Some Things of those from whom I descended, for my Imitation and Encourage­ment.

MY Grand-Father was Edmund Trench, a younger Son of John, a Norfolk Gentleman, Converted about the 16th Year of his Age to the Faith­ful Service of God, by the Labours of Mr. Furnace, noted for Piety and Pain­fulness in those parts. By his Godly humble Conversation when his Master a Grocer in Norwich fail'd, he was re­commended to two Brothers whose Name was Cock, of chief Rank in that City, who intrusted him with the ma­nagement of their Trade in Stuffs at London. He abundantly answer'd their Expectation, and at length became their Brother, by Marrying the young­est of the three Daughters of Mr. Mowre, a Pious and Prudent Citizen of Nor­wich, and a Partner in the considerable Trade they drove, (the two Elder be­ing [Page 5]their Wives before.) Many Years he enjoy'd a large Portion of the Di­vine Blessing, thriving in his outward Estate, lov'd and honour'd by his Fel­low-Servants, rejoycing in divers hopeful Children, and above all, walk­ing before God in Health and Holiness with great delight in his Service, and great assurance of his Favour. But as he would say, he found at last, He was not in Heaven. He was exercis'd with many losses (some very great) in his Estate, Sicknesses and Deaths in him­self and nearest Relations, Doubts and Fears about his Eternal Condition, and, which were most grievous to him, horrid and blasphemous Thoughts and Suggestions. All these with Melan­choly were more troublesome in his Old Age. Yet he persisted in his holy Course, exercising himself continually to keep a Conscience void of offence towards God and towards Men; con­stant in secret, private and publick Prayer, reading the Holy Scriptures by himself, and Expounding 'em in his Family, Catechizing his Children and Servants, examining 'em about and re­peating for their use the publick La­bours [Page 6]of his Mionister, most just and equitable in his Trade and all his Deal­ings, and eminently Charitable in helping others according to their se­veral Wants. And God greatly bless'd his Example and Instructions for the version and Consirmation of some Souls, especially those nearest to him. At length, in a good old Age, 83 Years and a half, he rested from all his Labours, and entred the Invisible World of Glorious Spirits, June 7. 1658. His Good Name liv'd long a­ter, and is not yet dead among such as had to do with, or heard of him. My Grand-Mother surviv'd almost 11 Years, a constant Professor of Religion, and, I hope, sincere Practifer also: she follow'd, March 16.166, almost 90 Years old.

Of their Children, four only attain'd to Years of Discretion, whereof two Danghters were Married to Caldwell Furrington, and Tho. Bewley of London, Merchants; both happy before I was Born, as was likewise the Younger Son, dying about 18.

Edmund the Eldest was Born July 8. 1608. always towardly, addicted to Seriousness, Study, and Piety in those Years that incline to Play and Folly. He answer'd his Parents faithfulness in his Education with early goodness, owing (as far as I cou'd understand) a new birth to those from whom he re­ceiv'd a natural. In the 18th Year of his Age, from the care of his School-Master Mr. Augur, he was sent to Sid­ney-Colledge in Cambridge, and com­mitted to Mr. — Dugard, a Pious, Learned, and Painful Tutro. He grew in Grace and Learning, happily esca­ping many Temptations, and frustra­ting the Designs of some Superiors wo wou'd have debauch't a Puritan as they call'd him, tho' he was still suffi­ciently conformable to the establish't Ecclesiastical Orders. He perform'd his Exercises and proceeded Batchelour and Master with credit, and obtain'd an excellent report from his Tutor, and from the Master of the College, Dr. Ward. While he liv'd under 'em he was log exercis'd with a trouble­some Distemper which many unplea­sant [Page 8]means did not remove. How humbly and patiently he bare, and how excellently he improv'd so tedious an Affliction, I learnt to my comfort and encouragement from many of his pious Letters among my Grand-father's Pa­pers. They were sure a lively Picture of his Soul, which knew not how to dissemble at any time, much less when so sensibly under the hand of the heart-searching God. They flow'd with ho­ly resignation to his Will, quiet sub­mission to his afflicting hand, earnest desires to understand his mind, to grow still more humble and patient, and dead to this World, and better prepar'd for another. They abound­ed with thankful Expressions for their care, cost and pains, and especially to God for supporting under and making better by the troublesome returns of his Disease, not without admirable Expressions of Hope and Joy in the Love of God in Jesus Christ, witnessed by his Spirit, by such a happy Tem­per and Deportment for many Years before he found relief, he was doubt­less better quality'd to do the Will of God in his following Health, and to [Page 9]suffer with such wonderful patience, submission and rejoycing, the grievous complication of Diseases that was for some time the forerunner of his Death. A while after he was Master of Arts, on due consideration, advice, and prayers, he study'd Physick some time at Paris, and took the Degree of Doctor at Bourges. When returned to England he Married Mary Eldest Daughter of Samnel Middlemore, Mer­chant of London, [a very Pious, Cha­ritable Man in his Life, which he clos'd with a bountiful Gift to the Company of Cloth-workers, for the Annual Re­lief of 20 Poor in Coals, Cloths, &c.] He dying after his Wife, when his Children were Young, committed 'em to Sir John Wollaston, and Mr. Thomas Burnell: The Daughters were happy in the faithfulness of the latter, and in their Religious Education under his Wife their Poius Aunt. The Elder, Mary, was Married to my Father, August 14. 1639. she then past the middle of her 17th. (Born Jan. 24. 1622.) he entred on his 32d Year. The Younger, Susan, was afterwards [Page 10]the Wife of Sincere and Humble Dr. Roger Drake.

My Father was Faithful accord­ing to his enlarged Duty as a Hus­band, and after as a Father to my self and five other Sons (besides one Still-born) and three Daughters, care­ful for our Souls and Bodies, sparing for nothing needful in Temporals, or Spirituals; exceeding loving and ten­der, and yet never that I cou'd see or hear mourning for the Death of any, tho' he left but 3 behind. Having done his Duty wherein he was sufficiently follicitous, he chearfully acquiese'd in what pleased God. In his Education he was much help't by his true Yoke-fellow our good Mother, who though she had hard Travail to bring some of us, (particularly my self) into this World, yet travell'd much more to fit us for a better. Through her assistance he follow'd his Practice with more lei­sure and comfort. His Employment was considerable, and which he more rejoyc't in, his success. He was emi­nent for faithfulness to all that had re­course to him, frequently visiting, de­liberately considering their Cases, [Page 11]watchfully observing the turns of their Distempers, and accordingly with great care and judgment varying his Prescriptions. His tender sense of their Souls greatly inclin'd him to di­scourse with and advise his Patients as Spiritual Physician, but he was often forc't to forbear in dangerous cases, because he found by experience the Sick were apt to judge themselves past help when he spake to 'em of another World, their Spirits sinking, and Re­medies proving less effectual. In all his Practice he was generously free from Covetousness, not using any Tricks to encrease it, nor unworthily seeking to, or humouring his Patients, weary of numerous though profitable Visits, and industriously speeding their Recovery, prescribing no more than he judg'd needful, and frequently re­fusing Fees which even his Patients thought he might as well have taken. He was still the same sincere plain-hearted Man, free and open without Deceits and Tricks in his Calling and all other Affairs. And sure he was the more Blessed of God; otherwise considering he was no Politician, apt [Page 12]to believe the best, and trust as if o­thers were as far from dissembling as himself, he cou'd not have liv'd and brought up his Children as he did, nor, his Losses consider'd, left such a Com­petence to his Widow, and them. He constantly persever'd in those good ways into which he was entred by his Parents, and when they grew old and very infirm, he made it more his bu­siness [...], and that even when grey Heirs grew upon himself, and his own Distempers increast the dissiculty of complying with others. About 50 he was troubled with the Stone, from which God's Blessing on his own Endeavours reliev'd him. But then about 8 Years before his Death, he fell into an incurable Jaundise, ac­companied for a while with a Scirrbus in his Liver, frequent troublesome Itchings, Aguish Shiverings of long continuance, little and disturbed sleep, violent Fits of the Colick, great Ap­petite with ill Digestion, and other very troublesome Symptoms. He bare all with exemplary Patience and Con­tentment, never that we cou'd per­ceive repining at such severe Dispen­sations, [Page 13]nor ever praying for their re­moval, nor yielding, though impor­tun'd, to have one Day set apart to seek on his behalf. When we wish'd him a good Night in his Fits, he wou'd reply, It should be good because it pleased God. He wou'd rarely let any stay a Night by him, affirming, He was not alone, but the Father was with him. And with the Father he sometimes enjoy'd more Heavenly Communion, which yet was not constant and long as his Peace and Hope were; they hardly admitted any interruption, but he ge­nerally long'd to be Dissolv'd and to be with his God and Saviour, and spake thereof often with delight.

In the Year 65. when the Plague began to rage (the Weekly Account amounting to about 3000) the impor­tunity of Friends drew him with us to Dr. Drake's in Burnham, 2 Miles short of Maiden-head, where yet he was more in Reading, Meditation and Prayer. He exprest a still greater sense of the Love of God in Christ, and of his truth and goodness in afflicting him. He profest his Soul more esta­blish't thereby with a powerful Con­viction [Page 14]of all Creatures Vanity, and rais'd to more vigorous actings of a realizing Faith in holy Heavenly Me­ditations, That the sweetness and pro­sit thereof in his Retirements were such, that he fear'd the return of his usual Employment, and shou'd be a­fraid of losing his wearisom affliction, without great assurance that Health should be as spiritually advantagious as Sickness; professing his constant Judgment that the least Progress in Grace and Holiness was greater mat­ter of Joy, than the greatest Affliction of Sorrow. He judg'd it very unbe­coming a Christian for Sense so far to prevail against Reason and Faith, as to raise any considerable Averseness from drinking of that Cup which his Sove­reign Lord and tender Father most wisely prepar'd for his good. Ac­cordingly he desir'd his Friends to shew their Love in praying for a progres­sive sanctify'd Improvement of his Sufferings, and not for their Removal, and wish't 'em comfortably to believe there was no such harm in affliction as we are apt to imagine. The Fire of London remov'd him first to an House [Page 15]near Stepncy, and soon after to another in Crouched-Friars, where he chearful­ly expected his deliverance by Death. 1669. he grew consident of its ap­proach. Aug. 14. being his Wedding­day, he rejoyc'd with some Invited Friends, affirming it the last he should live on Edrth. October he spake of his sensible Decays as Tokens of his near desired Rest. About the middle of December he caus'd his Will to be new drawn, ordering particularly that Clause to be inserted, That he com­mended his Soul on good Evidence into the hands of God, adding, that he left us much less than the World imagin'd, but he hop'd God's Blessing with it, ha­ving never wrong'd any Man of a Pen­ny. A Day after (14 before he died) when I was discoursing of his dissoluti­on, he said, He cou'd appeal to God through his infinite goodness, that since his Youth he had walk't before him with an upright heart, never wasting his Consci­ence with any gross sin, that he comforta­bly believ'd his Regeneration by the Holy Spirit and saving Interest in his dearest Saviour, and had accordingly enjoy'd a constant Tranquillity of Mind, not with­out [Page 16]some short and seldom more ravishing Joys. He then renew'd his oft repeat­ed Charge of loving and serving God, being dutiful to our Mother, and helpful to our little Sister, which yet he said, he did not doubt of, and to our great comfort Blessed my self and Brother, blessing God also for us. Perceiving his Distempers and sore Mouth to encrease, he took a solemn leave of my Mother, telling her with Joy, he was going to his God, and her God, and that 'ere long they should meet to part no more. After which he bid us not expect to hear much from him, but believe his mind still the same. Accordingly he persisted, bearing pa­tiently his grievous pains, yet saying little, tho' enough to signific his unin­terrupted hope and joy till Friday 31. [...]mb. 1669. when after some im­perfect Words, but 2 hours before, of [...]ath, and Christ, and Pardon, his Spi­rit return'd to his Heavenly Father, and instead of a New-Year on Earth, caused a glorious Eternity in Heaven. [...] lives still in the honourable Re­ [...]rance of such as knew him, ne­ [...] mention'd, to my knowledge, with [Page 17]reproach; oft with Elogies of his Pie­ty, Sincerity, Ability, and Faithsulness, as a Man, a Friend, and a Physician. Some (I doubt bad themselves) com­mended his Goodness, acknowledging the common (though I think unjust) reproach of his Calling cou'd not be fasten'd on him.

O may I by the help, and to the Glory of Divine Grace, imitate such excellent Examples, and not degene­rate from 'em, but serve God with all my might, according to my Fa­ther's Symbol, In Simplicity, and godly Sincerity. My Grandsather was a Pat­tern of Humility and Meckness, and yet of Resolution when there was a Cause; of great Charitableness in Word and Deed, especially to his Relations who had great Summs from him, which yet his Children did not want. He was likewise an eminent Instance, that Doubts and Fears, and horrid Suggestions may infest the tru­ly, yea the excellently Good; and that great Losses and Crosses in Estate and Kindred may consist with God's espe­cial Favour. My Father set me a bright Example of Integrity and Plain-heart­edness, [Page 18]of Content and Rejoycing un­der heavy Afflictions, of affectionate Faithfulness in all his Relations, and of conscientious Diligence in his par­ticular Calling; and he was an en­couraging Instance of a Divine Bles­sing on such as seek first the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness, and cast their Care on him in well-doing; his Estate having been preserv'd and en­creas'd though great hazard and losses without worldly Policy. Both led and engag'd to Earliness and Con­stancy in God's Service, secret, pri­vate, and publick; to a faithful dis­charge of every Office of Love to all they had to do with, to a sober, righ­teous, and godly Life, in hope of a future satisfying everlasting Felicity.

From such I entred on my earthly Pilgrimage, Octob. 6. 1643. about 5 in the Evening, after my Mother had been 3 Days in painful dangerous Tra­vail. I was born with a great Wound in my Head, suppos'd by a blow of a great boss'd Bible, as my Mother came out of Church: That was heal'd, and afterwards many Diseases and hurt [Page 19]in my Childhood, both Thigh-bones dislocated together: Afterwards an Arm broken, well set, no harm re­maining. During my tender years, I was my Parent's immediate Care in London and Hackney, from whom, and my good Grandfather, (whose Di­version I often was) I wanted not In­struction, Example, and Encourage­ment; and so far I seem'd to answer their Endeavours, that they delighted much in me. But I well remember, and thou, O Lord, much more, abund­ance of Wickedness I was guilty of, Disobedience to Parents, indulging my Appetite to excess, taking or steal­ing what was not allow'd; quarrelling especially with my next Brother Sa­muel, whom I shou'd have born with, considering his woful Affliction by the King's Evil; Pride in Apparel, or what Abilities and Acquirements I had; Envy, mispence of Time in Ro­mances, Plays, idle Stories, &c. too much play and lying. All aggrava­ted by so many and great Mercies and Means, such singular Love and Light, that I have often thought my Sins more hainous than theirs that I have [Page 20]seen going to Execution: They were never so engag'd, never enjoy'd such helps as I. Have mercy upon me, O Lord, according to thy great goodness, and blot out my Transgressions, for my Saviour's sake.

Towards the end of my 15th Year, I was sent to Cambridge with Mr. Sa­muel Jacomb, and by him plac'd in Queen's Colledge, under the Tuition of Mr. Andrew Paschall: There I got the Love and good Report of my Tu­tor and others, but was far from de­serving it: I made a shift to do the Exercises required, but wofully neg­lected my Studies; sadly addicted to Tennis, Cards, and other expensive for­bidden Sports, to reading Romances, Plays, and smutry Poets; and at length more entangled with had Company, especially in the absence of my studi­ous and loving Chamber-fellow, (af­terwards Sir J. K. an eminent Lawyer of the Inner-Temple, taken off when rising in Riches and Honour.) By them I was drawn once and again to Gluttony and Drunkenness, Swearing and Cursing, and at last to making (as they call'd it) indeed to stealing [Page 21]of Hankerchiefs, Knives, Books, or what else we cou'd lay our hands on. This was a common shameless pra­ctice: and suffering thereby from o­thers, I thought I might right my self. It was God's goodness that I went no farther, having been tempted to go with 'em to naughty Women, which (my Inclination consider'd) I wonder I never did. Blessed be God who still restrained me, till my Cham­ber-fellow leaving the Colledge, and some other Obstacles being happily remov'd, when I was most in danger: My Father who suspected nothing, but thought too well of me, thought sit for other Reasons I should remove to Oxford: Thither I went towards the end of 1660, to Magdalen-Hall: Be­fore that Year expired, I proceeded Batcheler, which to Doctors Sons (at least the eldest) was then permitted at 12 years standing: Performing the usual Exercises on that occasion, I was unexpectedly engag'd among some who were too excessively debauch'd for me. they stirr'd in me some ab­horrence, as bad as I was, and drove me to better Acquaintance, and God [Page 22]cast me on such as were not only of a better temper, but really Pious, for whom I think my Parent's tincture had in some measure prepar'd me. I thought such Company wou'd please them, and (praised be God) it soon grew pleasant to my self also. By their Converse especially, and read­ing good Books (though I also heard the best Ministers) those good Prin­ciples were awaken'd, which my Pa­rents had sown, and they soon be­came vigorously active for Repentance and sruitful Obedience. I reslected on my Sins with shame and sorrow; I oft confess'd and bewail'd 'em before God with bitter Anguish and detesta­tion: They soon turn'd my langhing into weeping, my usual cheansulness into a very sorrowful medancholy, and fill'd me with Self-abhorrence, Dread, and Horrour. In such a Condition I continued, though mercifully sup­ported a long time, getting by de­grees more gleams of light and inter­vals of Hope and Comfort. The Sin that was most troublesom to undo, was my taking (as before) several Things from others: I thought Re­stitution [Page 23]my Duty, though I thought I might take as I did to right my self. St. Auslin's saying, Non remittitur pec­catum, nisi restituatur ablatum, struck me like Tlmnder, and I had no rest till I parted with all, even with what I had from them that had wrong'd me. But shame and inconsideration betray'd me to a course that after­wards encreas'd my trouble: I wrote to one too guilty himself, and that had made me worse: He profess'd Repentance, and readiness to assist and imitate me in Restitution: and upon his repeated Engagements, I sent him all I cou'd think of, not my own in kind or value, and then was quiet as to that matter: [How his Friend serv'd him, you'll hear anon.] As to other Faults, my way was plain: I left off every course of Sin and Folly, those defended Games which had so wasted my time, sine and fashionable Clothes, and all bad and vain Company. I grew constant in secret and publick Duties of Religion, and convers'd with and imitated those I thought most strictly good. God's Service was my Design, doing good my Work, and in order [Page 24]thereto, I grew more and more in­clin'd to the study of Divinity, and had more delight in the beginning thereof. Many Favours I received from God, among which a lignal De­liverance of my Chamber-fellow Mr Foley, and my self, ought not to be for­gotten: Washing in the River, h [...] who cou'd not swim, desir'd me to hold him by the Hair, which while did, swimming with my other Arm: we were gotten out of our depths, so that at length seeking for ground, we both sunk under water; my escape seem'd easie, but then I lost him therefore I clasp'd as I cou'd his mid­dle with my right Arm, and so made a shift to reach the Shallows. God gave me strength, and kept him, tho his Head was under water, from lay­ing hold or struggling, which might have destroyed us both. To thee, O Lord, the traise; To us thankfuliness in a fruitful I [...]se.

After almost two Years abode at Oxfor, I left that Ʋniversity also, be­ing sent about 7 Months after to Ley­den by my good Father, who was willing I should study Physick. Be­fore [Page 25]I went, I understood his unfaith­fulness whom I had trusted to right those I had wrong'd; and left with a better Man more than I could think due to any, except those my self righted.

In Holland I enjoy'd good Compa­ny, good Ministery, and my more intimate Converse with P. C. was use­ful: We only were together in a Dutch Papist's House, where he la­bour'd exceedingly under great Ter­rours and Sorrows for Sin; having many bitter Pangs and long Agonies, with plenty of Tears and Cries: which the Papist taking notice of, charg'd our Religion as uncomfortable. I help'd him as I could: He recovered by de­grees, yet not fully till after our re­turn to England. My Affection en­creas'd with his Scriousness, deadness to this World, and vigour for a bet­ter, with the Thought whereof he seem'd wholly taken up. His Friends and himself at length inclining to his Marriage, at their desire, I recom­mended him to a Gentlewoman wish'd to me: He was not then accepted, but afterwards reviv'd his Suit, and [Page 26]by other help obtain'd her. I refus'd to act farther, being dissatisfied with that change of his Company, Garb, and Carriage, &c. that followed his Father's death, and his own remove to Grey's-Inn. I had Reason to be glad, I did no more: for having obtained the Gentlewoman, (who prov'd de­sirable, so inclin'd to Vertue, that he profess'd he must be very faulty, if she prov'd not very good.) He brought her to Lincoln's-Inn Fields, engag'd her in vain Company, carried her to Plays, Entertainments, &c. I lovingly though plainly represented his Faults and Duty, and pray'd for him not without appearance of Success; he removing into the Country and living more restrainedly. But he grew strange to me, and I have some rea­son to fear the worst. Thou, O Lord, hear and help, and recover out of the Snare of the Devil. Keep me (though believing the best) from considence in Man, and from making of Matches, seeing one, of whose Piety I had such assurance, hath so grosly fail'd; and let all make me more humble and watchful.

I saw at Leyden and other places, (notwithstanding their reformed Di­scipline) reason enough to love my own Country still better; and there­fore my inclination to Divinity still continuing, though I had made some progress in Physick, after about a years absence, I return'd, 1664, continuing with my Parents at London, till the Plagve and Fire for awhile removed us. Midsummer, 1688, we came to Crouched-Fryars, and with my Brother was happy in comforting and divert­ing my Father, till we were Witnes­ses of his blessed Departure.

He left beside my self, dear Bro­ther Thomas, born Apr. 14, 1648. We always lov'd, and can hardly remem­ber any quarrel between us. The youngest Sister Sarah also survived, born May 23. — May we see her New-born; May I do my Duty to pro­mote it!

Soon after my Father's death, I was seiz'd by a Feavourish Distemper, ac­compani'd with Hypochondriac winds, &c. which continued, and enforc'd se­rious Consideration: I found in my self a great change; Prayer and Read­ing [Page 28]had above 7 Years been my con­stant practice: I was temperate in Meats, Drinks, Apparel, &c. I hope truly humble; scrupulously careful to do no wrong, losing rather. I gave the Poor constantly the 10th, and of late the 7th part of my Income. Oaths and Curses which once and again I had been guilty of, I long since ab­horr'd, and could not hear without trouble. Yet I was dejected, that though I had pleas'd and rejoyc'd my Parents, I had not been in all things so complying as I should; and yet more, because I had not so diligently improv'd my Time for God as I might; I hope I heartily repented, denying my self, and bearing Incon­veniences for my good Mother, and re­solving on greater Diligence in doing & getting good. I was likewise anxious whether Restitution were certainly made for the wrongs I had done in Cambridge 10 Years before; and de­termin'd to enquire and do what was further requisite. I was sensible of the kindness of this Affliction in the aforesaid search and resolves, and in a farther change of my Temper, grow­ing [Page 29]more meek, humble, and chari­table: I felt more my own vitious Impotence, and the necessity of Di­vine Grace, as being, having, and do­ing nothing good, but as the Spirit makes me every moment.

Before I recovered from this Sick­ness, I was forsaken by my thoughts of Conforming (to the establish'd Church, by submitting to the Terms impos'd on Ministers) to which I had been sufficiently inclin'd by the Rea­sons and Examples of several pious and judicious Persons. The formi­dable Horrours of my Conscience, the dread of their return by reason of some doubts I could not well remove, determin'd me rather to a private Life, which I desir'd to render as use­ful as I might.

[ I remember when I was one Day dis­coursing him about Ministerial Confor­mity, he told me, 'Twas the Declaration of Assent and Consent to all things con­tained in, and prescribed by the Book of Common-Prayer, and the Form and manner of Ordaining and Consecra­ting Bishops, Priests, and Deacons, that he chiefly stuck at, and could not [Page 30]think that Declaration could be sincerely made by such whose Judgments disap­prov'd so many Things in those Two Books, as his did: And he was the more confirm'd in his Aversion to so ensnaring a Declaration, by observing several o­thers of his Acquaintance that had made it, (though under the same dissatisfaction with himself, concerning several Things contain'd in these Books) by giving it a looser Construction than he thought the Words capable of, to become less strict and conscientious in other Duties of Reli­gion, than they had been before: Which visible declension from their former se­riousness and circumspection, he was afraid might flow from their having too far suffer'd their Judgment to be sway'd and byass'd by their Interest, in a matter of so great Importance.]

Hackney, Sept. 10. 1670.

I return'd from Deal after 3 Days stay with my dear Brother going to Aleppo: I parted sadly with one so dear in the strictest bands of Love and Nature; yet we encourag'd our selves in our good God, whose Favour we had so experienc'd together, and hop'd [Page 31]we should still enjoy when so far a­sunder. I desired all might make me more long and labour after, and pre­pare for Heaven, where Friends part not bitterly any more, and where God is All in All for ever.

Hackney, Octob. 11. 1670.

I grew ill of a Quartan Ague, as it quickly proved: My Prayers were for Christian Patience and Wisdom to bear the worst, and make a good Im­provement of all, that God might be glo­rified, my self and others bettered, and Christ more comfortably in life and death Advantage.

June 20. 1671.

Trying Enfield-Air, for removing my Ague, I rode into the Chase, and being among the Trees thoughtful and careless, my Horse by a great and sud­den start, turn'd me first on his Crup­per, and ere-long on the ground; yet only tore my Clothes among the Trees and Bushes. I was forc'd to walk back to Coz. Farrington's, in the heat, which turn'd my expected Cold into a violent Sweat. I desired thankfully [Page 32]to remember that Preservation in such apparent danger, and to be sensible of God's good Providence, as oft as I ride, and no such danger appears; and to be still as careful to perform, as I was ready to resolve and vow.

Hackney, Apr. 22. 1672.

Scorbutick Pains and melancholy Fumes much discompos'd me, though I had no more Ague-fits, &c. Yet they were not so much my trouble, as the Disea­ses of my Soul: My Prayers were for more Grace, that I might not relapse, but grow my self, and make others also more holy; that my Charity might be greater, the Defects there­of pardon'd; that my own Sins might lye heavier, and Afflictions lighter: — Ʋre, seca, Domine, modo non in aeter­num.

July 26. 1672.

Melancholy Fumes exceedingly di­sturbed and unsitted my Mind for any Service: I doubted I should live use­less, and apprehended God was ta­king the forfeiture of those Parts and Abilities I had abus'd. I prayed for [Page 33]Health, and Powers, and Opportu­nities to serve God, and be useful to Men, vouching the sincerity of my Heart; yet presently retracting, ha­ving found it so deceitful, and be­seeching Mercy and help for my Savi­our's sake.

Though urg'd, and on some ac­counts dispos'd to Marry, I chose ra­ther to continue single, because I fear­ed such a change would rather hinder God's chearful faithful Service; I should have less Time, less Mony for good Uses, and not be in a capacity to embrace some mean Opportunity of serving God in Publick, like what some had, who could not go farther than my self. I appeal to God, begging his Blessing according (as I hop'd) to the uprightness of my Heart.

Decem. 30. 1672.

I was, I hope, truly desirous of be­ing useful, and endeavoured by seve­ral ways to help our own Family to­wards Heaven: I was sensible of the Duty and Comfort thereof, and was excited by what I heard of Bishop Wilkins, from such as visited him [Page 34]when he was entring on Eternity.

He had no anxious Thoughts a­bout his everlasting Condition, which (as he said) many others better than himself had; He ap­prov'd his own Moderation and the Establishment of the Church of Eng­land, only wish'd some Things a­mended, and the Management in the Hands of good and prudent Men. He regarded not his Ʋni­versal Character, which had much empair'd his Health; but when spoken to about a Latin Version of it, desired not to be troubled about it, professing his Comfort and Joy, that since his Promotion to Chester, he had encouraged and furthered Preaching of Christ.

My Prayers were that I might not be negligent in my own Sphere, but act to the utmost of my Power for my Lord's Glory, and my own Com­fort.

Hackney, March. 24.

I was strangely troubled on a small occasion; a Friend having some dis­courses of a good deceased Bishop S. — and it being judg'd expedient to make 'em publick, I deliver'd 'em to a Book­seller, who having Printed one with­out Licence, was afraid to Sell it. I was not concern'd however, knowing the Discourse inoffensive to my Supe­riours. But I was quickly troubled that I did not my own Work, nor as I wou'd be done to, Publishing what the worthy Author had kept private, and without their leave that had right to it, (as possibly some had) and oc­casioning others to break the Laws in Printing without Licence. I endea­vour'd to calm the Storm, but it ra­ged the more, till I cou'd neither wake nor sleep, talk nor cat in quiet; nor was it laid till I took off and made away the Impression, and return'd my Friend the other Writings. I desired to learn how constantly I depended on God, and without his good Pro­vidence, shou'd daily break my peace, and destroy my self: And I resolved, since so small a Failure had cost me so dear, I would be more watchful a­gainst [Page 36]all Degrees of Sin, and do no­thing without more Deliberation and Prayer.

Hackney, April 10. 1673.

By a Letter from the Lord Drum­mond, Son to the Earl of Perth, writ­ten at the request of my dying Friend Mr. Patrick Drummond; I had some account of his last Hours, full of Hea­venly Expressions, concerning the Love of God, and of affectionate Pray­ers for his Friends, and particularly for my self; Which, O Lord, answer! About 18 or 19 Years before, the Ca­lamities of his Country having driven him up to London, where he was well entertain'd by my Uncle Bewley, to Teach his Son; I likewise was a with his Care, and he considently [...] I wou'd study Divinity: and though my Inclination and Carriage afterwards, especially at Cambridge, [...] my Friends and self judge he was mistaken; yet he persisted in the same Opinion, and liv'd to rejoyce with my self in the Event. May my dear Friend's Memory be sweet and use­ful as to my self, so to his other Friends, [Page 37]and particularly to that Lord, who sa­vour'd me with this Account. My Friend was wont to express a great Honour for, and Hope of him, especially for Religion. May he still exceed himself, honour God, and be useful in his Coun­try; and do the more good, because (alas) so many do none, or worse. O that God would change them, and make more great Persons Great and Publick Blessings, for our dear Saviour's sake.

Hackney, May 22. 1673.

I had groaned many Days under great trouble of Mind, occasion'd at first by some discourse about Sacri­ledge, and a Story of Dr. Holdsworth, who hearing one express great hopes of good from the long Parliament; he reply'd, He wou'd have none expect it, since Parliaments so sacrilegiously aliena­ted Church-Lands. I think I had heard as much formerly without being con­cern'd, but now I immediately appre­hended, If the Alienation were sinful, so was the detention; and thence I might be­come guilty of Sacriledge, if I should en­joy an Estate taken long since from the Hospital of St. Bartholomew the Less, in [Page 38]Smithfield, bought by my Father at a­bove 20 Years purchace, after divers pre­ceding Alienations, and left by him after my Mother's Life to me.

My Terrours encreas'd by reading about Sacriledge, the Forms of ancient Dedication, with Curses, &c. Of his se­ [...] [...]ion in [...]fer [...] to this ma [...] ­ter; see afterwards.

Thence Conscience ran backward, examin'd the material Passages of my Life, rack'd me with tormenting Scruples about Matters of Meum & Tuum, and sill'd me with frightful Re­presentations not only of my quondam Cambridge Sinful-follies, but of my fol­lowing Actions, for Father and Self, (in reference to the forementioned E­state:) So that I was strangely jea­lous I had some way done amiss, tho' very consident that since my Repent­ing and Restoring (1661. 12 Years be­fore) I had ever studiously and scru­pulously endeavour'd to do as I wou'd be done unto. Nor could I six on any particular Failure, unless on selling two Horses last Year Of this also after­wards.. Then I question'd whether my Attempts to satisfie such as I had wrong'd (while at Cam­bridge) had succeeded; and St. Au­stin's Saying, Non remittitur, &c. made [Page 39]me tremble. I also fear'd I had pro­fan'd the Lord's Supper: and when on search I began to hope I had not, I charg'd my self with rash presumpti­on, in thinking of so high and holy a Calling (as the Ministry) which such base former Sins wou'd disgrace. My Perplexities were lamentable: I had recourse to God by Prayer, though not sufficiently frequent and fervent; and I consulted his Word and Ser­vants.

I could not find it was any Sin for me who had sinned so much, and per­haps hardned some, to endeavour the reclaiming of others: I found great Sinners had been (after Conversion) us'd by the Holy God as chosen In­struments of his Grace; and remem­bred many late Examples guilty of Sins materially equal, if not greater than mine, whom yet God blest with eminent Success and Comfort.

My fear of disgracing Religion seem­ed very unreasonable; the Sins known to few, very few and far off, so many Years since repented of and forsaken! and my Conversation (though needing manifold pardon from God) having [Page 40]long gain'd too favourable a Repute among Men. Therefore though most unworthy to be honoured by God, to do him any Service towards the Sal­vation of any poor Creature; yet I could not but think it lawful, yea my Duty to endeavour it to the utmost of my Capacity and Power; and there­on resolv'd to reject and resist such Suggestions as Temptations to Sin against my Duty.

[As to the Restitution wherein his Friend had so unworthily disappointed him, he here sets down all the Particulars wherein he could remember any wrong'd, and by whom he had made Restitution in all more than double the value, and in most much more, and thus concludes.]

Thus for less than 4. l. at the utmost value, I paid with a great deal of shame & trouble about 15 l. and I gave 20 l. extraordinary to the Poor. I would all that wrong'd me knew I forgave them, though none made me Satisfaction, except 3 l. from one that desir'd to be conceal'd, were on that account.

Some Advantage I found by my Troubles in this Affair.

1. I found much Pride within me, and was hereby made base and vile in my own Eyes, and willing to be so in others.

2. I minded too much what was less needful, and these Distractions drave me to the Essentials of Religion, and made me mind them more.

3. I was more convinc'd of my own Impotency and Nothingness, and of my constant dependance on God for Duty and Comfort: I found Reasons and Arguments nothing till God en­abled me after another manner to ap­ply them.

4. I was more sensible of the Ne­cessity and Use of Prayer.

5. I understood better the condi­tion of the Scrupulous, that their Trou­bles were not to be slighted as pro­ceeding from Weakness and Folly; but to be tenderly manag'd: and that the withdrawings of the Spirit are something beside Melancholy, though that may be joyn'd with them.

6. I was warn'd byall to walk more circumspectly, that I might not provoke [Page 42]my Heavenly Father thus to chasten me: and instead of Controversies, es­pecially about small and mysterious Matters, to study more the practical Life of Faith in nearer Communion with the blessed Fountain of Holiness, Peace, and Joy.

My Scruples about the Horses I sold had as little grounds as almost any other. I repeated my Charge to those that sold them, to speak truth, neither denying nor using any means to conceal any Fault: Only I doubt­ed I was not sufficiently careful to have the Buyers acquainted with all I knew my self. It being the Rule of an Heathen, Tully; Ne quid omnino quod venditor novit, em­ptor ignoret. Yet I could not learn the Buyers were damag'd, nor say they paid too dear; and good Men laugh'd at my Scruples, professing themselves would do as I had done.

[How happy were civil Societies, if all acted in their Contracts with so strict and conscientious Justice! The compre­hensive Rule of Righteousness between [Page 43]Man and Man, deliver'd by our Savi­our, Matth 7. ver. 12. includes this of Tully as one branch of it. What a vile Reproach is it then to the Christian Pro­fession, that so many thousands that make it, should in their Dealings fall short of the Rules of Justice laid down by an Heathen Moralist.]

As to the danger of Sacriledge, which gave the first Alarm, old Evi­dences shew'd, that about or above 130 Years before 1673. Duckets be­long'd to the little Hospital of St. Bar­tholomew in West-Smithfield, and was Leas'd by the Master and Brethren for 10 l. per annum, and some Money towards Repair of their Church, and Relief of their Poor. The Result of my Reading, Consideration and Prayer, was to this effect:

1. The first Alienation did not appear to be Sacriledge; i. e. A stealing or converting to their own use what was Sacred, lawfully set apart to God, nor yet robbing of the Poor.

2. There wanted Evidence of a right Dedication to God, directed and accepted by him. To pass by the Censers of [Page 44] Corah, &c. Num. 16.16, 17.37, 38. if not hallow'd at first by particular Di­vine Appointment: yet afterwards as a Monument of their Sin and Punish­ment, there were express Commands, or at least sufficient general Directions which regulated the separating of Things to God; and what was set a­part agreeably to such Warrants, was sacred, and belonged to God indeed. Thus Tythes, Cities and Suburbs for the Priests and Levites under the Law were holy, (if not the former with Houses and Glebes for Ministers also under the Go­spel) and so were the First-Fruits, and other commanded and directed Offer­ings. But Histories make it doubtful whether what was separated in those dark times, was according to any suf­ficient Divine Warrant and Direction; or rather from the cheating Extor­tion of covetous Priests, and the super­stitious Errors of ignorant Laicks, with­out Scripture-Rule or End; too oft 'tis to be fear'd not more acceptable to God, than what he forbad of old, the hire of a Whore, or the price of a Dog.

2. Alienations were excessive, contra­ry to the common good; Therefore though they had been otherwise regular, not al­low'd, and consequently not accepted by God. He bounded Dedication of old, and it was not lawful to exceed the measure in what he most expresly re­quir'd. When the People had offer'd enough for the Tabernacle, they were forbid to bring any more. Levi was to have no Inheritance, only Dwel­lings with Fields so many Cubits round. The Reasons of such Com­mands hold, clearing and strengthning the Law of Nature, and Statutes of Mortmain, &c. against excessive Alie­nations to religious or charitable Uses; and for translating what was supersti­tious, noxious, and therefore unlaw­fully separated. Such seems to have been our case. The Clergy excessive­ly supernumerary and debauch'd, and as excessively endow'd; Though not an hundred part of the Kingdom, yet having, as was computed, a fifth, (nay, as some, a fourth part or more) of the prime Lands thereof. Such vast su­perfluous Revenues might be judg'd rather a provocation of God, than an [Page 46]acceptable Dedication to him: and therefore ought to be remov'd into a righter Channel. Hence they that alienated such Lands, might not dread those terrible Curses inserted in the de­dication of them, or otherwise thun­der'd out against the Alienators there­of. If God had bid 'em curse, or in some cases from Superiours or Parents, 'twere dreadful. But when such Cur­ses proceed from Errour, are unjust and uncharitable, Prov. 26.2. like a restless Bird flying fearfully away; the causless Curse, as if afraid to come near the Innocent, shall be far off, never hurt; therefore should not be super­stitiously regarded.

2. If any of those Lands were unlaw­fully alienated, and Restitution there­fore a Duty: they that order'd and acted were the Persons bound to it; or they being long dead, My Lord Bacon (as I remember) thought that following Parliaments were concern'd; not par­ticular Persons, who may lawfully possess what was at first unlawfully alienated upon prescription, purchace, &c. Judg. 11. with Deut. 2. Though the Israelites were not to meddle with [Page 47]the Moabites or Ammonites, nor to have any of their Land for a Possessi­on; yet having taken a large Country from the Amorites, of which they had dispossessed the other, Jephtha justi­fied the keeping of it against the claim of the King of the Ammonites, (and it seems of the Moabites also, (or at least confederate with them) by a threefold Plea: 1. That the Country was taken from Sihon and his Amorites, and not from the Moabites or Ammo­nites. 2. They gain'd it in a just War approv'd by God, Josh. 13.24. 3. They had long enjoy'd it, towards 300 years, the round Summ mentioned.

I thought I might make the like defence.

This Estate belong'd to Sir Stephen Scot's Heirs, after various preceding Alienations by Purchace, Descent, &c.

2. 'Twas purchas'd by my Father in the simplicity of his heart at a full Price; and if I surviv'd my Mother, would fairly descend to me.

3. It had been enjoy'd towards 140 Years, since taken from the Hos­pital, a larger prescription than usual­ly [Page 48]requir'd to consirm Estates; Posses­siones five privatae sive publicae praescrip­tione longi temporis confirmantur. Else there would be no end of Scruples, Contention, and Confusion.

3. Restitution was made in full measure by King Edward the Sixth, the Hospital advanc'd to a better Con­dition, and the Church to a Parish-Church.

Weaver's Funeral Monu­ments. The Hospital of little St. Bar­tholomew in West Smithfield, for the Poor and Diseased, found­ed by Raherne first Prior, and Founder of the Priory of Great St. Bartholomew, to be govern'd by a Master and Eight Brethren Priests; (as Speed, black Ca­nons) for the Church, and Four Sisters, to see the Poor serv'd, va­lued at the Suppression at 305 l. 6 s. 7 d.

Speed agrees, naming the last Prior Balton for a great Benefactor.

Stow 's Survey. Hospital of St. Bartholomew valued at the Suppression, 1539. 31 of H. 8. at 305 l. 6 s. 7 d. Restored 1546. by King Edward the Sixth, with the Messuages of Gilt-Spur-Street, Burton-Street, Peter-Key, Old Fish-Street, and St. Bennet, Hulda Limehurst, in Stepney, besides very large Collections from the Citizens, so that it was New-built 1553. since much augmented.

So that what-ever was the first De­dication, besides all to be said for the excessive Alienation of Mortmains, and yet more for retaining after so long a Prescription, seeing the Church was re­stor'd, if not continued to the Parish, and in 7 Years the Hospital also Re­built, and better Endow'd out of King Edward's Estate, and by his Influence: [Page 50]I thought I had no occasion to scruple the enjoyment of Duckets, if it should descend to me: as many better than I, enjoy without scruple Estates, for which they have not so much to say.

Hackney, March 31. 1674.

My Days were checquer'd with Duties and Failings, Hopes and Fears, Joys and Griefs: My Desires, and, I hope, sincere Endeavours, were for stronger Resolutions, more vigorous and lively Affections, ardenter Love, and sweeter Joy in a holy dependance on, Resignation and Obedience to my God, that I might through Grace write down more matter of Praise and Joy in perpetual well-doing; for my dearest Saviour's sake.

Hackney, July 28. 1674.

I had in some sincere manner (I hope) served God, and still mourn'd after a publick Opportunity in any tolerable Circumstances, on such terms as I could come up to, like what I heard some (though straiter than I) enjoy'd. I was willing to take Episcopal Orders, if I could have had [Page 51]them; but did not think 'em absolute­ly necessary to occasional Preaching under some publick Minister, which I would have rested and rejoyc'd in; an useless life being very burdensom. I thought God call'd me to serve him as I could: I had enough of such Te­stimonies as the Bishops usually re­quir'd. I was far from slighting the solemn Investing Rite, very ready to seek it of them, when judg'd attain­able and expedient in my Circumstan­ces. I had likewise observ'd it ordi­nary in the Ʋniversities to Preach long without Orders as Probationers, &c. and accordingly thought my self oblig'd not to refuse any inoffensive opportunity of doing good by Preach­ing, where it was wanted, particular­ly for our aged Vicar Mr. Timpsion, who greatly needed help, and had sometimes no better than mine.

Hadley, Decem. 11. 1674.

Having on repeated Invitation ta­ken a Journey to Glastenbury near Cranbroke in Kent; I had there pro­posed for a Wife, Mrs. Bridget Ro­berts, Daughter to the Lady of that [Page 52]Name. I was little (if at all) affect­ed with the Honour, nor was the Por­tion so great as I had been tempted with elsewhere: But there was desi­rable assurance of Piety, Humility, good Temper, Industry, and Fruga­lity, and withal a fairer Opportunity of inoffensive Usefulness than had yet offer'd in my Circumstances.

[After some account of his Courtship, and the Remora's he met with, but at last overcame in it, he adds.]

Tuesday, Octob. 5. 1675. we were Married in Glaslenbury-Chappel, my self at the end of my 32d. Year, my Wife not 18. by Mr. Monckton Vicar of Brenchly, Sir Thomas giving her, her Mother, other Brother and Sister, and a few besides present. I praised God who had enabled us to follow him our Ruler, Guide, and End; and had at length clear'd our way, and brought us into that near relation. I pray'd it might be sanctified and im­prov'd to the great ends which I hope we sincerely aim'd at.

All this while I endeavour'd, not without some sinccess, that others [Page 53]might be the better, not the worse for me.

May 29. 1676. Glastenbury.

On my return, I set about doing good in the Family and Neighbour­hood, having seriously consider'd my Duty to God, my Superiours, and others, and likewise their Circum­stances among whom I was then to live.

The Family and others accustom'd to the old Chappel at Glastenbury, be­ing two Miles or more from the Church, prejudic'd against the esta­blish'd Worship, and the next Mini­ster, the Vicar of G—, especi­ally Th. a drunken impertinent Sot, that distasted many conformable e­nough, and made 'em approve more private Help. I still dealt openly as I had done before Marriage, decla­ring my desire of more publick Ser­vice, readiness to read Common Prayer, almost all, going sometimes to the neighbouring Churches, and joyning in the Liturgy; and letting them know my practice of Communicating, and that kneeling. I drew none to [Page 54]our private Meeting, but blam'd such as came from good Ministers, pro­fessing I would not keep up a separate Congregation, but only while it ap­pear'd expedient help for such as were so ill provided. I proceeded with more Confidence and Comfort, because I had no trouble, nor heard of any dis­like from the more conformable Neighbours, and was more confirm'd in the moderate course I had taken by the impotent Censures of some un­charitable Persons. My Prayers were to know my Duty, and do it, pleasing God, though I displeas'd Man.

Glastenb. Sept. 20. 1676.

[He here gives some Account of some Scruptes about his Wife's Portion, occa­sion'd by a Report of her great Grand­father dying in Debt, and the clear Sa­tisfacti [...] [...]e attain'd upon an exact En­quiry into that Affair.]

I was also thankful for God's As­sistance in doing good, for Health and Eye-sight, Love, and Kindness in my Relations, Success of my Affairs, mi­rigating, shortning, and sanctifying [Page 55]Troubles, &c. My Prayerers were for Encrease of Grace and Comfort, for more of the true Christian Spirit of Love to all, even to the Ʋnjust and Ʋnkind, that Love might be the commanding frame and temper of my Soul.

Glastenb. July 5. 1677.

Troublesome censorious dividing Spirits had occasion'd more thoughts of those unhappy Controversies about Forms, Ceremonies, Church-Government, &c. And I was still more satisfied, even when most serious, that the bit­ter extreams of Dissenters, (as well as of rigid Conformisis) were very dis­pleasing to God: That Spiritual Pride, narrow-spirited mistakes, and grievous wresting of the holy Scriptures, were the evil roots of unchristian Divisions and real Schisins: I was much troubled at such Uncharitable and Love-killing Principles and Practices; yet had cause to be thankful that there was more Light and Love amongst those that came to the Meeting at Glastenbury, which I still endeavour'd to en­crease.

I thankfully hop'd I had not been wholly unfruitful, and own'd God's very gracious Dealings in all my Af­flictions in many respects, particularly for regarding my Weakness, remo­ving one trouble before another came, and supporting under all.

Again, Praises for comfortable Con­verse, Success in my Affairs, some pro­gress in getting and doing good, and a life of Love, in some measure, according to God's Ordinance, with my Dear for two Years past.

Glastenb. Sept. 22. 1679.

I was awaken'd the beginning of the Year by apprehension of greater Afflictions which I attempted to pre­pare for: I found I thought matter for Praises, in what I had been and done, to be sure in many Favours for Body and Soul, which I was concern'd more thankfully to improve. I was several times still more affected with the encreasing woful Effects of Church-Divsions. I thought (and think still) I might appear to God, his Word was my Rule for Peace, which by Study and Prayer I endeavour'd to under­stand; [Page 57]but I could not judge concur­rence with narrow-soul'd unreason­able Enemies of Peace, any other than Conspiracy against it. I therefore openly and honestly disown'd and op­pos'd the uncharitable sinful Courses some took: My Desires, Prayers, and Endeavours were, that Professors might have more sound Knowledge and Hu­mility, and walk in the good ways of Catholick-Truth, Love, and Peace. My Praises flow'd from freedom fro [...] un­pleasant Extreams, from unt [...]ard Wranglings about little Things, and from losing holy Love, and the Vitals of Reli­gion in unchristian irrational Heats a­bout the less necessary variable Circum­stances thereof. The mischief of such Courses grew daily more and more evident, and accordingly my Resolu­tions against them: I was again and again thankful for many other con­tinued and encreased Favours, espe­cially for my Faithfulness and Success in doing Good.

[It was a little before this time that the good Providence of God happily brought me into his Acquaintance and [Page 58]Converse, being invited to Preach once a Lord's-day with him to the People that met at Glastenbury, which I continued to do for near a Year: And therefore can give a better Account of what these Ex­pressions in his Diary refer to. He was fully satisfied with his own practice in Preaching to that Auditory, which ge­nerally consisted of Persons not only very serious in their temper, but free from any of those uncharitable Heats that accom­pany a narrow Zeal for a Party. They were indeed drawn to attend his Mini­stry, because as they had but too just reason of dissatisfaction with the neigh­bouring Parish-Ministers: so they soon found other Impressions made on them by his judicious and affectionate Discourses, which yet deriv'd still greater Efficacy from an eminently holy Conversation, and particularly from his large Charity in furnishing all poor Families thereabouts with Catechisms, and other good Books, and his unwearied Care in visiting them, to examine their Proficiency in the know­ledge and practice of serious Religion. And be durst not throw off that Ministe­rial Work wherein God blest him with so eminent Success, to avoid some Men's [Page 59]weak and groundless charges of Schism and Separation: But thought the Sal­vation of Souls that needed better help than they were provided for in publick, preferable to the observation of those Ec­clesiastical Canons which excluded so many faithful and laborious Ministers from being employ'd in the Parish-Chur­ches, of whose continued Labours, he thought there was an apparent necessity. For though the publick Clergy was almost supernumerary, yet there were but few in comparison who seem'd to have any due sense of the weight of the Pastoral Charge, and too few that had Qualifica­tions of Learning and Piety requisite for it. But on the other hand, he was greatly troubled at the Extream which he thought those Dissenters run into, who a­voided all Communion with the Parish-Churches: and to express his dislike of what he thought an uncharitable temper in them, he often (as you'll read anon) communicated in the next Parish-Church, and was troubled to find that several whom he thought truly good Men, should so warmly censure him for it. Nay, he was so extreamly tender of prejudicing the Interest of Parish-Churches, that [Page 60]though he durst not condemn those of his Brethren, who form'd distinct Congre­gations, to which they administred the Lord's-Supper, and all other Ordinan­ces, though without renouncing occasional Communion with the Parish-Churches; yet he was so earnestly desirous of an Act of Comprehension, that might ( by re­storing Discipline in Parish-Churches, and giving Ministers access to them on such easier terms as his Judgment could comply with) lay the foundation of a happy Union; that he resolv'd rather to wait longer for it, than do any thing to make the breach wider, by going fur­ther than constant Preaching, which he look'd on only as a necessary help, and no real hindrance to the true Interest of Religion in the Parish-Churches. And often freely declar'd so much to those that there attended his Ministry.

Having made so long a Digression, though necessary, to clear the sense of these Passages in his Diary, (by which it fully appears with what Deliberation and sincerity he acted in these matters;) I shall before I close it, subjoyn one In­stance of the admirable Influence his [Page 61]Example and Persuasions had to pro­mote Religion in the Family and Neighbourhood of Glastenbury: For the Heir of it, Sir Thomas R— being but then newly come to Age, did at his desire, ( to engage his Tenants the more effectually to the study and practice of Religion) call together their Servants and Children every Lord's-day, after the Afternoon Sermon, and himself Ca­techiz'd them. This I have often ob­serv'd with great Satisfaction, and as I am sure the mention of it is no dishonour to his Quality or Years; so I wish that so memorable an Example of early Zeal for Piety, may draw others to an Imi­tation of it. Such familiar Instructions would be more readily and thankfully em­brac'd by their Inferiours, from those on whom their Secular Interest depends, and whom they are sure nothing but compas­sionate Charity to their Souls, can prompt to so much condescension. But to return to Mr. Trench's Diary.]

Glanstenb. May 24. 1680.

I had been Abus'd, Censured, and Slander's, Faithfulness and Plain-deal­ing had hard returns: But my Duty was comfortable, though against the stream; I had Witnesses of my Inte­grity above and within, and in the con­sidence thereof was plain and free with the injurious Party, to whom I still return'd Good for Evil, Prayers, and Services for many and cruel Wrongs. The Guilty at length exprest a great and sorrowful sense of what was past, asking God forgiveness, and his unworthy Servant, and promis'd what had flown out in Passion against Truth, should be rectified, and my Innocence clear'd. I was still praising God who enabled me to do my Duty, a­gainst such cutting Provocations, and gave me so much kindness, where I less expected it.

Glast. Jan. 1. 1681.

Thankful acknowledgments of con­tinued Goodness to me and mine, espe­cially for any Sincerity and Diligence in encreasing my own and others Knowledge, Love, and Obedience; Breathings after more and more Ho­liness, [Page 63] That by any means I might be more like my Heavenly Father, more faithful in endeavouring his Glory, and the good of men, and more happy in success.

Prayers for constant Assistance were quickned by the sudden sinking and dying of an old Acquaintance, Mr. S— who was commonly very chearful, full of comfortable consident Expressions of Resignation to and trust in God, and of unconcernedness for and elevation above lower temporal matters: Yet on the Death of a Friend and Wife, all fail'd, and he soon sunk and died. What need to please and seek to God con­tinually, that he may keep us strong in himself and the power of his might.

Glast. July 10. 1682.

I comply'd to stay at Glast. though sollicited by other Friends to be nearer them, with hearty Prayers to be more laborious and successful for their good, particularly Sir Th's., whom I had great reason to love. I had com­fortable hopes of my own Sincerity, but not without trouble for my slug­gishness and wandring Thoughts. I [Page 64]reflected on the prime of my Health and Briskness, not improv'd as be­came me for God, acknowledging it just I should not be honour'd to do him any considerable Service, and begg'd pardon and strength of Body and Soul, and good success, For his in­finite unaccountable Mercy and Goodness in our dearest Saviour.

Glast. May 28. 1683.

I found several Notes of my own Sincerity, and with more considence: Distractions were my trouble, a­gainst which my Prayers were still directed.

I had design'd to receive the Sa­crament in Cranbroke-Church, not from fear, for which there was then no oc­casion: but from sense of Duty, and trouble for the neglect thereof. I had been for it, and oft declar'd my Judgment.

But the vehement Aversion and dis­swasion of several good Men had kept me from doing it there: But I was at length satisfied I ought not to please them therein, but to obey the Com­mands of Christian Ʋnity, Communion, [Page 65]and Love; to perform a Duty, and partake of a Priviledge sadly neglect­ed, and take away that Offence which forbearance would six before some who mistakingly cry out against Offence, when through their own Faults dis­pleas'd.

My Body had continued very cra­zy, Lungs sensibly heated and swell'd by the Catarrh, notwithstanding many means: but God sent me to London, made my Friends urge me to better advice, and blest what was prescrib'd, especially Milk variously prepar'd and mixt, with quick and strange suc­cess. Wishes were for an Heart more drawn and warm'd by Divine Goodness and Love.

My Work at Glastenbury drawing to an end, my Conscience witness'd that I had endeavour'd to promote the Essentials of Religion, not our un­happy Differences, with as little ap­pearance of Schism or Faction as I could.

Brenchley, Nov. 20. 1684.

Our 6th Son was Bapitz'd and na­med [Page 66] Thomas, by Mr. Monkton, our Mi­nister at Brenchley: I hop'd he had not only the Token, but the saving benefit of the Covenant, praying he might live, and faithfully embrace it for himself.

Brenchley, July, 5. 1685.

This Day I received the Sacrament, renewing my Covenant with my God, who is my All. I converse little with Men, but enough to see and hear of many lamentable sinful Distempers. Lord make all better, and keep such as profess greater Purity, from impure Heats and Mistakes, and from doing Evil under pretence of Good.

July 21.

I endeavoured as I ought to be affe­cted with the Sins and Sufferings of so many.

My Thoughts have been frequently of God, and my Discourses with se­veral as I had opportunity: I hope they would have been better, if less disturb'd by bodily indisposition, which still clouds my Head. O for a better Head and Heart to glorifie my [Page 67]good God and Saviour, in doing and suffering whatever pleaseth him.

Brenchly, Octob. 7. 1685.

Being entred into the 43d. Year of my Life, I reflected on my carriage towards God and Man, what I had been and done in the World; and what grounds I had to hope for a bet­ter: The Result whereof I write for future use, I hope without partiality. God grant I may yet write better.

I am unfeignedly willing to know the worst of my self; I think I have good ground to hope I have found the benefit of an early and sincere Dedi­cation to God by my good Parents, and of their careful Education and frequent Prayers, and the many other Spiritual Advantages I enjoy'd.

I am pretty well assur'd that I have chosen God for my Portion, Rest, and Happiness; and that I prefer not the Profits, Pleasures, and Honours of this World, before him. I desire no more thereof than is needful for his Service, heartily desiring and seeking first the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness, [Page 68]and expecting other things in due sub­ordination.

I have, I hope, heartily, humbly, and thankfully accepted the Lord Christ, as offered in the Gospel to be my Saviour on his own terms, to save me from my Sins, to sanctisie me by his Word and Spirit, to rule me by his Laws, and so to justisie and save me from Guilt and Punishment for ever.

I have been and am greatly trou­bled that I did not earlier return un­to God: The Sins of my Youth and my Relapses since, are the grief of my Soul, which I would wash away, if possible, with my own blood: It cuts my Heart that I forsook them no sooner, and that my following Life hath not been more fruitful. Yet I hope, I have been and am sincere, keeping my self through Grace, from my own Iniquity, and living in the practice of the contrary Duties.

I am heartily willing to comply with God in all things, and to live in the daily practice of all those holy, heavenly, spiritual Duties of Heart and Life, which my God requires: I [Page 69]am very sorry that I perform them no better: and yet I hope I am not defil'd with great or reigning Sin, but am prevailingly his faithful Ser­vant.

I long for nothing more than, no­thing so much as more Fixedness of Mind on God, more Constanoy, Chearfulness, and Success in his bles­sed Service.

I unfeignedly desire, and, through Divine Assistance, resolve to perse­vere and grow still better, notwith­standing all Difficulties, and against all Temptations, to think of and act according to Matth. 10.37, 38, &c. and Luke 14.26, 33. That whatever it cost, I will so run, that I may obtain the Crown, forgetting those things that are behind, and pressing forward towards the mark for the price of our high calling of God in Christ Jesus. But thou, O Lord, forsake not me, that I forsake not thee.

I am in love with that Love which our Lord set us such an Example of, and made the distinguishing Chara­cter of his Disciples. My Charity, I think, is large and extensive, accord­ing [Page 70]to his Will; but especially I have lov'd and do love all good Men as such prevailingly; They are to me the Excellent of the earth, in whom, (as to Men) is all my delight. The Di­vine Image affects and draws me where-ever I find it, notwithstanding differences in little Things: And my Love is real and fruitful according to my Ability: My Heart and Hands are open as Objects and Occasions offer.

I have been and am very careful to wrong none, having long since right­ed those I did.

I have soon forgiven when pro­vok'd; yea seldom, very seldom re­tain'd any Grudge against any: I have return'd Good for Evil, where I de­serv'd well, and yet suffered much ill; and where I have deliberately refus'd to comply with any, it was because I thought it my Duty for their good: I have been watchful, Self should not prevail under shadow of being con­cern'd for God. I have no Enemies whom I do not heartily pray for, and am not ready to do good to. Praised be God, these Duties of Loving, Gi­ving, [Page 71]and forgiving, were not and are not difficult.

I have been affected, and desire to be more with the Condition of the Church of God, the Sufferings of so great a part thereof, and especially the Sins that deserv'd them. My Prayers have been and are, That God would Refine and not Destroy; That he would diffuse that Wisdom from above, which is pure and peaceable; That he would revive the power of Godliness, humbling the Guilty of our Divisions, and uniting in Christian, Catholick Love.

I have conscientiously considered my Duty to the Magistrate, and ac­cordingly have been careful to obey all his Laws, unless contrary to the Laws of God: And I thought it be­came me to understand his Will not in the worst, but in the best sense his Words would bear; remembring that an erring Conscience will not clear me if I disobey any lawful Com­mand.

I have been little inquisitive about the Magistrate's Duty, but careful to know my own: My enquiry was not, [Page 72] Whether he did well to Command, but, whether I might lawfully Obey? Though he impose unnecessary Burdens be­yond his Authority, (which is for Publick Good;) yet Compliance may be my Duty from Humility, Love to Peace, and that I may not offend, but respect God's Vicegerent.

I have consider'd the Veneration due to those in Authority by reason thereof, however they be otherwise defective; and the Subjection that must be ever continued, though the Laws of God forbid Obedience, and accordingly resolved never to par­take in Rebellion, though for the best Religion, and most valuable Liberties; but to be still subject not only for Wrath, but, for Conscience-sake.

I have often frequented the Publick Authoriz'd Assemblies, and joyn'd in the establish'd way. of Worship, not to avoid Civil or Ecclesiastical Cen­sures, not for any worldly Interest; but from sense of Duty, and a just per­swasion, after many Thoughts and Prayers, in which I am still more con­firm'd, that I was more oblig'd to do so by the Laws of God, and abundant­ly [Page 73]warranted by the Example of our Saviour and his Apostles. I have been still more confident, as I consi­der'd the State and Practice of the Primitive and other Churches, and look'd, I think, impartially into what is oppos'd by Dividers.

Praised be God, I am still well satis­fied that I am not involv'd into so much as any consent to Sin. I reflect with comfort on my moderation about small or doubtful matters, and on my warmth against the Antichristian Spi­rit of Ʋncharitableness, Hatred, Rage, and Malice.

I admire God's Infinite goodness in the way of Salvation, and am greatly troubled that I am no more affected with the amazing Mercy and Benignity of my Heavenly Father, with the stu­pendious Charity, Condescension, and Sufferings of the Son, and with the wonderful Patience, Long-suffering, and Kindnoss of the Holy Spirit. I desire and long to know and love, admire and praise, spoak and act more and more to the utmost of my power, for the Glory of the Incomprehensible Trinity, which hath so condescended to Save [Page 74]such an abominable wretched Crea­ture.

I find it most difficult to get and keep an Heavenly Frame without Di­straction: I am oft discompos'd by worldly Concerns, vex'd by the Sins and Weaknesses of others; and too easily diverted from my Studies, Me­ditations, and Prayers, by vain, im­pertinent, unsuitable, and unseason­able Thoughts: I labour and groan under them as my great Burden and Sin, and strive alas too ineffectually against them. What would I give, yea, what would I not give, do, or suffer, that my Soul were fix'd on God; that I could serve him without Distraction? That my Studies, Medi­tations, and Converse with God in his Word, Prayer, and Praise, were more free from wandring, more affection­ate, spiritual and heavenly? Yet I'm sure I long and desire to labour more effectually that God may sill and pos­sess my Soul; that his holy enjoying Service, (the perfect Happiness of Heaven) may be more and more be­gun on Earth. I value and breath af­ter the Divine Image as the greatest [Page 75]good, esteeming, and desiring to be rid of Sin as the greatest Evil; and Heaven is therefore most amiable, be­cause there I hope to be wholly freed from Sin, and to serve and en­joy my God and Saviour in sinless Holiness.

O Lord help me to do as I profess, pro­mise, and bind my self; That my Con­versation may be more in Heaven: That thy Will may be more done by me on Earth, as 'tis in Heaven! That I may more comfortably hope and long to be in Heaven! And, O remember thy Chur­ches and Children, and the whole World; Let my concern for them all be more ac­cording to thy Will, more pure and in­tense for thy Glory. Amen, for our Lord Jesus sake.

My worldly Circumstances are not without Difficulties and Temptations; considerable Losses I have had, yet continued giving largely to the Poor: My Children dying, I did not think it my Duty to encrease my Estate. I have now Two likely to live, and may have more; so that my Charge rises, when what should maintain it falls. I resolve to cast my Care on [Page 76]God in well-doing, to exercise my self more than ever, to keep a Conscience void of offence, impartially to study and do my Duty, and pray conti­nually.

Brenchley, Octob. 23. 1685.

My Practice hath in some measure answer'd my renewed Resolutions; I have employed my time better, pray'd harder, and endeavoured when call'd abroad to do some good, by good Discourse, when I thought it season­able, and by making peace. God hath comforted me in the kindness of Friends; His Spirit, I hope, is with me: May I more abundantly find it, as I am call'd to do or suffer, for my Jesus's sake!

Brenchley, Feb. 25. 168 [...].

I hope I continue in God's Service, though alas with many Failings till I was hasted to London and Hackney, the 5th. where I had an happy issue of an Affair, which evidently threatned much trouble and loss: I could not but give somewhat considerable to some that were indeed great Losers. [Page 77]My God, I trust, will remember me for good, and capacitate me to give more.

Thursday, the 18th. Mr. Samuel Bar­ton, Fellow of Corp. Christi Colledge in Oxford, married my Sister Sarah; O may they be faithful to God and one another, according to their Duty: May he find a comfortable Opportu­nity for Publick Service, of which alas I still continue uncapable. I have been lately urg'd, and again consider'd my Scruples (as to the terms of Con­formity) but cannot yet see my way: If I labour under involuntary mistakes, God will ( I hope) pardon and re­move them.

Brenchley, May 1. 1686.

April 26. Our younger Child Tho­mas died at the end of a Convulsion-Fit, about an Hour long, &c. May we more practically believe we must also die, and not cease preparing for it, till we come to desire it, and live in the constant joyful expectation of E­ternity: We are many ways shame­fully faulty that we do not: Pardon [Page 78]and help us for thy Mercies sake. A­men.

Brenchley, May 29. 1686.

On the 23d. I solemnly remembred my Saviour's Passion, and renewed my Covenant with God thorow him; My Prayors and Vows were princi­pally for encrease of Holiness in Heart and life. God graciously made use of a mean Affliction, (as others count it) to quicken both the Day following; so that the past Week my Watch hath been more constant, my Recollections more frequent, at least every Evening: And I sind to my comfort my Converse both with God and Man, hath been in some good measure, (if I mistake not) accord­ing to the Gospel. I have had many Refiections on God's manifold Good­ness, many Abhorrings of my own sin­ful Vileness: I desire my Actions, and (as God pleaseth) my Sufferings may be answerable, that I may glorifie him more on Earth, and help others to do so; and become very ready and willing to serve him better in Heaven. Amen for my Saviour's sake. [Page 79] I praise God, I have liv'd this Week also as the former; My Soul hath been daily first and last with God: My Thoughts have very frequently re­turn'd unto him, and my Time hath been improv'd with some diligence for his Glory. My Converse with others & in my own family, hath in some mea­sure exprest the sense of those great Things that ought always above all to be minded. My Prayers and Re­solves have been and are for constan­cy and progress. Amen, for my Lord Jesus sake.

June 12.

I hope I am still getting nearer Heaven; I have continued my Con­verse with God, and endeavoured to quicken others with my self to his blessed Service. Afflictions are much abated, but not my Fervor. O may Love be an abiding Principle thereof, acting me with Vigour and Constan­cy for the Glory of God, and the good of all with whom I have to do. Amen, for my Lord Jesus's sake.

June 19. 1686.

Praised be God, I have endeavoured another Week to speak, and think, and act for him: His Mercies further en­gage me daily.

Jyly 3.

I have thought oft daily of God and Heaven, and oft pray'd that I might please him better, and be more sit to be with him there: But I have not been so serious and warm, and earnestly desirous of getting and do­ing good as I was before, and yet I was last Lord's-day at the Sacrament: I hope God knows that I desire no­thing in comparison with Holiness, that I may be at a greater distance from the Desilements of Sin, and have deeper and more abiding Impressions of his purifying Light and Love, and be more constant and successful in communicating thereof to others. I proceeded not so successfully in my Studies as I would, and I think some­times have. I hope to pray and strive that I may be and do better. Imper­tinent Discourses, (the too common bane of Converse) have been my trouble. May I be able to oppose [Page 81]them with Christian Prudence, and to perfume every Place and Compa­ny with somewhat truly good; for his sake, who purchas'd and pleads for Grace to help in time of need.

July 10.

An indisposed Body and several incumbring Diversions have hindred me from serving God as I would; yet I hope my main design has not been wholly neglected.

I was faithful to two Persons in dealing plainly with them about some matters that had occasion'd several to speak evil of'em. But I was so with abundance of tenderness, and there­fere cannot but think one of them blame-worthy for the bad return he made. My Conscience bears me wit­ness, I did what I did meerly from sense of Duty, having great reluctan­ces; which only fear of God, and the love he commands to my Fellow-ser­vants, overcame.

July 17.

I endeavoured to serve my good God, of whose kindness I have still more experience; but alas I have wanted that warmth and pleasure I have sometimes had: I long and de­sire to labour for it more than ever.

July 31.

I want the Aids of the Holy Spirit, because I doubt I do not seek and la­bour for and with them as I ought: I walk heavily, yet I hope in the right way. O for more Grace, or rather for better improvement of what I have, that I may have more; for Je­sus's sake!

Aug. 7. & 14.

To the like purpose.

My Watch has not been so con­stant, nor my Converse so useful as it should; Less prositable Discourses and books have taken up too much time: I am not prepared as I would for the Lord's-Day approaching. I need and beg pardon, that I delight no more in the more spiritual heaqven­ly Duties and Studies, and am as de­sirous, [Page 83](O may I be as laborious) to do better; for, &c.

Brenchley, Aug. 31.

I have not been what I would, yet I hope I am in the way to be what I wish, in Heaven. O may I be much better on Earth! To Morrow I de­sign to take a Journey with my Bro­ther, &c. O may I be able to re­flect with comfort at my return on what I was and did.

Sept. 21.

God's Goodness accompanied me in my Journey, shin'd in Relations Loveliness, and Love, preserv'd my Family, and has brought us together in safety. May all be crown'd with encrease of Holiness and fruitful Gra­titude, &c.

Octob. 16.

Four Fits of a Tertian Ague had much weaken'd and iudisposed me; God then took it off, and I seem re­covering my former State of Health: I thought of Death with little or no fear, and hope I should have been [Page 84]happy if I had died, though now my Reflections are not so comfortable. I have sometimes thought I was be­yond what I wrote: but now I am down again. Bodily indisposition dulls me; But why is not my Soul more vigorous? Had I comply'd with the Holy Spirit, and convers'd with God as I ought, I might have had more of his comforting, strengthning In­fluences and helps. I desire to quali­sie my self for them by a far better improvement of all Aids vouchsaf'd. Help, heavenly Father, for thy Son's sake, Amen.

Nov. 8.

Our Seventh Son was Baptiz'd and Nam'd Edmund; May we and ours be still more our God's, agnizing his Su­pream Right, and living more in the lively sense and active acknowledg­ments thereof. Amen; for, &c.

Decemb. 11.

My God has continued to engage me by his kindness to my whole Self and ours, and to our Relations who are so pleasant and useful to us. I [Page 85]have proceeded in my course of Duty, but alas too heavily without such Di­ligence, Life, and Chearfulness, as be­come so excellent a Service. I desire to be what I wish, and to endeavour with all my might: When shall I write that I am and do so? Lord, help me to help my self! and suffer me not to forfeit the Aids thou vouchsafest. May I improve 'cm all with greater watchfulness, alacrity, and success! And may I do my ut­most for all that I am concern'd to help; for, &c.

Decem. 31.

The 25th I remembred my Savi­our, and renew'd my Covenant at the Holy Table, and before and after have taken some pains in his Service, sincerely (I hope) desiring and en­deavouring to please him my self, and to help others to joyn with, yea, ex­ceed me. May I still do better, and in the revolutions of Time, think more of, and prepare better for Eter­nity. Amen; for, &c.

Brenchley, Jan. 29. 1687.

I hope I have been crawling up­wards, though somewhat unevenly, and attempted to do good as I had occasions to converse with Men, and prepar'd my self, (at least sometimes, for Visits, that they might be useful, and not, as alas, too often lost in Im­pertinences. Many come and partake of what I customarily do in my Fa­mily on the Lord's Days, after pub­lick Service. I may not exclude 'em, though uninvited. I hope, and pray, and endeavour, that God may honour me to do their Souls some lasting good. I am sensible of God's good­ness as to my private Concerns and publick Circumstances, and desire Heart and Life may be answerable; for my Saviour's sake. Amen.

I have been also disturb'd with the Extreams of some censorious Divi­ders; I have no Enmity against the Men, but can by no means approve their ways, nor concur as I am de­sir'd with 'em.

Apr. 25. 1687.

I have been doing my Duty, to the wearying and wasting of my flesh, I [Page 87]have been twice feasted by my Lord at his Table, I hope not without some advantage.

May 16.

The different Opinions, and espe­cially the very indecent heats of good Men, to which the present liberty gave vent, were no small disturbance to me. And,

July 2.

I desire to lay to heart the Condi­tion of the Church of God; the wo­ful neglects of Christian Love in all Parties, and the strange furious Heats that prey on the vital fervour of Re­ligion, provoke God, and threaten destruction. Pity and help, O Lord; for vain is the help of man.

July 20.

[Speaking of a very deep and cutting Affliction that had often return'd.] I am far from entertaining hard thoughts of God; I heartily submit to his So­veraign Pleasure: I acknowledge his Justice might be far severer; and I am sensible of abundance of Mercy, [Page 88]and that I want Thankfulness, which I often beg of him. I'm still more consirm'd in the ways of Love that I have chosen, and abhor Love-killing Principles and Practices in all Par­ties.

Octob. 6.

Ending the 44th Year of my earth­ly Pilgrimage, I review'd what I wrote, Octob. 7. 1685. and found my Appre­hensions of my own Condition much the same. I have continued taking pains in my Studies for the Service of Souls, to the wearying if not wasting of the Flesh; yet my Spirit hath not attain'd the frame I wish: imperti­nent Thoughts, wandring Imaginati­ons, inordinate Affections, are my great and culpable Troubles. When shall I sind and be able to write bet­ter! God grant that I may, whatever I suffer for't.

Decemb. 31.

I have been much perplexed be­tween repeated Messages from Hack­ney, and others as unexpected from Ashford; and such Considerations as Reason and Religion suggest about [Page 89]our designed remove; I was very faulty in suffering 'em to hinder in such a measure my Converse with God, and my Comfort, Peace, and Joy therein; that a Sacramental Com­munion 25th, afforded so little sweet­ness and benefit, that I receiv'd no more from the infinite Fountain, ascended no higher towards him, and had not much larger Communications from him. O Lord, forgive and help, that my better Obedience and farther par­ticipation of a Godlike nature, may praise thine infinite Benignity, and sill my Mouth and Heart with a warmer sense of all thy Favours, and with more suitable Expressions: E­specially I pray that my Thoughts may be contented, and Labours fast­ned to present Duty; that without needless projecting for the future, I may do what appears necessary now. Let the Year that's now to begin, be better improved than any past: Let me live as apprehending I may die be­fore it ends; that if I should survive it, I may reflect how I sill'd it with God's fruitful Service, and rejoyce in hope, that at length Time will be [Page 90]ended, and therewith the too too many failings of my Duty and Com­fort. Amen; for my dear Saviour's sake.

Troubles without, and especially Failings within, have much indispos'd me for Duty and the Sweets thereof: yet when lately ill, I had no great fears, but could think with calmness of a future state, and hope I shall pre­pare better for it, and for my Affli­ctions that may befall me in my pas­sage.

March 31. 1688.

I hope I have not departed from God, though I fear I have got but lit­tle nearer to him: I have persevered with some painfulness in my Studies, and endeavour'd to embrace Oppor­tunities of doing good according to the Abilities I have acquir'd, and as seem'd consistent with that regard that should always be had to the great Things of Christianity, and the fur­thering thereof in the ways of Love and Peace. Such has been my Aim in my frequent Thoughts and At­tempts to leave this place.

Apr. 28.

I have continu'd studying, praying, instructing my Family and others, but with many distractions, not only from our unsettled Condition, but like­wise from other Accidents and Cir­cumstances which occasion trouble, and threaten loss: I lament that I am so much affected by 'em, and that the greater concerns of Eternity, (the sense whereof should have been more awaken'd and strengthned by the so­lemn remembrance of my Lord and Saviour at his Holy Table, the 15th and 22d.) do not more effectually di­vert my Thoughts and raise my Mind. Lord, pity, pardon, and help: Direct yet where I may serve thee better, and do more good than ever. Make me especially useful to my Children as they grow capable of learning and lo­ving their Duty, that I may have more of the pleasure that I most de­sire, see more of thy restored Image in others, and feel it in my self. And O remember thy Churches, particu­larly in these Nations; Guide and prosper in the ways of Holiness and Peace, that walking in the fear of the Lord, and in the comfort of the Holy [Page 92]Ghost, they may be edified and multi­plied. Amen; for, &c.

I have been afflicted, but I have been also sustain'd, and I hope rais'd to a more abiding warmth and watch­fulness in God's blessed Service. Hi­therto he hath helped me in all trou­bles; I will still trust him, and en­deavour my Carriage may prove that my Trust is not presumption. I have been affected with others Sufferings and our common danger. May my Prayers and Labours be still more vi­gorous, and my Praises also for all his Goodness.

July 2.

I have endeavour'd to discern the mind of God in those Afflictions wherewith he has pleas'd to follow me; I have search'd my Heart and review'd my Actions. I still see cause to wish that I had more readily em­brac'd all Opportunities of doing good, and more effectually improv'd them. My Faults towards God have been Defects in Affection and Devo­tion, in Resignation and Dependence, &c. for which Yesterday I begg'd [Page 93]pardon, when I commemorated his Death, who purchas'd pardon for the Penitent; and I as earnestly petition­ed for those more powerful Assistan­ces, that may more effectually deter­mine me to all my Duty, and enable me to delight in it.

To Morrow I may see my Mother, Brother, &c. O may our Converse be still more holy and useful, that we may have stronger hopes of meeting in Glory. Amen; for, &c.

July 25.

Yesterday I return'd from Hackney, having had a pleasant Converse with my Mother, Brother, and other dear Relations and Friends, and our plea­sure was not, I hope, without some profit, though not so much as I hop'd. Growing Wickedness and approach­ing Sufferings we could too easily di­scern, and were in some measure af­fected with. We desire, and O may we strive more effectually to know and do our Duty how difficult soever; and Lord, pity, pardon, help and en­crease thy People, and prepare us for [Page 94]thy blessed Will in all things; for our Lord Jesus's sake. Amen.

Aug. 6.

The 3d. my Mother came to us, and we may be longer together than we are like to be again on Earth. May our Discourses speak our sense hereof, and further our preparation for that blessed state, where parting of Friends will be no trouble.

Sept. 26.

I Yesterday assisted at the Fast in Horsmonden, and being indispos'd in Body, and having too many Distra­ctions in my Mind, I fear lest I spake unadvisedly in Prayer; and yet my Head is so disturb'd, that I cannot re­collect in what words I exprest my self. I have begg'd pardon of God, and the prevention or removal of of­fence, if any were taken, and resolv'd as Opportunities offer'd to be better prepar'd, as God shall enable by Pray­er and Meditation. I am even forc'd to remove to Cranbroke, from which yet I cannot but be averse, particular­ly for fear of discord with —. [Page 95]Lord, direct us not to neglect Holiness for Peace, nor yet to violate Peace through mistakes about Holiness. A­men; for, &c.

Octob. 11. 1688.

Last Week we remov'd from Brench­ley to Cranbroke: Praised be God I came away desir'd at both Places. I had the blessing of the Poor I left, and the thanks of the publick Minister, for furthering his Work, and promo­ting Union among his People. Lord, make me more useful here, direct in Difficulties, support under Afflictions, and enable in all to honour thy Maje­sty, and effectually to promote the Sal­vation of others with my own. Amen; for, &c.

Nov. 29.

[ He largely relates what past between him and Mr. B. the Minister at Cran­broke, to whom he offer'd to Preach once a Day gratis, and read Common-Pray­er in the Afternoon: (So desirous was he of any Opportunity of Service in the publick Churches.) But the Offer being refus'd, on reasons there mention'd, be [Page 96]adds;] I then told him, I must Preach once a Day at home, that I might not be useless, and that I might do good to some who would not hear him or Mr. W.

[ On the other hand he refus'd to coun­tenance a N. C. Minister there, as on other accounts; so principally for his bind­ing his People against all Communion with the est ablish'd Parish-Churches.]

About this time as he was passing the Yard, to take Horse at a Neighbour's House, whom he had been to visit, his Foot slipt, and occasioned a slight scratch on the Skin of his Leg: He was not at first apprehensive of any danger, and though he rode home, which was seven Miles, immediately upon it, and walked the next Day at least four more, his Leg did not at all complain: But soon after taking cold, and his Body being always infirm, this slight hurt was irritated and inflam'd to that degree, that he was forc'd to call in the help of able Chirurge­ons. But, alas, it defeated all their Skill, for it mortified so often, and affected so many other parts, that what with the pain it brought, and the troublesom and grievous Incisions and Operations it ob­liged [Page 97]him to, after it had first prostrated his strength, and emaciated his Body; at length it extinguish'd that life, from which we might have hoped for so many great and good things, if it had pleased God to continue it. His patience and submission was all the while most admi­rable and exemplary.

Being almost worn out with the Mi­series which the frequent Operations of the Chirurgeons put him to: ☜ He wrote these as the last words in his Diary, with a very weak and tr [...]m [...]ing hand, as the Writing and Letters too evidently shew.

Cranbroke, Feb. 19. 1689.

I have been above two Months un­der the Chirurgeon's hands for a sore Leg and Thigh. Pains have been some­times very great; Relapses from Fea­vers, &c. several; Apprehensions of Death frequent: I have not, I think, been impatient; I have been without anxious Thoughts of Eternity; and willing, if God pleas'd, to leave my Body, but [...]ixedly desirous not to con­tinue in it, unless I be and do the better for this Affliction. Twice as [Page 98]my ill Circumstances permitted, [...] view'd the Account of my self, Oct. 7. 1685. and still hope it is not false.

Of all Men, I could think only of Mr. —, betwixt whom and my self there was any unkindness, but I think none sinful on my part. I was ad­vis'd against meddling with him on that Subject, because I could not see it was my Duty, and it might do more harm than good.

Lord, pity me in my wearisom Con­dition, help me according to thy great Goodness; Refine me for thy better Service on Earth, or perfect in Hea­ven.

Of his Carriage under his tedious and languishing Pains, the following Chara­cter gives a brief Account: to which I shall only add, That his Patience, (s [...] Grace that Heaven gives us no occasion to exercise,) having had its perfect work on Earth, especially under an Af­fliction of so long continuance: He was (happily as to himself) dismiss'd from his Labours and Sorrows, and en­tred into his everlasting Rest, March 30. 1688/9.

To this Account of his Life given from his own Breviate; it may not be amiss to annex the Character gi­ven of him by Mr. Ch—that Preach'd his Funeral Sermon.

I know the usual Flattery of Fu­neral Orations, and the ill use that is sometimes made of them, when the Person is of no extraordinary worth to deserve them. But very excellent Persons, whose Lives have been very bright and exemplary, should not fall without being taken notice of. And as 'tis a piece of Justice to the Dead, so of useful Charity to the Living to commemorate their Remarkable Ver­tues and Graces, that Survivers may be perswaded and encourag'd to Go and Do likewise. And such was this great Man. I am indeed on many ac­counts unsit to give a just Character of him: As by reason of mine own green Years; so also because I had not the happiness to be acquainted with him till the last seven Years of his life. But I shall say nothing of him, but either on my own Observation, or from that short Breviate of his [Page 102] [...] [Page 103] [...] [Page 98] [...] [Page 99] [...] [Page 100]Life, Penn'd by himself for his own use.

[ And here after some Account of him from the Breviate, which 'tis needless to repeat, because the Reader will meet with it more fully there: he proceeds.]

He had before inclin'd to the study of Physick, and gain'd so much Skill as made him very useful to his poor Neighbours when sick. But as one of the Fathers said concerning Tully, He could not find the Name of Jesus there: And therefore laid those Books aside, and apply'd himself to that more sweet and sublime study of Di­vinity. Herein in a few Years he ex­ceeded and out-stript most of his Age: God had given him a large Soul, in a weak and crazy Body. He was Master of a quick discerning so­lid Judgment joyn'd with an active Fancy, which rarely meet together. He was indeed a living Library and walking Study, and carried about a vast Stock of Learning with him. And God had given him large measures of Grace to improve his great Abilities for the good of Souls.

With what warmth and Affection, [Page 101]with what apposite Expressions, and ( I had almost said) unimitable Flu­ency of Sacred Oratory would he pour out his Prayers before God! with what tenderness and compassion did he invite and urge Sinners to Re­pentance! How clearly would he ex­plain the deepest Mysteries of Chri­stianity, and what weighty Argu­ments did he use to perswade to a be­lief and observance of its holy Do­ctrines and Rules! His daily Family-Exposition of the Scriptures, which for many Years he us'd Morning and Evening; I have often thought equal for Accuracy and Instructiveness, to most Commentators. He took all Opportunities that his own Weakness and Family-distractions, or publick Confusions would allow for his pub­lick Labours: And he never omitted Preaching from House to House by private Visits and Christian Confe­rences. His Master's Work was con­stantly upon his Heart, and he readily embrac'd all Opportunities for it. The Sick and Poor were sure of his Com­pany, and he familiarly condescended to the meanest Capacities for their [Page 102]good. He was as willing to instruct poor Cottagers in the way to the Kingdom, as those of an higher rank and degree. He perfum'd every place where he came with his savoury Speeches and heavenly Discourse: His Words dropt as the Dew, and di­still'd as the Rain; And his Heart was still'd with such a sense of Divine Love, that the holy Breathings of it flow'd forth among all with whom he converst.

Thus he was in his Ministerial Ca­pacity. And his Life and Actions were answerable to his Doctrine and Discourses.

I need not say how pleasant a Re­lative he was, how dutiful as a Son, how indulgent as a Husband, how prudent and affectionate as a Father. Nor need any Man tell me how plea­sant and faithful he was in his Friend­ship. He had all the ingenuity and endearing Obligingness that belongs to such a Relation. He had in himself those four Characters in eminent de­grees, which he was often wont to say he wish'd for in a real Friend; Piety, good Nature, Fidelity in Admo­nitions, [Page 103]and Reproofs, and a Readiness to Communicate Notions and Experiences, for the encreasing holy Light and Heat.

I must pass over many Things wor­thy to be remembred, and shall only mention some particular Vertues and Graces, which were the peculiar Or­naments of his Life.

He give remarkable Instances of his Piety and Devotedness to God, by his constancy and frequency in Devo­tion. He took all occasions for Pray­er by himself and with others, was habitually prepar'd for this sweet and prositable Exercise of Religion. Few ever comply'd more with the Scriptu­ral Command of Praying always, and without ceasing: This holy Incense was always prepar'd for the Altar, though the sweet perfume was not always ascending to Heaven. He observ'd the Lord's Day with a religious strictness, keeping it as a holy Rest to God in the publick and private Exercises of Worship, with as little diversion as possible.

He diligently instructed his Inferi­ours, by Catechizing and serious Ex­hortations. He exprest a warm Zeal [Page 104]against Sin where-ever he found it; and his prudent, calm, and seasonable Reproofs were greatly enforc'd by the blamelessness of his own Example. In such Instances his Piety shone in a bright attractive Light.

His Meekness and Moderation to­wards those that differ'd from him, deserves next to be remembred. Tho' none was more fervently zealous about the great Substantials of Religion; yet none were more cool and temperate about those circumstantial Differences that have occasion'd such unhappy Breaches among us. He abhor'd all consorious Heats, and I never knew him more heartily angry against any, than against the Broachers of narrow love-killing Principles, of what Party or Perswasion soever. He was zea­sous for Peace and Love, as well as good Works; of a truly healing and catholick Spirit. He was himself dis­satisfied with some Terms of Mini­sterial Conformity: But yet he en­courag'd faithful Parochial Ministers with his ordinary Presence and Com­munion, and never censured those that were satisfied in what he scru­pled, [Page 105]but kept up an entire Friendship with many of very eminent note to the very last. Nunquam de dogmatibus Chri­stus disseruit, sed saepe, & ubique, imo semper de vivendi sinceritate; was a Sentence often in his Mouth and upon his Heart, written in the first Leaf of his Breviate, and (as I remember) of his common Preaching Bible. If Men fear'd God and wrought Righteous­ness, he lov'd them heartily, however different in Judgment about Matters less necessary and important.

His Humility was also very remark­able; He was cloath'd with it as with a Livery and honourable Badge to discover his Relation to his humble condescending Saviour, as I remem­ber he us'd to interpret that place, 1 Pet. 5.5. Though he was justly e­steem'd by those that knew him as an Oracle of Learning that had not many Superiours; yet had he low underva­luing, (not to say injurious) Thoughts of himself. 'Twas this indeed that has prov'd an unhappiness to the Church of God, his Humility having stified many excellent Discourses that might have been of publick use, and made [Page 106]him too willing to consine his Life and Labours to an obscure Corner.

His Charity was very singular and exemplary: He devoted the 10th, and for many Years the 7th part of his Estate to Charitable Uses; Neither did he stint himself to, but often ex­ceeded even these large proportions. He was peculiarly prudent in manage­ing his Alms to the best advantage; endeavour'd at the same time to save the Bodies and Souls of Men too, by the same act to supply their temporal Wants, and promote their spiritual Welfare. How often have I known him visit the Poor, examine their Provisions, and deal out his Bounty with a free and liberal Hand. And still he mingsed good Counsel with all his Alms, and affectionately perswa­ded to serious Piety, which had often a very commanding abiding Influence. He spent much pains and cost in in­structing poor Children in the Prin­ciples of Religion, in giving Bibles and other good Books, exacting a di­ligent perusal, and frequently calling them to an account of their Profici­ency. He had many other secret [Page 107]ways of Charity, (as largely appears by his private Accounts,) for which he courted not the Applause of Men, but is now rewarded by his heavenly Father.

I shall only farther mention his Pa­tience and entire Resignation to the Will of God. For some Years before his Death, God visited him with very sore Afflictions of different natures: But he bore them all with a great sense of his Fathers hand, and did not charge his Providence foolishly. His last Sickness was occasion'd by a fall, which caus'd a small Wound, (or rather Scratch) in his Leg, neglected by himself at first, but meeting with an insirm distemper'd Body, at last prov'd dangerous and destructive. But yet under all the excessive Tor­tures of his Pain, and frequent lan­cings of the Chirurgeons, he still ex­prest great Patience; adn when at any time the extremity of his pain forc'd him to cry out, he check'd him­self, expressing his fears of dishonour­ing God by impatience, and blest his heavenly Father that worse was not inflicted. Nor did he by peevishness [Page 108]disquiet those about him, but was thankful to every one that did any necessary Offices for him, was pleas'd with every thing that was done, rea­dily condescended to every Proposal and Advice of the Physicians. He Preach'd in his Chair and in his Bed: affectionately exhorted all that at­tended on him, to the serious pra­ctice of Religion, and suited his Coun­selfs to the particular Circumstances, (as for as he knew them) of all that visited him. He died with connort­able hopes of Happiness, and often told me from the very beginning of his Sickness, that he had no torment­ing fears of Death: That though he could have wish'd he had been more watchful and useful, yet he hop'd he had been sincere, and trusted that for Christ's sake all his Sins were for­given. That though he had not Rap­tures and Transports, yet he had a constant peaceful Calm which con­tinued to the last moment of his Life. And for some Wecks before he died, he longed to be dissolved, and earn­estly desir'd, if God saw good, that he might be with Christ.

Thus liv'd, thus dy'd this eminent Saint: And now what remains, but that we take the Apostle's Counsel, as apply'd to this Occasion, Phil. 4.9. Those things which ye have both learn'd and receiv'd, and heard, and seen in him, do ye likewise; And as the God of Peace was with him, so he will be with you, in Life, in Death, and to Eternity.