DEar Friends, I ought rather to fall a weeping over you, then to begin to speak to you; but I can do neither as I would; for indeed my strength is spent as wel as my time, but yet as well as I may (God enabling me) I will endeavour to give the world satisfaction in clearing my consci­ence, speaking the truth in the discovery of mine offences: You know, and I think here is none ig­norant, that two things have brought me to this sad, fatal, dismal place, Murder and Adultery; and for the latter of the two I confess my self exceed­ing faulty; I am fouly guilty of Incontinency, and I think that in this kind there is not any like me in the world, so gross an offendor have I been, ve­ry unclean, & wonderfull vile that way, although those that knew me did not think I had bin such a wretch. It is my fault I confess that brought these two already dead, of my family, to their end; so that I may say, I have sinned, I have done wickedly; but these sheep, what have they done? Let thy hand be against me and my fathers house; for I have a long time continued in this gross vile sin of uncleaness, and have many times exprest it by wanton words, [Page] thoughts, and actions, and that to her who was neer to me, neer ally'd to me, dear to me, that was committed to my care by her dearest friends, who hoped better then what hath befallen.

This odious sin I committed with her that pro­fest Religion, that had excellent parts, that was well proportioned, that was beautifull, that had good gifts, one that had received much illumina­tion by me, and I received much good by her; Oh that I might have died to have preserved their lives! But oh! such a vile wretch I have bin, that although I preached against that sin, yet I lived in it, though I had many checks of conscience, and many reproofs by others Sermons that I heard in divers places, yet I lived in it, and continued so to do, and so I am perswaded I should have done till I had dy'd in that sin, and been damn'd for that sin, if God had not taken this course to bereave me of this great sin, my Master-sin, my bosom-sin, this abominable sin, for which I now abhor my self: Oh that I could lament and mourn for this sin, & all other mine offences with tears of blood, yea as many as I have done water since my sinning, and that against such light and knowledge! O that I should live in and love such a sin so long, that was a Minister, a Preacher, one that was noted and fol­lowed all the Country over, such a man as I in an eminent Calling; but my Hypocrisie was very great to live in such a sin, such an odious sin, such a base course of life, under a Cloak of Religion, a meer form of Godliness, so that it may be justly said of [Page] me, What hast thou to do to take my Word into thy mouth, seeing thou hatest to be reformed? Yet was I taken for a sincere, and (as the World counts them) a Puritan-Minister, I was taken for a strict godly man, but alas there was no such matter in me. (Beloved) I fell into this grievous sin, and all other my offences, for want of Religion, for want of holiness, that was the cause of my dangerous falling; for had Religion been in me in truth? had a good foundation of holines been grounded and setled in my soule, I had never so fouly mis­carried as I have, and been such an offence and of­fender as I am? I have been (I confess) a great offence to true Religion, to the faithfull Ministry, and to the holy profession of the Gospel: it is true that offences shall come, but wo to them by whom the offence commeth, and that heavy wo hath overtaken me, and falls very sore upon me, that I should be a great meanes and cause of scandalizing the truth: Oh, how is my mind distracted! Oh, that I could do God some service, some honor now at the last! Oh that I could convert all you that hear me! Oh that the words of a dying man might take impres­sion upon you, to work in you a hatred of all sin­full wayes! Oh that I could be an instrument of good to you, to turn you from your sinful wayes! But I know to my grief, my fall is that which som do rejoyce in, that they may hereby take occasion to jeer, sing, and rime of it on the Ale-bench: Well take it from me (and they are the words of a dy­ing man) that the falls of the faithfull are the de­struction [Page] of the wicked; Christ himself was set for the fall and rising again of many in Israel; But by one miscarriage they will take occasion and li­berty to sinne, although they destroy themselves; Now will such say, Come man, do not you know how such and such, and such strict dissembling Pu­ritans have lived themselves? Thus will they en­courage themselves and others in all sorts of vo­luptuous wayes: But consider this I beseech you, that this your resolv'd plodding on in sinful waies and stumbling at the falls and infirmities of Gods Servants, your taking offence at the falls of the Saints, will break your necks into Hell as it hath done mine, if the Lord be not infinitely mer­cifull to me for Christs sake; And that woe that falls on me, will fall on you to your everlasting perdition: Oh, but I have been the cause of the death of these two already dead, & of a thousand thousand soules, which I fear will take liberty presumptuously to sin by my evill example: Oh for Gods sake, as you love your precious soules, do not (I charge you) speak evill of the truth of God for my fault: Speak as bad as you will of me, for you cannot speak bad enough, but let me tell you thus much, and I speak the truth, that all those whom the world calls Puritan-Preachers, Pu­ritan-Professors, are the best people in the world, however the world doth esteem of them, and judge them. I tell you my grievous fall was for want of true Grace, for want of imbracing the Truth for the love of Truth; Know therefore thus much, [Page] That although holiness and holy men be scoft at, yet without holiness yee shall never see God; you must walk in the Truth, and abide in that way that is called Puritanisme, or ye shall never come to Heaven, but shall certainly be damned; there­fore do not say in dislike of Religion, that it is naught, or that Gods wayes be not right; do not say the Sacraments, Preaching, Prayer, Meditati­on, Gods Ordinances, holy Duties, are naught, and they are naught that use them, and that be­cause I am scandalously fallen, do not say they are all such: No, let it be far from you, let the burden lye upon me, I codfess I was naught, and so are all such Hypocrites as I am; but I beseech you speak not evill, open not your mouthes a­gainst the Gospel or Profession, Gods pure Wor­ship and Service, for my being a wretch; Gods Service is holy, his wayes good, safe and delight­full, and full of Honour; and it is better to be his servant then to be servant to the greatest Monarch on earth; I pray you then labour to be his Ser­vants, and to obey his Will and Commands, set down in his Word, go you by that Rule I have swerved from: Oh that I was assured of being his Servant! How would it comfort my heart, and cheer up my spirit in the great straight I am now in! Oh that the Lord would lift up the light of his countenance, that I might have som [...] little glimpse of his favour! Oh that the LORD would open one little crevise to mee, that [Page] might apprehend his love! Oh what is one drop of Christs Blood worth? what would I give to have it? He was answered, He might have it for nothing, the Brazen Serpent Jesus is set forth, Now whosoever can by faith apprehend his love, and apply it to themselves, are justified and sanctified before God. Oh then (said he) pray for me as for your own souls, you that are in Covenant with God, your prayers are prevalent: Oh pray that this hard heart of mine may be softned! Oh pray that the Lord would bee good unto mee, or else I shalbe damned presently, I am now going whence I shall not returne, even into eternity of glory or torment, Oh what shall I doe! it had bin good for mee I had not bin borne; Death is terrible to all out of Christ, and the Lord is not reconsiled to me in Christ, hides him selfe from mee, Then pulling downe his hatt over his eies, hee mournfully said, Hath God forgotten to be gratious? hath he shut up his tender mercies in displeasure? will the Lord cast off for ever? will hee be gratious no more? These his complaints occasioned much mourning and bewailing his estate. Then said Mr. Ball, Mr. Barker I have told you that you have so much dis­honoured God, that it may be the Lord will not honour you so far as to manifest his love to you, he reserves that till afterward. Then said he, I have done with the first, my foul sin of unclean­ness: Now for the Murder, of which I do here up­on my death profess, I am not guilty neither in act [...]or in consenting to the death of that Infant; [Page] the Lord forgive, and so do I my violent persecu­tors with all their bitter and malicious intend­ments and proceedings against me; indeed I con­fess that many murderous thoughts have gone thorow my soule; but these, although they de­serve death by Gods Law, yet mans Law takes no hold of them, yet for these bloudy thoughts, and my lustfull filthy unclean life, I have deserved this death, and a worse too, and herein I desire to mag­nifie the just hand of the Lord in bringing to light my shamefull foul offences, and I desire to magni­fie all his holy Attributes, his Mercy, Justice, wis­dome, Power, Truth, Goodness, and the rest of them, in that he hath now let me have experience of them all, that in as much as I have dishonoured him, he most justly hath dishonoured me, and brought me out, and made me visible by such a Correction as this, for other Chastisements that were more gentle, would not serve, nor stay me from my greedy pursuit, and going on in this vile course of life, exceeding vicious, I that taught o­thers did not learn my self, for which I earnestly crave pardon of Almighty God, (which he did ve­ry fervently, and (I hope) effectually) Then he sung the 31. Psalm, some of all the three Parts, as much as was convenient for that occasion. When that was ended, it was demanded of him, that if he had no hand in the Murther, but were guiltless, why and for what end he made the Grave; He an­swered, when he made the hole, it was his Maids and Kinswomans opportunity, for they told me [Page] (said he) it was to receive such things as modest men and women may easily conceive what. Then he was asked why he did not diligently inquire further, having such a just cause of suspition: He answered, I confess my self too blame and faulty herein. Then he was asked, Why he had a hand in procuring Savin for his Kinswoman whom he loved so well, and from whom he had received so much good, and to wbom he endeavoured to do so much good? He answe­red, therein he did but as he was requested and in­treated, and for it he was but a Messenger for both of them; his Kinswoman and Maid told him, that if she had some of that to take, it would bring down those things which used to come monethly, the stopping whereof made her so ill as she said. But (said he) here is the just hand of the Lord, that hath not, and will not spare sin in any, no not in his own, but will severely punish it in all first or last, as here you may see I am brought to an end unbeseeming a Minister. I blame not the Judge nor the Jury, nor the Prosecutors but my self; and therefore (good People) do not think the worse of God, or of his faithfull Ministers for my sin, I pray you again and again; for if you should, you may condemn the generation of the Just, for my wretched life and errors do not say they are all such. Remember you have been told by them that are now dead, and by my self; You may as well say, that because there was one Judas a Thief, a Traitor among the Apostles, that therefore they were all Theeves and Traitors, and so you may [Page] utterly undo your souls and bodies by affirming such an untruth, such a false conclusion; Blame me a sinfull wicked man, and lay the fault of this scandall and offence upon mee: Oh that I could do that good as I have done hurt, and that my life and blood would stop the mouthes of the enemies of the truth, who will say (I know) when I am gone and dead, I knew and saw one hang'd as precize as you; Oh how it cuts my heart that I have been such an offence to my own calling and Profession! You of the Ministery, I pray you for­give me, and pardon my offensive life: You that profess the glorious Gospel, forgive me, for I have made all your hearts sad, I have been a great cause of grief to all of you, and an occasion for you to have in your dish when I am dead. Alas! good Sirs, what shall I doe? I am pre­sently to appear before the great Judge of all the World; Oh how bitter are the thoughts of death to mee! How shall I do to encounter with Death! Then hee was told that JESUS CHRIST had pulled out the Sting of Death, which is sin, for all that live godly and righteously in this present World; Yea, but said hee, I am un­godly and unrighteous; What shall I doe? Hee was answered, That CHRIST came not to call the Rsghteous, but Sinners to re­pentance. Oh, (said he) that Repentance and godly sorrow is that which I want. He was then advised to have [...] course to him that giveth libe­rally unto all, and respecteth none.

[Page]Then said he, Mine end is reproachfull; He was answered, It was not so bad, nor so bitter as Christs upon the Crosse, and yet he submitted to his Fa­thers Will, and further, That it was better to goe from the Callowes to heaven, then from a Down-bed to hell.

Then he said, How am I pressed with my sinnes? How doth the burden of them oppress me? He then was wished to accept of that Invitation,

Then said he, direct me, and I will be ruled by you, then he was told, That all those who are sa­ved from hell, are justified freely by the grace of God, through the Redemption that is in Jesus Christ. The Ministers told him, That now it was not how ma­ny, or how foul his offences were, if he had faith to come to Jesus Christ, and to lay hold on him, He that cometh to me, I will in no case cast off. I (said he) but may I believe you, may I ground upon your words? He was answered, He might take Gods Word, who hath commanded you to believe the Prophets and you shall prosper, and hath said, that Christ loveth to the uttermost them that come to him. Then said he, upon this Foundation will I build, [...]ere will I build, here will I rely, and repose my [...]elf, though he kill me, yet will I trust in him. And yet [...]e said, Oh that I might see your faces in Heaven, [...]nd were as sure to be there as you are! Hee was [Page] told, They hoped he should, though he went before them. Oh (said he) what a merry and joyfull meeting should we have! He was then told, that this was a good Argument that he was translated from death to life, because he loved the Brethren, and wished their salvation. Oh (said he) I do love you, and am loath to part with you that love and fear the Lord. Then was he told, That the Church tri­umphant and the Church militant are such as doe belong one to another, the Saints there, and the godly here, are all of a company. Why then (said he) you say I must rest only on Christ for Salvati­on, and upon his free grace and mercy. Yea (said the Ministers) for God is faithfull that hath promised, and to them that truely Beleeve and Repent, the sinfulnesse of the sinner doth not make the grace of God of none effect; You know (Mr. Barker) what your Wife said, That if she had a House full of Gold, shee would give it with all her Heart to save your Life; Why then Mr. Barker (said they) argue thus for your eternall comfort, from the lesser to the grea­ter, The love of the Creature is finite, but the love of the Creator is infinite, If your Wife whom you have wronged so much, doth so love you, The love of the LORD passeth the Love of Women. Then said he, I will throw away all my other Foundations, all my Latine, Greeke and Hebrew, it will doe me no good, all my Labours and Duties, I cast them all away, and close with JESUS CHRIST: I come LORD JESƲS CHRIST, Oh plead thou for me, be­queath thy Righteousnes unto wee; And this must you [Page] do all that hear me this day, You must goe out of your selves, and out of your best Dueties, as Read­ing, Hearing, Receiving the Sacraments, Workes of Charitie, Fasting, Prayer, Singing of Psalmes, and the like, you must not think to be saved by them, nor for them, fly you to CHRIST alone, who hath left unto us the Words of Eternall Life, Be conti­nually using holy Duties, and abound in them, but trust not to them, rest not in them; I, but this new Worke is but lately wrought in me, it is but since yesterday, for before I had a hard stony heart that could not repent, I deferred to seek God in trueth, flattering my self with vain hopes of life; Surely I had never this Worke of Grace in trueth, but since yesterday; Oh Mr. Rogers, the Son of a godly Fa­ther, you were an Instrument of breaking my hard heart, it is not two daies since. To this answer was made, this was but the seed-time, this was but the earnest, the full Vintage and fruition of grace in glory. Oh Sirs, what think you of me? They an­swered, very well, seeing the LORD hath so broken your heart, and brought you out of your self. Why I thank God (said he) I have some Peace, Consci­ence is a little quieter, it doth not smite nor check me now, whilst I hasten to that full fruition of glo­ry which the LORD hath prepared for them that, love him, for my time is at an end, and my strength is spent, I now take my leave of every one of you (shaking many by the hands) I leave you to him that is able to preserve you blameless till his appearing. And you of the Ministry, and [...]ers that Pr [...] the [Page] Gospel, I beseech you to walke honestly and cir­cumspectly, you had need so to do amongst a fro­ward People with whom you dwell; Love the Faithfull Ministers, reverence them; for these are the Mosesses that stand in the gapp, these are the Lots that defer Fire and Brimstone from Sodom, these hold up the hands, else Amaleck would pre­vaile; Make much of these Bushes that stop the Gapps, for if these were taken away, the dropps of Gods angry displeasure would with their fearfull effects be more seen among us then they are, Have a care hereof;

Once again I take my leave of you (said he) and so giving his Executioner a Piece of money; he commended his Soul and Body into the hand of the Lord, saying;

LORD into thy hands I commend my spirit. AND Lord JESUS receive my Soul.

And so was Executed.