A Refutation of calumnies which were put upon mee.

I Should conclude my Declaration thus, with giving of thanks which I am bound to render the divine goodnesse, for having not only taken from me the horrid and darke veile of my blind­nesse, and called mee to his marvellous light, but also for the courage he hath given me to withstand all the assaults that cor­rupt nature and humane respects could bring against my resolu­tion, did I not feele my selfe obliged to adde these lines in de­fence of my innocencie, which I understand to be abused by the enemies of true religion.

Yet if the interest of God and his holy Church could set a­part my owne interests herein, I would make it my glory to de­spise these disgracefull aspersions for the love of my Redeemer, who hath given me himselfe for an example. But such separa­tion not being possible, I will genuinely, and without sharp­nesse, represent that which may serve to wipe away these re­proaches which they have published against me, protesting that all the revenge I will take for these injuries, is, to entreat God [Page 6] with a good heart for the salvation of them which are the au­thors, that he would please by his goodnesse and the efficacie of his holy Spirit, to break the bands of that Error wherewith they are so strongly bound, that he would be gracious to them, as he hath been to me, and putting off that vaine industry to be repu­ted holy among men, they may subject themselves to the Word of God, to the end they may be saved.

The first Calumny.

I Learn by letters of my friends, that they accuse me for draw­ing out of the purses of divers persons above two thousand pound sterling▪ under pretext of Pius uses, and that now I serve my owne turne with it to the prejudice of them for whom it was appointed. Answ.

The grossenesse of this Calumny hath discovered it selfe so much the better; for who is it but knowes that Capuchins han­dle no money, nor doth any body use to offer them any, unlesse that craving almes at a doore, unawares they put a double in their scrip, as they would to an Eremite; but the Capuchins do never receive it. Their Order permitting them to receive a bot­tle of Wine, a Capon, or things of like kind, but not one Dou­ble or Denier, as doe others who professe poverty. If any man have received this summe of money for me, let him declare him­selfe, and publish the give [...], let him set downe the place and the time, when and where he received it, it will be easie for mee to convince him of lying or theevery, since I for my part never handled any of it. In sooth I have besought my good friends sometimes to gratifie me with some almes, for the building or o­ther accommodations of the Covents whereof I had charge, but did never misplace one single denier of their charities. Let them look upon the registers of receipts of the Capuchins in any place where I resided, and they shall find from point to point the re­ceipts and disbursements of all the mony that every body hath given. Had I mis-employed the money, I obtained for the Co­vents where I dwelt, with what were nine hundred pounds paid for buildings at the Capuchins of Caudebeck, while I was Su­periour there, and above an hundred pounds for Chalices, and other ornaments of the Altar, which are to be seene in their [Page 7] Vestry? Have I put to other use six hundred and sixty pounds assigned me by order of the overseers of the Kings treasury in a voyage which I made to Paris? The breast-worke of squared free-stone which defends that Convent from the power of the seas batteries, and the greater part of a Dormitory, which were built with that money, are very visible testimonies to the contrary.

If I had kept to my selfe what was given for mine owne sake, could the Capuchins of Alenzon have had a large Dor­mitorie, which I caused to be almost wholly set up in that yeare when I was their Superiour? Had I then seene the foundations of a Church, Quier and Chappels Vestry and of a second Dormitory, and almost all the timber-frame pre­pared to the admiration of the inhabitants of that Citie, who could not conceive whence I came by so much almes. The Receiver knowes that the Guardian who preceded me, left his Register thronged with debts when hee left the Charge; and when I parted with it, I left unto him above an hundred pounds in Cash, and the Convent cleane out of debt.

I say nothing of a rich present that a Gentlewoman of ve­ry considerable quality, offered to assist the building, which neither would shee give but upon condition I should returne to that place, for my Successour there can tell that shee gave it not, though hee used the best of his power to have it, al­though hee did his utmost, (he being indeed a man fit onely to reape the benefit of others labours, and more prompt to consume goods implored by others, than procure any to the Covent, and bring water to the mill by others, not his owne ingenuitie.)

The last yeare of the superioritie I exercised in the Capu­chin Order was at Nagent Rotrou, where I caused to bee built from the ground a new Dormitory: but whosoever would judge of my uprightnesse in the disbursing of the coine, whereof my selfe was procurer, shall finde that besides what was employed in building, when I went thence, I left to the Receiver of that Covent above threescore and ten pounds, and gave a good account to the Chapter of that Province, by the same token they checked me with a flout for having been too beneficiall to those Covents I had in charge.

[Page 8] I well knew that a Capuchin which was last yeare of the Con­vent of Alençon, and was under me the last year in that of Nogent, spread a noise about at Alençon, that I had carried from Rouen two chains of Pearle of good value given to the Covēt of Rouen by the Q. of England to trick up a little virgin Mary, into a pup­pet of a peece of Oak, which the Capuchins (not without a pro­fitable designe in it) called Our Lady of health, giving out thorow the town, that her Majesty had bestowed it on them for a wod­den remedy against the plague, wherewith Rouen was then infe­cted. But to that I answer, that as it is utterly false that the Queen of England gave this Idoll (the Capuchins giving it out onely that they might seem no lesse in favour with Queens than the Je­suits of Rouen, who the same time had obtained a silver Goddesse from the Queen of France, under the title of The Lady of Peace) so, it is untrue that ever shee bestowed Pearles to dresse it: but this reporter is knowne to be a common traducer, as well of others, who as little deserve it from him as I, and if he escape pu­nishment for this fault from his superiours, I doubt not he will receive it elsewhere.

For my last answer to what can be objected against me in this matter, I will make Oath that I never diverted the least thing contrary to the intent of the Donours, neither before, nor at my going thence. My present penury can sufficiently justifie mee, for I am able to say with a good and sound conscience that I brought nothing from the Convent but my habit, and that pat­ched for humilities sake, as our rule commands it (although it was fire new:) and my papers: and that to come and be here, I neither had nor have any money, but the helpe of one of our Churches, which affords mee her charity in my extreme ne­cessitie.

The Second Calumny.

BEsides this first accusation I have lighted upon diverse o­thers, by supervisall of a Letter which the Provinciall of the Capuchins of Normandy expresly wrote to an Assessor of the Kings Aides at Alençon, a man whom I heretofore did helpe to revolt from the true Religion, for which I am heartily grieved.

This Letter exhorts him not to stagger in his beliefe by rea­son of my change, and the better to settle him, he chargeth me [Page 9] with Calumnies. After some compliments wherein he calleth my change An unthought of Blow, addes, I will tell you this (Sir) sincerely, that this poore man a while since disposed his fall by wayes cleane averse to his profession. He took to him­selfe liberties in things which could not be allowed by the ju­stice of his Order which punisheth as oft as it knowes of them, which he foreseeing could not avoid but by flying, and that it was which cast him into this Abysse, as the Starre in the Apo­calyps.

I am sure this man foresaw not this Letter should light into my hands, for else he would either not have writ it, or concealed it, since he must needs know I have letters he wrote unto me, which compared with this, will manifest him one that can breathe hot and cold with the same mouth. But I reserve one especially which a Capuchin who desired to see me here, brought (as I be­leeve) and got it conveighed to me, not willing to be seene in the delivery himselfe.

I keepe it to insert with some store of pieces I have, in the re­ply which I shall make to the answer of this my declaration, if they think good to frame one. It will not be displeasing to well affected people to behold my innocency averred by the Letters of this party, who (having abused me to the Assessor of Alen­çon) loads me with commendations in that he wrote to me since, disavowing the false reports raised upon me, and exhorts me returne to my Order, giving me his faith and word, That I shall not be lesse honoured among them then before. And to note that he names my going thence a blow so unexpected; if it were so, it must follow my deeds and behaviour were unreproachable; for had I lived licentiously before, my bad deeds would have prepared their wits to have termed this Exite a foreseene and lookt for, not so unexpected an Accident.

The motive for writing this Letter makes for my Justificati­on, for tis to establish this Assessor whose faith was staggering. Had I lead so profane a life, this change of mine could not have made so hard an assault upon the faith of a man of so good a judgement, as he is to whom this Letter is addressed; when a rascally deboist fellow strayes from the right way, the world is not much troubled or shaken at it, but if a man conscionable in his Courses goes away, there is much more cause of astonish­ment. [Page 10] Truly if it were behovefull for a Provinciall to pen these Letters to settle his wavering beliefe, for feare my example might draw him after me, it may be yeelded that my life was not so guilty of libertinisme, and serve for argument of my ho­nest deportment.

The Letter tels farther that I fled for feare of the rods that were laid in Pisse for me.

I do not beleeve that he who frames these, nor yet the foure Definers who have a deliberate voyce for imposing penance up­on offenders justly condemned, have so corrupt consciences as to take it upon the Holy Evangelist that ever they took into consideration the punishing of any crime of mine, nor that ever it entred into their thought to pronounce sentence against any of my actions: if to belye me be enough to beget beliefe, there is no innocency in the whole world which may not bee subjected to Diffamation. And for the terme, Flying, possibly this reverend Sir had wished, that ere my departure from the Cloyster I had presented my selfe before him to ask his leave thus: Reverend Father, Give me your blessing, for I will leave the Church of Rome, and your Congregation, because there I cannot ac­complish my salvation. I intreat his Reverend selfe to hold me ex­cused if I tendred him not this duty, it was not contempt cau­sed me do otherwise.

I will not allow that for a Truth which is not universally true, to wit, That the Justice of the Order punisheth all those liberties it knowes not: For I am able to shew when other oc­casion offers it selfe, that the Justice of the Order hath beene conscious of many extravagancies and wicked Acts which it hath let passe unpunished, but if in me it knew any which it could not dispense withall, why did not that Justice give me my due of punishment, being alwayes at hand? For I have this twelve yeares assisted at all the Chapters held in that Province, and at the very last before my going away, I alwayes had a voice active and passive in all Elections; I personally was before the Provinciall and Definers, who at that time receive both true and false accusations which the Religious of Covents frame a­gainst each other, and underlings against their Superiours: I al­wayes came thence with honour, being thence sent back to be Guardian of some Covent.

[Page 11] Six or seven moneths after the last Provinciall Chapter, the same Provinciall Fathers and Definers which were principals there were assembled at the Covent of Roüen, where I was to treat upon sundry businesses, and among the rest to give judge­ment upon a Fryer who was prisoner in that Covent: I ap­peared twice of my own free will before them, to acquaint them what things I thought becomming me for the discharge of my Conscience: they applauded my Zeale, and testified of me that I had benefitted in my proceedings: so our Conference ended, and I departed.

Presently after I was sent by the same Provinciall Scribe of this goodly Epistle, three Leagues from S. Michel with a young Fryer to visit Madame de Forrests his Aunt, who is one of the Religion, but chiefly to talk with her Minister, and this done, to visit his kindred and some of my friends: I had my Letters of Obedience signed by his owne hand, and sealed with his owne Seale: they prescribed me no terme at all, yet in all I spent but six weekes. If the Justice of the Order had knowne in me crimes which it could not passe by without punishment; why did not this Provinciall with whom I daily was, cause me to be staid, in­stead of sending me so long a voyage, having occasions of other nature sufficient to retaine me, being engaged upon preaching in the Pulpit of the Covent, and upon other imployments that he might have well pretended? But surely, when he sent me with so good a will, the thought of my offences was not in him. Cer­tainly had I felt my selfe culpable, and bound to take my heeles to outrunne my punishment, I had then the key of the Field­gate, I had liberty to go and come, my Companion being my subject and owing me obedience in this Voyage. I had leisure enough to treat of the meanes of my Conversion with a Gentle­man of the Protestant Religion, without the knowledge of my Camarade: but not being otherwise importuned, I beleeved it would be better to see the end of one Moneth after the worke of the Lord begun in me. So shaking this Viper off my finger, as S. Paul did that at Maltha, I call to minde the words of our Saviour in the S. of Matthew, Blessed are they, &c.

The Third Calumny.

THE third untruth is couched in the same Letter, and the words are these.

That which Pride wrought in the bad Angels, Covetousnesse and Despaire in Iudas, and what other vices have begot in all the Desertors of the Faith; Vanity alwayes accompanied with all sorts of Licentiousnesse both dishonest and irreligious, hath wrought in this poore man, making the punishments he deser­ved terrible to him, although we had not prepared for him such as were very great.

If he would have himselfe believed, he should specifie those Actions dishonest, &c. and the time when I began to give my selfe unto them. To moote thus in Generall, without being a­ble to particularize any thing, is but tacitely to confesse him­selfe a Backbiter; if I had beene guilty of all sorts of dishonest liberties, some scandall must have risen, as unto divers whose Sentences are yet fresh upon the Register of the Definition of the Capuchins, which I could relate even to the meanest Circum­stances. But I cannot hinder publick babling tongues more prone to belye then praise vertuous Actions, nor stop the talke of these base Liberties. The silence which hath been kept upon this Subject might passe for a Miracle in the Church of Rome.

If I had been of a scandalous fame, would they have appoin­ted me these six or seven yeares Preacher upon Advents and Lents every Yeare, and as often to live foure or five moneths to­gether out of the Covent, even the very last yeare? The Provin­cials that have had attestation of my good manners and successe of my teaching, may serve as witnesses to the contrary.

Had I given ill example at the places where I resided, would the Communalty of the Townes, & the Lords of the Countrey, who erected the Covents which I governed, have written to the Provinciall Assemblies of Fathers of the Chapter-house, Letters gratulatory for my being sent thither, and to request my continuance there the yeares following: this is pub­lickly knowne. I say nothing of a Bishop in great esteeme among the Capuchins, who seeing me in my way to the Chap­ter, and not knowing whether I should returne to the Cloyster [Page 13] from whence I went the yeare following, which was in the principall City of his Dioces, told my Companion that the Fathers were Reverend Coxcombs if they sent me not back, considering the advantageable progresse I had made in being Superiour there.

Had I been an evill edifier by my vicious conversation, could the Provincials have been compelled to have returned me where I had dwelt, to dry the eyes of the better sort of that Order of the tears they so plentifully shed for my absence in the presence of them all? I require no other testimony for this truth then the Provinciall himselfe. 'Tis reported that the Jesuites know all to the least of things, even which passe betweene man and wife; if so, would they have selected me Preacher in their Temples for above six moneths upon their most Solemne Festivals, and which is more, the last yeare in the Church of Roüen, if I had been held a man either dishonest or irreligious?

Had I not lived in esteeme in the Capuchin Order, why should Father Joseph (that great wit) have by sundry Letters solicited me, which I shewed to this my Defamer, to accept the Superiority of the Covent of London which is the Queene of Englands Chappell? And albeit the opposition of this Provin­ciall and the Custos of the Capuchins of Normandy, tis possible I had consented, but was willing to be judged more necessary for their Province, being then both Guardian and Divinity Reader.

Had I not beene well reputed among the Capuchins, and exemplary according to in my Profession, would the Generals, Provincials, and Definers, who better understood their people then any body else, have continued me above twelve yeares suc­cessively in the Guardianship of the most eminent Covents, in many whereof they placed Definers after I was gone?

If it be objected, I was not Superiour when I became a Con­vert, I answer, I was such but the yeere before, and that I could againe be the next: For as the Constitutions of the Order or­daine, that a Provinciall cannot continue in office above three yeares, and after to be discharged for one whole yeare, so is it ordered againe, that a Guardian cannot be in place above six yeares, and those ended, is voided of his charge for one whole yeare: So I had accomplished the six yeares of my Superiori­ty, [Page 14] and it then followed, I must be quit of my charge by course. But I can easily make appeare, notwithstanding that, I was still in good request among them, for they assigned me for my abode the most honourable Covent of all the Province, where the Pro­vinciall and the Custos, the two Principallists have their con­stant habitations. I had there the Chaire of the Covent to Preach in all the yeare; and a stage ordered in a Parish of the City where I preached every Sunday. All Rouen can tell that I was the most imployed of all the Covent. Let me give this Smut, this last touch with the Spunge, as the most considerable. The Pope having destinated twenty Capuchins, to send them with extraordinary authority to Preach and Confesse in those parts that had most need, and charged the Provinciall to chuse them with mature deliberation, and advice of the most noted Fathers of the Province, had I not been thought to be of good cariage, should I have beene chosen to this office without any contradi­ction in so compleat a number, among whom Provincials, Cu­stos's, and Definers were my fellowes? The Priviledges the Pope conferred on me by vertue of this qualification are extraordina­ry, and confirmed by an expresse Bull, which be these.

1 To heare confessions of the faithfull, as well of one as the other sex, &c. Note that the Capuchins confesse not, and I confessed all that came to their Church at Roüen, even to the time of my going away.

2 To absolve from Heresie, Apostacie, and Schisme.

3 To absolve once every one of cases reserved to the Pope, and also of cases conteined cleerely and doubtfully in the Bull of the Lords Supper▪ provided that the penitents were ready to quit the benefits and restore the fruits ill gathered, [...] due to God only. according to the will of the Holy, Holy, Holy, that is to say, the Pope.

4 To reade the writings or books of Hereticks and all other forbidden, with an intention to consute them.

5 To commute for and change all simple vowes.

6 To dispence with poore Priests for irregularity, proceed­ing of private and hidden villany, except wilfull manslaughter, downright and reall Symony and Bigamy.

7 To celebrate Masse upon an Altar portable in the middest of the fields in wind & rain in presence of Hereticks & excom­municate persons, & likewise upon an Altar shattered or broken.

[Page 15] 8 To use twice a yeare the prayers of forty houres, and give plenary indulgence to the confessed, and Communicants, and those who in that interim communicate twenty times, to give thē power for one such soul out of Purgatory as they please best.

9 To give those penitents which came to me to confesse all Saints dayes, and Sundayes, ten yeares of indulgence, with con­dition they come to my Sermons, and those who communicate upon the Holidayes of the first rank, pardon fully and wholly.

10 To grant the Penitent on their death beds, though but slightly contrite and not receiving the Communion, plenary in­dulgence, that is, a passeport to go strait from their bed to Pa­radise.

11 To gain for my self the same indulgence I gave to others.

12 To deliver every Munday a soule from Purgatory, or the next day, if I did not say Masse upon the Munday for the dead.

13 To impart the same power I had to other Priests, where­of I might chuse as I would to helpe me in taking confessions, when there was a great concourse of people.

I professed these priviledges and perform'd the functions of the Missionary of the Pope when I came from the Covent. Had I lived a life averse to what is required of persons to whom this imployment is committed, would they have continued me in it? Or if in these offices they employ men infamous and of foule demeanour for want of others, were to make the world be­leeve, that if these great bodies of Religions were opened, there would be found abundance of filth. In a word, had I been wic­ked as this man writes, and had desired to live in dishonest li­berty, I should have remained whence I came rather then came away. For having had the meanes to practice them among them, I should have had much more meanes to continue them there, then in the condition I now am.

The Fourth Calumnie.

THe last slander in the Letter aforesaid, containes the most untruth, as it is the most outragious, and uncivill, tis thus: If the Church and our Order in particular used not the more purity and holinesse of life, he would never have escaped us to have cast himselfe into Ministeriall bonds, who have furnished [Page 16] him with what he sought, a glut of his sensuall delights among them, and a promise of assistance and protection in his vices.

This poore man must be pardoned, for it appeares either he sinnes through ignorance, or that his passion hath blindfolded him. He shewes you that he knew not how I made my retreat, nor how Ministers behave themselves upon those occasions, for he never came so neere to know so much. His Sword was somewhat of the shortest. But to shew that he speaks as a man ignorant, and to instruct them that desire to imitate me, behold here the me­thod I kept to atchieve the quiet of my conscience by a true conversion.

After I had a long time striven with the troubles and pricks of conscience, which tortured and grievously afflicted my heart, and urged my departure from the Romish Church, where I ob­served the Hierarchicall and Priviledged ready to devoure one another, and thousands of superstitions, I addressed my selfe to the Father of Lights, after whose heavenly assistance, the read­ing of holy Scripture, and the bookes of Mr du Moulin (among the rest) his Novelty of Popery and Buckler of Faith, gave some stay to my tired soule, and guided me in framing my last resolution. But because I could not put it in execution without knowing what Order I ought to keepe of some one of the Religion, nor was acquainted with any body at Roüen, to whom in this case I might addresse my selfe, I made use of the occasion of my going to Bresse neare Mount S. Michel whereof I have spoke before. By the way I saw a Gentleman of the Religion, at whose house I was halfe a day, and learned from him how to comport my selfe therein, I finished my voy­age, and a moneth after my returne to Roüen, I went from the Covent without either seeing speaking or writing to any Mini­ster whatsoever. True it is, that while I stayed a little at Roüen, after my going from them, I had the honour to see two Mini­sters who gave me the visit at my lodging, but our discourse was so short, that I had no leisure but to unfold my purpose, and they to tell me I must prepare to beare the Crosse of Jesus Christ in professing the true Religion, and that if I quitted the Mona­stery, to finde more freedome or means to comply with evill ap­petites, I was very ill bestead. I was indeed extreamly com­forted.

[Page 17] I went forth of Rouen at shutting the gate, and in day and a halfe arrived at Paris, whence I am hither come in the only pro­tection of the Almighty. Who report mee a man engaged in wenching or wiving, shall accuse themselves of this sinne next Easter. I regard not his prate, as being usual among the Papists upon the like occasions. See how the Ministers have furnished me with what satisfaction I sought, not of my senses, but my poore soule which sighed after its deliverance. I would prolong the discourse to make apparant the cheats of this Detractor, who speaks of the Ministers, as of men who have furnished me with what I sought for among them, sensual and beastly satisfaction, and promised protection for my vices: But because I cannot do it without I set forth the vertues I observed in them since I fre­quented them, and knowing that their modesties would not ap­prove it, I will content my selfe with this onely, since it is fit something be said, That I observed nothing in their words and actions which did not tend to my spiritual edification, and folly perswaded me that they are altogether free from that the Ro­mish rabble doth, like it selfe, injuriously put upon them; I pro­test I never saw any of them go from house to house to prattle with, and court young maids, and joyne under pretence of gi­ving ghostly counsel; if Ministers go abroad, it is to visit the sick, comfort the afflicted, treat in consistory of the means for reliefe of the poore, or else somewhat very beseeming their being or their callings when they goe from home. I see them not laden with gay shewes, Crosses, Agnus Dei kneaded with relicks, ho­ly graines, mother Lewis's crosse, nor Medals, nor any of that which they call Aucupia Monachorum, Friers toyles to catch those who snatch at them, w ^ch nets they reach forth principal­ly to those of the femall sex, as the simpler and more enclined to superstitious devotion. They cannot complaine of Ministers, that in their common talke we never heare them use the Name of God so vainly in good or bad, as divers Seculars have noted in the vaine discourses of Monks, and complained thereof. Nor doe we see them complement with wenches and women three or foure houres together in their portalls, as doe the Friers, but above all the begging ones. The Ministers intents of dis­course with any women, are examined; and if they give an ill example, it is not borne with. I marvell not that the Holy Ghost [Page 18] infuseth into them such profound notions of holy Writ, and that it bestowes upon them such excellent illuminations in Divinity, as the Professors of this University deliver unto all that will come to heare them; I can never forget what I noted from one of them, who handling in his Lecture the Commandement, Thou shalt not commit adultery▪ I never saw so grave a stayednesse in words, nor so much carefulnesse in discovering this subject; which gave mee occasion to detest the Romish Casuists, and a­mong other Sanchez a Jesuit, who in a sordid manner turnes to and againe the filth that comes along with this uncleannesse, for there is nothing foule or base in the most execrable excesses of beastlinesse and sensuality which is not tossed to and fro in his imagination, and found in his most prodigious and horrible booke of Marriage. See now what in my conscience I knew of them, in whose bande, they say, I am cast. Hee to whom this invective against them and my sele is written, can judge of these impostures, and of the truth of what I assever, who forsooke the reformed Church at threescore yeares of age, and therefore had time enough to be well acquainted with the behaviours of Mi­nisters. What this reverend Sir addes in his letter, the Hugue­nots of Rouen themselves say, if I had been an honest man, I had not left the Capuchins, is a lye, by which he makes himselfe a laughing stock, and abuseth him he writes to, by making a baby of him. For can any man of judgement bee perswaded that he is no honest man that avoids Idolatry and superstition to embrace a true Religion? the Reader may judge by this spar­kle the rest of the Stuffe. To conclude this small apologie, and to refute what can be objected against the sincerity of my in­tentions in the work of my conversion, I present unto you this last reason which deserves to be well weighed.

Adversity is a triall whereby God is acquainted with the fi­delity of his children: I have passed by it twice since my con­version, the first▪ by a feeblenesse of body which came upon me before I came hither; the second, by a violent disease a while since, which brought me so low that I verily thought to dye. 'Tis then or never that we should deale sincerely with God, and manifest the true resentments of the soule. Is it credible that a man that hath separated himselfe from the Romish Church for no other end but to take a fuller swinge in dishonest liberty, [Page 19] that he was not seazed at the instant with some terrour of Gods judgments, or shewed not a misrule in his conscience tormented with remorse, by some words or deeds? But I may truly averre that I never before felt my heart at more ease, which being fil­led with heavenly comfort, seeing my selfe freed from papisti­call heresie, and brought into a religion wherein I could not dye ill, since that I apprehended by a lively faith the merits of my Saviour & the premisses of life eternall which he hath made to all them that confesse and beleeve his holy Name.

It is very true, that in this estate I was seazed with an exceed­ing griefe for my life passed, and the breaches I made in the Church of God in the time of my ignorance: I cannot think on, without great griefe and discontent, the great number of those whom I have perverted, in being the cause they deserted the true Religion. But this confidence I have, that if they be the chosen of God, he will raise them up from their fallen estate, and be mercifull unto them. This disease was very profitable unto me, for besides the exercise of humility and patience un­der the Lords fatherly chastisements, the frequent visits of Pa­stors which came to comfort and pray with me, made me sen­sible how sweet and powerfull are those consolations that are drawen from the doctrine of the Gospell, in comparison of sign­ing with the crosse, anealing, & sprinkling of holy water, among which there is not one sillable of true comfort. But the principal effect of this triall is, that by it I was the more strengthened in my resolution, for I find my selfe more stable and more resolved than ever, to persevere in that holy religion which I have embra­ced freely without constraint, with a heart void of pride, or am­bition or malice. Such issues are the undoubted markes of Gods spirituall calling. And for so much as they who endevor to shake my stability by contumelious reports, or make me bow by pro­mises or flatteries, shall doe better hereafter to consider their owne consciences, and speedily seeke after the means to get forth from the errours wherein they are ensnared, than to labour the change of this my unchangeable resolution: protesting unto them that by the grace of God I will rather suffer thousands of tortures, than breake the vow I have made unto my God, to live and dye in the confession and profession of the faith into which he hath brought me of his pure mercy.