EPIGRAMME in the oldest cut, and newest fashion. A twise seuen houres (in so many weekes) studie No longer (like the fashion) not vn­like to continue.

The first seuen.

Iohn Weeuer.

Sit voluisse, Sat valuisse.

At London Printed by V. S. for Thomas Bushell, and are to be sold at his shop at the great north doore of Paules 1599

To the Right Worshipfull and worthie honoured Gentleman sir Ri­chard Houghton of Houghton Tower, Knight: Iustice of Peace, and Quorum: High Sheriffe of Lanchishire, &c. Adorned with all giftes, that valour may giue, or vertue gaine.

KNowing, and admiring (Right Wor.) the generall applause, and loue which you haue of your cuntrie, wonne (no doubt) by your vertues, seated in a hart of curtesie: And the experience which many schollers haue had of your kindnesse, neuer to be forgotten, but with vngratefulnesse: perswade me you wil animate my yong Muse, and vouchsafe to per vse the fruites, of my not curious nor carelesse stu­dies: albeit I must confesse farre vnworthie your Wor: view; Vnlesse, (like the wisest senator) you would haue [Page] your serious affaires intermedled with diuers delights, to driue away the tediousnesse of time. Then (most bountifull Mecoenas) if you fauour the effect of my la­bour, it will serue you for a ieast, to refresh your wea­ried mind, continually exrcised in matters concerning the common wealth. And thus I commend my Booke to your mild censure, and your selfe to your soules content.

Yours in desire Ioh: Weeuer.

In commendation of the worke and the Author.

Nor dost thou praise, a pockworne tawnie trull,
Nor dost thou carue a liuelesse slubbred stone,
Nor dost thou fill thy page with great othes full,
Nor dost thou sonnet of King Salomon:
Nor dost thou like a loue-sicke milke-sop gull,
Vnto thy Mistris for a kisse make mone:
But salt with sugar, honnie mixt with gall,
Must needes be praisde, must needes be likt of al.
Now I am sure thou tendes to vertues lore,
Shewes reading, iudgement, and inuention,
Thus writ the Epigrammatists of yore,
And told the world her foule abusion:
Thus thou and thine shal euer enui de be,
And like a Page will Enuy tend on thee.

In Authorem.

Why so? Alcyon maketh first her nest,
And then into the riuer lets it slide,
To see if t'wil keepe water from her brest;
So thou thy nest my friend in me hast tride:
I like it wel, it holdeth water out,
Feare fier, fier is the curious scout.
T. B. Gen.

In Authorem.

I wish my rough-hewne lines might gratifie,
The first borne of thy pleasing Poesie,
These be but blossomes: what will be the fruite,
When time and age, hath made thee more accute?
Meane while how euer Momus bite the lippe,
Each man will praise the weauers workmanship:
When wittie verse is worthily regarded,
Then shall thy verse be thankfully rewarded.
I. K. Mag: Art.

Ad Librum.

So great a sence withing in so short a verse,
So great a worke within so short a space,
So great aduise to find in so few yeares,
Addes fame to Grant, and thee to Muses race.
These Epigrams the buds of thy first spring,
Shew what thy leaues in summer time will be,
For more they do sprout forth, the more thou sing
That th'after age thy wit may verifie,
Thus Grant is made Pyrene our willowes baies
This Booke the honor of thy yong wise daies.
Tho: Kedgewin Gent.
‘Vincit qui patitur.’

To the Author.

Of Hemp and wooll our country weauers make,
Such kind of cloth as keeps vs whole and cleane,
This silken Weeuer subtler loomes gin take,
And seu'n weeks web hath warpt with finer beam,
His cloth discouereth vice,
adorning vertues lore,
Wherefore of greater price,
then Weauers heretofore.
Ed: Gurney. Gent.

In laudem Authoris.

[...];
[...],
[...]:
[...];
[...]
[...].

Eiusdem. In laudem Authoris

Queris Amalthaeae cornu? num quaeris & Artis?
Nec sine mente iocos? & sine dente sales?
Huc vertes occulos, animum (que) aduerte benignum,
Praeclarum doctae respice mentis opus,
Saepe Poeta nouem, celebrauit carmine mu [...]:
Nunc decima audita est, carmina Mu [...]al [...]qui.
M. Milwardmag: Ar:
‘Statuto bono, statuto’

Lectores, quotquot, quales, quicun (que) estis.

O let my words be sweetned in a mouth,
(If your great highnesse can discend so lo [...]
As daigne to view my tender-blushing youth,
That twenty twelue months yet did neuer know)
Right Malmsey relisht: one which euer saith,
Good, very good nay, excellent in faith.
Dew gracious lookes vpon mine infant Muse,
Nip not my blossoms in their budding prime,
These artlesse lines at leisure do peruse,
Only to adde more wings to idle time:
My hou [...]ring muse could neuer get that spirit,
Which to peruse me might your fauour merit.
I neuer lay vpon a bed of Roses,
Twixt Beauties lips entombing of my tong,
Smelling rose-waterd odoriferous Poses,
Pleasing my mistris with a Mermaides song.
Ofamorous kissing more then loue-sicke lauish,
Whose iuice might make my words the Readers rauish.
The liquid waues nor did I euer plash
Of siluer-channeld / si [...] purling riuer,
(Yet Nestor-old nymph-nursing Grant wil wash
Hir Nymphs: & scorns preheminēce to giue hir)
Nor haue I spent in Troinouant my dayes,
Where all good witts (some say) are crown d with Bayes.
I cannot shew then in a sugred vaine,
Wit, iudgement, learning, or inuention:
I cannot reach vp to a Delians straine,
Whose songs deserue for euer your attention:
Nor Draytons stile, whose hony words are meete
For these your mouths, far more than hony sweet.
I neuer durst presume take in mine hand
The nimble-tripping Faëries history,
I cannot, I protest, yet vnderstand
The wittie, learned, Satyres mystery;
I cannot moue the sauage with delight,
Of what I cannot, Reader then I write.
Must I then cast in Enuies teeth defiance?
Or dedicate my Poems to detraction?
Or must I scorne Castilioe's neere alliance?
Nay, I must praise this Poet-pleasing faction;
Lest in the Presse my ouerthrow they threaten;
And of the Binders laugh to see me beaten.
O that I had such eloquence as might
Intreate the enuious Reader boue the rest,
(For his deepe wisedome censures all aright)
That by his lippes I may be alwaies blest!
If this suffice not for the enuiest,
Know then, I am an Epigrammatist.
Iohn Weeuer.

Intentio operis & Authoris.

For pride with Clio Tamyras contend,
For profit Otho, all thy Poems spend,
Pedro for praise, praise Burgl [...]neroes vice,
Please thou thy selfe, in reading ouer thrice
Tubro thy verse. Speake faire ye Gnatonists,
But whip and scourge ye Epigrammatists:
To whip and scourge, my chiefest meaning is,
With seu'n sower rods laid ful seu'n weeks in pisse
Yet pleasure, profit, pride, nor praise allures me,
To whip & scurge. But vertue that procures me.

To the generous Readers.

EPigramms are much like vnto Almanacks seruing especially for the yeare for the which they are made, then these (right iudging Readers) being for one yeare pend, and in another printed: are past date before they come from the Presse, that you may put them vp in your pockets (like your old Almanacks) as not befitting this triumphant yeere of Iubile: yet I beseech you shew me some curtesie, in hope to haue the next calculated more carefully. If you looke for some reasons because I keep no order in the placing of my Epistles and Epigrams, let this suffize, I write Epigrams, and there is an old saying:

Non locus hominem, sed homo locum, &c:
—The placing giues no grace
Vnto the man, but man vnto the place.

Some faultes you shall finde in the printing, and more in the penning, all which I reserre to your owne correction, and my selfe to your mild censures.

Ioh: Weeuer.

The first weeke.

Epig. 1. De se.
NOr do I feare the Satyres venim'd bite,
Nor choplogs teeth, ne Railors vile reproch,
Nor male-contented Enuies poysned spight,
Ioues thunderbolt, nor Momus long sharp broch.
Nor that I haue in high Parnassus slept,
Or pledg'd Apollo Cups of Massicke wine
Or by the fount of Helicon haue kept,
That none dare carp these Epigrammes of mine;
But that I thinke I shall be carpt of none,
For who l [...]wrest water from a st, [...] stone?
Epig. 2. Ad Lectorem
Of all my Epigrams, Reader, reade not one,
Ne yet reade two, but rather reade iust none▪
Then reade them all, or let them all alone.
Epig. 3. In Elizzbetham.
If that Elizium be no fained thing,
Whereof the Poets wont so much to sing;
Then are those faire fields in this Faërie land,
Which faire Eliza rules with awfull hand:
By BAI th' Aegyptians signifie the soule,
Which doth the bodies appetites controule,
ETH signifies mans hart, from whence we know
The fountaine of their vitall breath doth flow.
ELIZA giues this land the name: BAI soule; har [...] ETH
Name, soul, hart, of this land ELIZABETH.
Epig. 4. In Cormungum.
Cormung did wish wel alwaies to the poore,
Wishing they had of Corne or money store:
When wishing would not fill the poor mans box
The poore man wisht, and Cormung had the pox▪
Epio. 5 In Crassum.
Thou'rt medling with my hat, and medling with my shoos,
Thou'rt medling with my ruffes, and medling with my hose:
Thou'rt medling with my gate, and medling with my lookes,
Thou'rt medling with my wit, and medling with my bookes:
Crassus, thy medling hath this guerdon only gottē
Medlers are neuer ripe before that they be rotten.
Epig. 6 In Brillum.
Two Contraries more glorious farre appeare,
When each to other they be placedneare:
Vntil I knew this axiom I did muse,
Why Gentlemen so much do Bases vse:
Yet Brillus Bases addes to Brill no grace,
But make him baser, whom by birth is base:
Gentilitie then Brillus first should get,
Before base Brillus do in Bases iet.
Epig. 7. De Epigr [...]suis.
My Epigrams were all new ready made,
And onely on the Printers leisure staid;
One of my friends on Sheeps greene I did meet,
Which told me one was printing in Bridge street:
And would (if so it pleasde to come thither)
Print with a warrant both gainst wind & wether.
I thanked him: my Booke to Presse now goes:
But I am gulld, he printeth onely hose.
Epig. 8. In Thyrum.
Thyrus, thou told'st one I might be asham'd
To print these papers; and it did sore greeue thee,
And that thou wouldst in print be neuer nam'd:
Thou dar'st not Thyrus therefore I beleeue thee;
Yet twixt vs two this strife we may soone stint
Looke at your breeches, are they not in print?
Epig. 9. De Ingenio, Fortuna, Fama.
Witte scorned Fortune, followed after Fame,
That throgh the world she might extol his name;
Fortune scorned Wit, and gaue him this therfore,
He might haue Fame, but euer with it poore.
Epig. 10. De Fama, & Amore.
Flie thou from Loue, and it wil follow thee
But folow Fame, and it wil flie from thee:
Then flie from Fame, and follow Loue, if either;
Then thou'lt loose fame, & yet attain loue neither:
Since diuers are the waies of Loue and Fame,
No maruel then thogh loue oft end with shame.
Epig. 11. In Boscum.
Boscus at boules his shoulders cannot want,
He thinkes belike theire made of Adamant.
What way he would his brasil bowle should wēd
That way he doth alwayes his shoulders bend:
Hob, hob he cries, pox on that hob, naght's good,
Blow wind, hold Byas, succour there, Gods ()
But Byas wrong, that oth not shoulders drew it
Iust by an asse, backe to the asse which threw it.
Epig. 12. De carne leporina.
Plini reports of all beasts in their kind,
The flesh is best of a swift footed hare:
It doth not onely beautifie the mind,
But makes the bodie, face, surpassing faire:
I wonder then why connies in request
Shuld so much be, when hares flesh is the best.
Epig. 13. In Rogerum Manners Rut­landiae Comitem.
It's not the sea which doth our land inclose,
That makes vs mightie to withstand our foes:
Nor farmes, nor mannours, but where manners be
There stands the cittie, from foes danger free;
If Manners then make vs our foes withstand,
MANNERS may wel be cald ROOT of the LAND.
Epig. 14. In Crassum.
Crassus will say the dogge faunes with his taile,
To men of worth he writes for's best auaile:
Crassus thou lyest, dogs write not deedes of men,
Then thou the dog that snarlest at my pen.
Epig. 15. In Monocerotem.
Monoceros hath strength, but hath no witte,
And therefore one horne will the foole befitte:
But how can't be that he but one horne haue?
When to his neighbour Brusus two he gaue?
Epig. 16. De Poeno.
Poore Poenus had since statute was made so,
At eu'ry towne some cheare, but whip and go:
But euer since the Clari-cords came in,
Of whipping cheare he surfeited had bin:
He neuer thankes his deerest friends therefore,
That such good cheere prouided for the poore;
Except the Constables were phisitians good.
To know the signe before they let him bloud.
Epig. 17. In Felicem.
Felix the foole, I said, as foolish writte,
Therein my selfe more foolish I did show,
But then he prou'd himselfe to haue no witte,
That did not call me asse for saying so.
Epig. 18.
Aske Lygdus who a Poet is by right,
He with harsh Horace thus will answere straight,
He that hath pulld his haire quite from his beard,
And can inuent braue oths wold make one feard,
Pulld off his nailes, and left no haire on's head,
Thus would he haue himselfe a Poet read;
For Lygdus had a washing for three pence
Three yeares ago, he ne're need shauing since.
Epig. 19 In Nigellum
If I should choose, yea, for my life,
To be thy hawke ( Nigell) or wife,
I would the hawke chuse of the one,
She weares a hood, thy wife weares none.
Epig. 20 In eundem
Dogs thou dost loue, dogs thou dost feede,
Thy wife thou hat'st in time of neede;
And still with her thou art at strife,
Better to be thy dog than wife.
Epig. 21
One sued for seruice at Florellaes shrine;
Florella kindly did him entertaine
To be her seruant, she a Saint diuine;
This high preferment glad he was to gaine;
To make this match her frends he forward foūd,
If but this one thing he himselfe would grant,
To feoffee her by yeare in forty pound:
He tried his wit (for wit oft comes by want)
And brought them strait within his studie doore,
And there he shew'd them old Orations,
A common place-booke of ten quire and more,
Latines, Verses, Theames and Declamations;
He swore these cost four hundred pound at least,
(May be at learning he had spent so much)
Thats fortie pound a yeare by interest▪
But marke, her friends seru'd him a craftie tuch,
You shal haue her (say they) but first know well,
For so much coine you must your papers sell.
Epig. 22 De se.
Some men marriage doe commend,
And all their life in wiving spend;
But if that I should wiues haue three,
(God keepe me from Polygamie)
Ile giue the diuell two for pay,
If he will fetch the third away.
Epig 23 Ad Michaelem Drayton.
The Peeres of heau'n kept a parliament,
And for Wittes-mirrour Philip Sidney sent,
To keepe another when they doe intend,
Twentie to one for Drayton they will send,
Yet hade him leaue his learning, so it fled,
And vow'd to liue with thee since he was dead
Finis.

To the right worshipfull and no­ble minded Gentleman, Robert Dalton of Pilling Esquier.

FEaring (right Worshipfull) lest I should die altogether vngratefull, Occasion eue­ry day proffers herselfe to performe more than my wit dare presume to promise: and it will be long (I feare me) before they iumpe in a full point. In the meane time, take (I beseech you) a few lines in this waste peece of paper, in part of a Schol­lers payment. And withall, if not a Gerfalcon, thinke yet I send you a Hawke, which will be agreeable to my wish, and your Worships worthinesse.

Ioh: Weeuer.

The second weeke.

Epig. 1 Ad Robertum Dalton Armig.
GRace thou (kind Dalton) with a smiling looke,
These rude pend lines of this my secōd book;
And I, my Muse, and Graces three wil praise
Thy iudgement, wit, and valour:
But I, my Muse, and Graces, are too few,
To pen thy praise, to whom al praise is due.
Epig 2 In Tortonem
Torto hath crost his ierkin and his hose,
So without crosses Torto neuer goes,
(Except whenas he dallies with his whore,
For then crost Torto runnes vpon the score;
By all good tokens Roll a kissing tooke:
And Item for, did set on Tortoes booke)
His greatest crosse, that wil crosse al, I dread,
Is, he wants crosses for to crosse his head.
Epig. 3 In Titum
When hare-brain'd Titus.
Desunt nonnulla.
Epig. 4.
When witte is waining thus we write of want,
As though our workes were all lost by the way:
Or for their goodnesse stolne were we vaunt,
And printed sore against our wills we say;
Lets write in want, for I haue tried this,
Than one too many, want one better is.
Epig. 5. De nomine in Marmore sculpto.
Great Marcus made his pure proud marble toom
In Pauls Church wall, for lacke of better roome:
Foule snake-ei'd Enuy, s'daining his great praise,
Hath cut M. thus (‖) as thogh she meant to raze
His name quite forth of Fames immortal booke,
And breakes the stones, makes all vnseemly look:
If stones and names decay, what wonder then
Thogh death destroy vs weak and mortal men?
Epig. 6. In Ruffinum.
Ruffinus lost his tongue on stage,
And wot ye how he made it knowne?
He spittes it out in bloudy rage,
And told the people he had none:
The fond spectators said, he acted wrong,
The dumbest man may say, he hath no tongue.
Epig 7. In eundem.
Ruffinus hath no tongue, why?
For now he lost one:
Ruffinus hath a tongue, why?
He saies he hath none.
Epig. 8. De Carione.
Cario bragges and sweares his wife's a maide,
A louely Lucrece, or Diana [...]ath [...]
Some sacred saint in womans clothes arraide,
And why? his children are so like their father:
Yet Carioe's cousoned, do what e're he can,
She thinks of him, lies with another man.
Epig. 9. In Coruum.
Now old-cook Coruus you which do yet scorn it,
That your faire Fulua with her golden haire
Should rub your head, & afterwards then horn it,
And al because you see no hornes appeare:
But in thy mouth another man more seeth,
In faith thou'rt hornd: thou want'st thine vpper teeth.
Epig. 10.
 
— Nihil his nisi carmina desunt:
Epig. 11. In D. D. Palmer.
Palmers in woods liu'd onely by the Palme,
And gaue to passengers the sweetest balme:
In wildernesse when any went astray,
Then Palmers set them in the ready way:
So Palmer liues by our fresh Palme the Queene,
(Victorious Palme-tree grow thou euer greene:)
And in a wood or wildernesse doth tell
The passengers which way they may goe well:
(For the world is a wildernesse of woe,
Like passengers the people in it goe:)
Thus Palmer liues and giues the sweetest balm,
To Palmer then of right belongs the palme.
Epig. 12. In Castilionem malum quendam Poetam.
Castilio writes when he might hold his tongue▪
Castilio craues, though pardon for his writing,
That's to confesse vnto the world his wrong:
Which of the world (at least) deserue's endiung:
Well, thus the world is guilty of his sin,
And the world hangs, how can the world hang him?
Epig. 13. In eundem.
Castilioe's sicke vpon it,
Ioue help him in his anguish,
Lest that worse verse he vomit,
So oft as he doth languish.
Epig. 14. Ad Philerotem.
A great demeane friend Phileros you haue,
And seuen wiues all lying in their graue:
But yet the churchyard farre more profit yeelds,
Than all the reuenewes of your fairest fields.
Epig. 15. In Stratum.
Fortie foure pence brought Stratus to a play,
Fortie foure pounds he carried yet away:
A Coni-catcher who calls him for the same?
A Money-catcher may be Stratus name.
Epig 16. In obitum pi [...]ssimi, sapientissimi, omni (que) vir­tutum genere cumulatissimi viri Richards Ʋpeheri Armig.
How Nature triumph▪t at this Vpchers birth!
Swore he should be th▪ornament of the earth:
In him she placed her imperiall throne,
As though mankind remaind in him alone:
All Wisedome, Vertue, Courage in his brest,
As in their fairest lodge should alwaies rest:
But when Death saw this better worke of Nature,
And all perfections found in this one creature;
Death likewise triumpht, and was wondrous glad
That such a Champion to assault he had:
Whom if he killd he killd (he kild we find)
All Wisdome, Vertue, Courage, and Mankind.
Epig. 17 In Caluum
Some say that Caluus lately lost his haire,
By Paris garden bayting a white beare,
The wiser sort affirme that he was shauen
In Deuils ditch, Knaues acre, Cuckolds hauen:
Aske Caluus, he of scripture makes a scorne,
Naked hee le die, for naked he was borne.
Epig. 18 In obitum Mirmedomis▪
Here lies the man who whilom in a trance
At Tiburne di'de wounded by men of France,
For wading Tiburne there he got a quease,
Which brought the perpendicular disease,
And afterward of rope-seede tooke a surfet,
Which causd him be canvast in a hempon blāket▪
Well, Mirmedon was sure to go to wrecke,
When that red headed Taurus rulde the necke
Epig. 19 In Lollus.
The lurcher Lollus at the Ordinarie,
Wiliest of all mens manners in the Cittie,
Another sot applaudes him sitting by
Thus: Sir, by heau▪ns, that was wondrous wittie:
I ouer-heard▪ and when I heard the best,
In faith t'was but an ordinarie iest.
Epig. 20 In eundem
I laugh't aloude to heare this wind-falne man
Say, that he courted (at the play) his whore;
Shall Court run currant for a Curtezan?
Were Ladies euer thus abusde before?
Then Ioue a boone yeeld, yeeld to my request,
Make me a Ladie, for his sake at least.
Epig. 21 In obitum sepulcrum Gullionis.
Here lies fat Gullio, who caperd in a cord
To highest heau'n for all his huge great weight,
His friends left at Tiburne in the yere of our Lord
1 5 9 and 8
What part of his body French men did not eate,
That part he giues freely to worms for their meat
Epig. 22 In Coaem
A nor Ω will Coa espie,
Till she ascend vp to the corner'd Π.
Epig. 23 Ad Robertum Dalton Armig.
Kindnes it selfe, and Vertues vicegerent,
Learnings maintainer, Pouerties releeuer,
Valours bright ensigne, Honors heire apparent,
Gentlemans behauiour, Governments vpholder,
These titls claim, these, more thē these thine own,
If more may be, or more in mā was known.
Epig. 24 In Vertumnum iudicem.
Wicked Vertumnus Perylus redeem'de,
With (Τ) though (Θ) Perilus deseru'de,
For Chion (Θ) though it better seem'de
For Chion (Τ) for Chion neuer sweru'de:
With (Λ) Lolus held in law too long,
Thus ` Peril, Chion, Lolus he did wrong.
Epig. 25 Ad Lectorem
Curteous kind Reader, find my meaning out,
Whilst that I go the hemisphaere about,
My wit's in waining, darke, obscure, and dull,
Therefore must change before it be at full:
To Phoebus or be my wit doth goe this night,
Of him to borrow some transpiercing light.
Finis.

To the right worshipfull, sir Ri­chard Mallineux knight, indued with the depth of wisedome, and all good gouernement.

THe wisest Romans (right Worshipfull) de­lighted in the counterfet gestures of Ros­cius; the grauest Cato would haue his fe­stiual day to frolicke in: then I thinke your thoughts intended to most serious studies, will some­times take delight in trifles. And for a preparatiue to your mind-refreshing pastime, here are a few pilles, which will purge melancholy: Prouided alwayes this, that litle is their vertue in operation, vnlesse you par­don the giners presumption.

Ioh: Weeuer.

The third weeke.

Epig. 1 De Interlunio,
The half fac'd Moone nights gouernesse did chāg
When in the Crab the Sunne was retrograde;
To th'hot dry Lion strait she meant to range,
Till with the Dog in longitude he staide:
So this next week by these signes you may gather
You must expect crab'd, dry and dogged wether
Epig. 2 In Fuscam
Tell me Bollana if thou can,
What meanes thy Mistris weare a fan?
So faire a fan, so fowle a face,
Fusca, or fan, must needes disgrace.
Epig. 3 Ad D. Mounteagle.
Mounteagle, which art now thy cuntries pride,
Vnto thy worth would I could tune my verse▪
Then Wit and Art, and all I would prouide,
To be thy Poet, and thy praise rehearse:
But with my Art I cannot equall thee,
Then thou thy self must needes commend for me.
Epig. 4 De homine in Luna.
When Bunas view'd the wandring plannets seau'n
He spide a knaue in Moone all cloth'd in blacke,
Who for his theft could come no nearer heau'n,
But bore a bush of sharp thornes on his backe:
A knaue in Moone? what neede he look so hie?
When in the Sunne a thousand stoode him by.
Epig. 5 In Ramistas.
Wisedomes adopted heire say what thou can,
Ramists defend in Moone to be a man,
If please him pisse, then he doth send vs raine,
If drunke, a deluge, and a watry maine:
Come down thou man since Sturbridge fair foure yeere,
Thy pissing made vs all drinke single beere.
Epig. 6. In eosdem.
Frō whence doth come this root-vpriuing wind▪
From the moons man, when he doth blow behind
Snow, frost, and haile, be scales in's hoary crown,
And from his nose the mildew drops ydowne:
His Camphire breath doth all perfume the aire,
Bedews the flowers, & makes the fields seem fair:
Vapours arising from the earth his meate,
And like a glutton he doth alwaies eate:
I thinke those men be wiser farre then these,
Who think the moon is made all of green cheese.
Epig. 7. Ad fatorum dominum
Hence Braurons god to Taurominion,
And you leualting Corybants be gone,
Fly thundering Bronsterops to Hyppocrene,
And Mauors to Nymph-nursing Mytilene,
Griesly Magaeraes necromanticke spell
Depart to blacke nights Acheronticke Cell,
Avaunt transformed Epidaurian,
Vnto th'Antipod Isles of Taproban:
Away Cyllenius plumie-pinion'd god,
With thy peace-making wand, snake-charming rod,
And al the rest, not daring looke vpon
Vranus blood-borne brood and fell Typhon,
Chymaeraes victor great Bellerephon,
Thou vanquisher of Spanish Geryon,
Stowt Hasdruball Sicilian Lord of yore,
Thou that destroyd'st the Calidonian Bore
Couragious Conqueror of Creetes Minotaure,
[Page]Thou pride of Mermeros cloudy Semitaure,
Perseus, whose marbl-stone-transforming shield
Enforc'd the whale Andromeda vp yeeld,
You Argonautes that scowr▪d Syndromades,
And pass'd the quicke-sands of Symplegades.
Help Demogorgon king of heau'n and earth,
Chao's Lucina at Litigium's birth:
The world with child lookes for deliuerie,
Of Canniballs or Poetophagie,
A diuelish broode from Ericthonius,
From Iphidemia, Nox and Erebus,
Chide Pegasus for op'ning Helicon,
And Poets damne to Pyriphlegeton▪
Or make this monstrous birth abortiue be,
Or else I will shake hands with Poetrie.
Epig. 8 Ad Lectorem.
Say you that I am obscure?
Why this is yong mens Rhetoricke,
Owles must not iudge of Coruus sure,
For he speakes nought but Rhetoricke▪
Either too high, or els too plaine,
And this is now a schollers vaine.
Epig. 9 In Battum.
Battus affirm'd no Poet euer writte,
Before that Loue inspir'd his dull head witte,
And yet himselfe in Loue had witte no more,
Than one stark mad, thogh somwhat wise before.
Epig 10. De Ore.
Os of O, a mouth Scalliger doth make,
And from this letter, mouth his name doth take:
I had beene in Scalligers beleefe,
But that I lookt in O, and saw no teeth.
Epig 11 In Fuscam.
Is Fuscaes fan gainst winter, wind, and sunne?
She scornes their force so bright her face is done:
Is Fuscaes fan to flap away the flies,
Dare they come nere her eagle-sighted eies?
Belike they thinke she is some Butchers shop,
Her face the flesh whereon they vse to lop.
Epig 12 In Byrrham
Is Byrrha browne? who doth the question aske?
Her face is pure as Ebonie [...]eat blacke,
It's hard to know her face from her faire maske,
Beautie in her seemes beautie still to lacke.
Nay, shee's snow-white, but for that russet skin,
Which like a vaile doth keep her whitenes in.
Epig. 13 In Roderingonem
If Beard can make a good Diuine,
Then Rodering is one:
But Beard can make no good Diuine,
Then Rodering is none.
Epig. 14 In eundem
Where Ivie-bush hangs out say I,
There you may wine for money buy:
Yet he for all his bushie signe,
Is but a grapelesse dead drie vine:
For take his beard from off his chin,
Both bare without, and bare within.
Epig. 15 In Fucam
In Fucaes face the Graces seeme to mart,
So like she is the blushing rose-red morne,
Sure in her shape the Gods all bore a part,
A withered Hermite fiue-score winters worne
Might shake off fiftie, seeing her beforne:
Yet Fuca dare not venture in the ayre,
For feare the water wash away her fayre.
Epig. 16 In obitum Gloriani.
First life, then death, next death was life before,
And death gaue life, a life for euermore:
Life was not life, til death gaue life, life better,
To death for life then Glorian is a debter.
Epig. 17 In Lycum paedagogum
Many are beholding Lycus for thy paine,
Which with their sons and daughters thou hast
Beleeue me Lycus, I did often wonder
To see the wenches proue so well you vnder: taine:
If that but once to Learnings lore you win them
This I dare sweare, you can put learning in them.
Epig. 18 De Daphnide Apollinem fugiente.
Daphne of Apollo neuer was afraid,
But of the weapons which Apollo had;
So modest maides of men stand not in feare,
But of the weapons which we men do beare.
Epig. 19 In Brutum
The gallant Brutus iettes it in the streets,
Faine would haue all looke at his face he meetes.
And lest he passe vnseene this way doth find,
To cut his shooes before broad, and behind
He puts in quills, as if his shooes would say,
(Stand passengers and view me in your way)
And yet the foole what he wold haue doth loose
For none looke at his face, all at his shooes.
Epig. 20 Translat. ex Martial.
Sabidi I loue thee not, nor why I wot,
But this I wot, Sabidi I loue thee not.
Epig. 21 De Georgio Graue non sepulto.
Graue was George Graue, his grauenes causd him die,
Graue shuld to graue, yet Graue doth graueles lie.
Epig. 22 In Gulielmum Covel.
Covel thy mind thou hast already season'd,
With salt of wit, and relish of all Artes,
With Plato oft, and Aristotle reason▪d,
Seeking all meanes to beautifie all partes,
That twixt thy lips diuinitie doth fall,
Like Berill drops from some faire cristall wall.
Epig. 23 In D. D. Ouerall Reg. profess.
Sad Sisters suted in despairing blacke,
Curbe Cares vnrest, sing Carolles now againe,
Leane rake-tooth'd Death is like to go to wrack;
Of Whitaker a Phoenix breedes againe:
One ouer Death, moreouer, ouer More,
One ouer you, nay yet one ouer all.
Deaths ouerthrow let Ouerall be therefore,
A Victors praise of you deserue he shall.
And if my pen could Ouerall giue breath,
Then Ouerall should still be ouer death.
Finis.

To the right worshipfull, sir Ed­ward Warren knight, graced with al giftes both of the minde and bodie.

I Doe presume (right Wor:) to offer vp to your good liking these small indeuours far vnworthy the looking ouer of your so wor­thy selfe, yet because I am altogether de­stitute of a better present, I hope this small perfor­mance will be as willingly accepted, as zealously offe­red, and (hereafter) I vow thus to deuide my chiefest studies, one part of the day shalbe deuoted to your Wor­ships remembrance, and another of the might, in wish­ing you all health and happinesse.

Ioh: Weeuer.

The fourth weeke

Epig. 1 Ad auunculum suum Henricum Butler Armig.
IF From the conquest thy antiquitie
I would deriue, when William gaue thy mot.
Or boast the Butlers true gentilitie,
My praises yet augment thy praise would not.
Nay praise would be dispraise thy name to blot,
Ne will I praise; or praise thy selfe alone,
Or good deedes praise, or praises looke for none.
Epig. 2 In Daconem
The Diuel and Dacon both by chance did meete,
With congies faire either did other greete,
The Diuel would dice, but Dacon had no crowns
Dacon his soule pledg'd for a thousand pounds;
Dacon could cogge, and so the Diuell paid
His thousand pounds, a thousand more yet had:
Is cogging then I pray you such an euil?
Nay, ti's a quiddit how to cheate the Deuill.
Epig. 3 In obitum fortissimi ducis Io: Vpcheri.
Sound a retrait, ye common souldiers sound,
When captains thus imperious death dare woūd,
And steale to steele in powders smoakie maske,
Where Valour lockt was in his plumed caske:
Nay, spite of Death (like him) yet weeping come,
And set this Verse on his heroicke Tombe:
Here Ʋpcher lies, who striuing Death resist,
Dide with the fawchon in his manly fist.
Epigramma
The wise Gramarian reprehends my Muse,
Which In for praisefull Epigrams doth vse
This Rule; In pro erga, contra & ad,
Will proue your good wise gramarisine bad.
Epi. 4 Ad Ro: Allot, & Chr. Middleton.
Quicke are your wits, sharp your conceits,
Short, and more sweete your layes:
Quicke, but no wit, sharpe, no conceit,
Short, and lesse sweete, my praise.
Epig. 5 In Thomam Oxburghe
Fame lost some feathers, yet I imp▪t hir plumes,
My needle naught, Fame stie▪s, but yet the fumes,
Because she can thy praises not vpreare,
Nor with the Falcon fetch a cancelleere.
Why thus it is when Fale'ners haue no still,
And yet will shew a Falconers good wil.
Epig. 6 In Hypocritam fabrum.
I told thee Sutor Faber was a starre,
And that he shined bright aboue compare:
But since he went into the Spanish warre,
A rapier for a Bible he doth weare:
The Spanish Cut graceth his holy face,
His friend he crosses with a conge or cringe,
His wifes gowne's laid thicke with veluet lace,
Her petticorte is furr▪d with costly fringe:
So falne he is, but Stars vse not to fall,
He was a Comet, and deceiu'd vs all.
Epig. 7. In Bunnam.
A shaue-beard Barber Bunna chanc'd to meete,
As she was going all along the streete;
The Barber sweares hee's glad they met so right,
She should barb him, or he barb her that night:
What was the reason of this their debate?
Or what's the cause why Barbers Bunna hate?
Bunna, she barbs too cheap, and barbs by'th score
And whom she barbes they ne're neede barbing more.
Epig. 8. De Palmone.
Palmo, a Poet, Goldsmith, or a Glouer,
That so with gloues Nans loue thou dost retaine▪
A thousand verses of a faithfull louer
Could not suffice, but thou must send a chaine:
Nan laugh's at thee, and wisheth in her heart,
The chaine were longer, and the letter short.
Epig. 9 In Eripham vetulam.
Eripha that old trot euery day
Wafts ore the water for to see a play,
And there a withered ore-worne face she shows
Beset with Rubies, and stoptfull of Oos.
This water-witch a patch hath forth rheume,
Her carkas she with Aloes doth perfume;
With muske, ciuit, olibane, myrrh, incense,
Breathing out an aromaticke redolence:
Her soulenesse makes me oft mine eies vp close,
Her sweetnes makes me wish I were all Nose.
Epig. 10 In Steronem Legislatorem.
Nor do I praise thy heart thats ill intending,
Nor yet thy mouth thats foolish and a lier,
Nor yet thine eies, thei're purblind stil offending,
Nor thy false tong, that is a burning fier,
Nor hands, for hands take oft more than their fees
Nor arms, nor legs, nor brest, nor back, nor knees
[Page]Yet Steron giue me but one weeke thy vailes,
And I will praise, thy haire, thy beard, thy nailes.
Epig. 11 In Spurium quendam scriptorem.
Apelles did so paint faire Ʋenus Queene,
That most supposde he had faire Venus seene,
But thy bald rimes of Ʋenus sauour so,
That I dare sweare thou dost all Venus know.
Epig. 12 In Hugonem.
Though praise and please doth Hugo neuer none
Yet praise and please doth Hugo euer one,
For praise and please doth Hugo himselfe alone.
Epig. 13 In D. D. Plaifer.
Was't heauenly Plato in whose mouth they say
The Bees were wont their home combs to lay;
From whose sweet lips so sweet a sound did flow,
As neuer Orpheus made in hell below?
Mellifluous Plaifer, so men call thy name,
And why Mellifluous but for Platoes fame?
Thy heauenly Musickes notes charming so well,
Can fetch mans soule faire Euridice from hell.
Since Orpheus Harp thou hast, & Platoes Bee,
Mellifluous Plaifer, fittest name for thee.
Epig. 14. Ad Mathonem.
Matho I'm told that many do thinke much,
Because I call you Piller of the Church:
Matho, you bought a Deanry at best rate,
And two church-liuings now impropriate,
And sold to Gnidus a rich Parsonage;
(For diuers causes) gaue a Vicarage:
And now hath got three liuings at one lurch:
Art thou not then a pillar of the Church?
Epig. 15 In obitum Roberti Shute Iust. de Reg. Banco.
Shute did ere-while the Country foster,
No peny now, no pater noster▪
O desperate Death, how could'st thou dare,
To put our Country thus to care?
[Page]Could not his Iustice set him free?
Nor yet his Law perswade with thee?
Could not his honour stay the fire,
Which was the credite of the shire?
When Death such Lawyers doth out-face,
Then punies may not pleade the case.
When Captaine once doth fall on ground,
Then Souldiers the retaite may sound:
If Peeres to ground do goe so fast,
Let pesants know they must at last.
A shoote was shot which lost the game,
And yet the Shute hath wonne the same.
The shoote was shot vp very high,
Which from the earth to heau'n did flie:
Then praise the Shooter and the Shoote,
Which chang'd the world for better boote.
Epig. 16 In Robertum Shute fil: Rob: Pre.
How faire yong Shute shootes at his fathers aime
A few such shootes, and Shute will win the game:
If Shute shoote on as now he doth begin,
With learnings arrow hee'le cliue honours pin:
He le hit the white which Shute shot at (his father)
He shootes beyond his vertues I thinke rather:
Thus shootes yong Shute, if then his father Shute
For him we chang'd, we need not ask much boot.
Epig. 17 In Rubrionem & Rullum.
Rubrio, Rullus snout-faire Septimel,
Both lou'd alike, yet could not bring about,
Their chiefe pretence, but needs they must appa­rell
Hir breech-torn husband. Now he walks throw­out
The streetes, to tauernes goes, vnto a play,
Neuer at home saue on some feasting day:
At noone, at night, by turnes enioy you still,
Rubrio Rullus snout-faire Septimell.
Epig. 18 In Luciam.
If any maruaile why,
Luce selles her loue for gold:
Tis she may haue to buy
Her loue when she is old.
Epig. 19. In Georoium Meriton, & Georgium Mountaine.
Your entertaine (nor can I passe away)
Of Essex with farre-famed Laelia;
Nor fore the Queen your seruice on Queens day
When such a Maister with you beareth sway,
How can Queenes College euer then decay?
No. Yet Queenes College euermore hath beene
Is, and will be, of Colleges the Queene.
Epig. 20. Ad Dudlaeum North.
The sparkling lust of a pretious stone,
Breedes often wonder to the looker on:
But the resplendance of this pearle is more,
If laid in gold enameld with ore:
Thy noble birth (yōg North) doth shine as bright,
As doth a Christall in the darksome night:
But learning in so faire and yong a molde,
Is like a Christall stone in burnisht golde.
Epig. 21 In Rudionem.
Yon goes a gallant which will get repute,
From head to heele in his Carnation sute,
Slops, dublet, stockings, shooes, hat, bād, & fether,
Red yard-long ribbin, see the youth coms hither,
Who lest his Dutchman hose should be vnseene
Aboue his mid-thigh he his cloake doth pin:
O that he had to his Carnation hose,
(I wish him well) a faire rich crimson nose.
Epig 22. Ad Gulielmum Shakespeare.
Honie-tong'd Shakespeare when I saw thine issue
I swore Apollo got them and none other,
Their rosie-tainted features cloth'd in tissue,
Some heauen born goddesse said to be their mo­ther:
Rose-checkt Adonis with his amber tresses,
Faire fire-hot Ʋenus charming him to loue her,
Chaste Lucretia virgine-like her dresses,
Prowd lust-stung Tarquine seeking still to proue her:
Romea Richard; more whose names I know not,
Their sugred tongues, and power attractiue beuty
Say they are Saints althogh that Sts they shew not
For thousands vowes to them subiectiue dutie:
They burn in loue thy childrē Shakespear het thē,
Go, wo thy Muse more Nymphish brood beget them.
Epig. 23 In Ed: Allen.
Rome had her Roscius and her Theater,
Her Terence, Plautus, Ennius and Meander,
The first to Allen, Phoebus did transfer
The next, Thames Swans receiu'd fore he coulde land her,
Of both more worthy we by Phoebus doome,
Then t' Allen Roscius yeeld, to London Rome.
Finis.

To the right worshipful, sir Tho­mas Gerrard knight, Marshall &c. en­nobled with Learnings renowne, and Warres dignitie.

MAny meane Poets (Schollers chiefe pa­tron) offered their wel-meaning Poems to Alexander, whose rudenesse hee pardoned. Some to Augustus, which he highly rewarded. Others to Caesar which he kindly accepted: euen so (right Worshipful) as you striue to surpasse these in Chiualrie, I doe not doubt, but you will equall them in curtesie: and thus (boldly) I referre all to your Worships clemencie.

Ioh: Weeuer.

The fifth weeke.

Epig. 1 Ad Petrum Leigh de Vnderline Militem
THe ancient acts lou'd Leigh, yet vndergoes
Of his forefathers, Vnder whose old Line
Haue beene kept vnder Englands chiefest foes:
But if Death do not Vndergo the Line
Of life; which now so long and true spun, shows
Hee le ouergo the Knights of Vnder-line:
And vnder few thus much I doe diuine,
His name will be call'd Leigh of Ouer-line.
Epig. 2 In Rufum
Some say the soule within the braine close lies,
Some in the head, in th'hart some, som in the eies,
Others affirme it harbours in the breast,
Others wil haue it in the blood to rest:
Gainst all Philosophers I do suppose,
Rufus red soule lies hid in his red nose.
Epig. 3 In Stellam
Virginitie doth Stella still commend,
That for a virgine so she may be counted;
Virginitie she might though reprehend,
Since she with Rufus in the coach was mounted:
For tell me Stella virgine as thou art,
To beare a virgin, is▪t a virgins part?
Epig. 4 In Iscum.
Iscus, invite your friends vnto good cheare,
When they before invited are you heare:
But else invite them not in one whole yeare.
Epig. 5 In Charin vestium ostentatorem.
Charis doth change his raiment thrice a day,
Belike because the weather is so hot,
Nay tis to shew his needle wrought array,
His golden breeches, and his cordwaine coate:
I haue beene with him, neuer saw him sweate,
But once at table when he was at meate.
Epig. 6 Ad Quintum.
Thou askt one thing of me which I denied,
That one thing nothing was, then thou replied,
If it was nothing which thou askt of me,
Then nothing Quintus I denied to thee:
Now yet for nothing, one thing Quintus know,
For nothing something Quintus thou dost ow.
Epig. 7 In Braggadochionem.
Did Braggadochio meete a man in field?
Tis true, he did, the way he could not shun:
And did he force great Brundon weapons yeeld;
Nay there he lies. To vntrusse when he begun,
He stole his weapons and away did run:
Vaine is thy vaunt, and victorie vniust,
Thou durst not stay till he his points vntrust,
Epig. 8 In Rubrionem.
Rubrio followes learning, followes mony;
He followes pleasure, and doth folow glorie,
He followes goods, would follow God also,
He followes Thetis, Galetaea too:
So let him follow follies iourney make,
He may long follow e're he ouertake.
Epig. 9 In Cumberlandiae Comitem.
I [...]'t true which saith the Pythagorean,
One soule doth animate another man?
Then doth Couragious Cumberland enioy
Ʋlysses soule th'eternall scourge of Troy:
For at his becke the windes commander bendeth
And on his full saile fortune still attendeth.
Wherfore his name & his al-conquering hand,
A fatall CVMBER to our enemies LAND.
Epig. 10 Ad Nathanielem Fletcher.
If Iudgement, Wit, and Learning I would call,
My simple worke of Epigrams to view,
For Iudgement, Wit, and Learning, Fletcher shal
Be cal'd to reade my Epigrams anew:
But iudgement, wit, & learning shal not see them,
Lest iudgement, wit, nor learning he find in them.
Epig. 11 In Lippum.
You say he spendes all, nothing meanes to purse,
Yet for this fault most men excusde wil hold him
You spend iust nought; he ill doth, you do wurse;
And as your neighbours ( Lippus) of late told him,
You spend your selfe vpon an errand whore,
He doth spend much, but Lippus, you spend more▪
Epig. 12 In Othonem.
I pray you (maisters) do but Otho note,
How for his lies he doth an Author quote,
Thus he begins; Tis true yea in good faith,
For as They say and as the Fellow saith:
But who e're heard of any that could tell,
Where Othoe's (they) or ( fellow) yet did dwell.
Epig. 13 In Galbum.
Who sees not Galbus both to bow and crouch
Vnto my Lo. () horses and his coach:
And saies (God blesse them) when they do come forth,
And thou (fair coach) proud of my L. great worth,
He giues him noght: here Galbus heare we shal
Curse his great horses, coach, my Lo. and all.
Epig. 14 In Pontum.
This golden Foole, and silken Asse you see,
In euery point a woman faine would be:
He weares a fanne, and shewes his naked brest,
And with a partlet his Cranes necke is drest:
Giue him a maske, for certes hee's afeard,
Lest sun, or wind, should weather-beat his beard:
Thus when he weares a partlet, maske, and fan,
Is Pontus then a woman, or a man?
Epig. 15 In Naeuium
Great Naeuius still bids many vnto meate,
His meate is raw that no man can it eate:
All in a chafe, findes fault and strikes the Cooke,
That to his meate he did no better looke.
Yet this poore Cooke is in no fault I know,
For certes Neuius bade him rost it raw.
Epig. 16 Ad Thomam Holecroft De Vaile Roiall. Armig.
Doth Ʋalorous Holecroft royalize Ʋaile Roiall,
Or doth Vaile Royall royalize his name?
His deedes too great vnuail'd to shew his triall,
Then through a Vaile Ile royalize his fame:
Thus from Vaile Royal borrow I the vaile,
To hide his vertues when my wit doth faile.
Epig. 17 In Iellam
Thou hast a vice if I may call it one,
Nor good, nor honest, yet a vice alone,
To come from London thou wilt neuer misse,
Only thy friends to fauour with a kisse:
But Iella thou dost only that man fauor,
Thou dost not kisse nor trouble with thy sla­uor.
Epig. 18 De Rollo.
Perforce ( Roll said) from Sull a kisse he tooke,
And twixt her lips his soul (not knowing) left him
But then he sent his heart his soule to looke,
And her brightey-beams of his heart bereft him:
If with that kisse he had not drawn a breath,
Whereby sustaind his soulelesse body is,
That day had beene his dismall day of death,
Wherein he snatcht from chased Sull a kisse:
Tis strange her kisse was then so pleasing cold,
When with the best she burnt the boy of old.
Epig. 19 In Ʋulpem puritanum.
Whose lauish-tongu'd precisme will not spare,
The chiefest pillars of our cleargie men,
But to a cast of counters them compare,
Giuing no count with Counters nor with pen:
Nor can I count the waies he doth abuse them,
Though late he had beene in the Counter cast,
If that his cheefe cast had not bin to vse them,
And craue their frendship, for his words or'e past:
And if cast counters yet he be not giuing,
His cast of counters casts away his liuing.
Epig. 20 De Mella.
From one eie alwaies Mellaes teares do fall,
And what's the cause? She hath but one in all.
Epig. 21 In Sippum.
Thou cal'st thy selfe Knight, Sippus of the Poste,
But on the pillor-I say knighthoods lost,
Yet as thou dost for six pence cut a throate,
At Westminster be periur'd for a groate:
Cheate and Cros-bite, to all men do but euill,
Thou maist be knight, and ride poste to the deuil.
Epig. 22 Ad Gulielmum Grantam.
Suffize it Grantam that I Grantam name
And say yong Grantam wil keep Grantams fame:
Thy very name Antiquitie sets forth,
And Grantam proues a man of noble worth:
Thus do I glaunce at Grantam; Grantam then
Doth grant too great a subiect for my pen.
Epig. 23 Ad Iohannem Egerton.
He that would garnish with a seuerall light
Thy seuerall vertues, and in praise them dight:
He should not want that wittie treasures store,
Which Muses gaue to Homer once of yore:
But wit I want, therefore Ile spare my song,
Lest poore in praise, thou count me rich in wrong
Epig. 24 Ad Henricum Porter.
Porter, I durst not mell with sacred Writ,
Nor woe the Mistris fore I win the maide,
For my yong yeeres are taskt, its yet vnfitte
For youth, as eld is neuer halfe so staid,
Thy selfe which hath the summe of Art and Wit
Thus much I know vnto me would haue said:
Thy siluer bell could not so sweetly sing,
If that too soone thou hadst begun herring.

To the right worshipful, sir Cut­bert Halsey knight, perfected with the ornament of Honor, and titles of Nobilitie.

A Goodwit (right Worshipful) wil shew his vigour in any subiect, and trauell as easily ouer a mountaine as a mole­hill. But mine (vnworthy the title of wit) tyred within three steppes of the mountaines foote, lay plodding there this long, and now at the last, hath brought forth a mouse: if you chance to ride this way, you cannot chuse but laugh, and the pleasant remembrance of this strange sight wil beguile the times haste, and shorten the wayes length: and (per­haps) when you come home, serue for a boorde-ieast: which if it do, I shalbe satisfied.

Ioh: Weeuer.

The sixt weeke.

Epig. 1 Ad Richardum Houghton Militem
IF that my pen were of the wing of Fame,
And Gods immortall Nectar for my inke;
Then could I canonize great Houghtons name:
Til thē my Muse speaks not what she doth think
Long shuld'st thou liue in thy gold-gilded tower
If that my Muse could keep thee stil from death:
Long bathe thy selfe in that thy blissefull bower,
If my waste paper could but lend thee breath:
Yet this my duty doe not hold in scorne;
My Muse hereafter may thy praise adorne.
Epig. 2 Ad Lectorem.
Reader, this fift last weeke in dead mens praise
I would not spend one line, because I spred,
That more then halfe the week were fasting dais,
And that thou wert already mortified:
Remember yet (kind Reader) if thou can,
Thou art no more than any mortall man.
Epig. 3 In tumulum Thomae Houghton Armig.
Sicke sad-fac'd Sorrow mixt with maladie,
Vpon this tombe now pitch thy cole-black tent,
Heart-breaking groanes and howling miserie,
Be as Cares canons from Griefes castle sent,
Gainst Deaths pauilion all make batterie.
In Houghtons death, Death lōg before death went
Vnrest, pain, anguish, sighs, sobs, tears be coūting
Vntill some write Dianaes three dayes hunting
Epig. 4 In Gulielmum Houghton.
Faine would faire Ʋenus sport her in thy face,
But Mars forbids her his sterne marching place:
Then comes that heau▪nly harbinger of Ioue,
And ioyns with Mars & with the queen of Loue
And thus three gods these gifts haue given thee,
Valour, wit, fauour, and ciuilitie.
Epig. 5 In Gallam.
Galla with mutton and pottage vsde to pray,
A month together saue one Venus day:
But now her purenes Lenton meate doth fast,
Three Ʋenus daies in one weeke found at last:
And yet she saith there are too few by three,
Galla would haue all Venus daies to be.
Epig 6 In Sullum.
Thou hast desir'd me Sullus oft indeede,
To thy friend Mat to do thy commendations,
I would do more if that thou stoode in neede,
Amongst acquaintance these are only fashions:
Yet wish me not commend thee to thy friend,
For I know nought in thee I can commend.
Epig. 7
My Cosens life (I heare) is new out dated,
And all his pounds could not pay for two yeares,
And two rich Plutoe's, for his goods which waited
Snatcht them from me ( a crosse that all men bears)
But ti's no matter, for goods gotten euil,
Pluto wil hane, or else some other deuill.
Epig. 8 In tumulum Iuelli.
Here lyeth Iuell, who knoweth not the rest,
Is worthie to be ignorant at least.
Epig. 9 In tumulum Ferdinand. Darbie.
Be not so bould to ope this dead mans dore,
Vnlesse thou come from th'aërie house of woes,
Ne dare thou once vpon this Marble pore,
Vnlesse thou poure thy sight out on these roes,
If to faire knighthood thou bearst any zeale,
Vnrest, care, griefe, sad discontent, and woe,
On these fiue bells ring thou a dolefull peale,
Volies of sighes fast after them let goe:
Rest, in vnrest, teares-spitting forge be burning,
Vntil some write The Muses nine dayes mourning.
Epig. 10 Ad Samuelem Daniel.
Daniel, thou in tragicke note excells,
As Rosamond and Cleopatra tells:
Why dost thou not in a drawne bloudy line,
Offer vp teares at Ferdinandoes shrine?
But those that e're he di'de bewitcht him then,
Belike bewitcheth now each Poets pen.
Epig. 11 Ad Io: Marston, & Ben: Iohnson.
Marston, thy Muse enharbours Horace vaine,
Then some Augustus giue thee Horace merit,
And thine embuskin'd Iohnson doth retaine
So rich a stile, and wondrous gallant spirit,
That if to praise your Muses I desired,
My Muse would muse. Such wittes must be ad­mired
Epig. 12 In tumulum Auari.
Here lieth he who neuer aught
To man or woman gaue:
And now it grieues him that thou read'st
For nought this on his graue.
Epig. 13 Ad Gulielmum Warner.
Liue prince of Poets, thy affections guide,
Where Witte attires her selfe in Vertues sute,
Whilst Englads fame thy flowing verse doth pride
This be thy praise: Thy Albion's absolute.
Epig. 14 In tumulum Abrahami Simple.
Within this place lies Abraham the Ciuil,
Who neuer did good▪ who neuer did euill:
Too ill then for God, too good for the deuill.
Epig. 15 in Asin [...] quendam.
You know (sir Asse) how you did me annoy,
To steale away my little tale of Troy:
And asking for it, you all in a fume,
Twixt two bigge jawes did wholy it consume:
To be destroy'd Troyes fortune sure it was,
Once with an Horse, againe now with an Asse.
Epig. 16 In Rufum
Foule red nosde Rufus, fauour thou maist gaine,
If with his children thou would take some paine:
But vntill Rufus fauour fairer be,
He should not giue his fauour vnto me.
Epig. 17 In Zoilum.
Zoilus, thou laugh'st but onely when I weepe,
And when I laugh that's weeping cheer for thee,
Then weeping Zoilus I will thee keepe,
My booke and me still laughing thou shalt see:
Now quickly Zoilus take vp thy four quarters,
And like a knaue goe hang thee in thy garters.
Epig. 18 In obitum Thomae Fisher à Io: [...]ishroc [...]is.
The Fisher did the fish so dearely loue,
That stil he gaue the fish fresh wormes to eate,
O then what should the fish so nearely moue,
To giue the fisher to the wormes for meate?
Epig. 19 In Scyllam
By Lord nor Ladie Scylla will not sweare,
By God nor goddesse nor so great a thing,
Yet she commits a greater fault I feare,
In swearing alwaies by her faire gold ring.
Epig. 20 In Cynam.
Nor you did sweare not once since you were born
Yet at each word you say you will be sworne:
A fault you get whilst you a fault would flie,
For when you sweare not, Cyna then you lie.
Epig. 21 Liber ad Authorem.
I'm likt of many, many me approue,
Some like me not, for thy sake ne me loue:
I do not care: who makes a banquet lookes
To please his guests, & not to please the Cookes.
Epig. 22. In Gulielmum Rich: Cantabr: procu.
But that I am too poore to pen thy praise,
I would presume thy glorious name to raise:
Beyond the riches of the Indian land,
Worth more then worthlesse Tagus golden sand:
But O thy vertues passe my praises pitch,
Thy learnings fame aboue thy name is rich:
How wel then Vertue sorts her with thy same
That art both rich in Art, and Rich in Name.
Epig. 23 In obitum Ed. Spencer Poetae prestantiss.
Colin's gone home, the glorie of his clime,
The Muses Mirrour, and the Shepheards Saint;
Spencer is ruin'd, of our latter time
The fairest ruine, Faëries foulest want:
Then his Time-ruines did our ruine show,
Which by his ruine we vntimely know:
Spencer therfore thy Ruines were cal'd in,
Too soone to sorrow least we should begin.
Epig. 24 Ad Iacobum Thornton.
Thornton well read, say not I do thee wrong,
In that I haue defer'd thy praise so long,
Thy gentleman-like parts when as I find,
With thy graue studies, all in one combinde:
Faine would I praise thee, but I see my skill,
Is now defectiue to my great good will.
Epig. 25 In Ed: Wrightington.
If ventrous youth now in his chiefest prime,
To vertues loue be wholy thus addicted,
What doth graue [...]ld, with milke-white haires in
Assure vs of one vice to be afflicted? time?
For by and by the plant doth straight appeare,
Which afterward great store of fruit will beare.

To the right worshipfull, sir Pe­ter Leigh of Vnderline knight, hono­red with all vertue coequall to his auncient worth

FAmes prodigall reporte (right Wor.) of your admired curtesie, and the no lesse vertuous then valorous disposition of Leighs antique family, (in whose praise a better Poet might spend whole quiers of paper) per­swade me you will reade ouer these few Epigrammes, though farre differing from other wittes, presented to the view of your Worship. And weigh withal well affected good will: so shall I [...]t [...]ne my long desired wish, and the end of this my worke.

Ioh: Weeuer.

The seuenth weeke.

Epig. 1 Ad Thomam Gerard Militem
GErard, among the labours of my quill,
Which my glad Muse presumingly hath writ,
As one right worthie thee commend I will,
For valour, wisedome, bountihood and wit:
But valiant Gerard, thee or thine to praise,
Is for to praise the star-bespangled skie,
Fame long agoe vnto the heauns did raise
Thy rare exploits and Mars-like Chiualrie:
Sith by thy deedes thy praise abroad doth flie,
Thy selfe commends thy selfe, then need not I.
Epig 2 In carum fictum amicum.
Dost thou thinke Chloes hee's a faithfull friend,
For whō this wondrous cheer thou dost prouide?
No: he but loues so long as thou wilt spend
Thy beefe and brawne, if that the truth were tride
If euery day I should so costly dine,
Carus I know would be a friend of mine.
Epig. 3 In Sparsum.
Sparsus thou'rt sicke ten times a veere and more,
Yet not thy selfe, but vs, thy sicknesse hurts,
When thou recouers wee looke euermore,
For thy releefe some Pretour to disburse:
Fie, in one yeere be sicke but once vnneath,
And when thou'rt sicke Sparsus be sicke to death.
Epig. 4 In Pontum
This for a wonder many men haue made,
That Pontus house so many chimnies had:
The workmans skil I for the wonder tooke,
Which made thē so that few could see thē smoak.
Epig. 5 In Hugonem.
Did not once thine old familiar friend
Chypus, desire thee ten pounds to him lend;
Sir I haue none (saidst thou) so God me saue,
Yet for his horse eu'n then ten pound thou gaue:
Thus for ten pounds thou [...]t sooner trust a horse,
Than thy dear friend; & be forsworn, thats worse.
Epig 6 In eundem
And dost thou thinke thou offers Claius right,
In causing him ten pounds of debt to pay,
Because that Boscus ran the other night
With twenty hundred in thy debt away:
If thou canst lose by Boscus twentie: then
In faith by Claius thou may well lose ten.
Epig. 7. In Lacum
Lacus I saw a cruell Cappe still weare,
(O cruell cap that pulles away his haire)
I wondred much what plague had so him crost,
That both on chin and head all was quite lost:
A new disease (some said) a dry hot cold;
Yet this disease a thousand yeere was old.
Epig. 8. In Portianum
Portian is taken for a traueller:
Why? For he weares a gold ring in his eare,
Certes and if a ring may be a signe,
Who better traueller than his mothers swine?
They in their Nose he in his Eare;
Whether then is the better traueller?
Grilliis I wot hath deeper gone then he,
If he hath further gone, they euen be.
Epig. 9
But wodden chalices of yore,
Yet golden priests were then great store,
Now golden chalices we make,
For wodden priests in hand to take:
Lets cast our priests in a new molde,
Or else for wood lets change our golde.
Epig. 10 In Cacum
Cacus is angry he hath not a place
Amongst the Worthies of our Faërie land,
Nor doth the pesant thinke himselfe too base,
Among the brauest of the Lordes to stand:
Hee weares braue clothes; but what weares hee within?
An Asse an Asse is in a Lions skin.
Epig. 11 Ad Musam suam, de obitufortis­simi insignis (que) inuenis Thomae Eger­ton militis.
Descend my Muse into the bed of Death,
(Embalming first his body with thy teares)
And chide the Fates vntill they lend him breath,
Because they rapt him in his youthfull yeares;
Yet stay my Muse, Fates offred him no wrong,
In vertue old he was, in yeeres though yong.
Epig. 12 In Quintum.
To giue a booke thou saist I may do well,
Yet thou n'ere readst a book, before a book thou sell.
Epig. 13 In Tubrionem
Extramnemers or Watermen giue roome,
For by his feather Tubrioe's spied to come.
A Sculler sir; here is a paire of Oares:
Ift please your Worship, I did speake before:
I'm your first man; he lies, here is my boate:
Your Worship lands at Pauls wharfe, doth it not▪
No, Westminster; O foole, dost thou not know▪
That gainst the wind thou cannot Tubrio row▪
Epig. 14 Ad Cordredum.
O impudent! a liuing! for whose sake?
This meanes to my Lord () dost thou make?
Fie; thus to beg thy selfe, One of rare parts
I am (my Lord) beside Maister of Arts,
[Page] And: Go no further; thou art too short leg'd,
And beg no more, lest thou thy selfe be beg'd:
Yet ( Cordred) thou shalt haue (do not despaire)
The Vicarage of Saint Fooles at Steeple faire.
Epig. 15 Satyricum in Audriam laenam.
Looke to your selfe, I'le whip you mistris Audrie,
For keeping such a brothel house of ()
Is't true indeede? hath Sulla learn'd thy skill?
Dri'de veines and arteries with pure blood to fil;
In drinking cordialls fearing to be too old,
Of Amber-greece prepared pearle and gold:
Mandrake, Eringe and Potatie rootes,
Fiue pound a weeke in Poticaries bookes:
Oh stay, no more; for Audria I heare tell
Is new become a bride, but in Bridewell.
Epig. 16 Ad Richardum Houghton Militem
O chide me not, for that I doe enroule
Thy worthy name here ( Houghton) in the end,
For now I hope none will my booke controule,
Lest thine heroicke spirit they offend,
Close with thy Vertues then this seely scroule,
That praise on thee, and it, may euer tend:
Which if it doe I will aduenture then,
To take a taske fit for a golden pen.
Epig. 17 Ad Lectorem.
If in the first thou count me worthy blame,
Yet pardon me, thus Homer did offend,
If in the midst, then Pedo I can name,
Chaerill in all, Getulicus in th'end▪
Thy fauour (Reader) then obtaine I shall,
I am but bad i'th first, midst, end, and all.
Finis.

This keyboarded and encoded edition of the work described above is co-owned by the institutions providing financial support to the Text Creation Partnership. This Phase I text is available for reuse, according to the terms of Creative Commons 0 1.0 Universal. The text can be copied, modified, distributed and performed, even for commercial purposes, all without asking permission.