AN Informer (I mean of the baser sort) whose Picture only is here intended to be drawn) Is one of the Devils Nut hooks; A Priviledg'd Trapan, or a Common Barretor under pretence of Authority: A Petty-fogging Catterpillar that scandalizes the Law, by making it accessary to his Rapines and Op­pressions; A new Trapp for the Tongue, that Lime-twigs all that come near him, and puts most that he converses with, on the Tenter-hooks of an Indictment for nothing.

A mischeivous Vermin, bred out of the Corruption of the Body Politique; that feeds (like Toads) only on Poysons, and sucks the peccant Humours so long (like a Horse-leach) till he burst with Venome, or is forc'd to disgorge by the Emetick quality of a Halter: He makes good the old Maxime, Summum Jus, Summa Injuria; and cuts Justice's Ballance to peeces with her own Sword; He talkes all Law, and never troubles his head with Equity or Religion, unless it be only to suppress them, and hav­ing no Conscience himself, is resolved to be a Plague to all those that dare own they have any: He never opens his Mouth but you shall see it Lyn'd with some old dormant [Page 2]Piece of P [...]ult [...]n, whom he Reads meerly as Conjurers do Scripture, to do mischief with it; You would think him bred a Gla [...]er, he is so apt to pick Quarrels; or some broken Merc [...]ant that his flung his Soul over-board, to make himself every way a Compleat Bankrup [...]. He will Court a man to beat him, that he may worry him next Sessions for the Battery, and dropp dangerous words on purpose to Prosecute you for Concealing them; Pre­sentments, Citations, Warrants, Convictions, Sea­zures, &c. are his vniversal Language; and he is bet­ter acquainted with the Form of an Indictment, than his Pater Noster, for he never name; God, but when he Swears by Him.

His Revenue consists in A [...]tions Popular, and his whole Imployment is to go a Fishing with Pe [...]al Statut [...]; he thinks by that to take store of fat Gudge [...]ns, but at last catches only a Frogg? For his malitio [...]s Project; (like Chymical Attempts of Transmuting Mettalls) seldome answer the trouble and Charge; and his mighty Incomes of Pe [...]al [...]ies can but just purchase Ale enough to make him d [...]unk, and afterwards he is forc'd to run on Tick (at a Freinds) for Coffee to make him Sober, if he may be said ever to be so; whose Hair-brain'd Skull is perpetually Hurrycan'd with Malice, and in Child bed throws till tis Delivered of some New-minted Villia [...]y.

There is nothing in Nature so base and Contemp [...]able as one of his Quality; a B [...]m-Bailey is a worthy Gentle­man to him, and the Apparator scorns his Company more then a Phanatique does a Parso [...]: the Boyes stare on him as a Monster; Big bellied Women are ready to Miscarry at the sight of him, and People generally avoid his Converse as they would do the Pestilence, and indeed they have reason, for he is one of Gods more greivous Judgements! Squire Keto [...] himselfe would not endure the Sc [...]n [...]al of drinking a Pot with him, were he not in cer­tain hopes of a future Advantage by him? A Popish Fire­ball [Page 3]Flinger is not more Hate [...] in the City the [...] he, only the Justices C [...]e and H [...]call C [...]ze [...]r, because he brings the most G [...]ists to his M [...]l, and warrants him a Trade.

The Wise Athe [...]i [...]s (we read) Banish: a Coffin-maker out o [...] their City, because the cause of his Mirth was others sadness; what would they have done with such a Setting-dogg, (who like a Beast of Prey) lives wholly on mischief, and can neither eat not drink, without some Law be violated; so that if ever he say any Prayers, they are only that Men may daily encrease their Crimes, and Act more unlawful things; that his Gains may rise proportionably. For though like a Cunning Archer, he seem to make the Publique Service the Mark of his aim, yet he squints aside at his own Ends, which are the true Butt all the Arrows of his Prosecutions are shot at: He pretends himself a Zealot for the Law, And the Church­es chief Scavinger; But is in truth a prostituted Varlet, and for all him. Episcopacy m [...]ght lye in the Kennel, and Acts of Parliament (though never so just and necessary) stop Mustard pots, If he did not hope to get a Spill by them. And for Two-pence Advance, from either Ge­neva or Rome, I'le undertake the same Fellow would burn the Comm [...] Prayer, and tear M [...]g [...] Chart [...] to pieces, if he have not done it alread [...],

Whatever boasts therefore he makes of his Loy­alty, or Orthodoxness, those that wear any Eyes a­bout them will judge, so b [...] a Man can scarce make the best Subject, and that we are like to have a Glorious Reformation▪ when open Proph [...]eness is Imploped to Cor­rect supposed He [...]e [...]ies: A good Cause is undoubtedly Scan [...]aliz'd by such v [...]l [...] Instruments, and could not but Blu [...]h to see those Prosecute Persons for Ceremonial Non­conform [...]es, who are themselves so much unconformable to all the Fundamental Laws of Religion and Morality? Do's it not sound excellently to hear one of these Promooting Hectors Cry out, D [...]n [...] me, before I have done, He make [Page 4]all these Ph [...]n [...]tiq [...]e Sons of W [...]oores come to our Church▪ and serve the Lord God g [...]llantly. Is not this think you, A fit Agent to proselyte Dissenters? A rare Saints-Bell to Ring all into the Organs? Yet examine his Pedigree, and you must confess him discended of an ancient Stock, being the Son of Abaddon, or a natural By-blow of Bel­sebubs, whom without breach of Charity, we may Con­clude to be the first Founder of this Order of Informants, since the Scripture reckons amongst his Titles, That of Accuser of the Brethren, Nor is he less nobly Allied, For H [...]nnan and Juda [...] were his two Elder Brothers, and Free of the same Trade, though both Hang'd, Which serves only as an Omen of what at least he deserves, though the times should prove so unjust as not to give it him. His Younger Years were but an Apprentiship in Debauchery▪ and having by Lust and Riot, consumed his Patrimony, or what he could C [...]e [...]t others of, he now I­magines to Retreive a Fortune by Sp [...]r [...]i [...]g and wasting those that have been either more Pious or Industrious: He has broke oftner than a Town-Gallant has been Clapt, and followed more Tricks than a Country Mercer usurps Trades; But all failing, The Devil in pure pitty wisht him to this New Imploy, and furnisht him with a prodi­gious Stock of Wickedness to set up with; yet being unwilling to Trust him without Security, he freely made a M [...]rgage of his S [...]ul, and Swears he has Cheated the Subtle Feind▪ becau [...]e it was Forfeited long before. He is now as eager after his Prey as a half-starv'd Cormorant, and cares not though he Ruine half a Nation, to sup­ply his own prodigalities, Being so perfectly Mercena­ry, That he would accuse his own Father (if he did but know him) of Treason, and burn his Mother for a Witch, to get Six-pe [...]e: He values an O [...]th no more than a Gamester, and swallows Perjuries as fast and as easily as a Juggler does Pins and Daggers.

He Ferrets a Conv [...]ticle just as a Poll cat does Rab­bets [Page 5]in their Burroughs, and the Rich men there skulke down in their Pews when they see him come in, dread­ing him more than a Partridge does a Hawke, or a City Crack a Marshal's Man. I never before knew the mean­ing of that Latine Proverbe, Lupus in Fabula, but now I Guess the English to be An INFORMER in a Meeting-house, for sure the sight of him is enough to make a Teacher hoarse; most of the Day he spends pera [...]e in blind Ale-houses, and little Sallies, to discover who hath the Impudence to serve God, And before Night he is sure to be in the Crown-Office: A J [...]stice of Peace can never be at quiet for him; and the honest Constable looks up­ [...] him as his Evil Genius that is perpetually haunting and Egging him on to Mischief: Yet though he be thus trouble­some to others, he is still his own greatest Enemy, for whilst he Designs harm to others, it redownds to himself; And Good-men like Cammomile grows the better (perhaps the more numerous and faster) for his treading them down, He being only as a black groun [...] to set of the lusture of their Merits, since often tims whilst Malice seeks to wound,; it cures those against whom tis Level'd, and de­stroys it self, like the Glass that Reverberating the Ser­pents Poyson Ki [...]'d her with her own weapon.

Just as he gets his Money he spends it, For as he takes Wages to Fight against God, so he lays it out again in the Service of the Devil, Consuming in Bawdy houses, what he gets by Surprizing Meeting-houses; So that his Rapines not being able to supply his prodigal Debauche­ries, and his Hellish Designs, being blasted by Heaven, He is either forced at last to cast Anchor in a Goal, or else is Mowed down as a Noxious Weed by the Syth of Justice: To which deserved F [...]te I leave, &c.

I leave him, if in the mean time his guilty Conscience (hitherto▪ smothere [...]) do not before Revive and Con­demn him, And he himself save the Ha [...]gman a Labour, by preventing Him.