M ris. RVMP brought to Bed of a MONSTER, with her terrible pangs, bitter Teming, hard Labour, and lamentable Travel from Portsmouth to Westminster, and the great misery she hath endured by this ugly, deformed, ill-shapen, base begotten Babe, or Monster of Reformation, with the great care of Nurse Haslerigg, and Mris London the Midwife.
The Prologue.
Enter Mris Haslerig an old dry Nurse, and chief Matron to the Rump.
GAllop, Ride, Trot, Amble, Go, Run amaine, with all agility, dexterity, alacrity and celertty, call Mris. London the Midwife, and tell her the Mris Rump desires her to come away presently, for shees's in strong labour and endures miserable pangs and throws that comes upon her by playing the Whore at Portsmouth; pray Heavens she hath not tajen some fright at the exclamations of the people against the Fag-end of a Parliament! Ile be sworn it's enough to gally a Gentlewoman of her quallity and breeding to be despised by every idle boy that makes verses, rimes and Songs of her, making no better of her then a common Camp or Ammunition M — turning up her Tayl to every lowsy ill-dependant, besides Martin the Town Bull. Well she is not the first that hath done amiss, these are but slips occasioned by the weakness of her Sex. I'le in and make her a spirituall Cawdle, I doubt shee'l have an ill bargaine on't. Mris Rump, how do you? I say Mris Rump Will you have a little Strong Water of Mris Scots distellation, or a Cawdle of Sequestration to comfort your putrifyd Bum?
Oh sick, sick, I must Spew Nurse pray reach the Boul, Haw— aw— aw—.
Well sed Mris, fetch it up: up with it: Heaven blesse us! What's this looks so red Mris?
Oh 'tis blood, innocent blood, that hath lay in congealed clods in my Stomack a 11 years; Hark how loud it cryes for vengeance! I never felt it before I was overpowred by my Secluded Gossips, only once at Portsmouth, when I was frighted by my Gossip Fleetwoods party and the London Apprentices Oh the death of my King, his blood and the fear of his Sons coming, causes me pain to encrease, I understand too late he suffered by my Tyranny, an innocent and untimely end.
'Tis well 'tis up, Mris cast again.
Aw—, aw—, aw— Oh my heart is almost burst!
Lord, Mris, what is that looks so yellow, Is it Cholier?
No Nurse 'tis Gold, accursed Gold, for love of which I sold my God, murdered my King, gave away my Soul, and pulld down the gates, Posts, Percullisses, nay Nurse through thy instigation had like to have fired the habitation of Mris London my Midwife, and that for a small sum of one hundred thousand pounds Aw—, aw—, aw—.
Whats this looks like Paper?
These are Votes, and Ordinances of my own creating, contrary to Law or Reason, made only to Keep out my King contrary to my Oath of Allegiance, and for sequestring my friends to enlarge my own Coffers. Pray hold my back hard Nurse, else my heart will shiver in pieces.
Whats this that comes so strongly up? Foh foh, now it stinks all the Kingdom over, but I cannot help it.
Oh Nurse its too late now. This is that damnable Declaration you caused to be lapt up in an Oath of Abjuration against my Sovereign the King, aspersing him and his whole Line with scandalous lys: calling him tyrant who was the most Virtuous mild and loving Prince to his Subjects in the World; Pray flng some hot embers on it, and make hast for Mris Murder, Mris Rapine, and my good neighbour Mris. Perjury.
I'me gone, here's the Midwife, Mris London is come forsooth.
Mris Rump how do yo I pray?
Oh Mris London, help me now or I dye, never did Rump endure so much sorrow, with bitter pangs, sobs and sighs. Oh, oh I am ready to dye, you need not have staid so long; there was no Gates, Portcullises or Posts to hinder you, Oh I'me ready to depart!
Go, and the Devil go with you, I came but to laugh at thy misery, thou hast had too much of my help already, which hath emboldned thee to play the Strumpet.
As soon as she had made an end of speaking, in came rushing Mrs. Priviledge, Mrs. Ordinance, Mrs. Schisme, Mrs. Sedition, and Mrs. Tolleration, who presently fell about their business: one held her hands, another her back, and a third her members, she being in this grievous agony (having no hopes to scape with life, desired Mrs. Haslerig to indite a bill to have her pray'd for) and that it be speedily sent by the Lord Mayor to the several Congregations within every their respective Parishes for her safe Deliverance; which most accurately she penned in form of a Declaration, in these words following.
The Declaration of Mrs. Rump, lying very weak, aad in most grievous Pangs of Child-bearing; and cannot be DELIVERED.
WHatsoever dangers are threatned or feared, either by the great perplexity I am at this present in (or by reason of my manifold sins that now in my weakness lie heavie upon my Conscience,) yet I have assurance, that if I confess and forsake them (as I have no such intention) I shall find mercy.
Therefore I confess and acknowledge (but not from the bottom of my heart) that for the space of these eveven years I have been a most cruell Murderer, not onely of Bodies, but of Souls; that I have perjur'd my self, First by my Oath of Alegiance, and secondly by my Solemn Covenant, wherein (as in Hos. 1. 9.) I have spoken words, swearing falsly in making a Covenant; springeth up against me) like Hemlock in the furrows of the field: That I have most Trayterously betrayed, and murdered my lawfull King, the Anointed of the Lord, that I have made Gods House and the Kings House a Den of Thieves: that I have loved wickedness, and practised it; that no fear hath dehorted me from doing any thing, (but Justice) that I have Robbed both God and the King, and have not feared the one, nor honoured the other: that I have used all manner of jugglings, Cousenage, contradictions and Equivocations, that my Religion hath been Rayling, Blasphemy; Treason and Tautalogies.
And that I have not only Coveted but by the instigation of the Devill, and against the Lawes of our Soveraign Lord King Charles, forceably taken, stole and carried away the Goods and Chattells of many thousands of His Majesties Loyall and obedient Subjects; that I have made this Canaan of all happiness, a Golgatha, and Field of Blood; and have yoaked my fellow Subjects to the Pride, Tiranny and Oppression of my own Lust and Ambition; instead of Reforming I have Deformed, and instead of repairing I have pulled down; Which hath occasioned all these miseries to fall upon me; My greatest grief of all being, that I know I have Committed all this, and much more, but cannot Repent for the same; therefore the severall Ministers within the Cities of London and Westminster, and the late Lines of Communications, are desired upon next Good Friday if I shall not be Delivered before, to keep a day of feined Humiliation, and Prating; that the heavy judgments that so inevitably threaten me, may be diverted: That so I may come in againe to Rule, Reigne, and Tyrannize over you, Rump everlasting, Impositions, Assessments and Taxations without end, Amen.
Your despised Friend, Rump.
While this was writing Mrs. Rump grew worse and worse, and the good Wives made account she had been drawing on: therefore Mrs. Priviledge stept to her and spake as followeth, viz.
Mrs. Priviledg. Dear Daughter I perceive by thy Pulses beating, and so much blood springing out of thy Conscience into thy Face, that thou art almost already as it were dead, and its a question whether the Child thou now art in labour with may come to perfection or no? or live to receive its Christendome, and though I have upheld thee in all thy Actions, and safely brought thee from Portsmouth to London; yet thy sins and abominations have been so great I cannot deliver thee so as to restore thee to thy former power, I advise thee therefore restore what is taken by thy cruel Ptws from thy God, thy King, thy Neighbour, and repent of thy perjuryy.
Whilst thus she speak the Room was fill'd with smoak, over spread clear with darkness, the Candles went out, and terrible thundaing were heard, intermixt with wawling of Catts, howling of Doggs, and barking of Wolves, which struck a great terrour in all her Gossips; In the mean time Mrs. Rump brought forth an ugly deformed Monster without a Head, goggleey'd, bloody hands, growing out on both sides of its devouring panch, under the Belly hung a great Bag, and the Feet were like the Feet of a Bear; those that will see it may repair to the Plantation of Fumigosus call'd Slavonia, where this Brat is gone to be nurs'd with her Cosen Jermine, Nrs. Sequestration, who no sooner departed, but in comes the secluded Nurses.
Enter Secluded Nurses; What's here to do? Is no Room left for us, if not, wee'll make Room by force.
Nurse Lenthall. Pray sit down, you'r all Welcome.
Secluded Nurses? Nurse Lenthall pray read over the Manuscript of Mrs. Rump.
Nurse Lenthall. Here's an Act againe the line of King James; an Act for sequestring Booth and Lamberts parties.
Secluded Nurses. Those Acts we Vote as Null and Void, we clear the Road; let the next go on where we have left; and right will take place, the putrify'd Rump be in a weak Condition, though its suppos'd we fatt'ed them.