Satans Temptation, AND Gods Preservation: OR SATANS POLICY AND Gods Mercy,

  • Most Lively and Amply set forth in the Discovery of the several Temptations, De­sertions, Troubles, and Afflictions, that have accompanied the Life of Robert Smith of Ludshelf, alias Litchfield, in the County of Southampton, Gent.
  • Wherein is Discovered the Method that Sa­tan took in the several Gradations thereof. With an Accompt of the Life of the Author.
  • Published for the Benefit, Comfort, and Sup­port, of any of Gods Servants, that now are, or shall be, cast into such a Deplorable Condition.

Veritas Stat in aperto Campo, &c.

London, Printed by William Downing for the Author, Anno Dom. 1685.

To the Honourable Colonel John Dean of Oxenwood, one of His Majesties Deputy Lievtenants for the County of Southamp­ton; and Robert Oxen­bregge of Piddle Trent­hide, Esq one of the Justices of the Peace for the County of Dorset.

Honoured Gentlemen,

I Here Present you with a Review in Particular of that which in General [Page]your selves were no stran­gers to.

The Reasons that indu­ced me to this Publication, were,

I The Advice of some grave Divines and others, upon the Consideration of the Good that many a weak and distressed Member of the Church of God might receive thereby; to which magnificent Structure, if I could but add one Stone, I should think my self happy in so doing, for Afflictis [Page]opitulari munificum est.

II That I might not omit to make some grateful re­turn of Praise and Thanks-giving, in an eminent and publick manner, to the God of all Mercies, which in a way and measure so ex­traordinary and marvel­lous, did shew his goodness towards me, hath consi­dered my Trouble, and known my Soul in Adver­sities. If for the least of Gods favours we owe to [Page]Him an Hymn of Thanks-giving, then surely we ought to speak abroad of all his wonderous works.

III That by this publication of things in particular, I might more particularly express my thankful ac­knowledgment of all your singular favours most un­deservedly confer'd upon me in this time of my Con­flict, (as well as at other times) since I have had the honour of a long acquain­tance with you.

The reason (most worthy Friends) that I have de­fer'd the Publication thereof this many Years, was, That I might have some Probation of my self, whereby I might fully ex­perience the sound Consti­tution of my Body and Mind; and although some for whose sake this is in­tended (and I hope they by my Conflict, as I by others, may receive some benefit) may think it long e're I made this Publick; yet the [Page]great Enemy of Mankind may think it too soon, be­cause most of his Serpen­tine Wiles and Artifices, his false and deceitful Arguings, are here expo­sed and Confuted. And although I publish this not for any Ostentation of mine own, 1 Cor. 4.7. (for what have we that we have not received) but to the Praise and Glory of my Creator and Redeemer, and the good of his Church, into whose Treasury, if I can cast but [Page]in one Mite, Mark. 12.44. I should think my self happy. And be­cause the Subject thereof is against him that is Ab­baddon and Apollion, a Destroyer, as being a Deceiver, I shall take care that he shall be able to ob­ject nothing of that nature against me, by representing all things in this Dis­course with the greatest Veracity, as being most re­pugnant to his Nature, John 8.44. who was a Lyar from the beginning.

But whereas it may be doubted, how I should re­member the several steps and gradations thereof in particular after so long a time: For Satisfaction herein, be pleased to know, That although I durst not adventure the recapitula­tion of things too soon, yet I was not too remiss in per­petuating a Memorial of so remarkable a passage of my Life, by a Collection of the heads thereof in Wri­ting, which hath enabled [Page]me in this undertaking. As to the truth of things here related, next to the testimony of a good Consci­ence, I have for my support your Attestation, whose known Justice is such, that as it will not Patronize any thing that is false, so your Clemency is so great, as will not be wanting to Coun­tenance any thing that is True: And if in any thing I seem to make too much digression, by inserting too much of the particulars of [Page]my Birth and Life; I know you have Candor enough to overlook the same, for con­sidering that many persons have taken the liberty to Write the Lives of others, I hope the like freedome may not be denied me to Write my Own, no person knowing the several passa­ges thereof more then my Self: And seeing I have Selected those things that Substract, as well as add to my Reputation, the one to be matter of Humilia­tion, [Page]the other to be mat­ter of Praise and Thanks-giving: I hope I may not be suspected for partia­lity, and the rather, be­cause it is for the satis­faction of my Reader, who must necessarily enquire in­to the forepast Life, which had such subsequent dire­ful Effects; for although I cannot excuse my Self from many Faults and Er­rors of my Life, 2 Chron. 6.36. For who Liveth that Sinneth not? Yet I know not any [Page]Capital Fact that might more particularly occasion this my sad dejection.

Therefore (to avoid pro­lixity) let no man that hath, is, or shall be, cast into such a deplorable Estate of de­sertion and Melancholy, think that his Condition is singular; for although the Method that Satan useth may be different, yet there may be something in one, that may Simpathize with another, which may afford matter of comfort and con­solation: [Page]and however, let no person whatsoever de­spair of Cure, Peace, and Restauration, who hath me hitherto for an Example, who am, and desire to ap­prove my self to God Al­mighty, a living and lively Monument of his Grace and Mercy.

Thus, good Sirs, craving your Pardon for this Pre­sumptuous Dedication, I commit you to the Protecti­on of the Almighty, that hath wonderfully preserv'd [Page]and Blessed you hitherto, desiring him to return your many kindnesses & favours towards me sevenfold, giv­ing you a long opportunity of doing good in this world, and at length Crowning you with everlasting Glory, which is, and always shall be, the hearty and fervent Prayer of him, who is,

Most Worthy Gentlemen,
Your much Devoted, Obliged, and most humble Orator and Servant, ROBERT SMITH.

Satans Temptation, AND Gods Preservation: OR, Satans Policy, AND Gods Mercy.
Discovered in the following Relation, with Observations and Remarks thereupon.

Christian, Courteous, and Candid Reader.

I HERE offer to thy View, not only things I have Read and Heard of, but Felt, my Person being the Stage on which this Tragedy was Acted; but by the Mercy [Page 2]of God I became the Victor: And now since Experimental Knowledge is by all agreed to be most Authentick; I there­fore thought this subsequent Relation might not be alto­gether unuseful.

The place where first I drew my Natural Breath, was Titcombe, in the County of Wilts; The time of my Birth, December the Thirteenth, One Thousand Six Hundred and Thirty; One of, if not the shortest Day and longest Night of the Year; It may be Pre­saging a long Night of Afflicti­on that was to follow. I was the Seventh Son of my Parents, they having Nine Children, two Daughters first, and Seven [Page 3]Sons after, my self being the last, an Omen also it may be of something — Remarkable. My Father was Minister of that place, a Man of no mean Birth, my Grand-Father being a Mem­ber of the Common-Council of the City of London, and Alderman of his Ward: But my Father was Cheated of his Estate by his after Father-in-Law: Lord Danvers of Glimp­ton in the County of Oxon. My Grand-Mother de­scended of an Honourable Fa­mily. My Fathers Preferment, as Vicar of Titcombe, was but Mean, but his Parts not so, having given Probation there­of in his Eighth Sermon at St. Maries in Oxon before Bishop Ʋsher and Dr. Prideaux, who both gave him their commen­datory [Page 4]Thanks: His Degree Master of Arts, Quotemporary, and Chamber-Fellow with Dr. Featly in Corpus Christi Colledge in Oxon. His Knowledge was not little in the Tongues, espe­cially in the Greek, which gave encouragement to several Ho­nourable Families to commit the Tuition of their Sons to his Boarding Instruction: Hunger­fords and Pyles. By which Augmentation of main­tenance he was enabled to breed two of his Sons to and at the University, Ludshelf in the County of South­hampton the one Rector of this place; my self, as a third, intended by him for the same, who, by his Instruction, had made some good Progress thereunto, and whom he (as himself said) intended for [Page 5]the Study of Physick, [being a Seventh Son, and so having some affinity to that Worthy Profession.] And in regard my Fathers Means and Fortune was but short and narrow, though at that time possest of a good Parsonage of 120 pound, Bang­hurst in the Coun­ty of South­hampton or 140 pound per an­num, which by reason of Age, and Inability of Body and Mind, he thought fit to resign to my Brother to Officiate, reserving but little to himself. I was at first Inforc'd (though Young) to the Teaching of a Private School for some short time; and the hopes of my Fathers intended Design was now at a period: Arguments were by my Brother (to ease [Page 6]himself of charge) propound­ed, viz. That Learning, as times then stood, would become of little Credit, much less Pre­ferment: That a Trade would be better, more certain, and du­rable; by which, I was per­swaded to Steer my course for London, where Lying in a Taylors House, which also (in those times) was a Solicitor, a Man of strong Natural Parts, and having a great Faculty in Sueing of Attorneys and others upon Indirect practices: But lying sometime without Im­ployment, and Money grow­ing short, his Wife taking no­tice thereof, and of my Youth, seduced me to a Living with her Husband, which I did, to [Page 7]avoid a worse condition, for about the space of one Year, not two, not so much as a Servant, as a Companion; my little use of a Pen conducing much to his advantage, being an Illiterate Man: But this way began to be uneasie, as not suitable to my Humour and Education, so paying of him Ten pound (which Friends had Lent me) I acquitted my self of that condition, and en­deavoured to find out another, and at last, a Friend of mine intending the change of his own Imployment, recommen­ded me to succeed him in the attendance of a Person of Qua­lity, Nath. Stephens of Easton in County Gloucest. Esq; one of the Knights of the Shire for the County of Glou­cester, [Page 8]who understanding me to be the Son of a Divine, used me with more Respect: A Barrester at Law he was, one of his Sons, and Son in Law, being Eminent Practicers, the one at the Exchequer-Bar, Serjeant Stephens Sir John Stowel. the o­ther in his Chamber; for whom I did some business in the way of Clerk-ship; wherein I took such delight, that I endeavour­ed an Improvement thereof in the several Hands, both Long and Short, Reading Books of Presidents, observing the Practice of the several Courts in Westminster-Hall, Living near thereunto, and having much leasure time; I spent much of the same (I wish more) in Reading and Study [Page 9]for the space of Four years: but having as all men by Nature have, the Seeds of Pride and Ambition, I changed my Sta­tion, not my Condition, those short liv'd Juncto's in the Oli­verian times frustrating my hoped for Atcheivements. At length by the recommendation of a Gentleman of Quality, Sir Rich. Knightly of Fawsly in the County of North­hampton I was preferred to the service of an honourable and prudent Gentleman, and of a great E­state, a Barrester also at Law, and one whose Abilities in di­vers Parliaments (not Olive­rian) and Council of State, (not Safety) was to most known Men sufficiently known throughout the Kingdom, with whom I lived about Six years, [Page 10]who, after some continuance with him, intrusted me with matters of no small weight; and whose confidence of my Fidelity was so great, that tho I several times importun'd him with all imaginable earnest­ness to take my Accompts, would not be prevailed with to do the same, which after his Death proved to me no little Grief, as then wanting his Ratification and Attestation, who was onely Privy to the Transaction. He being Dead, all the hopes of my Preferment was Buried with him, of which I could not, if he had Lived, but promise my self probable hopes, he being by the Lord Cancellor Hide and Viscount [Page 11] Herefords means, introduced in­to his late Majesties favour, who declared his Kindness to him: And I might be the more encouraged to cherrish these hopes, because my immediate Predecessor but one had in three Years time not gained less then 1500 pounds in being Clerk to that Committee of which he was Chairman for Exchange of Prisoners. The life of Man being thus uncertain, as Hodie Rex Cras Cadaver, all depen­dencies thereon are vain, which makes men of low degree Va­nity, and men of high degree a Lye; Psalm 62.9. and it is in vain to put confidence in Princes, or in the Sons of Men. This Honour­able Gentleman, and my Be­loved [Page 12]Master, being Dead, I had (amongst others) commit­ted to me the care of his Em­balming, in order to his Inter­ment in the Country; and be­ing willing to satisfie my Curi­osity in the opening of his Bo­dy, from whence (as I conceiv­ed) some Vapours affected my Head. And altho I continued with my Lady some Months after, yet my condition was full of dolour and uncomfortable, tho carried off with as much strength as Nature could afford. My Ladies desired stay being at an end, I withdrew my self to a Friends house in St. Martins Lane, near Covent-Garden, where being in a discomposed Sleep, I heard a fluttering noise [Page 13]as if it were in the Chimney, and a voice (as by me understood) saying, Where is your Doctor Manton now? A Man by me held in great Veneration for his Learning, publick Abilities, and good Life, though it may be not without Errors, from which no Man can pretend an exemption. My Distemper growing higher by my too much Musing on my Condition, I imparted the same to several worthy Friends, both Divines and others, whose Prayers and Tears were not wanting in condoling my Con­dition, and Praying for my Recovery.

My Case being thus, I thought it best, having an on­ly Brother in the Country a Di­vine, [Page 14]whose house I made choice of for the place of my Retirement, and unto whose Care and Counsel I committed my self, who was not wanting in procuring all help by Phisi­tians to my Body, and by Re­verend Divines, to afford all good Counsel to my Soul, as Fasting and Prayer, for the re­covery of my inward Man, who was then fallen into so sad dejection, both of Body and Mind, that I was so disquieted, that I had not I think one hour of quiet rest from the Month of May, till the Month of Fe­bruary following: But loe here the Power and Mercy of the Almighty was seen, That altho a Fontinel was made by a hot [Page 15]Iron in my Head, yet tho sen­sible thereof, disturbed me not, though the benefit of Nature was wanting for a fortnight or three weeks together, though Physick of the strongest Nature never wrought, tho rest ceased, Ez. 9.15. yet God preserved me alive as at this day.

In this mine Agony and Con­flict, Satan was not wanting in his Temptations, whose Me­thod in order I shall discover in these following Suggestions.

I. Suggestion.

That certainly I did not be­long to God, because such dread­ful Afflictions had befallen me.

And here I think it will not be amiss for Illustration sake, [Page 16]by way of Dialogue between Satan and the Sinner, to set forth Satans Assaults, and the Sinners Repulses, for tho I dare not say that all these In­sinuations, and the Responses thereof were Modo & forma, dilated upon in my late Con­flict, yet the Heads and Mat­ter thereof were: And me­thinks I remember him begin­ing (as to our first Parents) his Parley and Speaking to my Fancy, to this effect, in this Dialect.

Man, Satan. Thy Condition is La­mentable, worse then the worst of Mens; Surely, Thy Spiritual Estate is not sound, God doth seldome let such dreadful effects of his Indignation fall upon [Page 17]any Man, but for some deep dy'd Sins, that must be of so beynous a Nature, beyond the name of humane Frailties, or common In­firmities; surely thy Profession of Christianity hath been but dis­guised Hypocrisie; thou art but one in Masquerade; Rev. 3.1. thou hast a Name to live, but art dead; sure­ly didst thou belong to God, and wert one of his, he is a God of Mercy, and would not leave thee or forsake thee in this so sad and deplorable a Condition.

It's true, my Case is bad, Sinner. to be Lamented even with Tears of Blood, and my Spiritual Estate needs a serious conside­ration; soundness in Christia­nity needs an exact Scrutiny; Life and Death depend upon it; [Page 18]for if Aarons Sons offer strange fire, Levit. 11.14. Fire shall devour them; Jealousie is hottest about the Sanctuary, Read Ezek. 8. and who can dwell with Everlasting Burnings? Great Sins deserve great Punish­ments; Isa. 33.14 I need therefore to look into mine own heart, and search what particular Sins I have been guilty of before God, and to spread and bewail them be­fore him, which through the Divine assistance I have done, and if God be graciously pleased to acquit, Rom. 8.1. who can condemn.

But doth not God often sore­ly Afflict them that belong to him? surely Satan, thou art in nothing else more a Lyar than in this; Psal. 88.14, 15. what made godly Heman so bitterly to complain, [Page 19]good Hezekiah to chatter like a Crane, Isa. 38.8. Psal. 38.8. upright David to roar through the disquietness of his heart, and the blessed Jesus to cry out in his Agony, My God, Mat. 27.46. my God, why hast thou forsaken me? [And in our late days, how sharp and violent hath thy Temptations been: In thy Assaults upon Mrs. Katharine Stubbs, and Mrs. Sarah White, and many others, to whom God hath given Evidence of their sincerity, by their Con­quests over him, and of their inward Consolation] And as in respect of inward Deserti­ons, so of outward Afflictions; Witness St. Paul, Job, and ma­ny of the Worthies of Old, Heb. 11.37. which were Destituted, Afflict­ed, [Page 20]Tormented: And in our late times, so much the Wicked were suffered to prosper, that even the Anoynted of the Lord was taken in their Nets, Lam. 4.20. and the Royal Diadem of Majesty made subject to a Fatal Stroke; and some of the shining Stars of Nobility obscured, and their Honours laid in the Dust; with several Martyrs, Confessors, and others, who have given Signal demonstrations of their Since­rity, and belonging to God.

But what if I shew thee, oh Satan! some Marks and E­vidences of Sincerity, former­ly by me Collected; Wilt thou say, that these are Tokens of Hypocrisie? or can'st thou not but confess the contrary?

I I have observed in the course of Gods Providence, that God hath had a regard to me in all conditions; but especially in Af­flictions and Distress, God hath given me Comfort and Relief.

II That tho God hath given me Afflictions to Humble me, yet he hath given me some Comforts to support and up­hold my Heart from Sinking.

III I ever had (since any work of God visibly upon me) a sense of Gods Authority, and my Duty: That at any time, I was unfit for any business of Moment, unless I had first commited my self to God by Prayer.

IV I have often desired of God that he would grant me such a [Page 22]way to Live in the World, that I might with comfort and free­dome serve him.

V I have always had a Love to those that were truly Godly, tho differing in Judgment in the circumstantials of Christian Religion: And have had more a desire of the Conversion of Enemies, then their Confusion.

VI I have pressed and desired after more Holiness, and more Humbleness and Repentance, then I could ever sensibly find in my self.

VII I have many times found the presence of God in his Word and Sacraments, warming and enflaming my Love.

Now, What say'st thou Oh Enemy of Mankind? Are [Page 23]these signs of Hypocrisie, or Sincerity? 'Tis true, some of them may be lyable to thy ca­vil and exception, but others of them, are beyond thy So­phistry or Evasion.

But what is this to thy Con­dition? Satan.

II. Suggestion.

Thy day is past, the door of Grace is shut: Had'st Thou look'd to it sooner, and made Thy Calling and Election sure, 2. Pet. 3.10. when Thou wast in Thy Youth and Strength, it had been well for Thee; but Thou hast Lived many Years in the World, and Gods Calls by Sickness and o­therwise, hath been frequent; The Golden Scepter of Grace [Page 24]and Mercy hath been held forth, and Thou hast Refus'd to come in and Submit; but now Divine Vengeance hath Pursued and Overtaken Thee, and the door of Grace is shut; 'Tis now too late; What canst Thou do?

The consideration of my no sooner turning to God, Sinner. and setting my Face Heaven­wards, is matter of Sorrow and Humiliation: The Calls of God to Repentance, and my Omission, needs deep Re­pentance indeed; and that the time afforded for Repenting, should be employed in Sining, makes me cry out with the Publican, Luk. 18.13. God be Merciful to me a Sinner: And if in Truth the door of Grace were shut, my [Page 25]Condition were irreparable. But how camest thou, oh Sa­tan, into Gods Privy Council? How camest thou to know that mine (or any Mans) day of Grace is past? doth not God Call at the Sixth Hour, and Ninth Hour? 'Tis true, late Repentance is seldome True; but if True, God ac­cepts it, though it be late: Is the Promise of Christ (That whosoever comes to the Father, Joh. 6.37. by him, he will in no wise cast out) prefixt to such a day of the Month, or Year, in Mans Life? Did not he that came last, Matth. 20.9. re­ceive a penny, as well as he that came first? Hath not thy old Delusion been long enough known to the World, in telling [Page 26]Sinners that 'tis time enough to Repent; and when God hath by some extraordinary Judg­ment, or otherwise, called up­on them to do it, then it was too late? And is not every Mans day of Grace a Secret known only to him that is the Antient of days? Dan. 7.9. And doth not secret things belong to God?

III. Suggestion.

But Man, Satan. Talk what Thou wilt, Eternal Misery is Thy Portion: Thou mayest cherrish up vain hopes, and Thy Friends may give Thee many and great Cordials of Comfort; But Thy Sun is Set, Thy day of Grace is past, irreversible Judgment is [Page 27]pronounced, and what remains but Execution; and this is Thy Doom; trouble Thy self no fur­ther; this is Thy Condition.

These are dreadful Tydings, Sinner. oh Satan! indeed, (if true) enough to make the Heart of the stoutest Sinner to quake and tremble, and to cry out and weep bitterly, when the Ar­rows of the Almighty stick so fast in him, Job 6.4. and his Hand pres­seth him so sore.

But Satan, Methinks this is like the Language of Jobs Wife (by thee Instructed) Curse God and Dye: Job 2.9. 'Tis not to be de­nied, that Execution naturally followeth Judgment; Romans 6.24. The Wa­ges of Sin is Death.

But is there no hope in all this? Are not all those exceed­ing great and pretious Promises that God hath made in his word of use, 2 Pet. 1.4. and to be used in such a case? Must a Mans final Portion be concluded by his present condition? Must all the dealings of God with his Church in general, and Per­sons in particular, be Rejected? surely, No. The Promises of God are Wells of Salvation to Refresh, and Breasts of Con­solation to Nourish the People of God, and every Gracious Soul: And do not they speak in this manner; In my Wrath I hid my Face, Isa. 54.8, 11. for a Moment, but with Everlasting Mercy will I gather thee. Oh thou Afflicted, [Page 29]tossed with Tempest, and not Comforted, behold, I will lay thy Foundations with Saphirs, &c. Blessed are they that Mourn, for they shall be Comforted; Mat. 5.4. And they that Sow in Tears shall Reap in Joy. Psalm 126.5. Is not here a hiding of Gods Face, a tossing with Tempest, a Mourning, a Sowing in Tears, before Ga­thering with Everlasting Mer­cy, a laying with Saphirs, a Reaping with Joy, and being Comforted? Did not the Son of God endure a painful Life, and suffer a shameful Death? and did it not behoove him so to do, and then enter into his Glory? Nay, Act. 17.13. let us see whe­ther a Promise of God will not stay the Soul, and raise [Page 30]some hopes, even when the most dreadful Judgments have befallen any Man. When A­dam had Sinned, he could see nothing but Guilt; all the Creatures were Cursed for his sake, and himself cast out of Paradice: What great sadness must this needs be? Why, God comforts him with this Promise, Gen. 3.15. That the Seed of the Woman should break the Serpents Head. Solomons supplication for the People, was at the Dedication of the Temple, and setting of the Ark of God therein, that when the several Calamities (by him particularly enume­rated) were befallen them, 2 Chron. 6.38, 39. yet if they turned to him with all their Heart, that God would [Page 31]hear in Heaven, and be Mer­ciful unto them; And his Pray­er met with Gods approbation and acceptance. 2 Chron. 7.1. And when Jonah had made himself a Fu­gitive, and by it had brought himself into deep Horror; and when his Soul fainted within him, even then he remembred God, and his Prayer came in unto him into his holy Temple. Jona. 2.7.

But must I not, Oh thou Prince of Darkness, trouble my self no further? Must my present condition be always such as it is now? Shall I quit the Conflict, and proclaim thee Victor? far be it from me so to do; seeing that he that is in me, 1 Joh. 5.4. is greater then he that is in the World. This Lyon of the [Page 32]Tribe of Judah, Rev. 5.5. is gone forth Conquering and to Conquer; he it is that hath the Keys of Hell and Death, and openeth and no Man shutteth, and shutteth and no Man openeth; Heb. 21.8 He that was Tempted, and therefore able to succour those that are Tempted; Heb. 7.27 And able to Save to the utmost; he whom the Father hath Com­missioned, and given Authori­ty over even Principalities and Powers; Phil. 2.9. And given a Name above every Name; he who hath Manfully Triumphed over Sin and Satan, Hell and the Grave, in his Crucifixion, Re­surrection and Assention to Glory. Shall I then be afraid to Fight under his Banner, whom I have so solemnly [Page 33]owned in my Baptismal Vow? And for thy Counsel of trou­bling my self no further, I shall not take it, seeing thou art a Deceiver, and by this also in­tendest to deceive; for not ea­sily to trouble my self now, is to beget immensity of trou­ble hereafter; 'Tis time then, and not till then, to cease resist­ing, when thou ceasest Tempt­ing.

We cannot perform Holy Duties, but Satan interposeth. If Joshua the High Priest stand Ministring before the Lord, Satan stands at his Right Hand; Zach. 3.1 Therefore our Lord hath bid us Watch and Pray, and in his Prayer, hath bid us say, And lead us not into Temptation; [Page 34]and we are bid, Abrenuntia Satanae qui circuit ut devoret: And can we be safe from trou­ble, that are subject to the Prey of a Roaring Lyon? But be not afraid, oh my Soul! he that is Guardian of the Saints, The Keeper of Israel never slum­bereth nor sleepeth; Psalm 121.4. and hold out and endure to the end, Let no Man take thy Crown; Rev. 3.11.17.14 And thou shalt overcome by the Power of the Lamb.

Well, Satan. go on as Victoriously as thou canst, and deceive thy self as thou wilt.

IV. Suggestion.

Thou shalt suddainly be sur­prised by me, Thou art in Cap­tivity [Page 35]to me, and I have Pos­session of Thee.

I told Thee before what Thy Doom was, and yet Thou Nou­rished'st up Thy self with hopes, and made Scriptural Arguments Thy Refuge: But even in that Thou art also deceived; For, what hope hath the Hypocrite? Job 27.8. Thou chargest me with delusions, but no one a greater deluder then Thy self, and that to Thy self; but now Thou art under my do­mination, 'twill not be long be­fore I make Thee know, that all Thy pretensions are but vain.

I must confess (Oh subtle Serpent) thy Darts are Fierce and Fiery, Sinner. and were not my Soul and Body (through Di­vine [Page 36]protection) Impregnable, I might sit down in horror and amazement: But surely things are not as thou makest them; What God may permit thee to do hereafter, is as well unknown to thee as me; and had'st thou any power of me, thou art not so great a Friend to Mankind, but thy Rage would be by me and many o­thers sufficiently known. I must confess, thou pursuest me with Visions of the Night, and I am so troubled I cannot Sleep, Job 20.8. and in my unquiet Slumbers, Suggests strange things to my Fancy, sometimes by Elevati­ons, as tho I wanted nothing but wings to Fly; sometimes by Depressions, as though my [Page 37]Body was the Basis and Foun­dation, upon which some pon­derous Superstructure stood; sometimes, as tho something lay as heavy upon my Breast, of no less weight then Ledd, and by its suddain departure, Suggesting as though I had been Companion with some ugly Vulture; and by many various misrepresentations to my Sense in Slumber, (though I bless God not to my sight, any ways to affright me) thou hast accosted me; not by Words to be demonstrated, but as Truth to be believed. Be­sides, those ridiculous Fancies, not by words decently to be Expressed, and not without ab­horrence to be Remembred. [Page 38]How much of this may be im­puted to a Natural, and by this Conflict acquired Melan­choly, I leave to the Learned to decide: But surely, a great deal of it was not from Natu­ral Indisposition, but from Satannical Delusion; And it may be my Memory and un­derstanding being continued to me, by Gods Preservation, was in order to make it known, for the support of others, by Pub­lication. But is not this boast­ing of my Captivity, and false Suggestion of thy having pos­session of me, the effects of thy Pride, oh fallen Angel? Could'st thou of old not enter into the Carcass of a Swine, Matth. 5.12. without the leave of our Bles­sed [Page 39]Lord; and hast thou Pow­er of thy self to enter into my Body, which is the Temple of the Holy Ghost? 1 Corrin. 6.19. Shall that Body which ought to be pre­sented a Living Sacrifice to God, by Dedication, become a place for thy Reception? Shall that Body which ought only to bow to God in Divine Worship, by Prostration and Adoration, be subject to thy Devotion, when thou wilt, for a Habitation? Shall that Bo­dy, whom by the Merits of the Blessed Jesus, at the Resurrecti­on, hopes to meet with Glori­fication, be the subject of thy debased Vilification? surely, No; And doubtless, hadst thou such an uncontrouled Power [Page 40]as thou hast by pretension, the direful effects thereof, not only to my Body, but the whole World, would be known by its Destruction; thou being not unfitly termed (as of old) a Destroyer. Rev. 9.11

But what talkest Thou so much, Satan. oh Sinner, of thy Body?

V. Suggestion.

Thou art unworthy of any Creature Comforts, and therefore Sinful to Eat Thy Bread, or to use any outward means for Thy Recovery.

Thou thinkest and hopest Man that this is but Melancholy, and Thy Friends seek Thy Cure, and tell Thee Thou must be chear­ful, [Page 41]and use such means as God hath ordained; but Thy Sins have been such, that the least Mercy doth not belong to Thee: Hast Thou the Face to consume Gods benefits, and to speak of Recovery? If God had ordain­ed it, it would have been long e're this, using such means as Thou hast done.

I must confess, Oh Satan! Sinner. thou art in words not a Lyar in this, whatever thou art in intention; Gen. 32.10. for I may say with Jacob, I am not worthy of the least of all thy Mercies: We are not worthy of a Crumb that falls from thy Table, oh Lord! If Worthiness of Receipt, is to be judged according to the [Page 42]Worthiness of Merit, there is none but one that is Worthy; even the Lamb, Slain from the Foundation of the World. Rev. 5.4. If our Receipts of Mercy depen­ded upon our Merit, we might starve in the midst of all that plentiful Provision that God hath provided for the Souls and Bodies of his Sanctified ones. Hath not he that is the great House-Keeper of Heaven and Earth, said, Go Eat thy Bread with Joy, and Drink thy Wine with a Merry Heart? Eccl. 9.7. Did not the Primitive Christians Eat their Bread with gladness and singleness of Heart, Act. 2.4.7. Praising God? Doth Christianity ex­clude all Earthly Felicity? Doth it become the Servants of the [Page 43]most high, to have always their Countenances sad? Is not their Work good, and their Wages proportionable? Are not they bidden to Rejoyce always, and again I say Rejoyce; Phil. 4.4, 5. but so as to let their moderation be known to all Men? Is not this thy old wont, if thou canst not Tempt Men to be Luxurious, then to be too Parcimonious, and be­tween these two Rocks to make Shipwrack of their Faith? 1 Tim. 1.19. Was it not a Wise Request, made by a Wise Man back't with strong Reason, Give me neither Poverty nor Riches? Proverbs 30.8, 9. Is not there a Golden mediocrity in these things, free from thy exception, surely Yes?

But are not outward means to be sought for Recovery? Hath God made that Profession of no use, Eccles. 38.1. Col. 4.14 to which he hath affixed the Title of Honour, and Beloved? 'Tis true, Asa is branded with seeking to the Physitians, 2 Chron. 16.12. and not unto the Lord; but if he had sought unto the Lord, by the Physiti­ans, would any Man thought him blame-worthy? Was not Hezekiah bid to take a Lump of Figgs, Isa. 36.21. when Diseased, and apply to his Sore? 'Tis true, the sence of my condition makes me forget to Eat my Bread; and I have so great an apprehension of my unwor­thiness and demerits, that my Friends cannot perswade me to [Page 45]take my appointed Food with­out force; Job 23.12. but shall the great­ness of my Sins and unwor­thiness, or the long use of in­effectual means, make me give over? Must not I wait all the days of my Life until my change come? Job 14.14. Shall not those that wait on the Lord, renew their strength? And are not they proclaimed Blessed that wait for him? Isa. 40.31 The Vision is for an appointed time, Hab. 2.3. but in the end it will Speak. Shall I that am but Dust and Ashes, Limit him that is Controuler and Gover­nour of the whole World? Doth not the time of my Re­covery depend upon him who is the Lord of time? And doth not Times and Seasons belong [Page 46]unto the Father? Mar. 13.32 Was not mur­muring Israel of old taxed with this fault, They Limited the Holy one of Israel? Psalm. 78.41. Is it not then better in patience to pos­sess ones Soul, and with De­vout Heart as well as Tongue, to Pray, Thy will be done, Oh Lord! and to Wait for the Lord, as they that watch for the Morning; Psalm 130.6.7. for with the Lord is Mercy and plenteous Redempti­on; And to lay hold on the Covenant of Grace; which al­though it be not with me as it should, Yet (I may say as David did in another case) he hath made an Everlasting Cove­nant with me, 2 Sam. 23.5. ordered in all things and sure.

I must confess, Oh Sinner! Satan. Thy method is good, and if any way is left for Thy Salvation, it is by laying hold of his Cove­nant of Grace: But,

VI. Suggestion.

Thou wantest Faith and Re­pentance, the necessary qualifica­tions of the Covenant; and therefore that doth not belong to Thee.

Thou speakest much of Gods Covenant, which indeed to them to whom it doth belong, is full of Grace and Mercy; Psalm 25.10. but it is to them that keep his Covenants. Thou hast broken Covenant with him, and Thou wantest Repen­tance to Repent Thee truly of the breach thereof, and Faith [Page 48]to believe, that upon that Re­pentance which Thou hast made, that God hath forgiven Thee, Jeremiah 31.34. and according to his Covenant will remember Thy Sins no more. Thou that can'st not trust God for daily supplies, do'st Thou think that Thou hast Faith? And what if God hath made such enestimable Promises, and made such a Feast of Fat things, Isa. 25.6. if Thou wantest a Hand to reach them unto Thee, what art Thou the better?

Thou sayest, Sinner. Oh mine E­nemy! that I want Faith, and indeed so I do, for every Man may say with the Blessed Di­sciples, Lord encrease our Faith. And altho thou grantest the [Page 49]Premises, yet thou deniest the conclusion; but I hope I can say, through Grace, Lord I do believe, help thou mine unbelief. Joh. 9.38. There are some Divine Cha­racters that are stampt upon true Faith; It works by Love, and it breaths by Hope; It works by Love, to God, to Man.

If I find in my self such an enflamed Love, that if my Sa­viour would accept me to Grace and Mercy, I could be content to endure those Flames that were represented visibly by the Flames of an Oven to my Bo­dily Eye, for the sake of my Blessed Lord; And also if I find in my self an hearty Love to Man, by which the Apostle [Page 50]saith, 1 John 3.14. We may know our Tran­sition from Death to Life, be­cause we Love the Brethren: And if good works be an Evi­dence of true Faith, what bet­ter work can there be then to Love our Brother? And this was the signal badge of being Disciples of the Blessed Jesus, Even Love to one another. Joh. 13.35. If I Love those that are of a diffe­rent Judgment, for the good that is in them, can'st thou, Oh Satan! deny this to be true Faith? This is one of the Wea­pons by which thou art made to fly, and by it, Thou and the World art overcome. 1 Joh. 5.4. 'Tis by this Faith, Christ is brought in­to the Soul, and in him all those God-Covenanting Promises [Page 51]which he hath made, of being our God, of puting his Fear in our Hearts, of taking away the Heart of Stone, and giving Hearts of Flesh, &c. These are links of that Golden Chain of Love, wherewith God hath bound himself to his People, and left it upon Record for their Comfort. This is the River, Psa. 46.4. the Streams whereof shall make glad the City of our God.

But thou sayest, Oh mine Enemy! I want also Repen­tance, 'tis true; beside our ge­neral Repentance, we need daily Repentance for daily Sin; he whose Body was washed by the Water of Repentance, for former Sins, Jo. 13.10. had need to wash his feet for continued Transgressions, [Page 52]even in that Fountain opened to the House of David, Zac. 13.1 and to the Inhabitants of Jerusalem.

But how knowest thou, oh Satan! that I want that Re­pentance which God will ac­cept? 'tis not such a degree of any Grace that is required, so there is so much to make it true and saving. If Confession, if Contrition and Compunction of Soul, accompanied with a sincere forsaking of Sin in Re­solution, may be judged Badg­es of the Divine Order of Pe­nitents, I hope with all Hu­mility to pretend to be a little Member of that Heavenly So­ciety. And surely, if all the forementioned Ingredients are necessary to make this Holy [Page 53]Oyntment of Repentance; my condition hath afforded me much opportunity of joyning in making the Composition. But if I wanted Faith and Re­pentance, to whom should I go, but to the giver of both? Phil. 1.29 To you it is given to believe; And to them God granted Re­pentance unto Life. Act. 11.18. Oh my Soul, wait upon Thy God, for from him, and him alone, cometh Thy help, and Thy Salvation. Psa. 43.5.

I cannot blame Thee, Satan. Oh Sin­ner! to be careful of Thy Sal­vation; Eternal Weal or Woe depends upon it; and therefore if Thou wilt hearken to me, I will tell Thee a way how to do it.

VII. Suggestion.

The way to save Thy Soul, is to destroy Thy Life.

This is the only way that is left, and if Thou wilt do it, I will shew Thee a way how Thou mayest accomplish Thy desired End.

This is strange, Sinner. Oh subtle Serpent! that a thing of such contrariety and inconsistency, should concur in Harmony, and my designed Felicity. Must I break the Divine Law of the Supream Legislator, and be­come a Felo de se, &c. and pro­mise my self impunity, nay, benefit thereby. Certainly, if ever thou wert Transfor­med [Page 55] into an Angel of Light, 2 Cor. 11.14. 'tis now. At this time we may truly say, Satanas inter filios Dei; for thou to pretend my Salvation in such a man­ner, as intends my Souls De­struction, and then to suggest to me such a way so ridiculous and fantastical, in a thing not to be named without Laugh­ter and Detestation. Must my Mother be an instrument of my Consumption and Anihila­tion, that was a means of my Conception and Production. Can a Man enter into his Mo­thers Womb, and be Born again? Joh. 3.4. Had not thy Ridicularity been to others formerly known, and now to my self, it would scarcely have been believed, [Page 56]as having no affinity with thy pretended Sagacity. It must confess, my long denied Rest, and continued Conflict, hath so weakened my understand­ings, that I am not fully Master of my own Reason, and there­fore a fit subject for thy delu­sion; and I am so strongly and violently Assaulted with thy restless Temptation, forcing me (as it were) against my will, to my Bodies destruction; that had those ways at another time been by me used, it certainly had attained its final accom­plishment: But, loe here! the goodness of God was seen in my Preservation, who is able to keep us all by his Al­mighty Power, 1 Pet. 15. Through Faith [Page 57]unto Salvation; and will not suffer us to be Tempted above measure, 1 Comin. 10.13. But will with the Temptation make a way for our escape.

But will not thou, oh Satan! for all this be quiet? Hast thou been all this while raising thy Batteries, and keeping me thine Enemy waking, with the Roaring Canons of Terrors and amazement, and art thou now resolved upon the Storming of my weakned Gar­rison? Well, come on, and if by the Power of the Almighty I hold out now, Rom. 8.37. I shall be more then Conquerour. If I have him for my Captain, whom thy audacity was so great as to Tempt to the casting himself [Page 58]from the Pinacle of the Tem­ple: Matth. 4.5, 6. Hebrews 2.18. He is able to succour them that are Tempted; and tho in my self as weak as David, yet being strengthned by him who is all strength, and Mighty to Save; Isa. 63.1. I shall be able to En­counter and overcome thee, that art the Goliah of my Soul; And though thy last Darts are terrible, and thou a cunning Archer, and hast wounded me sore; Yet my Bow hath abode in strength, Genesis 49.13. being made strong by the Mighty God of Jacob.

Christian Reader.

I Have, by these imperfect Delineaments, given thee a Survey of my Pilgrimage, into the Wilderness and Red Sea of Affliction: Give me leave now to give thee (with as much brevity as may be) my approaches to the Land of Canaan.

About the end of February, towards the beginning of the Spring, began the Spring of my Comfort: Being tired with the too frequented Prison of my Chamber, from May preceeding. I had a desire to go to the Fire in the Kitchen of my Brothers House, and [Page 60]seeing the Blessed Bible (which were it the Talmud among the Jews, and Alcoran amongst the Turks, would be used with more Veneration) I Read therein; and those things in my fore-past Conflict and Desertion, which were full of Obscurity and Darkness, now began to afford Comfort and Support Therefore let not the Atheist and Antiscriptu­rist doubt of its verity by my experiment; Nor the Dis­consolate fear of its affording matter of Consolation, in the time of the greatest Agonies.

And continuing so for some time, and Reading over those Scriptural Councels that I had formerly perused, and [Page 61]remembring those Grave Ad­vices given me by sundry E­minent Divines and Friends; the beams of Divine Light and Love began to shine, And the Sun of Righteousness to appear with healing in his Wings. Mal. 4.2. And as my inward Man began to be Revived, my outward Man began to be Refreshed; and using those things which are by Sacred appointment, ordained for Comfort and Refreshment, by me formerly rejected, I arrived to that degree of Com­fort, that hath by the Mercy of God, chearfully supported me above this Twenty Years; Totally freed from the dregs of that bitter Cup: And [Page 62]through the goodness of my Blessed Preserver, I hope for the continuance of the Peace, and Tranquility which I at this present enjoy, both in Soul and Body; For, although I cannot but acknowledge my multiplied Transgressions, and that which is great matter of Humiliation, That I have not rendred according to the Mercy received: 2 Chron. 32.25. Yet this is matter of Rejoycing to have a Conscience void of Offence, Act. 24.16. to­wards God and Man: And therefore Praise the Lord, oh my Soul! and forget not all his benefits; who hath, doth, and will I hope, Deliver me from the Power of Sin and Sa­tan, Col. 1.13 and preserve me safe unto [Page 63]the Everlasting Kingdom of his dear Son; And therefore, Al­lelujah, Salvation, Dominion, and Power be given to him that sits upon the Throne, Rev. 5.13 and to the Lamb for evermore.

And now, Christian Reader, having given thee a true and Impartial account, of this my doleful Conflict, and of my Birth and course of Life, pre­cedent thereunto. Give me leave, for a conclusion, (that God may have the Glory of all) to give thee a short Narrative of my Life subsequent, and of my Estate and Condition, to this present day.

Being, by the Providence of Almighty God, restored to [Page 64]my Health and Understanding, I reassumed the Study of those things, wherein I formerly took delight, both in Law, Equity, and Clerkship, for altho Doctrina stultis sperni­tur, and the practise of Law hath little Reputation of Ho­nesty amongst the Vulgar; yet I doubt not but that the true Profession of the Gospel may be accompanied with the use of our Common Law; It being designed to strengthren Religion, and not to weaken or undermine it; And although some ill Men are not by just Men to be justified; yet, the Piety, Justice, and Ingenuity of many others are not to be denied, but rather by all [Page 65]good Men to be immitated and commended.

After some use of Country business, in drawing things of the lowest Nature; and as my knowledge of Things and Persons, and theirs of me in­creased, I came to the draw­ing of things of a Superiour account, as Leases, Mortgages, Deeds, Conveyances, Settle­ments, &c. and of any, or most Instruments, that are now in use; And also in man­aging of Causes, both in Law or Equity, wherein I have had as good success, as any Man proportionable to that obscure place, and little Im­ployment I had undertaken: [Page 66]my Humour not leading me much that way, and now my declension of Years not per­miting much Travel; and my Condition desiring rather a Home conveying Employ, though not a total rejection of any other.

When I had spent about Six Years in practising as a Solicitor in the Court of Com­mon Pleas (as in others) and having made proof thereof, by a Certificate from an In­genious Gentleman, and an Attorney of that Court, I was by him recommended for my fitness, to the chief Prothonotary, to be Sworn Attorney of the said Court; [Page 67]who having a Knowledge of one of those Worthy Gentle­men, and of his Family under whom I was bred; and hav­ing Examined me in his Office, by the Rules of Practise, and by Reading one of the Re­cords of the Court, and by enquiring into my Education and Breeding; he told me, that if my self, and the Gen­tleman that Certified for me, came in our Formalities to the Treasury next Morning, he would recommend me to the Judges of that Court for Approbation; which Judges then were Lord chief Justice Vaughan, Justice Windham, Justice Archer, and Justice [Page 68] Wild, which being come, Mr. Robinson (after made Sir Thomas Robinson) the Protho­notary moved them in my concern; and Mr. Justice Wild withdrew, and Exami­ned me, Read my Certificate, Written with my own Hand, in the Hand of the Court, who approving of me, order­ed my being Sworn, which was accordingly done in the said Court in Westminster-Hall, and afterwards Enrolled: And having performed all things Requisite and usual, I have ever since, more or less, con­tinued in the said Imployment, having not missed (before and since my being Sworn) above [Page 69]six or seven Terms this Two or Three and Twenty Years, besides Ten Years Service and Study previous to the same. So that I bless Almighty God, that he hath so infinitely, be­yond my Deserts, dealt so Lovingly with me, by raising me out of the great depth of Adversity, and affording me so many happy Years since: I bless God that I have Imploy­ed those opportunities to the benefit of others, and my self. But as to the Ability I have shewn, in what business hath been committed to my Care, and what success I have had therein, Modesty suffers me not to Relate; Yet my Re­flections [Page 70]thereon, affords mat­ter of Comfort to my self, and Praise to the God of all Grace and Mercy. There­fore I leave these things to the Judgment and Observa­tion of those several Worthy Gentlemen of the Laiety and Clergy, Ladies, and others, who have received benefit thereby.

What Integrity, Care, and Industry I have used out of my way, in the Superviewing of any Estate in the course of Husbandry; Or, in the man­agement of the several Trusts, and care of Mens Families and Fortunes, reposed in me, I leave to those that for many [Page 71]Years have had the Experi­ence thereof, to declare; de­siring in general no Man to do more for me and mine, then I have done for them and theirs: But, Soli Dei Gloriae, I desire that to God may the Glory of all be refer­ed, because the Power and Glory is from him solely de­rived.

And now, Courteous Rea­der, having (according to my Promise) given thee a short and true Narrative of my Life, after my late Conflict; Give me leave to Speak a few words to the several Persons into whose hands these Lines may come.

I Some there are, who out of a lofty high Spirit, and a prophane Mind, may con­temn the Subject matter thereof, because written in a common Scriptural Dialect, which may be thought incon­sistent with a Man of my Pretensions. These are to be answered:

And to such I say, That for want of being conversant in the Book of God, many Personages of Noble Extract, have extreamly wanted such helps at the time of their Deaths; then plain Scripture Truths and Expressions being of most Use and Comfort.

And likewise many of the greatest Sages of the Law, both Common and Civil, have Gloried to Write in the Stile of the Divine Law-giver; And can we be Wiser then he that is Wisdom it self? Can we hope to find better Weapons, then those by which our Lord hath overcome? Mat. 4.4. And shall those that are Tra­velling unto that Heavenly Country of Canaan, despise the Language thereof?

II There are others that Scof­fingly by their Words, or Snearingly by the Language of their Eyes, one upon another, abounding only in their own Sense, and the common Sense [Page 74]of the World, will be apt to contemn, and think meanly of the Author, for thus expo­sing his own Imperfections.

These are to be pittied;

That their Humours are so conformed to the Simili­tude of this World; For they may as well Ridicule the Bles­sed Apostles for Recording their Failings and Miscarriages; but I bless God I am arrived to St. Pauls Temper, To Glo­ry in the things which concern mine Infirmities. 2 Corrin. 11.30.

III There are others that are frequently buffeted with Satan, and are under dolorous Temp­tations.

These are to be comforted;

Good Christians, Read, Stu­dy, and consider all those innu­merable Star-like Promises, which the Heavenly Book of God is bespangled withal: Consider what multitudes of Examples and Deliverances God hath given to his Church and People, in all Ages; to me the most unworthy of all his Servants, amongst the rest. Ponder well the foregoing ex­periences, and a Divine bles­sing accompany your Medita­tions: Be strong in the Lord, Eph. 6.10 and in the Power of his Might; for God shall shortly tread down Satan under your Feet; Romans 16.20. hold out therefore to the end, [Page 76] And be Faithful to Christ to Death, and he will give you the Crown of Life. Rev. 2.10

But to hasten to an end, having by the Mercy and goodness of Almighty God, passed through this Fire of Af­fliction, and through this Sea of Trouble, and Arrived at the Haven of a long experi­enced Recovery; and having, through Divine Providence, changed my condition with a Person of Vertue, and of a good Family, by whom God, as an Emblem and Pledge of his Love, hath given me one Child, I Lived in happy Peace and Tranquility.

Now (as the Apostle saith) [Page 77] Fighting the good Fight of Faith, that I may finish my Course with Joy, Seeing that from henceforth, 2 Tim. 4.7, 8. is laid up for me the Crown of Righteousness, which God the Righteous Judge shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but to all that Love his appearing. And therefore with Angels, and Arch-angels, and all the Heavenly Host, for this Glo­rious Deliverance; I Bless and Magnifie thy Name, Oh Lord! World without End, Amen.

Glory to God in the highest, On Earth Peace, Good will towards Men.

FINIS.

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