THE Chaplains Petition TO THE HONOURABLE HOUSE For Redress of Grievances.
1.
SInce the Ladies 'gainst Men
Have to Paper put Pen
By way of Most humble Petition,
In hope your good pleasure
Will once be at leisure
To mend their now Scurvy Condition.
2.
And since you allow
That impertinent Crew,
Your Patience to weary and vex,
With a thing of no moment,
That has small weight, or none in't,
But's as Idle and Light as their Sex.
3.
We, humble Famelicks,
Divinity's Reliques,
In plain English, Chaplains Domestick;
To make known our grievance
For you to relieve once,
On your Door do our earnest Request stick.
4.
Viz. Be it Enacted,
That as we've contracted,
Our Salaries may be Paid us:
That when we're dismist ill
We may not go whistle,
As an ord'nary Footman or Maid do's.
5.
For as to the Land all,
It will be a Scandal
To see Sons of
Levi go Thread-bare;
Even so to be sure,
If the Pastor is poor,
His Flock will ne're greet him with Head bare.
6
Next, when we've said Grace,
Let's at Table have place,
And not sculk among the Waiters:
Or come in with the Fruit
To give thanks, and sneak out,
To Dine upon half empty Platters.
7.
But besides store of Dishes
(One part of our Wishes)
To fortifie Maw Sacerdotal:
Elemosinary Funk,
And leave to be Drunk,
We humbly desire you to Vote all.
8.
Item, Pray make us able
To command Steed in Stable,
When we are dispos'd
ad ridendum:
And if we want Boots,
Whips, Spurs, or Sartoots,
Oblige surly Groom straight to lend them.
9.
Nor let our great Patrons,
Or their ruling Matrons,
Read the Butlers a Juniper Lecture,
If sometimes they pass
To our hands a stoln glass,
Or some little Orts of Confecture.
10.
When long we have serv'd,
And Preferment deserv'd,
Let's not miss of our just Expectations;
By every Fopp's Letter
For his Friend, that's no better,
Or our Patron's more Block-head Relations.
11.
For 'tis cause of grieving
To see a good Living
Which our Thoughts had long been fixt on,
Be giv'n to a Wigeon
With no more Religion,
And Learning much less than his Sexton.
12.
Nor yet let Matrimony,
The worst sort of Simony,
Be the Price of our Presentations:
Nor to wed a cast Mistress
When she's in great distress,
Our requisite Qualification.
13.
And if't be our chance
To serve against
France,
At Sea, on the
Rhine, or in
Flanders;
We earnestly sue t' ye,
That exempt from all duty
We may Dine with our Pious Commanders.
14.
Then Brandy good store,
With several things more,
Which we Sons o'th' Church have a right in:
But chiefly w' intreat,
You'll never forget
To excuse us from Preaching and Fighting.
15.
Let not a Commission
So change the condition
Of him that just carried a Halbert;
That a Dunce of no Letters
Should Hector his Betters,
For truly we cannot at all bear 't.
16.
Nor when the War's done,
Let's be broke ev'ry one,
To languish in Rags and lye idle;
Nor be so ill serv'd,
To be left to be starv'd,
And kept by a Bear, and a Fiddle.
17.
May it therefore you Please,
For your own and our Ease
To relieve us without hesitation:
For the Grievances told,
Are as frequent and old
As any besides in the Nation.
18.
Then on us take Pity,
And chuse a Committee,
Let no other Business prevent ye;
Our request do not spurn,
Nor Vote it to Burn
With a
Nemine Contradicente.
19.
To this if you yield,
Our Mouths shall be fill'd
With Encomiums of your Piety;
Whose excellent Fame
We will loudly Proclaim
And worship next that of the Deity.
20.
When thus you remove
What we disapprove,
We all, down to Z from the Letter A;
By Night and by Day,
Will fervently Pray,
As in Duty bound,
&c a.
LONDON, Printed for the use of the Petitioners; and sold by Tho. Ranew in Fleet-Street near Temple Barr. 1693.