I Will first present him in Grosse, and then give you him in his Anatomy: but I am afraid he will stink before I have read through every part of him. Let us then unkennel the Fox, and we shall find him no better than a Crablouse crept out of Luthers Codpiece when he unbutton'd to Katha­rin [...] Bora; the immediate issue of Perjury, as being begotten by that Monke-professed on that professed Nun; which may be the reason perhaps he hath kept his Covenants so well ever since. From Saxony the Vermin crept to Geneva, where that Bears Whelp was licked by Sodomitical Iohn into Deformity, and if you will not believe my Geography that Sodom stood where now Geneva doth when Calvin lived there, I have his Back, though not his Hand, to shew for it, where the Oxford Doctor may read the meaning of that hard word [...]. You may know the Beast by his Brand, if he be found in our Enclosure, I would have him put into the Pound. He is one of Pharaohs Lean Kine, that signifies no lesse than Famine and Death: He was sent amongst us as a plague; and we swarm no lesse with them, than Egypt did with Frogs and Flyes. If you please, that other Judgement of God, the General Darkenesse, more resembles this [Page 2] Child of new light, who thinks forsooth that the Day breaks first in at his window; but let me tell you, he that follows his Dark Lanthorn, had need to call a­loud hang our your Lights. But because the man is apt to take pet, I will grant him some resemblance to that Courtly Creature, and call him an Ignis Fatuus, that leads the passenger into Bogs and Waters; a piece of Rotten Wood, or a Glittering Gloworm, a meer Quasi, and no more. Fewer Taylors goe to the making of a Man, than of these Inches of Theologues to the constitution of a Divine, and yet they will say you a Grace of an Ell long, London measure. He is just as much a Parson, as I in my black Coat, or you in your Gray, for he wears both Disguises. Let the Stature of his Body be what it will, you must take the dimension of his Knowledge, not as we do those Gi­ants of old in Learning, by the Cubit, but as we mea­sure the poor Pigmyes of these times, by the Span. Neither indeed can we expect that he should be strong timber for the edifying of Gods Temple, who was plucked up as soon as he was planted in the Nursery of the Academy. A Senior he is the first day of his Ma­triculation, and thinks himself a Sophy before he ar­rives to a Sophister. This fond conceit of his im­provement, makes him like a carelesse Child, for­sake the Lap of his Mother, before he is so much a substantive as to stand by himself; He thinks not that that largenesse of his Head, is nothing but the Rickets, a Disease, and not Discipline, he would not else sure set up the Trade of Preaching, before he had served out his apprentiship in the University. We must sup­pose him then fluttering in his flying Coat, and Pearching in the Puipit, where we shall find him a pretty Parrot that hath just learned to speak; His ex­cellency lyes in praying ex tempore, that is, out of all [Page 3] time, for you shall be sure to have him as long as a Cart-rope, as if he thought God measured his devo­tion by the length and strength of his Lungs, or as if he thought that God who is all Ear, did not hear him who is all Mouth, in tautologising so often, Ah Lord! O God! His Sermon (that we may give it its due) is a Noted one, or a Sermon of Notes taken up in Grosse at the University, or some Forein Congregation, and disburst in the Retayl to his own Parishioners. I grant he hath taken some pains in wire-drawing it into words at length, which he before penned in Ste­nography or short hand, whence we may collect, That our Learned Sir John can Write and Read, and able if need requires to make use of the Benefit of the Clergy. Trace him in his Doctrines, and you shall find him to tread very much awry. He is an absolute man for ab­solute Reprobation, and damneth you and me before we were born, or were so much as capable of doing God or man the least injury: I say, by Gods revealed will I may be saved, if I do as God commands me; and he says by Gods secret will I am damned, thus he makes God one of his own Antipodes to tread contra­ry to himself, and though his Motto is semper idem, he would have him to be [...], to speak one thing and to mean another, as if he was one of Gods privy Council, or as if he and not St. Peter kept the Keys of Heaven. And if they make so bold with God him­self, no wonder then if they invade the Liberties of his Vicegerents, and maintain that a Subject may pre­scribe Laws to his Prince, and depose him, if he does not observe them: this was the Dagger which stabbed so many of the Scotish Kings, and this the Axe which struck off the Head of Ours, and for our late civil dissentions, thank Buchanan and Knox, they led up the Van in the Villany, and our Presbyter brought [Page 4] up the Rear. He hates with a perfect hatred the English Prelates, with all their Hierarchy, and counts his Ordination as good as theirs. He is a meer Sloven in his Devotion, and would have no heads bare in the Church, but what are so in reverence to his own little Grace, no knee to be bowed except it be to ask him forgivenesse. The sight of a Picture he can by no means endure, when his self is no more but the Picture of a Preacher. He can't away with the superstition of the Holy Font, because it can't walk and wait upon his idlenesse to the Pew door, but will celebrate the Sacrament of Baptism in the common Bason he last washed his dirty hands and face in.

If you saw his Congregation receiving the vene­rable Body and Blood of our blessed Saviour, you would think the good People were set down to make a sober meal of it, to refresh their hungry Bodies, ra­ther than their Souls, nor dares he Holy-man admi­nister those heavenly Viands, without a severe scru­tiny into the lives of the Communicants; and though God of his mercy hath invited all, yet none must be admitted, but those to whom the Comptroller of Gods House doth please to give a Ticket, as if he for­sooth, who so much hates the Catholick Doctrine, had a months mind to become their Confessor, when indeed 'tis only to pick a hole in his Neighbours Coat, to discover his nakednesse, that so lying but at open-ward he may wound him at his pleasure. For my part, if he should tell me I had not my wedding Garment on, and so not fit to come to the marriage Supper, I would be so bold as to ask him, Friend how cam'st thou hither? He tells the silly people, he is Gods Angel, and Embassadour, and shews them Scripture for it, he comes to acquaint them with the mind of God, and that they ought to reverence the Messenger for [Page 5] the dignity of his Message, and the greatnesse of fom that sent it, and would fain imitate the unman­nerly Hugonots in France, and (if for the Civil power he durst) preach with his Haton. What the Bi­shop was, he would be, & what Caesar and Pompey were in the State, he is in the Church, impatient of either Superiour or Equal. The Church of Rome, which some have called the Spouse of Christ, he can give her no better appellation than the Whore of Babylon, Scarlet Whore, and one of them was witty and said in the Pulpit, she was a Whore that deserved to be Carted, but the reason of this Obloquy I can't im­magine, except it be this, that he is ashamed to ac­knowledge that he hath his Christianity from Her, and that he had rather borrow his Religion from Luther, and Calvin, Dod, and Cleaver, than Augustine the Monk and Augustine the Bishop; thus Ingratitude will make one ingredient in the composition of our Hotch­pot Presbyter, in that he will not pay those thanks and obedience that is due to the Mother-Church, but Nick-name her too, wherein he hath unworthy Epi­curus in imitation, who nick-named reverend Chrisip­pus by the name of Chesippus, not withstanding he was his Master, and taught him his first Lesson. But lest I should like him in his Sermon prove som-what long-winded, I will leave the Divine (for he be­gins to smell somwhat strong, though he be but a weak one,) and take a short survey of the man and his manners: You shall find nothing about him to prove that he is descended of humane Race, but his hands, and head, his face, and feer, all which the very Ape and Drill can plead for their humanity: for take him as a neighbour, and he is a pestilent peevish Fel­low that shall sue you for a Tyth-Pig, you may ima­gine [Page 6] his Sutes at Law make his wife go so fine and gallant; He is more conversant in Moses than St. Matthew, better read in the Law, than the Gospel, and studies more Cooke upon Littleton, than Cottons Con­cordance, which renders him an excellent School-man, and most accomplished controversal Divine. Set him out the largest Cock, or Sheaf, or else you must expect to be thundred at the next Sunday out of the Pulpit, from that little Almighty, and shall be told per no­men & cognomen, you are damned for robbing God of his due, and if with Caligula you will not run under your Bed, be terrified at his thunder, and descend to his large demands, up you go into the Exchequer, where you shall have an Adversary of him as bitter as you would wish your bitterest enemy. His own Solici­tor he is, & keeps the Terms as constant as an Atturney. He knows the Returns, and Essoin days, as well as he knows the Sunday, and is sorry that that is not dies Ju­ridicus too; If he chance to prove Victor, down he posts upon his pittiful Palfray with his Io Triumphe in his mouth, proclaims to every one he meets the just­nesse of his Cause, and continues his Conquest by insultation. Now the Peace-maker begins to speak a­gainst his Conscience the commendation of the Law, and commends its rules most concerning the Modus Decimandi and Non Decimandi, and is only sorry that the Lawyer expects the Dictates of his good Angels as well as he, before he will speak. Let us follow him to his House, and there we shall find some Lazar at the Dore, the Dogs licking his Sores, for that is all the Plaister the poor man must expect, which shews that the Savage Dog is more courteous than his Ma­ster: being intreated but for a Morsel of Bread, he gives him perhaps some Crums of Comfort, diverts [Page 7] his discourse to the bread of life, talks of the providence of God, how the Raven fed Elias, the miracle of the Loaves and the Fishes, tells him he is to feed the Soul and not the Body, and at last perswades the Mendicant to make a meal of Air. But here I must in Charity (though he hath none) lend him an Apology; For how can he relieve the poor without, who hath so many crying mouths to be stopped within. That which to others is reckoned amongst Gods Bles­sings, I am afraid to him may be counted as a curse, to have usually a numerous issue, and no inheritance to support them, for relinquishing an Angelical Caelibacy, and with it the greatest of the Theological Vertues Charity, meerly for the purchase of a Lazy Lechery. Thus did Cod­piece Henry renounce the Popes Supremacy, be­cause he would not illegitimate a legal matri­age; thus you see the Great Plantation of Sir John sprang first from the seed of the fl [...]sh.

He is an admirable Orator for a Funeral Pa­negyrik, and what his fear durst not, or his pow­er could not perform, during the life of his Adver­sary, he now indeavours, to him being dead▪ knowing that Mortuus non Mordet, but never thinking that inraking unworthily in the dead mans Urn he may chance to burn or smutch his fingers. Thus he which by his sweet breath ought to preserve the pretious Ointments of a mans good name, proves a filthy fly to corrupt and taint it. Sometimes he acts the Hypocrite, and carryes two Faces under one Vizard, he is [Page 8] of a double Tongue, and double Heart, words which usually are the Light whereby we disco­ver the Dark Secrets of the mind, with him are as a cloud to shrowd and conceal them. He is commonly squint-ey'd, and when you think he fastens his fight upon you, he intends it a quite contrary way, and with the dissembling water­man, looks one way, and Rows another, or with the crafty Lapwing, makes the greatest complaint when you are furthest from his Nest. Hath a man occasion to use him? he had best to try before he trust him, for he is a dangerous Pit fall smoothly covered with Rushes, a soft Rose with abundance of prickles, a Wolf in Sheeps cloathing; He wears Christs Livery, but is Sa­tans Serving-man; He blows hot without and cold within, with a warm hand, and a frozen heart. He makes you believe he brings you his heart in his mouth, when his speech no more truly discovers his Soul, than the lying Almanack doth the weather. With the Satyrs guest he can warm his fingers with the same breath where­with he cools his pottage. He will kisse and be­tray, and with the unhappy Boy in the Fable, pretends to whisper his Mother in the Ear, and bites it off. I dare not descend to any more par­ticulars, but must conclude my Anatomy, for now he begins to meet my fears at first, and makes me hold at once my Pen and Nose. I will dispatch him therefore in one line or two more. He is an I dolater that worships the Golden Calf, and makes Silver his God, one of Sam­sons [Page 9] Foxes with a firebrand at his Tayl, a curst Cow with short Horns, the only Promoter of Faction and Sedition; He is a stubborn servant; and a Tyrannical Master, a strange Composure of Contradictions; He will Fast at Christmas, Feast in Lent, and Lye with his wife on Good Friday. He is an Angel in the Pulpit, and a Devil out of it. He forgets the Lords Prayer, because others remembers it, and when others only read the Scripture, He will sing it: You may know him by the Gogle of the Eye, the zealous twang of the Nose, by his long Lugs, and short Locks, with his Quirpo Cloak, or flying Coat, but no Cassack nor Canonical Girdle, for fear when the Beast hath run to the end of his Tether, he should make use of it for a Halter and Hang him­self.