DAmmee Jack, my brave Bilbo, and Brother of the Blade, well met.

What? Serjeant Sliceman, my quondam comrade, and old Smelsmock? By the blood of Bacchus, J joy to see thee, stab me, if your nimble servant corporall Nim, doth not earnestly desire to be incorpo­rated into your firme friendship.

By Styx and Acheron, I embrace thee in the armes of my love and affection. But J prithee, what newes from the North? For J suppose thou camest lately from thence.

Faith, very little newes there, and that scarce worth relating: but the newest novelty to me is at this time & in this place here to see thee, I thought thou hadst bin dead 7. yeares agoe, either by the bullet or gul­let, the lance or panch, the sword or surfet, or by some such disaster as the halter.

Thankes to my starres, J have many a time escaped the former, and J must confesse ingenuosly, I have deserved the latter.

I make no question, but if thou hadst thy desert, thou hadst been nooz'd many yeares agoe at Gregories Plumtree in Judge Richardsons dayes: I remember his Lordship was on the bench at that time of thy triall (as he was alwaies) pleasantly dispos'd, and would have jeer'd thee to the gallowes: but thou mayst thanke that good man, first in giving thee not a choke-line (as he might) but the common Psalme of mercy, and next in saying for thee, Legit, my Lord, when thou readst no more a letter in the black booke, then J can now read Hebrew, and thats nere a whit:

J must acknowledge my selfe over oblig'd to his goodnesse, ha­ving sent to him the night before a good Angell, by the meanes whereof and favour of him J had the law in my owne hand: and now since thou art a chip of the old block, a bird of the same feather, and one & the self­same sneelegall as both, give me thy wrist, and let me shake thee by the hand, being the most remarkable place, where the Hangman hath long since mark'd us for sheepe for his owne slaughter.

Nay, hold there, my man of warre and son of Mars: I must con­fesse, thou and I have bin in times past as arrant Rogues as ever Newgate harbour'd, as daring in our attempts, & as desperate in our assaults, as the most resolute Rascall whatsoever under the cope; but for my part re­collecting [Page 3]my self of late, and considering the vicissitude and revolution of the states and conditions of men in these last dayes of the world, Ego non sum ego, I am not the man I was, but am now reclaimed.

The Divell thou art, 'tis impossible that Damme Iack the little Furio, & only Orlando Furioso of his age, should be metamorphos'd frō what he was, 'tis incredible, a paradox, and appeares to me very strange.

Well, 'tis not so strange as true, take it as you will. But what course dost thou intend to take now thou art come over, at thy arrivall here.

Faith, if all strings faile in the bow of my expectation, ile fall to my old trade, turne high-way Lawyer, or Padman.

Hang't, thats the way to be hanged indeed, to take a faire turne at the Triple-tre. Thou hadst better turne Tapster, or if (being a Gentle­man) thou scornst to be subject to the imperious check and command of every sordid mechanick, I would wish thee to haunt Bowling-allyes, and frequent Gaming-houses, where you may live all day long upon the rooke on the Bankside, or to play at Nine-pins, or Pigeon-holes in Lin­colaes-Inne fields; These are ordinary exercises, and (in my opinion) farre better then your sometimes walking in Westminster Hall, from 7. of the clocke in the morning till 12. at noone in the Terme time.

Jack, thou art not of my mind: those were my golden dayes, for in those Terme times I could with dexterity in a crowd dive into a poc­ket, and fetch up with the slight and activity of my hand, twenty or thir­ty Peeces at a time. Indeed that way of getting money was more peri­lous, but most profitable; and yet I lye, for according to the old saying, lightly come, lightly goe; so it far'd with me, what J pickt resolutely on a Munday morning from Country clyents, was spent dissolutely before Sunday evening, among the Sisters of the Scaberd.

Thou sayst true in that, for gaines so unjustly gotten, seldome or never prosper, when did you ever know a Cutpurse or pickpocket grow rich? If at any time they get a booty, & are taken in the act, thē their long durance and captivity in the Jayle in a short time exhausts them of all.

Troth, thats the reason we two are such poore rogues as we are. I prithee Iack how strōg art thou? What munition hast thou about thee? The weathers extreame hot, and my wind-pipes are so dry and dusty, ha­ving travail'd lately many a long mile, and made many a short meale, that I begin to faint, and would very faine repose my selfe with thee a while under the next Jvie-bush; or let's entrench our selves within the limits of some red-Lattice, where wee may squench our thirst, drench our guts, [Page 4]drinke one anothers healths, and discourse of all our travailes. Therefore speake, what cash or store of coyne hast thou?

By love not a deneere, not so much as a single crosse to blesse me with. I have not seene the Kings picture in silver of my owne, never since his Majesty (heaven blesse him) went into Scotland. At his departure, (halfe a dozen joviall blades of us, each one with his female peece of iniquity, feeding high, and drinking deepe) all my money departed from mee.

Alas poore lack, I perceive thy penury now was long of thy pre­digality upon the lasses then, but let that passe. For the present I greeve as much for thee as I doe for my selfe, for by the beames of Phoebus I am in the same poore praedicament, pennilesse as thou art: And without swearing, or lying i'le tell thee the true cause of my present indigency. On the second day of this moneth of August, comming out of the Boares-head-Taverne neare Fishstreet, as J was making water in Doe-little-lane, a brace of mercilesse shoulder-clappers with their griping-clawes seized upon my dody, disarm'd me of my weapon (as Iewes pissing) and forth­with drag'd me into the Paltry Counter.

But (by your favour, Serjeant Sliceman, were there no Brothers of the Blade in your Company to slice those shoulder-clapping slaves to sippets, for making such a dangerous assault and battery upon your body?

By Iuno, not one. All our Brothers of the Blade went forth at the fore-doore, and J with my madona Mrs. Luce Limetwigge came out at the back doore into the Lane, where those Tenter-hookes kept centry.

Doe you know the varlets names, that I may know 'em to evade em lest I be at any time invaded by 'em.

The Yeoman, or younger inferior Rogue J am ignorant of, but the old cursed catchpole is sufficiently knowne, an inveterate curre-dogge they call Tripes.

I have heard much of the Caterpiller: 'Tis reported hee's the archest Rascall of the whole Tribe.

Hell take 'em all, and him especially for me. But to be short, 'tis but two dayes since I crept out of that hole, like a poore snake, all tot­tered and torne as you see; so that these 18. dayes have I lamentably sung the Counter tenour, and am in farre worse case now I am out, then when I first came in.

But pray Serjeant Sliceman, let's know the cause of your first comming in, and you being so stay'd a man as you were.

Pox on't, the cause of my lying in there so long, was [Page 5]long of the pocky whore Petronella Burnyard, that insatiate sister of our Scaband: This bold Bronstrops then lay in, would have father'd her ba­stard upon me, and if I would have married her, I had bin the next day out.

Who? not shee that lookes a squint, and makes strange faces when she complements with a gentleman, she that has an Amazo­nian Spirit, and is generally reputed the Metropolitan of all the Fructi­fers here about London?

The same: Doe you know her that you so lively describe her.

Yes faith, I have knowne her in my time, (I will not say carnally) and I well remember her, since the springs of her beautifull parts caught the Woodcocks of your affection, and the Sun-beames of her reciprocall affections did so reflect upon your abili­ties, that you melted in your own grease, till you were so basted & rosted, that every one that beheld you, tooke you for the two legg'd city Pigge.

Mum Jack mum, Rub not old soares, lest I harpe upon the same string, and touch you to the quick, you have forgot since the like Coca­trice of yours sent you to the French Doctors, where you lay so long in Cornelius his tub to pickle, that at last the hungry Neopolitan ate away a part of your right tubified rose.

I smell your meaning (Serjeant Smell-smock) and know what mut­ton you best affect by your gaping. But to returne to your Lyndabrides: As you have many a time and often conney catcht her, so she woo'd now in the conclusion conney, catch you.

True, the old whore woo'd if she coo'd.

But how got you cleere off from her?

By the strength of my owne Minerva: Indeed the old Justice laid the Law very shtowdly to me, which his worship as well under­stood, as a Country Major on the bench at an Assize. I thanke his wor­ship, he menac'd me that I should lye a whole twelvemoneth by the heeles, or else allow the Tweake 5. pounds, then which summe he should sooner have had 5. of my teeth, toes or fingers. But ifaith, I am much oblig'd to Dapper the Just asses Clerke, for if he had not stood my close friend, I had been still close enough to this houre.

Well, now thou hast thy heeles at liberty, what course dost thou intend to steere?

Faith, even what the Fates please: And in my mind the old rode I have formerly trod is the most pleasing.

I but the end of that way will be death, an infamous death here, & without we mend our manners by a seasonable Repentance, Hell & dam­nation hereafter. Then, when you are come to your journeyes end, you will be sorc'd to sing that dolefull ditty, Per varios casus, per tot discri­mina rerum Tendeimus in Laqueum.

Hang't, Finis and Funis are all one to mee. Hem, grasse, [Page 6]and hays (as my host in the merry Devill of Edmonton sayes) we are all mortall, and fince we must yeeld to nature, we know not the time when, nor the place where, for my part 'tis no matter the māner how I dye. Still let me sing with the Epicure, Ede, bibe, lude, post mortem nulla voluptas.

I but there are intolerable torments to ensue an ill-lead-life: con­sider of them to deterre thee from these lew'd wayes of wickednesse.

So I will, seaven yeares hence.

But if you persist, I feare you'l be cut off by the Sword of Iustice before one yeare goes about.

If I be, Ile make thee my executor, and in the meane time, I pitty thy ignorance, then sonne of simplicity, never endeavour to disswade me from which I am determin'd. 'Tis but labour in vaine, and therefore it is and shall be my resolution.

I but that little rope will in the end be the breaking of your great heart; For my owne part, I am as poore a rogue as thou art, and would be as glad to take any course of life, so J might put my selfe into present money; but I doe not approve of the High-way Law. Let me see, what meanes had I best to use to get a little meanes, if it were but so much as [Page 7]to keept life and soule together. I would I were in service (as I have been before I went into the Northerne parts) with some Curtizan, my mind gives me, and my mind prompts me, I could serve her turne well for a gentleman Usher, or at a shift upon occasion to be Pimpe for her Ladi­ship, I must confesse 'tis base, but 'tis a safer way of the two, and better and greater men then I or you doe daily use it, well to morrow morning I'le about it, for as I am, 'tis impossible J should long subsist, I have long enough serv'd under the colours of angry Mars, i'le now secure my selfe under the canopy of lovely Venus.

Well said Jack, ifaith: I commend thee forthy resolution, pur­sue it with endeavor, & let thy fancy's best effects follow with diligence. But all this while we want (that I lately propounded) the blood of the Grape, or the juyce of Barley, to water our dry plants, to refresh our dull sences, and to revive our decayed and stupid Spirits? Resolve, Iack, where shall's build a Sconce?

I woo'd I coo'd as easily effect it, as we both desire it, yet now I thinke on't, if you'l perambulate with me towards Bishops-gate-street; there's an Uncle of mine this weeke come to Towne, who has more wealth then wit, in one word, to speake his Character, hee's a very gull, an essentiall Clowne, and simplicity in the Abstract: His Fathers a meere Coridon, and lives in Essex, a rich Crummuchion of a vast estate, which this Calfe and Cockaloach his sonne makes shift to consume as fast as the old foole scrapes. The young novice is so taken with the name of a Gentleman, that he will have it, though he buyes it, and it cost him dearely: He usually comes up to London every Terme to learne to take Tobacco, and now hee's come this weeke to see new motions and Pup­pit-playes in Bartholemew Fayre. He is in his Kingdome, when hee can but get into company, where (when he hath a cup in's pate) 'tis his pride and the hight of his ambition to pay whole reckonings, though he be suf­ficiently laught at for his courtesie. This wiseacres will we fend for to the mouth Taverne, where before wee part from him, wee'le make a meere mouth of him.

I like the motion well, and the prosecution thereof better, but I thinke it best of all to catch this Gudgeon (for our own profit) at a more convenient time the next weeke then in the Fayre time, we shall have the sairer opportunity to works upon him; in the interim, let me in­treate thee to walke along with me (whether I was intended before I mer thee) to see our old acquaintance Tom Stitch the Taylor.

Why, Dus Mr. True-snip live still in London.

J was enform'd yesterday by Mat-Mulligrub the Vintner, and Dick Double-soule the Shoomaker, that he inhabits in a house of his own in Cloth-saire.

Dus the Buttock his wife beare up still as she did?

They say, shee's as blyth and buxome, as witty and wanton, and as plumpe and impudent as ever she was. Fame is false, if you have not bin very inward with her.

Indeed, I must confesse we have been often and familiarly in action together. The time was when I struck fire in her tynder-boxe, and it has tooke; but it was in her former husbands dayes; yet J beleeve shee's never a whit alter'd, but is the same in disposition, as she vs'd to be: I am consirm'd in this opinion, semel & femper, once a whore, and alwaies the same, J would either of us were Master of a quart of Canary, to bestow upon her, at our first visit of her. Shee'le take us for a couple of poore Rogues to come both to her house without a sti­ver in our pockets. Prithee Serjeant Smell-smock, hast any thing about thee to dip in Barbican or in Long-lane as we goe along.

Let not that trouble thee; for I doubt not but before we come to Rodcrosse-street we shall meet with some or other, whom formerly I have knowne, of whom I will boldly take acquaintance, and (taking him or her a side, be it Brother of the Blade, or sister of the Scabard) take occasion to borrow a shilling, or 6. d. till Doomes-day.

J woo'd I coo'd see it, quoth blind Hugh, and so say I.

Never feare it; besides (as I understand) Snips wife has two or three tubs of Ale continually in her house, which she drawes in blacke Rammallian pots for her friends and acquaintance that visit her, (a prit­ty policy to firke out money of her customers) though she pretends it is to keepe her husband at home from flying from his shop-board, and hunting after Ale-houses.

Nay, then lets goe, and by the way (now it comes into my mind) ile call upon Tim Trebble-gaine the Broker, whom vveele take along vvith us living in Long-lane, and as he once gull'd me, so i'le try if with all my vvits J can fetch over him.

Godamercy for that Iack; hovvsoever if all our plots faile, and nothing take effect, weel'e make the Broker drunke, and then leave him for the reckoning.

Agreed. He has had many a pavvne of thee, and now thou shalt pavvne him.