A Miss is a new Name, which the Ci­vility of this Age bestows on one, that our unmannerly Ancestors call'd, Whore and Strumpet. A certain Help meet for a Gentleman, instead of a Wife; Serving either for preventi­on of the Sin of Marrying, or else as a little Side Pillow, to render the Yoke of Matrimony more easie. She is an excellent Conveniency for those that have more mo­ney than Wit, to spend their Estates upon, and the most that can be said in her Commendation, Is that she will infalli­bly bring a Man to Repentance. Yet you may call her an honest Courtezan, or at least a Common Inclos'd; for though she is an Out-lier, yet she seems to be confined within the Pale, and differs from your ordinary Prostitute, as Whole­sale men from Retailers, one perhaps has an hundred Custo­mers, and to'ther but Two or Three, and yet this gets most by her Trade. Indeed she may well thrive, seeing she al­ways carries her Stock about her, and every man is desirous to deal in her Comodity: For she is a Gallants Business, [Page 4] a Citizens Recreation, a Lawyers Estate in Fee-tail; a Young Doctors Necessary Experiment, and a Parsons com­fortable Importance▪

The Royal Preacher calls her a Strange Woman, but we usually term her a Common Woman, and have reason so to do; for sins that were strange in Solomons days, are com­mon in ours. She is a Caterpillar that destroys many a hopeful Young Gentleman in the Blossom, a Land-Syren, far more dangerous than they in the Sea: For he that falls into her hands, runs a three-fold hazard of Shipwracking Soul, Body, and Estate.

She talks high of her Family, and tells a large story how they were Ruined by the late Wars. But the true History of her Life, is generally to this Effect: She is only the Cub of a Bumkin, lickt into a Genteel form by Town Conversa­tion: Nature gave her a good Face and an indifferent stock of Confidence, which she by prudent management, his im­proved into Impudence: like a forward Rose Bud she ope­ned betimes, and lost that trifle they call a Maiden-head so early, that she cannot remember she ever had any such thing. She was scarce Thirteen when her Fathers Plow man, and the Squire their Landlord (the veryer Clown of the Two) were Joint Tenants to her Coppy-hold, but proving with Child she had the wit to lay it to the Last, who for his Cre­dit dispatcht her Incognito with a Sum of Money on a Car­riers Pack, to be disburthen'd at London, the goodliest For­rest in England to shelter a great Belly: There the Bant­ling was exposed to the Tuition of the Parish in a Hand­basket, and the Charitable Midwife (who counts procuring in a civil way, a necessary part of her Office) soon brought her acquainted with a Third Rate Gentlewoman, who took her a Lodging in a Garret, and allow'd her six shillings a Week. But making a Sally abroad one Night, she pickt up a Drunken Cully. and at a Tavern (whilst he was no less pleasantly imployed) pickt his pocket of a Gold Watch, and some stragling Guinnies, and left him to Pawn his Sword and Perriwig for the Reckoning. After this lucky Adven­ture, [Page 5] she discards Monsieur shabby (her former Customer) and her Lofty Lodging, puts her self in a good Garb, gets a Maid (forgive me, for I Lye, I mean a Shee-servam) whom she teaches to call her Madam, and your Honour, and hires Noble Rooms richly Furnished, about Covent-Garden, there she takes State upon her, and practises every day four hours in the Glass, how Greatness will become her. Her first business is to make her self be taken notice of, to which purpose like Dinah, she walks the Streets; sometimes like Jael, she stands at the Door; and sometimes like Jezabel, she looks out at the Window: But her main Market-place is the Balcony, which she frequents as constantly as any Lady in a Romance; and the Language of her Eyes is, What do you lack Sir, By which she at last attracts a Wealthy Gallant, who with a little Address, obtains the mighty Honour of her Acquaintance; but she seems extream nice, reserv'd and modest, protests she would not go to a Ta­vern for a VVorld, when the whole business is, she is on­ly afraid of being Pawn'd there. In brief, she Manages him so discreetly, that she Cheats him into Love Insensibly, like a Taylors Bill, wherein a man sees himself Rookt abo­minably, yet knows not where to find fault. Having thus got the Wood-cock into the Pit-fall, she resolves to Pluck him: VVhen he importunes her for the Great kindness, she talks of Honour and Conscience, and vows she will never stain her Reputation but for valuable Considerations, this brings them to Articles, he promises to allow her a hun­dred and fifty pounds a Year, and she Swears a Thousand dissembling Oaths, how infinitely she loves him, and that she will prove constant, and true to him alone, and never be concern'd with any other man in the VVorld; and the silly Fop is so fatally bewitcht as to believe her; And con­tinues a long time in that fools Paradice of Dotage, whilst in the mean time she drives a Trade privately, with two or three more. For the Concealing of which from the first, tis the whole Imploy of the little Harlotry her Chamber-Maid, to study Lyes, Pretences, and Excuses, and she makes [Page 6] them pay her even to Extortion; to quicken her invention, Sometimes she is gone abroad in her Aunts Coach; Some­times one of her Cozens, a Wollen Drapers VVife in the City is Sick, and she must Visit her. Nor is Madam her self less full of Plot and Intrigue to Bubble her Gallant: Sometimes having pleased him well, she begs the best Ring he has on his finger, or pretends her self in Debt, and that unless he will suffer her to be Scandalized with an Arrest, he must be Bound for her (to one of her Confederates you may be sure) for Fifty pound, and the everlasting Chang­ling, cannot find in his heart to deny her: At other times she shall purposely give him occasion to be Jealous, and when he has rav'd, and Swore, and Curs'd, and Ranted for two hours, as if he had been possest with a hundred and fifty Devils, she shall cleaverly wipe of the Suspition, up­braid his Jealous Coxcomb-ship; fall a Snivling, and call her self the most unfortunate of VVomen, to love a man with so much passion, that thus abuses her: Then he sub­mits, begs her Pardon on his Knees, and Cokses her with all imaginable kindness, but still she pouts, looks Sullen, and will not let him have a bit of that same, till he has gi­ven her a New Gown, or a Neck-lace of Pearl, for Atone­ment, and Reconciliation.

But in time his Appetite being Cloy'd, his Purse exhau­sted, or his Eyes enlightned, he begins to withdraw, and she soon finds out another, a verrier Fool than he, but for Security will not Trade, unless he settle an Anunity of 300l. a Year on her for Life; which being firmly done by an able Conveyancer in Sheep-skins, half as large as the Premisses: VVithin one Month she abandons him for a more Noble and S [...]renuous Gallant. And now being arrived at the Zenith of her Glory, she has her Boys in Livery, her House splendidly furnisht, and scorns to stir abroad without a Coach and six: She glitters in the Boxes at the Play-house, and draws all Eyes after her in the Street, to the shame and Confusion of all honest VVomen, and Encouragement [Page 7] of each pretty Girle that loves fine Cloaths, good Chear, and Idleness, to turn Harlot, in Imitation of such a thriving Example.

She takes upon her more Pride, than would have serv'd six of Queen Elizabeths Countesses; uses Sirrah at every word, and to a Lady of the best Quality, and Old enough to be her Mother: Nothing but— I tell [...] sweet-heart! She dispises her Sister, for loosing her Reputation, by be­ing kept by a meaner Gallant than her own; and gets one to attempt to Steal her, that she may be thought an extraordinay Fortune.

She hath always two necessary Implements about her, a Blackmoor, and a little Dog; for without these, she would be neither Fair nor Sweet: The rest of her Retinue consists of her She-Secretary, that keeps the Box of her Teeth, her Hair, and her Painting. An Old Trot, that understands the Town, and goes between Party and Par­ty, and a French Merchant to supply her with Dildo's, or in default of those she makes her Gallants Purse main­tain two able Stallions (that she loves better than him) for performance of points wherein he is Defective. Her Skin is much Clearer than her Conscience, which makes her go with her Neck and shoulders all Bare; and she has reason, for her upper parts are the shop of Cupid, and those below his Ware-house: But all that you are like to buy there, is Damnation, and Diseases. She is a very Butcher, that expo­ses her own Flesh to Sale by the Stone, or if you please a Cook that is Dressing her self all day with poinant Sauces, to be tasted with the better Appetite at Night. Like a Disa­bled Frigot, that has received many Shots between Wind and Water. She is forc'd once a year to put in at Tunbridge, or Epsom, to Wash and Tallow, and Refit her Leaky Bottom, after which she Cruises up and down the Town as briskly as ever; till Age spoil her Sayling, and ingraves Wrinckles, [Page 8] where she once Painted Roses: Then her former Adorers dispise her, the World hates her, and she becomes a Loathsome thing, too unclean to enter into Heaven; too Diseased to continue long upon Earth; and too foul to be toucht with any thing but a Pen or a Pair of Tongs: And therefore tis time to Leave her;—For, Foh how she stinks.