AN Intelligencer is a State-spie, he pries into each mans breast, and would faine know all mens crimes but his owne; He is a constant Imitator of HOLING­SHEAD, his Lines are as harsh and unpleasant, save that he makes more SPEED, and is not so Volu­minous, yet he will tell you as queint stories, as either of those Chronographers, and make as artificiall a Narration of Sheriffs and Bailiffs; He is the Countrimans Chronicler, and he sings JO PEANS to his Muse, as to the Rusticke Dieties; He is the Citizens Harbinger, and saveth him the labour of walking on the Change to heare newes; He is the Epitome of wit, and is contracted in so small a circumference, that you may draw him through a loop-hole, or shoot him as a pellet out of an Elder-gun: and though he tell lies by the grosse, yet he would have the Booke-turners of this Isle to beleeve that he useth Moderation.

He hath seene the exit of his great Master, that impudent and incorrigible Reviler Britanicus, who while the world lasts shall never be mentioned by any, but to his shame and infamy; and yet he hopeth he is fixed so surely, that all the strength of wit cannot eradi­cate him: he will tell you his Majesty is in health, is merry, plaies [Page 2] at Chesse, &c. And then he will comment on His actions, and wish he had never lent his eares to evill Councellours, evill indeed, when he betrayed his power; then he will counterfeit a whining passion, and condole with Crocodiles teares his present estate; then he will take a large stride, and celebrate the names of the principall of the Decemvirs; he will tell you, that Generall Leven is in his study, beating his braines to a gelly, to project apt waies for the safety of the contracted Kingdomes, and in deepe medita­tion, how to subdue Antrim and his handfull, and tying knots of concord never to be dissolved; that Ormund hath revolted without horrour of conscience, and thinketh not that his Majesties Ghost haunts him, that he is at Dulcarnan, even at his wits end.

That Holmby is richly decked for his Majesties entertainment; and that he shall commit Sacriledge unwittingly, drinke in that new molten Plate once dedicate to the Temple; that he will not yet hearken to Marshals Instructions, nor heare him to his face revile him; that he is yet minded to weare his Crowne, and not to pro­strate it and himselfe at the feet of his vassals, that he will not yet be contented to have a Gallemoffrey of Religions, but will have but one, and that forme of Church Government which so many holy Martyrs have sealed with their bloud; that he is angry his Queene should be forced from him, and the Revenewes of his Crowne maintaine an Army against him.

That the Prince is in France, and is much to be doubted, that he will incense all Christendome to revenge his Fathers wrongs; then with a swift carriere he will transport himselfe into Holland, and not feare to belye Forraigne Nations; he can with wondrous faci­lity make the Swedes and Imperialists shake hands, and by and by meet in battle; he can ralley a scattered Troope that ran cleane away, and constraine them to returne and fight lustily; he will tell you, that the Turke intendeth no more to invade Christendome, but confine his Silver Moone within her owne proper Orbe; that Don Camillo Panfillio the Popes Nephew, is married to the Prince Rosseanos widdow, and bestow a whole page in discoursing that she put off her mourning habit, as if any would imagine a Princesse would be married in Sable weeds; that her Vestiments were very rich, who will not esteeme that possible enough? that they were married by the Vicegerent, in the presence of the Prince Lodovissio, O strange providence I that the Brides Mother, and her Cosin stood by; this nothing impossible neither, that af­ter [Page 3] they had knit the gordion knot, Embassadours and Lords sent to Complement them: take the substance of the narration thus, the Popes Nephew Camillo Panfillio was married to the Prince Ros­seanos widdow, they both being attyred in brave cloaths, things which great persons seldome put on; that the Prince Lodovissio, the Brides mother and Cosin stood by while they were married, and when they forsooke the Temple, divers Lords and Embassadors were so mannerly as to complement with them by their severall Proxeis; ha, ha, ha, a fine story of Tom Thumbe sitting under a Cabbadge leafe: thus he stuffes a Cushion with stubble, alas, how else should he amount to a sheet and an halfe, and encrease the trade of Paper? After this he will leade you into Russia, to see the Sea coagulated, and the nose of a Bore wipt away by the frozen hand of Hyoms; then againe into Turkie to see the Mahometans sit and tipple in their Coffa houses, and in the streets lowsing them­selves at noone day; then into Germany to see the ruines of war, and the fatall effects of Schisms and Factions; then into Scotland, and there shew Kilketto exercising his Troopes, and giving them Military Discipline, incouraging them yet to maintaine their So­veraignes cause (Fortune doth not alwaies bend her browes on one party) and once more to elevate a trodden downe King; to avenge the deaths of Strafford, Lindsey, and Canterbury; to place K. Charles in his Throne by force (intreaties not the least availing) to Impede the growth of Schisme, and to cause the seditious and obstinate to be dutious and plyable; then, as if he ran round in a ring, with a trice he will be againe in England.

But he will not relate to you, that the Incendiaries there are so out of conceit with the piece of worke, about which they have so long been hammering, finding their labour spent in vain, to the losse of their time and credit, that they wish they had never handled car­ving tooles, nor ever kindled a fire to scorch their owne fingers; while like a Mill-horse they have gone often round, and now are arived at the same station where first they set forth; nor that they feare his Majesties wrongs are so deeply imprinted in his breast, that now having drawn the Sword, they may throw away the Scab­bard, and never looke to sheath it againe.

Nor that London is become another Amsterdam, and that there is a tolleration of all Religions, that they are a mixt multitude, such as went with the Children of Israel out of the Land of Aegypt, a medley of Jews and Infidels; some Presbyters, some Independents, [Page 4] some Anabaptists, some Brownists, some Arminians, and some Antinomians (that is) some Babell builders; some of their Sect against whom Paul disputed, when he fought with beasts at Ephe­sus, Libertines; some Dippers, whom Learned Featly plunged in Cocytus Lake; some despisers of Gods Ordinance, the Disciples of Browne; some that have a will and ability of themselves to achieve any thing save what is pious, whom King James hath suf­ficiently canvased, the Sect of Arminius; and some that exclude Christ from his Mediatourship. Nor will he tell you that their hearts faile them, and that they feare the one will take vengeance on the other, and with Cains, that whosoever meeteth them will slay them; nor that the Citizens of London have bought their wit at deare rates, O where was Diogenes his Lanthorne? and with their expence of Coine and Bloud, have purchased his Majesties wrath: nor that the Queene like another Isabella, is courting Forraigne ayde, there will be a John of Henault, who if France should de­generate, would assist her opportune hopes, these matters he will not informe you, the Diurnall and he are confederate, and re­solve to utter nothing but perfumed breath, and make no Narration but what shall be pleasing to the close Committee.

With them as Coadjutors, joyne the two Empericke Astrono­mers, Lillie and Booker, who can force the Planets that walke retrograde, to make their perambulation no farther then their pro­per circuit, perswade Malevolent Saturne to smile with a luckie Aspect, smooth up their great Masters in hope of gaine, stuffing those empty Bladders with moist aire, telling them the motions of the superiour Bodies Prognosticate future Tranquility, that the time will never come when they shall be examined on strict Inter­rogatories, and yeeld an account of their Stewardships to their Roy­all Master, for they must be no longer Stewards; those two Di­sciples of ERRA PATER, that can make predictions of fair wea­ther in harvest, and that the Sunne will lose some part of his light when he is Ecclipsed, have led the Commons of this King­dome, as the Beares are led by the Nose with Bagpipes before them in the morning, and in the afternoone are worried at the Stake, they have cast a vaile before their eyes, and have led them into a deepe pit by the hand.

Let Wharton Illuminate them, he will shew them, that his Ma­jesty is not yet so low, but he reads in the booke of heaven, he may be yet raised, and that it is possible he may once more be as [Page 5] great as ever; that the Stars threaten the ruine of his enemies, and that they (like Jonas Gourd) shall only flourish for an houre, and then wither away; and that his Majesties faithfull Subjects may yet have a time mutually to rejoyce together. But here the Intelligencer hath left me, and I leave him to peruse his owne shame.