'TIs a Cisalpine Clod, a Gowty Leg of that Huge Monster the World, a rotten Char­nel where the Ganymed's sup­plant the Layses; a Nest of Li­zards, the Merdaille of Nations, and the Excrement of the Earth. 'Tis a Hell, whose Cerberus is a great, old, fat Bear, (the Host of their [Innes] Osteria's I mean, [Page 2]which usually stand alone remote from any village, so that Passen­gers must rest satisfied with the mean accommodation those Ta­bernae afford; for he that seems to disgust their feeble Minestra, may chance to meet with no­thing at his Departure but an Allegramente for amends: and if you should menace your Host, he will retort with double inso­lence, knowing that if his Stil­letto should decide the Contro­versie, the next Church is his Asylum, where no Law nor Vio­lence dare attempt him. Pure Saints! that can convert the Church of God into a Den of Thieves, and make his sacred Mansion a Shrouding-place or Refuge for Assassines and Mur­therers. Besides, you are in con­tinual fear both at Bed & Board, [Page 3]by reason of those hellish snares they usually lay to irretiate and massacre strangers; so that your delight is entombed in a perpe­tual horror.

As for the People, they are an execrable residue of the Gothes, the spurious Issue of a salacious Messalina, a meer frippery of Bankrupts; his Bastards that clo­sed the eye-lids of centoculated Argus. And since they were once preserv'd from the invasion of the Gauls by Geese, they merit praise from none but Gozzelings. There are three things that usu­ally deterr men from visiting this Countrey: The first is the hor­rible Inquisition. The second, the execrable Outrages commit­ted by the Bandito's. The third, those troublesom Bedfellows the Cimici, Fleas in folio, yet so [Page 4]dainty withal, that they will choose their flesh, and cohabit with the fairest skin; nay, which is worse, they are very noisom to the nostrils of him that destroys them. What stout Champion can endure the biting or sting of the Tarantula, that kills with laugh­ter, if not remedied; the consi­deration thereof is enough to procure death, were there not a hope of resurrection from the cure, viz. Dancing. But there are Arguments almost innumerable of greater solidity and weight, than the praementioned: To in­stance in a few (because prolixity is inconsistent with a Character) The Milaneze will teach you to be Juglers; the Bolognois, Liars, the Venetian, Hypocrites; the Neopolitan, will metamorphose you into Satyrs for Lust; the [Page 5] Florentine instructeth in the Ar­tifice of Poyson; and Rome im­plungeth you into an impure O­cean of Idolatry & Superstition.

But now let us take a Survey of their stately Fabricks and Towns, whose native Pens have exalted them to a higher bulk, than ever their Pike-axes inten­ded that first dug their founda­tion.

And first let us consider Rome, that reputed Mistress of the World, and Metropolis of Italy, whose Encomiums hath devour­ed more reams of Paper, and drunk up more bottles of Ink, than would repair a decay'd Sta­tioner, and we shall find her to be according to their own Proverb:

That Rome that now usurps the Name, is but her carcase or se­pulchre, her vice being the cause of her ruine; which made Scali­ger vent this as bitter as true Jest of her, because the wines of Italy last not long: Urbem illam esse novum [...]ncetum pessimum veteris vini optimi; That it was the worst new vinegar of the best old wine: And indeed it is neither founded in suo solo, nor in su [...] purissimâ & primitivâ puritate. Once Rome was an Hospital for maimed Sol­diers, now a Spittle of diseased Opinions. Her streets of old did shine with triumphing Caesars and Consuls in their trophaeal Chariots, now they glisten with [Page 7]the bald pates of Baals Priests, who lacquey his Petrified Sancti­ty riding a Cock-horse on mens shoulders. Heretofore she main­tained one of the noblest and greatest Garisons the world could boast of; now she supports her self by the most abominable Stewes that ever the earth bore. Old Rome revenged her Affronts with the point of the Sword, but New Rome steeps her Revenge in a Cup of Poyson, which clearly manifests that old Verse no Pa­radox:

Nay farther hear but what a Character Mantuanus, an Off­spring [Page 8]of their own, bestows upon her:

Here Simony and Sodomy, like two impudent Sisters, brazen it in publick, and no one controules them: As to the former, consider this Satyrical Dystick:

As for the latter, our Modern times have furnished us with too too many instances, so that we may sing with the Poet, and have good reason to prompt us to it: [Page 9]

'Tis a market, where Sins and Pardons are saleable, nay Staple­commodities. A Juglers Shop, whose Master plays finely at fast and loose with Oaths and Vows. A Mill, where the blind and ig­norant Laity grind for the fat Clergy. A Magazine where more Scripture is stored, than ever their Maker inspired. A Church that depraves the Text, and pins their Faith upon other mens sleeves. A Slaughter-house, where the Butchers bring in all sorts of persons, and now and then a Monarch. A woman that hath been a Whore all her youth, and now is turn'd bawd to Sin. In [Page 10]fine, she's a Monopoly of pro­fa [...]eness, and her Inhabitants wallow in wantonness and im­piety.

This City that is founded up­on seven hills, is the residence of of that seven headed Hydra, the Pope, and here he doth tyrannize over his submissive Vassals, far more than ever Nero or Caligula. He must not pass without a Saty­rick nip, and now I think on't, I could wish my pen were dipt in Lye and Gall, that I might lash him sufficiently: He it is, yet causeth whatsoever he parrot (or if you will have it Anagramma­tically) praterlike twattles, to pass for Bullion, and current, though hammer'd in the impure mint of his own Chymaerical Pericranium, and speaks freely whatsoever he thinks without [Page 11]contradictions, so that his Ipse dixit will countervail, and over­balance all the Ergo's in the World: His tongue is confited in Pepper, and hath pierc'd the sides of Christendome more shrewdly than ever Mahomets Sword did: He it is, with his Complices, that maintain Error to get them a maintenance; He dethrones the Deity, and deifies wood and stone; yet he is there Deus in Terris, The Dagon which they have set up; the Idol which they adore, whose indul­gences make his Kitehin smoke, by the help of his coadjutars the Jesuites, that fetch him fuel from most parts in Christendom. There is no such Pick-purse under the Heavens as his fictitious Purga­tory; and could mens conscien­ces be as throughly purged as [Page 12]their purses, they would excel the Angels themselves in purity. Another trick he hath that helps him to hill up his fatal riches, and that is the Papal Necromancy, or singing and praying for the dead, which doth so flux the pocket, that contrary to the current of all Phylosophy, it makes them cry out, Datur vacuum. He it is that plays the Chyrurgion, and his Clergy-men are the Apothe­caries, that exhibit so many Pur­ges and Clysters to the poor ig­norant people, blinded with pre­posterous zeal, that their purses at length cannot hold out longer, but give up the ghost. Not a day passeth, but they extract fresh Silver (rare Ecclesiastical Chy­mists) from the hot furnace of their Purgatory: And when they find that [Silver] Luna shines up­on [Page 13]any person with her silver rays, then is the time of singing Mass, and praying for the deli­very of Souls; Not a door, wic­ket, or window in Purgatory, but 'tis then open, that Souls may have as free a passage, and swarm forth as thick as Gnats in Au­gust. Pretty devices to engross and monopolize all the wealth to themselves: But you know the old Proverb, Malè parta, malè dilabuntur; Badly come, badly go: witness Alexander the Sixth, who during his Chairship scrap'd together so much wealth, that his son Caesar Borgia loosing 100000 Crownes one night at Dice, broke out into this expres­sion, Germanorum tantum haec peccata sunt: These are onely the Sins of the Germans; so that 'tis evident what the Father gather'd [Page 14]together with a Rake, the Son spread abroad with a Fork: So that sordid Lucre and Gain is practised by the Clergy, and those of the higher, as well as of the lower sphere: nor can there be perpetrated a Crime, how hain­ous soever it be, but it falls with­in the compass of a remedy from his Dispensations, provided the Lady Pecunia be your Suada or Oratress, verifying that old say­ing, Dulcis odor Lucri ex re qua­libet. Take this story for instance: Lubin comes from Bresse to Rome and was intreated by Friar Zeno, to beg his pardon of the Pope for having gelt his Ass: Lubin ob­tained it, who being returned, he demanded whether he had done him the prementioned favor; Yes replies he, and to be real with thee, without any farther diffi­mulation, [Page 15]for a few more Julio's there had been a permission for thee to marry thy Ass, if thou hadst had any fancy or affection to a four-footed Bedfellow. Had Castlehaven been a Catholick, he had kept his head upon his shoulders, and not have been executed for his lechery. 'Twas an excellent quip bestowed on a Pope by a Painter, who had made the face in the Effigies of Saint Peter and Saint Paul, somewhat more red then ordinary; and be­ing demanded the reason, he re­plied as tartly as suddenly, That they blush'd to see the wicked lives of their pretended Succes­sors. And though I hold it pro­fane ludere cum sacris, yet I judge it recreative jocari cum fabulis; and if the Consistory of Cardinals should seem to be offended with [Page 16]me, if they chance to light upon this piece, I will bid them reflect upon themselves, and blame the accursed pen of that more accur­sed Author of the Pruril Asinus, who hath turn'd the sacred pages into scurvy Jests, and not onely abused them that God hath creat­ed Gods on earth, but even the Deity it self: If it were possible for the Devil to swive a Witch, their mutual copulation could not produce such a horrid Mon­star, as the Author of those Queries. Whereas were a man disposed to sport with the holy Writ, he might pick jest out of every verse in the Bible against the Pope, and his Romish Su­perstition: Take a moderate one for instance, by way of Question and Answer: It is demanded why St. Peter Wept after his [Page 17]denial of Christ? Answer. Not for his own fault, but because his prophetick Soul foresaw, that his illegitimate successors should confess the name, but deny the nature of our Saviour, taking him in as it were at the gate, and thrusting him out at the back door: nor indeed can any person qui vel unciolam sane mentis ha­beat, that can lay claim but to a scruple of rationality, but affirm, that the Pope doth imitate St. Peter in nothing but his denial. I was about to insert here an old latine sentence, though somewhat harsh, and no Ciceronian style (not but that I durst because I am man [...]mitted from the rigor of the Ferula) but lest his Holy­ness [...]hould meet with this piece, and in a holy indignation tear it, and carry it to the House of ease, [Page 18]and so it should scortigare sedem Apostolicam, blister his Aposto­lick Seat; to prevent which di­stemper, lest that blister might turn to a disease call'd the Pyles, incident to the Anus, charity commanded me to omit it. 'Tis worth your observation, that the Popes do usually arrogate to themselves the names of those Virtues for Sir-names, which they are most averse from; as Pius, Benedictus, Clemens, and the like; when as their whole life is but a continued series of villany and barbarism: So that they have made themselves a Ludibrium to all neighbouring Nations. The Jews laugh at this Ecclesiastical Sultan, and his San­hedrim of Cardinals, and scoff at his golden Legend, and well may it be term'd so (not for the purity [Page 19]of the substance, but for the vaste heaps of wealth that those for­geries rake into his Treasury:) who can but smile at their tales of St. Francis of Hobgoblins walk­ing in Church-yards, and of St. Anthonies being in two places at one time: I know a Gentleman of that name that would give much to be endowed with that property, for his soul is divided between two Wenches; now were he thus qualified, he might enjoy them both at one and the same time. Nor hath the Pope been withstood by those of a con­trary opinion onely, but even by those that are of his own brood, and dedicated to the same Su­perstition; for the City of Venice stood it out against Pope Paul the fifth, for the priviledge of her Political Government; And [Page 20]the King of France after that grand clash between Philipe le Bel; and Boniface wrote to him very resolutely in these words; Que ta tresgrande sottise scache; Let your monstrous sottishness or simplicity understand, that we are subject to none but God; and utterly disown your Supremacy over us. But I presume we have sate long enough in the Porphy­ry Chair: And since the Ayr of Rome is so contagious and un­healthful that it wants a Clyster; besides, all the ink in my pen cannot cure the letters and ring­worms of the Popedom, we will leave them, and travel to Naples, which according to their own Proverb is, Un Paradiso piantato da Diavoli, a Paradise peopled with Devils, so pleasant is the place, and so vicious the inhabi­tant: [Page 21]Here Bacchus hath his in­ner Cellar, and Veus exerciseth her cortine abominations: for it hath been observed that in Na­ples at one time there have been registred 30000 Courtizano's; that for paying some small tri­bute to the Pope, have had a dis­pensation to play at Stretch-crup­per, Whipper-ginny, Tick-tack, In and In, and such unlawful Games as these, cum privilegio.

Jusque datum sceleri canimus, saith the Poet: which may very well be appropriated to this Kingdom. 'Tis a place extream­ly populous and consequently vicious, so that he that desires to lead a retired life, must not pitch his tents here: for as their gar­dens are fill'd with Oranges, so their Houses want not their Lemans. 'Tis a Maxim here, that [Page 22]Bawdy-houses are to be tolera­ted in all their quarters, and 'tis ranked in the number of Profes­sions, for the profit that accrews to his Holiness thereby is consi­derable, so that the true Campus Veneris is now found, where the Campus Martius stood before. 'Tis confest that she swarms with Nobility, which are seen to trot about all day long, as fast as Pease boyling in a pot, but of such slender Estates, that accord­ding to Aretines Observation, three Marquesses were found at once eating Figs off of one tree to keep them from starving: they are swell'd and pufft up with large Titles, but their Acres are but few, & their substance small. Here it was that the Morbus Gallicus, as 'tis vulgarly term'd, though more genuinely Scabies [Page 23]Neapolitana, was first known in Christendom.

As for the Inhabitant, he is according to the quality of the Soyl, of a fiery boyling temper, which causeth the Spaniard to ride him with a Bit and a Mar­tingal; and he hath as many Windmils in his brain, and quick­sands in his breast, as the French, or any other Nation, witness those various Innovations: for in two years, she had no less than five Kings, and those fetcht out of several Countries, in so much that you shall hardly read in any History that ever any political Instrument was so often out of tune, having known popular re­volutions in less than four hun­dred years, and that of Masaniello was the last and most violent, like a candle burning at both [Page 24]ends, so that you would judge the people to be so much distract­ed, as if they had been stung by a worse Reptile than a Parantula. 'T was strange that this poor in­considerable Fisherman, with a small handful of boyes arm'd onely with fury and a baston, should be such a nine days won­der, and during that interval of time should ride the proud Nea­politan Courser and snaffle him, til he foam'd at the mouth, their Nobility lay then dormant: and this same redounds very much to the disparagement of the Neopolitan Signiors. But to pass by this, they are born in a Luxurious Countrey, and they are taken to be the greatest Em­bracers of pleasure, and Cour­tiers of Ladies, and the most in­dulgent to themselves of any [Page 25]other nation whatsoever: inso­much that no command from the King, can force a Neapolitan Gentleman to march upon any disigne for three months in Sum­mer till the extremity of the heat be over; Lecherous they are beyond measure, witness the Accusation of Duke Offura Viceroy of Naples, after he was Italianated.

The fifth Article exhibited against him, was: That he enter­tain'd the Marchiones de Campo­latero publiquely, as his Concu­bine, to accomplish which de­signe, he accustomed to send the Marquiss her Husband upon re­mote employments.

The eighth was, He committed Rapes upon many young Maids and Virgins, and bored a Woman at the very Altar, and had to do [Page 26]with another in the Chancel of St. Maries Church, O horrible! Convert the Church into a Char­nel house?

Ninth, He frequented Nun­neries, not out of devotion, but for recreation, or more signifi­cantly procreation, our of pro­fane and sacrilegious ends.

Tenth, He made a feast of flesh upon Maundy Thursday, contrary to the Canons to their Holy Mother the Church, and was never observ'd to keep fast­ing, but feasting dayes alwaies.

Eleventh, He made other feasts for some of the Principal Courtisanos of Naples, & that in Don Pedro de Toledo's garden, whom he compelled to confess with how many Clergy-men they had traded, and commanded an Inventory of their names to be [Page 27]taken immediatly. Blessed saints! that disapprove of lawful matri­mony, but approve of unlawful meretricious actions: it grieves them to see such pure Nunnes flesh, as they do somtimes, bar­reld up in penitential pickle, yet for all the pretended strict­ness of their Religion, they can break a Lent to seed upon them.

Twelfth, He would often ride abroad in the Coach with Juana Maria a Lady of pleasure, that was as common as a Barbers Chair, no sooner one was out, but another was in.

Thirteenth, He had always in his House a Morisco slave, on whom he begat a Bastard, and suffered him to be educated in the Mahume [...] [...]n Superstition, and after his decease was entombed [Page 28]according to the Turkish Rites and Ceremonies.

Twentieth, He did innumer­able other acts of obscenity and wantonness, as inviting the fair­est Concubines into his garden, where he had provided as sump­tuous as luscious a Banquet for them, after which he command­ed them to strip themselves stark naked (where 'tis to be observed he had a fancy to see the naked truth) whil'st he with a hollow trunck, shet confits at their na­ked bodies, which they were to take up standing upon their high Chiappins.

Twenty one, He caused a Bar­ber to strip himself stark naked, and shave his Dutchesses quod ad ha [...]e, she being likewise naked, and he all the while standing by with a great knife in his hand to [Page 29]cut off his privities, if he found any motion in them all the while: a wretched fellow, and egregious Cox-comb, who deserved to wear a pair of horns that should reach from one end of Naples to the other, and that not a condign punishment for his crime.

O old Rome! All thy Floralia, wanton Feasts and Games, come far short of those of thy modern issue: no Pagan, Turk, Jew, nor Heathen, (nay, I'le be loth to say, Hell it self never enter­tain'd such a Smell-smock, such a Linnen-lifter, as this salacious he-goat, this wanton Satyr, Duke Ossuna. But lest this discourse should be unwelcome to the chaste ears of the Reader, wee'l turn our discourse to a more pleasing subject; And begin with the Peasant, who though he pas­seth [Page 30]all the week in drudgery and servility, yet is so puft up with vain glory and pride, that on Sunday and Holy-days, he will be sure to have his body well cloath'd, though his belly want furnishing; and his Wife, that works day and night for a hungry living, will be so pranked up, that if you were unacquainted with the phantastique humor of this mimical people, you would mi­stake this Joan, for some Lady of repute, and honor in the country: And indeed they are all so high­ly conceited of their deferts, from the Cedar to the shrub, with their imaginary Revenues, and the Chimera's that they hatch in their brains of their own dignity and Grandeza, that there is not one of them but will speak thousands, rather then betray [Page 31]their indigency: One will sit at his door picking his teeth, and condemning the Capon he eat last, when alas poor despicable wretch! His throat is an absolute stranger to such dainty Viands; for a dried morsel of bread, hoary and crusted with a second bark, whose leather'd outside would not court a dog arm'd with the edge of appetite, to eat it, would be adainty bit to cramb his empty gorge. Another will beg in this method: First he looks to see whether the coast be clear, before he will utter one Suppliant syl­lable, and then he approaches with such submissiveness, as a slave useth to his Patron; yet if any chance to glance that way with his eye, immediately he re­treats to familiarity, pressing the justness of his demands, till he [Page 32]squeezes your Alms; which if it be a penny, or some such incon­siderable sum (as they judge so small a piece to be) he throws it contemptibly in the donors face; but soon after peaceably looks for it, finds it, and hath the grace to say an Ave Maria, or a Pater Noster for the Benefactor. But now I think we have breath'd the Neapolitan Courser suffici­ently, let us turn our Bridle, and travel to Venice; which is taken to be no other then a Boat, that some Castle doth embarque by the Magick Laws of Urgandus, when he would have sayled to great Albion to visit Amadis, as he did in times of the year: and 'tis observable, that the world never produced such unheard of Machiavilian Devices to sur­prize an Enemy unawares, as the [Page 33] Venetian hath been Author of: for here you may see a Pocket Church-book, with a Pistol hid in the binding, which turning to such a page, discharges a plot to ensnare him to whom they bear a prejudice, whilest at his Devo­tion, when there is least suspiti­on: Execrable wretches! that make Gods Word the Cloak to palliate all their Villanies and Murthers.

Another of their infernal In­ventions is a pocket Stone-bow, which carried under a Cloak, dis­chargeth Needles with such vio­lence, that it pierceth thorough a mans body and leaves a wound, whose Orifice is scarcely discer­nable by the most Eagle-ey'd Chyrurgion.

A third, a Walking-staff in ap­pearance, at the top whereof is a [Page 34]spring, which graspt hard, at the end jets forth a Rapier with force enough to kill a man at a yards distance.

A fourth is a Gun, to be dis­charged with wind, which for six paces fails not of execution, with little or no report. And give me leave to adde a fifth Knack of theirs, which is their Bergamasque hanging up in the third Chamber of the Grand Dogues Gallery; being an Invention to lock up female frailty; an irrefragable Argument of the Italian Jealou­sie, with which inhumane con­straint they do so persecute and prosecute their Consorts back and belly, and so cramp them hip and thigh, that if a poor despica­ble Crab-louse should chance to be cloyster'd up within these fer­raments, he hath not room to [Page 35]breath, and what would become of the poor Flea should it be his fate to be thus confined? I pre­sume he could not take his frol­likish Lavaltors. This Enginery of theirs manifests that they have a care of the hinder, not the fore­part, altogether insensible of that old saying, ‘ Felix quem faciunt aliorum cor­nua cautum:’ Surely those men happy are, Whom others Horns make to beware.

Yet I dare be bold to say, not­withstanding this rigid confine­ment, that no women of what nation soever, do oftner turn their Husbands back out of the Primmer into the Horn-book, or so often dub them Knights of Acteons order. As for the Ve­netian Ladies, when their stature [Page 36]is promoted by the artifice of their Chiappines, they look like walking May-poles: And their faylings or fallings in the manner afore-mentioned (for they are most of them she-Astrologers, and love to lye on their backs, contemplating on the Heavens, remembering what the Turks say, when they celebrate their nuptials, Look upon the Stars, con­sider their number, and let that be an argument to induce you to mul­tiply:) 'Tis to be imputed to the too too much rigor of their Con­sorts, and Parents: for the proof whereof let his ensuing Story satisfie you, taken out of their own Annals, and that of no meaner a person then the female issue of one of their gowned and grave Senators, who being cabled up by her Father from humane [Page 37]sight, and confined to the narrow round of a Chamber (then which no thing thwarts the grain of fe­male disposition more; for they love to indulge their Genius, and have the swinge of their natural fancy) had a prodigious birth by her over-familiar Play-fellow, her Dog. To this se [...]ious Histo­rical truth, give me leave to add a pretty story of an ingenious ser­vant to a more ingenious Master, and that one of the Venetian Grandees; no other then the Magnificentissime Figlivolo di san Mario, who when his wife was sick, and the Physician was to cast her water, was at a loss for a term to bid her make wa­ter, that might both suit with his dignity, and please her fine ears that were absolute strangers to such a foul word, as pissing: The [Page 38]Grand Dogue being somewhat troubled, and wanting a Dictio­nary to furnish him with a word; his man reading his distemper in his face, desired to be made sen­sible of the source of this his di­stemper, (for it was water that caused it) his Master to be rid of his importunate servant, not ex­pecting any satisfaction from his tattle or endeavors, discloses the business to him; which after he had done, he assures him that he would take it upon him, and find out a way to express his minde by circumlocution, to signifie pissing; which was thus: He boldly accosts his Lady with the Urinal in his hand, saying, Chara Signora, fate quello che fate di­nanzi al cacare. I beseech you, Madam, do that you use to do immediately before you sh— [Page 39]Pardon me Reader, if I offend thy nostrils with this unsavory discourse, for I have it onely by tradition, and you receive it from me, as I read it, so that it is the more excusable, especially in this Characteristical Treatise; But lest we should too too much pre­sume upon your modesty, we will leave Venice with this unsavory discourse, and come to Padua.

That reputed Nursery of the Muses, and Supportatrix of all Arts and Sciences: and here we must consider their gowned Gen­try, which are so horribly de­bauch'd, that we may safely say they study over the Bottle more then Aristotle, and mind their Plate more then their Plato, so much are they devoted to Bac­chus, that they could be content to turn Cyniques, so that with [Page 40] Diogenes they might dwell in the cask when the wine is exhausted, and live by the sent of that wain­scored room for the future, nor would they desire any other Tomb, than the Barrel; or at least they could willingly entreat the Gods condemn them to such a death, as the Duke of Clarence had, viz. to be drowned in a But of Malmsey All the Rhetorick they study, is to perswade the Vintner to credit them till the revolution of the Grand Philoso­phical year; nor do they imagine any Figure comparable to that of Synecdoche, to pay part for the whole. To drink beyond mea­sure among them, is the highest of Sciences; falling backward is their star-gazing; They delight in no musick, but the sweet har­mony of Good-fellowship, with [Page 41]now and then a discord. Wine is their Grammar; Sobriety a meer Solaecism, and to study be­fore the Pericranium is elevated, is a preposterous heusteron prote­ron. And when they stand in need of a Physician, a Receipt of full Cups (in their opinion) is the best Vomit; and forgetting of Debts, is their onely Art of Memory. They are Copernicans, and explode all ancient and mo­dern Philosophy, adhering solely to his Tenets; for they love to deal roundly with the world, be­cause they are never so well lear­ned, as when their heads run round: And thus could I expa­tiate upon their Encyclopaedia of Sciences, but that I fear in the description of this Circulation, I should prove eccentrique, and draw too long a line from the [Page 42]center of my intentions: But that which is more hainous, is, that Murther is so far from being counted a Venial Sin, that it is no Crime at all, as it should ap­pear by their neglect in execu­ting the Offenders. Their mode is here, to go armed with a pair of Pistols, and a Stilletto by their sides▪ 'Tis strange, methinks, to see Minerva so closely linked to Mars, to finde Students in such a Warlike posture: This custom they say, proceeds from some old inbred Dissention between the Vicentines and the Brescians; which two contrary parties do so fill the streets with slaughter, that no man can walke securely at night for fear of their Chi va la: And which is a more notorious sign of their Barbarism, on the illars of the Porch or Arches, [Page 43]that run before the House of this City, one may discern where Bullets have passed; nay, so tri­vial a business is Homicide a­mong them, that if at any time they are destitute of a Body for the Anatomical Lecture, they make it a business of small con­sequence to kill a poor Fachin or Cobler, to exercise upon him by Dissection, which proves that Si­mile of Learning to Scanderbeg's Sword, it either does much good or much hurt: for indeed accor­ding to the School Axiom, Cor­ruptio optimi est pessimae, The best Wine makes the sharpest Vine­gar; and good wits once depra­ved, usually sayl into an Ocean of Debauchery: And such are they that have brought an odium upon Minerva's followers. But we will leave them and their [Page 44]Extravagancies, and strike to­ward Genoa.

Of which place 'tis proverbial­ly said, That they have Mountains without wood, Sea without fish, Women without shame, and Men without Conscience: and it is ap­parent that their haughtiness hath given occasion to those that are least critical to term it Genoa the proud. As to the nature and dis­position of the Inhabitant, he is as lofty as his Building, so proud and gallant in his garb, that 'tis reported by those that have been so unhappy as to travel there, that the first night of their arrival into this place, a company of Fid­lers ('tis a favour to call them so too) come to bid them Welcome with their musick: but with so stately a Prologue, and so grave an Apology for themselves, that [Page 45]all the Gentlemen-strangers withdrew from their Seats, and began to salute them, imagining them no less then Magistrates, or persons of the highest degree. So that a Stranger may soon be deceived, as to their education, if unacquainted with their blad­der'd insolency. The most dung­hil spirit of them all is swell'd with the tympany of Pride: Who could ever imagine that such inconsiderable fellows as they, that blow away their days in mirth, onely to procure a mean livelyhood, that are slaves to all company, should be so ambitious, as to cloath their drossy bodies in such noble array: well may it be said, that the bark is better then the tree, the external shew and pomp, then the internal sub­stance and solidity. They are [Page 46]all attired a like, somewhat tend­ing to the Spanish mode, and of so haughty a spirit, that they will hardly condescend so far below themselves, as to be associates for strangers. Alphonso king of Ar­ragon was often heard to have this expression proceed from him Rex illiteratus est Asinus corona­tus; An illiterate Prince, is but an Ass crowned. But the Ge­nuesian Lady was of an opinion diametrically opposite unto it: so much did she affect the prick of zeal, had the impudence to af­firm publickly, Penna non facit hominem, sed Penis: Not the Pen but the P— qualifies a person: Could any one imagine a Fau­stina so lecherous as to belch forth such an expression, as hath recorded her for a Lady of plea­sure; so strange it is that it would [Page 47]even stagger the faith of a Soli­fidian to believe it, were it not inserted in their own Annals, and nothing can carry a stronger con­demnation with it, then what proceeds from their own mouths. But we will quit this obscene dis­course, and pace it to Florence, to see what matter may be found there conducing to the perfecting of this Character.

And we shall finde that for curious illegal tricks of Poyson, they are damnably wicked be­yond all comparison. No Nation in the world so vindicative as they: They will poyson with the smoke of a Candle, the smell of a Candle, or indeed any way imaginable; some of their poy­sons are mortal by smelling, o­thers given now, may operate many moneths after; nay, 'tis [Page 48]almost impossible to think that the depraved wit of man should ever machinate such damnable Devices for their mutual destru­ction, unless they had received assistance from Hell. Some of them will attempt to poyson whole Rivers, and not fail of their design, if they can finde out the source. And even to this day at Milan there stands a pillar that doth stigmatize them, call'd Colonna Infantae, raised where a Magicians house was pulled down, who for a time poisoned all the Rivers belonging to the City; which stands still as an everlasting monument of perpe­tual Infamy to them and their Heirs for ever. But lest we should be too much stung with this infe­ctious discourse, we will leave it, and seek for an Antidote in Si­cily; [Page 49]but I fear the remedy will prove worse then the Disease. 'Tis a Proverb that bears as much truth as antiquity in the front of it. Omnes Insulanos esse malos, pessimis verò Siculos. All Island­ers are bad, but the Sicilians are worst of all. They are very in­constant, and wavering like a Weather-cock, and you may as soon cut out a Kirtle for the Moon, as disswade them from their volatil humor; so that hence arose the Proverb, Gerra Sicula: Sicilian prittle-prattle, according to the pretty tattle of our infan­cy: Besides, they are of a very envious, suspicious, and destru­ctive temper, uncapable of re­ceiving an injury, and furiously vehement in the pursuit of re­venge, as appears by that great and inhuman massacre they made [Page 50]of the French, known by the in­famous name of Vesperi Siculi, where an infinite number of French were most barbarously butchered at the sound of a Bell: An irrefragable Argument of their prepens'd malice, that would not allow them a sufficient time time for Repentance. Pluto is deeply engaged to the Sicilian, and the Milaneze, for their true and faithful vassalage unto him; for it seems by all History, that it is their sole design to people his dominion, and adde as many slaves to his infernal Scepter as possibly they can. You have had an instance in the Sicilian, 'tis pity you should want one of the hellish Milaneze, who meeting a quondam friend of his in a place convenient for his barbar­ous design, and bearing him some [Page 51]grudge, through the rancor of his spirit for some former, onely supposed injury offered unto him, set a knife to his throat, and bid him abjure God, or he would make him sup with Pluto that very night, or if you will have it more plainly expressed, murder him, which the man attended with human frailty, (as all are,) and somewhat terrified at the name of death [...], as the Philosopher calls it, did; which after he had thrice done, he dispatcled him, and like an insulting Hell-hound immediatly after this execrable murther triumphed, saying, That he had sent both soul and body to Hell with one fatal blow: Such un­heard of inhumanity, what Hi­story can paralel? No nation under the Sun, in my judgement [Page 52]can be so diabolical: But let us commit them, and all their acti­ons to their Master, bellowing Belzeebub, who beyond all con­troverfie will in time pay them their wages.

Now let us in general descant upon their Vices, and visit first of all the Sun-bak't Peasant in his rough-hewn-cottage, and we shall finde that he lives a drudg­ing slavish life, liable to all Gabels, Taxes, and Impositions from Superior Authority, in so much that 'tis proverbially said: The Rich Men of Italy are the richest, and the Poor men the poor­est in the World. Excellent men they are, said once an Hispanio­lized Italian, but for these three things. In their lusts they are un­natural, in their malice unappea­seable, and in their actions de­ceitful: [Page 53]To which let me adde a fourth, and a fifth; They will blaspheme sooner then swear, and murther sooner then scandalize a person. 'Tis also an ancient Pro­verb of the people of Mazara, That they did build as if they should live ever, and cram themselves, as if they intended to live no longer: meer Epicures, that made this old Verse their Motto:

Besides, so contagious is this Na­tion, that if a stranger begin once to fancy the place, ten thousand to one if it change not his incli­nation: 'Tis a Paradox to me, that the change of Air should have so great an influence on the minde and constitution of man, [Page 54]were it not verified by several examples: Take this for one: A German Bishop was so taken with their delicious Wine that grows about Monte Fiascone, that he sent his servant to all the Ta­verns thereabout to finde out the best, and where he found it, to write over the door Est, Est; of which liquor he sucked so much, and made a Tun of his Belly, German like, that he swam to the other world through an ocean of Wine: he was interred in Fa­vonia's Church, and being a Cler­gy man, 'tis pity his Tomb-stone should want an Epitaph, and his memory consume with the ashes in his Urn, wherefore his servant made this ingenious Epitaph: Propter est, est, Dominus meus mortuus est: a Conceit no less fa­cetious than quipping; nay, 'tis a [Page 55]Proverb of their own, Tudesco Italianato e un Diavolo incarnato: An Italianated German is a De­vil incarnal. 'Tis taken pro con­fesso, that they have no less than twenty species of these intoxica­ting liquors to please the gusto at first, but carry their sting in their tayles, fume up into the head, that though they are not immediately distemper'd, yet there is by their epotation laid the seed of all future maladies, that break to their ensuing de­struction: The most delicious of all, which is their Ethnique Ne­ctar, though they are so horribly blasphemous, as to term it in a Christian phrase, Lachrymae Chri­sti; which made one that had tasted, break out into this extra­vagant passion, O Domine! cur non lachrymisti in terris nostris? O [Page 56]Lord! why didst thou not weep in our Countrey? That they are ambitious is apparent, for among the Vieentines 'tis an usual Title for a Gentleman to be styled Signor Conte, which is equivalent to My Lord with us: before they merit the degree of Knighthood, they must be Lorded. Not a Pedlar among them known un­der the title of Vuestra Signioria; And for the Nobility, so mean they are, that according to their own Assertion (for I will bang them with their own weapons) I Marchesi di Cova, I Conti di Piacenza, I Cavaglieri di Bolog­na: The Marquises of Ceva, the Lords of Piacenza, and the Ca­valiers, or Gentlemen of Bolog­na are grown poor, even to a Proverb.

'Tis generally reported, that [Page 57]those of Crema are deceitful, those of Venice insolent, the Genuesian proud, and the Paeln­vinian lecherous: as for their wo­men it is grown to a Proverb among them, That they are Magpies at the door, Saints in the Church, Goats in the Garden, Divels in the House, Angels in the Street, and Syrens at the window; Besides 'tis an [...]sual expression among them Let God make them tall and fall, (for the title of a comely woman is much prized among them) and they will make themselves fair enough: But enough of that, their very Towns have by their judicious God-fathers been bap­tized with names suitable to the nature of the inhabitants, as Genoa the proud, Pistora the bar­barons, Perugia the bloody, babling [Page 58]Siena, and Furli the fantastick or wanton: They are all in gene­ral a heap of Fidlers, for you can scarce pass a street, but you shall hear them rudely jarring, with­out stops, or time, and with re­verence to Ge, Sol, Re, Ut, be it spoken, this harmony is made up of so much discord, that you would imagine it afar off to be a Consort of Jackanapes's squeak­ing in rutting time. Yet I will not say they are ignoble, but they are the corrupters of nobili­ty: nor that they are illiterate, but the perverters of Learning: Martial and Juvenal amongst them were famous, yet they were both obscene: Persius foolishly affected obscurity, and would ap­pear in publique like an unintel­ligible Asse. Virgil himself suckt all his Poetick honey from the [Page 59]Hives of Homer, Theocritus, and other Greek Poets: And how much they reward the Learned will appear by that fate of Phi­lelphus the most accomplished person of his time, whose survi­ving friends were compell'd to sell his Library at Bologna, to de­fray the charges of his Funeral; so little do they minde or regard their Learned, though men of the most accute wit, and piercing understanding, persons that might take the right hand of Aristotle in the Vatican; 'tis a brand to the whole Nation upon record, that will never be consumed by the iron teeth of Time, or huried in the grave of Oblivion, that they that are such great preten­ders to Learning, and such ado­rers of Ingenuity, as they would fain induce the world to believe [Page 60]them, should be of such a me­chanick, base, ignoble, dunghil spirit, as not to defray his Fune­ral Charges at the publick Cost, but to make sayl of his Books to that purpose: the consideration hereof were enough to disswade Posterity from study, and disen­courage men herafter from swea­ting in the pursuit of Learning, when their dead bodies shall not have decent Christian Burial, though they promote the good and interest of the Republick wherein they live, by their inde­fatigable pains and industry, if their Coffers be not well lin'd, and they able to leave behinde them mountains of Gold, as well as the immortal Monuments of Wisdom. Besides, how do they encourage ingenious persons, though they have the affluence [Page 61]of all the goods of fortune? Pope Pius the Second who was indebt­ed to the Muses for his fortune and preferment, when he came to the Popedom, being present­ed with several poetical pieces, return'd them this Dystych, in lieu of a recompensation.

And though for ostentation, and an outward shew of learning, they may strike high with those of their own stamp, yet if you respect the substance or solidity of learning, you shall finde but little among them; Muretus will [Page 62]inform you as much, In mediâ Ita­liâ (saith he) in medio Latio, in me­diâ Greciâ, vix centesimum quem (que) invenias, qui Latine aut Graecè lo­qui sciat: In the middle of Italy, Latium, or Greece, you shal scarce finde one in a hundred that can understand either the Greek or Latine tongue. But you may be confident, they are so well train­ed up in the School of Venery, that there is scarce a Peasant a­mong them, but hath Ovids Epi­stles more perfect than their Pa­ter Noster; and can recount unto you how many obscene postures there are in Aretine more readily then the number of the Com­mandments in the Decalogue. Nay, many of their Popes, those Princes of the Christian Com­monwealth (as they are termed) are so illiterate, that they de­serve [Page 63]not to have the preferment of Servitors under an ingenious Junior Sophister; a poor Fresh­man in the University that scarce knows how many Colledges there are in Cambridge, would puzzle, if not put them to a non-plus with a Syllogism in Celarent. Paul the second, who succeeded Aeneas in the Popedom, had a wicked design to demolish all Literature, and to extirpate all the Learned out of the Land, esteeming all Students and Philosophers no o­ther then Hereticks and Magici­ans; And 'tis grown into a Pro­verb among them, concerning those that Commence among them, and travel thither on pur­pose to be refin'd and better'd in learning, Nos accipimus pecuni­am, & mittimus Asinos in Ger­maniam: We receive Money [Page 64]from you Germans, and send you a company of Asses in requital. This manifests the tender Con­science of his Sanctity, which it seems is so large, that Cromwel when he was alive, with all his Teem of Committee-men might be Canoniz'd by him; nay, I'le be bold to say it is so large, that a Countrey Waggon and six hor­ses might easily turn there; nay, they have entred such villains in­to the Catalogue of Saints, that a Red-coat of their own (a Car­dinal I mean) used to say, Novihi Sancti de veteribus mihi dubi­um movent: These new Saints of theirs, makes me begin to doubt of the old. And as the place of his Residence was first founded by Fugitives, Slaves, Thieves and Robbers, and after­wards huddled up into an Em­pire [Page 65] variis & magnis latrociniis, by divers great Robberies, gained by oppression, rapine, and tyran­ny, so she may still be said to be a Harpye, and to cheat almost all the Christian world with hermer­cenary Pardons, Bulls, and In­dulgences: what forceth them to bestow such bitter invectives, and scandalous Titles upon us, but onely because we endeavor to pull down their pride and am­bition, to deprive them of their external pomp and vanity? Nor had Luther ever been branded with the name of Apostate, had he still adhered to their fond and Apish Superstition: But what think you was the chiefest cause? No other but this, because he took the Popes Mitre off of his head, and pull'd down the Monks bellies; down stomach, down, [Page 66]you had ne're been so high sed, nor had such good Commons, if he had been your Sewer: he was resolv'd to prescribe you a good, though mean Diet, and so keep you still in health, whereas now you gorge your selves with varie­ty of delicate Viands, so unmea­surably, that you may be said to be animalia propter convivianata, brute beasts calv'd onely to put in and put out. You are greatly devoted to the Goddess Cloaci­na, and the God Stercutius, and grand Benefactors to T—T— the Scavenger. Now Reader, take this ensuing Story for an Argument and Proof of their gluttony and excess, though it be quite contrary to their function, who ought to check and curb their sensual appetites, yet they do the quite contrary: It is chro­nicled [Page 67]of one of our Kings, that having bin hunting with some of his Nobles a considerable time, and somewhat tyred at the sport, strayed from the Game, and fin­ding his thirst to be great, and his stomach to have strook twelve, resolved to make to the next house to refresh himself with some Victuals or other that the place could afford; which hap­pened to be a Monastery, where­into he enters, calls for the Ab­bot, & desireshim to give him the accommodation of the house how mean soever it were; he looking stedfastly on him, soon discerned by his countenance that he was some person of quality, where­fore he presented him with a piece of Roast Beef, a Capon, and some other Joynts of Meat, making a large Apology withal [Page 68]for the meanness of the Fare, as­suring him it was prater solitum for them to be so poorly furnish­ed: The King fell too't, for he had a coming stomach, and plyed it tooth and nayl, withal admiring that the Monastery should be accustomed to such variety, ima­gining before they had liv'd very penuriously, according to their profession; then he ruminated on the Abbots excuse, which pos­sest him with a conceit that they used to feed upon more dainty Cates: and that that mov'd him to this opinion most of all, was the Abbots saying, Lord Sir, I do very much admire how you can feed so heartily upon such home­ly meat; I could not eat of such mean fare, I promise you: The King return'd him no answer till he was satisfied, but then he gave [Page 69]him very many thankes for his noble Entertainment, and so took his leave of him and departed, resolving to make them change their dyet, and not cram them­selves like Capons that are to be kill'd; and with these thoughts he pass'd away the time till he met with his Attendants, who were all very much astonish'd at his long absence, but he gave them no account at all of what had pass'd; but the next day sent a Messenger with a command to bring the Abbot before him, which accordingly was executed, and he appeared: The King be­gan to relate unto him the whole story, and how that he was the person he mistook for the Coun­trey Gentleman, withal checking him for his luxury, promising that he would make him feed on roast [Page 70]Beef ere he had done, and say it was excellent good fare too, and so commanded him to be taken into custody, and be secured in the Tower; which accordingly was done, and he to remain there the space of three days without any natural sustenance; at the end of the third day the King sends to know, whether or no Beef would go down yet: O Sir, replied the Abbot, Roast Beef or any thing, Roast Beef or any thing; so according to the Kings order, a piece of a cold Loin of Beef was sent him, upon which he fed very heartily; which the King hearing, he immediately Knighted that Joynt of Meat, so that is called A Sir-loin to this very day. His Majesty it seems was resolv'd to allow him but lit­le dyet, till he heard that his nice [Page 71]curiosity had left him; 'twas too gross and heavy meat for his squeamish stomach, during his re­sidence in the Monastery, but when transplanted from thence to the Tower, 'twas the best piece of meat that ever he exer­cised his teeth upon. But we must not hit him in the teeth too much with it, therefore wee'l proceed to another story of the sordid Covetousness of a fat bel­lied Popish Priest among them: there was an old Sybil, one Goo­dy Tully by name, who had sadled her prognosticating Nose with a pair of Amsterdams Spectacles, at this very time 60 years, & better; this old Adage knowing that ere long she should be one of Pro­serpina's fold, began to consider her end, and resolved to make her last Will and Testament, her [Page 72]houshold-stuff was but little and mean, for she had nothing but a pot, a stool, a bed, and a candle­stick, besides a vexatious Hen that played such mischievous tricks, as fretted the old woman to the soul, and fo [...]c'd her to these passionate expressions oftentimes Pox take thee, The devil take thee; But she being, as I told you, rea­dy to expire, did in her Will be­queath this Hen to the Priest, which he, as soon as he heard of, before the old womans death, came and fetcht away; which being related to her, she played the wag upon her death-bed, and cried, I have bid the Pox take her, and the Devil take her se­veral times, but 'twas to no pur­pose; but I bid the Priest take her but once, and he hath fetcht her from me; nay, without doubt [Page 73]if he can get any thing once with­in his clutches, you may as soon perswade a Genevan to turn Je­suite, as to talk it out of him: There is no redemption from hell, they say, nor is there a pos­sibility of recovering any thing from these hellish Priests, when once in their own possession, they are extraordinary good at Hold­fast, and will as soon lay hold of a promise, as any men upon the earth. These are their pious souls, devout devils, they are appoint­ed to exorcise evil spirits, and they had need be cast out them­selves.

But we shall not yet quite cast them out of minde, for we must ha [...]t [...]other bout with them, and manifest their simplicity to be as great, as their irreligion is hate­ful, and that thus: A certain [Page 74]Fryar being on Pilgrimage to some of their Saints, or Ladies, ('tis no matter which of them) being somewhat wearied with his hard travel, took up a Lodging for his little youth and himself for that night, resolving there to pitch his tents, and to walk no farther till the next morning. It seems in the night he was trou­bled with a dream that did di­sturb him much more awake then asleep, which he must communi­cate to his Boy (he was a wise man the while you must imagine) and it was this: That he dreamt he was kissing his own Breech, (and that is the way to break his own neck all the world knows) so calling his little Lad to him, cold him, that he dreamt he kiss't his own Breech; I but Master, saith the Lad, as nimbly as wit­tily, [Page 75]dreams always prove con­trary, you must kiss mine; He it seems must be the Arte midorus to interpret his dream, and he did it to some purpose: Here was old kissing between them both, yet the Fryar had had the worst on't which way soever it had hap­pened, his little Lacquey quite out-witted him.

How excellently learned they are will appear, if you consider their insight in the Latin tongue; for a Priest being put once to construe a sentence out of Tullius de Officiis, that is known to every School-boy in his Corderius, and it was this, Indutus toga virili, which he turned thus: Indutus, having put on, toga virili, his green Gown: He thought surely he was tumbling with the lusty sanguine complexion'd Girls in a [Page 76]green meadow, or else he could never have hit of such a transla­tion. Another being demanded by one of our Clergy men in England, how many Sacraments there were? replied, Nine: at which he being amazed, he asked him how he could prove it: to which he rejoyn'd, seven beyond sea, and two with you: at which the Bishop smiling, though pity­ing his ignorance, dismissed him. One more instance I have for you, and then I have done: A certain Priest among them com­ing often to visit a Merchant, one of his Parishioners, because he was one of his noblest Benefact­ors, was so much taken with his Wife, that for the future he re­solved to associate himself with the Mistress, and not the Master of the House, which accordingly [Page 77]he did, and sollicited her inces­santly for a nights lodging (see what it is to be troubled with the Pr— of zeal) but she like a chaste Matron, scorning to be disloyal to her husband, ( [...]f Lam­berts Lady had been so loyal, Nol had ne're made him wear the Bulls Feather) and withal she did inculcate, and repeat the scandal that it was to those of his Coat, to entertain so much as a thought of coveting his neighbors wife; but he a servant to the flesh more then to the spirit, grew the more earnest for being repuls'd, and renewed his intreaties and per­swasions with more vigor, then formerly: She perceiving it was impossible to avoid it, unless it were by discovering him, resolv'd to do it when her husband came home; which accordingly she did, [Page 78]who after he understood his de­sign, bid her promise him the use of her body, and he would be in the next room ready to enter in the very heighth of opportunity, and spoil his sport; so the next time he came, he persisted still in his accustomed humor, and she at last with a kinde of unwilling willingness, seemed to be over­come with his perswasions, and so consented to let him have the fruition of his desire, which he over-joyed to hear, made all pos­sible speed to the Bed-chamber, where in the twinkling of a Bed­staff, he disrob'd himself of his Pontificalibus, and was just skip­ping into bed, when her husband rattled at the door, which she hearing, bid him get into the Press that stood by the Bed side, to hide himself; which he did in [Page 79]all haste, glad at his heart that he was cloyster'd within those woodden walls from the sight of the Goodman of the house, who coming in in the interim, taking no notice at all of the bustle he made with tumbling into the Press; How dost thou, my dear? saith he, Prethee what's the rea­son that this Press is always left open? and so lockt it, and put the Key in his Pocket: Now you must note by the way, that this fell out to be on Saturday night, as fortune would have it, and the Priest, next morning be­ing Sunday, was to officiate in the Pulpit; the day began at the length to appear, and the time draw nigh wherein people usually frequent the Temple, there all service was perform'd, the Saints­bell rung, and the people gaping [Page 80]in expectation of the Priest, who as yet was cabinetted up in the Merchants house, who had a de­sign upon him to make him a publick example of infamy to the people, and ignominious and hateful to the Clergy, at least in appearance and outward shew, (though they can pass by such tricks of youth without exami­nation or punishment) which was this, he caused the Press to be carried into the Church, and pla­ced behinde the Pulpit, at which sudden and unexpected sight the Congregation was amazed, and immediately gave order that the Press door should be opened; which was no sooner done, but the Priest like a ghost newly come from among the tombs, steps into the Pulpit with these words in his mouth, Sic resurrexit Laza­rus [Page 81] è sepulchro: In this posture did Lazarus arise out of the grave, and preacht upon't as his Text; for which his religious zeal, he was highly extoll'd by the people (they being altogether ig­norant of his lusty zeal that first caused his confinement) and the Merchant perceiving how inge­niously he had cloaked this his piece of knavery, did not divulge it at that present, but kept it within his own breasts: But we must not scratch the pates of these bald Priests too much, lest we draw blood: now to the Ca­nonist. The Canon-Law that hath so great a vogue in Italy, will sooner be condemn'd for vicious, then extoll'd for just, when you consider that it makes the Crown do homage to the Mitre; the Scepter to the Crosier, and the [Page 82]Emperors Throne to the Popes Chair.

Among the Italians he is ac­counted no less then a fool, that is not melancholy once a day: They are onely liberal to their Superiors, from whom they ex­pect greater benefits; to all others the purse is closest shut, when the mouth opens widest: nor is there any probability of your get­ting a piece of Cake there, unless yours be known to be in the Oven. To add to their treasure, they will light a candle to the Devil. In Legorn they allow a Jews Synagogue; nay, you may be what Devil you will there, so you push not the Pope with your horn. They are the greatest em­bracers of pleasure, and esteem of pearles as pebles, so they can but satiate their Gusto, in point [Page 83]of pleasure, Here you may finde Love and Hatred, Virtue and Vice, Superstition, and Religion in their extreams, for the great­est wits once depraved prove ever the most dangerous. They are in their Lusts unnatural, in their hatred irreconciliable, and in their thoughts unfathomable, so that with one breath they blow both hot, and cold, and to com­pass their own ends, and accom­plish their own designes, they will play the Divel incarnat: But now we will wring them no more by the nose, lest we fetch blood, wherefore we will allay the bit­terness of this potion with the edulcorating ingredients of their virtues.

Italy is the Garden of Europe, the Terroir being gentle and co­pious, and produceth a more [Page 84]stately crop, then the Husband­man oft-times expects: and some Soyls there are, that afford four Latter-meaths of Hay and Grass: For their delicious wines no Countrey can paralel it, besides it excels in large and stately Cat­tle, nor is i [...] altogether improba­ble, that she receive her name therefore from [...], which sig­nifies a Calf: The fame of the Neapolitan Coursier hath run through all the habitable world: for the number and lustre of Nobility, no nation exceeds them, which makes most ingeni­ous spirits transported with the desire of visiting her Territories: As for the ingenuity and dexte­rity of the inventive brain of the Italian, if you respect either Ar­tificers or Opificers, all Nations have been benefited thereby; nay [Page 85]they have been almost adored by by the residue of the Europian part of the world.

For all speculative and theo­rick Sciences, the Italian equal most Nations under the heavens, as may appear by the almost infi­nite number of Wits that she hath nursed, as Virgil, Eunius; Lucrece, Statius, Plantus, for di­vine Poetry; for according to the Stagirite, [...], Poesie is a divine thing.

For Prudence in the Law, Al­ciat, Pancirolus, Peregrinus, and Hondaus, were very famous.

In the Secresies and Operati­ons of Medicine, none could ex­cel Fracastorius, Matthiolus, Fal­lopius, Aldrovandus, Johannes Baptista Porta, and Talicotius, who could imitate Nature even to admiration, in making artificial [Page 86]Noses, Eares, and Eyes.

For History, Francis Guiceiar­dine, Cardinal Bembo, Vergerius, Magirus, Cardan, Picus Earl of Mirandula, Zabaralla, and Ursi­mus, veyl to none for Philoso­phy.

Nor hath Mercury onely his Seminary here, but Mars hath his Standard also, being very exact in the Rules of Military Disci­pline, and excellent Engineers: And as to Treaty, never did any Nation come near him, he was never out-witted that way.

She hath produced many no­ble Sons of Mars, as Scaliger Prince of Verona, Castruccio, Sforza, and Ambrosia Spinola; as also Alexander Farnese Duke of Parma. They are excellent Navigators; 'twas Americo Ve­spucio a Florentine, that baptized [Page 88]the new world; And Christophero Columbo, which acts of his all past Ages cannot equal, and he onely by the dexterity of his wit and insight of the Mathematicks, per­formed it.

Nor are her Cities less famous then her inhabitants: and first of Rome, which is judged the Em­peress of the world, the Protect­eress of all Arts and Sciences, and the Fountaine from whose streams of Virtue and Piety, the rest of the Christian world is wa­tred. 'Twas the cordial wish of that Father of the Fathers of the Latine Church St. Augustine, that he might compass the sight of three things. Our blessed Savi­our in the Flesh, St. Paul in the Pulpit, and Rome in her high­est flourish, and the meridian of her glory. Give but an ear to what [Page 88] Martial the Epigrammatist sings, as her due Encomium. ‘ Terrarum Dea, Gentium (que) Roma Cui par est nihil, & nihil secun­dum.’ What a vast Circumference she had, may be guessed at by the number of Cobwebs that Helio­gabalus caused to be gathered there, which amounted to a thou­sand weight.

As for the renown'd Republick of Venice without her, as an eminent Author of our times notes, Italy should want her chiefest Ornament, Liberty a re­fuge, Europe her Bulwark, Nep­tune should be destitute of a Mistris, and Nature of a Miracle. She is a Lady that hath encroacht more upon Neptunes dominions, then any State in the World: She commands a fortress that is [Page 89]built according to the most ex­act rules of Enginery, that stood her in two millions the erecting, and charges her with a hundred thousand Crowns per annum, her yearly maintenance. Her Arse­nal is as famous a wonder as her illustrious self, she would extasy a foreiner with the sight of her stately fabricks. This City, saith one of our well-worded Gran­dees, that is adorn'd with a dou­ble portion of Parts, and Arts, Manners, and Manors, hath con­tinued a Virgin nere upon these fifteen hundred years, yet withal such an Amazon, that she hath wrestled with the most potent Monarchs in Europe, and thrown some of them flat on their backs, but none of them could lay her in such a posture, as to get her Mayden-head. Her grandees are [Page 90]noble Patriots, Patres Patriae, they have publique spirits, are fage in Councels, and solid in their judgement, constant in ad­verse, and moderate in good for­tune: Nor doth her incolumity depend upon the slender twist of the life of one single person, but upon the prudent management of an immortal Senate.

The Characters that the Lear­ned confer upon her are many, noble, and what she deserves in their own judgement. Mamerti­nus the Panegyrist, calls her Gen­tium Dominam, the Mistress of all Nations. Rutilius Numatia­nus, Coelestem mundique Reginam; A Heavenly thing, and Empress of the world. Dionysius Halicar­nassaeus, Totius Orbis optimam: The most famous Countrey in the whose universe. And others, [Page 91] Caput Orbis, The Head of the world, and that not undeserved­ly, for either Pike or Pen, Mer­cury or Mars; no Nation what­soever that comes into the ba­lance with her, but will be out­poiz'd, if held up by an unbyassed hand.

Touching her Excesses, and principally those of the Popes, which have been sufficiently ana­tomized by several Authors, it is incontrovertible; that among so great a number some will be found culpable: There is no Wheat, but some Chaff; no Wine but some Lees. In the first Ele­ction that our blessed Saviour made, among twelve there was one found bad: But let it not be buried in oblivion, that the first thirty three Bishops of Rome suf­fered Martyrdom: And if that [Page 92]the Ecclesiasticks Purple seem to dazzle the eyes of some weak­sighted, and slenderly-grounded persons, and that the Clergy seem to them to lead a life in too much external pomp and out­ward glory, the Capuchians frock and the recluse and austere lives of Mendicant Fryars, and other abstenious persons, may serve in lieu of an Apology for the pre­mentioned Extravagancies.

Though Venice and Naples be cramm'd with Courtizano's, yet the chastity of so many thousands of pious cloyster'd souls, who have totally wean'd themselves from all mundane frothy delights, and adhered to heaven, and the hopes they have of the fruition thereof, may make some satisfaction for their Excesses. But Scaurus hath penned among his Works a Sen­tence [Page 93]that deserves considerati­on, and that is, Non minus mag­nam virtutem esse scire desinere, quam scire dicere. It is no less vertue to know when to put a period to a Discourse, then to write the Exordium; wherefore I judge it far better to strike sayl, then to launch any farther into so vast an Ocean of Matter, as the Praise of the I [...]alians: Thus having bid adieu, I make an