once pleasantly hap­pened there came in eight Shoulders of Mutton from eight several Families, that made up the Company. But his greatest expence was at the Carneval, when he as well as the rest, feasted in his turn.

I must needs tell a little Story that happened at one of these neighbourly good Fellowships, a Scrivenors Wife used to lock up her Bread af­ter she had cut some slices for her Prentices and Maids Suppers, and one Night feasting amongst her Neighbours, had forgotten to leave them out their Luncheons, so that an Apprentise was deputed to go to her for the Key of the Cupboard, who demanded it aloud amongst all the Company. She blushed, but knew not [Page 68] how to refuse it; but when she came home, soundly reprehended his indiscretion, expresly forbidding him any more to ask her for the Key of the Cupboard when she was in Company; he forgot not this, and when afterwards the like default of memory happened to her, publickly told her, Mistriss, Since you will not have me ask for the Key of the Cupboard, pray be pleased to open it your self; and then called in the Por­ter that brought it on his back.: a while after a small incident of the Kitchin gave another occa­sion for laughter. A Barber of the Knot, that pretended great skil in Sauces, undertook to make a Salmegoudis; but having set in on ashes a little too hot, melted the brims of the dish just so much as to make it fit to trim withal.

These rancounters happened very luckily for Bedout at his house, giving occasion for its being talked on.

This frequent good cheer made him resolve to marry in earnest, he therefore began to trick up himself, got his Hat blockt and glazed, pow­dered his Locks and put on Cuffs and Gar­ters.

He also fell'd the timber of his Beard and Un­derwood of his Eyebrows, and after much pains became less hideous than before. A Cousin of his, that was a Neighbour of Javota's Pa­rents, propounded this Advocate, all whose Charmes were un [...]r Lock and Key, as a Hus­band for her: She quickly brought the Father and Mother to condescend, because she assured them he was rich, that he would make an ex­cellent [Page 69] Husband, and neither spend his own nor his Wives fortune. But Vollichou being a great formalist, said, he must see the particulars of his Estate, and desired a Memorial.

This Bedout absolutely refused, under pre­tence of danger of being raised in the Subsidy-Book to avoid which he had formerly absented himself Six Moneths; that they which levied it had spies every where, and getting sight of his Memorial, might renew their prosecuti­on▪ He therefore thought it enough to say, He would produce as much as should be laid down with the Maid proposed for him. His Estate being real, and consisting in houses in the City and Sub­urbs, Lorenca (for that was his Cosins Name) prevailed so far that formality was no longer in­sisted on; but she found much more difficulty in bringing him and the Mistriss she designed him to meet, and see how they liked each other; for Bedout still evaded all appointments, saying there was no haste of that, for he would not chuse a Wife for her beauty, that it was time enough to see her when the business was con­cluded on, and that he never questioned be what she would, but he should like her; But what if she likes not you, said Lorenca? Be­dou replied, An honest Woman ought to have no eyes for the defects of her husband. Notwith­standing these brutalities the business went on, and so far, that Lorenca resolved, fall back fall edge, to bring them together: She therefore invited her Cosin to her house on a certain day, when she knew Mrs. Vollichou with her [Page 70] Daughter were to visit her. He came, not di­structing the ambush laid for him, and after a while seeing two Women that he knew not enter, blushed, and was out of countenance, and would by all means be gone; but Lorenca laying hold on his arm, said, Stay Cosin, For­tune is not a little favorable to you to day, here is your future Wife and Mother in Law; this put him yet more out of countenance, but stay he must: so he made two legs, one to the right the other to the left, to each of them one; leaving it to his Cosin, because Mistris of the house, to speak for him.

Being seated not far from Javota, having put his Hat under his arm and rubbed his hands; after a competent silence, you may suppose to con­sider what he should say, he thus began the con­versation; Well Mistriss, Are you she I have been spoken to about? Javota with her wonted innocence answered, I know not whether you have been spoken to about me, but I know very well that I have not been spoken to about you. How, said he, do they pretend to marry you without your knowledge? I cannot tell, said she. But what would you say, quoth he, in case a Marriage were propounded to you? I would say nothing, re­plied Javota. That, said Bedou aloud (thinking he was witty) were to my advantage; for our Laws in formal terms declare, That silence gives consent. I know not your Laws, quoth she, nor any other but those of my Father and Mother. But, said he, if they should command you to love a Lad like me, would you do it? No, said Javota, [Page 71] for Maids ought not to love Men. I mean, said Bedout, if he were your Husband. That, said she, will not be yet, and a great deal of water will pass under the Bridge before that time. The good Mother, that had a mind to this match, as thinking it very advantageous, struck in and said, I pray Sir give no great regard to her dis­course, she is young, and so innocent it comes near simplicity. Say not so Mistriss, replied Bedou, she is your Daughter, and must needs resemble you; for my own part I have ever thought it best to take a Wife that is very young, for before she hath acquired habits, one may fashion her as he lists. The Mother immediately said, My Daughter hath been ever vertuously brought up, and I will deliver her to her Husband a good Hus­wife, from morning to night her eyes are never off her work. Javota then demanded, What must I work after I am married? I thought when I came to be Mistriss, I should have no more to do, but please my self, go abroad and make Visits? If it be so, I had as live continue as I am, to what purpose is Marriage? Lorenca very subtilly and maliciously told her, No, no, Mistriss, be not afraid, my Cosin is a braver man than you take him for, he hath wherewithal to maintain you gal­lantly, without your giving your self any care or trouble; you will live easily and pleasantly, all the Fore-noons you may sleep, and all the Afternoons play at Cards or make Visits; if you be at home at Dinner and Supper it is sufficient. You have no Letter of Attorney to authorise you to say this, quoth Bedou, somewhat in choler: A Husband [Page 72] marries a Wife, that she may be his Companion, and guide his house; and instead of huswifing his goods, shall she squander them? the wealth of Croesus were not sufficient for this. I must deal freely, I would have a Wife after my own fashion, that should please her self in nothing but looking on her Husband. You extreamly confine her plea­sures, said Lorenca. But, said Bedou, I will prove by infinite authorities that this ought to be so; with that he began to blunder out a hundred follies and pendantries, when very luckily for him a Collation was brought into the Hall, that interrupted this ridiculous Entertain­ment.

The only Gallantry he attempted that day, was to pare an Apple for his Mistriss, which having almost finished, it slipt thorow his Fin­gers and sugared it self on the Floor; he took it up with a Fork, blew upon it, and wiped it a little, and then offered it her; telling her as many fools use to do, That he begged a thousand pardons Javota sillily answered, Sir, I can give you none, because I have none. After other the like discourses and like adventures, the Visit ended. Bedou adventured to bring his Mistriss home, and in the way still took the Wall, not out of pride you must imagine nor incivility, but ignorance: very excusable in one that was but a Novice in the Art of Squiring, and that never was in possibility of such a fault before. He was no sooner gone, but Javota said to her Mother, Good God, Mother, I cannot abide this man: who answered, Peace little Baggage, you understand not your own good.

Bedou in his way home called at his Cosins, who asked, What he said of so pretty a Maid? and he replied, He found no fault but that she was too pretty: and as timerous persons are ever distrustful and jealous, acknowledged, That if she happened to be his Wife, he should have a great deal of trouble to look after her. But the power of Beauty making sensible impressions on the most rude and savage, he was smitten, and be­sought his Cosin to continue her endeavours to bring this Marriage to a speedy effect. In the mean time he hoped to approve himself a better Courtier in his Closet, by writing to his Mistriss something premeditated, than in a personal and ex tempore speaking to her; because his bashful­ness many times interrupted his Expressions. He went to work therefore very seriously, and after he had scribled Nonsense enough to make a Love-Letter and writ it out fair in Gilt Paper, and sealed it, very neatly bound about with Silk (a curiosity he had never made use of before) gave it to a Porter worthy of such an employ­ment: who being charged to deliver it into Mrs Javota's own hands, did that, but no more; for he told her nothing, neither whence it came nor who it was for: neither did she ask any thing but Whether the Poste were paid? and so immediately carried it up to her Father, to whom she conceived it was directed; for she had often received Letters for him, but never any for her self: so that she never minded the Superscription, though I will not positively af­firm it had one. Vollichou opened and read it [Page 74] smiling at his Daughters simplicity, and admi­ring the incomparable wit of him he designed for his Son-in-law, with the magnificence and singularity of his Stile. The Porter therefore came back without any answer, and being un­able to give any account how his Embassy had been received; Bedou resolved to go in per­son. Had he gone alone, he had peradventure fared no better than Nicodemus; but of this there was little danger, and it was no small te­stimony of the violence of his passion, that he durst adventure, though so well and securely convoyed: he therefore besought his Cosin to return Mrs Vollichou her Visit, and to accept of him for her Gentleman-Usher. Lorenca was over-joyed to serve him in this, and that her Cosin was so much altered, not imagining he would ever have had the confidence to visit his Mistriss. She was very well received both by Mother and Daughter, and for her sake Bedou also. Being less fine than Nicodemus, and ha­ving nothing of the meen of a dangerous Ca­joller, Mrs Vollichou did not at all apprehend leaving him with her Daughter, whilest she chatted with Lorenca, who had purposely drawn her aside, to favour the attempts of this Lover. Bedou impatient to learn the success of his great effort of wit, amongst his first Com­plements asked Javota, What she thought of his Letter, and why she returned no answer? She coolly replied. She saw no Letter but one for her Father, which she gave him, and he would an­swer by the Post. I speak not of that, said he, but [Page 75] of one I sent to day by a Porter to your self. To me, cried out Javota, all amazed, do Maids receive Letters? Are not Letters written about business? Besides, from whom should it come? I took the boldness to send it, said Bedou. You, said she, you are not in the Countrey; do you take me for such a Fool, that I know not that Letters are brought from a great way off by Posts and Car­riers? We receive many daily, and my Father as often complains of the Portage. Besides, to what purpose were it to write to me? Can you not as well, when you come hither, tell me what you have to say to me, without sending? Bedou, that thought his Letter incomparable, and ex­pected infinite commendations, caught hold of her words; Since therefore (said he) you are de­sirous to know the contents of my Letter, I will read it to you, for I have kept a Copy, and then took out of his Pocket what he read in the following terms.

After Javota had very seriously listned to this Letter, and understood nothing of it, she thought it to be for want of attention, and therefore prayed Bedou to read it again, which he did very willingly, taking this to be a token of the excellency of the Piece; but when he came to the word Allegory she interrupted with a loud cry, O heavens, what a great abominable word is this! is there no mischief in it? and when he went about to interpret it, she cried, No, no, I will not know it, it is sufficient my Mother hath alwayes forbidden me to hear such gross words; and then without minding him any more, went to her Mother; so that Bedou for want of other imployment was fain to help Javota to pick Wool.

Whilest this lasted Madam Vellichou extream­ly tormented poor Lorenca, who had wit and knew the world. She had already lamented the care and trouble brought with Children, and the difficulty of getting good Maids; she had asked if she knew ere a good one, because she had resolved to turn hers away; not without accusing her of all her faults, and regretting the good qualities of her she had before. She had also complained of the charge of House-keeping, and excessive price of Victualls, bringing it still in as the burthen of her Song, That a Family hath a very wide throat, and sometimes that it is a Gulph and an Abiss. But Lorenca to change this home-spun talk, began to mention some Women of the Neighbourhood, and amongst [Page 78] the rest an Exchequer mans Wife, that lived o­ver against her. Name her not to me, cried Mrs Vollichou, she is a proud Minx I cannot en­dure; she hath twice given me occasions of excepti­on, which I will never forgive her. Lorenca en­quiring after the quality of these injuries, found they were because the Exchequeress had not vi­sited Mrs Vollichou when she lay in, nor invited her at Christmass. Whilest Lorenca laughed at this pleasant resentment, Vollichou came into the Chamber, He had been deboshing all day, at a Play and the Tavern, where one of his Cli­ents had treated him. His satisfaction to have saved a Meal, joyned to the fumes of the Wine, made him frolick above what was usu­al, and this was the reason he shut not himself up in his Study to write till Midnight, as he u­sed to do. He was scarce entred, wben pant­ing and extreamly transported, he said, he had been at the finest Play that was ever seen, and there was such a Crowd it was hard to get in: He said, There were many Printers, or Fellows that got their living by the Press. This Clinch was not understood at first, but he explained it, telling them he meant Cut-purses, and that a Watch had been lost in the Crowd. Lorenca asked what Piece had been acted. I will tell you, said he, thus the Case stood, One called Cinna, plotted to kill an Emperour, and to that purpose made a League offensive and defensive with another called M [...]imus; but it chanced that a certain Quidam, discovered the secret; a Lady occasioned the whole intrigue, and spoke the finest [Page 79] Sentences imaginable. There was also an Empe­rour in a Chair, before whom those Gallants pleaded admirably, and with very good arguments, the Piece is full of Intrigues that would ravish you; for conclusion, the Emperour signs their Pardons, and they remain as good Friends as Pigs in litter. It is pity, said Lorenca, you are not employed to write Prologues, you would take ad­mirably, in opening the Plot of a Tragedy.

The arrival of Nicodemus interrupted them, whom Vellichou, by reason of the good humor he was in, received better than he had wont, though in his heart he intended to break with him; waiting only till some of his vanities gave the occasion; neither could he well be refused access to his Mistriss, as long as his Engagement with her (I mean his Contract) was in being.

As soon as this Lover had made his Legs, he said to Mrs Vollichou, Have you not given me a General Amnesty of all that is past? What would you be at, replied she very briskly with your Amnesty? I mean, said Nicodemus, that I hope that you have drowned all my faults in the River of Oblivion, and what prejudice soever I have been occasion of I am ready to make repa­ration.

That is not it troubles me, quoth Mrs Volli­chou, but because you are debosht and naught. The Husband also addressing himself to Nicode­mus, said, I will take care you be examined, for I am told you live ill. Nicodemus went about to justifie himself, swearing, He was never guilty [Page 80] of any Crime, when Lorenca seeing Vollichou swoln with laughter, thus interpreted the Quibble I perceive well, said she, by Mr. Vollichou's Meen that he reproaches you for not keeping a good house. He may when he please come and make experience of the contrary; for whenso­ever he will do me that honour, I will entertain him to his satisfaction. Well, said Vollichou, I take you at your word, I will dine with you to morrow and bring wherewithal to eat. There will be no need of that, said Nicodemus, the Market is good, and I will not let you starve. Lorenca interpreted the second smile of Volli­chou as she had done the former; It is not, said she, that he intends to carry any thing to adde to your Table; but the meaning is, he will carry his teeth the instruments wherewith he eats. In good time, said Nicodemus, I will expect you to morrow with your friend: this he said, pointing at Bedou, whom he had seen at the Hall, and thought had come along with Vollichou, not once imagining him to be his Rival. Bedou thanked him, but told him he was one that loved not to be chargeable to his friends with­out occasion. Well, said Vollichou, I will stand for both, I will eat for him and my self. Brag not of your eating, said Nicodemus, lest the common reproach of Attorneys touch you, which is, That you are great devourers. There is little ground for that, quoth Vollichou, for our Trade is very much fallen. It is true, said Bedou, an Attorneys Fee is but small, but they have so many tricks to augment and cause it to be reiterated, it [Page 81] amounts to vast sums; I wonder they are suffered, for many of them have raised great fortunes in ve­ry little time. Bedou went about to moralize very abundantly on the abuses of Attorneys, for on such occasions he was a great discourser, though dumb on those of Gallantry. When Nicodemus, that left no stone unrolled to bring Javota into the conversation, seeing her divide a Bottom of Yarn, said very poetically, Me­thinks I behold one of the Three fatal Sisters divi­ding the Thred of Life, and my Destiny intirely depending on you, it seems to be mine own; which gives me every moment apprehension least your dis­dain cut it off. I understand you not, said Javo­ta, I have no destiny in my hands, nor any thing but a Bottom of Worsted for my Tapestry. How, said Nicodemus, do you not design to cause me to die a thousand times over, by those cruel delays that retard my felicity; for when I look on the Tapistry in your hand, methinks it is Penelope's Web. I know not, replied Javota, how your Penelope's Webs are woven, neither have I ever seen any of them to be sold in Paris.

Mrs. Vollichou, who had an ear to this dis­course, interposed, By my faith all this is to little purpose, I will prevent your gaining ground till I have made other enquiries. See, said her Husband, she is yet no farther than the Examiners Office, but I care not if she pass thorow all the Courts, provided she avoid the Common Pleas.

Sir, replied Lorenca, your Wife is too much a Woman of honour, to give you any distrust on that [Page 82] account. I believe so, said Vollichou, but these thrifty Huswifes are much to be doubted of, who get their Husbands Crests without paying Fees to the Heralds.

You would have been very famous in the time of the Old Testament (said Nicodemus) you speak all by Figures. His words, then replied Bedou, are not to be taken but in a Tropological sense.

I have, said Lorenca, long admired his man­ner of speaking, he hath certainly a Dictionary of Quibbles, which he hath gotten by heart, he could not else be so prodigal of them. I know many more, quoth Vollichou, for which I take no money; and went about to be very profuse of them, had not a little Child come to his Sister Javota, to ac­quaint her aloud with some pressing necessities. The conversation was interrupted by this, and and had been so, had it been a hundred times more serious. For it is the Custom of such People to have their Children evermore in their eyes, to make them the chief subjects of their discourse, to admire their follies, and swallow their ordures. Little Toinon was immediately commended for his cleanliness, and on that ac­compt promised a fine thing; after which Mrs Vollichou entertained Mrs Lorenca with no other discourse but of her Son; and thought it not enough to talk only of him, but also commend­ed another that was yet at the Brest; saying, It spoke without teaching, and very eloquently.

Toinon in the mean time entred the Hall like a Trooper, that is, with a Hobby-horse between his Legs, and Vollichou putting a Broom-stick [Page 83] between his, met him; and this Nicodemus was pleased to call a tilting.

Lorenca could not hold from laughing at Vol­lichou's folly, but Bedou remonstrated she was in the wrong to except against that action, and that if she had read Plutarch, she would have understood that Agesilaus was once surprised in the same posture, who instead of excusing him­self, only desired those that had seen it, not to censure him till they had Children of their own. Lorenca made only this answer. That nothing could be done but an example of it might be found in Antiquity; and her discretion alone prevent­ed her laughing at Vollichou to his face: yet within her self she could not but reflect on the fondness of those that in the best company thus cokes their Children, and think to be excused by alledging their paternal affection, as if there were not time enough to satisfie it in their pri­vate Families, and as if the rest of the company, not obliged by the same affection, could have a share in that diversion: a folly which hath no other excuse but the example alledged by Bedou very impertinently; for Agesilaus pleased him­self in that manner only in private, and was out of countenance when surpized in the Action.

The rest of this Visit was passed over in the like fopperies, so that Lorenca very weary rose up and took her Cosin with her. Neither might Nicodemus tarry any longer, because Mrs Volli­chou was going to bed, and alwayes used to lay the Key under her Pillow. These two Lovers [Page 84] made very many other Visits no less ridiculous, but I have troubled my self too long already with their repetition.

Nicodemus his business all this while fell from bad to wonse, and Bedou's grew better and better, not that he had any greater share in his Mistriss favor; for Javota had an equal indiffe­rence or rather aversion for them both; but because Vollichou found Bedou had a better estate and less vanity and folly than Nicodemus, he therefore in himself fully determined to mar­ry her to Bedou, without once consulting his Daughter, deferring to sign Articles only till dis-engaged from Nicodemus; with whom he hoped suddenly to break off.

There being now no question but Javota should be quickly married, since she was in hand with two Servants; they began to allow her something more liberty than before. A Dancing Master came to fashion her, and for this they made choice of him that taught the cheap­est: and her Mother would especially have her learn the Cinque Pace and Sellingers Round, which had been danced at her Wedding, and were in her opinion excellent above all others. They also permitted her to go into company, but not beyond the Neighbourhood; for they would not trust her out of their sight. Lorenca who made one in one of the best of these Soci­eties, introduced her. She was well received on accompt of her beauty, notwithstanding her innocence and simplicity; for a fair Person gives great lustre to an Assembly of Women. Most [Page 85] of the parties that composed it, were ambitious to be reckoned amongst the Wits and the Gal­lants, and not any one of them that made not her self remarkable by some particular Chara­cter.

Their Meetings were at Angelica's, a Person of great worth, who (I know not on what oc­casion) had engaged amongst them. She would not yet be new christned, nor take upon her a­ny other Romantick Name (as the fashion is) than her own, for Angelica is as passable in Verse and Prose as any other, and as eminent both in History and Fable) She had learned some Languages and read all manner of good Books, but she concealed this as if it had been a Crime. She was not ambitious of making Parade of her Conceptions, which were ever very rationall, yet almost ever contradicted; for the number of knowing Persons being weak­est in that Assembly, she was still cast by plura­lity of Voices: on accompt of which she used to compare her self to Cassandra, that was ne­ver believed when she spake truth. A Kins­woman of hers was the true reverse of this Me­dal. She was Daughter to a Paymaster of the Army, who to speak more properly ought rather to be called Receiver, for the other part he executed very remisly. Her true Name was Philipote, but her Romantick one Hippolita, which is the Anagram of the other; no incon­siderable good fortune for a pretended Heroine, when the Letters of her Christian Name afford a Romantick one. She affected to appear know­ing [Page 86] with most insupportable Pedantry. One of her Suitors taught her Latin, another Italian, a third Chiromancy, a fourth to make Verses, so that she had in a manner as many Masters as Servants.

In this Company were persons of several qua­lifications, but the most accomplished was cal­led Philalethe, a passionate Admirer of the Beau­ties and Vertues of Angelica, and that used all means possible to gain her good opinion. On the other side a certain Author called Charoselles made one, he had gained some reputation in his youth, but was then so cried down, there was not any Stationer that would print what he writ. Instead of this he gave himself the satis­faction of reading, or at least attempting to read his Works in all Companies, and—but fair and softly, should I go particularly to all his qualities, and those of the other Personages, I should make too long a Digression, and too long delay the Wedding we are providing for. To be short, there met daily at Angilica's ve­ry good Company, who sometime controverted Questions of much Curiosity, and endeavoured to imitate all that passes in the rich Alcoves of Ladies of the highest Order.

On the day of Javota's admittance into this Company, it was but thin, and not so tumultu­ous as usually. It happened also that the enter­tainment was sublime and agreeable, to which though Javota contributed only by her presence, it will not be amiss to insert here a part, which she listned to with most remarkable attention. [Page 87] To make this Digression excusable, whilst it lasts, imagine if you please that it happens here as in other Romances, that Javota is gone to Sea, that a Storm casts her on a forrain Shore, or that some Ravisher hath carried her to parts so remote, we cannot in a long time hear from her.

After the first Complements, with which the simplest usually come off well enough, since they for the most part consist only in a low Re­verence and a Gallimaufry pronounced between the teeth, in such manner that nothing of it can he heard; Hippolita that pleased her self only in learned Discourses, soon diverted them from the Vulgar Entertinaments of ordinary Visits; and she blamed Lorenca for having begun to talk of the News of the Town and Neighbourhood; telling her, that smells of the Visit of a Woman that lies in, and the tattle of Gossips; that in good Companies Books only and high Notions were to be admitted. She immediately fell on the Jacket of certain poor Authors, who are e­ver the first that suffer by these Virtuosa's, when their critical humor possesses them. Assure your selves they were then paid home, but ex­cuse me that I silently pass over this Conversa­tion; for I dare not name any Author that is alive, who would probably accuse me of all that was then spoken, though without my abetting. It were to little purpose (in my excuse) to dis­approve all the Sentences that had been given against them, the very mentioning them would be looked on as a Capital Crime. They would [Page 88] use me worse than an Historian or Gazettier, who are not obliged to justifie all the passages they relate. Besides that, these Gallants are so quickly moved, that the least raillery or faint commendation puts them in heat, and makes them your irreconcilable enemies; after which they are mute as to all the renown they before bestowed upon you: and this to the great pre­judice of the Stationer that is concerned in the Vent of a Book. I have too great respect for them, to use them as some Writers do, who speaking of them only invert their Names, hash or anagrammatize them, which is to little pur­pose; for if the Names be well disguised, the Discourse is obscure, without force or orna­ment or at least can please but very few; and if they be discoverable (as they almost ever are) to what purpose serves the disguise; Readers usually finding wayes to get the Key: besides that, sometimes Pilferers of honour make false ones. I will not therefore speak a word to particulars, but only of what was said in gene­ral, at which none can take exceptions, if he be not of a very cross humor, or have a Con­science very much burthened. They first of all expatiated on Poems and Romances, and talked much of the Institution of a Poet, and wayes of becoming an Author, and acquiring repute in the World.

There is nothing I so passionately desire (said Hippolita amongst the rest) as to be able to make a Book, it is the only thing I envy Men for, who make so many: I imagine they derive the faculty [Page 89] to do it from the advantage of their Sex. There is no need (answered Angelica) to desire to be of another Sex on that account, our own hath in all ages produced such Compositons as Men have envied. That is true, said Lorenca, but they which write well conceal it as if it were a crime, and they which write ill are the scorn and Table­talk of the World; so that amongst which soever our merit ranges us, there accrues no great glory. For my part, said Philalethe (who was the Gal­lant Man I spoke of) I am not of this opinion, and hold that they which conceal their knowledge, merit double honour, because they joyn modesty to ability; neither are the others without some praise, for their endeavors to raise themselves above their Sex, in despite of its weakness. And I, said Charose les, if ever it were in my power, would forbid [...]ll Women coming in print, neither would I ever [...]ffer their Books to be licenced: for the tri­fling Poetry and Romances they give us, so ex­haust the Stationers money, they have not where­withal to print Grave Authors, that treat of Hi­story and Philosophy: this hath very sensibly mo­ved me, and extreamly wrongs all Writers of a fertil vain; of which I can speak by experience. Sir, It seems to me (said Pancrace, another Gentleman that was there accidentally) your interest obliges to speak, but let us consider that though many Romances and Poems are printed, many other Voluminous Authors both in Verse and Prose are not left out; so that the merit of those the Stationers refuse, may be civilly enough questi­oned. If that were all, replied Hippolita, I [Page 90] would not be a jot troubled, for a Stationer that lets me out Romances, would desire nothing more than to print for me, particularly because I aske no money; for scarce any of them ever refuse Co­pies that are freely given: besides I have so many friends and so strong a Cabal, I can give them se­curity for the sale. That which you have mentio­ned last is most advantageous for Printing and Selling Books, and my bad fortune is to be im­puted to the want of it alone. At my first coming into the World, I unluckily began to satyrize, and so incensed all Authors:

Were I to begin again—You would speak favorably of all, said Lorenca (who had known him long) and that would be the worse for you; for that is a thing so unusual, it were a miracle if it took. Well, said Charoselles, I will no more la­ment what is passed, since it is not to be recalled, but I resolve to publish my Treatise of the Grand Cabal, which shall discover the Cheats of many of those admired Authors that carry their heads the highest, and prove them to be very Pick-locks of Reputaton; more worthy to be punished than they which carry false Dice and cut Purses, and will find means to get it printed in spite of the Sta­tioners, though I give it away to some of the Au­thors taht have brought up a fashion of Adopting Books.

It is true, said Angelica, that Friends and a Cabal have oftentimes served to give Men repu­tation, but that lasted no longer than they had the modesty and discretion to conceal their Works; for as soon as they have given them to the Publick, [Page 91] that hath been impartial, and all reputation that had no solid foundations, fell to the ground. I was in a mortal fear (added Pancrace) lest you would have quoted some example, that might have engaged us in a quarrel, I mean not one of those in which I know very well how to comport my self with honour.

But, said Philalethe, will not you reckon in the same rank those which make Verses to be placed at the beginning of Bocks, Prefaces, and Comments; for these applaud till they are weary, without of­fending in the least the Authors modesty. Yes, said Charoselles, and it is a very good design so to beg fame; not but that there may be knavery in it, for an Author will sometimes borrow a Name of a friend, or suppose a Romantick one, and under it be very lavish in his own commendations. Amongst friends, I may tell you, I have practised this with very good success, and under a borrowed Name as Commentator to my owne Work, burnt incense to my self till I was weary.

Be this as it may (said Hippolita) I could never understand how it is possible to make those huge Vo­lumes, with concatenation of so many intrigues and accidents. I have a hundred times undertaken to make a Romance, but could never bring it about for Songs, Epigrams, and other small pieces; it is sufficiently known I acquit my self as well as an­other, and that I can make as many as I please. Take notice, said Charoselles, here is another way to arrive easily at reputation in this wretched Age, where we mind nothing but trifles; nothing else is valued, nothing else sells, whilest the sublimest [Page 92] thoughts and noblest conceptions still lie upon our hands.

It seems then, said Angelica, you are of that opinion that take Madrigals to be the first steps to renown, and great Poems the first towards dis­grace. 'Tis possible, added Pancrace, but how can such trifles give any honour? You mention not their main advantage (added Lorenca) which is to be se to Tunes. That certainly is the reason (cried Charoselles) that all these small Poets court the best Musicians, who never make Airs to any Verses but those of their Favorites; for if they should they would have a great deal of work. It cannot be denied, said Philalethes, but this inven­tion is very good, for by this means their Verses are sung by the greatest Beauties of the Court; af­ter which they are famous thorow the World: be­sides that the goodness of the Tune, like Paint, de­ceives and dazles; and I have heard many things commended when sung, that written had neither rime nor reason. I compare them, said he, to those ill shaped Images, which covered over with Glass, pass for admirable in a Closet. And I, said Pancrace, to a Droget Suit, which the humor of some great Person hath enriched with Embroidery. This puts me in mind, said Lorenca, of a man I have seen at the Court of a great Princess, that get a high reputation by that harmonious trifle: he had worded many Songs, and pretended to have very sublime fancies, and indeed they were above all understanding; but without this never produ­ced two lines that were not hist at. I admire at it (said Hippolita) for Court Poets, have ever their Trains of Applauders.

Either his Book was very bad or he had few friends. That was it I looked for (said Charosel­les) and I hold that there is nothing more necessary to the reputation of a Poet, than either to frequent the Court or to have been bred there; for a Town­wit is little considerable. I would have him have access to all Alcoves, Assemblies and Academies of Gallantry, with a Mecenas of eminent quality to protect him, and make his Works considerable, and that in so high a manner that men should be for­ced to commend them whether they would or no, and not to make their Court without doing it. I would have him write to the greatest Lords for the Maids of Honour, and on all Adventures of the Cabinet; counterfeit himself to be in love, un­der some borrowed Name, or in a Romance: but the highest of his fortune were to write a Maske, Play, or Epick Poem, above which Poets have nothing to aspire to.

I cannot deny, said Angelica, but all these in­ventions, especially the countenance and authority of a great Person are very advantageous; for three Quarters of the World judge of Books with­out ever looking on them, and are of the opinion of him that first censures them, as Sheep still follow their Leader. You many adde, said Phila-lethes, that many talk so long contrary to their judgement, that they lose it, and at last approve of that they with very great reason at first condem­ned; because they have been so many times obliged to speak favorably of it, out of other considerati­ons. I my self (said Pancrace) knew once a Court Poet very much esteemed; because Men sometimes [Page 94] made their fortunes by commending his Verses, as by bad Verses had before made his own. I know him also, said Hippolita, and find he was not esteem­ed without reason, for amongst all Poets such as enjoy Wealth and Honour have my Vote, and for those that have so much, they can keep Coaches, I think it insolence to censure their Works. To be born rich, will as soon raise a Poet to renown, as the Natural Genius so much talked of, and which hath caused it to be said Orators may be bred, but Poets must be born. And for my part I would advise any that had a mind to be of this Trade, to sell all to purchase one of these Chariots of Ho­nour: To say truth, Poets or Musicians Coaches ( for both these we daily behold) cost no much; nay I know a Lords, whose Furniture cost but Four Pounds, and had the misfortune to be mired in the blowings of some body's Nose; neither is the keep­ing it any great matter, such Gallants usually living no other Mens charges, whether in Town or Countrey, sometimes with one, sometimes with another. Alas, interrupted Charoselles, this Discourse is to no purpose; I long kept a Coach to this very end, likely enough (as you know) to pass for an Authors Coach, yet my Credit is lost amongst these damned Stationers, that will print no more of my Works.

I can give you good counsel, said Lorenca, and that is to deliver loose Pieces to such as make Col­lections, who suffer nothing to escape them. The good give value to the bad, as false Money passes when mixed amongst that which is current. This invention I thought of, answered Charoselles, [Page 95] with a great sigh, but it would serve but one time, for after they had refused a whole Book of mine, having bashed it small, and presented it in Episodes and Fragments, I indeed got the Volume, though all my own, to be printed, under the Title of A Collection of Pieces of several Authors; yet the Stationer at last unluckily discovered the trick, and reproached me with its lying on his hands. I won­der at that, answered Philalethes, for Collecti­ons have formerly sold well. It is true, they are a little decryed of late, in that particular like Wine good for nothing when it runs low, though excellent, when first set a-broach. But (said Hippolita) do you not find that these Collections make us famous very easily and at small charge? Many Authors are no otherwise known. I have a good mind to do the like, and can find Odes and Elegies enough to print in my Name, which if it be necessary, I will prefix to them. I think, said Angelica, this may serve at least for an Essay to-wards reputation; for if the Pieces we adventure upon take, the glory is our own securely; if they fail we are quit for dis-avowing them, or saying, They were taken from us by stealth, and never made by us with intention to publish.

I acknowledge, said Pancrace, that such as have reputation, and whose Works have gained the approbation of Cabinets and Alcoves, have preserved this in Collections; but I find not that such as were formerly obscure have had any great success by them; for which reason very few Qualified Persons have set their Names to them. I was the other day, said Philalethes, [Page 96] Spectator of a difference that will very well con­firm what you say, and this was in the Shop of one of the greatest Printers of Collections; A well qualified Person, that would not pass for a declared Author, threatned to beat him for having printed some Verses of Gallantry in his Name, and placing it in the Catalogue of Authors at the beginning of the Book, which he had posted at the Corners of Streets. The Stationer in a lament­able tone, nay really weeping, said, Alas, Sir, the condition of us poor Stationers is very mi­serable, and we are strangeiy put to it, to give content to Authors; but just now went one from hence, that threatned me no less than you have done, because I put not his Name to a Song, and saying this, he shewed him the Song, which was the worst piece in the Book.

See the difference of humors, said Lorenca, it had been very pleasant if these two Gallants had put their designs in execution at one and the same time. For my part, said Charoselles, I cannot condemn those that seek glory this way, for in Poetry ( which you know I have alwayes consider­ed as a trifle) I have observed the worst Traffick is to deal in gross, I mean to print ones Works all together, and make a Volume; it is a better Me­thod to vent them by parcels, and give them out piece by piece, as Men use to do by Rattles and Windwills to please Children. Your Maxime is sufficiently confirmed by experience, said Ange­lica, for we have know Authors whose small Pieces have acquired as much or more glory than Volumes published at once by others, and that [Page 97] effectually, were of greater merit. Wonder not at that, said Philalethes, the impatient humor of our Nation is tired with long Works; and this is remarkable, in that such as have in their hands Book of Poetry, will sooner read a Sonnet than an Elegy, and an Epigram than a Sonnet: and if a Book contain onely Epigrams, those of four or six Verses shall be read sooner than tose of a dozen.

I am very glad, said Hippolita, that small Pieces are better esteemed in France than great ones, for for Madrigals I can make themas I list, as I said before; for there belongs no more to it, but to find out a smooth line or two and there is an end: whereas it is hard to come by conceits for Epigrams and Verses of State for Sonnets. But, said Cha­roselles, all this is not enough to make small pie­ces, to take they must suit the times, I mean the Mode, and for quicker dispatch in the sale, the Subject must be choice, as on the death of my La­dies little Dog, her Parret, or some other great Adventure happend in the gallant and poetical Ʋniverse.

For my part, replied Hippolita, above all other I love Distichs, because they are commonly ex tempore, which I judge to be the most certain token of wit. You are not alone in your opinion, said Angelica, I have know many Women so be­sotted on these ex tempories, they have preferred them to the perfectest Works and most studious en­deavours. I am not of the opinion of those Ladies (Charoselles briskly replied) and I know no certainer sign of reprobation in what relates to Poetry, than to be taken with such things, for they which are [Page 98] best at them, are only gay and sportive persons, nay sometimes such as are mad are happy enough in them; whereas a true esteem belongs only to Pieces wrought with mature deliberations, where Art and Nature unite. Not but that the greatest Wits may sometimes produce Gallantries on the sudden, but it must be done very discreetly, or other­wise they expose themselves to strange absurdities, as almost all sudden Wits sometimes do. Adde to this, said Philalethes, that no ware is vended that is more deceitful; for as at Gaming Ordinaries men often cheat with false Dice, no less is done in Academies with Extempories, and some take those to have newly seen the light that indeed are old and weather beaten.

This is true, said Pancrace, and I have known a certain pleasant fellow, well enough look­ed upon in the World, that never went without Pocket Ex tempories, and had provided so many on several Subjects, that he had large Common Places. He usually carried along with him some one, with whom he corresponded, by whose assist­ance he diverted the discourse to several Subjects, and so drew people into straits, where he had laid some Ex temporie ambush, and then the Gal­lant fell on and defeated the bravest Champions of Wit, not without the admiration of the Com­pany.

I am glad, said Lorenca, to be informed of the deceits that are committed, because in any such things be hereafter presented me, I shall desire at­testations of honest and honourable Persons, that they were made in their presence without fraud or [Page 99] covin. I (said Angelica) never applauded such Pieces, for this were to sell reputation at a very low rate, which I reserve for polite and serious Works, particularly for Sonnets; which are (as one of my good friends calls them) the Master­pieces of Poetry, and the most Noble of all Poems.

You will not often be in a condition to be lavish of of them (added Charoselles) for it requires a great stock of wit to be successful in them; neither do many profess the making them, and even they for one good one give us a hundred that are bad. I have seen so many bad ones, said Pancrace, I am perswa­ded the greatest part of them are such, and unless some understanding person assure me of their good­ness, I cannot find in my heart to read them. I have (said Philalethes) been long sensible of the difficulty to make good ones, and seen eminent Po­ets that have acquired glory by great Poems, whose reputations have fallen in some Sonnet.

Now you speak of Sonnets (said Javota, who had till then been silent) I have a very good one about me, which a Client of my Fathers left in his Study. Pancrace besought her to oblige them with the reading it, and adding grace to it. I beg of you to excuse me, said Javota, for it is so long so long, so long, it would give you too great interruption. How, said Hippolita, is so much time necessary to the reading 14 lines? In the mean while Javota took out of her Pocket a little Book stitched in Marble Paper, contain­ing an entire Poem; it was called, The Meta­morophosis of the Eyes of Phillis into Stars.

The Company could not forbear laughing at this simplicity, Hippolita burst out; at which, Javota blushing, said, How are not these Verses? I am sure my fatehr told me they were. Yes questi­onless, answered Pancrace. Well, said Javota, and are not Sonnets Verses, why all this laughing? The laughing increased, till Angelica in civility broke it off, and went to Javota to make ex­cuses, and help her out of her confusion; which she effected by many reiterated caresses. Pancrace also joyned with her, and employed himself very heartily: he had already entered into a particular conersation with Javota, to whom from the first he had an extraordinary inclination. But they were now interrupted by a great Cry of Hippolita, What have we here? said she, I must needs see what it contains: and this she spoke on occasion of a Roll of Paper fallen out of Angelica's Pocket as she arose sud­denly. Angelica very civilly desired her to re­store it, reproaching her for prying into her se­crets. Secrets, said Hippolita, use not to be so voluminous, it is certainly some piece of Gallan­try, the pleasure of which you must not engrosse to your self. At least let me see the Title, which as soon as she had read, she cried out yet lowder, You were the most disobliging person in the world, would you deprive so good company of the diversion of a Piece, whose Title promises so fairly. How­ever you shall not deny me to take it home and read it: Do your worst, I claim my share, said Charo­selles, and my opinion is that it be read here, and in requital I will read you another composition of my [Page 101] own, twice as long, that perhaps shall never be printed.

Philalethes that knew the humor of Charo­selles, trembled to hear the Company thus threatned, and least the effect might fellow, joyned with Angelica to oppose Hipp [...]lita's ob­sti [...], saying▪ It would [...]e too tedious to read it, and that their time might be passed more a­greeably in discourse he told them moreover, That he had seen the Piece, and that it merited not the attention of so good company. This seeming neglect made them conceive it was of his ma­king, and that he had given it Angelica, for their correspondence was not unknown; besides that he was too discreet so publickly to slight the Works of another. This redoubled Hip­polita's curiosity, which at last prevailed over Angelica's resistance, and taking them one af­ter the other by the Arm, she obliged them to sit down in their former places; then addressing her self to Philalethes, she told him, Your pu­nishment for endeavoring to deprive us of this Piece, shall be to read it, which will also free you from the displeasure of hearing me read it ill; for I question not but you are the Author. Philale­thes taking the Papers, very civilly told her, I renounce the honour you impute to me of the compo­sure, but readily accept that of obeying you; and then began to read as follows.

The Continuation of the History of JAVOTA.

THis as soon as read, had a general applause, Charoselles only dissenting; who thought nothing good but what he writh himself: though hemight probably have been seconded by Hip­polita, who never failed of censuring right or wrong: but perceiving that the examination of this Piece, if he were once engaged, might last and hinder the design he had to read another of his own, he desired Angelica to lend him those sheets to take a copy of them. His design was to have them printed, and cause some of his own, which he would add, to pass by being countenanced by them. Angelica told him she [Page 130] durst not take that liberty, because the Piece was not hers. I will give you one of mine for it, (said Charoselles) which I will instantly read, as I promised. This word having caused Philale­thes to tremble, he arose to take his leave; An­gelica rose also to pay him some civilities, and the rest of the Company did the like; which made Charoselles mad to see himself so pre­vented: for it was late, and no possibility of perswading any body to sit down again. Some little discourse passed standing and apart, espe­cially between Javota and Pancrace, who from that time devoted himself intirely to her service; his Love not being very Platonick, his admira­tion for her Beauty, freed him from all the dis­gust the coming short of her wit might have gi­ven him.

He made her many Complements and high Expressions, and she smiled at them all, but an­swered none, till he assured her with a great Oath that he was her servant, and besought her to believe it. She replied very innocent­ly, God Sir, Say not so; there are but two persons in the world that ever told me that, and for those I have a mortal aversion and hatred; you are too handsome to do like them. How then Ma­dam, (said he) have you had some servants that have come short in their respects, by a too confident declaring their love? No indeed Sir (said Javo­ta) they declared it only to my Father and Mo­ther, whose promises to marry me each of them as­sured they had obtained: What they have done to me, I know not, but I cannot abide them.

If you have hitherto had servants that so much displeased you (said the Gentleman) it follows not that all others are like them; since they are not worthy of you, seek such as are more accomplish­ed. I will not have any servants, said Javota, neither if I had any, did I know what to say to them, nor what to do with them. Is it (said Pan­crace) because it is impossible to find occasions of serving you? No, said Javota, and you if you pleased might do me a kindness; but I dare not name it, for fear you should deny me. How Ma­dam, said he, (raising his voice a little) can there be any thing too difficult for me to accomplish for your sake? It is not very difficult (answered Javota) and if you will promise me to do it, I will tell it you. I do not only promise it (replied Pancrace very suddenly) but swear it to you by all that is dearest to me in the world; nay I wish it difficulty, that its performance may give you the certainer proof of the passion I have for your ser­vice: Since you thus assure me (said Javota) I must confess that having latelyheard you speak such excellent things, when you discoursed with the Ladies, I would beg of you to lend me the Book you learned them in; for I am ashamed of saying nothing, yet know not what to say: Would to God I could get the receipt that helps those Ladies to talk so well; if I could find their Book, I would con it, till I talked faster than they. Pancrace was amazed at her extream simplicity, and told her, There was no one Book that contained all that was necessary to conversation, where every one discoursed according to the Subject that presented [Page 132] it self, and the conceptions that came into their heads. I thought, said Javota, you would make a secret of it, as if I knew not the contrary: when my Mother speaks of Mrs Philopotte, who hath talked so much to day, she says she hat ever a Book in her hand, is as learned as a Doctor, but knows not how to take one stitch with her Needle, that I shold be sure not to imitate her, and that a young man that wanted a Wife, if he would be advised by her, shold seck another: but let her say what she pleases, could I come at her Book, I would get it all by heart.

Pancrace perceiving her inclination for read­ing, and that she had till then been brought up in perfect ignorance, thought he had lit on an excellent occasion to do her service, by sending her some Books; he therefore began to com­mend her, and in some sort to grant that may things spoken in conversation, are taken out of Books, though not word for word: that they open the fancy, and enrich it with Idea's, from whence discourse is derived, and he promised to send her some that very night; beleeching her to believe that his most violent passion was to do her service. As this Protestation ended, Lorenca, who had brought Javota thither, came to tell her it wa time to go home, where she was by that time expected; so that with a very low Courtsie she took leave of the Company; who having a while discoursed of her Beauty and Sim­plicity, at last parted.

Javota coming home, could not forbear ex­pressing her satisfaction to have been so good Company, and to have seen something of the world, she ordered an old servant that had been her Nurse, and consequently was one she put confidence in, to receive the Books when they came, and hide them under her Bed, lest they might be found in her Trunck, which her Mother often visited. The Books came quick­ly after, and they were the Five Tomes of A­strea; she ran immediately to her Chamber, and shut her self up there, and fell a reading night and day, so earnestly, she neglected her Meat and Drink, and when she was spoken to go a­bout her ordinary work, she pretended her self sick; that she had not closed her eyes all night: and indeed they seemed heavy, which was probably the effect of her continual read­ing. She profited much in little time, and some­thing very pleasant happened to her.

As it is natural to us at mentioning some body we do not know, though the person be fabu­lous, to frame in our thoughts an accidental Idea, that hath a resemblance of some of our acquaintance; so Javota, contemplating Cela­don, who was the Hero of her Romance, fan­cied him to be of the same shape and just such another as Pancrace, whom she liked much better than any of her other acquaintance; and Astrea being described perfectly fair, she pre­sently thought her self like her; for this is a point in which the discreetest Women may flat­ter themselves. All that Ceiadon said to Astrea, [Page 134] was therefore taken as if Pancrace had spoken it to her, and all that Astrea said to Celadon, she imagined she said to Pancrace. Was he not very happy to have so brave an interceder (without his knowledge) to court for him in his absence; and whose addresses were so effe­ctual, that Javota insensibly took in the poison, that made her desperately in love with him. To speak seriously, this accident ought not to ap­pear too improbable; for Maids of strict and private Education, at their first coming into the world, and the company of men, are apt to take fire at the first proposal of love that is made them by one that is handsom: for the two Sexes being formed each for other, their inclinations to each other are very attractive: not unlike a Spring, when wound up, being in a forced po­sture, returns with greater vigor, when it finds liberty. The should therefore be gover­ned with much moderation, and allowed some freedom, whilest the respect of an over-looking eye inspires modesty and banishes licentious­ness.

It is no otherwise with reading, if a Maid that is curious be forbidden it, she will fall vio­lently upon it, and her danger be much the greater, because making use of Books without choice and judgement, she may lite on some that will immediately corrupt her: amongst such I cannot but reckon Astrea, for the more natu­rally he expresses the passions of love, the ore powerfully they insinuate into young hearts, and with them an imperceptible poison, that seises [Page 135] the Vitals before any Antidote can be received. Neitehr is it like those other Romances that con­tain only the Loves of Princes and Potentates, which bearing no proportion with ordinary peo­ple, never move them, nor raise in them any desire of imitation.

It is not strange that Javota (brought up in obscurity, without any reading to fashion her thoughts or acquaint them with the Passions of Love) fell on this Precipice, on which all others that are educated like her, will also fall. No occasion could oblige her to lay aside her Ro­mance, unless a Visit to Angelica. She sought all occasions of this, and begged of her Neigh­bours to call her as they went by, and get leave for her of her Mother. Pancrace was also very frequently there, because he could no where else get a sight of his Mistriss. He admired at the progression she had made in a few dayes reading, and at the improvement of her wit.

She was no longer silent, but began to take her share of the Conversation, and to make appear that her simplicity, was not an effect of incapacity, but of want of Education and know­ledge of the World.

He wondered yet more, that the work he had begun, went so well forward, when he found that he had a place in her heart; for though she fashioned her self on Astrea's Mo­del, and imitated all ehr actions and discourses, nay designed to be as rigorous to Pancrace, as that Shepherdess was to Celadon; she never­theles [Page 136] came short in experience and addresto conceal her thought, so that Pancrace easily dis­covered them, and to comply with her accord­ing to the Stile of her Romance acted very well the part of an unfortunate Lover, complaining of her cruelty, with all the transports and grie­vances of the most passionate languishers; which was very pleasing to Javota, desirous to be courted in manner and form according to the Book that had charmed her. As soon as he dis­covered where she lay open, he drew great ad­vantages from it. He himself began once again to read over Astrea, and so well studied it, that he admirably personated Celadon, and took that Name upon him, seeing it was acceptable to his Mistriss; she in like manner taking that of Astrea. In a word, they so well imitated that History, it seemed they had a mind to act it o­ver again, at least if it was ever acted, The Adventure of Alexis excepted, which they could not act. Pancrace sent her other Romances, which she read no less greedily night and day, and made so good use of her time, that she quickly became one of the nimblest Cacklers of the Parish.

Her Father and Mother observed well this change in her manner of life, and admired at her improvement by frequenting company. It seemed to them she grew too knowing, and they lamented her as little better than undone, and for fear she should grow worse, resolved to marry her at Shrovetide. All their present trou­ble was to weigh well the two parties they had [Page 137] on their hands. They had engaged with the first, but the second as I have told you, was much more advantageous. Her Mother could not endure Nicodemus since the adventure of the Looking-Glass and Theorbo, and the Fa­ther had been discontented since the opposal made in behalf of Lucrece, though the Lover thought he had very well accommodated the bu­siness by the reparation he had made, and the discharge he had brought. All that now remain­ed, was to find a pretence for breaking with him and treating with Bedou, and his fol [...]y quickly gave them an occasion; which though very sleight, they neglected not to lay hold on.

He came one day to visit his Mistriss very gay and pleasant, and shewing her a great deal of Gold, told her he was the happiest person in the world, and that he had won Six hundred Pistols at Dice: Mr. Vollichou and his Wife na­turally avaritious, cheered by the lustre of that noble Mettal (without any farther con­sideration congratulated his good luck, and wanted not much of wishing him married to their Daughter, as Fortunes Darling: but an Uncle of Javota's a grave and judicious Clergy­man, remonstrated that as he had then won Six hundred Pistols, so change turning the next day, he might lose a thousand: That he would not advise them to an Alliance with a Gamester, that in a moment might be quit of their Daugh­ters Portion, besides that few inclined to play, took the care they ought of their Family and [Page 138] Profession; if therefore they were minded to break off with him, they ought not to let slip so handsom an occasion. To compleat the mis­fortune. Villeflattin meeting Vollichou the next day, asked how his Daughters Wedding came on, and without staying for an Answer, told him, We have plucked good Feathers from our Goose (meaning Nicodemus) I have procured Mrs Lucrece consderable damages and advantages as I undertook; When I concern my self for my friends, I never fail. He afterwards told him all he had done; and that he had gotten his Client Two thousand Crowns, on account a­lone of Nicodemus his fear to stand out the Suit.

Vollichou took Nicodemus to be either very deboist or very prodigal, because he made his peace with Lucrece at so dear a rate, and ima­gined the occasion to be greater than indeed it was. This made him swear a breach, of which he gave some testimonies to Nicodemus that ve­ry night, who would not give over for all that. He caused it to be confirmed by Javota her self, who very heartily made him a frank declaration that she would never be his Wife, to which though her friends should compell her, she should never either love or endure him. Then he perceived it was impossible to row on; since both wind and tide were against him; if he ob­stinately pressed forward what could he get but horns? and if he went to law, the issue was un­certain.

It is true he could keep Javota bound up, but himself would be no less so; which would hin­der him from seeking his fortune and providing otherwise. To make short, after two or three dayes irresolution he advised with his friends and not with his love, which soon after vanish­ed; for love is not so opiniatre in a City head as in an Heroick heart; they go on and off ve­ry frequently and easily; Interest and Wedding regulate alone their passions, whilest fidelity, proof against rigor, age, and absence, belongs only to Fabulous and Romantick Persons: Ni­codemus therefore resolved to give back the Ar­ [...]cles that had been signed, which both parties either tore or burned. I have not been pre­cisely informed of this circumstance, therefore possibly both one and the other; for the Win­ter was not so far spent, but it may be probable they talked by the fires side. Notwithstanding all this, he took a handsome leave, with pro­testations of his service, which were but little regarded; and all that remained to him, was only a regret to have lost his time, money, and pains after two several Mistrisses He is now at liberty to furnish matter for some other History of a like nature, and I believe he will not come any more on the Stage; that which may not surprise you, suppose him to be slain, murther­ed, or massacred by some misfortune; which might easily be effected by an Author less con­scientious.

As soon as Vollichou had broken with Nico­demus, he made haste to strike up with John [Page 140] Bedou; propounding Articles which were more contested than the first Contract: for though Nicodemus was a Coxcomb, he was esteemed of great ability in the Pleading Hall, where those qualities are not inconsistent; on which account though he was not so rich as his rival, they made not so many difficulties with him as with John Bedou, though more wealthy, incapable of employment: they thought it just, that this man by advantageous settlements on his Wife, should make amends for his ill meen and little capacity: but he that calculated on o­ther Principles, was not pleased with such a reckoning; and if he had followed his natura [...] inclination, would have bargained for a Wife no otherwise than for a piece of Cloth: but little Cupid interposed and shot him home, in which very moment he was extreamly altered, and as there is no prodigality equal to that of covetous persons, when some other passion isw prevalent; he suffered them to lead him by the Nose, and condescended to more than was re­quired of him. The day for signing the Con­tract wai then appointed, friends invited, and what is worst of all, a Banquet provided. The Articles were consented to, and immediately signed by the future Bridegroom; but when Javota was to sign, her Father that had altoge­ther depended on her filial obedience, and had acquainted her with very little of the business, was strangely surprised to see her refuse to sub­scribe.

At first he thought a becoming modesty re­strained her, or that ceremoniously she would not sign till some body else had done it; but at last after many remonstrances and home pres­sures, she answered very pertly, That she gave her Parents thanks for the pains they had taken in providing her a Husband, but she humbly concei­ved that choice ought to be left to her own eyes, which were not so dull but they might invite vari­ety of objects; that she came not short of merit to hope for a Person of Quality that wore a Sword, and had not that City Air she so mortally abhorred; that she despaired not of wearing a Velvet Gown, nor of keeping Coach and Lackeys, and in or­der to this, quoted the examples of three or four Maids that had made fortunes by their Beauties and married Persons of Quality. O­therwise she was young, and would continue still a Maid, in hope to do better, and that at the worst she doubted not of meeting another manner of man than Gaffer Bedou, whom she called Wretched Advocate of unfortunate Causes.

This Answer amazed all the Company, it being little expected from a Maid that had till then lived so innocently and in so great submissi­on to the will of her Parents; but all this courage derived it self from her love to Pancrace, be­fore which all Engagements were indifferent to her.

Vollichou looking on her with a fury that made him almost speechless, cried out, How [Page 142] now young impudence, who hath taught you this? You have learned it without douht since you haunt­ed Mrs Angelica: Truly it becomes you well to fashion your self after the model of a Maid that hath Fifty thousand Crowns portion: Some Young­ster hath cajolled you, you must have a Gallant, that after he hath spent his own fortune, will make no bones of yours. Tis well, tis well, I know how to teach such fond Wenches obedience, by that time you have been half a year shut up in a Nun­nery, we shall have other language from you; you are a foolish inconsiderate Girle to put this affront upon us; Get out of my sight, and immediately truss up you baggage and be gone.

As soon as his transport gave him a little re­spite, he made his excuse to the Company and pretended Bridegroom, for the interruption of this Wedding. He began by a long Declama­tion against the unhappiness of youth, that un­derstood not its own good. Ah! said he, ( I am sure very near if not in these proper terms) how the present Age is corrupted? See Gentlemen, the extravagance of youth, and small authority of Parents ov [...]r their children. I have not forgot how I lived under my deceased Father (heaven rest his Soul) we were seven Sons all of us wearing Beards; but the boldest durst neither spit nor cough in his presence; his least word made all the house tremble. It would have been fine, if I who was the eldest, and married not till Forty, if I, I say, had contradicted his will, or gone about to argue with him; O I should have been accoutred bravely and rotted in a Jail or Bridewell. [Page 143] Vollichou was but in the beginning of his De­clamation against the incorrigible manners of youth, when his Wife interrupting him, said, Alas, Sweetheart, It is but too true that the world is strangely corrupted; when I was young, Maids were so demure, the boldest durst not look up­on a Man; we observed all the precepts of youths be­haviour; neither would our modesty permit us to speak one word at Table, where we folded up our Nap­kin and arose before the Cheese. If any of us had eaten Sparagus or Hartichoaks, she would have been pointed at; but now-a-dayes Maids are al­most as impudent as Court Pages. This comes of giving them so much liberty; whilest I kept Javo­ta by me at her Wheel and Needle she was a harm­less innocent; but since she hath haunted Mrs Ange­lica, amongst powdered Periwiggs and embrichered Wastcoats, all her good Education hath been per­verted; O how I repent to have let the reins so loose.

Lorenca that was invited to this Ceremony, and though a Citizen, understood the world, as I have told you, then began and said, Though you have a mind to blame your Daughter, you ought not on account of it to accuse her frequenting of Mrs Angelica, whither many Persons of Parts and Quality resort, yet comport themselves so modestly and discreetly, it may be called a true School of Honour and Vertue; and possibly a Maid that is conscious to her self of Beauty, is excusable, if so precious an endowment of heaven charm her heart, and augment that vanity so natural to our Sex. At our first frequenting the world, we soon [Page 144] discern a certain air much more agreeable than that of persons that live obscurely. It should not there­fore seem strange, if a young Maid that hath ad­dresses made to her, is unwilling to precipitate any thing in order to so considerable an Engagement; and patiently wait till her Merit provides her some good opportunity. I shall rather accuse my Cosins bad fortune, and manner of his proceeding, not at all, guided by my advice. Instead of acting the Lover a few dayes, he would immediately play the Husband. The good graces of a Mistriss are to be gained by Visits and Services, and not entirely due to paternal respect and obedience. But above all, if he had perceived in her any aversion for him, he ought to have avoided the shame of so solemn a refusal.

You have reason, said Prudentius, (this was the Uncle I told you of) when you say it is conve­nient that such as are to be married together, have first of all some conversation, that they may get some knowledge of the humors of the persons with whom they are ever after to live; but have not the least appearance of it, when you go about to excuse the procedure of my Niece, not only in that she waited for so unseasonable a conjuncture to declare her self, but because she did not intirely submit to the choice made by her Parents. They know what is fit for her better than she does her self, and her refusal is the more ridiculous, because grounded on a fond hope that is very unlikely ever to have effect, to find a Lord that will marry her for merit. A Maid that makes a fortune by her Beauty, is a dangerous example, hundreds will grow old in [Page 145] expectation of the like, if nothing worse happen to them, and their honour escape shipwrack. Many times such as seek to catch some Person of Quality are caught themselves, and often with sorrow, and sometimes with shame, see him escape they thought fast in their Net. All things considered, what cause hath my Niece to complain, since she hath been presented with a Party equal to her, and a rich Husband, of the condition of all her Re­lations.

You have hit the Nail on the head (said John Bedou, whom the shame of this affront, and his natural bashfulness, had till then kept silent) for it is certain that the happiest Matches are between equals, and you Mr Dean that understand La­tine, are acquainted with this excellent Sentence, Si tu vis nubere nube pari. Nothing is more blame-worthy, than the ambition to raise our for­tune by a Match, and I cannot therefore suffici­ently commend a Law established amongst the Chi­neses, which obliges every man to be of his Fathers Calling. Now although our Government comes short of the wisdom of theirs, yet I admire Mrs Javota hath not regulated her desires conformably to it. She is possibly in the right, when she judges me unequal to her in merit, and her refusal shall not take off my inclination to render her all man­ner of service. One Obligation I am sure I have to her, that she will probably prevent me from mar­rying while I live; for I will here freely acknow­ledge that that which hath hitherto given me the greatest aversion for it, is the many follies one is obliged to in the troublesome approaches towards it; [Page 146] which neither suit with my condition nor Genius. My intention was to have married my self after the same manner I have seen many other honest men do, that think it enough to see their Mistriss in such a Pew, or near such a Pillar of a Church, and give her there a dumb Visit, to satisfie them­selves that she is neither lame nor crooked; neither can this be well pretended to till all Articles of the Contract are agreed on with her Parents: all other ceremonies are meerly useless. I have seen many carried on in such a manner, with so good success, that I thought this could have had no other; but since I have been deceived, I will comfort my self with Seneca and Petrarch, or Mr De la Serre, whom I will expresly read before I sleep.

Let us no longer examine, said Vellichou, in what manner Marriages ought to be treated on, be­cause it brings the Paternal authority in question, but though I cannot teach my Daughter obedience, let me yet testifie my displeasure, that this busi­ness is not effected with you; for your Physiognomy promises good husbandry, and good success at the Bar if you can get Clients. I thought to have helped you to practice my self, and to make this appear, I have in my Study set aside the Papers belonging to a Cause I intended for you to plead one of these Mornings▪ It is an Appeal from a Sen­tence given by the Provest of Vaugirard or his Lieutenant, in which you may spout Latine and spew Greek; and thus going on, instead of making him complements and excuses, which were no more than necessary to comfort him after the af­front he had received, he made a tedious repetiti­on [Page 147] of that Cause, with all matter of fact and points of Law, as punctually as if he would have pleaded it himself. Whilest one thus laid the Law, and the other listned to him, Prudentius, Mrs Vol­lichou, and Lorenca continued the discourse they had begun, and the other Guests in little Cabals did the like in other places of the Hall, a­bout what had happened, all to the prejudice of miserable Bedou; and the occasion of break­ing off his and Vollichou's Discourse, was also to his prejudice; for a Banquet, or at least part of one, brought from his house, then entred. An old Servant Maid that understood her Ma­ster well, seeing the Treaty of Marriage bro­ken off, was very diligent to send back as much of it as possibly she could, serving in only what would not keep. The Banquet being ended, af­ter many City Complements, some including Complaints, others Repinings, others Excuses, and others Thanks, the Company parted. As for John Bedou, after great variety of thoughts had agitated his Brain, cooled by his Af­front, he resolved upon the point to render thanks to his good Angel, that had preserved him from horns, which he naturally apprehend­ed, especially in an occasion where the danger of having them was very imminent; and did not much less regret the spending his Banquet, than the losing his Mistriss.

Next morning betimes, as well to punish Javota's disobedience, as to seclude her from the world, which they thought was a School of Vanity to her, she was put out to board a­mongst [Page 148] certain Nuns, that had lately settled themselves in one of the Suburbs of Paris; neither was this done without many repriments and reproaches of her fault, mixt with terrible menaces to shut her up till she grew wiser. But alas, this was a silly expedient in order to her a­mendment, this was out of the Frying Pan in­to the Fire, for although those good Sisters live themselves with all imaginable vertue, yet ha­ving nothing else to subsist upon, they are fain to receive indifferently all manner of Boarders. All Women that have a mind to go to law with their Husbands, or conceal the irregularity of their lives, or other disasters, are received, and in like manner all Maids, whether they would avoid the prosecutions of Gallants, or wait to snap some of them. Such of them as have experience, and understand all the turn­ings and windings of the world, instruct the young innocents that their ill fate brings thither; who undergo a Noviciate of Gallantry, when it is expected they pass thorow one of Religion. In a word, in what concerns these Boarders, there is no other reformation then that of the Grate, which yet signifies nothing to such of them as have liberty to go abroad thrice a Week to look after their affairs; besides that there are Parlors in this Nunnery every day so full of company, that places are still retained in them before-hand, as in the Play-houses.

Javota quickly gave her Lover notice of the place of her imprisonment, and you need not ask if he went thither every day; when he [Page 149] went abroad, his Sedan-men never asked which way, for to go thither, became a natural moti­on to him: he could not have wished a place more to his purpose, for here he could singly entertain his Mistriss, and as long as he plea­sed; whereas before he saw her but seldom and that in company, where they were continually interrupted. He had now time enough to give her thanks for the generous act she did for his sake, and to laugh at the confusion of his un­fortunate and ridiculous Rival; whose words and actions entertained them long. He had time also to let her know, that his passion aug­mented daily, and give her such testimonies of it, that never two persons were more firmly u­nited. When he was forced to leave her, he left her Books to entertain her amorous fancies, so that between the Parlors and that pleasant Study, she passed her time with great content. When her Mother visited her, she wondred that the place she had confined her to as a pu­nishment and prison, did not at all alter her, nor inspire her with such thoughts as she desired. Seven or eight Moneths being thus passed over, (and Javota having read all Romances and Books of Gallantry that were in vogue, for she began to be knowing in them, and could not endure bad ones, which would have held her play to eternity.) Idleness made her Melancho­ly, and she began to be sensible of her want of liberty; in this humor she writ to her Parents, to desire them to release her. This they con­sented to, conditionally that she signed the [Page 150] Contract of Marriage with Advocate Bedou, who they thought was still at their devotion; but they were out in their reckoning, she refu­sed liberty on those terms, and after many in­treaties and some kind of menaces, at last de­spair, or more truly her passion for Pancrace, made her condescend to his Proposal of stealing her away.

I do not hold it necessary to give you here particularly all his passionate expressions and arguments to win her to this, no more than the vertuous resistances made by Javota, with the Combats between Love and Honour in her Heart: for you are little versed in Romances, if your memory (be it never so bad) retain not twenty or thirty of them. These use to be so common, that I have known some, that to ex­press how much of a History they had read, would say, I am at the eighth stealing away the Lady, instead of I am at the Eighth Tome. Nay Authors that make no more, are to be esteemed very discreet, for some bring them in not onely in every Tome, but every Book, at every Di­gression or Tale. The greatest Orator or Poet in the World, let him be never so inventive, can tell you nothing in this kind, that you have not heard a hundred times before. In some the Proposal is only made and refused, in others condescended to: to them therefore I refer you if you will take the pains to seek them out, and I am sorry for your sakes that those sorts of Books have no Indexes, like many others, that are neither so big nor so often read. You may [Page 151] interlarde this with such as best pleases you, and s [...]it best with the subject. I thought once to have ordered the Stationer to have left here some empty sheets, for the more convenient recep­tion of that you make choice of; this would have been satisfactory to all manner of persons: for some will blame me for passing over matters so important, without giving them their circum­stances; and others say that to write a Romance without such Combats of Passion, which are the best things in them, is as if in the Description of a City one should omit its Palaces and Temples: but another more hasty, and willing to rid a great deal of ground in a little time, will be glad of epitomising.

To return to my subject, I freely acknow­ledge that the reason why I have not written the Combat between Love and Honour in Ja­vota's Heart, is because I have no particular Memorials of it; it is therefore in your choice to have a good or bad opinion of her. I write no Morals, but a History only, and am not obliged to justifie her; neither hath she paid me for it, as Historians, men desire should be favorable to them, are wont to be paid.

All that I could learn of it is, that she was easily gotten away by help of a Ladder of Cords applied to the Garden Walls which were low; for the good Nuns had lately bought it of a poor Gardener, whose Cabages (not so hard to be kept by much as Virgins) they well enough secured. [...] [Page 154] give occasion to any admirable event in the prosecution of it; but it jumps with a wicked Custom that hath been long predominant in Romances, all whose Personages are very liable to meet accidentally in remote Countries, how contrary wayes soever they have taken, or how different soever their designs have been. This serves for something, at least to save a new de­scription to such as are so very exact in making them, of all the places they mention; as Au­thors that intend large Volumes, blowing them up as Butchers do their Meat: besides that, such rancounters give a Connection to the Piece, which without them would be much dislocated. The truth is, that these two Adventurers in Gal­lantry made a great friendship, and they were my heart and my dear the first day, giving each other relations of their Adventures, but not with too great sincerity.

But they had no long time to cultivate this, for after Lucrece had received two or three Vi­sits at the Grate, by such as published the truth of her reformation, and being cloistered, she privately left the House on pretence of Sickness; liberally bestowing on the Nuns all her first Quarters Pension, which she had advanced that she might have no difference with them. She had a very particular care to make the Porteress her friend by Presents, that she might tell all that enquired after her, that she was still in the Cloister, and for this had pretences plausible enough, as that she desired to avoid the im­portunities of many Visits, to the disturbance [Page 155] of her devotions, to avoid which she had a­bandoned the world. She also both by word of mouth and letter besought all her friends to let her be at quiet in her Cloister, and not re­call to her mind the vanities she had re­nounced.

There is nothing more easie than to oblige godly people to tell lies, if to a pious end; and the poor Porteress that was very silly, had not consideration to remember that Lucrece might have secured her self against this inconvenience well enough in the Cloister, by telling such as enquired after her, sometimes that she was not well, sometimes retired, sometimes praying, sometimes meditating; but no body being con­cerned to dive to the bottom of this business, all went away mistrusting nothing.

When she left this, she went to a retirement of another nature at a Midwives of experiment­ed discretion, who very secretly brought her a­bed, and undertook to provide for the Child. To conclude, after a full eclipse of a year and a half, Lucrece entred into another Nunnery, bet­ter rented and more austere than the former. Af­ter she had been there a few dayes in great priva­cy, she began by little and litle to discover to her neighbors and acquaintance this new Mona­stery, and pretended to have changed because she had not her health in the other, and doubt­ed the air was bad; sometimes she very devout­ly added, that there was too great liberty; that she liked not to see the Parlors filled with peo­ple of all conditions and sexes; acknowledging [Page 156] that she had sometimes caused her self to be denied, to avoid that disorder. This strangely edified all that heard her, particularly those that knew her former inclinations for the world. She put on likewise a white Vail, and though a Boarder, did all duties of a Nun, and under­went a kind of Essay of a Noviciate, more au­stere than that which was effectually gone tho­row in the year of Probation. Her works of supererogation and over-stretched devotion, gave her suddenly such a reputation of Vertue, that all the Nuns admired her at home, and the Governors of the House published it abroad; so as the news came to Mrs Lorenca, who frequent­ed that Nunnery, because an acquaintance of hers had lately taken that Order. After she had well informed her self of the condition of this new Boarder, she thought she would make an excellent Wife for her Cosin Bedou, whom she intended to marry at what rate soever. For after he had lost his Mistriss, and that not with­out shame, she had often heard him rail at the impudence of the Maids of these times; Javo­ta having discovered so much, notwithstanding the solitary and severe education of her youth: which had caused him to take a solemn Oath that he would never marry, unless he lited on a Wife that came out of some strict Nunnery: She therefore propounded to him this new ex­ample of Vertue, and he was very attentive to her. There seemed no other difficulty in the business, but how to get Lucrece out of the Nunnery, and to obtain a thing so contrary to [Page 157] her manifest Vocation to a Religious Life. Lo­renca so ordered matters, that when she went to see the Nun of her acquaintance. she prayed her to bring Lucrece with her to the Grate.

At that place Bedou was obliged to little Courtship, on accompt of which he went very resolutely; but he thought it enough to be a silent Auditor, and was ravished with Lucrece's excellent Morals on the Miseries of this transi­tory life, and transcendencies of a retirement, which she concluded in prayers for strength suf­ficient to support the austerities of her Order. He neither spoke of Love nor Marriage, which he durst hardly mention to those that lived in the world; yet had a great mind to do both of them: for as her Wit and Beauty smote him, her Modesty and Vertue charmed him: he therfore besought his Cosin, whom he knew to be dex­terous, to cause it to be motioned; and she could imagine no better way of doing it, than by the Governors of the House. I cannot tell by what pretence or cunning she concerned them in his interests, but they wrought very effectually, ac­cording to his desires, yet not without trouble, for Lucrece was a long time deaf to all their Proposals, but she would have been very sorry, should they have given them over. She some­times doubted least these were temptations, whereby heaven sought to try whether she were constant in her good designs, and then faining an assurance in the quality of those that made them, desired time to pray for inspiration how to dispose of her self.

[...] [Page 157] [...] [Page 158] As soon as she seemed half convinced, she began to be sick, and to desire Dispensations from Fasting and other Religious Duties, and to seem too weak for that Cloisteral Life. She then pretended she would change to some Or­der more remiss, and gave not over, till it was sufficiently remonstrated to her, that it was as acceptable to heaven to live in the world, che­rishing her Husband and bringing up her Chil­dren vertuously; in fine, they resolved her for Marriage, with no less difficulty than a Malefa­ctor is prepared to die.

Lorenca quickly sent her Cosin the News, who immediately laid hold on the occasion, and was so proud to have (as he thought) deboshed a Nun, that he never contested the Articles of Marriage, nor made any great inquiry after her Portion, satisfied with the common report of the Cloister, that she was very rich; thinking it impossible for Religious Persons to lie or be­lieve rashly. Besides this, she was so cunning, that she bought all manner of Houshold-stuff for a Family, for which she paid only a third in ready money; easily getting credit for the re­mainder. In this she very advantageously laid out the Two thousand Crowns she had received of Nicodemus, which seemed a great deal more; and it being a fond Custom, now-a-dayes, to spend in Houshold-stuff, Presents, and Charge of the Wedding, half a Wives Portion, and sometimes all of it, it was no slight bait to catch Bedou, that he should save that Charge: but that which most pleased him, was a desire sig­nified [Page 159] that the business might be done without Ceremony, and that his Mistriss, to keep out of bad Air, might go no farther than from the Nunnery to the Church, and from thence to her Husbands house, who thought he had lited on the Flower of Virginity. This crafty Wench did like Fowlers, that hang a Bird in a Cage with a Tr [...]p in it to catch another, for the Grate and Nunnery served only in order to get a Husband. How they lived together, whether well or ill, you may one day know, if a Fashion comes up of writing the Lives of Married Women.

The History of CHAR­ROSELLES, COL­LANTINA, and BE­LASTE.

CHarroselles would not be counted an Au­thor, though it was the only commenda­ble quality he had, and that alone made him known in the world. I cannot tell whether re­morse of conscience for the faults of his youth, made him take this Title as an injury, but he would pass for nothing besides Gentleman, as if these two qualities were inconsistent: though it was not above ten years since his Father died an Attorney, yet from the time he was able to keep a certain thing like a Coach, drawn by two Skeletons of Horses, and continually cover­ed with dust or dirt, he had taken on himself this quality. His Pegasus's (for so they must be called, whilest they served this Nurse-Child of Parnassus) were not at all puffed up by their honour, nor carried their heads any higher than when they drew the Plough in the fertil Plains of Aubervilliers. Their Master treated them as tenderly as Children of a good Family, never keeping them out late a-nights, nor over­loading [Page 162] them; nay he almost equalized them to Bucephalus, they never drawing any but their Alexander; for he was almost continually alone in his Coach, not that he loved not company, but his Nose was unsociable: the boldest durst never do an injury to his Nose, so vindicative it was and ready to return. This Nose (in the mean time) appeared every where, and there were but few places in Paris, where it was not known. The Title of Eminence of right ap­pertained to it, and it ever wore Scarlet; and though probably designed for a Colossus, was bestowed on a Man but short of Stature, yet Nature had been no Niggard to the little Fel­low, for what wanted in height, was suffici­ently required in thickness; so that he had flesh enough, but cast in an irregular Mould. His Hair was extreamly unbecoming, and it was questionless his Head the Poetical Painter de­signed, when he said,

And indeed he never combed it but with his Fingers, which was his usual posture in all Com­panies. His Skin was grained like Spanish Lea­ther, and its Olive Colour embroidered by Scarlet Buttons, that very frequently pierced it. [Page 163] In a word, he had the true meen of a Satyr; his Mouth opened wide, and his Teeth were no less sharp, excellent qualifications for Biting; a fond Laughter was very usual with him, of which I know not the reason, unless to shew his Teeth, to snap at all he met. His goggle Eyes jutted out like Bay Windows, that they might look every way.

There never was known a Man more envious or il-spoken, nothing pleased him, and had he been called to Council at the Creation, we should have seen things very unlike what they are at present. He was the greatest reformer to the worse that ever had been known; and continually spoiled what he busied himself to mend. There never met any Assembly of Ver­tuous or Illustrious Persons, but he decried it; and the better to disguise his Malice, by way of Encomium; like those dangerous Beasts, that while they fawn, either scratch or bite us. The Fame of other Men was insupportable to him, and whatever they published that took, torment­ed him. Judge then, if in France, where ex­cellent Wits abound, he was not sufficiently plagued. His Natural Vanity was strangely puffed up by some reputation acquired in his youth, by little Works, that had a passable Vent; but this was very unlucky to the poor Stationers, who were caught with the Bait: for as soon as he forsook the Stile that alone sui­ted with his Genius, and began to write seri­ously, he set out many Volumes that were ne­ver read by any but the Corrector of the [Page 164] Printing-House. These proved so fatal to the Stationers, that he broke almost the whole Company.

He presents all he meets with Catalogues of Books he hath ready for the Press, and boasts of Fifty Manuscripts he offers to set out, if he could find any Printer charitable enough to un­do himself for the Publick; but meeting none that will sacrifice any more Paper to his renown, he hath lit on an admirable invention; which is to write a Satyr against some known Author or Book that takes, supposing its novelty or malice will make it sell; but he lets not the Stationer have it, without adding some of his serious Pie­ces. These excellent qualities acquire him good store of enemies, at which he is little concern­ed, for he hates all Mankind; and no body is so ungrateful as not to requite him. Were this a fabulous History, I should be very much trou­bled to fit him with Adventures, for he never made love, but were it a proper phrase to say, made hate, that should be the term by which I would express the employment of his whole life. He never entred into friendship with any, but broke immediately, and that which lasted longest was with a Maid of an humor very like his own; she was a Serjeants Daughter, con­ceived in law, and brought forth in contention; born under so unfortunate a Planet, she spent her whole life in pleading. She had a general aversion for all but her interest; the vanity of going fine, so natural to her Sex, was one of her aversions. She was very temperate, except [Page 165] when she ate or drank at the charge of others; and her Chastity, of which she was eminently possessed, was Vertue by force, because she could never agree with any body. She had no Concupiscence but for other Mens Estates; nei­ther, to speak the truth of her, did she much en­vy any but those that were litigious: for she had not so great satisfaction in any thing given her, as in what she conquered at the Pens point. She cast an envious eye on those infinite Sheets of Paper she saw tacked together in the Six Clerks Office, and sometimes asked poor Clients that solicited them, if they were to be sold; as Horse-Coursers use to enquire after Horses that are rid to watering.

She was very yellow and lean, with repining at her bad fortune, and a second cause of this was the good fortune of others: for her great­est delight was to give other people vexation, and she was never so much pleased with the ad­vantages she acquired, as with the mischiefs she did. Her thin and light bulk was very advan­tageous to such a trotting up and down as was necessary to her solicitations; for she ridded more ground every day than a Foot-Post. Her diligence and activity were admirable, she was earlier than Aurora, and apprehended walking a-nights no more than an Hobgolin. Her ad­dress in cajoling Clerks and complementing their Masters, was rare, as well as her patience, in suffering their repulses and cross humors, all qualities very necessary to the perfection of one that solicites. I must needs acquaint you with [Page 166] some tricks of her youth, which gave fair hopes of what she proved afterwards. Her Mother when she was with-child of her, dreamt she was brought a-bed of a Harpy, and it was vi­sible in her countenance there was something of such a Monster. When she lay in her Cradle, instead of a Coral, they gave her her Fathers Ink-Horn with which she was strangely plea­sed; rubbing her Gums with the end of it, to ease the pain of her Teeth, that then began to come forth. When she grew a little bigger, she made Babies of green Bags, and instead of spin­ning, learned to twist Parchment for the fastening together the Sheets of Declarations. Her ad­mirable Genius for Pettifogging, began more especially to appear when she went to Shool; for she could read Bonds and Bills, how ill soe­ver written, sooner than her Psalter, though printed.

These excellent Endowments in time render­ed her the scourge of her Neighbours, and as terrible as a Countrey Attorney to Plow-job­bers. I will pass by part of her life, without re­lating many famous atchievements that I take not to be to our purpose; because before her knowledge of our Heroick Censor. This ac­quaintance was made in the busie Hall, neither could it well have been made any where else: there she daily solicited, and Charroselles then followed a Suit against his Stationer, on ac­count of a seifure of Books, in which he had satyrized some body that endeavoured to pre­vent their distribution: Nothing is more natu­ral [Page 167] to Clients than to relate their Cases to each other, their acquaintance is soon made, and they never want matter to hold up the conver­sation.

Collantina (for that is the Name of the Plead­ing Damosel) first of all asked his business, and Charoselles immediately satisfied her, by a long account of his Suit, and when he had done, in requital asked who was her adverse party? My adverse party, said she, alas I have a great ma­ny. How, said he, do you plead against a Corpo­ration, or many persons concerned in one affair. Nothing less, said Collantina, but I have all manner of Suits against all manner of persons; that I now come about contains an excellent Point of Law, and deserves to be well attended to; it cost me but an hundred Crowns, and I have al­ready made it worth me above an hundred Pound. These last words were over-heard by a Gascoign Gentleman that was near them, who swearing a great Oath, cried, What did you give an hun­dred Crowns for a Law Suit? I have two you shall have for nothing. That is not to be refused, said the Lady, however I will follow them for you, and it shall go hard if I get not something by them. And to give Authority to what she had said, she began to tell him some of her exploits: She had not advanced far, when the Register came out of his Office; after whom the Gascoign made haste, without bidding her farewell: she had also done the like, but that her Story intirely took by her thoughts; and taxed not the Gas­coign of incivility: for they which sollicite, are [Page 168] wont thus abruptly to break off all Complements or Conversations in which they are engaged. Charroselles would likewise have followed the Register; but Collantina held him by the Cloak, to make him hear out the Story of her Suit; the subject of which was pleasant enough, but the length tedious. Were I one of those that feed on Romances, I mean that live by the Books they write; I had here an excellent occasion of en­larging the Volume and cheating the Stationer that should buy it by the sheet. But not having any such design, I will silently pass over this conversation, and only tell you that the most complaisant Person in the world never gave a patienter Audience than Charroselles at first: but when he thought himself quit, he found, to his no little astonishment, that the Lady convert­ed the conclusion of her Suit into a transition. All this, said she, is nothing in comparison of an­other I have on a difficult Question of Custom, which I will relate to you, and desire your opinion. I have already consulted it with three Advocates, of whom the first told me I, the second No, and the the third, He would consider. I have sped bet­ter, by taking the opinion of some sensible and rati­onal person, as you seem to be, than of all those great Quoters of Presidents and Statutes. Tickled by this little flattery, he could not avoid to af­ford as flattering an Audience; yet not without an impatient stamping and frequent interrupti­ons: but as a River whose course hath been se­parated by an Edifice whose foundations are laid in the middle of it, as soon as rejoyned be­comes [Page 169] more impetuous; so these interruptions augmented the violent torrent of Collantina's words: but at last her discourse and her Auditors patience came to an end; neither did she then call to mind the advice she had desired of him, but made use of the same Rhetorical Figure as before, to pass uninterrupted to the recital of another affair. But the higher powers interpo­sed, and a very dark night came on, so that much against her will she was forced to give o­ver, promising to tell the rest at their next meeting. Her Countenance and Gesture suf­ficiently discovered her dissatisfaction, and doubtlesly in her heart she often exclaimed, O night! Jealous night! with no less vehement imprecations than Lovers use against Aurora, when she ravishes their Mistrisses from between their arms. Her pleasures therefore ceased in order to so necessary a separation, yet they o­mitted not some Complements, with promises of service and reciprocal solicitations in their affairs. Collantina being most earnest, desired of Charroselles a Petition to carry to a Judge, in whom she said she had a great interest; he gave it her gladly, offering to do her the like office when occasion presented. She took hold of it at that instant, and drawing from her Pocket a great bundle of different Petitions, with a List of all the Courts of Justice, enquired whether he knew any of the Judges; he asked in what Court her business depended, she told him in all. Charoselles took the List, and read it by the light of a Candle that was on a Stall, and [Page 170] marked two who he said were his intimate friends, over whom he had an absolute power. Two or three others he marked, in whom he said some of his acquaintance had great interest; making use of the ordinary terms of such as promise to recommend affairs: This man is yours, This shall be brought about for you, The other I'll answer for; and all with as great assurance as if they had the Suffrages of those Magistrates in their Pockets: he took therefore all the Petitions to present or cause them to be presented; but did neither, no more than many others that undertake them, only to furnish their Privies, which is no less than felo­ny against the Privies of Magistrates. But Char­roselles was excusable in this, in regard he made conscience of his Vow never to do good to any body.

Collantina was not satisfied with all these courteous offers, but continuing still in the or­dinary stile of Pleaders that seek recommenda­tions to Judges in a long succession of generati­ons, even to the tenth degree of Kindred and Alliance, asked Charroselles whether he could give her any address to get access with some o­ther of them. He took again the List, and found many with whom he could do her this good Office; and amongst others marking one with his Nail, said, I am acquainted with his Ʋnder-Clerk, by whose means I can recommend your business to the Ʋpper-Clerk, and by him to the Master. This way of going to work, said she, is none of the worst. Marking another, he [Page 171] told her, My Sister-in-law was God-Mother to a Child of his Nurses eldest Son, and that way I can present a Petition. Neither is this to be neglected, said Collantina, Servants have some­times greater influence over their Masters, than their Relations or other Persons of Quality. But now it comes in my head, are you acquainted with any Huntsman? I have to do with one that is a great Lover of sport, and Huntsman and Hunts­man are hail fellow well met. I would gladly have such a one mention me to him in the field.

After this she named another, of whose as­sistance she stood in need. This man, said he, is very devout, and if you know any of the bare­footed Carmelites, you need not doubt; for I have been told that a Friar that belongs to that Cloister, absolutely governs him; I know not his Name, but the good Friars are still ready to assist one another. Alas, said Collantina sighing, I have not the least acquaintance in the world amongst them. But hold a little, said Charroselles, I know a recollect Friar about Lyons, whom I have heard say he had a younger Brother in that Cloister; he will find out some body of that Order, or of another, which imports not, to do your business.

Charroselles would then have bidden her a­diew, but she kept up close, nominating ano­ther Judge, and desiring the like favor she had done before; That man, said he, pretends to Gallantry, is very civil to the fair Sex, and you need not doubt a favorable Audience, if you go to him accompanied by one that is handsom. Ah, ah, cried she, I am acquainted with a Waiting-Gentle-woman, [Page 172] whose beauty is cried up thorow the whole Parish, I am confident she will not refuse to go along with me; for lately at Christning a Child, she was partner with an Attorneys Clerk I sometimes employ. Charroselles again bid her adiew, and she again stopped him and said, I will name but one more, tell me whether you know any of his friends? Many, replied he, and that are so very intimately. For Gods sake then name them, said she. They are called Guinnees, said he, and going in company, easily obtain whatsoe­ver they pretend to. You are very pleasant (said she) I would not willingly depend on such reports, and malice often exclaims without grounds, nei­ther can there be a Judge so just, but the Client that is overthrown, will taxe him of having been corrupted either by friends or money; yet such re­ports are seldom true.

This raillery was useful to Charroselles, who otherwise should never have escaped Thus at last they parted, but not without protestations of meeting again; each of them going to grope out their Lodging in the dark, which often hap­pens to those that sollicite. Charroselles coming home very weary, sat down to Supper with his Sister and Brother-in-law, that was a Doctor of Physick, with whom he boarded; and told them part of the adventures of the day, and the discourse he had held with a Maid so extra­ordinary. All of them admired the humor of those that go to Law, and agreed that such are not a little favored of heaven, as are free from the two great follies of Clients, one of which [Page 173] is the being so importunate in seeking to make friends to Judges; and the other so imperti­nent in putting their Cases, and advising about them with all they meet. For my part, said Lambertin (this was the Name of the Brother-in-law) I admire why recommendations are so ear­nestly sought, since they signifie so little; neither do I wonder they are so much slighted, since they are often made by persons very remote. Adde (said Charroselles) that they are made very negligently, and in a manner that so clearly discovers them to be only formal, they signifie no more than Bills pasted on Posts, to publish the Skill and Lodging of some Emperick. For such as present Brevi­ates, said Lambertin, they are more pardonable; for these giving hints of the affair, may be to some purpose; but the mischief is, Judges receive so many of them, that to read them all, would be the business of their whole lives; so that ordinari­ly their destiny is to accompany Petitions in the House of Office. That (said Charroselles) is some­times the cause of their good fortune; for if the Judge happen to be costive, he may pass his time in reading them all the while he is in labour: and I believe as a Lover would think himself very hap­py to know when his Mistriss's Smock is over her ears and the love fit upon her; a Client were no less so, to know the dayes of the Judges constipa­tion.

I cannot deny (replied Lambertin) that they which seek to inform their Judges of their Cases, in what manner soever, are very excusable; but they which employ their time to importune a [Page 174] stranger with an account of a tedious Law-suit; in which he hath no interest, cannot he so; nay it sometimes happens, that after all, he that hath listned comprehends nothing, not only by reason of the intricacy of the business, but because the Cli­ent omits many circumstances very necessary to make it understood; for he himself having his head full of its notions, imagines others to be as well instructed: but what is worst of all, the Counsel he demands cannot be to purpose, for the ignorant can give no pertinent resolution; and such as are knowing, will see his Writings and Evidences be­fore they determine any thing. Neither are only such as go to Law alone thus frantick, all whom they frequent have a spice of it, and cannot avoid falling into the like fault; of which I had lately a pleasant experience▪ in an adventure with which I will briefly acquaint you.

One of the mighty Gown Men once expressing an inclination for entering into a near friendship with me, earnestly pressed me to give him a Visit, which I did one Sunday Morning: as soon as he had notice I was there, he sent to desire me to tar­ry a while in his Hall, whilest in another Room he received the solicitations of one of his Friends of Quality. After a long hour he came to me with a great deal of civility, and his first Complement was his sorrow to have made me stay so long: to excuse himself, he told me he had been engaged with a very great Person, that came to recommend to him a business of much discussion, and in which were many considerable Points of Law: after which he began to repeat it to me with all its cir­cumstances [Page 175] and every particular the Party con­cerned had acquainted him with: in this he spent a long hour, and as he concluded the Bell rung to Prayers, and he not having been at Mass, there was a necessity of our separation without farther discourse. Judge now what advantage or satisfa­ction either of us received in this Visit.

After Supper, Charroselles being a Man of Letters, went up to his Closet, where the first thing he did, was to look over his Collection, for he daily writ down all the remarkable Say­ings he heard in company, and afterwards made his advantage of them, by seizing them as his own; sometimes making entire Volumes of them, and otherwhile venting them in other Companies.

He had reaped that day a plentiful harvest, which he will without question fashion into a History, and publish with the first-fruits of his Pen.

He failed not within a while after to visit Col­lantina, and their strange sympathy in wrong­ing their Neighbours, caused them to enter in­to a great friendship, I cannot say, nor corre­spondence, but familiarity as much as you please.

At his first Visit, and immediately after his first Complement, Charroselles was desirous to treat her with the productions of his fertil Brain, and shew her the Catalogue of his Works; but Collantina interrupted him, and would first of all shew him the Breviates of her Suits.

After this he pretended to read to her a Satyr against Lawyers, in which the misery of Cli­ents was set out at large; but she would first of all read an Information against a pretended Gen­tleman that bore a Coat of Arms belonged not to him, and for usurping the quality of Esquire. Perceiving it in vain to expect a long Audience, he presented her a Sonnet, which he told her was a Master-piece in Poetry. Now you talk of Master-pieces, replied she, let me shew you a Conveyance.

He thought he should have better success by producing some little Stanza, in which he said a Lover made a Declaration to his Mistriss. For Declarations, cried she, I have one very well drawn up, and of three hundred Articles not one hath been marked as defective. Not a jot dis­countenanced, he very earnestly besought her to hear him read an Epistle. She instantly an­swered, she understood not Latine, not be­lieving they were any other Epistles than those that are read in Churches before the Gospels; but Charroselles, that he might be better under­stood, told her it was a Letter. For Letters, (replied Collantina) I have of all sorts, and I will shew you some in form of Petitions. When he found it impossible to obtain Audience, he drew a printed Book out of his Pocket, that contained a little Novel, which he presented her, on condition she should read it that night. She would not be ingrateful, and immediately gave him a huge Indenture on the same terms. At last, I know not whether obliged by night, [Page 177] or on some other interruption they parted, as I suppose extreamly satisfied to have plagued each other.

Charroselles being destitute of no b [...]d quality, you may swear was very opiniastre, and there­fore positively resolved to make Collantina hear some of his Works and (since that day had pro­ved so unfortunate) to make use of a Stratagem. He therefore plotted to get her on a sudden to walk out of Town, reasoning this within him­self, reading then some of my pieces, she can­not possibly interrupt me to shew me other pa­pers, because she will not have them about her: but alas! how weak and deceitful is humane fore-sight! when he had gotten her into the plain field, ignorant of his design, and there­fore not likely to have any defensive arms, he offered to read to her an Episode, or small Hi­story, interwoven in a certain Romance▪ which was as he told her full of intricacies. Truly, said Collantina, it must be so indeed, if it abound more with them than one of my Bills; and with that drew from under her Coats a Roll of 55 Sheets of Paper, very closely written, and not as in Countries where Clients pay by the Sheet. I will read it to you, said she, before I give it my Attorney, who is to enter it too morrow; I broughs it purposely to leave it with him as I go home: you that are a Wit may get advantage by it, for it contains matter enough to make a Romance.

Since the Law of Nature have so ordained, that what is weak must give place to what is more strong, it was necessary the Episode [Page 178] should yield to the Chancery Bill, as a Pigmy to a Giant; Charroselles therefore was reduced to a necessity of hearing her, or rather to suf­fer her to read, and the mean time made this reflexion within himself. Am not I the most unfortunate of Mortals, to have so often sweat and waked to compose excellent Pieces, and am yet reduced not only to an impossibility of presenting them to the publick, because the accursed Statio­ners refuse to print them, but also of finding some one that hath the civility to hear them read in pri­vate; I fear I shall at last be compelled to do like those unfortunate Lovers, that recite their Ad­ventures to Woods and Rocks; and after the ex­ample of a venerable Bede, preach to a heap of Stones. Did I yet meet the repulses only of Cri­ticks, that approved nothing but what they write themselves, it were to be borne more easily; but to suffer thus from a vulgar person, not capable of discerning the defects of my Works (could it be supposed they had any) and from whom I ought to expect the highest applauses: this, this is too far beyond all patience.

Collantina all this while read on, and often interrupted our disconsolate Authors sad Medi­tations, pushing him with her Elbow, and say­ing, Do you not admire how well my Attorney hath worded this? You shall see by and by something of the contrary party, and judge how short it comes. She also often asked what he thought of it, and he that had sworn never to commend any thing, and ought himself to be commended that he would not be perjured on this occasion, in the [Page 179] terms of a Pedant, of which he had not a little the humor; told her, I find nothing in it nisi verba & voces.

Collantina became a-dry with so long read­ing, which with the heat of the weather obli­ged this small Pretender to Gallantry to offer her a Collation, of which she accepted. The Cloth was no sooner laid, but the Lady began to poize the Bread in her hand; and to find fault that it was not weight, and threaten to have the Baker punished. This difference, with the thrift of him that gave the Treat, caused them to fare very ill, but the worst was when the reckoning came to be paid, Charroselles argu­ing every particle with the Hoste; in this he was very loud, and at last seconded by Collantina, who resolved to have more than her share in that dispute: she her self therefore took the Counters, and wrangled on every point, even on those that had been already passed by Char­roselles. She said it was not the value of the thing that moved her, but that she would not suffer such exactions; and though we must believe this to be done by others out of avarice, we may allow it in her only to have pleased her self by contesting. But at last Charroselles became liberal by force, got free of this trouble, to the no little displeasure of Collantina, to see him pass by so excellent an occasion of a Suit.

Our poor Author, who got not so much as commendations for all his Charges, sought many other occasions in his Visits to Collantina, of reading something to her, but she ever stood [Page 180] upon her guard: not that she had any aversion for his Works, but because she had so many o­ther Papers to read that pleased her better. One day amongst the rest, after several unsuccessful attempts, he grew so mad, that he resolved to bind her, and put a Gag in her Mouth to be revenged, and preach to her at his leisure; when a new occasion of a Suit interposed.

I know not what wa [...] the subject of their dis­course, when the Lady told him, Now I think on it, I have a request to you, and would borrow a small Piece that is in the Study of your deceased Father. Do you then (said Charroselles) want any Books of War or Knight Errantry, I have the Fortifications of Errart, Fri [...], de Ville, and Marolois, the Engines of John Battista Porta, and Solomon de Caux; the Treatises of Phu­rinel and la Colombiere; by these to perswade her his Father had been a great Soldier. None of these (said she) it is but a Paper that I want. I have divers, said he, and some very curious, all that was written during the League, and against the Government, Le Divorce Satirique, La Ruelle mal assortie, La Confession de Sonci, and many other. Neither any of these (replied Collantina) but the Copy of a certain Sentence, which will be a good President in one of my Suits; and as I have been told▪ was pronounced in a Cause to which your Father was Attorney. Do you speak this (said Charroselles) to affront me? Do you not know that I am a Gentleman? That I have Fi [...] thousand Livres a year, a Coach, two [...] and a Valet de Chambre, and can [...] [Page 181] me to be the Son of an Attorney? What if I should (said Collantina) I conceive it not any in­jury, for I take an Attorney to be every jot as good as a Gentleman. I have a hundred reasons for this, one especially, very decisive to the advantage of Attorneys; for the richest Gentleman could never yet undo the poorest Attorney; and there is no At­torney so poor but hath undon many rich Gentleman. Without giving him time to interrupt her, she that admirably understood the Hall and all that related to it, to make appear she talked not at random, named the Solicitor and Serjeants he employed, the Clerks that had lived with him, and Tipling House where he used to drink his Mornings Draught, with so many other particu­lars, that Charroselles convinced and confound­ed at this reproach, knew not to what to have recourse, but to his impudence, and bravely maintained all to be false.

It seems then, said Collantina, I have lied, and in that very instant blows on the face were reciprocally and respectively given. She struck first, and cried out Murther first, and though she got the fewest blows, complained the loudest, Poor Charroselles was only on the defensive, and though he was not at all restrained by re­spect of the Sex (for he had not any either for Sex or Age) the advantage was not on his side; for he had not been used to cuff but bite. But it was pleasant above all the rest, that amongst the Neighbours that came in to part them, was the Brother of Collantina, that had inherited the Office of Serjeant. Though he loved her very [Page 182] well, he would not concern himself to part the Combatants, who embraced each other not a jot amorously; but charging those that came in to bear witness, began to write what passed, and the faster they fought, the faster he writ. Our unfortunate Author was at last fain to take to his heels, all the Neighbourhood falling upon him, and reducing him to as sad a condition as a Bird without feathers. When the Serjeant would have sent for a Constable, his Sister was very angry, bidding him meddle with his busi­ness, that she was well enough versed in Law to understand how to undo her adversary, and that she would reserve to her self alone the ho­nour of beginning and carrying on the action of Battery.

Going before a Justice, she in an instant gave in whole Volumes of Informations, and then was most evidently made out the saying of a cer­tain Spanish Author, That nothing grows so fast, nor so much, as a Crime under the Pen of a Justi­ces Clerk. She quickly got a Warrant for his Commitment, and because she had no wounds, rubbed her Armes with Black-lead, and after­wards caused a Surgeon to lay on a Plaister, giving in evidence of certain knotty Contusions, which obtained two Sentences of Eighty Livres damages each of them.

Charroselles, that had nothing in him of a Pleader, but that which served him to inveigh against certain Authors, to avoid going to pri­son, was fain to absent himself some dayes, and lie concealed at a friends house in the Countrey; [Page 183] where his only consolation was to discharge his Choler upon Paper, and fence with the Arms of his Profession: he therefore wrote a Satyr a­gainst Collantina, and the flowing of his Gall extended to all her Sex. He searched his Com­mon Places for all that is severe to Women, and at last formed a Catalogue of all the bad Wo­men of ancient times, comparing them to his adversary, and to her alone imputing all their Crimes. He painted her much more horrible than Megera, Alecto, or Tysiphon. But in the highest raving of his invective, he called to mind that all would be lost, because the Statio­ners would no more print this Work, than many others of his they had refused; he there­fore resolved, that he might no longer write to no purpose, to advise with them before he be­gan. In this he pretended to imitate many Au­thors the Stationers Pensioners, that eat their Corn in the Blade; I mean, that agree for a Book, when they have nothing of it done but the Title, and the price of it being advanced by them, go to the Tavern and spend it, where they also compose with a flying Pen, and that so long, till the Stationers are sometimes fain to redeem them; the reckoning amounting higher than the price of the Work.

He writ to all that he knew, sending them the design of the intended Piece; desiring to know if they would print it: but the Stationers, still sick of their bad success, sent him word flat and plain, that they would print nothing of his, till he had recompenced their former losses; [Page 184] this put him in such a rage, that he had torn all he had written, had not his paternal affection prevented [...]; it yet made him give over his design: but his fury against Collantina not at all allayed, he resolved of [...]me lesser invective a­gainst [...]r, which he would distribute in manu­scri [...] [...]mongst his acquaintance; but because Prose could not handsomely be confined within narrow limits▪ he attempted Verses, though with so strange an aversion for Poetry, that in the utmost endeavor of his whole life, he could never handsomly couple a pair of Rhimes: but his passion at last mounted so high it became Po­etick Fury; and as of old the Son of Croesus born dumb, by a violent emotion, to advertise his Father his life was in danger, got his Tongue at liberty; so Charroselles transported by rage ag [...]inst Collantina, in despight of his incapacity for Verse, made this Epigram against her:

Though this be a pitiful Epigram, it may pass from a man that made his first Essay, and he sent it to all his friends; but it was lucky for him it came not into Collantina's hands: for she would certainly have entred an action, on accompt of a Defamatory Libel. Well by this he thought [Page 185] himself sufficiently [...]evenged (poetically you must understand) for every man hath his pecu­liar way of vengeance: Authors by Verses, Scrivenors by Parchments, and Lawyers by Vexatious Informations. A while after Charro­selles (I know not by what good fortune) grew acquainted with an Attorney of the Kings Bench, famous in his P [...]of [...]ssion, a worthy Antagonist of Collantina and her Brother the Serjeant, and able to make head against them both. This man fitted him with another sort of revenge of his mode. He entred an Action of Battery, and brought in as Witnesses Charro­selles two Lackeys, their names and qualities disguised, and in other habit [...] [...] found also a Surgeon that made a report to his purpose, and in an inferiour Court obtained a Sentence that gave great damages, out of jealousie of its ju­risdiction; so that the Serjeant who was com­prehended in them as well as his Sister, was fain a while to absent himself: but after many Querks of Law they were all dismist without any dama­ges or reparations; sharing the blows and charges amongst them.

Now Reader it is fit for thee to understand, that it was written in the Book of Fate, or at least in the obstinate Brain of Collantina, as little subject to change, that she should never be married, unless to a man that had gotten the better of her in a Law Suit; as Atalanta would yield to no Lover that had not first out­run her: and though Cbarroselles had not an entire Victory, yet it happened here as in those [Page 186] antient Combats of Knights Errant, which cea­sed after reciprocal testimonies of Courage, without an entire defeat on either side; so that we shall not see that aversion which usually fol­lows Law-Suits; this having served to reunite and give them reciprocal esteem for each other. Collantina, especially, who thought her self in­vincible in this manner of Combat, admired the Hero that had held her play, and began to think him worthy of her; but see here a Rival or rather another Pleader, comes in to part them.

I must not omit the description of a Person so extraordinary, He was one that by the secret disposal of Providence unknown to men, had obtained a considerable Place of Judica­ture.

To let you understand his Capacity, know he was born in Perigort, a younger Brother (if his word might be taken) of an antient Family, that had admirably subsisted, and caused to subsist very long the Thatched Roof of its Hereditary Cottage.

Poverty rather than Courage, made him a Soldier, and blind fortune afterwards raised him to be a Trooper, and brought him to Paris, mounted (as skilful and inquisitive Naturalists as­sure us) on a Horse, but such as considered on­ly his height, making, and spirit, took him for a poor Ass. The first Market-day he was sold to a Gardener for Twenty Crowns, which was very lucky; for else worse than Saturn that devours his Children, he must have eaten his [Page 187] own Head. The Lackey that followed this Horse (for Lackey I must call him) was ve­ry suitable to his height and merit; he was a bearded Pigmy, famous at tripping up heels, and sticking pins in buttocks, and in a word, malicious enough to have been a Page, had he been born a Gentleman; ever supposing Gentry necessary to those Gallants. His tempe­rance was very remarkable, out-doing those that fast with Bread and Water, for he lived on Water and Acorns. If the Proverb, Like Man, like Master, be to be justified; you may fancy (most Courteous Reader, methinks it is a long while since I apostrophised) the Master whose Character you questionless expect, I give you, and you shall have at least some slight touches.

He was as ugly as one would wish, if it be so that ugliness can be wished for; but I am not the first that hath used this manner of expres­sion: His mouth was wide, a sign he loved to talk to his own Ears, that were likewise large, certain testimonies of the excellency of his wit; his Teeth were alternatively placed in his Gums, like Battlements on the Walls of an old Castle, his Tongue was thick and dry like a Neats-Tongue, and no less smoked, by the daily va­por of a dozen Pipes of Tobaco; his Eyes were little, dull, and hollow; his Nose and Fore­head very prominent; his Hair Black and Swea­ty; his Beard Red and dry; one of his Shoul­ders commanded the other, as a Mountain does a little Hill; and his Statute was as short as his [Page 188] Understanding. In a word, his Physiognomy had all bad qualities, unless to bely him. Vali­ant he must needs be said to be from Head to Foot, and this he especially manifested by his Heels and Jaws. Ill fortune followed him so close in the Army, that in twenty Campania's he got not so much as had been left him by his Father (to express less is impossible) so that he was forced to seek a subsistance at Paris, that proved his best Winter Quarter.

His mind was very worthy his Body, and though it appeared not in its lustre, unless on the Bench, some sparks of it yet may discover his Character. He enquired what the Brazen Horse on the New Bridge was made of, and they which perceived his simplicity, perswaded him, that Fisher-men came in the night to steal hairs out of its tail to make Lines to angle with. A Friar one day speaking of the Holy Inquisition, he said, It was a great mistake to call it holy, it having no day in the Almanack. Walking once in the Thuilleries, some of the Company won­dring why that Garden was called so, he told them that in former times there had been a King of France called Tuile, that gave it his Name; was not this to be very knowing in the History of his Countrey? Yet I believe he had as much reason as that other Etymologist, that derived Salade from Saladin. He was so skill­ful in forain Governments, that he used to say, The Dog of Venice and Sapire of Persia, instead of the Doge and Sophie.

His Apothegms would be many, were a Col­liction made of them, and might serve for a Supplement to the Book of Sieur Gaulard, ha­ving much of the same Genius. Notwithstand­ing these ridiculous qualities both of Mind and Body, Fortune elevated this Monky to sit on the Bench, as Mountebanks do by the like Ani­mals to make the People sport; and he became a Justice, which degree, that would have been an honour to another, was the shame of Belastre; for so this ridiculous Magistrate was called. He acquired his Commission by recommendation of one of quality, to whom he was little known. There is nothing of which great Persons are so prodigal as of recommendations, since they can no wayes more easily recompence real ser­vices, than by words and complements: but nothing having been here merited, and some body informing of the small capacity of the pre­tender, sufficiently discovered by his Physiogno­my, all had been spoiled, had he not inveigled a Widdow, who thought it no small honour to marry a Magistrate, and was so mad for a Hus­band she would have sought one in the East-Indies; this Woman also engaged her Mother a great Doctress, famous for her Intrigues and Posted Papers. Her Prate more than Skill had acquired her Reputation for curing certain Diseases of the Scrotum, and amongst others she drest or rather cheated a Judges Son, whom her false reputation had gotten under her cure. This Judge was very eminent, and had no other weakness, but to be too much swayed by his [Page 190] Children, by whom he was insatuated. Bela­stre's Wife therefore besought her Mother, the Mother her Patient, the Patient his Father, who thus surprized, signed a Certificate in favor of Belastre, without ever reading it: by this he attested him to be a Gentleman, and of good life; nay one article said something of his abili­ty: after this it was easie for him to obtain ma­ny more Certificates, all men erring by exam­ple, and as in a Dance following him that leads. After so many authentick testimonies, he could not chuse but take, though he became after­wards as famous for ignorance as others have been for knowledge.

He gave outt, hat providence above had mira­culously advanced him, and the Parson of the Parish was not wanting to publish this in his Ser­mons, deceived by his pretended zeal.

He sometimes endeavoured to justifie himself by the example of a Butcher of Lions, chosen Sheriff, who when the Governour of the Town admired how he could perform it, not knowing how to write and read, answered, Well though I cannot read and write, I can score.

One testimony of his excellent capacity, which he gave before he was made a Justice, must not be omitted; he was one day walking in the great Hall amongst Officers of the Army that bought Books, and he, that he might not be singular, willing to do the like, asked the Stati­oner for one; who desired to know what Book he sought, whether in Folio or Quarto. Be­lastre ignorant of those terms of Art, had not [Page 191] known what to have said, had not some body pointed to a Volume; he then answered he would have a great Book; the Stationer asked, whether of History, Philosophy, or some other Science? Belastre replied, that was not very material, only he had occasion for a Book. But (persisted the Stationer) that you may not lay out your Money in vain, tell me to what purpose you would make use of it. Belastre presently replied, To press my Bands. He understood so little his place, that one citing the Law of the Twelve Tables, he cried out, O what good House-keep­ers were the Romans!

Such was the Genius of this Personage, and his very Meen did not a little divert all that knew him; extreamly pleased not only in consi­dering his Cloaths but comportment. He walk­ed the Streets with the state and gravity of a Welsh Judge, and when he was upon the Bench, had usually his Clerk very near to prompt him. He was a most worthy subject of satyr and pub­lick raillery, but that was not his greatest mis­fortune, for he could make a better shift against the girds of Authors, than against the Actions of Collantina, who very unluckily for him had a Cause determined before him, importing on­ly 10 Groats; in which not obtaining satisfacti­on, she threatned him on the very Bench, and at last found out something owing by him to one of her relations. Though she had no interest in the affair, she put her self at the head of those that prosecuted him but faintly, because of his Office, with so many tricks and devices as con­founded [Page 192] the poor man, that quickly saw two un­just Sentences given against him.

She was perfect in the skill of such Generals as carry the War into other Countreys, and make their Troops subsist there; for Belastre's Adversaries and Creditors paid her Contributi­on, and his Friends much more; for she could serve on either side as readily as Switzers, and her fidelity still ceased with her Pension: but a Suit of five years dependance, made ignorant Belastre so expert, that he became as famous a common Barretter as any in France, which Trade he could not fail of learning in Collanti­na's School. By often frequenting Attorneys and Advocates, he learned some Terms of Law, and by that time he knew a dozen, thought him­self Master of the whole Intrigue: it happened on this accompt to him, as I have often observed it to do to many others; for be it Gentleman or Yeoman that once takes to Law, they find a sweetness in it, that draws them on as long as life or fortune supports them: so that these prove the most dangerous adversaries; whereas they which understand the Trade, are the back­wardest to plead; and forwardest to agree. He sometimes got the better of Collantina, for like the Parthians he fought retiring, which does very well with Defendants, and such as are in possession of the thing contested; and she was fain to lay down all Charges by advance, which she could not alwayes do, because her Contri­butions failed, though her patience was invin­cible. [Page 193] Notwithstanding all animosities, Bela­stre now and then visited her, some thought in order to an agreement, but they which knew her, knew also she was a great enemy to Treaties, and that to speak to her of peace, was to encourage war. He indeed pre­tended the exercice of that Christian Vertue that commands to love our enemies, for though his conscience reproached him with the unjust possession of other mens goods, he seemed very devout, two contrarieties that have of late very often agreed in one and the same subject.

As for Collantina, had she avoided all Visits but of her friends, she must have lived in a per­petual solitude; she was therefore necessitated to receive the little agreeable applications of this adversary: and fortune, that endeavored all means of making him ridiculous, smote him with the love of this person, whom he must needs have adored without a Rival, had it not been for the obstinacy of Charroselles, who went on the more zealously, not so much out of affection, as in spight of this new Inamo­rado.

I shall not break the Rule I have prescribed to myself, neither to steal, nor repeat those things that are found in Romances over and over, though, I report the declaration of love made by Belastre to Collantina, because it is very ex­traordinary, neither, in how many Visits he a­gain reiterated what he had so often told her. Madam, I come hither in pursuit of your love, [Page 194] not to seek truce or peace. On the latter account you would not be at all welcome (Mr. Justice) cried Collantina. But, to make appear to you (continued Belastre) that I will obey the Scripture, which oblieges us to love our enemies; having no body that is more so, than you, I must love you more than all others. Good Mr. Justice (replied Collantina) you ought not to call me your enemy, but adverse party; and, if you can be contented that we may ever go to Law, we shall be ever friends. I must acknowledge that some small thought of re­venge made me begin this Suit, but I continue it only out of a natural affection to Law; and am in some sort obliged to you, for this occasion of vi­siting the Papers I neglected; where I found so fer­til grounds for a Suit, that hath so well improved under my hands. For my part (said Belastre) I must confess that this Suit, at first, very much af­flicted me, but now that I have learned the quirks of Law, thanks to you and heaven, I am highly pleased in it, and find we sympathzie, our incli­nations being equal. All that I am troubled at, is that my difference is not against some other person, being so much inclined to all that pleases you, that I would gladly acknowledge a Judgement to you. Have a care of that (good Mr. Justice, said Collantina hastily) for your best way of pleasing me, is to hold out against me to all extremity. We will begin at the lowest Court, and from thence appeal to higher, till we come to the Kings-Bench. I am like Gentlemen that fight, and hold him that acknowledges a Judgement, or that does not plead, Non est factum, to be as infamous as he that in a [Page 195] Duel begs his life at the first sight of his blood. I confess this manner of proceeding is new, and may be surprizing, but they which wonder at it, may seek its causes in fate, that hath endowed me after a very extraordinary manner. Well then (said Belastre) since I may sue you without displeasing you, I will bring an Indictment against your eyes, that have committed Murther and Rape, and doubt not of their condemnation with all costs and damages. Now (replied Collantina) you speak elegantly of Love, and please me better than a cer­tain Author that often importunes me, and talks out of Ovids Metamorphosis. But tell me, Mr. Justice, how come you by all this? since you are reported to be perfectly ignorant in your Charge. I know a great deal more, said Belastre, for my Commission so inspires me, that my Brother in-law tells me he can hardly know me, and that I have the very Genius of Magistracy. This is a word I do not well understand, but I assure you that many times I determine business better than I expected; witness a Warrant I once was sur­prized in signing, which though point-blank con­trary to what I intended, was confirmed by the Court. Observe how heaven seconds those it inspires, and be­lieve no longer those Calumniators that call me ig­norant. Truly, Mr. Justice, said Collantina, you are not the first that hath been famous in our Laws, without Greek, Latin, or any other good Letters, take courage, and assure your self you will learn more by pleading against me, than if you had studied seven years in the Inns of Court.

An Attorneys Clerk entred, as she spake this, whose quality being so considerable to her, that to entertain him, she would have broken off discourse with a King; she quitted Belastre to caress and question this little Bag-carrier, Whether he had taken out such an Or­der? Whether entred such an Action? with the general state of all her affairs; and this lasted so long, that Belastre, otherwise very patient, was fain to quit her without bidding adieu.

As soon as he came home, finding he had been so happy by two or three terms of Law to have pleased Collantina, he set himself to write an amorous Letter in that Stile, neither did he believe any other could be more charming or a­greeable; for usually we most esteem the things we lateliest learned: and certainly there could not be found a more Modern Practitioner. The subject of this he took from an imprisonment imposed upon him by an Order Collantina had procured for recovery of a Fine. He sought in the Terms of the Law, which lay constantly on his Table, for the most extravagant and barba­rous words, as School-boys make use of Tex­tor's Epithites, and having composed a Letter ve­ry little worth, and as little intelligible, had re­course to his Clerk, who expunging almost all, renued it in the following terms.

Having finished this Letter, he looked on the stile as admirable, applauding himself as if it had been his own composition, because he had put in two or three terms of Law, which gave his Clerk hints of drawing it up; and as soon as he had written it over fair, sent it to Collantina. I cannot precisely tell you what impression this made on her thoughts, since there was no spie to give relation, a great mis­fortune, and very extraordinary: for at the reception of such a Letter there ought, according to rule, to have been some body that observed all words and changes of countenance, most sin­cere testimonies of Ladies thoughts; and that discover them sometimes very indiscreetly. But there happened a greater misfortune, that the Answer (for she hath since acknowledged that she answered) was lost, because having no Lackey, she put her Letter in one of the Boxes for the receipt of Post-Letters, with two-pence, the immediate cause of most unhappy influen­ces on all Letters that are paid for before­hand.

If we may yet make conjectures on the suc­cess of this Letter, the stile was very pleasing to Collantina, as extreamly sutable to her Ge­nius; augmenting her esteem for Belastre, and causing her to judge him worthy of a more smart prosecution, which she indeed performed: for she changed the old Proverb, That they which love well, correct well; to, They which love well, prosecute well. Belastre for his part pressed on, [Page 199] omitting no occasion of complementing and courting Collantina, I mean without prejudice of his rights and pretences. He sent her the best that was to be had at Bakers and Victual­lers, presents that accrued to the Exercrise of his Function. He caused place to be made for her at the Sessions and Executions, and at last apeing Gallants, who (whethet Poets or not) suppose they cannot make love without ma­king Verses, being extreamly addicted to Formalities, would not neglect one that is thought essential; but not being so foolish on the sudden as to go about to make them on his own head, nor knowing how else to come by them, not having right expresly to command any to make them for him, nor where­withal to buy them; (these being Priviledges that belong only to great and wealthy persons) he found a middle expedient, to take out of some printed Book, those he thought fittest for his purpose, a litttle disfiguring them, that they might pass for his own more securely; and be­cause his theft would be the more discoverable, if he made it upon any of those Modern Au­thors are daily read by every body, he was care­ful to seek out the ancientest Poets that could be found: Guess now by what he judged whether an Author were Ancient or Modern; for he nei­ther knew the time they lived in, nor yet their Stile or Name: he therefore went to the New-Bridge, amongst the Sellers of Old Books, and there chose such as he found most greasie and dogs-ear'd; supposing them of greatest antiquity.

There he one day lit on a Theophile with all those marks, and bought it at twice what it was worth, thinking he had made an excellent Bar­gain, and cheated the Stationer. After tum­bling it up and down, he drew some extracts from it, which if they related to love, he with­out farther consideration took to be admirable; some of these he sent to Collantina, after he had corrected and ordered them at his pleasure; that is, corrupted and spoiled them. He that carried them, was commanded to say he saw them made on a sudden, and that Belastre had not time to pollish them.

Though Collantina understood nothing at all of Poetry, she yet put a high esteem on those he sent her; not as good or yet as bad, but because made for her sake: for such women, be they never so foolish and ignorant, are more e­levated by these, than Persons of Quality, that are wont to receive them: she therefore shewed them as great rarites to all that visited her, even from her Attorney to her Laundress; but she expected that Charroselles should prove their greatest admirer. As soon as she saw him, she ran with them in her hand to meet him (who immediately became pale, as fearing a Sub-poena) and suddenly cried, Could you have imagined Verses should have been made in my commendati­ons? look here, though you that make Books never had the wit to write any thing for me.

Charroselles muttered between his teeth a kind of Complement it would have been hard to de­cipher, and received the Papers trembling; [Page 201] apprehending to suffer more in reading these Verses, than had they contained Law French in Court-hand. He immediately fore-saw it would cost him commendations, constantly ex­acted by all that present their Verses to be read, and this was to him an insupportable punish­ment; but he came off better cheap, for as soon as he cast his eyes upon them, he discovered the theft, and told Collantina they were Theophile's, and that they fooled her, that went about to per­swade her they were made expresly for her; and for conviction brought her the printed Book, which Collantina received with a great deal of joy; not faling to affront poor Belastre the next time he came to see her: telling him as soon as he entred, that she had gotten a defini­tive Sentence she would produce against him. Belastre, that no more doubted of being disco­vered, than if he had robbed amongst the An­tipodes, thought she spoke of her Suit; and an­swered he would move for an Appeal: but Col­lantina to disabuse him, told him she spoke of the Verses he had sent her; and added, Truly Sir, you have reason to say that Verses cost no pains, since you find them ready made. Belastre, that expected infinite thanks, was strangely sur­prized at this raillery; yet no less confident than a Knight of the Post, desperately swore he made them expresly for her. But what will you lay, (replied Collantina) that I do not shew you them printed in this Book? All that you please (said Belastre) who observing the Book she had in her hand was new bound, never doubted it [Page 202] could be the same with his own, which he took to be very old. A Wager having been made for a Collation, the Book was opened in the place of the theft, marked by a great turning down the leaf: which no less surprized Belastre, than had his Confession been divulged. He en­quired then the Name of him that could disco­ver so great a secret, and being told it was his Rival, accused him of Magick; he really thought it must be either a Witch or Devil, that could discover a thing so much concealed: for (argued he) either this man hath read all the Books in the world, and can say them by heart; or he cannot have seen mine, which is the oldest that can be found. A little after this ridiculous rea­soning (common enough among the ignorant) having paid his Wager, he took leave; and to be revenged on his Rival, went to Council to know how to draw up a Bill of Indictment a­gainst a Conjurer. They told him he must first of all have a witness. Well, said he, where may I find one, I will send my Constables to fetch him? This made all that were present laugh, but he added in choler, Why are not Witnesses Officers, they shall do their duty, or I will lay them by the heels? The laughter was redoubled, and Belastre persisting, said, Do you think I am so ignorant, to believe that in France, where the Government is exact, and Officers so abundant, I shall want such as are necessary towards indicting a Conjurer? but for all his choler, he was fain to defer his revenge to another occasion.

That he might for the time to come avoid the like affront, and repair that he had received, he resolved (cost what it would) to make some Verses on his own head; which as soon as he had once attempted, he thought it impossible not to make them; this is a Disease may very fitly be compared to the Gout or Gravel, of which whoever hath one fit, is never free all the rest of his life. He was very much troubled to discover what were their materials, and ha­ving tumbled over many Books, chance brought before him a certain passage, where a certain Poet admired how he came to make so good Verses, having never drunk of Hipocrene; the resemblance of the Name made him take this for Hipocras, and sent to the Tavern to bespeak some Hipocras to make Verses with, and was laughed at for his labour; but he added, If you have none, make it purposely for me, and I will pay you though it cost a Crown a Pint. Ano­ther time, having read that towards making ex­cellent Verses it was necessary to be in fury, to tear ones Hairs and bite ones Nails, he practised this very exactly. He gnawed his Nails till he fetched Blood, pulled of his Hair till he was al­most bald, and put himself into such a Choler, (for he understood no other fury) that his young Clerks became great Sufferers, and long carried the Marks of his Poetical Vein on their Shoul­ders. At last he had recourse to his Head-Clerk, who also dabbled in Poetry and made Verses (wretched ones you may imagine) and a little before had caused a Pastoral of his com­posing [Page 204] to be acted in his Chamber, on a Stage made of Boards and Barrel Heads, adorned with his Bed Curtains and two pieces of striped Stuff. Th [...]s man taught him how to scan Ver­ses on his Fingers, which he before measured with a Pair of Compasses; for he could not con­ceive that any thing more went to making Ver­ses, than to draw words into files, as he had seen soldiers placed at Countrey Trainings.

This brave Tutor also told him there were Rimes Masculine and Feminine, at which Be­lastre exclaimed with admiration do Verses then ingender like Animals? At last after some Moneths Apprentiship, and scribbling as much Paper as a scrupulous Maker of Anagrams, he framed three Coplets, not without as much sweating as one that had played four sets of six at Tennice.

He had also heard that to make good Verses, one must get the favour of the Muses; to whom all great Poets applied themselves, and marked four lines of Virgil, which his Clerk said were the invocation of the Aeneids, and having con­ned them, recited them still as devout Oraisons, every time he went to work. Having (as he imagined) so good success in his design, after a hundred applauses to himself (for the most ig­norant are still the most satisfied in their own productions) he went with this Master-piece in his Pocket to visit Collantina, where he entred with a strange confidence to efface his late af­front; crying, I defie you to prove these Verses stollen, for all the Books in the World have no­nothing [Page 205] like them; not that I care for pretending my self an Author or a Wit, but to let you see that when I have a mind to it, I can make Verses like a Gentleman.

Charroselles was come in a little before very un­fortunately for him, and hearing him name these Verses trouble some to all knowing Persons, ne­ver considering whether he had a rational Anta­gonist immediately cried out, What do you mean by making Verses like a Gentleman? such wretched as tire all the world? Belastre ventured to reply, he meant Verses made by Gentlemen out of Gallantry alone, without understanding the Rules of Poetry, or ever having read, or made it their Profession, Why the Devil do they med­dle in it, if it be not their profession? said Charro­selles (something in heat) Will any body excuse a Mason that makes a bad Kettle? or a Smith a bad Slipper? because they belong not to their Professi­on? Would not all the world laugh to see a Lawyer that makes no Profession of Courage, go on to the assault of a Breach, and there shew himself a Coward? I have no less contempt for Gentlemen, that pretending to acquire esteem amongst Ladies, neglect Arms, Tiltings, and Riding the Great Horse, and affect to be thought Wits or Poets; yet millions of wretched Verses pass under this specious Title of En Cavalier, that justle away all the good and take their places. How many Ladies are there that slight passionate and excellent Poems, made by some man of parts with all imaginable in­dustry, and admire the trumpery of a Pen no smoother than that of Erra Pater or Nostred [...]mus. [Page 206] O Muses! if it be so that your assistance is neces­sary to Lovers, why suffer you those that dawbe and disfigure you, to be favored by your Medita­tions and your dearest Children to be ordinarily slighted?

This Enthusiasme had extreamly transported Charroselles, for his invectives were ever long, (though he had no great interest in this, seldom making any Verses) had not Collantines impa­tience interrupted him; saying aloud, Without more preambles let us see the Verses you talk of, be they good or bad, since made in my praise, they must needs please me. Belastre would not wait for a second intreaty, nor defer the applauses he ex­pected; he therefore read such Verses as I am ashamed to insert here with the same gravity he used to give order for a Mittimus.

In my opinion, said Charroselles, these Verses have more of the Pettifogger than the Gentleman, I am sure they have nothing of the Physician; for none of them will displace the Megrim, which is a disease of the Head, to reduce it to the Heart: but go on,

Your first, said Charroselles, is a kind of a Welsh Rime, which you may mend by being a lit­tle bold with the pronunciation of heart and hard; but one of the next Verses is too long. That, said Belastre, may easily be remedied; for writing the letters of the long Verse a little closer, and of the short ones wider, they may be made equal. I should never have thought of this, said Charro­selles, and all the help I could have imagined, had been by the Syncope of the Ancients. Is not Syn­cope a Disease, cried Belastre, what hath it to do with Verses?

Charroselles admired all, and was strangely surprized, when he perceived the Author, though so bad a Poet, was yet better grounded in rime than reason; and made more solecisms than limping Verses. He wondred at his sim­plicity, and asked whether he had ever made a­ny before. Belastre, told him many, which he had not had leisure to write fair. Charroselles said, This then is but a fragment. Belastre replied, I know not, but pray tell me how many Verses go to a fragment? The laughter at this was greater than ever, which was no sooner o­ver, than Belastre greedy of the reward of his labour, asked what they thought of his Verses, or (to speak more properly) exacted their ap­probation. Charroselles told him, Truly Sir, your Verses are on the Greek fashion, which admit­ted many Poetical Licences, and I take you to be more than a Doctor; for I have sometimes heard, that a Bachelor is one that learns, and a Doctor that forgets; now, you that have forget all, are some­somthing [Page 208] above it. But to return to your Verses, they are very extraordinary, I never saw any like them; and I doubt not but you will write in­comparably, if you have often such rhapsodies. Ha, said Belastre, I would gladly know the Rules of a Rhapsody, is it possible that I have made one by chance?

Charroselles smiling at this, insensibly took occasion of declaiming against all the Authors he knew; so that there was not any good or bad but passed under his censure, without consider­ing whether he spoke to persons capable of that entertainment. But I will purposely omit all, he said, for to repeat the detractions of others, is little less than detraction.

The conclusion was, that Collantina, who had long been silent, whilest he talked of these Authors, of which she knew not one, resol­ved at last, whatever came on it, to speak of Verses, and said, For my part, I think no Ver­ses better than those of the misery of Clerks that write for two pence a sheet; the conceits are good, and the subject very pleasant. If Clerks, said Charroselles, be as wretched as those Verses, I pity them; yet they deserve it not alone, Solicitors deserve part, and Clients a great deal more; and indeed, all that are concerned in that accursed My­stery. Why say you so, quoth Collantina, Yeo­men and Tradesmens Sons, that are once admitted into the Inns-a-Court, and perhaps maintain themselves there seven year on the score, quicky after possess themselves of fair Houses and Land, on which they get Judgments with inconsiderable [Page 209] charges, and all that while live splendidly, unless prevented by avarice rather than poverty. I que­stion not (replied Charroselles) but their gain is great, but doubt extreamly whether it be honest, besides that, it is a sad employment to be alwayes poring on Papers of so displeasing a stile, and to raise all ones fortunes on the ruin and blood of poor people. Let those poor people [...]ok to that (said Collantina) why, if poor, do they go to Law, unless well grounded? Grounded or not grounded (repli­ed Charroselles) all are alike ruined: witness an Emblem I once saw of the Law, where he that had lost his cause was stark naked, he that won it, had indeed a Coat on, but so torn and thred-bare, it might have been taken for a Net; the Councellors and Attorneys had three or four Coats one over an­other.

You are very bold (said Belastre angrily) thus to cry down our Profession, had I a Constable here, I would lay you by the heels. I cry it down (said Charroselles) less than Attorneys and Advocates themselves; because they never plead on their own occasion, no more than Physicians take Physick. One of my Friends this very Morning told me that he never had but one Law Suit, of which he got the better with costs and damages; but he found at last by woful experience, that if he had at first abandoned the debt he sued for, it had been a great deal better for him.

This was his Case, A hundred Pistols were owing him by a bad Debtor, Proprietor of a House worth about Four hundred; he put his Mortgage into an Atterneys hand, who having an Antagonist [Page 210] as very a Knave as himself, so well bandied the business between them, that the Suit at last cost Fifty Pistols more than the House was worth.

He made me a particular complaint on his Bill of Charges, which much troubled him, and seemed very ridiculous; for one Order was reckoned for five or six times: for a Breviate, for Council, for an Assignation, for a Copy of it, for presenting it, &c. which made him imagine himself in the Italian Play-house, where Scaramouchio acting an Host, reckoned first for his Capon, then for him that fed it, then for him that cut it, then for him that larded it, for Wood, Fire, Spit, &c. Truly, said Collantina, these things can be no o­therwise, since it is the ancient Custom that they should be thus.

Charroselles then (who had been forced to learn the Art of Pleading to his cost in his Suit against Collantina) said, Will you not therefore grant that pleading is a cursed employment? Since Clients are customarily exposed to so many cheats? You ought to distinguish, said the Lady, such in­deed as plead out of necessity, and are obliged to be Defendants, are usually poor and come a great way off, but with voluntary Pleaders, who attacque out of Gallantry it is not so; for these are redoubt­able to all manner of persons, and can plague them all, which you cannot but allow me to be the great­est pleasure in the world, and that with a Bill one may do more mischief than with a Satyr. Their adverse parties are still fain to redeem themselves from their vexations with money, or abandoning part of what is contested; so that how bad soever [Page 211] their cause be, if they can but spin it out in length, they get by it.

Your speaking of those that take pleasure in pleading (interrupted Charroselles) puts me in mind of a rancounter I had the other day at the Hall. I met there a Countrey Gentleman that having given a Box on the Ear to an Attorney one of his Neighbours, was terribly prosecuted, and at last condemned in great costs and damages; I heard one of his Countreymen say, Well Battista, so it seems this Cudgel-Attorney was called, thou hast lost thy Suit. What then, said he, I can have another when I please. The laughter caused by this, made some enquire the grounds of the Suit, and at last grant that nothing was more easie than to obtain such Suits; but that it was not the way to grow rich.

I speak not of such kind of Suits (then said Collantina) God bless us from them, nothing is so dangerous as to be Defendant in Criminal Af­fairs; but I mean such litigious ones as may be bought good cheap of necessitous and ignorant per­sons; by this Trade I have long subsisted, and complain not. I have already undone by it seven good Yeomen and four Families of substantial Citizens, besides that, I have three Gentlemen now in my clutches, and doubt not but by divine assistance to reduce them all to beggery. Collantina then be­gan to relate her exploits as well in gross as parti­cular, and had not so soon given over without Belastre's interruption; who said, Without going a­ny farther you have given me sufficient proofs of your skill, and have been long vexations to me on a [Page 212] pretence on which there is not a farthing due. How (cried Collantina in choler) do you owe me no­thing? Have you the impudence to justifie this? I shall make you see the contrary, and refer my self to this Gentleman, pointing to Charrosel­les: they then both of them attempted to re­late the several Suits they had against each o­ther before Charroselles; as if he had been their competent Judge: and both talked at one and the same time, pleaded, argued, and contested; neither of them giving ear to the other.

It is very usual with Clients to make the first man they meet their Judge, to plead their Cause before him, and take his opinion, yet not definitive; so that though I had extended this interposed Story a great deal farther, I had done no wrong to probability; but it would have been pleasant only to the Auditors, and not a jot so to the relator. They had scarcely agreed who should speak first (for this point was long deba­ted) when some body knocked at the door, which proved Belastre's Clerk; who came to him to Collantina's, knowing he was there, to get him to sign the Copy of an Inventory he had newly taken; besides which, he had under his arms a large green Bag of many Papers specified in the Inventory, and deposited in the Office to secure the Fees of the Officers. His arrival made a truce between the two pleading parties, and after a short private Audience of Belastre, this Clark called Volaterran, gave the Inventory to be signed by this Venerable Magistrate. Charroselles that had an Oar in every bodys [Page 213] Boat, was curious to see it, and stooping down on pretence of one of his Gloves, read this Inscription endorsed upon it, Mithophilact's Inventory. How, cried he out, Is poor Mitho­philacte dead? he that hath been so famous in Pa­ris, as well for his manner of living as his Works? I am confident he hath left many Curiosities behind him. If you have a mind to see them, said the Clerk very civilly (contrary to the Custom of such Cattle) this Inventory I have drawn up is very exact. You could not do me a greater pleasure (said Charroselles.) Nor me, added Collantina. Belastre was also willing to hear read a piece he was to sign, thinking it might in some sort re­commend him to Collantina, so that he not only praised their curiosity, but by vertue of his au­thority over the Clerk, commanded him to give them satisfaction. The Clerk obeying, sate down, and the rest of them having done the like, after silence made, read as fol­lows.