Dr Oatss last Legacy's and his Farewel SERMON. He being sent for to be high Priest to the Grand Turk.
TRuly my Friends you know my Ability comes short of what it was three or four years a gone, but what is left except ready mony, and my necessary Bums, I shall freely give and bequeath amongst you: For you know, as sure as there was a Popish-Plot, I am seven hundred pounds the worse for the Court.
Imprimis, I give and bequeath to his Grace the two Bastards that some of our Sister- Hood laid at my door, four years a gone, perhaps he may manage them to be as fit for Kings as himself. The L. B-ll—s Commission, which I gave him I Recall and give it unto Bully Tom, for the good service he has done his Grace, provided he do not presume to the Crown himself.
The Commission which I gave to the L. P—w—ss, to be High-Treasurer, to the Popish invisible Army, I Recall, and give it to Ch—a—l—n with the wooden Leg. The L. P—t—s Commission I give to Wildman: he was ever true to the Cause.
R—t—i—ffs Commission I give to Brandon G—d he has been Vigilant all a long. The L. A—u-d—s Place and Commission, I give to H—d—n in the Tower for his Father was Olivers own Cozen, and a Ld. of his creating. The L. Castlemains Commission I give to T—e—h—d. What a plague am I a doing: I shall never have done with those forty Damn'd Commissions; dispose of the rest at your Discretion. Rot 'em, they do not deserve all this kindness from me, because they durst not trust me with the right Plot. There's an Old Meal-tub behind the door there; I leave that to Sr. W—m- W—r, and that flogging bed in the Corner there, and that Harts Horn to hang his Hat on, when he comes to Town, hels the honestest man in all the party; ah, that good man, I wonder wat's become of him, that I never heard from him, but he was always so Zealous in hunting after the plaguy Jesuits, and turning up the Old Womens Smock, for fear the Priests should escape under that disguise; and being purblind, was forc'd to thrust his Nose so near the Crevices, that I am afraid the poor little Knight is snapt up, and lost in some of those dark Quarters of the World: and here's an Old Geneva Bible, and the rest of my Liberies, that treats of their Crucified God. I leave 'em to Sr. W—m: if e're he comes to see his almost vertuous L—dy, that he may burn 'em all: for he's mighty ingenious at it: but for my Narrative, the Alcoran, Tom-Thum, Jack-Straw, the growth of Popery Care's Pacquets, Baxters Call, Bedlows Narrative, Dugdals Narrative, &c. Let him keep them for the benefit of the Mahometan Saints, my Lord Russels Speech must be kept till he's cannonized for a Saint.
My swearing Office and all the Right; and Priviledges, thereunto belonging, I leave to Mr. D—d—and Mr. P—r—c—for they are just Men like my self.
My Ears I leave to Sr. P—t—e—c—for I am sure heel have occasion for them, when he appears in publick, my Jack-Spit and long Spoon, I leave to Sidny, to carry with him down into the Country, where the Cabals are now kept, by [Page 2] Noll, Bradshaw, Tap, and the rest for I hear there would be a great many more Rosted in that Large, Black Kittle if they had but fruits enough.
The Hangings of my Room [...] Jack [...] for his mouth he shamker'd and hang'd after me this long time and now at last like Old Tapski, I intend to run away, and Cheat him of our Job. My sweet sanctified Slipers, I leave to Sr. Thomas P—to drink a C [...]ling health to his Whore in, My long shooing Horn, I leave to Sr. Robert—C-for his Shoos are apt to pinch, since the Charter was lost, not but that he has two lovely Antlers of his own, would make better shooing Horns; but that he's so proud of them he will not suffer them to be cut off; Zounds, I had like to forgo poor Eustice Cumins, let me see, Oh! you Varlet, go fetch me that Old Bundle of Tatterdimallions from under my bed; that I came Mumping from [...] Omers in. Come, come, let me see 'um, Heart and Blood of Mahomet; what a live yet? Ha, ha, ha, why, they are ten thousand strong, and as Rampant in their Country gray Liveries, marching in Battle Array, like the Grand Turks at Vienna, well let him have 'em, he'l have as strong a guard as ever I had; they'l incamp in the red Rug he wears about his shoulders for this W [...]nte [...] Well, I have no more to dispose of, come, come, clear the Room, turn out, Varlets, Bums and Loobies, march a Board the Ship, in triangle Order that I may see the Number of fourscore, well Right, go see my Cabin, and all things be ready, I'll be o'th' bones on you presently.
MY Friends I imagin you expect a Lecture, or a short Exhortation at parting & as I am not over stockt with Rethorick unless my infallible Tallent of swearing, I'll be short with you: for my Text, I will not look for it, for I am almost as great a stranger to the Alcoran, as yet, as to the Bible, I preach all by Inspiration. Oh! Popery, Popery's coming in upon you, have a care I say, of Ant-Christ, and Popery, Remember my words when I am gone. Bind your Nobles in Fetters, and your Princes in Chains stand up for your Liberties, and Properties and the good old Cause, for the Liturgie of the English Church is nothing but Superstition and Popery; the Bishops are all Popes, and the Clergemen are all Jesuits: Nay the Bible it self, if you search it from one end to the other: is litle better then Popery, it was Popery that brought in the Bible and as long as there is a Bible in the Nation: You'l nr'e be free from Popery. Leave the use of Women as I do, least your Children turn Papists & swear, Blaspheme, Whore, commit Bugggery, Cheat, be Drunk, Lie, Steal, Whine, Flear, Grin, Houl, Cant, snivel, snarl, scratch, Bite, cut throats and Rebel, be Damn'd or any thing to prevent Popery, but I am almost spent,
My Benedicteon on you all, I leave you to the protection of Mahomet and the D—l, and so Farwell.
LONDON, Printed for J. Dean 1683