IF loosers have leave to speak, Academicus needs no Apologie or Preamble to stuff his sheet, and make full measure (as the fashion is) with vantage and thumb breadths to inch it out. And therefore to hold the Loyal and honest hearted in suspence no longer (who would hear from their Mother, I presume) we shall endeavour the like speed in relating, as our Visitors in act­ing Mischiefs; not letting our phant'sie loose, or dancing about the Matter as we might do, which on evident symptomes of her Recovery, we shall in a more compacted style and elevated vein attempt hereafter. In the mean while, 'tis worthy out observation what a seasonable time they pitch on to set forward their Reformation-journey: For having begun on March 27, (his Majesties Coronation-day) they have proceeded ever since most vigorously. And lest that Antichristian and Heathenish custom of being in charity with all the world at Easter should continue as heretofore, they make choice of this time on set purpose to interrupt and take men [...] beau­tiful [Page 2]and glorious object before their eyes, even a full body of Regulating members met together.

Where first, that they might establish and promote Christs Kingdom (which a long time has been their promise to the world) to do it the neerest way, they fall upon his Church with might and main: For, meeting on Easter. eve in Christ-Church-Hall to summon the members of that Foundation to appear on munday in Easter week in the Deans Lodgings, accordingly the game began very early upon that morning (such an Holy-day makes mischief relish) when by a posted Paper they ordained that Doctour FELL should immediately remove his family and houshold goods, and yeeld up possession to Master EDWARD RAI­NOLDS (a Visitor) as his lawful successour by Vote in Parlia­ment: But finding the Religious Matron his wife unwilling to part with all for asking it, who therefore with her young ones kept under Lock and Key to avoid the expected Tyranny of their Oppressors, they resolve now, vi & Armis, to subdue her spirit, and make her yeeld, having the Souldiery at their back to help them forwards, ( Independents to settle the Directory, i [...] very pretty!) who with directions given from Engineer-Vul­can- Rogers, and their own acquired Dexterity in the trade, brake open the dissenting Doors; where entering into the choicest rooms, they expected obedience unto their Summons: But that Royal Foundation could acknowledge no Visitor but King CHARLES, which by a general absenting themselves the mock- Visitors might perceive; although the Founder and they may seem of kin, and the very same Motto serve to know them both, (Ego & Rex Meus) which the Cardinal (as well as they) even unto this day is famous for.

Having cooled themselves by sitting still uninterrupted by any company but their own all-knowing Consciences, and a domestick Cat or two, they expresse their discontents in wri­ting, and post it in publike view, as followeth.

This was no sooner pulled down, but a second supplied his place, which ran in these words, as followeth.

But these Paper-Kytes were so hooted at, that they appeared thereby more ridiculous: whereupon they got up on horse-back to conduct the renowned Chancellour to do the feat; who on Tuesday the 11 of April came amongst us accompanied with [Page 4]such Tag raggs for his followers, that one would swear he came Ambassadour from New-England by their Rabbinical Monkey faces, or that old England made a general Muster of all her Spawns at once.

The Master of the Revels was no sooner come, but Orlando Furioso CHEYNEL begins the Play, who stood ready at Merton-Colledge provided with a Speech to entertain him, (which his Lordship and his horse did understand alike:) After that, a most costly Bible was presented him, and a Gratuity from the Maior and Aldermen: the later he accepted, and gave them thanks; but the former he thought a jeer put on him, and bequeathed it to his Chaplain to make his best of.

In the evening, Orders were given out that a Convocation should be the day following, and the new made Beadles to ac­quaint the Gown men with it; who having got a copie of the form to divulge it in, proclamied it in false Latine most signifi­cantly.

Which the Rabble took notice of more then others, and re­paired accordingly to see the sight, which in earnest was worth their labour: for his Lordship with his immediate substitute, and their adjutants Crosse and Button, with the Visitors and their appurtenances, being come omnium gatherum into the Convocation-house, proposed a new Creation to the world, but was not heard by reason of the noise and hissing, such as ne­ver was before in that place, since Adam was first created.

This caused his mouth to open, after admiration of his learn­ed silence; who now told them the common way was broken down, and as the case now stood was uselesse, they having got by conquest all the Power, and adventured their dearest blood to purchase it; Proctor Crosse confirming the same in the Speech he read aloud, with tautological and more schol [...]stick Anglicisms, then the mixt multitude could understand with pa­tience, who sufficiently exploded his unbeseeming ignorance, and went their way.

But the work of Creation must go forwards; and therefore Proclamation was made to all persons whatsoever, that had laid aside their Allegeance and Learning for the seven late yeers of trouble, and been occupied in employments of any other [Page 5]nature, to nominate what degree they stood for, and 'twas their own; provided they continued in the same opinion still, to be faithful to their Creator and his Nursery, which may be famous in after-times, and flourish. Nay, the two factions did so claw each other in this Assembly, that the Officers (to make them Gentlemen) (though Independents) were created Masters of Arts, the Governour himself not excepted; so that now they may preach by their authority, who have railed against them in their Sabbath-workings ever since Frank Cheynel and Master Erbury fought their Scripture-Duel.

This Comedy was no sooner ended, but a Tragedy succeeds upon it. For coming with all the train to Christ-Church, they enter the Vice-Chancellors house with expedition, where Earl Philip (without an oath) professing 'twas for his Countries good, the Vertuous and Heroick Gentlewomen were desired to quit their quarters; but refusing the kinde proposal, were con­veyed out in a chair by Souldiers; one of them using this ex­pression without the least signe of discontent, that though now she was carried away in a chair, she doubted not to come thither hereafter upon her own legs again.

And because the head cannot suffer singly, unlesse the members partake and share with it, while their hand is in, they obliterate these following Doctors from being Canons; viz. Doctor Hammond Orator to the University (whom Corbet a Visitor succeeds in Office, and would speak if he had a spoon, or words to utter) Doctor Gardiner, Doctor Iles, Doctor Paine, Doctor Morly, and Doctor Wall; whose places are filled up with these unanimated clods of earth, Aaron Rogers, Superviser of New-Inne-Hall, and Visitor, viz. Henry Langley Comptroller of Pembroke-Colledge, Henry Wilkinson of Magdalen-Hall, a Vi­sitor, John Mills Judge-advocate to the Army, and Visitor, Toby Cornish the squeaking Lecturer of Alhallows. These are the hopeful quick-sets newly grafted, for which the goodly Cedars must be removed and hewn down; the delicate Mushromes of this age, that in one day grow up to their maturity, and like Medlars are reserved in State-pickle, most esteemed of for being rotten.

From Christ-Church they go to Mary Magdalene-Colledge, [Page 6]which having had the preeminence of that sanctified Hall ad­joyning to it, to the ineffable heart breaking of the godly mem­bers appertaining thereunto, must part with their learned Pre­sident Doctor Oliver, and admit of that creeping Mole-catcher old Wilkinson, with Cate his Doxy, to govern and bear rule o­ver them. Who no sooner had got possession, and took leave of their ancient Pigeon-house, but they snugg'd it together lovingly all that night, and dream'd not of Naboths vineyard taken from him; for he never was guilty of too much Scripture-know­ledge, who so often paid fourty shillings to have his course sup­plied at S. Maries, while himself staid at home (good soul) in meditation and serious study how long the mellifluous Sugar­sops would be in preparing for him.

S. Johns is the next they visit, whereof that gallant learned man Doctor Bayly is President; who knowing his doom be­fore, was so far from fleeing that he took occasion to meet half way with his antagonists: where after a Pass [...]do complement with his Chancellorship, they require a submission to their Power, and admission into his lodgings presently; but received this answer from the Doctor, that for active obedi [...]nce unto them, without palpable breach of Oathes he might not nor would do it, y [...]t willingly would be passive, that his conscience might not suffer ship­wrack by it: which made his Honour scratch his periwig and noddle too, to pump out a moving argument; but his brain-pan put out of order, at last he cried out in plain English, Master Doctor, Resigne your keys, that we may enter: which he refusing to do, the fledges and Iron Crows were called for. At entrance his pretty children stood, which a Jew would have taken com­passion of, many of them being aguish, who therefore had dou­ble mercy shewed to them; first, a months time to remove for Master Cheinels coming in, and then unintendently their agues frighted from them.

But learned Doctor Shelden (Warden of All souls) speaking his minde home unto them, and beating them with their own retorted weapons, for which many opprobrious terms were put upon him. We cannot omit one passage worthy laughter, to see how their shadows frighted them. The discourse being hot about the Cause, and the Doctor maintaining no Parliament [Page 7]without his Majestie the Creator of it, Sir Nathaniel puts in, and tells him that his Lordship would Sol that Quaere: which enraged him so on sudden, that he began to open, and make way for his distracted answer: What meat you by this (says Earl Phil.) you intend not to entrap me, do you? To my knowledge the chair stands ready, and his Majesty may sit there if he please: I come not as Chancellor now, or Visitor, (ye are mistaken) but by imme­diate order from the States, and those I will live and die with. Be­ing mum on the sudden all, and put to silence, the Doctor must pay for's learning that had thus worsted them, and therefore was forth with sent with a guard of Musketiers to prison, yet accompanied with the peoples prayers to guard him better, who followed him in whole troops, and bestowed their bles­sings on him.

'Twere endlesse to relate all quarrels with Governours and Heads of Houses; as, for not opening the gates to admit his Highnesse, who is too lofty (by the head) to get in at a door or wicket, for which Doctor Potter of Trinity Colledge was eje­cted by him, that Patriark Harris a doting Visitor might enjoy both his house and Profits.

I desire you'll not expect I should give you the Speech his Lordship made in the Convocation to the Visitors; for I hear you have it from a more dexterous hand.

And now let the world take notice what a blessed Reforma­tion is like to be, when the executioners and their adherents are the onely gainers by it; when the most eloquent Heads in Europe are cut off, that the informers against them, and the same men their ejectors, may succeed them, when (as Bishops and Calve­skins received their doom in one day, so) by the same command our Ʋniversity and the States close-Stool-house must be in the same week voided.

And therefore the tribe at New-Inne, with the brethren of [...]e same cut, to evidence their obliged gratitude to the Privie-Counsellor and Academical Gold-finder by his Office, are print­ing a Book of Poetry upon his coming; one copie whereof coming lately into my hands (through a mistake) I shall (for the Authors reputation) here insert, that the Reader may judge be­forehand of the rest, and save the expence of three pence to buy the whole.

Why this is a vein indeed befits the matter: if those other in the holy language should be so quarrelsome not one Volume will contain them all, for fear they should fight for sheet and seniority in taking Places, until severed they be blown to th'Mercers shop to wrap up Pepper and [...]allow-Candles in.