WHereas I Mercurius Democritus of the Family of the Jovallists, in the Coun­ty of Merryford, being something sick in body, rich in estate, but in per­fest memory, do in the presence of many of my best Friends and Acquaintance make this my last Will and Testament in manner and form following;

Inprimis, I do give my body to be proportionably de­vided amongst all my Creditors in full satisfaction of all my Debts; and therefore in the first place do bequeath my head to the Haberdasher at the Dolphin in Long-lane, that as it hath been formerly stuff'd with quibbles, jeasts, con­ceits, fancies, crotchets, whimzies and the like; so he may im­ploy it for the Common-good, to invent new fashions for his Hats and Hat-bands; set forth after the al-la-mode with de­vices of feathers, ribbands, favors of all colours; Provided he give my haire to my honest Barber J. P. in Gosswel [Page 4] Street, to be sufficiently powdered with white Powder, and afterwards to be composed into a Perriwigge for the use of him that hath best deserv'd it, of all the Levelling Rant-Masters in Aldersgate street.

Item, I give and bequeath my Eyes to the Weepers, or in their absence to Mercurius Heraclitus.

Item, I give and bequeath my Teeth to the next Barber, to be strung up at his window, having had this three year but very small use or imployment for them my self.

Item, I give and bequeath my Wit to him that never knew misery, or would fain see the inside of a prison.

Item, I give and bequeath my neck to the hansomest Semstress in the Exchange, that she may fit it with new bands to be in a readiness against the next Spring.

Item, I give my shoulders to my City-Taskmasters to heap on them whatsoever they shall please, being resol­ved to bear what ever they lay upon me.

Item, I give and bequeath my heart to all honest men in the Common-wealth, that have a desire to do as they would be done by.

Item, I give my sides to the strongest Faction, being in these times the best policy to side with the powerfullest Party.

I would give my stomack to any body, but I doubt no body will be at charge to provide for it that loves Horse-flesh.

Item, I give my Armes to him that is the best Souldier in Christendome, provided my hands be delivered to Scriveners-Hall, to subscribe Bills, Bonds, and Obligati­ons, ever hereafter, to do penance for writing Pamphlets.

Item, I give my Liver to him that desires to live well; the health of the body much consisting of a good and sound Liver.

Item, I give my Lungs to the bawling Levites of these times, provided they be all Presbyterians.

Item, I give my belly and guts to the Pye-Corner Cooks, provided the next Sassage-woman may have part of them to stop her mouth against her husband.

Item, I do give and bequeath my back-side or Posteriors to all my baek-friends, provided they be at least Alder­men of the City of Trumpington, or to the Lord of that Soyle, or chief & privie Officer belonging to the Cinque-Ports thereof, and all such pofit, or profits that shall a­rise therefrom by the Terpitudinary, Excrementall, or Merducinous Ordure, to be duly collected for the use of the Officiall, whether it be in Muck, Muckhills, Mixens, Smells, Savours, Scents, Vapours, &c. and to be gathered by said Officiall for the use of the Stinkard belonging to the City aforesaid, and to be disposed of as he and the rest of his venerable Brethren shall think fit.

Item, I give my thighes to all those that love to suck Marrow-bones, that having lost their mettle with exercising they may in short time repair it again, and become able performers.

Item, I give my knees to all those that will not super­stitiously bend or bow them either in Divine Worship, or to Parents or Magistrates.

Item, I give my leggs to Major Gen. Massiy, provided he make the right use of them, and not to wrong their calves in fighting against his own Countrey-men.

Item, I give and bequeath my heels to all Excise-men, Collectors, and Sequestrators that cannot cast account, or make appear what is become of the Common-wealths Money.

Item, I give my Toes to his Majesties Corncutter to be pared sharp, that they may the better kick at the bare buttocks of Vice and Wickedness.

Item, I give and bequeath all my wearing cloathes to the honest Broakers to make them amends for all the true abuses I have done them in writing or otherwise; provi­ded that they suffer me to wear one suit during the short remainder of my life, and that they take no use or week­ly payment for the same.

Item, I give and bequeath my Fancy to all Gentlemen that take their chief delight in Hawking and Hunting; which Fancy will sit still and conceive all kind of excellent sports without any toyle or charges in keeping Hawks and Hounds, when so many poor Christians starve for want of bread.

Item, I give and bequeath to all poor distressed Pam­phleteers my Invention and Gooses-quill to purchase them (with scribling a whol sheet) a pot or a Pipe, or perhaps (if it take) half a Crown to pay for their lodging and diet a a moneth after, if the knavish Stationer do not couzen him of it.

Item, I do give and bequeath my skin to the Gentle-Craft, that they may make use of it for Inner-soles; provi­ded it be first throughly tanned and well liquored every Monday at the sign of Crispin and Crispianus, before it ever suffer the stroaking of St. Hughs-bones, or come to be pa­red, sowed, or stretched on the Last, that it may the better hold out water; Provided that Dr. Trig have no hand or benefit therefrom, upon pain of all such ware to be forfeit to Democritus his Ghost.

Item, I give to all iourney men Taylors three dayes in the week a half-penny loaf a piece to their breakfast; provided they have a speciall care of all the odd Remnants, and on Sunday winde up their bottomes, and lick their Thimbles clean, that they may the better go through-slitch with their work all the week after; and the more vali­antly encounter with the Rakabites and Moabites their daily combitants; and in case Whalebone should be dear this year, It is Ordered, That they kill the tame Whale kept in Rumley-Marsh.

Item, I do give and bequeath to the Butchers all my fat Cattell, whether Oxen, Calves, Sheep, Goats, &c. provi­ded that they preserve the head and Horns for the use of the City, the one to feed the poor, and the other to adorn the rich; and what are over-plus to be converted to the use newly found out, in making of Horn-Glasses.

Item, I give and bequeath to the Ale-Brewers the care of all my Pot-Companions, in hopes (now I am gone) they will be more pittifull to them then the Ale-wives or Tap­sters, who after they had spent all their money would commonly abuse them, and kick them out of doors, or else empty a Chamber-pot on their heads.

Item, I give to all Bakers a Caveat how they buy their Meal, by reason a company of knaves (called Meal-men) have now got a trick to boult Barly-meal into Wheat, and to juggle with the Miller to grind their Grain high or low for their own ends, the better to mingle one Meale with another.

Item, I give to all Hedge- Vintners a wholesome and needfull Caveat to avoid the sins of the Cellar, in wracking, brewing, feeding their sick, and mixing their Wines with divers hurtfull Ingredients that disturbs the brain, and poysons the body, and infects the memory of any that are so sottish, or stupid, to drink thereof.

Item, I do give and bequeath my lean- dun Cow, (being one of Pharaohs breed) to Mr. Mallet the Lawyer, and a big grown Pike (that hath devoured all the small fish in my Pond) to the rest of his honorable fraternity; Provided my Patience be first given to their Clients; and my money to see or bribe their Clerks.

Item, I give and bequeath my thirst to all Gold-smiths, Black-smiths, Jack-Smiths, Lock-smiths, Gun-smiths, Brazi­ers, Pewterers, Clock-makers, Founders, Pin-makers, Thimble-makers, Plummers, Cutlers, Nedle-makers, Bell-founder, Tinkers and Glass-makers, and to all and every lad of Mettall; Pro­vided, That it shall be lawfull for any sober Artist, to Aske Take and Receive one Groat of any of the Persons afore­said that shall presume to Bridle, Saddle, Ride or mount the common reeling Jade called CƲT; and that every such sober journey-man shall receive the forfeiture aforesaid, without any favor, deceit or connivance whatsoever.

Lastly, I give to Lilly and Culpepper, two new Ass-stro­lobes, with a Jacobs-flaff to take the Altitude, Longitude, Latitude, Crassitude, Magnitude, and Amplitude of all Stars, whether on sign-posts or otherwise, fixed or wan­dring, the better to know their divers Aspects, their kinds, opperations, distance, Conjunctions, Motions and Pro­perties; Which of them rise Cosmically and fall Ironnically; which Starrs exceed the bigness of the earth, and which not; which are Masculine, and which Feminine, which re­side in the Zodiak, and which do not; Provided that Nick begin first at the Ram, and Will follow on the Bull till they come through all the 12 Houses to Peregaeon, the lowest re­gion, and there with the Great Dogg, and the Whelp, make a Beare-bayting, that all the Lunaticks which they made to run mad for fear of the Great Ecclipse, may be invited to the same; and all that fell into Consumptions then, may behold the Sport to make them part of amends; and after­wards that Culpepper purge them, blood them, and Cutt them of the simples for believing such false Predictors, that can tell no more (but by the comon Rules, and course of Mature) then Will himself could tell Who be—this door.