CHAP. I.

IT was now about that mun­grell hour when the black­brow'd night, and grey­ey'd morning strove for su­periority, when the mirror of Martiall spirits Don Zara del Fogo sweeping the somniferous God from o [...] [...]is ample front with that Broom of Heaven his face-pounding fist, en­tred into serious contemplation of [Page 2] the renowned Acts of his most Noble Ancestors, Thistram the terrible and the great Lancelot of the Lake, so ravi­shing were those heroick, Rhapsodies, that (upon mature chew of the cud) the Champion began to tax himself of tardity, as not having accumulated that Fame, which at the price of so See the le­gend of Don Sordido Knight of the Driping pan, written by the Au­thor of Cas­s [...]ndra. eminent dangers he had so hotly hunted after; this second cogitation had but a while combated with the first, when he summons the Squire of his body Soto, who lay soundly sleep­ing at his beds feet, commanding him (since himself never knew Letters) to read the Chronicle History of Saint George, who bathed his body in the bloody bowels of a fell Dragon, or the like Atchievement of Sir Elamore, or the hard Quest of Sir Topa [...] after the Queen of Elues to Barwick, or of Sir Guy and the fierce Boar of Boston; Sir quoth Soto (who had hardly gained sight enough to see his Master) you were wont to take great pleasure in hearing the redoubted Adventures of Sir Bevis, sirnamed Southampton; and The Knight of the Sun; that, that quoth the Champion, the Knight of the Suns [Page 3] actions would put fire into a flint stone, animate a Log, and make a woodden leg to walk; Soto had not long led his Master by the large eares ( Don Zara descended of the stock of Kings, see Cambd. Avisoe. for our Champion boasted a long­linckt Genealogie, from the Phrygian King Midas, a hundred fourscore and fourteen descents by the fathers side) but suddenly deserting his bed, he ceazed ( For it was the custom of the Knights of that age to wear no shirts. all naked as he was) on his naked Sword, that Thunder-crack of terrour Slay-a-Cow, the very same that he lately won on Monta-Mole-hill from the great Gyant Phrenedecrenobroso, the son of Pediculo, and leaning thereon like the legitimate Heyr of Mars, he very attentively hoorded up the trea­sures of true Magnanimity. At every close where the Knight either woun­ded the Gyant, or rescued the Lady, in token of the ardency he bare to such illustrious Acts, he gave liberty to his nayles to bring blood from ei­ther buttock, for such was the ranck­ness of his courage, that not onely his soul, but his skin had a perpetuall itching after honourable Attempts, [...]ugmented by a herd of small Cattel, which some Authors will have to be [Page 4] the Genuisses of deceased Worthies, all waiting upon this man of men, which I confess This is spoken with all reverenc to Antiqui­ty, which we ought lightly to question. I cannot credit since it was Soto's custome (in order to his Masters special command) every mor­ning to kill some of them; but the cheerfull Lady of the Light, old Ty­thons tender-skin'd Madam, appearing our Champion, commanded his trusty Squire to buckle on his Armour; too long (quoth he) have we This needs no clavis. Padlockt Fames Tongue, not administring any tittle tattle to that tell-tale Goddess; Soto amaz'd at his Masters mood, soon girds that Sword about him which had often made head-strong Gyants to reel, the flinty-edged Slay-a-Cow, putting a Buckler fashioned like a Spanish Ruffe (full half yard deep) about his neck, in which with won­drous Art was pourtrayed the thrice­famous story of that renowned Com­bat betwixt those two Arcadian He­ro's, Clinias and Dametas, as I have seen those pair of Champions Whether by Vandike or Hilliard, is not cer­tainly known. drawn to the life in Canvas against the walls of a mean Mansion made for good­fellowship; those Bucklers that Two ex­cellent for­gers. Ho­mer and Virgil have fashioned for A­chilles [Page 5] and Aeneas, were but the varni­shes of some Indian hand compared with this rare piece of Sculpture, a­bout the Reverse whereof was this Distich (which some attribute to Li­nus, others to Hesiod) ingraven,

His Mace Aenigma­tically, in­timating, that he ca­red not a fig for the stoutest an­tagonist. bearing the figure of a Cambrian Fig Soto hanged at his Sad­dle bow, for he had abjured the use of a Spear since that fatall Turnament in Utopia, when a splinter of his Lance forced it self against the face of the truly Sanctimonious Matron Bawd­whore [...]a; then seating himself on the back of good Steed Founder-foot (a hors not to be bettered in Phoebus Sta­ble for the flownce or the frisk, and all the fashions of a prauncing Pal­fray) he appointed Soto to Lacquey by his side, committing himself to the guidance of Fortune: Soto was ar­med (not so much for his own preser­vation as his Lords defence) with an [Page 6] This kind of weapon the old Ro­mans term­ed a pile; the Arabi­ans that bor der upon I­taly a [...]ave­ [...]n; the Brittains a half-pike. See Scaliger de usu clubi­bus, l. 6. p. 10000: Ashen plant, made tough by Time, and pointed with steel, his brain was bound about with a Monmouth Tur­band, and his back and breast bul­warkt with impenetrable Past-boord, so that he who had seen our Champi­on and his Attendant, could not but have fancied the mighty Primalion and his Page, or the famous Bragado­chio and his man Trompart; nor could the piety of our Champion permit him to castigate his Courser for the mending of his pace, till he had offe­red up this solemn Orayson to the Some may perhaps ga­ther from hence that our Cham­p on was a papist or at least papi­stically in­clined, but they ought to know that their opinion is no way war­ranted by Antiquity. souls of those deceased Worthies, whose complicated lustre creates that splendent path, called The Milkie way.

O Mervin, Mervin, (quoth he) thou mighty Son of the munificent Oger, who at one stroke didst pare away three heads from off the shoulders of an Orke begotten by an Incubus! Thou George the great Champon of Christendom (the true Apol­lo) who for the sake of the Sultans daugh­ter, destroyedst a Python s [...]x acres in length; Thou Amadis de Gaule, wh [...] encountredst with a Dragon and a Devil at once; Thou Palmerin de Oliva, who [Page 7] (by vertue of a Wart on thy nose) didst so many times passe the Aegean Seas in a Shallop contrived all of Coney-skins; and thou Errant Knight of the Ruby Rose; Look down ye immortall Essences of never­dying Fulgor, let your spirits be Centred and centu­pled, mean­ing hid and hundrifide. Centred and centupled in me whose By this it appeares that his heart was hollow: heart is of a size sufficient to retain all your Excellen­cies, and in whose ample brest there lod­ges as sublime a Soul as ever yet Nature coffin'd up in a Carkas composed of a met­tal more robust then that of Roderigo, or Rud-Hudrinbrass.

This Ejaculation was no sooner sooner extinct, but Soto (enamoured on his Lords perfections, as if he had been inspired by one of Agrippa's holy Demons) began to shake his skull very strangely, rowling his eyes like Abra­ham in Sands his Show, insomuch that our Champion (could it have been possible for that thing call'd Fear to build in his brest) had fled from the face of his faithfull Servitor; but to put a period to his anxiety, Soto thrust forth these numbers, in a tone almost equall to Stentor was a Gre­cian Cryer of the court to K. Aga memnon. Homer Illi. Stentors, the presages of [Page 8] his Masters incomparable, incompre­hensible performances.

Heightned with this poeticall Pro­phesie (the Brittish Trim tram, &c. Proverb being verified by this brace of brave ones) our Champion already fancied him­self fighting with Gogmagog, or Gar­gantua for the moity of the Universe; but so unfortunate was he this very first day of his most memorable re­solve, that desired Adventurs offered it self, neither fierce Lyon, nor furious Bear, yelling Dragon, foaming Boar, or angry Antilope, no perjured Knight to fight withall, or injur'd Lady to infranchise, no Magicall Wharfe, so that the Champion did not causlesly curse so calm a Climate, that afforded no viands for Valour to feed on; Thus chewing the cud of courage, he [Page 10] rode on in much vexation, till the approaching night warned him to take shelter, which Fortune favou­rably allotted him, for at the foot of a huge mountain, whose head knockt against the Clouds, a This was somthing too mean a recep tacle for so accomplished [...]n Heroe. Cottage with a Called in old time a red Lettice, the signal of something that tends to good-fellow­ship. See Causabon de structuribus & liquoribus, lib. 90. chequered Portall, Piriwig'd with thatch, and lined with mud, offered it self for his entertainment, its course out-side was no less then a corasive to our Champions conscience, but he had heard of That very Lucius An­neus Seneca, who wrot of temperance and Forti­tude, yet livd like an effe­minate Epi­cure, and dyed like a pusilanimous Coward. Seneca's Avisoe, that, The wisest and strongest men ought to stoop to Time and Fate; and threfore ma­king a halt at the door of this sedgie structure, he alighted from his good Steed, and demanded hospitable treat of the Captain of that carowsing Cit­tadel, who (in much astonishment) gave a trembling reception to himself and Soto.

CHAP. II.

OUr Champions carkass was not more harrassed with tedious tra­vaile, then his colon crammed with an accustomed vacuity, for he having been managed to this maturity with Mares Milk, though he boasted not the strength, yet he retained the stomack of a horse; the first thing therefore debated on by our Don, was (as an In­quisitor) what food the Farmery af­forded? the Host after many cringes began to excuse his unpreparedness; his bed-Cockatrice seconding him with an old-brew'd Apologie, but quoth mine Host (who in all respects resembled that This Ro­berts sirname was Booker, a maker of Almanacks, he had two handsome daughters & kept a Wine Ale-house. See the En­glish Chron. Robert of the Vale, [Page 12] who foretold the landing of Henry the 7 ^th.) if your worshipfull Excel­lency shall deign to accept of such provaunt as at the present your ser­vant can purvay, your worshipfull Excellency will eternally oblige me: Pray thee (quoth Zara) leave thy prate, and provide such sustenance as my merit commands, and thy estate permits; for by the soul of Caesar, I am as hungry as an Ostrich, and could digest a bar of Iron bigger then an ordinary Main-Mast: The Astrolo­gers (I am afraid) keep such Being twelve in all. See Merlinus Anglicus de starribus & ejus mansi­onibus; tract. 100. p. 10000 Houses as thine when they sup on sides of Taurus, and joynts of Aries: My guts quoth Soto, are contorted like a Dra­gons-tayle, in Elf-knots, as if some Tripe-wife had tackt them together for Chitterlings: The Host wondred at these eagre expressions, and conclu­ded that the Champion had bin lately upon some Adventure fasting; while meat was making ready, the merry Host exhorts his Guests to a free Ca­rowse, beginning a Health to Charle­maine, which Don Zara not refused, and commanding Soto to the same ce­lebration; remember (quoth he) the [Page 13] great Duke of Drowndland, whose Champion I am, and his sole Heire the most illustrious and divinely fair, Morphena del Stupratia. Soto was ever an obedient servant to his Master, e­specially if the injunction had any dependence on the pot or the spit, and therefore he failed not in the premi­ses, so that Bacchus has almost baulkt Ceres, and our Champion is now more drink then dyet: But by this time It were needless to mention thē covering of the Table, or ranking and filing of the dishes. Supper is served up, but neither Ho­stess nor Host can be perswaded to sit down, but they waited on the Cham­pion and his o'r-grown Page as in­compatibly, as if Homer had made Nestor and Hecuba to dance attend­ance after Diomed and Teueer; they fast to admire Zara, and pray that them­selvs may escape the stroak of his Or Knife, steel, the Champion making it ap­pear by the terribleness of his teeth, that he dares tear the strongest oppo­site in pieces: Nor was Soto's cou­rage much inferiour to his Masters, who eats and talks, making his sto­ries the parenthesis of his meals, what Fiction reports of mad Ajax, that having kill'd a Sheep, fancied he had [Page 14] slain Agamemnon, is here prov'd true, for every gaping Orifice that our Champion created, most lamentably butchered his Host, what wide wounds he gives Routing all before him; so that he must trust to tradition, that should say such and such once were: But at last his fury began to be asswa­ged, being grown weary of the work of death, he sheathed his Fauchion, and commanded a bowl of the same cratonian liquor to be brought, which after a trebble pledge, abolishes all nicity Such is the potent vigor of Ale. and makes the Heroe and his Host look like one another, the four which make the Family now tipple promiscuously; Not that he was a Le­veller, but being of the same humor of som kings, who play at Nine-pins with their Pages, yet thereby nei­ther subject their persons not their [...]owers. His Excellency en­forces the parity, who (big with fan­cy) narrates his severall Encounters, Onslaughts, and Batteries, his infran­chising of inthralled Ladies, his fini­shing Inchantments, his inquests at home, and Conquests in forreigne Countries, his binding of Gyants in brazen Gyves, and driving out the souls of Dragons and Daemons; His Host and Hostess listning as attentive­ly as if the Lecture of the Seven Cham­pions were now reading: But, quoth [Page 15] my Host, if your Highness please I can inform you of your future Fate by an infallible Rule which I once learned of an old Gypsie in Monmouthshire, who pen'd it in Monosyllables, please to afford your victorious palm; these last words were more terrible to our Champion then the points of a thou­sand Swords, imagining that his Host would hint that old Maxime in Pal­mistry, viz. the farcing of the fist with a piece of silver; but this terrour was soon taken away by his Hostess ready reception of his hand, who (having gently wiped away that filth, which lay at the foot of his mons veneris with his spittle) began for to foretell many future events, and amongst the rest predicted, that such a year of his life the Champion should be Not that he should be condemned to be hangd. beholding to his book for his persons safety: This Clause made Don Zara (who knew that his neck could not be pro­tected by his tongue) to laugh hearti­ly, which his Host perceiving (though angry that his Art should not finde a more serious welcome) he said, I find that your worshipfull Highness had rather be busied about some more [Page 16] merry imployment; I confess Palmi­stry is so profound a Science, that few or Meaning that the An­gels only are acquainted with the [...]pth of that Art. none upon earth understand it: Behold Sir a Copy of Verses that our Vicar lately composed (on St. Valen­tins day) occasioned by a great To which he was not invited. Feast made by Maior of Quinborough, a City not above half a league distant from hence; then pulling out a bag of the best Buckram, the Champion having commanded silence, mine Host began to read the following numbers.

This Drollericall Poem mightily augmented our Champions mirth, who (as the fashion is for most great ones) was ever delighted with what his capacity most condemn'd, as soa­ring too high for the frail sight of Amphibion-like Genius, Sentenc [...]. but such great spirits as that of Champions move not by Pedantick Statutes, for their actions, though excentrick, il­lustrates [Page 20] the cause, and Priscians pate receives honourable wounds, when they please to pummel his skull, but Morba the Champions Hostess is al­most in as bad a condition as if she had swallowed purging Confects, ca­sting up a very fair account ere the Champion Which he always o­mitted, ter­ming it the Tarnish of his honour. could call for his reck­ning, so that six hands were not suf­ficient to convey her to her Cowch: The night now was more then half spent, Baron Tell-clock had twice sounded Boot-esel to our Worthy; and the busie Bell-man bounced twice at the door, and as well the Champion as Soto began to grow dormious, which occasioned the Host to petition their present departure to bed, which (with heavie heads heaven knows) they went to; yet maugre his pesti­ferous Ebriety, magnanimous Zara forgot not to have his Mace, and o­ther Military Utensils conveyed into his Chamber (a Receptacle just five foot Diameter) where that night himself and Soto must make their a­bode on a Canvass Quilt stuffed with the richest Rye-straw, their Sheets of a duskish kind of Flannel.

CHAP. III.

WHole Warrens of starv'd Fleas, that bit like Ban-dogs (which you will say was strange, considering their somniferous Ale-bury) the Champion and his fidelious Land­loper Soto, that they thought them­selvs delivered over to the disposall of Demogorgons diminutive Daemons, insomuch that the Champion grew unspeakably inraged, especially since he was out raged by an enemy whose existence pleaded a protection from the violence of either Sword or Mace, which causeth him thus to com­plain:

O ye powers celestiall (quoth he) Zara's com­plaint. that powre down plagues at your pleasures on pervicatious mankind; [Page 22] what crime greater then that of Who cof­fin'd up his Cousins in crust. At­reus have I committed, that my body is thus baited by the basest of worms? Rather ye mighty Powers, who have indewed me with Achillean Valour, and Herculean strength; let my blood be drill'd by the mightiest and most Noble Champion in the world; or­der me the overthrow of Ottaman, to pull down the pride of Persia, or to ruine the Russian Tyrant.

With these and the like complaints our distressed Champion spent the most part of the dolesom night, but finding it all in vain to bewail a help­less ill, he resolved to bear his biting Fate with as much magnanimity as was possible, and so defying the ea­gerness of those sanguine-coated Aes­trums, he waited with incredible pa­tience the approach of the Suns Po­stillion, but was beguiled of that Mean [...]g the Civick Crown which the Ancients ap­pointed for [...] who [...] his bad fortunt bravely. honour he hoped, for a sud­dain drowsiness stuprated his senses, and he slept as soundly as Adam when his fide was opened to find out that Rib of Ruine; so that the Sun had tra­vail'd almost a thousand miles ere he [Page] opened the windows of his eyes, by which time Soto (the very Emblem of an earnest zeal, and the meer mitho­logie of masculine love) was currying of his Masters Courser, and polishing his Armour with pretious Vulcanian dust; the Champion awaking, soon impoverished his bed to inrich his body, seating himself in his last nights tipling Tenement; nor must Fame forget to relate this (as an especiall and infalible argument of our Cham­pions incomparable candour) that though his skarifi'd skin would hardly permit his shirt its wonted famili­arity, Zaras un­paralell'd Magnani­mity. yet he took not the least no­tice of his last nights cruel sufferance, but with a chearfull voyce accosting his Host and Hostess, he bestowed on them a Complement consonant to the time of the day, commanding a Toast (in folio) to be forthwith made, the steeple Bowle to be repleated with Roping Ale, and (if possible) the powder of Nutmeg to be put therein; all which being perform'd with won­drous celerity, the Champion drank his noones draught, and appointed Soto the same Doce, who by this time [Page 24] had finisht his morning imployment, and waited at his Masters elbow, who (whether by the malignant influence of some petulant Planet, or else vexed at the villany of his last nights bed­fellows) was exceeding sad and Sa­turnine, often starting, and somtimes with an irefull Aspect, laying his hand upon his Sword, to the amaze­ment of his Host and Hostess; but Soto (who was intimately acquainted with these (seeming) strangers, and could learnedly Comment on the complexion of his Masters soule at such times as these) knew very well that these passions proceeded from no other cause, but that innate Antipa­thy between his Masters purse, and the proditory of a Reckning, which his A very, very Victu­ [...]ller. Host (the legitimate child of Mammon, and Madam Avaritia) had just now wounded his eyes with, the Champion (as not knowing its im­portment) accepted it, and (as his manner was upon all like occasions) gave it Soto, commanding him to read it; Soto receives it as a needy Gallant would his Taylors Bill, his counte­nance as pale as a Countrey Gentle­womans, [Page 25] viewing the Lions at first time; it was written in very legible Characters, and ushered with this termagant Title.

• Imprimis, Six Black Puddings, each of them a full yard in longitude.
• Item, Five Loaves of the best Barley­bread.
• Item, An Oxe head baked after the Franconian fashion.
• Item, Seven pound of the best Essexian Cheese, sawed in sunder on purpose for the Champions eating.
• Item, A Gallon of Mares Milk thick­ned with Meal.
• Item, Nine Stanes of Lanted Ale.
• The Lodging, large Toasts, and other Appendixes not accounted.

Soto sang these blanck Verses in a very feeble tone, and having finished, threw the paper into the fire with such fury, as sufficiently expressed how angry he was that his Masters eares should be molested with such muddy Sarcasms, which act of his put the Host and Hostess upon the tenters, [Page 26] especially when gazing upon the Champion they beheld him foam like some incensed Boar, a pallid Light­ning leapt from his eyes, and ill-por­tending Meteors hung upon his front so that he seemed the very picture of Doomesday; but while all stood trembling, or rather wishing an im­mediate then lingring death, the Champion thundred out this men­nace.

But that thy Stars never ordained thee, thou man of Motley, as a fit mor­sell for my renowned Kill-za-Cow to manducate, I would presently slice thee into steaks, and broil thee upon thy own Grydiron; hast thou a mind to have thy Fabrick fired in so many places, that all the Ale thou art Ma­ster of shall not be able to quench it, till it lye (like another Troy burnt by me (Zara) greater then the greatest of Grecians) low in its own ruines? hast thou a will to have thy barrell heads beaten out, thy brittle Vessels broken against the walls, and thy wife led captive in Ovant Triumph.

[Page 27] This funguos Inflation operated so vigorously, that aswell Morba as her husband [...]ell at the Champions feet, imploring remission, as not imagi­ning his displeasure: The Heroick Don graciously granted their Petiti­on, not onely pronouncing their par­don, but affording his hand in order to their elevation; but withall, war­ned them to take heed for the future, how they tempted the rigour of Fate by a pecuniary proposall to a Knight Errant; this the poor penitent swore to; which done, our Champion hanged on his Harness, mounting his good steed with a Majestick nod took farewell of his Host and Hostess, who seemingly afforded him a Princely Valediction, but in heart wished him in Procustes bed, or Perillus brazen Bull.

CHAP. IV.

FOrtune having allotted so favou­rable a departure to her dear Don he was not onely animated for after performances, but exceedingly plea­sed with his own perfections, which had not onely crammed his colon, but administred instruction to the barbarous, how to bear themselves to true enobled Personages: Soto was as bonny as a new Beneficed Priest, and ran by his Masters Horse as he had bin ballasted with Quick-silver. The all­seeing Sun had travell'd more then half way to the Antipodes, when the Champion lighted upon a This Vale is not now to be found, but that there was such a place. See Mandevils Geography, lib. 10000. [...]ct. 20000. Vale, so [Page 29] rich and so rare, that Nature grew Bankrupt when she modelized it, and striving to be quaint (forsooth) for­got to keep any reserve; for by this work the Champion assured himself that she could make no more such; This goodly Plain was imbost with the choicest of Natures Jems; no frost nor winter there, but continuall Spring time, and everlasting Summer; here grow those happy Trees from whence flowes that precious Oyle wherewith Kings and Priests are A­nointed; the choycest Fruit that Eu­rope affords with such toyle to the Husbandman, are here to be had un­planted; Here Madam Flora gathers her Roses and Tulips, when we (alas) have not so much as a Dasie to deck her head with; Here Medea pickt those Simples that restored the wise Aeson to youth; And here (that the World may no longer be deceived) it is that the Phoenix builds his Nest, be­ing ever distinguished by his meniall Train, which are these:

• The Pe-hen,
• The Turkey-hen,
• The Turtle,
• The Gold-finch,
• [Page 30] The Pheasant,
• The Popinjay
• The Canary, and
• The Nighting [...].

These are the Phoenix his Favou­rites, who travail with him through the Ayre upon all occasions, but he never passes the limits of this Tempe, as holding all other parts of the Globe not worth his visit: Some Authors (perhaps Pliny or Solinus) re­port, that the Phoenix had espoused the Bird of Paradise, his Bride was fair, and rare, and rich, and young, and wise, and noble, only her She took this fault by kind, & ther­fore was the more excu­sable. Tayl is too ponderous for her body; this noble pair dwelt not long in peace, for loves fire began to s [...]ake and coole Riddle. ere the unconstant Moon had twice lookt upon the foodfull earth with half a face; she now began to hate and loath what she once so coveted, yet to Cover her in the origi­nall. over-spread her had been no Herculean labour, had her insatiate Tayl and mind admitted of consci­entious bounds; but thus;

• Six golden Sentences borrowed from the 7. Sages of Greece.
  The weakest stomacks desire the strongest meats.
• Thus the greatest smoke rises from the smallest fire.
• [Page 31] Thus slender wits undertake the profoundest matter.
• Thus swift pursuit makes a slow performance.
• Thus the Arpetite is moved by impotence.
• Thus Palmerin the Champion ore­threw the Gyant Franarco.

So she though little her self, loved every Though it were long first. great thing, and at last became so incorrigible impudent, that she durst mention a Divorce, although the Phoenix with tears besought the contrary, not so much out of affecti­on to her, as to prevent the shame that must inevitably follow such a bufi­ness, but all his perswasions were in vain, a seperation is made, and she is married to Cynosure, an unknowne fowle, both begot and bred by the Ayre. he (according to kind) trod incessantly Had al spice of the French firing his own Fabrick to quench hers, who laid often, but yet they were but Wind Eggs, though some See Co [...] and Poet Quid. Naturallists say, that such Egs do hatch the Cockatrice.

How sad the Phoenix was in mind? how sorry to be so slighted by her for [Page 32] whose sake he had so debased himself I leave to those that have been Phoe­nixes to judge; but so mightily he took it to heart, that now (too late) he resolved to hate all second mat­ches, and to dye a Widdower; but grief perplexed him so, that he feared he should leave the world, ere he had created himself anew, and so his nest being unmade, he might quickly lose both life and name; to prevent which he takes his speedy flight over hills and Dales, Lakes and Rivers, over Kingdoms and Countries, both East and West, and all this to gather Spi­ces for his Funerall (O The Au­thor laments the deplora­ble condition of the Phoe­nix. sweet Bird! how sad was thy Fate?) But it seem­ed better to him (according to his pristine priviledge) to kill his body, and renew his mind, then to pine a­way with grief six hundred years, and therefore (having betaken himself to his Nest) surrounded with his preci­ous Gums and odoriferous Spices, the Sun shining bright and hot, he with his wings augmented the heat, whose strong Retention kindled his Bed, as Boyes do dryed leavs with Burning­glasses, which soon consumed his nest himself, and all to ashes.

[Page 33] And least all these sweets should want as sweet a harmony, a numerous troop of Nightingales conspired in one consort, to warble forth the deli­cacies of their abode, amid this Vale their glided a silver Brook, so gently, that the subtillest eye might gaze ve­ry strictly, and not perceive it, on whose violet bancks grew thick Cy­press trees, to keep out Phoebus beams; Here Pan and Faunus, the Dapper Dri­ [...]des, with Madam Marisco, Queen of Fairies used to dance the Morris by Moon-light; the bottom of this a­zure Who knows [...] this was [...] very Ta [...] or Pactolus so famous in Po [...]si [...], Rivulet was paved with Pearls and Diamonds, which varied their gloss as the gentle breath of Zephire, purled the surface of the stream, and presenting to the eye (like a steele Glass) the spangled beauties of the Firmament; Dolphins usually deser­ted the Ocean, to sport in this Pacto­lian Fountain: Our Champion ex­ceedingly rejoyced, that so happy a harbour proffered it self for his re­pose; As also, that there was, now, a fair, probability of some remarka­ble Adventure; and therefore clap­ping Soto on the shoulder, Com [...] [Page 34] (quoth he) with Roman-like cou­rage, for the Gods, I hope, have ap­pointed me some hungry Lion, or gag-toothed Bear, some deformed Gyant, or male-contented Knight to encounter with here in this Flowery Valley; So putting spurres to his Horse, like another Alexander on Bu­cephalus, he made his way into the very entrails of the Grove, at whose dreadfull approach, Syluanus and his shaggy crew fled amaine, and were soon out of sight, to the Champions extream discontent, who would fain have been belabouring any thing that had life; but the [...] H [...] ­nib [...]l was caught with the delic [...] ­cies of [...]. pleasure of the place soon calmed his spit-fire con­templations, so that he unlaced his Helmet, and unharnessed himself, ly­ing down at the root of an Almond­tree, where (having been kept waking by malignant Fleas almost all the night before) he so on became slave to Somnus, the pratling Brook in a plea­sing tone chaunting a Dulced Lul­labie.

CHAP. V.

THrice happy ZARA, who art thought worthy of that Paradise which the first man forfeited for an Apple; But while the Champion slept, Soto (being surprized with the beauty of the place) was ranging up and down to make discoveries, here Potatoes & ripe Grapes offered them­selvs to his lips, there Pomgranates and luscious Dates contended which first should salute his goodly-siz'd grinders; Soto was not nice in accep­tation, but gathered greedily of all sorts, returning laden to his mag­nanimous Lord and Master, who [Page 36] snorted so lowd on his Rosie Cowch, that the verdant Grove reverberated his garulous repose, while Soto sang this Dormitory.

Soto had no sooner ended his Epi­diction, but the Champions scales fell from his eyes, and he perceived his faithfull servant sitting at his feet, having prepared a Repast after his Repose; the Champion fed furiously on the Grapes, squeezing bunches of them by the dozen, as if he had search [...] for Bacchus his beloved a plump brown Nymph. See Cardan de [...]btilitate [...]. Erigone, and now being suffici­ently sated, he arose with a resolve [Page 37] to explore for flesh, either Goat o [...] Stag, but Nature had not played he [...] paat so profusely, and indeed she had manifested a prodigious prodigallity, had she afforded a Shambles to her Fruiterie: The Champion and Sot [...] had not long qu [...]sted, but they hap­ned on a spacious Cave, scituate at the foot of a Cedar, it was a very vast Receptacle, seeming the work of som Sylvan, or Wood-god, for a Noctur­nall Repository; Soto was first sensi­ble of the novelty, and gave informa­tion thereof to his Master, who com­manded him forthwith to enter, but Soto gave a modest negation to his Masters mandate; for, quoth he, who knows but this may be the Mansion of that Genius which governs this goodly Grot, who being justly incen­sed at such an intrusion, may meta­morphose us into Mapl [...]s, or some more sordid sort of F [...]well: Thou speakest well, quoth Zara, but (that thou mayst know thou serv [...]st a Ma­ster, whose courage is not a whit in­feriour to the stoutest Champion that ever bore Buckler) I am resolved to enter this Cave were it wall'd wit [...] [Page 38] Dragons, and inhabited with De­mons; so unsheathing Kill-za-Cow, he resolutely leapt into the Cave, ex­amining every angle therof, he found it a fit residence for an Errant Knight, yea, and a Lady Errant if occasion commanded it; in all respects most resembling that very Vault which Jo­seph the son of Goron possessed, when that venerable Quack sold his Bre­threns lives (by a Sortiligie) to save his own: Having taken strict notice of its Dimensions, he called Soto to the Caves mouth; Enter, quoth he, (thou sperm of a hen-harted Groom) and make it thy wonder, to survey what a subteranean shelter Fate has allotted us: Soto (though shaken with an Ague fit) confidently enter'd, and seeing no occasion of dread, took heart of grace, insomuch that he hard­ly refrained upbraid his Master, as guilty of calumny in down-right terms; Soto his Apologie. My Lord, quoth he, you are too much an Heretick, if you think your Soto refused to cast himself into this Cave out of any anxious cogita­tion as to his person, for had it been the very throat of Tartarus, the gullet [Page 39] of Gehenna, or the belly of Barathrum, his courage had afforded him a will to any attempt, though supetnatural, especially having the great Hercules for precedent, who forced the very Fiends to a compliance, & An. Mun. 75 [...]9. brought away Pluto's three-headed Porter; the truth is, it was my piety that perswa­ded me to forbearance; I have read Sir those Lay Divines, Homer, Hesiod, and Theocritus, and do believe with them, that Witnes [...] the Aqu [...] ­tick and Te restiall An­gel [...]. every Grove, Grot, and Stream has its tutelar and vehicular Deity; but these obscurities (my Lord) are too deep for your reason, you must sit down with a description, Periphrasis, o [...] Adumbration; I say, had it not been impious for me to have rashly rushed upon the Genius of the place: [...]rithee no more, quoth the Champion, these Puntillors befi [...] not my observation, let feeble-soul'd Doradoes listen to such effeminate Axi­omes, I am the Rod of Heaven, a man made to let Mortals know how much that fear'd thing may be indebted to my self, the great and true Amphi­pium; for thee (Soto) I do not much wonder at thy fear, though I hope [Page 40] thy converse with me, together with thy strict observation of my Actions, wil render thee after som few months sufficiently Heroick; Having said thus, he deserted the Cave (with a resolve to rest there that night) and returned to the place where he lately both slept and eat, neer which he be­held the Thunder-crested Founder-foot feeding almost to a Not but that the Champion [...] Horse was of a mode­rate temper, but this is spoken by a figure, cal­led Aequo, intimating what might have hap­ned to a more luxu­riant Pal­fray. surfeit on the sweet and verdant Grass, which that plat of ground afforded of an incre­dible height; Here arrived, he and Soto sat down, resolved to encounter with a second Collation, when they beheld a woman (an infallible Argu­ment, that she was none of the soun­dest Polititians) plucking Pomgra­nates, and ripe Oranges, which grew there in abundance; Soto supposed that some new Minerva was dropt from Heaven, or another Venus newly born of the brackish waves, had cho­sen this Grove as the most pertinent place of Aetheriall Delectation; she was cloathed in a rich and sparkling kind of stuffe, woven by An emi­nent Spin­ster. Arach [...]es fingers, of the finest Calidonian Silk, buttoned before with green Eme­raulds, [Page 41] yet not so close but that those hills of snow, her immaculate breasts were visible, [...]urking under the shad­dow of Lawn; that Globe of blisses her head was covered with a Tyre of green Sarcenet, fringed with blew Flanders Lace, studded with Bristoll Saphyres, which (could it be possible) augmented the lustre of her heavenly face, so that she seemed like another A Venetia [...] Cou [...]teza [...]. Aphrodite finifi'd for the imbraces of Adonis, or a second Helen proud of the lime-hound Paris: The Champion (though otherwise too tough for such tender Creatures, having been train'd up in the School of Mars, and not of Cyprides) melted before the eyes of this Sunny substance, waxing A Disease called the swelling of the [...]e [...]. Se [...] [...]arnelius & Culpepers [...]egaci [...]. proud beneath the navell, and in a minute was moulded into a perfect [...]amorate; Soto felt the same flames about his heart, but durst not mani­fest the itching of his soul; our Cham­pion a long time feasted his eys with­out speaking (resembling the Statue of Mark Anthony gazing on the beau­teous Idea of Cleopatra) remaining as it were extaside.

But at length recollecting himself, he commanded Soto to make up to the Lady, and to Complement her in his name: Sir (quoth Soto) under your correction, I think it would make more for your Honour, and pre­dict a surer Accomplishment of your wishes, if you accosted her in person, rather then by Proxey; The Champion could not withstand this Oraculous Incitement; And therefore willing SOTO to wait upon him in the most Ceremonious posture that could be thought on; hee hasted to the place where this Piece of Divine perfection resided, who seeing (as shee thought) a couple of Champions drawing neer her, began to flie, as in a wild amaze­ment, [Page 43] but the Knights with his Helmet in his hand, and bowing him­self often to the earth. courteous comportment perswaded her, that harm could not be intended, where such officious zeale was intimated; Fortifi'd with this resolve, she stood still, expecting the Champions ap­proach, who almost Being used to ride, not run. out of breath, could not express himself with that fluent Accuracie, which otherwise he had done; but after some respirati­on, taking her by that moyst Ada­mant, her Lilly-white hand, he de­livered himself very volubly, Thus;

Most fair and beauteous Lady, whose eyes are the Sun and Moon of the Earth, whose face, whose fore­head, whose lip, whose hair, whose mouth, whose hand, and whose all, pronounces all other of your Sex, but meer dashes, stroaks, a la vole [...], or at randome, that face was not formed for any beneath the degree of a knight Errant to kneel to that lip (most fair Venus) was not Vermillion'd o­ver for any to kiss, that cannot boast the spoils of War, & the Trophies of Victory; Behold (Natures best Piece) where Don Zara (whom Kings have kneel'd to for their lives, and Queens [Page 44] obsicrated as pensive Lovers) pro­strates his Horse, Armour, Sword, Mace, Shield, Servant, and Self at your bright feet, imploring what the most resplendent beauties on earth Meaning a retalliation of Love. See Cupids Mes­senger. pag. 10000. have beg'd of him, it is Love most worshipfull woman that Don Zara im­plores, without which this soul of his (though to the whole worlds loss, if not ruine) must forsake its mansion, and your self (all too late) repent your coyness, that has destroyed the most fidelious fighting Servitor that ever laid just claime to honourable beauty, and beautifull honour.

Gylo (for so was the Lady called) knew not what Responsion to yield to this facetious Rhodomontado (a Complement not to be paralell'd in any Grubstreet Romance) but at last making most humble [...]beysance to our Heroe (with cheeks blushing like Aurora) she answered:

Thrice Noble Sir, your manly fi­gure, and soul-slaving Oratory, as they command my wonder, so they constraine me to an ingenuous ac­knowledgement, that I am no way worthy of your notice, whose won­der-working [Page 45] Valour merits a Miner­va for Mistris, and whose copious elo­cution makes Mercury ashamed of his emptinesse; but if the candour of my Starres allot me so bounteous a blisse, that your honoured self shall think I deserve your commands, yonder Mansion made of Marble is my abode, and in the bowels of that room ador­ned with a Balconey do I constantly cover my self.

Gylo had no sooner uttered this, but lowting low, she and her Maid forsook the place, leaving the Cham­pion and his Servitour in much a­mazement.

CHAP. VI.

JOy and wonder (like two opposite winds disturbing the already di­stracted Simile. Ocean) strove for Supremacy in our Champion; on the one side the Ladies worthiness, on the other side her coyness palsied her brain, so that he remained for a time as one Meaning transmogra­fide, or me­morphosed into a Man­drake. trans-elemented.

Soto a long time observed his Lord with a serious look; but perceiving, that he cared not to put a period to this excruciating extasie, he burst out into a hearty laughter, saying, Sentenc [...] Cu­pids Arrows (I perceive) can pierce the strongest Armour, and supple the most sternest soul, Sentence upon sentenc inserted by the Author, meerly for the solace of the sage. as those are the most killing griefs that dare not speak, so (no doubt) those are the most ineffable joyes, that cannot gain utterance: Rejoyce, my Lord, and sing Paeans to the pretty little God, who has thus courteously awarded you: You are the wittiest and best of Servitors, answered ZARA, O I could dye upon her Meaning some pri [...] mark. Spot, and venture life, or otherwise do more for her dear sake then those famous [Page 48] Palladines, who were Kinsmen to mad Rowland; Hercules Labours were but á Bakers dozen, mine shall puzzle A­rithmetick truly to compute them: She is indeed (quoth Soto) the Meta­physicks of her Sex, the very Rule of Algebra; you are the Jove that must press this Laeda, the Endymion, that are beloved by this Cynthia, and the An­chyses that must enjoy this Venus: I know it (quoth Zara) for didst thou not observe how her colour went and came all the time that I was courting her; and though I say it (that should not) I never in all my life had the happiness of more fluency on so short a warning: Hermes himself (quoth Soto) could not have handled his bu­siness better; but Sir, take it from me, An Axiome borrowed of Cato. He that has a woman by the waste, has a wet E [...]le by the tayle; And they hate delayes as much as they abominate debility: What wouldst thou have me to do (quoth the Don?) shal we pre­sently visit her; not so soon Sir, quoth Soto, you know that providence has provided us a place of rest, you may well waste this night in contemplati­on of her Excellencies, and to mor­row, [Page 49] ere the fleet hours shall have har­nessed Phoebus fiery Horses, we will bid her Bonjour at her Balconey, by which time (if the Muses favour me) we will be provided with an amorous Canticle, Rivall to best of A most excellent Italian Bal­lad-maker. Petrarchs, Sidney, or Ronfard, onely the Alcean Lyre will be wanting, but that our Voyces shall supply, ( See Tom Dales A­phorisme, Tome 9 sect 12. Apho. 19. for the silent, note which Cupid strikes, is far swee­ter then the sound of any Instrument) celebrating her beauty, and inciting to the Paphian pleasure. Thou art my better Genius, quoth Zara, and shalt share my Fortunes, this was ex­cellently well thought on, and can­not but exceedingly take.

[Page 50] I have often heard (quoth Soto) that Love can inspire the most insipid; now I have proofe my Lord, that you are a very Lover, witness this polite Poeticall passion, but the Night-Ra­ [...]en (Sir) has chanted her Vespers, and Madam Nox has already hung her curtain over the Hemisphere, let us convey our selvs to our Concave, quoth Zara, and summon Somnus to a peacefull parley: I have, said Soto, furnished our Pavillion with a bed of the best Moss, and the trunk of an Al­der tree for a pillow: Thou art in all things excellent, quoth Zara; but now for the contrivance of our Ode: Let me alone for that, quoth Soto, Ile kick the Mount to Attoms, swill up [...] John [...]lands [...]solvs, [...]m 2 [...]. Hellicon, ravish the Nine, and break Apollo's Fiddle about his pate, but Ile Rant in most magnificent Miter; Ile warrant the Lady is your own, if (which we have cause to guess) she be one of Minerva's Maids of Honour: This said, they departed to their hol­lowed Mansion, and taking their Cowch, on a sudden became speech­less, when Fortune, the professed ene­my to worth, appointed them a very [Page 51] dangerous Adventure, for the flye Sergeant Morpheus had no sooner ar­rested their sences, but the proper owner of the place, a Bear as black as blackness it self, as fell as an Hyrca­nian Tyger, entered the Cave (as was her wonted guize) with a resolve to rest her self there that night, but find­ing uncouth Inmates, she gave so Ioud a roar, that the Grove ecchoed the Thunder of her throat; This yelling Allarum soon beat up the Champi­ons Quarters, and he awaked in much distraction, giving Soto (though acci­dentally) so sound [...]. on the brest with his Whether his left or right is not certainly known. foot, that he cryed out as he had bin broke on the wheel; by this time the Bear had bitten our Champion quite thorow the calfe of his left leg, which made him roar more audibly then this beast of prey enter­ing the Cave: Soto mean time (like a hardy Squire) strenuously assaulted this wild creature with his Javelin, but found his hide too tough for pe­netration, and such was the mockery of Fate, that the Champion had not opportunity to unsheath his Sword, so that his face was scratched and sca­ri [...]i'd, [Page 52] as his leg was bruiz'd and wounded, no quarter from head to foot was free; was it not time then for the Champion and Soto to lay a­bout them, for this hairy Monster fought not to gain honour, but to al­lay hunger.

Ah Zara, Zara, had I my wish, some The pious Author pe­tifully be­moans the bad condi­tion of Za­ra. God should turn thee into a Sheep, or Goat, nay rather then sail into an Ass, to escape this vile visitation, then thus be taken like a tame Beast in thy own Den.

Yet at last despight of Destiny he forced out Kit-za-Cow, and with one single thrust pierc't through the skin ribs, and riff of this sawcie Savage, cleaving her heart who giving a deep groan, becam exanimate: This Con­quest being so happily atchieved, the Champion (with Soto's aide) disbur­thened the Cave of this rough crea­ture, whose length (by London mea­sure) was no less then six yards, and whose head the Cpampion immediat­ly severed from the unwieldy Trunk, hanging it on the top branch of a Beech Tree, as a Trophey consecrate [Page 53] to Nemesis and Astrea, ingraving this Distich about the Bole.

But the wounds and scratches late­ly received, were not so irksome to our Champion, as the sorrow he un­derwent to be maimed at such a time by this beast of Mars, when he had wholly devoted himself to Venus, yet such was the ardency of his affection, that Though one of his supporters had been [...] o [...] ­well sayes the [...] Love will [...] where it cannot go. he resolv'd to visit his Mistris with the morning;

O true and unparalell'd Amorist, worthy the Pen of another Parker! Others if but prickt with Eglantine, or Phlebotomiz'd with the Guardi­ans of Roses, think themselvs suffici­ently excused for not doing that De­voyre to their Mistresses which Cupid commands; but he, though creeping on hand and crupper, will not faile to complement his fair one, and who knows but the compassionate Gods may reward this admirable Ardour, [Page 54] with the miraculous cure of his wounds, without the aide of Machaon or Podalyrius.

The Olympick powers, said Soto, have manifested their care of your couragious carkass (thrice Noble and redoubted Heroe) in that they guided your good Sword to so home a thrust when in all probability you had been manducated by that Monster, who now remains headless; the fightless Deity does alwayes file their names, whom he thinks worthy to wage war under his Banner with blood; But I too long neglect to apply some hea­ling herb to your yawning wound: Having said this, Soto arose, and sear­ching about the Grove for some For a better un­derstanding of this [...]Dr. Trigs Pr [...] Pu [...] ­ril [...] p▪ [...]0000 sa­nitating Simple; he at last lighted upon that (Hell-envied, Heaven-guar­ded) weed, called See Cla­vels Recan­tation, pag. 121. Morsus Diaboli, which he gently cropped, chaunting a Canticle to Tellus, and resorting to his maimed Master, squeezed the juice thereof into his wound, and then ap­plying the leaf it self, bound it about with the rind of a Mulberry Plant, which gave him present ease, and oc­casioned his Benizon on solicitous [Page 55] Soto: By this time Aurora was visible in the East, clad in her purple Robe; Aeous began to shake his fiery Main, neighing so loud, that Sol ( By this [...] appears that the Sun himself is an [...]dulte­rer. See the Act against Fornication &c. who had slept with Thetis all that night) sate upright in his watry bed, and after a yawn or two, took his scourge in his hand; the Champion and Soto there­for immediately set forward on their amorous enterprize, and were under the Balconey, where our war-like Le­ander expected his Lilly-handed Hero ere the Sun was warm in his Throne; for some minutes they diligently list­ned if they might hear any body sti [...], but neither jarre of Clock, nor the hoarce hum of any drowzie Groom to be heard, all things buried in so profound a silence, as if the God of dreams had here pit [...] his Pavillion. Begin the Hymn, quoth Zara, the Canzonet that must give my Goddess the Alar [...] of love, my self will help to bear the burthen; then Soto having opened his Organ pipes with a Pega­sian hem, began to warble the fol­lowing Song:

[Page 58] They had no sooner finished their Ditty, but behold Madam Gylo (appa­relled in a loose vestment, her haire bound up in a carnation Cawl, which excellently became her) appeared (like another Juliet ready to receive her beloved Romeo) on the Battle­ments, bearing in her hand a Pewter Vessel, containing the quantity of a­bout three quarts of that (which like the Spider, she had extracted from her own bowels) she had on purpose procured for our Champions recep­tion, and it appears ( See Alber­tus Aja [...], de Modo Cacan di, Tome [...]. if there be any truth in Tradition) it was the Ladies Ordure to precipitate any excremen­tious substance from that very win­dow: The Champion and Soto great­ly rejoyced to see this morning Star irradiate that Horizon, but were soon returned to their quondam dejection, when they found their eares unguen­ted with warm water, well lanted with a viscuous [...]ngredient; the La­dy having accomplished her Atchiev­men, returned to her place of rest, leaving Zara and Soto in the wildest wonder; nor let any (seeming) So­lon tax their extasie, for even Alcides [Page 59] or Achilles had been the same sad ones, had Briseis or Omphale practised the like Complement; but after they had a long time busied their (new wrunced) eyes with gazing one upon another, like men dropt from the Clouds, and perceiving the Lady had left them, without probability of re­turn, they (without speaking one to another, so vast was their amaze­ment) retired to their Grove, their faces full of the ostents of shame and dolour.

CHAP. I.

REturned to their earth-wal'd Cittadell, the Champion and Soto (like penitent Pil­grims) entered their Cave, hardly refraining to be­dew each others Aspects with briny drops; Soto was the first that broke silence, who taking his Master by that hand made to pull up mighty Oaks, and pound prodigious Monsters and [Page 61] tyrannous Tytans to attoms, Soto hi [...] Oration. Let not my Lord, said he, tollerate this sourse of sorrow and griping grief to over­whelm him; we cannot, Sir, expound this aenigma, A Cunnin [...] man or a tel­ler of For­tunes; th [...]s was he who told the old [...]arl of Essex that h s Mi­stris should make him headless. Edipus himself durst not enter the lists gainst this Sphynx, who knows but it may be the custome of this country for Ladies to treat their Lovers in this method; Sentence. Womens actions are like their Wombs, not to be fathomed; but we have no Oracle to resort to, no Temple of Ammon or Cu­mean Cave; for my part, I believe the Lady whom you are so vext at, is of too noble and generous a temper to welcom her Votarist with an affront, besides she seems no Penthiselea, no Camilla, or Britomart, that she should think her self of sufficient strength to Bulwark her Mansion, and all with­in from the Battery of just vengeance, in case your warlike selfshould vow a devastation, there is therefore some Hyerogliphicall Catastasis to be ex­pected of this matter. Thou art (said the Champion a Traytor to my Ho­nour, and a betrayer of that Repute which I have hitherto retain'd despite of Envy; Dost thou think this could [Page 62] be any other then a contumelious Quip; [...] A [...]iome borrowed of Lycophron. Love though he be blind can smell, and though thy sence and scent have forsaken thee at once, yet know that Zara cannot be deluded into a dull Heresie; henceforth I will abjure the thought of that nefarious Nitro­sulphureous Sex, I will finde some Countrey where it shall be Felony to acknowledge I ever lookt upon a woman, and high Treason to say I had a Mother; let who will protect their persons, bols [...]er up their beau­ties, cringe to their commands, and dye to do them service; Give me my Arms, I will instantly demolish this crazy Castle, and put all its Tenants to the Sword, not sparing this very woman, this vile woman, who has most egregiously abused the truest and Noblest Servant that ever laid leg o­ver Lady. Soto perceiving that the Hemisphere being so strangely clou­ded, storms and tempests must inevi­tably ensue, fell upon his knees, im­bracing The more to win upon him; this kind of po­sture was u­sed by all suppl [...]nts of old. See Cot­tons Concord lib 20. p 30. the calves of the Champi­ons legs, beseeching him for his sake (his fidelious servant Soto) to miti­gate his justly conceived displeasure, [Page 63] and not to destroy whole Families for the foolish perpetration of one whose ignorance (as to his person and parts) might somewhat excuse her crime; and though it be true (said Soto) that in all Comedies more know the Clown, then the Clown knows, and though your Fame fill the Universe, this Lady yet may be one of those whose eares have not suckt in the report: For thy sake, said the Champion, I will spare these wretches, and inhume my intended Revenge; I confess I had been too bloody but for thee; thus the Pelean Youth was perswaded by his Patroclus to wire draw the Fate of Troy; I do acknowledge my self a sworn servant to that sweet Sex, and (if with Neop­tolemus) I had sacrificed this foolish Female to Rhamnusia, I could not have expiated the giddy crime without a tedious journey to Paphos; But let us leave this place, the Genius whereof (it seems) is an utter enemy to Errant Knighthood, he then mounted his prancing Palfrey who fed not far off, putting on his shining Armour, and inveloping his head with a Cap of [Page 64] steel; Soto (having first repleated his Crib with ripe Dates, Almonds, and other fruits) had soon harnessed him­self, and attended the motion of his Master, whose fretting soul occasion­ed the galling of Founder-foots sides, and Soto's sweat, for the Knight rode as some would run for their lives, like such another Hotspur as Astolpho, or Rogero, posting away from Logestilla; and how long this eager mood would have held him, Heaven knows, if his eyes had not clapt plummets upon his heels, when he beheld a Read Sir John Man­devils Geo­graphy, l 40. And P [...]rchas. [...]ilgrimage. Tome [...]00. Tract. 10000. Mountain of an incredible altitude, for (like Atlas and Olympus) its head was hid in Clouds for many leagues upward, out of whose torrid entrails flaiks of fire (accompanied with most Perhaps the howlings of damned souls hide­ous noyse) took flight to Heaven, towring in the troubled Ayre like so many ruin-portending Comets; these were no sooner vaded, but (with the same Thunder as before) stones farre bigger then those belonging to Meal-Mills, wer ejected with horrible fra­gours, able to have astonished any Mortal save Zara, who all un-moved, beheld this flaming heap, being a [Page 65] great Naturall; and well versed in Pliny, and Albertus Magnus, but yet he would not dare his Destiny by an o­ver-hardy intrusion to neer the skirts of this voluminous Excrescence, whose [...] were enough to perswade some that Tellus has formerly been a profound Tipler, and (to the immor­ [...] honor of good Fellowship) wears a rich face. The Champion had not long contemplated the mysterious, and not to be resolved See Ari­stotles Pro­blems, [...] Pater, and unheard of Curiosities. Riddles that trackless Nature exhibits, but he per­ceived a Cot (not thatcht, but cove­red over with blue state, the outward walls seeming all of shining Glass, yet not withstanding more hard then i [...]on) on his left hand in an humble Valley, that lay about half a league from this fiery Mountain, Sentenc [...] borrowed out of Greens groa [...]sworth of w [...], p. 10. as if this lowly Grot would teach aspiring mankind, that to be safe is to shun the Mountains heights of greatnes, a thick smoak issued out of the top of this te­nement, the infallible symptome of some Hospitable Inhabitant, hither our Champion addressed himself, with a resolve to rest for some minutes, but knocking at the door with the pum­mell [Page 66] of his Sword, and calling to those (in all probability) within, he received no answer, onely the courte­ous door of it self opened, as inviting him to enter, which he did, Soto fol­lowing him; the first thing he beheld was a kind of Pen, or punee Prison, but far stronger then those the Brittish Shepheards immure their Flocks in, in it were included a great number of (seeming) Thes [...] were once very proper men, but now Metamor­phosed by this Circe into Beasts. Dogs, Wolvs, Badgers, Foxes, Apes, and Monkeys, who up­on the Champions approach mani­fested all the signs of Amity, the Dog [...] wagged their tayles and friskt upon him, the Wolvs lickt his hands, the Badgers crouched at his feet, the foxes (throwing away all the wiliness) be­came his real suppliants; Apes danced antick meerly to make him mirth, & the Monkeys (in the language of the face and the eye) made many prote­stations of sincere service: Zara was something amazed at this strange (yet auspitious) entertainment from crea­tures whom he had never before con­vers'd with: what would have amated others, animated him; and that which to others had been * Lathe, to him [Page 67] was Helens potion; nor was he so bestial, but to take notice of the cour­tesie of these creatures whom he com­plemented peculiarly, with so win­ning a garb, that though Oratory were wanting, their silence spake more then some could have uttered with all the ornaments of Rhetorical Elocution: Passing these, he came to a door which he found fast lockt, but peeping thorow the Key-hole, he per­ceived where a Lady of excellent beauty was sitting by a fire made of the roots of Fir, sorting heaps of herbs, a Girdle (borrowed from the head of a Hyena) full of Magical Cha­racters about her waste, her Rod, Staff, and other implements of Sorce­ry stood by her on a Table of Abster­sive Ebony, and about her head (with such a noyse of Bees commonly make when they conglomerate) flew milli­ons of These were Devils no doubt, who Complemen ted Lami [...] in such shapes S [...] Bodin de Bullibus, lib. [...] Batts, Dorrs, & Butter-flyes: This Lady was no other then the En­chantress Lamia, a woman insatiatly luxurious, insomuch that no Travel­ler that way, of what degree or con­dition soever, could escape her; those that refused to accompany her, she [Page 68] immediately turned into beasts, ap­pointing them perpetuall captivity; this wicked Witch knowing by her Art, that Don Zara should about this time visit Mount Mongibell; she (as was her constant manner upon the like occasion) transformed her self (at other times a meer Maegera, the very Emblem of deformity, and the compendium of a Chaos) into a most beauteous shape; Don Zara must be the Ulysses whom this Circe will ad­mit to her imbraces, and now per­ceiving his approach she commanded her ill-mannerd door to give him in­gresse, and her self rising from her Chair gave him that welcom which denoted the high esteem she had of him; her Menial Train (which were all These Damsels were crea­ [...]ed by De­dalus, whose Statues (as Plato af­firms would walk and [...]ew many [...]ine tricks. Statues of Marble, bearing the figures of untoucht Virgins) yielded him homage; an Ivorie Chair of its own accord branching it self beneath his buttocks, where he was no sooner seated, but a Table richly furnished with rare Vyands and sweet Wines opposed it self to his view, the Marble bodied Maidens waiting obsequiously and filling forth the Wine with much [Page 69] agility. Soto (at the appointment of the Chantress) sat down also, but he who had noted the gogling of his eyes (roving up and down as if he meant to muster all the varieties in the room) would have concluded him a Puppet, whose every part found mo­tion upon wire: The Champion as was his usuall guize) fed rapa ciously, and so gave Lamia good hope of his strenuous activity when Venus should make proof of his procreative part; the eating humour being over (gras­ping a vast Goblet in his hand, where­on was pourtrayed the History of Io, being turned into a white Cow, the great Jupiter Bulling her) he drank a deep health to the Inchantresse; Most excellent Lady, I now celebrate your Highness health with as true a heart as ever I came from Schoole; This said, he exhausted the steeple Bowl with such vigorous velocity, that Lamia could not but be astoni­shed at the worthinesse of the man; Sir, quoth she, you are Master of all those wayes that win most upon us women; but I cannot but wonder at the bravery of your brain that can [Page 70] brook such torrents as these: Sweet Lady, quoth the Champion, I always drink with the same courage that I use to cleave those Helms that are thought Thunder-proof.

This said, he kist the Inchantress with such ardency, as he would have eaten her lips off, who very patiently permitted him to dwell upon those Twin-Cherries, and sometimes to practise what good Rogero and Alcyna once experimented, when their Tongues became insoul'd, as Samp­sons Foxes were inchain'd.

CHAP. II.

WHile his Master was thus Bil­ling, it had been shame for Soto to sit as a Mute, or whistle upon his thumbs ends, when so many beaute­ous Objects (as it were) offered themselves to his imbraces; there­fore (after Solemnization of the Health) he rose up, and addressed himselfe to Lapida (the fairest and most portly of all the Attendant Nymphs) [...] Lapida in a most ele­gant, ela­borate stile, perhaps h [...] ving r [...]ad the Academy of [...] Most pellucid Paragon, quoth hee, whose Fulgor famishes the Fame of HERO, HELEN, [Page 72] or Hebe; vouchsafe most illustrious morsell of Maids flesh, to accept of Squire Soto his service, chief Cham­berlain and sole Secretary to the mag­nanimous and munificent Don Zara del Fogo, whose body and soul shall cringe to thy commands; Lapida re­turned him no answer, save what her Virgin blushes afforded, which ani­mated Soto to a neerer approach, fold­ing his sinewy arms about her slender waste, and clinging close to her coral lips, which occasioned many mops and mowes from the other Marble Maidens, and caused Lapida to desert his desired imbraces with a cloudy brow: Soto being thus shaken off, re­turned to his quondam station, find­ing his Master in deep discourse with the inchantress, who (at his request) informed him, That (those her Hand-Maids vvere the legitimate issue of Pigmalion proved to have had issue by his Marble Mi­stris, a rare piece of an­tiquity, hi­therto not made pub­like. Pigmalion, vvhom (though the anci­ent Bards knew it not) the compassi­onate Gods (pittying Pigmalions suf­ferance) graciously trans-elemented, furnishing her with the finest flesh, and all other Feminie endowments. I perceive Madam (said Zara) that [Page 73] your bright self can bring marvelous things to pass by your occult perpe­trations, I vvas once so bewitcht that I could not shite, till two or three Candls ends were thrust up—; Pray Madam, give your servant to know what miraculous things may be effected by Inchantments: I will not hide from thee (my dearest Zara) said the Soceres, The In­chantress de­clares what wonde [...]ous things may be done by Witch [...]ft, a fine story, and undoub­tedly [...], [...] having be [...] an Article of faith in all former Ages, and believed by very wise men of our time. that by the potency of my Spells, and Incantations, I can take off the top of St. Marks Steeple in Venice, and clap it upon St. Peters in Rome, I can contract the Elements, and (but that I would not destroy this goodly Mass of things) jumble all to its originall Chaos; I can se­clude Aeolus and his sons in a Hawk­ing-bag. I can turn the tide o [...] Tygris or Nyle, cloath the Earth with Flow­ers, the Trees with leavs, & the Fields with verdure; in the midst of winter I can call down Luna when I list from her sphere, give life to the dead, and death to the living; Metamorphose men into beasts, and beasts into men; cause Thunder and Lightning, Blast­ing and Mildews, Storms and Tem­pests, Earth-quakes & Water-quakes, [Page 74] demollish the stoutest Structures by land, and the goodly Vessels by Sea with a nod: having thus spoken, she called Soto unto her, and taking Zara by the hand, she said, That thou maist have proofe of my abilities, and that thou art respected by her who can countermand the councels of the Gods, behold the transmutation of thy Squire; With that, rising up, she waived her Wand three times over Soto's scull, thrice she turned unto the East, & as many times unto the West, mumbling over some mysterious Mat­tens, till Soto by degrees Soto's Me­ [...]phosis. was tran­shaped into a goodly Steed, who sha­king his crested main, and pawing on the pavement, neighed aloud, like a­nother Phobos or Dimos, insomuch that the Champion (had not the love he bare to his servant overcome his hasty wishes) could have been contented that Soto should have continued in that shape, Founder-foot being turned to grass to the wide world: Soto had not long proved himself a perfect prauncing Palfray, but the courteous Inchantress restored him to his pri­stine shape, to the Champions excee­ding [Page 75] contentment, but to Soto's ex­tream dejectment, who never after that could (faithfully) fancy himself any other save a very beast: This bu­siness over, the Inchantress willing to delight the Champion, demanded of him which of the ancient Worthies (Goliah, Judas Maccab [...]us, &c.) he had most mind to behold; I would fain feast my eyes, quoth he, with peru­sing the person of that monster-ta­ming Hercules, the son of Jupiter and Alcmena, he that made no more of a Lion then of an Izeland Cur, who wielded Mountains as Pibbles, drew Cacus out of his Den by the heels, and demollished mighty Cities with a fil­lip of his finger: The Champion had scarce spoke, but a Tree sprang up, By this it appears that the Roof was not vaul [...]. whose top almost touched the Clouds, its broad branches were lo­den with Apples of Gold, most radi­ant to the eye, about whose body a Dragon (of an un-measured great­ness) twined it selfe, evomorating flames of fire mingled with hail-stones of an incredible magnitude, Hercules had soon vanquished the Dragon, wrything his neck with as much dex­terity [Page 76] as a Poulterer would spoil the cackling of a Brittish Hen: the Cham­pion (though dehorted from it by the Inchantress) would needs salute this noble Shade, but received a very rough return of his Congratulation; for Alcides very rudely smote him on the head with his huge Club, so that he sank to the ground as dead, wal­lowing up and down, as their manner is, who are suddenly surprized with fits of the Mother, or (Hercules his own disease) the Falling-sickness: Alcides having done this scathe, slipt away very slily, leaving the Champi­on (almost soul-less) sprawling up­on the Floor: Soto was in an exteam Agony for his Master: Lamia was grieved and her Hand-Maids heavie, but the Inchantress soon recovered him by watering his Visnomy with her warm Urine (the customary way (it seems) of that Countrey to revive the enfeebled) which not onely illu­minated his dim eyes, but circum­gyring about his weasand, enforced him to a manly neese, so that with­in a little time (to their great com­fort) he sate up, calling for some [Page 77] Wine, which being brought, he drank a hearty draught to the In­chantress, though one might per­ceive (with half an eye) wrath and disdain in Capitall Characters on his front; which Lamia perceiving, ad­ministred this Julip to allay his fiery Choller.

Sir, quoth she, I perceive your soul sits heavy on its strings (wounded with dolour for Hercules his rigid contumacie, and that your heart has entered into Covenant with your hands (justly inraged to be sha­ken in pieces by a shaddow) to in­flict a sudden and severe Revenge; but know (most redoubted Champi­on) that Spirits are of a substance al­together impenetrable, and your an­ger cannot dilate it self to a deserved punishment; how much did I dehort you from so dangerous a [...]t Attempt; but the best on't is, your Sun-like Fame cannot be, Ecclipsed by this Interpositon; for you were not fel­led by a Gyant, but a Goblin; by a Don, but a Daemon; not by Achilles, [Page 78] but by Aloides himselfe; O Heaven, said the Champion (pointing to the place where he was knoct down) that what neither man nor Monster durst to have put in practice, should be consummated by a paltrey Spectar, a subteranean shade, and ayerie Incu­bus; O Alcides, that thy soul werein flesh, that I might grasp thy Gygan­tick bulk betwixt my mighty arms; thou shouldst finde me no Two sturdy Wrestlers. Anteus, or Achelous; but I powr out my plaints to the vacant Ayre, and fruitlesly deplore a helpless ill. Lamia (whose privie parts melted in the Paphian fire) purposing to put a period to the good Knights grief, by the potent vigour of her Thessalian Art, called up the Ghosts of Two fa­mous Fid­ [...]. Orpheus and Am­phion, who playing upon their hea­venly Harps, made most dulcid me­lody; Then entered Flora, accom­panid with a drove of Dryades (clad in green, their heads encircled with Flowery Anadems) who hand in hand danced the Spanish way, to the Champions unspeakeable Content­ment; By this time the Sunne was [Page 79] sunk neer his Evening Region, to Glaucas infinite joy, who thought each minute an Age, till she had tasted those Oily sweets (which she resolved to retalliate with Amber-Suds) that every Errant Knight pro­strates at the Port-Cullis of his Pa­ramour.

CHAP. III.

OUr Champion and his beauteous Mistris were no sooner secluded in the silken walls of a rich bed, but he performed those rites due to those twin-Goddesses, Concupiscentia and Cytherea, while Soto (like a faithfull [Page 81] Squire) accommodated Founder-foot with Fodder, and other conveniences, hanging up his Master Armour, his Sword, Mace, and other Martiall pro­perties (as he hoped) in the Acaenall of Janus; for though Soto could wil­lingly Soto's E­log c. brook the brunt of a Bicker­ing, the fatallity of a Fight, and the consternation of a Combat, yet he was no foe to a tranquillious subsist­ence, no peace-hater, or profest ene­my to A famous fat Cook, canonized by Pope Sylvester the 22 after he had bin worshipped many Ages by the [...] Greeks with divine Ho­nours. See Cooks In­stit. Tome 30. p. 100 [...]. Comus: Having disposed of all things most methodically, he de­parted to his bed with much griefe (Heaven knows) that what his Master presided, could not be his example.

Return we now to our thrice-Re­nowned Knight, and his Spel-charm­ing Associate, the courteous Lamia, who having reciprocally recreated themselvs almost to a surfeit, suffered Somnus to make prize of their senses, Doing causes Drowziness: But they had not slept six hundred minutes ere La­mia call'd to mind, what till then was slipt from her memory, viz. the hour of meeting her Sisterhood in the Vale of Vassalage (so called, for that [Page 82] in this swarthy Grot the Inchantress and her co-partnrrs did Homage to the King of Flames) she threw her self out of the bed with such violence, that the Champion awaked, and de­siring his Dear to give him the cause of her so impetuous arrisall; she an­swered, My dear Servant, it is no time now to use prolix Narrations, please to desert the bed, you shal soon know the cause why I left you. Zara (who was now as true a Lover as ever offe­red Incense to Aphrodite) soon obeyed his Mistris commands, and was pre­sently (as already she had served her self) Anointed from head to foot with an Unguent, whose savor might aptly be compar'd to that Ol [...] [...]didum Infantium. See Culpep­pers Dispen­ [...], p. 100 Chymical Dew extracted from the dung of an Infant; this done, they adorned their bodies with the same weeds worn the day before, and then Lamia (having girded her Magicall Cincture about her waste) approached the Hearth, where (by the wondrous operation of her Art) the fire was never extinct, the immortall Flame deriving its pe­digree from that Caelestiall un-extin­guishable Brand which was born, be­fore [Page 83] the mighty Darius, when he mar­ched against little great Alexander, to make proof which of them two meri­ted the Worlds moytie; Into this fire she flung a great many poysonous Weeds, which (with a rusty knife) she had lately cropped on Mount Cauca­sus, and other Cambrian Promonto­ries before the break of day; to this she added See Doctor Lambs A­phorisms, lib 2. tract. 17. Apho [...], 1000000. the entrails of those omi­nous Birds, the Owl and hoars Night-Raven, blended with red Storax, and the blood of a Lapwing, the shavings of a Shooing-horn, the feathers of a Salamander, the cry of a Mandrake, and the tongue of a Jews-Harp; this done, she entred her Orbicular Goale (taking the Champion with her, who stood trembling all the time, and let none marvell if the most Magnani­mous man living be appalled at the approach of Devils, there being no greater Antipathy to be imagined, then between a terrestriall substance, and an Inhabitant of Orcus) making the very basis of this vast Ball to tot­ter with her first Accents, repeating this [...]oercive Charm:

[Page 85] This potent, and never-equall'd Incantation (dangerous to be ittera­ted by the Reader in an audible tone) was no sooner uttered by the Inchan­tress, but it tonitruated horribly, fulminating promiscuously from all parts of the troubled Hemisphere, the Earth was shaken with an Ague fit, huge Oaks were torn up by the roots, and steong Structures levell'd with the ground, when behold a Chariot (seeming all of fire) drawn by a cou­ple of Comets in the shapes of Dra­gons, received Lamia and the Cham­pion, who travail'd through the ayr till they came ro the Vale of Vassa­lage, where allighting, they found the mighty Monarch of Gehenna ( The de­scription of the Devill, according to the fre­quent con­fessions of Witches & So [...]ce [...]ers his bulk like some huge Mountain hor­ned like a Goat, his feet resembling Serpents, two rowes of Teeth, each longer then the Mast of a Ship,) sitting beneath a Cypresse Tree, to whose Trunk (as his manner al­wayes was) he turned his prodigi­ous, face, allowing all, or most part of [Page 86] his back parts only to be kissed, which all there (with most humble obey­sance) saluted, and then with a joynt Acclamation (crying The same with that of Pasquil, de legibus, lib. 30 claw a Churle (i. e. the Devil) by the Arsé he'l sh [...]e in your hand. Har, Har,) they joyned in an Antick Dance; which finished, each Sorceress had the fruition of her Incubus, Lamia not excepted, which exceedingly stirred the Champions choller; After this, they sat down to feast, the Earth, Ayr, and Seas being plundred of its Inha­bitants, to satiate these Sorcerous wretches; the Champion (who ne­ver gave his Teeth cause to curse his Tardity) fed with the formost, but the spight was, the eating time being o­ver, he could not mix with the rest in the Coranto; for the truth was, our Champions Parents were no Courti­ers, nor himself ever acquainted with the nice Puntilloes of Kings Pallaces; All being vanished on a sudden, our Knight and Lamia were left alone, who preparing to take Coach in or­der to their Journey homeward, the couragious Don grasping his Mistris snowy hand, thus divul'd himself:

So many and so great (most melli­fluous [Page 87] Madam) have those favours bin extended to me your worthless Ser­vitor, that were my head stuffed with the wit of Hermes, my fore-head deck­ed with the branches of Pan, my eyes irradiated with the fulgency of Sol, my cheeks adorned with the Roses of Ganymede, my nose still running with divine Nepenthe, my lipps qualified with a Carnation tincture, my teeth of that very Ivory which pieced up the shoulder of Pelops, my beard the Beesome of heaven, my neck a Phari­an Tower, my shoulders bearing up the world with Atlas, my arms sphea­ring the Earth, my hands grasping both Poles, my belly more big then the Tun at Heildebergh, my thighes strutting like a Rhodian Coluss, my legs supporters of the Globe, and my feet like those of Erichtonius, yet I could never be Master of such a Gra­titude as might refun'd the fixtieth part of your incomparable indulgen­cy; adde but one more to all your past favours, and make me eternally yours. I have heard that Ulysses and Aeneas, [...] bring his af­front, chap. [...] I will not name Hercules, (the true Types of me) had the happiness [Page 88] to visit that dark Dungeon where the damned dwell, and to have commerce with those Aetherial souls that dance together in the Elisian Shades, and yet returned (safe and sound) to their terrestial abodes; I would fain know what is done in the other World, though I have no ambition to injure any there, or (with Hercules) to cap­tivate Cerberus.

That you may know (said Lamia) what an immense power you have o­ver me (though the Adventure be dreadfull and dangerous) you shall have the fruition of your desires, be sure you enjoyn your tongue the strictest silence; this said, she and the Champion re-entered their Charriot, being transported over Woods, Ci­ties, Seas, Villages, and tops of tall Steeples, and in a trice arrived at that very place where (after solemn Sacri­fice to his Mothers soul) Ulysses began his Progress to Pluto's Monarchy; here they disburthened their Caroach, and the Inchantress taking Zara by the hand, departed down a pair of wind­ing stayres, having no light savè a [Page 89] kind of duskish glimmering, such as some call Twi-light; the bellowing of black Rivers and schrieking of Furies made a dreadfull diapason, to which was added a pestilential smel as of Brimstone, Naptha, &c. They travel­led so long down these stayres, that Zara (who now repented his rash opti­on) imagined himself con-centred in the Earth, and now they beheld an exceeding high Wood, whose top seemed to touch the Clouds, every Tree had its branches laden with a kind of swarthy Fruit resembling Cucumbers, each of them including a damned soul, who were incessantly tormented in the bowels of these Cu­cumbers, without hope of Infran­chisement: Having past this Wood, they arrived at the very brink of the River Styx, whose dark waves evapo­rated a thick smoak; here they found Charons Boat (with onely one Oar in it) fastned to part of that Cottage where the grisly F [...]rriman resided, but no Boat-man to be met with; the oc­casion of Charons absence was this, Pluto had newly married his eldest daughter Tenebrosa to the great Duke [Page 90] Marathron, whose Territories exten­ded from Phlegeton to the Lake Aver­nus, having under his command sixty Legions; and this wither'd Water­man had imployment as Pilot in Plu­to's chief Galeon, to convey the Princely pair and their Retinew over Acheron to their own Dominions; the Inchantress was extreamly vexed to find Charon a non-resident, insomuch that she was once resolved to punish Hell and Heaven, as culpable of a con­tumacy, when behold Charons Con­sort (Fatua) a Matron of much gra­vity, and daughter to Chaos and Nox, fell at the Inchantress feet, beseeching her not to be offended at her husbands absence, relating that his Prince had summoned his service, withall intrea­ting her to approach her homely Mansion; Lamia and the Champion were not shie to enter this homely Pa­villion, where they found a candid Reception from the aged Fatua, who upon their entrance threw a kind of Gum into the fire (made of a kind of Pumice, much resembling the Brittish Turf) by vertue whereof, the Room where they were seemed more lumi­nous [Page 91] then the House of Sol, they re­ceived celestiall Visions, and fancied themselves equal with the Gods, they had not long injoyed this beatificall Vision, but they heard the aged Fer­rimans voyce, who sang the follow­ing Canticle, walking upon the Surges.

By this time the grey-bearded Oar­man had gained his Hive, and with a chearfull hum saluted Lamia and the Champion after his rustick manner, who returned him more Comple­mentall Retribution: The Inchan­tress had no need to inform him of her design, Sentence. None ever toucht the Strond of Styx, but they ballasted Cha­rons Boat: wherefore taking leave of Fatua, they immediately Imbarqued themselves, the tough old Siegnior (having been well feasted in the Court of Pluto) tugg'd at the Oare like any Terrestriall Barge-man a­gainst Wind and Tide; but by that time they were half way over Styx, they espyed an aged He is ve­ry oblivious that knows not this old mans name See Apulei­us his Gol­den Calf, li. 6. p 12. person all na­ked, [Page 93] of a venerable Aspect (very neer them) crying out for help, for that he was in danger of drowning: The Champion (moulded of a noble mind) was proffering him his hand, had not Lamia hindered him, who related unto him briefly what this old man was, and how inevitable a ruine had ensued, in case he had affor­ded him aide; ere her Caution found period, they were within sight of shoar, where they landed, giving Cha­ron his usuall Sallary, who (won­dring what Mister Wights these were, since he had not above thrice be­fore had experience of the like) took his leave with more Ceremo­ny then usuall, and returned to his Wherry.

The place where the Sorceress and our Champion now were, seemed a Marish ground, or rather a perfect Quagmire over-grown with blasted Reeds, and withered Sedge, yet of so solid a surface, that they tramp­led as upon Scythian Ice; being past this [...]og, they presently came to the [Page 94] very Gates of Barathrum, fashion'd of burnisht Brass, which (contrary to Ancient and Modern belief) were fast locked, for that the God of Ghosts had lately made Proclamation.

The horrid clamours that were heard within, made the Champion wish himself in that very Cave again, where the Bear baited him; But there is no receding now; [...] He who sets his foot upon Hells Threshold, shall be en­forced to enter the house.

CHAP. IV.

LAmia and the Champion had re­turned without their errand, had not Minos (who knew the Inchantres knock) commanded Gerberus to paw open the Gates, yet though the Judge were a great honourer of Lamia and the Champion, he durst not permit them to pass on till they had taken the [...] Comel A­ [...]rippa his Occult Phi­losophy. Or Tullies love written by the Master of Art. Oath, and signed the Instrument; which done, they had free emission: Then the Inchantress again anointed her self and Zara (with an Unguent far different from the former) that so they might walk upon red hot Irons, tread on fiery Serpents, and (if need were) wade through Rivers of boyl­ing Lead untouched; she also (for the [Page 97] preservation of his person, though to the torture of his tongue) boared a hole with her Bodkin quite thorow that garulous nerve, which Nature (very politickly) had secluded in By this it is evident that the Champion was not toothless. I­vorie grates, which made him bleate like one burned for swearing, draw­ing a Ribband of a Sea-green colour thorow the Orifice, which tyed a true The Em­blem of La­mia's affe­ction. loves Knot so amply, that a gag could not have given better security to the Sheriff for a Pilloriz'd Factio­nist: This done, they beheld all that erring Mortalls so much discourse of and so little know; but the Devill a Tyitius, Tantalus, or [...]xion were there; Sisiphus indeed was sitting upon his Stone very melancholly, a bowl of boyling liquor before him, which he often [...]ipt on, but very charily for fear of scalding his chaps, it seemed no other then an abstersive Posset, curdled with shavings of Ebony, Nero, Heliogabalus, Caligula, Comodus, Basilides, Mezentius, and a thousand other Tyrants branded by antiquity were there, yet neither broyling in blue Hames, nor fishing for Salaman­dels in fiery Rivers; but what was [Page 98] worse, Nero was Cobling of shooes, Heliagabalus and Caligula were busie at the Forge, Commodus crying (like any Costermonger) [...] wie­ker basket with three legs. Pippins eight pence the hundred, Basilides and Me­zentius (sweating under their bur­thens) were carrying sacks of Coals into Pluto's Kitchin; such like pu­nishments were inflicted on Phalaris, the Sycillian brethren, and others.

The Inchantress and Zara made all the haste they could from this dread­full Den, and are now arrived in the Elizian Shades.

Here they found fix of Sols viz. Phae­ton, Bremio, Borachio, Brunello, Boreo, Bo­dino. See the Mu­ses Interpr. Sons (begotten on Climine) making perpe­tuall day, not seated in Chariots, or forced to use the Whip as their aged father Phoebus, but walking up and down, ot sitting, as best sorted with the society of those sublime Soules, who inhabited this thrice-happy [Page 99] place; not a shrub here but breathed odours, the bounteous soyl was cloa­thed all over with Roses and Lillies, Fruits as fair, as fragrant of taste, of­fered themselvs to be pluckt by any consecrated hand, Vult [...]rnus was in­cessantly active in plundering the O­cean of its perfumes, which he unla­ded here, fanning whole piles of Sa­bean Gums and Syrian Spices, with his purpled Plumes, till these blessed ones were inveloped with Aromatick Clouds: no Female, here, is branded with that egregious epithete of Whore and Strumpet, for all women are in common, onely they boast not the act of Generation, for then Jupiter must in large his Elizium; but (as if these two had brought A woman of a harsh tumultuous temper, a broacher of brawls and fomenter of quarrels. See Vasque [...] de Belins [...]a­tio. Ate along with them) there hapned such a busi­ness amongst these blessed ones this day, as had not been known in thirty thousand years before, for Ajax Te­lamon (by the instigation of Thirsites, a fellow as much mis-shapen of mind as body) had upbraided Ulysses with cowardize in the Grecian Warre, and (which all Lethe could not make him forget) that he attained Achilles Armor, [Page 100] rather by odious connivance then by oraculous Eloquence; upon this the Trojan Worthies congregated in heaps led by their old Chieftain Hector, and the Greeks appeared in great bodies, under conduct of Achilles, so that all Elizium was in uproar, while (as if to powr Oyl upon the fire) another brawl was newly broached among the Gown-men, Homer having smote He­siod on the head very grievously, for boasting behind his back, that himself was in all respects his Rivall, Pindar, Stesichorus, Coluthus, Lychopron, took part with Homer; but Moschus, Bion, Theocritus and Anacreon were for He­siod; this was no sooner bruited a­broad, but it gave occasion to Statius to vaunt himself equall with Virgil, as if Adrastus were co-equall with Ae­neas; here was a new matter for Lu­cretius, Lucan, Ovid, and Horace decla­red themselvs point blank for Virgil; Propertius, Catullus, Martiall, and Per­seus took part with Statius, so that there was like to be fighting on all hands; the Greeks divided under Ho­mer and Hesiod, and the Latines under Virgil and Statius, and it had been [Page 101] well, had the horror (like to ensue) made a halt her, for the fire of Emu­lation burnt fiercely in every angle of this Paradise; the Brittish Bards (forsooth) were also ingaged in quar­rel for Superiority; and who think you, threw the Apple of Discord a­mongst them, but Ben Johnson, who had openly vaunted himself the first and best of English Poets; this Brave was resented by all with the highest indignation, for Chawcer (by most there) was esteemed the Father of En­glish Poesie, whose onely unhappines it was, that he was made for the time he lived in, but the time not for him: Chapman was wondrously exaspera­ted at Bens boldness, and scarce refrai­ned to tell (his own Tale of a Tub) that his Isabel and Mortimer was now [...]ompleated by a Knighted Poet, whose soul remained in Flesh; here­upon Spencer (who was very busie in finishing his Fairy Queen) thrust him­self amid the throng, and was recei­ved with a showt by Chapman, Har­rington, Owen, Constable, Daniel and Drayton, so that some thought the matter already decided; but behold [Page 102] Shakespear and Fletcher (bringing with them a strong party) appeared, as if they meant to water their Bayes with blood, rather then part with their proper Right, which indeed Apollo & the Muses (had with much justice) conferr'd upon them, so that now there is like to be a trouble in Tri­plex; Henry 4. his Poet, Law [...]eat, who wrote disguises for the young Princes. Skelton, Gower, and the Monk of Bury were at Daggers-drawing for Chawcer; Stencer waited upon by a numerous Troop of the best Book­men in the World; Shakespear and Fletcher surrounded with their Life-Guard, Viz. Goffe, Massinger, Decker, Webster, Sucklin, Cartwright, Carew, &c. O ye Pernassides! what a curse have ye cast upon your Helliconian Water-Bailiffs? that those whose Names (both Sir and Christen) are filed on Fames Trumpet, and whom Envy cannot wound, shall now perish by intestine Discord, and home-bred Dissention? While these stirres were on foot Pythagoras, Socrates, Plato, Plo­tinus, Epicurus, Empedocles, Anaxago­ras, Anaximander, Chrysippus, Epictetus, Zeno, Aristotle, &c. both Perapateticks, Stoicks, Epicureans, and all the [Page 103] (sometime) discordant Sects of Phi­losophers (being now all of one self­same opinion, Diogenes excepted, who could by no means be won to a com­pliance) were all seated in the School of Scepticus, not ashamed to learn who taught that there was no po­wer but that of the sword See Arise Evans Pro­phesies. this in the Aetheriall, which they trampled upon in the Terrestriall world: while they were giving dili­gent attention here, the gap grows wider, and open Warre is almost pro­claimed by the busie ones of Elizium, but the clement Gods would not suf­fer so dire a catastasis, for Hermes en­tring the Lists, threw down his War­der, summoning the incensed Bards to Phoebus Tribunall there to render an account of this wild action; the Ring-leaders of the Greeks and Tro­jans (almost by the ears about Ajax his business) Cylenus arrested with his Caducifer, warning them forth­with to appear before Mars, to answer this prodigious contempt of his Po­wer and Soveraignty, for he being the God of Swords and Salt-Peter, challenges the sole Superiority (as­well over the brawling wives of Be­linsgate as the Subburbian Hectors) [Page 104] both for the creating, carrying on, and composure of all quarrells from the Irish Skeyn to the Scottish Dag­ger. This sullen Hemisphere is now serene again, and the more peacefull Souls discarded of their Anxieties; the Inchantress gave little regard to the (new-appeased) Garboyles, but the Champion took great pleasure in their perusall, wishing a prolix date to their dire distemper; by this time they arrived neer the brink of a broad River, whose waves were of a green­ish colour, but full of speckled Ser­pents, with faces like women, & tayls like A hot hill in America. Vesuvius; this was that plashcy Purpatory where Clitemnestra, Semi­ramis, Phaedra, Modea, Agave, Myrha, Canace, &c. were eternally tortured, the manner of the torment thus, twice every day they beheld (as they were chaind to their torrid Pillers) a troop of beauteous young men, all naked with These tor­ments must needs be in­pressible. vast-siz'd Genitalls, sitting at a Table furnished with all sorts of deli­cates, and after their repast dancing most gracefully, to the tune of Dido the hapless Queen of Carthage, whom Lamia and Zara would fain have blest [Page 105] their eyes with, but could not, she had bin there (it's true) but the compassi­onate Deities at the instant importu­nity of Aeneas (who himself was also Deifi'd) gave her an Habeas Corpus, re­moving the langishing Lady from her watry Gaol, to a starry Mansion, wher she waited on Juno, rubbing her toes, and tying up the trammels of her hair when occasion commanded; The Mark here our Cham­pions incom­parable con­rage. Champion would fain have exerci­sed his valour for the present liberty of these Ladies, though all the powers of Orcus had thwarted him, had not Lamia declared the vanity of the at­tempt, and how impossible it was to procure their Infranchisement: Our Noble pair had now sufficiently sated themselvs with Acherontick novelties only yet they had not seen Pluto's Pa­lace, nor kissed the hand of Avernian Juno, Lamia would have visited the Court of that swarthy King, had not Zara's indisposition impeded her Resolve; therefore they hasted with all speed to the very Gates of Bara­thrum, which at their return they found wide open, but so great was the desire of their attaining the [Page 106] terrestiall Globe, that they made no inquiry of the cause thereof; their Ca­roach awaited their comming very dutiously, into which having cast themselvs, they were (within few mi­nutes) conveyed to Lamia's abode.

CHAP. V.

THat our Champions shirt was glewed to his Loynes, and his whole Microcosm out of frame, will be no mans wonder that considers the length, or rather depth of his journey, and how hot a place Hell is, but no preservative is wanting that may re­store him to his lost strength, but he being of a tough constitution, instead of Ginger-bread and Jellies, calls for the leg of an Ox, and the thigh of a Sheep, the desolation whereof rendred [Page 107] him in his full vigour (so that Lamia perceived it was rather his five hours fasting then any other obliquity that occasioned his distemper) which the Inchantress could not credit, till she had made experimentall proof of his Meaning how he could use his Pen. Abilities; Long time our Champi­on and Soto remained with this Acra­sia, this Armida, this Alcyna, this what shall I call her,—this Witch,—No delight whatsoever but resided here, the palate pleased with curious Cates and delicious Wines, the eye delight­ed with variety of the most glorious objects, the eare feasted with Soul­charming Harmony, and finally all the five Sences fed to an Atrophie in this Palace of Pleasure, yet cannot all these allurements and blandishments so mollifie our Knight, but he remem­bers, in the midst of these false joyes, these delusive delights, and Sugar­plum contentments (that rot the ea­ter) that his business on Earth is of a different Die, to succor the oppressed, to tame fastidious Tyrants, and make mis-shapen Monsters tremble at the clashing of his Arms, but (not to make our Champion more hungry [Page 108] after Fame, then indeed he is) why he would needs be going was, for that he had discovered the damned fraud of the fallacious Lamia being far enough (as By this it appears that Witches are not altoge­ther so om­nipotent & omniscient as Gaffer Bodin and other witch mongers would make us believe. she thought) from the perusall of her person, when pee­ping through the cranney of a wall, he perceived his cunning Concubine in her true and native shape.

It would have puzzell'd that Fe­male Mastix Mantuan to have limm'd this she-Chymera, The De­scription of a vertuously disposed Ma­tron. the wrinkles on her face might be called Cupias graves (not that Cupido is dead) where the Dand-prat Deity sits triumphing in his own Trenches; this is the Orcus that includes millions of Fiend-like frowns, Myriads of deep Ruts and Sloughs, in all respects resembling a parched Dung-hill perpetually moystned with salt water leisurely distilling from the Lymbecks of her [Page 109] leaden eyes, her breath like the steam of Tenarus, blasts the Spring be it ne­ver so forward; take her whole face, together with all its furniture, and like Clouds it turns day to night, and mightier then the Sea, makes Moors seem immaculate: Our Cham­pion was wrapt with no little won­der to behold this strange mutation, she that some hours before seemed a­nother Hellen, is become a very He­cuba, already barkt into a Bitch, yet durst not our Champion take no­tice of the killing Object, (Note here our Champions meer cunning) un-wary Narration his eyes had be­held a number of Metamorphosed men turned into Beasts by the In­chantments of this wicked Sorce­resse, and to be an Asse was such a thing as made him tremble to think on, desirous therefore to be quit of this foule Quean (having re­counted those many Obligations upon him, and protested the grea­test Ardency of Devotion) he hum­bly and earnestly besought La­mia to let him depart; for quoth [Page 110] he, See Caesars Commenta­ries in Eng­lish. the Rust of Ease feeds on Honour like a Moth, and to a true enobled mind nothing is more irksom then idleness, adding he had been long be­num'd with the Torpedo of Excess, and so made himself enemy to that employment which God and Nature had appointed; How many Parthe­nia's (quoth he) languish under the harsh Tyranny of flinty-soul'd Dema­gorasses? How many Phalarian Ty­rants trouble the world with tempe­stuous Impositions and Diabolicall Edicts? How many Dragons sleep soundly in their Marble Cels at night who all the day do nothing but de­vour those harmless Hobinols, that toyl for the benefit of mankind? How many Inchantments expect a period from the prudency of my courage; and how many formless Gyants (tal­ler then Oaks) might have bin hew'd down with Kill-za-Cow, while Zara makes himself a Milk-sop, a Carpet-Knight, a Coxcomb, and what not? Lamia had listned to this farewell (to her a Funerall Oration) very atten­tively; but all the time our Cham­pion was talking, he might perceive [Page 111] how her sick soul sat upon her lips, looking as An infal­lible sign of a troubled mind See Culpeppers last will & Testament. i. e his Le­gacie, chap. 12. blue as Butter-Milk; A­las, said she, that the Fates should al­lot poor Lamia so sad a sufferance; is there but one onely Knight in the World (who draws my soul as Bar­bary horses drag a Dutch Caroach) and do I finde his love loose in the hilts? who like those who chuse ra­ther to lye on boards then beds, with blocks for pillows, despises the silken delicacies of Repose, to tread the path of Tumult, and rashly wishes to experiment those hardships dogging Knights-Errant at the heels: O my Zara, wherein has Lamia displeased thee? What have thy wishes promp­ted thee to, that thou hast wanted? Has not Heaven, Hell, Gods, Men, and Furies been at thy beck? Mark the Majesty of these trope [...] Has not Bacchus prostrated his blood, Ce­res her store, Cyprides her delights, Apollo his Lyre, Pytho her voyce, Juno her stateliness, Hermes his wit, and Jove himself his Heaven, and yet can­not all this create a compliancy? O my dear Zara, let not thy ambitious desire to rivall those rapacious Rene­gadoes of old, whose best happinesse [Page 112] was to purchase a Pageant Fame with a reall infortunity, and are at best but See the History of Mervin and Pregosus, with his three sons. blended with dirt and blood, per­swade thee to a tedious travell after that glory which in the grasping pas­ses through the fingers.

It would have bruiz'd a brazen heart (more hard then that Head once so baffled by Mounsieur Miles) to have beheld her in that Agonie for a long time, As in ex­pectation of the Cham­pions re­morse. her looks gave the lan­guage of her heart, but reading his unalterable resolvs written (Steno­graphically) in his face, she rose up (like a fierce Tygress) taking by the throat (to his almost strangling) with such a voyce (for all the world) as Dido when she perceived that she must lose her sturdy Stallion, the strong chined Aeneas, she said; O thou inex­orable Beef-brained man, thy Mother sure was some Welsh woman, who in­stead of her own fostered thee with [Page 113] Mare [...] Milk, thy Father some salvage Kern, begotten by an Incubus, and thy breeding no better then that the Boars of Belgia afford their swat-bo­died Bantlings: Go, but may my conglomerated curses go with thee; but if not for my sake (here she be­gan to treat the Champion in a mil­der tone, yet for that which this womb of mine includes, thy Which the Champion had conv [...]i­ed into her through a pipe, that it i [...] possible so to do, s [...] Culpeppers Book of wo­m [...]n and of [...]om [...] womb [...]. Seed, which even now cuts capers in my womb; be courteous to perishing Lamia; here she let fall a number of salt tears, insomuch that Soto could not forbear to accompany her; her Marble Maidens sweat brinie drops, making much lamentation for their Mistress; not all this could mollifie our Champions minde, yed did he once more give the grounds of his Protestations, that no Lady under Heaven should ever claim that Sove­raignty which her bright self so right­fully inherits; he would have added more, had not the Inchantress flung away in a great rage, and locking her self up in her Closet, gave com­mandment that none should have ac­cess to her; she gone, our Champion [Page 114] stood in a strange dilemma, almost re­solved to link himself to Lamia for e­ver; to this Soto very powerfully ex­horted him, and (no doubt) had pre­vailed, had not his fancy immediatly faln upon the sullen contemplation of that sooty change, when he beheld his Minerva a Megera, and his young beauteous Lady a black deformed Dowdy, so that he commanded Soto to saddle his good Steed, and to bring his Sword, Armor, and Mace, which Soto presently performing, the Cham­pion forthwith armed himself, com­manding Soto to the like, and having mounted his fiery steed, who (like one of Meaning Banks his Beast if it be lawful to call him a beast, whose perfections were so in­comparably rare, that he was worthi­ly ter [...]d the four-legg [...]d wonder of the world, for dancing (some say) singing, and discerning Maids from Maulkins, finally ha­ving of a long time proved him­self the or­nament of the Brittish Clime, tra­vailing to Rome with his Master, they were both burned by the com­mandment of the Pope. Banks's breed) danced under him for joy; he called for Lapida, with an intent (since Lamia wold by no means be spoke with) to send a zealous fare­well to the Inchantress by her, when behold Lapida was coming towards him, bearing a Box fast locked, and in her hand the key, who coming to the Champion with humble obeisance presented him with Lamia's last gift, using these or the like expressions:

Sir Knight, quoth she, for whose sake the woful Lamia wishes her self a beast [Page 115] beast, that she might alwaies bear so rich a burden as thy self, although thy cruelty cannot be parallell'd, who re­jectest a Lady, for whose sake Kings would kick their Crowns with the soles of their feet, yet she commits this Carket of treasure into thy custody, willing thee to preserve it as thou wouldst thy life, a written Schedule informs thee how to deal, & the Gods go with thee: Zara could not but stand amaz'd to finde such affection from her to whom he had manifested such obduracy; But as he was about to declar himself, Lapida had left him, and was already with her disconsolat Mistris: Soto could not refrain shed­ding of tears (his belly though wan­ting ears had the gift of prophesie, and predicted a scarcity, after so much ful­ness as he found in Lamia's Pavilion) no nor Some old Authors re­port that he wept bitter­ly. Zara himself, though he cun­ningly absconded his reluctancy by locking down his Beaver, the Cham­pion thought it vain to attempt a fu­ture colloquie, and therefore kept his way, waited on with numberlesse numbers of formless imaginations.

CHAP. VI.

HAving thus quitted Lamia's Man­sion, our Don kept the beaten Road, riding a very easie pace, vext with various cogitations, till he arri­ved upon a vast Plain, whose immen­sity gave him occasion to cast up his which he seldom did by reason of their sore­ness occasi­oned by a salt Rhume. eyes to Heaven, to see if the Sun were not neer his Western Region, but finding he had many miles yet to travail, he resolved to pass that Plain and to Quarter in the next Quarry he [Page 117] met with; as he was thus contempla­ting (turning himself about to speak to Soto) he might perceive a Lady of incomparable beauty, mounted on a white Steed, richly trapped (clad af­ter the Amazonian manner, in her hand a shell fashioned like a Shield, whereon was most lively pourtrayed the figure of some illustrious Princess, she was attended by one onely Squire, his body short, his beard long, his face pale, and his hair red, these fol­lowed hard after the Champion, who imagined that Lamia might (perhaps) have repented of her morosity, and was now in pursuit of him, to give the other odd on-set (by way of storm) to his most impregnable sesolve, and therefore he stood still expecting her approach, who was no sooner within Tongue-shot of him, but allighting from her Steed, whom she committed to the custody of her Squire, she made most humble and lowly obeysance to the Champion, who very courteously commanded Soto to raise her from the earth, for quoth he, I love not to see your soft Sex fall upon the knee, but the Meaning that he would back the [...] in al [...] back, or to hear ye supplicate [Page 118] for any thing save a A kind of Musical In­strument fa­shioned like a Reed, if it be skilfully plaid on, it puts to si­lence the brawlings of bitter wives and attenu­ates the friendship of the most fascinorous female. Syringe: The Lady knew not well how to expound this language, onely she thought the Champion a very conceited Worthy, a jocular Heroe, a sportive Martialist;

Here be­gins the sto­ry of Prince Paraclet, Maulkina, & Emansor. Sir Knight, said she (whose lo [...]ks, language, and gesture create strange thoughts within me) be pleased to know, that I am (I will not say the first) of those Ladies of Honour, who wait upon the high-born, illustrious, and refulgent Maulkina, Daughter to the high and mighty Prince Paraclet, Prince of No-Land, on the confines of whose Territories we now are, so it is that the Divine Maulkina having been a vowed Votaress to Diana (whose Priestess she was, and whose Oracles she exhibited) upon a night as she sat at the feet of the Image of that chaste Deity, Deaths elder-brother, Tyger­taming Somnus sealed up her eyes, when behold, Jupiter descended in the shape of a brave young Prince, and had the fruition of her body, to the filling of her belly, as saith the Adage, with young bones, so that she became altogether incapable of officiating in Diana's Temple, therefore exchanging [Page 119] the Church for the Court, after nine Moneths were expired, Lucina falling from Heaven (with her two Hand-Maids Sarah Safety, and Joan Ease) she made Prince Paraclet a Grandsire, to his little joy, when he perused the Infants person so monstrously mis­shapen, his fore-head flat, his eyes squinting, his nose hardly visible, his lips thick, yet flaggy, his chin resem­bling a Town-top with a brass nayl at bottom, his bulk a very Babel of deformity, his legs borrowing their shape from a new bent Bow, and his feet displaying themselvs very dread­fully; nor were his internal indow­ments incompatible with his shape, for (comming to years of discretion) his language and comportment pro­claimed him rather the son of a Plai­sterer then a Prince, the sons of Noble men he would shun, to accompany the sons of Citizens and Car-men, nor could ever be brought to the know­ledge of Letters by all the endeavours that could be used, to the extream grief of Paraclet, and the unspeakable torment of Maulkina, yea, to the ge­neral sorrow of the whole Realm, the [Page 120] people whispering in corners, that this Incubus could not be the son of the great Jupiter, but rather the spu­rious seed of some Swabber; these wild reports brought Paraclet to his wits end, and not knowing how to extinguish this fire without scorching his fingers, he resorted to the Oracle at Delphos, where after Celebration of the usuall Ceremonies) he received this Answer:

It were needless to recite with what astonishment Prince Paraclet (and all with him) received this Answer from Apollo, but hasting back to No-Land, Paraclet summoned his whole Nobi­lity, who unanimously attending his pleasure, he declared unto them what the Oracle had spoken, demanding their speedy and serious advice, some councell'd one thing, some another, but after much hesitation, they voted as one man, that this prodigious Changeling should be conveyed into some Wilderness, and there left to the acceptation of his Elvish parents, whose advice (though Maulkina sway­ed with a groundless commisseration withstood it) was suddenly put in practice, and this Perken Warbeck be­ing den [...]ded of his greatness, resigned to the protection of those Goblins who gave him being; this action was diversly disputed on by the Vulgar, some applauding, some condemning, and all censuring; they were silenced by the arrivall of Emansor For it was about the Spring of the year. with 30. [Page 122] Squires, cloathed all in green-a, who (by divine appointment) comming to Court, proffered his servic to Para­clet, who beholding his well-built form and behaviour, but especially fixing his eyes on his fingers, percei­ved his right-hand Thumb to be 12. digits longer then any of his other fingers, wherefore assuring himself that this was he whom the Oracle hinted, his own flesh and blood, and son of Jupiter and Maulkina, Here was true affection indeed. he im­braced him in his arms, weeping over him as if he had been scourged with Scorpions; Emansor was wondrously astonished at this uncouth entertain­ment, insomuch that for a long time he remained speechless, but a sober recollection having opened his organ pipes, he (on his knees) besought Prince Paraclet to inform him what motives prompted him to this aenig­maticall Reception of one who was utterly a stranger to him; Paraclet a­gain folded him in his arms, & beck­ning to all about him, that stood at distance (marvelling at this strange inter-locution) he openly declared, that by the goodness of the Gods No-Land [Page 123] was now restored to its ancient Glory, this being the true and one­ly Sonne of his Daughter Maulkina, and his undoubted Heyre; This he spake with a lowd voyce, and then again saluted his Grandchild, while all there gave a showt, which eccho­ed in every corner of No-land, shrewd­ly shattering many Steeples and Stru­ctures: By this time the welcome News came to the knowledge of the Princesse Maulkina, who came run­ning swifter then a Roe to receive her long-lost Sonne into her bosom, the mutuall joy between Emansor and his Mother cannot be exprest in words. I shall therefore give the Reader leave to think as he lists, onely I must not omit what a gene­rall Joy was every where manifested by the multitude, who (like Loyall Subjects) were even drunk for Joy of their new Prince; O the sweet and cordiall Loyalty that the Ancients manifested to their Princes, where shall we now find such fidelious [...]ervency! he that did not stagger as well as stammer was immediately knockt down for a Traytor; After this, the sweet E­mansor (according to the No-Land custome) took his Mother to wife, [Page 124] by whom he has two Sonnes and one Daughter named Dowcabell, the mi­racle of perfection, lately married to a Noble Personage, named DON [...]VRBO-FALLACIO, who in Honour of his beauteous Bride, has appointed a Solemn Joust or Tour­nament, to begin the Twelfth of this instant Moneth, having sent His Challenges to every corner of the Orbe, and bidding Defiance to any Prince, Champion, or Errant-Knight, that shall put his Lady (how exqui­site soever) in competition with his brave Bed-fellow, whose shaddow this is; This was no sooner bruited abroad, but DON-LA-FOOLE Lord of a Neighbouring Iland, o­penly declared his dislike, crying up his own Lady as the sole Glory of her Sex, and the most merriting Ma­dam in the World, and the more to make himself odious to all Noble Spirits, proffers to prove the Prin­cesse Maulkina a Prostitute by dint of Sword, having cheated the credu­lous World with a false Report, that Emansor was not begotten by Jupiter, [Page 125] for this reason he has entertained a great number of Knights and Cham­pions to be in readiness against the appointed day, so that Prince Para­clet and Emansor have cause to guesse that he intends rather a bloudy War, then a Wanton Tilt, and therefore they also have thought fit to streng­then themselves against the day that must decide this Quarrell for Beauty; and this (most Noble Knight) was occasion that commanded me abroad, to summon in all those Knights of worth, whom the Gods of No-Land should appoint me to encounter with not doubting of your chearfull assist­ance, when the most fair Maulkina and the Divine Dowcabell shall beg the ayd of your dead-doing arm.

The Celestiall Powers (quoth Za­ra) I perceive are Favourers of thy Prince and People, that thus op­portunely thou hast met with him, who will seat Paraclet and Emansor above fear or danger, and chastise the pride of that Duke LA-FOOL, else may Kill-za-Cow faile me in my greatest extremity, and Founder-foot [Page 126] make a Halt, when I am riding to the Redemption of some Imprisoned Kings; The substance of this reful­gent Shaddow shall bear the Bell from all Ladies that ever yet had a being, or shall illuminate the Earth for the future: But how neer are we to Prince Emansors Court, or must we expect a tedious Travaile ere we gain the sight of his Glorious Pa­lace: My Lord, said she, some two Leagues hence (in a direct line with your nose) you shall finde a Ship (in Safe Harbour) riding at An­chor in the Aegean Sea, owned by a Merchant of No-Land, who will think himself happi [...]ide in having the Honour to transport your selfe and Soto your Squire; it is but four houres Sayle (though I confesse those Seas are something dange­rous,) from thence to Zardonia­pola-Mancha, the Metropolis of No-Land, where Prince PARAC­LET and EMANSOR reside in their gorgeous Pavillions: My self (my Lord) must yet further by Land: Having said this, she took [Page 127] her leave in a most submissive man­ner, receiving a friendly Farewell from the CHAMPION, who now mended his pace towards the Ocean, for thet he perceived Cynthius began to hide his countenance.

CHAP. I.

FOunder-foot and Soto were in­volv'd in sweat, ere the Champion could reach the Egean Sea, but arriving at the desired Bay, our Knight complemented the Captain [Page 130] and Master Meaning as became a Champion & a Knight Errant. very ventrously, recei­ving from them as reasonabl a retort, they eat, drank, and discoursed toge­ther, not like Aliens, but as having consanguinious Alliance, and as if Neptune & Aeolus had been our Cham­pions Pensionaries, the wind on a sudden decame tractable to their de­sign, so that weighing Anchor, and setting Sayle, they merrily set for­ward for Zardona-pola-Mancha, the Seas calm, the winds courteous, the Seamen were singing, and the Passen­gers priding themselvs in their happy fortune; but O! the sick lenes of For­tune, Sentence grave and wise. whose blandishments are bruizes, and whose dandlings are dangerous; for they had not say led many leagues ere Hyperion hid his face, The De­scription of a sad Sea­storm. the Heavens were muffled in Mists, Eurus and Bo­reas break from forth their prisons, bearing storms and tempests on their wings to the (already) inraged Oce­an, nor Charls-Wain, nor the Lesser Bear can be perused by the dispairing Pilot, the angry Sea rowles it self in ridges as steep as the tall Pyramids of Cayr, the monstrous Leviathan open­ing his mouth wider then Or [...]s, [Page 131] watcht every opportunity to swallow the sinking Ship and its sorrowfull inhabitants; nor could Two emi­nent Steers­men, who guided Sir Walter Ra­leighs Ship on the Oce­an, when he was bound for the dis­covery of the Silver Mines. Sunius or Palinure know which way to drive the distressed Vessel by the Rule of the Rudder, while (alas) her whole bulk groans, and her Beak and Main-Mast crack, the Steers-man crying a­loud, down with the Top-sayl, keep the Sprit-sayl tight, hale the Main Bowling, while the crazed Bark, like a Bear baited with Mastiffs, strives to keep her Beak aloof, some billows she breaks, others pass over her Poop and Prow.

While things were in this confusi­on, Don Zara was sitting in his Cabin, in very serious contemplation, con­ceiting (as indeed he had cause) that his Love Lamia had procured this storm on purpose to plague him, this cogitation remembred him of the Casket that Lapida presented him with when he left Lamia, hitherto not thought on; which fatall over-sight might (for ought any man knows) have cost him his life, had not the ce­lestiall Powers indulged their Dar­ling with divine ayde; but now (as [Page 132] to the present business all-too-late) he opens the Carkanet, wherein he found a hilt borrowed from the hide of a Buck, lined with Magicall Cha­racters, and Metricall Incantations, promising safety to the Wearer, though invironed with Millions of Enemies, & thrust at with thousands of swords; Tradition tells us that this was the Cincture which the mighty Son of Thetis, swift-foot A­chilles, used to wear, by vertue where­of he became invulnerable; this Gir­dle was given to Ulysses with Achilles Armour (for he had not slaughtered the Woers else) he dying, lest it as an inestimable Legacy to his Son Telema­chus, from whose custody the Inchan­tress Lamia ravisht it by the potency of her Spells; one of the most effica­cious Charms that was embossed in this Belt, spoke thus in Hexameter Verses:

[Page 133] With this protection there was al­so a Letter directed to the Champion in these words:

[Page 135] The Champion was exceedingly vexed at his own stupidity, that he had not read this Epistle before, and so prevented the present danger, but yet he would not seem to be amated; How was he smitten with astonish­ment at this unparalell'd affection of Lamia? how did he repent him of his sullen and sudden departure? By this time the Ship was shaken almost to pieces, Thunder rent the Ayr, the Sea roared hideously, the misshapen mon­sters of the Deep were congregated in great numbers, expecting a Feast of flesh and marrow, and the dying Ves­sell is even now ready to give up the Ghost, the unhappy Passengers pre­paring themselvs to take the way of all Fish, yet the Champion views all these horrors unmoved, and while o­thers are sighing, he and Soto were singing the There is much con­troversie a­mongst Ex­positors a­bout this place, some will have walsingham others Troy Town, and a third so [...]t the Mer­chants daughter of Bristoll. heavenly tune of Wal­singham; By this time the Ship (ha­ving bin a long time sick of a Surfeit) being over-burthened; now, with what before supported her, becomes founder'd down-right; when, be­hold, while magnanimous Zara, and [Page 136] his fearless Soto were standing on the Deck, threatning defiance to Neptune, and all the Marine Powers, a boyste­rous wave whirls them into the Sea above a Cables length.

O Neptune, Saron, and all ye watry Deities, what now shall become of our Sea-Champion, shall the Sword­fish wound him, the Dog-fish bite him, or the Whale devour him.

Behold what care the righteous Gods took for the preservation of virtue; our Champion and Soto had not long brushed the azure billows with their active arms, Don Zara preserved by miracle, but the truth is the Sea-horses were ever very courte­ous to man­k [...]nd. See Pliny, Soli­ [...]us, Alber­tus Magnus, and the Spa nish Man­devile. but a huge Hyppocamp (or Sea-Horse) gliding gently between the Champions leggs, received him upon his back, to his no less joy then admiration, who beck­ned Soto to get up behind him, when (alas) the poor Squire was almost out of breath, and now and then drank deep draughts of salt water, which he puked up agen; Simile of a new yeand Babe. as I have seen a sul­len Babe eject the new received pap, forced back agen by the thrifty Nurse, till at last it bulge the belly of the In­fant; this was Soto's savoury, ore ra­ther unsavoury condition, yet sum­moning [Page 137] all his strength (as a dying Candle, that contracts its ardour to make one parting blaze) he cut his passage through the swelling surges, with so vigorous a resolve, that though he attained not the crupper, he had sure hold of the tayle of this courteous creature; by this miracu­lous indulgency of Fate, our Zara and his Servitor were set safe on shoar the Sea-Horse (not staying so much as for thanks) having delivered his charge safe and sound to Rhea, plun­ged himself into the lap of Thetis, lea­ving our Champion in the most insa­nious extasie, who scarce could be­lieve (what his eyes beheld) the won­der of his deliverance.

They were now in a Rockey Iland, here and there a Tree, and (in some places) neer the Rocks, good store of But withall very scurvey. see Dr. Trigs Treatise of purging Ale. grasse, here they feared as much to be famished as before to be drowned; yet (by the favour of Mavors) our Champion had his good Sword girt to his voluminous waste; nay more, his Charmed Girdle, Casket, and all safe lodged in his pocket; Soto had on his Brest plate and Helmet, and his [Page 138] steel-pointed piece of Ash, fast in his fi [...]t, which instrument of defence he had such care of all the time he was sowced in the salt Ocean, that (as Cae­sar swimming with one hand, and with the other preserving his Papers from pickle) he still kept it above water; but the loss of Founder-foot unspeakably grieved our Champion, so that he hardly refrained from tears.

Ah Founder-foot, Founder-foot, said he, have these hands of mine so often Zara's com­plaint for the los [...] of his Steed. fed thee at Rack and Ma [...]ger, with Oats, Grains, Beans and Barley for this, to fatten the ravenous Fishes of the Sea, and have thy hide cut out in­to more Thongs then the skin of Di­does Bull, to make Harness for Nep­tunes Coach-Mares; Farewell the glory of thy kind, thou Soveraign of Steeds, Prince of Palfrays, and ho­nestest of all Horses:

[Page 139] Soto bore a part in his Masters sor­row, for the losse of Founder-foot, though his grief had a very different originall from that of Zara's, for he (grown a perfect Thracian) wisht him there rather to feed on, then ride on, and indeed his Sea-sickness made an Apology for the eagerness of his ap­petite, all know what a civill war the tumbling of the vessell creates in the small guts, and that those who have not been inur'd to Hoyes and Hulks, are very hainously harrassed the first time of their gaze upon the garulous Ocean. Long time they travailed up and down in hope to finde some shed of shelter, but Fortune was not so fa­vourable to further their wishes, so that wet and weary as they were (their carkasses curdled with cold, and their wembs repleat with water) they sat down at the root of a blasted Oak, wishing for immediate death, rather then a lingring destruction: Being thus reduced to the very brink of dispair, and every minute in ex­pectation to become a prey to some ravenous Wolf, or blood-thirsty Ty­ger, they might hear the showtings [Page 140] (as they thought) of Shepheards, but indeed Fishermen, who had even then surprized somthing (stiled by them a Fish) of weighty importance, so that they were forced to summon in the adjacent Fish-takers, with whoop­ings and hallowings, who understan­ding the occasion of their clamour, soon incorporated themselvs with them; no tongue can tell, or Pen propose, how much the ship-wrackt Zara, and his sorrowfull Servitor, were rejoyced at these ecchoings, and therefore they rose up, and (as neer as they could guess) trod that path that might lead them to the place where they heard these noyses, so much were they favored by Fate, that in a short time (as if they had taken notice of the track for many Ages) they arrived where they found not onely Mortals but Mansions, Fabricks as well as Fishermen, to their infinite contentment they saw the Fish-finders corroborated in one lump, clubbing all their nets and strength to boot, to make themselvs Masters of some un­wonted prize, some crying out they had caught a Whale, others that they [Page 141] had fastned upon some Chest stuffed with Treasure; others, that they should make some strange discovery, to the wonder of the world; Zara and Soto stood as spectators all the time, while by main strength and Herculean Fortitude they brought to shoar what they had so long labou­red for, but (to their astonishment) instead of Fish, were saluted with flesh; O strange and never e­quall'd acci­dent, that as Zara surpas­sed al knights in the world for courage & true Magna­n [...]ity, so [...]e might be fur­nished with Warlike Ha­biliments, as never any worthy save himself [...] Behold, a Panoplia, a Goat of Ar­mour richly gilded, with a Shield, and a stately Steed (of a Chesnut co­lour, his Main curiously curled, a blue Star in his fore-head, a fair white spot upon either foot, &c.) and other Martiall Utensils; the Sea-Swaines were as much grieved, as our Cham­pion comforted, to peruse their Draught, insomuch that they were minded to return their gains to him that gave them, had not Zara stept in, and (after the Narration of his late Ship-wrack) besought them to confer the Horse and Armour up­on him, they all heard him atten­tively, and as freely answered his de­mands, departing every man to his Cottage.

[Page 142] The duskish shades of night had now inveloped the world, and Zara (by the suffrage of one of the Fisher­men Piscatorio) was conducted (with his new acquired Courser, and war­like Furniture) into a sedgie Cot, where he was kindly received by Pis­catorio's wife, and set to supper with a Cods head, and a Salmons tayle, wheron he and Soto fed like Farmers, nor was drink wanting (a kind of Sider This must needs be a comfortable kind of drink made of Alder-Berries and Wildings) whereof (having cured their Garments of the Dropsey) they drank merrily, till the time of night warned them to their rest, they there­fore came to their lodging of clean Rye-straw, with Battavian Blankets, where we will leave them to their Repose.

CHAP. II.

THe chearfull Cock had thrice gi­ven notice of Aurora's approach, when the Champion (rowzing Sota from his rest) appareled himself with exceeding cheerfulness, being now as­sured that the Destinies did own his resolvs by a peculiar approbation, ha­ving so miraculously provided him a case for his skin, with a horse seeming of the Bucephalian breed, he longed to see himself once more in Armour, and to manage his proud Palfray, as none but Zara could do; Soto wa [...] [Page 144] soon ready, and the honest Fisherman also, who (burthening his board with the best Provant his Cottage could afford, and the Champion and Soto having fed as men doubting a future repast) took his leave of the Champi­on, being exceeding joyous, that it was his fortune to be one of those whom Fate had ordained as a conso­latory Instrument for the furthering of so noble a Nephew of Mars; Our Knight (having received instructions from his courteous Host, which way to betake himself), mounted Soto be­hind him, to make his way with the more celerity, not ceasing to hasten his horses pace til he beheld the great City Zardona-pola-Mancha, the Metro­polis of No-Land, whose argent Spires being beaten upon by the Sun-beams, [...]endted a most fulgent delight to the [...]gazer; In this City there were no less then By this may be gathered the number­less number of inhabi­tants, [...] and dow [...] ly­ers in this mighty [...]ity. nine hundred thousand Chur­ches, the No-lands worshipped a God, they called in their language Porco, the reason that they not onely abstai­ned from Swines flesh, but by publike Edict made it death for any to kill [...]hose kind of creatures, imbracing t [...] [Page 145] Society of Scots and Jewes with the highest regard; Zara who had never yet resided in so populous a place, was on the sudden surprized with (I know not what) anxiety, so that Caution mixt with courage cau sed this Di­lemma, our Champion being as wise as va­liant. he sat a long time on his horse back in a profound study, but perceiving Soto (who was just now restored to his feet) to eye him with a very strict re­gard, he rode on, and came to the ve­ry Gates of the City, whose streets he found paved with Aggats, the houses twelve stories high, all of Alablaster, and every shop-keeper clad in Persian Silks, their wives in cloth of Gold, whose bodies were even burthened with precious Stones; the Citizens ran out in heaps to gape upon this strange Knight, so that if the Cham­pion had not had a brow more solid then Brass, he had been brought to ruine by very bashfulness; it was not long ere he attained the sight of the Palace built of Parian Flint, and Po­dian Free-stone, with such admirable Art, that it was justly accounted the eighth wonder of the World; its in­side was all of O [...]hyr Gold, the Beds, Stools, and Dresser-boards of Ivory; [Page 146] on the top of the Palace (after the old Roman manner) were many rare gar­dens, watered with Chrystalline Ri­vulets, wonderfull to behold: The very day that our Champion visited the Court, were all those Knights that were met together on the behalf of Maulkina and Dowcabell (whose hi­story we lately gave you) assembled in the Palace-yard, a place of that magnitude, that Xerxes might there have mustered his Army; Prince Pa­raclet, Emansor, the Princesses Maul­kina and Dowcabell, with all the prime Nobles and Ladies of the Court, in their richest Adornments, sat in a Theater contrived on purpose for this business, beneath Canopies of state, the walls of the Theater being hung with Velvet, enamelled with Gold, whereon were curiously pourtrayed many ancient stories, the Expedition of the Argonauts for the Golden sheep, the Labours of Hercules, Deucalion [...] Flood, the Destruction of Troy, Medea and Jason, with O [...] Hero and Leander the Loves of Dora­stus and Fawnia, the Knights were all on foot (which caused our Champion also to alight, giving his Steed to [Page 147] Soto) their Squires (who were all clad in Crimson Tas [...]aty) holding their Steeds in one hand, and their Shields in the other; each Champion had his Sword girded about him, with his Spear in his hand, as prepared for pre­sent encounter, Zara not excepted; which solemnity being ended, they one after another presented their Swords, Spears, and Shields, at the feet of divine Maulkina and the beau­teous Dowcabell; the first was a Knight of Phrigia, whose Device (ingraven on his Shield) was a Dog biting his Fleas, very busily, with this Motto:

The next was a Knight of Transilva­nia, the son of a great Duke named Sharkino, his Device was a Lion Ram­pant, but without Teeth or Nayls, with this Motto:

The third was a Knight of Malta, a man very eminent for his valour a­gainst Ottaman, his Device was a Jack Pudding dancing on the Ropes, with this Motto:

The fourth was a Knight of Sardi­nia, of an excellent form, insomuch that Maulkina and Dowcabell had their eyes continually fixed upon him, his Device was a Jack-an-Apes, playing upon a Jews-trump, with this Motto:

The fifth was a Shentleman of Wales, Ap Shon, ap Owen, ap Richard, ap Mor­gan, ap Hugh, ap Brutus, ap Sylv [...] ap, Aeneas, his Device was a large Cheese [Page 149] slit asunder in the midst, toasting be­fore a fire of Tur [...], with this Motto:

The sixth was a Knight of Musco­via, a big man, but of a very Mascu­line Aspect; this was he that stole a­away the Infanta of Spain in a Moon­shine night, maugre all her Guards, and married her to his son Lurdanio, his Device was a Civet-Cat disbur­thening her self a posteriore into the Helmet of a Knight in shining Ar­mour, who held forth his Head-piece very handsomly, his Motto:

[Page 150] Then came Zara (for it would be tedious to relate all) with a Majestick pace, and was received by Maulkina and Dowcabell, with a lowd laughter, a favour they had not yet afforded to any save himself, his Device was an Owl in an Ivie-Bush, with this Motto:

This Device was much laught at by some of the Noble-men and Ladies, and derided by the Knights of little knowledg, which our Champion wel enough perceived, and wisely winked at, though within himself he vowed a sudden and sharp revenge; but the truth is, our Don (being utterly a stranger to Letters) was wholly igno­rant of the matter, else no doubt his sagacitie had sought out some other Emblem more suitable to his own se­renity, and yet this (seemig) despica­ble Badge will not want a second owner, which shall occasion the most dreadfull Duell that has bin foughten [Page 151] since the Creation, as the Process of the History will inform: This So­lemnity over, the Knights were ad­mitted to lay their lips to the Lilly hands of Maulkina and Dowcabell, and after the thanks of Paraclet and E­mansor, were conducted to a stately Pavillion, being feasted after the most sumptuous manner; then they fell to Dancing, but Zara excused himself from that imployment, as an effemi­nacy he never affected, who had ra­ther fight then frisk, but for owning and celebrating Healths he was not inferiour to any, till the intoxicating fumes so bu [...]etted his brains, that he was forced to disgorge himself even at the Table, which some queazie ap­petites were angry at, but the stronger sort of constitutions bore withall, as a thing incident to tottering Mortali­ty; And that nothing might be wan­ting to an accomplished Entertain­ment, a Masque was this night pre­sented in the Royall Theater.

CHAP. III.

PRince Paraclet and Emansor, the Heaven-born Maulkina and divine Dowcabell, with all the Nobles and Madams of the Court, being seated each according to their degree; the Knights Errant were also placed ac­cording to their severall Gradations, and the Musick having charmed their sences with a Celestiall Dyrathamb, they were presented with a curious Contrivance, called

CHAP. IV.

THE Sun had no sooner seated himself in his flaming Throne, but the Heraulds (by sound of Trum­pet) warned the Knights Errant to meet in the Palace-yard, there to be­take themselvs to the businesse of the day, but those intoxicating fume [...] that usually attend ebriety, had so sealed up their senses, that you would have thought Knight Errantry both dead and buried, had not the truely valiant and most redoubted DON ZARA DEL FOGO appeared (with SOTO) compleatly Armed, [Page 170] mounted on his couragious Courser, whom he called after the name of his late lost Palfray, Founder-foot, and brandishing his bright weapon (like another Actorides) he seemed to de­nounce Defiance to all under the Cop [...]; nor, indeed, was he over­confident of his Abilities, though ha­ving had but little experience hither­to of his own Fortitude; for by in­stinct (as it were) he on the sudden became sensible of the wondrous vi­gour absconded in the mysterious folds of his Charmed Belt, which (as by a providence unthought of, or un­seen) could protect him from the edge of ravenous steel, though Tilted at him by the same See Mysta­gogus Poeti­cu [...], or the Muses Inter­preter, fol. 20000. man that tore off Achelous his horn, and (being in a rage) threw it in to Troy-novant, where being taken up (as if it had been sent from Heaven) it became the Cor [...]copia City badge, though (I know not for what cause) it be not quartered with their Arms; he had not long travers'd the lists, but the Knight of the Ape, Don la Fisk, on foot, onely with his Bat­tle-Ax and bastinado, saluted him, proposing a written paper unto him, [Page 171] which put our Champion into much perplexity, not that he dreaded a Challenge from the most approved Knight in the World, but left he should be lyable to the castigation of the censorious, as one not acquainted with Alphabeticall Tables; but his ingenuity (by a most apt contri­vance) prevented the murther of his Fame, for (as despising so triviall an imployment) he called for Soto with as much indignation as haste, who came tremblingly to receive the man­dates of his Master; the Champion gave him a check for his non-residen­cy, but yet with so calm a counte­nance, that he might behold him without blasting: Here, quoth Zara, read the contents of this Paper, which done, fold it up for Bum-fodder; Soto receiving the Scrole, found it fraught with this very language:

Soto was so amazed with the terri­ble tenor of this Epistle, that he could scarce prolong his breath to pro­nounce his name that thus menaced his Master; but from Zara's eyes you might perceive flashes of subtil light­ning, incessantly streaming, Zara's In­dignation, having heard Pantalones Defiance. his face was strangely altered, Death sat upon his front in a new shape, more dread­ful then ever Painter yet fancied him, so that Don-la-Fisk (a man otherwise stout enough) was lost to his wonted courage, and began to repent him of his ready undertaking so mortall a Message, to whom after a bite of the lip, and a little pause, our Champion returned this Answer.

Having uttered this (in a tone that sufficiently manifested the mightiness of his wrath) he put spurs to his horse galloping up and down the Lists with such fury, that the ground groaned under his Horses hoofs, when behold Don Patalone (as eager of Combat as himself) rode up to him with the highest Valour and Resolution, [Page 174] charging him with his drawn Sword; Our Champion (who would fain have been fighting with any man) i­magined that this was he who had so grosly abused him, and had there put a period to his life, had not Duke La-Foole with two thousand armed Knights just then entred the Lists; Duke-la-Foole was armed much like that haughty Pagan King Feragus, of whom the most excellent of our Eng­lish Martin Par­kers Heroick Poem, called Valentine & Orson, Dedi­cate to all the Nobles and Gentry of either Sex throughout this Nation. Poets thus sings:

This caused the two Knights to forbear one another, and turn their fury upon these Strangers, what Ho­mericall or Virgillian Pen can per­fectly [Page 175] paint the admirable deeds done by Don Zara, who (being invulnera­ble) had soon sent five hundred of Duke-la-Fools Knights to Dis; so that Prince Paraclet, Emansor, and the No­bility of No-land (being awakened by the trampling of Horses, and the clashing of Armour) forsook their beds, and stood to behold the conflict on the Battlements of the Palace, ima­gining that Mars himself was descen­ded from Heaven, in the shape of a man; How did they praise his Prow­esse? how magnifie his Magnanimity? By this time the Knights had taken the Allarm, and as one man came to their assistance; But O ye vindictive Powers, what a slaughter was then commenced! Here some lay spewing out their hearts blood, there others headless; here one without armes, there another without legs, invironed with a Lake of blood; nor did the fury of the Fight take any to mercy, save Duke-la-Fool himself, and 6 more, who being made captive, were carried to Prince Paraclet and Emansor, who immediatly rewarded their treachery Duke La-Fool be [...] ­ded. with the loss of their heads: Twelve [Page 176] of Paraclets Knights were slain in this bloody encounter; but Zara (covered over with blood and sweat, by a Mes­senger from the Princes.) was singled out from the rest, and brought before Prince Paraclet, Emansor, Malkina, and Dowcabell, who affording him the re­spects due to a Deity, attributed the Victory, together with their preser­vations (in so eminent hazard) meer­ly to his Valour, enquiring his name and Countrey, to the first he yielded a ready responsion, but to the other he answered in very obscure terms; the Princes and all there admire the mans valour, but more his modesty, imagining him a Saint as well as a Souldier, for what Syntax is there betwixt a Helmet and a Cap of Main­tenance; the Princess Maulkina gave him many amorous glances, and no doubt had fixed her affection on him, had she not doubted his acceptation, being deceived with the colour of his countenance; indeed a warlike Am­munition face, yea so preter naturall, that it seemed rather a Vizzard then a face, but his mind more smooth then pollished Pewter, and foster then the [Page 177] Ravens feather, as may appear by his being surprized (even now in the height of his anger, when his illustri­ous soul moved in the very Apogaeum of death and vengeance, so much was he incensed against the Knight of the Pudding [...]) with one of the Princess Waiters, named Madona-del-Simplicia, a creature of a most excellent form:

Her face Rivalling the fairest of the Fatall Sisters; this is the Goddess to whom our Champion offers his vows, to this fair Idea he paid his zealous Orisons, calling her the Throne of Pleasure, and the very Pro­montory of perfection, yet (such a bashfulnes was he born withal) could not our Champion (though he ear­nestly endeavoured it) compell his tardy tongue, to deliver of what his heart dictated, though his soul (which brought its own sacred fire with it) did (mentally) present her with a wounded Oblation, burning on her [Page 178] brick Altar, offered up with as reall a devotion as ever Cupid elevated any; but his love was very ill placed, for Simplicia, though fair of face, had a heart more rough then the Posteriors of a Bear, nor did she so much as re­turn one smile to the Champion, who for a long time had earnestly gazed upon her, a thing that Prince Paraclet and all there took speciall notice of, but were more stricken with wonder, when they beheld the Champion (withoutso much as taking his leave) fling away, and mount himself with as much haste, as he had even then bin Petitioned by some pensive Lady, for the infranchisement of her captivated Lord held in durance by some hor­rible Gyant.

The Au­thor is in a pittifull plight for his good Champion. O Zara, Zara, these memorable Loves mentioned in those Authentick Histories of Parismus, The Knight of the Sun, or the Ingenuous Don Qnixot-de­la-Mancha, upon the barren Moun­tains of Morenna, bewailing the dis­dain of the Lady Dulcina-del-Toboso, are but. Leaden Legends, compared with thy more solid sufferance, in whose brest the little God seems sole­ly [Page 179] to have seated himself, as in some Magnificent Metropolis, where he keeps his Court and gives Laws to the Nations of the earth.

But while the Princes and the rest were diversly censuring this Act of Zara's, he (with an Arrow in his bo­some) had gained his lodgings, Love that in others causes affability, has in him a clean contrary operation, See Dr. Bul­wers lan­guage of the feet. Tome 9. as the language of his face sufficiently demonstrated, looking so furiously that none durst speak to him, his Se­cretary Soto excepted, who took the priviledge to talk to him, and de­mand the cause of this so sudden change.

Ah Soto, Soto, said the Champion, he whom neither Duke La-Fool nor his thousand Knights, whom the Knight of the Pudding Don Pantalone, nor all the Champions, Gyants, Mon­sters, Satyrs, Devils, and Dragons can vanquish, is now overcome with the looks of a weak, and (for ought I know) wanton woman, her face is continually in my fancy, and I must enjoy her, or cease to be mortall.

Sir, said Soto, this is no such pro­digie [Page 180] as you would insinuate; your Predecessour the great Hercules, after all his Victories and Conquests, be­came a slave to his own Codpiece, and (by Omphales appointment) spun Shooe-makers thread, which imploy­ment he plyed to purpose all the day, not wishing any Sallary but to un­ravell at night: Was not the good Sir Guy flouted by Philida into a bon­dage, cost him much blood and sweat ere he could wriggle himself into her imbraces? Jove himself has been a Bull ere now, meerly to back Io the white-faced Cow? If then the grea­test of Gods, and the most eminent among men, have been Vassals to Ve­nus, and captives to Cupid; it had been strange if you (my Lord) who are a God, a Heroe, and what not, should not (at least) taste what they fed on almost to a surfeit, nor need you dispair of a prosperous success, for what woman (though Mistress of more beauty then Loves Queen, or dignifi'd with more soveraign com­mand then Semiramis) would not meet your motion halfway, and bless that Fate that furnished her with such [Page 181] Magnetick perfections, to attenuate the love of so brave a man. Thou art excellent, quoth Zara, at versification, pen me presently a Copy of Verses, such as may gain thy self a never-fa­ding Fame, and me the fruition of her who is my Fate, upon whose smiles or frowns my Destiny depends. Soto's ex­tream mo­desty, who though a most excel­lent Poet, will not vaunt him­self of his own abili­ties. My Lord, quoth Soto, I have onely [...]ipt of Helicon, and taken a nap or two upon Pernassus, but as I can, I will; so having taken off a bowl of Mereotick Wine, he took Pen in hand, and wrote these numbers.

These deathless Verses having had Zara's approbation, were seal'd up in the form of an Epistle, and thus su­perscribed: ‘For the most Magnetick, Illustrious,
and divine Lady, the Lady
Madona del Simplicia.’

Soto himself was the Messenger, be­ing hastned by Zara to a speedy de­parture.

CHAP. V.

IT was now about the hour when every maw expected its meal, when Soto came to the Palace where he found the Lady Madona-del-Simplicia with the Princesses Maulkina and Dowcabel at dinner, and was forced (to his great grief) to wait in the Lobby till the time of exercising the teeth was over; the custome of the No-lan­ders, being quite diff [...]nt from that of other Nations, they never inviting any stranger to eat or drink, out of a conceit (it seems) that by their so do­ing [Page 184] they should prejudice the sellers of Roast or Boyled in the City, who paid great Taxes to the Prince, and were ever the first who As his Life-guard. waited upon him to the Warres at their owne Charges; so that Soto having atten­ded long with much impatience, was admitted to the presence of the Lady Simplicia, to whom (after many man­nerly cringes) he presented his Ma­sters Letter; the Lady, though she courteously received it, did not seem the least taken with the tenour, but having afforded a slight perusall, she But though the Lady seemed to slight his Verses in publike, she often made use of them in a Privie place. put it (not as SOTO expected in her bosome) in her pocket, returning the Champion this Answer:

That she did wonder a man of a strange Countrey, who for ought she knew was no more then a pretender to Arms, should be possessed with so bold a confi­dence to court her by Letter, whom he had never so much as spoken to; she wil­led him to forb [...]r for the future any more to sollicite her by Letter, lest he involved himself in a Labyrinth, out of which he could not escape, but with the forfeiture [Page 185] of his life, [...]dding that if it were he ( [...] she beleeved it was) who departed from the Presence in the morning, in so m [...]d, or rather Clownish a manner, she could not think him fit for any Society, save those of the Black-Guard, being either not well in his wits, or a Coridonicall Coxcombe.

Having said this, she [...]ung a­way, her Gesture expressing the high­est disdaine, leaving SOTO in as much amazement as Ulysses his fol­lowers, when they felt themselves gradually giving up their manly shapes for that of Swine. What should poor SOTO do? toreturn to his Master with this nipping An­swer, were to endanger his skin, and for to stay in this Inhospitable place were to starve his stomack; for a long time he stood like a man Soul-lesse; but at last his hunger overcame the thought of danger, and hee set forward towards his Masters Lodgings, who guessed the very event of the businesse by his face, but wisely disguising his fear, [Page 186] he cheerfully demanded what An­swer the Lady had sent him. My Lord, said Soto, such an one as nei­ther befits me to relate, nor you to hear, suffice it, she is a proud, dis­dainfull, contumacious woman, and is as likely to be won by your endea­vours, as it is probable for me to make Minerva my Minion: This ra­ther increased then mitigated the Champions inquiry, who comman­ded him, as he would avoid his wrath, to declare the whole carriage of the business. Since you will have it so, said Soto, know that she not only con­demned your confidence for daring to importune her, but bespattered you with the odious epithets of Clown and Coxcomb. Death of my soule! said Zara, thou art alwayes (like the Raven) croaking my infortunity and disgrace, and I believe a cherisher ra­ther then a confronter of those that calumniate me, in saying this (being transported with choller) he gave Soto so grievous a blow on the face, that it made him The Cham­pions invin­cible strength totter thirty paces from him, the blood gushing out of [Page 187] his nose very violently; so that Soto, who (as it seems) had never before seen any such sauguinary flux, ima­gined himself wounded mortally, be­yond all hope of escape, the grief whereof so exasperated him, that it gave him (as it were) a new soul, just when he lookt for no less then a sepe­ration of soul and body, and (O vil­lany!) he resolved to take vengeance on his Master as his Murtherer, and accordingly (with the highest cou­rage) came up to the teeth of Zara, The outr [...] ­gious Co [...] between Do [...] Zara and his servant Soto. striking him twice or thrice on the chaps, in a most butcherly manner; it was long ere the Champion (so great was his astonishment at this impudence of Soto) could believe both what he saw and felt, but having pregnant proof that Soto was indeed in earnest, and of a Secretary and an assistant was become a Serpent and an Assasinate, he redoubled his blowes with inexpressible indignation, which Soto not onely received, but retorted with almost equall force, so that the Combat grew both dangerous and dreadfull, and it was hard to deter­mine [Page 188] which of they two should first purchase the Palm of Victory, for Soto (firmly conceiting that his latest hour was come) had sworn to his own soul to take his Master with him to Tarta­rus; this cruel contest continued for half an hour, till the Champion (as scorning to struggle any longer with his slave) closing with Soto, Being ac­q [...]ed (it seems) with that sleight of heel which Wrestlers cal the Cornish Hug. compel­led him to the earth; and now ha­ving this Typhon down, good reason that he overwhelm him with a moun­tain, therfore he loaded his brest with the weight of his bulk, ever and anon affording him a cuff or two, which Soto not knowing how to retalliate but with his teeth, at one snap snatcht away the tip of the Champions nose, which (with a Sardinian smile) he forced in his face, who now was skrew'd up to the highest key of an­ger, and therefore drawing his knife, he cruelly cut off both the ears of Soto, attempting (O Scythian ferity) to cram the new-cropt dowcets down his throat; by this one act of Barba­rity he for ever disabled Soto, who now concluded himself as dead as a pickled Herring, and accordingly po­stured [Page 189] himself as one fit for Funeall, which caused the Champion (who e­ver abhominated to insult over a de­jected, or dead Foe) to forbear the further prosecution of his rage, and imagining he had most certainly slain his servant and Secretary, he present­ly harnessed himself, and mounting his strong Steed (as if haunted with Furies, like Orestes or Orlando) he put spurs to his Palfray (all bedewed as he was with Soto's blood) with a re­solve to find out Don Pantalone, the Knight of the PUDDING and in one day to rid the world of two of his terriblest Enemies; his eyes had scarce lost the sight of his Lodgings, where he beheld Pantalone riding to­wards him in shining Armour, his Sword drawn in his hand. Zara was something abas [...]ed to meet him so pat, yet scorning to have his Man of War sunk by a Sculler, he also drew his blade, and comming within six yards of him, said,

Art thou that unmanner'd and de­generate Knight, that but yesterday didst send me a defiance by the Knight of the Jackanapes, challenging this [Page 190] Steed, Arms, Shield, and Sword, as thine, and threatning to cudgell and kick me, in case I delivered them not up into thy custody, as the true owner.

Yes, said Pantalone, I am that very man, and will justifie that challenge, proving with my life, that thou art an Errant Thief, and no Knight Er­rant, the shame of Knighthood and the stain of honour.

In saying this he gave his Steed a prick with his spur, who (as Panta­lone had educated him) took a leap, which conveyed his Rider so neer our Champion, that striking him on the mouth with his hand and Gauntlet, he dislocated no less then four of his formost teeth, what can we fancy how much our Champion was exaspera­ted with this trecherous indignity; therefore spitting his useless Grind­ers in Pantalones face (with such fury, that he had almost unhorsed him) The dread­full Combat between Don Zara & Don Pantalone. he gave the Knight of the Pudding so manly a blow on his Helmet, that he had cloven him to the waste, had not his Cap of steel been created by the Chalybes, and dipped in the River of [Page 191] Bilboe; Pantalone (who had never be­fore felt such force) sate upon his horse back with a shivering amazed­ness, but at length recollecting him­self, he seemed to make ample amends for his late stupidity, by giving Zara a wide wound on his right arm, which could not have hapned had our Champions Belt been girt about him, by vertue whereof he defied the dint of Sword, but (by the appointment of some malevolent power) that mi­raculous Girdle (being broken in the midst by the vigorous motion of his body while he encountred with Duke La-Fool and his 10000. Knights) fell from his waste the day before, so that now (like the slack-sinew'd Hebrew Gyant, with his hair off) he was no more then a very Mortall, and yet the greatnesse of his spirit for a long time supplied that insupportable loss, and he received wound upon wound with incredible patience; Nor was the Knight of the Pudding wholly exem­pted from danger (for [...]o a Knight on hors-back, as is storied of the Cen­taurs, he that wounds the beast gashes the man) his Courser being wounded [Page 192] in the neck, and having a considera­ble cut over the nosthril, so that Pan­talone was every minute in fear that his Steed should swown under him, and lye down with loss of blood; in the mean time Zara's wounds were multiplyed, yet his heart not molli­fied, resolving rather to dye couragi­ously, then to make a cowarly Resig­nation of his Horse, Armour, Shield and Sword, and which was more then all, his person; besides he had suffici­ently tired himself (one would think) in the late Battall against Duke la-Fool and his confederates, add to this his dismal ingagement with Soto, and therefore ought to have been ex­cused from Warlike imployment (at least) for some months. What could Themistocles, Cleomenes, Hanniball, A­l [...]xander, or the mighty Montelyon, Knight of the Oracle have done more; the excessive loss of blood so enfeebles him, that he is scarce able to brandish his blade, or to keep the Saddle, un­less he grasp the pummell; which Pantalone perceiving (like a good and gracious Knight) exhorted him to yield himself, and with the price of [Page 193] his Sword, St [...]d, Armour and Shield, to [...] delivery from eminent death; I will quoth Pantalone, not onely spare thy life, but be thy con­duct to thy Lodging, thy wounds shall be sowed up by skilfull Chyru [...] ­gious, and thy body, brought to a [...] bed; Our Champion is now more Zara's re­markable placability. vanquished by courtesie then by strength, being so much taken with this kind [...] of Pantalone, that alighting (though with much a­ [...], by reason of his faintness) he took his Horse by the bridle, and humb­ling himself at Pantalones feet:

[...] qu [...]th [...] what [...] all the steel of Tole [...] [...] A German Fe [...]cer ha­ving a hun­dred hands. Bryareus, though each [...]and of [...] managed a Sword could [...], is effected by thy [...] ca [...] [...] this Shield, this good S [...]d, [...], and this sturdy Steed as [...] gi [...] (my worth will command more whereever Destiny shall drive [...].)

The Knight of the Pudding (with a smile) received what our Champion so willingly surrendred, and seating himself on [...] foo [...] afforded Zara a being at his back, [...]ading his owne [Page 194] horse in his hand (a thing that admi­nistred some cause of distast to our Champion, but having taken a Truce with his Enemy, he would not be the first should break it) riding on till he came to Don Zara's Lodgings, the people gazing upon him all the way very wistly, and whispering vitupe­ratively, which our Champion heard well enough, but discreetly took no notice, being now become the very Emblem of the Golden Age, when a Pidgeon shal converse with Vultures; nor was Pantalone perfidious, but (in order to his promise) very courte­ously caused a skilfull Chyronist to be called, himself beholding those wounds which his hands had lately given carefully closed up, and the bruised Champion laid in his bed, of whom having taken leave, he retur­ned (with his Horse, Armour, Shield, and Sword) to the Knight of the Ape, and his other Companions.

It were needlesse to narrate what flouting, and what fleering there was amongst the bundle of Knights about this business of Don Zara, every man [Page 195] censuring as his fancy guided. The course of the History commands us to leave them to the guidance of their Fate, and return to Soto (earless Soto) whom we lately left dead on the floor all be-mangled by his Master; long time it was (though he felt the palpi­tations of his heart and pulse, and that he was as warm as a new-beaten Bai­liff) before Soto could be convinced of his Heresie, or believe himself to be alive, Soto's Re­surrection. first he moved an arm, then a leg, and at last took such heart of grace, that he couragiously leapt up­on his feet, but the sight of his new­lopt ears had almost laid him along again; neverthelesse (with tremb­ling) he at length took up his Lugs, and having heedfully wrapt them up in paper, put them in his pocket, till time should furnish him with oppor­tunity to afford them the Rites of Sepulture; being thus out of all doubt, that he was now as other Mor­talls, save for some maymes which he was resolved to keep from being seen by the help of his hair, he began to be somewhat comforted; but that [Page 196] very sort of sorrow which in others occasion drought, causes in him hun­ger, a sharp appetite to meat; he therefore began to consider what was become of his Master Don Zara Del Fogo, and to curse himself for oppo­sing him as an equall, whom he ought to have adored as a Soveraign; ha­ving therefore resolved to finde him, out, (and if it were possible) to re­concile himself, he resorted to the Host of the house where his Master resided, and very demurely demanded whether Don Zara del Fogo his Lord and Master were at home or abroad, in the Camp or the Court, answer was made, that he was just now con­veyed to his bed (being much woun­ded) by a strange Knight, who seemed no other then he that had fought with him; Soto therefore enquiring what manner of man he was, and what Arms he wore, knew assuredly, that it was the Knight of the Pudding, Don Pantalone; he therefore resolutely went up to his Masters Chamber, but found the door fast locked, for the Champion having had his wounds [Page 197] bound up, and being laid in a soft bed, had betaken himself to rest; Soto knocked twice or thrice very soberly, but receiving no answer, he multipli­ed his stroaks, so long till Zara be­ing awakened, demanded who was there; Soto retorted, Your Servant and Secretary SOTO; at which the Zara takes Soto for a Ghost. Sea [...]elthams Resolvs the third Cen­tury, pag. 100000. CHAMPION (imagining by this time he had been laid in Earth), be­came much amazed, and in a distract­ed tone cryed out:

I beseech thee, thou Spirit of wronged Soto, return to thy rest, and vex not him with thy clamours who shall shortly visit thee in the other World.

At this the Champion scrambled out of his bed, and opening the door, Soto supported him to his former sta­tion, where being laid he enquired of Soto how and by what meanes he esca­ped, who related to him every parti­cular both of his death and Revi­vall: I shall the more cheerefully [Page 198] welcome Death, said the Champion, that thou art alive; he then began to discourse what had hapned lately betwixt him and the Knight of the Pudding, and in the close of all com­manded meat to be brought, and was confirmed that Soto was no Ghost by his eating: By this time it grew late, Cynthia being mounted in the highest of her five and twenty Mansions, the Champion therefore, having imbra­ced Soto, permitted him to depart, and slank down into his bed the se­cond time.

CHAP. VI.

OUr Champions exterior wounds are not so wide but they may ea­sily admit of cure, were not his inte­riours mortally vexed with the vigo­rous pangs of Love, the scorn of his Mistris Simplicia stuck Needles at his heart; his sick soule is surrounded with dolour, each thought is a thrust, and every cogitation a Carbonado.

[Page 200] Zara's dolefull Complaint. O Love, Love, said he, thou least of bulk, but greatest in strength of all the Powers immortall; what has Don Zara done unto thy Deity, that thou art so partiall in thy dispensations, emptying thy Quiver at his brest, and not ayming so much as one Arrow at her whose heart is more hard then Scythian Ice, or the scales of Dra­gons; Did not Gylo wash my head with warm Urine, and Simplicia slight my Addresses as I had rather been a Lowt then a Lord, a Coxcomb then a Champion, and a Knave Ram­pant then a Knight Errant; were my strength equall to my will, I would break thy Bow and Bolts about thy eares, and write thy Elegie with a Quill pluckt from thy own wing.

With these and the like fascinorous fancies, he wearied himself almost all that night, but Phoebus flinging a­bout his Rayes to illuminate the world, Soto resorted unto him, using all possible perswasion to asswage his grief, but (alas) to no purpose, for the Fistula of Love had seized upon his very fundamentals, so that though he grew every day more and more [Page 201] healthy, being now able to eat and drink devoutly, and traverse his Chamber as nimbly as a Berkshire Squirrell, yet within he was more sickly then a Subburb Letcher, or a drawl'd Prostitute, fitting her self for Fluxation, which Soto perceiving, thought it his duty to take him to task, and to endeavour to drive this Devill of Paphos out of him.

How now my Lord, said he, will you cast away that life which was given you to redeem others from death and destruction The Author disclaims this Invective as none of his, but Soto's. for a Fis-gig, a flurt, a sickle, fantastick, fallacious, foolish Female? What do we get by these Gim-cracks? Satiation of our Iusts: What is this fruition we so much covet, but a kind of fulsome Recreation, that flags our Crests, and makes us look worse then stale Drun­kards, or losing Gamesters that have sat up all night to undo themselvs? Be your self (my Lord) the Son of Mars, and not the slave of Venus; these whim-crown'd tumors un-man us all, and are at best but coveted ca­lamities.

[Page 202] This Satyricall Oration so much prevailed with the Champion, that he was now quite changed into ano­ther man; his heart which before was as soft as Curds, is now totally petri­fide, and more obdurate then steel or Hangmen, so that he who some mi­nutes since was Loves creature, is now more then his Conquerour; tis true, he shed abundance of tears, sighing and sobbing, as was pittifull to see; but these showers were but the prelu­diums to Thunder-cracks. My Arms (quoth he) O my Arms, my Sword, Shield, and Mace, but above all my Belt, the sad vicissitudes of two dayes have laid a foundation of misery for many Ages, bitten by a Bear, baffled by Gylo, reproached by Simplicia, and denuded by Don Pantalone; what hor­rour has Fortune yet to inflict? My Lord, said Soto, Fortune was ever a foe to noble minds, letting others pass as not worthy her notice; the tallest Trees and highest Towers are some­times levell'd, when sheds and shrubs remain untoucht: Engineers are sometimes blown up with their own [Page 203] Mines, when Mouf-trap-Makers dye meerly with sickness or age; Dukes and Marquesses fall by the Bullet or the Ax, when Dunghill-Rakers and Maulsters out-live themselves; Did you ever know a Gnat perish of the Pox, Goats and Monkeys destroy themselves with Doing; that then which you look upon as the Indigna­tion of Heaven, is the Indulgency of Jove, witness wise Seneca:

O who can sufficiently express the force of Eloquence! Our Champion is so charmed with [...]o's Philosophi­call Elocution, that he cares now no more for a Sword, then an Ape for a clog; or for a Shield, then a Slave for a Bulls-pizzle; Armour is but a kind of honourable luggage, the con­fidence whereof causes Cowardice; and for Charmed Belts, and for such kind of Infernall securities, he said that the Devils word and his Oath were alike, and he was most safe that [Page 204] had least to do with him; as concer­ning a Courser (he alleadging that it was both dangerous and despicable to travell ou foot) Soto informed that the very High-wayes and Hedges, but especially Meads and Marish grounds would afford them a pair of Palfrays; Heightned with these Heroick Rudi­ments, the Champion and Soto (each grasping a staffe or Truncheon in his hand) resolved to forsake No-Land, as a Continent onely fertile in Fa­tallities, and to travell to the remo­test parts of the Earth, but they would finde men more faithfull, and wo­men more flexible; One morning therefore, while Aurora was comb­ing her Crisped [...]ls, Sol being yet soundly sleeping in the Lap of Thetis, they thought it fit to convey them, selves out of Zardona-pola-Mancha before their Host, or any of the hous­hold were stirring, the course of the Countrey carrying them through a Myrie Lane, almost three furlongs in length, to their exceeding tur­moyle, but by the help of their Staves they vaulted over many deep [Page 205] Shloughes and Boggs, which other­wise might have been very banefull unto them.

Having brought this Land to a period, they found themselves ente­red into a large, but very pleasant Wood, here were Trees of Rose­mary, farre taller and bigger of bulk then any Brittish Elme, with Beds of Camomile six yards high, the Grasse no gowtier then that of other Climates, yet so incompara­bly stubborn, that the CHAMPION and SOTO passed over their tops without the least depressing of them, as on a Marble Pavement: In the midst of this Grove there ran a Ri­vulet, not so Chrystalline as they could have wished, in which were infinite numbers of Flying-Fishes, which sometime fought with one a­nother in the Ayre with incredible fiercenesse, many being slain on both sides, but dropping into their na­tive Element they are recovered a­gain.

These Feuds were maintained by these Aquatillians, meerly to please [Page 206] the Genius of the place, called Diclon, who sate (inviconed with a Guard of Spectars) at the root of a Palme Tree, but his shape was so dreadfull, that neither the Champion nor Soto durst stand him, and therefore they departed towards the East side of the Grove, where the Champion espied that rare Beast which Lamia the In­chantresse had prophesied he should meet withall; this wondrous Crea­ture had the shape of a Hogg, but farre bigger then an ordinary Horse, two wings expanding themselves on either side of him; his Saddle (very sumptuously imbossed with Gold) on his back, and his Bridle hanging loosly about his neck; he was feed­ing very voraciously on the verdant Grasse, his teeth serving as a Sickle with which he mowed down all be­fore him.

The CHAMPION was so o­vercome with joy to behold this Beast, that he remained for a time speechlesse, but at length recovering himselfe; See SOTO, said hee, where the winged Hogg (that gift [Page 207] of the Gods) long since assigned me by Lamia, offers himself to my dis­posall: He had no sooner said this, but (like a couragious Knight) he made up to this plumed prodigie, who seemed to fawn on him like a Spa­nlell, and to be desirous of his ser­vice; The CHAMPION finding him so gentle, immediately put the bit into his mouth, and leaping in­to the Saddle, commanded SOTO to get up behind him, who was once in the mind rather to desert his Ma­ster, then hazzard his person in so eminent a danger; but at length (O man of desperation!) he forced him­selfe to a compliance, and loaded the Crupper of this volatile Swine, who no sooner found himself bur­thened, but he quitted the Earth, and (like some flitting Fowle) made way with waving Wings; through the moyst Ayre, while the CHAMPION (like another Bel­lerophon) was carried over Land and Sea, to the infinite astonish­ment of all that beheld him, the people forsaking their houses, fol­lowed [Page 208] him in heaps, to feast their eyes with so unparallell'd an ob­ject; some thinking him to be Her­mes, others some Magitian, such as Agrippa on [...], having thus tra­velled many hundred leagues, he gave his Hog a check, who gently sa­luted the Earth, the CHAMPION finding himself in the in-most parts of Africk, in one place he saw those kind of Devils called Onoscelli, with leggs like unto Asses, in another place Incubi and Seccubi, that leap upon men and wo­men in their sleep; S [...]me ignorant Physicians say that these are nothing else but a Disease. Ephial [...]ae and Hyphial [...]ae, those very things that in the shapes of men and women, allure the very Mor­talls of both Sexes to Venery, whence it comes to pass that we have many Hermaphrodicall Monsters amongst us even at this day, being (indeed) half men and half Devils, but whe­ther by the fathers or the mothers side, is not materiall.

No marvell if our Champion were not very well pleased with this place which afforded nothing for food, un­less he would have fed upon the haun­ches of a Hyppocentaure, or feasted on the fore-quarter of a Fiend; he [Page 209] therefore having seated Soto once more behind him, gave his winged Beast the Rein, who forsaking th [...] duller Earth; [...]u [...] [...] passage to the Clouds, travelling over the tops of Steeples and Towers, with admira­ble celerity.

Ah Zara, Zara, had thy rude Fa­ther moystned thy minority with the Elements of the Arts; till thou hadst grown tall and tough in Scien [...]all knowledge, what excellent Cosmo­graphicall Volumes had the World been witness of? and thou (with Julius Caesar) have been as famous for thy Goose Q [...]ll in after Age, [...] thou art now emment for thy wondrous Hogg, and Heroick Resolution to vi­sit strange Countries, but it's boot­less to bewail a helpless ill, and to weep over the Bier will not bring the dead man to life aga [...]: Proceed we therefore with the Narration of our Champions admirable Adventures who (as did Sato) The emp­tiness of the craw causes the heavi­ness of the carkass. See Marriot [...] Madrigals, and Wood of Kents Aphotism. grew more and more ponderous every minute, so that the Swine began to abate much of his [Page 210] swiftness, and to flye but with a fee­ble wing, which caused the Champi­on (though much against his will, for he had not yet perused a place pat for his purpose) to salute the Earth a se­cond time, but with the same fortune he found before; this was part of Lybia, but not so full of Serpents as in Cato's time, by reason that the Ri­ver Nylus had broken that way, and made a fair riddance of these foule creatures; here they found men and women with heads like Dogs barking at one another most bitterly, and sometimes howling in a most hideous manner, the comfortable Sun, nor the continent Moon never beautifide these barren grounds, onely a certain Star appeared in the East part of the Horizon, which afforded a glimmer­ing Lucency; the Champion and Soto were exceedingly perplexed to finde themselves now amongst Doggs, as lately among Divels, insomuch, that had they worn Swords, ten to one but they had slain themselvs, but ma­king a vertue of necessity (the Cham­pion leading the winged Hog in his [Page 211] hand) they footed it with much swift­ness till they came within ken of a Castle, scituate upon a Rock, inviro­ned with many pleasant Trees; how joyous our Champion and Soto were to behold this Mansion (in all proba­bility) made for Mortalls to make merry in, let those that have been sen­sible of their sufferances relate.