I. The Honour of Mariage.

Heb. 12.4. [...] MAriage is honourable, in all (saith Paul) of high esteem and great account among all sorts of Per­sons, high and low; rich and poor. and the bed (considered in it self) [Page 2] is undefiled. Adam and Eve might have used it in their Innocencie. This is common to all mankind.

Reas. 1. from the Author. Reas. 1. From the efficiency or Author of it, that is God, 5 wayes.

1 By justification. Mariage is Gods ordi­dinance; he first invented it and appointed it. What is of God is excellent and honou­rable.

2 By administration, he maried Adam and Eve. When he had builded the rib he took out of the mans side into a woman, Gen. 2.22. he brought her to the man, that is, joyned her in mariage with him, and God is said, now to joyn man and wife together, Math. 19.6. that is, by his ordinance, and by his provi­dence.

3 By Qualification of the Persons for a Matrimonial Relation; Gen. 2.18. making the woman to be a help meet for the man; and the Man to be a fit head and guide, for the woman. This is Gods work, A prudent wife is from the Lord. Prov. 19.14. So is a loving Husband. God makes them so.

4 By Benediction, God blesseth them to­gether to make them partakers of al the Ends and comforts of mariage. As he did Adam and Eve, when he had made them and ma­ried them, Gen. 1.28. Gen. 33 5. he pronounced a large blessing upon them, saying, Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. Children, and famlies. Psalm. 107.41. are Gods gifts.

5 By Mission of his Angels, which God sends forth to be ministring spirits to his servants for assistance in this business; as to A­brahams [Page 3]Servant, when his Master sent him to Mesopotamia, to take a wife unto his son Isaac, and to Ioseph, Mary's Espoused husband, Gen. 24.7.21.40. Math. 1.20. Math. 1.20. and 2.13. The Ministry of Angels about mariage (by Direction and pro­tection) implyes it to be weighty and worthy in it self, though unto many it seemeth Worldly and base.

Reas. 2. from the subject and circum­stances. Reas. 2. From the Subject and Circum­stances of mariage at the first. Who were the first couple whom God maried? Adam and Eve, who were the common Parents of all Man-kind; of all the Kings, Queens, Princes and Nobles in the world; yea of Jesus Christ according to the flesh. Even he was The Son of Adam, Luke 3.38.

Where was mariage first Celebrated? In paradise, where God manifested his presence to our first Parents; which made the place a Heaven upon Earth.

When was mariage first instituted and ministred? In the time of mans Innocency, before his fall. Before sin entred into the world. Therefore there is no sin in Mariage; but mariage is now a Remedy against sin.

The persons, place and Time of the first mariage, or of mariage at the first, doe put Honour upon it.

Reas. 3 From Jesus Christ. Reas. 3. From Jesus Christ who highly honoured mariage, not onely by chusing to be conceived and born of a woman Es­poused to a man; and by his presence at that mariage in Cana of Galilee, where he wrought his first miracle, John. 2.1, 2, 10.11. and manifested forth his Glory by turning water into wine; and by com­paring [Page 4]the kingdom of Heaven to a weddin▪ Mat. 22. feast. But especially by chusing a Conjugal Relation to stand in to his Church (as hus­band to wife) and therein

• 1. To manifest and Communicate himself to her.
• 2. To solace and delight himself with her.
• 3. To gloryfie himself in her; and her with himself for ever in Heaven.

This mariage is begun between Christ and his Church and every true believer in Espou­sal upon Earth, Hosea 2.19. 2 Cor. 11.2. and it is consummated in Heaven, Revel. 19.7, 8, 9.

Blessed are they which are called to the Ma­riage-supper of the Lamb; that is as some ex­pound it, the Time of Celestial Joyes.

Hence the Civil mariage between man and wife is made by Paul, a figure or representa­tion of the Mystical Mariage between Christ and his Church, and every childe of God; in respect of the union, or neer conjunction of them. ( This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, said Adam of his wife, Gen. 2 23. we are members of his (that is Christs) body, of his flesh, and of his bones, saith Paul of Saints and Beleivers, Ephes. 5.30. and of Con­jugal Communion between them. Therefore Paul concludes verse 32. This is a great My­stery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church: as if he had said, All I have written concerning husband and Wife, sets forth the Matrimonial Relation and fellowship be­tween Christ and his Church, his expressions [Page 5]of love to her; and interchangeably her du­ties to him.

Let me adde, Is it not an honour to Ma­riage that a most sweet choice Piece of Scripture was indited by the Holy Ghost, as an Epithalamium or Mariage-song, called The Song of Songs, that is, Cant. 1.1. of all songs the most excellent, because it celebrateth the My­stical Mariage between Christ and the Church; and poureth forth a Torrent of Spiritual love that is between them. The forty and fi [...]th Psalm is of the same subject, A Psalm of Love, or Mariage-Hymn, setting forth Christ the bridegroom in his Glory; and the Church his spouse in her beauty.

Reas. 4. [...] General con­sent. Reas. 4. From General Consent and O­pinion, which (as some observe) hath set­led mariage in Dignity and Honour: Regers of Ma­trimonial Ho­nour. and graced it with Priviledges, and granted Im­munities to it far above single life, both in war and peace.

Ʋse 1. Slight not Mariage. Ʋse 1. Think not slightly of Mariage as a low contemptible thing; but highly, as a Solemn Ordinance of God, of great conse­quence and Importance to you; wherein the future Comfort of your Lives is bound up. Therefore enter not rashly into it, but advi­sedly with due consideration for the choise of a fi [...] yoke-fellow. Prov. 20. [...]. Every purpose (saith Solomon) is established by Counsel, and with good advice make war. I may adde, with good advice ma [...]y: because Mariage is not upon liking ( God hates putting away, Mala. 2.16) but for life. It is the tying of such a knot as nothing but death can loose: it is a [Page 6]businesse of lasting importance. An Errour therein may prove dangerous. Shall we ac­count that Relation or condition mean or inconsiderable, whereof God himself was the Institutor and Minister? Adam and Eve the first couple? and Paradise the place where, and Innocency the state or Time when Mariage was celebrated at first? which Christ hath chosen to act into his Church unto Eternity?

Ʋse 2. Pre­serve the Ho­nour of it. Ʋse 2. Then Husbands and Wives should preserve the Honour of Mariage in their Carriage; and not blemish or stain the Glo­ry of it, Either

1. By being light, vain, loose, frolick in their spirits or demeanour, for that is a disho­nour to the Gravity of Mariage.

2. Or by being froward, peevish, proud, sullen, discontented, impatient, disdainful in their spirits or carriage; for that is a dishonour to the Amity, Suavity and Socie­ty of Mariage.

3. Or by unfaithfulnesse and bodily un­cleannesse, embracing the bosoms of stran­gers; for that is a dishonour to the Unity, Purity, Chastity of Mariage. Whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge, Hebr. 13.4. if Magistrates do not.

4 Or by loving any other man or woman in a conjugal way, better then his own wife, or her own Husband. This is a dishonour to Gods Justification of mariage and to the mariage-bond and covenant; which tieth Husband and wife, to forsake all others, in this way; and to cleave in love one to ano­ther, [Page 7]inseparably, till death.

Ʋse. 3. Honour God in mari­age. Ʋse. 3 Then, take Care and indeavour to honour God, in your Mariage, by marying in the Lord, 1 Cor. 7.39. and 11.11.

Qu. What is it to marry in the Lord?

Ans. To make God the beginning and end of our Mariage.

1 The beginning of it, Make God the beginning of Mariage. by seeking ear­nestly to God for councel & direction there­in: for guidance of our Affection to a right object; for the choice of a fit yoak-fellow: for making the Woman a Comfortable help, and the man a sutable Head; expecting to re­ceive one another, as a special gist and token of favour from the hand of God. For who findeth a wise, findeth a good thing and ob­taineth favour of the Lord, saith Solomon, Prov. 18.22. Prov. 19.14. And, House and riches are the Inheritance of fathers (a man may have a woman and a portion from her father) but a prudent wife (or the Qualifications of a woman to make her a wife) is from the Lord: the same may be said of the man. Also, by looking chief­ly at or for the grace of God, one in ano­ther, as the load-stone of our love, and the inkindler of our affections each to other. Look more at inward goodness then at out­ward goods or beauty: especially at sutable­ness in Religion, Be ye not unequally yoked toge­ther with unbelievers, saith Paul 2 Cor. 6.14. Do not mary with Idolaters or Infidels, this is [...], as when beasts of diverse kinds draw together; an ox and an asse might not be coupled together in the law. Deu [...]. 22.10. We should be affraid to yoke our selves with any un­tamed [Page 8]heifers or bullocks, that will not bear Christs yoke. We should let Religion have a Negative voice in our choice, that is not to mary any who are not really, or hopefully religious. When persons match themselves to those that are either profane and of no reglion, or of false and contrary Religions; then their wedding garment (as one saith) is made of Lincy wolsey, Deut. 22.11. and the wedding Ground is plowed with an Ox and an Asse. Such mongrel mariages brought destruction upon the old world, Gen. 6.2, 3. God forbids such ungodly matches, Deut. Gen. 26.35. chap. 27.46. 7.3, 4. Esaus marying the daughter of the Canaanites was a great grief of minde to his father and mother, and made Rebekah weary of her life. If Moses mary an Ethiopi­an he cannot change her colour or her Qua­lities: she will be a vexation to him. Wo to Sampson, if he mary a Philistine though he was the strongest man. If Solomon mary Ido­latrous wives they will turn away his heart after other Gods, though he was the wisest man upon earth. Kings. 11.1.3, 4:

To marry unequally, as a wise man to a foolish woman; or a vertuous woman to a profane wicked man, Charron. is, as one saith, to binde the living to the dead; which was the cruel­lest Death invented by Tyrants, to make the living languish and die by the company of the dead.

2 To make God the end of our Mariage, Make God the end of mariage

1 by propounding Gods glory as the prin­cipal end of all our Mariage-comforts and enjoyments.

2 By ordering our whole Carriage in that Matrimonial state, according to the rule of Gods word.

3 By depending on God for his presence therein, and blessing thereon.

4 By improving mariage, to promote our serving of God, and the saving of our own souls:

But more of these in the next thing to be confidered in Mariage.

II. The Duties of Mariage.

WHich are.

1 Special, of the one Party to the other.

2 Or common to both, and to be perfor­med by both, joyntly and mutually.

1 1 Special du­ties of hus­band to wise 6.1. Love. The special Duties of husband to wife are these. 6.

1 A love to her, which should be, pure, chaste, sincere, intire, constant. The Husband should love his wife.

• 1 As Christ loved his Church, Eph. 5.25.
• 2 As the man loveth his own body, ver. 28.
• 3 As he loveth himself, his whole self, ver. 33.

As Isaac loved Rebekah, Gen. 24, 67.

This duty of Love, comprehends all the rest: because all, whatsoever the Husband saith or doth to his wife, should spring from Love, and taste of love. She should be dear to him as himself, and lie as a Lamb in his bo­som. 2 Sam. 12. Jacob was content to serve a double ap­prentiship under a Churlish Master, for Ra­chel to be his wife, Gen. 29.32. because he loved her more then Leah.

2 2. Tenderness. Dutie of the Husband is Tenderness [Page 11]and kindness, to nourish and cherish her, as the more tender part of himself, as a man doth his own flesh; yea as Christ doth the Church: Eph. 5 29. to supply her with Necessaries and Conveniences; and suffer her to want nothing that is fit for her, and to cover her weaknesses. Then Husbands must not be bitter to their wives nor injurious, nor vexations, not make drudges of them. Col. 3.19. Their Authority should savour more of loving respect to them then of rigorous power. Husbands should exercise so sweet and amiable a Government over their wives, so as not onely their bo­dies, but also their wills and hearts may be subject unto them. When Husbands cause their wives to go to God with tears, to com­plain of their unkindness and harshness to them, God will regard and receive their offerings no more. Mal. 2.13. ver. 14. To this end the Husband should consider, his wife is his companion and the wife of his Covenant, made of a rib taken out of his side, not of a bone taken out of his foot, therefore he must not tram­ple upon her; and she is to be in a state but of Collateral subjection to him. She is his yoke­fellow, that stands on even ground with him, and draws on the left side. He should make her yoke as easy as may be; and not suffer the heavier end to lie on her Neck, because she is the weaker vessel.

3 3 Honour 1 Pet. 3.7. Dutie, is due Respect and Honour to her, Peter gives 3 reasons for it.

1. The wife is the weaker vessel therefore she must be carefully and gently handled, as a chrystal glass.

2. The wife is coheir with her Husband of the grace of life, that is of the life of Grace and glory.

For (as one observes) souls have no Sexes; and as they are in Christ they are both equal, male and female are in him all one.

3. That their prayers be not hindred. A Husbands disrespect to his wife breeds dis­content between them, distractions in the familie, and interruptions in duties, and a contempt of them both. To which I may adde that of Solomon, Pron. 12.4. A vertuous woman is a crown to her Husband. and if she give him a crown, he may afford to give her honour. A Husband by debasing and disgracing his wife, dishonoureth himself.

4. 4. Instruction Duty of the Husband to the wife, is Instruction, Direction, and consolation, to teach her, counsel her, lead and comfort her, as her head ( Eph. 5.23.) and Guide, Prov. 2.17. This is to dwell with her according to know­ledg, 1 Pet. 3 7. Hence the wife should learn of her Husbands 1. Cor. 14.34, 35. 1 Tim. 2.11, 12. A Husband may put honour upon his wife by hearkening to her Counsel, and not de­spising the same: which is his Dutie when she adviseth and perswades him to good; or disswades him from Evil. This may be a great advantage to him. For God sometimes gifteth and graceth the wife equally or above the Husband, as he did Abigail above Nabal, for he was a fool. In all that Sarah hath said unto thee hearken unto her voice, said God to Abraham, Gen. 21.12. So did Elkanah to Hannah, 1 Sam. 1 22, 23. and David heark­ned [Page 13]to Abigails Advice, before she was his wife; how thankful was he both to God and to her for it, 1 Sam. 25.32. to 35. Manoah did the like to his wife, Judg. 13.22, 23.

5. 5. Adhesion. Duty is cleaving to her, forsaking fa­ther and mother, and his dearest friends for her, and to be glued to her, and to be­come one with her, Eph. 5.31. One flesh, to dwell with her, not onely one house, but one bed should hold them. And to rejoyce in her, Eccles. 9.9. and Prov. 5.18.19. or live joyfully with her, make her his Chepthzibah: and be ravished alway with her love.

The wife should be as dear to the Husband as the Hind is to the Hart, as the Doe to the Roe-buck, This will make him drink waters out of his own Cisterne onely. Not the having of a wife, but to delight in her and lovingly to comport with her, will keep a man chaste from embracing the bosom of a stranger, Prov. 5.19, 20. A man should count all others strange women in comparison of a wife.

6. 6. Protection Duty is protection of his wife from wrongs and dangers, to rescue her, if in jeo­pardy (as David did his wises, 1 Sam. 30.18.) and to right her, if injured. Abraham was to Sa­rah for a Covering of the Eyes, that is, Gen. 20.16. her Hus­band to defend her from injury. Booz was to take Ruth into his protection as the hen her chickens under her wings, signifyed by sprea­ding his skirt over her, Ruth. 3.9. and 2.12. that she might be safe under the wings of her hus­band. A man giveth Coverture; no action is brought against the wife, the man is to [Page 14]answer, she goeth Covert baron, as is obser­ved. Therefore woman was made of a bone from under the Mans Arme, that he might be a protection and defence to her. The Husband must be as a house side for his wife, as the fruitful vine to spread her self on, to support and strengthen her, Ps. 128.3. and a rest to give her a safe and setled abode, Ruth 1.9.

2. 2. Duties of wife to hus­band. 6. The Duties of the Wife to the Husband are these six.

1 Submision.First, Submission to his Authority, and to his just and aequal commands, 1 Peter 3.1.

1. As unto the Lord, Ephes. 5.22. as ha­ving to deal with God, whose Ordinance this is, that the wife should live in subjecti­on to her own Husband, and that for con­science sake: Col. 18. [...]3 This is fit in the Lord.

2. As the Church is subject unto Christ, Eph. 5.24. that is freely, willingly, reverently, constantly and universally in all things.

The Apostle giveth four Reasons of the womans subjection to the man, or subor­dination to him, and dependance on him.

1. Because she was made out of man, scil. of a rib taken out of his side, 1 Cor. 11.8. The man (saith Paul) is not of the woman (he was made at first of the earth) but the woman was made of man.

2. The woman was made for the man at first, not the man for the woman, 1 Cor. 11.9. I will make him (saith God) a help meet for him, Gen. 2.18. to serve and obey him as her Superior. Hence it is said, that the [Page 15]woman is Vir Occasionatus: a man occasio­nate, a mans Occasion, or the Occasion of a man to serve as an aid and as a Second to man.

3. The woman was made after the man; for Adam was first formed, then Eve, 1 Tim. 2.13.

4. 1 Tim. 2.14. The woman was first in the Transgres­sion. She was first deceived by the Serpent, then she drew her Husband into the same deception; hereby she was the cause and be­ginning of sin, and ruine to all mankinde: and though she was given to be a help to man, yet she proved at first to be a great hurt and hindrance to him. From this priority and causality of the woman in sin, the Apo­stle infers and presseth subjection and silence upon her to the man, and not to usurp Autho­rity over the man, 1 Tim. 2.11, 12, 14. upon this account she was more straitly subjected to her Husband. For this was inflicted as a chastisement for sin upon the woman, Gen. 3.16. that her desire should be subject to her Husband, & he should ruleover her: which implies, as some observe, a further Rule then man had over her by Creation; and with more trouble and grief unto woman-kinde: So that the yoke is now become to her more hard and heavy to be borne.

Women may Object,

Object. That was Eves fault to be deceived by the Serpent, and to be first in the Trans­gression, not ours.

Answ. Eves punishment is yours, there­fore her fault is yours. Her peculiar sin is [Page 16]the fall (distinct from Adams) is justly imputed to you, or else her particular punish­ment, (distinct from Adams) is unjustly in­flicted upon you. Eves fault is as much yours, as Adams sin is ours.

This subjection of the wife to the hus­band was the ground of the womans wearing a vail or covering, as a sign she is under the power and Authority of her Husband, 1 Cor. 11.9, 10. and subject to him. Rebekah took a vail and covered her self when she saw I­saac, Gen. 24.65.

Therefore she was made out of the side, not of the head, that she might be under him, not above him in place and power, Sa­rah obeyed Abraham, whose daughters all obedient wives are, 1 Pet. 3.6. And the holy women in old Time who trusted in God, were in subjection to their own Husbands, to v. 5. and those wives that are not obedient to their Husbands, are not good, Tit. 2.5. In this sence (as some conceive) the woman is said to be The Glory of the man, 1 Cor. 11.7. scil [...]by her subjection, when she obeyes her Husband, as man is the glory of God when he obeyes God. This is the first Duty of the wife, Submission, a Comely Lesson for her to learn. Disobe­dience in a wife is a fault even in a Queen, much greater in a meaner woman, even among Heathens, much more among Christi­ans that are better taught, as in Queen Vash­ti, Esther, 1.12.20.

2. 2. Reverence. Eph. 5.33. Duty of the wife is Reverence to her husbands person, all due respect to him, as her head, in word and deed, in gesture and [Page 17]deportment. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham and called him Lord. 1 Pet. 3.6. she is (as one saith) crowned and chronicl'd for it. Michal mocked her Husband David, 2 Sam. 6.21, 23. and God smote her with barrenness for it, she was childless to her death. The wises reverential respect to her husband is an honour to him, and an Ornament to her self.

3. 3. Helpfulnes. Duty is Helpfulness to her Husband in every thing, in his body to cherish that, in his soul to tender that, in his family to order that; in his Estate to get, at least to save and to dispose that aright. not to spend or waste the same; in his calling and affairs to promote them; in his Name and Credit to preserve that: in his secrets to lock them up in her bosom. She ought to be a Help to him in every thing, a hinderance in nothing. Else she is a woman, but not a wife, and he that findes her doth not find a good thing, Prov. 18.22. The wife should cherish her hus­band as the better part of her self. For this very end God made her for man, and maried her to man, to be a help meet for him, Gen. 2.18. If she be not a meet help for the man, shee will not please, satisfie and give content. A wife is like a garment though the cloath its made of be very good, yet if it do not fit us, it will not please us, it wil be uneasy or uncomely we take no delight to wear it: Conveniency causeth contenta­tion. If the wife be no meet help shaped and cut out as it were of purpose for the man to fit and sute him every way in his di­sposition conversation, and occasions she will [Page 18]not sit close to the man, as a garment doth to the body that fits it, but hang loose, or be ready to fall off and rather hinder then fur­ther him: and not be an Ornament to him. I commend Prov. 31. from 10. to the end, as a Glass for all that would be good wives to look and dress themselves in, or as a pattern to imitate, or Rule to walk by every day. A vertuous woman will do her husband good and not evil all the days of her life, &c. approve her self faithful to him in every thing, that his heart may trust safely in her. Pro. 31.11, 12. For Mariage is Conjugium, the fellowship of a yoak, wherein the wife must bear one end, and draw equal­ly with her husband.

4. 4. Chastity Tit. 2.5. Duty is Chastity of Conversation (which followes from chastity of affection and disposition in the heart) wives must ab­stain, not onely from all acts, but from all Appearances of lightness, wantonnesse, dal­liance or unfaithfulness; that their husbands who cast off ordinances and holy duties, may, by the holy and chaste conversation of their wives, be gained to the Lord; to have a liking and good opinion of the Gospel and the wayes of Christ in which they walk, 1 Pet. 3.1, 2. This should be the wises design upon her husband.

5. 5. Fear. Duty is Conjugal feare of offending or displeasing her husband. She that is maried (Saith Paul) careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband, 1 Cor. 7.34. Wives should couple chastity with fear in their carriage to their husbands, not to cross, or vex, or greive them.

6. 6 Modesty. Duty of a wife is modesty, of Apparel and of behaviour. 1 Of Apparel, 1 of Apparel. not to af­fect costly, gaudy attire, new fangled fa­shions, or to go above her rank, or to give way to pride, vanity, excess therein: or to account outward adorning, as plaiting of the haire, or wearing of Gold, &c. or deck­ing of the body, her chiefe Ornament, but,

1. A meek and quiet spirit (the frame of the hidden man of the heart) which is incor­ruptible, which is of great price in the sight of God, 1. Pet. 3.3, 4. and a great Ornament in the sight of men. For after this manner in the Old Time the holy women who trusted in God and were in subjection to their own Husbands a­dorned themselves, vers. 5.

2. 1 Tim. 2.8, 9, 10. And good works. I will, saith Paul, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefastness and sobriety, not with broidered hair, or gold, pearls or costly aray; But which become women professing Godliness, with good works. Both Paul and Peter are to be under­stood in a Comparative sense, that womens adorning should be, not so much in outward attire, as in inward vertues, or rather in the latter then in the former. Even Godly wo­men may wear Gold, and jewels, and preci­ous things, and good attire, as Rebekah did the earring and bracelets which Abrahams servant put upon her, Gen. 24.30, 47. with these limitati­ons.

1. That these be sutable to their rank, place and state, and not costly above their ability, and as the most wise, godly, grave women are habited.

2 That they be without wantonness, wast­fulness or curious nicer [...]s, or new fangled­ness for fashion. God visi [...]eth for strange apparel, Zeph. 1.8.

3 Without pride, Vanity or Excess, or thinking better of themselves for them.

4 So that they place their chiefest fineness in their inward adornings rather then out­ward, more in their Graces and good works then in their Garments; and indeavour by the outward ornament of their bodies to set forth the inward beauty of their soules.

2 2 Of behavi­our. Tit: 2, 3. Also modesty of behaviour, to express the inward holiness of their hearts in sober deportment, in countenance, gesture and speech; to open their mouths with discretion, Prov. 31.26. Prov. 7.11, 12 and 9.13. and bridle their tongues, and not be as the harlot babling and clamorous, who is as extravagant in her Tongue as in her feet. Good wives should account meekness of spirit their chief ornament, and take heed they be not either

1 Proud, or imperious in their spirits, speeches, looks, Carriage:

2 Or unquiet, turbulent, impatient, al­way brawling or chiding. Such wives are neither credit nor comfort to their hus­bands, but a continual vexation: Thorns in their sides, and pricks in their eyes. The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping, 19. Prov. 13. and 27.15. Like rain that falls into all the rooms of a house, which is very tedious and irksome. Prov. 21.9.25.21. It is better to Aw [...] in the Corner of a house-top, then with a [...]rawling woman in a wide house.

Thus much concerning the particular du­ties of Husband to wife, and of the wife to her Husband.

2. Duties com­mon to both. 7. 2. Now follow the Duties Common to both husband and wife; and to be perform­ed by both, or Exercised to, or with, or for both, which are equally reciprocal and of like Obligation. These are seven.

1 Prayer. 1. Prayer to God, frequent and fervent, both joyntly and severally, for all mariage Gra­ces and mariage Comforts. Especially,

1. For sutablenesse of Disposition; that God would fashion your hearts alike.

2. For wisdom to carry with most beauty, amiableness and sw [...]tness, for the benefit, and advantage, comfort and encouragement one of another.

3 For Gods presence with you in it, and for Gods blessing upon it, and that God would build you a house, ( Psalm. 127.) by giving you hopeful children, faithful servants, bles­sed goods. Let Husband and wife interest God much in their Mariage by pray­er.

Reas. 1 Because a Conjugal condition can be no more comfortable or satisfactory to us, then God maketh it. It will be an empty thing if God do not fill it, and bitter if God do not sweeten it. It is not the ha­ving of a Husband or a Wife, but of God in them or with them, that giveth content, com­fort and satisfaction. We ought in all our wayes to acknowledge God, especially in Mariage, which is one of the chief of our wayes, and a great Turn of our lives which [Page 22]concerns the future Comfort thereof.

2 Because mercies got with prayer, are got with a blessing, and prove the sweetest mercies of all. Prayer sanctifies Ma­riage, 1 Tim 4.3, 4. and makes the acts of it holy in manner, and happy in end.

2. 2 Love, Tit. 2.4. Common duty is Conjugal love which is not proper to the Husband alone, but should be mutual and reciprocal between them both; To this end husband and wife ought to love one another.

1 Chiefly for the grace of God the one seeth in the other: that being unchangeable, their love will be constant. When Religion tieth the knot of affection between them, it holds fast till death. But when they love one another chiefly for other respects, as beauty, wealth, or fulfilling the desires of the flesh, &c. when these are satisfied or fail, love will cool.

2. Really at their hearts, or in sincerity. For to dissemble affections, and Counter­feit love and kindness, will deprive them of the comfort and sweetnesse of mariage, and make it in Time a burden and bitterness to them. Sincere love knits their hearts as m [...]n joynes their hands together; Else they will not cleave, but sit loose; and be ready to leave one another.

4. Grounds of mutual love. But there be four special Grounds of mu­tual love and deareness between Husband and wife, scil. Donation, Propriety, Union and Necessity.

1. Donation They are special gifts be­stowed [Page 23]by God, the one upon the other, 1 Donation, Prov. 18.22. and 19.14. which should be a precious Endearment of one to other, Thus they should look at them­selves. This is the woman God hath given to me to be a meet help for me, above al the wo­men in the world. So this is that man God hath fited for me and given to me for a head and Guide above all other men in the world.

2. 2 Propriety Propriety, or the Mutual Interest they have by matrimony, one in another. They are one anothers Owne, properly and peculiarly; so as they are no bodies else; and so as no person or thing in the world is their own; for they are maried, One to another; so are they to no body, to nothing besides. The Apostle as­serts this matrimonial interest in the 1. of Cor. 7.2. Let every man have his own wife; and every woman have her own husband. The wise hath not power of her own body but her hus­band nor the Husband hath power of his owne body but the wife, so as not to account their own bodyes to be at their own disposal, The wife is the Husband, only one, and he is hers.

They should be mutual darlings one to an­other, because they are mutual Proprietors one of another: by self resignation of each to other they give themselves mutual power one over another. Now every one loveth his own best, non quia pulchrum, sed quia Suum, his own Children, his own goods, his own house &c. for propriety more then for beau­ty; beause they are his own. Shall a man love any thing that is his own but his wife? or better then his wife? or shall a wife love any thing that is her own but her husband? [Page 24]or better then her husband? or shall a man love other mens wives, or a woman love other wo­mens husbands better then their own? Peculia­rity of Interest is a Ground of Speciality of love.

3. 3 Union. Ground of special love between them is union. The Conjunction Husband and wise have one with another. They two are in many respects as one person: and so one to­gether, as they are not (or should not be) with any one besides in all the world, to wit one flesh, Gen. 2.24. as it were incarnated one to another: Adam acknowledged this, when God had made the woman for him and brought (or maried) her to him, he said, This is now bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh, to shew his Thankfulnes to God and love to his wife, Gen. 2.23. as wondering at Gods good­ness to him therein. Mariage is a moral con­junction of two persons, so as Man and wife are in Law one flesh by Gods Ordinance. It is the strictest bond of any relation, and ther­fore a fellowship of the dearest amitie, nearer then that between Parents and Children. Though children have their flesh and bone from their Parents, yet they are not one flesh with their Parents. Therefore shall a man leave his father, and mother and shall cleave unto his wise, This, Gen. 2.24. was the sanction of mariage. All Society must be left, that this between man and wife may be kept. This is Pauls rule: Let not the wise depart from her husband, 1 Cor. 7.0.11. [...]ach. 2, 16. and Let not the Hus­band put away his wife, for God hates putting a­way. The wife must be an individual compani­on of life. The saying of the Philosopher, that perfect friendship is onely between two, is [Page 25]most true, in this case, between man and wife, because they two are by mariage made one.

4 Necessity.The 4 Ground of spiritual love between them is, Necessity of the one for the other, even for their being, as well as for their walk­ing. In both these respects we may understand that of the Apostle, 1 Cor. 11.11. Neither is the man without the woman; neither, is the woman without the man in the Lord. The man is not without the wo­man (nor can be) because man now is con­ceived and born of a woman. The wo­man is not without the man; Job. 14.1. because she is now begotten of man, so that they are mu­tual Causes the one of the other. The woman hath her Generation frō the man, the man hath his conception and birth from the woman. They cannot be, much less be well, the one without the other. The Husband should look at his wife, as Causa sine qua non, a help he cannot well be without, for God said, It is not good that man should be alone; and the woman should look at her husband, under the same notion. It is not good for the wo­man to be alone. Therefore the husband should not insult over his wife, because o [...] his supe­riority over her, nor the wife be discouraged because of her inferiority or subjection to him; because they have need the one of the other; as fellowes to bear and draw in one yoke together. Now mutual Necessity should breed mutual love between them. What is so dear unto the wife as the childe of her Womb? Isa. 49 15. yet the husband should be dearer to her, as E [...]kanah said to Hannah, 1 Sam. 1.8. Am not I better to thee then ten sons?

3 3 Common du [...] is Com­munion. Common duties between Husband and wife is communion (which flowes from the union of their Persons by mariage, for union is the ground of Communion) or communica­tion, of their bodies, souls, goods and respects.

1. 1 Of bodies. Of their bodies, by mutual benevolence performed by the one to the other, 1. Gor. 7.3.4.

2 By cohabitation (1 Pet. 3.7) or dwelling together, unless it be for a time, and upon necessary Occasions: 3. by conjugal fidelity, reserving themselves intirely and peculiarly proper, the one for the other, as Christ and his Church doth, Hosea. 3.3.

2 2 Of souls. Of their souls, for the spiritual good of both. The heart, as well as the body should be common between Husband and wife. One saith, that both the body and the soul are united together in Mariage. Conjugal love will make hearts advance together as well as bodies; as amical love doth friends. The Soul of Jonathan was knit with the Soul of Da­vid, and Jonathan loved him, as his own soul, 1 Sam. 18.1. as lustful love makes the souls of unclean persons to cleave together, as well as their bodies, as Shechems soul clave to Dinah Jacobs daughter, whom he defiled, Gen. 34.3. 1 Kings 11.3. and Solomon clave unto many strange women in love. But I shall speak more of this Soul communion between maried per­sons in the fourth common duty.

3 3. Of Gods. Of their Goods and Estates, labours and indeavours; a joynt fruition thereof for mutual benefit and Comfort.

4 4. Of respects to their kin­dred. Also there should be a communion of due respect and loving kindness, to the [Page 27]kindred and friends that pertain to either partie. The Husband and Wife lie as corner­stones in the wall, to joyn several alliances and kindreds together; and ought to carry very respectfully to their Affinity contracted by Mariage. Esau's wives offended greatly in grieving the hearts of their Husbands pa­rents, Gen. 26.35.

4. 4. Further­ance of the salvation one of another. Common duty is to further the salvati­on, and soul good one of another, as given of God, to that end. Husband and Wife should labour to gain one another to Christ and help one another to Heaven What knowest thou, O wife, saith Paul, but thou mayest be a means to save thy Husband, and wh [...]t knowest thou, O man, but thou mayest save thy wife. However this ought to be the Serious indeavors of both. If thou know not whether thou shalt, yet try whether thou canst.

To this end Extend your desires and la­bours in three particulars.

1 To heal infirmities the one seeth in the other, as pride, passion, discontent, folly, va­nity, excess, or the like. Take the fittest Time, when the parties may best be wrought upon, it is aptest to take Impressions; or is in a tract­able ductile frame: and chuse the best man­ner, to doe it in a taking efficacious way. Beg wisedom of God for it, rightly to observe what is amisse in a yoke-fellow, to heal it, or to cover it. Happy is that couple, whom God makes Heaven, of Spiritual Infirmities (or Spiritual Physitians) one to another. The wife should be a second Conscience to her Husband, a bosome Monitor, to tell him privately of his faults, to amend them.

2 To increase Graces mutually, and to in­courage one another to the Exercise of them, as, of faith, love, patience, of prudence, piety, charity, sobriety and the like.

3 To Excite and Encourage unto duties, and to provoke one another unto good works, and to quicken and sharpen, or edge them­selves thereunto, to take off dulness and avers­ness the one from the other. Yoke fellows should draw on one another, to God and good, and towards Heaven, to publick ordi­nances, and private exercises, and to the Communion of Saints. They should be goads and spurs each to other, and worship God together as Companions in his service; and fellow travellers walking hand in hand toge­ther to the kingdom of glory. That they may be like Zacharias and Elizabeth, both righ­teous, walking in all the Commandments and or­dinances of the Lord blameless, Luc. 1.6. like Abraham and Sara both believers: like Elka­nah and Hannah, 1 Sam. 1. both true worshipers of God, like Aquila and Priscilla, both helpers in the work of Christ, Rom. 16.3, 4. Now, if either father or mother believe the children are holy federally, 1 Cor. 7.14. and many promises are made to them, especially if both the Parents be saints and believers, God bles­seth such with pious and prosperous children, which are double blessings, as he did Abraham and Sarah with an Isaac; Elkanah and Han­nah with a Samuel, Zacharias and Eliza­beth with a John; Manoah and his wife with a Sampson. Such Godly compeers make mari­a [...]e it self honourable; and they will live and die with Glory.

5 Patience.The fifth Common duty is Patience, Hus­band and Wife should not onely labour to heal (of which before) but (if they cannot) yet to bear with infirmities, one in another. Remember this Rule, never to be angry both at once, but the one should bear with the o­thers frowardness and Passion; and for a time give way to it. This is the way, to overcome and quench passion in a yoke-fellow, and to make them afterwards love one another bet­ter, when the one by yeelding a little hath conquered the other; whereas to be both angry at once, is to add fewel to the fire, and to make the slame of Contention between them very great, this will dissolve the glue of affect­on that made them cleave together, and sepa­rate them, and make of one, two. Patience is necessary to prevent breaches and preserve Conjugal Amity and familiarity between ma­ried Couples; and to possess themselves and one another. It was the speech of a godly man, I count it a necessary Qualification in one whom I may match my self unto, to have no predominant humor in her, which I cannot bear; but to be able to bear any In­firmity of mine. Another Reverend man (as is reported) seeing a very cholerick couple live very lovingly and quietly together as Husband and wife; asked them how they could so sweetly agree and consort together: to whom the man answered, when my wifes fit is upon her, I yeeld to her, as Abraham did to Sarah; and when my fit is upon me she yeelds to me, and so we never strive together, [Page 30]but assunder. This mutual forbearance each of other will beget contention with their Coujugal Condition; and further their en­deavours to sute their minde to their Choice, and to be well pleased one in another after Mariage, Mal. 15. though before mariage they might have fitted their Choice to their minde. That Mariage hath a great blessing in it, wherein the greatest Contention between Man and Wife, is who should love each other most, and please one another best.

6. Procreatiō of Children. 6. The sixth Common duty, Procreation of children, I will, saith Paul that the younger women mary and bear children. 1 Tim. 5.14. especially to seek a godly seed. To this end Husband and wife should wrest by prayer with God, not onely to bless them with the fruit of the womb, but with such a seed as shall be blessed, is not onely to give them chil­dren, but children of promise as well as of providence; such as he will make his children by grace, as well as their children by nature, heirs of God and coheirs with Christ.

God at the first made onely one woman for one man, though he being the God of the spirit of all flesh, had power to have made more: but he did Conjoyn one woman onely to that one man (and still continueth his or­dinance, of the same single Copulation) that he might seek a seed of God: that is, a re­ligious and holy posterity, such as might worship him, the onely true God, and pro­pagate his Church. This is a proper and principal end of Mariage, to wit the procrea­tion of children, [...]or the propagation of Gods [Page 31]worship and of his Church (of which I shall speak again afterwards) yea this was the end of it, Even in mans Innocency; when he was without sin. Hence amongst Gods peo­ple virginity was a grief, as in the Case of Jephtahs daughter, Judg 11.37, 40. and barren­ness was accounted a shame and reproach, 1 Sam. 5.6, 7. as E­lizabeths speech implies, Luc. 1.25. Hannah had experience hereof, upon this Account, because they could not increase the Church of God. For which end, Paul bids the youn­ger women mary.

Tim. 2 14. Whereas an ungodly seed serves to in­crease the Synagogue of Satan, Idolatry and profaneness: and cause exceeding grief and troubles to their godly Parents.

And as it should be their earnest desire to bring forth a godly seed; so should it be their care to bring th [...]m up for God, in the Disci­pline and nurture of the Lord, Ephes 6.7. in the fear and knowledge of God, and in his worship, lo­ving their souls better then their bodies. Au­gustin praised his mother, that she travelled in greater pain for his Soul, then she did in bringing forth his bodie. Solomons Mother taught him a Prophesie, that is, lessons of cha­stity, and temperance, and the properties of a good wife, Prov. 31. His father David composed a Psalm for his instruction, Psal. 72. Timotheus mother taught him the scrip­tures from his Infancy, 2 Tim. 1.5 3.15.

7 to build a godly family 7. Common dutie is to build a godly family; not onely by the procreati­on and religious Education of children (which is a pillar of the house) but by a [Page 32]wise and godly Goverment and ordering of the house, in which the wife ought to act her part. I will, saith Paul, that the younger women mary, and bear children, and guide the house (that is domestick affairs). [...]1 Tim. 5.14. domi-portae. To this end they ought to be discreet, that is prudent and cir­cumspect, and keepers at home, Titus 2.5. house­wives, to carry their houses (as it were) on their backs, as snails do. The Harlot doth not so. Prov. 7.11.12. Her feet abide not in her house, now she is without, now in the street. But Abraham, when he was askt, where is Sarah thy wife? he said, Gen. 18, 9. behold she is in the Tent. To this end Husband and wife should put forth joynt en­deavours in five particulars.

1. 5 Things are requisite hereto. 1 Family du­ties. Jer. 10.25. To performe holy duties in their houses constantly, of reading the Scriptures and of prayer, Evening and Morning. For without pra­yer, they and their Familie lies open to Gods wrath and judgments. Let them pray with their family in the morning, because some of them may fall sick, and die before night; and pray in the Evening also, to commit them­selves and their house to Gods safe keeping from all peril and danger, for they know not what a Night may bring forth, or day either, and if evils befal them, their hearts will smite them for neglect of this necessary duty of prayer in their families. Also to Catechize repeat sermons, and teach all in their house their duties, and to seek the souls good of their servants as well as of their children, and as well as to expect the service of their bo­dies, and to charge them all to walk in Gods ways, as Abraham did his children and house­hould, [Page 33]after him. Gen 18.19. Prov. 4.1. to 5. 1. Chron. 28.9. and as David charged his son Solomon in his life, and at his death 1 Kin. 2.1.2. This is the mothers du­ty also, to teach and command her children their duties. My son, saith Solomen, Prov. 1.8. and 6.20. keep thy fathers Commandment, and forsake not the Law of thy mother.

Josh. 24.15.The master of the house should resolve with Joshua, I and my house will serve the Lord, every day together (what ever other familes do) we will pray and read Gods word, that is, perform holy duties together, for the Glory of God and the good of all our souls, as well as eat, drink talk and sleep to­gether; and with David, Ps. 101.2. I will walk in the midest of my house with a perfect heart.

Esther 4.16.The wife also should be a help to her Hus­band in family duties, and no hinderance therein. Queen Esther and her Maides will fast and pray: For if the wife should draw back from holy duties and be a discourage­ment to him therein, the soul of her husband (if he be godly) can take no pleasure in her. She is in a posture tending to perdition, Hebr. 10.38.39.

Mr. Abbot.I have read a sad story reported by a Re­verend Minister upon his own knewledge, of an honest Christian that had a wife, world ly and distrustful: and he being much in Godly Excercise, Morning and Evening in his family, She would disturb him, and goe about ratling her keyes, or making some other noise, to hinder him, pretend­ing that his Time spent that way, might be imployed, in getting of mony for his family. [Page 34]This woman was given over by God to the Devils Temptations so far, that she thrust a knife into the pit of her stomack, and killed her self, yet before she died, she confessed thus much to that Minister, and craved Gods pardon as well as she could. Had it not been better, that she had borne her husband company in holy duties, and so gone hand in hand to heaven together?

Further set up Gods word to be the Law of your house, to order your family and all the affaires of it according to the Rule of it. For Gods word moulds and shapes e­very person in it for his Imployment, and di­rects and keeps them in their several rankes, Places, and duties. This is the way to have a Church in your house, Rom. 16.5. as Aquila and Priscilla had.

2. 2 Chuse good servants. To chuse good servants: such as know and fear God, or as appear tractable and hopeful to be instructed, and wrought upon. Set David before you as a pattern herein, Psal. 101.6, 7. Suffer no disordered swearing rant­ing persons to come into your house or to tarry in your sight, such as will bring sin and a curse along with them. Covet earn­estly to have a choyce pickt family, Acts 10.2 such as Cornelius had, who feared God and all his house.

3. 3 Exclude sin. To shut sin out of doores, as excessive drinking, gaming, swearing, lying, pride, contentions, Job 11.14. ch. 22.23. vanities.

Follow the Councel which Jobs friends gave him, as Zophar, Let not wickednesse dwel in your Tabernacle, and Eliphaz, Put iniquity [Page 35]far from your Tabernacle, then you shall know that your Tabernacle shall be in peace. Chap. [...].24. God will keep house for you, when you are from home, as Bildad, Job. 8.6. If you be pure and upright God will make the Habitation of your righteous­ness prosperous. Let it be your care to make it righteous; and God will make it prosperous.

4 Look well to the wayes of your houshold, 4 Oversee the family. to prevent or supress sin and to stop the begin­nings thereof, to cherish & incourage good in all that live with you, to reduce those that go astray in opinion or in conversation. This is the duty of the wife as well as of the Husband. Prov. 31.27. 1 Sam. 3.13, 14. The vertuous woman looketh well to the wayes of her houshold; Because Elies sonnes made themselves vile, and he restrained them not, God judged his house for ever.

5. 5. To Sanctify the sabbath. To keep holy the Sabbath day, not onely you, but all within your house? the charge whereof lyeth mainly on the master of the house, and next upon the mistress, Exod. 20.9, 10.

This Godly Covenant of your houshold will draw down Gods protection, and blessing upon your habitation, relations, and upon all your affairs.

The use hereof is to exhort all Marying and married persons.

1 To learn these mariage duties, both special and Common. Ʋse 1. Learn these mariage duties. For any to mary be­fore they know their dutie, or how to car­ry therein, is like setting up, before one hath learnt the trade: or like answering a Mat­ter, before one hears it, which is folly and shame unto him, Prov. 18.13.

2 Ʋse. 2. per­form them. To perform these duties of mariage car [...]full, and constantly, I commend unto you four Motives or inducements hereunto. 4 Motives.

1. 1 Duties of Mariage a [...]e matters of Religion. Though Mariage in it self be but a civil matter, y [...]t the duties of Mariage are Matters of Religion, o [...] conscience and obedience to the gos [...]el, [...]ing fully prescribed and injoyn­ed [...] And Christ will one day come in slaming [...]ire to ta [...] [...]vengeance on them that ob [...] not the Gospel, in the precepts of it. 2 Thes 1.8.

2 2 To do the dutie. This to get the Comfort thereof. In the diligent and Conscionable per­formance of the dutie of mariage, you may expect the comforts, benefits and blessings of mariage. A wife may draw forth the love and kindeness of a husband, and a Hus­band may extract the helpfulness and comfort of a wife, by the religious doing of their duties the one to the other. For man or woman to expect the Comfort of a Relation, and to neglect the duty thereof, is to tempt God; Math. 25.24. and to act the part of a hard man, who looks to reap where he hath not sowen, and to gather where he hath not strowed.

3. 3 The mariage covenant. Motive. The solemn league and co­venant you enter into mutually at Mariage (whereof God himself is a witness, Malac. 2.14. both of your making it, and your breaking it or keeping it; Hence it is called the Covenant of God; this ingage­eth and obligeth you strongely to all Ma­trimonial duties. Prov. 2.17. Covenant breakers (even in wedlock) God will judge.

4. 4 This will be a good ex­ample. The good Carriage of Husband and wife each to other, according to the Gospel, [Page 37]will be a good example or patern to all other Relations in the family, to set them a copy; or teach them how to carry therein, and to put them in order. Without this all would be out of frame; the children unruly, and disobedient, and the servants unfaithful and disorderly.

So much of the Duties of Mariage.

Now followes the third thing considerable in mariage.

III. The Benefits of Mariage.

WHich may be referred to five heads. They are 1. Personal 2. Domesti­cal 3. Political 4. Ecclesiastical 5. Univer­sal.

1. 1 Personal Be­nefits. The Personal Benefits of Mariage ap­pertaining to the parties themselves are 4. to wit,

1. Society 2. Sanctity 3. Copartnership 4. furtherance of the mystical Mariage be­tween Christ and the soul.

1. 1 Society. Society. God made man a sociable Creature, in respect both of the Constitution of his body, and disposition of his minde: and said, Gen. 2.18.19.20. It is not good for man to be alone. Though God made Adam lord over all the Creatures, and brought them to him, to give names to them all, as a sign of his sove­raignty and authority over them; yet for all this man was alone; for among all the creatures there was not found a help meet for him or like to him in Nature: a fit and suta­ble Companion, that should be alter ego, a second self to him. God set all the creatures before him, ere he gave him a wife; that (as some think) he seeing their sexes, might de­sire to have a help in his kind and nature also. [Page 39]God saw it was not good for the irrational living creatures to be alone, Gen. 7.2. [...] therefore he crea­ted them male and female, in Heb. cal'd the man and his wife, for the increase of their kind (to this end God bid Noah take into the Arke two of every sort of living things to keep them alive, they shall be male and female, Gen. 6.19, 20. and God created them male and female together, but he did not so in mankind for Adam was first formed, then Eve. Though it be said in Gen. 1.27. that God created them that is Adam and Eve) male and fe­male, yet not together. This is an anticipati­on. The 27, 28. verses of Gen. 1. chap. are to be made up with the 17, 18, 19. verses of the 2. chapter together into one Relation. This was the Cause of the Creation of the woman, because Adam was alone (God saw Adam Solitary and defective till he had a wife. I will make him, saith God, a help commodious for him. God created the woman by delibe­rate Councel, as before he had done the man, Gen. 1.26, 27. Let us make man in our Image. The creation of the woman was the work of the Trinity as well as of the man. When Adam saw no other fit help for him, among all the Creatures, it might make him the more prize a wife: and count it better to lose a rib then to lack a wife; to want part of himself, then not to have a second self. A wise was the Complement of all to Adam: and a Recovery of his lost Rib. If Adam in Innocen­cy, when he was perfect in body and soul, and when the whole world was his own, stood in need of a wife even for society, to be his [Page 40]Companion, and it was not good for him that was so happy to be alone, much less for poor sinful, sickly miserable man since the fall, what need hath he of a wife, even for Society?

Eccles. 4.9, 10. Two are better then one, saith the Preacher, that is fully verified in conjugal Society, though this onely is not meant here, but that society in all sorts of affaires is better than Solitariness.

2. Sanctity. 2 The Second Benefit of mariage is sanctity, to prevent sin, and keep us pure from Pollu­tions of flesh and spirit.

1. 1 Cor. 7.2. From outward acts of uncleanness. To a­void fornication let every man have his owne wife (saith Paul) and every woman her own husband.

2 From inward Lusts, Ver. 9. It is better to mary then to burn. Mariage is a meanes to pre­vent burning in lust.

Mariage is a preservation of chastity, and prvention of heart adultery which our Savi­our makes to be to look on a woman and lust after her. Math. 5.28. Though mariage was institu­ted before there was sin, and Adam needed it not as a Remedie against Incontinency but upon another account. But since the fall it is of necessary and soveraign use, to pre­vent sin, and to procure or promote our sanctincation, that we may possess our vessels in holines and Honour, not in the lost of con­piscence: Thes. 4.3.4, 5. This is the will of God.

3. 3 Copartner­ship. Benefit is Copartnership in all conditi­ons better and worse: As yoke fellows to take part and share equally together there­in.

1. To be a solace and comfort one to other in adversity, as in sickness, poverty, dis­grace. What a great comfort is a loving ten­der husband to his dear wife in her sickness? and she the like to him in his. Prov. 17.17, As a brother is born for adversity: so many couples finde cause to say, that they were maried together for a time of adversity: and that God brought them together to be mutual helps, and com­forts at such a time as this; Judg. 13.22, 23. as he did Esther to the kingdom, Esther. 4.14. how did Mancahs wife comfort him, when he was plunged deep into fear of death?

2. To be companions in joy; the delight one of another in prosperity; the desire of the eyes, as Ez [...]kiels wife was, Ezech. 24.16. Eccles. 9.9. and the joy of the heart; to live joyfully and comfortably to­gether, as Abraham and Sarah, Gen. 26.8. Isaac and Rebekah did. Ab [...]melech looking out through a window, saw Isaac, sporting (or laughing and rejoycing) with his wife. Which implies some pleasing familiarity, or sign of love and delight between them: Husband and wife are glasses to look one anothers face in: and echoes of delight, refreshments and reflections or repercussions of pleasure and joy the one to the other; and mutual chearings each of other.

4 4 Furtherance of the Mystical Mariage. Benefit of Mariage is, the Furtherance of the Mystical Mariage between Christ and the Soul. Both Husband and wife should im­prove their conjugal Relation and fellow­ship together to promote the Communion of their souls with Christ, as the Spiritual hu­band [Page 42]thereof. To this end we should do three things.

1. 1. To look at Christ as our Husband. Hoseah. 2.19 20. To look at Jesus Christ our Maker and Redeemer as our Husband ( Isa. 54.5) as maried to us, Jer. 3.14. and at our selves as betrothed to him, in righteousness and loving kindness, mercy and faithfulness.

2 2 To expect the love of a Husband from him. To expect all that love, kindness, ten­derness, Comfort, nourishings and cherish­ings from Christ spiritually ( Eph. 5.29.) which the wife looks to receive from her Husband corporally. As the spouse doth in the Canticles: the kisses of his mouth, Cant. 1.2. the Embraces of his arms, cap. 2.6. the refreshments of his presence, to sit under his shadow with great delights. Cant. 2, 3. Cordials and Refo­cillations to support and comfort the Soul in his absence: this is to be staid with flagons, and comforted with apples, verse 5. Also the dis­covery of Christ to the soul, for he hath pro­mised, I will manifest my self to you, John 14.21. Will not the husband let his wife behold his face? and the sence of his love shed a­broad in the heart, Rom. 5.5. Oh that is better then wine, Cant. 1.2. The Communication of the seed of Grace, this is the benevolence which Christ as a Husband renders to our souls, 1 Cor. 7.3. to make them fruitful in good works. We are maried unto Jesus Christ (saith Paul) that we should bring forth fruit unto God; Hence the spouse saith, Rom. 7.4. Cant. 1.16. Col. 1.10. Our bed is green. This denotes the fruitfulness and flourishing of the soul in every good work, by the spiritual Commu­nion or heavenly Conjunction of Christ with the soul.

3. 3. To perform our duty to him. To express and perform all that duty spi­ritually to Christ, which the wife doth cor­porally to her husband, as subjection, obedi­ence love, loyalty, chastity, serviceableness. To reserve our hearts wholly, solely, intirely for him (as his bed to lie in, his Throne to rule in; now the husbands bed and the Kings throne admit no Corrivals) to be for him and not for another ( Hosea, 3.3.) to tarry many dayes for his gracious Return and manifestation of him­self to our souls, after his departures and Occultations of himself (in our apprehensi­ons) from us: to embrace and imbosom Christ, and lay him between our breasts, Micah. 7 19, Cant. 1 13. as a bundle of mirrhe, or perfumed bags. To sub­ject our desires to him, and submit our wills to his, that his will may be ours, and there may be but one will between Christ and our soules: to refer our selves wholly to be at his command and dispose. To open our hearts unto him, inviting and intreating him earnestly to come in, and not onely to sup and lodge in them, but to make his abode in and with our souls. I opened to my beloved, saith the spouse, Cant. 5.5. To be sick of love for Christ, as the spouse was, Cant. 5.8. sick with grief for his absence, and with desires of his presence, and to seek him up and down, as the spouse did, Cant. 3.1, 2, 3. by night on our bed (in private inquiries, breathings and restless desires and pursuits after him) and in the streetes and broad wayes of the or­dinances and communion of saints, and not to give over till we find him, and having found him to hold him fast and not let him go [Page 44]to joyn ou [...]selves, 1. Christ, by faith and love to be one spirit with him ( he that is joyn­ed to the Lord is one spirit, saith Paul, 1 Cor. 6, 17, as Husband and wife are one flesh.

To leave father and mother, yea wife and children, house, goods, land, all we have, whatsoever is near or dear to us for Christs sake, to follow Christ, and to go to Christ, which is best of all for us. Phil. 1.23.

This is the Law of the Churches mariage with Christ, Psal. 45.10. Hearken O daughter, forget thine owne people and thy fathers house. He that lo­veth father or mother, son, or daughter &c. more then me, saith Christ, is not worthy of me, Math, 10.37. to have me to be the Husband of his soul. Luk. 14.26. Christ requires we should leave all to cleave to him.

The Ap [...]stle in Ephes. 5. describes the U­nion and amity of Christ and the spouse by the sameness of flesh, which Mariage causeth between Husband and wife: and reacheth maried persons their duties, by the communion of Christ and the Church: and the souls duty to Christ by the wives duty to her Husband. This is to spiritua­lize mariage; and to improve it to a high, holy and heavenly use, the benefit whereof w [...]l extend to the days of Eternity.

What Expression of Conjugal, love is there between man and wife, which ca­rieth not a resemblance of some spi­ritual intercourse between Christ and the soul?

2. Benefit of mariage is Domestical, the [Page 45]building of families and kindreds, 2 Domestical Benefits of Mariage. Ruth, 4.11. and the multiplication of them. Women are Buil­ders hereof as well as men; Rachel and Leah did build the house of Israel. Indeed mari­age is the fountain of all humane socie­ties.

3. Benefit is Political. 3 Political. Mariage laies the foundation of cities, countreys, nations: of Lawes and civil goverment: of Com­mon-wealths and Kingdoms: all these are superstructures upon Mariage. also it furnisheth the same, with useful and ser­viceable instruments. That Mariage up­holds the fabrick of the republick; the con­tinuation and succession thereof. Hence it is cald the Seminary of the Common wealth.

4. 4 Ecclesiasti­cal. Benefit of Mariage is Ecclesiastical: the Propagation of the Church of God, and of the tr [...]e religion, to replenish it with mem­bers, as it furnished Christ the head of it and Saviour of the world with a body on earth, (for he was conceived and born of a woman, that was begotten in wedlock.)

Mariage afforded flesh unto the Messiah, and provides materials for Gods Church, both stones and pillars, and helps to fill heaven with heirs, therefore Mariage is called the Seed plot and Nursery of the church.

5. Benefit of Mariage is universal, 5 Universal. the preservation and increase of mankind, this was the end of Adam and [...]ves creation and Mariage before the fall; and this was Gods benediction upon them. Be fruit­ful and multiply and replenish the earth, Gen. 1.28. Were it not for mariage; the world would come [Page 46]to an end. Hence mariage is called, the pillar of the world under God; the right hand of pro­vidence.

Ʋse. 1 Thank­fulnes to God Ʋse. 1. This should teach us thankfulness to God.

1. For providing so comfortable, useful and beneficial a Relation or condition for us, as mariage is. It is a great bundle of Benefits; How many both private and publick are bound up together in it as in one volume?

2. For all the benefit, help and comfort God hath given us particularly in our Mariage, in and by our yoake fellowes. What shall I render to the Lord, may the Husband say, for giving me such a meet and sutable help, as I think there is None such for me: may the wife say, for giving me so great a blessing in a wise, loving, tender Husband; may both Husband and wife say, for blessing us with the fruit of the wombe, and giving us hope­full tractable children.

Ʋse 2. Im­prove mar­age. Ʋse. 2. This should teach us to improve Mariage for all those ends, for which God appointed it, as

1. For Gods glory as well as for our Com­fort.

2. For our selves; the good of our souls as of our bodies; in spirituals as well as in temporals: and for Heaven as well as for earth.

3. For others, not onely to build families, but godly families, such as may know, fear & serve God: and may breed and send forth use­ful persons (children or servants) such as may do service in Church or common wealth, or [Page 47]up religious families abroad. This is an honour and comfort to a maried couple, that out of their house as a stock or root, many godly families have sprung and grown, as swarms out of a hive, when it is full: that their children being disposed of in theworld, have built some; and their servants, being maried from them have built other families; and all fearing and worshipping God.

Ʋse. 3. reprovs them that mary for low ends. Ʋse. 3. Reproves them that mary for poor low ends, as onely or chiefly,

1. For Carnal ends to satisfie the lusts and desires of the flesh.

2. Or for worldly ends, to get wealth or pre­ferment, to heighten, greaten, or raise them­selves some way in the world thereby. Such mary the portion or Estate, rather then the Person (whether it be man or woman) and may come to have sorrow enough therewith; and to buy gold too dear. By Gods just judge­ment such persons enjoy few of the benefits of Mariage.

1. Little society together; when they have obtained their ends, and satisfied their lusts, they care little, one for another; and are rea­dy to part bed, if not houses.

2. Less sanctity thereby. For their eyes are as full of adultery, and their hearts of unclean affections or lustings after others men or women, as if they were not maried.

3. No advantage at all doe they got to their Souls by their mariage, or spiritual be­fit, no help heaven-ward, but rather a hin­drance.

4. They desire children, but do not think [Page 48]or care whether they be Godly or no; and they prove many times accordingly.

5. They build up families, but without a dram of religion or piety in them, scarce Ci­vility or common honesty.

6. They seek great things in the world for their children, but do not indeavour, intend or desire, they should be useful Instruments in Church or Comonwealth and they often spend prodigally, what their parents got painfully.

7. They take little or no delight one in a­nother, and have little comfort togethes: it may be much grief: being thorns in the sides and pricks in the eyes, and provocations, the one to the other.

8. As for the mystical mariage between Christ and Soul, they know not what it means: it is a paradox to them, as Regenera­tion was to Nicodemus.

How many Husbands and wives have no more benefit by mariage, then the Pagans that knew not God, yea then the beasts have, to satisfie their lusts, which God created male and female as well as them.

Now I come to the fourth thing conside­rable in mariage.

IV. The Troubles of Mariage.

4 The trou­bles of Mari­age.MAriage hath it's crosses as well as com­forts: and sorrowes as well as joyes. It is not all honey, but hath some gall and wormwood intermingled. Mariage is but a Bitter-sweet.

Many are the cares, fears, sorrowes, trou­bles that attend mariage, even the comforts of it, as,

1. The having of children. Many sor­rows accompany the wife conception, breed­ing, bearing and feeding of them; and many cares and troubles arise both to Husband and wite in the education and disposal of them: and if their children prove not well, what a heart break is that to them? besides, the death of children causeth great grief unto parents.

2. The building of a family; the ordering and governing of it, and making provision for the whole house. 1 Tim. 5 8. He is worse then an infidel that doth not so, saith Paul. Many incumbrances accompany houshold affairs. Martha had experience thereof. Luk 10.40, 41

3. [...] The care incumbent upon both, how to please one another, 1 Cor. 7.33, 34. The word signifieth a care joyned with anxiety of mind, the word implies a dividing of the mind (as one saith) into diverse thoughts, casting this way, and that way, and every way, how to give best content.

4. There may be several events and E­mergencies, that prove occasions of Trouble and grief to them both, as, Losses and Crosses in their Callings, estates and affairs; sicknesses upon both or either of them; and death at last.

5. Especially when they are unequally yoked, in Religion or otherwise, and they draw diverse or adverse ways; the one for­ward and the other backward: or the one up­ward the other downward. Or when they are unsutably disposed, and their spirits are cross-grain'd, each to other; the one high the other low.

How many discontents and differences a­rise from hence?

The reason of it.The reason why Mariage hath its crosses and troubles, is, because it is a thing under the sun, therefore it is subject to vanity and vexation of Spirit, as all other things. The Preacher affirms the same from his own ex­perience. Besides, Mariage is but for this pre­sent time. When we get above the sun, and come to be happy in Heaven, we shall stand in no need of mariage, or of any of the be­nefits or comforts of it, which we en­joy here below, Math. 22.30. but we shall be as the Angels of God in Heaven.

Ʋse. 1 Expect not too much from it. Ʋse. 1. Then do not greaten your expecta­tions too much, nor look for more from it then is in it, or can be had from it; as if it was all joy and no sorrow; all sweetness and no bitterness in it, all honey, and no sting of trouble. To look for more comfort and delight in it, then you can finde; and to finde (or meet with) more trouble and sorrow in it then you did look for or imagin, will great­ly disappoint your expectation; and that will beget, not onely dissatisfaction; and discontent, but vexation of spirit in you.

Ʋse. 2 prepare for troubles. Ʋse. 2. I counsel and exhort all maried per­sons, to expect and prepare for Troubles, and Trials, yea for now ones, and it may be grea­ter then ever ye experienced before.

Mariage crosses are new things, to those that have lived single and solitary lives; you stand in need to beg of God wisdom and pa­tience, to bear them and improve them. Paul was a true Prophet herein. Such as mary, shall have trouble in the flesh 1 Cor. 7.28.

Husband and wife have cause to expect variety and vicissitude of turns and changes (from better to worse, from joy to sorrow, from pleasure to pain) in wedlock as well as in any other condition under the sun: and the time, or several seasons thereof are deter­mined by the appointment and limitation of Gods purpose and providence. This is con­ceived to be the Preachers sence and Scope, in Eccles. 3.1. to 9. Ecclesiansj. 1 to 9. wherein he declares the Universal uncertainty of future events, as ha­ving their total dependance upon Gods pre­determining purpose and overruling provi­dence [Page 52]which man cannot by all his sollici­tude, anxious care or thoughts, possibly pre­vent or escape. Job had large experience hereof He injoyed the comforts of Substance and health, of wife and of many children (seven sons and three daughters which were accounted as his greatest mercies or blessings next to his graces, as his uprightness and fear of God, and eschewing of evil: Job1, 2. though some reckon their children but as Troubles, [...] 1, 2. [...]nd bils of charges) and that ma­ny dayes, but afterwards his estate was all snatcht from him by violent hands, his chil­dren were all taken away by a sudden blow or blast, as you may read Job. 1.19, 20. and his body was smitten with sore boils from head to fo [...]t chap. 2.7. Then his wife said unto him Dost thou stil retain thine integrity? Curse God and die She that should have been a help and comfort to him, ver 9. proved a great cross and trial to him in his affliction, as appears by his sharp reproof of her. vers. 1 [...]. Thou speakest as one of the foolish women speaketh. What? shall we receive good at the hand of God and shall we not receive evil? Even those that are maried must ex­pect (in their conjugal condition) to receive ev [...]l at the hand of God as well as good; loss of children as well as of goods, and diseases of body, and crosses in yoak-fellows, and in friends also, which were an addition to Jobs afflictions, Job. 16 2 They proved miserable comforters to him, Physitians of no value, cha. 13.4 Some think that Satan by his commission mi [...]ht have taken away his wife as well as his children, Job 1.12. but he kept her alive [Page 53]to be a vexation unto Job.

Mariage at first is a soft gentle pleasant thing but, it proves to many afterwards hard, heavy, and uneasy (through conco­mitant Troubles) more bone then flesh, especi­ally if they want patience, which makes hard things soft, and heavy thing; light. Husband and wife that live comfortably and joyfully together for sometime, may afterwards m [...]et with new afflictions and Additions to their afflictions, such as they never looked for, nor imagined. Now that ye are forewarn­ed of them, be ye forewarned against them, not to bear them out by the head and shoulders (as we say) in a self hardning, Stoical stupid way; but as becometh Chri­stians, by the exercise of faith and patience, meekness and holyness in them, and of wis­dome to make a spiritual use and impro­vement thereof, that ye may gloryfie God in the fire of Wedlock afflictions; and that when God hath tryed you therein you may come forth as Gold ( J [...]b 23.10.) leaving the dross both of your personal Co [...]uptions and Conjugal miscarriages behinde you there­in. Socrates once said to some that hit him in the teeth with his wives frowardness, that he did thereby learn even within his own doors to be constant & patient every where &c.

Ʋse. 3. [...] wean [...] from it. Ʋse 3. The Consideration of mariage troubles may wean you from it, even at your entrance into it, and prevent your surseition Mariage comforts & delights afterwards. Doth not Paul prescribe and presse this upon you? Let them that have wives be as if they had none [Page 54]1 Cor. 9.27. and let them that have husbands be as if they had none; for this Rule is a di­rection to them both.

Quest. How may those that have wives be as if they had none? or those that are maried be as if they were not maried?

Ans. Five wayes.

1. 1. Let not Mariage be a hinderance to serving God or saving our soules. First by not suffering out mariage to be an Impediment or Discouragment to us either,

• 1. In serving of God.
• 2. Or in working out the Salvation of our souls.

When we will wait upon God in his pub­lick Ordinances and seek God in private duties, both in our families and closets, and meet God in the communion of Saints;

1. Though our wives will not joyne with us therein, or others in our familie, refuse Communion with us,

2. Yea though they should reproach us for the same, as Michal mocked David for dancing before the Arke; 2 Sam 6.20, 21, 22. or though any of our Carnal kindred should doe the like, we should an­swer them resolutely, as David did Michal; If going to hear Sermons, or performing holy duties in and with my family (as prayer, reading the scripture, repeating Sermons &c.) or in my closet alone, If these things make me vile, I will yet be more vile then thus. I will binde the reproaches I suffer for piety, purity, strictness in duties, from my husband or wife, or from any of our friends to my forehead, and wear them as my crown; and they shall rather edge and [Page 55]spur me on thereto, then be any pull back or hindrance there from. Then a Husband hath a wife, as if he had none; and a wife hath a Husband as if she had none.

When we endeavour to serve God freely and intirely, and as much as we can, without di­straction, as if we were single persons, unre­lated to any man or woman by Mari­age; as if we had none but God to take care to serve, and please and approve our selves to: or as if we had none (related to us) to disswade or discourage us from the same. Or if we have relations and they should attempt it, we are resolved, that our God and our souls being dearer to us then they all, we will (by his grace) serve and please him, and tender the salvation of our souls, above them all, whether our husbands, or our wives, or kindred be pleased or displeased at it. Then we carry as if we did not mary.

When we look at these two, to wit, the worshipping of our dear Lord God; and the saving of our precious immortal Soules, as the main and supream busines we have to do; and at Mariage but as subordinate and subser­vient thereunto: and but a secondary means of our good, when the desire and purpose of our hearts is fixed upon three things.

1. That Mariage Crosses, and family cares and troubles, Luke 10.42. shall not take us off from seeking the kingdom of God and the righteousnesse thereof, Iohn 6.27. in the first place; the one thing need­ful; from chusing the good part, that shall never be taken from us: 2 not to our coming to Christ. from labouring more for the meat that endureth, then for perishing meat.

2. That our relation shall not hinder us from coming unto Jesus Christ in his or­dinances (as Word, Sacraments &c.) when he invites us (and an opportunity is an In­vitation thereunto) It was the excuse of one, bidden to the great supper, in Luc. 14 20. I have maried a wife, therefore I cannot come. Such an one hath a wife, so, as if he had none but a wife; neither a God to serve, nor a soul to save; as if a wife was summum be­num, the chief good. But he that hath a wife, as if he had none, will say, though I have maried a wife, that shall be no impe­diment to me, but I will come to Jesus Christ in his Ordinances, and endeavour to bring my wife with me to Christ. However I will come, though she hang back and will not come with me.

3. 3 That wee will go to hea­ven alone hea­ven-ward. That if our Mariage do not help us God-ward and Christ-ward, it shall not hin­der us; and that we will goe to Heaven alone (if our yoak-fellowes will not goe along with us) rather then to Hell with company.

When these (and the like) are our resolves and endeavours, then we have Husbands or wives as if we had none.

2. We that have wives may be as if we had none, by not suffering our Mariage to be a means of sin unto us, either

• Immediately or
• Mediately

1. Inmediately in our selves, by breeding in [Page 57]our hearts

• 1 Either distrust by reason, of the greatness of our charge, and smalness of our means.
• 2 Or discontent because of the mani old troubles we meet with therein.

When we indeavour to overcome distrust, and suppress discontent; and to [...]rust God for our families (to provide for them) as well, as for our single selves, if we were alone: and to be as patient in bearing our ma­riage Crosses as our own personal trials; when we are content to take the better with the worse, together, therein, and both as from the hand of God, as Job answered his wife, Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and shal we not receive evil? then we that have wives are as if we had none.

2 Let not Ma­riage be a means of sin to us. 2. When we suffer not our mariage to be a means of sin to us, Mediately by our yoak-fellowes being Instruments of Tentations to us unto sin, to draw us from God and good.

1. To idolatry, superstition or will, 1 Of Idolatry 1 Kings 11.4. Deut. 13 6, 8, 9. wor­ship, as Solomons wives turned away his heart after other Gods. Under the law an Enticer to Idolatry, though she were the wise of their bo­som, was to be put to death.

2. Apostacy Job 2.9.2 To Apostacy from God, or blasphemy against God, to fall from integrity or sted fastness and, to think or speak ill of God. Jobes wife tempted him thereunto, doest thou still retain thy integrity? curse God and die.

Such like are the designes some wives have upon their Hutbands, to draw them from the [Page 58]Truths, wayes and ordinances of God into errours, heresies, by-wayes &c, or licen­tiousness.

Or to discourage their hearts from pious duties and courses, as Michal sought by her mocking to do unto David, from dancing before the ark.

3. 3 Injury To Injury, to doe our neighbour wrong in taking (by unjust wayes) their house, land or goods from them, as Jezebel did Naboths vineyard from him, for her Husband Ahab; to chear him up when he was sick with grief and indignation, upon Naboths denial of his vineyard to him. Ahab desired it, upon a valuable consideration, but Jezebel his wife took the vineyard violently from Naboth, 4 Any breach of Gods com­mand. by taking away his life.

4. Or to a breach of any (even the least) of Gods commandments. Eve tempted her husband Adam to eat forbidden fruit (which was the transgressing of a law of Trial) hereby she brought sin and death upon her­self, and her Husband, and upon all their posterity.

Let this (by the way) be a caution to wo­men to beware Satan do not abuse them in making them his instruments or Agents, to entice or tempt their Husbands to any sin, as pride, malice, revenge, vanity, covetousness, or the like. Now, when we are alway watch­ful and careful, lest Satan should surprize us by coming to tempt us unto sin, in or by a conjugal Companion, Math. 16.22.23. one so dear and near to us (lying in our bosomes) as he thinks we will suspect no evil from, nor serpent in: [Page 59](as Satan came to tempt Christ, in Peter) therefore we ponder well what counsel, in­treaties, our proposals are made to us by our yoak-fellowes, as well as by strangers, which both Ahab and Solomon neglected to do. Or when they do perswade or intice us to any evil whatsoever, either of Omission or Com­mission, against God or man; we strive, strenuously to resist all their suggestions, ten­tations, and solicitations; and set our selves as a wall of brass to repel them all, that they cannot prevail, no nor enter or peirce us. As Job not onely rejected his wifes perswasion, but gave her a sharp reprehension for it. Thou speakest as one of the foolish women, as David re­solutely replied his wife Michals discourag­ing scoff.

Then we that have wives are as if we had none, and ye that have husbands are as if ye had none.

3. 3 Honor christ for your Husband. We that have wives, or Husbands may be, as if we had none, by having Christ for the Husband of our souls, and by having holy fellowship with him, and by delighting our selves in him, in the embraces and sola­ces of his love; and in the cherishing com­sorts of his presence. When Christ is dear to ours souls above all our relations (yea a­bove all the world) and we are willing to leave father and mother, wife and children, house and lands, and all for Christ, that is,

1. To follow Christ in the Regeneration, as his disciples: to follow the Lamb whither-soever he goeth, Revelat. 14.4.

2. To be willing to suffer the losse of all for Christ, as Paul did.

3. Phil. 3.8. To learn them all, to go to Christ, as best of all for us; then we have wives as if we had none. This Christ requires of all that would be his Disciples; or be accounted worthy of him, Luc. 14.26. even to hate father and mother, wife and children, that is to love them lesse then him, and to be willing to leave them all for him. Hereto Christ makes a large promise of a hundred fold now in this time, and in the world to come eternal life, Mark, 10.29.30. Galeatius Caracciolus that Noble Marquess of Italy or rather the most Excelent Theophilus) did forsake parents and wife and children and all his friends and renounnced all his wealth and Dignitie because (as he said) he could not injoy both Christ and them. He was a rare example of leaving all (a very great all, of Relations, Possessions, Ho­nours and pleasures) for Christ, rather then to injoy all without Christ. Notwithstanding the strongest workings and wrestlings of natural affections within him; and the powerfullest and most heart breaking Solicitations of his friends by prayer, Tears and Arguments to the Contrary; and the deep and sore Agonies and Conflicts he had in himself a­bout it; yet through the Grace of Christ, he overcame them all for Christ.

A man may be said to have a thing &c. (as an old house o [...] Garment) as if he had it not; when he hath something of the same kind that is much better, as a new house to go unto or new cloathes to put on, [Page 61]when he pleaseth. Now the soules Mariage with Christ is the most Excellent of all Re­lations, Conjunctions and Consociations: it is the first and chiefest mariage in excellency, and thereof a Rule and pattern to humane mariage, to direct the due Carriage of the Parties each to other. To this purpose Paul proposeth it in the fifth of the Ephesians. As a greater Light obscures a less, so a greater de­light weans us from a less. If our souls be maried unto Christ, and take pleasure in com­munion with Christ, this will wean us from our Temporal Mariage, and the delights of it, as poor low things of an inferiour nature, re­specting the body most which is the Earthly part of man. Sensual delights (wherein we partake with the beasts) which cannot reach the sublime part of man, the soul, to afford it divine refreshments, which only Christ the Husband of it can do. This fellowship with Christ will abundantly compensate or sup­ply, the loss or want o [...] the comfort of all o­ther Relations; and take us off them, wean us from them, & raise up our hearts above them. Even whilest we have them. As it is in other things, when we make Grace our cheif goods, then we have Gold and silver as it we had it not; or Gods favour our chei [...] honour; then we have the favour and honour of Men, as if we had it not. We have thing appretiatively and hold them tenaciously, when we have no­thing better then they, or so good: as the co­vetous man hath his gold; the Ambitious man his Honor, the Voluptuous M [...]n his plea­sure, and the Uxorious man his wife on [Page 62]whom he dotes: These know or have no­thing that is better. A man cannot have an usefull, delightfull Creature, as if he had it not, unless he have something as good or better to injoye in the room thereof. When a man hath God to his portion, he may say, It is enough, though he hath nothing else. God without all, is a greater portion, then All without God. When Christ be­comes all in all to us; then all the comforts we have are as nothing to us, Scil. in compa­rison of Christ; then Mariage is nothing, wealth nothing, preferment nothing. When we have a better Husband for our souls (that is, Christ) then any Husband or wife is or can be for the body, 4 Be sober in all the con­cernment, of Mariage. 1 Cor. 7.29.30.31. should not we upon this Account, who have wives or Husbands be as if we had none?

4. We that are maried may be as if we were not maried, by being very fober and mode­rate in all the effects, concomitants and con­cernments of Mariage, which the Apostle par­ticularizeth in and connecteth with Mariage in the text, and in the thing; as sorrow, joy, pos­sessions and wordly affairs and businesses at­tending or circumstantiating that condition.

To be sober and moderate in all these, and to be weaned or sit loose from them in our hearts (both which are included in the Apo­stles [...] i. e, 1 in Mariage comfort. as if not) is the way to have wives as if we had none.

As 1. To be sober and moderate in the use of all mariage comforts and delights; and in the fruits thereof, as the birth of children, or the like, and in our joy therein. This is to re­joyce [Page 63]as if we rejoyced not; not to overjoy our Mariage joyes.

Not to be excessive or immoderate in any Mariage injoyment (or in our joy or delight therein) for that is to have a wife or a Hus­band, as if we had nothing besides. As a man may be excess be a drunkard with his own drink, and a Glutton with his own meat, so likewise one may be unclean in the immode­rate use of the Mariage bed. Mr. Dod on 7. com: 2 In Mariage grief. What we are very moderate in, we use as if we used it not.

2. To be moderate in our grief for the troubles that accompany mariage, as for the loss of wife or children. The Jewes conceive that Abraham wept but a little for Sarahs death, or that his mourning for her was at least not excessive but with Moderation, Ainsworth. Pareus. be­cause in Gen. 23.2. where its said Abraham came to mourn for Sarah, and to weep for her, the word weep in the Hebrew hath one little letter extraordinary.

David fasted and wept while his childe was yet alive; but when it died, why should I weep any more saith David? when God took all Jobes children away at once with a stroke, he blessed the name of the Lord, Job. 1.21. This is to weep as if we wept not, not to overgrieve our mariage griefs:

3. To be moderate in, 3 in worldly Matters. and weaned from worldly Matters, which concerns mariage as,

1. In Buying as if we possessed not; minding earthly things as if we minded them not. As a Traveller that goeth on in his way, as in buying. and [Page 64]a labourer in his work, but both of them are in a deep study; and their mindes are intent upon other matters then either the journey of the one, or the work of the other. So should our Mindes be Imployed about heavenly things (as much as may be) while we are going about wordly business. Things above should have Our hearts, while our hands and feet are busied about things below. We should so deal in the world, as those that are wholly taken off [...]rom the world. 1 Cor. 7.30. This is to buy as if we possessed not [...] as not to hold what we have bought or gotten too hard or close to our selves or ours, as if we would keep all to our selves and part with nothing; for God hath many wayes to pluck our pur­chases and possessions from us. Prov 23.5. Riches make themselves wings and can flee away from us, and our family and posterity, as an Eagle. There is great uncertainty in them; this should wean us from them. 2. In using he world

2 Using the world and the things of it as if we used it not, as food rayment, habitation and outward accomodations, (all which are appurtenances to mariage) to be very Tem­perate sober and moderate in them, and weaned from them; not setting our hearts up­on them, nor being any way excessive or inor­dinate in the use of them, is to use the word as if we used it not. 1 Cor 7.3.

A wise moderation in, and a holy Aliena­tion from the matters of the world, may ei­ther procure or preserve and promote in us a Weanedness or fitting loose from Temporal Relations; that we that have wives may [...] as though we had none.

5. And lastly, 5. Enjoy rela­tions with sub­mission to God. we that have wives or hus­bands may be as if we had none, by Enjoying our Relations with Submission to the will of God, for time and measure, how far and how long God pleaseth to Continue them to us: and by labouring to get our spirits into such a frame or posture of preparation and readiness, as freely and submissively to part with Husband, wife, children, and to re­signe them up to God, when he takes them from us, or us from them; Acts. 21.14. and to say obedi­entially, The will of the Lord be done. We have any thing as if we had it not, which we are willing to part with to God or for God: or else we oppose our wills to Gods will, as if we will have or keep persons or things whe­ther God will or no.

Objection. Parting with a dear yoke-fel­low is a great and sad Trial, how may we be prepared for it?

7 Preparatives for the death of a yoak-fel­low. Ans. By serious and frequent Preconsidera­tion of these seven particulars; for when the the stroak is sudden, it falls heavy; but when it is foreseen, and we are forearmed and prepared, it may be more easily born. 1. God hath a propriety in our Relations.

1. Let us consider that God hath a special propriety in our Relations; my husband or my wife, and children are the Lords, by absolute right, whilst they are mine; yea more the Lords, then mine: God made and quali­fied them for me, and gave them to me, or ra­ther lent them for a Time, reserving to himself his Interest in them. As he doth in all other Mercies, as he did in Israels Corn, wool, wine and flax. If God take husband, Hos. 2.8.9. [Page 66]or wife, or children away by death, he doth us no wrong, Math. 20.15. for he requires no more but his own, Is it not lawful for God to doe what he will with his own? Job. 1.21. Did not Job bless God upon this account when he took from him, what he gave to him? God hath given us so much Comfort and benefit in our Relations, and continued them so many years unto us; we should rather be thankful to God, that we have injoyed them so long, then murmure or mourn too much, because we must have them no longer.

2. 2 Hope of their happines Consider we our hope of their happi­ness dying in the Lord, that they are releas­ed wholly from all their pain sorrow and mi­sery; and are gone home to their fathers house to inherit a kingdome prepared for them, and are now actually possessed of fulness of joy, and rivers of pleasures, which shall endure for evermore. Therefore as Christ said to his disciples, John 14.28. If ye loved me ye would rejoyce, because I go to the father. So if we love husband, wife or children, we will rather rejoyce for their Gain by death, then mourn for our loss of them; because the one is far greater then the other. Paul would not have Christians to sor­row for their deceased friends (to wit imode­rately) even as others which have no hope, 1 Thes. 4.13. to wit of their friends resurrection and salvation.

3. 3 Hope of our going to them. Consider we, our hope of going to our dear Husbands, wives or children, who have got the start of us, and are gone to Heaven before us: and of our fellowship with them there in that place of perfect joy, glory and felicity, where they and we shall meet one [Page 67]day, and never part more. This was Davids Comfort when his Childe died, 2 Sam. 12.23. I shall goe to him, but he shall not return to me. This was Jacobs comfort at his death, Gen. 49.29. I am to be gather­ed unto my people, that is to my holy fathers and friends, or Saints, who are gone hence to their everlasting rest and joy.

4. Let us consider that the time is short. 4 Shortness of Time. [...] 1 Cor. 7.29. It is a Metaphor from sailes, which are wrapt up and contracted, when the ship draws neer harbours.

1. 1 Of life. The time of life is short and uncertain, neither Husband nor wife knowes, how long, or rather how little a while they shall yet live together, or enjoy one another; or how soon death may step between them and part them. The consideration hereof

1. Should quicken us, both to diligence and expedition in all duties of our Vocation, general and particular, and of our Relations, because we have much work to doe, and but a little time to do it in; and a losse of time may bring great grief and misery upon us. Some that have lain a dying would have gi­ven a world for time to repent, believe and serve God in. I have heard (saith a reve­rend man) some crying day and night, call time again; but time past is irrevocable and irrecoverable.

This should also quicken Husband and wife to preparation for parting one from a­nother.

2. This consideration may also comfort us, that if the one party be taken away by death, the other may follow soon after, or [Page 68]not stay long behind, and so both may meet in Heaven, they know, not how soon.

2. 2. Of Peace. The time of Peace may be short. Troublesome times may come (tribulations and persecutions) all outward Comforts may be clouded in a day; and they may be violent­ly pulled one from other. Will it not be a mer­cy either to husband or wife to be taken away from the evils to come? and may not the Surviver of them, when single, perhaps shift bet­ter for him or her self. This was Pauls resoluti­on of the Corithians Question about mariage, In 1 Cor. 7. that for those that were not maried, it were good and expedient to keep them so, consider­ing The present distress, ver. 26. that is the per­secution of Christians at that time; for they were compelled by the Roman Tyrants and Pagans to fly with their wives and children for preservation of their lives; and to flie from place to place, as Aquila and Priscilla did, to seek safety where they could find it. As for those that were already maried, he gives them this counsel, Let them that have wives be as if they had none &c. Times of persecution or of publick calamitie may make a separa­tion between husband and wife. It's their wisdome to prepare before hand for parting the one with the other. For this is one part of their preparation against evil Times.

5. 5. Mixture of grosses. Let us consider the Mixture of Crosses, Troubles and sorrowes with comforts and refreshments in our matrimonial state; and many times the former weighs down the latter. God layes the same as wormewood [Page 69]upon the brests of mariage, to wean us from it; and make us more willing (then o­therwise we would be) to part with our yoke­fellow; as also to endear unto us, both our fellowship with Christ, which is alto­gether sweet, and no bitterness in it; and Heaven, where there is all joy without any Sorrow at all.

6. 6. The ineffica­cy of sorrow. Let us Consider the inefficacy of immo­derate sorrow for the death of husband, wife, or children, for we can contribute nothing by our Tears to their felicity, if they die in the Lord; or if not, we cannot mitigate their pain or misery thereby. All our Mourn­ing for them, cannot revive or recover them. Upon this ground David ceased mourning when his child died. Why should I weep any more? as if he had said, It is to no purpose, Can I bring him back again? 2 Sam. 12.23. We may say of Immo­derate grief in this Case what Solomon said of Mirth, what doth it? It can doe our de­ceased friends no good: It may do us much hurt; by weakening our bodies and sadning our spirits so much, as to deprive us of Com­fort in our lives and livelyhoods, and dis­able or indispose us for duties.

It is best for us to do in this as in other cases, when God doth things crosse or contrary to our desires or expectations, even to resolve our wills into Gods will, and submit to it patiently and acquiess in it.

7. God can supply the loss. The seventh and last particular Consider­able to prepare us for parting with a dear vokefellow is this, God can supply our loss (by death) of a loving Husband, or of a [Page 70]helpful wi [...]e, or of hopeful children, either

1. 1 Mediately. Mediately, by giving us another hus­band or wife, fitted for us, and fitted with like gifts and graces, to equal if not exceed the for­mer, or by rai [...]ing up some friends or others to be very helpful and comfortable to us in our Solitary condition, when God by death hath taken away our dearest companion from us, and we are left alone.

2. 2. Or Immedi­ately. Or Immediately by himself; He is the fountain of all goodness; and hath all that Love, kindness, delight, comfort, help in him self; that is or can be in a husband or wife, or in any other Relation, yea and infinitely more; more then is in all the husbands, and wives in the world; more then they can pos­sibly contain, because God is Infinite, as in his essence so in all goodness; and they are finite and shallow vessels, but of a smal quantity, and hold but little. When God takes away my wife or my husband or my childe from me, I may boldly seek to him, trust in him, and expect from him, not onely inward sup­port, but the Comfort and help of my yoke fel­low or child that is dead. The Lord can, and I hope will, be better to me then ten Hus­bands or wifes; or then a hundred children The Lord is able out of his wisdome and goodness, and by the comforts of his presence, to make an abundant supply and reparation of the loss we sustain by the death of our dear yoke-fell wes or any friend, with this Addition, that the Lord liveth, and shall doe for ever, though Husband or wife or friends dye. What are our Relations but pitchers [Page 71]or Conduit-pipes to convey comfort and help from God unto us: when the Pitcher is broken we should go to the fountain. Dulcius Ex ipso fonte. Waters drink sweetest there. God gave us all the comfort of our Relations at first, and if he take them from us, he is able abun­dantly to make a supply, either by other crea­tures or out of himself. Nihil dat quod non habet, When a Husband dies & leaves his poor wife and children to the wide world, and hath nothing in the world to leave them, then God saith to him, Leave thy father­lesse children, I will preserve them alive, and Let thy widow trust in me: q. d. I will take the charge and care of them. I will provide for them. I will be a Husband to the widow, and a father to the fatherless. God hath given many precepts and made many promises concerning widowes and, orphans, provision­al, protectional and consolational.

Let me adde this by way of caution, we should take heed our affections be not inor­dinately set upon any of our Relations, be it a wife or a husband or a childe, that we do not love them too well, or delight in them too much, or dote on them, or make Idols of them, for this may justly provoke God to take them from us, or to try us sadly in them. Whereas the way to keep them, is to be wil­ling to part with them, out of submission to God, who gave them to us, and whose they still are, and who is worthy to be served with his own. Because Abraham was wil­ling to part with his onely Son Isaac, in obe­dience to a difficult command of God, there­fore [Page 72]he injoyed him with a special blessing, Gen. 22.16, 17. Mr. Burroughes in his exposition on Hosea 2.9. relates a remarkable storie from his owne knowledge, that a Godly man de­siring his friends to meet to blesse God for his blessings in a plentiful harvest; after dinner was done, a little Childe comes in, who was indeed very lovely, oh, saith the fa­ther, I am afraid I shall make a God of this Childe: by and by the Childe was missing, and presently they went to look him, and he was found sprawling drowned in a Pond. Consider this ye Parents (saith Mr. Burroughes) who have your hearts inordi­nately set on your children.