WHen the Omnipotent, Immense, All-powerfull, and All-glorious Je­hovah, had made and perfected that super eminent structure of the Celestiall and Terrestriall world, and all Creatures in generall contained in them, Man only excepted, the Lord did then consult [Page 2] with himselfe (as we may say) about making Man in his own Image and likenesse, Gen. 1.26. which he accordingly did (and therein stood the compleate felicity of man in a speciall and peculiar manner) But in a second place, man was made glorious (though in a way of much subordination to his foresaid felicity) in that God made him to be a Microcosmus, viz. a lit­tle world, or a lively Embleme of what was before created, his body being Terrestriall, and his soule (the better part) Celestiall (Oh happy man, had he continued in his Originall perfe­ction!) Wherein we may observe the singular benevolence and beneficence of God to man. But though these were transcendent degrees of mans happinesse, yet this was not all, for God provides a place for mans residence on Earth, which was the most pleasant and fertile of the whole Creation here below (and therefore might well be called Paradise) whereinto God put the man, not only to dresse the Garden, but to enjoy all the fruit thereof, only the Tree of the knowledge of good and evill excepted, Gen. 2.15, 16.17 But to consummate and com­pleate mans outward full and sweet enjoy­ments, the Lord God resolves to make man a meet help, because he saw it not good for man to be alone, verse 18. which accordingly he did, for he made woman of a rib taken out of a man, verse 22. which Adam ownes peculiarly, v. 23. Therefore the Lord joynes them together in Marriage, and so makes them one flesh, v. 24. And then institutes Marriage to be an Or­dinance [Page 3] in his Church to the end of the world; and saith, a man shall forsake Father and Mo­ther and cleave unto his Wife, for they twaine shall be one flesh: Which Institution of Mar­riage our Saviour repeats in Matth, 1 [...].5. also in Marke 10.7. And the Apostle saith, Marriage is honourable among all men, and the bed undefiled, Heb. 13.4. From all which places there is a full confirmation, that God (and that in Mans Innocency) did ordaine Matrimony, and that Matrimony is an holy Ordinance of God.

From which (as hath been premised) it doth necessarily follow, that they deserve to lie under abundance of just reproofe, that ei­ther speake contemptibly of, or any other waies do abuse this holy Ordinance of the Lord; but this but by the way.

Marriage we say is an holy Ordinance of God, and if it were entred into according to Divine directions, and used in a holy manner, it would be (as we may say) a Heaven upon Earth, full of all outward joy; Nay, an help (being sanctified of God) to further us in the way to the fruition of glory in Heaven hereaf­ter. But since the fall of Adam from the state of Innocency, such is the accursed deprivation of his Posterity, that out of those things which are most Excellently good in themselves, they will with the Spider suck out venomous poy­son, to their owne destruction. And indeed, from men and womens unlawfull entring into this (otherwise blessed) state of Life, and their [Page 4] unholy use of it, doth spring, first dishonour to God, who did Institute Marriage; Secondly, accessarinesse to the sin of those that contemne the Ordinance, and are afraid to enjoy it, rather chusing an uncleane and beastly life. And lastly, an occasion of others rash and inconsiderate running into this estate, to the ruine of them­selves and Posterity, and the encrease of many poore Families: to the great prejudice of Church and Common-wealth, and divers other evils are hence produced.

Four things to be consi­dered of be­fore Marri­age.In the next place we shall (by Gods assi­stance) come to propose (for preventing evill and procuring good in the estate of Marriage) three things, very necessary (if not of absolute necessity) for every man to consider of: (and that very seriously) before Marriage, as directi­ons about entring into that estate; Yea, and a fourth consideration to be minded in the theo­ry before hand too (though the practique part thereof must be duly performed after words, even in the injoyment of the Marriage condi­tion:) First, before a man seeke to enjoy the honourable estate of Marriage, he must consi­der what calling he hath to change his life; Secondly, what ends he ought to propound to himselfe in desiring such change. Thirdly, what meanes he is to use to obtain his desires. Lastly, he must before Marriage labour to be through­ly instructed in the duties that Married persons owe each to other, and both to their Families as they consist both of Children and Servants.

First, before any man labour to enjoy the [Page 5] marriage condition, he must clearely see he hath a lawfull calling thereto; if it be deman­ded, How shall a man know that?

I answer, Thou maiest know it, first, by thy fitnesse for that condition; Secondly, by thy unfitnesse for a single life.

If it be againe demanded, how may a man know when he is fit to enter into the marriage condition?

I answer, There is a threefold fitnesse which every man must have in some competent mea­sure, before he use meanes to change his single life for the Marriage estate; First, spiritual gifts; Secondly, fitnesse of Age; Thirdly, fitnesse of Estate or outward abilitie for such a condi­tion.

But if it be againe demanded, what need is there of spirituall gifts in such as enter the Marriage estate?

I answer, there is need, yea, such great need of them, that where they are not in some good measure, there is no fitnesse for Marriage; for,

When a man enters into that estate, he be­comes the Husband of a Wife, and in process of time the Father of Children, and the Ma­ster of Servants, and these soules are committed to his Charge, and God hath made him a Watchman over them. Now if soules be not well Governed by such as have the Charge of them, they will go astray, (if not lost for ever) and if they receive prejudice through thy in­ [...]bility, or neglect, God will require their bloud [...]t thy hands; Consider that dreadfull threat­ning [Page 4] [...] [Page 5] [...] [Page 6] Ezek. 33.8. I assure thee it will reach full home in this case.

Now I demand of thee, how wilt thou, or how canst thou governe soules without spiri­tuall gifts? See then the necessity of them, and labour for them before hand.

But if any do yet againe demand, what spi­rituall gifts are requisite to enable a man to governe the soules of such as are committed to him? I answer,

The first spirituall gift requi­site to Go­vernors.The first spirituall gift necessary as before said, is Divine knowledge; A man had not need to be an Ignorant lot that is to governe others, it cannot but be supposed that in the best Families there are some know nothing of Jesus Christ; now our Saviour tels us, that if the blind lead the blind, both fall into the ditch, Mat. 15.14. Peter doth require Knowledge in Husbands, 1 Pet. 3.17. Knowledge is of great use if it be but in the managing some out­ward calling, it is of much more use in spiritu­all imployments. David had much knowledge, Psal. 119.99. and he doth well improve it, Psal. 34.11. to teach and instruct his Children. God complaines his People were destroyed for want of knowledge, Ho [...]. 4.6. Truly Beloved, those poore soules that live in a Family where the Master is ignorant cannot gaine know­ledge in such a Family. Abraham did teach his Children and Servants, which he could not do without knowledge, Gen. 18.19. Joshuah will himselfe and his Family feare the Lord, so that doubtlesse himselfe was a very know­ing [Page 7] Christian. Beloved, every Christian is as well a Prophet in his own house to teach, as a King to rule, or as a Priest to offer the sacrifice of prayer to God. Private Christians may (ob­serving due rules) exercise their gifts in their Families, when it is most notorious presum­ption to do it in publike; but how can they that have no gifts exercise any; besides, a Family is a Society, and (if Godly) a Church. Now in all societies or Churches there must be Disci­pline exercised, and good Government main­tained, as the Apostle doth imply, 1 Tim. 3 5. Now an ignorant Housholder is fitter to be governed by others than be a Governor, I de­sire to mention it, to the shame of such as are Ignorant (I mean such as are wholly ignorant) of the duties of a Master of a Family, and yet dare sit down in his place.

A second spirituall gift, &c.A second spirituall gift, necessary for the go­verning a Family, is Wisdome, for Wisdome and Knowledge are two distinct gifts, or graces; for a man may have Knowledge, 2 Chr. 1.10. and yet want Wisdome: Solomon praies to the Lord to give him Wisdome and Knowledge (Wisdome he mentions in the first place) to go out and come in before that great People, that is, to walke wisely before them and that he might be able to governe them, and to teach them. I will walke wisely (saith David) in the midst of my house, Psa. 101.2. A man must have Wisdome to walke before his Wife and Family, in giving good Examples unto them, that they (seeing his wise and Christian carriage in every thing) [Page 8] may be provoked to follow him; he must like­wise have Wisdome, that he may be able to in­courage them that do well in well-doing, and to reprove them that do ill; he must have Wis­dome to moderate his love, his anger, and all his passions, toward all that are under him. Thus you see what great need there is (also) of Wisdome, in such men as have the govern­ment of others committed to them.

The third spirituall gift.The third spirituall gift which Governors must labour after, is patience; There must be a patient bearing with Infirmities, and great forbearing, when they are not enormities, and especially when the party is easily convinced, and reformed. Paul propounds his long-suffer­ing, charity and patience to Timothy (in 2 Tim. 3.10.) for him to imitate, and practice to­ward them that God had set him over. Saint James would have Patience have her perfect worke, James 1.4. the grace of Patience is ne­cessary for a Christian in the generall course of his life; Therefore for domestique Govern­ment too; Impatience is a Gangrene, which eates out the heart and vitals of Love, a man (much more a Christian) must not give sharpe words, much less fall to blows for every triviall offence, for that will discourage (especially) young people, and dull their spirits; it will sometimes be a mans discretion to look but with halfe an eye upon a fault, yet he may give a loving admonition, which will be sufficient where good natures are especially to be found; whatever is the duty of a Bishop in relation to [Page 9] houshold government, is undoubtedly the du­ty of every Christian, as the Master of a Fami­ly, and such a one must not be a brawler, but patient, 1 Tim. 3.3.

The fourth and last spirituall gift, The fourth spirituall gift. which Go­vernors must labour for, is Humility; which gift, or grace, I dare not lay down as an essen­tiall qualification for one impowr'd over o­ther, but only as a very necessary concomi­tant to such a person to help him against vain­glory, pride, and abuse of his place to sin, and so to his own hurt; for there is a time, saith So­lomon, Eccles. 8.9. that one man ruleth over a­nother to his own hurt; Rehoboam his rough­nesse, and Imperious carriage toward those, over whom by right of Succession he was to rule as their King, made the Major part of them to revolt, and cast off their due subjecti­on, to the losse of his own Honour, and their ex­treame prejudice both of soul and body, 2 Chro. 10.6, 8, 13, 16, 17. Yet though it be very neces­sary that a person elevated to a place of Go­vernment over others should be humble, and that for the premised considerations; This doth not tye up the genius of a man in power that he may not, upon some occasion, (and in his carriage to some persons) behave himselfe with much gravity and reservednesse, yea, and with some kind of Majesty too, to preserve his per­ [...]on and place from contempt and scorne, and from disesteeme from Children and Servants; [...]or, some such Children and Servants there are, that if they can esp [...]e cut in their Parents and [Page 10] Masters a spirit of Puss [...]lanimity, they will trample all their Commands, and the Autho­rity it selfe by which they command, under their swinish feet, which a wise Governour will labour to prevent, by shunning the occasi­ons of it: Thus we have done with discussing the three essentiall gifts, and the fourth (which hath been handled with Caution) being a very necessary one, all which do or may concerne every man, intending the marriage estate; and therefore he must before-hand labour to have the knowledge of them, which are as you have seen, first, Knowledge; secondly, Wisdome; thirdly, Patience; and lastly, Humility: And so we proceed to the consideration of the se­cond qualication fitting for the Marriage con­dition.

The second qualificati­on conside­rable on the first head.The second qualification to be considered of before-hand, is fitnesse of Age; None can be thought fit for Marriage in None-age, there must be Maturity and ripenesse-both in body and minde for that Estate, or else the entrance into it is unlawfull; The gifts of mind before mentioned cannot be expected in Youths and Children; There cannot be prudence to man­nage a Calling to bring maintenance in by it such; such cannot be profitable in Church not Common wealth. Yea, Nature doth teach us, that there is a deficiency in all persons untill they be come to some reasonable Age, to per­forme some duties that the Marriage condition requires. Juda gave Tamar a faire Account why at present he would not give Shelah to [Page 11] her in the Marriage-bed; Which was because he was not growne, (but it was his sin that he did it not when he was fit for that condition,) Gen. 38.11. Isaac was forty yeares old when he marries Rebeccah, Gen. 25.20. But in this Age of the World it is not convenient to stay so long before change of our conditions, for few that so do, do enjoy that great blessing of living to see their Children to be grown to some maturity, setled in some good Calling, and bestowed in Marriage, much lesse to see their Childrens Children, which is a blessing God promiseth to his people, Psal. 128.6. Yet it is undeniable that there must be (as we said) a ripenesse of Age before Marriage: But we proceed no further in this particular in this place, because we shall have an occasion to fall upon it againe in another.

The third and last qualification, The third qualificati­on fitting for Marri­age from the first head. or conside­ration before Marriage, is, to see a fitnesse in Estate for such a condition of life. The Marri­age estate brings with it great Charge and Ex­pence, therefore, before this fall upon a man, he had need to see some probable waies and meanes to carry him thorough all. A man will not take a chargeable journey but he will put mony in his purse to supply his necessities, unlesse hee know he shall meet with sup­plies by the way; so in this case, a discreet Christian will not Marry untill he can com­fortably conclude that his present, or future meanes will be sufficient to keep him from po­verty, pinching poverty, and destruction, and [Page 12] from lying as a burthen on others, that place in Rom. 12. the latter end of the 17. verse may be applicable here: Provide things honest in the sight of all men; He that doth not provide for his own, especially such as are of his own Family, hath denied the faith, and is worse than an Infidell, 1 Tim. 5.8. Jacob tooke care for his own Family, Gen. 30.30. But some may say, that was after, not only his Marriages, but after he had many Children; Therefore when his con­dition becomes mine I will take the like care, but it may be I shall never have any Charge­able Family. But for answer, know, that if thy condition did run parallell with his, before, and at the time of Marriage, thou needst take no great care before-hand; for, first his Father was exceeding rich, and had but two Children, (and no doubt but that Jacob had a large por­tion in due time of his Fathers estate, though the Holy Ghost mention no such thing;) but secondly, Jacob married with a very wealthy Family, and his Father in Law had reason to maintaine him and his Charge, and that libe­rally, when Iacob was no way spating in his great pains and care to encrease Labans estate, which indeed Laban himselfe doth acknow­ledge. Gen. 39.27. When the Servant of Abra­ham was to go to Padan Aram, to treat about a Marriage for Isaack his Masters Son, it is ve­ry observable, That in the first place he makes a Narrative to Bethuel and Laban of his Ma­sters plentifull estate, and then comes to the businesse of the desired Marriage, he having [Page 13] implicitely made it appeare, that his young Ma­ster was well provided for to maintain a Wife, and any Charge God should cast on him, Gen. 24.35. Doubtlesse there is much to be minded in the Lords owne method this way; We know God did plentifully provide for Adam and Eve before they were (and then surely before their Marriage) But these things premised occasions a question to be propoun­ded, and that is, Whether a man may not Mar­ry untill he have Lands, or stock in Money, or in Goods and Chattels? I answer, that in case a man have neither of them, yet if God have given him an honest Calling, and a Heart to depend upon Divine providence in the use of lawfull meanes, and in speciall find himselfe (through free grace) to have an interest in the promises of God for all good things; He may conclude his call to Marriage is as cleare as the call of any person in the world, upon his year­ly revenue and stock in any kind, for such a man shall have for necessity, if not for delight, (except the Lord see a straight and wanting condition best, in relation to his own glory, and such a poore mans present good, and eter­nall happinesse.) God hath promised, the hand of the diligent shall make rich, Pro. 10.4. and that he that laboureth shall be filled with bread, Pro. 12.11. God will give his Beloved plenty with quiet sleep, Psal. 127.2. God telleth Abra­ham he was a God all-sufficient: only bids him walk before him and be upright, Gen. 17.1. First seeke the kingdome of God, and the righteousness [Page 14] thereof (saith Christ) and all other things shall be administred to you, Mat. 6.33. read that place in Heb. 13.5. to all which Promises there might be a large addition, if necessary, only let me here adde that of Solomon, Prov. 10.22. The blessing of the Lord maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it; where note, that these out­ward things are called blessings, (and indeed so they are) which doth imply, that we must beg them at the hand of God by Prayer, and in­deed God tels us as much, Ezek. 36.37. and if you mind that Chapter, you shall find that tem­porall things (and of those we treate) as well as spirituall are there promised; but if you would speed when you aske these blessings, take heed you regard not wickednesse in your hearts, for if you do, God will not heare you Secondly, take heed you turne not your eares from hearing the Law of God, for if you do, your Prayers shall be abominable, Pro. 27.9. Thirdly, beware thou aske not these blessings to consume them on thy lusts, for if you do, you are like to misse of them, James 4.2 3. Fourth­ly, be sure thou aske no outward thing of God but with a willingnesse to be denied, if he thinke it best. Its an easie thing for such poore Ignorant Creatures as we are to be much mis­taken about the nature of outward blessings, and the fittest seasons for God to bestow, and we to receive them. But the Lord cannot be mistaken. Most excellent to this purpose is the saying of Luther, upon Psal. 1 [...]0.1. God (saith he) in that he is good can give nothing but tha [...] [Page 15] which is good, but we many times do crave that thing which is not good indeed, but seemeth so to us. Thus Luther. Also Bernard is singular this way: Brethren (saith he) as concerning your Prayers have no doubt, but assure your selves, that as soone as the word passeth out of your Mouth it is Written and Registred in Heaven, in the presence and sight of God, and either it shall be done as ye have asked, or else it is expedient not to be done. Thus far Bernard likewise. Take heed, be not inordinate, but easily denied of God; aske no outward things, but on condition God see it expedient to bestow them, for if thou wilt not be denied, thou maiest have the seeming sweet meat, but the reall sowre [...]ace Rachel had, when she must have Children or dye, Gen. 30.1. but mind the issue of it, Gen. 35.16, 17, 18, 19. And so the Children of Israel must have flesh, Num. 11.4, 5, 6. They cannot be sa­tisfied without it; but they had it (as one well said) with a vengeance, as appeares in the 31, 32, and 33. verses of this Chapter. Lastly, la­bour to promote the worship of God to thy power, for else thy estate may be deplorable enough, Hag. 1.6. But if it should be the good pleasure of the Lord to exercise thee with seeming want, yet, if he be also pleased to sanctifie such a condition to thee, thou hast that which is more then equivalent to all out­ward mercies in the world; Beloved, if thou canst live upon God, and enjoy a holy conten­tation in thy soule in the want of outward [Page 16] things thou art one of the richest men on this side Heaven, labour then, I say, to have an in­terest in God, in and through Christ. Thus I hope I have put no discouragements on thee to stave thee off from taking the benefit and comfort of Marriage, for want of Lands or stock in any kind, but I rather desire thee to take it, especially if thou canst not with com­fort to thy body, and safety to thy soul, containe thy selfe longer in the single life, which brings me to the next particular, which is the second demonstration of a lawfull call to Marriage.

A second and cleare ground for Marriage.A second, and cleare ground, demonstrating a mans call to enter into the Marriage life, is, when the Lord is pleased to deny him the gift of chastity and continency (for the gift of cha­stity is given of God, to whom he please, and when he please, and denied as he thinks fit) for when it is wanting, a man is disabled to keep his soule and body for to be the Temple of the Holy Ghost, and for his residence, 1 Cor. 6.19. being carried away with noysome lusts, by beastly and impure affections: Now when thou art in this condition it is thy sin if thou neglect any good opportunity to help thy selfe by entring into the state of Marriage, for it is one kind of grieving the spirit, when he would make choise of thy body to live in, and thou dost baracado up thy heart against him, by nou­rishing uncleannesse in thee, whereby thou dost invite the Devill to possesse thee, and dost set open the doores of thy heart to receive him, to rule in thee, as in his own Vassall, to Gods [Page 17] dishonour, and thy own ruine, it is time I say, for thee then to looke about thee, and to use that remedy which God hath sanctified and appointed for thy spirituall and corporall bene­fit; To avoid Fornication let (saith the Apostle) every man have his own wife, &c. 1 Cor. 7.2. it is better to marry than to burne by carnall Lusts, and fleshly concupiscence. This may suf­fice to informe thee of thy call to Marriage; first, by thy fitnesse for that Estate; secondly, thy unfitnesse for the single life.

It will in the next place be necessary to con­sider what ends thou must aime at in desiring the marriage Estate, and they are three in spe­ciall; First, the glory of God in the propaga­ting of his Church. Secondly, The mortifying (not satisfying) thy own corruptions. Thirdly, The mutuall comfort which that Estate doth afford both to man and wife.

The first and principall end every man is to aime at in his desiring Marriage, The first end of Marriage. is (I say) Gods glory in the propagating of his Church; That there may be a certaine number of men and women to glorifie God by their holy lives unto the end of the world, which without Marriage cannot be expected. There may be (I confesse) an uncleane Generation of Men and Women to the end of Time without Mar­riage, but the Lord would have a godly seed preserved, Mal. 2.15. Even such a seed as may glorifie God in this life, and be everlastingly glorified in the world to come. If then the propagating of Gods Church ought to be the [Page 18] chiefest thing we are to aime at in our desiring the Estate of Marriage, (which neither Men nor Angels can deny) Then by the way, it may be a word of just reproofe to many Men and Women that are afraid of Marriage lest they should have Children; as also of divers who are married, that use all meanes possible to prevent great encrease of Children: But let these, both married, and unmarried, know, that they have a diabolicall spirit, they would coun­ter-worke God if possible, and frustrate his holy aimes by their impure principles; this their carriage (so far as they approve of it) doth evidently declare, they are wholly self-seekers; but let them seeke for grounds of comfort where they can, I know not where, nor from whence they can expect it: And as for you who are married, and use meanes to fru­strate the Lords own principall end in institu­ting of Marriage; I beseech you seriously to mind the sin, and punishment of a bird of your own feather, (viz) Onan, Gen. 38.9, 10. Now what if the Lord never since punished the same sin in the same kind, dare you conclude, that God hates not such a sin now as he then did? I dare more safely conclude, that God hates your groundlesse presumption, and were your eyes but open you might feare the Lord hath punished you long ago with a heavy pu­nishment, even with hardnesse of heart, and wilfull Impenitency, which is far worse than all temporall punishment in the world; (and doubtlesse none can conclude infallibly that [Page 19] Onans punishment was more than temporall.) But some may perhaps say, We are not against having of Children, we much desire to see the fruit of our own Bodies: But we are afraid indeed of having many, lest we should not be able to put bread into their mouths. Truly, let me tell thee, that if thy Children were created by thee, and so none of Gods Creatures, (take this as spoken only by way of supposition) there would no bread be found on Earth, nor Manna from Heaven, neither Terrestriall, nor Celestial means to preserve them from perish­ing (and that immediately) both in their soules and bodies; for God would take no care for them, and thou couldst take none: But poore soule I know, that thy Children being as much Gods Creatures as thy selfe, or as the Angels in Heaven, thou must labour (even in relation to thy Children) to have faith in God, as well in this case, as Christ exhorted his Disciples in another, Mark. 11.22. God giveth the beast his food, and to the young Ravens when they cry, Psal. 147.9. Naturalists do observe, that when the old Raven hath hatch'd her Eggs, and that the Young come forth, they being for ten daies covered with a kind of white downy feathers, the old one ownes them not, takes no paines to feed them till this white down be off and the black feathers put forth, and they say, that during those ten daies (that the old one neglects them) the Lord feeds them with the influence of the Aire, but let that passe, we know God feeds not only the young Ravens, [Page 20] but the old too; consider further that God feeds the Fowles of the Aire, (that is, all the Fowles,) Mat. 6.26. Read the place and mark the Inference by way of Interrogation; and Interrogations (we say) imply sometimes the strongest Negations: and sometimes the clea­rest Affirmations, the last is here implied. God cloaths the Lillies of the field, Mat. 6.28, 29, 30. pray mind the Inference there too; We sometimes use a choice Proverbe, God never makes mouths but he provides meat; Oh that we could well improve this Proverb to a more full relying on God than we ever attain'd to, to this day. Beloved, let me tell you, you cannot distractingly care for your selves, or for your Children, but you question either the Attri­butes of God, or your Interest in him; Do you doubt whether God be Omnipotent, and so able to do you and yours good? Or his wil­lingnesse, or faithfulnesse to performe his pro­mises? Truly, if you do you infinitely derogate from God, and much provoke him; Mind the sin of the Israelites, can God prepare a Table in the Wildernesse? Psal. 78.19, 20, 21. Mind also the sad effects of this God-provoking sin. Truly, I shall tell thee, (and I beseech thee to consider what I say) Thou canst as well keep one hundred Children as one, (I know this is a Paradox,) But thou must know, thou canst not keepe one (to speake properly) no not thy self, for thou and thine, yea, and all the Creatures in the world have their allowance from God, and are kept at his Table (as we may say) and [Page 21] at his Charge; The Lord hath a great Family, but were it ten thousand times bigger, he hath such an inexhausted store-house of provision of all kinds, that not one of them could want; ease thy selfe then of thy cares (I meane di­stracting, and distrustfull cares) and cast them upon God, who careth for thee, 1 Pet. 5.7. I am God al-sufficient, (saith the Lord to Abra­ham) walke before me and be upright; Do thou but labour to walke before God and to be up­right, and then thou maiest act faith on Gods Al-sufficiency to do good to, and for thee and thine. Let me yet a little further argue with thee about this particular; Thou saiest (in ef­fect) thou art afraid that if thou shouldst have many Children they would undo thee; How can this be? when the Lord affirmes Children to be a blessing; mind these two places, first, Psal. 127.5. where the Holy Ghost speaking of Children, saith, Blessed is the man who hath his quiver full of them; Secondly, Psal. 128. Bles­sed is the man (saith the Psalmist) that feareth the Lord, and walketh in his way; (But how is he blessed?) truly, this is one part of his bles­sednesse, that his Wife shall be like a fruitfull Vine, and his Children like Olive branches round about his Table, Lothus (saith he) shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord, v. 3, 4. Children you see then are a blessing; Nay, many Children are a blessing; yea, they are as so ma­ny severall blessings. Now to apply this, what a preposterous thing is this for thee to say, ma­ny Children will undoe thee; Will blessings [Page 22] undoe any? It is very Incongruous to speake or thinke so; it is impossible that blessings, as they are blessings, can hurt, much lesse undoe any; I confesse the abuse of blessings may un­doe thee, but this is per accidens, and springs from thy selfe; it is not the having many Chil­dren that can undoe thee, but thy abuse of so rich a blessing; there is no blessings in the world enjoy'd by any, but if they are unsancti­fied they will undoe those that have the fruiti­on of them; I have been the longer in this point, because distrust of the Lords providence in generall, (but more especially) relating to meanes for maintenance of many Children is growne to be an Epidemicall disease, over­spreading the face of the Christian World. Ah, truly let me say, that thou, whosoever thou art, and my selfe too, should not be asha­med to take shame for this exceeding vile sin; Be then in the feare of God convinced, that the propagating of the Church in the procrea­tion of Children was an essentiall, and princi­pall end why God did ordaine Marriage, and that which was the Lords end must be thy aime: and this shall suffice for this particular.

The second end of Mar­riage.The second end we are to aime at in desi­siring Marriage, is, the subduing our corrupti­ons and base lusts, especially when we find them to be predominant; There is no man in this life but his Regeneration is only in part; (Sanctification here is at best but inchoate, in Heaven it shall be consummated) and there­fore is obnoxious to temptations as in all kinds [Page 23] (having the seed of all sins in him) so to the sin of uncleannesse in particular; Yet it must be granted, that such men as do enjoy this ho­ly Ordinance of Marriage are more free from the concupiscence of the flesh (especially the violence of them) than they ordinarily are who enjoy not this blessed help. And the Apo­stle doth intimate as much, when he saith, To avoid fornication let every man have his own Wife, and every woman her own Husband, 1 Cor. 7.2. (which place to the like occasion was mentioned before, though on another head) and in ver. 8, 9. he adds, if the unmarried cannot containe let them marry, and backs his exhortation with a reason (viz) it is better to marry than to burne; it is the duty of every one to labour to preserve themselves pure and chaste Virgins unto Christ, which that person cannot do who hath an impure heart, though free from the acts of uncleannesse. He that looks on a woman to lust after her hath commit­ted Adultery in his heart, saith our Saviour, Mat. 5.28. Christ also makes the heart the pro­per seat and receptacle of Adultery and For­nication, Mat 15.19. Now for this heart-de­filement every soule hath cause, not only to be humbled, but also thankfully to make use of the remedy prescribed of God against the same. When our Saviour reproves divorce betweene Man and Wife but in case of Fornication, and the sin of those that are justly divorced if they marry, the sin also of those who marry such, his Disciples say, if the case be so, it is not good [Page 24] to marry; Our Saviour Answers, All men cannot receive this saying save those to whom it is gi­ven, Mat. 19.11. That is to say, all men cannot (nay, no man can) at pleasure attaine this gift of Chastity (for it is the gift of God) There­fore such to whom the Lord denies it ought to take the help of Marriage. But if the end of Mens Marrying be rather to satisfie the lusts of the flesh than to subdue the same, they may justly feare themselves as persons never like to be gainers by such conjunctions, but to have the fire of lust so enkindled in their impure Natures, as that Chastity shall be made but combustible matter to be wholy consumed thereby, and so made unsufferable losers, which is a Judgement most dreadfull; let therefore the destruction and extirpation of impure-selfe be sincerely thy aime, and endea­vour in seeking the Marriage condition. We have done with this second end of Marriage, and proceed to the last.

The last end we are to aime at in desiring Marriage, is, comfortable Society, to enjoy a solid, sweet, and bosome Companion; in which Estate (for the most part) it may be ex­pected man is a sociable Creature, and therfore God would not have him live alone, but cre­ates him a meet helper, Gen. 2.18. And Solo­mon saith, Two are better than one, Eccl. 4.9. Truly, they speake most profanely, and are eve­ry way unworthy of the comfort that Marri­age doth afford, that say, A woman is a neces­sary evill, we may rather say she is a singular [Page 25] and necessary Good; yet understand she is on­ly so, when she answers the end God made her for, that is, a meet helper, (and it is such a one that in the sequell of this small Treatise I shall endeavour to put thee on, and stir thee up to seeke) such a one will fit (as we say) for eve­ry occasion, both in prosperity and adversity: in sicknesse and health. Next the glory of God, she will spend and be spent for the good of thee and thine; she will help beare thy bur­thens in every kind, she will sympathize and condole with thee in all thy sufferings: In her bosome there is a passage to receive in any se­crets thou shalt thinke fit to impart, but no vent to let them out at to thy danger or dis­grace; she will apply her selfe, and imply her parts of grace to help thee with spirituall Cor­dials in times of spirituall desertion; she will labour to further thee in the Religious and Ci­vill government of thy Family, both of Chil­dren and Servants. She will be ready to draw with thee (as a true Yoak-fellow) in the plow of thy Calling, to the utmost of her know­ledge and strength with all dexterity: She will with much frugality manage thy Family-ex­pence; She will labour to help thee against thy infirmities, to prevent them if possible, however to conceale them; She will labour to comfort thee in times of sorrow and losses; Isaac lost a deare, precious, and tender-hearted Mother, and no doubt but he was very sensi­ble of his losse, and laid it sadly to heart, yet betaking himself to a Wife, who was indeed a [Page 26] very gracious Woman, it is said, he was comfor­ted after his Mothers death, Gen. 24.67. Lastly she will put forth her selfe to her utter most power with much paines of body, and with much and enlarged, deare, and tender Affecti­ons of heart to help thee in times of losse o [...] health, and when thou lyest conflicting with grievous paines, and burthensome (and per­haps loathsome) diseases; I have read in Reve­rend Mr Bolton, his generall directions for [...] comfortable walking with God; (A Treatis [...] worth the weight of it in Gold) in page 252 A Narrative (which was borrowed from Vi­ves) of a president in this kind, (to which I de­sire to refer thee) which is so singular that the whole world (I am confident) cannot produc [...] any that ever did out-goe her in the discharg [...] of this duty. Beloved in Christ, I am so take [...] up in my affections in walking in this Garde [...] of pleasure and profit, (I had almost said i [...] Paradise) that I should not be able to leave i [...] (and that for thy sake) untill I had gathere [...] more flowers to bind together to present the [...] with, to enamour thee to labour to gaine a par [...] therein. Yet because when thou shalt take no­tice of the duty the Wife doth owe to th [...] Husband, (which so far as she is a meet helpe [...] she will endeavor to discharge) I presum [...] thou wilt be able to adde to this Nosegay, and [...] doubt not but they will be perswasive arguments to carry thy affections (in seasonabl [...] time) that way, and in the meane time, mak [...] thee speake with much reverence of this blessed [Page 27] Ordinance of God. I shall here (having [...]easonable occasion) note by the way, That [...]rom this last particular, (viz.) that comfortable [...]ociety is one end that persons may aime at in Marriage, doth appeare ground sufficient to [...]ustifie the Marriage of Ancient persons, and [...]uch as have over-lived the yeares for genera­ [...]ion, though they cannot in some way be means of encreasing the Church, yet they may use [...]ny meanes to live comfortably in the Church.

If you should demand the question of Anci­ent Married persons, whether they find the Marriage estate comfortable to them in their old Age or not? They would readily returne you an Affirmative Answer, that if God should [...]ake away either of them, that the surviver could not live with comfort. When God took away old Sarah by death from old Abraham, Gen. 23.2. [...]he mourned and wept for parting with her; which doth imply he had comfort in her, though he could have no Children by her; but this being a meer unnecessary Nicety we shall [...]pend no more words about it, and shall also [...]desist from further prosecuting the ends to be [...]imed at in Marriage, which you may perceive to be three; first, the glory of God in the pro­pagating his Church; Secondly, the subduing our corruptions and fleshly lusts; Lastly, the enjoyment of comfortable society.

We are in the next place to come to consi­der some things of the meanes we are to use to obtaine a meet helper. The first meanes to obtaine a good wife. The first meanes to drive on so pretious a designe by, as the gaining [Page 28] a meet helper, is prayer; The Lord takes it as his own prerogative in a speciall manner to be the bestower of good Wives. House and Ri­ches are the Inheritance of the Fathers, but a vertuous Wife is the gift of God, Pro. 19.14. Beloved in the Lord, there is no gift the Lord bestoweth but is richly worth asking; and how can we aske but by Prayer? It is a mercy that God will let us know where a mercy is lodg'd: Now this mercy as well as others is lodg'd in Heaven, Every good gift, and every perfect gi­ving is from above, and commeth down from the Father of Lights, Jam. 1.17. Faithfull Prayer hath a long Arme, it can reach from Earth to Heaven; labour then to improve prayer aright for the obtaining this blessing, and waite upon God in the use of other meanes, and doubt not of good speed; I am very confident, that these mercies are fullest of juyce that are given us from Heaven, as in answer to faithfull prayer; how full of splendor will thy Wife be in thy eye when thou look'st on her as given from Heaven? And by the way let me adde, that happy are those Wives that are obtained by the faithfull prayers of their Husbands: For they shall be best beloved, and most prized, be­cause they are received by their Husbands as a love-token sent them from Heaven. The Ser­vant of Abraham was well acquainted with the meanes to gaine a good Wife for his Ma­sters Son; Aske some how they come by such and such a thing, and they will tell you they got it with a silver hooke, and such a hooke [Page 29] they have that will bring them any thing in, (if you will beleeve them.) But this godly servant was furnished with silver and gold enough to make use of a hooke or hookes to have driven on his designe by, but he was better furnished than so, son he had the gracious hooke of Pray­er, and with that he penetrates Heaven, and there lies he tugging till he had obtain'd the mercy of a good Wife, and meet helper for his young Master. The same course must thou take for to obtaine this mercy for thy selfe; and thou maiest receive incouragement to walke first in this way of seeking God by prayer, be­fore any other meanes be used, if thou wilt but take a survey diligently of the blessed event the servant of Abraham had of his going to God for direction in this case: And so a blessing on his journey. As he that takes a wife without consent of Parents can looke for no portion with her; so be sure that he that takes a wife without the Lords consent (as he doth in a sense that begs her not of him by prayer, (can looke for no comfort, and comfort is the por­tion which God gives with his Daughters; nay, on the contrary, such a man may expect dis­comfort instead of comfort, and a curse in­stead of a blessing. God knows how to meet with thee, and to cause all thy Gourds of com­fort to wither; make thy self certaine of this, That is, if thou do neglect the performance of this duty of seeking God by prayer for a good Wife, that except thou be afterward deeply humbled for this sin, the Marriage condition [Page 30] shall not be sanctified to thee, and if not, thou wert better a thousand times not live in that Estate of life; for thou canst not expect so much as one Honey Month, (as we say) but ma­ny months and yeares of Gall and Worme­wood. We sometimes advise our friends that they take heed they do not marry in hast, lest they repent at leisure, Truly, they make too much haste to marry that forget (much more slight) seeking God for direction, and a bles­sing this way, therefore they shall have cause enough to repent; (but God grant they may repent aright, that the curse may be turn'd into a blessing.) We have done with the first means we must use to obtaine a good Wife, that is, prayer.

The second meanes to obtaine this desirable blessing, is, to looke at such things in the choise of a Wife which makes her a good Wife, and a meet helper.

Thou wilt say, what things are they? (or what particulars) that a man ought to look on in a woman as fitting her to be a good Wife, and meet helper?

I answer, there may be some things inward, and some things outward making her such, if she enjoy them, or if not, the contrary.

If it be demanded, what those inward qua­lifications be that make a woman a meet hel­per? The first qualificati­on of a good wife. I answer, The first is Grace, or the ma­nifestation of the true feare of God in the heart, by the fruits of holinesse in the life; without this it is not possible that a woman can be a [Page 31] meet helper; for if she be unable (as an instru­ment) to contribute something to make sup­plies to the necessities of the best part of a man, (that is, the soule;) How can she be a meet helper? But a gracelesse Wife is unable to contribute the least mite this way, therefore she can be no meet helper. Be not (saith the Apostle) unequally yoaked with Infidels, 2 Cor. 6.14. which in the verses following he labours to amplifie; There can be no spirituall society between a gracious and ungracious spirit. The Apostle speakes of Marrying in the Lord. The Wife is bound by the Law (saith the Apostle) as long as her Husband liveth: but if her Hus­band be dead she is at liberty to marry whom she will, only in the Lord, 1 Cor. 7.39. And to be joyn'd in holy wedlock to a gracious per­son, is to marry in the Lord. The Apostle, in labouring to maintaine his own, and his fellow Apostles priviledges at large, particularizeth his, and their liberty to marry. Have we not power to lead about a Sister, a Wife, &c. power they had to marry, but his Wife must be a Si­ster, 1 Cor. 9.5. In the old world it was one of the principall sins that did provoke God to drowne the Inhabitants thereof, that the Sons of God (and they were the godly men of that time) did marry with the Daughters of men, (that is, ungodly persons,) Gen. 6.2. David tels us, that all his delight was in the Saints, even in those that did excell in vertue, Psal. 16.3. It was the sin of Solomon that he tooke Idolatrous Wives, which was the cause of sad judge­ments [Page 32] spirituall and temporall on him; his Wives drew away his heart from God to their false Gods, which was a spirituall judgement: And for his idolatrous Marriages, and his Ido­latry God divides his Kingdome, and leaves but a small fag of it to him in his Sons daies, which was a temporall judgement, 1 King. 11. to the end of the 11. verse. Nay, for his sins (where­of ungodly Marriages was a speciall one,) it hath been disputable by many good Divines, whether he were saved or not? though the most Orthodoxe do conclude affirmatively; and they ground their Charity first upon that place, Neh. 13.26. where he is said to be belo­ved of his God (And whom God loveth, he loveth to the end, Joh. 13.1.) Their second ground is, that he was a Penman of Scripture, and such are call'd Holy men of God, 2 Pet. 1. ult. from whence they conclude he could not perish, for God will not damne holy ones. But we may safely conclude, that this sin was very fearefull; Sampson must have his Dalilah to dally with as a companion for his Bed, but it cost him the losse of his eyes first, and then of his life and limbes, he had a bad and sad portion with her. By the way, we may see they are much decei­ved, that thinke it may be lawfull for a godly man to marry with a prophane Wife, even in hopes to be a means to convert her; I grant, that sometimes it pleaseth God to honour the believing Husband, or believing Wife to be an Instrument to convert the unbeliever: But for any to presume of this at the time of woing, [Page 33] or Wedding the Party opposite to the waies of God, is a groundlesse presumption; But were she tractable to good Counsell, and a diligent frequenter of the meanes of Grace, there might be some footing for hope: But if not, feare having any society with her, keep thy selfe at more than staves length from her, for she is more like to pervert thee than thou art like to convert her. Solomon, whom we men­tioned before, 1 King. 11.9. was better fenced against the danger of such temptations than thou art; for God had appeared unto him twice, which any good heart would have concluded, would so have conjoyned him to God, and to his Wor­ship, that he would never have made so much as a seeme-separation from God; yet we see, that in the day of his temptation he fell back and started from God like a broken bow. Be­loved, let me then tell thee, that thou hast no cause to presume of doing such a person good who is averse from God, but of feare of thy own stedfastnesse, 1 King. 21.25. evill wives do many times make good men bad, but alwaies bad men worse; a very Jade will draw more down­hill than many good Horses will be able to draw up againe: A carnall Wife will draw a man further from God, than many good Chri­stians with all their Exhortations, reproofes, and good Counsels will be able to regaine back. Beloved, it is then but need for thee to make grace the object of thy love, that thou maiest be guarded against those dangers thou art other wise like to be environed with, even [Page 34] of being drawn from God, and the waies of his grace. Secondly, thou must make grace the Object of thy love in regard of the helps thou shalt find by a woman of a gracious spirit to further thee in thy holy profession; She will be a meanes to rouse thee up against security and worldly mindednesse; She will be a meanes of strengthening thy weake faith, and to help thee against all diffidence and doubt­ings, Judg. 13.22, 23. She will be a meanes to stir thee up to love and good works; She will be a meanes to help thee in the growth of grace here, and so a meanes of thy happinesse hereafter; (Here are more flowers to adde to thy begun-Nosegay in the last end of Marriage) bind them together and they will be very Odo­riferous to please thy senses. Thirdly, thou hast need to make grace the Object of thy love in chusing a Wife, as thou desirest thy love should hold out to the end; For if thou make Riches the Object of thy love, they may be lost, they are subject to many casualties. Riches have wings like an Eagle and may flye away, Prov. 23.5. and when they are gone thy love will flye after. If thou make beauty the Ob­ject of thy love, that may vanish away, for favour is deceitfull, and beauty is vanity, Prov. 31.30. Beauty may be taken away by sicknesse, or by some accidentall blow in the face, by losse of an Eye, by a Canker in the Nose, or some other meanes, and if once gone, love will go too. If thou make Person the Object of thy love, that may suffer much detriment, [Page 35] crookednesse may grow in a body formerly straight, such a comely body may come to want a Leg or an Arme, which will be a ble­mish to it; Now Person being defective, love will be the same. If thou make hope of Ho­nour the Object of thy love, Thy wives great Kindred may faile of power to advance thee, nay of power to hold up themselves; (we want not plentifull experience of this:) Or they may be prejudiced against thee and fru­strate thy expectations, and make thee see too late that thou hast but built Castles in the Aire to depend on them, so all hopes that way being lost, thy love will be lost too. Now when thy love hath fetcht its last gaspe, it may be, happy were it for thee (in some sense) if thou and thy love might be buried both in one grave, for after love is once departed, what will, or can thy life be but a condition of griefe and heart-sorrow, and great discontentment, that thou shouldst have a wife whom thou canst take no pleasure in, and wouldst with all thy heart part with, and yet it may be thou shalt not part with her untill death cut thee off first. But if thou make Grace the Object of thy love, (and withall, art no whit mistaken, but thou findest it to be in the heart of thy wife in deed, and in truth;) Then as grace doth en­crease, so thy love will abound, but grace can­not but encrease continually, therefore love will multiply in thy heart exceedingly. Now as thou desirest to be kept from Apostacy, or falling from God, and the waies of his grace: [Page 36] And as thou desirest to be helped forward in all Christian Counsels, and good waies: And as thou dost desire to keep life in thy love, and to encrease therein, to thy own comfort, and the comfort of thy wife, so let it be thy care, in the feare of God, to looke to thy own heart, that it deceive thee not, but that thou dost in­deed make Grace the Object of thy love in the choice of thy wife; then thou maiest cer­tainly expect by the blessing of God much comfort in such a Yoak-fellow in all thy wants of wealth, or health of soule or body, and mayest whilest thou enjoyest her begin to write encomiums of her, and when she is dead, Gen 35.19, 20. then with Jacob set up a pillar upon her Grave, and perhaps maiest truly say, Many Daughters have done vertuously, but thou ex­cellest them all; for favour is deceitfull, and beauty is vaine, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised: Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the Gates. Here we shall turne in and proceed no further in the amplification of the first in­ward qualification of a good wife.

The second qualificati­on of a good wife. In the second place, the chiefe qualificati­on of a good wife (next saving Grace) is sweet disposition of Nature, that she be of a quiet and peaceable spirit; for it is much to be bewailed, that in divers men and women, that we doubt not in the least measure but that they are very gracious, and desire to prove their soules to God in all waies of holinesse, yet are of bad Natures, and themselves cannot but see it, and I [Page 37] doubt not but they desire to bewaile it before God in secret, and yet cannot attaine to have their Corruptions in this kind mortified in any comfortable way; yet it must be granted, that such persons are not (many times) comforta­ble Consorts; And therefore thou that art to make choice of a wife hast cause enough to en­deavour to avoid laying a Conjugall tye upon thy selfe, to live and dye with such a woman, though otherwise one of good parts. If a wo­man be of churlish nature, & of cross dispositons in the abstract, she will cast such a coole damp on her Husbands love, as may not only chill, but kill it; whereby (though she may be a sad sufferer her selfe) she will abundantly preju­dice her Husband in his comforts, and may shorten his daies: For a man cannot live that cannot love; the love of any thing gives con­tentment to the mind to enjoy the same. A crosse and tarte nature in a wife un-wifes her, (as I may say) for she that is not a meet hel­per, is either not a wife, or else a very imper­fect one; for how can she be said to be a wife that is not a meet helper, who is unfit for com­fortable society? but such a wife is as sharp and bitter, touchy and tangue by nature, will not (ordinarily) be sociable, loving, kind, and ami­able in her carriages and deportments to her Husband; and doth it not concerne thee to avoid her in thy choice of a wife, for such a woman as we speake of will not make a good Wife, nor good Mother, nor good Dame, or Mistris, she will not be good in any relation, [Page 38] (I meane, in the latter part of this discourse, where an untoward nature is predominant in a woman.) Solomon saith, It is is better to dwell in a corner of the house top, than with a brawling woman in a wide house, Prov. 21.9. He also saith, The contentions of a wife are a continuall drop­ping, Pro. 19.13. A continuall dropping will weare, wast, and consume stone, (as observati­on will prove). And truly, this dropping from a contentious wife will weare, waste, and con­sume, not only all the comforts that her Hus­band otherwise might have in her, but his skin, flesh, bone, marrow, and vitall spirits, and all in time. The Apostle tels us, that a meeke and quiet spirit in a woman is of great price with God, 1 Pet. 3.4. And so it is doubtlesse with every rationall man; therefore as thou wouldst avoid many inconveniences in the Marriage Estate, and wear the comforts of it as a Crown of all temporall felicity: So labour to gaine a woman of sweet naturall dispositions, of a ve­ry Amiable and Affable carriage, of a meeke and quiet spirit, the happinesse whereof will be permanent.

In the next place we shall proceed (by the helpe of God) to some outward (yet very ne­cessary) qualifications for thee to pitch thy thoughts on, and to labour to obtaine, that so thou maiest lay a good ground-worke to pre­vent too late Repentance in thee for thy Rash­nesse.

The third qualificati­on. In the third place, to make an addition to thy comforts in the Marriage Estate, be very [Page 39] carefull in thy Choice to satisfie thine Eye, both in the Person and Favour of such a One as thou wouldst enjoy for thy Consort, both in Bed, and at Board, (as we say) And in this thou must be somewhat curious. Beloved, there is a threefold Curiosity; First, there is an unne­cessary Curiositie; thou maiest be nice, and this is fleshly and carnall, and may come with­in just suspition of that sin of making provision for the flesh to fulfill the lusts thereof, Rom. 13.14. Secondly, there is a Prudentiall Curiosity, and that is, when a man laies a ground-worke of Contentation before-hand (yet therein ob­serving a Mediocrity too) for the future. Third­ly, there is a conscientious Curiosity; and that is when a Christian labours to prevent tempta­tions, and so to circumvent his spirituall Ad­versaries. Now the first, that is, Unnecessary Curiosity is to be condemned, but the other two to be commended, for they provide for purity of heart and life, as also for perpetua­ting love and sweet society. First, it provides for purity, &c. and prevents the contrary; for by undeniable consequence it will follow, That he who doth not rejoice in the Wife of his Youth; and he whose Wife is not to him as a loving Hind and pleasant Roe, will be ravisht with a strange woman, and embrace the bo­some of a stranger, Prov. 5.18, 19, 20. Rebecca was beautifull and faire, Gen. 26.7. And her Husband was taken therewith, for he could not forbeare dalliance with her when it was dan­gerous to his life, ver. 8, 9. Which strength of [Page 40] his affections to her being so abundantly satisfi­ed with her beauty; Divines render as a rea­son, that he only, of all the Patriarkes, was preserved from the sin of Polygamy; strength of affections betweene married persons is a so­veraigne antidote against all uncleannesse; And how can strength of Affections be ex­pected where there is not satisfaction in each others persons? But where there is, there Temporall mercies become spirituall advanta­ges; then judge, whether it be not (under this maine consideration) of very great concern­ment to mind meeting with both person and favour in such a one as thou desirest to wed: But in a second place (yet in a way of subor­dination to the former) this satisfaction before spoken of, tends to the perpetuating love be­tweene thee and thy pleasing Consort. Jacob had two wives, Leah and Rachel; Now the Holy Ghost mentions no deformity in Leah, but that she was tender-eyed, but Rachel (saith the Text) was beautifull and faire (or well-fa­voured.) Gen. 19.17. Then in ver. 18. the Text saith, and Jacob loved Rachel, and said (to her Father) I will serve thee seven yeares for Ra­chel thy youngest Daughter. He was so taken with her beauty, that he was content to serve even a seven yeares apprentiship (as we may say) for her; and verse 30. it is said, He loved Rachel more than Leah; But some may say, Hot love is soone cold, did this love hold out? I answer, Gen 35.19. yea, longer than life; for after God tooke Rachel away by death, (who died in [Page 41] Child-bearing) her Husband takes care two waies to preserve the remembrance of her; First, he cals her Son (whom she died of) Ben­jamin, (the son of my right hand;) as if he had said, this Benjamin was the son of my wife Ra­chel, who was as deare to me as my right hand; His mother had call'd him Benoni (as much as to say, the son of my sorrow;) but that name must not passe, because it would not hold out the strength of Jacobs affection to Rachel; Secondly, Rachel must have a Piller erected on her grave (as we noted before on another oc­casion) for an Honourable remembrance of her to posterity, and it was call'd the piller of Ra­chels grave, saith the Text, Gen. 35.20. Yet fur­ther marke the expressions of Jacob concern­ing Rachel, (many yeares after her death, as the Narrative of them are made by Judah,) And thy Servant my Father said unto us, Ye know that my wife bare me two Sons, Gen. 44.27. [My Wife] which as it is here used is an em­phaticall expression, he doth not say one of my wives, nor yet my wife Rachel, but my wife; he seemes to forget that Leah was his wife, or as if he had no wives lying in his bosome but only Rachel. I say, A man being fully satisfied in his Wives person and favour, his love is per­petuated, it prevents many sad eruptions, heart-breakings, and unkindnesses; it sweetens society, it helps to a comfortable bearing of afflictions, it easeth cares; do not thinke it to be a triviall thing to labour to receive full con­tent in the person of thy wife; I am able to [Page 42] acquaint thee, that I knew a Gentleman who was very godly, that being to looke out for a Wife (which was indeed to be a second wife,) he tooke speciall care to meet with one truly gracious, and of a sweet, loving, and meek na­ture, (and I am able with much confidence to averre he was not frustrate therein;) But in the meane time did deny himselfe about her person, for he was so taken with the other two, that he accepted of a person crooked, and of hard favour; but within short time (sad is it to tell) he takes her defects into considera­tion, and by degrees fals to slight his wife, and then to hate her, and take no delight in society with her, who being once (in speciall) in a great passion and rage against her in the time of Family Prayer, did in her own hearing, and in the presence of divers of his Children, (growne up to some discretion) and also in the hearing of his Servants, earnestly beg of God to discover unto him that great sin of his that did provoke him to give him a crooked wife. Truly, it was a crooked prayer, and did migh­tily disturbe (and not without cause) this pre­cious wife. It is true, that favour is deceitfull, and beauty is vanity, as hath been considered already: But that hath been only in relation to the making it the Object of thy love, for so it is vaine and sinfull; yet it hath its use, and some eyes must have many graines of it too to make a well accomplished wife for them. Here by the way, how much then are those Parents to blame, that straine their power [Page 43] over their Children beyond due limits, in lay­ing engagements and commands on them to like of such persons for Husbands, and Wives, for them, as they shall thinke most meet, which if they will not (because many times they can­not, by reason they are not able to close in their hearts and affections with their persons and fa­vours;) then they must be frown'd upon, call'd disobedient Children, and disinherited, cast off as if they were but a bastard Generation: But if this (in a speciall manner) be not a provo­king Children to wrath, and a discouraging of them, I know not what is; which sin of Pa­rents the Apostle forbids, Col. 3.21. Now in the feare of God let Parents be admonished to be­ware of this sin, of enforcing their Children to accept of such Husbands, and Wives, as them­selves only chose without, nay, against the free consent of their Children. But if Parents will not be exhorted to the contrary, let them know, that they are in a high degree accessary to all the brawlings and contentions that fall out after such Marriages betweene their Chil­dren, and they must answer before the Bar of Gods Tribunall for all breach of Covenant, all Marriage-bed defilement, for all poysonings, or other bloudy plots to take away the naturall lives of either person; and they are guilty of all disorders, of all non-performance of Family duties, of all dishonour brought to God by their Children in the Marriage estate, and (so by undeniable consequence) of their Childrens Damnation for such sins, though the Children [Page 44] are accomptable before God for their owne sins too. Thou that art a Father, or Mother, re­member that saying, Call the Maid and aske at her mouth, Gen. 24.57. We have been lar­ger on this particular than was at first inten­ded, but (Beloved) we hope for thy profit; and so we conclude it, and passe on.

The fourth qualificati­on, &c.In the fourth place, if thou wouldst have a meet helper thou must looke at fitnesse of Age in that woman whom thou desirest to be thy Wife; Or else how canst thou expect meet helpe from her in all conditions; If a man of fit age for Marriage chuse a girle for his Wife, or if a Young Man Marry with an old woman, and expect furtherance from such in that estate of life, they befoole themselves; for the Girle stands in need of a Dame to instruct her in all points of womanhood to fit her for to be a good wife, and the old woman stands in need of a Nurse to waite on her in her decrepid Age. Now in this particular we shall use the more concisenesse, because we have spent some time this way before, yet we must confesse, those lines did chiefly relate to cautionate the Man not to mind Marriage before ripe in Age for that state of life; But as a man must not marry till of fit Age, so neither must he chuse a wife therein unfit; yet both Divinity and Philosophy will justifie that man that doth match himselfe to a Girle, rather than he who doth marry an old woman; for a Girle may in time become a woman fit to beare Children, and guide the house, as the Apostle requires, [Page 45] 1 Tim. 5.14. which are spirituall ends of Mar­riage: But the old woman will be more and more unfit; Now though it be not convenient that a woman of eight or ten yeares older than the man should be joyn'd in Marriage with him, yet no man of understanding dare deny, but that it may be lawfull, provided that the woman be not past Child-bearing, and withall, be of an able and healthfull constitution: But if otherwise, two speciall ends of Marriage are frustrate, and then it is a sin against God, and Nature too, to be so joyned in Marriage: But when a man about twenty sixe yeares old shall be married to a Maid of about twenty, or a Man about thirty yeares old shall marry with a maid about twenty foure, such Conjunctions are of good report; and such persons, as they are Youthfull together, so they grow aged to­gether, and are never estranged in their affe­ctions one towards another, if other qualificati­ons also correspond. And besides, the fruit of such Marriages ordinarily (by the blessing of God) is to have Children betimes in youthfull daies, when their Parents can best care for them, and take paines with them, which Chil­dren, if the Lord give them grace, prove as a staffe or support to their Parents, (under God) in their old Age, which is a blessing abundant­ly desirable. But all men both Religious and Morall do condemn such men as in their youth­full daies will (for any sinister end in the world) joyne themselves in Marriage with women of above fifty (nay, Gen 18.23. sometimes above sixty) yeares [Page 46] Old. There can be no Issue from such Marria­ges, unlesse God worke a miracle, which who can expect without great presumption. And besides, this disagreement in yeares breeds a disagreement in life; for a young man cannot entirely love a woman so much older than himselfe, that when he is in the prime of his yeares and strength, that then his wife should be crazie, unhealthfull, unhandsome (for him to have neere society with,) and of a withered body, whereby he is Obnoxious to an inunda­tion of temptations of all kinds, from his spi­rituall enemies (even) to uncleannesse, to un­bridled passions, to Company-keeping, and so to the neglect of the duties of his Calling, and of his Family, and so to lavish expence, to the undoing of him and his; thus I leave to thy selfe to judge, whether a fit Age be a good qua­lification in a woman to make her a meet hel­per to thee in the Marriage estate or no.

The fifth qualificati­on, &c.The fifth Qualification necessary to make a woman a meet helper, is, to be descended from the Loines of godly Parents: But before I proceed to shew thee how this is necessary, I shall briefly premise one thing, (viz.) That thou maiest warrantably take a wife from In­dia, (whose Parents were Heathens,) from Rome, from Spaine, or out of any prophane and irreligious Family, provided, that her selfe be a sincere Convert, a godly, pious, and religious woman; for it is not her Parents and thee, but she and thou that make but one flesh; this pre­mised, I say, it is necessary to marry a wife [Page 47] out of a godly Family; First, in relation to thy Off-spring; Secondly, to thy selfe; First in re­lation to thy Off-spring; for hereby the Cove­nant of Grace runs to them in the fuller streame, the entaile is the stronger, (as I may say.) God threatens to visit the iniquity of the Fathers upon the Children, but to the third and fourth Generation, of them that hate him: But he promiseth, to shew mercy unto thousands of them that love him, and keep his Commande­ments, Exod 20.5, 6. God makes a Covenant with seeds seed, Isa. 59.21. If thy Children can look back, and upon good grounds con­ceive their Progenitors for many Ages past did feare the Lord, they may (if they fear the Lord themselves) comfortably conclude, that through free Grace they have an Interest in the Covenant of Grace, even in that Covenant that God made with Abraham to be the God of him and his seed for ever, & so may comfor­tably improve that Covenant, by a true and lively faith, to assure their soules that they are, not only members of the visible, but of the Invisible Church of Christ; and that they may do this, remember that I said, they must feare the Lord themselves, and they must have a [...]ively faith, or else all the faith and holinesse of their Parents, at a further or nearer distance, will stand them in no stead, in relation to spiri­tuall advantages: But as for outward blessings, [...]ll the Children of the faithfull may have the greater portion of them for their faithfull Pa­rents sake on both sides, I say, on the Mothers [Page 48] side, as well as on the Fathers; I have been young (saith David) but now am old, yet never saw the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread, Psal. 3.7.25. Then in the 26 ver. He is ever mercifull and lendeth, and his seed is bles­sed. Againe, if thy wife be of the seed of the faithfull, then both she and her Children are interested into the benefit of their Fore fa­thers prayers, (we meane in this place only for outward things.) Abraham praies unto God for Ishmael Oh (saith he) that Ishmael might live in thy sight. Gen 17.18. Then in the 20. v. God answereth him, As for Ishmael (saith God) I have heard thee, Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitfull, twelve Princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great Na­tion. Beloved, you may here note, That not only Ismael himselfe shall have the benefit of Abra­hams prayers, but his seed also, for they should be Princes, and indeed a great Nation, and yet they were Abrahams seed only according to the flesh; (but had they been his spirituall seed too, these mercies might have been sanctified to them and so made the greater.) Indeed, the Prayers of the righteous availe much, Jam. 5.16. Lastly, as thou desirest to have comfort in thy Wives kindred, thou must labour to chuse her, as one springing from the stock of the faithfull; for as thou dost marry her to be thy wife, so thou dost marry her kindred (as I may say) to be thy kindred. And what com­fort canst thou have (when thou art of a Hea­venly frame of spirit thy selfe) to have society [Page 49] and communion with a carnall and irreligious kindred? Surely but little: So much also for this fift particular.

The sixth qualification which is necessary to be look'd after in the choise of a Wife, is, The sixth qualificati­ [...]n, &c. [...] a competent outward Estate; And herein I might save my labour to put this down for a direction to some, for it is the first thing, nay, the all in all their hearts are affected with, except the Amorous reflectings of their wanton eyes on some paint, and Features in the Face, and compleatnesse of person, meerly to satisfie their wanton, fleshly, and sensuall appetites (which in this kind is unlawfull, though otherwise commendable, as before discussed.) I would have every man in a due place, and with some moderation of his exorbitant affections, not only look after, but labour for, a convenient portion with his wife in Marriage, and that as he desires her to be a meet helper. And first, because the things of this life are the good Creatures of God: they are blessings, nay, sin­gular blessings, when sanctified to us, & of spe­ciall use to us whilest we are in this our Pilgri­mage, to carry us through the world without distractions and worldly encumbrances, that we may with the more enlargednesse of heart walke with our God in a holy Conversation and that with cheerefulnesse: Only, we had need take great heed we trust not in uncertaine Riches, but in the living God, 1 Tim. 6 17. and that if Riches encrease we set not our hearts up­on them, Psal. 62.10. I say, we have need to [Page 50] prevent these evils, because all blessings both spirituall and temporall are sanctified to us but in part. Againe in the second place, it is law­full for a man to mind a portion with his Wife, because it is the duty of Parents to lay up por­tions for, & to give portions to their Children, 2 Cor. 12.14. The Apostle laies it down posi­tively, that it is the duty of Parents to lay up for their Children: though he apply the same in a spirituall sense. Job gave his Daughters Inhe­ritance among their Brethren, Job 42.15. Elkanab gives unto his Sons and Daughters Portions, 1 Sam. 1.4. When Galeb bestows his Daughter in Marriage to Othniel, he gave him a portion with her over a Southland, and after on her demand, the upper and nether springs, Judg. 1.13.15. In the third and last place, a man may looke at portion with a wife, because he cannot live at so low a rate when he is married as he could when he was a single man, and his wife doth encrease (or help to encrease) this his Charge, therefore there is all the reason in the world she should bring some additionall maintenance; For Money answereth all things, saith Solomon, Eccl. 10.19. We have a Proverbe, that Money will keep love warme; I must confesse, that it may be true thus, that as Money answereth all things, (as Solomon hath before said) so it takes away all distractions and perturbations from the spi­rit, and so leaves a man free with the greater torrent of love to run into the bosome of his wife, and in a Reciprocall way to receive the [Page 51] like from her again. But Beloved, I beseech thee beware of wedding a purse of Money; I have acquainted thee with the casualties and dan­gers that may overtake those that make wealth the Object of their love: And let me tell thee whoever thou art that art Muck-warme, thou maiest feare, that all the happinesse thou wilt meet with in thy choise of a Wife will be con­fin'd in a purse, or in a bag of trash, (for so is the gold of Ophir in comparison of a vertuous wife, nay her price is farre above riches; Pro. 31.10.) Therefore if God hath lent thee a sufficient outward Estate to carry the charge of Marri­age about withall, then, though it may be law­full for thee to look at some portion with a yoke-fellow, and thou maiest thankefully re­ceive what God hath provided for thee; yet if the portion be but small, nay, if none at all but spirituall vertues, even the riches of the mind, let (in such a case) the thoughts of riches pass, and accept of the woman with her inward treasure; and as Mordecai said unto Hoster in another case, Who knoweth whether thou art come to the Kingdome for such a time as this, Hos. 4.14. So I say unto thee, who knoweth but that God hath given thee thy wealth for such a time as this, even to enlarge the out­ward comfortable living of such a precious woman, who spiritually doth live in the bo­some of Jesus Christ; We shall desist from fur­ther prosecution of this sixth qualification, The seventh qualificati­on in a wo­man. and proceed to the next.

The seventh qualification (or necessary en­gredient) [Page 52] to make a woman a meet helper, is, frugality or good Housewifery, and this doth in a fit place succeed the last foregoing quali­fication: for that did fully and clearely make it out to be lawfull for a man to have an eye in Marriage to a womans outward estate (alwaies provided, that it must be in due place, and mo­derate.) But what advantage will it be to a man to have a great portion with his wife, if she be expensive, wastefull, profuse, & prodigall in her carriage; such a wife will make good two Proverbs, that is, she will bring a noble soon to nine-pence; And what she brings in with a rake she will disperse with a forke: This is the foolish woman Solomon complaines of, that p [...]s down her house with her hands, Prov. 14.1. Such a woman will soon bring her Selfe, her Husband and Children to a Morsell of bread. Its too well known, that some painefull, care­full and industrious Husbands cannot get be­forehand in the world, but are alwaies hinder­ly, and beggerly, by meanes of their wives, who are most jolly, jocund, and junketting Dames in the Townes and Places where they live; These will rob their Husbands at every ruine, take Money out of his purse; nay, make Money of Meat out of the powdering tubs, Come out of their Chambers, Bread out of the Cupbords. Oh these are worse than High-way Thieves, for they might be avoided, but these sometimes are not so much as suspected; but were they, how shall a mans ruine be preven­ted from being brought by such Caterpillars [Page 53] perpendicularly upon his head? Beloved, if thou wouldst avoid such an unsufferable Cross in the Marriage condition, take heed then be­forehand that thou be not ensnared with a Maid or Widdow of a frollick disposition be­ware of those who are gadders abroad to Faires, and every meeting of pleasure; take heed of such as are full of levity, figging here and there, not knowing in what place, nor in what company to spend their time; Its very true, that if thou canst meet with a wife quali­fied with true grace, thou needst not feare such an unmeet wife as we here mention, but (with great griefe be it exprest, that) though it be a mans duty to aime at obtaining a gracious wife, as we have said, yet there is a kind of in­finite difficulty in meeting with such an one; And you shall heare a woman (even the Mother of King Solomon) say as much, Pro. 31.10. And according to the judgement of divers Or­thodoxe Divines, Solomon doth averre the selfe same in his Eccles. a booke which he wrote af­ter his repentance for his Idolatry and loose walking with his God, wherein he doth com­plain that among his thousand Wives and Con­cubines together (for so many he had in all, se­ven hundred of one, and three hundred of the other, 1 King. 11.3.) he found not one that was a godly woman, Eccl. 7.27, 28. Therefore to conclude this particular likewise, let me intreat thee to take up this direction to labour to walk thereby, and I dare assure thee thou shalt no whit repent of thy paines herein.

[Page 54] The eighth qualificati­on in a wo­man.The eighth and last qualification to be eyed by thee in a woman whom thou wouldst en­joy as thy Wife, is, so much Education and breeding as is necessary in a woman in relation to thy ranke and condition; yet this I shall not urge as upon cleare and absolute Necessity, but upon necessary conveniency: For as an absurd, clownish, and fordid behaviour ill be­comes a man: so all unworthy, fliggish, hoy­denly carriage as ill becomes a woman; And herein I appeale to all rationall and intelligible persons of both Sexes. The compleat and comly behaviour of a woman, both at home and abroad, is an Ornament both to her selfe and Husband, and if thou be a wise man thou wilt be ashamed to see the contrary in thy wife; I shall content my selfe in the bare naming of this. I might urge at large the com­ly behaviour of Rebecca when she met with her Husband Isaac the first time, how she alighted from the Camel, and covered her face with a vaile, Gen. 24 64, 65. which carri­age of hers was very comely, and did demon­strate her education and breeding to be singu­larly good. Thus we have done with the se­cond meanes to be used to gaine a good wife, and a meet helper; You may be pleased to re­member we told you the first meanes was to go to God by prayer, to beseech him to bestow a good wife, and a meet helper on you. The second was, that you must look on such things, or qualifications, as made a woman to be a good wife, and meet helper, and these qualifi­cations [Page 55] are in number Eight. First, Grace; Se­condly, Sweetnesse of Nature; Thirdly, Com­linesse of person and favour; Fourthly, A fit Age; Fifthly, An honest descent; Sixthly, A Competent portion of outward things; Se­venthly, Frugality and good Huswifery; And lastly, Good Education and Breeding: Through all which particulars, in the strength of our God, we have proceeded. Now by the same assistance we shall proceed to handle two meanes more, and then come to the duties Married persons owe each to other, and to their Families.

Thirdly, The third meanes to obtaine a good wife. if thou dost desire to have a good wife, and a meet helper; Thou must labour by honest and just meanes to obtaine the consent of Parents on both sides, which if thou be wan­ting in, thy marriage will be rather curst of God than blest, and thou shalt have cause ra­ther to mourne, than to rejoice in that condi­tion; for thou must be convinced in this, that the very Essence of Marriage is the agreement of the parties, and the consent of Parents. Great is the Interest that Parents have in their Children, and the power that God hath inve­sted them with over them; First, for their in­terest in them, as the Apostle saith in another case, You are not your own, but are bought with a price, 1 Cor. 6.19, 20. So may I say to Chil­dren, You are not your own, but you are bought with a price; Your Parents have bought you, (for though to speake most pro­perly God be the giver of Children, as no man [Page 56] nor Angell can deny, for Children are the In­heritance of the Lord, and the fruit of the wombe is his reward, Psal. 127 31. It was the Lord that opened Leahs wombe, Gen. 29.31. And it was the Lord that did with-hold from Rachel the fruit of her wombe, Gen. 30.2.) yet in some sense Parents may be said to have bought their Children, for their Mothers buy them deare, they conceive them, beare them, and bring them into the world with great pain and griefe, sometimes Children cost their Mo­thers their lives in Child-birth, or Child-bed; Benjamin cost his precious Mother her life at such a time, Gen. 35.17.18. The Tree doth sometimes wither and dye that the fruit may live: And when Children are borne they cost both Fathers and Mothers much paine, cost, griefe, and feare in bringing them up. They have much trouble and watchings early and late about them▪ Besides, what heart-break­ing paines doth Parents take to leave some maintenance for their Children? Children then you see cost their Parents deare. There is no man can say that he hath so good an Inte­rest in any thing he doth enjoy as Parents have in their Children, they are bone of their bone, and flesh of their flesh. Now then from this Interest Parents have in their Children, as ap­peares evidently, we may conclude thus much, That it is an offence and a sin of an high nature for Children to bestow themselves in Marri­age without, much more if against, the free consent of their Parents; First, humbly sought [Page 57] and obtained; Secondly, Great is the power which the Lord of all Creatures in Heaven and in Earth hath Invested (I say) Parents with over the bodies of their Children; (for we must know, that God is the Father of spirits in a more peculiar manner, and hath them wholly and solely at his own command,) and that in relation to the bestowing them in Mar­riage. Parents have power to bestow their Daughters in Marriage, and to take wives for their Sons, Deut. 7.3. which I gather from that place by the rule of contraries, but the Text is most properly an Inhibition of corrupt Marri­ages; but more full to this purpose is that place in Jer. 29.6. Where the Lord speakes thus, Take ye Wives and beget Sons and Daughters. And take you Wives for your Sons, and give your Daughters to Husbands; Which makes this point cleare. That the Lord (I once more say) doth Invest Parents with a full power over their Children in relation to Marriage; (yet mistake me not, I dare not thinke, much lesse say, that Parents have a power to force their Children against their own wils to marry or be married as they please; I only intend, that though Children must have their own free consents to marry with such or such a per­son, that yet they may not, nor lawfully can­not without the consent of their Parents;) So that from this power God hath given Parents over their Children, we do againe averre the truth of the former Conclusion, that is, That it is an Offence and sin of an high nature for [Page 58] Children to bestow themselves in marriage without (much more if against) the free con­sent of their Parents. But to lay this sin yet closer to the hearts of cursed and rebellious Children, let them know, and know it assured­ly, that it is as cleare a truth as is involved in Gods Booke (with reverence be it exprest) that for them to bestow themselves in Marri­age thus without (much more, I say, against) the consent of their Parents, is a Capitall breach of the fifth, seventh, and eighth Com­mandements of the Decalogue; First, they transgresse against the fifth Commandement, for therein God commands them to honour their Father and Mother; And by this their be­stowing themselves in Marriage against their consents they cast the greatest dishonour upon them that can be thought, for by this act of theirs they seeme to dispute (nay, they do dis­pute) their Parents Interest over them: nay, further, the validity of the free Donation of Jehovah himselfe, who hath, as you have heard, given Children to be under their com­mand, even in this particular to which we speake; and these Miscreants, these Rake­hels, say with those in Psal. 2.3. Let us breake their bonds asunder, and cast away their cords from us. Secondly, these undutifull Children do violate the seventh Commandement, wher­in God saith, Thou shalt not commit Adultery; Now this is a most undeniable truth, that those who presume to step into the Marriage con­dition, in a way point blanke to that which [Page 59] God hath ordained, never lawfully enter into such a condition; but such as having Parents living do Marry against their consent, do step into that condition, point blanke to that way which God hath ordained: Therefore such as so marry never lawfully enter into that condi­tion; and if two be not lawfully Married, they be not man and wife, then what they are you may easily determine: You may say they are a couple of uncleane persons, or a Whoremon­ger and a Whore, and so they will be till they labour to be humbled for their uncleane socie­ties, and for their disobedience against God and their Parents, and have gained God and their Parents to be reconciled to them, and till then I once more say, they live in the continu­all breach of the seventh Commandement. Lastly, They transgress against the eighth Com­mandement, for therein God saith, Thou shalt not steale; Now such as marry against the con­sent of Parents are the greatest thieves in the world. You may remember that I told you that Children are dearer to their Parents than all that besides they enjoy, and that they have bought them very deare: Now if thieves breake the eighth Commandement, then sure­ly these that thus marry against their Parents consent, being thieves, do breake that Com­mandement. How fearefull then is the con­dition of such persons as they? The Apostle James saith, that he which keeps the whole Law and failes but in one point is guilty of all, Jam. 2.10. How much more guilty must such be [Page 60] who faile in three points, as those hot-spurs do who make more haste than good speed? Sampson had better learned, and did better practice, He tels his Father and Mother that he had seen a woman in Timnah that pleased him well, Judg. 14.2. then in ver. 3. he pleads for their consent; Now untill he had gotten the consent of his Parents he would not marry, then in ver. 10. his Father and Mother went down with him to Timnah to his Marriage; Mind well the carriage of Abrahams Servant, which was made use of before on another oc­casion, Gen. 24.33. and so forward. Therefore when thou dost desire to marry, and hast spied out a person whom thou canst love, then first acquaint thy own Parents with it, seek their counsell and consent, which when thou hast obtained, breake the matter to the Maids friends, but step not one foot further till Pa­rents are satisfied on both sides, and then do as God and friends shall direct. I shall wade no further in this third meanes, but come to the last.

Yet, before we proceed thereto, here fals in a case of Conscience, arising from the last parti­cular, namely, whether a man may under no consideration bestow himselfe in Marriage a­gainst the consent of parents? This is necessary to be spoken to in this place for some poor soul may object, and say,

I apprehend in my selfe a cleare Call to change my single condition, and to enjoy the Marriage estate, for I find my selfe in some [Page 61] poore measure fit for it; God having graci­ously bestowed on me those gifts before spo­ken of in some degrees; and this I am sure of, I am unfit for the single life, having not the gift of Chastity, but upon all occasions burn with fleshly concupiscence, to Gods disho­nour, and to the wasting of all my spirituall comforts. I have used those meanes you men­tion to obtaine a good wife, and by Gods gra­cious providence I have found out a maid largely qualified to make a good wife; and now the obstacle is, my Parents like it not that I should enjoy her as my wife, and that be­cause she hath too much of the feare of God in her, as they think, and not outward portion so much as they would have me enjoy with a wife; and truly, I have long waited for their consents, and used the best meanes I can to en­joy the same, but do even despaire of ever gaining of it; now Sir, I beseech you, give me a word or two of counsell and direction what I shall do in this case.

I answer, Deare heart, I condole thy condi­tion, and cannot but sympathize with thee; I see thou art in a conflicting estate with the de­vill, with thy corruptions, and with thy un­naturall and degenerate Parents; yet there is some Balme in Gilead for thee, only first take by the way a word or two of advise; It ap­peares thou art qualified for, and call'd to the Marriage estate, and hast a fit opportunity to change thy life, only the obstruction sticks here, thy Parents will not consent, and that [Page 62] upon the grounds thou hast spoken of; Then (I say) in the feare of the Lord set apart a day, two, or three, to seeke God by Fasting, Humi­liation and Prayer, there bewaile thy own sins in generall, that they may have had an Influ­ence on the hearts of thy Parents to bind them up and harden them against thee; But if thou dost know any particular sin that thou hast per­petrated, and that God may maintaine a con­troversie against thee for it this way, be sure Anatomize that before the Lord (on that day of thy humiliation) rip it up, let all the cursed lineaments of it appeare, labour to affect thy Heart with the consideration of all the sad cir­cumstances and aggravations of the same, and rent the Caule of thy heart before the Lord by unfeigned humiliation, and implore his Mer­cy for pardon and reconciliation. Then in a second place seek to God to humble thee like­wise for thy Parents sin. Thirdly, seek God to humble thy Parents for their Iniquities, and to pardon their sin. Lastly, seek God to be gracious to thee in wheeling their hearts toward thee. Now when thou hast this done, and yet hast not prevailed, beg the prayers of such as have an interest in God, both for thy selfe, and for thy Parents; which done, if no cloud yet ap­peare for thy comfort so big as a mans hand, then desire some godly Ministers, and other worthy Christians to grapple with thy Parents by perswasive Arguments tending to the melt­ing their frozen hearts, and for the turning them toward thee. Now if none of these [Page 63] meanes can prevaile, then wait a convenient time, expecting some comfort for thee; but if none come, and that thy necessities remaine still for the enjoyment of the Marriage estate, Acts 5.29. then know thou art bound to obey God rather than man: God commands thee to marry, though thy Parents forbid thee. In such a case, I am confident, that thou shalt not sin by mar­rying against the unreasonable desires of thy Parents; Mind that of the Apostle, Eph. 6.1. Children obey your Parents in the Lord, for that is right. Parents must not be obeyed but in the Lord. God is the Father of soules and spi­rits, now the spirit is the better part of a man, we must obey our spirituall Father rather than our Earthly. When the Apostle had spoke of subjection to our Earthly Fathers, Heb. 13.9. he adds, Shall we not much rather be in subje­ction to the Father of spirits, and live. To draw to a conclusion, Obey thy heavenly Fathers call in this particular, and with all humility and thankfulnesse enter into the Marriage con­dition; yet one thing let me add, thou must labour to carry thy selfe with much care in the humble observance of thy Parents in all law­full things, and to counsell thy wife to do the same, and then thou knowst not but that the Lord may give thee in their hearts, to thine, and thy Yoak-fellowes great comfort even af­ter Marriage. But to shut up all, let not any thing here discust be understood as to weaken the power of Parents over their Children, in relation to their Marriage, for that power is [Page 64] of God, and it is inviolable, but in this singu­lar condition, which blessed be the Lord doth not often fall out, though too often.

The fourth meanes to obtaine a good wife.In the fourth and last place, If thou dost de­sire to have a good Wife, and a meet helper: Then thou must be very carefull to seek by ho­nest meanes and (by no other) to obtaine the love of the woman whom thou dost affect with Conjugall love, and whom thou dost desire may be thy yoak fellow to live and dye with. Now for thy orderly and Christian pro­ceeding with her, I shall endeavour very brief­ly to give thee a few directions. When thou shalt come first to speech with her (thou ha­ving first gained the consent of Parents on both sides,) then let her understand with as much brevity as thou canst (in regard of her bashfulnesse and modesty) the truth of thy love and hearty affection to her; desiring her to take it into her consideration, and to consult with God, and her Parents about it; and then to do as God shall perswade her heart, and Pa­rents advise her. Thou maiest also then (or at the next meeting) declare unto her the dis­positions of thy Nature, also what Estate thou hast to live on, and what Calling thou art of, (if she be a stranger thereto:) But be sure thou tell her the truth, and nothing but the truth, dealing faithfully with her in these, and in whatsoever else is necessary for her to know: After which give her a seasonable time to consider of all. Now when thou hast thus done let thy affections sleep, (but thy [Page 65] judgement be kept waking.) leave all to God, commit this thy way to him, trust also in the Lord, and if it be for his glory and thy good he will bring it to passe, Psal. 37.5. In the meane time sit down quietly, and rest patient­ly, not distracting thy selfe for the event of any thing. Now if after all this thou receive an Answer to this effect, That she can love thy Person, like thy Nature, accept of thy Estate, and approve of thy Calling, and that she is very well content to live and dye with thee: Then in the Name and feare of God thou maiest proceed to a Contraction, and in sea­sonable time to consummate the Marriage, and thou maiest expect (through the blessing of God a great deale of Comfort, and be sure to find it when thy proceedings have been so up­right. But suppose that when she returnes an Answer to thee, that it be an answer of repulse, That she cannot love thee, nor approve of any thing (in relation to thee) so well as to bestow her selfe on thee, and doth entreat thee to be well satisfied, and to take it for an Answer, I say, suppose it to be thus: Then thou must la­bour to search into thy heart and life to find out the cause of it; for God hath some hand in it to humble thee for some sin; happily thou hast hid some cursed thing in thy heart, as Achan did the wedge of gold and Babylonish Gar­ment in the Earth in the middest of his Tent, for which sin of his all Israel were beaten back by the Citizens of A [...], Josh. 7 5. And we know God would not go forth with Israel to [Page 66] blesse them, and to give them victory over their Adversaries untill this sin was purged out; But if this be thy case, that (as I said) there is some secret sin lying hid in thy heart, do not delude thy selfe, thou must set thy selfe to the worke of humiliation and reformation before thou canst expect a gracious speeding in thy sute; but when that is done, rouze up thy spirit, be not discouraged, but set on afresh with vigour againe and againe, and if it be for Gods glory and the mutuall good of you both, thou shalt certainly speed, (and further thou oughtest not to desire it.) But I desire to adde one thing yet further, (and that by way of Advice,) Be very circumspect that before Marriage thou be not prodigall in thy engagements, be sure thou promise her no more Maintenance than thou art well assured thy meanes will make good, o [...] that may beseeme her in that condition, as be­ing thy wife. Againe, take care in a speciall manner that thou promise her no more than thy honest purpose is to make good, and per­forme to the full: For otherwise when things come to passe contrary to thy promises, it will be a cause of much variance, and of great breaches betweene you, which like a fretting gangrene will eat out the very vitals of love; for upon thy non-performance, or unability to make good all thou hast unadvisedly and wic­kedly promised, she will both twit thee, and exclaime against thee for cheating and delu­ding of her with faire and golden promises, which since are vanished into meere vapours; [Page 67] it is more safe and creditable for thee rather to promise nothing to her that way, (but yet to do what with reason may be fitting.) One thing more, and no more of this, Conceale not be­fore-hand any deficiency in Nature that may disable thee to performe any Conjugall duties whatsoever. Thus much may suffice to inform thee in all the meanes thou art to use to obtaine a good wife and a meet helper.

We are in then n [...]xt place (with the Lords leave and assistance) to come to take a view of the duties which Married persons are obliged to performe, wherein we shall consider the duties the Husband doth owe unto his Wife; and the rather shall we do this in the first place to draw on the Wife to a cheerefull perfor­mance of hers likewise to her Husband.

The first duty the Husband doth owe unto his Wife, is, Conjugall Affections: The first duty of the Husband to his Wife. (Or Ma­trimoniall and speciall love.) The greatest part of a womans outward comfort in Marriage stands in the entire love and hearty Affections of her Husband toward her, and if she misse of this from her Husband, she may feare his falling short in all the rest, for the love of a Husband to his Wife is as the foundation stone of all his other duties; it is as the chiefe wheele in the Clock which gives a dexterous motion to all the other wheeles; thy cordiall love to thy Wife will sweeten her condition in this life in her worst outward crosses, in want of health, wealth, the society of good Neighbours, pleasures, and what not; nay, let her life be [Page 68] fill'd with the Affluence and Confluence of all the comforts under the Sun; yet the bare want of the apprehension of her Husbands Affecti­ons toward her will make her dip all her Mor­sels in vinegar and gall, and make her com­plaine that she doth not see one good day. Now that it is the duty of the Husband to love his Wife, appeares, Eph. 5.25. Husbands (saith the Apostle) love your Wives as Christ loved his Church, that is, for kind, not for measure; for the measure of the love of Christ to his Church no dimensions can demonstrate; for to know the love of Christ, the Apostle saith, it passeth knowledge, Eph. 2.19. and in Col. 3.19. the Apostle bids Husbands to love their wives, and not be bitter unto them. The woman was made of a Rib taken out of the side of man, and therefore Adam saith, she was bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh, Gen. 2.23. Nay, by Gods Ordinance they are no more twaine but one flesh; and from hence Paul taketh an Ar­gument to perswade the Husband to love his Wife, because no man yet did ever hate his own flesh, Eph. 5.28, 29. You may remember that upon another occasion we did observe that Ja­cob esteemed Rachel his Wife as his right hand, he call'd his Sons name, of whom she died, Benjamin, (or the Son of his right hand,) Gen. 35.18. God calls the wife of Ezekiel the de­sire of his eyes, Son of man I take from thee the desire of thine eyes with a stroake, Ezek. 24.16, 18. The Prophet Nathan tels David in a Parable, that Bathsheba the wife of Uriah lay [Page 69] in his bosome, that is, in the bosome of her Husbands Affections, 2 Sam. 12.3. You plainly see then that it is the duty of the Husband to love his Wife. Now that there are Scripture Incitations for it, and Scripture Presidents for it too, you must know you sin against God if you performe it not; and if you do it not, then as you have heard, you bring affliction and griefe on your Wife, so likewise you bring much prejudice on your own selfe, for you dis­courage her from drawing in the same Yoake with you; you disable her to be a meet helper; you make her to be uncheerfull in all the du­ties of her generall and particular calling; and which is worse, you expose your selfe to the strength of many noysome lusts, as elsewhere hath been mentioned; be thou so convinced that it is a speciall duty that the Husband doth owe to his Wife, even to love her with Con­jugall and entire love, as that thou set thy selfe to the practice of it, wherein stands thy owne and her comfort.

The second Duty which the Husband doth owe unto his wife, is, Cohabitation, The secon [...] duty of the Husband to his Wife. (or to live together in one Family, mutually to enjoy in­timate society both in bed and at boord,) for where this is not, there no duty which a Husband doth owe unto his Wife can be per­formed. Nay, the very ends of Marriage are hereby null and frustrate. The Apostle Peter laies a command on Husbands to dwell with their Wives, Ye Husbands dwell with your Wives, &c. 1 Pet. 3.7. Can a man have any [Page 70] true comfort in his Wife, or she in him, if they do not dwell together? Truly, it is not only against Grace, but against Nature too, for them to do otherwise, for the Husband is the head of his Wife, and of his Family: When he then shall deny this Cohabitation there is a headlesse body behind, and what is that short (in some sense) of a Monster? It had been infinitely better (as we may say) that they had never been man and wife, than being such not to live together; This truth being so generally acknowledged, (and rarely, if at all denied) we shall use much brevity in handling of it: but by the way, notoriously abominable are such persons as falter in the performance of this duty: Whether it be Husband or Wife.

The third duty of the Husband to the Wife. In the third place the Husbands duty to his Wife, is, to labour to edifie and build her up more and more in the saving knowledge of God, and in the waies of his Grace, and to seeke especially the happinesse of her soule, to help her forward to glorifie God here, that she may be everlastingly glorified in Heaven here­after; hence it is that the Apostle in the place quoted before in 1 Pet. 3.7. requires the Hus­band to dwell with his wife as a man of know­ledge. If the Wife will learne (saith Paul) let her aske her Husband at home, 1 Cor. 14.35. which implies two things, First, that the Hus­band ought himselfe to labour for Illumination and abundance of the knowledge of God: Then secondly, that it is his duty to informe, and to instruct his wife. As the head of a Na­turall [Page 71] body carries the Eyes, so it sees not only for it selfe, but for all the members of the body; so it should be in this case. The Husband is the Candlestick, and Divine knowledge in him is the Light; Now our Saviour saith, Luk. 8.16. No man lighteth a Candle and covereth it with a vessell, or putteth it under a bed, but setteth it on a Can­dlestick, that they that come in may see the light. The knowledge that is in the Husband should be communicative to all in the Family in generall, and to his Wife in particular. Now the Husband must labour to edifie and build up his Wife, and to further her in the way of ho­linesse by his performance of these particular duties, (viz.) By Dehortations, Exhortations, Reprehensions, (and as occasion is) by labou­ring to give her Consolations: So also by pray­ing for her, and with her; by reading the Word of God to her, and by holy Conference as frequently as may be: For by praying for her he may find the Lord graciously intreated to confer and bestow Grace into her heart, and to give her a daily encrease thereof. Secondly, By praying with her he may be a meanes to put life and quickning into her spirit in all du­ties. Thirdly, By reading the Word of God to her he may instruct her. Fourthly, By using holy Conference with her he may stir up in her ardent desires, and Heavenly Affections in minding things of a more sublime Nature than any thing in this transitory life: And if she be ignorant of the waies of God, and the duties she doth owe unto God and man, it must be [Page 72] the care of her Husband to informe her, to teach and instruct her in those things: But if she know them, then he must labour to rub them afresh upon her Memory, as the Apostle Peter did on them to whom he wrote, 2 Pet. 1.12. that she may set her selfe the more serious­ly to the practice of them. Beloved, a man is no way able to shew his love more unto his Wife than by labouring that she may be ever­lastingly happy as well as himselfe: And hap­py is that woman who doth enjoy such a Hus­band as is very tender of her soules health; and who doth labour to further her in the dis­charging of all her duties in her generall and particular Calling, even in doing the Will of God, and insuffering his pleasure. We might have been larger in this particular, and doubt­lesse should, but that in the next head we shall have occasion to mention some of the fore­mentioned directions againe, as very proper to the next duty of the Husband to the Wife, and so desist here.

The fourth duty of the Husband to his Wife. In the fourth place, the duty of the Husband to the Wife, is, to labour to reclaime her from any sin, and sinfull course she doth live in; for sin is of a deceitfull nature, and will deceive the soules of the choicest Christians in the world if not rooted out betimes before the heart be hardened therein: And therefore the Holy Ghost bids us exhort one another to day to prevent the same, Heb. 3.13. Therefore if a man see his wife nourish any sin in her heart or life, he had need to bestir himselfe to make [Page 73] opposition against it; Note. for mind it well, if sin be not mortified early, we may feare that in time it will mortifie Grace: They cannot be both fruitfull in one poore heart; and if Grace die, an exceeding sad Funerall will follow. But if it be demanded what be the meanes the Husband must use to reclaime his Wife from any sin? I answer,—First, Earnest Pray­er and Supplication to God in her behalfe this way. When the Church had gone astray from God, and had run themselves into many mise­ries, the Prophet Jeremy seekes unto God in their behalfe, thus, Turne thou unto us O Lord, and we shall be turned, renew our daies as of old, Lam. 5.21. Gen. 25.21. As God heard Isaac praying for his Wife for a fruitfull wombe, that she might con­ceive and beare; so how knowest thou but that thou maiest by Prayer prevaile with God in thy Wives behalfe, that she may conceive the seed of saving Grace in her heart, and bring forth the fruit of it in her life, even the Morti­fication of that sin or sins that are most predo­minant in her? and with much comfort maiest thou expect such a blessing on thy Prayers if they be fervent, Iam. 5.16. God hath the hearts of all men and women in his hands, and can turne them at his own pleasure; he can make a proud heart humble, a hard heart soft, an Earthly heart Heavenly, a crooked heart straight; he can help the perversenesse of the Will, and the disorder of the Affections; God hath a Plaister for every sore, and a proper re­medy for every disease; God can help the [Page 74] blindnesse of the Mind, the Errour of the Judgement, the irregularity of the whole man Then (I say) go unto God in the first place, and importune him for mercy for, and for cure of, thy Wives soule-sicknesse and distempers. In the second place thou must kindly (and with all possible sweetnesse) admonish her of the danger of sin, and of the fearefull fruits and sad effects of it; as that thereby she disho­noureth a good God, she woundeth her owne Conscience, she bringeth discredit to the Gos­pell, she provokes the Lords indignation and wrath against her, to her confusion, if she per­severe in sin; labour to perswade her that sin hath a long taile of judgements at the heeles of it, Externall, Internall, and Eternall, Inchoated on Earth, Consummated in Hell. But if by these loving Admonitions thou canst not prevaile, thou must then proceed to sharpe [...] proofes and rebukes; Thou shalt not hate (saith God) thy Brother in thy heart, thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy Neighbour, and not suffer sin up­on him Lev. 19.17. Now if a man should be tender of the salvation of a Brother, and of a Neighbour, then much more of the salvation of a Wife, who hath a kind of onenesse with thy selfe. Rachel was Jacobs best beloved Wife, yet when in a discontented humour she comes to him, and saith, give me Children or else I dye, thereby derogating from God, and arrogating to her Husband, (which sin of her we read not that ever before she did commit [...]) Yet the Text notes, that when Jacob heard i [...] [Page 75] his Anger was kindled, and he saith unto her, Am I in Gods stead, who hath with-held from thee the fruit of the wombe? Gen. 30.1, 2. The wife of Job bids him curse God and dye (which was her fearefull sin;) her husband replies with a word of sharpe reproofe, and tels her, that she spake like a foolish woman, Job 2.10. When the Tumour is swolne to such a bignesse it is full time to lance it, and apply Corrasives to it to eate out the Corruption, else it may gangrene to the destruction of the body: But herein use thy best wisdome to chuse the fit­test time and place to seek to fasten a reproofe on her. Now a seasonable and fit time thus to deale with her, is, when she is out of her passi­ons, and free from perturbation of spirit, for if she be in the heat of anger, and the boyling of her Choler, she is very unfit to be dealt with in this way. 1 Sam. 25.36, 37. Nabal when drunke with wine was full as capable of a word of reproofe from his discreet wife, for his churlish and absurd carriage to David, as a woman (or man) can be, when drunke with outragious Anger and Passion, from the wisest and most judicious [...]iend they have in the world; for indeed, thou taking an unseasonable time to reprove thy wife, thou dost not only lose thy labour of winning her, but thou maiest feare she will be the more incorrigible thereby. But if thou take a fit time to deale with her in this kind, thou maiest hope (through the Lords blessing) to see some good effect of thy paines, and of the discharge of thy duty. Secondly, thou must [Page 76] make choice of a convenient place to perform this duty of reproofe; which place is a secret and private Roome, free from the hearing of any others; for if thou rip up her faults in the hearing of others, that will be a meanes the more to enrage her, and to make her the more obstinate in her evill way, and the more re­fractory against all meanes of good unto her: But if she perceive thou dost tender her credit and reputation, thou maiest find her more flexi­ble & docible than perhaps thou art a ware of. But if thou dost yet lose thy labour, then in the third place, make triall of a more publike way of reproofe, to see if she will be ashamed of her vilenesse, and labour to reforme. If this will not worke upon her for amendment, then in the fourth place thou shalt do well to with­draw all appearance of love from her, al [...] Amiable deportments and gestures, and stil [...] carry thy selfe in an Austere way toward her, with knit brows, and a restriction of discourse with her so long as she remaines obstinate Now if all these meanes be unavaileable, the [...] in the last place shorten her maintenance, keep her at bare Commons, let her have only fo [...] necessity, nothing for delight; let her know that so long as she remaines an Enemy to Go [...] and to her own soule, that she shall not fin [...] thee a friend to her, unlesse it be to check curb and controule her, on purpose to help he [...] out of the snare of the Devill; But if none nor all these meanes will do her good, to dra [...] her from sin to God, then her condition is fa [...] [Page 77] indeed, and doth deserve to be lamented with [...]eares of blood, and thou hast cause to weepe for her in secret, as Jeremy for the obstinate Jewes, Jer. 13.17. Truly, thou hast cause to [...]eare (and she much more) the Lord hath a purpose to destroy her, and so make her pu­nishment like the punishment of Elies Sons, who would not hearken to the reprehensions of their Father, 1 Sam. 2.25. And let such a woman sadly lay that thundring place in Prov. [...]9.1. to heart, (for she may tremble to read it;) The words are these, that is, He that being often reproved hardeneth his neck shall suddenly be destroyed, and that without remedy; and let her not be so absurd as to thinke that place concernes not her, because it is said [He] and no mention of the word [She,] for though the threatning be exprest in the Masculine gender, yet it shall be made good in the Feminine. But thou who hast conscienciously used all these meanes to reclaime thy poore yoak-fellow (though they have done her no good) yet thou hast delivered thy own soule, Ezek. 3.19. But if it please the Lord to blesse thy endeavours, and to make thee an instrument to bring thy Wife to a saving sight of her sins, (of which godly sorrow is a fruit) then know, thou hast saved a soule from death, and hast covered a multitude of sins, James 5.20. And thy reco­covered wife may even upon her bare knees, abundantly bless the Lord that ever she was so happy as to enjoy such a sweet and ten­der-hearted Companion in the Marriage [Page 78] Estate. We proceed to the following duty.

The fifth duty of the Husband to his Wife.It is the duty of the Husband to walke be­fore his wife in all good conversation, to give her good examples of encouragement from his own holy course of life. It is undeniable, that it is the duty of all whom God hath set in Au­thority over others, that they should labour to teach those that are under them, both by pre­cept, and by example: for the first will do no good (ordinarily) without the other. Look at me, saith Gideon, and do likewise, Judg. 7.17. Gideon as a Captaine speakes to his Souldiers being under his Command and Authority, to follow his Example. Now the Lord hath in­vested the Husband with as much Authority over his wife as Gideon had over his Souldiers and more: Therefore he walking in good waies, may say to his wife, looke on me and do likewise. Timothy having the charge of soules committed to him, the Apostle exhorts him to be an example to Beleevers in Word, it Conversation, in Charity, in Spirit, in Faith and in Purity, 1 Pet. 5.3. 1 Tim. 4.12. The Apostle Peter likewise doth exhort the Elders to be examples to the Flock; (And it is not now to make out, that a Husband hath the charge of his VVifes soule committed to him, for that point is as cleare as the Sun at Noone,) so must the Hus­band be to his VVife. Now this he should do the more carefully, that is, walke in a good conversation before his wife, because most men and women in the world are apt to be led by example, (good or bad,) more than by [Page 79] precept; The examples of Superiours are of [...]n attractive nature to Inferiours, especially if the Inferiour do love and reverence the Supe­riour, as the wife doth if her heart be married [...]o her Husbands; there is an intrinsecall prin­ciple in her to carry out her desires and endea­vours to tread in his steps; she will endeavour [...]o imitate her Husband in his words and acti­ [...]ns. The VVives of Jacob were brought up in [...]dolatry: but they hauing better examples set [...]hem by their Husbands of worshipping the [...]ue God, they will be of his Religion; Their [...]ather worshipped false Gods, Gen. 31.19, 30. But they will pray to the true God; it is said, God hearkened unto Leah, Gen. 30.17. then [...]oubtlesse she prayed, that must be implied; [...]en in ver. 22. God hearkened unto Rachel [...]o, sure she had also prayed. Mahlon and [...]hilion take them wives in Moab who were [...]otorious Idolaters, but from their Husbands [...]imples they had learned to serve the true [...]od of Israel. Ruth especially was brought to constant love of the true God; for when her other in Law had put her upon the triall (and [...]d perswaded her Sister to returne backe [...]aine to her people, and to her gods,) yet [...]e would by no meanes follow her Mothers [...]ounsell, nor her Sisters Apostatizing exam­ [...]e, but strongly adheres to the true God of [...]ael, and will forsake Countrey and deare na­ [...]rall friends besides, rather than depart from [...]e God of her Husband; read the whole [...]hapter of the first of Ruth. Thus we see [Page 80] that good examples from Husbands may gaine upon the spirits of their wives some good Af­fections to goodnesse, and care to imitate the best Patterns. Now as good examples in Hus­bands may with Gods blessing produce glori­ous and comfortable effects upon the hearts, and in the Conversations of good wives, so on the contrary, bad examples from Husbands before their wives may bring them to the height of all wickednesse, and pertinaciousness in those their perishing waies (without the infinite mercy of God in Christ;) Of which take a president or two, in 1 King. 16.25. it is said, that Omri wrought evill in the eyes of the Lord, and did worse than all that were before him: And then in ver. 30. it is said that Ahab the Son of Omri did evill in the sight of the Lord above all that were before him: VVhere (by the way) we see the Son imitates the Fa­ther in his wicked waies. Now as Ahab was a worshipper of false Gods: so he was an ene­my to the Prophets of the true God; for proofe whereof mind the 9, 10. and 17. verses of the 18. Chap. of 1 King. Also Chap, 21.20. so again in Chap. 22.8. where he plainely saith, he ha­ted Micaiah; but observe how his accursed wife Jezebel followeth his vile way of perse­cuting, Elijah she hates, and seekes his life, 1 Kings. 19.2. But if it be said, it is to no pur­pose this way to insert passages of wickedness relating to Omri and Ahab, they were not Husband and VVife, but Father and Son. I answer, it is true they were so, but that is ta­ken [Page 81] notice of only to prove Ahab was a wic­ked man before he had Jezebel to wife who did stir him up to wickednesse, 1 Kings 21.25. for she might be both a follower of his bad ex­amples (as doubtlesse she was) and yet a pro­voker of him to abundance of notorious vile­nesse. But take a president cleare from all ex­ception from Ananias and Saphira his wife; Ananias observing the forwardnesse of many true Chistians whom God had blest with some temporall Estates in the time of others great extremities by reason of poverty in times of persecution, that they were willing to sell all and communicate it to others (which held out the life of love to Christ;) Ananias, I say, ob­serving this, he plaies the close hypocrite, and bids as faire to maintaine the name and forme of a Christian as others did, but he detaines a part of the money in a private way for to maintaine him and his wife, yet pretends, and affirmes the contrary: His wife Saphira fol­lows his example of hypocrisie, joynes with him in false affirmations, and so both perish to­gether. Acts 5.1. to the end of ver. 10. Belo­ved, Thou that art a Husband (as chiefly in re­lation to God and thy own soule,) hast need to walke accurately with all circumspection in the whole course of thy life, to beware of any scandalous waies out of pitty to thy poore yoak-fellow, that by thy example thou lead her not into the way of sin, and so to hell for ever (without the infinite and boundlesse mer­cy of God;) For if thou be carelesse herein, [Page 82] Dives in Hell will rise up in judgement a­gainst thee at the last day, for in that place of torment he had some charity (as we may say) to his poore Brethren; (I know it is but a Pa­rable, but yet there is much in Parables,) and thou hast none on Earth to the soule of thy poore wife; yet this I must grant, that in Hell there can be no charity, (for that is a grace, and so cannot be there;) but to speake properly it was a fruit of selfe-love, he knew he had led his Brethren by his example into the way of sin, and that leades to Hell, and that if they should come there it would aggravate his hor­rour and guilt: And truly, if thou shouldst shun giving evill examples to thy wife on that ground, that is, out of selfe-love, it were bet­ter to do it so than not at all; for we see it by daily experience, that such as the Husband is, the Wife is divers times the same; if he be zealous in good duties, and frequent therein; if he be full of selfe-deniall, and of patience under the Rod of God, resigning himselfe to be at his dispose; if he be of an humble spirit, full of Temperance, Sobriety, Love, and of a pitifull and tender heart to those that are in misery, and ready to every good worke, and labouring to hold forth the power of godliness in Mortification, and Vivification, in dying to sin, and living to righteousness; If he labour to live by faith against sense; If he labour to worship God publikely, privately, and secretly, I say, if the Husband have these graces, these qualifications, and Divine Operations: O how [Page 83] will a gracious wife heave and strive, pant af­ter, and gaspe for spirituall vigour in the strength of God to imitate the same in her sweet, precious, heavenly and Angelicall Hus­band. Ah (Deare heart) let me beg of thee, and beseech thee with all the obsecrations in the world, that thou wouldst give thy wife no worse examples than those; for hereby thou shalt glorifie God. Edifie and build up thy wife in grace, discharge a grand Matrimoniall duty, and gaine demonstrations of thy present gracious condition here, and of thy future tranquillity, glory and blisse at the right hand of thy dearest Saviour in Heaven to all Eterni­ty hereafter.

In the sixth place, The sixth duty of the Husband to his Wife. it is the duty of the Hus­band to his wife, to beare with her infirmities; We that are strong ought (saith the Apostle) to beare the infirmities of the weake, Rom. 15.1. And Peter in 1 Pet. 3.7. saith, the woman is the weaker vessell, Ergo, A man ought to beare with the Infirmities of his wife. But the que­stion is, what faults may be said to be Infirmi­ties to be borne with in any in generall, and in the woman in particular? I answer, these and such like, as forgetfulnesse of some materiall businesse, some unusuall neglect of duty to the Husband, Children, or Servants; some wasting and spoyling of the Creature contrary to Cu­stome formerly, or purpose then; or some (not ordinary) breakings forth into extrava­gant, and exorbitant passions, heat and Choler, of the last kind we shall find two very sad [Page 84] presidents from two gracious women, and of two patterns of admirable patience in their Husbands: The first is the extreame (but groundlesse) passion of Sarah (formerly Sarai) raised against her Husband Abraham, Gen. 16 2, 3.4, 5, 6. (we shall abbreviate the Divine History,) Sarai was barren and Aged, she despaires of being naturall mother to any Children, who did therefore desire to be the reputed mother of Chil­dren, she makes a motion (such a one as it was) unto her Husband to go in to her Maid Hagar; Abraham hearkens to her voice and doth it; Hagar conceives, then is elevated in herselfe, and casts off due honour from her Mistris, which she discerning is presently full of passion, and vents it very uncivilly into the bosome of her Husband, and speakes thus that is, My wrong be upon thee, I gave thee my maid into thy bosome, and when she saw that she had conceived I was despised in her eyes; th [...] Lord judge betweene me and thee; Well Sara [...] what's the matter? Here is a great complaint out who hath done thee the wrong? What A­bram? No, he poore man is innocent in com­parison of thy selfe; what a false charge i [...] here drawn up against Abram? What clamor upon it? What appeales to God about it? But how doth Abram demeane himselfe in the condition? Truly singularly well, he beats wi [...] this infirmity in his wife; he knew this w [...] not the frame and temper of her spirit, an [...] therefore answers very mildly, and saith to be behold thy Maid is in thy hand, do to her at [Page 85] pleaseth thee. The second sad president, as be­foresaid, is that of the carraige of Zipporah to her husband Moses, Ex. 4.19, 20, 21, 25, 26 Mo­ses being commanded by God to leave the land of Midian, and to returne into Egypt, about the delivering of the Children of Israel out of bon­dage, he takes his Wife, and Sons, and the Rod of God in his hand, and begins his journey but be having neglected the observation of a speci­all Ordinance of God, viz. the circumcising of his Son, God (saith the Text) met him in the Inne and sought to kill him; (where note by the way, that it is a dangerous thing for a man to take a journey, though upon as lawfull an occasion as can be, with the neglect of a duty, or the guilt of any sin lying on the conscience unrepented of.) Moses you see is in great dan­ger of death, and his wife knowing the cause of it, takes a sharpe stone and cuts off the fore-skin of her Son and throws it at his feet (with these words) surely a bloudy husband art thou unto me; which was a very Contemptible, Contumelious, uncivill, and unmannerly behaviour in her, yet he is silent, bears with her in­firmities; and no doubt but he did consider there lay a sad temptation on her spirit, and withall was conscientious of his own sin a­gainst God, and so sweetly passeth by his wives weakness. Now these infirmities which a Husband out of duty to his wife must beare with must not be publike, nor giving scandall and offence to others; Nay, whatever they are he must take a fit opportunity to give her a [Page 86] sweet reproofe; for such a Husband as is in a passion for his wives infirmities will make such a smoake in his house as shall disturbe all in, or neare it; The discretion of a man deferreth his anger, and it is his glory to passe by a trans­gression, Prov. 19.11.

The seventh duty of the Husband to his Wife.The seventh duty the Husband doth owe unto his Wife, is, due maintenance in all things, both inward and outward, for her comfortable bodily subsistance here, both in life, and live­lihood, for supportation of health whilest it is enjoyed, and for restoration of it when de­cayed. And this to be performed with as much dearenesse of affections, and tendernesse of heart as to himselfe; which duty the Apostle clearely requires husbands to performe to their wives, Eph 5.28, 29. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, be that loveth his wife loveth himselfe, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh: but cherisheth, and nourisheth it, even as Christ doth his Church. Now we know all men will nourish their own bodies with such meat, and drink, and Physick, with such Preservatives, and Restoratives of health as is necessary. And they will cherish their own body with such Apparell as may not only keep them warme in their bodies, but be some delight unto their minds. The same for kind, and measure, for quality and quantity they must allow unto their wives, (if it be of necessity or necessary for them, which I dare presume it is almost alwaies.) Yet this must be granted, that a man must not maintaine himselfe in any [Page 87] thing, either for food or rayment, above his a­bility, or unbecoming his place and Calling: Neither must he allow it his wife; and doubt­lesse no discreet wife will desire the same. Be­loved you have heard at large that it is the du­ty of the Husband to his Wife to tender the good of her soule, and can any man think that the good of her body is to be neglected? Tru­ly, it were absurd for any to conceit any such thing. God would not have the mouth of the Oxe to be muzled when he treadeth out the Corne, Deut. 25.4. and will he have the mouth of her muzled that doth draw with thee in the same yoke? Surely no, The Apostle saith, that he is worse than an Infidell that doth not provide for his own Family, 1 Tim. 5.8. Now if the whole Family must be provided for, as none dare deny, then much more she who in thy absence is the head of the Family, and in thy own presence thy right-hand Mate. VVhat encouragement can thy wife have to seek thy good when thou shalt in whole, or in part neglect hers. Besides, when thou shalt (especially with cheerefulnesse) allow thy wife all due and necessary maintenance for her comfort and encouragement in this life, if she have any ingenuity of nature in her she will soone give the fruit of the same into thy bosome by a more vigorous and dexterous putting forth her ut­most abilities to serve, help, and comfort thee in all thy various conditions; but it herein thou who art her Husband art niggardly, penurious, and base hearted and handed towards thy [Page 88] wife, thou maiest perhaps (though it be her sin) have such poore returnes, that thou shalt not crack of thy gaines and incombs; But be thou perswaded that maintenance is the wives due, and be thou carefull to discharge that debt.

The eighth duty of the Husband to his Wife.The eighth duty which the Husband doth owe unto his wife, is, to labour to be an Instru­ment (under God) to protect her from all in­juries, wrongs, insolencies, and contumelious abuses, that any of the Sons or Daughters of Belial shall put upon her, to the utmost of his power. In Eph. 5.23. the Apostle tels us that the Husband is the head of his wife, even as Christ is the head of his Church; and he is the Saviour of his body: where take notice, that first this duty of a Husbands protecting his wife is implyed. Secondly, a president pro­pounded to incite us to the performance of it. First, this duty is implyed, the husband is de­nominated to be the head of his wife: Now the head doth labour to fore-see, first, the dan­ger the body is in. Secondly, to contrive means to prevent it. And thirdly, to project and con­trive some meanes afterward for the removing of the evill if it fall. And thus must a Husband labour to do in relation to his wife; He must labour to fore-see what wrongs may fall upon his wife before-hand, lest they come una­wares. Secondly, he must wisely prevent them if he can, which if he cannot, then in the third place he must labour to remove them, and so to ease his wife from the burthen of them. [Page 89] Secondly, here is a president propounded to incite the Husband to labour to protect his wife, and that from the example of Christ himselfe, Christ is the Saviour of his body (the Church) which is his spouse: so must the hus­band labour to defend and protect his wife, his spouse, his body; yet further are we to labour this to do even from the practice of very Hea­thens. The wife of Potiphar tels a seeming faire tale (but it was a most Diabolicall lye) to her husband, that Joseph had done her wrong, and had mockt her, which complaint of hers was believed by her husband. Now though Joseph was choicely beloved of his Master be­fore, yet now his wrath is kindled against him, and Joseph must to prison for the pretended in­jury, Gen. 39.17, 19, 20. Hester had put up a complaint to Ahasuerus her husband, (and a just complaint too,) That she and her people were sold to be destroyed, to be slaine, and to perish. The King her husband demands who he was? and where he was that durst presume in his heart to do this? Hester returns answer, that the Adversary that had done this was that wicked Haman; upon which the Kings wrath was so enkindled against him, (though he were his chiefe favourite,) that he could not be pacified untill such time as Haman was hanged, Hest. 7.4, 5, 6, 10.

In the ninth place it is the duty of the hus­band to his wife, in a prudentiall way, The ninth duty of the Husband to his Wife. with all sweetnesse and love, to labour to prevent her from an idle and unprofitable expence of time. [Page 90] A husband in the generall should labour to make his wife a compleat Christian. Now he or she that are not fit for Christian society are no compleat Christians: But the Apostle com­mands the Thessalonians to withdraw them­selves from every brother that did walke dis­orderly, 2 Thes. 3.6. Now if you would know what that sin was which is call'd a disorderly walking, if you please to confer with the 10. and 11. verses, you will find it was the sin of not working, the sin of Idlenesse. Now in this point I would not be mistaken, I would have none conceive that I should thinke that it were fit for a husband to be a Task-master to his wife, to set her a stint of worke, and to exact it of her, (which was the sin of the cruell E­gyptians against the Hebrews, (who were Gods own people,) Exod. 5.6, 7, 8.) But if it be demanded, what imployment is most pro­per for the wife to look after? I answer, with the mother of Solomon (in the first place,) Prov. 21.27. she must look well to the waies of her Houshould, Secondly, I answer with the Apostle, 1 Tim. 5.14. she must guide the house; it is an excellent and well beseeming carriage in a wife to look out sharpe (as we may say,) to prevent servants Idlenesse, and wastefulness, for there was never worse servants in an Age than now; they must have great wages, but do little worke for it; they will not gather up the broken fragments that nothing be lost, Joh. 6.12. Nay, they will purloine, ( Tit. 2.10.) not shewing all good fidelity, for they will [Page 91] filtch, p [...]fer, and steale, waste, and consume the estates of their Masters, which might well be prevented by the industry of a carefull wife, whereby her husbands estate might be preserved, and livelihood maintained for him, her selfe, and their children; for want of which care many a Family hath been brought to ruine, and Children to a morsell of bread. And as it is an excellent and well-beseeming carriage in a wife thus to oversee the waies of her Fami­ly, so it is a very choice peece of service in her in the acceptation of her husband. Againe, in answer to the former demand, (that is,) What is the proper imployment of a wife to look af­ter? In the third place, it is not out of a wo­mans Calling to spend seasonable time in inti­mate society with her husband to quicken and enlive the affections of each other, one to an­other. But for that sin of a womans in mispen­ding her time in an idle and letty way, the hus­band (as beforesaid) should take care to prevent; for idlenesse is (as we say) the mother of all mischiefe; And I well like that speech of a grave Divine, that is, That the Divill hath a Commission to take up all idle persons, and to imploy them in his service. This shall suffice for this ninth duty of the husband to his wife, and so we proceed to the tenth and last duty that the husband doth owe as beforesaid.

In the last place it is the duty of the husband to the wife, The tenth duty of the Husband to his VVife. to take care so to mannage his estate whilest opportunity serves, that he may be able to leave some competent estate for her [Page 92] to maintaine her when God shall take him a­way by death, (if God thinke fit she shall be the surviver.) we have already taken notice, that Parents must lay up for their Children, 2 Cor. 12.14. But a mans wife should be ac­counted of him much dearer than chil­dren, and that because they are one flesh, which Parents and Children are not. There­fore a man ought in his will to have more re­spect to his wife than to his children, except first the children be Infants, or every way un­helpfull to themselves; and that their mother be youthfull and of an able body, and in a ca­pacity to look out in a probable way to have a competent maintenance; and also in a second place, except the mother be of a very harsh and bitter spirit to her Children, and so like to be as a step-mother rather than a naturall mo­ther; but if there be no ground for these con­siderations, it is still the most Christian and prudent way for the husband to be more libe­rall to his wife than unto his children when he is to set his house in order, and to make his Will: And for this we have a Christian presi­dent from the practice of Elkanah. A very ju­dicious Diuine (whom the Christian world doth reverence for a very learned Expositor Mr Cotton of Boston in New-Eng­land.) saith, that it was the custome of the Jews be­fore they took any large journey to make their Wills, and dispose of their estates, not know­ing whether they should returne againe; upon which occasion Elkanah living far from Shi­loh, and being to appear there before the Lord, [Page 93] he makes his Will, unto which he gave unto Pe­ninnah his wife, and to his Sons and Daughters portions; But unto Hannah he gave a worthy portion, (because he loved her,) 1 Sam. 1.3, 4, 5. As a man that loves his wife would not only have her fare well when he is at home, but when absent from home also: So if thou do love thy wife with a cordiall love thou wouldst not only have her live well in this world whilest thou art her companion here, but also when thou art, through the Lords free Grace a Companion with Saints and Angels in Heaven at the right hand of God, and in the bosome of thy dearest Saviour. But if thou art not carefull to provide for thy wife as well as thou canst whilest thou livest here, thou canst have but little hope that she should live well hereafter when thou art gone; which duty of thine if thou neglect, thou wilt leave a brand upon thy name to Po­sterity to judge by, that thy wife never lay in the bosome of thy affections; for if she had, thou wouldst have exprest more sincere love to her at your parting. Thus God hath carried us through the consideration of ten special du­ties which the husband doth owe unto his wife; which to help thy memory take the heads of them as they have been laid down in order, viz. First, Conjugall Affections. Se­condly, Cohabitation. Thirdly, a Godly care to build her up in the knowledge of God. Fourth­ly, To seeke to reclaime her from sin. Fifthly, To walke before her in good examples. Sixth­ly, To beare with her infirmities. Seventhly, [Page 94] To allow her due maintenance. Eighthly, To protect her. Ninthly, To be carefull she im­prove her time so as not to live idly. Lastly, To take care to leave her some competent mainte­nance; we come now by the Lords assistance to consider of some duties the wife doth owe unto the husband, which in the feare of God she must labour to performe and discharge.

The first du­ty of the VVife to the Hus­band.The first duty the wife doth owe unto the husband, is, also Conjugall Affections, or a singular, choice, and speciall love; you may remember we gave this duty of love the pre­cedency (in a superlative way) of all other du­ties the husband doth owe to his wife; Love is the sap, bud, and blossome from whence all other Matrimoniall duties do spring. And an­swerable to the degrees hereof (be they more or lesse) doth the other incline or decline in the heart of the wife to, or from, the husband. The wife ought to love her husband with a most intire and ardent love; yea, such a love as is only proper and peculiar unto him; He ought to be unto her the chiefe part of her out­ward joy and enjoyments; as one said of a choice dish of meat, that he could cut out of it all the variety of dainties that the best furnish'd boord in the world was provided of; so may a woman say, that in her husband (under God) she hath all outward good things that any have the fruition of; which as it gives abundance of satisfaction to her own heart, so the reflecti­on of it doth returne back into the bosome of her husband to fill him with much solace and [Page 95] delight in her againe. Elkanah saith to Hanna, 1 Sam. 1.8. Am I not better to thee than ten sons; thereby implying what an high esteem [...] the wife should have of her Husband. Paul would have Titus teach young women to love their Hus­bands, Tit. 2.4. (And doubtlesse it is the duty of elder women to do the same, but young wo­men are particularized, because of the levity of their minds, they being apt above others to close with vaine pleasures, and so more like­ly to neglect their maine duty to their Hus­bands.) In 1 Cor. 7.28. the Apostle speakes of such as are married, that they shall have no trouble in the flesh, that is, divers outward trou­bles and incumbrances in the mind; for in the Marriage Estate there is an intermixture of discomforts with comforts. There may be sometimes too many wild Gourds shred and put into that pottage, by reason whereof death may be there, as in 2 Kings 4.39, 40. but in the 41. verse the Prophet bids them bring meale and cast it into the pot, and so they did, and then it was wholesome; so thou that art a wife if thou do sometimes meet with losses and crosses, paines and troubles, cares and tur­moiles, whereby death (that is, sorrows and griefes) lay hold on thee to imbitter that other­wise blessed condition unto thee; then bring meale (and that is love) and cast it into the bo­some of thy Husband, and that will sweeten all; it will turne gall and wormwood into su­gar and honey. As Christ is to his Spouse the chiefest of ten thousand, Cant. 5.10. so must thy [Page 96] Husband be unto thee, which if he be not, it may be much suspected that thou hast an Adul­terous heart, at least, if thou be not also out­wardly defiled too. Then in the next place.

The second duty of the VVife to the Hus­band.Cohabitation is also a duty the wife doth owe unto her Husband: it is not only the duty of the Husband to live with his wife, but hers to live with him. And among other ends she was created for this, that is, to be his Compa­nion. God found it not good for man to be alone, Gen. 2.18. And indeed, how can she be a meet helper to him if she live apart from him. There may be many necessary occasions for a man to change the place of his habitation, sometimes to enjoy better meanes of Grace, sometimes to enjoy better meanes of health, sometimes to enjoy better means of livelihood, & somtimes to enjoy society of choise friends; there be none of these but may give a man a cleare call somtimes to remove his habitation, & he must (if he be a Christian) obey God here­in. Now take this for a most undeniable truth, that whatever passage of Divine providence will warrant the lawfulnesse of the Husbands change of place of dwelling, will also war­rant the Wives call to travell with her Hus­band, and to live with him wheresoever he pitch his Tent. Marke the Apostles phrase, 1 Cor. 9.5. Have we not power to lead about a Sister, a Wife, as well as other Apostles, and as the Brethren of the Lord, and as Cephas; where you may note, that the Apostles, the Brethren of the Lord, and Cephas did lead about their [Page 97] wives (which they could not have done a­gainst their wills) and Paul doth challenge the same priviledge as due to him as well as to the other. But to add a cleare demonstration to this truth yet further by joyning presidents to priviledges, consider the practice of Sarah, when God cals Abraham to leave his country and go into that which he would shew him, she goeth with him, Gen. 12.5. When God cals him the second time to remove, that is, to go into Egypt because of the Famine in the Land where he did live, you shall find his wife did go with him, ver, 10, 11. who did also re­turne with him, Chap. 13.1. Againe, when God cals Isaac to go to Gerar, to sojourne there for a time, (and that by reason of Famine too,) Rebekah (his wife) goes with him, Gen. 26.1, 7. But in a speciall manner mind the practice of Leah and Rachel, they are willing to leave their Fathers house and kindred (not being enforced by Famine) to enjoy society with Jacob their husband, Gen. 31.4. to the end of ver. 18. As Ruth said to Naomi (her mother in Law,) Where thou goest I will go, and where thou lodgest I will lodge, and where thou dyest I will dye, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me and more also if ought but death part thee and me, Ruth. 1.16, 17. So must every Christian wife say to her husband, where thou livest I will live, and where thou diest I will die, and there will I be buried, for nought but death shall part thee and me. By all which it doth (or may) appeare that it is the duty of [Page 98] the wife to her husband to Cohabit with him in what place soever God shall call him; and if she performe not this duty, she disables her selfe to the observation of others; But in case, first, that the husband will live in a Po­pish Countrey, out of either a superstitious, or fantasticall end or humour: The wife is not bound to follow him, for she must look more after the true worship of God, and the salva­tion of her own soule, than after any outward comfortable condition in the world. Or se­condly, if the Husband be an unbeliever, and doth not like to live with a believing wife, then such a wife is at liberty (if I mistake not the Apostle) to live from him, 1 Cor. 7.13, 15. But lastly, in case the husband do violate the Covenant of Marriage by Adultery, Fornica­tion, &c. Then if the wife please she may for­sake him, which by necessary consequence may appeare from the words of Christ, Mat. 5.32. Chap. 19 9. For if the husband may put his wife away for such breach of Marriage-Contract, why not the wife put away her husband on the like occasion. But if upon or­dinary occasion the wife shall refuse the per­formance of this duty to her husband, she doth make void and null one speciall end of Marri­age, and so sins against God the ordainer of that happy estate; also against her Husband, in depriving him of his due comfort; and lastly, against her soule and conscience, as contra­cting sin and guilt; and against her body, in a violent cutting the thread of her chiefest ex­ternall [Page 99] felicity. So much for this particular du­ty from the wife to the husband.

In the third place, The third duty of the VVife to the Hus­band. the duty of the Wife to her Husband, is, to improve her spirituall abi­lities, to be helpfull to him in the best things for the good of his soule, to stir him up to good duties when she takes notice of any remissnesse and carnall security in him; by sweet ex­hortations, and holy conference she must la­bour to quicken him against a spirituall Lethar­gy, which if it seize on him, will so becloud and benight his senses, that he shall have nei­ther head nor heart, with any cheerefulnesse of spirit, to walke with his God; which if his wife discerne him inclining to, (but in a speci­all manner captivated under) she had need to bestir her selfe to salute him often with such Texts of Scripture as these, viz. Luk. 9.62. 1 Cor. 9 the later part of ver 24. Phil. 3.13, 14. Rev. 2.4. and the begining of ver. 5. Rev. 3.15, 16. Luk. 17.32. Ezek. 18.24, 26. She must labour to stir him up to love and good workes, and therein follow the example of the Shu­namite, 2 King 4 9, 10. (thou that art a Wife read the place, and follow the Precept.) She must labour to strengthen her Husbands faith when he shews most weakenesse. After Ma­noah had offered a sacrifice to God, the Angell of the Lord did wonderfully in the presence of him and his wife: The good Mans faith be­gan to faile, We shall dye, saith he, because we have seen God, (want of faith was like to kill the poore man:) Now his wife steps in very [Page 100] opportunely, and labours to strengthen his faith, If, saith she, the Lord would have kill'd us he would not have told us these things, nor ac­cepted a Sacrifice at our hands. Judg. 13.20, 22, 23. so she makes good that place in Eccl. 4.9, 10. Two are bettter than one, for if one fall the other will lift up his fellow: but woe be to him that is alone, for he hath not another to help him up. Truly, there is a marvellous Sympathy be­tweene Husband and Wife in all conditions (I meane, when they live, and love together as man and wife) one will labour to support ano­ther. And one thing let me put thee on in a speciall manner, that is, be sure as thou dost desire to improve thy gifts and parts for the good of thy Husbands soule. That thou do ne­ver neglect to pray for him. As Aaron did beare the names of the Children of Israel be­fore the Lord on his two shoulders for a me­moriall, Exod. 28.9, 12. So be thou sure to beare the remembrance of thy Husbands poore soule upon thy heart when thou art to appeare be­fore the Lord in thy Closet-worship, that thou maiest prevaile with God for a blessing for him, that he may be heavenly and spirituall in all his deportments toward God, and toward man [...] that in the strength of Gods grace he may be a selfe-denying, and a selfe-mortifying Christian. That he may be furnished with sa­ving Faith, Temperance, Patience, Godliness, Repentance unto life, strength against corrup­tions; that he may abound in every good worke; that he may be an Instrument of Gods [Page 101] glory here, and a Vessell of Mercy hereafter: And in thy drawing forth and improving thy parts thus for thy Husbands spirituall advanta­ges men and Angels shall witnesse for thee, that thou hast laboured to answer one end of Gods creating of thee, that is, to be a meet helper to thy Husband; nay, the spirit of God shall at­test the same to thy own soule, to thy comfort here, and permanent happinesse hereafter.

Fourthly, The duty of a wife to her Husband, The fourth duty of the VVife to the Hus­band. is, a comely and Christian-like subjection to him; she must not contend for equality with him, much lesse superiority over him, but must content her selfe in the same station or conditi­on wherein the God of wisdom (or that God who is wisdome it selfe) hath set her. Now that this is a duty, take Scripture evidence for it, (for I know it will not down, but sticks in the throat with too too many, but to a mortifi­ed Christian a Command from God is enough to sweeten that which to flesh and bloud is as bitter as gall,) Col. 3.8. The Apostle saith, Wives submit your selves unto your own Hus­bands, as it is fit in the Lord. So Eph. 5.22. Wives submit your selves unto your own hus­bands as unto the Lord; where marke the di­versity of termes. In the former place it is, Wives submit, &c. as it is fit in the Lord: But in this latter, Wives submit, &c. as unto the Lord; For some women may say, we are wil­ling to submit our selves to our own Husbands as it is fit in the Lord; But what submission may be said to be fit in the Lord? I answer, [Page 102] That submission is fit in the Lord that hath re­spect to any Command the Husband shall lay on his wife which is grounded upon Scripture Precepts or Presidents. Secondly, That sub­mission of Wives to their Husbands is fit in the Lord, which is not forbidden in Scripture, nei­ther expresly, nor implicitely, neither plainely, nor by necessary consequence; but to answer such as would pretend scrupulosity, (when they intend only the discharging of themselves from all submission to their Husbands,) let them ruminate or chew the end upon the last terme, where Wives are commanded to sub­mit to their own Husbands as unto the Lord, and see what they can gather from those words as a ground to satisfie their consciences for their non-submission. Now because the Holy Ghost did foresee that women (nay, some good women) would not fall down before this truth, but endeavour to maintaine that rotten and unsound maxime, viz. that the Wife is the Husbands equall, therefore doth the Spirit of God in Eph. 5.23. (which was last quoted) lay down an undeniable reason why Wives should submit to their Husbands, For (saith he) the Husband is the head of his Wife as Christ is the head of his Church; And then in ver. 24. the Spirit of God comes to a Corrollary or Conclu­sion, thus, Therefore as the Church is subject unto Christ, so, let the Wives be unto their own Husbands in every thing. Now the reason here brought (for the end beforesaid) stands thus, That as the Church doth submit to Christs Au­thority, [Page 103] (he being her head,) so must the wife submit to the Authority of her husband, be­cause he is the head likewise; and that he is so, consider also that of the Apostle, in 1 Cor. 11.3. The head of the woman is the man. Now Headship implies Authority, (that is beyond dispute,) and Authority requires subjection. Let every soule be subject to the higher powers, whosoever resisteth the power resisteth the Ordi­nance of God, and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation, Rom. 13.1, 2. And none can deny but that Headship, Authority, and power is one and the same. Yet further, concerning this duty of the wife to her hus­band in relation to subjection to him; mind that of the Apostle Peter, in 1 Pet. 3.1. where he saith, Likewise ye Wives be in subjection to your own Husbands. Then in ver. 6. he brings you a President for it, (and that from a singular woman,) Even as Sarai obeyed Abraham calling him Lord, whose Daughters you are as long as you do well. Now, as it is a glorious priviledge to be a Son of Abraham, (in a spirituall sense,) so it is a high honour to be a Daughter of Sa­rai. And thou who art a Christian-woman, by no meanes forget, that from the originall of time God did ordaine that the Husband should rule over his Wife, Gen. 3.16. Nay, the very Heathens thought it fit that every man should beare rule in his own house, Hester. 1.20, 22. But some woman may say, what if my husband be a Son of Belial? One who hath no grace in him? who beares not the Image of [Page 104] God, but of the Devill? Must a Christian be subject to a Heathen? A Saint to a Devill in­carnate? I answer, that if thou be so match'd in the Marriage Estate, then thy condition is sad, and very sad, and much to be lamented. But still it is a cleare truth, that thou must be subject to even such a Husband in all his lawfull Commands, and further thou must not obey a godly husband;) And this the Apostle Peter, in 1 Pet, 3.1, 2. doth hint at plainely. Likewise ye wives be in subjection to your own Husbands; And then addes this as a reason to excite them to the performance of this duty, that is, That if any obey not the word, they also may with­out the word be won by the Conversation of the wives, while they behold your chaste con­versation coupled with feare. I see no cause to adde one word more to demonstrate that subjection in a wife to her husband is a duty she doth owe him. But let me beseech thee that art a Husband, that all the Commands thou dost lay on thy wife may be in the nature of requests and intreaties; for know it, that though thy wife be not equall to thee in power, yet she is not so subordinate to thee as thy Children and Servants, command service from them but desire thy Wife to be subservient to thee, and if she have any commendable qua­lifications in her thou maiest be sure thou hast her heart to serve thee, and therefore canst not want her hand. Nay, she will rejoice that at any time she hath any intimation of thy mind in any businesse that she is able to performe.

[Page 105]The fifth duty that the Wife doth owe unto her Husband, is, due and comly Reverence; The fifth duty of the Wife to the Husband. Wives must not only submit to their Hus­bands, and obey them but they must reverence them likewise, and this the Apostle doth charge them to performe; Let the Wife see (saith he) that she reverence her Husband; where observe that in the particle [see] there is an Emphasis, it is an Emphaticall expression, for it is as if he had said, be sure let the wife take diligent care of this, and mind it in a speciall manner, that she omit it not by any meanes to reverence her Husband, Eph. 5.33. But if it be demanded, how this Reverence should be performed? I answer, two waies, in her words, and in her gestures. First, in her words, and that two waies; first, when she speakes to him; Se­condly, when she speakes of him. First, when she speakes to him, by avoiding Clamour, and high language; Secondly, by avoiding of un­necessary repetitions and Tautologies, (especi­ally if her Husband be a judicious and prudent man,) for take this for an undeniable truth, that a man of parts cannot endure a multitude of words, and large preambles. Thirdly, When she makes her desires known to him rather by requests than by peremptory de­mands, (yet this must be granted, that a Wo­man may speake to her Husband in a way of intimate familiarity.) Lastly, when she takes a fit time and place to fasten some Christian re­proofe on him, and then to do it with much meeknesse and tender love. Secondly, a wo­man [Page 106] must reverence her Husband in her words when she speakes of him to others; First by giving him on all occasions (that are just) due praise and commendations; And secondly, by being ready to vindicate his repu­tation against all unjust aspersions & Calumni­ations that do impeach his credit, and obstruct his well-deserved Estimation in the hearts of such as are wise and godly, whereby she shall not only reverence him her selfe, but cause o­thers to do the same. Secondly, The Wife must reverence her Husband in her Gestures and Actions; First, by giving him due respect be­fore others abroad, and before Children and Servants at home, not behaving her selfe in a rude and uncivill way toward him, as slight­ing his presence. Secondly, in leaving to him the wise and orderly government of the Fa­mily, and all Domestique Discipline without contradiction. Lastly, (and in speciall) in ob­serving his good Counsell, and in following his religious and godly examples. I might here take occasion to fasten a just reproofe upon many Women, that are so far from reverencing their Husbands, that on the contrary they are Instruments (but cursed ones) of much dis­respect, disgrace, and dishonour to be call up­on their Husbands by their Contumelious words to them, their scandalous and contemp­tible words behind their backs, and in their unworthy, and unbeseeming gestures and acti­ons toward them; but let such women know, that as they are transgressours against the Com­mands [Page 107] of God relating to the Wives duty of reverencing her Husband, (which is most of all) so they are no gainers hereby; it may be they make their Husbands good esteeme fall to the ground among the baser conditioned peo­ple, but to be sure their own good names (if ever they had any) they make to stinke in the Nostrils of all men who have but morall ho­nesty, and much more with those who are pi­ous and godly indeed. But I shall not prose­cute this, because I thinke it rarely the sin of a godly woman, and I despaire of doing good on others.

In the sixth place it is the duty of the Wife to bear with her Husbands infirmities; The sixth duty of the Wife to the Husband. though the woman be the weaker Vessell, yet the man is not free from, but Obnoxious to many weak­nesses, and infirmities, which a loving and ten­der-hearted wife must labour to beare with; sometimes it doth come to passe (and often too) that the Husband meeting with turbulent and crosse businesses, may have such pertur­bations of mind, that for a time it may interrupt his otherwise sweet composure of spirit, and make him malecontent, and wayward, and hard to please by his dearest relations, that nei­ther Wife nor Children can have a cheerefull looke from him, nor a good word of him, which the wife with a sweet silence, or ami­able carriage, both in words and actions must passe by, and it will be her great wisdome and godly discretion so to do. And hereby his pas­sions of mind will waste the faster, and he re­turne [Page 108] to his usuall temper the sooner; but if on the contrary the Wife to his enkindled coales adde fewell and combustible matter by bad words, and a crosse-grain'd behaviour, the whole house will not only be in a disturbing smoake, but in a burning flame; Grievous words stir up Anger, Pro. 15.1. whereas on the con­trary, A soft Answer turneth away wrath. It was the sin of Zipporah who failed in her duty in not bearing with her Husbands infirmity; but (as hath been observed) Moses did well to beare with hers, Exod. 4.25. Beare ye one ano­thers burthens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ, saith the Apostle, Gal. 6.2. This duty concer­ned all Christians to practice in generall, but in the case we speake to it doth concerne the Wife most to practice in relation to her Hus­band, but for her to take a fit opportunity (with Abigail) to acquaint him that his carri­age was not good, but (he being godly) very ill-beseeming him, and of scandall to others, this will be an ornament of grace to her (espe­cially if she perform it in a right way.) There may be many other infirmities in a man besides Anger and Passion, which his Wife must, I say, beare with, which we shall not endeavour to particularize, but leave to her to judge of; only we shall in one word give her the rule to pro­ceed by, viz. A mans infirmity (properly) is an unvoluntary deviation from that rule of ex­actnesse whereby (by the grace of God) he doth walke in the generall course of his life, both in relation to God and man, having first [Page 109] respect to the duties of piety required in the first Table, and secondly, to the duties of righ­teousnesse in the second Table of the Deca­logue, or ten Commandements.

In the seventh place, The seventh duty of the Wife to the Husband. it is the duty of the Wife to the Husband to yield him help and fur­therance in his outward Estate. But in the pro­secution of this duty we shall use the more concisenesse; having mentioned something this way in the ninth duty of the Husband to his Wife, only what was there delivered was up­on another Account, that is, to put it upon the Husband to stir up his Wife to avoid idlenesse, and to labour to be industrious; where her chiefe Imployment was exprest to be, to guide the house, and to looke well to the waies of her Family. But here we must labour to stir her up to the practice of this her duty, and we hope the convincing her that it is a duty will be Mo­tive sufficient to that end. Now here it will be necessary for the Wife to take notice of the in­junction of the Apostle in 1 Tim. 5.14. where he saith, I will (which is as much as to say I command) that the younger women marry, (beare Children) and guide the house. Now to guide the house, (at least well, for that must be understood) is to see every servant performe their duty, and every one in the Family to have food in due season, and that it be good for qua­lity, and enough for quantity, and nothing spoyled for want of seasonable spending; she must have a jealous eye upon such servants in whom there is the least ground of suspition of [Page 110] unfaithfulnesse, to prevent their passages out of the backe doore (as we [...]ay) and to take heed of laying temptations on them, by letting them enjoy any opportunities to come at such things which concerne them not to have to do with but at times of washings, or cleansing the corners of the house; for the Proverbe is, that the temptation makes the Thiefe. She must in a speciall manner be carefull of the Education and breeding of the Children (they being the chiefest part of her Husbands, and her owne Estate;) she must be as helpfull as she may (if need require) to her Husband in his outward Calling. But thou that art a Wife, if thou de­sire to performe thy duty this way, then for thy imitation read often, and consider seriously of the waies of the good Houswife in Pro. 31.10. to the end of that Chapter. And truly, let me tell thee, that if thou be not consciencious to further thy Husband in his outward estate, thou art very unworthy to have any share in that honour of being reputed among the number of meet helpers. There hath many a man been raised to a good outward estate by the industry of his wife, for the hand of the diligent maketh rich, Prov. 10.4. (whether the hand of Hus­band or Wife.) And many a man hath been brought to miserable penury and beggery by the Idlenesse (and such qualities as attend thereon,) of his wife. Lastly, The Wife may very much help her Husband in his outward Estate by labouring to prevent him, or to seeke to reclaime him from profuse, unthrifty, and [Page 111] expensive waies; I say, she should first labour to prevent him from such Estate-consuming courses, which she may do by labouring to provide all necessary and wholsome dyet at home for him, with due attendance and a qui­et Family; for many a man having wanted these at home hath sought them abroad, and so by little and little custome in unthrifty courses hath brought a necessity on him of continu­ance in them, a necessity indeed, but yet spring­ing from his own wicked heart. But thou that art a Wife, if thou canst not prevent this plague from falling on thy Family, then in the second place thou must labour in all waies of wisdome and sweetnesse to reclaime him out of these pernitious courses. Beseech him to consider his sin (by this wicked way of his) against God; Secondly, against his own soule; Thirdly, against his body by unhealthfulnesse and noysome diseases; Fourthly, against his Credit; Fifthly, Against his owne Estate; Sixthly, Against thy selfe. Lastly, Against his poore Children. Thou must also labour to be as amiable in his eye as possible, that he may de­light in thy company; (truly, they are no good meanes that some women use to reclaime their Husbands by, as to follow them with an en­raged spirit to an Ale-house, and there to raile, and foame, pull, and teare, as if they would throw the house out of the window (as we say) for this course seldome or never doth do any good.) But if all the meanes thou canst use prove in vaine, beg of God to sanctifie this [Page 112] sore afflicton to thee and thine, and the more expensive thy Husband is abroad, the more sparing be thou at home, that if possible the Estate may hold out to be a meanes to bring up thy Children, untill (under God) they can shift by good waies for themselves. But for thy own condition, whether in such a desperate case thou maiest make a purse for thy selfe (as we say) or not, I shall say very little, (and that under correction too, submitting to the judge­ment of learned and judicious Divines,) but I am fully satisfied in my own conscience, that thou maiest not (contrary to thy Husbands al­lowance) lay by one penny (as we lay) against a wet day; and the reason why I thus thinke, is, because thy Husband alone hath the proprie­ty in his Estate, unlesse some agreement be­tweene you before Marriage, or betweene thy friends and him have altered the case. And we must for ever walke by this Rule, that we must not do evill that good may come thereby, Rom. 3.8. for their damnation is just. But this thou must do, (and in so doing approve thy selfe a Christian.) thou must act faith on God, Hab. 3.17, 18. And that thou canst not do if thou neg­lect lawfull meanes, or use any that is un­lawfull.

The eighth duty of the VVife to the Husband.Now in the eighth and last place, the duty of the Wife to her Husband, is, to put forth her selfe with all tendernesse and endeared Af­fections, with all readinesse, enlargednesse, and cheerefulnesse, to yield him comfort and suc­cour in the time of bodily affliction, sicknesse, [Page 113] and weakness, (we have seen before, that the aiming at comfort in all conditions is one end (and a principall one too) of our desiring the Marriage condition.) And if a woman be any way negligent herein, she doth leave unper­formed one speciall duty she doth owe to her Husband; for if ever a man stand in need of his Wives help, he doth so in a speciall manner when he cannot help himselfe. Now the time of sicknesse and weakenesse is such a time, and then the wife must in an extraordinary way put forth her best abilities in her own person to contribute to the foresaid purpose; and not on­ly so, but she must labour to procure able and faithfull attendants about him; and by no meanes neglect to look out to procure (under God) help from such Physitians as have both the Theory & practique part of their profession, and manifest most tendernesse, care, and ho­nesty for the good and recovery of their pati­ents. But what meanes soever she makes use of, she must depend on the God of meanes for a blessing, which she must crave of him by earnest and fervent prayer, for such prayer is a meanes sanctified of God to save the sick, Jam. 5.15. We shall turne in here, and proceed no further to lay down the particular duties that the Wife doth owe to her Husband, of which she must make conscience as in the presence of God. And that as she will approve her selfe to be a meet helper to her Husband; the number of which duties you see are eight, first, Matri­moniall love; Secondly, Cohabitation; Third­ly, [Page 114] To be helpfull to him in the best things for the good of his soule; Fourthly, Submission to him; Fifthly, To reverence him; Sixthly, To labour to beare with his Infirmities; Seventh­ly, To yield him furtherance in his outward Estate; Eighthly, and lastly, To labour to help and comfort him in time of Ilnesse and weak­nesse of any kind.

We have endeavoured hitherto to consider of the distinct duties of the Husband to his Wife: And of the VVives duties to her Hus­band; or which duties some that the Husband doth owe unto his VVife are the same that the VVife doth owe unto her Husband: And some that the VVife doth owe unto her Husband are the same that the Husband doth owe unto his VVife, yet with some apparent differen­ces.

But now there remaines some duties to be considered of that are equally due to each other, (though not before proposed) and must be so handled.

The first joynt duty between a man and wife.The first joint duty betweene man and wife equally obliging both, is, that they labour to maintaine a good opinion one of another touching their faithfulness in keeping the Mar­riage Covenant, and that neither of them have violated the same by lodging their hearts in the bosome of strangers, or defiling their bo­dies with them; For, if for want of care here­in there appeare ground of just suspition of unfaithfulnesse, jealousie will get into the heart, and take up its residence there untill it [Page 115] have consumed the sap, and devoured the root of all true love; And then miserable daies in all probability will be the portion of both as long as their unhappy lives last. Marke how Solo­mon in the Canticles doth describe jealousie, Jealousie is cruell as the grave, the coales there­of are coales of fire which have a most vehement flame, Eccl. 8.6. this fire will not admit of any limits. I say againe, it will eat out love, it will consume joy and all comfort in the Marriage-Estate; yea, it will waste the flesh, the mar­row, and the bone, and shorten life it selfe. Jealousie, saith the Holy Ghost, is the rage of a man: therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will not regard a Ransome; neither will he rest content though thou givest many gifts, Prov. 6.34, 35. Of all wrongs that can be offered to man, or wife, they will not endure this breach of the Conjugall Contract; good natures (especially gracious hearts) in man and wife will beare with the Infirmities of each other, but they will not be patient when they see this cursed enormity. Here then you see that this care that is to be taken by both parties to labour to preserve in their hearts a good opinion of each other this way, may well fall in as a duty to be minded of exceeding high concernment.

The second joint duty between man and wife equally concerning both, is, The second joynt duty betweene a man and wife. the yielding to each other due benevolence; the Apostle expressely requires it, 1 Cor. 7.3. and gives an undeniable reason for it in ver. 4. and in ver. 5. [Page 116] he tels us (upon the matter) that to deny the same each to other, is, to defraud each other, but I refer you to the place and will not adde one syllable more on this point for speciall reason.

The third joynt duty between a man and Wife.The third and last joint duty of man and wife equally concerning both, is, that they do not pollute or defile the Marriage bed, for it may be polluted &c. two waies. First, by In­ordinatenesse; Secondly, by unseasonableness. First, by Inordinatenesse, when Married per­sons abuse their liberty in Marriage-Conjun­ctions to excesse, and so make it a meanes ra­ther to encrease Concupiscence than to morti­fie the same; they should cast on water to quench lust, and not Oyle to enflame the fury thereof. God hath ordained Marriage as a meanes to avoid Fornication, but this excesse we speake of, makes (even) such persons more obnoxious to temptations to that sin, than hap­pily most are that are in the single condition. And God doth many times severely punish this sin, but the Philosopher will tell you how; He will acquaint you, that by this inordinate and over-frequent actings you do evacuate the best spirits which God and Nature hath not only appointed for generation, but for the suppor­tation of the body of man, which otherwise would be full of Imbecillity, but being so pro­fusely cast away there followeth much weak­nesse in the body, raging paines in the head, and sometimes that exceeding sad affliction of the running of the Reines, and sometimes the [Page 117] effect of these distempers brings death. Now it is true, both sexes are not joint sufferers alike, but they are joint sinners, and should jointly be humbled and reformed. Thus much for the first head; but secondly, the Marriage-bed may be polluted by using it in unseasonable times; for there are two times that God doth prohi­bite these conjunctions in; First, in case the Lord call us to the duty of Fasting and Prayer, then there must be a cessation and intermission this way, 1 Cor. 7 5. Defraud not one another except with consent for a time, that you may give your selves to Fasting and prayer. The Lord also by the Prophet Joel requires the Bride­groome to go forth of his Chamber in the day of humiliation, Joel 2.15, 16. VVhen the peo­ple of God make their approaches before the Lord on extraordinary occasions there must be very serious preparations to such duties; And as jewels and rich apparrell must be laid aside in some cases, as Exod. 33.4, 5, 6. So upon some other approaches they must not come at their wives, Exo. 19.15. Thus much for the first unseasonable time, whereby the Marriage-bed is polluted. But secondly, In a speciall manner this sin may be committed in those ordinary seasons of extraordinary flux, or over-flowings of nature in the Feminine gender, for then the Lord hath forbidden all neere approaches in such a way as we speake to, and that under a speciall penalty: even the being cut off from their people, which was either by death, or castings out from Church-society, (to the later [Page 118] I encline,) Lev. 18.19. Chap. 20.18. and in Ezek. 22.10. the Lord complaines that in Je­rusalem there were a very flagitious people this way. Now then, by these pollutions of the Marriage-bed, first, by Inordinatenesse; Se­condly, Unseasonablenesse, the opinion of an Orthodoxe Divine will be confirmed, which is, that as a man may be a drunkard with his own drinke, and a glutton with his own meat, so a man may be a filthy and uncleane person with his own wife. And for the sin of these last persons defiling the Marriage-bed by their unnaturall and uncleane Conjunctions, God doth punish it (according to the observation of the Philosopher) with an unhealthfull and le­prous Off-spring. And for ought thou knowest with spirituall judgements on thy soule, even hardnesse of heart, and finall Impenitency. Therefore in the name and feare of the great God it concernes you both to keep at a far di­stance from these pollutions in the Marriage-condition. This may suffice for these three last and joint duties concerning both man & wife; First, to avoid the giving any cause for jealou­sie to enter into the heart; Secondly, the yield­ing to each other due benevolence; And last­ly, a religious care to shun all pollution in the Marriage-bed, either by Inordinatenesse, or un­seasonablenesse in the use thereof.

We are now by the Lords good leave and divine assistance to proceed to the last thing (propounded in the beginning,) which we are to consider of before Marriage, namely, the [Page 119] duties that both Husband and Wife do owe unto their Family in relation to both Children and Servants. Which because most of these duties concerne both Husband and VVife, we shall endeavour to handle them together for brevities sake, yet make some distinction, that they may both take notice of their duties, where distinction is to be made.

The first duty that both Husband and VVife do owe unto their Family, The first du­ty of Gover­nours to th [...]ir Family. is to Catechise and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God, and feare of his Name This duty doth chiefly belong to the Husband, yet in his absence it doth properly concerne his wife likewise. Now the Great God doth not only enjoyne this duty upon the Children of Israel, but doth much inculcate the same, Deut. 4 6. Take heed to thy selfe diligently lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seene, and lest they depart from thy heart all the daies of thy life, but thou shalt teach them thy Sons, and thy Sons Sons. Then againe, Deut. 6. 6.7. These words which I command thee this day shall be in thy heart, and thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy Children, &c. Yet fur­ther, Deut. 11.19. Ye shall lay up these my words in your hearts, and in your soules, and bind them for a signe upon your hands, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes, and ye shall teach them your Children, &c. The Apostle requires the same duty of Parents, Eph. 6.4. Ye Parents provoke not your Children to wrath, but bring them up in instruction and information of the [Page 120] Lord. Solomon exhorts us to the same duty, Prov. 22 6. Traine up a Child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. Now in Scripture you shall find this duty of teaching and instructing Children and Servants was frequently performed by the godly: first see it in the practice of Abraham, Gen. 18.19. Further view it in the resolution of Joshuah, Josh. 24 15 Also in the care of David, both in 1 Chron. 28.9. and in Psal 34.11. And can we conceive that Cor [...]el [...]us did neglect this duty? who feared God with all his houshold, Acts 10.2. Or that any of those holy men did omit this duty, whose houses were Churches? Rom. 16. [...]. Col. 4.15. Phil. 2. If we should so think we give ground enough for others to conclude we are very uncharita­ble. Besides, if the judgement of Ancient and Moderne Divines, in relation to this truth, be of force with you to confirme you herein, you must then be satisfied, that it is the duty of Pa­rents and Governours of Families to take much paines to teach and instruct their Chil­dren and Servants to feare and serve the Lord; Or else what meane all their Orthodoxe forms of Catechisme to yield help to consciencious Christians in the discharge of this duty, (of which there be many extant — blessed be the Lord, & have been in ages past,) Doubtless you must be convinced that it is your duty, only if you know these things blessed are you if you do them, The second du [...] of Go­ver [...]urs of [...] [...]s Joh. 13.17.

The second duty that both man and wife do [Page 121] owe unto their Children and Servants, is to pray with them, and for them. Ye have seen but now that Parents must take paines to teach and instruct their Children and Servants in the knowledge of God; But what successe can there be expected as the blessed fruit of such a duty without prayer with, and for them? Paul may plant, and Apollos may water, but God gi­veth the encrease, 1 Cor. 3.6. But this encrease must be humbly sought of God by Prayer. There is a spirit of Indotionablenesse in all by nature, but it doth abound many times in some Children and Servants. I will instruct and teach thee (saith David) in the way thou shalt go: I will guid thee with mine eye, Psal. 32.8. Then instantly adds in the very next verse, Be ye not as the horse or Mule which have no un­derstanding, &c. There is a great deale of ig­norance and blockish stupidity in all sorts of persons, (and therefore in Children and Ser­vants,) which none but God can take away; it was God that opened the heart of Lydia, that she attended to the things that were spo­ken of Paul, Acts 16.14. Therefore there is great need to pray unto God to take away all obstacles that may obstruct the edification of thy Family in saving knowledge, and Grace, or else thou maiest have small hopes of doing them any good by all thy other paines in the discharging thy duties. Mind the imprecation of Jeremy, Poure out thy wrath (saith he) upon the Heathen, and upon the Families that call not on thy Name, Jer. 10.25. Holy Job was [Page 122] very conscientious in this duty of prayer for his, Job 1.15. He offereth burnt Offerings to God in relation to his Sons and Daughters; with which duty the Learned do conclude he offered Prayer, and of that there can be no doubt, because when he offered burnt Offe­rings for his three Friends, he also prayed for them, Job 42.7, 8, 10. David he praies for So­lomon, 1 Chron. 29.19. And can any with rea­son conclude that he did not pray for his other Children upon all Occasions? A very grosse absurdity it were so to do; Certainly we may desist from further prosecution of this point as to Information, that it is the duty of Parents to pray with, and for their Children and Ser­vants, (because all men will confesse it;) but for their neglect of it we shall by the help of God (in due place) labour to meet with them by just reproofe. But for such as are godly Children and Servants, who take notice of the extreame remissenesse of their Parents and Masters in performing this, demonstrating evi­dently that they are Christians by praying for them; I exhort that they would themselves go to God in secret, to beg of him to open the eyes of such Governours to see with godly sor­row this their abominable sin, and to give them grace to reforme it, lest such Governour of Families sinke into the bottomlesse pit o [...] hell for it to all Eternity.

The third duty of Go­vernours of Families.In the third place it is the duty of Paren [...] and Governours of Families to labour to wa [...] [Page 123] before their Children and Servants in all holy and religious waies, and to be very circum­spect herein. We have taken some notice that it is the duty of such Governours to teach those that are under their government the know­ledge of God, and to informe them in the waies of his feare. Now if this be done only by precept, and not by example, there is small hope of doing them any good, for a man may teach his Child or Servant the way to heaven by Precept, and the way to hell by bad exam­ple; the leaders of this people cause them to [...]erre, and they that are led of them are de­stroyed, saith the Prophet, Isa. 9, 16. It is to no [...]nd to teach the first way if ye neglect the se­cond; (or at least to little purpose.) The Scribes and Pharisees (saith Christ) sit in Moses chaire, whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do: but after their doings do not, for they say and do not, Mat. 23.2, 3. So if Parents, &c. [...]e like them in teaching, and in practice too, well they may lead them to sin by their exam­ples, but if they lead them to good it will be very rare; for the evill examples of Superi­ours are of great force to lead the Inferiours [...]nto vile waies, and this daily experience will [...]eare witnesse to. If Parents and Masters be given over to swearing, Blaspheming, lying, [...]runkenness, uncleannesse, hating of God, his waies, and people, or to any other sin, of such [...]ves many times are their Children and Ser­ [...]ants; for of this take speciall notice that evill [...]xamples are of a far more drawing nature for [Page 124] Imitation, than good are hopefull for Refor­mation; You that are Governours if you tread in filth but over shooes, may occasion those that are under you to wade over their boot tops. They that pervert soules in any kind may make them that are under their charge seven fold more the children of hell than themselves. Good men are easily misled by bad examples. Peter gives a bad example, Gal. 2.11, 12. then in ver. 13. the Jewes and Barnabas are corrupted by it: Now if such men may be so abused by bad examples, there is much more cause of feare of those who deserve no good repute.

The fourth duty of Go­vernours of Families.Now in the fourth and last place, it is the du­ty of Parents and Masters to their Children and Servants, to labour to restraine them from walking in scandalous and evill waies, and this to do betimes; for since the fall of Adam there is in all his posterity such a cursed depravity that there remaines no principles of good in them to further the soule in gracious waies; the mind is stuft with ignorance, the will is perverse, and all the Affections are out of order. Now the will is the chiefe Agitator of all evill [...] and opposer of good; the will should be gui­ded by a rectified understanding, but it rebels against it, or else how comes it to passe that a man is violently carried to sin against conscience, and against an inlightened judge­ment, as it is often seen? yet this is a truth that so far forth as the will is regenerate it desires to walke closely with God, and not t [...] deviate from his Commandements; and th [...] [Page 125] is the Will our Saviour speakes of, that was in his Disciples when they were with him in the time of his Agony, (though he spake more par­ticularly to Peter,) The spirit is willing, (or rea­dy) but the flesh is weake, Mat. 26.41. And of this Will the Apostle speakes of, Rom. 7.18. To will is present with me; but this is not the will we speake of, there must be no restrictions laid on this, but we must rather labour after main­taining the liberty of it, but it is the perverse wils of Children and Servants that their Su­periours must labour to check and bridle. A child set at liberty maketh his mother ashamed, Prov. 29.15. But it may be here demanded, What meanes must be used by Superiours to restraine Inferiours from walking in scanda­lous waies? And for curbing the perverse wils of such as God hath set under them to be go­verned by them? I answer, First, loving Ad­monitions, and sweet endeavours to convince them of their evill waies, (only this I must premise, that what course is to be taken with Church Members upon their uneven walking must in some particulars of them be taken with Domestique Members.) The Apostle speakes to the believing Romans of his confidence of their abilities to admonish one another, Rom. 15.14. And can we conceive that they did not improve those abilities upon occasions when Brethren did offend? Sure we cannot. Now this way of admonition God himselfe takes with Cain, Gen. 4.7. And Jesus Christ in Mat. 18.15. prescribes this rule [...] very full is [Page 126] the Apostle in 1 Thes. 5.14. Now we exhort you Brethren, warne them that are unruly: be patient towards all men; So in 2 Tim. 2.25. In meeknesse instructing those that oppose them­selves, if God peradventure will give them re­pentance to the acknowledgement of the truth, and that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the Devill. Now when thou dost thus admonish the offender, or offenders, un­der thy charge, tell him, or them, that by such courses they sin against God, (where lay down Scripture proofe that they may be convinced.) Secondly, that they sin against their own souls. Thirdly, That they do provoke God to execute upon them all judgements spirituall, temporal, and eternall, and in these two last particulars labour to amaze them with terrour and dread. But if this gentle meanes will not prevaile with them, thou must sharpely reprove them, that they may be sound in the faith, Tit. 1.15. And this sharpnesse may be included in that phrase in Jud. 23. pulling them out of the fire. So Lev. 19.17. Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thy heart, but thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy Neighbour and not suffer sin upon him. But if this meanes also produce no amendment, then in the last place thou must make use of the or­dinance of Correction; For foolishnesse is bound up in the heart of a Child, but the rod of correcti­on will drive it away, Prov. 22, 15. And it may so be too, that a servant will not be corrected with words, Prov. 29.19. And yet certainly God would have them reformed too: But take [Page 127] notice of this also, that the procrastination, or putting off of Correction of your Children, will but fit them to be incorrigible; the bow­ing trees whilst they are young is a similitude often on this occasion made use of, but too sel­dome practised, Prov. 13.24. He that spareth his Rod hateth his Son; but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes. Prov. 23.23, 24. With-hold not Correction from the Child; for if thou beat him with the Rod, he shall not dye; thou shalt beat him with the Rod, and shalt de­liver his soul from hell. But in making use of this Ordinance of Correction, whether of Children or Servants, observe with care these three things: First, a fit time; Secondly, that your ends be good; and lastly, that it be in a right manner. First, for a fit time: which time is, when the heat of Passion is over; for we must be just in the measure of Correction, which we cannot be if Passion have com­mand. Passion may provoke us to play the Tyrants, and to make the party corrected de­spised in our eyes, Deut. 25.3. And that will dishearten and deject them. In the second place, propose a right end in correcting any under your charge, you must not give correcti­on to manifest your Authority, or to be Re­venged on them for crossing you, but sincerely to kill sinne in them, to subdue their exorbi­tant lust, to make them more sit to glorifie God, and perform service unto men: these and such like ought to be purely your aimes. And lastly, you must administer this Ordinance in a [Page 128] a right manner; that is, with lifting up your hearts to God, desiring him with the correcti­on to vouchsafe to them Instruction, to sancti­fie it to them, so that it may prove effectuall for their Reformation, to make them obedient to God in word and deed, and faithtull in the discharge of all the duties they owe unto you. Now when your carriage is truely thus in your correcting Children or Servants, you may (by the blessing of God) expect some gracious effects of it, except the Lord have a contro­versie with, and against them, to harden their hearts, by this (and other means) to their own perdition.

Thus we have done with the foure general Duties which both Husband and wife owe un­to both Children and Servants: as first to in­struct them in the wayes of God. Secondly, to pray with them, and for them. Thirdly, to walk before them in good examples. Fourth­ly, and lastly, to seek to reclaim them from bad wayes. Now because the neglect of these Duties is a prime cause of infinite disho­nour to God, the means of many souls peri­shing to all eternity, and the breeding of mul­titudes of rotten and vile members in Church and State, we shall endeavour with the Lords Assistance, to proceed to some reasons, infor­cing the performance of these Duties by all godly Governours, and then come to make some Application thereof.

Reas. 1 The first Reason is taken from the Com­mand of God, who requires the performance [Page 129] of all these duties at thy hands: for thou hast seen by variety of Scripture Texts, that these duties are not Arbitrary or of an Indifferent na­ture, that thou maist doe them, or leave them undone at thy own discretion. Now as the Promises of God are to be the ground of thy Faith; so the Commands of God are to be the ground of thy obedience. That God re­quires these Duties of thee, from hence thou maist gather an Argument, that thou art bound to set thy selfe with all thy might to the per­formance of them: A good understanding have all they that doe his Commandements, Psalme 111. ult. If ye know these things, bles­sed are ye if ye doe them, John 13.17. The life of a Christian lyeth chiefely in doing; What singular thing doe yee? Matth. 5.47. for so it is rendred in the old Translation. What is the Theory of Religion, if the practick part be wanting? Now as you would approve your selves to be the Children of God, you must obey him in all things; for, His ser­vants you are whom you obey, Rom. 6.16.

The second Reason inforeing from you the Reas. 2 performance of these duties, before mentio­ned, for the good of your children and ser­vants, is taken from those bowels of compas­sions that should be in you, relating to the good of their souls: for by thy neglect of teaching them the knowledge of God, and praying for them, and with them, and walking before them in good examples, and labouring to reclaim them from sinne, they may perish [Page 130] in hell for evermore; He (saith James) that converteth a sinner from the errour of his way shall save a soule from death, Jam. 5.20. and hide a multi­tude of sins; (and what knowest thou but by thy conscionable use of these meanes thou maiest instrumentally do it.) In Exod. 23.4. the Lord commands, that if thou meet thy Enemies Oxe, or his Asse going astray, that thou shalt surely bring him back againe. How much more then oughtest thou to be carefull when thou seest thy Children and Servants go astray from God in the wales that lead to hell, to be carefull to bring them back againe, and so to secure their poore soules from perishing. Now in the way to hell thy Children and Ser­vants alwaies walke when they are in a state of ignorance, and in the practice of any sin. My people (saith God) are destroyed for lack of knowledge, Hos. 4.6. And as for thy poore Children thy own Loynes have been the Con­duit-pipe to convey into their hearts and soules (from Adam the fountaine) all that corrupti­on of nature which is in them, and all that propensity to sin which is in their wils. Truly, it is not only against a gracious principle, but against an Humane and Morall one too, that thou shouldst thrust thy poore Child into a dangerous quagmire, and then deny him thy hand to help pluck him back againe; and that thou shouldst give him many a deadly and mortall wound, and refuse to apply a plaister for his cure; (these similitudes are infinitely too short to set forth this case fully.) Now [Page 131] when thou dost neglect these meanes before­said thou dost shew thy selfe to be a cruell and bloudy Man, a most savage beast, there is no tearmes in the world that can fully set forth the intolerable vilenesse of thy condition; be thou amazed and tremble like Belshazzar in another case, Dan. 5.6. and set thy selfe to reforme.

The third reason to quicken thee to the per­formance Reas. 3 of the duties beforesaid, is taken from the account thou art to give to God at the great day for those soules that he hath committed to thy charge, if they by thy neg­lect perish, thou must be responsible for them at the generall Audit before God, Angels, and Men. At which time the Lord will not remit thee one graine of the non performance of any one of these (or any other) duties, which thou shouldst have performed to have sought his own glory, and the salvation of thy Chil­dren and Servants by: For in Gods calling thee to be the Governour of a Family he hath made thee a watchman over their soules. And consider thou that place for the purpose in hand, in Ezek. 33.8. Eli the Priest was by rea­son of his indulgence to his Children a very defective man this way, (yet many thousand Millions of men are more.) He sought to re­claime his Sons from their wickednesse only by admonishing them of it, and of the judg­ments of God for the same, (which is more perhaps than thou didst ever do,) but there unseasonably came to a period; God punished [Page 132] this sin of his; First, upon those his wicked and degenerate Sons; then on his own per­son; and lastly, on his whole house; His Sons were slaine both in one day, himselfe brake his neck, and his house lost the Priests Office, 1 Sam. 2.22, 23, 24, 34, 35, 36. Chap. 4.11, 18. Read the Story and lay it sadly to thy heart. But the Learned do conceive, that the perso­nall punishment of Eli was but temporall, be­cause he was gracious, though in the case be­fore-mentioned a grievous offender; I say, read and and consider, and as thou likest the punishment so practice the sin; it is true, God is patient, but this his patience (if further abused by thee) will not prove thy priviledge, but thy infinite disadvantage: For thou shalt (when it is too late) find thou art rather re­served for hell than preserved from the evill of punishment; the patience of God will be but his omission of punishment, and not the re­mission of thy sin.

Reas. 4 The fourth and last Reason to induce thee to the practice of these duties to thy Family, may be taken from that respect thou maiest (in due place) have to the recompence of re­ward; for if thou be an instrument of the glory of God in the conversion of soules, thou maiest (through free grace) expect an interest in that promise of God, That they that are wise shall shine as the firmament, but they that convert many to righteousnesse shall shine as the stars for ever and ever, Dan. 12.3. And what knowest thou but thou maiest have the presence and [Page 133] assistance of the spirit of God with thee in thy discharge of these duties (if thou be con­sciencious therein) both for the information of thy Children and Servants, and the reformati­on of their lives.

Thus much for the Reasons (or Motives) to actuate and provoke your spirits to the dis­charge of those duties you owe to your Chil­dren and Servants; First, taken from the com­mand of God. Secondly, From those bowels of Compassions to their soules that ought to be in you. Thirdly, From that account you must passe to God for their soules if they perish by your default. And lastly, from that respect you may have to the recompence of reward; We shall come to a few words of Application, before we proceed to the ensuing matter.

This in the first place may serve for Infor­mation, Use 1 to let you see the originall cause, and the cursed and impoysoned root from whence doth spring all the abominations of these times, the profanation of Gods Sabbaths, drunkennesse, pride, uncleannesse, hating of the power of Godlinesse, and all other sins. Even from hence, that Parents and Masters neglect their duties to their Children and Ser­vants in Catechizing and instructing them in the waies of God, as also that they pray not with them, nor for them, nor walke before them, giving them good examples, (but rather the contrary;) and lastly, in that they use no meanes to reclaime them from vicious waies, but leave them to themselves, laying the raines [Page 134] of corrupt liberty on their necks, whereby they run a full careere into all waies of sin, and so to hell at last. The Lord hath cause to com­plaine of the multitude and hainousnesse of the sins of these times as once he did of the sins of Israel, Amor [...].13. Behold (saith God) I am pressed under you as a Cart is pressed that is full of sheaves; and truly, it is only his mercy that the Land doth not spue us out, Lev. 18 28. And that which aggravates our sins, is, that after the faithfull Ministers of God in the later, and this present Age have cried out against the horrid sins of the Times and have spent the strength of their Reines, and wasted their best spirits, that they may sit down and mourne over us, and say, they have spent their labour in vaine, and their strength to no purpose, Isa. 49.4. For custome in sin doth bring a necessity to sin, and that in such an habituall way that no meanes without a miracle of mercy can reforme the evill manners of most, for the Ministers of the Gospell cannot preach down sin, nor the Civill Magistrate cut it down with the sword of justice. But Beloved, how easi­ly (by the blessing of God) might many, if not all, the Exorbitances of these times have been prevented by the Christian and prudent care of Domestique Governours; they might have broke the Egge betimes, and so have prevented it from bringing forth a Serpent; they might have taken and dash'd Babylons little ones a­gainst the stones, Psal. 137. ult. Every Family is a little Nursery to the great Orchards of [Page 135] Church and Common-wealth. Now Family Discipline is the pruning, ingrafting, Enocu­lating, and digging about the root of the ten­der Imps to qualifie and fit them for transplan­tation into either or both the foresaid Or­chards. But if the meanes before-mentioned be not used, instead of removing fruitfull trees you shall replant Crabs, bryers and thornes, and such Vines as shall bring forth no Grapes, but such as Moses mentions in his Song, Deut. 32.32. Their Vine is of the Vine of Sodom, and of the fields of Gomorrah: their grapes are grapes of gall, their clusters are bitter. They shall bring forth such grapes as the Lord complaines of, Isa. 5.2. Now as Parents and Masters may be charged to be the originall cause of all the sins beforesaid, (and of the sins of the like kind) so may all the Errours fundamentall, and circumstantiall, now main­tained with a Whores forehead, be brought and laid down at their doores likewise; for had they taken more paines with their Chil­dren and Servants to season their hearts, and informe their judgements by a Catechisticall way in the solid and profound truths of God, both concerning faith, and life, (things to be believed, & duties to be practised,) there might (by the blessing of God on their sincere en­deavours) have been better fruit expected in these daies of sadnesse and sorrow than de­clining pure truth, vilifying Gods Ordinan­ces and faithfull Ministers; raging against, and worrying of the tender Lambs of Christ. In [Page 136] which they take the same diabolicall course that some heathens of old tooke, that is, cloathed the Saints in the skins of Beares, and other wild beasts, that so their dogs might fa­sten their impoysoned fangs in their tender hearts; so these calumniate such (who by the grace of God, walke closer to the Rule than themselves) with many opprobrious and vile (but notoriously false) aspersions; they are (say they) enemies to the State, disturbers of the peace of a Nation, and many other hel­lish accusations they have against them which I forbeare to name, (not doubting but in Gods time the guilt of their abominations will settle in their owne bosoms, and so clap to their hearts, and so sting their soules, that by the goodnesse of God they shall be awakened to see their evill, and repent of it before it be too late.) By reason whereof all their beagles and bloud-hounds take the sent, (not by the feet of the non-guilty) from the cursed vomit of the accuser of the Brethren, and run with so much hellish fury at them, that did not God graci­ously, and the precious Laws of the times pre­serve them, they must inevitably perish; but blessed be God there is yet hopes in Israel concerning this thing, Ezra 10.2. For in or­der to the reforming of the destructive errors of these times, the higher powers do declare their sense of the same, and do protest against them, and we hope they will make a hedge of thornes against them. Now as wicked Parents and Masters have by their neglect of their du­ties [Page 137] occasioned all the evils of sin before-men­tioned, and pointed at, so they have been the occasion (by good consequence) of all the evill of punishments that this day the righteous God hath inflicted on the Nation, for sin is the Antecedent of punishment, for the plagues and vengeance of God do follow sin as the thread doth the needle. And here we might run in Infinitum in making this clear from Scrip­ture demonstrations, some we shall produce, and but a few to what we might; Read Deut. 28. the whole Chapter, consider Lam. 3.39. also 2 Chron 36.14, 15, 16. and Hos 4.1, 2, 3, 5. lastly, Mat. 23.37, 38. Thus for the first Use.

In the second place it may serve for just re­proofe, Use 2 and to speake terrour and horrour to the consciences of all Parents and Masters who are guilty of the cursed neglect of the duties (before-mentioned,) which they owe unto their Children and Servants in reference to the good of their soules. You have seene that by this meanes you are accessary to the overflowing enormities of every kind, and horrid crimes of the times, and are the meri­torious cause of the inundation of the miseries that is now by the hand of the all-just God fallen upon us in these our daies, which with­out infinite mercy will bury every man and mothers Child in their own justly-deserved ruine; and hast thou, whosoever thou art, a heart of stone, insensible of thy own conditi­on? Art thou worse than a Stoick? Hast thou, [Page 138] like Jonah, set the sea of the world all in a ra­ging? And art thou fast asleep? Ah poore soule, thy condition is to be lamented with teares of bloud, both in regard of thy guilt, and also of thy punishment; thou art guilty first of the sins of thy Family, (and by their bad exam­ples) of the sins of whole Townes, Cities, Counties, and of the whole Nation; thou art guilty of the precious bloud of their soules; thou hast sent soules to hell by Millions and Le­gions; thou hast cramm'd and ramm'd soules into hell. Oh thou unmercilesse Canniball, what hast thou done? Hast thou married a wife to send her to Hell? Hast thou begot Children to make them fewell for Hell? Hast thou hired Servants to thrust them head and shoulder (as we say) into Hell? Ah thou blood-hound, thou hell-hound, dost thou lye under so much guilt, and yet hast an Adamantine soule? Oh how infinitely miserable art thou by reason of sin? But that is not all, (yet I must confess the evill of sin is worse than the evill of pu­nishment,) thou art lyable to undergo more punishment than men or Angels can conceive, (much lesse acquaint thee with.) He that shall cut the throat, (or otherwise murther) but one man, the Laws of men will both sentence him to, and execute death on him; how then shalt thou escape at the Bar of Gods Tribunall for thy cutting the throats of such multitudes, of multitudes of poore precious soules? (one whereof is worth more than worlds of trea­sure?) Dost thou thinke that the Judge of all [Page 139] the World will not do right? Gen. 28.25 Foster not in [...]hy selfe such a thought, for God will araigne [...]hee, sentence, doome, and damne thee to Hell [...]t the Bar of his terrible Tribunall seat, from whence thou must go pinion'd, mancled, and [...]ettered to hell, guarded with the infernall [...]rew of devils thy companions in sin and tor­ment, and at thy first entrance into that pit of [...]erdition thou shalt rouze up all the damned Ghosts to make way for thee; read that place, [...]a. 14.9. (it may make thy loines to tremble, [...]hy knees to smite one against another, and the [...]aire of thy head to stand on end,) and for such [...]f thy relations to whom God gave no repen­ [...]ance. Oh how will they salute thee, and up­ [...]raid thee? and say here is my cursed Husband, [...]ill thy Wife say. Oh here is my cursed Fa­ [...]her, saies thy poore Children; and say the [...]ervants here is my cursed Master. Oh say [...]hey all, had he instructed us in the waies of God, prayed with us, and for us, lived a holy [...]fe for an example to us, and used all meanes [...]reclaime us from our evill waies, though he [...]ad beat us black and blew, and given us stripes within the bowels of the belly, Prov. 20.30. [...] look the old Translation,) he might have sa­ [...]ed us from hence, but now we are irrecove­ [...]ably lost for ever. After all which down thou [...]nkest with mountaines of sins and curses into [...]he bottomlesse pit, when the hatches of hell [...]hall be shut upon thee, and then thou shalt be [...]ormented with a vengeance, with forked In­ [...]ruments with iron teeth, with Serpents, and [Page 140] Scorpions, and the biting and gnawing of the worme of conscience, then thou shalt not have one drop of water to coole thy tongue, nor one breath of aire to refresh thee with; and that which will aggravate thy misery will be this, that the time of thy torments in hell will be Millions of Millions of yeares; nay, it will be beyond time, (even all time) for ever, and for evermore; and therefore well said a Re­verend Moderne Divine, that this word ever kils the heart. Thus much likewise for the use of reproofe and terrour.

Use 3 In the third place this may be for a use of Lamentation, to bewaile that spirit of Anti­pathy that is almost in all men of all Estates and conditions against the performance of Religious Family duties, for there is a spirit of opposition rising in the hearts of men, (and women too) against not only the duties before mentioned, but also against the persons of those who desire conscientiously to discharge them, they will labour to cast a damp on the spi­rits of such persons by speaking evill of this way of God, and by belching out with their black mouth all the hellish filth and foame that pos­sible they can. They will scoffe at the people of God, nickname them, raile at them, and revile them, even for their care and paines to save the soules of such whom the great God hath committed to their charge. But know, that to speake against the performance of any duty that God requires, is, to speake against God himselfe who requires obedience there­unto, [Page 141] and what is that but blasphemy in a high degree, for hereby thou dost derogate from the infinite wisdome of God, and arrogate to thy own, but know thou that the foolishness of God is wiser than men, 1 Cor. 1.25. Yet mistake not the Apostle, as if he did grant that in God there were a deficiency in understan­ding; for that cannot be, for if God were im­perfect in any one of his Attributes it would make the duty it selfe null, and so God could not have an essentiall being; but the Apostle speakes after the manner of men, as if he did grant that (which must not be granted,) by way of supposition; yet saith he, that defici­ency (or that foolishnesse which foolish and wicked men thinke to be in God) is wiser than all the Wit, parts, and understanding that the wisest men in the world have. What a de­generate Creature then art thou (whosoever thou art,) that once darest enter the lists of dispute against thy Creator, as thou dost that censurest such as obey God in any kind to be fooles, and ridiculous, and absurd fellows, (for that, if not worse, is thy language.) I am cer­taine that by this meanes thou commest with­in the lists of that woe, Isa. 5.20. Woe unto them who call evill good, and good evill, &c. Thou condemnest Gods waies, and justifiest thy own waies. Let men walke in the waies [...]o get wealth, or pleasure, or carnall profit, or worldly honour, or run apace in the high road [...]o hell: These ungodly persons before spoken of will not dishearten them, but rather en­courage [Page 142] them by keeping company with them; but let any men or women whose hearts God hath warmed with zeale for his glory, and tender love to such poore soules as are under them, let them but lend them a little finger to guide them, or but a small sparke of light to conduct them by in the way to heaven, then they are in their Bedlam-fits, not knowing how to contain themselves within the bounds of civility. But these men have either never learned, or soon forgotten that place of our Sa­viour, The Kingdom of heaven suffereth vio­lence, and the violent take it by force, Mat. 11.12. and other places, Luk. 13.24, Heb. 12.14. Luk. 11.52. Such opposite spirited men and women as these will by no meanes endure that any Child or Friend of theirs shall come within the wals of a godly Family to live in, for feare they should become Puritans, (as they call them;) but to conclude this Point, or Use, let me tell them, that without abundance of repentance for, and reformation of this sin they shall have as large a share (if not more) of those inconceivable miseries which are imperfectly mentioned in the use of reproofe and terrour, as the portion of such as do any way neglect the performance of those duties they owe unto Children and Servants, and it may be they shall have a larger share than the others, because for ought can be known such scoffing Ishmaels as these have been a special cause of hindring many from the performance of their duties to their Family-relations [Page 143] which otherwise would have set themselves to the discharge of those duties.

The use in the last place may be for exhor­tation, Use 4 to stir up Christian Parents and Masters, First, to labour to be well acquainted with those duties which they owe unto their Chil­dren and Servants: And then to set themselves with much diligence, paines, and care to the performance of them. The duties have been laid down, and fully demonstrated from divers Scriptures; there hath been some Illustrati­ons, and Amplifications of them, and divers undeniable reasons to urge the performance of them. Now what shall I say? This paines as in order to thee is lost if thou sit still and come not forth to the performance of them. When David had made a large preparation for build­ing the House of God in Jerusalem, having got together abundance of materials for that Magnificent Worke, what saith he to his Son Solomon? Arise (saith he) therefore and be doing, and the Lord be with thee, 1 Chro. 22.16. Now (if without offence) I might allude to to this, I may say, I have endeavoured as God hath graciously enabled me to prepare in some poore measure some materials to help thee to [...]uild God a temple (or Church) in his own Fa­mily, (unto which I desire thou maiest adde in thy retired Meditations.) Now I also say to thee arise, and be doing, and the Lord be with [...]hee. Thou wilt say, thou art a poore weake creature, thy knowledge is little, and thy parts [...]re small; let me advise thee to gaine good [Page 144] formes of Catechisme, be studious in them, be diligent to improve them for the good of all under thee; by this meanes, (if thou be con­sciencious indeed, and seeke to approve thy selfe to God in thy discharge of these duties, and abundantly desirest to yield furtherance to the soules of thy Wife, Children and Servants,) By this meanes, I say, thou shalt find, that in teaching others thy owne knowledge shall en­crease, and thou hast a promise from the mouth of Christ for this, that to him that hath more shall be given, and he shall have in abun­dance, Mat, 13.12. We have a good proverbe applicable here, that is, Use legs and have legs; and thou saiest thy parts are weake; if thou canst not pray with thy Family but in a very weake manner, then I say, pray to God to teach thee to pray, pray in secret for both the spirit and gift of prayer, that thou maiest be able to Performe it in thy Family; but beware thou set not too high a rate on the gift of prayer, for it often goes alone without the Spirit; thou wert better of the two have the Spirit of Prayer than the gift, but both toge­ther doth best, (especially in relation to edify­ing others.) Simon Magus desired to pur­chase a power to give the Holy Ghost to whom he pleased, his ends were base, as well as his tender vile; he did aime (as good Di­vines thinke) at popular applause, besides a cursed gaine. Truly, I much feare popular applause, and vaine ostentation is too too much the aime of some in our Times; where [Page 145] I see a gift of prayer, (yea, and of prea­ching too) and a spirit of predominant pride, I must take the liberty to think of such a man as I do apprehend cleare ground for. This last passage I do insert for this end principally, to take off the inordinate affections of any poore soule from the gift of prayer; sincerity in all thy walkings with God will comfort thee in the midst of all defects; and what knowest thou (deare Christian) but God will joine his strength with thy weaknesse, and make thee an instrument of begetting soules to God as well as bodies, and so make thee (in a sense) a spirituall Father as well as a bodily, and en­able thee at the last day to say to God, Behold here am I, and the Children whom thou hast given me; where we may allude to that which the Apostle applies and makes proper to Christ, Heb. 2.13. Now in the last place, (for it deserves no other) by thy religious care to fur­ther thy Children and Servants in the waies of God thou maiest make such Children and Ser­vants very profitable to thee in outward re­spects. Paul takes notice that Onesimus was no profitable servant to his Master when he was gracelesse, but after he was converted he tels Philemon that now he was profitable, Phil. 11. There is much crying out in the world (and not without cause) against stub­borne, disobedient, and undutifull Children; and against refractory, and unprofitable Ser­vants; But may not the neglect of Parents and [Page 146] Masters about making their Children (in the use of meanes) Gods Children, and their Ser­vants by the foresaid meanes the servants of God; may not I say, this be a speciall cause of all this confusion; doubtlesse yea, for it is just with God that when thou wilt not make thy Children and Servants to answer Gods ends, (at least so far as possible thou maiest) that thy owne should be wholly frustrate. Thus much for the uses.

Beloved, be pleased to remember that we have urged Parents and Masters to the per­formance of divers duties both to Children and Servants jointly together, but that those duties did relate to the good of their soules only; but now there remaine some duties re­lating to their outward good; and because some of them have reference to Children par­ticularly, in which Servants can make no claime: And some others do belong to Ser­vants, (but I cannot say peculiarly, because Children have an interest in them,) we shall therefore endeavour to advance toward the handling of them likewise, (leaning on God for assistance;) In order whereunto we shall labour to give Children the precedency, for Grace and Nature doth teach the same.

The 1 duty of Parents to their Chil­dren in out­ward re­spects.The first duty which Parents owe unto their Children, in relation to their outward Estate, is, to further them in the meanes for their attaining of a competent measure of Learning for such condition and state of life as God shall call them to, whether in Church [Page 147] or Common-wealth. An illiterate man can receive no content in himselfe, neither can he be profitable to others; a man without learn­ing is like a man who hath but halfe an eye, he seeth divers things, but in a confused and rude forme, even men walking like trees, like him in the Gospell, Mar. 8.24. but he that hath good eies discernes things in a transparent way, to the great satisfaction of his mind; so a man without Learning sees things that have much beauty in themselves, but to him they are cloathed and shadowed in darke and black colours, he sees nothing but an outside, whereas he who hath Learning seeth through and through them (as we say;) he hath a distingui­shing knowledge of them, he can anatomize them, and dive into the nature of them, he can gaine by every Creature, and squeeze out the quintiscence and benefit of every Calling; he can improve all times, all changes, and all things to his advantage. Secondly, a man with­out learning cannot be profitable to others, such a man is like a stone that is digg'd out of the quarrey and not squared, nor any way fit­ted for the building, fit for nothing but to be laid by and over-look'd, or to use in common imployment, no way qualified for publique service; but a man of Learning is like a stone squared, polished, and carved, that is very usefull for the choicest building; such a man (especially if he be of good life,) is principled and in a choice capacity for the highest im­ployments in Church and State; take a few [Page 148] instances, what Moses was for learning, see Acts 7.22. And what he was in publike ser­vice the Scriptures will demonstrate, for un­der God he was the most eminent deliverer of the Church from a state of bondage and sla­very that any Age since the Creation can pro­duce, and therefore is said to be King in Jesu­run when the heads of the people, and Tribes of Israel were gathered together, Deut. 33.5. It is said of Daniel, and the other three Chil­dren, that God gave them knowledge and skill in all Learning, Dan. 1.17. Then in vers. 19. they were preferred to stand before the King; and in Chap. 2 48, 49. they were put in­to the highest places for command in the whol Province of Babylon. So Paul of all the Apo­stles was the most learned man, being brought up at the feet of Gamaliel: which was a place of learning, Acts 22.3. And all men know he was the most eminent amongst them for parts and paines, and himselfe doth modestly con­fesse that he was not a whit behind the very chiefest Apostles, 2 Cor. 11.5. and for paines he did outstrip them all, for he wrote more Epistles to the Churches than all the other, and shewed more Rhetorick in that short Epistle of his to Philemon than you shall meet with in large Volumes. Truly, he had greater gifts then they who boast of the spirit, (but what spirit they are led by is not hard to guesse at;) and yet he prizeth his books as well as his Parchments (which Parchments were as some conceive some sermon Notes,) 2 Tim. 4.13. [Page 149] But if it be objected that it is not of necessity to give Children more learning then the Cal­ling which they are like to be put into doth re­quire; nor secondly, to give them more learn­ing than their Parents estate can beare; I an­swer, it is true, there is no necessity for Chil­dren to have much Learning to help them in managing some meane and common Callings, but it is necessary in any Calling to be able to read in their mother-tongue (as we say) and to write to, but had they more it would be no burden to them; it might fit them for society and choice discourse with those of higher bree­ding than themselves, for in persons of the greatest parts there would be some conde­scention to those lesse parted. And also true it is Parents are not tyed to ruine themselves, nor any of their Children, to breed up others great Schollers, And yet I could heartily wish that Parents would strive to give their Chil­dren good breeding this way, though it should be their greatest outward portions. I have been the larger in this particular, because it may be observed frequently that there are some who are very rich men, but yet so glew'd to their cursed earthly-mindednesse that they will spare nothing (or very little) to give their Children learning; they may leave them good estates whereby they may wear good cloathes, but all that know them may point at them, and say, they are the arrantest clownes, and mea­nest bred fellows in, or neare, the places where they dwell; It was falsely said of Paul that [Page 150] much learning did make him mad, Act 126.24. But it may be truly said that such persons as we speake of, for want of Learning they are the unusefullest persons of any to be Instrumentall for the good of Church or Common-wealth, and their Parents deserve the least respect of all others in the places where they live. And therefore thou who art a Parent mind it, that it is thy duty in a speciall manner to thy Chil­dren to vouchsafe them the meanes of Learn­ing, and be carefull to discharge thy duty herein.

The second duty Parents owe unto their Chil­dren for their out­ward estate.Secondly, it is the duty of Parents to pro­vide for their Children some honest Callings, either in Church or Common-wealth, where­in they may both do, and receive good, that by them God may have glory, and others benefit, and themselves comfort, for all persons of what quality or condition soever, must eate their bread in the sweat of their own brows, for this is the Ordinance of God himselfe, and so indispensable with, Gen. 3.19. Yet this must be granted, that there is the labour of the mind as well as the labour of the body; and such as labour with the head and heart may be as truly said to eat their bread in the sweat of their fa­ces, as they that strike many a heavy blow, or groan under many a ponderous burden; so that one way or other every one must be exercised in a lawfull Calling. David was a Shepheard to look to Sheep, before the shepheard over the house of Israel, Psal. 78.70.71. Peter and An­drew, and other of the Apostles were fisher­men. [Page 151] Mark. 1.16.19. before fishers of men, Paul was a Tent-maker, Acts 18.1, 2, 3. Jo­seph the husband of Mary was a Carpenter, Mat. 13.54, 55. And it is somewhat probable that our Saviour himself, before he entred into his Ministeriall Office, did work at his Fathers Trade, Mark. 6.3. You see then that there is a command from God, that all persons must have honest Callings. Secondly, here are presi­dents enough to make it cleare from all excep­tions. And therefore it is the duty of Parents to labour to provide for their Children honest and lawfull Callings; but in your endeavours this way let me advise you to take care of three things: First, Be carefull to gaine for them such Masters as feare the Lord, for else thou maiest feare that all thy paines thou hast taken with them for the good of their soules may be lost. Secondly, Be carefull to put them to such Callings as they are most capable of. Some Histories report, that the Jews be­fore they would put their Children to any Calling, would first bring them into a large Roome (which they did furnish with all Arti­ficers tooles) and if there they did take up any toole and seeme to take delight therein, they would put them to that Calling unto which the same did belong. Thirdly and lastly, thou must take care to put them to such Callings as require no more stock of money to mannage them than thou art like to leave to them, for else when their Time is out they can make no benefit by their Trades, unlesse they remaine in [Page 152] a state of servitude by working under others. The Apostle saith, Art thou called a Servant, care not for it, (that is, be not dejected therefore) but if thou maist be free, use it rather, 1 Cor. 7.21. And then in the 23. verse he addes, Ye are bought with a price, be not servants of men. Therefore thou that art a Parent, let thy care be such for thy children, that thou make them servants to others but for a convenient time, that after they may live in a free and honourable way.

The third duty Parents owe unto their Chil­dren for their out­ward estate.The third Duty Parents owe unto their Children, is, to labour to provide them fit Marriages, in seasonable time: And for this, we have first a word of Command from God. Secondly command from Christian Parents. In Jeremiah 29.6. God requires his People to take Wives for their Sonnes, and to give their Daughters in Marriage, Thirdly, for examples mind the practice of of Abraham (before made use of) Gen. 24.3.4. Consider the practice of Isaac, and Rebecca his wife, for Jacob, in Gen. 27.46. And then in the first verse of the next Chapter, the carriage of Naomi for Ruth is a singular example; Shall I not seek rest for thee (saith she) that it may be well with thee? (which was a Husband, as doth after appear,) Ruth 3.1. By which Scriptures it doth appear clearly, to be the duty of Parents in seasonable time to labour to provide Mar­riages for their Children. Now there are some symptomes of this seasonable time, whereof I shall name, and onely name four. First, ful­nesse [Page 153] and maturity of body. Secondly, solidity of understanding. Thirdly, their Constitutions: And lastly, the seeming delight they take in keeping company with the contrary sex. This shall suffice, for this third duty, of Parents to their Chil­dren.

The fourth and last duty Parents owe unto their Children in relation to their outward condition, is to provide for them, The fourth duty of Pa­rents to their Children in outward re­spects. and to be­stow on them competent maintenance, (if not more.) Jacob will travail for his own house, Gen. 30.30. Prov. 13.22. A good man lea­veth an inheritance to his Children, but the el­dest Son must have the double portion. Deut. 21.16, 17. unlesse he dis-inherit himself by any prophanenesse, as Esau, Heb. 12.16. And this maintenance, must be bestowed on them in seasonable time, not too soon, as the Father of the Prodigall Sonne did, Luke 15.12. but when they have necessary occcasion to use it; as when with their parents consent they shall begin to look out for themselves in worthy imployments, though before Marriage: But especially at the time of marriage▪ such are sordid Parents that will part with nothing till death, they doe much discourage their chil­dren, and provoke them to wrath; against the Apostles Injunction, Ephes. 6.4. These are Persons without naturall affection, and to be hist at, as they goe. Here then you see Parents must perform foure Duties to their Children, in relation to their outward conditi­on. [Page 154] First, to bring them up to learning. Se­condly, to provide for them honest and lawfull Callings. Thirdly, to labour to further them in the change of their conditions by marriage: And fourthly, and lastly, to make provision for them by competent maintenance.

The first outward duty that Masters owe to their ser­vants.The next thing in order to what was first propounded, is, to consider what duties Go­vernours of Families doe owe unto their ser­vants, for their outward comfortable subsi­stance. And,

In the first place, it is the duty of Masters, &c. to provide for their servants wholsome, and well-conditioned Meat and Drink, in due time, and sufficient of that too: as also lodg­ing and washing, and what else is necessary for to maintain life and livelihood. In order to which, the wife must take notice that the chief care of this, in reference to the distribu­tion of it, and the well-ordering of all things herein, concerns her selfe. And therefore the Holy Ghost puts upon record the practice of the good Huswife in Proverbs 31.15. of whom it is said, That she riseth whilst it is yet Night, and giveth meat to her Houshold, and a portion unto her Maids: For doubtlesse the comfortable allowance of these things is one speciall means (by the blessing of God) to maintain health, and to make them able and strong in body, and chearfull in mind, to per­forme such service as is required of them. But if it please the Lord to visit them with sickness or lameness in body or limbs, and thereby to [Page 155] abate strength and vigour of body and spirit, then it is the duty of their Masters and Dames to look out in the use of means for their recovery, to make use both of Physitians and Physick, and all helps Providence may provide for comfort under affliction, and restoration to health again. Naaman a servant to the King of Syria, being afflicted by the Plague of Leprosie, his Master writes a letter in his behalfe to the King of Israel, and sends it by the hand of Naaman, in order to the re­covery of his health again, 2 Kings 5.5. The good Centurion we read of in Matth. 8.6, 8. when his servant was sick of the Palsie, and grievously tormented, he goes in person to Jesus Christ, (who was a Physitian both for body and soul) and humbly beseecheth him for his servants cure, and through the free grace of Christ obtains it: its good to goe to God in the first place for supplyes of all the wants of our selves and our relations;) Hee that is in misery ought to bee comforted of his neighbour, (as it is in the Geneva Tran­slation) Job 6.14. Now if Neighbours must put forth themselves to comfort (or relieve and help) such as are in any misery. How much more must Governours of Families la­bour to perform this duty to their sick and di­stempered servants, (the inference is undeny­able) A good man is mercifull to his beast, saith one Translation; And another saith, A righteous man regardeth the life of his Beast, Proverbs 12.10. And how much better is a [Page 156] man than a sheep? Mat. 12.12. But it is much to be bewailed, that many servants who have in their health and strength well dischar­ged their duties to their Masters, yet find small comfort and regard from them when the hand of God is fallen upon them: for they are then either sent home to their poor and indigent Parents to take care after, or else mued up in a hole, and small attendance, and lesse allow­ance of means for their good provided for them: such Governours of Families are cur­sed and hard-hearted persons; and pity it is, that ever good servants should step over their Thresholds to serve them; for such have nei­ther mercy nor justice in them, neither grace nor good nature: And yet of this stamp and hell-bred crew, there are great swarms: but let them take heed, (God is just) their owne children be not so served, when they are ser­vants to others, but I wish them better speed. We might here adde a Word concerning sea­sonable Recreations to be allowed to servants, for they may stand in great need of them some­times, after long and sore labour, to quicken their spirits, and to enliven them with all ala­crity to return to their imployment, (we say, Whet is no let:) And without doubt, if Ma­sters would grant it them, they would be ra­ther gainers by in the quick and wel-managing their businesses, than losers. But when Ma­sters grant this liberty as before said, I would advise them to take much care that the Re­creations allowed, be lawfull, the time sea­sonable, [Page 157] and their servants company civill, or else both Masters and servants may repent, the one that they gave the liberty: and the other that they so ill improved the same.

In the second place, it is the duty of Ma­sters, &c. The second outward duty that Masters owe to their ser­vants. to allow their servants sufficient wages for their labour, and to pay it to them when it is due. If they have not sufficient wa­ges they cannot maintaine themselves for the preservation of health and decency, both which must be allowed, (nay, and more too, if their deserts challenge the same;) servants may spend thoughts of changing their estate; (we say, service is no heritage,) and must they make no preparation in order thereunto? That were absurd to thinke; would you that are Masters have your servants barely live? You would not like that if you would be plea­sed to put your selves in their condition. But in the second place, it is the duty of Ma­sters to pay their servants their wages in due time, and that is when it is due by the condi­tions of the Contract betweene you and them, Mal. 3.5. God threatens to be a swift wit­nesse against this particular sin of oppressing the hireling in his wages, (amongst other sins.) Now a man may be guilty of this sin as well in deteining due wages, in relation to time of paiment of it, as in over-reaching a servant in contract for it; turne to that place, Deut. 24.14, 15. Thou shalt not oppresse an hired servant, at his day, thou shalt give him his hire, neither shall the sun go down upon it. The Labourer is [Page 158] worthy of his hire, Luk. 10.7. Masters give unto your servants that which is just and equall, Col. 4.1. James tels you, that the detaining wa­ges from Labourers cryeth, and the cries of them are entred into the cares of the Lord of Sab­bath, James 5.4. And surely when ever the Lord gives an eare to cries, whether the cry of Innocent bloud, as that of Abel, Gen. 4.10. or any other occasion, some fearfull vengeance doth fall upon the heads of such as cause them to ascend; and therefore the Apostle James bids those worldlings houle for those miseries that should come upon them. Now you that are Masters, &c. as you would keep off the curse prevent the cry.

The third duty of Ma­sters to their Servants.In the third and last place, the dutie of Ma­sters, &c. to their servants, is, to be liberall to them at times of parting, in case they have been servants a considerable time, and have been diligent and faithfull, and so a blessing to them, Deut. 15.12, 13, 14. So Prov. 17.2. There be many Masters who are strangers to this duty, even in the knowledge of it, and more in the practice thereof. Yet some (I dare not say in conscience to the perfor­mance of this duty, but rather from the freenesse of their nature,) doe upon the matter that which is equivalent hereunto, namely those, that if their servants part from them by Marriage will give them beneficiall wedding dinners, and sometimes divers peeces of necessary houshold-stuffe, which is a great advantage to them; and this is so laudable a [Page 159] thing that I could wish all would more pra­ctice the same, provided, they prevent all abu­sivenesse of the Creature by luxury, and excess, and disorder of every kind at such meetings. Thus you see that Governours of Families do owe three duties to their servants, in relation to their outward conditions. First, to allow un­them meat, drinke, and all other necessaries for their comfortable subsistance. Secondly, to yield them sufficient wages. And lastly, to be liberall to them at time of parting.

And thus by the gracious assistance of God we have finished all that was proposed at first to be considered of by such as desire to enter into the Marriage estate, relating to the duties which each person in that condition of life owe one to another, and both of them to such as God shall set under them, viz. to children and servants. But here it will be of some con­cernment to take notice of what duty children and servants owe unto Parents and Masters, that they may call upon them to performe the same; where we shall first observe the duties Children owe unto their Parents, and then the duties of Servants to their Masters, &c.

In the first place it is the duty of Children to yield unto their Parents all due Reverence and Honour; The first du­ty Children owe unto their Pa­rents. this duty is expresly comman­ded by God in Exod. 20.12. Honour thy father and thy mother; which the Apostle, Eph. 6.2. takes notice of to be the first Commandement with promise, Mal. 6.6. A son honoureth his Father: If I be a Father where is my honour? [Page 160] But how should this Honour and Reverence be exprest may some say? I answer, first, in words; Secondly, in actions and gestures. First, in words, Children must reverence their Pa­rents by using few words in their Parents pre­sence or hearing; Silence for the generall well becomes the younger sort before the Elder, but more properly Children before their Parents. And when they speake to them they must make use of the choicest expression that may be to hold forth their dutifull respect by. And for their Action too, they must be full of Hu­mility, as rising up before them, and standing in their presence if they expect it, being un­covered so long as they think fit, and making obeysance on all occasions, by shewing all fili­all and Child-like dispositions to them, by harkening to all their grave Counsels and Ad­monitions with diligent attention, Prov. 1.8. Chap. 5.1. As also by submitting, and subjecting themselves to all their godly reprehensions, and by treading in their religious steps, and imita­ting their unblameable examples, and by co­vering all their imperfections and weaknesses, as Shem and Japhet did when their Father lay drunke and naked in his Tent. Solomon is a singular example of honouring his Mother in another kind, 1 Kings 2.19.

The second duty of Chil­dren to their Parents.In the second place, it is the duty of Chil­dren to obey their Parents in all things lawfull, and that with all readinesse. Children obey your Parents in the Lord, Eph. 6.1. Children obey your Parents in all things, for this is well pleasing un­to [Page 161] the Lord, Col 3.20. Now this must be a cheerefull obedience without contending. Isaac will submit to his Father though it be in matter of death, Gen. 22 9, 10. And so will the Daughter of Jephtha, Judg. 11 39. The Rechabus obey Jonadab their Father in things that required a great deale of selfe-deniall, Ier. 35.5, 6, 7. which the Lord rewards them for in ver. 18, 19. A Bishop must rule his own house well, and have his Children in subjection, 1 Tim. 3.4. Now subjection of all Children to Parents is as much a duty as it is in the children of the Ministers of the Go­spell. And of this obedience unto Parents we have an example beyond all presidents in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, of whom it is said, he went down with his Parents to Na­zareth and was subject to them, Luk. 2.51. Chil­dren must not make their own wils a rule of their actions, but the Commandements of God, and the Precepts of their Parents that are not contrary to the revealed will of God; they must also quietly submit to such correction as they shall think fit to inflict on them for their faults.

In the third and last place it is the duty of Children to their Parents to labour to provide safty for them in the times of danger, The third duty of Chil­dren to their Parents. and com­petent maintenance in their necessitous con­ditions to their utmost abilities; for the first, take a president from Rahab the Harlot, which is laid down at large in Josh. 2.12, 13. where she doth indent with the Spies (sent to view the land) to save her Fathers house, and to [Page 162] preserve her Father, and her Mother, &c. And for the duty of Children to relieve their Pa­rents in their want; consider what the Apo­stle saith in 1 Tim. 5.4. That to requite our Parents is good and acceptable before God. When Parents have been at great paines and charge to bring up their Children, and then come to poverty, (which perhaps may be oc­casioned by such charge.) it is not only against grace, but against good nature too, to cast them off without due care to relieve them; it was the pestilent doctrine of the Pharisees to maintaine that Children were discharged from their duty herein, provided, they did offer a gift at the Altar (which was indeed but to fill their pouches,) Mar. 7.11, 12, 13. Which pra­ctice of theirs, as well as their doctrine, our Saviour there condemnes. We may learne a better example from the practice of Ioseph when he was in prosperity, and his Fathers house in want, Gen. 47.11, 12. For he nouri­shed his Father and his whole Family in Ra­mases, which was the most fertile place of all Egypt. When Naomi returned very poore out of the Land of Moab into the Land of Israel, Ruth 1.21. then her Daughter in Law wrought hard, and tooke great paines to gaine provision for her maintenance. God condemnes the formall fasts of the Children of Israel, as for other things, so for this, that they did hide themselves from their own flesh, Isa. 58.6, 7. Now Parents may be more truly said to be our own flesh than others in common can be said [Page 163] to be; our Saviour in that place of Marke makes it one kind of honouring Parents to re­lieve them in their want; and to honour our Parents you have it proved before to be a duty from children. There be other duties which children owe unto their Parents, but they may be included in these: If these be conscientiously performed they will be all discharged. The duties then which children owe unto their Pa­rents, which are obvious to your eye, are, first, to reverence them. Secondly, to obey them. Thirdly, to labour to preserve them from dan­ger, and to maintaine them in their wants.

In the last place, we are to proceed to dis­cusse the duties which servants owe unto their Masters▪ &c. and then we shall draw to a con­clusion of this poore Treatise, and so leave all upon your hearts to practice in your lives.

The first duty that servants owe unto their Masters, The first du­ty of ser­vants to their Masters, &c. is the same that children owe to their Parents, that is, Honour and Reverence; this duty all Inferiours owe to their Superiours, and therefore it must be a duty here; Now that it is so, consider the fore quoted place, Mal. 1.6. A son honoureth his Father, and a Servant his Master: If I be a Master (saith God) where is my feare, (or Reverence?) Implying that ho­nour and reverence is a duty servants owe to their Masters, and that they are obliged to the performance of it. That place in 1 Tim. 6.1. is much to be observed for this purpose, where the Apostle requires all servants that are under the yoke to count their own Masters worthy of all [Page 164] honour, and then adds a reason for the same, which is this, That the name of God and his doctrine be not blasph [...]med; Then it is very cleare that such servants as make no conscience to performe this duty of giving honour to their Masters do expose the name and word of eter­nall God to contempt, and to be blasphemed; and how shall such servants ever be able to answer for this sin of theirs before the great and all-powerfull God, who is alwaies armed with divine vengeance to be powred down upon the heads and hearts of such as are offen­ders in this kind; and such are all servants that discharge not the duty here mentioned. Now if servants would know how, and in what way this duty should be performed, for their help therein I refer them to those means briefly nominated for direction to children in the performance of this very duty to their Pa­rents; and by the way it is worth observing, that in a reall and true sence it may be said, and proved, that Masters, &c. are Parents to then servants as well as to their children, yet with a great deale of difference.

In the second place it is the duty of servants to be obedient unto their Maners, &c. This duty hath some affinity with the former, for if servants do not readily obey their Masters they cannot honour them, they rather vilifie them, and expose them to contempt and disgrace; there are many Scripture texts that offer them­selves to confirme this truth: Servants be obedient to your Masters according to the flesh, [Page 165] Eph. 6.5. Servants obey in all things your Ma­sters according to the flesh, Col 3.22. Exhort servants (saith Paul) to be obedient to their Masters in all things, not answering againe, Tit. 2.9. The Apostle Peter doth further presse this duty, Servants (saith he) be subject to your Masters with all feare, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward, 1 Pet. 2.18. From all these places you may see this duty hath the Word of God for its foundation. The Centurion which we read of in the Gospell had choice servants for their readinesse to obey him, for he tels Christ, that if he bid one go, he went, and if another come, he came, and if he bid his servant do this, he did it; we must not doubt of the truth of what he said, though he spake those things to illustrate and set forth the power of Christ over all sicknesses and all things; for he doth acknowledge that that sicknesse that had arrested his servant was the servant of Christ, & that as it did afflict his ser­vant when Christ commanded it so to do, so it must leave his servant and depart when Christ should require the same, Mat 8.8 9. It were much to be wish'd that every Master had such a servant, or such servants as this Centurion had, there would be more quietnesse in Fami­lies, and better successe in all their imploy­ments than now there is. But many servants in our times will go and come at their owne pleasures, and do what is good in their owne eyes: Their Masters must be subject to them, and not they to their Masters; but such ser­vants [Page 166] will be the greatest losers at last; Marke what the Apostle saith. Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit your selves, for they watch for your soules as they that must give an account, that they may do it with joy, and not with griefe, for that is unprofitable to you, Heb. 13.17. which is an exhortation in generall, yet it concernes servants in speciall. Servants must not do any thing contrary to their Masters minds, though they give no particular com­mand to the contrary. Elisha did not command his servant Gehazi not to go after Naaman to receive a gratuity, yet he went and did receive a Talent of Silver and two changes of rayment of him; but he could not crack of his profit (as we say) for he had the plague of Leprosie with them into the bargaine, 2 Kings 5.20, 22, 24, 25, 26, 27. Can any man with any shew of reason conceive that this example of disobedi­ence in Gehazi to his Master, and of the severe hand of God on him for it doth stand upon Record for nothing; Whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, Rom. 15.4. And this was written to terrifie re­bellious and disobedient servants, whereof the world is full, but gratious servants will learne and practice better.

The third duty of ser­vants to their Ma­sters.In the third and last place it is the duty of servants to their Masters to shew all diligence, fidelity, and faithfulnesse in the discharging their businesses, and answering the trust com­mitted to them, and that as in the presence of God. When the Apostle in that place of [Page 167] Eph. 7.5, 9. (which we made use of before.) had exhorted servants to be obedient to their Ma­sters according to the flesh with feare and trembling in singlenesse of heart as to Christ; he addes, Not with eye-service as men pleasers, but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, the very same you find in Col. 3.22. In Tit. 2.9, 10. Exhort servants (saith the Apostle) to be obedient to their Ma­sters, not purloyning, but shewing all good fide­lity, that they may adorne the doctrine of God. When servants serve their Masters not with eye-service, but with all faithfulnesse and sin­glenesse of heart with a good conscience, they also serve Jesus Christ who will plentifully re­compence the same, either in temporall, or spirituall blessings, or in both; he is a blessed servant who obeyes his Masters commands chiefly in relation to Gods injunctions; such a one (no doubt) was the servant of Abraham, and Jacob to his Father Laban, and Joseph to Potiphar, and after to the keeper of the prison, Gen. 30.27. Chap. 39.3, ult. There be divers waies and meanes by which servants must shew themselves faithfull to their Masters and Dames; First, by praying for them. Secondly, by being diligent in the dispatch of their busi­nesse. Thirdly, by preserving their Estates, and in helping to encrease them. Fourthly, by la­bouring to protect their persons from violence to their power. And fifthly, by labouring to preserve their reputations, in order whereunto they must keep their secrets undisclosed, and [Page 168] their infirmities from being published. But such servants as walke in waies contrary here­unto, it were incomparably better for a Chri­stian Housholder to have them out than in his Family; and indeed it were far better that such servants should lye under the cudgell of a Turkish patron than set their feet under an honest mans Table. Thus we have with much brevity past through the duties which servants owe unto their Masters and Dames; First, they must labour to honour them. Secondly, they must submit to them, and obey them. Thirdly and lastly, they must shew all diligence, fideli­ty, and faithfulnesse to them, in doing their bu­sinesse, and in answering the trust committed to them.

Now to come to a full period of all, and conclude, we shall endeavour to make some application of that which hath been before laid down by way of duty.

Use 1 In the first place this may serve for just re­proofe to most men in our times, who do thrust themselves into the honourable Estate of Marriage without any consideration at all, as if it were an estate fit for every man that will to enter into. Truly, I do exceedingly like those sweet expressions in the Preface to the anci­ent Forme of Marriage in the Church of Eng­land, where having affirmed the Estate of Marriage to be honourable among all men (which indeed it is) the words following con­taine an Admonition, and run thus; Therefore is not to be enterprized, (that is Marriage) nor [Page 169] taken in hand unadvisedly, lightly, or wanton­ly, to satisfie mens carnall lusts and appetites, like brute Beasts that have no understanding, but Reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in the feare of God, duly considering the causes for which Matrimony was ordai­ned, &c. such rash, inconsiderate, heady and unadvised persons as these never labour to see themselves to have a cleare Call to change their conditions by entring into the Marriage estate. They desire no spirituall gifts to enable them to performe spirituall duties. They look not upon any qualifications in the party they desire to enjoy in such a condition, provided, there be person and beauty to satisfie their brutish lusts; and mony to please their cove­tous humour, they will marry their hearts and soules to a bag of silver or gold; these answer the Proverbe, What hath she, what is she; and so they make money to answer all things. As Solomon speakes, yet to other ends, Eccl. 10.19 And as for the way and meanes which God hath sanctified and appointed for men to walke in, and make use of to obtaine good wives, and meet helpers, they will not set one foot in them; they will not go to God by pray­er for direction this way, and for successe here­in; they scarce know what God is; and for the duty of Prayer, they know not so much as the A B C of it; and as for Parents consent they regard not that, all they desire is to invei­gle maids to love them, and enchant their foolish affections to answer their unreasonable [Page 170] desires; let Parents consent or not consent what care they (but for some sinister ends, for portion sake, or to attaine preferment by their favour.) There is an impure generation, who have overspread the Nation, (yea, and many other parts too,) like the Locusts in Egypt, Exod. 10.14. who purposely do invent obscene, lascivious, scurrilous, and filthy songs and Bal­lads, on purpose to pollute and poyson young Virgins and Maids with carnall, fleshly, and abominable lusts, that so they may bring them over to themselves for uncleane dalliance at present, and then make them yield to their hel­lish Motions, and run point blanke against the consent of their Parents to bestow themselves on them; but poore Creatures, when they thinke they are good wives, they are but filthy Whores, so long as Parents consent is not ob­tained, by means whereof the Common-wealth is filled with abundance of Whores Bastards, by which meanes also it comes to passe that Townes and Parishes are so over-charged with poore that there can scarce be an able Family there. And where be they who labour to in­forme themselves in the duties which married persons are call'd to performe each to other, and both to their Families? And these duties to mind (as I have said) before Marriage, that afterward they might practice them? Truly, this is the condition of multitudes of Men and Women now conjoyned together (after their way) in Marriage, by reason whereof the Land is full of ignorant and extreamely profane Fa­milies; [Page 171] by this meanes it is come to passe that the power of Godlinesse is slighted; here is the cause why Sabbaths are profaned; this is the cause why faithfull Ministers are the scorne of this Age; this is the cause of so much Whoredome, Drunkennesse. Lying, Cheating, Over-reaching, and what not amongst us; Ah, you poore soules who have contracted Marri­age before you were call'd to it, and have so wickedly entred into, and lived in it, all the sins before-mentioned, and also what sins else can be named, must like so many illegitimate chil­dren, be brought and laid at your door, and you must be Fathers and Mothers to them. Never looke to prosper (in your soules especially) un­till you labour to remove the guilt by repen­tance and teares of godly Compunction, and untill thou reforme, for which end be carefull to be informed in the duties thou art called to performe in the state of Marriage, and then set about the discharge of them as in the pre­sence of God; labour to redeeme lost time by double diligence in the well improving the fu­ture, and so God may yet be gracious to you and yours, and make you blessings both to Church and Common-wealth.

In the last place it may serve for instruction. Ʋse 2 First, unto the unmarried; And secondly, to those in the Married condition. First, let me direct my selfe to you that are in the single Estate, but yet mind a change of that life of yours as opportunity shall serve you to accom­plish your desires; Dost thou then desire (I [Page 172] say) to change thy condition (as beforesaid) and wouldst thou faine enjoy a meet helper in all conditions God shall put thee into, whether prosperity or adversity? Then let me exhort thee (and be thou exhorted) in the name and feare of God to see God going before thee by a cleare Call to enterprize so great a businesse, even, in fitting thee for the same, as hath been before laid downe; and in particular labour to get an humble spirit, and an understanding heart to discharge all duties to every relation that God shall set under thee, and that for their good both of body and soule, that thou maiest be a blessing to them, and they under God a comfort to thee; labour to propound to thy selfe lawfull ends in that thy undertaking, and be sure walke in warrantable waies, and use godly and lawfull meanes to carry on thy de­sires by; and amongst those meanes set down for thy direction, mind well (in a way of pra­ctice) the going to God by Prayer; then use double care and diligence to meet with one for thy companion who is of a gracious frame both of heart and life, so far as possibly can be discerned. And for those other qualifications before-mentioned, be so far from slighting them, that rather on the contrary be unsatisfied in thy thoughts if thou find any one of them wanting: Yet not so unsatisfied as to divert thy affections from such a party, because some one of them are undiscerned, and perhaps some others a little defective; but if the maine be there, then in the name and feare of the [Page 173] great God proceed gradually to put a period to all thy cares, paines, and endeavours that way, and now being married, if thou wouldst have God say amen to all those joyes thy friends and acquaintance wish thee, then set thy selfe the worke that lyeth before thee, namely, thy godly and Christian-like dischar­ging of all the duty that estate cals for from thee, which brings me to the second thing proposed in this Use, that is, to speake a word or two of Instruction to those in the Marriage condition. It is a true saying, that Marriage is either Merry-age, or Mar-age: But if thou wouldst have it to thee Merry-age, and not Mar-age, then now labour to walke with God in the conscientious discharge of all the duties that the same estate ties thee to. Art thou a Husband? Labour to performe thy duties to thy Wife. Art thou a Wife? Labour to dis­charge all those duties thou owest to thy Hus­band; and both of you neglect not any of your duties you are obliged to discharge to your Children and Servants. And it also concernes you to take care to see that your Children, &c. performe their duties to you; which duties of all kinds you must mind, and be informed in, because hereby (as you have heard) God is glorified, and both Church and State furthered in tranquillity and happinesse; for by this means (as before exprest) you shall prevent a whole Catalogue of grievous sins from being perpe­trated; And so shall save the Ministers of God a great deale of paines, ease their Loines, and [Page 174] preserve their Lungs; And prevent a great deale of trouble to all truly godly Magistrates, who dare not beare the sword in vaine, who had rather praise you and all others when they see you do that which is good than otherwise to be a terrour to you. Beloved, these are times look'd upon by many as times of Reformati­on; (And truly, I look upon them as calling for much in that kind.) But let me tell you, that let Ministers do their duties, and Magi­strates performe theirs, yet if Governours of Families be remiss in the discharge of what concernes them in their relations in their little Churches, and private Common-wealths, all will come to nothing. I professe the well in­structing and right governing of Families is the eye of the worke; I could wish with my soule that such as have power to make and constitute Laws would lay a very considerable Mulct upon all Governours of Families that neglect their duties to their Children and Ser­vants to instruct and reforme them; and that the same might not only extend to their pur­ses, but to their persons too. You have heard before that by this meanes soules are sent to hell by multitudes; such evill persons as these are, what are they but the devils Factors? and their sin and punishment one day (without re­pentance) will find them out; but most sad of all men is the condition of such (as even out of conscience (as they pretend) cast off the care of the soules of such as are under their charge; they say, and plead hard for it, that [Page 175] none ought to be restrained from sin by use of meanes, all Ordinances publique and private must be laid aside, nay, cast off with scorne and disdaine; and men and women, they say, must wait for revelations from heaven; sure they have had revelations from hell for their dire­ction herein, but from heaven they shall never have any, unlesse it be in the demonstration of the wrath of God if they persist impenitently; and for Family discipline there must be none, let their Children Sweare, Lye, profane the Sabbaths, or run in any vile way, (provided they call not their Parents and Masters vile He­reticks, and abominable Schismaticks, and offer to prove them such from the Word of God,) all is well; for they say, they can put no grace into their hearts, but God will (if they belong to him) in due time. Oh what tongue can tell, or what heart can think what will be the portion of these men without Gods infinite mercy in converting and reforming them. Tru­ly, contrary to intention, when we first entred upon this Use, we have made this digression, it should have been a part of the other Use, but being then omitted I was loath to let it wholly passe. You may be pleased to remember, that but even now I told you that were Governors of Families, that if you did conscientiously dis­charge the duties which you owe, &c. you might hereby glorifie God, and the tranquilli­ty both of Church and Common-wealth would hereby be furthered, &c. So in the last place, from hence you may conclude, (that as you [Page 176] glorifie God by this means, and do good unto his poore Church on Earth by the encreasing and purging the members thereof,) that through the Lords free Grace in Christ you are Members of the Church of Christ here Mili­tant, and shall be of the Church Triumphant in the highest Heavens, There to enjoy the ful­nesse of happinesse at the right hand of Christ, and all glorious and blessed Union and Com­munion with God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Ghost, and with innumera­ble and blessed Angels and Saints, even the soules of just men made perfect, even for ever and ever. O my soule praise thou the Lord; praise ye the Lord.