NOw have amongst you Gallants, here's a story
Will make you laugh, or else I should be sorry:
'Tis of a Journey lately made from
Walden
To
London, and of several places call'd in
As by the way I travel'd, with their Rarities
Of Vice and Virtue, and their great disparities.
'Twas in the year of Grace call'd Sixteen hundred
Seventy and seven, as our account is numbred,
The Eve o'th'
Scottish Champion St.
Andrew,
Who wore as good a sword as e're man drew,
Being the twenty-ninth day of
November,
Called St.
Saturnine as I remember,
The very next day when the
Term was ended,
Wherein much (ah too much) Coin is expended,
The sign was in
Aquarius, or the Legs,
Being
Wednesday, a day for
Fish and
Eggs.
The
Moon full four days old, the wind was
North,
When I on this mad Journey did set forth.
As for the
Tide I will not mention here,
For we have neither
Sea nor
Thames us near,
And therefore of their
Ebbs, or of their
flowing,
Very few persons thereabouts are knowing.
Thus having shown you when, in the next place
I'le show you whence my Journey I did trace:
'Twas from the
Rose and Crown, where Mr.
Eve
Doth keep a House like to an Under-sheriff;
[Page 2]There is good Sack, good
French-Wine, and good Beer.
And if you'l dine or sup, there is good cheer:
Or does your stomack to a Breakfast stand,
There's cold roast Beef, or Pork at your command.
For those men who the truth of this deny it,
Let them go there, and do as I did, try it;
There for your money you shall have kind usage,
Good words, and reckonings right, without abusage.
There at my parting, some kind friends of mine
Would needs bestow on me a quart of Wine,
Where with stout drinking e're my parting hour,
That Quart was made at least a three or four;
But
Sol his speedy journey would not stay,
And posting-time did call me thence away:
Yet would my Jovial friends on me attend
Part of my Journey unto
Audley-end,
By them call'd
Nineveh, but no great City,
Though too much sin may be there, more's the pity
There at the sign (of such a thing I think
As never swam on pond or rivers brink)
Of a
Black Swan, which is as rare 'tis said
As of a wench with child to be a maid.
Yet although of this Sign there's no such thing,
It was a sign there was good drink within,
And that we found fresh, sprightly, and well tasted;
With drinking which, we a long hour wasted.
But friends at last must part, though loth they be.
And so with much leave-taking then did we,
When, 'cause bad company should be withstood,
I walkt alone, and so had none but good.
The first Town I came to, was
Wenden nam'd,
Who hate
Eighth Henry, though a King much sam'd;
The reason of the same, they understand
He was the first man ever wore a
Band,
[Page 3]And that's a fashion to which they'l not come,
As being chargeable and troublesome,
Therefore without Bands commonly they go,
By which sign you a
Wenden-man may know.
From
Wenden I my course did next way bend
Unto the place is called
Sparrows-end,
Where Mr.
Harris my old friend the Tanner
Did entertain me in most courteous manner,
And having drunk such strong drink as we found,
With which his House doth commonly abound,
To
Newport-pond my course I next way bent,
And in at the sign of the
Black-Bull went,
Where scarcely in a room I had set down
When in came my old friends kind Mr.
Br—
And Mr.
Woo—two who love their friend
With true and hearty love unto the end;
For though they in another Town do live,
They to their Neighbour some kind Visits give.
'Twas twelve a Clock, Dinner-time did approach,
When men whet Knives on Wheels of Cart or Coach;
The Cloth was laid, and by the scent o'th' meat
One might perceive there something was to eat,
And so it prov'd indeed, for from the pot
Came forth a Rump of Beef was piping hot;
And from the Spit was brought a loyn of Mutton
Would satisfie the stomack of a Glutton;
For like a Loyn of Beef it might been knighted;
To which our Hostess kindly us invited,
Which we accepted of; and to delight her,
Told her none could deny such an inviter:
For she's a Widow of such excellent carriage,
Would make a man most happy in her Marriage,
Being young, fresh, fair, of a most pregnant wit,
And for a kind good Husband sure most fit.
[Page 4]We having din'd, and join'd a pint or two,
Then forwards on my Journey I did go.
And first I came unto a Town called
Rickling,
Where for to stay a while I made no stickling,
But presently in at the
Kings-head fell,
Where of
Compounding Dick I there heard tell,
To whom if that it please you to resort ye,
He for a hundred pound will mortgage forty
Shillings a year, nor do you think I jest,
It's very true indeed,
probatum est.
Or lend him lesser sums, which if you do,
For twenty Shillings he will pay you two;
Not two and twenty Shillings, no such plenty,
I mean he'l pay you two Shillings for twenty;
Pray lend him then, and this shall be your portion,
You shall not need fear being su'd for extortion.
From the
Kings-head I out of doors scarce went,
But was in
Quenden-street incontinent;
Of many a handsome Country-House the station,
It seems to be a little Corporation,
Yet are the Houses not so neat as strong,
And doth most to one Gentleman belong.
For nothing on it can you look asquint,
Unless cause there is ne're an Ale-house in't.
Good air, brave Woods, and fine rich Meadow-ground,
And doth with every sort of Grain abound.
The young men there do bear the Bell away
From all the Towns about at Foot-ball play.
Unto a Farmers House I went out-right,
Who entertained me like to a Knight:
And though at
Newport I had din'd before,
Yet here with him I must eat one bit more,
Some Ribs of Pork new kill'd, broil'd on a Gridiron
Of seven ribs, three on each side, and one mid-iron.
[Page 5]But ere they laid them on, they did them Salt,
A Shooing-horn to draw down juice of Malt;
Yet thus much of his Beer's strength I do know,
'Twould well go down without helps thereunto;
And who thereof to drink too much on't ventures,
'Twill turn him Scrivener for to make Indentures;
Which made me have a care of that same drink,
Because some Scriveners are K—s I think,
But whether so or no I'le leave to Pen,
They may be Knaves or may be honest men:
But to the matter, ere that we did part
I of his liquor took down many a quart;
Then fear lest I should of a Fox-skin smell,
I bid to him (as he made me) farewell.
From
Quenden I my ready course did frame
Thorow a Town that hath an
Ʋgly name,
Indeed to call it so they did not well,
Because that handsom Women in it dwell;
Nor are the Men for ought that I can find
But good condition'd, debonair, and kind:
And therefore he who ere the name it gave,
To call it so was but an ugly K—.
From
Ʋgly I next way to
Stansted travel'd,
Upon a plain High-way well ston'd and gravel'd;
This Town of
Stansted for distinctions sake
Doth unto it the name
Montfitchet take,
From the
Montfitchets once Lords of great fame,
And who ere while were owners of the same.
There at the
Bell, at my old friend's
George Perrin,
We drunk and tipled like unto a Herring;
For there is Ale and Stale-beer strong and mighty,
Will burn ith' fire like unto
Aqua-vitae;
And that the reason is, as you may know,
That this
Bells Liquor makes Mens
Clappers go:
[Page 6]Then when mens brains begin for to grow addle,
Some talk of riding ne'r sat on a Saddle,
And every one doth think himself a Prince,
Though he in's Pocket scarce hath Thirteen-pence.
This Town from
Walden is eight miles they say,
All which long space I travel'd in one day,
But wearied sore, and having drunken deep,
The leaden god then summon'd me to sleep;
So that for to repose my drowzy head,
It was not long before I went to bed;
And though I did not go out of my way,
Yet I that very night in
Holland lay.
Next morn, ere
Titan shew'd his glorious head,
My Host did rouze me from my drowzy bed;
And for so doing this was his pretence,
To pay a Groat for my last nights offence,
Which I soon gave unto the jovial Croney,
For being so ore-reached by
Vulpone;
And being up, we briskly did it spend,
And so of the
round Groat made a
square end.
Thus arm'd with Toast and Ale, my Muse and I,
Having no other in our company,
Footed it on the Road, and straightway came
Unto a Town
Birchanger call'd by name,
Of which there is a Proverb very old,
From one Age still unto another told
That there they christen Calves, which by mens bounty
It may extend to each Town in the County;
Because the plenty of the Veal from thence,
To call them
Essex Calves is a pretence.
Thorow
Birchanger I pass'd without drinking,
The reason thereof you perhaps are thinking;
Yet don't believe herein that I do scoff-ye,
They there sell neither Ale, Wine, Beer, nor Coffee;
[Page 7]Therefore unless without Town they be sped,
They very soberly may go to Bed:
But though such liquors are not sold among them,
Because that I would willingly not wrong them,
Strong drink in private Houses there may be,
Of which the owners may be frank and free;
But whether that the same be so or no,
To tell to you the truth, I do not know,
Therefore it to avouch I were to blame,
Unless that I had tasted of the same.
Thus something dry within, yet ne'retheless
In a good plight, my way I next address
Unto a place call'd
Hockrell, and there took
In at the
Crown, with honest Mr.
Cook;
Now here I did no entertainment lack,
With
French-Wine,
Rhenish, and good
Spanish Sack;
And being Dinner-time I fill'd my gullet,
Begun with powder'd Beef, ended with Pullet;
And after Dinner we to drinking fixt,
With taking of Tobacco intermixt.
Minding that Town my Journeys end should be
For that same night, I was resolv'd to see
The rarities of the same, which to disclose
A little while I'le turn my Verse to Prose.
From
Bishop-Storford I next day set forth
Unto a Town is called
Sabridgworth,
Contracted
Sapssord; but call't what you will,
In the same place it did, the Town stands still.
Good Corn they say within the same doth grow,
And good Beer may be in't for ought I know;
But at that time I had no list to drink,
So past I thorough it, and sav'd my Chink.
Unto
Pye-corner went I, to the
Rose,
Where for a time I staid and tope't my nose;
[Page 9]There was a jolly
Hostess, and good tipple,
Would make the tongue run, and the legs a cripple.
But of large drinking, Reader, this know of it,
There is small pleasure in it, and less profit;
'Twill quickly empty all the purse of crosses,
Which will breed discontentment for such losses.
My Hostess without coyn you can't accost her,
Her rule is,
No peny, no Pater-noster;
She cares not for your company a bean-straw,
You can't come at her back-side with a hand-saw.
But if you have the white and yellow mettle,
She simpers like to a Furmety-kettle.
The servants nimble are, and you may brag on
The credit, not to call twice for a flaggon:
The female servants, lest they should be shent,
Do answer (as they are)
incontinent.
For Claret, Sack, strong Beer you shall not stand Sir,
Both Hostess, men and maids, are at command Sir.
But if the Purse chance to be in the wane,
Then you may call, and call, and call again,
You have free liberty for to be gone Sir,
For
quickly come, is turn'd
anon, anon Sir.
Therefore kind Reader spend not all away,
But keep a peny 'gainst a rainy day;
Then shall you welcome be where e're you come,
Where otherwise more welcome is your room.
But I've digrest, but hope have not transgrest
In these invective lines I've here exprest;
Yet Reader know, although Inns and Ale-houses
Were not ordain'd for men to drink Carrouses,
Yet are they for the Trav'ller necessary,
Who else his meat and drink must with him carry;
And very oftentimes it would be found
He must his lodging take on the cold ground;
[Page 10]This also must of them be understood,
That many Hosts and Hostesses are good,
Use people kindly for their drink and diet,
And lodg them softly, where they rest in quiet.
Where we will leave them sleeping in their bed,
To show how after in my way I sped.
Crossing the Fields, I in short space came down
To
Eastwick, to the sign o'th'
Rose and Crown,
Where for to stay I did not once intend,
But at the Inn-door there I met a friend,
An old acquaintance newly come from
London,
Where women some are done, some men are undone;
To see how resolutions soon may alter,
At sight of him my legs began to falter,
And though before I had no list to drink,
Now other thoughts into my mind did sink;
Methoughts I was as dry as was a bottle
Turn'd upside downward, and without a stopple;
My eyes 'gan view the door, which open stood
To invite all Company in that wou'd;
Seeing an opportunity so fit,
How every thing invited us to it,
My friend and I resolv'd e're we did go,
To enter in and drink a quart or two;
Yet did we think the House not so resplendent,
Because no Bush was to the sign dependent;
But this gave comfort,
What could not be cur'd,
It must be with a patient mind endur'd;
Because therefore no Wine we could come by,
We were resolv'd Beer should us satisfie.
Being in, the first thing that our eyes beheld,
(like to two Soldiers marching in the field)
Came in a Bag-pudding and piece of Beef,
Which unto hungry stomacks gives relief.
[Page 11]By what is writ, Reader, thou maist suppose
(without the smelling, snuffing sence, the Nose)
'Twas Dinner time, when men do meat devour,
Or (as the Quaker saith) 'bout the Twelfth hour,
Our Stomacks were provided for the meat,
Nor did our Host fail for to bid us eat,
Few complements need to be us'd to do it,
For (hungry) we did stoutly fall unto it.
And being thus refresht with wholsom diet,
You'd think our Stomacks should have been at quiet:
But other thoughts did in our mind take place,
And liquor there was wanting in the case;
Our Hostess she was very blithe and handy,
And brought us in a quartern of
Nantz-Brandy,
A Liquor which the
Dutch-men prize, I think,
More than
Ambrosia which the gods do drink;
Therefore its fame unto the Heav'ns they raise,
Indeed that Liquor well deserveth praise
Beyond
Metheglin, Ʋsquebah, or
Perry,
Or nappy
Ale that makes mens hearts full merry.
Worstershire-Sider, nor yet
Brunswick-Mum,
In goodness nothing near unto it come.
Your liquorish
Steponey, or your
Bracket,
For goodness like to
Brandy they much lack it.
Cardimum, Rosa-solis, Aqua-vitae,
Although that they be very strong and mighty,
They are no more comparable to
Brandy,
Than is a
Gyant to a
Jack-a-dandy:
Nor yet that Liquor
Fancy on us thrusts,
Which scalds our mouths, and tasts like to burnt Crusts,
As Black as
Soot, or as the River
Stix,
Which they with Kennel water (surely) mix,
It comes far short of
Brandy all will say,
Not to be mention'd with it the same day.
[Page 12]
Brandy (according to the drinking Law)
It is both good and wholesom burnt or raw;
Or raw mixed with Sugar, if you do it,
There is no drink comparable unto it;
It clears the Stomach, and it helps digestion,
And is a wholesom Liquor without question.
Now we at this good Liquor there did stay
Till two full hours were wasted of the day;
When time, which every one of truth convinces,
And will not stay one jot, no not for Princes,
Told us that we must part, that too much drinking
Cripled the Legs, and made the wits be shrinking,
Then 'cause we would not be contradictory
To Time, although to part we were right sorry,
We paid the shot, a thing must not be undone,
And parted, he towards
York, and I towards
London.
From thence I on my journey forwards fell
Unto a Town nam'd
Stansted-Deal, or
Dell,
So call'd 'cause it is in a bottom founded,
With
Dells or watry places most surrounded:
Here runs a River which doth save them charges,
Being capable of bearing Boats and Barges,
By which to
London they send store of Grain,
And bring thence Coles and other things again.
There is good liquor in that Town they say,
But 'twas near half a mile out of my way:
Wherefore because I would not go about,
I of that nappy liquor went without;
For why, the nearest way to
London lies
Over a Common-meddow call'd the
Ryes,
Which way I took, and crossed the
New-River,
That unto
London doth her Streams deliver.
But now some other matters to explain,
A while I'le turn my Verse to Prose again.
[Page 13]As I was thus going over the
Ryes, there over-took me a Journey-man Shoo-maker, going so fast, as if his business required wonderful hast; however I had that inquisitiveness to ask him why he went so fast, and that if he went softlier I should be glad of his company, as being alone: He replied, that he was one of the
Gentle-Craft, and having by the perswasions of
Monsieur Malt-worm spent all his chink, he must hast to
London that night, having no Money to accommodate him with a lodging by the way. I laughed heartily at his discourse, and told him he was not to be blamed for being money-less, seeing the same was ordained by
Jupiter before. Those words struck
Crispin into a great amazement, who would needs know how it came to pass that
Jupiter should be such an enemy to good fellowship? Marry (said I) I think him to be no enemy unto good fellowship, though it hath happened that he hath predestin'd most of you to be unthrifts, the manner whereof I will relate unto you.
It happened some Ages before my Grandmother was born, that
Jupiter and
Mercury travelled together upon the earth;
Mercury was wonderfully hungry, and had no Money in his Purse to buy him any food; and at last to his great comfort he spied where a company of Taylors were at dinner with butter'd Pease, eating their Pease with their Needles points one by one:
Mercury came to them, and asked them his alms; they proudly bid him sit down and do as he saw them did, and with that delivered him a Needle. The poor God being passing hungry, could not content his Maw with eating one by one, but turned the eye of his Needle, and eat two or three together; which the Taylors seeing, they start up, and said, What fellow, a Shovel and Spade to butter'd Pease! hast thou no more manners? Get out of our company: and so they sent him packing with many strokes.
Mercury coming back,
Jupiter
[Page 14] demanded of him what news? And he told him how churlishly he was used by the Taylors. Well, wandering on further,
Mercury espied where a company of Shoo-makers were at Dinner with powdred Beef and Brewess; going to them, before he could ask them any alms, they said, Welcom good fellow, what is thy Stomack up? Wilt thou do as we do, and taste of our Beef?
Mercury thanked them, and sat down and eat his Belly-full, and drank well of Double-Beer; and when he had done, went home to his Master; as soon as he came,
Jupiter asked him what news? And he said, I have lighted amongst a crew of Shoo-makers, the boonest Fellows that ever I met withal, they have frankly fed me without grudging, and therefore grant me a Boon for them. Ask what thou wilt,
Mercury (quoth he) and it shall be granted. Why then quoth he, grant that for this good turn they have done me, they may ever spend a Groat afore they can earn Twopence; It shall be granted quoth he:
Mercury, as soon as
Jupiter had said the word, he bethought himself, and said, Not so, but that they may earn a Groat before they spend Twopence, for my Tongue slipt at first; but
Jupiter replied, my grant cannot be recalled, your first wish must stand firm. And hence it comes to pass that by
Mercuries mistake, and
Jupiters grant, that the Journey-men of the Gentle-craft have been ever since such boon blades, and toping good Fellows.
Crispin heard my Story with much attention, and I perceived that had his Purse been answerable to his heart, we had tasted what liquor had been at the next Ale-house: But as the old song says,
Poverty parts good company; my Lady
Pecunia having parted from him, he soon parted from me, and made all the hast he could towards
London.
[Page 15]Passing thus as I told you o're, the
Rye,
Incontinent to
Hodsden I did hie,
A great th'row-fare, consisting of one street,
But seated in an Air wholesom and sweet;
There is therein of Inns the duce and all,
But Beer in them methought was very small,
I try'd not only one, but two or three,
But Beer in none did with my taste agree;
Indeed there is good Ale at the Thatcht-house,
Which followed will give a man a douce,
And likewise in the Town you there may see
Of Taverns there's no less than two or three,
Wherein with Wine you there may fill your gorges,
But not so good (methinks) as my friend
Georges.
There is a Statue of a Nimph-like charm,
Which always holds a Pitcher in her arm,
Through which she water constant doth deliver,
Which saves the fetching of it from the River;
What other Rarities in this Town be,
Let them who list go thither for to see.
From thence I went and had a little pull
At
Broksborn, at the Sign of the
Black-Bull,
Where though there was not high and mighty Liquor,
'Twas stronger than at
Hodsden, and more quicker;
Quicker in two respects, Pots came more thick,
And then the Beer in drinking was more quick;
But having by such quickness much coyn spent,
I parted thence, and unto
Wormly went;
There did I stay all night at the
White-Hind,
And found an Host was debonair and kind.
He told me many tricks done in his youth,
Which if so be they all of them were truth,
I must conclude (for so it plain appears)
He was an arch wag in his younger years.
[Page 16]My Hostess she was bonny, tite, and neat,
And full of mirth, as is an Egg of meat.
She bid me kindly welcome, so she may
I think to any one that freely pay;
Yet this I'le say, her Meat was of the best,
Fresh, sweet, and good, and very cleanly drest;
All her discourse was pleasant, sweet as honey,
And I was kindly welcome for my money.
Next morn no sooner
Phoebus did appear,
And with his beams did gild our Hemisphear,
But I soon shook off
Morpheus drowzy clog,
First drank, and paid, then forwards on did jog
Unto a Town call'd
Cheshunt, wheretofore
Was a Religious House of
Nuns great store;
These
Nuns were Maids or Virgins, chuse you which,
Or at the leastwise they should have been such,
But same hath told (if same hath not beli'd them)
They no such Cattel were by those that try'd them;
For under ground they had a private Cell
To
Waltham-Abby where the
Monks did dwell,
By which conveyance they each other met,
And many Bastards by this means did get;
But whether that the same were true or no,
'Tis only God Almighty that doth know.
This
Cheshunt Town is three miles long or near,
And scattered with Houses here and there;
Some Alehouses upon the Road I saw,
And some with bushes, shew'ng they Wine did draw,
But whether Beer or Wine were good or bad,
To tast thereof no time as then I had:
For should a man at every Ale-house call,
'Twould empty his Purse, and spoil his brains withal;
And truly unto me it is a wonder
To see how Ale-houses the Road do
[...]er,
To think which ways they make a shift to live!
And yet I think a man may wonder more
That many men about them live so poor!
The Reason is, that what these poor men gain,
The Ale-houses for drink from them do drain;
And so these poor men, to be term'd good fellows,
Do toil and moil for to maintain the Ale-house.
As to this purpose did a Neighbour mine,
Who to maintain the Ale-wives to go fine,
And idly live, whatever that he got
He spent upon them, on the Pipe and Pot;
He following this Trade continually,
Fell grievous sick, as if he straight would die;
Desiring his Wives pity, he to move her,
Told her if that please God he did recover,
And that his help he to him would be giving,
Hee'd make the Ale-wives to spin for their living.
Soon after he recover'd his distemper,
But quickly grew he to be
idem-semper,
The Ale-houses he no ways would refrain,
Which made his wife thus carefully complain,
Husband, you said, if that God sent you health,
You would unto your self return your wealth,
And make the Ale-wives for their living spin,
But now another mind I see you're in.
True Wife (reply'd the man) I were to blame
Should I deny't, and still my mind's the same:
But first they must have Money wherewithall
For to buy Flax, ere they to spinning fall.
"Thus still what vice a man is to addicted,
"He by excuses seeks to be protected.
But to return where I did leave before,
This Town of
Cheshunt having passed o're,
[Page 18]I came to
Waltham-Cross, from
London Town
A Dozen miles just, either up or down:
Of which same Cross, because that I will write,
I will again in Prose a while indite.
This Cross was erected by King
Edward the first, in memory of his Wife Queen
Eleanor, a renowned and vertuous Lady, Sister to
Alphonsus King of
Castile, Daughter to King
Ferdinand the third, and only Child of
Joan his second Wife, Daughter and Heir of
John Earl of
Ponthien. She accompanied her Husband to the Holy Land, in which Voyage, he being stabbed by a
Saracen with a poysoned Dagger, when no Medicine could extract the poyson, she did it with her Tongue, licking daily, while her Husband slept, his rankling wounds, whereby they perfectly closed, and yet her self received no harm!
So soveraign a medicine (said
Speed)
is a womans tongue, anointed with the vertue of lovely affection. Pity it is, saith Mr.
Fuller, such a pretty story should not be true, because then we might hear of one womans tongue that hath done good, whereas otherwise we have heard of a hundred womens tongues that have done hurt. However, no question she was a woman of excellent parts, to our Nation a loving Mother,
and (saith
Walsingham)
the Column and Pillar, as it were, of the whole Realm. She dyed at
Herdby in
Lincolnshire, November 29, 1290, having been King
Edwards Wife 36 years, who erected to her honour these Crosses, as Statues, at
Lincoln, Grantham, Stanford, Geddington, Northampton, Stony-Stratford, Dunstable, St.
Albans, this at
Waltham, and one at
Westminster called Charing-cross; which last was by the Rump, that Maggot-end of a Parliament, pulled down; to such uncertain periods come oftentimes the fairest Structures, as this which was built of Marble, and therefore the more subject to the covetousness of avaritious hands. Thus, as
John Taylor hath it,
Old
Charing-Cross that lasted many lives,
Is turn'd to Saltsellers and H
[...]f
[...]s of Knives.
But this Cross at
Waltham being not so rich, escaped ruine, though time hath made it something ruinous in respect of its former beauty and splendor. But enough of this Cross, lest I cross my Reader with the tediousness of the relation thereof.
[Page 19]From
Waltham-Cross I went to
Enfield Town,
Unto the Sign there of the
Rose and Crown,
A noted place; which House much money takes
For sale of Butter'd bread, Eel-pies and Cakes;
There also is good Beer, and Ale so great,
'Tis said that it will make a Cat to speak.
But there is one thing makes amends for all,
Although their Ale be great, their pots are small.
This House is call'd
old Joans, but wherefore so,
To tell to you the truth, I do not know;
Nor can we ought of its antiquity read
In learned
Cambden, or laborious
Speed,
For had they at the same but tope't their nose,
They would have writ of it I do suppose;
Nor did
John Taylor the brave
Water▪Poet
In all his rambling Travels surely know it,
For honest
John did ne're commit that crime,
To drink good Ale, and mention not the Sign;
But since that time I have informed been,
That those same persons who now live therein,
Were in another House living e're while,
Nearer to
London much about a mile,
And coming for to live where now they do,
They brought the name of
old Joans thither too.
Here after I had staid a little space,
Towards
London then I forwarder did trace,
And weary as I was at last did come
To the
Blew Bell in merry
Edmonton;
I call it merry, for it doth appear
That once a merry Devil lived there.
Or else the story lies, and the
Devil's in't,
If men would dare for to put lies in print;
But ancient Records they be-like do tell
One
Peter Faber he therein did dwell,
[Page 20]And he deceiv'd the Devil as 'tis sed,
The Devil sure was fairly brought to bed;
That he should be deceiv'd 'tis to be wonder'd,
Where one deceives him, he deceives a hunder'd.
But Holla Muse, where runs my busie pen!
Return unto thy subject once agen,
Here at the
Bell I found good Beer, good Sack,
Nor did they Customers at that time lack,
Whose postures to express as they sat quaffing,
Would make a Horse his Bridle break with laughing:
Here one sate in a fume of
Tunidado,
Whose vapours unto Heaven did make scalado;
Another he did spit and spall so sore
As if he'd see what he had drunk before;
Another he did sing so out of frame,
'Twould scare the schreich-owles for to hear the same;
One had his tongue continually a walking,
Yet none could gain one wise word by his talking;
Another did better decorum keep,
Nodding his head a while he fell asleep;
Some could not to one seat their breeches fix,
But walking still were full of antick tricks:
So each a several posture did express,
Acted with very much rediculousness,
That it would make one think, a man to see
What kind of Beasts and Anticks, Drunkards be,
That he from over-drinking should refrain,
Or having been drunk, ne're be drunk again.
Here at the
Bell I little time did stay,
Drank only one bare pint, and went my way.
But in the Road another Tavern spi'd,
Where what juice was within I went and tri'd;
To give you commendations of the Wine
It much doth need, 'twas neither brisk nor fine,
[Page 21]Racy, nor pure; therefore I do not scoff,
It needs much praises for to put it off;
But yet the Drawer like an honest Lad
Told me, although the first pint proved bad,
Bid me I should not be too much perplext,
For why it should be mended in the next;
But I well knowing his wire-drawing tricks,
By which on many a person they do fix;
Did leave him for some other one to taper on,
And bid adieu to him and his blue apron.
Next I to
Totnam-High-cross took my way,
And at the Sign o'th'
Swan a while did stay,
Being by a friend call'd in, who with a glance
From out the window spied me by chance;
No Complements betwixt us were neglected,
Being glad to meet together unexpected,
And then as when friends meet, the common use
Is to enquire straight,
Pray what good news?
So was it then with us, our tongues 'gan prate
Of such transactions as were done of late,
And afterwards to other matters fell;
And first of all our tongues began to tell
How Honesty we thought from earth was fled,
Money was scarce, and that made trading dead.
That men of parts were flighted and neglected,
Whilst mimick anticks were too much respected;
How that Hypocrisie bare so much rule,
Plain dealing now accounted was a fool;
How
yea and nay, if you do rightly scan him,
Would cozen, but more slylier far than
dam-
[...]im;
That some men, though in Knavery were mounted;
Yet would be angry to be Knaves accounted▪
These last were my friends words which he me told,
But I straightway desir'd him to hold,
[Page 22]And bid him speak with better circumspection,
(There is no gen'ral Rule without exception)
For in our Country I my self did know
As great a Knave as thereabouts did grow,
Who cause he would be known to be a Knave,
To have it under-hand five shillings gave,
And that this was a▪ real truth, no jest,
Hundreds might sign it with
Probatum est.
Thus we of Knav'ry did our judgments scan,
Yet Knav'ry will be us'd do what we can;
Which made that Knave to think he did not leese,
When as he paid ten pounds by one poor Cheese;
Well may we say with
Rombus the School master,
'Twill cause a broken head to have such plaister;
And thus a man might eas'ly make it plain,
That some are but bare Knaves, some Knaves in grain.
But to return where we did leave before▪
And of these cheating Knaves to write no more:
Commanding Time which will not stay for no man,
Me to my Journey once again did summon;
My friend and I that was so honest hearted,
Drunk to each other▪ then shook hands and parted.
Going still nearer
London, I did come
In little space of time to
Newington.
Now as I past along I cast my eye on,
The Signs of
Cock and Pie, and
Bull and
Lion,
And Handsome Hostesses, with smiling looks,
And thought that
Jack-daws might be caught by
Rooks.
So I ne're staid, but unto
Kingsland came,
Where at that place I found the very same
Signs to invite the people in to drink,
Where (if you will) you may spend store of Chink.
From thence my course to
London I did bend,
And at the City made my Journeys▪
END.