The Recantation of Mercurius Aulicus, OR Berkinheads Complaint.
IT is not unknown to the world what weekly bickerings there have been, and still are, betweene these Grand Competitors in Wit, the Spie, Britannicus, and Aulicus. This latter had its beginning at the Court in Oxford, and from thence still receives its sustenance, to the great expence of University Invention: For they say there is deepe Excise put upon all Braines that pretend in the least wise to Wit, and that the Returnes of all Jests, halfe-jests, quarterjests, and Quibbles, happening within the limits of the Camp, Court, or the Taverns, that may any waies twitch the Round-heads, are once a week made upon just account, into Berkinheads Office, towards the maintenance of this same Aulicus. Thus farre doe the Schollars contribute. But then besides this, there is a weekly contribution from the Courtiers, consisting of severall confused Relations concerning State-affaires, Victories, prosperous proceedings of their Armies abroad, and other strange Chimera's that never were in being, nor so much as in likelihood of being: And these, to make Aulicus a plausible creature of a penny price, are brought in by that State-Crittick, George Digby, who is thus farre beholding to the old Fox, his father, that he is a Spaniard both by birth and breeding: Fellow-helpers in this Worke, are Mortimer of Yarmouth, fat Endymion the Court-begger, the two Grand Caterpillars of Rome, Reade and Ashton, the whole rabble of Jesuites, and Jesuited Favorites, a Century of Spanish, a Millenary of Irish, a Covey of French, a Canton [Page 2]of Switzers, and Walloones, a whole Pedegree of Welsh-Pagan-Politians, and no lesse then a Purgatoryfull of Popish Athiests, and Ambitious Prelates, Deanes, Arch-deacons, Court-Chaplaines, &c. Here let us breathe a while, and pauze. What a strange, monstrous extract must this Aulicus be, out of so many mixtures! And yet beleeve me, it is the very Darling of the Court, they prefer it before the Bible: but not without some reason I warrant you. Because it serves their turne better, in being more advantagious to their cause than that can be. For at London it is the Malignants Creed. In the Countrey it deludes the people sufficiently, and all slanders cast upon the Parliament, and Parliamentary proceedings passe there for currant truths. And this is the good service that Aulicus hath done the adverse party: Nay, this Court-Pamphlet was growne into such reputation, that what scurrility soever was therein broached, was presently cryed up for excellent wit, jerking stuffe; all lies, scandals, worthlesse, and opprobrious calumnies against the Republicke, stood as so many undeniable arguments in the capacity of weaker judgements. But in processe of time, after that Aulicus had had his full swinge, uncontrolled by those who thought innocency and truth a sufficient guard against calumny, and falshood, it was at last thought convenient to silence that lying Oracle, by way of contradiction, though his owne very relations might have saved that labour, if all men could equally discerne. Hereupon Mercurius Britannicus stept into the world, and after him the Spie, undertaking that daring Champion of the Cavaliers in that way wherein they had so long domineerd; and hath of late carried themselves so gallantly, and shown themselves so prevailing against their Enemy, that they appeare to be truely Mercuriall, exact Candidates of Wit, Aulicus but a meere pretender.
To this truth the very conscience of Aulicus himselfe, and his best friends do beare witnesse, and therefore languishing under the burthen of powerfull Pens, so skilfully handled by these renowned Antagonists, he hath of late summoned all the wormatick wits in Oxford, whose brains for this twelve moneths have had no other pickle but bad Sacke, small Beere, Melancholy, and Rhume, to make their personall appearance before him: As also all his under-officers, Court-Scouts, and Impes of Intelligence; who being all met, and seated in a full Consistory, Exit Ridulus Mus, He shooke his eares, and standing forth in the midst, opened his mouth, and said, as followeth;
The Speech of Aulicus.
It grieves me (my beloved friends and brethren of the learned Corporation) that I have lived to see this day, wherein so fatall a necessity hath at this time forced me to assemble you. I little thought ever to have vented my Oratory to such persons, in such a manner, to such an end, whereas the subject of my present discourse must in the very mentioning condemne all our former triumphs to be grounded upon too-much weaknesse; You well know with what alacrity, with what eagernesse you formerly brought in, and I readily composed the matter of that illustrious stratagem of our braines, under the name of Mercurius Aulicus. You know for a long time what rare effects it had to our advantage, with what high esteeme, with what more then ordinary expectation the whole Kindome travailed every weeke for the delivery of our Presse. We then were a terrour, not onely to the stubborne Stickler; in the City, but to their Confederates also in the Countrey, and by vertue of this our Grand Master-peece had well-nigh deluded the whole Kingdome into our party. [Page 4]But now the Case is altered, we have held out as long as we could, The necke of our Designe is broken, togethe [...] with our credit, the Round-heads have gotten this advantage over us in the mindes of men, to be rather beleeved; and our best reports, even those which come neeres [...] truth, are suspected for no other reason, but because they ar [...] ours, so that the Proverbe is verified upon us; It were a good to be hanged, as have an ill name. And is it not grea [...] pitty, that we were not a little more wary, and cautious in our Stories? That we ran so blindfold headlong to over-shoot the truth? First in many petty Skirmishes, then in the businesse of Edge-Hill, one while telling of Newcastles miracles in the North, another while prodigious stories of the West, and of late at Newberry, facing our ill fortune with the title of victory, and thereupon were overtaken with that fault we formerly too often fathered upon the City, viz. Publike Thanksgivings, delusive both to God and Men. From these errours our Enemies have gotten no small oddes against us, but have taken occasion to insinuate into the mindes of men the improbability of our present and future Narratives, from the falsity of the former. Besides, there are other matters wherein now they out-strip us, as Books satisfactory to the consciences of men, discovering unto them the hidden underminings of secret plotters to ruin both Church and State: One of which comes abroad with the down-right title of plaine English. Who would think they durst be so bold as to speak plaine English? Another under the name of the English Pope; and another tels as plainly of the Mystery of Iniquity yet working in the Kingdomes of England and Ireland: To these you may adde the discoveries of Master Prynne, who reveales most sincerely all the truth. These things, as long as we could perswade people they were otherwise, did us no hurt, and were not any prejudice at all to our proceedings, [Page 5]and boastings; but now that these men have prevailed so farre as to make people see and beleeve, and not staying there, to enter into a Solemne League and Covenant, so that no hope is left of their returne to us, it is no wonder if I be put beside my wonted Joviall Cue of writing, and am become the contempt and scorne of the Spie and Britannicus, the London Wits, who now triumphs over us in high termes; setting out in a shamefull page all private concernments of particular persons in Court, severely lashing our greatest Favourites, with licenced and uncontroulable Pens, disgracing the Prelacy, striking at the root of University ambition, wherein is included every mans hope of aspiring; And which most of all sets the hearts of the people against us, they concludes us, and all our Councels, and Designes, as Popish, and tyrannicall. What then remaines, my beloved Associates, to be next thought of by us, but a timely prevention of those ill consequences to our fame, & reputation, which may happen by the bitternes of the Spie, and the weekly licentiousnes of the impartiall, biting Britannicus? But what meanes shall we use to stop their mouths? Force, we see, can do little against them, or theirs; this we have of late found true by sad experience. Bribery perhaps, if we were so well furnished as to part with any thing from our selves, might best worke upon them. A third way is, and that is to leave off weekly writing, but then we shall not be answerable to the expectation of our friends abroad, who desire information of the carriage of our Affaires; then the best way is still to hold up our Aulicus with plain Intelligence, and leave off throwing Granadoes of Wit to raise cumbustion in the City, and blast the Parliament; The last remedy is, to yeeld, and supplicate, and then if they be ingenuous Enemies, they will prosecute no farther, but sit down contented with the conquest. If any here present be unwilling [...] this latter motion, for my owne part I shall resigne my [Page 6]title and taske unto him, rather then proceed in this way to our owne dammage, and disadvantage, where the Enemy hath so much ground to expatiate. And therefore, my friends Academicall, and Aulicall; I desire you to forbeare bringing hither any more Popguns, and conceited Squibs, the meere froth of sick brains, for the furnishing any more Mercuries, for I am resolved by the next opportunity to declare my selfe in a letter Supplicatory to the Spie and Britannicus, that they would be pleased to speake nothing but Intelligence, and I will promise them faithfully to make amends for what is past by writing hereafter nothing but truth; This way I conceive best for our credit, and this is my resolution.
A Letter Supplicatory in Verse, sent from Mercurius Aulicus, to the Renowned Wits of London, the Spie and Mercurius Britannicus.
Given under my hand and Seale at Oxford.