ALL those who are troubled with the Grum­bling in the Gizzard, or the Fancies, whom no Government, or any Order, Rule or Pow­er in Church or State can content; all such as are never well (full or fasting) Who will have better Bread then is made of Wheat, with the rest of that stubborne and stiffe-neck'd Generation; all these sorts of mischiefe-making Murmurers, that labour the ruine of all, for their own pecular profits and privat ends; such as only love themselves, and yet hate one another dead­ly; all such I do freely invite to the eating of my Calfe with the white face.

Now what this Calfe is, and what it is not, or from whence it came, and had it's breeding, is necessary to be declared.

First, this Calfe is not a golden Calfe, such a one as the two-legg'd Calves of Israel worship'd whilst Moses was in the Mount; nor such a one as the brace of Calves was, which Jeroeboam set up, the one at Beth-el, the other at Dan. For if my Calfe had bin a golden Beast, 'tis ten to one he had bin Sequestrated, and justly broken in peices, and trans­form'd into a Molten Calfe, and consequently coyned for some other uses; nor is it an Essex Calfe, or Walthams Calfe, (that went nine miles to suck a Bull, and came home againe thirstie;) nor did I ever read, or hear, that any of these fore­named Calves had white faces.

Thus have I told you what my Calfe was not, is not, or ever like to be; now I tell you what he was, is, and will be. [Page 6]It is but a little Calfe (for the greatest Calves are not the sweetest Veale) yet as little as it is, it is spread universally over the face of the Earth, and metamorphosed into a ge­neral Proverbe.

And though it be daily in the mouthes of thousands of people, yet it is never devoured or diminished, much like a Taylours Goose, never to be eaten; a meere invisible Calfe.

My wise, and dearly-beloved Cousins of London have fed upon it a long time; they grumbled and repined a­gainst Peace and Plentie, they had more of Gods blessings then they knew how to make right use of; their Allegeance lay so heavie on their stomacks, that too many of them gave most part of their estates to have a publike faithful Vomit, which made them cast, and cast away so extreamly, that a number of them were like to have cast their hearts out, and so much over-strain'd themselves, that they are cleane out of hope of recoverie, for they have no other earthly com­fort left, but a Calfe with a white face.

And all those that grudge against the just Rights of the King, are justly deprived of their just Rights, which (by more then a good many) were unjustly gotten; There was much Irish Land bought, which Lands are fruitfull Fields in the Firmament, fat Pastures and Medowes in the Clouds, and stately Castles in the Ayre.

A great number of mad men were possest with a conceit, that those wise-Akers of invisible Land was to be sold and bought at easie rates by the measure of their owne feet; which caused them to go to the Devills own Shoo-maker, who furnisht them with Boots & Shoos just in the fashion of his owne cloven foot, of a reaching size, longer then the foot by three or four inches; forked as if they made hornes at every bodie they met, (a most excellent policie to gaine [Page 3]large penny-worths,) for which thriftie bargaine, they shal be feasted with the head and braines of a Calfe with a white face.

A wicked crew in the Citie and Countrie, who were imagined to be stout and strong Pillars of State; whose Wisedome, Integritie, and Loyalties, might have sup­ported the Church and Kingdomes in Peace and happie Government; But those Pillars are proved to be no bet­ter then Cater-pillars, having devoured and spoyled all our fruitfull Possessions, Spirituall and Temporall; inso­much, that all those that did put any trust or confidence in them, have scarce so much hope left them as to feed upon the Calfe with a white face.

It is said, that the East wind doth bring in the most part and greatest number of those kind of destroying Vermin, but we find (by lamentable experience) that all the winds have unfortunatly blown them into our Countrie, but the most damnable swarmes of them were puffed with the blustring breath of Boreas, from the cold North.

Yet there are some amongst us who are grieved at the odds' and differences that we have, and if they had (or may get so much power into their hands) they would speedily make all our odds even, and end our divisions by dividing.

These are the upright-minded Levellers, that would have no King, no Magistrate, no Law, no Religion, nor any Man to have more wealth of more wit and honestie then another; that every one might be equall, trim tram, rowly powly, Jack as good as Charles, and Joane as good as my La­die, all fellowes at [...]; But these fellowes shall have the Calfe with the white face.

These kind of Levellers are of an ancient standing in England, and in truth they are no upstarts: for neare 300 yeares agoe, in the [...]eare of Grace 1380, the fifth yeare of [Page 6]the raign of K. Richard the second, by the seditious preach­ing of Parson John Ball, they arose in Armes for the same Levelling purpose, and did much mischiefe in the King­dome, as you may read the full Storie in Stowes Chronicle, Page 292, and 293, to which Booke I refer such as desire further satisfaction.

Now if every man were to be in an equalitie, we must be all Rich men, or all poore; all Wise men, or all Fooles; all with sight and limbs, or all blind and lame; all civill, or all mad; all sober, or all drunkards; all honest men and women, or all Whores and Whore-masters; all true men, or all Theeves; all old, or all young; all players, or all work­ers; all Labourers, or all Loyteters; all Gentlemen, or all Clownes and Peasants; &c.

I could insist further in this uneven kind of Levelling, but enough is sufficient. Licurgus K. of Sparta, or Lacede­demonia, when a Fellow asked him, whether hee did not hold it very necessitie to lay all degrees of Persons and their Estates Levell throughout all his Dominions, the K. answered him, That he would have him, and all the rest which were of his mind to begin first to make all Persons equall, and lay all levell in their owne houses.

But now I have done with my Calfe, and my Calfe hath done with me; for a Scottish Pedlar hath gotten him from me, and carried away by Sea from England to Amsterdam in Holland, as this short following relation doth declare.

There was a ripe-witted young Lad, borne and brought up North-ward beyond Barwicke, betweene Edenborow and the High-Lands, his name was Malcolme Magrigger; This Fellow being of the age of eighteene yeares, left his Country, and sailed in a Ship called the Mary-carry-knave into Poland; he had not been long there, but he was enter­tained by a Scottish Pedlar (who call themselves Merchants [Page 7]in that Countrie) and having scarce served his Master two yeares, he thriv'd so well, that (by running away with his Masters pack) he set up for himselfe, whereby he grew so wickedly rich, that he left Poland and came into Holland; where at Amsterdam'd he hired a faire house, with a shop & a large ware-house, which he stored with all manner of such commodities as he supposed to be most vendible to others, and commodious to himself: You must imagin now that you see him in's Shop with many Customers about him & he very willing to take money as fast as he can.

First, one came unto him and asked him if hee had any Religion to fell; he answered, that he was furnished with all Religions, and would sell any man what he had most mind unto, for there was varieties and choyce enough. Looke you Sir, heare is Poperie, if you like it I will afford you a good penny-worth.

The other replied, that it was old and stale, and that it had a poore thing in it called Charitie, (which the Papists do imagine to be good-workes) which I hold to be an errone­ous kind of Doctrine, for I am perswaded, that good works are not meritotious, and therefore my selfe, (with many thousands more of my opinion) never did any, and as near as we can, never meane to trouble our selves with the doing of any. Then said the Merchant; Sir, I would be glad to take your mony, I pray you take your choyce; see here, will you buy the Protestant Religion, I tell you it is a good old one, and the old way is the good way, and the best way. It was answered. That the Protestant Profession did flourish a long time in England, till the mad people did mangle and tatter it into ragged Shreds and Sects, and though you have it to sell, yet i thinke no man is so mad as to buy it, for it teacheth Obedience, Loyaltie, and Allegeance to Kings & Princes; Then said the Merchant, Sir, I thinke you came [Page 8]not to buy or bargaine; I cannot please your humour, will you have a Calfe with a white face?

Then came an old Ladie of the last edition friend (quoth she) have you any new fashions to sell for Ladies, Gentlemen, and E­squire? Laidie (said he) I have the best and newest within the walls of Afrique or America; here are most exquisit black patch­es for the face, to illustrate & make the beautie the more conspicu­ous; here they are in the formes of Flyes, Fleas, Monkeys, and Mag-Pyes, Sun, Moone, Starres, Owles and Pole-Cats: I can as­sure you Ladie there is much art in the creation of them, and they are in such request in England, that a Gentlewoman gave 100 li. for a black patch in the forme of a Coach and foure Horses, which patch was no bigger then the compasse of a Scotch three pence. Tush (quoth she) I came to buy no such bables, I would have bought some Honestie, Modestie; and Chastitie, for my selfe, and for my Daughters and Maid-servants: Pish quoth he, your Ladyship doth not well know what you would have, will you have a Calfe with a white face?

Come Gentlemen, what lack ye? here are fine Ribands of all colours to weare for favours round your Hats, or to garnish and adorn your Codpiece for the honour and exaltation of the Toole of Transgression; Come along Customers; here are curious Salt-Sellers and Knives hefte made of black, white, and gray marble, out of the Ruins and Reliques of old Charing Crosse; here is a fine Shooing-Horne made out of part of the nayle of Gargantu's little finger, here are Dice made of the Eye-Teeth of the famous Witch of Endor: What, are you all lookers on and gaping-gazers, will nothing fit you, will you have a Calfe with a white face?

Here is a rare piece of workmanship, a brave Picture of a good King to be sold, his person hath been bought, sold and bartered, more times then he hath fingers and toes; come buy, buy.

What lack ye Sir? Then said an English man, have you any Eng­lish Bookes? yes Sir, I have Bookes of Roguerie, Vilianie, Lyes, Perfect Currant Lyes, Moderate Lyes, Lyes of all shapes & sizes: The other replyed, a pox take 'em, we have too many of them in England, they are as plenty full as durt, and cryed every day a­bout the streets of London and Westminster for pence a peece. The Pediat answered, Sir, I have none that will give you content, I thinke you would have a Calfe with a white face; farewell, good night, I will shut up my Shop with