Short Remains of a Dead Gentlewoman and Wife: Published by her Surviving Husband, for the Continuance and Advancement of her Memory, and the good Example of those to whose Hands it may come.
IT has Pleased Almighty God to call me to the Estate of suffering great Pain and Sickness, thereby to wean my Affections from the things of the World. I do receive his Chastisement with all Humility and Thankfulness, as coming from a Merciful and Gracious Father, and do acknowledge he deals with me in great Kindness; and that hitherto he has laid no more upon me than he has enabled me to bear. I acknowledge my Sins and Offences are so great, that if he should be extream with me, and mark what is amiss, and Punish me accordingly, he might justly destroy me, and cast my Soul into eternal Torments. But he is a Merciful God, slow to Anger, and of great Pity. And I have a full trust and confidence in him, and in the Merits and Intercession of my Blessed Saviour; and that he came into the World to save Sinners: That he died for my Sins and rose again for my Justification. That there is no Name under Heaven by which I can be saved but by my Blessed Saviour JESƲS. I love God with all my Heart, with all my Mind, with all my Soul, with all my Strength. I put my whole Trust and Confidence in him, and do freely and willingly resign my self to his Pleasure to do with me as he pleases and do humbly and heartily beg, that he will not leave me nor forsake me; but tha [...] when I am weakest he will be strongest, and will inable me to overcome the Temptations of the World, the Flesh, and the Devil: And that I may prove a Conqueror thr [...] Christ that Strengthens me. That I may Fight a good Fight, keep a good Faith, and finis [...], my Course with Joy, that I may rest in JESƲS; and have a House not made wit [...] hands eternal in the Heavens; where all Tears shall be wiped from mine Eyes; whe [...] there shall be no more Sorrow, nor Death, nor Crying, nor Pain; but shall be in pe [...] fect Happiness without end, and shall follow the Lamb wheresoever he goeth; an [...] this I humbly and earnestly beg for my dear and ever Blessed Saviour's sake. I [...] freely and willingly resign my Soul to God who gave it, and my Body to the Earth; and do desire I may be Buried in Rawden Chappel near the place Mr. L—. designs for his own Burying-Place. I am willing to part with Mr. L—. and with all the World; and I heartily pray to Almighty God to forgive me all my Sins; and I do with all my Heart forgive all the World whatever they have done against me. I desire Mr. L—. that he will forgive me in whatever I have at any time offended him in. I confess I have been too apt to say such things as he hath taken ill, and has imputed them to ill nature. I am sorry I have at any time done or said any thing that might give him disturbance. I beg God will forgive me, and that he will do so too. But I think I ought to do my self that Justice as to affirm, I have been Faithful to Mr. L—. both to his Bed and Fortune, in what he has trusted into my Hands. I hope I have a clear Conscience to those things, that I shall not have any thing to answer upon those accounts. There has been many Differences betwixt us, and Mr. L—. has both said and done several severe and hard things to me, which have stuck close to me, and I know he has thought me a Fool that I could not tell what to say to him; but my computation [Page 2] was much otherways; for it was very seldom but I could have answered with as much Sharpness as he: but I knew he would not bear it; and if I had done so, I could not have lived with him: Therefore I made it my daily request to Almighty God, that he would enable me to govern my Tongue, that I might always set such a watch over that, as that it should be no occasion of difference betwixt my Husband and me. And I humbly thank him, I have been able to do it, I believe as much as most People; and I hope when I am gone to my long home, Mr. L—. will be sensible that what I say is true. I heartily pray to God to bless him, and that when I am gone he may live happy, and enjoy the Blessing of Almighty God in as great a measure as he shall see good for him, and that we may have a Joyful Meeting at the Resurrection. And I humbly beg of Almighty God, that he will forgive us both all our Offences against him, and against one another. And I make it my Request to Mr. L—. that he will please to give to my Sister Constable a Suit of Damask Linnen which was my Mother's, and was bought against my Christening: It lies in the bottom of the great Trunk in my Closet; at one end there is a long Table-cloth, Two less Table-cloths, and Two Dozen of Napkins. I also desire she may have a little Scarlet Silk Purse, and the Gold that is in it, only one Broad Piece taken out of it for a Ring for my Brother Yarbrough. The Purse is in a private Drawer in the Table in my Closet at the Stairs-head. I desire my Maids may have every one of them something of my Clothes, and Joseph and Tim, may have each of them Twenty Shillings a piece. I desire there may be a Sermon at my Funeral, which I would have one I had from Mr. Wood: It may be found in a thin Red Book which lies on the top of other Books, and in it is a little Paper Book of Mr. Wood's Writing. The Text is Matth. 24.44. Therefore be ye also ready, for in such an hour as you think not the Son of Man cometh. I desire Mr. Wood may have Two Guinea's from me besides what Mr. L—. will give him. This is what I desire may be done if Mr. L—. be willing: But I know I have no power to dispose of any thing without his Consent: and if he be not willing, I should be sorry to displease him in the last Act of my Life: and if he be not willing these things should be as I desire, I am contented all should be as he pleases. This is all I shall say, but as long as I live [...] shall continue
[...]he foregoing Letter was Superscribed by the dead Person's hand in these Words: ‘This for Mr. L—. which I desire may be given to him after my Death, and before I am buried.’ And this direction was fulfilled and performed accordingly.
Here follows a Confession of her Sins found after her Death, and written in and by
[...]er own Hand.
An Humble Confession to Almighty God of the Grievous Sins I am too guilty of.
O Lord, I confess I offend and Sin in preferring and loving many Worldly Vanities and Pleasures before the Service of God.
I confess I sometimes neglect to read the Holy Scriptures, and when I do read them, I do not mark them as I ought, nor do I fear God so much as to keep from Offending him.
I do not call my self to a daily account for my Sins, nor am I so careful as I ought to be in examining what my estate is towards God, nor do I repent of my Sins, and forsake them as I should do.
I confess I am often discontented with my own estate and condition, and too much troubled when any Worldly things cross me.
[Page 3]I am too forward to credit things which I hear to the disadvantage of other People, and to relate them again, tho' I do not know the truth of them; and my Thoughts and Phantasies are often such as they ought not to be.
I am not so careful of my Neighbours Credit as I should be; but do sometime talk more of them than I should do: I have not so sincere a Charity, nor do I forgive my Enemies as I desire God would forgive me; but am too apt to remember Injuries, and am not sorry enough when any misfortunes come upon those that have done me unkindness or displeasure.
I confess I am subject to be angry at a small occasion, and Impatient if any be angry with me.
My Affection is too much set upon my Husband, and I am too desirous to have his esteem, and I cannot bear his Ʋnkindness with that Patience which I ought: I am too apt to provoke him to Anger and Ʋnkindness, by saying ill-natured and cross things: I am too Suspicious and Mistrustful of him, and too Fretful and Grieving at any thing that makes differences betwixt us: I am more afraid of losing his Favour and Kindness, than I am of sinning against God.
I confess I am too slack in my Devotion; that when I should be the most Intent in God's service, then the Devil is the busiest, and puts vain and wandring Thoughts into my Head: I am not so thankful to God as I should be, for all the Benefits and Blessings he daily and hourly bestows upon me: All which I am heartily sorry for, and do beg of thee, Good Lord, to deliver me from all these Sins.
It is my full purpose to do my utmost endeavour to forsake all these Sins; and I humbly and earnestly beg of God for his Grace and Assistance: and if he will please to grant me that, I do not fear but I shall be a Conqueror.
Next follows the Purport of a Dream, which was found set down by Her own Hand, amongst the last Leaves of one of Her Manuscript Books; express'd distinctly in the following Words.
THE 24 November 1689. In the Night, towards the Morning of the 25th Day, I dreamed that I was saying my Prayers, at Night by Candle-light in my Closet, and something touched me upon the forepart of my Head like a Hand; at which I was frighted, and looked up, and saw a bright shining Thing with glittering Wings, but could not see any Face: It hung in the Air and touched nothing. It seemed to be about the bigness of an ordinary Hawk; It spoke to me and said, Thy Prayers are heard, and thy Afflictions are sanctified to thee: If thou dost continue to do thy Duty unto the end, God will not forget his Promises; but thou shalt go to the Grave in Peace, and with a resigned and quiet Mind, and shall receive a Crown of Righteousness. Then it stay'd a while. I was very much frighted, and would fain have spoke but could not. Then it said be not frighted, but make an end of thy Prayers, and with striving to speak I awoke. I thought it was in constant Motion with the Wings, and spoke slowly, and not very high, but very plain to be understood.