THE CHARACTER OF A London-Diurnall.
A
Diurnall is a puny Chronicle, scarce pin-feather'd with the wings of time: It is an Historie in
Sippets; the English
Iliads in a Nut-shell; the
Apocryphall Parliaments book of
Macca bees in single sheets. It would tire a Welch-pedigree, to reckon how many aps 'tis remov'd from an Annall: For it is of that Extract; onely of the younger Ho
[...]se, like a Shrimp to a Lobster The
originall sinner in this kind was Dutch;
Galliobelgicus the
Protoplast; and the
moderne Mercuries but
Hans-en-Kelders. The Countesse of
Zealand was brought to bed of an Almanack; as many Children, as daies in the yeare. It may be the
Legislative Lady is of that Linage; so she spawnes the
Diurnalls, and they at
VVestminster, take them in Adoption, by the names of
Scoticus, Civicus, Britanicus. In the Frontispice of the old
Beldame-Diurnall, like the Contents of the Chapter, sits the House of Commons judging the twelve Tribes of
Israel, You may call them the Kingdomes Anatomy before the weekly Kalender: For such is a
Diurnall, the day of the moneth, with what weather in the Common-wealth. 'Tis taken for the Pulse of the Body-Politique; and the Emperick-Divines of the Assembly, those spirituall
Dragooners, thumbe it accordingly. Indeed it is a prity
Synopsis; and those grave
Rabbies (though in point of
Divinity) trade in no larger Authors. The Countrey-Carrier, when he buyes it for their Vicar, miscalls it the
Vrinall: yet properly enough; For it casts the water of the State, ever since it staled blood. It differs from an
Aulicus, as the Devill and his Exorcist; or as a black Witch doth from a white one, whose office is to unravell her inchantments.
It begins usually with an Ordinance, which is a Law still-borne, dropt, before quickned by the Royall assent: 'Tis one of the Parliaments
[Page 2] liaments by-blowes, (Acts only being legitimate) and hath no more Syre, then a Spanish Gennet, that's begotten by the wind.
Thus their
Militia (like its Patron,
Mars) is the issue onely of the mother, without the concourse of Royall
Iupiter.
Yet Law it is, if they vote it, though in defiance of their
Fundamentalls; like the old
Sexton, who swore his Clock went true, what ever the Sun said to the contrary.
The next
Ingredient of a
Diurnall is plots, horrible plots; which with wonderfull Sagacity it hunts dry-foot, while they are yet in their Causes, before
Materia prima can put on her smock. How many such fits of the Mother have troubled the Kingdome, and (for all Sir
VValter Earle looks like a Man-Midwife) not yet delivered of so much as a Cushion? But Actors must have their Properties; And, since the Stages were voted downe, the onely Playhouse is at
VVestminster.
Suteable to their plots are their Informers;
Skippers and
Taylours; Spaniells both for the Land and the VVater:
Good conscionable Intelligence! For, however
Pym's Bill may inflame the reckoning, the honest Vermyn have not so much for lying, as the
Publique Faith.
Thus a zealous Botcher in
Morefields, while he was contriving some
Quirpo-cut of Church-Government, by the help of his outlying Eares, and the
Otacousticon of the Spirit, discovered such a plot, that
Selden intends to combate Antiquity, and maintain it was a Taylors Goose, that preserved the
Capitol.
I wonder my Lord of
Canterbury is not once more all-to-betraytor'd for dealing with the Lions, to settle the Commission of Array in the Tower. It would do well to cramp the Articles Dormant, besides the opportunity of reforming those Beasts of the Prerogative, and changing their prophaner names of
Harry and
Charles, into
Nehemiah and
Eleaz
[...]r.
Suppose a Corne-cutter, being to give little
Isa
[...]c a cast of his Office, should fall to paring his Browes, mistaking the one end for the other; because he branches at both. This would be a plot; and the next
Diurnall would furnish you with this Scale of Votes.
Resolved upon the Question, that this Act of the Corncutters was an absolute Invasion of the Cities Charter, in the
representative Forehead of
Isaac. Resolved, that the evill Councellours about
[Page 3] the Corncutter are Popishly affected, and Enemies to the State. Resolved, that there be a publike Thanksgiving for the great deliverance of
Isaac's Brow-antlers; and a solemne Covenant drawn up, to defie the Corn-cutter, and all his works.
Thus the
Quixotes of this Age fight with the Windmills of their own heads; quell Monsters of their own creation, make plots, and then discover them; as who fitter to unkennell the Fox, then the Tarryer, that is a part of him.
In the third place march their Adventures; the
Roundheads Legend, the Rebels Romance; Stories of a larger size, then the Eares of their Sect; able to strangle the Beliefe of a
Soli-fidian.
I'le present them in their order; and first, as a Whiffeler before the show, enter
Stamford, one that trod the Stage with the first, travers'd his ground, made a legge and
Exit. The Countrey-people took him for one, that by Order of the Houses was to dance a Morice through the West of
England. Well, hee's a nimble Gentleman, set him but upon
Bankes his Horse in a Saddle Rampant, and it is a great question, which part of the Centaure shewes better trickes.
There was a Vote passing to t
[...]nslate him, with all his Equipage into Monumentall-Gingerbread;
[...] it was cross'd by the Female-Committee, alleadging that the v
[...]our of his Image would bite their Children by the Tongues.
This Cubit and an halfe of Commander, by the helpe of a
Diurnall, routed his enemies fifty miles off: 'tis strange you'l say, and yet it is generally believed, he would as soon do it at that distance, as nearer hand. Sure it was his Sword, for which the weap
[...]n-salve was invented: that so wounding and healing, like loving
Correlates, might both work at the same removes.
But the squibbe is run to the end of the Rope. Rome, for the
Prodigy of Valour, Madam Atropos in breeches;
Wallers Knighterrantry: and, because every
Mountibanke must have his
Z
[...]ny, throw him in
Haslerigge, to set off his story: these two like
Bell and the
Dragon, are alwaies worshipped in the same Chapter: they hunt in their Couples, what one doth at the head, the other scores up at the heele.
Thus they kill a man over and over, as
Hopkins and
St
[...]rnhold murder the Psalmes, with another to the same; one chimes all in, and then the other strikes up, as the Saints-Bell.
[Page 4]I wonder, for how many lives my Lord
Hoptons Soule took the
[...]ease of his Body.
First,
St
[...]mford slew him: then
Waller out-killed that halfe a
[...]rre: and yet it is thought the sullen corps would scarce bleed, were both these Man-slayers never so near it.
The fame goes of a Dutch Heads-man, that he would do his office with so much ease and dexterity, that the Head after execution should stand still upon the shoulders: pray God Sir
William be not Probationer for the place. For, as if he had the like knack too, most of those, whom the
Diurnall hath slain for him, to us poore Mortals seem untoucht.
Thus these Artificers of Death can kill the man, without wounding the body, like Lightning, that melts the Sword, and never singes the Scabbard.
This is the
William, whose Lady is the
Conquerour; This is the Cities
Champion, and the
Diurnalls Delight; he, that Cuckolds the Generall in his Commission: for, he stalks with
Essex, and shoots under his belly, because his Oxcellency himself is not charged there. Yet in all this triumph there is a whip and a bell; translate but the Scene to
Round-way-downe: Th
[...]re
Hasleriggs Lobsters were turned into Crabs, and crawl'd backwards; there poor Sir
William ran to his Lady for a use of consolation.
But the
Diurnall is weary of the Arm of flesh, and now begins an
Hosanna to
Cromwell, one that hath beat up his Drums cleane through the Old Testament: you may learn the Genealogie of our Savio
[...]r, by the names in his Regiment: The Muster-master uses no other List, then the first Chapter of
Matthew.
With what face can they object to the King the bringing in of Forraigners, when themselves entertain such an Army of
Hebrewes? This
Cromwell is never so valorous, as when he is making Speeches for the Association, which neverthelesse he doth somwhat ominously, with his neck awry, holding up his eare, as if he expected
Mahomets Pidgeon to come, and prompt him: He should be a Bird of prey too,
[...]y his bloody b
[...]ake: his nose is able to try a young Eagle, wh
[...]ther she be lawfully begotten. But all is not Gold that glisters: What we wonder at in the rest of them, is naturall to him, to kill without blood-shed: For, most of his Trophees are in
[...] Church-Window; when a Looking-Glasse would shew him more Superstition: He is so perfect a hater of Images, that he hath defaced
[Page 5] Gods in his own Countenance. If he deale with Men, it is when he takes them napping in an old Monument: Then downe goes dust and ashes: and the stoutest Cavalier is no better. Obrave
Oliver! Times Voyder, Sub-sizer to the Wormes; in whom Death, that formerly devoured our Ancestors, now chewes the Cud: He said Grace once, as if he would have fallen aboard with the Marquesse of
Newcastle: Nay, and the
Diurnall gave you his Bill of Fare; But it proved but a running Banquet, as appeares by the Story. Beleeve him as he whistles to his
Cambridge Teeme of Committee-men, and he doth Wonders. But Holy men (like the
Holy language) must be read backwards. They ri
[...]le Colledges, to promote Learning; and pull down Churches for Edification. But Sacriledge is intailed upon him: There must be a
Cromwell for Cathedralls, as well as Abbeyes: A secure sinner, whose offence carries its pardon in its mouth: For, how can he be hanged for Churchrobbery, which gives it selfe the benefit of the Clergie?
But for all
Cromwells Nose wears the Dominicall Letter, yet compared with
Manchester, he is but like the
Vigills to an Holy-day. This, this, is the man of God; so sanctified a Thunder-bolt, that
Burrowes in a proportionable blasphemy to his
Lords of Hosts, would stile him the
Archangell, giving Battell to the Devill.
Indeed, as the Angells, each of them makes a severall
Species; so every one of his Souldiers is a distinct Church. Had these Beasts been to enter the Arke, it would have pazled
Noah to have sorted them into paires. If ever there were a rope of Sand, it was so many Sects twisted into an Association.
They agree in nothing, but that they are all
Adamites in Understanding: It is the sign of a Coward, to
winke, and
fight; yet all their Valour proceeds from their
Ignorance.
But I wonder whence their Generals purity proceeds; it is not by
Traduction: if he was begotten Saint, it was by Equivocall Generation: for the Devill in the Father, is turn'd Monk in the Son; so his godlinesse is of the same Parentage with good Lawes; both extracted out of bad Manners; and would he alter the Scriptute, as he hath attempted the Creed, he might vary the Text, and say to Corruption, Thou art my
Father.
This is he, that hath put out one of the Kingdoms eyes, by clouding our Mother-University, and (if the Scotch mist further prevaile) will extinguish this other: He hath the like quarrell to both; because
[Page 6] both are strung with the same
Optick Nerve, knowing Loyalty. Barbarous Rebell! who will be revengd upon all Learning, because his Treason is beyond the Mercy of the Book.
The
Diurnall as yet hath not talkt much of his Victories: but there is the more behind: For the Knight must alwaies beat the Gyant; That's resolv'd. If any thing fall out amisse, which cannot be smothered, the
Diurnall hath a help at Maw; It is but putting to Sea, and taking a
Danish Fleet; or brewing it with some successe out of
Ireland, and it goes down merrily.
There are more Puppets, that move by the Wyre of a
Diurnall; as
Brereton and
Gell; two of
Mars his Petty-toes, such snivelling Cowards, that it is a favour to call them so; was
Brereton to fight with his teeth, as in all other things he resembles the beast, he would have odds of any man at the weapon; O hee's a terrible slaughterman at a Thanks-giving Dinner, had he been a
Canniball to have eaten those that he vanquish'd, his gut would have made him valiant.
The greatest wonder is at
Fairfax, how he comes to be a Babe of Grace? Certainly it is not in his personall, but (as the
State Sophies distinguish) in his Polotique Capacity; regenerated
ab extra, by the zeale of the House he sate in, as Chickens are hatcht at
Grand Cairo, by the adoption of an Oven.
There is the
Wood-Monger too, a feeble crutch to a declining cause, a new Branch of the old
Oake of
Reformation.
And now I speak of Reformation,
vous avez Fox, the Tinker; the liveliest Embleme of it that may be; For what did this Parliament ever go about to reforme, but Tinker-wise, in mending one hole they made three.
But I have not inke enough to cure all the Tetters and Ringwormes of the State.
I will close up all thus. The Victories of the Rebels are like the Magicall combate of
Apuleius; who, thinking he had slain three of his Enemies, found them at last, but a Triumvirate of Bladders. Such, and so empty, are the Triumphs of a
Diurnall: but so many impostumated Fancies, so many Bladders of their own blowing.
FINIS.
Square-Cap.
COme hither
Apollo's bouncing Girle,
And in a whole
Hippocrene of Sherry
Let's drink a round till our braines do whirle,
Tuning our pipes to make ourselves merry:
A Cambridge-Lasse,
Venus-like, borne of the froth
Of an old half-fill'd Jug of Barley broth,
She, she is my Mistris, her Suiters are many,
But shee'l have a
Square-cap if ere she have any.
And first for the Plush-sake the
Monmouth-cap coms,
Shaking his head like an empty bottle;
With his new-fangled Oath,
By Iupiters thumbs,
That to herhealth hee'l begin a pottle:
He tells her that after the death of his Grannam,
He shall have—God knowes what
per annum:
But still she replies, good Sir La-bee,
If ever I have a man,
Square-cap for mee.
Then Calot-
Leather-cap strongly pleads,
And faine would derive the pedigree of fashion:
The
Antipodes weare their shoes on their heads,
And why may not we in their imitation?
Oh, how this foot-ball noddle would please,
If it were but well tost on
S. Thom
[...] his Lees.
But still she replied, &c.
Next comes the Puritan in a
wrought-Cap,
W
[...]th a long-wasted conscience towards a Sister,
And making a Chappell of Ease of her lap,
First he
[...]aid grace, and then he kist her.
Beloved, quoth he, thou art my Text,
Then falls he to Use and Application next:
But then she replied, your Text (Sir) I'le be,
For then I'm sure you'l ne'r handle me.
But see where
Sattin-Cap scouts about,
And faine would this wench in his fellowship marry,
He told her how such a man was not put out,
Because his wedding he closely did carry.
Hee'l purchase Induction by Simonie,
And offers her money her Incumbent to be.
But still she replied, god Sir La-bee,
If ever I have a man
Square-cap for me.
The Law
[...]er's a Sophister by his
round cap,
Nor in their fallacies are they divided;
The one milks the pocket, the other the tap,
And yet this wench he faine would have brided.
Come leave these thred-bare Schollers, quoth he,
And give me livery and season of thee:
But peace
Iohn-a-Nokes, and leave your Oration,
For I never will be your Impropriation.
I pray you therefore good Sir La-bee;
For if ever I have a man
Square-cap for me.
Marke Anthony.
WHen as the Nightingall chanted her Vespers,
And the wild Forrester couch'd on the ground,
Venus invited me in th'Evening whispers,
Unto a fragrant field with Roses crown'd:
Where she before had sent
My wishes complement,
Unto my hearts content,
Plaid with me on the Green.
Never Marke Anthony
Dallied more wantonly
With the faire Egyptian.
First on her cherry cheeks I mine eys feasted,
Then fear of surfetting made me retire:
Next on her warme lips, which when I tasted,
My duller spirits made active as fire.
Then we began to dart
Each at anothers heart,
Arrowes that knew no smart:
Sweet lips and smiles between.
Never Marke, &c.
Wanting a glasse to plate her amber tresses,
Which like a bracelet rich decked mine arme;
Gawdier then
Iuno wears, when as she graces
Iove with embraces more stately then warme,
Then did shee peep in mine
Eyes humour Chrystalline;
I in her eyes was seen,
Never Marke, &c.
Mysticall Grammer of amorous glances,
Feeling of pulses the Physick of Love,
Rhetoricall cour
[...]ings, and Musicall Dances;
Numbring of kisses Arithmetick prove.
Eyes like Astronomy,
Streight limb'd Geometry:
In her hearts ingeny
Our wits are sharp and keene.
Never Mark, &c.
The Authours Mock-Song to Marke Anthony.
VVHen as the Night-raven sung Pluto's Mattins,
And
Cerberus cried three Amens at a houle,
When night wandring Witches put on their pattins,
Midnight as dark as their faces are foule:
Then did the furies doome
That the night-mare was come;
Such a mis-shapen Groom
Puts downe
Su. Pomfret cleane.
Never did Incubus
Touch such a filthy Sus,
As this foule Gypsie Queane.
First on her goosberry cheeks I mine eyes blasted;
Thence feare of vomiting made me retire
[Page 11]Unto the blewer lips, which when I tasted,
My spirits were duller then Dun in the mire.
But then her breath took place,
Which went an ushers pace,
And made way for her face;
You may guesse what I meane.
Never did, &c.
Like Snaks engendring, were plated her tresses,
Or like the
[...]limy streaks of ropy ale;
Uglier then Envy wears, when she confesses
Her head is perewigg'd with Adders taile.
But as soone as she spake,
I heard a harsh Mandrake:
Laugh not at my mistake,
Her head is Epicoene.
Never did, &c.
Mysticall Magick of conjuring wrinckles,
Feeling of Pulses, the Palmestry of Haggs,
Scolding out belches for Rhe
[...]orick twinckles;
With three teeth in her head like to three gaggs,
Rainebowes about her eyes,
And her nose weather-wise;
From them th' Almanack lies,
Frost, Pond, and Rivers cleane,
Never did, &c.
Vpon an Hermophrodite.
SIr, or Madame, chuse you whether,
Nature twist'd you both together:
And makes thy soule two garbes confesse,
Both Petticoat and Breeches dresse.
Thus we chastise the God of
Wine,
With water that is Feminine,
Untill the cooler Nymph abate
His wrath, and so concorporate.
Adam till his rib was lost,
Had both Sexes thus ingrost:
When Providence our Sire did cleave,
And out of
Adam carved
Eve,
Then did man 'bout Wedlock treat,
To make his body up compleat:
Thus Matrimony speaks but
Thee
In a grave solemnity.
For man and wife make but one right
Canonicall
Hermophrodite.
Ravell thy body and I finde
In every limb a double kinde.
Who would not thinke that head a paire,
That breeds such faction in the haire
[...]
One halfe so churlish in the touch,
That rather then endure so much,
I would my tender limbs apparell
In
[...] his nailed barrell:
But the other halfe so small,
And so amo
[...]ous
[...]ithall,
[Page 13]That
Cupid thinks each haire doth grow
A string for his invis'ble Bow.
When I looke babies in thine eyes,
Here
Venus, there
Adonis lies.
And though thy beauty be high noone,
Thy Orbe containes both Sun and Moone.
How many melting kisses skip
'Twixt thy Male and Female lip?
'Twixt thy upper brush of haire
And thy nether beards dispaire.
When thou speak'st, I would not wrong
Thy sweetnesse with a double tongue:
But in every single sound
A perfect Dialogue is found.
Thy breasts distinguish one another;
This the
[...]ister, that the brother.
When thou joyn'st hands, my eare still fancies
The Nup
[...]iall sound, I
Iohn take
Frances:
Feele but the difference, soft, and rough;
This a Gantlet, that a Muffe:
Had sly
Ulysses, at the sacke
Of
Troy, brought thee his Pedlers pack,
And weapons too to know
Achilles
From King
[...] Phillis,
His plot had fail'd; this hand would feele
The Needle, that the warlike steele.
VVhen Musick doth thy pace advance,
Thy right legge takes thy left to dance.
Nor is't a Galliard danc'd by one,
But a mix
[...] dance, though alone:
Thus every he
[...]eroclite part
Changes gender, but thy heart.
And dare not speak, are Epicoene;
That Gamester needs must overcome,
That can play both Tib and Tom.
Thus did Natures mintage vary,
Coyning thee a
Philip and Mary.
The Authors Hermaphrodite, made after M. Randolphs death, yet inserted into his Poems.
PRobleme of Sexes; must thou likewise be
As disputable in thy Pedigree?
Thou Twins-in-one, in whom Dame Nature tries
To throw lesse then Aumes-ace upon two Dice:
Wer't thou serv'd up two in one dish, the rather
To split thy Sire into a double father?
True, the worlds scales are even: what the maine
In one place gets, another quits againe.
Nature lost one by thee, and therefore must
Slice one in two, to keep her number just:
Plurality of livings is thy state,
And therefore mine must be impropriate.
For, since the child is mine, and yet the claime
Is intercepted by anothers name,
Never did steeple carry double truer,
His is the Donative, and mine the Cure.
Then say my Muse (and without more dispute)
Who 'tis that fame doth superinstitute.
[Page 15]The
Theban Wittall, when he once descries,
Iove is his rivall, falls to sacrifice:
That name hath tipt his hornes: see, on his knees,
A health to Hans-en-Keldar
Hercules.
Nay sublunary Cuckolds are content
To entertaine their Fate with complement:
And shall not he be proud, whom
Randolph daignes
To quarter with his Muse both Armes and Braines?
Gramercy Gossip; I rejoyce to see
Shee'th got a leap of such a Barbarie.
Talk not of hornes, hornes are the Poets Crest:
For since the Muses left their former nest,
To found a Nunnery in
Randolphs quill,
Cuckold
Pernassus is a forked hill.
But stay, I've wak't his dust, his Marble stirs,
And brings the wormes for his Compurgators.
Can Ghost have naturall sonnes? say
Ogg, is't meet,
Penance beare date after the winding-sheet?
Were it a
Phoenix (as the double kinde
May seem to prove, being there's two combin'd)
It would disclaime my right: and that it were
The lawfull Issue of his ashes, sweare.
But was he dead? did not his soule translate
Her selfe into a shop of lesser rate?
Or break up house, like an expensive Lord,
That gives his purse a sob, and lives at board?
Let old
Pythagoras but play the Pimp,
And still there's hopes 't may prove his bastard imp.
But I'me prophane; For grant the world had one,
With whom he might contract an union,
They two were one: yet like an Eagle spread,
I'th body joyn'd, but parted in the head.
[Page 16]For you my brat, that pose the Porph'ry Chaire,
Pope
Iohn, or
Ioan, or whatsoere you are,
You are a nephew; Grieve not at your state,
For all the world is illegitimate.
Man ca
[...]not get a man, unlesse the Sun
Club to the act of generation.
The sun and man get man; thus
Tom and I
Are the joynt fathers of thy Poetry.
For since (b
[...]est shade) this Verse is Male, but mine
O
[...]h weaker
[...], a Fancy Foeminine:
[...] th
[...] child, and yet commit no slaughter,
Sword
[...] shall
[...] be thy Son, and yet my Daughter.
Vpon Phillis walking in a morning before Sun-rising.
THe sluggish morn as yet undrest,
My
Phyllis brake from out her East;
As if shee'd made a match to run
With
Venus, Usher to the Sun.
The trees, like Yeomen of her Guard,
Serving more for pomp, then
[...],
Rank'd on each side with loyall duty,
Weave branches to inclose her beau
[...]y.
The Plants, whose luxury was lopt,
Or age with crutches underpropt;
Whose wooden carkases are growne
To be but coffi
[...]s of their owne;
Revive, and at her generall dole
Each receives his ancient soule.
To chi
[...]p their Mattins: and the Fan
Of whistling winds, like Organs, plai'd,
Untill their Voluntaries made
The wakened earth in odours rise,
To be her morning-Sacrifice.
The flowers, call'd out of their beds,
Start, and raise up their drowsie heads:
And he that for their colour seeks,
May find it vaulting in her cheeks,
Where Roses mix: no civill war
Between her
York and
Lancaster.
The Marigold, whose Courtiers face
Ecchoes the Sun, and doth unlace
Her at his rise, at his full stop
Packs, and shuts up her gawdy shop;
Mistakes here
[...]ue, and doth display.
Thus
Phyllis antidates the day.
These miracles had cramp't the Sun,
Who thinking that his kingdom's won,
Powders with light his frizled locks,
To see what Saint his lustre mocks.
The trembling leaves through which he plaid,
Dapling the walk with light and shade,
Like lattice-windowes, give the spie
Room but to peep with halfe an eye;
Least her full Orb his sight should dim,
And bids us all good-night in him,
Till she would spend a gentle ray,
To force us a new-fashion'd day.
But what religious Palsie's this
Which makes the boughs divest their bliss?
[Page 18]And that they might her foot-steps strawe,
Drop their leaves with shivering awe.
Phillis perceives, and (least her stay
Should wed October unto May;
And as her beauty caus'd a Spring,
Devotion might an Autumne bring)
With-drew her
[...], yet made no night,
But left the Sun her Curat
[...] light.
Vpon a Miser that made a great feast, and the next day dyed for griefe.
NOr 'scapes he so: our dinner was so good,
My liquorish Muse cannot but chew the cood:
And what delight she tooke i'th' invitation,
Strives to tast o're againe in this relation.
After a tedious Grace in
Hopkins r
[...]hme,
Not for devotion, but to take up time,
March't the train'd-band of dishes usher'd there,
To shew their postures, and then
As they were.
For he invites no teeth, perchance the eye
He will afford the Lovers gluttony;
This is a Feast, a muster, not a fight;
Our weapons not for servie, but for fight.
But are we Tantaliz'd? is all this meat
Cook'd by a Limner, for to view, not eat?
Th' Astrologers keep such
Houses when they sup
On joynts of
[...]aurus, or their heavenly Tup.
Whatever feasts he made are su
[...]'d up here,
His table vyes not standing with his cheare.
[Page 19]His Churchings, Christ'nings, in this Meale are all,
And not transcrib'd, but i'th Originall.
Christmas is no Feast movable: for loe
The selfe-same dinner was ten yeares agoe:
'T will be immortall if it longer stay,
The Gods will eat it for
Am
[...]rosia.
But stay awhile; unlesse my whinyard faile,
Or it inc
[...]nted, I'le cut off th'intaile.
Sa
[...]nt George
[...] England then: have at the mutton,
When the first cut calls me
[...] gl
[...]tto
[...]:
What
d
[...]ax with
[...]is anger quodl'd
[...]
Killing a sheep thought
[...] slaine:
The
[...]; wounding his rost,
I
[...] up mine host.
Such
[...] is with
[...]
Makes him an Eunuch, whe
[...] it carves his
[...].
Cut a Goose-leg, and the poore so
[...]le for moane
Turnes Creeple too, a
[...]d after stands on one.
Have you not
[...]
A
Lan
[...]aster Grand
[...] will report?
The souldier with his Morg
[...]y watcht the Mill,
The Cats they came to feast when lust
[...]e
Will
Whips off great Pusses leg,
[...] by so
[...]e charme
Proves the next day such an old wom
[...]ns arme:
'Tis so with him, whoe cark
[...]se never '
[...]capes,
But still we slash him in a thousand sh
[...]es.
Our serving-men like Spaniells range
[...]
[...]o spring
The fowle which he hath clockt
[...] his wing.
Should he on Widgeo
[...], or on Woodcock feed,
It were
(Thyestes-like) on his owne breed.
To porke he pleads a supersti
[...]n d
[...]e,
But not a mouth is muzled by the
[...]ew.
[Page 20]Sawces we should have none had he his wish,
The Oranges i'th margent of the dish
He with such Hucsters tells them o're and o're,
Th'
Hesperian Dragon never watcht them more.
But being eaten now into dispaire,
Having nought else to doe, he falls to prayer:
As thou did'st once put on the forme of Bull,
And turn'st thy
lo to a lovely Mull,
Defend my rump great
love; grant this poor beefe
May live to comfort me in all this griefe.
But no
Amen was said: See,
[...]ee it comes,
Draw boyes, let Trumpets sound & strike up Drums.
See how his blood doth with the gravie swim,
And every trencher has a limb of him.
The Ven'sons now in view, our Hounds spend deeper,
Strange Deer, which in the Pasty hath a Keeper
Stricter then in the Park, making his guest
(As he had stoln't alive) to steale it drest:
The scent was hot; and we pursuing faster,
Then
Ovids pack of dogs e're chas'd their Master,
A double prey at once may seize upon,
Actaeon and his case of Venison:
Thus was he torne alive. To vex him worse,
Death serves him up now as a second coorse.
Should we, like
Thratians, our dead bodies eat,
He would have liv'd only to save his meat.
A young Man to an old Woman Courting him.
PEace Beldam
Eve; surcease thy suit:
There's no temptation in such fruit.
No rotten Medlers, whil'st there be
Whole Orchards in Virginitie.
Thy stock is too much out of date
For tender plants t'inoculate.
A match with thee thy bridegroome feares
Would be thought Int'rest in his years,
Which when compar'd to thine, become
Odd money to thy Grandam summe.
Can Wedlocke know so great a curse
As putting husbands out to Nurse?
How
Pond and
Rivers would mistake,
And cry new Almanacks for our sake?
Time sure hath wheel'd about his yeare,
December
meeting laniveere.
The Aegyptian Serpent figures time,
And stript, returnes unto his Prime:
If my affection thou would'st win,
First cast thy Hieroglyphick skin.
My moderne lips know not (alack)
The old Religion of thy smack.
I count that primitive embrace,
As out of fashion as thy face,
And yet so long 'tis since thy fall,
Thy Fornication's Classicall.
Our sports will differ: thou may'st play,
Leer
[...], and I
Alphonso way.
To turn a woman young againe:
Unlesse you'l grant the Tailor's due,
To see the forebodies be new:
I love to weare cloaths that are flush,
Not prefacing old rags with plush:
Like Aldermen, or Monster-Sheriffs,
With Canvas Backs, and velvet Sleeves.
And just such discord there would be
Betwixt thy Skeleton and me.
Go study Salve and Treacle, ply
Your tenants leg, or his sore eye;
Thus Matrons purchase credit, thank
Six penni-worth of Mountebank.
Or chew thy cood on some delight
Thou takest in thy
Eighty Eight.
Or be but bedrid once, and then
Thou'lt dream thy youthfull sins agen.
But if thou needs wilt be my Spouse,
First hearken, and attend my Vowes.
"When
Aet
[...]na's fires shall undergo
"The penance of the
Alps in snow,
"When
Sol at one blast of his horne
"Posts from the
C
[...]ab to
Capricorne,
"When th' Heavens shuffle all in one,
"The Torrid with the Frozen
zone;
"When all these contradictions meet,
"Then
(Sybill) thou and I will greet.
"For all these similies do hold
"n my young heat and thy dull cold;
"Then if a Feaver be so good
"A Pimp, as to inflame thy blood,
[Page 23]
Hymen shall twist thee, and thy Page,
The distinct Tropicks of Mans age.
Well (Madam Time) be ever bald,
Ile not thy periwig be cal'd.
Ile never be, 'stead of a Lover,
An aged
[...]hronicles new cover.
To M
rs. K. T. who askt him why hee was dumb.
STay, should I answer (Lady) then
In vaine would be your question.
Should I be dumb, why then againe
Your asking me would be in vaine.
Silence nor speech (on neither hand)
Can satisfie this strange demand.
Yet since your will throwes me upon
This wished contradiction,
Ile tell you how I did become
So strangely (as you heare me) dumb.
Ask but the chap-falne Puritan,
'Tis zeale that tongue-ties that good man:
For heat of conscience, all men hold,
Is th'onely way to catch that cold.
How should loves zealot then forbear
To be your silenc'd Minister?
Nay your religion which doth grant
A worship due to you my Saint,
Yet counts it that devotion wrong
That does it in the vulgar tongue.
To such an hallow'd excellence;
As th'English Dialect would vary
The goodnesse of an
Ave Mary.
How can I speak, that twice am checkt
By this and that religious Sect?
Still dumb, and in your face I spie
Still cause, and still Divinitie.
As soon as blest wit
[...] your salute,
My manners taught me to be mute:
For, least they cancell all the blisse
You sign'd with so divine a kisse,
The lips you feale must needs consent
Unto the tongues imprisonment.
My tongue in hold, my voice doth rise
(With a strange
E
[...]la) to my eyes;
Where it gets Baile, and in that sense
Begins a new-found Eloquence.
Oh listen with attentive sight
To what my pratling eyes indite.
Or (Lady) since 'tis in your choice,
To give, or to suspend my voice,
With the same key set ope the doore
Wherewith you lockt it fast before;
Kisse once againe, and when you thus
Have doubly been miraculous,
My Muse shall write with Handmaids duty
The Golden Legend of your Beauty.
He whom his dumbnesse now confines,
But meanes to speak the rest by signes.
I. C.
A faire Nimph scorning a black Boy Courting her.
Nimph.
STand off, and let me take the aire;
Why should the smoak pursue the faire?
Boy.
My face is smoak, thence may be guest
What flames within have scorch'd my brest.
Nymph.
The flame of love I cannot view,
For the dark Lanterne of thy hue.
Boy.
And yet this Lanterne keeps loves Taper
Surer then yours, that's of white paper.
Whatever Midnight hath been here,
The Moon-shine of your light can cleare.
Nymph.
My Moon of an Eclipse is 'fraid,
If thou should'st interpose thy shade.
Boy.
Yet one thing (sweet-heart) I will ask,
Buy me for a new false Mask.
Nymph.
Yes: but my bargaine shall be this,
I'le throw my Mask off when I kisse.
Boy.
Our curl'd embraces shall delight
To checquer limbs with black, and white.
Nymph.
Thy ink, my paper, make me guesse,
Our Nuptiall bed will make a Presse;
And in our sports, if any came,
They'l read a wanton Epigram.
Boy.
Why should my Black thy love impaire?
Let the dark shop commend thy ware:
Or if thy love from black forbeares,
I'le strive to w
[...]sh it off with teares.
Nymph.
Spare fruitlesse teares, since thou must needs
Still weare about thee mourning weeds:
Then wash thy Aethiopian skin.
Vpon the death of M. King drowned in the Irish Seas.
I Like not teares in tune, nor will prize
His ar
[...]ficiall grief that scanns his eyes:
[...] weep down pious beads; but why should I
Con
[...]ine them to the Muses Rosarie?
I am no Poet, here my pen's the spout
Where the raine-water of my eyes runs out,
In pitie of that name, whose fate we see
Thus copied out in griefs Hydrographie.
The Muses are not Mermaids, though upon
Thy death the Ocean might turn
Helicon.
The Sea's too rough for verse; who rimes upon't,
With
X
[...]xes, str
[...]ves to fetter th'
Hellespont.
My teares will keep no channells, know no lawes
To guide their streams, but like the waves, this cause
Runs with disturbance, till they swallow me,
As a description of his miserie.
But can his spacious vertues finde a grave
Within th' impostu
[...]'d bubble of a wave,
Whose learning if we sound, we must confesse
The Sea but shallow, and him bottomlesse?
Could not the winds, to countermand thy death,
W
[...] their whole Chard of lungs, redeem thy breath?
Or some new Island in thy rescue peepe,
To heave thy resurrection from the deep?
[Page 27]That so the world might see thy safety wrought
With no lesse miracle then thy selfe: Most thought
The famous
Stagyrite, which in his life
Had Nature as familiar as his wife,
Bequeath'd his widdow to survive with thee,
Queene-Dowager of all Philosophie,
An ominous legacy, that did portend
Thy fat
[...], and predcessors second end.
Some have affi
[...]m'd that what on earth we finde,
The Sea can parallell for shape and kinde.
Books, A
[...]ts, and
[...] were wanting, but in thee
Neptune hath got an Universitie.
Wee'l dive no more for pearle, we hope to see
Thy sacred reliques of mortalitie.
Wee'l welcome storms, and make the Sea-man prize
His shipwrack now, more then his merchandize.
He shall embrace the w
[...]ves, and to
[...]y tombe,
As to a royaller Exchange shall come.
What can we now expect? Water and Fire,
Both Elements of ruine, do conspire;
And that resolves us which doth us compound,
One Vatican was barnt, another dr
[...]wn'd.
VVe of the Gowne ou
[...] L
[...]braries must tosse,
To understand the great
[...] of our losse;
Be pupills to our griefe, and so much grow
In learning, as our sorrow
[...]s overfl
[...]w
VVhen we have
[...] fill'd t
[...]e R
[...]d
[...]ets of our eyes,
VVee'l send it forth, and ven
[...] such
[...]egies:
So that our teares shall
[...],
VVe floating Islands, living
[...].
A Dialogue between two Zealots, upon the &c. in the Oath.
SIr
Roger, from a zealous piece of Freeze,
Rais'd to a Vicar of the Childrens threes;
Whose yearly Audit may, by strict accompt,
To twenty Nobles, and his Vailes amount;
Fed on the Common of the femal charity,
Untill the Scots can bring about their parity;
So shotten, that his soul, like to himselfe,
Walks but in
Querpo: This same Clergie Elfe,
Encount'ring with a Brother of the Cloth,
Fell presently to Cudglels with the Oath.
The Quarrel was a strange mis-shapen Monster,
&c. (God blesse us) which they conster,
The Brand upon the buttock of the Beast,
The Dragons taile ti'd on a knot, a neast
Of young
Apocryphaes, the fashion
Of a new mentall Reservation.
While
Roger thus divides the Text, the other
Winks and expounds, saying, my pious Brother
Hearken with reverence; for the point is nice,
I never read on't, but I fasted twice,
And so by Revelation, know it better
Then all the learn'd Idolaters o'th Letter.
With that he swell'd, and fell upon the Theame,
Like Great
Goliah with his Weavers beame:
I say to thee
&c. thou li'st,
Thou art the curled locke of Antichrist:
Rubbish of
Babell, for who will not say
Tongues were confounded in
&c.?
[Page 29]Who sweares
&c. sweares more oathes at once
Then
Cerberus out of his Triple Sconce.
Who viewes it well, with the same eye beholds
The old halfe Serpent in his numerous foulds.
Accurst
&c. thou, for now I scent
What lately the prodigious Oysters meant.
Oh
Booker, Booker, how cam'st thou to lack
This sign in thy Prophetick Almanack?
It's the dark Vault wherein th'infernall plot
Of powder 'gainst the State was first begot.
Per
[...]e the Oath, and you shall soon descry it
By all the Father
Garnets that stand by it.
Gainst whom the Church, whereof I am a Member,
Shall keep another fifth day of November.
Yet here's not all, I cannot halfe untruss
&c. it's so abominous.
The
Trojan Nag was not so fully lin'd,
Unrip
&c. and you shall finde
Og the great Commissary, and which is worse,
Th'Apparatour upon his skew-bald Horse.
Then (finally my Babe of Grace) forbeare,
&c. will be too farre to sweare:
For 'tis (to speake i
[...] a familiar stile)
A Yorkshire Wea-bit, longer then a mile.
Then
Roger was inspir'd, and by Gods-diggers,
Hee'l sweare in words at large, and not in figures.
Now by this drink, which he takes off, as loth
To leave
&c. in his liquid Oath.
His brother pledg'd him, and that bloody wine,
He swea
[...]s shall
[...]eale the Synods
Cataline.
So they drunke on, not offering to part
Till they had quite sworne out th'eleventh quart:
[Page 30]While all t
[...]at saw and heard them joyntly pray,
[...]
[...]ribe were all
&c.
Smectymnuus, or the Club-Divines.
SMectymnuus? The Goblin makes me start:
I'th' Name of Rabbi
Abraham, what art?
[...]? or
[...]rabick? or
Welsh? what skilt?
Ap all the Bricklayers that
Babell built.
[...]ome Conjurer translate, and let me know it:
'Till then 'tis fit for a West-Saxon Poet.
But doe the Brother-hood then play their prizes,
Like Mummers in Religion with disguises?
Out-brave us with a name in Rank and File,
A Name which if 'twere train'd would spread a mile?
The Saints Monopolie, the zealous Cluster,
Which like a Porcupine presents a Muster,
And shoots his quills at Bishops and their Sees,
A devout litter of young
Maccabees.
Thus Jack-of-all-trades hath devoutly showne,
The twelve Apostles on a Cherry-stone.
Thus Faction's All-a-Mode in Treasons fashion;
Now we have Heresie by Complication.
Like to
Don-Quixots Rosary of Slaves
Strung on a chaine; A Murnivall of Knaves
Packt in a Trick; like Gypsies when they ride,
Or like Colleagues which sit all of a side:
So the vaine Satyrists stand all a row,
As hollow teeth upon a Lute-string show.
Th'
Italian Monster pregnent with his Brother,
Natures
Diaeresis, halfe one another,
[Page 31]He, with his little Sides-man
Lazarus,
Must both give way unto
Smectym
[...]uus.
Next
[...] is
Smec's; for loe his side
Into a
[...]ive-fold
Lazar's multipli'd.
Under each a
[...]me there's tuckt a double Gizzard,
Five faces lu
[...]ke under one single vizzard.
The Whore of
Babylon left these brats behind,
Heires of Confusion by
Gavell-kind.
I think
Pythagoras's soule is rambl'd hither,
With all the change of Rayment on together:
Sm
[...]c is her generall Wardrobe, shee'l not dare
To think of them as of a thorough-fare;
He stops the Gossopping Dame; alone he is
The Purlew of a
Metempsuchosis.
Like a Scotch Marke, where the more modest sense
Checks the loud phrase, & shrinks to thirteen pence:
Like to an
Ignis fatuus, whose flame
Though sometimes tripartite, joynes in the same:
Like to nine Taylors, who if rightly spelled,
Into one man, are monosyllabled.
Short-handed zeale in one hath cramped many,
Like to the Decalogue in a single penny.
See, see, how close the Curs hunt under a sheet,
As if they sp
[...]nt in Quire, and scan'd their feet;
One Cure and five Incumbents leap a Truss,
The title sure must be litigious.
The
Sadduces would raise a question,
Who must be
Smec at th' Resurrection.
Who cook'd them up together, were to blame,
Had they but w
[...]re-drawn, and spun out their name,
'T would make another Prencices Petition
Against the Bishops and their Superstition.
[Page 32]
Robson and
French (that count from five to five,
As farre as nature fingers did contrive,
She saw they would be Sessers; that's the cause
She cleft their hoof into so many clawes)
May tire their Carret-bunch, yet ne're agree
To rate
Smectymnuus for Polemonie.
Galigula, whose pride was Mankinds Baile,
As who disdain'd to murder by retaile,
Wishing the world had but one generall Neck,
His gl
[...]tton blade might have found game in
Smec.
No Eccho can improve the Author more,
Whose lungs payes use on use to halfe a score.
No Fellon is more letter'd, though the brand
Both superscribes his shoulder and his hand.
Some Welch-man was his Godfather; for he
Weares in his name his Genealogie.
The Banes are askt, would but the time give way,
Betwixt
Smectymnuus, and
&c.
The Guests invited by a friendly Summons,
Should be the Convocation, and the Commons.
The Priest to tie these Foxes tails together,
Moseley, or
Sancta Clara, chuse you whether.
See, what an off-spring every one expects?
What strange pluralities of Men and Sects?
One sayes, hee'l get a Vestery; another
Is for a Synod: Bet upon the Mother.
Faith cry
S. George, let them go to't, and stickle,
Whether a Conclave, or a Conventicle.
Thus might Religions caterwaule, and spight,
Which uses to divorce, might once unite.
But their crosse fortunes interdict their trade;
The Groome is Rampant, but the Bride displai'd.
[Page 33]My task is done; all my hee-Goats are milkt;
So many Cards i'th stock, and yet be bilkt?
I could by Letters now untwist the rable,
Whip
Smec from Constable to Constable.
But there I leave you to another dressing,
Onely kneel downe, and take your Fathers blessing.
May the
Queen-Mother justifie your fears,
And stretch her Patent to your leather-ears.
The Mixt Assembly.
FLeabitten Synod: an Assembly brew'd
Of Clerks and Elders
ana, like the rude
Chaos of Presbyt'ry, where Lay-men guide
With the
[...]ame Woolpack Clergie by their side.
Who askt the Banes 'twixt these discolour'd Mates?
A strange
Grottesco this, the Church and States
(Most divine tick-tack) in a pye-bald crew,
To serve as table-men of divers hue.
She that conceiv'd an
Aethiopian heire
By picture, when the parents both were faire,
At sight of you had borne a dappl'd son,
You checquering her imagination.
Had
Iacobs flock but seen you sit, the dams
Had brought forth speckled and ringstreaked lambs.
Like an Impropriators Motley kind,
VVhose Scarlet Coat is with a Cassock lin'd.
Like the Lay-thiese in a Canonick weed,
Sure of his Clergie e're he did the deed,
Like
Royston Crowes who are (as I may say)
Friers of both the Orders
Black and
Gray.
[Page 34]S
[...] mixt they are, one knowes not whether's thicker,
A Layre of Burgesse, or a Layre of Vicar.
Have they usurp'd what Royall
Iudah had?
And now must
Levi too part stakes with
God?
The Scepter and the Crosier are the Crutches,
Which if not trusted in their pious Clutches,
Will saile the Criple-State. And were't not pity
But both should serve the yardwand of the City?
That
Isau might stroke his beard, and sit
Judge of
[...] and
Elegerit.
Oh that they were in chalk and charcole drawne!
The Misselany Satyr, and the Fawne,
And all th'Adulteries of twisted nature
B
[...]t faintly represent this ridling feature,
VVhose M
[...]mbers being not Tallies, they'l not own
Their fellows at the Resurrection.
Strange Scarler Doctors these, they'l passe in Story
For sinners halfe refin'd in Purgatory;
Or parboyl'd L
[...]bsters, where there joyntly rules
The fading Sables and the coming Gules.
The flea that
Faistaff
[...] damn'd, thus lewdly showes
Tormented in the flames of
Bardolphs Nose.
Like him that wore the Dialogue of Cloaks,
This shoulder
[...] a Styles, that
Iohn a Noaks.
Like Je
[...]es and Christians in a ship together,
With an old Ne
[...]k verse to distinguish either.
Like their intended Discipline to boot,
Or whatsoe're hath neither head nor foot:
Such may these stript-stuffe hangings seem to be,
Sacriledge matcht with Codpeece Symonie;
Be sick and d
[...]eam a little, you may then
Phansie these Linsie-Woolsie Vestry-men.
[Page 35]Forbeare good
Pembroke, be not over-daring,
Such Company may chance to spoile thy swearing:
And these Drum-Major oaths of Bulke unruly,
May dwindle to a feeble
By my truly.
He that the noble
Percyes bloud inherits,
Will he strike up a
Hotspur of the spirits?
Hee'l f
[...]ght the
Obadiahs out of tune,
With his u
[...]circumcised
Algernoon.
A name so stubborne, 'tis not to be scan'd
By him in
Gath with the six finger'd hand.
See, they obey the Magick of my words.
Presto; theyre gone. And now the House of Lords
Looks like
[...] wither'd face of an old hagg,
But with three teeth like to a triple gagg.
A Jig, a Ji
[...]: And in this antick dance
Fielding, and doxy
Marshall first advance.
Twiss blowes the Scotch pipes, and the loving brase
Puts on the traces, and treads
[...]inque-a-pace.
Then
Say and Seale must his old Hamstrings supple,
And he and ru
[...]pl'd
Palmer make a couple.
Palmer's a fruitfull girle, if hee'l unfold her,
The Midwife may finde worke about her shoulder,
Kimbolton
that rebellious Boanerges,
Must be content to saddle Doctor
Burges.
If
Burges get a clap, 'tis ne're the worse,
But the fift time of his Cmpurgators.
Nol Bowles is coy; good sadnesse cannot dance
But in obedience to the Ordinance,
Her
Wharton wheels about till
Mumping Lidy,
Like the full Moon, hath made his Lordship giddy.
Pym and the
Members must their giblets levy
T'incounter Madam
Smec, that single Bevy.
[Page 36]If they two truck together, 'twill not be
A Child-birth, but a Goale-deliverie.
Thus every
Gibeline hath got his
Guelph,
But
Selden, hee's a Galliard by himself,
And well may be; there's more Divines in him
Then in all this their Jewish
Sanhedrim:
Whose Canons in the forge shall then beare date,
When Mules their Cosin-Germanes generate.
Thus
Moses Law is violated now,
The Oxe and Asse go yok'd in the same plough.
Resigne thy Coach-box
Twisse; Brook's Preacher, he
Would sort the beasts with more conformitie.
Water & earth make but one Globe, a Roundhead
Is Clergy-Lay
Party-per-pale compounded.
The Kings Disguise.
ANd why so coffin'd to this vile disguise?
Which who but sees, blasphemes thee with his eyes.
My twins of light within their pent-house shrink,
And hold it their allegeance to wink.
Oh for a State-distinction to arraigne
Charles of high Treason 'gainst my Soveraigne.
What an Usurper to his Prince is wont,
Cloyster and shave him, he himselfe hath don't.
His muffled fabrick speaks him a recluse,
His ruines prove it a religious house.
The Sun hath mew'd his beams from off his lamp,
And Majesty defac'd the Royall stamp.
Is't not enough thy Dignity's in thrall,
But thou'lt transcribe it in thy shape and all?
[Page 37]As if thy Blacks were of too faint a dye,
Without the tincture of Tautologie.
Flay an Egyptian for his Cassock skin,
Spun of his Countreys darknesse, lin't within
With Presbyterian budge, that drowsie trance,
The Synods sable, foggie ignorance;
Nor bodily nor ghostly Negro could
Rough-cast thy figure in a sadder mould:
That privie-chamber of thy shape would be
But the Close-mourner to thy Royaltie.
Then break the circle of thy Taylors spell,
A Pearle within a rugged Oyster-shell.
Heaven, which the Minster of thy Person owns,
Will fine thee for Dilapidations.
Like to a martyr'd Abbeys courser doome,
Devoutly alter'd to a Pigeon roome:
Or like the Colledge, by the changeling rabble,
Manchesters Elves, transform'd into a Stable.
Or, if there be a prophanation higher,
Such is the sacriledge of this attire,
By which th'art halfe depos'd, thou look'st like one
Whose looks are under Sequestration:
Whose Renegado form, at the first glance,
Shewes like the selfe-denying Ordinance.
Angell of light, und darknesse too, I doubt,
Inspir'd within, and yet posses'd without.
Majestick twilight in the state of grace,
Yet with an excommunicated face.
Charles and his Mask are of a different mint,
A Psalme of mercy in a miscreant print.
The Sun wears Midnight, Day is beetle-brow'd,
And Lightning is in Keldar of a cloud.
[...] Eagle shrunk into a Bat?
[...] what Magick vapour can it be
That shri
[...]ks his rayes to this Apostasie?
It is no subtile film of
[...] ayre,
No Go
[...]-web vizard, such as Ladies weare,
When th
[...] are veil'd, on purpose to be seen.
Doubling their lustre by their vanquisht skreen:
Nor the false scabberd of a Princes tough
Me
[...]all, and three-pil'd darknesse, like the
[...]
slough
Of an imprisoned flame, 'tis
Faux in grain
[...],
Dark
[...] to our high Meridian.
Hell belcht the damp, the
Warwick-Castle Vote
Rang
Britains Curfeu, so our light went out.
Thy visage is not legible, the letters,
Like a Lords name, writ in fantastick fetters:
Cloaths where a Switzer might be buried quick,
Sure they would fit the Body Politick.
False beard, enough to fit a stages plot,
For that's the ambush of their wit, God wot.
Nay all his properties so strange appeare,
Y'are not i'th' presence, though the King be there.
A Libell is his dresse, a garb uncouth,
Such as the
[...].
Hue and
Cry once purg'd at mouth.
Scribling Assasinate, thy lines a
[...]est
An eare-mark due; Cub of the blatant Beast,
Whose breath before 'tis syllabled for worse,
Is blasphemy unfledg'd, a callow curse.
The Laplanders, when they would
[...]ell a wind
Wafting to hell, bag up thy phrase and bind
It to the Barque, which at the voyage end
Shifts Poop, and brings the Collick in the fiend.
[Page 39]It to the barque, which at the voyage end
Shifts Poop, and breeds the Collick in the fiend.
But I'le not dub thee with a glorious scar,
Nor sink thy Skuller with a Man of War.
The black-mouth'd
Siquis, and this slandering suite,
Both do alike in picture execute.
But since w'are all call'd Papist, why not dare
Devotion to the rags thus consecrate.
As Temples use to have their Porches wrought
With Sphynxes, creatures of an antick draught,
And puzling Pourtraitures, to shew that there
Riddles inhabited, the like is here.
The black offender, should he weare his fin
For penance, could not have a darker skin.
But pardon Sir, since I presume to be
Clarke of this Closet to Your Majestie:
Methinks in this your darke mysterious dresse
I see the Gospell coucht in Parables.
The second view, my pur-blind fancy wipes,
And shewes Religion in its dusky types.
Such a Text Royall, so obscure a shade
Was
Solomon in Proverbs all array'd.
Now all ye brats of this expounding age,
To whom the Spirit is in pupill age;
You that damne more then ever
Sampson slew,
And with his engine, the same jaw-bone too:
How is't
Charles 'scapes your Inquisition free,
Since bound up in the Bibles Liverie?
Hence Cabinet-untrussers, Picklocks hence,
You that dim Jewells with your
Bristoll-sense:
And Characters, like Witches, so torment,
Till they confesse a guilt, though innocent.
[Page 40]Keyes for this Cypher you can never get,
None but S.
Peters opes this Cabinet.
This Cabinet, whose aspect would benight
Critick spectators with redundant light.
A Prince most seen, is least: What Scriptures call
The Revelation, is most mysticall.
Mount then thou shadow royall, and with haste,
Advance thy morning star,
Charles's overcast.
May thy strange journey contradictions twist,
And force faire weather from a Scottish mist.
Heavens Confessors are pos'd, those star-ey'd Sages
To interpret an Ecclipse, thus riding stages.
Thus
Israel-like he travels with a cloud,
Both as a Conduct to him, and a shroud.
But oh! he goes to
Gibeon, and renewes
A league with mouldy bread, and clouted shooes.
The Rebell Scot.
HOw! Providence! and yet a Scottish crew!
Then Madam nature wears black patches too.
What? shall our Nation be in bondage thus
Unto a Land that truckles under us?
Ring the bells backward; I am all on fire,
Not all the buckets in a Country Quire
Shall quench my rage. A Poet should be fear'd
Whe
[...] angry, like a Comets flaming beard.
And where's the Stoick? can his wrath appease
To see his Countrey sick of
Pym's disease
By Scotch invasion? to be made a prey
To such Pig-wiggin
Mirmidons as they?
[Page 41]But that there's cha
[...]me in verse, I will not quote
The name of
Scot, without an Antidote;
Unlesse my head were red, that I might brew
Invention there that might be poyson too.
Were I a drowsie Judge whose dismall Note
Disg
[...]geth halters, as a Juglers throat
D
[...]th ribbands: could I (in Sir Emp'ricks tone)
Speake Pills in phrase, and quack destruction:
Or roare like
Marshall, that
Gen
[...]vah-Bull,
Hell and damnation a Pulpit full:
Yet to expresse a
Scot, to play that prize,
Not all those mouth-Grandoes can suffice.
Before a
Scot can properly be curst,
I must (like
Hocus) swallow daggers first.
Come keen
lambicks, with your Badgers feet,
And Badger-like, bite till your teeth do meet.
Help ye tart Satyrists, to imp my rage,
With all the Scorpions that should whip this age.
Scots are like Witches; do but whe
[...] your pen,
Scratch til the blood come; they'l not hurt you then.
Now as the Martyrs were inforc'd to take
The shapes of beasts, like hypocrites, at stake,
I'le bait my
Scot so; yet not cheat your eyes,
A
Scot within a beast is no disguise.
No more let
Ireland brag, her
[...] Nation
Fosters no Venome, since the Scots Plantation:
Nor can ours feign'd Antiquity maintaine;
Since they came in,
England hath Wolves againe.
The Scot that kept the Tower might have showne
(Within the gra
[...]e of his
[...]
[...]rest alone)
The
[...] Panther; and ingrost
What all those wild Collegiats had cost
[Page 42]The honest High-shoes, in their Termly Fees,
First to the salvage Lawyer, next to these.
Nature her selfe doth Scotch-men beasts confesse,
Making their Countrey such a wildernesse:
A Land, that brings in question and suspense
Gods omnipresence, but that CHARLS came thence.
But that
Montrosse and
Crawfords loyall Band
Atton'd their sins, and christ'ned halfe the Land:
Nor is it all the Nation hath these spots;
There is a Church, as well as
Kirk of Scots:
As in a picture, where the squinting paint
Shewes Fiend on this side, and on that side Saint.
He that saw hell in's melancholie dreame,
And in the twilight of his Fanc
[...]e's theame,
Scar
[...]d from his sins, repented in a fright,
Had he view'd
[...]cotland, had
[...]urn'd Proselite.
A Land, where one may pray with curst intent,
O may they never suffer banishment!
Had
Cain beene
Scot, God would have chang'd his doome,
Not forc'd him wander, but confin'd him home.
Like Jewes they spread, and as Infection flie,
As if the Devill had Ubiquitie.
Hence 'tis, they live at Rovers; and defie
This or that place, Rags of Geographie.
They're Citizens o'th World; they're all in all,
Scotland's a Nation Epidemicall.
And yet they ramble not, to learne the Mode
How to be drest, or how to lisp abroad,
To returne knowing in the Spanish shrug,
Or which of the Dutch States a double Jug
Resembles most, in Belly, or in Beard:
The Card by which the Travellers are steard.
[Page 43]No; the
Scots-Errant fight, and fight to eat; their Estrich stomacks make their swords their meat.
Nature with Scots as Tooth-drawers hath dealt,
Who use to hang their teeth upon their Belt.
Yet wonder not at this their happy choice;
The Serpent's fatall still to
Paradise.
Sure
England hath the Hemerods, and these
On the North Posterne of the patient seize,
Like Leeches: thus they physically thirst
After our blood, but in the cure shall burst.
Let them not thinke to make us run o'th score,
To purchase Villanage, as once before,
When an Act past, to stroake them on the head,
Call them good Subjects, buy them Ginger-bread.
Nor gold, nor Acts of Grace; 'tis steel must tame
The stubborne
Scot: A Prince that would reclaime
Rebells by yeelding, doth like him, (or worse)
Who sadled his owne back to shame his horse.
Was it for this you left your leaner soyle,
Thus to lard Israel with Aegypts spoyle?
They are the Gospells Life-guard; but for them,
The Garrison of new Jerusalem,
What would the Brethren do? the Cause the cause!
Sack possets, and the Fundamentall Lawes!
Lord! what a godly thing is want of shirts!
How a Scotch-stamack, and no meat, converts!
They wanted food, and raiment; so they took
Religion for their Seamstresse, and their Cook.
Unmaske them well; their honors and estate,
As well as conscience, are sophisticate.
Shrive but their Titles, and their money poize,
A Laird and Twenty pence pronounc'd with noise,
[Page 44]When const
[...]ued, but for a plaine Yeoman goe,
And a good sober twopence; and well so.
Hence then you proud Impostors, get you gone;
You Picts in Gentry and Devotion:
You scandalls to the stock of Verse! a race!
Able to bring the Gibbet in disgrace!
Hyp
[...]olus by suffering did traduce
The Ostracisme, and sham'd it out of use.
[...]he Indian that Heaven did forsweare,
Because he heard the Spaniards were there,
Had he but knowne what Scots in hell had been,
He would
Erasmus-like have hung betweene.
My Muse hath done. A Voider for the nonce!
I wrong the Devill, should I pick the bones?
That dish is his: for when the Scots decease,
Hell, like their Nation, feeds on Barnacles.
A Scot, when from the Gallow-Tree got loose,
Drops into
S
[...]yx, and turns a Solun-Go
[...]se.
Rupertismus.
O That I could but vote my selfe a Poet!
Or had the Legislative knack to do it:
Or, like the Doctors Militant, could get
Dub'd at adventures Verser
[...]!
Or had I
Cacus trick to make my Rimes
Their owne Antipodes, and
[...] the times:
F
[...]ces about, sayes the
Remonstra
[...]
[...];
Allegeance is
[...]:
[...]-Colt,
[...] Recorder,
Might be a
[...] Order:
[Page 45]Had I but
Elsing's guift (that splay-mouth'd Brother)
That declares one way, and yet meanes another:
Could I but write a-squint; then (Sir) long since
You had been sung,
A great and glorious Prince.
I had observ'd the Language of the daies;
Blasphem'd you; and then Periwigg'd the Phrase
With Humble Service, and such other Fustian,
Bels which ring backward in this great Combustion.
I had revil'd you; and without offence,
The Literall,
and Equitable Sence
Would make it good: when all failes, that will do't:
Sure that distinction cleft the Devils Foot.
This were my Dialect, would your Highnesse please
To read me but with Hebrew Spectacles;
Interpret Counter, what is Crosse rehears'd:
Libels are commendations, when revers'd.
Just as an Optique Glasse contracts the sight
At one end, but when turn'd doth multiply't.
But you're inchanted, Sir; you're doubly free
From the great Guns, and squibbing Poetrie:
Whom neither Bilbo, nor Invention pierces,
Proofe even 'gainst th' Artillerie of Verses.
Strange! that the Muses cannot wound your Maile;
If not their Art, yet let their Sex prevaile.
At that knowne Leaguer, where the
Bonny Besses
Supplyed the Bow-strings with their twisted tresses,
Your spels could ne're have fenc'd you: every arrow
Had launc'd your noble breast, & drunk the marrow:
For beauty, like white powder, makes no noise;
And yet the silent Hypocrite destroyes.
Then use the Nuns of
Helicon with pity,
Lest
Wharton tell his Gossips of the City,
[Page 46]That you kill women too; nay maids: and such
Their
Generall wants
Militia to touch.
Impotent
Essex! is it not a shame,
Our Common-wealth, like to a
Turkish Dame,
Should have an
Eunuch-Guardian? may she be
Ravish'd by
Charles, rather then sav'd by thee.
But why, my Muse, like a Green-sicknesse-Girle,
Feed'st thou on coales and dirt? a Gelding-Earle
Gives no more relish to thy Female Palat,
Then to that Asse did once the Thistle-Sallat.
Then quit the barren Theme; and all at once
Thou and thy sisters, like bright
Amazons,
Give
RUPERT an alarum,
RUPERT! one
Whose name is wits Superfoetation.
Makes fancy, like Eternities round wombe,
Unite all valour, present, past, to come.
He, who the old Philosophie controules,
That voted down plurality of soules,
He breaths a grand Committee; all that were
The wonders of their age, constellate here.
And as the elder sisters, growth and sence
(Souls Paramount themselves) in man commence
But faculties of reasons Queene; no more
Are they to him who were compleat before.
Ingredients of his vertue thread the Beads
Of
Caesar's acts, great
Pompey's, and the Sweads:
And 'tis a bracelet fit for
Rupert's hand,
By which that vast
Triumvirate is span'd.
Here, here is Palmestry; here you may read,
How long the world shall live, & when't shall bleed.
Whatever man winds up, that
RUPERT hath:
For Nature rais'd him of the
Publike Faith.
[Page 47]
Pandora's Brother, to make up whose
[...]ore,
The Gods were faine to run upon the score.
Such was the Painters Brieve for
[...];
Item an eye from
Iane, a lip from
[...]
Let
Isaac and his Cit'z-
[...]lea off the
[...]lace
That tips their Antlets for the
[...];
Let the zeale-twanging Nose that wants a
[...]idge,
Snuffling devoutly, drop his silve
[...] bridge:
Yes, and the Gossips spoon
[...] the summe,
Although poore
Cal
[...]b lose his Christ
[...]ndome:
Rupert out-weighs that in his Sterling-selfe,
Which their selfe-wants paies in commuting pelfe.
Pardon, great Sir, for that ignoble crew
Gaines, when made bankrupt, in the scales with you.
As he, who in his Character of light
Stil'd it
Gods shadow, made it far
[...]
By an Ecclipse so glorious, (light is
[...]im,
And a black nothing, when compar'd to him)
So 'tis illustrious to be
Ruperts Foile,
And a just Trophee to be made his spoile.
I'le pin my faith on the
Diurnalls
[...]eeve
Hereafter, and the
Guild-Hall Creed beleeve;
The Conquests, which the Common-Councel hears
With their wide list'ning mouth, from the great Peers
That ran away in triumph: such a Foe
Can make them victors in their overthrow:
Where providence and valour meet in one,
Courage so poiz'd with circumspection,
That he revives the quarrell once againe
Of the Soules throne, whether in heart or braine;
And leaves it a drawne march: whose fervour can
Hatch him, whom Nature poach'd but halfe a Man,
[Page 48]His Trumpet like the Argells at the last,
Makes the soul rise by a miraculous blast,
'Twas the Mount
Athos c
[...]rv'd in shape of man
(As 'twas defin'd by the
Ma
[...]edonian)
Whose right hand should a populous Land contain,
The left should be a Channell to the Maine:
His spirit might informe th' Amphibious figure;
Yet straight-lac'd sweats for a Dominion bigger:
The terrour of whose name can out of seven,
(Like
Falstaffe's Buckram-men) make flie eleven.
Thus some grow rich by breaking; Vipers thus
By being slaine, are made more numerous.
No wonder they'l confesse no losse of men;
For
Rupert knocks'em, till they gig agen,
They feare the Giblets of his traine; they feare
Even his Dog, that foure-legg'd
Cavaleere:
He that devoures the scraps, which
L
[...]ndsford makes,
Whose Picture feeds upon a child in stakes:
Who name but
Charles, he comes aloft for him,
But holds up his Malignant leg at
Pym.
[...]Gainst whom they've severall Articles in souse;
First, that he barks against the sense o'th House.
Resolv'd Delinquent; to the Tower straight;
Either to th' Lions, or the Bishops Grate.
Next for his ceremonious wag o'th taile:
But there the Sisterhood will be his Baile,
At least the Countesse will,
Lust's Amsterdam,
That lets in all religious of the game.
Thirdly, he smells Intelligence, that's better,
And cheaper too, then
Pym's from his owne Letter:
Who's doubly paid (fortune or we the blinder?)
For making plots, and then for
Fox the Finder.
[Page 49]Lastly, he is a Devill without doubt;
For when he would lie downe, he wheels about;
Makes circles, and is couchant in a ring;
And therefore score up one for conjuring.
What canst thou say, thou wretch? O quarter, quarter!
I'me but an instrument, a meere S.
Arthur.
If I must hang, ô let not our Fates varie,
Whose office 'tis alike to fetch and cary.
No hopes of a reprieve, the mutinous stir
That strung the Jesuite, will dispatch a cur.
Were I a Devill, as the Rebell feares,
I see the House would try me by my Peeres.
There
lowler there! ah
Iowler! st! 'tis nought
What e're the Accusers cry, they're at a fault;
And
Glyn, and
Maynard have no more to say,
Then when the glorious
Strafford stood at Bay.
Thus Labells but annex'd to him we see,
Enjoy a copyhold of Victory.
S.
Peters sh
[...]dow heal'd;
Ruperts is such,
'Twould finde S.
Peters work, yet wound as much.
He gags their guns, defeats their dire intent,
The Cannons do but lisp and complement.
Sure
Iove descended in a leaden shower
To get this
Perseus: hence the fatall power
Of shot is strangled: bullets thus alli'd
Feare to commit an act of Paricide.
Go on brave Prince, and make the world confesse,
Thou art the greatest world, and that the lesse.
Scatter th'accumulative King; untruss
That five-fold fiend, the States
SMECTYMNUUS;
Who place Religion in their Velam ears;
As in their Phylacters the Jewes did theirs,
[Page 50]
England's a Paradise, (and a modest Word)
Since guarded by a Cherubs flaming Sword.
Your name can scare an Athiest to his prayers;
And cure the Chin-cough better then the Bears.
Old
Sybill charmes the Tooth-ach with you: Nurse
Makes you stil children; nay, and the pond'rous curse
The Clownes salute with, is deriv'd from you;
(Now RUPERT take thee, Rogue; how dost thou do?)
In fine, the name of
Rupert thunders so,
Kimbolton's but a rumbling Wheel-barrow.
Epitaphium Thomae Comitis Straffordii, &c.
Exurge Cinis, tuúm
(que) s
[...]lus qui potis es, scribe Epitaphiū:
Nequit
Wentworthi non esse facundus vel Cinis,
Effare Marmor: & quem coepisti comprehendere,
Macte & Exprimere.
Candidus meretur urna, quàm quod rubris
Notatum est literis, Elogium.
Atlas Regiminis Monarchici hîc jacet lassus,
Se
[...]unda Orbis
Britannici intelligentia:
Rex Politiae, & Prorex
Hiberniae,
Straffordii, & Virtutum, Comes:
Mens
Jovis, Mercurii ingenium, & lingua
Apollinis;
Cui
Anglia Hiberniam debuit, seipsam
Hibernia.
Sydus Aquilonicū, quo sub rubicundâ vesperâ occidente,
Nox simul & dies visa est: dextróque oculo flevit,
Laevóque laetata est,
Anglia.
Theatrum Honoris, itémque Scena calamitosa virtutis
Actorib us, morbo, morte, invidiâ,
Quae ternis animosa Regnis non vicit tamen,
Sed oppressit.
Sic inclinavit Heros (non minus) Caput
Belluae (vel sic) maltorum Capitum:
Merces favoris Scotici, praeter pecunias,
Erubuit ut tètigit securis,
Similem quippe nunquam degustavit sanguinem.
Monstrum narro: fuit tam infensus Legibus,
Ut prius Legem, quàm nata foret, violavit:
Hunc tamen non sustulit Lex,
Verùm Necessitas, non habens Legem.
Abi Viator, caetera memorabunt posteri.