IF I was ever able to feel the Pulse, or examine the Constitution of the Countrey; I must needs tell you it is at present much Different from that of the City; our Plow-jobbing Rusticks are very incredulous, and we cannot thrust it into their thick Sculls, that such a thin Airy Ficticious gentleman as your self could ever be guilty of those doughty At­chievments they Attribute to your Arms. No indeed my dear Brother, I cannot but with much grief ac­quaint you, that I more than share with you in the Calumney; we have very few Poer or such exqui­site ingeniosi's as can dandle a Chymera, play with a Thought, or muffle up a Fancy till it frights them, and then run away from it, and call others as clear-sigh­ted as themselves to admire the Prodigy; Their Course Faith wags not a step beyond their Senses, and they Love to Trace Actions, and their Actors, as they do Cony's from their first Track, Gradually along till at last they Arrive at their Holes, or Burrows; of which, hear a Remarkable Example.

A Prosperous Towns-man of ours Happening to live Next door to an envious, and unfortunate Neigh­bor, who knowing he had for divers years bin blest with a Plentiful Flock of sheep, (from whose wealthy Backs he had often Shorn such ponderous Fleeces as had inricht his Coffers) Resolv'd with some others of his Fraternity, to destroy them, and bad by his Ma­licious industry Collected such a Ravenou [...] regimemt of Wolves, and Foxes, as had they been [...]air [...]ly let loose, in one night might have devour'd them all; but being over-big with Universal Malice, and too impati­ent to time his design, and yet willing to whet his Appetite with an earnest of his designed Vengeance, he espyed one Lamb among them more promising than any of the rest and resolv'd, that should immediately fall, as an earnest of the Destruction of the whole Flock. The impious Resolution was easily effected, and when they had taken the Innocent Creature, and Strangled him, and towr'd and plum'd themselves over the Pittifull Conquest, they Stuck a Knife into his Bo­dy, and threw him in that sad Manner over a great ditch of water into another mans Field; where the owner in two or three days time found him; and af­ter he had Communicated the Treachery to his Neigh­bors, they presently concluded, that the Lamb was too innocent, had it lain in his power to kill himself; that there being no blood seen near him, be must necessa­rily have been Butchered before either the Knife en­ter'd his Body, or he was brought to that Place; al­so finding his Fleece and Feet, dry, as if he had new­ly come out of the Sheep-sold, I say, by all these Cir­cumstances they unanimously concluded, that Some Body had despitefully kill'd him.

Alike Positive were they, when they heard of the Barbarous Death of that Loyal Knight, Sir E. G. They all cry'd out SOME BODY had Murder'd him; that SOME BODY shar'd Four Thousand Pounds for the Fact — That SOME BODY offer'd Violence to his Dead Corps, that SOME BODY had much adoe to bend the Stubborn Protestant (who seem'd incorrigeable ever af­ter his d [...]e) to a Complyance with a Papistical Se­dan; that SOME BODY Carried him as Butchers do Calves, before them on Horse-back to Primrose Hill, where SOME BODY Thrust a Sword through his Life­less Body, Rob'd him of his Pocket-Book only, and left his Silver, Gold, Watch, Rings, &c. in his Poc­kets, on purpose to perswade EVERY BODY that NO BODY had Murder'd him

And with this beliefe, for a while, I hear they vici­ated your Credulous Town, but 'Ile assure you it ne­ver toucht the Piamater of a Rural Brain. Nothing would perswade the Countrey but SOME BODY did it, and that SOME BODY knew of it, besides those EVE­RY BODY suspects.

But to Clear you, and the Deceased, they Posi­tively affirm'd, that it was alike impossible that it should be done by NO BODY; as it was, that he could do it Himself; and therefore SOME BODY must be guilty. And to shew you their unparrelled inveteracy, Par­ticularly against me, although they were assur'd that SOME BODY was Apprehended, Arraign'd, and (as they say) deservedly Condemned, and Executed, for that most Horrid and Inhumane Act; yet, as if I were Immortal, or had more Lives than a Cat, I am still Summoned like a Conjurers Divel, to answer e­very [Page 6]impertinent Interogatory; and remain answerable for every Extravagancy, or Villany, that is dayly Com­mitted.

Nay, these late Transactions have (to my great dis­advantage) oblig'd the World to take a more severe inspection into my Pristine Misdemeanors. The Spa­nish Invasion, the Gun-Power Plot, the French and I­rish Massacre (say they) were Certainly Hatcht and Design'd by SOME BODY: if by the super Annuated Hawk with a Tripple Hood, (who as one lately ob­serv'd, Successively Degenerates into Kites and Buzzards) me thinks the Two last mentioned seasons of Prey, might have Gorg'd him almost to a surfeit, when so many Thousands of Pious and Moderate Christians, were squeez'd under the gripes of his unmerciful Tallons.

Did the Articles of my Impeachment rest here, yet I were within some glimering hopes of a Vindication, as having the Prerogative to be born of Remarkable Parents; there is SOME BODY of my Relations and Acquaintance, whose gilded Treachery passes for Loy­alty; who with an admirable dexterity Can set a Ge­neva look on a Roman Face, and seem any thing but what he is; from him I might then expect all the exemption immaginable: But alas, those Insolent, and Inquisitive Hereticks still continue the Fatal Quest; and having had a Smatch of our Reeking Guilt, per­su'd us even in the Pursuit of our Royal Game, they follow us to Windsor, and though we went thence with a full Cry to New-Market, they Crost our Way and Spoil'd our Sport,

[Page 7]when this came to be discours'd on in Coffee Houses and Taverns, every one could Whisper that SOME BODY Would have done it; and indeed my Friend, SOME BODY has bin fairly examined, and as fairly Trust Up about it, though by the subtle insinuators of SOME BODY, the Implicit Zealots, as you very well remarked, equivocated their Necks into Halters, and by a Fatal Precipitation of the Tyburnian Jennet foo­lishly adventur'd their Everlasting Bliss.

But since this, we have bin busied with nimble Re­volutions, the Dissolution of the last Parliament much heightened our Expectations; Although we could hard­ly squeez in sufficient Interest to Disappoint their Scis­matical Elections; yet we have not fail'd, as far as in us lay, in our continual Itinerations through every Cit­ty, Town or Village, to asperse the most remarka­ble of the Members of Both Houses as great Courti­ers, and Friends to France, &c. Next, we make it our Dayly business to obstruct the Raising of Mony, for Nati­onall uses, by Whispering such Unreasonable de­mands as cannot be granted without a palpable breach of Royal Prerogatives: Thirdly, we rub up forgetfull Episcopals with the Fair pretences used about Forty One, and by Confidently affirming, there is no such thing as a Plot, give them reasons to fear the Serpentine Rump is again joyn'd to its Fulsome Body; and having almost these Twenty years Silently recruited under the in­dulgent Beams of a Merciful Monarch, intend now, to Relaps into their former Rebellion.

By such Subtleties as these, we thought to have set Caesar and his Senate at Variance, and have introdu­ced Some body, who under pretence of taking up the [Page 8]Quarrel, (like the Kite in the Fable) should have Snatcht up both the Warriers. But these our Expecta­tions are now utterly Frustrated; though the Difficul­ty in pitching on a Speaker, somewhat reviv'd our Dying Hopes; we lately heard our Old Friend — is like­ly after all his Eloquence, to be Crowded into Lim­bo, as our Immortal C. was to Tyburn, Though both of them might have been mach more welcome to Some body. —

To Conclude, if we may Credit the discours of the Country, the King and Parliament go on hand in hand, and are in all probability likely so to do; But if they should differ about Trifles, wast their little time for preparation against Forraign Enemies in a needle Debate of Prerogatives and Priviledges, or prefer private Agrievances, before publick Com­plaints; I will not say who will have greatest reason to Repent it, though I could name.