AT what rate soever the World talks of me (for I am not ig­norant, what an ill report Folly hath got, even amongst the most Foolish) yet, that I am that She, that onely She, whose Deity recreates both gods and men ; even this is a sufficient Argument, That I no sooner stept up to speak to this full Assembly, than all your faces put on a kind of new, and unwonted plea­santness; [Page 2]so suddenly have you clear'd your brows, and with so frolique and hearty a laugh­ter given me your applause; that, in troth, as many of you as I behold, on every side o [...] me, seem to me, no less than Homers's gods, drunk with Nectar and N [...]penthe; whereas be­fore, ye sat as lumpish and pensive, as if ye [...] had come (è Trophonii specu) from consulting an Oracle. And as it usually happens, when the Sun begins to shew his Beams; or when, after a sharp Winter, the Spring breathes a­fresh on the Earth, all things immediately get a new face, new colour; and recover, as it were, a certain kind of youth again: In like man­ner, by but beholding me, ye have in an in­stant gotten another kind of Countenance and so, what the otherwise great Rhetoricians, with their tedious, and long-studied Orations, can hardly effect (to wit) To remove the trou­ble of the Mind, I have done it at once, with my single look: But if ye ask me, Why I appear before you in this strange dress, be pleas'd to lend me your ears, and I'le tell you; not those ears (I mean) ye carry to Church, but abroad with ye, such as ye are wont to prick up to Jugglers, Fools, and Buffons, and such as our Friend M [...]das, once gave to Pan; for I am dispos'd awhile, to play the So­phister with ye; not of their sort, who, now [Page 3]adays, buzle Young-mens heads with certain [...]empty notions, and curious trifles, yet teach them nothing, but a more than Womanish obstinacy of scolding: but I'le imitate those Antients, who, that they might the better a­void that infamous appellation of ( Sophi, or) Wise, chose rather to be call'd Sophisters: Their business was to celebrate the Praises of the gods and valiant men. And the like Enco­mium shall ye hear from me, but neither of Hercules, nor Solon, but mine own dear Self, that is to say, Folly: Nor do I esteem those Wise-men a rush, that call it a foolish, and [...]nsolent thing to praise ones self. Be it as foolish as they would make it, so they confess [...]t proper: and what can be more, than that Folly be her own Trumpet? For who can set me out better than my self, unless perhaps I could be better known to another, than to my self? Though yet, I think it somewhat more modest, than the general practice of our No­bles, and Wise men, who throwing away all shame, hire some flattering Orator, or Lying Poet, from whose mouth they may hear their praises, that is to say, meer lyes; and yet, composing themselves with a seeming modesty, spread out their Peacocks plumes, and erect their Crests, whilst this impudent Flatterer e­quals a man of nothing to the gods, and pro­poses [Page 4]him, as an absolute pattern of all Vir­tue, that's wholly a stranger to't, sets out a pittiful Jay in others Feathers, washes the Black­moor white, and lastly (ex musca Elephan­tem) suells a Gnat to an Elephant: In short, I will follow that old Proverb, that says, He may lawfully praise himself, that lives for from Neighbours: Though, by the way, I cannot but wonder, at the ingratitude, shall I say, or negligence of Men, who, notwithstanding they honour me in the first place, and are willing enough to confess my bounty, yet not one of them, for these so many ages, has there been, who in some thankful Oration, has set out the praises of Folly; when yet there has not wanted them, whose elaborate endeavours, have extol'd Tyrants, Agues, Flyes, Baldness, and such other Pests of Nature, to their own loss of both time and sleep. And now ye shall hear from me a plain extemporary speech, but so much the truer; nor would I have ye think it, like the rest of Orators, made for the Ostentation of Wit; for these, as ye know, when they have been beating their heads some thirty years about an Oration, and, at last, perhaps produce somewhat, that was ne­ver their own, shall yet swear they compos'd it in three dayes, and that too for diversion: whereas I ever lik't it best, to speak (quicquid [Page 5]in buccam venerit) whatever came first out; But let none of ye expect from me, that, af­ter the manner of Rhetoricians, I should go a­bout to Define what I am, much less, use any Division; for I hold it equally unlucky, to cir­cumscribe her, whose Deity is universal, or make the least Division in that Worship, about which every thing is so generally agree'd: Or to what purpose, think ye, thould I describe my self, when I am here present before ye, and ye behold me speaking? For I am, as ye see, that true and onely giver of wealth, whom the Greeks call [...], the Latines Stul­titia, (and our plain English, Folly:) On what need was there to have said so much, as if my very looks were not sufficient to inform ye, who I am? Or as if any man mistaking me for Wisedome, could not at first sight convince himself by my face, the true index of my mind? I am no Counterfeit, nor do I carry one thing in my looks and another in my breast: No, I am in every respect so like my self, that nei­ther can they dissemble me, who arrogate to themselves, the appearance and title of Wisemen, and walk (in purpura simiae) like Asses in Scarlet-hoods; though after all their hypocrisie, Midas's ears will discover their Master: A most ingrateful generation of men, that when they are wholly given up to my [Page 6]party, are yet publickly asham'd of the name, as taking it for a reproach; for which cause, since in truth they are ( [...]) Fools, and yet would appear to the World, to be Wise­men, and Thales's, Wee'll ev'n call 'em ( [...]) Wise-fools: Nor will it be amiss also, to imitate the Rhetoricians of our times, who think themselves in a manner Gods, if, like Horse-leeches, they can but appear to be double-tongu'd; and believe they have done a mighty act, if in their Latin Orations; they can but shuffle-in some ends of Greek (like Mosaick-work) though altogether by head and shoulders, and less to the purpose: And if they want hard words, they run over some Worm­eaten Manuscript, and pick out half a Dozen of the most old and absolete, to confound their Reader; believing, no doubt, that they that un­derstand their meaning, will like it the better; and they that do not, will admire it the more, by how much the lesse they understand it: Nor, is this way of ours, of admiring what seems most Forreign, without it's particular grace; for if there happen to be any more am­bitious than others, they may give their ap­plause with a smile, and like the Asse ( [...]) shake their ears, that they may be thought to understand more, than the rest of their neighbours. But to come to the [Page 7]purpose: I have giv'n ye my name: but what Epithet shall I adde? What? but that of the most Foolish? For by what properer name, can so great a goddess as Folly, be known to her Disciples? And because it is not alike known to all, from what stock I am sprung; with the Muses good leave, I'le do my endeavour to sa­tisfie you: But yet neither the first Chaos, Orcus, Saturn, or Japhet, nor any of those thred-bare musty Gods, were my Father, but (Plutus) Riches; That only he, that is, in spight of Hesiod, Homer, nay, and Jupiter himself (Divûm Pater atque Hominum Rex) the Father of Gods and Men; at whose single beck, (as heretofore, so at present) all things Sacred and Prophane are turn'd topsie turvy: According to whose Pleasure, War, Peace, Empire, Counsels, Judgements, Assem­blies, Wedlocks, Bargains, Leagues, Laws, Arts, all things Light or Serious—I want breath—in short, all the publick and pri­vate business of mankind, is govern'd; With­out whose help, all that Herd of Gods, of the Poets making, and those few of the better sort of the rest, either would not be at all; or, if they were, they would be but ( [...]) such as live at home, and keep a poor house to them­selves; and to whomsoever hee's an Enemy, 'tis not Pallas her self that can befriend him: [Page 8]as on the contrary, he whom he favours, may lead Jupiter, and his Thunder in a string: This is my Father (— Hujus me glorior esse) and in him I glory: Nor did he produce me from his brain, as Jupiter, that sowre and ill­look'd Pallas; but (ex Neotete Nympha) of that lovely Nymph, call'd Youth, the most beautiful, and galliard of all the rest: Nor was I, like that limping Black-smith, begot in the sad and irksome bonds of Matrimony; but, which is much more pleasant ( [...]) in the heat of lust, as says our Father Homer: Yet, mistake me not, 'twas not that blind, and decrepit Plutus in Aristophanes, that got me, but such as he was in his full strength, and pride of youth; and not that onely, but at such a time when he had been well heated with Nectar, of which he had, at one of the Ban­quets of the Gods, taken a dose extraordina­ry: And as to the place of my birth, for­asmuch as now adays, that is look'd upon, as a main point of Nobility, it was neither (like Apollo's) in the floating Delos, nor ( Venus-like) on the rolling Sea, nor in any of blind Homer's as blind Caves; but in the fortunate Islands, where (—sponte suâ per se dabat omnia tellus) all things grew, without plowing, or sowing; Where neither Labour, nor Old­age, nor Disease, was ever heard of; and in [Page 9]whose fields, neither Daffadil, Mallows, O­ayons, Beans, and such contemptible things would ever grow; But, on the contrary, Rue, Angelica, Buglosse, Marjoram, Tre­ [...]oiles, Roses, Violets, Lillies, and all the Gardens of Adonis, invite both your sight, and your smelling. And being thus born, I did not begin the world, as other Children are wont, with crying; but streight perch'd up, and [...]mil'd on my mother: Nor do I envy to the great Jupiter, the Goat his Nurse, forasmuch as I was suckled by two jolly Nymphs, to wit, Drunkenness, the daughter of Bacchus, and Ignorance of Pan: And as for such my com­panions, and followers, as ye perceive about me, if you have a mind to know who they are, ye are not like to be the wiser for me, unlesse it be in Greek: This here which you observe with that proud cast of her eye is ( [...]) Self-love; She with the smiling countenance, that is ever and anon clapping her hands, is ( [...]) Flattery; She that looks as if she were half asleep, is ( [...]) Oblivion; She that sits leaning on both Elbows with her hands clutch'd together, is ( [...]) Laziness: She with the Garland on her head, and that smells so strong of perfumes, is ( [...]) Pleasure: She with those staring eyes, mo­ving here and there, is ( [...]) Madness: [Page 10]She with the smooth Skin, and full pamper' [...] body, is ( [...]) Wantonness: And as to the two Gods that ye see with them, the one is ( [...]) Intemperance; the other, ( [...]) Dead Sleep. These, I say, are my houshold Servants, and, by their faithful Coun­sels, I have subjected all things to my Domi­nion, and erected an empire over Emperors themselves: Thus have ye had my Lineage, E­ducation, and Companions. And now, lest I may seem to have taken upon me the name of Goddess, without cause; you shall in the next place understand, how far my Deity extends, and what advantage by 't I have brought, both to Gods and Men. For, if it was not unwisely said by some body, That this only is to be a God, To help Men; and if they are deservedly enroll'd among the Gods, that first brought in Corn, and Wine, and such other things, as are for the com­mon good of mankind; Why am not I of right (the [...]) first of all the gods, who being but one, yet bestow all things on all men? For first, What is more sweet or more precious than Life? And yet from whom can it more properly be said to come, than from me? For neither ( [...] Palladis hasta) the Crab-favour'd Pallas's Spear, nor ( [...] Jovis aegis) the Cloud­gathering Jupiters Shield, either beget, or pro­pagate mankind; But even he himself, the Fa­ther [Page 11]of Gods, and King of Men (qui nutu [...]mefactat Olympum) at whose very beck the [...]avens shake, must lay-by his forked thunder, [...]d those looks wherewith he conquer'd the [...]ants, and with which at pleasure he frights [...]e rest of the Gods, and, like a Common age-player, put on a Disguise, as often as he [...]es about that, which now and then he do's, [...]at is to say ( [...]) the getting of chil­ [...]en: And the Stoicks too, that conceive emselves next to the Gods, yet shew me one [...] them, nay, the veryest Bygot of the Sect, [...]d if he do not put off his beard, the badge [...] Wisdom, though yet it be no more than [...]hat is common with him and Goats; yet at east, he must lay-by his supercilious Gravity, mooth his forehead, shake off his rigid Prin­ [...]ples, and, for some time, commit an act of [...]lly, and dotage: In fine, that Wiseman, who ever he be, if he intends to have Chil­dren, must have recourse to me. But why, ac­ [...]ording to my wonted way, do not I speak more plainly to ye? Is it the head, I pray, or [...]ace, or breast, or hand, or ear, which yet we reckon our comely parts, that begets, or brings forth Gods, and Men? I think not; but even that part, which is so foolish, and ridicu­ [...]ous, that I cannot so much as name it without [...]aughter; This, this is that holy spring, from [Page 12]whence all things more truly draw their being than from Pythagora's (Quaternio) mixtu [...] of Elements: But tell me, I beseech ye [...] What Man is that, would submit his neck, [...] the Noose of Wedlock, if, as Wisemen should he did but first truly weigh the inconvenienc [...] of the thing? Or what Woman is there, woul [...] ever go to't, did she seriously consider, eithe [...] the peril of Child-bearing, or the trouble o [...] bringing them up? So then, if ye owe you [...] beings to Wedlock, ye owe that Wedlock, t [...] this my follower, Madness; and what ye owe to me, I have already told ye: Again, she [...] that has but once try'd, what it is, would sh [...] do ye think, make a second venture, if i [...] were not for my other Companion, Oblivion? Nay, even Venus her self, notwithstanding what ever Lucretius has said, would not deny, but that all her vertue were lame, and fruitless, without the help of my Deity: For out of that little, odd, ridiculous May-game, came the supercilious Philosophers, in whose room have succeeded, a kind of people, the world calls Monks, Cardinals, Priests, and the most holy Popes: And Lastly, all that Rabble of the Poets-Gods, with which Heaven is so thwack't and throng'd, that, though it be of so vast an extent, they are hardly able to croud one by another: But I think it a small matter, that [Page 13] [...]e thus owe your beginning of life to me, [...]less I also shew you, that, whatever be­ [...]efit you receive in the progress of it, is of [...]y gift likewise: For, what other is this? Can [...]hat be call'd life, where ye take away plea­sure? Oh! Do ye like what I say! I knew [...]one of you could have so little Wit, or so [...]uch folly, or Wisdom rather, as to be of [...]y other opinion: for even the Stoicks [...]hemselves, that so severely cry'd down plea­sure, did but handsomly dissemble, and rail'd sgainst it to the common People, to no other [...]nd, but that having discourag'd them from it, [...]hey might the more plentifully enjoy it them­selves: But tell me, by Jupiter, what part of [...]mans life is that, that is not sad, crabbed, unplea­ [...]ant, insipid, troublesome, unless it be sea­soned with Pleasure, that is to say, Folly? For the proof of which, the never-sufficiently prais'd Sophecles, in that his happy Elogy of us ( [...], To know nothing, is the onely happiness) might [...]e Authority enough; but that I intend to take every particular by it's self. And first; Who knows not, but a mans Infan­cy, is the merriest part of life to himself, and most acceptable to others? For, what is that in them, which we kiss, embrace, cherish, nay Enemies succour; but this [Page 14]witchcraft o [...] Folly? Which, wise Nature did [...] of purpose give them into the world with them that they might the more pleasantly passe-ove [...] the toil of Education, and as it were flatter the care and diligence of their Nurses: And then for Youth, which is in such reputation every where; how do all men favour it, stu­dy to advance it, and lend it their helping hand? And whence, I pray, all this Grace? Whence, but from me? by whose kindness, as it understands, as little as may be, it is al­so for that reason, the higher priviledged from exceptions; and I am mistaken, if, when it is grown up, and, by experience and discipline, brought to savour something like Man, if in the same instant that beauty does not fade, it's liveliness decay, it's pleasantness grow flat, and it's briskness fail: And by how much the fur­ther it runs from me, by so much the less it lives, till it comes to (—molesta Senectus) the burthen of Old [...]ge, not onely hateful to others, but to it self also: Which also were alto­gether insupportable, did not I pitty it's condition, in being present with it, and, as the Poets-gods were wont to assist such as were dying with some pleasant Metamprphasis, help their decrepitness, as much as in me lies, by bringing them back to a second childhood, from whence they are not improperly called ( [...]) [Page 15] Twice-Children: Which, if ye ask [...]ne how I do it, I shall not be shy in the point. [...]bring them to our River Lethe (for it's spring-head rises in the Fortunate Islands; and [...]hat other of Hell, is but a Brook in compari­son) from which, as soon as they have drunk flown a long forgetfulness, they wash away by [...]legrees, the perplexity of their minds, and so wax young again: But perhaps, you'll say, They are foolish & deting: Admit it; 'Tis the very essence of Child-hood; as if to be such [...]ere not to be a fool? Or that, that conditi­on had any thing pleasant in it, but that it un­derstood nothing? for, who would not look upon that Child as a Prodigy, that should have as much Wisdome as a Man? according [...]o that common Proverb (Odi puerulum prae­ceci sapientiâ) I do not like a Child that is a Man too soon: Or who would endure a Con­ [...]verse, or Friendship with that Old-man, who, to so large an experience of things, had joyn'd an equal strength of mind, and sharpness of judge­ment? And therefore for this reason it is, that Old-age dotes; and that it does so, it is behol­ding to me: yet not withstanding, is this do­tard exempt from all those cares that distract a Wiseman; he is not the less pot-Companion; [...]or is he sensible of that burden of life, which the more manly Age finds enough to do to [Page 16]stand upright under't: And sometimes too, like Pla [...]tus's Old-man, he returns to his three Letters (A. M. O.) the most unhappy of all things living, if he rightly understood, wha [...] he did in't: And yet, so much do I befriend him, that I make him well receiv'd of his friends, and no unpleasant Companion; for as much as, according to Homer, N [...]stor's dis­course was pleasanter than H [...]ney,—Melle dulcior fluit Oratios whereas Achilles's was both bitter and malicious; and that of Old-men, as he has it in another place, florid: In which respect also, they have this advantage of chil­dren, in that they want the onely pleasure of t'others life, we'll suppose it pratling: Adde to this, that old men are more eagerly deligh­ted with children, and they again, with Old­men (— [...]) like to like, quoth the Divel to the Collier: For what difference between them, but that the one has more wrinckles and years upon his head than the other? Otherwise the brightness of their hair, toothless mouth, weakness of body, love of Milk, broken speech, chatting, toying, for­getfulness, inadvertency; and, briefly, all other their actions, agree in every thing: and by how much the nearer they approach to this Old-age, by so much they grow backward, into the likeness of Children; until, like them, they [Page 17]pass from life, to death, without any weariness of the one, or sense of t'other: And, now, let him that will, compare the benefits they re­ceive by me, with the Metamorphoses of the Gods; of whom, I shall not mention, what they have done in their pettish humours, but where they have been most favourable; turn­ing one into a Tree, another into a Bird, a third into a Grashopper, Serpent, or the like; as if there were any difference between perishing, and being another thing! But I restore the same man, to the best, and happiest part of his life. And if Men would but re­frain from all commerce with Wisdom, and give up themselves to be govern'd by me, they should never know, what it were to be old, but solace themselves with a perpetual youth: Do [...]ut observe our grim Philosophers, that are perpetually beating their brains on knotty Subjects, and for the most part, you'll find [...]em grown old, before they are scarce young; and whence is it, but that thier continual, and restless thoughts, insensibly prey upon their spirits, and dry up their Radical Moi­sture? Whereas, on the contrary, my fat fools, are as plump, and round as a Westpha­lian Hogg; and never sensible of old age, un­less perhaps, as sometimes it rarely happens, they come to be infected with Wisdom; So [Page 18]hard a thing it is, for a man to be happy in a [...] things: and to this purpose, is that no sma [...] testimony of the Proverb, that sayes, Folly [...] the onely thing, that keeps Youth at a stay, a [...] Old age afar off; as it is verifi'd in the Braba [...] ­ders, of whom, there goes this common fa [...] ­ing, That Age, which is wont to render other M [...] wiser, makes them the greater Fools; and ye [...] there is scarce any Nation, of a more jocun [...] converse, or that is less sensible of the mise [...] ry of Old age, than they are: And to these as in scituation, so for manner of living, com­nearest, my friends the Hollanders; and wh [...] should I not call them mine, since they are [...] diligent observers of me, that they are com [...] monly call'd by my name? of which they are [...] far from being asham'd, they rather pride them selves in't: Let the foolish world then b [...] packing, and seek out Medeas, Circes, Ven [...] ­ses, Aurora's, and I know not what other Foun­tains of restoring Youth; I am sure, I am th [...] onely person, that both can, and have mad [...] it good: 'Tis I alone, that have that wonder­ful Juice, with which Memnons daughter pro­long'd the youth of her Grandfather Tithon I am that Venus, by whose favour, Phaon be­came so young again, that Sappho fell in love with him: Mine are those Herbs, if yet there be any such; mine those Charms, and mine that Fountain, that not onely restores depart­ed [Page 19]Youth, but, which is more desirable, pre­ [...]rves it perpetual: And if ye all subscribe to [...]is Opinion, that nothing is better than south, or more execrable than Age, I con­ [...]eive you cannot but see, how much ye are [...]depted to me, that have retain'd so great a [...]od, and shut out so great an evil; But why [...] I altogether spend my breath in speaking of [...]ortals? View Heaven round, and let him at will, reproach me with my name, if he [...]nd any one of the Gods, that were not stink­ [...]g, and contemptible, were he not made [...]ceptable by my Deity: Whence is it that [...]cchus is always a Stripling, and bushy-hair'd? [...]t because he is mad, and drunk, and spends [...]s life in Drinking, Dancing, Revels, and [...]ay-games, not having so much as the least [...]ciety with Pallas: And lastly, he is so far [...]om desiring to be accounted wise, that he [...]elights to be worshipp'd with Sports and [...]ambals; nor is he displeas'd with the Pro­ [...]erb, that gave him the sirname of Fool (Mo­ [...]cho stultior) A greater Fool then Bacchus; [...]hich name of his was chang'd to Morychus, or that sitting before the gates of his Temple, [...]e wanton Countrey people, were wont to [...]edaub him with new Wine, and Figgs: [...]nd of scoffs, what not, hath not the antient [...]omedies thrown on him? O foolish God, say [Page 20]they, and worthy to be born as thou wert, of th [...] Father's th gh: And yet, who had not rather b [...] thy Fool, and Sot, alwayes merry, ever young and making sport for other people, than either Homer's Jupiter, with his crooked Counce [...] terrible to every one, or old Pan with his Hub­bubs, or smutty Vulcan half cover'd with C [...] ­ders, or even Pallas her self, so dreadful wit­her Gorgon's Head, and Spear, and a Counte [...] ­nance like Bul-beef: Why is Cupid alway Pourtrai'd like a Boy, but because he is a ver­Wagg, and can neither do, nor so much a [...] think of any thing sober? Why Venus, ever i [...] her prime, but because of her affinity wit [...] me? Witness that colour of her Hair, so re­sembling my Father, from whence she is call' [...] (Venus aurea) the golden Venus: And lastly ever laughing, if ye give any credit to the Po­ets, or their followers, the Statuaries: Wha [...] Deity did the Romans ever more religioush odore, than that of Flora, the foundress of all pleasure? Nay, if ye should but diligentl [...] search the lives of the most sowre, and morose of the Gods, out of Homer, and the rest of the Poets; you would find 'em all but so many pieces of Folly. And to what purpose should I run over any of the other gods tricks, when ye know enough of Jupiters loose Loves? when that chast Diana, shall so far forget her [Page 21]Sexe, as to be ever hunting, and ready to perish for Endymion? But I had rather they should hear these things from Momus, from whom heretofore, they were wont to have their shares, till in one of their angry humours, they tum­bled him, together with A [...]e, Goddess of Mis­chief, down headlong to the Earth, because his wisdom (forsooth) unseasonably disturb'd their [...]happiness: Nor since that, dares any mortal give him harbour, though I must confess, there wanted little, but that he had been receiv'd into the Courts of Princes, had not my com­panion Flattery reign'd in chief there, with whom, and t'other, there is no more corres­pondence, than between Lambs, and Wolves: from whence it is, that the Gods play the fool, with the greater liberty, and more content to themselves ( [...]) doing all things care­lesly, as says Father Homer, that is to say, with­out any one to correct them: For what ridicu­lous stuff is there, which that stump of the Fig­tree, Priapus does not afford 'em? What Tricks and Legerdemains, with which Mercury does not cloak his thefts? What buffonry that Vulcan is not guilty of, while one while with his polt-foot, another, with his smutcht muzzle, another, with his impertinencies, he makes sport for the rest of the Gods? As also that old Fornicator Silenus, with his Countrey­dances, [Page 22] Polyphemus footing time to his Cycl [...] hammers; the Nymphs with their Jiggs; a [...] Satyrs with their Anticks; whilst Pan mak [...] 'em all twitter, with some bawdy Ballad, whi [...] yet they had rather hear, than the Muses them selves, and chiefly when they are well whitle [...] with Nectar: Besides, what should I mentio [...] what these Gods do, when they are half drunk▪ Now by my troth, so foolish, that I my self ca [...] hardly refrain laughter: But in these matter [...] 'twere better we remember'd Harpocrates, le [...] some Eves-dropping God or other, take u [...] whispering that, which Momus onely, has th [...] priviledge of speaking at length: And there­fore, according to Homers example, I think it high time to leave the Gods to themselves, and look down a little on the Earth; wherein like­wise, you'll find nothing frolick, or fortunate, that it ows not to me: So provident has that great Parent of Mankind, Nature, been, that there should not be any thing without it's mix­ture, and, as it were, seasoning of Folly: For since according to the definition of the Stoicks, Wis­dom is nothing else, than to be govern'd by reason; and, on the contrary, Folly, to be giv'n up to the will of our Passions; that the life of man, might not be altogether disconsolate, and hard to away with, of how much more Passion, than Reason, has Jupiter compos'd us? [Page 23]putting in, as one would say (Semiunciam ad [...]em) scarce half an ounce, to a pound: Besides, [...]e has confin'd Reason, to a narrow corner of [...]e brain, and left all the rest of the body, to [...]r Passions: As also, set up against this one, [...]o, as it were masterless Tyrants; Anger, [...]at possesseth the region of the heart, and [...]onsequently, the very Fountain of life, [...]e Heart it self; and Lust, that stretcheth its [...]mpire every where; against which double [...]orce, how powerful Reason is, let com­ [...]on experience declare; inasmuch as she, which yet is all she can do, may call out to us [...]ill she be hoarse again, and tell us the Rules of Honesty, and Vertue, while they, give up the Reins to their Governour, and make a hi­deous clamour, till at last, being wearied, he suffer himself to be carried, whither they please to hurry him: But forasmuch as such, as are born to the business of the world, have some little sprinklings of Reason, more than the rest, yet, that they may the better man­ [...]age it, even in this, as well as in other things, they call me to counsel; and I give 'em such, as is worthy of my self, to wit, That they take to 'em a wife; a silly thing (God wot) and foolish, yet wanton, and pleasant, by which means, the roughness of the Masculine tem­per, is season'd, and sweeten'd by her folly: [Page 24]For, in that Plato seems to doubt, under which Genus, he should put woman, to wit, that of rational Creatures, or Brutes, he intended no other in it, than to shew the apparent folly of the Sexe; for, if perhaps any of them goes about, to be thought wiser than the rest, what else does she do, but play the fool twice; as if a man should (Bovem ad ceroma) teach a Cow to dance (invita, reluctanteque, Minerva) a thing quite against the hair: For, as it doubles the crime, if any one should put a disguise upon Nature, or endeavour to bring her to that, she will in no wise bear, according to that Proverb of the Greeks (Simia, est simia, etiamsi purpurâ vestiatur) An Ape, is an Ape, though clad in Scarlet; So, a woman, is a wo­man still, that is to say, foolish, let her put on what ever V [...]zard she please: But, by the way, I hope that Sexe is not so foolish, as to take of­fence at this, that I my self, being a woman, and Folly too, have attributed Folly to them; For if they weigh it right, they needs must acknowledg, that they owe it to Folly, that they are more fortunate than men. As first, their Beauty, which, and that not without cause, they prefer before every thing, since by its means they exercise a Tyranny even upon Tyrants themselves; otherwise, whence proceeds that sowre look, rough [Page 25]skin, bushy beard, and such other things, as speak plain Old age in a man, but from that Disease of Wisdom? whereas womens Cheeks, are ever plump, and smooth, their Voice small, their Skin soft, as if they imi­tated a certain kind of perpetual Youth. Again, what greater thing do they wish in their whole lives, than that they may please the Men? For, to what other purpose are all those Dresses, Washes, Baths, Cur­lings, Slops, Perfumes, and those several little tricks, of setting their Faces, painting their Eye-brows, and smoothing their Skins? And now tell me, what higher Letters of Recommendation have they to men, than this Folly? For, what is it, they do not permit 'em to do? and to what other purpose, than that of pleasure? wherein yet, their folly is not the least thing that pleaseth; which how true it is, I think no one will deny, that does but consider with himself, what fool­ish Discourse, and odd Gambals, pass be­tween a man, and his woman, as oft as he has a mind to be gamesome? And so I have shown ye whence the first and chief­est delight of mans life springs: But there are some, you'll say, and those too, none of the youngest, that have a greater kindness for the Pot, than the Petticoat, and place [Page 26]their chiefest pleasure in good fellowship: If there can be any great entertainment, with­out a woman at it, let others look to't; this I am sure, there was never any pleasant, which Folly gave not the relish to: Insomuch, that, if they find no occasion of Laughter, they send for ( [...] quempiam) one that may make it, or hire some Buffon flat­terer, whose ridiculous discourse, may put by the Gravity of the company: For, to what purpose were it, to clogg our Sto­macks with Dainties, Junkets, and the like Stuff; unless our Eyes, and Ears, nay, whole Mind, were likewise entertain'd with Jests, Merriments, and Laughter? But of these kind of second Courses, I am the onely Cook; Though yet, those ordinary practises of our Feasts, as choosing a King, throw­ing Dice, drinking Healths, trouling it Round, dancing the Cushion, and the like, were not invented by the seven Wise Men, but my Self, and that too, for the common pleasure of Mankind; The nature of all which things is such, that the more of Folly they have, the more they conduce to Humane Life, which, if it were unpleasant, did not deserve the name of Life; and other than such, it could not well be, did not these kind of Diversions, take off [Page 27]the troublesome impertinence, of our Relati­ [...]s Visits: But perhaps there are some, that neg­ [...]ct this way of pleasure, and rest satisfi'd in [...]e enjoyment of their Friends, calling friend­ [...]ip the most desirable of all things; more ne­ [...]essary, than either air, fire, or water; so de­ [...]ectable, that he that shall take it out of the World, had as good put out the Sun; and last­ [...], so commendable, if yet that make any [...]ing to the matter, that neither the Philoso­ [...]hers themselves, doubted to reckon it among [...]eir chiefest good: But what if I shew you, [...]at I am both (prora & puppis) the beginning [...]nd end, of this so great good also? Nor shall [...] go about to prove it by Fallacies, Sorites, Di­ [...]emma's, or other the like subtilties of Logicians, [...]ut (pingui, quod aiunt Minerva) after my blunt way, [...]oint out the thing as clearly as 'twere with my [...]inger: And now tell me, if to wink, slip o­ [...]er, be blind at, or deceiv'd in, the vices of [...]ur friends, nay, to admire, and esteem them [...]or Virtues, be not, at least, the next degree [...]o folly? What is it when one kisses his Mistres­ses freckle Neck, another the Wart on her Nose? When a Father shall swear, his squint­ey'd Child is more lovely than Venus? what is this, I say, but meer folly? And so perhaps you'l cry it is; and yet, 'tis this onely that joyns friends together, and continues them so joyn'd: [Page 28]I speak of ordinary men, of whom, none a [...] born without their imperfections, and happy [...] he, that is prest with the least; for among wi [...] Princes, there is either no friendship at all, o [...] if there be, 'tis unpleasant, and reserv'd, an [...] that too, but amongst a very few, 'twere a crime to say none: for that the greatest part of man­kind are fools, nay, there is not any one, tha [...] dotes not in many things, and friendship (yo [...] know) is seldome made but amongst equalls▪ And yet, if it should so happen, that there were a mutual good-will between them, it i [...] in no wise firm, nor very long liv'd, that is to say, among such as are morose, and more cir­cumspect than needs, as being Eagle-sighted into his friends faults, but so blear-ey'd to their own, that they take not the least notice of the Wallet that hangs behind their own Shoulders: Since then the nature of Man is such, that there is scarce any one to be found, that is not sub­ject to many errors, add to this, the great di­versity of minds and studies, so many slips, over­sights, and chances of humane life, and how is it possible, there should be any true friendship between those Argus's, so much as one hour, were it not for that, which the Greeks excel­lently call, [...], and you may render by Folly, or good Nature, chuse you whether? But what? Is not the Author and Parent of all [Page 29]our Love, Cupid, as blind as a beetle? and as with him ( [...]): all co­ [...]ours agree; so from him is it, that every one likes his own Sweeter-kin best, though never so [...]ugly, and (ut cascus casc [...]m, & pupus pupam deamet) that an old man dotes on his old wife, and a boy on his girle; These things, are not onely done every where, but laught at too, yet, as ridiculous as they are, they make society plea­sant, and (as it were) glew it together: And what has been said of Friendship, may more reasonably be presum'd of Matrimony, which in truth, is no other, than an inseparable con­junction of life: Good God! What Divorces, or what not, worse than that, would daily hap­pen, were not the converse between a man and his wife, supported and cherished by flattery, apishnesse, gentlenesse, ignorance, dissembling, certain Retainers of mine also: Whoop holi­day! how few marriages should we have, if the Husband should but through-examin, how many tricks, his pretty little Mop of Modesty, and Virgin as he believes, has plaid before she was marry'd? And how fewer of them would hold together, did not most of the Wife's actions escape the Husband's knowledg, through his neglect or sottishness? And for this also, ye are beholding to me, by whose means it is, that the Husband is pleasant to [Page 30]his Wife, the Wife to her Husband, and the house kept in quiet: A man is laught at, call'd Cuckow, Cuckold, and I know not what, when seeing the Whore his Wife, weeping, he lick [...] up her tears: But how much happier is it, to be thus deceiv'd, than by being troubled with jealousie, not onely to torment himself, but set all things in a hubbub? In fine, I am so necessary to the making of all society, and manner of life, both delightful, and lasting; that neither would the people long endure their Governors, nor the Servant his Master, nor the Master his Footman, nor the Scholar his Tutor, nor one friend another, nor the Wife her Husband, nor the Userer the Bor­rower, nor a Souldier his Commander, nor one Companion another, unlesse all of them had their interchangeable failings, one while flat­tering, other while, prudently conniving, and generally sweetning one another, with some small relish of Folly: And now, you'd think I had said all, but ye shall hear yet greater things: Will he, I pray, love any one that hates himself? Or ever agree with another, who is not at peace with himself? Or beget pleasure in another, that is troublesome to himself? I think no one will say it, that is not more foolish than Folly: And yet, if ye should exclude me, there's no man, but would be so [Page 31]far from enduring another, that he would stink [...] his own nostrils, be nauseated with his own [...]ctions, and himself become odious to himself; [...]rasmuch as Nature, in too many things rather [...] Stepdame than a Parent to us, has imprinted [...]at evil in men, especially such, as have lea [...] [...]dgment, that every one repents him, of his [...]wn condition, and admires that of others; Whence it comes to pass: that all her gifts, e­ [...]egancy, and graces, corrupt and perish: For [...]hat benefit is Beauty, the greatest blessing of Heaven, if it be mi [...]t with affectation? What [...]outh, if corrupted with the severity of old [...]ge? Lastly, What is that in the whole busi­ [...]ess of a mans life, he can do with any grace [...] himself, or others (for it is not so much a [...]hing of Art, as the very life of every Action, [...]hat it be done with a good meen) unlesse this [...]y friend and companion, Self-love, be pre­ [...]ent with it? Nor does she without cause sup­ [...]ly me the place of a Sister, since her whole en­ [...]eavours are to act my part every where: For [...]hat is more foolish, than for a man to study [...]othing else, than how to please himself? To [...]ake himself the object of his own admiration? And yet, what is there that is either delight­ [...]ul, or taking, nay rather, what not the con­ [...]rary, that a man does against the hair? Take [...]way this Salt of life, and the Orator may [Page 32]ev'n sit still with his Action; the Musitian wi [...] all his division, will be able to please no ma [...] the Player be hist off the Siage; the Poet an [...] all his Muses, ridiculous; the Painter with h [...] Art, contemptible; and the Physitian, with a [...] his Slip-slops, go a begging: Lastly, tho [...] wilt be taken (pro Nireo Th [...]rsites, pro Pha [...] N [...]stor, pro Minerva sus; for an Ugly fellow, in [...] stead of a Beautiful; for Old and Decrepit, i [...] stead of Youthful; and, a Beast instead of a Wi [...] man; A Child, instead of Eloquent; and in [...] stead of a well-bred man, a clown: So ne [...] ­cessary a thing it is, that every one flatter him­self, and commend himself, to himself, be­fore he can be commended by others: Last­ly, Since it is the chiefest point of happinesse (Quod sis, esse velis —) that a man is willin [...] to [...]e what he is, you have further abridg'd, i [...] this my Self-love, that no man's asham'd of hi [...] own face, no man of his own wit, no man [...] his own parentage, no man of his own house no man of his manner of living, nor any man o [...] his own Country; so that a Highlander has n [...] desire to change with an Italian, a Thraci [...] with an A [...]henian, nor a Scythian for the fortu­nate Islands: O the singular care of Nature that in so great a variety of things, has made al [...] equal! Where she has been sometime sparing of her gifts, she has recompenc'd it with the [Page 33]more of self-Love; though here I must con­ [...]ess, I speak foolishly, it being the greatest of [...]ll other her Gifts: To say nothing, that no [...]reat action was ever attempted, without [...]y Motion; or Art, brought to perfection, [...]ithout my help: Is not War, the very Root, [...]nd Matter of all Fam'd Enterprises? And [...]et, what more foolish than to undertake it, for [...] know not what trifles; especially, when both [...]arties are sure, to lose more, than they get [...] the bargain? For of those that are slain [...] [...]) not a word of them; And for the [...]est, when both sides are close engag'd (— & [...]uco crepuerunt cornua cantu) and the Trumpets [...]ake an ugly noise, what use of those Wise [...]en, I pray, that are so exhaust with study, [...]at their thin, cold Blood, has scarce [...]y spirits left? No, it must be those blunt, [...]t fellows, that by how much the more they [...]ceed in Courage, fall short in Understand­ [...]g: Unless perhaps, one had rather chuse [...] mosthenes for a Souldier, who following [...]e example of Archilochius, threw away his [...]rms, and betook him to his Heels, e're he [...]ad scarce seen his Enemy; as ill a Souldie [...], [...] happy an Orator: But Counsel, you'll say, [...] not of least concern in matters of War. In [...] General, I grant it; but this thing of War­ [...]ng, is no part of Philosophy, but manag'd [Page 34]by Parasites, Pandars, Thieves, Cut-throa [...] Plow-men, Sots, Spendthrifts, and such othe [...] Dregs of Mankind, not Philosophers; wh [...] how unapt they are even for common co [...] ­verse, let Socrates, whom the Oracle of Apo [...] ­lo, though not so wisely, judg'd the wisest of [...] men living, be witness; who stepping up, [...] speak somewhat, I know not what, in publique [...] was forc'd to come down again, well laught [...] for his pains: Though yet in this, he wa [...] not altogether a fool, that he refus'd the ap­pellation of Wise, and returning it ba [...] to the Oracle, deliver'd his opinion, That [...] wise man should abstain, from medling wit [...] publique business; unless perhaps, he should have rather admonisht us, to beware of Wis [...] ­dom, if we intended to be reckon'd among th [...] number of men; there being nothing but hi [...] Wisdom, that first accus'd, and aftewards sen­tenc't him, to the drinking of his poison' [...] Cup; For while (as ye find him in Arist [...] ­phanes) Philosophying about Clouds, an [...] Ideas, measuring how far a Flea could leap­and admiring that so small a creature as a Flye [...] should make so great a buzze, he medled no [...] with any thing that concern'd common life; But his Master being in danger of his head, his Scholar Plato is at hand, to wit, that famou [...] Patron, that being disturb'd with the noise of [Page 35]the people, could not go through half his [...]t Sentence: What should I speak of Theo­ [...]rastus, who being about to make an Orati­ [...], became as dumb, as if he had met a Wolfe [...]his way, which yet, would have put cou­ [...]ge in a Man of War? Or Isocrates, that was [...]cow-hearted, that he durst never attempt it? [...] Tully, that great Founder of the Roman [...]oquence, that could never begin to speak, [...]thout an odd kind of trembling, like a Boy, [...]t had got the Hick-cop; which, Fabius in­ [...]prets, as an argument of a wise Oratour, and [...]e that was sensible of what he was doing; [...]d while he sayes it, does he not plainly con­ [...]s, that Wisdom is a great obstacle, to the [...]e management of business? What would come of 'em, think ye, were they to fight it [...]t at blows, that are so dead through fear, [...]en the Contest is only with empty words? [...]nd next to these, is crv'd up, forsooth, that [...]odly sentence of Plato's, Happy is that Com­ [...]nwealth, where a Philosopher is Prince, or whose [...]ince is addicted to Philosophy; when yet, if ye [...]sult Historians, you'll find no Princes, [...]re pestilent to the Commonwealth, than [...]ere the Empire has fall'n, to some smat­ [...]er in Philosophy, or one given to Letters: [...] the truth of which, I think the Catoes give [...]fficient credit; of whom, the one, was ever [Page 36]distarbing the peace of the Commonweal [...] with his hair-brain'd accusations; the othe [...] while he too wisely vindicated its liberty, qui [...] overthrew it. Add to this, the Bruti, Cass [...] nay Cicero himself, that was no less pernicio [...] to the Commonwealth of Rome, than was D [...] ­m [...]sthenes, to that of Athens: Besides, M [...] Antoninus (that I may give ye one instance that there was once, one good Emperour; fo [...] with much ado, I can make it out) was be come burthensome, and hated of his Subject [...] upon no other score, but that he was [...] great a Philosopher: But admitting hi [...] good, he did the Commonwealth, more hur [...] in leaving behind him, such a Son, as he di [...] than ever he did it good, by his own Govern­ment: For these kind of Men, that are so gi­ven up to the study of Wisdome, are gene­rally most unfortunate, but chiefly, in thei [...] Children; Nature it seems, so provident [...] ordering it, lest this mischief of Wisdome [...] should spread farther among mankind; fo [...] which reason, 'tis manifest why Cicero's Son wa [...] so dege [...]ate, and that wise Socrates's Chil­dren, as one has well observ'd, were more lik [...] their Mother, than their Father, that is t [...] say, Fools: However this were to be bor [...] with; if only as to publick Employments the [...] were (Asini adlyram) L [...]ke a Sow upon a pai [...] [Page 37] [...] Org [...]n [...], were they an [...] to dis­ [...]harge even the common Offices of Life: Invite [...] Wife man to a Feast, and he'll spoil the com­ [...]any, either with Morose silence, or trouble­ [...]ome D [...]sputes: Take him out to Dance, & you'l wear (Camelus saltans) a [...]ow wou [...]d have don't bet­ [...]er: Bring him to the Theatre, and his very looks [...]re enough to spoil all, till, like Cato, he take [...]n occasion of withdrawing, rather than put off [...]is supercilious gravity: Let him fall into [...]iscourse, and (Lupus in fabula) he shall make more sudden stops, than if he had a Woolf be­ [...]ore him: Let him buy, or sell, or, in short, [...]o about any of those things, without which, [...]here is no living in this world, and you'l say, [...]his piece of Wisdom, were rather a Stock, than [...] Man; of so little use is he to himself, Coun­ [...]ry, or Friends; and all because he is wholly [...]gnorant of common things, and lives a course of life, quite different from the people; by which means, 'tis impossible but that he con­ [...]ract a popular odium, to wit, by reason of [...]he great diversity of their life, and souls: for, What is there at all done among men, that is [...]ot full of Folly, and that too, from fools, and [...]o fools? Against which universal practice, if any single one, shall dare to set up his throat, my advice to him is, that following the exam­ [...]le of Timon, he retire into some desart, and [Page 38]there enjoy, [...] wisdome to himself: But, [...] return to my design; what power was it th [...] drew those stony, oken, and wild people int [...] Cities, but slattery? for nothing else is signi­fy'd, by Amphion, and Orpheus's Harp: Wha [...] was it, that when the common people of Rome were like to have destroy'd all by their Mutiny reduc'd them to Obedience? Was it a Phi­losophical Oration? Least; But a ridiculous and childish Fable, of the Belly, and the re [...] of the Members: And as good success had Themistocles, in his, of the Fox, and Hedg­hog: What wise mans Oration could ever have done so much with the people, as Sertorius' [...] invention of his white Hind? Or his ridi­culous Emblem, of pulling off a Horse's Tail, hair, by hair? Or as Lycurgus's his example o [...] his two Whelps? To say nothing of Minos, and Numa, both which, rul'd their foolish multitudes, with Fabulous Inventions; with which kind of Toyes, that great and powerful beast the People, are led any way: Again, what City ever receiv'd Plato's, or Aristotle's Laws, or Socrates's Precepts? But, on the con­trary, what made the Decii devote themselves to the Infernal Gods? Or Q. Curtius to leap into the Gulph, but an empty, vain glory, a most bewitching Sirene; and yet 'tis strange, it [Page 39]should be so condemn'd, by thore w [...]e Philoso­phers? For what is more foolish, say they, than for a Suppliant Suiter to flatter the peo­ple, to buy their favour with gifts, to court the applauses of so many fools, to please him­self with their Acclamations, to be carri'd on the peoples shoulders, as in triumph, and have a brazen Statue in the Market place? Add to this, the adoption of Names, and Sir­names; those Divine Honours given to a man of no Reputation, and the Deification of the most wicked Tyrants, with publicque Ceremonies; Most foolish things, and such as one Democri­tus is too little to laugh at: Who denies it? And yet from this root, sprang all the great Acts of the Heroes, which, the Pens of so ma­ny Eloquent men, have extoll'd to the Skies: In a word, this Folly is that, that lai'd the foun­dation of Cities; and by it, Empire, Authori­ty, Religion, Policy, and publique Actions are preserv'd; neither is there any thing in Humane Life, that is not a kind of past me of Folly. But to speak of Arts, what set mens wits on work to invent, and transmit to Poste­rity, so many Famous, as they conceive, pieces of Learning, but the thirst of Glory? With so much loss of sleep, such pains, and travel, have the most foolish of men, thought to pur­chase themselves, a kind of I know what Fame, [Page 40]than which, nothing can be more vain; an [...] yet notwithstanding, ye owe this advantage t [...] Folly, and, which is the most delectable of a [...] other, that ye reap the benefit of other me [...] madness: And now, having vindicated to m [...] self the praise of Fortitude, and Industry what think ye if I do the same, by that of Pr [...] ­dence? But some will say, You may as we [...] joyn Fire and Water; It may be so: But ye [...] I doubt not but to succeed even in this also, i [...] as ye have done hitherto, ye will but favour me with your attention: And first, if Prudenc [...] depends upon Experience, to whom is the ho­nour of that name more proper? to the Wise­man, who partly out of modesty, and partly distrust of himself, attempts nothing; o [...] the Fool, whom neither Modesty, which h [...] never had, nor Danger, which he never con­siders, can discourage from any thing? Th [...] Wiseman, has recourse to the Books of th [...] Antients, and from thence, picks nothing b [...] subtilties of words; The Fool, in underta­king, and venturing on the business of the world, gathers (if I mistake not) the true Prudence, such as Homer, though blind, may be said to have seen, when he said ( [...]) The burnt child dreads the fire For there are two main obstacles to the know­ledge of things, Modesty, that casts a mist be­fore [Page 41]the understanding, and Fear, that having [...]nci'd a danger, disswades us from the at­ [...]empt: But from these, Folly sufficiently frees [...]s, and few there are, that rightly understand, [...]f what great advantage it is, to blush at no­ [...]ing, and attempt every thing: But if ye [...]ad rather take Prudence for that, that con­ [...]sts in the judgment of things; Hear me, I be­ [...]eech ye, how far they are from it, that yet [...]rack of the name: For first, 'tis evident, [...]hat all Humane things, like Alcibiades's ( Sile­ [...]i, or) rural Gods, carry a double face, but [...]ot the least alike; so that, what at first sight, [...]eems to be death, if you view it narrowly, [...]ay prove to be life, and so, the contrary: What appears beautiful, may chance to be de­ [...]orm'd; what wealthy, a very begger; what [...]nfamous, praise-worthy; what learned, a dunce; what lusty, feeble; what jocund, sad; what noble, base; what lucky, unfortunate; what friendly, an enemy; and what healthful, noisome: in short, view the insi [...]e of these Sileni, and you'll find them quite other, than what they appear; which, if perhaps it shall not seem so Philosophically spoken, I'll make it plain to you (Pinguiore M [...]erva) after my blunt way. Who would not conceive a Prince, a great Lord, and abundant in every thing? But yet, being so ill furnisht with the gifts of [Page 40]the mind, and ever thinking, he shall neve [...] have enough, he's the poorest of all men: An [...] then, for his mind, so giv'n up to Vice, ' [...] a shame how it inslaves him: I might in li [...] manner Philosophy of the rest; But let thi [...] one, for examples sake, be enough; yet wh [...] this: will some one say? have patience, an [...] I'll shew ye what I drive at: If any one seeing a Player acting his Part on a Stage, should g [...] about to strip him of his disguise, and she [...] him to the people in his true Native Form [...] would he not, think ye, not onely spoil th [...] whole design of the Play, but deserve himself to be pelted off with stones, as a Phantastica [...] Fool, and one out of his wits? But nothing i [...] more common with them, than such changes. The same person, one while personating [...] Woman, and another while, a Man; now a [...] Youngster, and by and by, a grim Seigniour [...] now a King, and presently a Peasant; now [...] God, and in a trice agen, an ordinary Fellow: But to discover this, were to spoil all, it being the onely thing that entertains the Eyes of the Spectators: And what is all this Life but a kind of Comedy, wherein, men walk up and down in one anothers Disguises, and Act their respective Parts, till the property-man brings 'em back to the Tyring House: And yet, he often orders a different Dress, and [Page 41]makes him, that came but just now off, in the [...]obes of a King, put on the Raggs of a Beg­ [...]er: Thus are all things represented by Coun­ [...]rfeit, and yet without this, there were no [...]ving: And here, if any wise man, as it [...]ere, dropt from Heaven, should start up, and [...]ry, This great thing, whom the World looks [...]pon for a God, and I know not what, is not so [...]uch as a Man, for that, like a Beast, he is [...]d by his Passions, but the worst of Slaves, [...]asmuch as he gives himself up willingly to so [...]any, and such detestable Masters: Again, if [...]e should bid a man that were bewailing the [...]eath of his Father, to laugh, for that he now [...]egan to live, by having got an Estate, with­ [...]ut which, Life is but a kind of Death: Or [...]all another, that were boasting of his Family, [...]l begotten, or base, because he is so far re­ [...]ov'd from Vertue, that is the only Fountain [...]f Nobility: and so of the rest; what else [...]ould he get by't, but be thought himself [...]ad, and Frantick? for as nothing is more [...]olish than preposterous Wisdome; so no­ [...]hing is more unadvised, than a froward, un­ [...]easonable Prudence; and such is his, that [...]oes not comply with the present time (Et [...]ro noluit uit) and order himself as the Mar­ [...]et goes, but forgetting that Law of Feasts ( [...]) either drink, or begon, un­dertakes [Page 44]to disprove, a common receiv'd Op [...] nion; whereas, on the contrary, 'tis the pa [...] of a truly Prudent man, not to be wise be [...] yond his Condition; but, either to take [...] notice of what the world does, or run with i [...] for company: But this is foolish you'll say nor shall I deny it, provided always ye be [...] civil on t'other side, as to confess, that th [...] is, to Act a Part in that World: But, O y [...] Gods ( Eloquar an sileam? — shall I spea [...] or hold my tongue? But why should I be silen [...] in a thing, that is more true, than truth it self. However, it might not be amiss perhaps, in [...] great an Affair, to call forth the Muses from Helicon, since the Poets, so often invoke 'em upon every foolish occasion: Be present the [...] awhile, and assist me, ye Daughters of Jupi­ter, while I make it out, that there is no way, to that so much Fam'd Wisdome, nor acces [...] to that Fortress, as they call it, of Happiness, but under the Banner of Folly: And first, 'tis agreed of all hands, that our passions belong to Folly; inasmuch as we judge a wise Man, from a Fool, by this, that the one is order'd by them, the other, by Reason; and therefore the Stocks, remove from a wise man, all di­sturbances of Mind, as so many Diseases: But these Passions, do not onely the Office of a Tutor, to such as are making towards the [Page 45]Port or Wisdome, but a [...]e, in every exercise [...]f Vertue, as it were, Spurs, and Incentives, [...]ay, and Encouragers to well doing: which, [...]hough that great Stoick Seneca most strongly [...]enys, and takes from a wise man, all affecti­ [...]ns whatever; yet in doing that, he leaves [...]im not so much as a Man, but rather, a new [...]ind of God, that was never yet, nor ever [...]ike to be: Nay, to speak plainer, he sets up [...] stony Semblance of a Man, void of all Sense [...]nd common feeling of Humanity: And much good to them with this Wise Man of theirs, [...]et them enjoy him to themselves, love him without Competitors, and live with him in Plato's Common-wealth, the Countrey of Idea's, or Tantalus's Orchards: For who would not shun, and startle at such a man, as at some annatural accident, or Spirit? A man dead to all sense of Nature, and common affections, and no more mov'd with Love, or Pity (Q [...]án [...] dura silex, aut stet Marpesia cautes) than [...]f he were a Flint, or Rock; whose censure, no­thing escapes; that commits no errors him­self, but has a Lynx's eyes upon others; mea­sures every thing by an exact Line, and for­gives nothing; pleases himself, with himself onely; the onely Rich, the onely Wise, the onely Free Man, and onely King; in brief, the onely man, that is every thing, but in his [Page 44]own lingle judgment onely; that cares not fo [...] the Friendship of any man, being himself a friend to no man; makes no doubt, to mak [...] the Gods stoop to him, and condemns, an [...] laughs at the whole Actions of our Life [...] and yet, such a Beast, is this their perfect Wise Man: But tell me pray, if the thing were to be carr [...]d by most voices, what City would chuse him for its Governour, or wha [...] Army desire him for their General? Wha [...] Woman would have such a Husband; wha [...] Good-fellow, such a Guest; or what Ser­vant, would either wish, or endure such [...] Master? Nay, who had not rather have on [...] of the middle sort of Fools, who being a Fool himself, may the better know how t [...] command, or obey Fools; and who, though [...] he please his like, 'tis yet the greater number, One that is kind to his Wife, merry among his Friends, a Boon Companion, and easie [...] to be liv'd with, and lastly, one that thinks, nothing of Humanity should be a stranger to him: But I am weary of this Wise Man, and therefore I'll proceed to some other advantages. Go to then: Suppose a man in some lofty high Tower, and that he could look round him, as the Poets say, Jupiter was now and then wont; To how many mis­fortunes would he find the life of man sub­ject? [Page 45]how miserable, to say no worse, our [...]th, how difficult our Education, to how [...]ny wrongs our Childhood expos'd, to at pains, our Youth, how unsupportable [...] Old-age, and grievous, our unavoid­ [...]e Death? as also, what Troups of Dis­ [...]es beset us, how many Casualties hang [...]r our Heads, how many Troubles invade [...] and how little there is, that is not steept [...] Gall? to say nothing of those evils one man [...]ngs upon another, as Poverty, Imprison­ [...]nt, Infamy, Dishonesty, Racks, Snares, [...]eachery, Reproaches, Actions, Deceipts—. [...]t I'm got into as endless a work as num­ [...]ng the Sands—. For what offences Man­ [...]d have deserv'd these things, or what [...]gry God compell'd 'em to be born into [...]h miseries, is not my present business: [...]t he that shall diligently examine it with [...]nself, would he not, think ye, approve the [...]mple of the Milesian Virgins (and kill [...]nself): but who are they, that for no [...]er reason, but that they were weary of [...], have hastned their own Fate? were they [...]t the next Neighbours to Wisdom? A­ [...]ngst whom, to say nothing of Diegenes, [...]ocrates, Cato, Cassius, Brutus, that Wise [...]n Chiron, being offer'd Immortality, chose [...]her to dye, than be troubled with the [Page 48]same thing always: And now I think, ye [...] what would become of the World, if [...] men should be wise; to wit, 'twere necess [...] ­ry we got another kind of Clay, and so [...] better Potter: But I, partly through ign [...] ­rance, partly unadvisedness, and sometime through forgetfulness of evil, do now and the so sprinkle pleasure, with the hopes of goo [...] and sweeten men up, in their greatest m [...] fortunes, that they are not willing to lea [...] this life, even then, when according to [...] account of the Destinys, this life has left the [...] and by how much the less reason they ha [...] to live, by so much the more, they desire [...] so far are they from being sensible of the lea [...] wearisomness of life: Of my gift it is, th [...] ye have so many old Nestors every where, th [...] have scarce left 'em, so much as the shape [...] a Man; Stutterers, Dotards, Toothless, Gray hai [...]'d, Bald; or rather to use the words [...] Aristophanes ( [...]) N [...]sty, Crump [...] M [...]serable, Shrivel'd, Bald, Toothless, and wan­ing their Baubles: Yet so delighted with life and to be thought young, that one dies his gra [...] hairs; another, covers his baldness with [...] Periwigg; another, gets a set of new Teeth another, falls desperately in love with a youn [...] Wench, and keeps more flickering about he [...] [Page 49]than a young man would have been a sham'd of: [...]r to see such an old crooked piece, with one [...]ot in the grave, to marrie a plump young [...]ench, and that too, without a portion, and [...]r the use of others, is so common, that men most expect, to be commended for 't: But [...]e best sport of all, is, to see our old Women, [...]en dead with age, and such skeletons, one [...]ould think they had stoln out of their graves, [...]d ever mumbling in their mouths, ( [...]) Life is sweet; and as old as they are, still [...]tterwawling, and goatish, to which purpose [...]ey spare no cost, to compass some young Stal­ [...]on, daily plaistering their face, scarce ever [...]om the glasse, rubbing up their old Pusse, [...]ing out their shrivel'd, lank Breasts, coun­ [...]rfeiting the tremblings of a young Wench to [...]ovoke an appetite, gossipping, dancing, and [...]riting Love-letters: These things are laught [...] as foolish, as indeed they are; yet they please [...]emselves, live merrily, swimme in pleasure, [...]d, in a word, are happy, by my courtesie: [...]ut I would have them, to whom these things [...]em ridiculous, to consider with themselves, [...]hether it be not better to live so pleasant a [...]e, in such kind of follies, than, as the P [...]o­ [...]rb goes, To take a Halter and hang themselves: [...]esides, though these things may be subject [...] censure, it concerns not my fools in the [Page 50]least, in as much as they take no notice of or, if they do, they easily neglect it: I stone fall upon a mans head, that's evil inde [...] but dishonesty, infamy, villany, ill repo [...] carrie no more hurt in them, than a ma [...] sensible of; and if a man have no sense them, they are no longer evils: What [...] thou the worse (— Si populus te sibilet, [...] tibi plaudas) If the people hisse at thee, [...] thou applaud thy self? And that a man be [...] to do so, he must ow it only to Folly: But [...] thinks I hear the Philosophers opposing it, [...] saying, 'tis a miserable thing for a man to foolish, to erre, mistake, and know nothing [...] ly: Nay rather, this is to be a man: [...] why they should call it miserable, I see [...] reason; forasmuch, as we are so born, so br [...] so instructed, nay, such is the common con­tion of us all; And nothing can be call'd mi [...] rable, that suits with its kind, unless perha [...] you'l think a man such, because he can neith flie with Birds, nor walk on all four with Bea [...] and is not arm'd with Horns, as a Bull: for [...] the same reason, he would call the Warl [...] Horse, unfortunate, because he understo [...] not Grammar, nor eat Chees-cakes; and [...] Bull miserable, because he'd make so ill [...] Wrestler: And therefore, as a Horse [...] has no skill in Grammar, is not miserable; [...] [Page 51]more is man in this respect, for that they agree [...]th his Nature: But again, the (Logodaedali) [...]rtuosi, may say, that there was particularly [...]ded to Man, the knowledge of Sciences, by [...]ose help, he might recompence himself in [...]nderstanding, for what Nature cut him short other things; As if this had the least face [...] truth, that Nature, that was so sollicitously [...]tchful, in the production of Gnats, Herbs, [...]d Flowers, should have so slept, when she [...]de Man, that he should have need, to be [...]lpt by Sciences, which, that old Devil [...]euth, the evil Genius of mankind, first [...]ented for his Destruction, and are [...] little conducing to happiness, that they ra­ [...]er obstruct it; to which purpose, they are [...]operly said, to be first found out, as that [...]se King, in Plato, argues, touching the in­ [...]tion of Letters: Sciences therefore, crept [...]o the world, with other the pests of man­ [...]d, from the same head, from whence all o­ [...]r mischiefs spring; wee'l suppose it, Devils, [...] so the name imports, when you call them [...]emons, that is to say, ( [...]) Knowing: [...] that simple people of the golden Age, be­ [...] wholly ignorant, of every thing call'd [...]arning, liv'd only by the guidance, and [...]tates of Nature; for what use of Grammar, [...]ere every man spoke the same Language, [Page 52]and had no further design, than to understand one another? What use of Logick, where ther [...] was no bickering, about the double-meaning words? What need of Rhetorick, wher [...] there were no Law-suits? Or to what pu po [...] Laws, where the [...]e were no ill manners; from which, without doubt, good Laws first came▪ Besides, they were more religious, than wi [...] an impious curiosity, to dive into the secrets [...] Nature, the dimension of Starrs, the motion [...] effects, and hidden causes of things; as be­lieving it a crime, for any man to attempt [...] be wise beyond his condition: And as to the Inquiry of what was beyond Heaven, that ma [...] ­ness never came into their heads: But the po­rity of the golden age, declining by degree first, as I said before, Arts were invented b [...] the evil Genii; and yet but few, and those to [...] receiv'd by fewer: After that, the Chalde [...] Superstition, and Greek new fangledness, th [...] had little to do, added I know not how man more; meer torments of Wit, and that [...] great, that even Grammar alone is wo [...] enough for any man, for his whole life▪ Though yet amongst these Sciences, those on [...] are in esteem, that come nearest to comm [...] sense, that is to say, Folly: Divines are h [...] starv'd; Naturalists out of heart; Astrologe [...] laught at, and Logicians slighted; onely th [...] [Page 53]Physician ( [...]) is worth all [...]he rest: And amongst them too, the more un­ [...]earned, impudent, or unadvised he is, the more he is esteem'd, even among Princes: for Physick, especially as it is now profest by most men, is nothing but a branch of Flattery, no [...]ess than Rhetorick. Next them, the second place is given to our Law-drivers, if not the first; whose Profession, though I say it my self, most men laugh at, as the Ass of Philoso­phy; yet there's scarce any business, either so great, or small, but is manag'd by these Asses. These purchase their great Lordships, while [...]n the mean time, the Divine, having run through the whole Body of Divinity, sits gnaw­ing a Raddish, and is in continual Warfare, with Lice, and Fleas: As therefore, those Arts are best, that have the nearest Affinity with Folly; so are they most happy of all others, that have least commerce with Sciences, and follow the guidance of Nature, who is in no wise imperfect, unless perhaps, we endeavor to leap over those bounds, she has appointed to us: Nature hates all false-colouring, and is ever best, where she is least adulterated with Art: Go to then, don't ve find among the se­veral kinds of living Creatures, that they thrive best, that understand no more, than what Nature taught them? What is more [Page 54]prosperous, or wonderful than the Bee? An [...] though they have not the same judgement of sense, as other Bodies have; yet, where [...] hath Architecture gone beyond their building of Houses? What Philosopher ever found th [...] like Republique? Whereas the Horse, th [...] comes so near man in understanding, and [...] therefore so familiar with him, is also partake [...] of his misery: for while he thinks it a shame [...] to lose the Race, it often happens, that h [...] cracks his wind; and in the Battel, while h [...] contends for Victory, he's cut down himself, and together with his Rider (— terram [...] momordit) lies biting the earth: Not to men­tion those strong Bits, sharp Spurrs, close Sta­bles, Arms, Blows, Rider, and, briefly, all that slavery he willingly submits to, while, imi­tating those men of Valour, he so eagerly strive [...] to be reveng'd of the Enemy: Than which, [...] how much more, were the life of flies, or birds to be wish'd for, who living by the instinct of Nature, look no further than the present, if yet man, would but let 'em alone in 't: And if at any time, they chance to be taken, and being shut up in Cages, endeavour to imitate our speaking, 'tis strange, how they degenerate from their native gaiety: So much better in every respect, are the works of Nature, than the adulteries of Art: In like manner, I can [Page 55]never sufficiently praise, that Pythagoras in a [...]ung-hill Cock, who being but one, had been [...]t every thing; a Philosopher, a Man, a Wo­ [...]an, a King, a private man, a Fish, a Horse, Frog, and I believe too, a Sponge, and at [...]t concluded, that no Creature, was more [...]iserable than man, for that all other Crea­ [...]res, are content with those bounds, that Na­ [...]re set them, onely Man endeavours to exceed [...]em: And again, among men, he gives the [...]ecedency not to the learned, or the great, [...]t the Fool: Nor had that Gryllus less wit, [...]an ( [...]) Ulysses with his ma­ [...] counsels, who chose rather, to lie grunting [...] a Hog-sty, than be expos'd with t'other, to [...] many hazzards: Nor does Homer, that [...]ather of trifles, dissent from me, who [...]ot only call'd all men, ( [...]) [...]retched and full of calamity, but often, his great [...]attern of Wisedom Ulysses, ( [...]) Mise­ [...]able; Paris, Ajax, and Achilles, no where; And why I pray? but that, like a cunning fel­low, and one that was his crafts-master, he did [...]othing, without the advice of Pallas; In a [...]ord, he was too wise, and by that means, ran wide of Nature: As therefore amongst men, [...]hey are least happy, that study Wisedom, as [...]eing in this twice-Fools, that when they are [...]orn men, they should yet so far forget their [Page 56]condition, as to affect the life of Gods, and, a [...] ­ter the Example of the Gyants, with their Ph [...] ­losophical gimcracks, make a War upon Na­ture: In which respect, they seem as little mi­serable as is possible, who come nearest [...] Beasts, and never attempt any thing beyon [...] Man: Go to then; let's try, how demonstra­ble this is; not by Euthymems, or the imper­fect Syllogisms of the Stoicks, but by plain-down-right, and ordinary Examples: An [...] now, by the immortal Gods! I think nothing more happy, than that generation of men, w [...] commonly call, fools, ideots, lack-wits, and dolts; splendid Titles too, as I conceive 'em [...] I'le tell ye a thing, which at first, perhap [...] may seem foolish, and absurd, yet nothing more true: And first, they are not afraid o [...] death; no small evil, by Jupiter! They a [...] not tormented with the conscience of evil acts [...] Not terrify'd with the fables of Ghosts, no [...] frighted with Spirits and Goblins: They are not distracted, with the fear of evils to come, nor the hopes of future good: In short, they are not disturb'd, with those thousand of cares, to which this life is subject: They are neither modest, nor fearful, nor ambitious, nor envi­ous, nor love they any man: And lastly, if they should come nearer, even to the very ignorance of Brutes, they could not sin, for so hold the [Page 57]Divines: And now, tell me, thou wise fool, [...]ith how many troublesome cares thy mind is [...]ontinually perplext; heap together all the [...]iscommodities of thy life, and then thou'lt [...]e sensible, from how many evils, I have deli­vered my Fools: Add to this, that they are [...]ot onely merry, play, sing, and laugh them­selves, but make mirth where ever they come, [...] special priviledge, it seems, the Gods have [...]iven 'em, to refresh the pensiveness of life: Whence it is, that whereas the world is so [...]ifferently affected, one towards another, that [...]ll men indifferently admit them, as their com­ [...]anions; desire, feed, cherish, embrace them, [...]ake their parts upon all occasions, and permit [...]em, without offence, to do, or say, what they [...]ist; And so little doth every thing desire to [...]urt them, that even the very Beasts, by a [...]ind of natural instinct of their innocence, no [...]oubt, pass by their injuries: for of them, it [...]ay be truly said, that they are consecrate to [...]he Gods, and therefore, and not without [...]ause, do men have 'em in such esteem: Whence is it else, that they are in so great re­ [...]uest with Princes, that they can neither eat, [...]or drink, go any whither, or be an hour with­ [...]ut them? Nay, and in some degree, they [...]refer these Fools, before their crabbish Wise­men, whom yet they keep about them, for [Page 58]State-sake, Nor do I conceive the reason so dif­ficult, or that it should seem strange, why they are prefer'd before t'thers, for that these wise men, speak to Princes about nothing, but grave, serious matters, and trusting to their own parts and learning, do not fear sometimes (Auriculas tener as mordaci radere vero) To gra [...] their tender ears, with smart truths; but fool [...] fit 'em with that they most delight in, as jeasts, laughter, abuses of other men, wanton pas­times, and the like: Again, take notice of this no contemptible blessing, which Nature hath giv'n fools, that they are the only plain, honest men, and such as speak truth; And what i [...] more commendable, than truth? for though [...] that Proverb, of A [...]cibiades in Plato, attribute [...] Truth to Drunkards, and Children, yet the praise of it, is particularly mine, even from the testimony of Euripides, amongst whose o­ther things, there is extant that his honourable saving concerning us ( [...]) A fool speaks foolish things: for whatever a fool has in his heart, he both shews it in his looks, and expresses it in his discourse; While the wise mens, are those two Tongues, which the same Euripides mentions, whereof the one, speaks truth, the other, what they judge most seasonable for the occasion: These are they (— qui nigrum in candida vertunt) that turn [...] [Page 59]black into white, blow hot, and cold with the eath, and carry a far different meaning in [...]ir Breast, from what they feign with their [...]ngue: Yet in the midst of all their prospe­ [...]y, Princes, in this respect, seem to me, most fortunate, because, having no one to tell [...]em truth, they are forc't to receive flatte­ [...]s for friends: But some one may say, the [...]s of Princes are strangers to truth, and [...] this reason, they avoid those Wise men, [...]cause they fear, lest some one, more frank [...]n the rest, should dare to speak to them, [...]ngs rather true, than pleasant; for so the [...]tter is, that they do'n't much care for [...]th: And yet, this is found by experience, [...]ong my Fools, that not onely Truths, but [...]en open reproaches are heard with plea­ [...]e; so that the same thing, which if it came [...]m a wise mans mouth, might prove a Capi­ [...] Crime, spoken by a Fool, is receiv'd with [...]light: for Truth, carries with it, a certain [...]culiar Power of pleasing, if no Accident [...] in, to give occasion of offence: which [...]ulty, the Gods have given onely to Fools: [...]d for the same reasons is it, that Women are [...]earnestly delighted with this kind of Men, [...] being more propense by Nature to Plea­ [...]e, and Toyes; And whatsoever they may [...]ppen to do with them, although sometimes, [Page 60]it be none of the seriousest, yet they turn it [...] Jest, and Laughter, as that Sexe, was eve [...] ­quick-witted, especially, to colour their [...] faults: But to return to the happiness [...] Fools, who when they have past over th [...] life, with a great deal of Pleasantness, an [...] without so much as the least fear, or sense [...] Death, they go straight forth into the Elys [...] Field, to recreate their Pious, and Carele [...] Souls, with such Sports, as they us'd here [...] Let's proceed then, and compare the conditi­on, of any of your Wise Men, with that, [...] this Fool: Fancy to me now, some exampl [...] of Wisdome, you'd set up against him; O [...] that had spent his Childhood, and Youth, [...] learning the Sciences, and lost the sweete [...] part of his life in Watchings, Cares, Studie [...] and for the remaining part of it, never [...] much as tasted, the least of pleasure; ev [...] sparing, poor, sad, sowre; unjust, and rig [...] ­rous to himself, and troublesome, and hate [...] to others; broken with Paleness, Leanness [...] Crasiness, sore Eyes, and an Old-age, and Death, contracted before their time: Though yet, what matter is it, when he dye, that never liv'd? and such is the Picture of this great Wise Man: And here again, ( [...]) do those Frogs of the Stoicks [...] croak at me, and say, that nothing is more [Page 61]miserable than Madness; But, Folly is the next [...]egree, if not the very thing. For what else [...] Madness, than for a man to be out of his [...]its? But to let 'em see, how they are [...]ean out of the way, with the Muses good fa­ [...]our, we'll take this Syllogism in pieces: [...]btilly argu'd I must confess; but, as Socrates [...] Plato teaches us, how by splitting one Ve­ [...]us, and one Cupid, to make two of either; in [...]ke manner, should those Logicians have [...]one, and distinguisht Madness, from Madness, [...] at least they would be thought, to be well [...] their wits themselves: For all Madness is [...]ot miserable, or Horace had never call'd his [...]oetical fury ( amabilis insania) a beloved Madness: Nor Plato, plac'd the Raptures of [...]oets, Prophets, and Lovers, amongst the chief­est Blessings of this Life: Nor that Sybil in Virgil, call'd Aeneas's Travels, Mad Labours; But there are two sorts of Madness, the one, [...]hat which the revengeful Furies, send privi­ [...]y from Hell, as often, as they let loose their Snakes, and put into mens breasts, either the desire of War, or an insatiate thirst after Gold, or some dishonest Love, or Parricide, or Incest, or Sacriledge, or the like Plagues; or when they terrifie some guilty soul, with the Conscience of his Crimes; The other, but nothing like this, that which comes from me, [Page 62]and is of all other things the most desirable▪ Which happens, as oft as some pleasing dotag [...] not onely clears the mind of its troubleso [...] cares, but renders it more jocund; And th [...] was that, which, as a special blessing of th [...] Gods, Cicero writing to his friend Attic [...] wisht to himself, that he might be the less se [...] ­sible of those miseries, that then hung over th [...] Common-wealth: Nor was that Grecian (i [...] Horace) much wide of it, who was so far ma [...] that he would sit by himself, whole daies in th [...] Theatre, laughing, and clapping his hands, [...] if he had seen some Tragedy acting, where [...] in truth, there was nothing presented; yet i [...] other things, a man well enough; pleasant a­mong his Friends, kind to his Wife, and [...] good a Master to his Servants (— signo l [...] non insanire lagenae) that if they had broken th [...] Seal of his Bottle, he would not have run ma [...] for 't: But at last, when by the care of hi [...] Friends, and Physick, he was freed from hi [...] Distemper, and become his own man again [...] he thus expostulates with them (— Pol, [...] occidistis, amici, Non servastis, ait, cui sic ex­torta voluptas) Now, by Pollux, my Friends, ye have rather kill'd, than preserv'd me, i [...] thus forcing me from my pleasure: By which you see, he lik'd it so well, that he lost it a­gainst his will; And, trust me, I think, they [Page 63]were the madder o'th' two, and had the greater [...]eed of Hellebore, that should offer to look [...]pon so pleasant a madness, as an evil to be re­ [...]ov'd by Physick; though yet, I have not deter­ [...]in'd, whether every Distemper of the Sense [...]r Understanding, be to be call'd Madnesse: [...]or neither he, that, having weak eyes, should [...]ke a Mule for an Ass, nor he, that should ad­ [...]ire an insipid Poem, as excellent, would be [...]resently thought mad; But he, that should not [...]nely want common sense, and fail in his judg­ [...]ent, and that too, more than ordinary, and [...]pon all occasions; he, I must confess, would be [...]ought to come very near to it: As if any one [...]earing an Ass bray, should take it for excel­ [...]ent musick, or a Begger conceive himself a King: And yet this kind of madness, if, as it [...]ommonly happens, it turn to pleasure, it [...]rings a great delight, not onely to them that [...]re possest with it, but to those also that behold [...], though perhaps they may not be altogether [...]o mad as the other; for the Species of this [...]adness, is much larger than the people take [...] to be: for one mad man laughs at another, [...]nd beget themselves a mutual pleasure: Nor [...]oes it seldom happen, that he that is the more [...]ad, laughs at him that is lesse mad; And [...] this, every man is the more happy, [...] how many respects the more he is mad; [Page 64]and, if I were judge in the case, he should [...] rang'd in that Classis of Folly, that is peculiar [...] mine; which, in troth, is so large, and uni­versal, that I scarce know, any one in all man­kind, that is wise at all hours, or has not som [...] tang or other of madness; with this differen [...] onely, that if any one mistake a Woman, for [...] Weather-cock, he be, ipso facto, pronounc [...] mad, because all men see the contrary; B [...] where a man having a Wife, which he hold in common with his Neighbours, shall ye [...] swear, she's more chast than Penelope, and hug [...] himself in his happy mistake, he, by no means is to be accounted mad, in as much as it is th [...] common case, of most Husbands: And [...] this Classis also, do they appertain, that sleigh [...] every thing, in comparison of hunting; an [...] protest, they take an unimaginable pleasure, [...] hear the yell of the Horns, and the yelps [...] the Hounds, and I believe, could pick some­what extraordinary, out of their very excre­ment: And then, what pleasure they take [...] see a Buck, or the like, unlac'd? Let ordina [...] ry fellows cut up an Ox, or a Weather, 'twer [...] a crime to have this done, by any thing le [...] than a Gentleman! who with his Hat off, o [...] his bare knees, and a Cuttoe for that purpos [...] (for every Sword, or Knife, is not allowable) with a curious superstition, and certain po­stures, [Page 65]layes open the several parts, in their [...]spective order, while they that hemm him in, [...]mire it with silence, as some new religious [...]eremony, though perhaps they have seen it, [...] hundred times before: And if any of 'em [...]ance to get the least piece of 't, he presently [...]nks himself no small Gentleman: In all [...]ich, they drive at nothing more, than to come Beasts themselves, while yet they ima­ [...], they live the life of Princes: And next [...]ese, may be reckon'd those, that have such [...] itch of Building; one while changing [...]unds into Squares, and presently again [...]adrata rotundis) Squares into Rounds: never [...]owing, either measure, or end, till at last, [...]duc'd to the utmost poverty, there remains [...]t to them, so much as a place where they [...]y lay their head, or wherewith to fill their [...]lyes? And why all this? But that they may [...]s over a few years, in feeding their foolish [...]cies: And, in my opinion, next these may [...] reckon'd, such, as with their new inventi­ [...]s, and occult arts, undertake to change the [...]ms of things, and hunt all about, after a cer­ [...] fifth Essence; Men so bewitcht with this [...]esent hope, that it never repents them of their [...]ns, or expence; but are ever contriving, [...]w they may cheat themselves, till having [...]nt all, there is not enough left them, to [Page 66]provide another furnace: And yet they have no [...] done dreaming these their pleasant Dreams, but encourage others, as much as in them lies, to the same Happiness: And at last, when they are quite lost, in all their Expectations, they chear up themselves with this Sentence— (l [...] mognis, vel voluisse sat est) In great things, the very attempt is enough: and then complain, o [...] the shortness of mans life, that is not suffici­ent for so great an Undertaking. And the [...] for Gamesters, I am a little doubtful, whe­ther they are to be admitted, into our Col­ledge; and yet, 'tis a foolish, and ridiculou [...] sight, to see some addicted so to't, that they ca [...] no sooner hear the ratling of the Dice, b [...] their heart leaps, and dances again: And thei [...] when, time after time, they are so far drawn on, with the hopes of winning, that they have made shipwrack of all, and having split their Ship, on that Rock of Dice (non pau [...]ò for mi­dabiliorem Malea) no less terrible, than the Bishop and's Clerks, scarce got alive to shore, they chuse rather, to cheat any man (of their ju [...] Debts) than not pay the money they lost, lest otherwise, forsooth, they be thought no men o [...] their words. Again, what is it, I pray, to see old fellows, and half blind, to play with Spe­ctacles? Nay, and when a justly-deserv'd Gout, has knotted their Knuckles, to hire [...] [Page 67]Caster, or one that may put the Dice in the Box for them? A pleasant thing I must con­fess, did it not, for the most part, end in quar­rels, and therefore, belongs rather to the Fu­ries, than Me. But there is no doubt, but that, that kind of men, are wholly ours, who love to hear, or tell feign'd Miracles, and strange lyes, and are never weary of any Tale, though never so long, so it be of Ghosts, Spirits, Goblings, Devils, or the like; which the far­ther they are from truth, the more readily they are believ'd, and the more do they tickle their itching ears: And these, serve not only to pass away time, but bring profit, especial­ly, to Masse Priests, and Pardoners: And next to these are they, that have gotten a foolish, but pleasant perswasion, that if they can but see a Wodden or painted Polypheme Chri­stopher, they shall not die that day; or do but salute a carv'd- Barbara, in the usual set Form, that he shall return safe from Battail; or make his application to Erasmus, on certain days, with some small Wax Candles, and proper Prayers, that he shall quickly be rich: Nay, they have gotten an Hercules, another Hippoly­tus, and a St. George, whose Horse, most reli­giously set out, with Trappings, and Bosses, there wants little, but they worship; however, they endeavour to make him their friend, by [Page 68]some Present or other; and to swear by hi [...] Masters Brazen Helmet, is an Oath for a Prince: or what should I say of them, th [...] hugg themselves, with their counterfeit Par­dons; that have measur'd Purgatory by a [...] Hour-glass, and can, without the least mi­stake, demonstrate its Ages, Years, Moneths, Days, Hours, Minutes, and Seconds, as it were in a Mathematical Table? Or what of those, who having confidence in certain Magica [...] charms, and short Prayers invented by some pious Impostour, either for his Souls health, or profits sake, promise to themselves every thing; Wealth, Honour, Pleasure, Plenty, good Health, long Life, lively Old-age, and the next place to Christ in the other World, which yet they desire may not happen too soon, that is to say, before the pleasures of this life has left them: And now suppose, some Mer­chant, Souldier, or Judge, out of so many Ra­pines, parts with some small piece of money; he straight conceives, all that sink of his whole life, quite cleans'd; so many Perjuries, so ma­ny Lusts, so many Debaucheries, so many Contentions, so many Murders, so many De­ceipts, so many breaches of Trust, so many Treacheries bought off, as it were by compact; and so bought off, that they may begin upon a new score: But what is more foolish [Page 69]than those, or rather more happy, [...] reciting those seven verses of the Psalms, pro­mise to themselves, more than the top of Feli­city: which Magical verses, some Devil or other, a merry one without doubt, but more a Blab of his Tongue than crafty, is believ'd to have discover'd to St. Bernard, but not with­out a Trick; and these are so foolish, that I am half asham'd of 'em my self, and yet they are approv'd, and that not onely by the com­mon people, but even the Professors of Reli­gion. And what, are not they also almost the same where several Countryes avouch to them­selves their peculiar Saint, and as every one of them has his particular gift, so also, his par­ticular Form of Worship? As, one is good for the Tooth-ach; another, for Groaning-women; a third, for Stollen Goods; a fourth, for making a Voyage Prosperous; and a fifth, to cure Sheep of the Rot; & so of the rest, for it would be too tedious to run over all: And some there are, that are good for more things than one; but chiefly, the Virgin Mo­ther, to whom, the common people, do in a manner attribute more, than to the Son: Yet what do they beg of these Saints, but what be­longs to Folly? To examine it a little: among all those offerings, which are so frequently hung up in Churches, nay up to the very Roof of [Page 70]some of 'em; did you ever see the least ac­knowledgment from any one, that had left his Folly, or grown a Hairs-breadth the wiser? One scapes a Shipwrack, and gets safe to Shore. Another, run through in a Duel, recovers; An­nother, while the rest were fighting, ran out of the Field, no less luckily, than valiantly; An­other, condemn'd to be hang'd, by the favour of some Saint or other, a friend to Thieves, got off himself by impeaching his fellows; An­other escap'd by breaking Prison; Another recover'd from his Feaver in spight of his Phy­sitian; Anothers poison turning to a loosness, prov'd his Remedy, rather than Death; and that to his Wife's no small sorrow, in that she lost both her labour and her charge: An­others Cart broke, and he sav'd his Horses; Another preserv'd from the fall of a House; Another taken tardy by her Husband, per­swades him out of't; All these hang up their Tablets, but no one gives thanks for his reco­very from Folly; so sweet a thing it is, not to be Wise, that, on the contrary, men rather pray against any thing, than Folly: But why do I lanch out into this Ocean of Super­stitions?

Had I an hundred Tongues, as many Mouthes, [...]nd a Voice never so strong, yet were I not [...]ble to run over the several forts of Fools, or [...]ll the names of Folly; so thick do they swarm [...]very where: and yet our Priests, make no [...]cruple to receive, and cherish 'em, as proper [...]nstruments of profit; whereas if some scur­ [...]y Wise fellow should step up, and speak [...]hings as they are; as, To live well, is the way [...]o dye well; The best way, to get quit of sin, [...]s to add to the money thou giv [...]t, the Hatred of sin, Tears, Watchings, Prayers, Fastings, and amendment of life; Such, or such a Saint will favour thee, if thou imitatest his life; These, I say, and the like, should this Wise man chat to the people, from what happiness, into how great troubles would he draw 'em? Of this Colledge also are they, who in their life-time appoint, with what solemnity they'll be buried, and particularly set down, how many Torches, how many Mourners, how many Singers, how many Alms-men they will have at it; as if any sense of it could come to them, or that it were a shame to them that their Corpse were not honourably interr'd; so curious are they herein, as if like the Aediles [Page 72]of old, these were to present some Shews, or Banquet to the people: and though I am in hast, yet I cannot yet pass by them, who though they differ nothing, from the meanest Cobler, yet 'tis scarcely credible, how they flatter them­selves with the empty Title of Nobility; One derives his Pedegree from Aeneas, another, from Brutus, a third, from the Star by the Tail of Ursa Major: They shew you on every side, the Statues and Pictures of their Ancestours; Run over their great Grandfathers, and great great Grandfathers of both Lines, and the An­tients Matches of their Families: when them­selves yet, are but once remov'd from a Statue, if not worse, than those trifles they boast of; and yet by means of this pleasant self-love, they live a happy life. Nor are they less Fools, who admire these Beasts, as if they were Gods: But what do I speak of any one or 'tother par­ticular kind of men, as if this self-Love, had not the fame effect every where, and render'd most men, superabundantly happy? As when a fellow, more deform'd than a Baboon, shall believe himself handsomer, than Homers Ni­reus; Another, as soon as he can draw two or three lines with a Compass, presently think himself an Euclid. A third ( [...]) that understands Musick no more than my Horse, and for his voice, [Page 73]

[...]s hoarse as a Dunghil-Cock, shall yet conceive [...]imself another Hermogenes: But of all mad­ [...]ess, that's the most pleasant, when a man see­ [...]ng another, any way excellent, in what he [...]retends to himself, makes his boasts of it, as [...]onfidently, as if it were his own: And such [...]as that rich fellow in Seneca, who when ever [...]e told a story, had his servants at his elbow, [...] prompt him the names; and to that height [...]ad they flatter'd him, that he did not questi­ [...]n but he might venture a rubbers at cuffs, a [...]an otherwise so weak, he could scarce stand, [...]mely presuming on this, that he had a com­ [...]any of sturdy servants about him: Or, to [...]hat purpose is it, I should mind ye of our [...]rofessors of Arts? Forasmuch as this Self­ [...]ve, is so natural to them all, that they had [...]ather part with their Fathers land, than their [...]olish Opinions; but chiesly Players, Fid­ [...]ers, Orators, and Poets, of which, the [...]ore ignorant each of them is, the more [...]nsolently he pleases himself, that is to say, Vaunts, and Spreads out his Plumes: And (inveniunt similes, labra, lactucas) like [...]ips, find like Lettice; nay, the more foolish [Page 74]any thing is, the more 'tis admir'd, the greate [...] number, being ever tickled, at the worst thing [...] because, as I said before, most men are so sub­ject to folly: And therefore, if the more foolish a man is, the more he pleases himself, and is admir'd by others, to what purpose should he beat his brains, about true know­ledg, which first, will cost him dear, and ne [...] render him the more troublesome, and les [...] confident, and lastly, please onely a few? An [...] now I consider it, Nature has planted, no [...] onely in particular men, but even in every Na­tion, and scarce any City is there without it a kind of common self-love: And hence is it, that the English, besides other things, particularly challenge to themselves, Beauty, Musick, an [...] Feasting; The Scots, are proud of their No­bility, Alliance to the Crown, and Logical Subtilties; The French, think themselves the onely well-bred men; The Parisians, ex­cluding all others, arrogate to themselves the onely knowledg of Divinity; The Italians, affirm they are the onely Masters of good Let­ters, and Eloquence, and flatter themselves on this account, that of all others, they one­ly, are not barbarous: In which kind of hap­piness, those of Rome claim the first place, still dreaming to themselves of somewhat (I know not what) of old Rome: The Venetians, fancy [Page 75]themselves happy, in the opinion of their No­ [...]ity: The Greeks, as if they were the onely [...]thors of Sciences, swell themselves with [...]e Titles of the Ancient Heroes: The Turk, [...]d all that sink of the truly barbarous, chal­ [...]nge to themselves the onely glory of Religi­ [...], and laugh at Christians, as superstitious: [...]nd much more pleasantly the Jews, expect to is day, the coming of the Messias, and so ob­ [...]nately contend for their Law of Moses: [...]he Spaniards, give place to none in the repu­tion of Souldiery: The Germans, pride [...]emselves in their Talness of Stature, and [...]ill in Magick: And, not to instance in every [...]articular, you see, I conceive, how much [...]tisfaction, this Self-love, who has a Sister [...]so, not unlike her self, call'd Flattery, be­ [...]ets every where; for Self-love is no more, [...]an the soothing of a mans self, which, done [...] another, is flattery: And though perhaps [...]t this day it may be thought infamous, yet it is [...]o only with them, that are more taken with words than things: They think truth, is in­tonsistent with flattery, but that it is much otherwise, we may learn from the examples of [...]rute Beasts: What more fawning than a Dog? And yet what more trusty? What has more of those little tricks, than a Squirrel? and yet what more loving to man? Unless [Page 76]perhaps you'll say, Men had better conver [...] with fierce Lions, merciless Tigers, and fu­rious Leopards; for that, flattery is the most pernicious of all things, by means o [...] which, some treacherous persons, and mock­ers, have run the credulous into such mischief: But this of mine, proceeds from a certain gentle­ness, & uprightness of mind, and comes neare [...] t [...] Vertue, than it's opposite Austerity, or a Mo­rose and troublesome peevishness, as Horact calls it: This supports the dejected, relieve the distressed, encourages the fainting, awa­kens the stupid, refreshes the sick, supples the untractable, joyns loves together, and keeps them so joyn'd: It entices children to take their learning, makes old men frolick, and, under the colour of praise, does without of­fence, both tell Princes their faults, and she [...] them the way to amend 'em: In sho [...]t, it makes every man the more jocund, and acceptable to himself, which is the chiefest point of felici­ty: Agen, What is more friendly than when (mutuum mu [...]i sc [...]buunt) two horses scrub one another? And to say nothing of it, that it's a main part of that fam'd eloquence, the better part of Physick, and the onely thing in Poe­try; 'tis the delight and relish of all humane Society. But 'tis a sad thing, they say, to be mistaken: Nay rather he is most miserable, [Page 77]that is not so; for they are quite beside the [...]ark, that place the Happiness of men in [...]ings themselves, since it onely depends upon [...]pinion; for so great is the obscurity, and [...]riety of humane affairs, that nothing can be [...]early known, as it is truly said by our Aca­ [...]micks, the least insolent of all the Philoso­ [...]ers; or if it could, it would but obstruct [...]e pleasure of life. Lastly, the mind of man [...] so fram'd, that it is rather taken with false [...]lours, than truth; of which, if any one [...]s a mind to make the experiment, let him [...] to Church, and hear Sermons, in which, [...] there be any thing serious deliver'd, the [...]uditory is either asleep, yawning, or weary of [...] but if the Preacher (pardon my mistake, would have said Declaimer) as too often it [...]ppens, fall but into an old Wifes story, they 're [...]esently awake, prick up their ears, and gape [...]er it: In like manner, if there be any Poe­ [...]al Saint, or one of whom there goes more [...]ries than ordinary; as for example, a George, Christopher, or a Barbara, you shall see him [...]re religiously worshipp'd, than Peter, Paul, [...] even Christ himself: But these things are [...]t for this place: And now, at how cheap [...]rate is this happiness purchast? Forasmuch [...] to the thing it self, a mans whole endeavour requir'd, be it never so inconsiderable; But [Page 78]the opinion of it, is easily taken up, whi [...] yet conduceth as much, or more, to happiness for suppose a man were eating rotten Stockfi [...] the very smell of which would choak another and yet believ'd it a dish for the Gods; wh [...] difference is there, as to his happiness? Where as, on the contrary, if anothers stomack should turn at a Sturgion, wherein, I pray, is he hap­pier than t'other? If a man have a crooke ill-favour'd Wife, who yet, in his Eye, ma [...] ­stand in competition with Venus, is it not th [...] same, as if she were truly beautiful? Or [...] seeing an ugly, ill-painted piece, he should admire the work, as believing it some great Master's hand, were he not much happier think ye, than they, that buy such things a vast rates, and yet perhaps reap, less pleasure from 'em, than t'other? I know one of [...] name, that gave his new marri'd Wife, som [...] counterfeit Jewels, and, as he was a pleasan [...] Droll, perswaded her, that they were not one­ly right, but of an inestimable price: An [...] what difference, I pray, to her, that was as well pleas'd, and contented with Glass, and kept it as warily, as if 't 'ad been a trea­sure? in the mean time, the Husband sav'd his money, and had this advantage of her folly, that he oblig'd her as much, as if he had bought 'em at a great rate: Or what difference, think ye, be­tween [Page 79]those in Plato's imaginary Cave, that and gaping at the Shadows, and Figures of [...]ings, so they please themselves, and have [...]o need to wish; and that Wise Man, who be­ [...]g got loose from 'em, sees things, truly as [...]ey are? whereas that Cobler in Lucian, if he [...]ight always have continu'd, his Golden [...]reams, he would never have desir'd, any o­ [...]er happiness: So then, there is no difference; [...]r, if there be, the Fools ha' the 'vantage: [...]irst, in that their happiness costs them least; [...]hat is to say, onely some small perswasion: [...]ext, that they enjoy it in common; and the [...]ossession of no good can be delightful with­ [...]ut a companion: for who does not know what a dearth there is of Wise men, if yet [...]ny one be to be found? and though the Greeks, for these so many ages, have ac­ [...]ounted upon seaven only; yet, so help me Hercules, do but examine 'em narrowly, and [...]'ll be hang'd if ye find one half-witted fellow, [...]ay or so much as one quarter of a Wise man, [...]mongst 'em all: for whereas, among the ma­ [...]y praises of Bacchus, they reckon this the chief, That he washeth away cares, and that [...]oo, in an instant, do but sleep off his weak spirits, and they come on agen (albis, ut [...]niunt, quadrigis) as we say, on horseback: But how much larger, and more present is [Page 80]the benene [...] ye receive byme, since, as it were with a perpetual drunkenness. I fill your mind with Mirth, Fancies, and Jollities, and that too, without any trouble? Nor is there any man living, whom I let be without it; where­as the gifts of the Gods, are scambled some to one, and some to another: The sprightly de­licious Wine that drives away cares, and leave such a Flavour behind it, grows not every where: Beauty, the gift of Venus, happens to few; And to fewer, gives Mercury Eloquence; Hercules makes not every one rich; Homers Ju­piter, bestows not Empire on all men; Ma [...] oftentimes favours neither side; Many return sad from Apollo's Oracle; Phoebus sometimes, shoots a Plague amongst us; Neptune drown more than he saves; To say nothing of those (Vaejoves, or) mischievous Gods, Plutoes, Ates, Pu­nishments, Feavours, and the like, not Gods, but Executioners; I am that only Folly, that so readily, and indifferently bestow my benefits on all; Nor do I look to be entreated, or am I subject to take pett, and require an expiatory sacrifice, if some Ceremony be omitted; Nor do I (—caelum terris, & mare coelo) beat heaven & earth together, if when the rest of the Gods are invited, I am past by, or not admitted to the steam of their Sacrifices: For the rest of the Gods, are so curious in this point, that [Page 81] [...]ch an omission may chance to spoil a mans [...]siness, and therefore one had as good ev'n [...]t 'em alone, as worship 'em; Just like some [...]en, who are so hard to please, and withall [...] ready to do mischief, that 'tis better be a [...]anger, than have any familiarity with 'em: [...]t no man, you'll say, ever sacrific'd to Folly, [...] built me a Temple: And troth, as I said fore, I cannot but wonder at the ingratitude; [...]t because I am easie to be entreated, let [...]e advise ye better, though truelie, I can [...]rce request it: for why should I require [...]cense, Wafers, a Goat, or Sow, when all [...]en, pay me that worship every where, which so much approv'd, even by our very Di­ [...]es? Unless perhaps I should envy Diana, [...]t her Sacrifices are mingled with Humane [...]od: Then do I conceive my self, most re­ [...]iouslie worshipp'd, when every where, as [...] generally done, men embrace me in their [...]nds, express me in their Manners, and re­ [...]esent me in their Lives; which worship of [...] Saints, is not so ordinary among Christi­ [...]: How many are there, that burn Candles [...] the Virgin Mother, and that too at noon [...]y, when there's no need of 'em? But how [...] are there, that studie to imitate her, in [...]reness of Life, Humility, and love of Hea­ [...]lie things, which is the true worship, and [Page 82]most acceptable to Heaven? Besides, why should I desire a Temple, when the whole world is my Temple, and, I'm deceiv'd, or 'tis a goodly one? Nor can I want Priests, but in a Land, where there are no men: Nor am I ye [...] so foolish, as to require Statues, or painted Images, which do often obstruct my Worship, since among the stupid, and gross multitude, those Figures are worshipt, for the Sain [...] themselves; And so it would fare with me, a it doth with them, that are turn'd out of doo [...] by their Substitutes: No, I have Statue [...] enough, and as many, as there are Men; eve­ry one bearing my lively Resemblance in his Face, how unwilling so ever he be to the con­trary: and therefore there is no reason why [...] should envie the rest of the Gods, if in parti­cular places they have their particular wor­ship, and that too on set-days; As Phaebus at Rhodes; at Cyprus, Venus; at Argos, Jum [...] at Athens, Minerva; in Olympus, Jupiter at Tarentum, Neptune; and near the Hellespont Priapus; as long as the World in general, per [...] forms me, every day, much better Sacrifices▪ Wherein notwithstanding, if I shall seem to any one to have spoken more boldlie, tha [...] trulie; Let us, if ye please, look a little into the lives of men, and it will easily appear, not onely how much they owe to me, but much [Page 83]they esteem me, even from the highest, to [...]e lowest: And yet, we will not run over the [...]ves of everie one, for that would be too [...]ng; but onelie some few of the great ones, [...]om whence we shall easilie conjecture the [...]est: For, to what purpose is it to say any [...]ing of the common people, who, without [...]ispute, are whollie mine? for they abound very where, with so many several sorts of [...]olly, and are everie day so busie, in invent­ [...]g new, that a thousand Democriti are too [...]w for so general a laughter, though there [...]ere another Democritus to laugh at them too: [...]is almost incredible what Sport and Pastime, [...]ey dailie make the Gods; for, though they [...]t aside their sober, forenoon hours, to dis­ [...]atch business, and receive prayers, yet [...]hen they begin to be well whitled with Ne­ [...]ar, and cannot think of any thing that's se­ [...]ous, they get 'em up into some part of Heaven, that has better prospect than other, [...]nd thence look down upon the actions of [...]en; Nor is there anie thing, that pleases 'em [...]etter. Good good! what an excellent sight [...]is? how many several Hurlie-burlies of [...]ools? for I my self sometimes sit among [...]ose Poetical Gods: Here's one desperate­ [...]e in love with a young Wench, and the [...]ore she sleights him, the more outragi­ouslie, [Page 84]he loves her; Another marries [...] womans money, not her self; Another prostitutes his wife; Anothers jealousie keep more eyes on her than Argos; Another become a Mourner, and how foolishlie he carries it nay, hires others to bear him companie, [...] make it more ridiculous; Another, weep over his Mother in Law's Grave; Another spends all he can rap and run, on his Bellie [...] to be the more hungry after it; Another thinks there is no happiness, but in sleep and idleness; Another turmoils himself [...] bout other mens business, and neglects hi [...] own; Another, thinks himself rich in taking up moneys, and changing Securities, as we say, borrowing of Peter to pay Paul, and [...] a short time, becomes bankrupt; Another, starves himself, to enrich his Heir; Another, for a small and incertain gain, exposes his life, to the casualties of Seas, and Winds, which yet no money can restore; Another, had ra­ther get Riches by War, than live peaceably at home; And some there are, that think them easiest attain'd, by courting old childless men with Presents; And others again, by making rich old women believe, they love [...]m; both which, afford the Gods most excel­lent pastime, to see them cheated by those persons, they thought to have over-cach't: But [Page 85]the most foolish and basest of all others are our Merchants (to wit, such as venture on every [...]hing, be it never so dishonest, and manage it no [...]etter) who though they lie by no allowance, [...]wear and forswear, steal, cozen, and cheat, yet [...]hufle themselves into the first rank, and all [...]ecause they have Gold Rings on their Fin­gers: Nor are they without their flattering Friers that admire them, and give 'em open­ [...]y the title of Honourable, in hopes no doubt, [...]o get some small snip of 't themselves: There [...]re also a kind of Pythagoreans, with whom all [...]hings are so common, that if they get any [...]hing under their Cloaks, they make no more [...]cruple of carrying it away, than if 'twere their [...]wn by inheritance: There are others too, that [...]re onely rich in conceit, and while they fancie [...]o themselves pleasant dreams, conceive that [...]nough to make them happy: Some desire to [...]e accounted wealthy abroad, and are yet rea­ [...]y to starve at home: One makes what haste he can to set all going, and another rakes it toge­ther by right or wrong: This man is ever labouring for publick honours, and another [...]ies sleeping in a Chimney-corner: A great many undertake endless Suites; and outvie one another, who shall most enrich the Delatory Judge, or Corrupt Advocate: One is all for Innovations; and another for some great-he-knows-not-what; [Page 86]Another leaves his Wife and Children at home, and goes to Jerusalem, Rome, or in Pilgrimage to St. James's, where he has no business: In short, if a man, like Menippus, of old, could look down from the Moon, and behold those innumerable rufflings of Mankind, he would think he saw a swarm of Flies, and Gnats, quarrelling among them­selves, fighting, laying Traps for one another, snatching, playing, wantoning, growing up, falling, and dying: Nor is it to be believ'd, what stir, what broils this little creature raiseth, and yet in how short a time, it comes to no­thing its self; while sometimes War, other­times Pestilence sweeps off many thousands of 'em together: But let me be most foolish my self, and one whom Democritus may not onely laugh at, but flout, if I go one foot further, in the discovery of the Follies, and Madnesses of the common people: I'll betake me to them, that carry the reputation of Wise men, and hunt after that golden Bough, as says the Pro­verb: Amongst whom, the Grammarians hold the first place, a generation of men, than whom nothing would be more miserable, no­thing more perplext, nothing more hated of the Gods, did not I allay the troubles of that pittiful Profession, with a certain kind of plea­sant madness; for they are not onely subject [Page 87] [...]o those ( [...]) five curses (with which Homer begins his Iliads) as says the Greek Epigramme, but six hundred; as be­ing ever hunger-starv'd, and slovens in their Schools (Schools did I say? Nay, rather ( [...]) Cloisters, Bridwells, or Slaugh­ [...]er-houses) grown old among a company of boyes, deaf with their noise, and pin'd away with stench, and nastiness; and yet by my courtesie it is, that they think themselves the most excellent of all men; so greatly do they please themselves, in frighting a company of fearful boyes, with a thundring voice, and big looks; tormenting them with Ferules, Rods, and Whips; and, laying about 'em without fear or wit, imitate the Ass in the Lions skin: In the mean time, all that nastiness seems abso­lute Spruceness; that Stench, a Perfume; and that miserable slaverie, a Kingdom; and such too, as they would not change their Tyrannie, for Phalaris, or Dionysius's Empire: Nor are they less happy, in that new Opinion they have taken up, of being learned; for whereas most of 'em beat into boys heads, nothing but foolish Toyes, yet, ye good Gods! What Pale­mon, what Donatus, do they not scorn in com­parison of themselves? And so, I know not by what tricks, they bring it about, that to their boys foolish Mothers, and dolt-headed Fathers, [Page 88]they pass for such as they fancy themselves a Add to this, that other pleasure of theirs, that if any of 'em happen to find out, who was Anchises's Mother; or pick out of some worm­eaten Manuscript, a word not commonly known, as suppose it Bubsegua, (for a Cow­heard); Bovinator, (for a Wrangler); Manti­culator, (for a Cutpurse); or dig up the ruines of some ancient Monument, with the letters half eaten out, O Jupiter! What towrings! What triumphs! What commendations! As if they had conquer'd Africa, or taken in Baly­lon: But what of this, when they give up and down their foolish insipid verses, and there wants not others, that admire 'em as much? They believe presently, that Virgil's soul is transmigrated into them? But nothing like this, when with mutual complements they praise, admire, and claw one another; whereas, if another do but slip a word, and one more quick­sighted than the rest, discover it by accident, ( [...]) O Hercules! What uproars, what bickerings, what taunts, what invectives? If I lye, let me have the ill will of all the Grammarians: I knew in my time ( [...] quendam) one of many Arts, a Grecian, a Latinist, a Mathomatician, a Philosopher, a Physitian, ( [...]) a Man master of 'em all, and sixty years of age, who laying [Page 89]by all the rest, perplext and tormented him­ [...]f for above twenty years, in the study of [...]rammar, fully reckoning himself a Prince, [...] he might but live so long, till he could cer­ [...]inly determine, how the Eight parts of [...]eech were to be distinguisht, which none of [...]e Greeks or Latines, had yet fully clear'd; [...] if it were a matter to be decided by the word, if a man made an Adverb of a Con­ [...]nction; and for this cause is it, that we have [...] many Grammars, as Grammarians; nay [...]ore, forasmuch as my friend Aldus, has giv'n [...] above five, not passing by any kind of Gram­ [...]ar, how barbarously, or tediously soever [...]mpil'd, which he has not turn'd over, and [...]amin'd; envying every mans attempts in this [...]nd, how foolish so ever, and desperately [...]oncern'd, for fear another should forestal him [...]f his glory, and the labours of so many years [...]erish: And now, whether had you rather call his, Madness, or Folly? It is no great mat­ [...]er to me whether, so long as ye confess it is [...]y my means, that a creature, otherwise the [...]ost miserable of all others, is rais'd to that [...]eight of felicity, that he has no desire to [...]hange his condition, with the King of Persia: The Poets, I must confess, are not altogether so much beholding to me, though 'tis agreed of all hands, they are of my partie too; be­cause [Page 90]they are a free kind of people, not re­strain'd or limited to any thing, and all their studies aim at nothing more, than to tickle the ears of fools, with meer trifles, and ridicu­lous fables; And yet they are so bold upon't, that you'll scarce believe, how they not onely assure themselves of immortality, and a life like the Gods, but promise it to others too: And to this order, before all others, Self-love, and Flattery, are more peculiarly appendant; nor am I worshipt by any sort of men, with more plainness, or greater constancy. And then, for the Rhetoricians, though they now and then shuffle and cut with the Philosopher, yet that these two are of my faction also, though many other Arguments might be produc'd, this clearly evinces it, that besides their other trifles, they have written so much, and so ex­quisitely of Fooling; And so, who ever he were that writ of the Art of Rhetorick to He­rennius, he reckons Folly as a species of wit; And Quintilian, the Soveraign of this Order, has a Chapter touching Laughter, more pro­lixe than an Iliad: In fine, they attribute so much to Folly, that what many times cannot be clear'd with the best Arguments, is yet now and then put off with a jest: Unless per­haps you'll say, 'Tis no part of Folly to pro­voke laughter, and that artificially: Of the [Page 91]same batch also are they that hunt after immor­ [...]lity of Fame, by setting out Books; of whom, [...]ough all of 'em are endebted to me, yet in [...]e first place are they, that nothing but daub [...]aper with their empty Toyes; for they that [...]rite learnedly, to the understanding of a few [...]cholers, and refuse not to stand the test of a [...]ersius, or Loelius, seem to me, rather to be [...]ittied, than happy, as persons that are ever [...]rmenting themselves; Adding, Changing, [...]utting in, Blotting out, Revising, Reprint­ [...]ng, showing 't to friends (nonumque prematur [...] annum) and nine years in correcting, yet [...]ever fully satisfied; at so great a rate, do they [...]urchase this vain reward, to wit Praise, and [...]hat too, of a very few, with so many watchings, [...] much sweat, so much vexation, and loss of [...]eep, the most pretious of all things: Add to [...]his, the waste of health, spoil of complexi­ [...]n, weakness of eyes, or rather blindness, po­ [...]erty, envie, abstinence from pleasure, over­ [...]asty Old-age, untimely death, and the like; [...]o highly does this Wise man value the appro­ [...]ation of one or two blear-ey'd fellows: But [...]ow much happier is this my Writer's dotage, who never studies for any thing, but puts in writing what ever he pleases, or what comes first in his head, though it be but his dreams; and all this, with small waste of Paper; as well [Page 92]knowing that the vainer those Trifles are, the higher esteem they will have with the greater number, that is to say, all the fools, and un­learned: And what matter is it, to sleight those few learned, if yet they ever read them? Or of what authority will the censure of so few Wise men be, against so great a Cloud of Gainsayers? But they are the wiser, that put out other mens works for their own, and trans­fer that glory, which others with great pains have obtain'd to themselves; relying on this that they conceive, though it should so happen, that their theft be never so plainly detected, that yet they should enjoy the pleasure of it for the present: And 'tis worth ones while to consider, how they please themselves when they are applauded by the common people; pointed at in a Croud ( [...]) This is that excellent person; lie on Book-sellers stalls; and in the top of every Page, have three hard words read, but chiefly Exotick, and next degree to conjuring; which, by the immortal Gods, what are they but meer words? And agen, if ye consider the world, by how few understood? and prais'd, by fewer? for even amongst the unlearned, there are dif­ferent palates: Or what is it, that their own very names, are often conterfeit? or borrow'd, from some Books of the Antients? When one stiles [Page 93] [...]imself Telemachus, another Stelenus, a third Leertes, a fourth Polycrates, a fifth Thrasyma­hus: So that there is no difference, whether [...]hey Title their Books, with the Tale of a Tub, [...]r according to the Philosophers, by Alpha, [...]eta: But the most pleasant of all, is to see [...]hem praise one onother, with Reciprocal [...]pistles, Verses, and Encomiums; Fools, [...]heir fellow-Fools; and Dunces, their brother [...]unces. This, in t'others opinion, is an ab­ [...]lute Alcaeus; and the other, in his, a very [...]allimachus: He, looks upon Tully, as nothing [...]o t'other; and t'other again, pronunces him, [...]ore learned than Plato: and sometimes too, [...]hey pick out their Antagonist, and think to [...]ise themselves a Fame, by writing one a­ [...]ainst t'other: while (Scinditur incertum stu­ [...]a in contraria vulgus) the giddy multitude, [...]e so long divided, to whether o'th' two, they [...]all determine the Victory, till each goes off [...]onquerour, & as, if he had done some great Action, fancies himself a Triumph: And [...]ow Wise Men laugh at these things as fool­ [...]h, as indeed they are; who denies it? yet [...] the mean time, such is my kindness to [...]em, they live a merry life, and would not [...]hange, their imaginary Triumphs no, not [...]ith the Scipioes: While, yet those Learned [...]en, though they laugh their fill, and reap [Page 94]the benefit, of t'others Folly, cannot with­out ingratitude, denie but that even they too, are not a little beholding to me themselves: And amongst them, our Advocates challenge the first place, nor is there anie sort of peo­ple that please themselves, like them; soo [...] while they dailie roul Sisyphus his stone, and quote ye a thousand cases, as it were in a breath, no matter how little to the purpose and heap Glosses upon Glosses, and Opini­ons on the neck of Opinions, they bring i [...] at last to this pass, that that studie of all other, seems the most difficult: Add to these, our Logicians, & Sophisers, a generati­on of men (Aere Dodonaeo loquacius) more pratling than an Echo, and the worst of 'em, able to out-chat an hundred of the best pick [...] Gossips: and yet their condition would be much better, were they onely full of words, and not so given to scolding, that they mo [...] obstinatelie hack and hew one another (D [...] lana caprina) about a matter of nothing, and make such a sputter about Terms, and Words, till they have quite lost the Sense; and ye [...] they are so happy, in the good opinion of themselves, that as soon as they are furnish [...] with two or three Syllogisms, they dare bold­ly enter the Lists against any Man, upon any Point; as not doubting, but to run him down [Page 95]with noise, though the Opponent, were an­ther Stentor: And next these, come our [...]hilosophers, so much reverenc'd for their [...]ur'd Gowns, and Starcht Beards, that they [...]ok upon themselves, as the onely Wise Men, [...]nd all others, as Shadows; And yet how plea­ [...]ntly do they dote, while they frame in their [...]eads, innumerable worlds; measure out the [...]un, the Moon, the Stars, nay and Heaven it [...]lf, as it were, with a pair of Compasses; lay own the Causes of Lightning, Winds, Eclip­ [...]s, and other the like Inexplicable Matters; [...]nd all this too without the least doubting? [...]s if they were Nature's Secretaries, or dropt [...]own among us, from the Council of the [...]ods; while, in the mean time, Nature laughs [...] them, and all their blind conjectures: For, [...]at they know nothing, even this is a suffici­ent Argument, that they do'nt agree amongst themselves, and are so indemonstrable, as to [...]thers, touching every particular; These, [...]hough they have not the least degree of know­ledge, profess yet, that they have master'd all; [...]ay, though they neither know themselves, nor [...]erceive a Ditch, or Block that lies in their [...]ay, for that perhaps, most of them are half [...]lind, or their wits a wooll-gathering; yet [...]ive out, that they have discovr'd Idea's, Uni­ [...]erslities, separated Forms, first Matters, [Page 96]Quiddities, Ecceities, Formalities, and th [...] like stuff; things, so thin, and bodiless, tha [...] I believe even Lynceus himself were not able perceive 'em: But then chiefly, do they dis­dain (prophanum vulgus) the unhallow'd Croud, as often as with their Triangles [...] Quadrangles, Circles, and the like Mathe­matical Devices, more confounded than a Labyrinth, and Letters dispos'd one again [...] t'other, as it were in Battle-Array, the [...] cast a mist before the eyes of the ignorant Nor is there wanting of this kind, some tha [...] pretend to foretell things by the Stars, an [...] make promises of Miracles beyond all things o [...] Southsaying, and are so fortunate, as to meet with people that believe 'em; Be perhaps I had better pass over our Divine in silence ( [...]) and not stir this Pool, or touch this fair, but unsavoury Plant; as a kind of mea [...] that are supercilious beyond comparison, and to that too, implacable; lest setting 'em a­bout my ears, they attaque me by Troops, and force me to a Recantation-Sermon, which, i [...] I refuse, they streight pronounce me an He­retick; for this is the Thunder-bolt, with which they fright those, whom they are re­solv'd not to favour: And truly, though there are few others, that less willingly ac­kowledge, [Page 97]the kindnesses I have done them, [...]et even these two, stand fast bound to me, up­ [...]n no ordinary accounts; whil'st being hap­ [...]y in their own Opinion, and, as if they dwelt [...]n the third Heaven, they look with Haugh­ [...]ness on all others, as poor creeping things, [...]nd could almost, find in their hearts to pitie [...]m: whilst hedg'd in with so many Magiste­ [...]al Definitions, Conclusions, Corollaries, [...]ropositions Explicit, and Implicit, they a­ [...]ound with so many ( [...]) starting [...]oles, that Vulcan's Net, cannot hold 'em so [...]st, but they'll slip through with their distin­ctions, with which, they so easily cut all knots sunder, that a Hatchet could not have done [...] better; so plentiful are they, in their new­ [...]und Words, and prodigious Terms: Be­ [...]des, whil'st they explicate the most hidden My­ [...]eries, according to their own fancie: As, [...]ow the VVold was first made; how Original in is deriv'd to Posterity; in what manner, [...]ow much room, and how long time, Christ [...]y in the Virgins VVomb; how Accidents absist in the Eucharist without their Subject: [...]ut these are common, and threadbare; [...]hese are worthy of our great and illuminated [...]ivines, as the world calls 'em! At these, if ever [...]hey fall a thwart 'em, they prick up: As whether there was any instant of time in the [...]eneration of the Second Person: whether [Page 98]there be more than one Filiation in Christ; whether it be a possible Proposition that God the Father hates the Son; or whether it was possible that Christ could have taken upon him the likeness of a Woman, or of the Devil, or of an Ass, or of a Stone, or of a Gourd: and then how that Gourd should have Preach't, wrought Miracles, or been hung on the Cross; And, what Peter had Consecrated, if he had administred the Sacrament, at what time, the Body of Christ hung upon the Cross: Or whe­ther at the same time, he might be said to be Man; whether after the Resurrection, there will be any eating and drinking, since we are so much afraid of hunger and thirst in this world: There are infinite of these ( [...]) sabtile Trifles, and others more subtile than these; of Notions, Relations, Instants, For­malities, Quiddities, Ecceities, which no one can perceive without a Lynceus his eyes, (that could look through a stone-wall) and discover those things through the thickest darkness, that never were: Add to this, those their other Determinations, and those too, so contrary to common Opinion, that those Oracles of the Stoicks, which they call Para­doxes, seem in comparison of these but block­ish and idle: As, 'tis a lesser crime to kill a thousand men, than to set a stitch on a poor [Page 99]mans shooe, on the Sabbath-day: And that a man should rather chuse, that the whole world, with all Food and Raiment, as they say, should perish, than tell a lye, though ne­ver so inconsiderable: And these most subtile subtilties, are rendred yet more subtile, by the several Methods, of so many Schoolmen; that one might sooner wind himself out of a La­byrinth, than the entanglements, of the Rea­lists, Nominalists, Thomists, Albertists, Oc­camists, Scotists; nor have I nam'd all the se­veral Sects, but onely some of the chief; In all which, there is so much Doctrine, and so much difficultie, that I may well conceive, the Apostles, had they been to deal with these new kind of Divines, had needed to have pray'd in aid, of some other Spirit: Paul knew what Faith was, and yet when he saith, Faith is the Sul stance of things hop'd for, and the Evidence of things not seen, he did not define it Doctor­like: And as he understood Charity well himself, so he did as Illogically divide, and define it to others, in his first Epistle to the Corinthians, Chapter the thirteenth: And de­voutly, no doubt, did the Apostles consecrate the Eucharist; yet, had they been askt the que­stion, touching the Terminus à quo, and the Terminus ad quem, of Transubstantiation; of the manner how, the same body, can be in [Page 100]several places, at one and the same time; of the difference the body of Christ has in Hea­ven, from that of the Cross, or this in the Sa­crament; In what punct of time Transubstan­tiation is, whereas Prayer, by means of which it is, as being a discrete quantity, is tran­sient; they would not, I conceive, have an­swer'd with the same subtilty, as the Scotists Dispute, and Define it: They knew the Mo­ther of Jesus, but which of them has so Phi­losophically demonstrated, how she was pre­serv'd from Original sin, as have done our Divines? Peter receiv'd the Keyes, and from him too, that would not have trusted them with a person unworthy; yet whether he had understanding, or no, I know not: for cer­tainly he never attain'd, to that subtilty to de­termine, how he could have the Key of know­ledge, that had no knowledge himself. They Baptized far and near, and yet taught no where, what was the Formal, Material, Ef­ficient, and final cause of Baptisme; nor made the least mention, of delible, and in­delible Characters: They worshipt 'tis true, but in Spirit, following herein, no other, than that of the Gospel, God is a Spirit, and they that worship, must worship him in Spirit, and Truth; yet it does not appear, it was at that time reveal'd to them, that an Image [Page 101] [...]ketcht on the Wall, with a Cole, was to be worshipt, with the same worship, as Christ himself; if at least, the two 'fore fingers be stretcht out, the hair, long, and uncut, and have three Rayes about the Crown of the Head: For who can conceive these things, un­less he has spent, at least six and thirty years in she Philosophical, and Supercoelestial Whims of Aristotle, and the Schoolmen? In like man­ner, the Apostles press to us Grace, but which of them distinguisheth between (gratiam gra­is datam, & gratiam gratificantem) free grace, [...]nd grace that makes a man acceptable; They exhort us to good works, and yet, determine [...]ot (opus operans, & opus operatum) what is [...]he work working, and what, a resting in the work done: They incite us to Charity, and [...]et make no difference, between (infusam & [...]equisitam) Charity infus'd, and Charity [...]rought in us by our own endeavours: nor [...]o they declare, whether it be an Accident, or [...] Substance, a thing Created, or Uncreated: They detest, and abominate sin, but, let me [...]ot live, if they could define according to [...]rt, what that is, which we call Sin, unless [...]erhaps they were inspir'd, by the spirit of the [...]cotists: Nor can I be brought to believe, that Paul, by whose learning you may judge the rest, [...]ould have so often condemn'd, Questions, [Page 102]Disputes, Genealogies, and, as himself calls 'em ( [...]) Strifes of words, if he had throughly understood those subtil­ti [...]es, especially, when all the Debates, and Controversies of those times, were rude and blockish, in comparison of the more than Chry­sippean subtilties of our Masters; Although yet, the Gentlemen are so modest, that if they meet with any thing written by the Apostles, not so smooth and even as might be expected from a Master, they do not presently condemn it, but handsomly bend it to their own pur­pose; so great Respect and Honour do they give, partly to Antiquity, and partly to the name of Apostle: And truly, 'twere a kind of injustice, to require so great things of them, that never heard the least word from their Ma­sters, concerning it: And so if the like happen in Chrysostome, Basil, Jerome, they think it enough to say, They are not oblig'd by't: The Apostles also, confuted the Heathen Philoso­phers, and Jews, a people, than whom, nore more obstinate; but rather, by their good Lives, and Miracles, than Syllogisms: and yet there was scarce one amongst 'em, that was capable of understanding, the least Quodlibet of the Scotists: But now where is that Hea­then, or Heretick, that must not presently stoop to such Wire-drawn subtilties, unless [Page 103]he be so thick-skul'd, that he can't apprehend [...]em, or so impudent as to hiss 'em down, or [...]eing furnisht with the same Tricks, be able [...]o make his party good with 'em? as if a man [...]hould set a Conjurer on work, against a Conju­ [...]er, or fight with one hallowed Sword against [...]nother, which would prove no other, than ( Penelopes tela) a work to no purpose: for my own part, I conceive the Christians would do much better, if instead of those dull Troops, [...]nd Companies of Souldiers, with which they have manag'd their War, with such doubtful success, they would send the bauling Scotists, [...]he most obstinate Occamists, and invincible A [...]bertists, to war against the Turks and Sara­ [...]ens; and they would see, I guess, a most plea­sant Combate, and such a Victory, as was ne­ [...]e [...] before: For who is so faint, whom their devices will not enliven? Who so stupid, whom such spurrs can't quicken? or who so quick­sighted, before whose eyes they can't cast a mist? But you'l say, I jest; Nor are ye with­out cause, since even amongst Divines them­selves, there are some that have learnt better, and are ready to turn their stomacks, at those foolish subtilties of t'others: There are some that detest 'em, as a kind of Sacriledge, and count it the height of Impiety, to speak so ir­reverently of such hidden things, rather to [Page 104]be ador'd, than explicated; to dispute of 'em, with such profane, and Heathenish niceties; to define 'em, so arrogantly, and pollute the majestie of Divinity, with such pithless, and sordid terms, and opinions: Mean time, the others please, nay hug themselves in their happiness, and are so taken up with these plea­sant trifles, that they have not so much leisure, as to cast the least eye on the Gospel, or S. Pauls Epistles; And while they play the fool at this rate in their Schools, they make ac­count the Universal Church, would otherwise perish, unless, as the Poets fancy'd of Atlas, that he supported Heaven with his shoulders, they underpropt t'other, with their Syllogisti­cal Buttresses: And how great a happiness is this, think ye? while, as if holy Writ were a Nose of Wax, they fashion, and refashion it, according to their pleasure; while they re­quire, that their own Conclusions, sub­scrib'd by two or three Schoolmen, be ac­co [...]nted greater, than Solon's Laws, and pre­fer'd, before the Papal Decretals; while, as Censors of the world, they force every one to a Recantation, that differs but a hairs bredth from the least of their Explicit, or Implicit Determinations; and those too, they pro­nounce like Oracles, This Proposition is scan­dalous; This, Irreverent; This, has a smatch [Page 105] [...]f Heresie; This, no very good sound: so [...]hat neither Baptisme, nor the Gospel, nor P [...]ul, nor Peter, nor St. Jerome, nor St. Augu­stine, no nor ( [...] ipse Thomas) most Aristotelitotical Thomas himself can make a man a Christian, without these Batchelours [...]oo, be pleas'd to give him his grace: And the like [...]s their subtilty in judging; for who would [...]hink he were no Christian, that should say these two Speeches, Matula Putes, & matula Putet, or Ollae fervere, & ollam fervere, were not both good Latine, unless their wisdomes had taught us the contrary? who had deliver'd the Church, from such Mists of Errour, which yet, no one e're met with, had they not come but, with some University Seal for't? And are they not most happy, while they do these things? Then, for what concerns Hell, how exactly they describe every thing, as if they had been conversant in that Common-wealth, most part of their time? Again, how do they frame in their fancy new Orbes, adding to those we have already, an eighth; a goodly one no doubt, and spatious enough, lest per­haps their happy Souls might lack room to walk in, entertain their friends, and now and then, play at Foot-ball? And with these, and a thousand the like sopperies, their heads are so full stufft, and strecht, that I believe Jupi­ters [Page 106]brain, was not near so bigg, when, being in labour with Pallas, he was beholding to the Midwifery, of Vulcan's Axe: And there­fore ye must not wonder, if in their publique Disputes, they are so bound about the head, lest otherwise perhaps, their brains might leap out: Nay, I have sometimes laught my self, to see 'em so towre in their own opini­on, when they speak most barbarously; and when they Humh and Hawh so pitifully, that none but one of their own Tribe can un­derstand 'em, they call it heights, which the Vulgar can't reach: for they say, 'tis beneath the dignity, of Divine Mysteries, to be crampt, and ty'd up, to the narrow Rules of Gramma­rians: from whence we may conjecture, the great Prerogative of Divines, if they onely have the priviledge, of speaking corruptly, in which yet, every Cobler thinks himself con­cern'd, for his share: Lastly, they look upon themselves, as somewhat more than Men, as often as they are devoutly saluted by the name of, Our Masters; in which, they fancy there lyes as much, as in the Jews ( [...]) Jehovah; And therefore, they reckon it a crime, if Magister noster, be written other, than in Capital Letters; and if any one, should preposterously say, N [...]ster magister, he has at once everturn'd the whole body of Divinity. And next these, come those, that commonly [Page 107]call themselves the Religious, and Monks; most [...]lse in both Titles, when both, a great part [...] 'em, are farthest from Religion, and no [...]en swarm thicker in all places than them­selves: Nor can I think of any thing, that could be more miserable, did not I support [...]em so many several wayes: for whereas all [...]en detest 'em to that height, that they take [...] for ill luck, to meet one of 'em by chance, [...]et, such is their happiness, that they flatter [...]hemselves: for first, they reckon it one of the main Points of Piety, if they are so illite­rate, that they can't so much as read: And [...]han, when they run over their Offices, which they carry about 'em, rather by tale, than un­derstanding, they believe the Gods, more then ordinarily pleas'd, with their braying: And some there are among 'em, that put off their trumperies at vast rates, yet roave up and down, for the bread they eat; nay there is scarce an Inne, Waggon, or Ship, into which they intrude not, to the no small damage, of the Common-wealth of Beggars: And yet, like pleasant-fellows, with all this Vileness, Ignorance, Rudeness, and Impudence, they represent to us (for so they call it) the lives of the Apostles; yet what is more pleasant, than that they do all things by Rule, and as it were, a kind of Mathematicks, the least swer­ving [Page 108]from which, were a crime beyond for­giveness; As, how many knots their shooe [...] must be ti'd with, of what colour every thing is, what distinction of habits, of what stuffe made, how many straws broad their Girdles, and of what fashion, how many bushels wide their Cowle, how many fingers long their Hair, and how many hours sleep; which exact equality, how disproportionable it is, among such varie­ty of bodies and tempers, Who is there that does not perceive it? And yet by reason of these fooleries, they not onely set slight by others, but each different Order; men otherwise profes­sing Apostolical Charity, despise one another, and for the different wearing of a habit, or that 'tis of darker colour, they put all things in combustion: And amongst these, there are some so rigidly Religious, that their upper Garment is hair-Cloth, their inner of the finest Linnen; and on the contrary, others wear Linnen without, and hair next their skins: Others agen, are as affraid to touch mony, as poyson; and yet nei­ther forbear Wine, nor dallying with Wo­men: In a word, 'tis their onely care, that none of 'em come near one another in their manner of living, nor do they endeavour, how they may be like Christ, but how they may differ among themselves. And another great happiness they conceive in their Names, [Page 109]while they call themselves Cordi [...]iers, and among [...]ese too, some are Colletes, some M [...]nors, some [...]unims, some Crossed: And agen, these are Redictines, those Bernardines; these Carmelites, [...]ose Augustines; these Williamites, and those [...]olanes; as if it were not worth the while, [...] be call'd Christians: And of these, a great [...]rt build so much on their Ceremonies, and [...]etty Traditions of Men, that they think one [...]eaven is too poor a reward for so great merit; [...]tle dreaming, that the time will come, when [...]hrist not regarding any of these trifles, will [...]ll 'em to account for his precept of Charity: [...]ne shall shew ye a large Trough, full of all [...]nds of Fish; another tumble ye out so many [...]shels of Prayers; another reckon ye so ma­ [...]y myriads of Fasts, and fetch 'em up agen in [...]e dinner, by eating till he cracks agen; [...]nother produces more bundles of Ceremo­ [...]es, than seven of the stoutest Ships would be [...]le to carry; another brags, he has not toucht penny these threescore Years, without two [...]ir of Gloves at least, upon his hands; Ano­ [...]er wears a Cowl, so lin'd with grease, that [...]e poorest Tarpaulin would not stoop to take [...] up; Another will tell ye, he has liv'd these [...]ty five Years like a Spunge, continually fast­ [...]ed to the same place; another is grown hoarse [...]ith his daily chanting; another has contra­cted [Page 110]a Lethargy, by his solitary living; an [...] another, the Palsie in his Tongue, for want speaking: But Christ, interrupting them [...] their vanities, which otherwise were endle [...] will ask 'em, Whence this new kind of Jews I acknowledge one Commandment, which [...] truly mine, of which alone I hear nothing I promist, 'tis true, my Fathers heritage, an [...] that without Parables, not to Cowls, odd Pray­ers and Fastings, but to the duties of Fait [...] and Charity; Nor can I acknowledge the [...] that least acknowledg their faults; They th [...] would seem holier than my self, let 'em if the [...] list, possess to themselves ( Abraxasiorum coelo [...]) those three hundred sixty five Heavens of B [...] ­silides the Heretick's invention, or comman [...] them, whose foolish Traditions they have pre­fer'd, before my Preceps, to erect them a ne [...] one: When they shall hear these things, a [...] see common ordinary persons preferr'd befor [...] 'em, with what countenance, think ye, will the behold one another? In the mean time, the are happy in their hopes, and for this also, the are beholding to me: And yet these kind o [...] people, though they are, as it were, of an [...] ther Common-wealth, no man dares despise especially those begging Friars, because the are privie to all mens secrets, by means of Con­fessions, as they call 'em: Which yet, wer [...] [Page 111] [...] less than treason to discover, unless being [...]t drunk, they have a mind to be pleasant, [...]d then all comes out, that is to say, by hints [...]d conjectures, but suppressing the names: [...]ut if any one should anger these Wasps, they'll [...]fficiently revenge themselves in their pub­ [...]que Sermons; and so point out their enemy, [...] circumlocutions, that there's no one but un­ [...]rstands whom 'tis they mean, unless he un­erstand nothing at all; nor will they give [...]er their barking (quem in os offam objece­ [...]) till you throw the Dogs a bone: And [...]ow tell me, what Jugler, or Mountebank [...]u had rather behold, than hear them rheto­ [...]cally play the fool in their Preachments, and [...]et most sweetly imitating, what Rhetoricians [...]ve written, touching the Art of good speak­ [...]g: Good God! What several postures they [...]ve, how they shift their voice, sing out their [...]ords, skip up and down, and are ever and [...]on making such new faces, that they con­ [...]und all things with noise! And yet, this [...]nack of theirs, is no less than a Mystery, that [...]ns in succession from one brother to another; [...]hich, though it be not lawful for me to know, [...]owever, I'll venture at it by conjectures: And [...]rst, they invoke what ever they have scrapt [...]om the Poets. And in the next place, if they are [...] discourse of Charity, they take their rise [Page 112]from the River Ni [...]us; or to set out the Myst [...] ­ry of the Cross, from Bell and the Drago [...] or to dispute of Fasting, from the twelve sig [...] of the Zodiack; or being to preach of Faith ground their matter on the square of a Circle [...] I have heard my self one, and he no small fo [...] (I was mistaken, I would have said Scholar [...] that being, in a Famous Assembly, explainin [...] the Mystery of the Trinity, that he migh [...] both let 'em see, his Learning was not ordina­ry, and withal satisfie, some Theological ear [...] he took a new way, to wit, from the Letter [...] Syllables, and the Word it self; then from th [...] Cohaerence of the Nominative Case and th [...] Verb; and the Adjective and Substantive [...] and while most of the Auditory wonder'd, a [...] some of 'em mutter'd that of Horace (Q [...] sum haec tam putida tendunt?) what does a [...] this Trumpery drive at? At last, he brough [...] the matter to this head, that he would demon­strate, that the Mystery of the Trinity w [...] so clearly exprest, in the very Rudiments o [...] Grammar, that the best Mathematician could not chalkt 't out more plainly; And in this Discourse, did ( [...] ille) this mos [...] Superlative Theologue, beat his brains, for [...] eight whole moneths, that at this hour, he's as blind as a Beetle; to wit, all the sight of his eyes, being run into the sharpness of his wit [...] [Page 113] [...]nd besides him, I met with another, some [...]ighty years of age, and such a Divine, that [...]ou'd have sworn, Scotus himself was reviv'd [...] him: He being upon the point, of unfold­ [...]g the Mystery of the name Jesus, did with [...]onderful subtilty demonstrate, that there lay [...]idden in those Letters, what ever could be [...]id of him: for, that it was only declin'd with [...]ree Cases, he said, it was a manifest token of [...]e Divine Trinity; and then, that the first [...]ded in S. the second in M. the third in U. [...]ere was in it ( [...]) an ineffable My­ [...]ery; to wit, those three Letters declaring to us [...]at he was (Summum, Medium, & Ultimum) [...]e Beginning, Middle, and End of all: Nay [...]e Mystery was yet more abstruse; for he so [...]athematically split, the word Jesus, into [...]o equal parts, that he left the middle let­ [...]r by it self, and then told us, that that let­ [...]r in Hebrew was ( [...]) Schin, or Sin, and [...]at Sin, in the Scotch tongue, as he remem­ [...]er'd, signifi'd as much as Sin; from whence [...]e gather'd, that it was Jesus that took away [...]e sins of the world; At which new Exposi­ [...]on, the Auditory were so wonderfully in­ent, and struck with admiration, especially [...]he Theologues, that there wanted little, but [...]at, Niobe-like, they had been turn'd to [...]ones; whereas, the like had almost happen'd [Page 114]to me, as befell the Priapus in Horace, who having discover'd a couple of Witches, at their midnight tricks, let a crack backwards, and frighted 'em away: And not without cause, for when were the Grecian Demosthenes, or Roman Cicero, e're guilty of the like; They thought that Introduction faulty, that was wide of the Matter; as if it were not the way of Car­ters, and Swinheards, that have no more wit, than God sent 'em: But these learned men, think their Preamble (for so they call it) then chiefly Rhetorical, when it has least Cohe­rence with the rest of the Argument, that the admiring Auditory may in the mean while whisper to themselves (Quo nunc se proripit ille?) What will he be at now? In the third place, they bring in, instead of Narration, some Texts of Scripture, but handle 'em, cursorily, and as it were by the bye, when yet it is the onely thing they should have insisted on: And fourthly, as it were changing a Part in the Play, they bolt out with some question in Divinity, and many times ( [...]) relating, neither to Earth, nor Heaven; And this they look upon us, as a piece of Art. Here they erect their Theological Crests, and beat into the peoples ears, those Magnifical Titles, of Illustrious Doctors, Subtile Doctors, most Subtile Do­ctors, [Page 115]Seraphick Doctors, Cherubin-Doctors, Holy Doctors, Unquestionable Doctors, and the like; And then throw abroad among the [...]gnorant people, Syllogisms, Majors, Minors, Conclusions, Corollaries, Suppositions, and those, so weak and foolish, that they are below Pedantry: There remaines yet the fifth Act, [...]n which, one would think, they should shew [...]heir Mastery: And here, they bring in some [...]oolish insipid Fable, out of Speculum Histo­ [...]iale, or Gesta Romanorum, and Expound it Allegorically, Tropologically, and Anagogi­ [...]ally: And after this manner, do they end their Chimaera, and such, as Horace despair'd of compassing, when he writ, Humano capiti, &c. But they have heard, from some body, [...] know not whom, that the beginning of a Speech should be Sober, and Grave, and least given to noise; And therefore, they begin [...]heirs, at that rate, they can scarce hear them­selves, as if it were no matter, whether any [...]ne understood 'em: They have learnt some where, that to move the affections, a lowder [...]oice is requisite; VVhereupon, they that otherwise, would speak like a Mouse in a Cheese, start out of a suddain, into a down­right fury, even there too, where there's the [...]east need of it: A man would swear, they were past the power of Hellebor so little do [Page 116]they consider, where 'tis they run out: Again, because they have heard, that as a Speech comes up to something, a man should pres [...] it more earnestly; they, how ever they begin, use a strange contention of voice in every part, though the Matter it self be never so flat, and end in that manner, as if they'd run [...] themselves out of breath: Lastly, they have lea [...]nt, that among Rhetoricians, there is some mention of Laughter, and therefore, they stu­dy to prick in a jest, here and there; but, O [...] Venu [...]! so void of wit, and so little to the pur­pose, that it may be truly call'd ( [...]) an Asses playing on the Harp: And sometimes also, they use somewhat of a [...] sting, but so nevertheless, that they rather [...] tickle, than wound; nor do they ever more truly flatter, than when they would seem ( [...]) to use the greatest freedom [...] of speech: Lastly, such is their whole action, that a man would swear they had learnt it, from our common Tumblers, though yet they come short of 'em in every respect; How­ever, they are both so like, that no man will dispute, but that, either these, learnt their Rhetorick from them, or they, theirs, from these: And yet, they light on some, that when they hear 'em, conceive they hear, very De­mostenes, and Ciceroes: of which sort chiefly, [Page 117]are our Merchan [...]s, and Women, whose Ears onely, they endeavour to please, because, as [...]o the first, if they stroake 'em handsomely, some part or other of their ill-gotten goods is wont to fall to their share: and the Women, though for many other things they favour this Order, this is not the least, that they commit to their breasts, what ever discontents, they have against their Husbands: And now, I conceive me, ye see, how much this kind of people are beholding to me, that with their Petty Ceremonies, Ridiculous Trisles, and Noise, exercise a kind of Tyranny, among mankind, believing themselves very Pauls, and Anthonies: But I willingly give over these Stage-players, that are such ingrateful dis­semblers of the courtesies I have done 'em, and such impudent pretenders to Religion, which they ha' n't. And now I have a mind, to give some small touches, of Princes, and Courts, of whom I am had in reverence, above­board, and as it becomes Gentlemen, frank­ly: and truly, if they had the least proportion of sound judgment, what life were more un­pleasant than theirs, or so much to be avoided? For who ever did but truly weigh with himself, how great a burthen lies upon his shoulders, that would truly discharge the duty of a Prince, he would not think it worth his while, to make [Page 118]his way to a Crown, by Perjury, and Parri­cide: He would consider, that he that take [...] a Scepter in his hand, should manage the Publick, not his Private Interest; study no­thing, but the common good, and not, in the least, go contrary to those Laws, where of him­self. is both the Author, and Exactor: That he is to take an account of the good or evil admi­nistration, of all his magistrates and subordinate Officers: That though he is but one, all mens Eyes are upon him, and in his power it is, either like a good Planet to give life and safety to mankind, by his harmless influence, or like a fatal Comet, to send mischief and destruction: That the vices of other men, are not alike felt, nor so generally communicated; And that a Prince stands in that place, that his least deviation, from the Rule of Honesty, and Honour, reaches farther than himself, and opens a gap, to many mens ruine: Besides, that the fortune of Princes has many things attending it, that are but too apt to train 'em out of the way: As Pleasure, Liberty, Flattery, Excess, for which cause, he should, the more diligently endeavour, and set a watch o're himself, lest perhaps he be led aside, and fail in his duty: Lastly, to say nothing of Treasons, ill will, and such other Mischiefs he's in jeopardy of, That that True King is over his head, who in a short time, will cal him to account, for every the [Page 119]least trespass, and that so much the more se­verely, by how much more mighty was the Empire, committed to his charge: These and the like, if a Prince should duly weigh (and weigh it he would, if he were wise) he would neither be able to sleep, nor take any hearty repast: B [...] now, by my courtesie, they leave all this ca [...]e to the Gods, and are onely taken up with themselves, not admitting any one to their eare, but such as know how to speak pleasant things, and not trouble 'em with bu­siness: They believe they have discharg'd all the duty of a Prince, if they Hunt every day, keep a Stable of fine Horses, sell Dignities, and Commanderies, and invent new wayes of draining the Citizens Purses, and bringing it into their own Exchequer; but under such dainty new-found names, that though the thing be most injust in it self, it carries vet, some face of equity; adding to this, some little sweetnings, that what ever happens, they may be secure of the common people; And now, suppose some one, such as they sometimes are, a man ignorant of Laws, little less than an ene­my to the publique good, and minding no­thing but his own, given up to Pleasure, a hater of Learning, Liberty, and Justice, stu­dying nothing less than the publique safety, but measuring every thing by his own will, and profit; And then, put on him, a golden [Page 120]Chain, that declares the accord of all Ver­tues, linkt one to another; a Crown set with Diamonds, that should put him in mind, how he ought to excell all others, in Heroick Ver­tues; besides, a Scepter, the Emblem of Ju­stice, and an untainted heart; and lastly, a Purple Robe, a Badge of that Charity he owes the Common-wealth; All which, if a Prince should compare 'em, with his own life, he would, I believe, be clearly asham'd of his bravery, and be afraid lest some or other gibing Expounder, turn all this Tragical Fur­niture, into a ridiculous Laughing-stock. And as to the Court-Lords, what should I menti­on them? than most of whom, though there be nothing more indebted, more servile, more witless, more contemptible, yet they would seem, as they were the most excellent of all others. And yet in this only thing, no men more modest, in that they are contented to wear about 'em, Gold, Jewels, Purple, and those other marks of Vertue, and Wisdome, but for the study of the things themselves, they remit it to others; Thinking it happiness enough for them, that they can call the King Master, have learnt the cringe a la mode, know when and where to use those Titles, of Your Grace, My Lord, Your Magnificence; in a word, that they are past all shame, and can [Page 121]flatter pleasantly: for these are the Arts that speak a man truly Noble, and an exact Cour­tier: But if ye look into their manner of life, you'll find 'em meer Sots, (Sponsos Penelopes, &c.) as de baucht as Penelope's Husband, you know the other part of the verse, which the Echo will better tell ye, than I can: They sleep till noon, and have their mercenary Le­vite come to their bed side, where he chops over his Mattins before they are half up: Then to Break-fast, which is scarce done, but Din­ner staies for 'em; From thence, they go to Dice, Tables, Cards, or e [...]ertain themselves with Jesters, Fools, Gambolls, Horse-tricks, and now and then, the Whore: In the mean time, they have one or two Bevers, and then Supper, and after that a Banquet; and 'twere well, by Jupiter, there were no more than one: And in this manner do their Hours, Dayes, Moneths, Yea [...]s, Age, slide away without the least irksomeness: Nay, I have sometimes gone away, many Inches fatter, to see 'em, ( [...]) speak bigg words; whiles eac [...] of the Ladies, believes her self so much nearer to the Gods, by how much the longer train, she trails after her; whiles one Noble­man edges out another, that he may get the nearer to J [...]piter, himself; and every one of 'em, pleases himself the more, by how massier [Page 122]is the Chain, he swaggs on his shoulders, as if he meant to shew his strength, as well as his wealth. Nor are Princes by themselves in their manner of life, since Popes, Cardinals, and Bishops, have so diligently follow'd their steps, that they've almost got the start of 'em: for if any of 'em would consider, what their Albe should put 'em in mind of, to wit, a blameless life; what is meant by their forked Miters, whose each point is held in by the same knot, wee'll suppose it, a perfect know­ledge of the Old and New Testaments; what those Gloves on their Hands, but a sincere ad­ministration of the Sacraments, and free from all touch of worldly business; what their Crosier, but a careful looking after the Flock committed to their charge; what the Cross born before 'em, but victory over all earthly affections; These, I say, and many of the like kind, should any one truly consider, would he not live a sad and troublesome life? where­as now, they do well enough, while they feed themselves onely; and for the care of their Flock, either put it over to Christ, or lay it all on their Suffragans, as they call 'em, or some poor Vicars: Nor do they so much as remember their name, or what the word Bi­shop signifies; to wit, Labour, Care and Trouble; But in racking to gather moneys, [Page 123]they truly act the part of Bishops ( [...]) and herein acquit themselves to be no blind Seers: In like manner Cardinals, if they thought themselves the successours of the Apostles, they would likewise imagine, that the same things, the other did, are re­quir'd of them, and that they are not Lords, but Dispensers of Spiritual things, of which, they must shortly give an exact account: But if they also, would a little Philosophize on their Habit, and think with themselves, what's the meaning of their Linen Rochet? Is it not a remarkable and singular integrity of life? What that inner Purple? is it not an earnest, and fervent love of God? Or what that out­ward, whose loose Plaits, and long Train, fall round his Reverence's Mule, and are large enough to cover a Camel? is it not Charity, that spreads it self so wide, to the succour of all men; that is, to Instruct, Exhort, Comfort, Reprehend, Admonish, compose Wars, re­sist wicked Princes, and willingly expend, not onely their Wealth, but their very Lives for the Flock of Christ? Though yet, what need at all of wealth, to them, that supply, the room of the poor Apostles? These things, I say, did they but duely consider, they would not be so ambitious of that Dignity, or, if they were, they would willingly leave it, and live [Page 124]a laborious careful life, such as was that of the antient Apostles: And for Popes, that supply the place of Christ, if they should en­deavour to imitate his Life, to wit, his Po­verty, Labour, Doctrine, Cross, and contempt of Life, or should they consider, what the name Pope, that is Father, or Holiness, imports, who would live more disconsolate than themselves? or who would purchase that Chair, with all his substance? or defend it so purchast, with Swords, Poisons, and all force imaginable? so great a profit, would the access of Wisdom, deprive him of; Wisdom did I say? nay the least corn of that Salt, which Christ speaks of: So much Wealth, so much Honour, so much Riches, so many Victories, so many Of­fices, so many Dispensations, so much Tri­bute, so many Pardons; such Horses, such Mules, such Guards, and so much Pleasure, would it lose them: You see how much I have comprehended in a little: instead of which, it would bring in, Watchings, Fast­ings, Tears, Prayers, Sermons, good Endea­vours, Sighs, and a thousand the like trouble­some Exercises: Nor is this least considerable; so many Scribes, so many Copying Clerks, so many Notaries, so many Advocates, so ma­ny Promooters, so man [...] Secretaries, so many Muletters, so many Grooms, so many Bankers, [Page 125]so many Bawds (I had like to have added somewhat more Effeminate, but that I'm af­fraid 'twould be too harsh for their ears:) in short, that vast multitude of men, that over­charge the Roman Sea (I mistook, I meant, Honour) might beg their bread: A most in­humane and abominable thing; and more to be execrated, that those great Princes of the Church, and true Lights of the World, should be reduc'd to a Staff, and a Wallet: whereas now, if there be any thing that re­quires their pains, they leave that, to Peter and Paul, that have leisure enough; But if there be any thing of Honour, or Pleasure, they take that, to themselves: By which means it is, yet by my courtesie, that scarce any kind of men, live more voluptuously, or with less trouble, as believing, that Christ will be well enough pleas'd, if in their Mystical, and almost mimi­cal Pontificalibus, Ceremonies, Titles of Ho­niness, and the like, and Blessing, and Cursing, they play the parts of Bishops: To work Mi­racles, is old, and antiquated, and not in fa­shion now; to instruct the people, trouble­some; to interpret the Scripture; Pedantick; to pray, a sign one has little else to do; to shed tears, silly, and womanish; to be poor, base; to be vanquisht, dishonourable, & little becom­ing him, that scarce admits even Kings to kiss [Page 126]his Slipper; and lastly, to dye, uncouth; and to be stretcht on a Cross, infamous: Theirs are only those Weapons, and sweet Blessings which Paul mentions, and of these truly they are bountiful enough; as Interdictions, Hang­ings, Heavy Burthens, Reproofs, Anathema's, Executions in Effigie, and that terrible Thun­der-bolt of Excommunication, with the very sight of which, they sink mens Souls, beneath the bottom of Hell; which yet these most holy Fathers in Christ, and his Vicars, hurl with more fierceness, against none, than against such, as by the instigation of the Devil, at­tempt to lessen, or rob 'em of Peters Patrimo­ny; when, though those words in the Gospel, We have left all, and follow'd thee, were his, yet they call his Patrimony, Lands, Cities, Tri­bute, imposts, Riches; for which, being en­flam'd with the love of Christ, they contend with Fire, and Sword, and not without losse of much Christian blood, and believe, they have then, most Apostolically defended the Church, the Spouse of Christ, when the enemy, as they call 'em, are valiantly routed; As if the Church had any deadlier enemies, than wick­ed Prelates, who not onely suffer Christ to run out of request, for want of preaching him, but hinder his spreading, by their multitudes of Laws, meerly contriv'd for their own profit; [Page 127]corrupt him, by their forc'd Expositions; and [...]urder him, by the evil example, of their pe­ [...]ilent life: Nay further, whereas the Church of Christ was founded in blood, confirm'd by blood, and augmented by blood, now, as if Christ, who after his wonted manner defends his people, were lost, they govern all by the Sword; And whereas War, is so Savage a [...]hing, that it rather befits Beasts, than Men, so outragious, that the very Poets feign'd, it came from the Furies, so pestilent, that it corrupts all mens manners, so injust, that it is best executed, by the worst of men, so wicked, that it has no agreement with Christ, and yet, somitting all the other, they make this, their onely business: Here you'll see decrepit old fellows, acting the parts of young men, nei­ther troubled at their costs, nor weari'd with their labours, nor discourag'd at any thing, so they may have the liberty, of turning Laws, Religion, Peace, and all things else, quite top­sie turvie: Nor are they destitute of their [...]earned Flatterers, that call that palpable Madness, Zeal, Piety, and Valour, having found out a new way, by which, a man may kill his brother, without the least breach of that Charity, which, by the command of Christ, one Christian owes another: And here in [...]troth, I'm a little at a stand, whether the Ec­clesiastical [Page 128] [...]rman Electors, gave 'em this ex­ample, or rather took it from 'em; who lay­ing aside their Habit, Benedictions, and a [...] the like Ceremonies, so act the part of Com­manders, that they think it a mean thing, an [...] least beseeming a Bishop, to shew the lea [...] courage to God-ward, unless it be in a battle▪ And as to the common Heard of Priests, the [...] account it a crime, to degenerate from th [...] Sanctity of their Prelates; Heidah! how Soul­dier-like they bussle, about the jus divinum o [...] Titles, and how quick-sighted they are, to pic [...] the least thing, out of the Writings of the Antients, wherewith they may fright the com­mon people, and convince 'em, if possible [...] that more than a Tenth is due: yet in the mean-time, it least comes in their heads, ho [...] many things, are every where extant, con­cerning that duty, which they owe the peo­ple: Nor does their shorn Crown, in the least admonish 'em, that a Priest, should be free from all worldly desires, and think of no­thing but heavenly things; whereas, on the contrary, these jolly fellows, say, they have sufficiently discharg'd their Office, if they but any-how mumble over a few odd Prayers, which, so help me Hercules, I wonder if any God either hear, or understand, since they do neither themselves; especially, when they [Page 129]thunder 'em out, in that manner they are wont: But this they have in common, with those of the Heathens, that they are vigilant enough to the harvest of their profit, nor is there any of 'em, that is not better read, in those Laws, than the Scripture; whereas, if there be any thing burthensome, they pru­dently lay that on othermens shoulders, and shift it from one to t'other, as men toss a Ball, from hand to hand; following herein, the example of Lay Princes, who commit the Government of their Kingdoms, to their Grand Ministers, and they again, to others, and leave all study of Piety to the common people: In like manner, the common people, put it over to those they call Ecclesiasticks, as if themselves, were no part of the Church, or that their vow in Baptism, had lost its obli­gation: Again, the Priests, that call themselves Secular, as if they were initiated to the world, not to Christ, lay the burthen on the Regu­lars, the Regulars, on the Monks, the Monks, that have more liberty, on those that have less, and all of 'em, on the Mendicants; the Men­dicants, on the Carthusians, amongst whom, if any where, this Piety lies buried, but yet so close, that scarce any one can perceive it: In like manner the Popes, the most diligent of all others, in gathering in the Harvest of mony, [Page 130]refer all their Apostolical work to the Bi­shops; the Bishops, to the Parsons; the Parsons, to the Vicars, the Vicars, to their brother Mendicants, and they again throw back the care of the Flock, on those that take the Wooll: But it is not my business, to sift too narrowly, the lives of Prelates, and Priests, for fear I seem to have intended, rather a Sa­tyr, than an Oration; and be thought to tax good Princes, while I praise the bad: And therefore, what I slightly taught before, has been to no other end, but that it might ap­pear, that there's no man, can live pleasant, un­less he be initiated to my Rites, and have me propitious to him: For how can it be other­wise, when Fortune, the great Directress of all Humane Affairs, and my self, are so all one, that she was always an enemy to those wise men, and on the contrary, so favourable to Fools, and careless fellows, that all things hit luckly to 'em? You have heard of that Timotheus (the most fortunate General of the Athenians) of whom came that Proverb ( [...]) His Net caught fish, though he were asleep; and that, ( [...]) The Owl flies: whereas these other, hit properly, Wise men ( [...]) born in the fourth moneth; And again (Equum habet Se­janum; & Aurum Tolosanum:) He rides Se­janus's [Page 131] his Horse; and gold of Tolouse; signify­ing thereby, the extremity of ill fortune: But I forbear ( [...]) the further threading of Proverbs, lest I seem to have pil­fer'd, my friend Erasmuss's Adagies: Fortune loves those, that have least wit, and most con­fidence, and such, as like that saying of Caesar, (Jacta est alea) the Dye is thrown; but Wis­dome makes men bashful, which is the rea­son, that those Wise men have so little to do, unless it be with Poverty, Hunger, and Chim­ny-corners; that they live such neglected, unknown, and hated lives; whereas Fools, abound in money, have the chief Commands in the Common-wealth, and, in a word, flourish every way: for if it be a happiness (Principi­lus placuisse viris—) to please Princes, and to be conversant among those Golden and Diamond Gods, what is more unprofitable than Wisdom, or what is it these kind of men have, may more justly be censur'd? If Wealth is to be got, how little good at it, is that Merchant like to do, if following the Pre­cepts of Wisdom, he should boggle at Per­jury, or being taken in a lie, blush, or in the least, regard the sad scruples, of those Wise­men, touching Rapine, and Usury: Again, if a man sue for Honours, or Church-Prefer­ments, an Ass, or wild Oxe shall sooner get [Page 132]'em than a Wise man: If a man's in love with a young Wench, none of the least Humors in this Comedy, they are wholly addicted to Fools, and are afraid of a Wise man, and flie him, as they would a Scorpion: Lastly, whoever intend to live merry, and frolique, shut their doors against Wise men, and ad­mit any thing sooner: In brief, go whither ye will, among Prelates, Princes, Judges, Ma­gistrates, Friends, Enemies, from highest to lowest, and you'll find all things done by money; which, as a VVise man contemns it, so it takes a special care, not to come neat him: what shall I say? There is no measure, or end of my praises, and yet 'tis fit my Ora­tion have an end: And therefore I'll ev'n break off; and yet, before I do it, 'twill not be amiss if I briefly shew ye, that there has not been wanting, even great Authours, that have made me famous, both by their VVritings, and Actions; lest perhaps otherwise, I may seem, to have foolishly pleas'd my self only, or that the Lawyers charge me, that I have prov'd nothing: After their example there­fore, will I alleadge my proofs, that is to say ( [...]) nothing to the point: And first, every man allows this Proverb, That where a man wants matter, he may best frame some. And to this purpose is that [Page 133]Verse which we teach Children.

(Stultitiam simulare loco, prudentiae summa est) 'Tis the greatest wisdome to know when and where to counterfeit the Fool; And now, judge your selves, what an excellent thing this Folly is, whose very counterfeit, and semblance only, has got such praise from the Learned: But more candidly does that fat, plump (—E­picuri de grege Porcus) Epicurean bacon-hogg, Horace (for so he calls himself) bids us (Misce stultitiam consiliis—) mingle our purposes with Folly; and whereas he adds the word (brevem) short (perhaps to help out the Verse) he might as well have let it alone: And agen (Dulce est desipere in loco) 'tis a pleasant thing to play the fool, in the right season: And in another place, he had rather (— Delirus inersque vider, Quam sapere, & ringi —) be accounted a dottrel, and sot, than to be wise, and made mouths at: And Telemachus in Homer, whom the Poet praises so much, is now and then, call'd ( [...]) Fool; and by the same name, as if there were some good fortune in 't, are the Tragedians wont, to call Boyes and Striplings: And what does that sacred book of Iliads con­tain, but a kind of counter-scuffle between foolish Kings, and foolish People? Besides, how absolute is that praise, that Cicero gives of it? (Stultorum plena sunt omnia) All things are [Page 134]full of fools: for who does not know, that e­very good, the more diffusive it is, by so much the better it is? But perhaps their authority, may be of small credit among Christians, wee'l therefore, if you please, support our praises with some Testimonies of holy Writ also: In the first place neverthelesse, having forespoke our Theologues, that they'll give us leave to do it without offence: And in the next, forasmuch as we attempt a matter of some difficulty, and it may be perhaps, a little too sawcy, to call back agen, the Muses from Helicon, to so great a journey, especially in a matter, they are wholly strangers to, it will be more sutable perhaps, while I play the Divine, and make my way through such prickly quiddities, that I entreat the Soul of Scotus (a thing more bristlely than either Porcupine or Hedg-hog) to leave his Scor­bone a while, and come into my brest, and then, let him go whither he pleases (vel is [...]) or to the dogs: I could wish also, that I might change my countenance, or that I had on, the square Cap, and the Cassock, for fear some or other should impeach me of theft, as if I had privily rifled our Masters Desks, in that I have got so much Divinity: but it ought not to seem so strange, if after so long and inti­mate an acquaintance, and converse with 'em, I have pickt up somewhat; when as that Fig­tree-god [Page 135] Priapus, hearing his owner read cer­tain Greek words, took so much notice of 'em, that he got 'em by heart; and that Cock in Lu­cian, by having liv'd long amongst men, became at last a master of their Language: But to the point (bonis avibus) under a fortunate directi­on: Ecclesiastes saith in his first Chapter, (Stul­torum infinitus numerus) The number of fools is infinite; and when he calls it infinite, does he not seem to comprehend all men, unlesse it be some few, whom yet, 'tis a question whether any man ever saw? But more ingenuously does Jeremiah, in his tenth Chapter confess it, say­ing, ( Stultus omnis, &c.) Every man is made a fool, through his own wisdome; attributing wisedom to God alone, and leaving folly to all men else: And agen ( Nec glorietur homo, &c.) Let not man glory in his wisdome; And why good Jeremiah wouldst thou not have a man glo­ry in his wisedom? Because, he'll say, he has none at all: But to return to Ecclesiastes, who when he cries out, Vanity of vanities, all is va­nity, What other thoughts had he, do ye believe, than that, as I said before, The life of man, is nothing else, but an enterlude of Folly? in which, (album addidit calculum) he has added one voice more, to that justly receiv'd praise of Cicer [...]'s, which I quoted before, viz. All things are full of fools: Agen, that wise Preacher that [Page 136]said, A fool changes as the Moon, but a wise man, is permanent as the Sun: What else did he hint at in it, but that all mankind are fools, and the name of VVise, onely proper to God: for by the Moon, Interpreters understand hu­mane Nature, and by the Sun, God, the only Fountain of light; with which, agrees that which Christ himself, in the Gospel denies, That any one is to be call'd good, but one, and that is God: And then, if he is a fool, that is not wise, and every good man according to the Stoicks, is a wise man, it is no wonder, if all mankind, be concluded under Folly: Again, Solomon, Chap. 15. Foolishnesse, saith he, is joy to the Fool, thereby plainly confessing, that without folly there is no pleasure in life: To which, is pertinent that other ( Quis appo­nit Scientiam, &c.) He that encreaseth know­ledge, encreaseth grief; and in much under­standing, there is much indignation: And does he not plainly confess as much, Chap. 7. The heart of the wise is where sadness is, but the heart of fools follows mirth: by which you see, he thought it not enough, to have learnt wisedome, without he had added the knowledge of me also: And if ye will not believe me, take his own words, Chap. 1. Dedi cor meum, &c.) I gave my heart to know wisdome and knowledge, madnesse and folly: VVhere, by the way, 'tis [Page 137]worth your remark, that he intended me some­what extraordinary, that he nam'd me last: A Preacher writ it, and this you know, is the order among Church-men, that he that is first in Dignity, comes last in place, as mind­ful, no doubt, what ever they do in other things, herein at least to observe the Evangelical pre­cept: Besides, That Folly is more excellent than Wisdom, the Son of Sirach, who ever he were, clearly witnesseth, Chap. 44. whose words, so help me Hercules, I shall not once utter before you meet ( [...] meam) my Induction, with a sutable answer, according to the manner of those in Plato, that dispute with Socrates: What things are more proper to be laid up with care, such as are rare and precious, or such as are common, and of no ac­count? Why do you give me no answer? Well, though ye should dissemble, the Greek Proverb will answer for ye ( [...]) Fowl Water, is thrown out of doors; which, if any man shall be so ungratious as to con­temn, let him know 'tis Aristotle's, the god of our Masters: Is there any of ye so very a Fool as to leave Jewels, and Gold in the street? In troth, I think not; in the most secret part of your Houses; nor is that enough if there be any Drawer in your Iron Chests, more pri­vate than other, there ye lay 'em; but dirt, [Page 138]ye throw out of doors: And therefore if ye so carefully lay up such things as you value, and throw away what's vile, and of no worth, Is it not plain, that Wisdom, which he for­bids a man to hide, is of less account than Fol­ly, which he commands him to cover: Take his own words, Better is the man that hideth his Folly, than he that hideth his Wisdom: Or what is that, when he attributes an upright mind, without Craft or Malice to a Fool, when a wise man the while, thinks no man like him­self? For so I understand that in his Tenth Chap. ( In via stultus, &c.) A Fool walking by the way, being a fool himself, supposes all men to be fools like him: And is it not a signe of great integrity, to esteem every man as good as himself, and when there is no one that leans not too much to 'ther way, to be so frank yet, as to divide his praises with another? Nor was this great King asham'd of the Name, when he says of himself, that he is more foolish than any man: Nor did Paul, that great Do­ctor of the Gentiles, writing to the Corinthians, unwillingly acknowledg it; I speak, saith he, like a fool: I am more: As if it could be any dishonour to excel in Folly: But here I meet with a great noise of some, that endeavour (Cornicum oculos configere) to peck out the Crows eyes; that is, to blind the Doctors of [Page 139]our times, and smoak out their eyes with new Annotations; among whom, my friend Eras­mus, whom for honours sake, I often mention, deserves (si non Alpha, certe Beta) if not the first place, yet certainly the second; O most foolish instance, they cry, and well becom­ing Folly her self! The Apostles meaning was wide enough, from what thou dream'st; for he spake it not in this sense, that he would have them believe him a greater fool than the rest, but when he had said, They are Ministers of Christ, the same am I; and by way of boast­ing herein, had equal'd himself with to'thers, he added this by way of correction, or check­ing himself, I am more: As meaning, that he was not onely equal to the rest of the Apostles, in the work of the Gospel, but somewhat su­periour: And therefore, while he would have this receiv'd as a Truth, lest nevertheless, it might not relish their eares, as being spoken with too much Arrogance, he foreshorten'd his Argument, with the Vzard of Folly: I speak like a fool, because he knew it was the Prerogative of fools, to speak what they list, and that too without offence: Whatever he thought when he writ this, I leave it to them to discuss; for my own part, I follow those fat, fleshie, and —vulgarly approv'd Do­ctours, with whom ( [...]) by Jupiter! [Page 140]a great part of the learned had rather err than follow them, that understand the Tongues, though they are never so much in the right; not any of 'em make greater account, of (Gracu­los istos quam graculos) those smatterers at Greek, than if they were Dawes; especially when a no small Professor (whose name, I wittingly conceal, lest those Choughs should chatter at me that Greek Proverb, I have so often mentioned ( [...]) an Asse at a Harp) discoursing Magisterially and Theolo­gically on this Text (I speak as a fool, I am more:) drew a new Thesis, and, which with­out the height of Logick, he could never have done, made this new Subdivision: (for I'll give ye his own words, not onely in form, but matter also:) I speak like a fool: That is, If you look upon me as a fool, for comparing my self with those false Apostles, I shall seem yet a greater fool, by esteeming my self before 'em; though the same person a little after, as forgetting himself, runs off to another mat­ter: But why do I thus staggeringly defend my self, with one single instance? As if it were not the common priviledg of Divines to stretch Heaven, that is, Holy Writ, like a Cheverel; and when, there are many things in St. Paul, that thwart themselves, which yet, in their proper place, do well enough if there be any [Page 141]credit to be given ( Iui [...] Hierony­mo) to St. Jerom, that was Matter of five Tongues. Such was that of his at Athens, when having casually espi'd the inscription of that Altar, he wrested it into an Argument, to prove the Christian Faith, and leaving out all the other words, because they made against him, took notice onely of the two last, viz. (Ignoto Deo) To the unknown God; and those too, not without some alteration, for the whole Inscription was thus: To the Gods of Asia, Europe, and Africa; To the unknown and strange Gods: And according to his ex­ample do ( [...]) the Sons of the Prophets, who forcing out here and there four or five Expressions, and if need be corrupting the sense, wrest it to their own purpose; though what goes before, and fol­lows after, make nothing to the matter in hand, nay, be quite against it: Which yet they do, with so happy an impudence, that oftentimes the Civilians envie them that faculty: For what is it in a manner, they may not hope for suc­cess in, when this great Doctour (I had al­most bolted out his name, but that I once agen stand in fear of the Greek Proverb) has made a construction on an expression of Luke, so a­greeable to the mind of Christ, as are Fire and Water, to one another: For when the [Page 140] [...] [Page 141] [...] [Page 142]last point of danger was at hand, at which time, retainers and dependants, are wont in a more special manner to attend their Prote­ctours, to examine what strength they have, and prepare ( [...]) for the encounter, Christ intending to take out of his Disciples minds, all trust and confidence in such like de­fence, demands of them, Whether they wanted any thing, when he sent them forth so unpro­vided for a journey, that they had neither shoes to defend their feet from the injuries of stones and briers, nor the provision of a scrip, to preserve 'em from hunger; And when they had denied that they wanted any thing, he adds; But now, he that hath a bagg, let him take it, and likwise a scrip: and he that hath none, let him sell his coat and buy a sword: And now, when the summe of all that Christ taught, prest onely Meekness, Suffering, and Contempt of life, who does not clearly per­ceive what he means in this place? To wit, that he might the more disarm his Ministers, that neglecting not onely Shoos and Scrip, but throwing away their very Coat, they might, being in a manner naked, the more readily and with less hindrance, take in hand the work of the Gospel, and provide themselves of nothing but a sword; not such as Thieves and Murtherers go up and down with, but the Sword of the Spi­rit, [Page 143]that pierceth the most inward parts, & so cuts of as it were at one blow, all earthly affections, that they mind nothing, but their duty to God: But see, I pray, whither this famous Theologue wrests it: By the Sword, he interprets, de­fence against persecution; and by the Bagg, sufficient provision to carry it on: As if Christ having alter'd his mind, in that he sent out his Disciples ( parum [...]) not so royally at­tended as he should have done, repented him­self of his former instructions; or, as forgetting that he had said, (Blessed are ye when ye are evil spoken of, despised, and persecuted, &c. and for­bad 'em to resist evil, for that the meek in Spi­rit, not the proud, are blessed) or, lest remem­bring, I say, that he had compar'd them to Spar­rows and Lillies, thereby minding them, what small care they should take, for the things of this life, was so far now, from having them go forth without a Sword, that he commanded 'em to get one though with the sale of their Coat, and had rather they should go naked, than want a braw­ling-iron by their sides: And to this, as un­der the word Sword, he conceives to be com­prehended what ever appertains to the repel­ling of injuries; so under that of Scrip, he takes in, whatever is necessary, to the support of life: And so does this deep Interpreter of the divine meaning, bring forth the Apostles, to [Page 144]preach the Doctrine of a crucified Christ, but furnisht at all points, with Launces, Slings, Quarter-staffs, and Slings; Lading 'em also, with bag and baggage, lest perhaps, it might not be lawful for 'em, to leave their Inn, un­lesse they were empty and fasting: Nor does he take the least notice of this, that he that so will'd, the Sword to be bought, reprehends it a little after, and commands it to be sheath'd, and that it was never heard, that the Apostles ever us'd, or swords or bucklers against the Gentiles, though 'tis likely they had don't, if Christ had ever intended, as this Doctor interprets: There is another too, whose name out of re­spect, I pass by, a man of no small repute, who from those Tents, which Halbakkuk mentions (Turbabuntur pelles, &c.) The Tents of the land of Midian shall tremble, drew this Exposition, that it was prophesied of the skin of Saint Bar­tholomew, who was flay'd alive: and why (forsooth) but because those Tents were cover'd with skins? I was lately my self at a Theological dispute (for I am of­ten there) where, when one was demanding, What authority there was in holy Writ, that commands Hereticks to be convinc'd by Fire, rather than reclaim'd by Argument, A crabbed old fellow, and one, whose supercilious gravity spake him at least a Doctor, answered in a great [Page 145]fume, that Saint Paul had decreed it, who said, (Hareticum hominum, post unam & alteram correp­tion [...]m, devita) Reject him that is a Heretick, after once or twice admonition; And when he had sundry times, one after another, thundred out the same thing, and most men wondred what ailed the man, at last he explain'd it thus, (ma­king two words of one) Devita, hoc est, de vita, tollendum Haereticum, A Heretick must be put to death: Some laught, and yet there wanted not others, to whom this Exposition, seem'd plainly Theological; which, when some, though those very few, oppos'd, they cut off the dispute (Tenedia bipenni) as we say, with a Hatchet, and the credit of so uncontroulable an Author: Pray conceive me said he; It is written, Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live: But every Heretick bewitches the people: there­fore, &c. And now, as many as were present admir'd the mans wit, and consequently, sub­mitted to his decision of the Question; Nor came it into any of their heads, that that Law concern'd onely Fortune-tellers, Enchanters, and Magicians, whom the Hebrews, call in their Tongue ( [...] Mecaschephim) Witches, or Sorcerers: for otherwise perhaps, by the same reason, it might have as well have extended to fornication, and drunkenness: But I foolishly run on in these matters, though [Page 146]yet there are so many of 'em, that neither Chry­sippus, nor Didymus's Volums, are large enough to contain 'em; I would onely desire ye to consider this, That if so great Doctors may be allow'd this liberty, you may the more rea­sonably pardon, even me also ( [...]) a raw, effeminate Divine, if I quote not every thing so exactly as I should: And so at last I return to Paul: (Libenter, &c.) ye willingly saith he, suffer my foolishness: And again, Take me as a fool: And further, I speak it not after the Lord, but as it were foolishly: And in a­nother place, We are fools for Christs sake: You have heard, from how great an Author, how great praises of Folly; And to what other end, but that without doubt, he look'd upon 't, as that one thing, both necessary, and profita­ble? If any one amongst ye (saith he) seem to be wise, let him be a fool, that he may be wise: And in Luke, Jesus cal'd those two Disciples, with whom he joyn'd himself upon the way, fools: Nor can I give ye any reason, why it should seem so strange, when Saint Paul imputes a kind of fol­ly, even to God himself ( Quod stultum est Dei, &c.) The foolishness of God (saith he) is wiser than men: Though yet I must confess, that Origen upon the place, denies, that this fool­ishness, may be resembled, to the uncertain judgment of men; of which kind, is that [Page 147]( Verbum crucis, &c.) The preaching of the cross, is to them that perish, foolishness: But why am I so careful to no purpose, that I thus run on to prove my matter, by so many testimonies, when in those mystical Psalms, Christ speaking to the Father, sayes openly, (Tu scis insipien­tiam meam) Thou knownest my foolishnesse: Nor is it without ground, that fools are so ac­ceptable to God: the reason perhaps, may be this, that as Princes carry a suspicious eye up­on those that are over-wise, and consequently, hate 'em; As Caesar did Brutus and Cassius, when he fear'd not in the least, drunken An­tony; so Nero, Seneca; and Dionysius, Plato; and on the contrary, are delighted in those blunter, and unlabour'd wits; In like manner Christ, ever abhors and condemns ( [...] istos) those wise men, and such as put confidence in their own wisdome: And this Paul makes clear­ly out, when he said, (Quae stulta sunt mundi, &c.) God hath chosen the foolish things of this world; and when he saith, It pleased God by foolishness to save the world; as well knowing, it had been impossible, to have reform'd it by wisdome: Which also, he sufficiently declares himself, crying out by the mouth of his Pro­phet, I will destroy the wisedom of the wise, and cast away the understanding of the prudent: And agen, when Christ gives Him thanks, that [Page 148]he had conceal'd the Mystery of Salvation from the wise, but revealed it to babes and sucklings, that is to say, Fools: for the Greek word for Babes is [...], i. e. Fools, which he opposeth to the word [...], i. e. Wise men: To this ap­pertains, that throughout the Gospel, you find him ever accusing the Scribes and Pharisees, and Doctors of the Law, but diligently defending the ignorant multitude: for what other is that, Woe to ye Scribes and Pharises, than woe to ye, ye wise men? but seems chiefly delighted in little Children, Women, and Fishers: Besides, among brute Beasts, he is best pleas'd with those, that have least in 'em, of the Foxes sub­tilty; And therefore, he chose rather, to ride upon an Asse, when if he had pleas'd, he might have bestrid the Lion, without danger; And the Holy Ghost came down, in the shape of a Dove, not of an Eagle or Kite; Add to this, that in Scripture there is frequent mention of Harts, Hinds, and Lambs; and such as are de­stin'd to eternal life, are called sheep; than which creature, there is not any thing more foolish, if we may believe that Proverb of A­ristole ( [...]) sheepish manners; which he tells us, is taken from the foolishness of that creature, and is us'd to be apply'd, to dull-headed people, and lack-wits; And yet Christ professes, to be the Shepheard of this [Page 149]Flock, and is himself delighted with the name of a Lamb; according to Saint John, Behold the Lamb of God! Of which also, there is much men­tion, in the Revelation: And what does all this drive at, but that all mankind are fools, nay, e­ven the very best? And Christ himself, that he might the better relieve this Folly, being the wisdome of the Father, yet in some manner, be­came a fool, when taking upon him the nature of man, he was found in shape as a man; as in like manner, he was made Sin, that he might heal sinners: Nor did he work this Cure, any other way, than by the foolishness of the Cross, and a company of fat Apostles, not much better, to whom also he carefully recommended folly, but gave 'em a caution against wisdome, and drew 'em together, by the Example of little Children, Lillies, Mustard-seed, and Sparrows, things senseless, and inconsiderable, living only by the dictates of Nature, and without either craft or care: Besides, when he forbad 'em to be troubled, about what they should say before Governors, and straightly charg'd 'em, not to enquire after times, and seasons, to wit, that they might not trust to their own wisedom, but whol­ly depend on him: And to the same purpose is it, that, that great Architect of the World, God, gave man an Injunction against his eating of the Tree of Knowledge, as if knowledge, were the [Page 150]bane of happinesse; according to which also, St. Paul dis-allows it, as pussing up, and destru­ctive; whence also, St. Bernard seems, in my o­pinion, to follow, when he interprets that moun­tain, whereon Lucifer had fixt his habitation, to be the mountain of knowledge: Nor perhaps ought I to omit this other argument, that folly is so gracious above, that her errors are only par­doned, those of wise men, never: Whence it is, that they that ask forgiveness, though they offend never so wittingly, cloak it yet, with the excuse of folly: So Aaron, in Numbers, if I mistake not the book, when he sues unto Moses, concerning his Sisters leprosie (Obsecro Domine mi, &c.) I beseech thee my Lord, not to lay this sin upon us, which we have foolishly committed: So Saul makes his excuse to David, For behold (saith he) I did it foolishly: And again, David himself, thus sweetens God, And therefore I beseech thee, O Lord, to take away the trespass of thy Servant, for I have done foolishly; as if he knew, there was no pardon to be obtain'd, unlesse he had colour'd his of­fence, with folly, and ignorance: And stronger is that of Christ upon the Cross, when he pray'd for his enemies, Father forgive them; nor does he cover their crime, with any other excuse, than that of unwittingnesse; because, saith he, they know not what they do: In like manner Paul, wri­ting to Timothy, But therefore, I obtain'd mercy, for [Page 151]that I did it ignorantly, through unbeluf: And what is the meaning of, I did it ignorantly, but that I did it out of folly, not malice? And what of, Therefore I receiv'd mercy, but that I had not obtain'd it, had I not been made more allowable, through the covert of folly? For us also, makes that mystical Psalmist, though I remembred it not in its right place, Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my ignorances: You see what two things he pretends, to wit, Youth, whose companion I ever am, and Ignorances, and that in the plural number, a number of multitude, whereby we are to understand, that there was no small com­pany of 'em: But not to run too far, in that which is infinite; to speak briefly, All Christian Reli­gion, seems to have a kind of allyance with fol­ly, and in no respect to have any accord with wisedom: of which, if ye expect proofs, consider first, that boyes, old men, women, and fools, are more delighted with religious, and sacred things than others, and to that purpose, are ever next the Altars, and this they do, by meer impulse of Nature: And in the next place, you see that those first founders of it, were plain, simple per­sons, and most bitter enemies of Learning: Last­ly, there are no sort of fools, seem more out of the way, than are these, whom the zeal of Chri­stian Religion, has once swallow'd up; so that they waste their estates, neglect injuries, suffer them­selves [Page 152]to be cheated, put no difference between friends and enemies, abhor pleasure, are cram'd with poverty, watchings, tears, labours, reproa­ches, loathe life, and wish death above all things; in short, they seem senseless to common under­standing, as if their minds liv'd elsewhere, and not in their own bodies; which, what else is it, than to be mad? for which reason, you must not think it so strange, if the Apostles seem'd to be drunk with new wine, and if Paul appear'd to Festus to be mad: But now having once gotten on ( [...]) the Lions skin, Go to, and I'll shew ye, that this happinesse of Christians, which they pursue with so much toil, is nothing else, but a kind of madnesse and folly; far be it, that my words should give any offence, rather consi­der, my matter: And first, the Christians and Platonicks, do as good as agree in this, that the Soul is plung'd, and fetter'd in the prison of the body, by the grossnesse of which, it is so ty'd up, and hinder'd, that it cannot take a view of, or en­joy things, as they truly are; and for that cause, their master defines Philosophy, to be a contem­plation of death, because it takes off the mind, from visible and corporeal objects, than which, death does no more; And therefore, as long as the Soul useth the Organs of the Body in that right manner it ought, so long it is said to be in good state and condition; but when having [Page 153]broke its fetters, it endeavours to get loose, and assayes, as it were, a flight out of that prison, that holds it in, they call it madness; and if this hap­pen through any distemper, or indisposition of the organs, then, by the common consent of eve­ry man, 'tis down-right madnesse: And yet we see such kind of men, foretell things to come, understand Tongues and Letters, they never learnt before, and seem as it were, big with a kind of Divinity: Nor is it to be doubted, but that it proceeds from hence, that the mind being somewhat at liberty, from the infection of the body, begins to put forth it self, in its native vi­gour; and I conceive, 'tis from the same cause, that the like often happens, to sick men, a little before their death, that they discourse in strain above mortality, as if they were inspir'd: Agen, if this happens, upon the score of Religion, though perhaps it may not be the same kind of madness, yet 'tis so near it, that a great many men, would judge it no better, especially, when a few inconsiderable people, shall differ from the rest of the world, in the whole course of their life: And therefore it fares with them, as ac­cording to the Fiction of Plato, happens to those, that being coopt up in a cave, stand gaping with admiration, at the shadows of things; & that fugi­tive, who having broke from 'em, and returning to 'em agen, told 'em he had seen, things truly as [Page 154]they were, and that they were the most mista­ken, in believing there was nothing but pitiful shadows: for as this wise man, pitty'd, and be­wail'd, their palpable madness, that were possest with so grosse an error; so they, in return, laught at him, as a doating fool, and cast him out of their company: In like manner, the common sort of men, chiefly admire those things, that are most corporeal, and almost believe, there is no­thing beyond 'em; whereas on the contrary, these devout persons, by how much the nearer, any thing concerns the body, by so much the more they neglect it, and are wholly hurry'd a­way with the contemplation of things invisible; for the one, give the first place to riches, the next, to their corporal pleasures, leaving the last place to their soul, which yet, most of 'em do scarce believe, because they can't see it with their eyes: On the contrary, the others, first, rely wholly on God the most unchangeable of all things; and next him, yet on this that comes nearest him, they bestow the second on their soul; and lastly, for their body, they neglect that care, and contemn, and fly monies, as su­perfluity that may be well spar'd; or if they are forc't to meddle, with any of these things, they do it carelesly, and much against their wills, ha­ving, as if they had it not, and possessing, as if they possessed it not: There are also in each [Page 155]several things, several degrees, wherein they disagree among themselves: And first, as to the senses, though all of 'em, have more or lesse af­finity with the body, yet of these, some are more gross, and blockish, as tasting, hearing, seeing, smelling, touching; some more remov'd from the body, as memory, intellect, and the will: and therefore to which of these the mind ap­plies its self, in that lyes it force: But holy men, because the whole bent of their minds, is taken up with those things, that are most repugnant to these grosser senses, they seem brutish, and stu­pid, in the common use of them: Whereas on the contrary, the ordinary sort of people, are best at these, and can do least at to'ther, from whence it is, as we have heard, that some of these holy men, have, by mistake, drunk oil, for wine: Agen, in the affections of the mind, some have a greater commerce with the body, than others, as lust, desire of meat, and sleep, anger, pride, envy, with which, holy men are at irreconcila­ble enmity; and contrary, the common people, think there's no living without 'em: And lastly, there are certain middle kind of affections, and as it were, natural to every man; As the love of ones Country, Children, Parents, Friends, and to which, the common people attribute no small matter; whereas to'ther, strive to pluck 'em out of their mind; unlesse, insomuch as [Page 156]they arrive to that highest part of the soul, that they love their Parents, not as Parents, (for what did they get but the body? though yet we owe it to God, not them) but as good men, or wo­men, and in whom, shines the Image of that highest wisdom, which alone, they call the chief­est good, and out of which, they say there is no­thing to be belov'd or desir'd: And by the same rule, do they measure all things else, so that they make lesse account, of whatever is visible, un­lesse it be altogether contemptible, than of those things, which they cannot see: But they say, that in Sacraments, and other religious Duties, there is both body, and Spirit: As in fasting, they count it not enough for a man to abstain from eating (which the common people take for an absolute Fast) unlesse there be also a les­sening of his deprav'd affections: As that he be lesse angry, less proud, than he was wont, that the Spirit being less clog'd, with its bodily weight, may be the more intent upon heavenly things: In like manner, in the Eucharist, though, say they, it is not to be esteem'd the less, that 'tis administer'd with Ceremonies, yet of its self, 'tis of little effect, if not hurtful, unless that which is spiritual be added to it, to wit, that which is represented under those visible signes: Now the death of Christ is represented by it, which all men, vanquishing, abolishing, and as [Page 157]it were, burying their carnal affections, ought to express, in their lives and conversations, that they may grow up, to a newness of life, and be one with him, and the same, one amongst ano­ther: This a holy man does, and in this, is his only meditation: Whereas on the contrary, the common people think there's no more in that Sacrifice, than to be present at the Altar, and crow'd next it, to have a noise of words, and look upon the Ceremonies: Nor in this alone, which we onely propos'd by way of example, but in all his life, and without hypoc isie, does a holy man fly those things, that have any alliance with the body, and is wholly ravisht, with things Eternal, Invisible, and Spiritual: for which cause, there's so great a contrariety of opinion be­tween 'em, and that too, in every thing, that each party, thinks the other out of their wits; though that character, in my judgment, better agrees with those holy men, than the common people: which yet, will be more clear, if as I promis'd, I briefly shew ye, that that great re­ward, they so much fancy, is nothing else but a kind of madness: And therefore suppose, that Plato dreamt of somewhat like it, when he call'd the madness of Lovers, the most happy conditi­on, of all others: for he that's violently in Love, lives not in his own body, but in the thing he loves; and by how much the farther he runs [Page 158]from himself, into another by so much the grea­ter is his pleasure; and then, when the mind strives to rove from its body, and does not right­ly use its own organs, without doubt, you may say, 'tis downright madnesse, and not be mista­ken: or otherwise, what's the meaning of those common sayings (Non est apud se: Ad te re­di: Sibi redditus est) He does not dwell at home: Come to your self: He's his own man again? Besides, the more perfect, and true, his love is, the more pleasant is his madness: And there­fore, what is that life hereafter, after which, these holy minds, so pantingly breathe, like to be? To wit, the Spirit shall swallow up the Bo­dy, as conqueror, and more durable; and this it shall do, with the greater ease, because here­tofore, in its life-time, it had cleans'd and thinn'd it into such another nothing as its self: And then, the Spirit agen, shall be wonderfully swallow'd up, by that highest mind, as being more powerful, than infinite parts; So that the whole man is to be out of himself, nor to be o­therwise happy in any respect, but that being stript of himself, he shall participate of some­what ineffable, from that chiefest good, that draws all things into its self: And this happi­ness, though 'tis only then perfected, when souls being joyn'd to their former bodies, shall be made immortal, yet forasmuch as the life of holy [Page 159]men, is nothing but a continu'd meditation, and as it were shadow of that life, it so happens, that at length, they have some taste or relish of it; which, though it be but as the smallest drop, in comparison of that fountain of eternal happi­ness, yet it far surpasses all worldly delight, though all the pleasures of all mankind, were all joyn'd together: So much better are things spiritual, than things corporal, and things invi­sible, than things visible; which doubtless is that, which the Prophet promiseth; The eye hath not seen, nor the ear heard, nor has it en­tred into the heart of man to consider, what God has provided for them that love him: And this is that, Mary's better part, which is not taken away, by change of life, but perfected: And therefore, they that are sensible of it (and few there are, to whom this happens) suffer a kind of somewhat, little differing from madness; for they utter many things, that do not hang toge­ther, and that too, not after the manner of men; but make a kind of sound, which they neither heed themselves, nor is it understood by others, and change the whole figure of their counte­nance; One while jocund, another while de­jected, now weeping, then laughing, and agen sighing: And when they come to themselves, tell ye, they know not where they have been, whether in the body, or out of the body, or [Page 160]sleeping; nor do they remember what they have heard, seen, spoken, or done, and only know this, as it were in a mist or dream, that they were the most happy, while they were so out of their wits; And therefore they are sorry, they are come to themselves agen, and desire nothing more, than this kind of madnesse, to be perpetu­ally mad: And this is a small taste of that future happiness. But I forget my self, and ( [...]) run beyond my bounds; Though yet, if I shall seem, to have spoken any thing more boldly, or impertinently, than I ought, be pleas'd to consider, that not only Fol­ly, but a Woman said it; remembring in the mean time, that Greek Proverb ( [...]) Sometimes a fool may speak a word in season; unlesse perhaps you'll say, this concerns not Women. I see you expect an Epilogue, but give me leave to tell ye, you are much mistaken, if you think I re­member any thing, of what I have said, having foolishly bolted out, such a hodg podg of words: 'Tis an old Proverb ( [...]) I hate one that remembers what's done over the Cup; This is a new one of my own making ( [...]) I hate a man that remembers what he hears: Wherefore, farewell, clap your hands, live, and drink lustick, my most excellent Disciples of Folly.