HOW Fruitless and Empty the Requests of the Poor have return'd at Court, whether they have been for I [...]stice or Mercy, is apparent from a Thousand Instan [...]e [...]: And one I'll relate to you, without Peevish [...] Reflecting upon any particular Court, for the Pauper's Petition is alike neglected (by what I've Seen, Hear'd, or Read) in every Court. A Gentleman (fitly Qualifi'd) who by permission had Purchased an Imploy for Life, under a King, and to his Successors, was, upon a Successor's coming to the Crown (tho' he had taken Oaths of Allegiance, and done what was requisite, according to Law, for Qualification) to feed the Avarice, or gratify the wicked Bounty of a certain Person, to whose care the Managery was intrusted, was turn'd out, with only the Madmans humourous Reason, Sic Iub [...]o, sic Volo. By which unjust (at least unkind) usage, he had very little left to maintain himself, Wife, and four Children.

[Page 4]I cannot forbear in this place putting the Epithet Wicked, to that Generous Virtue, Bounty; since here 'twas a powerful Robbery com­mitted upon one Mans Right, to seem Bounteous in a Bequest to a­nother. The depriv'd Man hurt, complain'd with all the respect a Supplicant should use, but his Prayer was answer'd with a Negative. Afterwards he serv'd that King without Pay in His Army abroad; and upon the death of the Possessor of his Imploy, he again pray'd to be Restor'd; upon which prayer he had an Order for the next Va­cancy; which when happen'd, a certain Gentleman, who but a short time before had presented the Depriv'd Man to the King, in the Army, and had given it under his Hand, That he had been turn'd out without cause, and that he serv'd as a Volunteer; gave it again un­der his Hand, That the poor Petitioners alledging to have serv'd in the Army, was a mistake; and his last Act (the former, in good manners, I'll believe being forgot) was credited; so Order and Pe­tition were both dismiss'd, to the Ruine of the Man, and his Family.

QVis Pauper? Avaras: An admirable and proper Answer to the Question; because the Covetous Man wanteth that which he hath, as well as that which he hath not, as proves true by the following relation. A Friend of mine (if a Co­vetous Man can be so) of Gentile Extraction, and sutable Educa [...]i [...], having a competent Estate of four hundred Pounds per Annum, an [...] a thousand Pounds in Money left him, which Revenue as far excee­ded his desire of Living, as it came short of his desire of Acquiring; for he no sooner had the Possession, but he retrench'd the usual Ex­pences of the Family; he sav'd Charge, by putting away the Mouths that caus'd it; and the only Servant that he kept, liv'd almost like a Bear in Greenland, on the Nourishment he had got in the Summer of the Fathers Life time. In short, no Anchorite liv'd more sparing than he, unless it were upon anothers cost, and then 'twas a covetous hu­mour made him Eat and Drink like a Glutton and a Drunkard. In all his Actions he was Base; He would Steal his own Goods, to make his Servant pay for them: By such sordid ways his Wealth was accu­mulated; he sold the Mansion-House, because the Purchase-Money would yield a greater profit than the Rent amounted to; and retir'd from a great House (not from Plenty and Abundance) to a less, that he could not Rent out: By such Niggardly Methods, in proc [...]ss of time, he had heap'd up a very great Treasure.

There was a Young hopeful Gentleman, his Nephew, who expe­cted [Page 6] to [...]ap the fruits of his Covetousness, that often came to visit him; and w [...]s always Complaisant, sooth'd, and commended every Humour, which I take to be the right way of Pleasing; for certain (at least du [...]ing the time of prevailing Fancy, or Action) every Man is pleas'd with his own Sentiments, or Doings; so consequently loves to have them approv'd, and applauded.

He gr [...]i'd the Misers Appetite at his own Expence, his Pantrey and his [...]ellar were always ready to gratify his least motion of desire, his C [...]ch and Horses attended his occasions; he baulk'd his own Hu [...]ou [...], neglected his pleasant and facetious Companions, and con­ [...] himself to Oblige his Sordid Temper. Tho' it must be confess'd S [...]-interest mov'd him, yet it pleas'd the Wretch, when he advised him to secure his Treasure, that no Rachel, or other, might Steal his God. He Christned his Son of the Iew's Name, he did, what not? to Oblige him. He defended him from Robbers at the peril of his own Life: Nay more, He justify'd his base Principles, contrary to his [...]: But all the Returns that were paid to these Services, [...]e [...]e Mountain-Promises, whilst in his Cups; but Molehills, or no [...]erformances, when Sober.

Afterwards this Obliging Gentleman fell by misfortune into Straits and Necessities, so that his Family wanted convenient Sub­sistance; yet the other pitiless, and unconcern'd, return'd no good Nature, no Charity, no grateful Act, for all his generous Obligations; not so much as even common Humanity would out of Mercy oblige a very Iew to show to a Stranger in Misery. After the Miser had Bought what he had left, for half the value, he forbid him his House, and whenever he met him, he pass'd by him as a Stranger. At last, Intestate, the miserable Rascal Dies; for the very Thought of dispo­sing of his Riches, would have been as Mortal as a Cannon Shot: So Volens N [...]lens, what he left, fell to this Gentleman. But I had almost forgot to tell you, That his Jealous Temper (which must ac­company the Covetous, let their Avarice be fix'd on what it will) made him Bury a great part of his Money and Writings, so that a great deal was lost for want of the knowledge of the Concealments.

THe mutual Disapointments that commonly thwart, and hinder the Happiness expected by the Marriage of an Old Man to a Young Woman, the following Story sets forth: An Anci­ent Gentleman, whose head Age had Powder'd like a Beau's, who in his Sp [...]ightly Youth could at Sight answer the Expectations of the most Lascivious Female, as Doctors Commons and Parish-Books could Witness, he had liv'd a Libertine Life, and had never thoughts of [Page 8] Marriage, till he was Three Score and Ten, when he happen'd into the Company of a Beautiful Young Woman, whose Charms, and Behaviour bl [...]w away the Ashes that covered the Fire that remain'd in the Brands end, so that it made a Faint Blaze, which (of late un­accustom'd) warmth made the (willing to be Deceiv'd) Senior fancy that there was yet a great Stock of Vigour in his Veins, that would answer the ends of Marriage; thus when Lechery had left his Tail, and agitated only by Desire, fancy'd mighty Performances in his Lustful Brain, he Courts this Lady for his Bride, who had not the Charms to renue an old Aeson's Age, sensible that his expiring Flame could not long last, he was Impatient of delay; so by continual Court­ship he try'd to watch his Mistress, like a Hawk, into Compliance; but 'twas perswasive Money that made her Consent to endure a Len­ten Pennance, in Expectation of an happy Easter after his Death. In short, for filthy Lucre Married him, and submitted herself to his [...]eeble Threescore and Ten Years Attempts, after his fluttering all the Wedding Day, they were put to Bed, (I think that word suitable to his Age) and after Sack-Posset Eat, and Stocken thrown, the Company withdrew, and left them to themselves. When he fail'd in Performance, she was frustrated in her Expectation, so that their Marriage signified Little or Nothing.

THE present Age is not so very Vertuous, but that we may meet with examples in almost every Company and Con­versation, that demonstrates the little Efficacy the well de­sign'd Writings and Publick Teaching of Good Men have had, to­wards Reformation of Manners, and the Practice of Vertue. But not being willing to expose particularly the Insensibility that appears either in my own Life, by not Amending, and Correcting my re­prov'd Actions, or in the general Practice of any Fellow-Country­men; I have pitch'd upon the History of Socrates, so far as it agrees with my Design; that is, to show how little the good Documents he Taught, signified to the Reform or Benefit of the Athenians, and the Odium they caused from those he endeavour'd to Amend.

[Page 11] Socrates, who was Born in a small Village called [...] ▪ under the Athenian Jurisdiction; is commonly called the A [...]eni [...]n, to distin­guish him from several others, of that Name, one of which Wrote the History of Argos, another was a Bat [...]ynia [...], &c. This Socrates the Athenian, was taught Philosophy und [...]r Anaxagoras, he was a Man of great Temperance, of a strong Constitution, one who enquir'd into the Nature of Sublime things, Studied Humanity, Practised and Publickly Preached, to poor and Rich, Vertue and Good Manners; to be silent, and not to reprove Wicked Men, he counted a Crime against the Gods; to Discourse of Vertue, he esteem'd as a great Happiness; and imploying himself almost constantly in instructing of the Citizens, he neglected mightily his private Affairs, so that he was Poor, and told the Athenians, that he ought to be Maintained out of the Prytaneum, or Publick Store-House: That he ought to be Rewarded more then a Victor, for the Conqueror could but make them appear to be Happy, when by his Instructions in Vertue (if Practi­sed) they would really be so, not only from present Serenity of Mind, but in Futuro; for he believed an Immortality of the Soul, and the very day he Died, he imploy'd in Discoursing of, and by Convincive Arguments to his Friends prov'd the Souls Indivisibility, and Con­sequently Immortality; he Taught as he Believ'd, that nothing of Evil could happen to a Good Man, his Concerns being taken Care of by the Gods; but notwithstanding his Eloquent perswasive Spee­ches upon so Noble a Subject, as Vertue, which for its own Sake, ought to attract Mens Inclinations, and Affections; the Athenians were so far from Reforming from their Accustom'd Immoralities, that Miletus, Anytus, and others, accused him, as Guilty of a Capital Crime, for Instructing the People in the ways of Vertue, and for Reproving them, when they Acted contrary to Morality and good Manners: They were so Exasperated against him for his Good En­deavours to introduce Honesty and Piety, Inconsistent with their Practice, that without a Confronting Witness, they Condemn'd him to Death; which Sentence was put in Execution by a Draught of Poyson. By which Barbarous usage, 'tis Apparent that all his Te [...]h­ing signified little towards the Reformation of the Lives of [...]is Fellow Citizens.

ONE, who out of Good Manners, I must stile a Gentleman, because he justly Claims that Title from his Ancestors; and it must be allow'd him now, even in his Adversity, since his Accounted Crimes of Omission, in not actually complying to the Laws in force, proceed from the Dictates of his Conscience, and not from an Obstinate Spirit of Contradiction; for tho' this Gentle­mans Opinion will not permit him to comply in the Active part, yet out of Submission to the Laws of his Countrey, without re­fractoriness, he's Obedient in the Passive. This Gentleman (as many others) is at this time term'd a Iacobite, as being the title Custo­marily used, in Opposition to Williamite; concluding, that he that is not for me, is against me.

Upon the Revolution in the Year 1688, (which by Unfathom'd Providence was brought about, so contrary to Rational Appearance, that after Ages will hesitate at the Belief of the Heroick Attempts of the present King, and the Unaccountable Manage of the last) this Man was turn'd out of several Considerable Imploys, (or rather he turn'd himself out, for it cannot be expected, that any will be [Page 14] [...] (unless by Power to those that will not serve them) strip'd of [...] In [...]omes, he for a while handsomly subsisted; but seeding con­ [...]ntly upon last Years Crop, without Sowing for another Harvest, [...]is Gra [...]ry was Empted without hopes of Replenishing, without a Miracle; Reduc'd, he herded with those of his own Opinion, that by the Benevolence of Fortune were able to relieve him, and did Generously for a time; but continual Dependence made him sensi­ble of the Bitterness of the Curse: The Undervaluing Slights, the [...]y [...]ing Attendance, often Refusals, beggarly Loans, Reprimands, Ad­vice too late given, all which, with appearing Patience, by force he was oblig [...]d (if he would Eat) to undergo, made him almost distract­ed in his Thoughts. The impending Misery of want by its near ap­proach, appearing Dreadful and Afrightning, put him upon the St [...]dious Thoughts, how to subsist for the future. He considered the many reasons drawn from self Interest, and other Powerful [...], for Conforming to the present Government; the general [...], and Practice of many, whose Learning and Integrity he could [...] call in question (unless he should Contradict his own Experience) made him bring his Manage into Examination, and his Rational Arguments made him often Waver, and query the Prudence of his Opinion; so far, that he had some thoughts of Conforming to what the Representatives of the Nation had agreed; but having so long stood out, he could have no hopes of being received with that fa­vour, so as to be trusted in any considerable Imploy; either Civil, Military, or Ecclesiastical; he was too Poor, and of too little Inte­rest, to expect an Honourable Title; too Illiterate to be made a Dean, too well known to be trusted with the Managing of a Secret in Na­tional Affairs; so he stuck to his old Principals tho' he reap'd no Ad­vantage by them, for Poverty like Ivie twines to the Iacobite, and spoils his Growth; his Opinion Contradicting in general, to the Sen­timents of the greatest part of the Nation, was so far from being any ways Advantagious to him, that it expos'd him to want; and debar'd him from the hopes of repairing his Ruined Fortunes.

A Grave Citizen, an Alderman's Fellow, by Losses and Cros­ses, and GOD knows what, was reduc'd to the necessity of leaving his House, and moving himself and Effects into the Sanctuary for Bankrupts, White-Fryars; where, for a while he confin'd himself to his Chamber, and when he went out, the Company seasoned to the Place, who were no proud Men, but would quickly be acquainted without Ceremony, made him a­sham'd, [Page 17] and blush like a young Sinner, the C [...]rtains undrawn▪ with care he soon cast up his Books; and substracting his Debtors from his Creditors, he found a greater Ballance due than he was able to pay; but willing (as 'tis natural for all Crea­tures) to be at Liberty, he summoned his Creditors, and o [...] ­fered them ten Shillings for every Pound, reserving for him­self but a small Pittance to subsist on, or lay a new Found [...] ­tion for fresh Credit: But some ( Iews in Practice) refus'd a Compliance to any Abatement, and resolved to make Dice of his Bones: Their Cruelty griev'd and afflicted him so much, that his Sorrow and Concern was apparent in his Face; and being ask'd the Reason, he told that his Creditors Non-com­pliance was the cause of it; upon which, a Doctor in the Ci­vil Laws of the Place, took him to Task; told him his Secu­rity there; brought Examples and Precedents how Tom such an one, and Sir Iohn such an one, had us'd their Creditors, and brought them to Compliance: Unmerciful Rogues! What? Refuse to take Ten Shillings in the Pound? If I might advise you, they should not have above half a Crown; I intend to give mine but Eighteen Pence; sure you are not such a Fool to part with all, and suffer your self and Family to want: Such Company, such Examples, such Documents have wash'd a­way the honest first Intents of many a Man, but it could not flote his; for he still design'd, to his Power, to satisfy every Body; but unwilling to be Caged in a closer Prison, he there Liv'd; and spending upon the main Stock constantly, it wast­ed so fast, that at his next Proposal to his Creditors, he could offer but Fi [...]e Shillings, which was also rejected: And some time after not being watchful of his Ways, the Catchpoles siez'd him at the Suit of an old protesting Friend of his, a Neigh­bour, for whom he woutd sent, hoping Mercy from th [...]r for­mer intimate Acqunintance; but the Officers telling him 'twould be to no purpose, since that Warrant which they nam'd to him, was but one amongst Twenty they had against him; so after squeezing him out of Twenty Shillings for Dinner, Ale, and Brandy, they lodged him in the Compter; where his Fellow-Prisoners flock'd about him, some pulling this way, some that, like Water-men at turn of Ebb at Billinsgate; all calling for Ga [...] ­nish, [Page 18] which clamorous demand never ceased till he had paid it The want of Liberty made him value it more than ever, and desiring next to Life his Liberty; he with Prayers intreated his Creditors to accept of all that he had, but they refused it, and would not believe that he gave a true or just account, though he offer'd to make Oath of it; so, by lying there, the poor Man for Ne [...]essaries consumed, what merciful men would have been contented with, when the Parliament, out of Consideration of the Misery that many (not able to pay their Debts) in Pri­son endured, ordered a Discharge upon such and such Condi­tions, under the which he was comprehended, and consequent­ly discharged, without paying one Farthing; whereas, if the Creditors had formerly comply'd, they might have had half their Debts, and the Man his Liberty; so their consining him prov'd their Detriment. And the like happen to others, when the Insolvent Die in Custody; for where 'tis not to be had, the King must loose his Right.

THO' I could produce variety of Instances out of Ancient History suitable to this Subject, yet I have chose one which has come to the knowledge, and is still fresh in the Memory of almost every Englsh Man, to show the little Trust and Con­fidence that is to be given to the solemn Promises of Secrecy in a Conspiracy, or wicked Design.

[Page 20]In the Year 169 several angry discontented Men club'd to the hatching a Plot or Conspiracy for subverting the present Government; and for the more certainty of effecting it, de­signed, contrary to Honour, and common Humanity, to take off the present Head, that the Limbs might be in Confusion, want­ing an immediate Director for their Motion, so in the hurly burly to have Proclaimed one, who unhappily has too much Pro­claimed himself.

There i [...] no need of mentioning their Design at large, or the Progress they had made, every Man knowing the drift of their Conspiracy, and the Conspirators; so I'll only take No­tice, that after their Plot was laid, the Assassinators agreed on, and Secrecy sworn to, at the Sun-Tavern, and other Places, some of them (false, first to their Country, then to their Adherents) discovered the Conspiracy. I wish 'twere done out of a repen­tant Principle, and believing a Promise to do Evil ought not to be kept; but their covetous siliciting for Rewards induce me to believe, that the Principle of Self-interest was the chief Mo­tive of their Discovery; but let it proceed from what cause soever, 'tis apparent, that the Obligations under which they were engaged, were not of Force to keep the Secret undisco­vered, The like Discoveries have been made at Venice, at Rome, at Genoua, and in almost all the the Kingdoms on the Earth; tho' the greatest Cautions and Securities that Self-pre­servation, or aspiring Ambition could invent, to tye up the conseiling Tongue, have been made use of; he that will be a Villain in attempting a great Evil, is not to be trusted; for 'tis probable he will be so in a lesser, especially if he expects to reap advantage by it.

THOUGH Disappointments are in some Degree or other, most commonly the Companions that attend and thwart the Hopes and Expectations of all Mankind; yet have I not observ'd more Disappointments generally to accompany any At­tempt, than I have the Endeavours, and Designs, to get into Repu­table Places and Employments, as by the Sequel will appear.

An Engl [...]sh Gentleman, who by Hospitality amongst his County Neighbours, had Spent the greatest part of his Estate; having ve­ry little, besides the Mansion Seat of his Family left, seeing himself Slighted by those very Men who had largely tasted of his Bounty, seriously began to Consider, how he sho [...]ld still Support himself in some Credible Reputation; and after he had run over several de­signing Thoughts, and Built Castles in the Air, he at last six'd upon the common Hopes of getting a Place, or Employ at London. To effect which, he presently Sold the remaining part of his Estate; and to London he came, to put in Practice the Scheme he had Drawn, for raising once again his Fortune. His first Application was, to be sure, to one of the worthy Burgesses that Serv'd for a Neighbouring Cor­poration, who by the Charms of Bribery, and by Virtue of his strong Drink, had carried the Election Nemine Contradicente; him he ac­quainted with his Design, and desir'd his kind Assistance, who pre­sently Promised Fair for Country sake, thô he was an Irishman; up­on his Promise, every Morning he danc'd Attendance, at the Levee of my Dear Ioy; and when he walk'd, he kept Cringing on his Lar­board Quarter, not presuming to go Check by Iowl with one of the Representatives of the Nation; who had the same Business during the whole Sessions of Parliament, that he had during the Term-time, two Motions a Day, to Westminster and back again; but finding his Waiting, and the other's Promises, would Signify the same thing, and the Senator being gone to Tanoridge, where the Proverb was on his side, he bethought himself what farther Methods were to be ta­ken; [Page 23] and luckily finding upon a Coffee-house Table, a Paper Inti­tuled, A Collection for Improvement of Husbandry and Trade, by John Houghton, F. R. S. Wherein he found, that he knew of several that wanted Men so or so Qualified or Recommended, and se­veral that were so and so Qualified and Recommended, that want­ed the Imployments which others wanted to have Officiated. At first view he thought this Paper as a Pillow of Light to guide him in the Dark: But upon examining the Inquiries af­ter Places and Imploys, and those that wanted Agents, found they answer'd one another's Occasions, and that there was not one Agent enquired after, but there was the same Place sought for; so he dispair'd of Success from that, seeing every one's Occa­sion might be supplied.

Though his Sleep, or rather Slumbers, was unquiet and short, occasioned by the concern that hagg'd his Thoughts about his future earthly well Being, yet his lying Awake was more tor­menting to him, as much as Impending want had then a more lively Impression, than his drowsy Fancy could Represent; so trying, as if it were to avoid himself, he arose, slighting Beau­ish Formality, soon dress'd himself, and went to Man's Coffee-house, where, though 'twas early in the Morning, he found Talk­ative Will, a tall elderly Man, with his own Hair, diverting the Company, sometimes in English, sometimes in French; in both Languages he told Stories as improbable to be true as all D. O's Narrative. He took upon him the States-man, and told the Company he knew of Funds that would have rais'd Money e­nough to defray the Charge of the War, without being any pressure to the Subject: He blam'd all that he was pleas'd to think Mismanagement in the Concerns of the Nation; and then gravely told them, how all might have been prevented, which every Block-head can do, after the Act is past; and, for the future how he would have things managed; but Mercy upon us if Affairs were to be ordered by his Managery, (looking upon his own Conduct) it may reasonably be believed, they would have been Ten times worse directed. After he had Rail'd at several particular Persons, whose names he did not tell. (but describ'd them plainer than I do him) He grumbled at the Bounty bestow'd upon Favorites; but I suppose his Cozen Harry's [Page 24] Humour then possess'd him, who always Rails when he is Poor; [...] a Bounty is in his Pocket, (which never wears it out) [...] as much for Prai [...]ing, as when Penniless in Railing and Re­ [...]cting. If Variety be pleasing, sure Mr William's Discourse wa [...] diverting; for he run over Stories (as much as the time would allow) of Men and Women, of all Qualities, all sorts of Countries, Governments, Languages, Horses, Dogs, Cocks, Wine, Snaff, &c. as positively as if he had been an Eye or Ear-wit­ness, had Travell'd them all over, been a Privy-Councellor in every one of them; a Professor of Languages, own'd, or layed Wagers, Drank, [...]asted, or Snuff'd or every sort: But at last took opportunity, though no occasion offered) to tell how nigh he was Related to, and how he was belov'd and respected by a Dutch Engl [...]sh Nobleman; which at last startled my Inquirer from the Confusion the medley of his Discourse had put him into, and brought into his Thought, that this Gentleman's Inte­rest might do him a Kindness.

His approaching Necessity having made him confident beyond his natural Temper, he presently enquired the Gentleman's Name and Lodging, and that Day waited upon him, and in short de­sired his Favour towards helping him to an Imploy sit for a Gen­tleman, and at the same time promised to be grateful; Mr. William, who never wants complimental Civility, told him, that he would assist him in what lay in his Power, and mentioned to him several Places that he might endeavour to get; but know­ing none then Vacant, he desired he would meet him on the Mor­row, when he would bring a Man (meaning his Cozen Harry) whom the Cobweb Laws cannot consine, though in close Con­finement▪ who knew of Forty to be dispos'd of. The next Day, according to appointment, they all met, and Harry cajoll'd my [...]quirer, and fitted his Humour to a T—; indeed he must be o [...] a very stingy Temper whom he cann't please, for he is re­ally a very sensible Gentleman. My Inquirer's Desires were made known to him; and Harry (who never parts with a Man, but he leaves him a plausible prospect of effecting his Designs) laid down such Assurances upon Promises made in his Favour, that my Gentleman began to believe at such a Day he might enter [Page 25] into Pay or Sallery; but before he parted, Harry had nicely examin­ed, though at a distance, how his Stock was, either to Bribe or Pur­chase, and in a Day or Two was to give my Enquirer a positive An­swer; but I had almost forgot to tell you, that just at parting, Har­ry bore up to him, and told him, that though he would serve a Gen­tleman gratis with his Labour, yet there would be Expences; to de­fray which, he expected he should bring him Ten Guineas the next Morning. My Enquirer, buoy'd up with hopes, came the next Morning with ready Rhino in his Pocket, had immediately Admit­tance into a Room spread with old Carpets, that the Man at the Three Roses had refus'd to Stitch Cards on. Presently honest Har­ry, who like the Hungry Iew, watch'd the falling Manna, came in, and accosted him with, Sir, I've done your Business, for I was with my Lord last Night, and to serve you, spent my own Interest, so ef­fectually, that I had his Promise on your Behalf: Upon these words the Manna dropt into his Hand, which Harry never kept till the fol­lowing Day, for fear it should turn Sower: My Enquirer's moving Hand having reach'd Ten, at which number Harry's Allarm stood, it immediately rung a Peal in Division about Places, for half an Hour together, That he that wrote the present State of England in the Year, 1694, was a Block-head compared to him; for he has not mentioned a quarter of the Places and Imploys, that Harry nam'd to my Enquirer, and gave him the choice of any of them: He that put an Advertisement for the Sale of Horses, cann't in a Months time name so many Horses to be sold, as he pretended to know Imploys: My Enquirer, amongst the many Texts this Parson Quoted, pitch'd upon Two or Three which serv'd to his liking; and when Mr. Har­ry had done talking, he told him, such or such would suit his Educa­tion, and agreed with his Humour. Oh, says Harry, those are not as yet Vacant, but they will be perhaps before the Parliament rises; for they are resolved to suffer very few Members of the House to be in Imploys, wherein any Branch of the Revenue is to be managed; and since 'tis certain some will part with their Places rather than to be turn'd out of the House, your study must be, how to get into one of those they Abdicate; to effect which, you must try to engrati [...]te your self with a S — of S —, with Three of the L — of the T — at least: And the thoughtful Gentleman, who, by much Labour of his Brain, hammers out things in a great Perfection, to be [Page 26] known and well recommended to the P — C —; for some Imploys must be granted in C —: Now, the fittest Man upon Earth to be your Solicitor there, is W. E. who, though he is Founder­ed in his Feet, has a natural Assurance to tell a Story plausibly to any Nobleman, though 'tis seldom mind [...]d; he is Old-Dog with the La­dies and Boys, and their constant Solicitor: Besides, he may be, from his own Interest, very serviceable to you; for I know, the other Day he help'd a Footman to a Place, and took but Half a Crown for his Labour.

'Twill also be requisite for you to learn Decimals and Gaug­ [...]ng, and make Application to the C — of E —; Or to the L —of the A —. Or to the C — of the C — But you must not neg­lect making Application to several particular Persons, who always seem in an hurry, as if they had the whole concerns of the Nation to manage: Amongst which, there is honest Tony, who seldom gives the C — of P —, and E —, much trouble to draw up a Report; A. R. is not duely Elected. I must beg Pardon, when I say, 'tis hard that so understanding a Gentleman; one that knows how to take all Advantages, should not be in the House, no Man being sitter to caution against Deceits, than the — He has been serviceable to the Nation by the project of pack­ing of Hay; by the manage of which, Horses Eat less than u­sual, and their Beliies were taken up, without Belly-cloaths, the smell did their Business, yet Tony had but 3l. a Load, for what cost him 25s.

His Principles may be guess'd by his Practice; and he has de­clared his Sentiments, how People that would thrive, should ma­nage themselves; and designs (if he may be believed) to instill the same Principle [...] into his Children; for he told an honest Gentleman, that if he had a Son, he would advise him to flat­ter and dissemble with all Mankind; never to speak Truth but when it was for his Advantage: With this worthy Gent. 'twill be necessary to be acquainted, if you have Money to purchase an Imploy [Page 27] under the M — of the H —; for every one of them that were in his reach, he has either sold, or been a Broker in the matter: You need make no Interest to him by Intercession of Friends; for he has no respect to Persons, Principles, or Qualities; but like a late decea­sed Knight, whose Wit (by mistake so called) lay in bold Examinati­ons of Scripture passages; buffonly rediculing what was beyond his shallow Capacity to understand) has regard only to the Money, let it come from Williamit [...], Iacobite, or Devil: Besides him, there's a­nother you should be acquainted with, that is a blinking Fellow, a meer pretender to the Law, who could scarce Read (allowing Bre­viations) at the Exchequer Bar: He, by his Pretensions, one would think had the disposal of 40 considerable Places; indeed he has most of the Gentry at his beck, though 'tis a shame to see how poor spi­rited some of them are, to cringe and creep to him, whom most ho­nest Men avoid; though there's a broad mixture in this Man of Knave and Fool, yet he so manages by Tricks and Lyes a certain Person in whose Power 'tis to make you one extraordinary; that a Trial ought to be made of his Interest: And sure, by some of these, with my Assistance, (which you shall never want, a Man of your Birth, Education, and Ingenuity) cann't miss of some Imploy or other. Now, Sir, I've told you what's to be done, use your en­deavour; and when you have fix'd upon your particular, come a­gain to me, and I (as Mr. Houghton says) can help. My Enquirer, with his Head full of this Council, takes leave, resolving to medi­tate on it, and put it in Practice; but going down Stairs, he saw a written Paper which Harry's Servant had drop'd; and being curi­ous, took it up and put it in his Pocket to Read at Leisure; the first opportunity he had he opened the Paper, and found as follows: Answers, Excuses, and Observations, to be got by heart, and used, as occa­sion offers, by my Servant Robin.

If a Man [...] hard early in a Morning, with a Cane in his Hand, believe him a Creditor, and the first tim [...] answer him, that I am not well, and you dare not Disturb me; to Countenance which, be sure two or three days in a Month, tye a Rag upon the Knocker of the Door. The Second time, I was sent for about earnest Business, to any busie Nobleman you first think of. Afterwards say for me, as you would have others say for you to [Page 28] whom you Owe Money; but be sure you [...]be not catch'd in a Lie, for People are too apt to believe that Courtiers Servants Lie; tho' they speak Truth, if their Desi [...]es be'nt Comply'd with. If it be one that wears a Sword, 'tis Ten to One but 'tis either some body I am in Combination withall to Cheat another, or that he himself is to be Cheated, him presently admit, for from such, Corn comes to the Mill. If it be one whose Company I have shun'd, [...]nd him to some Tavern or Coffee-house out of the Verge of the Court, where to be sure I never go but on a Sunday.

Some part of the Paper had been torn off, but one may be certain, he had learn'd the whole Lesson by the variety of Shams and Excu­ses he had constantly ready. Bless me, how was my Inquirer Sur­priz'd at the Reading it! and began to conceive that he was fallen into the Hands of a Tongue-Padding, Cheating Courtier; but find­ing his Counsel in some measure ought to be followed, he was re­solved to make Applications as he was directed. In a short time by Friends or Money, he was little or much Recommended to almost [...]ll Fortune's Darlings, that had the Disposal of any Employs; one or other of them he was almost continually waiting on with the Re­commendation of my Lord such an one, Sir such an one; or honest Mr. such an one; and every one to whom he was Recommended, like true Courtiers, spoke him fair: One promised the next thing that fell; another promised to take Care of him; a Third, out of Kindness, would have him Qualify himself, that upon any Oppor­tunity he might jump in: A Fourth took Money in part; and a [...]ifth invited him to Dinner, which Gentleman it must be said of him, did him more Kindness than all the rest; for after he had wait­t [...]d half a Year, he found their promises to be only Air; for when the first had power by a Vacancy, to be sure he said, He was pre-in­gaged. The Second's care was to avoid him. The Third Gentle­man would not give him Opportunity to Jump, continually Selling Reversions. The Fourth did his Business but in part, for he could never get all his Money again. Thus Shuffled off from one to ano­ther, by fair Words and Promises, he spent a great deal of time, and all his Money to no purpose; meeting with so many Disappoint­ments, and really wanting Necessaries, and reflecting on the Usage he had met withal, and dreading the Poverty he saw approaching, he had fallen into Dispair, but that he had still the Happiness to carry in his Mind, the Thoughts of Futurity, from which he resolv'd as [Page 29] much as possible to be Content; and to strengthen him in his Acqui­essing, and Resignation to a Supreme Will, he often went to Church; but one day going into St. Martin's, thô early, the Surly Clark re­fus'd him admittance into a Pew, which so mightily concern'd him, that he went to his Lodging, and whilst the Thought continued, he Wrote the following Verse▪

Having long Rack'd his Brain [...], and Spent his Money and Time in Vain, his peery Landlord by a Writ, secur'd him a safe place in the Marshalsea durante Vita, unless a Compassionate Parliament re­lease him by an Act of Grace.