CHAP. I.

O Who shall give water to my head and a foun­taine of teares to my eyes, that I may bee a­ble to bewayle the los­ses of my soule with greefe agreeable thereunto? for there is a manifest and [Page 2] great cause of sorrow, when with the sight of my minde I doe behold my ancient dayes, and my youthfull years: in this Meditation my spirit hath fayled mee; for I know what I was, nay rather what I should have beene, and understand what I am, and fear what I shall be.

And the lesse I sorrow, so much more doe I feare: I would to God I sorrowed more, that I might fear less.

But woe to me, O Lord, for now a long time thou smitest, and yet I sorrow not: Thou callest me, and yet I heare not: thou knockest, and yet I open not the barre of my hard heart unto thee.

The sorrows of Death compassed mee round about; and being filled with many sorrowes without, I feele inwardly no sorrow that may work unto salvation: and I feele not onely sorrowes of old age, but I am a man [Page 3] of sorrow from my youth upward; and all my dayes are full of travell and griefe, and yet I sorrow, because that alwayes sorrowing, I cannot sorrow as I ought to sorrow.

O marvellous and unspeakable wisdome of the heavenly Physitian! O wonderfull goodnesse of the most mercifull God! O singular benefit of him that is the Giver of all good things! for thou, O Lord, givest un­to me sorrow, lest I should parish in pleasures, and that I may learn to re­joyce without offence, thou givest me sorrow for a time, that I may not suffer everlasting paine: thou afflict­est my body, that thou mayst save my soule.

Thou scourgest, that thou mayest heale; thou killest, that thou mayest quicken.

But alas! how unwillingly doe I receive thy salve out of the secret [Page 4] hand of thy mercy? and being igno­rant, doe not acknowledge the sove­reigne medicine of healthfull sorrow, wherein thou art mercifully severe against me: and how doe I acknow­ledge it, if earnestly I desire to be de­livered from sorrow, who without sorrow cannot bee healed? for how can hee bee healed without sorrow, who by delight is made sicke?

Therefore, O Lord, make mee to sorrow, and teach mee a saving sor­row, that my griefe may bee turned into joy, and that I may rejoyce in thy salvation.

CHAP. II.

DAyes passe away, and yeeres slide away; but I unhappy man, after so many corruptions of my soule, after so most grievous and long follies, doe not yet repent, nor am [Page 5] not afflicted for my sinnes; but con­tinue the often falling into them a­gaine, and care not for rising, from heaping new unto old, and greater unto lesse.

What shall I doe, O Lord, or whi­ther shall I goe, when my last time shall come? where shall I be hidden from thy wrathfull countenance? or whither shall I flie away from thy face, when thou shalt call mee unto judgement, and require of me an ac­count, of the talent bestowd upon me? what shall I answer unto thee? or how shall I excuse my negligence, when thou shalt sit upon thy throne of Majesty, and command me to give an account of my stewardship to the uttermost farthing? Surely I have no­thing to say, but Lord I beseech thee to answer for me: for who am I that I should answer to thee in judge­ment? but if thou compell me to an­swer, [Page 6] I wil say as a man confounded, trembling, and fearing; O Lord, I have gayned nothing thereupon, but have wickedly and vainely mispent and consumed thy talent by my base living; I should better have sayd by dying; but then I thought I lived, but I was dead, because I lived without thee my true life; yea the life of a wicked man may rather bee called death then life. I may say I sooner began to die then live; first I did not understand what life was, when I had forsaken the life of lives, and fountaine of life. And mallice did supplant my yong age in manifold wickednesses. I was scarce come out of my mothers womb, but I was al­ready a sinner: comming into the world, being yet ignorant of sinne, I did bewaile the sinnes wherein my parents begot me: neyther did I alto­gether leave bewailing others sinnes, [Page 7] when I committed my own, which I knew, and did not bewayle. Being an Infant, I followed iniquity, and spent my childhood wherin I should have beene pure, impurely. There breathed slimy vapours from the sin­full corruptions of my flesh, and the spring of my youth did shadow my heart, that it could not discerne light from darknesse, and the clearnesse of the mind, from the mist of lust; and trayterous and crafty pleasures, did carry my weake and forgetfull loose age into the headlong rocke of lust, so as I boyled up in wicked desires to be satisfied in Hell.

From my childhoode I grew to growing yeeres, neither was I soon­er growing towards youth, then my wickednesse did grow ripe, and I was bold to grow wild in divers in­ordinate lusts, by the which beeing drawn, by the griefe of wickednesse, I [Page 8] was drowned to death, and destructi­on: the evill and wicked daies of my growing years passed on, and I grew towards youth, but I returned back­wards in filthiness and vanity: And as I was elder, I was a yong man, and came to bee a man; but Vice al­waies flourished in me instead of Ver­tue: I waxed old and grey, and did not walk in thy waies, but as a child, being now an Old man, I lived chil­dishly.

Where then at any time have I bin innocent, that I should bee judged of thee according to the time of my innocency, though thou didst appoint it me unto judgement? for thou art just, O Lord, and righteous in all thy judgements; for thou rendrest to e­very one according to his works: and I feare all mine, because they are the workes of darkness: And I have been a worker of iniquity from the [Page 9] beginning and have alwaies willing­ly followed the works and paths of unrighteousness; I have wallowed in sin, as the Swine in filthiness, and as the Prodigall was fed with Husks, so was I delighted with filthy and e­vill words, and grieved with earnest, and profitable sayings; I did com­municate with those that wrought iniquity, and did banquet with the chief of them, and did glory in sin.

Being mighty in iniquity, I loved to excuse, and could not accuse my selfe, and made heavy my heart; and the more incurable is my sinne, for that I did not thinke my selfe to be a sinner: Neither did I not onely seek a medicine for my soule which was sick unto death, but refused it being offered, yea, with an unreverent and untamed minde was wroth against them that would minister it unto me; I despised them that reproved me, and [Page 10] imbraced them that spake pleasing unto me, and delighted in their spee­ches that had not their hearts right unto me: I studied devices, and lies in all things, and loved rather dark­ness then light: Behold, O Lord, I have delivered my selfe unto thee; this is the course of my life, wherein I have deserved thy wrath; this will I answer unto thee, when thou shalt ask of me: But do not remember the offences of my youth, nor my igno­rances, O Lord, and enter not into judgement with thy servant, for no living creature shall be justified in thy sight; but if thou wilt enter, because thou art a God that loveth judgment, doe judgement unto me, but not ju­stice; and judge me according to the judgement of those that love thy name, that I may sing unto thee mer­cy and judgement.

Remember, O Lord, that though [Page 11] I am wicked, yet I am thy servant, and the son of thy handmaid; and do not looke into the multitude of my sinnes, but unto the greatness of thy mercies, and when thou shalt be an­gry with me for my wickednesse, re­member thy mercy, and be not angry with me for ever; but have mercy upon thy afflicted servant, that my soule may praise thee, and confess thy mercifulness.

CHAP. III.

VVOE unto mee, wretched man, because I have made my Redeemer angry with me, and I have rebelliously neglected his Law, and I have willingly forsaken the right way; and as a sheepe that refu­seth the shepheard, I have been carri­ed far and wide round about, through [Page 12] dry unwatered places, wandring in the wildernesse of wickednesse, and not in the right way. I have gone to all rough and unaccessible places, and every where was anguish and tribu­lation: I have beene wearied in the way of iniquity and perdition, and have walked in hard wayes, seeking rest, and finding none; because I did not seek thee, O Lord, but was in a barren land, in the country of Death, where is no rest, but continuall labor & affliction of spirit dwelleth there. I dwelt in anguish with pleasures, and amongst thornes did I make my bed, and sleep in death, and hoped for rest in torments: now therfore what shal I doe, whither shall I turne my selfe in these great dangers? All the hopes of my youth are faln down, and I am like one that suffereth shipwrack, who having lost all his wealth, swim­meth away naked, being tost with [Page 13] the wind and sea, and am driven far from the haven of happiness, and doe not take hold of the way of salvati­on, but am carried away on the left hand: the enemy had placed nets for me which way soever I went, and snares for my feet, and I despised them, and walked securely in slippery places, and flattered my selfe in sins; I thought youth was not held by the lawes of death, and being deceived by this confidence, I followed the fil­thy desires of the flesh, and gave the reines beyond the measure of sensua­lity, following it wheresoever the force thereof did carry me; and sayd like a foole in my heart, Wherefore doest thou think of the end before the middle? thou hast many dayes yet re­mayning, and mayst bee converted when thou listest: so waxed I old in sin, and a most wicked custome was turned into nature: and now as a [Page 14] bondslave to sinne, I serve as it were chayned, and as a mad man haling his owne flesh seeketh to hurt himselfe, all reason of deliberation being quen­ched, so I more grievously and dan­gerously have hated my owne soule; for the impenitency of my heart, and obstinate wilfulnesse, hath layd vio­lent hands upon me, and hath distra­cted and disturbed my poore distres­sed soule: and so having brought un­to my selfe the horrour of Hell every day more and more, according to the hardnesse of my impenitent heart, I doe heap up wrath against the day of wrath. I have made triall sometimes to shake off the old yoke, but am not able, because it cleaveth to my bones. Oh that at length it may fall from my necke, that I may love thee though late! It shall surely fall away, if thou command, O Lord, and send me help from above. I confesse I have not [Page 15] deserved it, but thou, O most gracious giver, who makest the Sun to rise in­differently upon the good, as also upon the bad, and grantest tem­porall blessings to the unworthy, e­ven when they aske them not; how canst thou deny spirituall things to those that require them? have mercy upon me therfore, O Lord, and fulfill the desires of a poore penitent sinner: thou that art rich in mercy, and wont cheerefully to have mercy, and doest purge the will from evil custome, and hearest the groanings of those that are bound, and loosest us from the bonds which wee have made to our selves, unlesse wee refuse thy mercy: Give thy right hand unto the worke of thy hands, that when I fall I may not be bruised; and that I may not be drawn into the deep pit of perdition: Deli­ver mee from the mouth of the cruell Lion that is ready for the prey, and [Page 16] gapeth for my soule that hee may de­vour it; for thou onely art my prote­ctor, and my deliverer, and in thy mercy is my hope; let thy mercy therefore be shewed unto me, as I have trusted in thee; Lord, in thee do I put my whole trust and confidence, Lord let me never be confounded.

CHAP. IV.

MY nights pass away in grief, and vex mee with innumerable ter­rors: my Conscience shaketh mee while I am awake, and I am tormen­ted therewith as if I were wounded with a two edged sword; my sleep is troubled with divers illusions, brin­ging me no rest, but travell; I watch all night in my thoughts, and when (as being wearied) I do endeavour to give some sleep to my eye-lids, by [Page 17] and by sleep departeth from my eies, and when I sleep, I sleep alwayes in sorrow, being wakened with an un­quiet weariness from the Care of the day, and all my inward parts are in­flamed without rest: the meat which before I desired, is made abominable to my soule, and my drink is mingled with teares, and confusion is before my eyes, and redness in my cheekes, when I remember how grievously I have offended thee, O my God, and in how many thoughts, deeds, and desires I have abused my strength, and thy gifts I have spent in vanity: E­verlasting cares have consumed me, and being carried hither and thither with sensless cogitations I have spent my time: I feigned to my self dreams sometimes, and rejoyced, and vani­shed away being deluded in vanities and madness. To conclude, I lived in all kinde of pleasure in the world, [Page 18] being banished far from the delights of thy house; and if at any time the fear of death and the last judgement did quicken my sloath, and for a little time call me from the deep gulph of pleasures, by and by I returned as a dog to his vomit, being dead in them, I yet live, and abiding in death, I ha­sten to death, and see death swift by comming to mee: But let thy mercy quickly prevent me, before the terri­ble day of misery and calamity doe come, the great and bitter day, that though I die, I may live, and declare thy mercies above all thy workes: Look back, Lord, and behold how my soule lieth in her concupiscence, sicke of the Palsey, and is evill vexed therewith; deliver it from death, that it may cleave to thee alone who art only the true life, and leaving all o­thers, follow thee that art above all: say unto my soule, O Lord God of my [Page 19] salvation, be it unto thee as thou de­sirest; make mee to heare this thy voyce a voyce of rejoycing, and salva­tion, that I may run after thee, and take hold of thee, and not let thee go untill thou sendest mee whole away; for (being sick) to whom should I go but to thee, that I may be cured? or who can heale my infirmities but he, that for me, and mankind, came down from Heaven, that they may be hea­led of their griefs? who can quicken but he that can mortifie, and quicken all things? who can save, but thou O my God and Saviour? save mee therefore, and quicken me, thou that art the life, and salvation everlasting, of all that put their trust in thee; and to thee that art without beginning, be glory without end: To thee bee Praise and Honour, to thee be conti­nuall Worship, and thanksgiving; thou art the everlasting Spring of [Page 20] mercy, for I was gone far from thee, and did run away, and yet thou doest speedily come to him that is sick, and doth run away, when he doth call up­on thee, and dost grant his health be­fore thou hearest his sighs; for to bee willing to bee healed is enough that thou shouldest heale, and to bee wil­ling to live, that thou shouldest grant life; and in the blessings of thy sweet­ness dost prevent the desires of a sin­ner that doth know himselfe; there­fore I will say unto thee, I know my iniquity, and what it is to know, be­cause all my bones are vexed within me, and my soule is very much troub­led for my sin.

Behold! I lay all my iniquities be­fore thy sight, O my God, that thou mightest heale and cure my soule, be­cause it hath sinned against thee: for thou art a God that desirest not the death of a sinner, but rather that hee [Page 21] should be converted and live; for the dead shall not praise thee, O Lord, but wee that live doe blesse thee, O Lord, and do confesse that thy mercy is everlasting, and thy compassions never faile.

CHAP. V.

I Have revealed my miseries to thee, O Lord, not to make knowne my wayes unto thee, that didst not know them all from the beginning, and hast numbred all my steps; for thou kno­west the hidden places of darknesse, and all things are naked open to thy eye; and thou doest not only see, but discerne the lurking places of our thoughts, and the marrow of our af­fections: but I uncover, that thou mayest cover and protect: I reveale, that thou mayst hide and give mee an [Page 22] humble and contrite spirit, and by the offering of this sacrifice, which is most acceptable unto thee, be merci­full unto me, and forgive me my sins. I have spoken many and great things, and yet sayd little; for the worme of my conscience doeth pricke mee in more: I would to God it might draw away the rottenness, that by grieving it might consume it, and withall bee it selfe consumed: but woe is mee, for when I think I have made an end of telling my evills, then am I con­strayned, as it were, to begin againe, and my memory being full of unclea­nesse, doeth abundantly remember much more filthin [...]sse; for I have sin­ned above the number of the sands of the seas; and if I had a hundred tongues, and a hundred mouthes, I shall scarse answer one of a thousand thousand; yet that increaseth all my griefe, that I cannot remember all [Page 23] my filthiness past, and the fleshly cor­ruptions of my soule; for while I forget new sins I forget the old, but those that I remember I will not hide, not that I will love them again more, but that I may love thee more ear­nestly, O my God, and that I remem­bring my wicked waies in the bitter­ness of my remembrance, thou mayest be sweet unto me by the pardon of them: But I have not purged the old, but rather from them did spring up many new sinnes, for the which I am as it were cast out from before thy face, O my God; and being deprived of the comfort of thy presence, I fall almost into desperation, knowing not whither I goe; and who will look u­pon my face, if thou turn away from me, and as a Reprobate deprive me of thy sight, I shall undoubtedly become hatefull unto all men, and as a wan­derer, and a runnagate in the Land, I [Page 24] shall be made a slave unto them, when they shall aske of mee, where is thy God? and wherfore hath he put thee from him? what shall I doe therfore, O wretched man that I am? or what shall I say when I see my self estran­ged from thy protection, and forsa­ken in the midst of my enemies that fight mightily against me? I will seek thy face, O Lord, and with sighes and teares beseech thee not to leave me, nor in anger to depart from thy servant; for all mine enemies follow me as a fugitive to destroy my soule: and therefore I must seeke refuge at thy hands to whom I flie, O my God, my strength, my health, my refuge, in the day of tribulation: for as there is no God besides thee, so there is no Saviour besides thee. Thou therfore, O Lord, that knowest all my miseries, and from whom the workes of my weaknesse are not hidden, cast behind [Page 25] thy back all my offences, and doe not remember all my old iniquities, but save me according to thy mercy from all those that persecute mee, and deli­ver mee because there is none can re­deem me and save me, but thou, O Lord, who savest all that trust in thee, and deliverest the poore from the mighty, and from the hands of them that are stronger then he. Hide not therefore thy face from mee, O Lord, neither despise me, my saving God, my strength, and my deliverer; for I am poor and in misery, and thine eies look upon the poore: and if thy ju­stice seeke me, hide me in the bosome of thy mercy, wherin thou hast with long suffering beene with me, and in­vited me to repentance; for thou art long suffering, and very patient, and exceeding mercifull above all my wickedness; yea nothing is more proper to thee, O Lord, then to spare, [Page 26] and therefore thou hast mercy upon all, and drawest the sonnes of men to repentance, because thou canst do all, and thou sparest all, because they are thine, O Lord, thou lovest souls; turn me therefore unto thee, and deliver my poore afflicted soule from danger, that my mouth may bee filled with thy praise, and say unto thee, Blessed be thou, O Lord, who hast not suffe­red me to be delivered into the hands of my adversaries; except thou, O Lord, hadst been my Helper, they had swallowed me up quicke: my soule as a sparrow was delivered from the snare of the Fowler; the snare is bro­ken, and I am delivered.

CHAP. VI.

O Wretched man that I am! what shall doe? for the great wild [Page 27] Beast hath almost devoured my soule, and I have been made a prey to the e­nemy: he hath spoyled me of all those goods wherewith thou, O Lord, hast beautified me, and I am afraid to ap­pear before thee; I departed rich and beautifull from thy face, and went wandring after filthiness in a corrupt way, and in the wickednesse of my heart my soule is made black, and the excellent colour thereof is changed, and I have so impoverished and defor­med my self by wearing the foul gar­ment of sinne, (according to the like­ness of Adams offence) as thou O Lord, wilt not know mee, according to the image wherein thou hast crea­ted mee, and wilt not suffer mee (as a scab'd sheepe) to dwell among the sheepe of thy pasture: How then shall I presume to returne to the pre­sence of thy Divine Majesty, in whose sight the Heavens are not cleane, but [Page 28] empty, vile, and unclean? or how shall I presume to communicate a­mongst thy chosen people, being made foolish by offending: I desire to return unto thee, though ashamed, and afrayd, trusting to thy mercy, for thou art a sweet Father to thy Sonne that did travel into a farre Countrey; be more sweet to him when he retur­neth from a long pilgrimage: O my God, I want power to come to thee, for I am kept fast bound by a most cruell robber, not with strong iron, but with iron of my own will, wher­of the enemy hath made a chaine for me, and bringeth my heart into sor­row, slavery, and bitterness: my re­fuge is far from mee, for salvation is far from sinners, and I am compelled to die in most miserable bondage, un­less thou, O Lord, looking down from Heaven, dost help me: I stick fast in the slimy filth of the earth, and a tem­pest [Page 29] of temptations, even like the wavs of the cruel sea, hath overwhel­med me, and almost drowned me, so that I am in despair of avoyding these eminent dangers, unless thou, O Lord, shalt take me up; for the more I en­deavour to rise, the more I am bruised; I am both within and without trou­blesome to my selfe, and every where I do find domestick enemies that doe beat mee down; I looke on the right hand, and on the left, and see none to whom I may commit my selfe in safe­ty, but every where feare doth shake me, and to whomsoever I come, I find not a faithfull friend; and how should I find any, when my selfe doe not keep my faith given to my God? I have sought meanes to comfort mee in my afflictions, and calamities, and there was none of my deare friends that would comfort mee, but I met with friends that were full of words, [Page 30] nay dumb rather, and therefore dumb, O my God, because thy word did not sound from their lips, who did con­demn my wants without Compassi­on, and did falsely provoke strife a­gainst me: I have often consented to foolish deceivers, and swerving from the right Path, I ignorant agreed to their opinions, and by little and little was brought to such toyes, and mad­ness, as though by the helpe of thy Grace, I never departed from thy true Religion, yet I did believe in many fables, which makes me unexcusable; for that when I knew thee to bee al­waies a God in truth, I did not wor­ship thee in spirit, and in truth, but changed this truth into lies, and ser­ved the creature, rather then the Cre­ator, and sought my selfe, and my pleasures in corruptible things: But thou, O Lord, and my Saviour, pro­ceed on, and as thou hast made me by [Page 31] true faith to acknowledge thee, awa­ken me up from the sleep of sin, that I never sleep unto death: lighten, kin­dle, and lift up my heart unto thee, that in thy light I may behold the e­verlasting light, the unquenchable light that never faileth, the sweet and delightfull light, that I may see, and rejoyce, and covet that light, and to know, that nothing is to be loved be­sides thee, but in thee, and for thee: Thou, O Lord, art the true light that dost illuminate all men comming un­to thee; cause this light to rise in my darkness, and make me to desire to see thy salvation, that my soule being melted away with the force of love, may attain to thy saving health, and thirst after thy delights: My soule I say, but let me not call it thine, be­cause thou didst make it, and give i [...] unto mee, and mine because I recei­ced it from thee: keep therefore thy [Page 32] creature, which thou hast especially framed according to thine owne I­mage, and suffer not thy precious gift which thou hast purchased with thy most precious bloud to perish; but upon my body and members worke what it pleaseth thee; let my flesh be cloathed with rottennesse, and my bones consumed with worms; but I beseech thee, O Lord, onely to spare my soul, and stretch not out thy hand against it, but bring me back againe into the way, before the going down of the Sun, for it groweth towards the evening of my age, wherefore compell me to come unto thee, if to call bee too little; compell mee as it pleaseth thee, so I may come, and not perish; not for my selfe, who have so often abused thy mercy, and made my selfe unworthy thereof, but for thy holy name sake, take from mee a stony heart, and give unto me a heart [Page 33] of flesh, and place thy spirit in the midst of mee, that I may walke in thy Precepts, and keep thy Judgements: I come too late unto thee, O Lord, I confesse, I would to God I had come sooner; but I know, and am assured that thou prescribest no time to those that come, so they come at last, and thou receivest the last as gently as thou dost the first: for although thou hatest sin, yet thou hatest not the sin­ner; neither dost thou rejoyce in his destruction: therefore though he tar­ry long before his conversion, yet thou dost patiently look for him: O how sweet and pleasant is that saying wherewith thou hast given hope and comfort to my soule! thou hast plaid the harlot with many lovers, yet re­turne thou unto me and I will receive thee: How delightfull and pleasant is that word wherewith thou com­fortest sinners that are in despaire of [Page 34] themselves I if a sinner repent him for all his sinnes, he shall live and not die; for the death of a sinner is not thy will, for with great joy I heare thee, when thou saist that the sheepe that had gone astray, shall be brought home upon the Shepheards shoulders, and that the groat shall be layd up in the treasures; the neighbours rejoy­cing with the woman that found it, and the joy of the solemnity of that house did force tears from me, when I read of the younger sonne that was dead, and lived againe: Therefore give, O Lord, unto my soul the voice of thy vertue; and not of thy vertue alone which shaketh off the sleep of souls; but also the beams of thy light which doth shew to men their sins, but giveth light also to the hidden places of darknesse: Let thy voyce sound in the years of my heart, and say unto my sleeping soule, why art [Page 35] thou so long oppressed with a deadly sleep, and kept in Captive bonds? It is now time that thou forsake thy sins, and to returne to thy Maker that Redeemed thee: Returne, O thou Shunamite, returne, that I may behold thee to return, and defer no longer to come to mee; for I am the Lord thy God that calleth thee; I am he that blotteth out thine iniquities for my selfe, neither carry in remembrance things past: Then will I say boldly to my soule, turne thee to thy rest for the Lord hath done well unto thee; go safely unto him, and though thou be weary in thy wicked waies, go on the swifter in the waies of goodnesse, that thou mayest the sooner take rest; be not made afraid for thy sins, for if they be as red as scarlet, they shall be made as white as snow; as a Cloud they shall be put away; and fear not to be accused of boldness, where thou [Page 36] art praised for obedience: Go, and make hast, O my soule unto him that came not to call the righteous but sin­ners; and if thou art a sinner, thy God is the God of sinners, wherefore dost thou fear to go, thou that art not called of a cruell Judge, but by the Father of mercy, that thou mayest ob­taine mercy: therefore go now wil­lingly, being called to mercy, that thou be not hereafter compelled to go unto judgement. In thee, O Lord, do I trust, wherefore I will not be asha­med to confesse unto thee my defor­mities, and blasphemies, who was not ashamed to confesse them before men, and to barke against thee: Let the Pharises murmure and say, who can forgive sins but God alone? for it is God that speaketh unto mee, and to whosoever that putteth his trust in him; he that calleth me is mild, and pittifull, and in his wrath remem­breth [Page 37] mercy; and therefore upon thy words wil I assuredly come unto thee, O my God, my trust and my portion, in the Land of the living; I will come and fall downe before thee, and not fear thy Majesty, because thou callest me, and that I offend not thine eyes, when I shall appeare uncleane in thy sight, I will wash away my filthiness with continuall tears, and my ey-lids shall not rest from weeping, but my bed shalbe privy to my sorrow, wher­in I hope to please thee, though I dis­please my selfe, and being by thee converted unto thee, I repent mee of those things that I have commited a­gainst thee, that I may praise thee with a clear heart, saying, O Lord, who is like unto thee? for then is thy praise seemly in the mouth of a Sinner, and hee that hath sowed in teares, shall reap in gladness.

CHAP. VII.

HAve mercy upon me, O Lord, for I am in trouble, and vexed with unspeakable miseries; for flouds of iniquity doe vex mee, and the waters have entred into my soule, as a River that is overflown: for my sins which I have hitherto dissembled, and much neglected to confesse and amend, are growne so high that they have passed over my head, and bowed my minde and will to the concupiscence of sen­suall desires, yea made mee subject to the slavery of the Divell: Woe bee unto me, for I am mortally wounded, and there is no health in me, from the crown of my head, to the sole of my foot: for my enemie hath supplant­ed me, and as a most cruell tyrant tor­mented me, and hath deprived mee of [Page 39] all my senses, leaving only my under­standing, thereby joyning the know­ledge of my hurt and losse, that hee might also increase my sorrowes: hee had done little hurt if hee had depri­ved me of the use of all my senses, and had made mee utterly senslesse in all my actions; but he hath deprived me thereof for doing that which is good, and hath violently enforced me unto evill, and hath so infected my minde which is altogether bent towards things with a certaine astonishment of inward senselesnesse, that she can­not feele her inward hurts: for when I should have heard, I was deafe, and turned my eares from the truth, when it had beene fitter for mee to stop my eares from hearing unprofitable things, and the toyes of many men, I was swift to heare and a gentle hea­rer: Heavenly things I tasted unsa­voury, and my soule loathed all spiri­tuall [Page 40] meats, but I judged earthly things sweeter then honey, or the ho­ney combe: I was blind and an earth­ly man in beholding those things that were good, but worldly things I loo­ked on with a proud eye, and desired them with an unsatiable heart: ney­ther in my senses alone, but my mem­bers also which God gave me for the service of my soule, did the ancient enemy shut up from mee the way of salvation, and prepared such cruell ambushes against mee in this cruell siedge, as I was never able to avoyde them, and as often as I tried to flie a­way, I fell into his hands: for I did offend both by seeing and refusing to see, by hearing and by being deafe, by speaking and holding my peace; to conclude, I changed all the peculiar and common use of my senses, and members, into a filthy abuse, burning in my uncleane desires, for that I have [Page 41] transgressed all the Lawes both of God and man, and Nature, and have lived diligently onely observing the lawes of sin. I would to God I had been only so, and now were not, but alasse! because I am the same that be­fore I was, and nothing changed from that, I followed the worst, for my sicke will doth yet beare rule, and my most soule and stinking soule that is filled every where with horrible sores that doth proceed only from it selfe, doeth still persevere in the old evills. I am often angry with my selfe, be­cause I am weary to live, when I am not weary to sinne; I know my folly, and am confounded, and being con­founded I reproove my selfe saying; O carnall lover, why doest thou so long walke in the mire of concupi­sence? why art thou so carefully busie for earthly things, and doest so ear­nestly desire those goods that shall [Page 42] perish? or by what reason callest thou them goods which thou gainest with so much labour, and the great hurt of thy soule, and being gayned possessest in feare, and being possessed losest with griefe and sorrow? O my soule! why dost thou forget thy own proper estate and nobility, and art not ashamed to endure a miserable and shamefull bondage under the corruption of thy corporall sence? why art thou deceived with the un­faithfull promises of the world? the chiefest good whereof is a mist, or va­pour, that appeareth but a little sea­son, and vanisheth as vanity of vani­ties: Blush, and be ashamed, O mi­serable sinner; how often hast thou departed from thy Creator, and turn­ed to deceitfull creatures? and com­ming againe to thy selfe, behold with the sight of thy minde, how cruelly thy soule hath bowelled her selfe of [Page 43] her owne bowells, whilest with an inordinate desire catching at a vile prize of Flies, she hath like the Spider made nets for her owne selfe, of her owne bowels: againe, and againe, I say, blush at that where thou hast had no fruite, and lament thy lost time, and yeeld thy soule unto God: with these speeches I rayle against my self, when being inwardly admonished, I enter into my selfe, and consider with my heart, what I have lost, and what I have found: and I finde that I doe not that good which I like, but the e­vill that I will that I doe; for my E­nemies hold my will and doe keepe me, (being fashioned according to the former desires of ignorance) captive under the law of sinne: but thou, O Lord of vertues, and the tower of my strength, doe not withdraw thy help from me; looke, Lord, unto my de­fence, and protect mee under thy [Page 44] wings, left I fall in the sight of my adversaries, and my enemies rejoy­cing against me say, I have prevayled against him: Breake the bonds of my reproach under which I have beene made crooked; and loose the cords of my sinnes wherewith I am strong­ly bound, O most mighty Lord, and make knowne thy power to thy ene­mies, that I may offer unto thee a sa­crifice of gladnesse, saying, who shall speake to the power of the Lord, or what shall declare his prayses, that delivereth my soule from death, and my feet from sliding? who hath saved me from the Lions mouth, and from the devouring Dragon. To whom shall I flie but to thee, O Lord, upon whom all our Fathers have called, and have beene saved? to thee I say, who never deceivest them that trust in thee, and let any mans hand be against me, for I will feare no evill, because [Page 45] thou art with me: O Lord, all my desires are before thee, blot out, and put away whatsoever is displeasing unto thee; renew, create, and con­firme whatsoever thou hast given me; that casting away all carnall and un­profitable desires, the sinner may bee accepted in the desires of his heart, and coveting to enjoy thee the onely treasure, my request may come before thy face, and I may bee confident to say unto thee, Grant unto mee, O God, the desire of my soule; for I know, and am assured, that no man can desire thee but by thy selfe, nor come to thee unlesse thou draw him: draw me therfore, O Lord, and grant unto mee that I may begin in a good desire, that I may end and perfect it in a good worke, before my old cu­stome oppresse my new desires, and my former will strengthned by age, conquer my new will: cloth me ther­fore, [Page 46] O Lord, I humbly beseech thee, in the precious garment of thy salva­tion, and put off the vile clothing of my wicked life, wherein being depri­ved of thee, I walke according to the ancient conversation of the old man, but being newly clothed in thee, and become a new man, I may with a new spirit serve thee in a new life, and in the sweet smell of thy oynt­ments running unto thee I may re­joice in Jesus my Saviour.

CHAP. VIII.

O Lord Jesus Christ, the sonne of the living God, who with thy hands stretched forth on the Crosse, hast drunke the cup of thy Passion for the redemption of all mankind, suc­cour mee this day, I beseech thee; be­hold, O Lord, I that am needy, doe [Page 47] come to thee that art wealthy: I that am full of misery do approach to thee replenished with mercy; suffer mee not therefore to depart voyd, or as one worthy to be despised; I begin hungry, let me not end empty, I ap­proach as one hunger starved, let mee nor depart unfed, and if I sigh before I eat, grant that I may eat at least af­ter I have sighed; first therefore, O blessed Saviour, I confesse against my selfe mine iniquity; behold, O Lord, for that I was conceived and born in sinne, and thou hast washed and san­ctified me from the same, and I after this have defiled my selfe with great­er offences, because those sins wherin I was borne, were of necessity; but those in which I afterward lay wal­lowing were voluntary: this not­withstanding, thou not being un­mindfull of thy mercy and goodness, hast drawne me from wickednes, and [Page 48] from the fellowship of sinners, inspi­ring mee with thy grace to follow thee in the company of those that seeke thy face, who walke the direct way that leadeth to felicity: but I ungratefull and forgetfull of so many benefits received, have after my en­trance into a Religious way, commit­ted many sinnes and abominations, and where I ought to have amended my faults, and to have repented for them, in stead therof I have added sin upon sin: these, O Lord, are the faults by which I have dishonored thee, and defiled my selfe; to wit, Pride, Pre­sumption, Vain-glory, and Hypocri­sie, and many other sinnes almost infi­nite, by which my unhappy soule is troubled and afflicted, rent, and de­stroyed: Behold, O Lord, mine ini­quities have overwhelmed my head, being unto me a grievous burthen un­supportable to be endured, insomuch [Page 49] as if thou (whose property is to par­don and to shew mercy) doe not lift mee up with the right hand of thy mercy, I shall wofully sink down in­to the gulph of eternall misery: be­hold, O Lord God, and see how my ghostly enemy doth insult over mee, saying, God hath forsaken him; I will pursue and take him, because there is none that can deliver him: how long, O Lord, wilt thou thus leave me? turn back, and deliver my soul, O save me for thy mercy sake: take pitty of me thy son whom thou hast begotten in the great grief of thy passion, and doe not so looke to my wickednesse, that thou forget thy goodnesse: what Father is there that seeing his son in danger, doth not en­deavour to set him free? or what son is there whom his Father doth refuse to correct with the staffe of his pitty? wherefore, O Lord, and Father, al­beit [Page 50] I am a sinner, yet I doe not cease to be thy Son, because thou hast made me, and new made me again; like as I have sinned, so correct mee and a­mend me, commit me to the care and custody of thy only begotten Son Je­sus Christ our Lord: Is it possible for a woman to forget the childe of her own wombe? and albeit she should forget it, yet thou, O most mercifull Father, hast promised not to forget the same: Behold I cry, and thou dost not heare mee; I am afflicted with griefe, and thou dost not comfort me; what shall I doe or say, being in this extream misery? alas, I am altoge­ther comfortless, and which is worse, am chased from thy presence: wretch that I am, from how great good into how great evill am I fallen? whither did I attempt to go? and whither am I come? where am I? and where am I not? how is it that I that did sigh [Page 51] after Heaven, do now sigh through so great tribulation? I have sought com­fort, and have found affliction, and truly it is better for me not to be, then to be without thee, O sweet Saviour, It is better not to live, then to live without thee, the onely true life; where are now, O Lord Jesu, thine accustomed mercies? wilt thou bee displeased with me alwaies? be ap­peased, I beseech thee, and take pitty of me, and turne not away thy loving face from me, who to redeeme mee, hast not turned away thy face from those that did mocke, and spit upon thee: I confesse that I have sinned, and my conscience doth adjudge mee worthy of damnation, neither is my repentance sufficient to make satisfa­ction, nevertheless it is a thing infal­lible, that thy mercy doth surmount all offences whatsoever, be it never so abhominable: wherefore, O most [Page 52] mercifull Lord, I beseech thee enter not into judgement with thy servant, but according to the multitude of thy mercies blot out mine iniquities: wo be to me at the day of judgement, when the Bookes of our Consciences shall be opened, wherein our actions are registred, when of mee it shall be openly proclaimed; see here the man and his deeds committed; what shal I do, O Lord my God, at that dread­full day when the Heavens shal reveal my iniquities, and the earth shal bear witnesse against me? verily I shalbe mute, and able to say nothing, but holding downe my head through shame and confusion, I shall stand be­fore thee shaking and blushing; alas! what shall I say? I will call and cry unto thee, O Lord my God, why am I consumed being silent? nevertheless if I speake, my griefe will not cease; and if I hold, I shall inwardly be tor­mented [Page 53] with unspeakable bitterness: weep, O my soule, and make lamen­tation, as a yong married woman for the death of her new married hus­band; weep, and bewaile thy misery for that thy Bridegroome (which is Christ) hath forsaken thee: O anger of the Almighty rush not upon mee, because thou canst not be contained in me; verily there is nothing in me that is able to contain thee; take pitty of me, lest I despaire of thy mercy, that by despairing of my selfe, I may finde comfort in thee; and albeit I have done that for which thou mayest just­ly condemne me, yet thou hast not lost thy accustomed property of she­wing mercy and pitty: thou, O Lord, dost not desire the death of sinners, neither dost thou take pleasure in the perdition of those that die; nay ra­ther that those that were dead might live: Thou thy selfe hast died, and [Page 54] thy death hath been the death of that death that was due to sinners: and if thou dying, they have lived, grant, O Lord, I beseech thee, that thou living, I may not die; let thy heavenly hand help mee, and deliver mee from the hands of those that hate me, lest they insult and rejoyce over me, saying, we have devoured him: How is it possi­ble, O blessed Saviour, that ever any one can despaire of thy mercy, who when wee were thy enemies hast re­deemed us with thy most precious bloud, and reconciled us to God? Behold, O Lord, (protected with the shaddow of thy mercy) I run (crav­ing pardon) to the throne of thy glo­ry, calling, and knocking untill thou take pitty on mee; for if thou hast called as to pardon, even when wee did not seek it, by how much more shall we obtaine pardon if we ask it? remember not thy justice, O blessed [Page 55] Saviour, towards mee thy creature; remember not thine anger towards mee guilty, but bee mindfull of thy mercy towards me in misery: forget my Pride, provoking thee to displea­sure, and weigh my wretchedness im­ploring thy favour; for what doth thy sacred Name Jesus signifie but on­ly a Saviour? wherefore, O Saviour Jesu, be thou my succour, and pro­tection, and say unto my soule, I am thy salvation: I doe presume very much of thy divine bounty, because thou thy selfe dost teach us to aske, seeke, and knocke at the doore of thy mercy; wherefore I doe aske, seeke, and knock at thy doore, as by thy word thou hast commanded mee to do: thou therefore that willest me to aske, grant that I may receive; thou that dost bid me seek, grant me like­wise to find; thou that dost teach me to knock, open unto mee knocking at [Page 56] the doore of thy mercy: recover me being diseased, repair me being craz­ed, raise mee being dead; vouchsafe likewise so to direct and governe all my sences, thoughts, and actions in that which is pleasing unto thee, that I may from henceforth faithfully serv thee, and that I may live, and give my selfe wholely unto thee: I know, O Lord, that by reason thou hast made me, I do owe my selfe unto thee; and by reason thou hast redeemed me, and hast been made man for me, I do owe (if I had it to give thee) much more then my self unto thee, by how much greater then mee, thou art; who hast given thy self for me: I have nothing else to give thee; neither can I give thee this without thee: take mee therefore, and draw mee unto thee, that I m [...]y be thine by immitation, and affection, like as I am by conditi­on, and creation.

CHAP. IX.

TAke pity, O Lord, take pity, O mercifull Saviour of mee a most miserable sinner, doing things wor­thy of blame, and worthily suffering for the same, being by thee daily affli­cted, for that continually I am found to offend: if I ponder the evill which I daily commit, that which I endure is nothing in comparison of it; that which I have done, being much more grievous then my affliction: thou art just, O Lord, and right is thy judge­ment: all thy judgements are just and true: thou, O Lord our God, art just and full of goodness, neyther is there in thee any wickedness: because when we doe offend, thou doest not unjustly and cruelly afflict us, who when wee were not, hast powerfully [Page 58] made us; and when for our sins wee were guilty of damnation, thou hast by thy wonderfull mercy and good­ness, set us in a state of salvation: I know, O Lord God, and am assured, that our life is not governed by the unadvised Influence and concurrence of secondary causes, but is wholly di­sposed and ordered by thy Almighty providence; wherfore I humbly pray and beseech thee, that thou wilt not deale with me according to mine ini­quities, by which I have deserved thy anger, but according to thy manifold mercies, which surmount the sinnes of the whole world, take pity on me: thou, O Lord, who doest punish mee outwardly, give mee alwayes an in­vincible, patience inwardly, to the end I may never cease to prayse thee: take pity of me, O Lord, take pity of me, and helpe me, like as thou know­est to bee expedient for mee both in [Page 59] soule and in body, thou who knowest all things, and art able to do all things whatsoever it pleaseth thee.

CHAP. X.

O God most powerfull and po­tent over the spirits or soules of all flesh, whose eyes behold all the wayes of the children of Adam, from the day of their birth, unto the day of their death; to the end thou mayst render to every man according to his actions, be they good or evill: Teach mee, I beseech thee, how to confesse unto thee my poverty, because I have heeretofore vanted that I was rich, and need nothing, not knowing that I was poore, blind, naked, wretched, and in misery, for that I thought my selfe to bee something, when I was nothing; I sayd with my selfe, I shall [Page 60] become a wise man, and I became a foole; I thought my selfe to bee pru­dent and discreet, and I was decei­ved, for that I now perceive that it is a gift gratis by thee given, without whom wee can do nothing; thus, O Lord, by leaving me, and proving me, thou hast taught me to know my self, not to respect of ti [...]e, that thou mightst know me, but in respect of mee, that I might know my selfe, because I thought my selfe to bee something of my selfe, and sufficient of my selfe; neither did I perceive that it was thou that diddest governe me, untill thou didst for a while for­sake me; whereupon I forthwith fell, by which I did see and know, that it was thou that didst governe me, and that my fall hapned through my own fault, and my [...]ing to grace, by means only of thy grace.

Thou hast opened mine eyes, O di­vine [Page 61] light, thou hast awakened and inlightned me, so that now I see that mans life is a temptation upon earth; neither hath frayle flesh, or any mor­tall man living, just occasion to glory of himselfe before thee, or to presume of his justification, since all the good we have, be it little or great, procee­deth wholly and freely from thee; neyther can wee attribute any thing justly to our selves, saving only our iniquity.

Whereof then shall any mortall man glory? shall he glory of his ini­quity? this is not glory, but meere misery: shall hee therefore glory of his goodnesse? shall he glory of that which is anothers? Because all good­ness and glory is thine, O Lord, and belongeth unto thee; he therfore that usurpeth that glory to himselfe that is due to thee, is a theefe, and a rob­ber, and like unto the Divell, who [Page 62] desired to bereave thee of thy glory; for hee that desireth to bee praysed in respect of the gift which thou hast given him, and doeth not seeke thy glory therein, but his owne, albeit in respect of thy gift hee bee praysed of men, yet by thee bee is thought wor­thy of blame, for that with that gift which thou hast given him, hee hath not sought thy glory, but his owne; but hee that is praysed of men, being by thee thought worthy of blame, will not bee defended by men when thou shalt condemne him.

Thou therefore, O Lord, who didst forme me in my mothers womb, per­mit me not to fall into that reproach­full infamy, as to be upbrayded as one that would bereave thee of thy glo­ry, who art the authour of all good­nesse, and to thee is due all glory, but to us shame and misery, who accord­ing to our deserts, are worthy of all [Page 63] wretchedness, were it not that thou dost take pity upon us: Thou, O Lord, art pitifull indeed, full of compassion towards all men, and hating nothing of those things which thou hast made bestowing on us many benefits, & in­riching us with thy greatest gifts, be­cause thou doest favour those that are friendless, making them abound with the riches of thy goodnes.

I know, O Lord, and confesse that they onely that acknowledge them­selves to be poor and needy, and con­fesse unto thee their poverty, shalbe inriched by thee; insomuch that they that imagine themselves rich (being indeed poore and needy) are not to expect any spirituall gift or grace from thee: wherefore, O Lord my God, I doe acknowledge and confess unto thee my poverty, rendring un­to thee all glory, because all the good that is done by me, proceedeth who­ly from thee.

[Page 64]I confesse, O Lord, that I am no­thing else but meere vanity, the sha­dow of death, a darke bottomles dun­geon, a voyd and unprofitable plot of ground, bringing forth nothing with­out thy blessing, the naturall fruite thereof being confusion, sinne, and e­ternall death and damnation: all the good that ever I had before, I had it from thee, is wholly thine, and pro­ceeds from the hands of thy libera­lity.

When I have stood upright, it hath beene by thy assistance; when I have fallen, it hath beene through my own negligence: when I was fallen like­wise, I should for ever have remayn­ed in misery, if thou hadst not raysed me: and being blinde, I should for e­ver have been blind, if thou hadst not inlightned me: when I was fallen, I should never have risen, if thou hadst not with thy hand raised me: yea af­ter [Page 65] thou hadst raysed mee, I should have fallen immediately, if thou hadst not upheld mee; I should likewise have perished many times, and beene utterly undone, if thou hadst not go­verned me.

Thus, O Lord, and in this manner hath thy grace and mercy prevented me from time to time, and continual­ly delivering mee from all mishaps that might have befallen me, preser­ving me from perills that are past, de­livering me out of those that are pre­sent, and strengthening mee against those that are to come, cutting in sun­der before me the snares of sinne, re­moving likewise all causes and occa­sions of the same; for if thou haddest not afforded me this favour, I should have committed all sorts of sins what soever: because I know, O Lord, that there is no sinne committed by one man, which another could not like­wise [Page 66] doe the same, if mans Creatour by whom he was made, doe not assist him.

Thou therefore hast caused, and commanded me to abstaine from ini­quity, giving mee grace that I might beleeve in thee: for thou, O Lord, didst direct me to do that which was to thy glory and my owne salvation; giving mee grace and understanding, that I might avoyde many grievous sins that I was inclinable to.

CHAP. XI.

REmember, O Lord I beseech thee thy mercies shewed towards me of old time, through which thou hast prevented mee with the blessings of thy sweetnesse, even from the begin­nings for thou, O Lord, and my hope, from the very time that I was a suck­ling, [Page 67] (yea before I was borne) hast provided and prepared the waies that I should walk in, and by them attain to the glory of thy heavenly King­dome: thou hast knowne mee before thou didst forme mee in my mothers belly; and before I issued out of my mothers wombe, thou hast preordai­ned of mee whatsoever seemed good to thy divine pleasure.

I know not, O Lord, what things are written of me in thy Booke, in the secret of thy Consistory, which make me to feare exceedingly: but thou knowest them all particularly, be­cause that which I expect by successi­on of dayes and times, a thousand yeeres hence to bee fulfilled, in the sight of thy Eternity is already ac­complished, and that which is to come is already done: but I, for that I know not these things, (living heer in a darke and obscure night) cannot [Page 68] but feare and tremble, whilest I see sundry dangers on every side assault­ing me, troupes of enemies pursuing me, and infinite miseries of this life invironing me. And were it not that the ayd of thy grace doth succour me in these my manifold tribulations, I should soon fall into desperation; but I have a great hope and confidence, O my God in thee, who art a God of unspeakable mercy and pity: and the consideration of thy infinite mercies are no small comfort unto mee in my miseries.

The former tokens likewise of thy love and mercies shewed towards me before my nativity, but appearing now especially, doe put mee in hope for the time to come, to receive more ample and greater favours, from the hands of thy bountifull liberality, which thou doest reserve for thy friends, and those that love thee to [Page 69] the end, that my hope may rejoice in thee, O Lord my God, with a sacred and lively cheerefulnesse, with which thou doest continually comfort my old disconsolate years.

CHAP. XII.

O God of Gods! O Lord in mer­cy surmounting the malice of men; I know thou wilt not alwaies be silent: then I meane when a fla­ming fire shall burne before thee, and a terrible tempest shall showre down round about thee, when thou shalt call both Heaven and earth to judge and discerne thy people; and lo, in the presence of so many millions of people, all mine iniquities shall be re­vealed, before so many troops of An­gels all my abominations shall be dis­played; not only of my actions, but [Page 70] likewise of my words, and cogitati­ons; there shall I (poore wretch) stand to be judged by so many as have gone before me in doing good: I shall by so many accusers be thought worthy of Hell, as have given mee example to live well: I shall be con­vinced by so many witnesses, as have admonished me by their wholsome speeches, and by their godly & pious conversation, have carried themselves worthy of imitation: O my Lord! I know not what to say, I know not what to answer: and albeit I am as yet free from that terrible danger, neverthelesse my conscience doth af­flict me, the hidden secrets of my heart do torment mee, coveteousnesse doth presse me, pride doth accuse me, envy doeth consume mee, concupiscense doeth enflame me, lust doeth molest me, gluttony doth disgrace me, drun­kennesse doth convince me, detracti­on [Page 71] doth rent me, anger doth disturbe me: behold, O my deliverer, who hast delivered me out of the hands of cruell people; behold with whom I have lived from the day of my birth, with whom I have studied, and with whom I have kept promise: those very studies which heertofore I affe­cted, doe condemne mee, which in times past I praysed do now dispraise me. These are the friends to whom I have assented; the teachers whom I have obeyed; the masters whom I have served; the counsellours whom I have beleeved, and the familiar ac­quaintance to whom I have consen­ted

Woe is me, O my God, for that my abode heere is prolonged, woe is me, O my light, for that I have lived with those that live in darkness: and seeing holy David sayd so much, how much more may I bee able to say? [Page 72] my soule hath dwelt too long in a strange land? O my God, my force & my fortress, no man can be justified in thy sight, my hope is not in the sons of men. Whom wouldest thou finde justified, if thou shouldest judge se­verely, setting mercy aside? neither is there any thing whereof a just man may vaunt, or which can bring him to glory, unlesse thou prevent him before hand with thy mercy, and pit­ty: I therefore, O my Saviour, be­lieve what I have heard, that it is thy goodnesse that doth draw mee to re­pentance, thy holy lips have told it me: No man can come to me, unless my Father, who hath sent me, draw him. Seeing therefore it hath pleased thee to instruct me, and by instruction hast vouchsafed mercifully to informe me; I beseech thee, with all the for­ces of my heart and mind, O Almigh­ty Father, together with thy most be­loved [Page 73] Son, I beseech thee likewise, O most blessed Saviour, with the holy and blessed Spirit, vouchsafe to draw me unto thee, that I may run after thee, and forsaking all things transi­tory, I may only adhere unto thee, and devote my soule and body only to thy service.

Who is like unto thee, O Lord my God? thou art great in sanctity, ter­rible, and worthy to be praised, do­ing things that deserve to be admired; too too late have I knowne thee, O true light, too late have I known thee, and the cause was, for that there was a great and dark cloud before my eies, that delighted in vanity, which hin­dered me from beholding the Sun of justice, and the Light of all verity: I was wrapt in darknesse, being the child of darkness, & I loved darkness, because I knew not the light; I was blind and loved blindness, and walk­ed [Page 74] through one darknes into another: who hath delivered me from thence, where I remained as a blind man, sit­ting in darknesse and in the shaddow of death? who hath taken me by the hand, and led met forth of the same? who is he that hath thus enlightened me? I sought him not, and he called me: but who is he? thou art he. O Lord my God, being most mercifull, and pittifull, yea, the father of mer­cies, and God of all comfort.

Thou, O Lord my God most holy, art he that hath done the same, whom I confesse with my whole heart, ren­dring thanks to thy holy Name: I did not seeke thee, thou hast sought me; I did not call upon thee, thou hast called me.

Thou hast thundred from Heaven with a great voyce into the internall care of my heart, saying, let light be made; and light was made: where­upon [Page 75] that great and dark cloud, which had covered my eies, departed, and was dissolved, whereby I have seene thy light, and known thy voyce, & I said, truly, O Lord, thou art my God, who hast delivered mee out of dark­ness, and from the shaddow of death, calling mee into the admirable light, so that now I see, thankes be to thee, O Lord, who hast inlightened me: and I looked backe, and beheld the darknesse wherein I had lived, and the deepe darke dungeon, wherein I had remained, which made me with feare and trembling, to cry out, say­ing, wo is mee in respect of the dark­nesse in which I have remained; wo is mee in respect of my former blind­ness, in which I could not see the light of Heaven; wo is mee in respect of my former ignorance, when I did not know thee, O Lord; thanks therefore be to thee, O my Inlightner, and De­liverer, [Page 76] for that thou hast inlightned me, and I have knowne thee.

Too too late have I knowne thee, O ancient Verity, too late have I known thee, O eternall Truth: thou remainest in light, and I in darknesse, and I knew thee not, because I could not be inlightned without thee, for that there is no light besides thee.

O God! the Holy of Holies, the God of Gods, and Lord of Lords, of inestimable Majesty, whose wonder­full greatnesse cannot bee uttered or imagined! before whom the Ange­licall powers doe shake for feare, O most mighty, most holy, and most po­werfull God, the God of the spirits or souls of all mortall creatures, from whose sight the Heavens and the earth doe flie away for fear, to whom all the Elemens doe obey at a becke; let all thy creatures adore and glorifie thee, amongst whom I, unworthy [Page 77] wretch the sonne of thy handmaid do bow downe the neck of my heart un­der the feet of thy supreame Majesty being taught so to doe, by the faith which thou hast given me, rendring thanks unto thee, for that thou hast vouchsafed by thy mercy to inlighten me.

O Light most true, sacred, and de­lightfull, most worthy of praise, and most admirable, which inlighteneth every man comming into this world, yea, the eies of the Angels themselvs: Behold, now I see, for which I hum­bly thanke thee: Behold, now I see the light of Heaven, a heavenly bright beam proceeding from the face of thy brightness doth shine upon the eies of my mind, which maketh all my bones to rejoyce.

Oh that this light were perfect it me; increase it in mee, O authour o [...] light I beseech thee: increase I be­seech [Page 78] thee that light that shineth in mee: let it bee augmented, I beseech thee, by thee.

O fire, which doest alwayes burn, and art never extinguished, enflame me. O light, which doest alwayes shine, and art never darkned, enlight­en me. Oh that I were made hot by thee, O sacred fire! how sweetly dost thou heate, how secretly doest thou shine, how desiredly dost thou burn? Woe be to those, that are not made hot by thee, woe bee to those that are not enlightned by thee. O true light enlightning all the world, whose brightnesse doeth replenish all the world. Woe bee to those blind eyes which doe not see thee, who art the Sunne that giveth light both to Hea­ven and Earth. Woe be to those dim eyes which cannot see thee. Woe be to those eies that are turned away frō seeing verity. Woe be to those eyes [Page 79] that are not turned away from seeing vanity.

Verily those eyes that are accusto­med to darkness, cannot behold the bright beames of thy supreame righ­teousness, neither do they know what to thinke of the light, whose dwel­ling is in darknesse. They see, love, and approve the darknesse, so that walking from one darknesse into ano­ther, they stumble, and tumble they know not whither. Doubtlesse they are wretched that know not what they lose, but they are more wretched that know what they lose, who fall with their eyes open, and descend a­live into perdition.

O light most blessed! who canst not be seen of those eyes that are ne­ver so little defiled: Blessed are the clean in heart, for they shall see God. Cleanse me, O cleansing vertue, cure mine eyes, to the end that with sound [Page 80] and cleare eyes I may bee able to be­hold thee. Remoove from my eyes the scales of my former blindnesse, by the means of thy brightness, that I may be able stedfastly to behold thee, and in thy light I may see light.

Behold O my light! now I see, for which I most humbly thank thee. Let this my light, O Lord I beseech thee, be increased by thee. Open mine eyes, that I may see the wonderfull things of thy Law. I give thee thankes, O my light, for that I now see, albeit obscurely, as it were in a Mirrour or looking glasse: but when shall I see thee apparently face to face?

Oh, when will that day of joy and mirth arive, in which I shall enter into the place of thy Tabernacle, so mach to bee admired, even into the house of my God, to the end I may see him face to face that seeth me▪ that so my desire may be accomplished.

CHAP. XIII.

I Have exceedingly sinned, and I know my offences to bee many, which I have committed, yet I do not despayre, because where sinnes have abounded, there grace hath supera­bounded. He that dispayreth of ob­tayning pardon for his sinnes, denieth God to be mercifull; hee doth God a great injury that mistrusteth his mer­cy: as much as in him lieth, he denieth God to have charity, truth, and pow­er, in which three doth depend my whole confidence: that is, in the cha­rity of his adoption, in the trueth of his promise, and in the power of his redemption: I cannot bee terrified with the multitude of my sinnes▪ if the death of my Saviour come into my minde, because my sinnes cannot [Page 82] overcome the multitude of his mercy. The wounds of my Saviour doe tell me that I am truly reconciled to him, if I love him: wherefore, blessed Sa­viour, give me grace to love thee tru­ly and sincerely, because love chaseth forth feare: verily the whole world doth not afford such a powerfull and present remedy against sinne, as is the death of my Redeemer. He stretcheth forth his armes on the Crosse, and spreads out his hands, as one ready to imbrace sinners: I purpose to live, and desire to die betweene the armes of Christ that hath saved me, there will I sing securely: I will extoll thee, O Lord, for thou hast received me, and hast not permitted mine enemies to triumph over me.

CHAP. XIV.

I Render unto the most humble thanks▪ O most gratious and mer­cifull God, for that comming loader [Page 84] with so many and so grievous sins to make my humble confession unto thy divine and sacred Majesty, thou art pleased to give mee the grace, that I am not ashamed to open my sins and iniquities unto thee, whereby I may obtaine thy pardon; which being granted unto me by thy mercy, and the merits of my Saviour Christ Jesus; I most humbly beseech thee to indue me with thy holy spirit, that I may forget all my wicked inclinations, and that I may offend thee no more, but remain constant to my good intenti­ons proposed at this time: I confesse unto thee, O Lord, that it was thy meer mercy and goodness, that thou hadst not cut me off many times be­fore this in the height of my horrid sins, and cast me immediatly into Hell for all eternity: O Lord, thou hast had mercy upon me, being but poore dust and ashes; and thou art pleased [Page 85] at this instant to reforme my defor­mities, and to keep me from sudden death and despaire, lest I should bee swallowed up in the deep: O Lord, I humbly confesse, that before thou didst give me a sight of my sinnes, and hearty sorrow and repentance for them, I was going headlong to Hell, carrying all my sins along with mee; but thou, O my Lord and my God, didst call me back unto thee, who art the way, the truth and the life, and didst inlighten my cloudy mind with the brightness of thy light, that see­ing my relf at the brink of Hell, thou hast pulled mee backe by thy divine mercy and providence, that I may live to see thy glory: what shall I there­fore render unto thee, my most mer­cifull Saviour, for the marvellous waies that thou hast used to correct, and direct my waies into the way of salvation? I was carried away with [Page 86] vanities, O my God, and made my waies farre from thee; but thou, O Lord, moved with mercy didst call back my filthy life from the durt of earthly pleasures, and didst restraine my untamed minde with the bit and bridle of the calamities, and labour of this wretched world, that I might understand my own misery, and come unto thee: I will therefore glory in my infirmities, and afflictions, that thy grace may dwell in mee, O Lord, to whom I owe all that I am, for that thou hast forgiven me many heynous, and grievous sins; and for those great benefits, and most holy blessings by which my poore soule shall be saved, I doe give unto thee most humble thanks upon the knees of my heart, and in gratitude for thy gracious fa­vours, I doe most willingly offer my poor life to be sacrificed for thee, my liberty, and all my worldly substance, [Page 87] and my most humble prayers, saying, Bless the Lord, O my soule, and doe not forget all his benefits, who is mercifull to all thine iniquities, and healeth all thine infirmities, who hath redeemed thy life from death, who crowneth thee with loving kind­nesses and tender mercies: Behold, O Lord, how I am comforted with thy mercies, and thou hast so inligh­tened me, that I now desire to imbrace thee before all the pleasures which have waited upon my miserable life: therefore I humbly beseech thee, O most mercifull Father, not to faile in helping me, that I also by thy grace may not faile in confessing thy mercy unto me; and I desire thee to accept of my broken and contrite heart, and my sorrowfull soule for my sins past, and grant unto me thy fear, that I may never do any thing to displease thee; but conceiving hope by thy promises [Page 88] of thy mercy, I may henceforth bee cherished, and delighted with hea­venly things: O Lord, protect mee under the shaddow of thy wings, and cherish me in the bosome of thy mer­cy; for while I live in this valley of tears, I will cry unto thee, O my God, and my helper in time of trouble, and need, that thou deliver mee from all temptations unto the end; and that thou wilt nourish mee as thy childe, who having received the strength of thy vertue so long as I shall run in the course of this world, forgetting that which is behind, and earnestly bend­ing my selfe to thy holy blessings, by thy grace and protection I may goe on to the appointed place that thou hast prepared for those that love Christ Jesus our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit God world without end. Amen.