SCENE I. Alba Regalis.

After several Loud Shouts and Acclamations of Joy, Enter the Rab­ble, with Torches in their Hands, and Faggots on their Shoulders, going to make Bonfires.

COme Boys! come! we'le make the Fire before Al­derman Trueman's door, he's an honest Cavalier.

Let him be as true as he will, we'le burn him for a Roundhead, without he gives us some Drink; believe me Neigh­bour, I am so scorch'd up with running and bawling, I am all [Page 2] over as dry as a Kix, Heaven send some Fellow or other does not mistake me for a dry Billet, and throw me on for Com­pany.

The man's a Fool o'my Conscience; do'st think we can want drink to day? There's a positive Order from the King to make us all as Drunk as Lords, that we may give God thanks for his happy Return to his Kingdoms.

Nay, I must needs say Neighbour, I always am most devout after a sound Evenings Draught: But what Saints day do you call this?

Why man, dost not know? 'Tis the Kings Birth and Return.

Indeed I never heard of that Saint before; but if he'le give us drink enough, he shall e'ne have my Prayers along with the rest.

The truth on't is, I always thought your drinking Saints had the least harm in them; so for my part, I'le go drink and pray as long as I can stand.

But heark you me Neighbour, what did our King do when he was abroad in strange Countries?

Do? Why what should he do but learn Manners and Breeding! Oh he's the courteousest Gentleman; if you did but see how he pulls off his Hat to the Ladies and Gentlewomen when he walks in the Park, or comes into the City. There's Alder­man Softhead's Wife, and half a score more, are in love with him so, they go constantly 3 or 4 times a Week to see him at Dinner, and the King always sends some of his Nobles to see them home, and that's a great Honour let me tell you, to their Husbands.

Ay, ay, Neighbour, you may talk of Honour as you please, but I heard Alderman Doolittle say, there was no profit in it; for besides the expence of entertaining these Gallants, whether these fine sights do work on his Wives Fancy or no, I can't tell: But whereas he was not us'd to have a Child once in four or five years, he finds now he gets one or two every year.

Why truly Neighbour, since this Kings coming, I must needs say, they have a very good Receipt at Court to help generati­on. [Page 3] I have heard some wise People say, his Highness is graci­ously resolved to communicate it publickly to all his Women Subjects.

Nay, it will save our Citizens a great deal of Charge, and their Wives a great deal of trouble of going to the Wa­ters.

Why don't you come away ho! you stand talking of Water, Water, and forget to make the Fire.

Ay, come, come away to the Bonfire, the Bonfire, hallo Boys, hallo.

Scene II. The Palace of St. Jacques.

Ha! the Duke here, and in private parly with his Brothers Mistresses! well, he's an unconscionable man, I'le say that for him; there's hardly a day goes but he picks one Jewel or other out of his Crown; and yet I'le be hang'd but he's bidding Money now underhand for his Whores, though o'my Consci­ence, poor Androgynes had rather part with that, than these. Well, he's a mild good-natur'd Prince, but is so unfortunately taken up with these plaguy Women, that this Brother of his has all the Administration of affairs in his hands; and I am afraid grasps the Sceptre so fast, that the King upon occasion would find it a hard matter to wring it out of them. I know this Caligula's Nature to be Ambitious and Cruel, witness his early Intrigues [Page 5] to supplant his Brother, even before his Restauration; and though by fatal experience to him we know Venus has sometimes the ascendent over him too, yet those serious whispers between him and these Ladies, seem to carry something more solid and im­portant than bare Amour: I must hearken.

A delicate pert Bona Roba this; these Women have as little Conscience as Lawyers, they'll take Fees I see, of all sides: But who have we here? Oh! foh! I am sick of the sight of them; [Page 6] Here's Paulbrough and le Talbo, Caligula's two Confidents, and dignified with the Titles of his Pimp and his Butcher; the two Horse-leeches of the Court, the one sucks up the Reputation, and the other the Blood of most of the honest People about it; like Comets they carry a malignant Influence and Aspect, and are ominous and destructive to all that have to do with them; the one to shew that he had a Religion (which was very much doubted) became a Convert to Paganism, and out of Gratitude to his Master, relinquished his God: The other's a Native Pagan of Teagueland, and consequently a Uillain by Birth; but want­ing Improvement, was recommended to the Duke, who by the Gift of a cast Whore, and a Colonel's Commission, has qualified him for his Service; so that when Poyson or Poynard, Halter or Pistol are to be us'd, he's the Captain Commandant, and takes care of the business. There will be nothing worth the hearing now, and so farewel Duke.

Udsnouns, Sir, I beg your pardon for swearing; but by Mahomet if you don't take some speedy course, we are all un­done.

Why, prithee Paulbrough, what's the matter?

Why, the Council has received Information of our Plot, and seem inclined unanimously to search into the bottom of it.

This shall search some of their Hearts first.

Intriguo your Secretary, like a Fool and a Villain, has confess'd a great many Points to Demophilus the Tribune.

Who was his Accuser?

That Uillain Pertinar, who to the Council has laid the Minutes of our Consults open; who have sent their Orders for Imprisoning those several Parties Pertinax accus'd,

Has he been bold to name our Royal Self?

you make me swear again; your Highness, I hope, will lay aside this Passion for a while; consider first what's proper to be done, and then doubt not the Execution.

This will put a plaguy stop to my former Designs; and I'm afraid I shall be obliged to change my Measures; and well if that will do too: This comes of Modesty in the Devils Name; I have been gaping like a Ninny these twenty years, and vainly thought to have had a Crown dropt into my Mouth! and have hardly eat or slept with any satisfaction for thinking and dream­ing of Revenge upon these cursed Christians, and now at last am like to be fairly fitted; that is, with a Gibbet sooner than a Scepter, a Scaffold than a Throne: The truth on't is, we have shewn 'em so many of our Experiments, that the Rogues have grown industrious upon it, and are like to take our Trade out of our Hands: A Body would have thought a Plot so closely laid, and so unanimously carry'd on, could never have faild; why, 'twill make our old Friend B [...]elzebub turn Bankrupt, his Inven­tion's grown thred-bare, and we shall never be able to shew our Faces again; unless

hold—ha! by Mahomet a good Thought that!

Take off Demophilus in the Bud! good! Dissolve the Sanhedrim; good again: Disgrace, that is, swear counter to Pertinar, best of all: ha, ha, ha—Well, I see what it is to deal with Devils of Honour; they promis'd I should be a King and I find me­thinks by Inspiration they'll be as good as their Words. Come my good Friends come Paulbrough and Le Talbo, you are Men of Sense, come, what Cure do you propose for these threatning Evils?

Cure Sir nay, I believe my Distemper will not last long. Axes and Halters are expert Physicians, they'll quickly put me out of pain.

[Page 8]

The truth on't is, I have been contriving a Counter­Plot.

A Counter-Plot man! marry that would be to the pur­pose: prithee let's hear it.

Why I'le e'ne make hast and run out of my Wits, and sure they'le ne're have the Conscience to suspect a madman for a Plotter:

O' my Conscience they'l suspect none else.

'Slife, would any but a mad-man like this Paulborough, that had a plentiful Fortune, and all things to his wish, that needed no Favours, and might have fear'd no Frowns, that had sufficient attendance, and might be free from dependance, would any but a Mad-man, I say, after this have turned Plotter, and make Sale of his Honour, his Estate, and his Conscience, to gain the poor returns of an ill-grounded Friendship, or at best, the caresses of a very weak Prince, and a more wicked man?

No, come Le Talbo fear nothing, I have a restorative Cordial for us all.

Nay, if your Highness brings us off this once, we shall make sure work i'fack next time, or else I'le give them leave to make mummy of me.

Well then my Friends I'le tell you; I had been contriving with these Ladies how to persuade Androgynes my Brother, to declare himself a Pagan, but this Discovery of our Plot, has also broke the Neck of that design for the present; so that I have resolv'd on new measures, which nevertheless if they take, will have the same effect as the former.

Udsbud, your Highness revives me.

In the first place then, Demophilus must be taken off; which falls to your Lot Le Talbo, and to be done with speed: if he lives to appear before the Sanhedrim we are all lost.

If he be mortal, your Highness need not fear him; if ever He tell Tales it shall be in a Vision.

His Papers I'le secure, they shall never rise against us.

But this plaguy Sanhedrim, there is no way to secure them too?

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Farewel, Dear Punks,

I'll be hang'd but they'll go near to quarrel who shall oblige me most: Well, I will reward them, I will be as just to them as they are to my Brother. These Court Ladies, I find, study Politicks as much as Amours; Interest is their grand Principle I see, and therefore they'll resolve to bow to the strongest side: Crafty Gypsies! they find Androgynes stands upon ticklish ground, his Rays grow short and dim, so they naturally turn to the Rising Sun. Well, I must cherish them till they have done my business, and then like an old Gar­ment I'll throw 'em aside.

Well now Le Talbo, there re­mains no more than to discredit Pertinax, and ridicule his Evi­dence, and then let them go whistle with their Plot. What think you, is my Invention good? My witty Brother with his fam'd Politicks will lag behind me perhaps.

Udoslife, if your Highness could teem but once in seven years to such purpose as this, we might save the trouble of send­ing to the Mufti or the Sorbonne for new projects: Udsbud, your Brother quoth al well, I'll say nothing, but I always thought your Highness had a fruitful Brain.

Well Gentlemen, we must to our several Stations. Le Talbo, you have not many spare hours; all Plots must have time to grow and ripen, that at last they may pop out and be usher'd in with as much seeming natural consequence as the dropping of Mellow Fruit.

I shall present your Highness with a Scheme of my Measures by to morrow Night, and in ten days you may expect the Execution; and for Pertinax his business, I have a trusty Troop of Myrmidons, whose Forlorn Hope of Mac's, Fitz's and Dermot's (like the Giants at the Gates of Enchanted Castles) will frighten your puny Knight-Errants, call'd Iuries, into a ready Compliance with their Allegations.

That's right, Le Talbo, I have a strange love for those Myrmydons, as you call them: If I had not a good opinion of my Mother, I should mistrust one or other of them had a hand in my Generation; I do strangely sympathize with them in their Manners and Actions.

[Page 11]

Odsountikins, they may be very useful to your Majesty, both in the obtaining and keeping your Kingdoms; I always love to stick close to a King when he has a good Army at his Back; Sword and Pistol are unanswerable Arguments, if his High­ness do but rightly apply them.

May it please your Highness, his Majesty requires your Presence in his Cabinet immediately.

What Company are with him?

Aristander, Demophilus, and one called Pertinar, just claim'd admittance upon weighty business.

ACT. II. SCENE I. A Prison.

THIS plaguy Demophilus! the Tribune, like a subtile Lurcher, trapann'd me out of my strong Hold, and be­tween jest and earnest, decoy'd me into a plain Confession of all; if I were but secure of him, I'd no more care for Pertinax's De­positions, than for the braying of an Ass.

The truth on't is, if he come in as a second Witness, it may be dangerous; but let me see; [he pauses] Our Society should not want an expedient upon a case of necessity, one would thinks.

No, o'my Conseience; if there be Halter, Dagger or Poyson to be got, you need not despair of healing a small Breach: What a complication of Villanies these Plotters are forc'd to en­gage in? like Thieues, who when they have rob'd a Man of his Mony, are many times forc'd to cut his Throat for fear of a Dis­covery. Ah poor Demophilus! there's an actum est of thee, I fear, and what is worse, I stand like one that from an adjacent Hill beholds a Shipwrack; yet the boisterous Singes bear so sierce and high, that I dare not attempt to save thee.

Your Servant, good Intriguo; what down in the Mouth Man? Come chear up, the Duke sent me to tell you, he'd take care to release you speedily: Good lack, if it were my case, how easily would I baffle that silly Rogue Pertinax! you shall see in a little time how I'll ridicule all his Depositions: C'nad I have a way with me, and let me tell you, that way shall make room for another way, till at last, mark you me, there shall be nothing in the way.

What Buffoon have we got here! Oh! cry a'mercy, this is the State-Scribler, and Caligulas Journey-man Pamphleteer, the [Page 14] Paper-Bully, that would set Rules to other People, and observe none himself; that with some few Flowers of Rhetorick plai­sters over his Nonsense, and would ridicule the World into a va­luable opinion of it; that for the sake of a Pension has forsworn telling truth, and was the first that ever made Lying a Pro­fession.

Come prithee Nobbs, leave off jeasting for once, and tell me, What does the World say of this Plot?

What Plot, Sir? what Plot? I tell you that in a little time I'll make it as plain as if I writ with a Sun-Beam, that there was not, is not, cannot, shall not be a Plot; and let me tell you, Sir, I'll do it so artificially, so smoothly, that e'gad Sir, though you be in it your self, when you read my Descants upon it, you shall have much ado to believe it.

I wish to Mahomet thou couldst do this Feat before my Trial comes on, it would save me a great deal of Trouble in my Defence, and my Fears of a tender conscienc'd Jury.

Oh Sir, no; the Plot must be in a manner prov'd first, or else you must know it would not be worth my while to con­fute it.

Oh! Devil! prov'd quoth he! I am like to be finely fit­ted then, I shall hanged as round as a Hoop.

What signifies that, as long as I prove there was no Plot afterwards? That's the main Point.

Thou hast struck a plaguy Damp upon me: His Words seem to be prophetick, and presage ill to me.

Though I cant suspect the Mercenary Jove of telling truth, yet his Words were dark and ominous.

Who knows but our good Caligula, out of Revenge for his Confession, and a desire to stop his Mouth for the future, may e'ne suffer him to be trip'd over, and so make sure of one? I know his Cruelty and ingratitude will not let him stick at any thing that may seem to advance his Designs.

Pish, prithee Intriguo, thou art more a Man than to be dis­gruntled at my Words; thou knowest 'tis my way, I make a Jest of every thing; I had once a design to ridicule the Whole [Page 15] Duty of Man, and Practice of Piety; and egad if I had gone on with it, I'd have made them as meer Banters as the Seven Wise Masters, or Tom Thumb.

Why but Nobbs, we Pagans pretend to a little Conscience; Hast thou none at all?

Pugh! we Authors have no more Conscience than Physiti-ans or Lawyers, we write for our Fee, and let the Causes justle as they please: There's only this peculiar Knowledge requisite in an Author, that is, to know who and who's together, and which side is uppermost. I have been tumbled to and fro, and toss'd up and down, yet still have been so happy as to light on my feet like a Cat: About forty years ago I was Fidler in Ordinary to the Usurper, and then took up with Ballads and small Sonnets in his Praise and Vindication; then when the King came in, I only chang'd Masters, and wriggled my self into the News-Office; and quickly perceiving how the World went, I fell a work on po­litical Observations, and by a sort of Jack-pudding Wit, peculiar to me, e'gad I made many a counterfeit piece of Sense pass for currant Ingenuity.

A very good Summary of his Life; what a great deal of pains he has taken to prove himself a Fool and a Rakeshame?

Pray Mahomet I fall on my Feet, as you call it, for I am on a plaguy Precipice.

Oh! alas you need not fear, the Duke will remember you, you know he is always true to his Word: Well, I hope to see thee abroad very speedily, we must crack a Pint together; the worst on't is, thou wants air here.

His Worship and you may have air enough one day; I am mistaken in my Politicks if I don't in time see you both hang in the open Air.

Well honest Nobbs, thou must let me see thee sometimes, and in the mean time give my humble Duty to my Master Ca­ligula.

I shall be your faithful Servant, and so farewel dear In­trigo.

An excellent Fellow this for our purpose, he neither [Page 16] wants Words nor Impudence, and those are two good Quali­ties to engage with Plot Catchers, Seignior Intriguo.

Ay, as he said, when the Plot is half prov'd or more, he will be a proper Man to amuse the World, and banter them into a disbelief of it; but in the mean time 'twill lie hard on me, if there be enough prov'd to condemn me; for if I be hang'd for a tryal of skill, you know it will be but little satisfaction to me whether it be proved or no afterwards.

Oh but Seignior Intriguo, there's the Merit of the Cause, and the advantage of Mother Church, which ought to supersede all other Considerations whatever.

Why truly Father, the thought of an Halter brings many Scruples into my Head; and upon a strict examination, I do not find that I have liv'd so much a Saint, as to have Courage to die a Martyr.

By Mahomet this Fellows Cowardize will undo us and the Cause; Udslife! we must find some expedient to stop his tatling.

So, here's like to be more work; did you ever hear such unreasonable Devils? they grumble at the Fellow, because he scruples to hang out of complaisance.

Prithee Intrigno, what needst thou fear? Demophilus, who is the greatest Evidence, will be taken off, the Duke has given Orders about it already, and we are preparing counter-Evidence to discredit Pertinax: Besides, if matters come to the worst, the Duke has a Pardon ready for you: All therefore that lies upon you is, to be silent; for upon the least voluntary Discovery yo're a dead Man on all sides.

SCENE II. An Antichamber.

Fresh, young, and hitherto untouch'd? sayst thou, I'le be ready exactly at Six; have you got my Disguise ready? [ he turns to Paulbrough.] It makes a Crown plaguy heavy and uneasie to have such a Company of Attendants hanging at it continually.

Uds bodikims! she's the dearest plump Creature as ever your Majesty saw; she made my old blood trickle, trickle, like a Snow-ball in the Sun; I was at the hardest task in the World to keep nature within bounds, but only respect to your Majesties wants went a great way with me.

His wants, quoth he! yes, his Majesty wants a Mistress, as a rich Miser wants Mony; that is, he'le never be satisfy'd till [Page 18] he has enjoy'd the whole Sex; if he holds on for seven years longer, we shall have a new stock of Nobles of his own beget­ting, he'le quickly have a House of Peers at least to his own mind: and yet, poor Man, he has very bad Fortune in the choice of his Ladies; I'le be hang'd but this fine thing they talk of is some cast Wench of this Lechers, and to save Charges, he recommends her to the King for preferment. Well! this King of our's, say what he will, must be a Pagan in his heart, he's such a plaguy admirer of Reliques. But was ever Prince so be­sotted and bigotted to Effeminacy and Pleasures, as to neglect all the necessary and weighty Affairs of this Kingdom, nay, even the Safety of his Life, which is so evidently prov'd to be con­spir'd against by his goodly Brother the Duke, to neglect all for that trifling Gugaw Woman! Heavens reform him!

This Count Paulbrough's muttering to himself does not hode well, I hope he has not the Art of Conjuring, though I think we need not fear his raising any thing worse than him­self.

Udsountikins! what can be the meaning of this musing and thinking? I have heard the Duke my Master say, he had rather have to do with half an hundred jolly, smirking, plump Fellows, than with one pale-fac'd lean plodding Mortal, they are always hatching Mischief, with a plague to 'em; this Rule may hold (saving in his Majesties Presence) now, for ought I know; His Highness looks very demure, I must find out a way to break the Charm:

Sir! Sir! your Majesty does not consider the time's past, and the dear little Angel has been expecting us with impatience. Well! 'tis a rare thing to be King, they need not stand whining and pining for love, 'tis but look and like and the Business is done.

Then she's a dear coming thing, Paulbrough; 'tis true, I hate a formal siege, where a body must wast good part of ones Ammunition before one can gain the Fort; I am clearly for one vigorous Assault, and love that my Enemy should trust my Ge­nerosity, and Surrender at Discretion. Well, Aristander and Demophilus, we commend your Loyal Care, and will consider of your Address. Come, lead the way Paulbrough.

How this old Serpent Paulbrough tempts the good easie natur'd Prince; he know's his weak side, and wo'nt give him a minutes time to recall an Errour. Here's plotting and counter­plotting of all hands, but Heaven knows on whom the Burthen will light! This Duke of ours is as busie as a Bee in Spring, though o'my Conscience he makes more Gall than Honey; he has some dark deep design on foot, which I must watch and unravel. Well, though his Brother be not over-cordial in his Affections to his People, yet of two Evils the least is to be chosen.

Scene III. The Queens Palace.

LOok ye here Gentlemen, I always took ye for the Dukes very good Friends, and I can assure you, he speaks ve­ry Kindly of you.

Nay, I must needs say he is a very good Pay-master, I have been Cut-throat in Ordinary to him these many years, and I cannot say he ows me a farthing: Let the World say what they will, I'le e'ne praise the Bridge I go over.

Nay, nay, I know his Highness as well as you, I had bargain'd with him about a small Job once, but things did not hit, so we were forc'd to give it over. But pray Sir, let us know how many there are to be dispatch'd?

Why, truly Sirs, you will have more work than you can turn your hands to in a little time; but at present I think one will do our Business.

But One!

I hop'd we should have had every one his man at least. [Page 22] Good lack! all this plotting and but one Throat to be cut! Bro­ther, we must ask high, or we shall never be able to live at this rate:

Pray Sir, is he old or young? for there is a great difference in Throats, and we must proportion our Wages ac­cording to the Difficulty of the Work: Oh! there are some Throats as tough as Whit-leather.

These are pure Rogues indeed, they talk as formally of cutting Throats as if they had a Charter for their Profession; 'tis a Regular Vocation with them:

I'le tell you Sirs in short, there is a diminutive old paultry Fellow, whom for no less Considerations than conspiring against the Dukes Life and Ho­nour, and endeavouring to render the honest Pagans of Hunga­ry Traitours, horrid Traitours and Plotters against the King's Life and his Highness, I would willingly have decently laid aside.

Ay, all the reason in the World, my very Conscience rises at him; Oh! Villain! Did you ever hear of such a wicked Fellow? What, Sir, will be the Purchase—you know what I mean, how much Sir? how much? You know we always make sure work,—Five hundred pounds Brother is but a small matter considering—

But considering the Gentleman promiseth we shall have the rest of his Highness's Work, let him drop the other Hun­dred, and here's Don Diego that shall do his Business.

Vdsniggs, five hundred pounds!

hold

e'gad, I have an itching desire to do it my self.

Come Friend, I was in good hopes, when thou wer't talking of Conscience, thou wouldst have been reasonable, and have had some respect to the Cause, I guess you are all Pagans your selves.

Truly, Sir, we have no Religion but our Trade, and we are always of that side that bids most mony.

Ha! I have brought my self into a fine Praemunire then e'gad; I find if I am out-bid, I may have my own Throat cut: What a plaguy thing it is to be such a cowardly Dog as I am? If I could have found in my heart to have undertaken this my self, I might have been clear of all this danger, and have had [Page 23] Five hundred pound in my Pocket. Well, I am in too far, and must go thorough with them.

Well, Gentlemen, considering my Master has a kindness for you, I'le not be a nig­gard of his mony; here's an hundred and fifty Pieces in hand, which shall be made up Five hundred within three days after you have done your Business. And now I'le tell you the person, you can­not but know him, 'tis Sir Demophilus the Tribune, that lives between Alba Regalis and the Queens Palace.

Oh lau! is it he? an ugly cross-grain'd old Rogue, our old Persecutor: Know him, quoth he? Ay marry, and good reason, I had cut his Throat long ago, if I could have light of a Chap­man, for 'tis against our Oath to do it gratis. If a man had been bread all his life time to some honest Vocation, suppose Picking of Pockets, &c. yet this unconscionable Fellow, if he could catch him, would punish him severely; and as I take it, that's clearly against the Statute: I'le engage your Business done Sir.

And pray, assoon as may be.

'Tis yet early, and I know his House, and we'le dog him, if it be possible, this very day.

One thing I had forgot, if you can decoy him into the Water gate, we can order matters so as to have his Body at our disposal. You had best dispatch, the Sun grows high.

Before to morrow's dawn we may give you a good ac­count of him; till then, Sir, Farewel.

I think I am now in a hopeful way of thriving; Secrets of this importance cannot but recommend me in a peculiar man­ner to the Dukes favour; and as he Rises (which, as far as I can gather, will not be deferred long) to be sure I shall be mo­ving and climbing too, and when I am out of their reach, what care I for a company of conscientious Fools prattle? Well, for my part, I am none of those hot-headed Fools that would venture my Life, and a good Pension, for a few vain Words and Babble; When a Man calls me Coward, I cry his Humble Servants. Let a­nother call me Cuckold, Pimp, Varlet, or Cut-throat, I laugh in [Page 24] his face, and tell him he Jeasts, and we are as good Friends a­gain as ever; and let other men take their own Measures as they please, I am sure 'twas these good Qualities that made me a Fa­vourite: Here's Demophilus the Tribune would needs be offici­ous forsooth, and see what he'le get by it: And there's half a dozen more will have their Rewards in good time, I'le warrant them.

ACT. III.
SCENE I. The Water-gate at the Queens Palace.

PRithee Sullen, thou art always so impatient and drow­sie, Udszookers, dost think to get thy Living by snoring? Come, come, let me tell you, this will be a comforta­ble Jobb, and we ought not to grudge our Pains.

Why, I don't know Brother Meager what's the matter with me to night, I am neither drowsie nor impatient, but I have a sort of an unusual Qualm come over me: I did not un­derstand this Le Talbo's Reason for taking off this Demophilus; Prethee what dost thou think it?

Nay, as for his Reason, I have nothing to do with it; if it be a false one, let him look to it, I am innocent. I am sure an hundred and fifty hard solid pieces of Gold carry reason e­nough to excuse me.

[Page 25]

Why then, is there no point of Honour or Conscience to be observ'd in our Trade, Meager?

Ha-Ha-Ha- thou mak'st me laugh in good earnest; Honour and Conscience, quoth he! Yes, yes, as much as in U­surers and Bankrupts, who when they have cheated and ruin'd the unwary young Prodigals, cast up their Eyes in a transport, and pretend to give God thanks for their good Fortune, my Pocket's the Rule of my Conscience.

But I would very fain know what this Demophilus has done.

Thou art a meer Novice, I see, never ask what he has done, but how much we are to receive. This plaguy Rawbone sure has got him, he stays so long; be sure you observe your Cue, Sullen.

Well! Well! Qualms never continue long with me, a thin Purse, and an empty Belly always cure my Melancholy.

Ha! That's the sign! Sullen, Sullen, make ready, our Game is drawing nigh.

Sullen!

Rawbone!

Where's Meager? Sontikins we have him Boys, he's within forty Paces, and alone, to our wishes; if we miss him now, I'le despair of him for ever. Be sure keep your Post, and be exactly ready; stand drawn, for fear of losing time: for rather than fail we must chop him down any how.

While Demophilus walks soberly along, Rawbone, just as he is passing the Water-gate, pops out upon him; in the mean time Sullen and Meager are just seen within the Scenes with their Swords drawn, clashing together as in a real quarrel.

For Heavens sake, Sir! as you are a Christian and a Gen­tleman, give your Assistance to part a couple of Friends, who are just now engaging in a quarrel within the Gate.

Alack! withal my heart, Sir.

Come, pray Gentlemen, do'nt murther one [Page 26] another here—in—the—dark.

Slife! who's that? what—do—you mean? Sir! Oh! Villains, un­hand—me! what? will you— mu—murther—me?

We'le only cut your throat, or so, Sir. Stop his mouth Rawbone, and bring him to the Rales.

Shall we strangle or run him through?

Oh! Villains! O—my— Go—God! Gent—lemen—have you—

no—pi—pi—ty! Oh! spa— m—li—ife.

He's safe enough; let's consider, if we wound him, the Blood will be seen.

No, no I'le twist his Neck, or strangle him.

Go—Go—d re—receive my Soul!

So, that Groan carryd him off: he'le trouble himself no more with Plots, or Depositions, I'le warrant him.

I can but laugh to think how sneakingly he'le look to morrow when he finds his Neck broke: but what shall we do with him, ho?

Why, let's tye a good weight to him, and throw him into the River.

No, no, that's against our Orders. We'le carry him into the adjoyning Mosque, till we know Dukes farther Re­solutions; A murrain on't; our Business is so soon over! Two or three such Jobbs would set me afloat bravely.

Never fear Boys; now the Dukes hand is in, he'le never do his Business by halves; they whisper at Court that the young Prince Damasippus and he have had a brush lately, and that Count Aristander and several other Nobles are taken notice of for their Zeal in the Discovery of this Plot; we can never fail of a good Harvest where there is so much Seed sown.

Well, well, we'le talk of this another time; let's away with the Body.

Ay, come hoist.

[Page 27]

Hey ho, a Tribune's as, heavy as three other People.

Udsbud, you may be sure he can't be very light, when he has the whole Plot in his Belly.

SCENE II. St. Jaques.

ALready! Le Talbo, and so dexterously! give the honest Villains Fifty Pieces more to drink my Health; they deserve it: How all things prosper with me! Well, these Jebusites of mine are great Politicians, they have blown the Plot up root and branch! But what did he say before he dy'd?

Why, they say he kept a great pother about his Sins, and begg'd for a little time to prepare himself: but—

He was a silly man to be unprovided; for he might have read his Destiny from the Minute of his Discovery. I hope some others will take Example by him; my Quiver is not empty yet.

These Cut-throats Arguments are very persuasive, they make a man a Convert in a moment: If your Highness did but see how demurely he looks, a body would not think he knew any thing of the matter.

Good Heavens! were there ever such hardned Villains! Murther is a downright Diversion with them, as if they kill'd a man only for the opportunity of breaking a Jeast: Sure this will not go long unpunish'd.

[Page 28]

But as to your Disposal of him, Sir.

I have already consulted it, and sent my Orders for the Execution. I want some body to form some plausible Argu­ments that he kill'd himself, for so it is given out.

Udslife! how Providence throws every thing in your Highness's Mouth? here's the fittest Fellow alive for it.

Thou art in the right; I have not seen the Blade these ten days, whith made me forget him. How now Nobbs, what thou art not concern'd in this strange Plot, art thou? Thou hast been absent so long, a body would suspect thee.

Yes efack, it is strange indeed, that there should be such abundance of Talk, and Nothing to be seen of it: But as my Brother Bays ingeniously says,

Well, I'le lay a Groat I fit those Roguy Whiggs with Invention one of these days, they will not be quiet till I have mauld 'em. But I pray did your Highness hear the News?

No: what News prithee, Nobbs?

Why, there's an Hue and Cry after Demophilus the Tri­bune, for hanging himself.

Hanging himself, man! is it true?

True, I'le warrant, for he can't be found high nor low.

Why, how do'st know he has hang'd himself then?

Why, a'nt please your Highness, I prove in thus: None but Madmen and Fools hang themselves; but Demophilus was a Madman and a Fool, therefore he hang'd himself. Ha—ha—ha, there's an Argument off-hand egad, I'le have it in my next Ob­servator egad, and you shall see how the grave Citts will hammer upon it: This is only to shew your Highness how an ingenious Man may baffle this dull plodding World egad: But the plain truth on't is, I do hear it whisper'd about that he has made away with himself, but as yet I know no particulars.

My Lord, Count Paulbrough sends your Highness word, [Page 29] that Demophilus the Tribune was this Morning sound run thorow the Body with his own Sword near Pyramose-Hill.

Ha! 'tis strange! though indeed I guess'd he would come to some such end; he was an ill man.

Nay, if thou hadst been either ignorant or Innocent, he had not yet come to his end. Oh! Vengeance! Vengeance!

Now, though the matter is plain, that he was his own Executioner, yet 'tis forty to one but some malicious Tongue will throw it upon others: Nay, they have been bold in some things, not to spare even our Royal self.

Pish, pish, 'tis as plain as the Sun, and the Reason for it prevent all dispute; for either there was a Plot, or there was not: If there was a Plot, he was afraid the Sanhedrim would have brought him in for a Snack for not discovering it sooner; and let me tell you, a man had as good be half hang'd as be brought be­fore a House of Commons; ergo, He was afraid, and so forth. And if there was no plot, as to be sure there is not, why then, mark you me, there's Scandalium Magnatum, and a hundred other Plagues, that let me be hang'd, I think he took the best way to remove himself by a Habeas Corpus; and if this be not demon­stration, I'le be bound to write Ballads as long as I live; and there's somthing for Observator again.

Such as these will do Nobbs: and I would have thee be speedy, and fall on first, to prevent all others babbling.

Nay, let me be hang'd, an't please your Highness, but you have hit upon my way to an hairs breadth; for when there is any Matter of Consequence likely to be disputed, then what do me I, mark you me, but espouse the Court Curse to be sure, right or wrong; and then do I, in a bantering sort of way, insinuate and introduce all the Arguments that the other side can possibly be suppos'd to bring, and by ridiculing some, and waving the rest, egad I leave them bustling and scratching their Heads to find out new Matter; for efack, if they come once to Repetition, whip I slave 'em like School-boys; so that egad in Conclusion I'le prove that this Sir Demophilus feloniously laid violent hands upon him­himself, and no body shall dare to contradict it: and so I hum­bly bid your Highness Farewel.

[Page 30]

Your Brother, Sir! alack, good Prince, so do I, and every honest body, a meek well-natur'd Kind as ever was known. But that—▪

But what, Le Talbo! it seems he is not so good, but thou hast an Exception for him.

I humbly ask yor Highness's Pardon; it was ill manners in me to make an Exception.

What was't, Le Talbo? sure thou may'st speak to me with freedom.

Good lack, Sir, I meant nothing but that, as all other men, he has some few small failings.

Good lack! how my wishes jump with your Highness; I have wish'd so many a time; Good Prince! he deserves to be one; this world is not worthy of him.

Yet he cannot find in his heart to leave it; he is in love with his Life, as bad Poets are with their Verses, and gives us the tedious Repetition of it every day.

Nay, the worst thing I like in him is, he won't take your Highness's good Advice.

[Page 32]

He is like the Dog in the Manger, that will neither eat the Hay himself, nor suffer the Horse.

Nay, now your Highness gives me leave, I will speak; He is neither true Pagan, nor Christian, but a meer Trimmer be­tween both, and foments a Division between both Parties, meerly to stave off their Designs against himself.

He has often promis'd, and as often deceiv'd me, and what is worse, I fear will never perform: Therefore, Le Talbo, I have resolv'd to change my measures, and take the shortest way to the accomplishment of my Designs.

And your Highness is much in the right; I am for falling too, without the formality of a long Grace; I hate waiting.

Udsbud, an't please your Highness, there's more bad News; 'Sountikins, I sweat for fear.

Thou never bring'st any good I think, what's the matter now?

Why, Udsbud, Intriguo is undone, quite undone; he has been try'd and found Guilty of a plaguy Pagan Plot, in the Devils Name, and the Sanhedrim have Petition'd to have him Executed off hand.

I did not care for all that, so I had but his Tongue secure, a fearful babling Dog; but I have taken care to have him fitted.

ACT III. Scene III.
A Prison.

NO Reprieve come! 'tis impossible!

'Tis true, and you have but two hours to pre­pare your self for Death.

Good lack, the Duke promised I should have it early, and without fail.

Nay, nay, and if he promised it, you need not scru­ple it; I wish I had a good security for my Life.

However, let the worst betide, I can thank my Stars, I die in a good Cause.

But for the present Father, I have a strange [Page 34] inclination to live in a good one; vengeance on it, I never lik'd this desperate way of maintaining a Cause as we call it.

Sir, Let me tell you my Sentiments clearly, you have but a very short time to consider of the great Journey you are going to take: I advise you therefore to improve it to advantage, if a Reprieve comes at last, you are still the same, if not (which may be doubted) you cannot but be doubly griev'd, as doubly disappointed.

Ha! Nobs here; nay, then, perhaps, I may have wrong'd my Master: He did not hear me, I hope.

Siegnior Intriguo, his Royal Highness the Duke, has sent—

[Page 35]

A Reprieve, or Pardon? Speak my good Angel; Has my just Master thought me worthy of his Remembrance? Good Prince, I did not doubt his Mercy; but yo know the very Apprehen­sions of Death, do strangely perplex a man: But prithee, dear Nobs, let's fee my last Comfort; my Hopes, my Joy; dear lack, how strangely I am altered in a moment; well, I vow, I was very melancholy, till I saw you, thou art born under a lucky Pla­net, thou alwaies bring'st good Tidings with thee. Come let me see it; is it a clear Pardon, or a Reprieve for pleasure.

A clear downright Pardon, an absolute Acquittance, for all Debts, Dues, and Demands, &c. That you shall never be trou­bled for any thing of Plot or Plotting again, while you breath.

Look yo here now, good lack, what an ungrateful Villain was I, to accuse so good a Master: Well, I could find in my Heart to Hang my self for pure spite.

But come, a murrain on it, we'll let that alone till another time; and now, dear Nobs, let me hug thee, 'fack I can crack a Pint now with some comfort ( They Embrace) with thee, and 'fack we will have it too. Come, Mr. Keeper, give Orders for an hearty Bottle; come, a Fart of Hanging now, I have got a Pardon, a Par­don, Boy (He leaps about.

Mr. Nobs, if you have brought Seigniour Intriguo's Pardon, you would do him a kindness to produce it: for my Warrant runs for Executon, this Morning at Ten of the Clock, and you see by my Watch the time is near expired.

Ay, ay, come produceit; these Keepers are so Sawey, when they have a Man in their Power. Sir, The Duke may remember your Malapartness.

Sir, I must remember my Business, and if I mistake not, your Worship will be part of it to day.

Heark you Siegniour, you cannot imagine what

a difficulty the Duke met with, before he could obtain it; for you must understand the Sanhedrim Petition'd and made a terrible Pother to have you Executed off hand; nay, the very Rabble were gathering and threatned to pull you out themselves; so that upon mature deliberation, it was thought [Page 36] sit, and concluded, bewteen the King and Duke, mark you me, that you should for Meer Formality, and to asswage the grow­ing Fury of the People, that you should, I say, be drawn to the place of Execution, and then Sir 'gad, I can but laugh at the Jest, mark you me, just as they expect to see you Dangle, whip, rush me, I, or some Body else in, no matter who, with the Re­prieve, though at the same time, we must be forc'd to make a for­mal Excuse, that you are to be Examin'd, or so, again, in Council, before you Die; and so Sir, as I told you, under that Delusion, egad, we whisk you away, and so give them the Slip for ever.

Oh! ye Devil, lost! lost! ruin'd,

and undone for ever! Drawn to the place of Execution, quoth he, ay, and Hang'd at the place of Execution; What a Devil should I do there else?

Why, this Nobs, Brother, is the Miracle of his time; what a Feteh was there, and how he prepared him for it? Egad, as he says, if he once come to the place of Execution, I know what will follow.

No Reprieve, I'll secure him, and it will be too late to tell Tales then.

But prithee, dear Nobs, art thou in earnest; thou hast curdled my Blood strangely, that was boyling just before with Joy: bur prithee, that's the way to be torn to pieces by the Rab­ble, if I should escape Hanging.

Udslife, Siegniour Intriguo, you are the strangest incredulous man; Udssish, if the Duke know this, let me be hang'd, 'twould be of ill consequence; pray let us have no more of that Siegniour.

Sir, The Praefect, according to Warrant, demands the De­livery of your Prisoners for Execution.

Siegniour Intriguo, I must obey.

I submit.

Well Nobs, I hope thou wilt remember thy old Friend.

Fear nothing, I shall, within these two hours, see thee as­suredly safe and well.

[Page 37]

As Halter and Coffin can make him.

Sir, The Praefect waits.

ACT. IV. Scene I.
Corinna's Bed-chamber.

So, so, the Scene begins well, now for a good Limner, we shall have delicate Figures for his Fancy to operate on present­ly: Well, if the Women hold [...] they begin, they'll certainly shame the Men out of the Beastly Sin of Drinking.

Dear Leonora, and my Soul Corinna,

Yes, poor deluded Monarch! thou may'st Live

What sawcy Slave is this, that boldly durst

Intrude upon my Privacy and Pleasures.

Corinna Goes to the Door.

Who's there? And speak by whose Authority

You thus presume to Alarm my Apartment.

Verily Madam, I am Damasippus, and must Speak to the K. immediately; I have Important Business to deliver to him.

Prince Damasippus always should be welcom

To great Androgynes and me

I desire always to be welcom to the King; Pray Madam let me be happy in his sight.

My Lord the King's retir'd, and is asleep,

And gave strict Orders not to be disturb'd.

'Slife, This Prince carries a great Stroak with Androgynes, and if he should take him away with him, we should miss of our Business: He must not see him.

Your Highness must needs rest satisfied 'till Morning,

For His Majesty must not be disturb'd.

You'll not use Violence, my Lord.

I hope you don't fear Ravishing, my Lady.

What Noise is that?

What bold Intruder is this?

I humbly conceive, the rarity of such an Action will be a sufficient Apology to your Majesty, for your Faithful Subject and Kinsman, Damasippus

Alack, alack, Good Cousin:

What makes you here at this time of Night? What, I'll warrant you thought you were at the Siege of Rhodes now; well, you are a Fierce Assailant, but I think you mistook the Cittadel.

Dread Sir!

Well, good Cousin, thou art a rare maker of Speeches, wil't make One for me to Morrow.

My Blood to serve you should as freely go, as now my Words.

Nay, nay, But prithee Cousin, thou art turn'd a meer Sto­ick all of a suddain: Come you have been dozing like an Old Pae­dagogue, over some Obsolete Author, to find out some Abstruse Question to puzzle his Schollars; Come Damasippus, here's that will bring theeto thy Self again: Come to Love and Beauty, and Hang Business.

So, so, That will set him a Float presently, he'll be nothing [Page 42] but Tropes and Figures in a Moment; you'll see him make a meer Fool of this Old Politician.

Come Cousin, take your Glass; with the Health;

To every Thing in Season.

Ay right; Come Corinna, give me the Glass;

This Cousin of mine will improve upon our Hands,

He begins to speak to the purpose.

Pray Heavens His Majesty may doe something to right pur­pose.

Well, I find I shall do no more good upon him to Night; He's taking Opium on purpose to forget himself, and the Kingdom: I will wake him again however in the Morning. I humbly Beg your Majesty to consider of my Petition.

No, rather let us Love and Live for ever.

That came from her Heart o'my Conscience; her way of Living would give a Body but very little Encouragent to Dye.

[Page 43]

What means my Liege?

These Actions seem to bear a Mystery.

What a Devil have we to do now? Mean, quoth a, What should he mean, but to go and repeat your old Lesson of W—ing? I'll be Hang'd but this seeming backwardness carrys some Plaguy de­sign, or other with it.

So, so, I see the Mine is ready to Spring; I thought there was some new Business in the Wind; now we shall hear the Con­science of her Request; I'll warrant little less than half the next Subsidy: Oh! these Misses are chargeable Petts, a Body may keep a stud of Mares, and three Packs of Hounds, cheaper than one Wh—

Nay, It must be the remaining Half then; for she has had the value of one half from him already: Now a Body would think that a Prince that had seen himself so long kept out of his Kingdoms, should not be so free of disposing of them at every turn, to a paul­try, painted Strumpet.

[Page 44]

Speak on; and by our Holy Prophet I do swear, To th' half my Kingdom it shall be fulfill'd.

Udslife, I am in a plaguy taking; Heaven knows what will be the Event of this: this looks like a laid Business.

Oh Racks, Plagues, Fire, Hell and Tortures! If he grants this, the Kingdom's ruin'd. Oh Androgynes! Androgynes! Consi­der what they ask, and what thou art to give! Consider that thy own, as well as the Kingdom's safety, are at Stake; and none but thy Enemy's can require it: This is the Duke all over; there's his very Picture in the whole Transaction; no wonder they did not ask for more Money; no doubt, they'll have their Wages from him, and be well paid, if they obtain.

Stay Corinna, stay Leonora, come you must pardon this abrupt way of dealing with you, an ugly Crabed thought or two came into my head, and put me on musing, but it is over; but I have resolv'd.

To send them out of his sight for ever, I hope.

To grant I hope your Hand-maids poor request.

To send and to dissolve the Sanhedrim.

Long Live and Reign the great Androgynes.

Who waits there, Dione.

Good Heavens! what will this come to? this must breed bad Blood in the Kingdom, we shall be altogether by the Ears in a Moment▪ Our goodly Duke longs for nothing more, and when mat­ters are in Confusion, he thinks to pass Unobserv'd. Well, come when it will, every Man must take his Fortune.

ACT IV. Scene II.
The Palace at St. Jacques.

YOu know honest Country Men it stands us upon: If the Duke fail, all our hopes are quash'd for ever.

Ay, by my Shoul dear Collonel, but the Divel taake me if he do fail.

No be Chreest and shaint Patrick, but I would Swear the Moon and the Sheven Stars down first.

You know how the business is, and what to swear.

Hubboo! Hubboo! What to Swear? Ay by my Fait do I Dear Joy; I vill Swear, I vill Swear; Ay by my Shoul it be no matter what I do Swear, as long as the Shudge will be wid me, and taake my part.

This is a pack of rare Villains of the right Stamp and Breed; a Generation that suck in Villany with their Milk, whose Native Language is a compound of Oaths, and Lying their only In­heritance; who have Courage enough only to render 'em Ruffians, and who have no other Sence or Honour than Impudence. Now there are good Caligula's Creatures and Favorites, the Darlings of His heart, and his only true Friends, that are prepar'd to comfort and discountenance the Plot, and to Hector People out of their Belief, or their Lives: But let's hear their Lesson.

You must take your Corporal Oaths, That this Pertinax was with you in Company in Hungary, the very time that he declar'd he was over Sea.

Ay, the Devil taake me, but he was, I vill taake my Oath, by any Corporal in Teagueland, if my Collonel says so.

An obedient Rogue to his Officer this: and yet such is the Iniquity of the preseut times, that the Duke do's not doubt to get a Judge to perswade, and a Jury to believe such an Evidence.

[Page 48]

I have several other points to instruct you in; but you must taake time to practice this first.

By my Shalvashon dear Joy, I must have some great ting to swear against dis Pertinax: ara But who be dis Rogue dear Joy?

Oh Hone! Oh Hone! a Rogue that do maake a great Swear against our Holy Shurch.

In the mean time here is some Money for you, and if you do your business well, the Duke will make you all Officers, you shall all have Commissions.

By Chreesht dear Joy, Saint Patricks Blessing be upon thy sweet Faash.

ACT V. Scene I.
The Long Gallery at Alba Regalis.

OH Treason! Treason! Villains, Rogues; Whether shall an Honest Man fly to secure himself? Hell never could match these cursed Pagans, these bloody Jebusites, and more bloody Caligula!

Why how now Remarquo; Thou art not afraid of me sure?

Yes marry, and good reason. Stand off, Sir: I shall be brought in for the new Plot here, presently. Come Sir, come, I'll have no Papers convey'd into my Pocket;

No, not so much as the Old Observator. Look, look, the Villain has 'em ready in his Hand: If the Rascal should Forswear himself now, and say he had them from me.

Pish, prithee Man, never Fear; Thou dost not look like a Plotter: Come, come, I'll Protect Thee; and egad, if thou art not satisfied, I'll Publish it in my Weekly Paper; and then see who'll be so bold as to contradict it: But the Truth on't is, there is a hor­rible Plot found out, carry'd on by the Whiggs, to destroy far [Page 50] and near all that ever they could lay their hands to: Oh! they are terrible Fellows I'll warrant ye; the Pagan Plot was one of theirs, it was as like 'em as ever they could stare.

Good lack, Sir, I thought you had taken a great deal of pains to prove there was none: Your Memory fails you; or may be that which was but an Embrio then, is by this time grown to per­fection.

Why this it is now to have a Man's Sense thrown away, up­on Ignorance and Heedlesness. I prov'd, Sir, 'Gad, and no body can gainsay it, That there was no Pagan Plotter; and now, Sir, I'll prove, that this and that are all one.

O' my Conscience the Monkey has unluckily hit on the right of it; the same Heads made both.

But pray, Sir, what sort of Persons are they that have engaged in this new Plot, as you call it?

Why, between you and I, Sir, every one that had the impudence to prosecute the old One: And 'Gad, Sir, let me tell ye, it is but rea­sonable; for the King and Duke have declar'd it shall be so.

And indeed I believe that's all the evidence they have to prove it. But pray, Sir, what Persons are taken up about it?

Oh! a great many, you may be sure; but the chief are Count Aristander, who is clapt in the Great Tower, together with the Lord Poliarchus, and Timon, 'Gad, whom I am very sorry for; he is a Brother of the Quill, and, 'Gad, some sharp things were found by him, fo that he was committed among the rest.

Against whom did he write, pray Sir? Did he name any one?

No, no; but the truth on't is, he wrote very scurrilously, that I must needs say, and upon a false Topick.

Yes, I heard he had the confidence to write, that Kings were made of the same Flesh and Blood as other People; that they were subject to the same Infirmities as other Men; that Lusts, Pas­sions, and Vices, were sometimes predominant in them, as in others; and consequently when any of them were so given over to all sorts of Licentiousness and bloody Tyranny, as to neglect the great End for which they were set over their People; and instead of protecting them in their Laws, Liberties, Religion, and Lives, they would [Page 51] endeavour wholly to subvert and destroy them; that then it was lawful for such a People to take such proper means as might restrain; and if that would not do, to resist, and obtain that by force, which he would not in Justice grant: And all this as his private general Opinion of the Case, without the least Reflection on the King or his Government.

Ay but, Sir, if the King thought it was, 'tis sufficient for his Im­prisonment and Condemnation.

Nay, he was not so wise as the Fox in the Fable, who mee­ting a Beast with a bunch in his Forehead, going to the Lion's Court, told him the King's Proclamation to forbid the access of all horned Beasts. But the Beast pleading his Bunch was no wise a Horn, the Fox warily caution'd him with your Question, What if the King should call it so? But all this while, Mr. Nobbs, this is Arbitrary and Tyrannical.

Udslife, how came this Hobby-horse with such a weighty Ob­jection? 'Gad I must pump hard to confute it in my next Observator; and 'Gad I'll do it, I'll warrant me.

This is dangerous Discourse, let me tell you; but it shall go no farther, because you are my Friend: But 'Gad I could give you such an Answer to't, as should make you stare.

I am willing to be instructed.

Ay but, Sir, I shall take my own opportunity, and so fare­wel.

He still keeps to his old way of Answering, like a Dog when he lights of a very hard Bone, he smells to it, and lets it lie.

ACT V. Scene II.
The Royal Nurse.

AY, Neighbour, that's true; but however I care not how many Plots there are, so there be no Taxes.

True; what care I if the Sanhedrim don't sit these seven years. A murrain on 'em, they never come together but it costs me as much Money as would maintain my Family a Month: Beside, 'twonld be ill manners to pretend to love 'em, when the King so solemnly hates 'em.

Why, to be plain, Neighbour, I could be content to live without Taxes as well as any of you; but I fear we shall pay for it one day; as they say, the King is not made of Money, nor is he so very thrifty of that little he has, but that he must want in a little time; and then 'tis more than probable we must play over the second part of the Tune call'd Royal Aid, or Ship-Money, or something worse. Come, come, Neighbour, the Sanhedrim have been very bountiful already, and there has been but very odd Accounts of the laying it [Page 53] out; and now they are willing to keep their Hands in their Pocket, till they know what use their Money's to be put to.

A good honest sort of a plain Fellow this, and not altoge­ther insensible.

But, Neighbour, were Sanhedrims ordain'd for nothing but to find out ways to give the King Money?

Not for these twenty years last past, I think they have been of little use else.

He is in the right on't; for the King and his Brother being very wise good Men themselves, did not need their Advice in any thing else.

But what news have we got to day, Neighbour? What says that bawling Nobs, in his plauguy Observator?

Why, he says there is a most horrible New Plot; and that there's above half the Kingdom concern'd in it.

Ay, and the better half every way; for there's hardly an honest Man in the Kingdom but will be brought into it.

Look, look! is not that Mr. Trueman of our Country, Neighbour? 'Tis he, I believe, just come to Town too; I'll speak to him. Sir, I am glad too see you; How long have you been come?

I am just alighted, thank ye, good Country-man. Well, how fares it with you? What good News stirring?

Why, truly nothing at present, but the old News of the New Plot.

Is that all? I am glad of it indeed. I was in Company yesterday-morning near forty Miles off, where it was confident­ly asserted, That Count Aristander had kill'd himself in the Tower.

Ha, ha! kill'd himself, quoth he, I wish I had a good Lease of his Life till that time.

How! kill'd himself! Pray, Sir, we had not a word of it here.

Why only cut his own Throat, or so; Sir, that's all.

Neighbour Gripewel! Neighbour, come hither, I'll tell you some News. Ha, ha, cut his Throat, quoth he!

[Page 54]

What news?

Why, this Geatleman heard in the Country yesterday, that Count Aristander, that wise, temperate, pious Nobleman, had kill'd himself; cut his own Throat, Mun; ha, ha, ha.

Yesterday? you mistake, Sir, it was to day.

No, no, Sir, it was yesterday, and forty Miles off this place, so it was.

Why, I tell you it was impossible; it was this very day, and within these two hours.

What, Sir, you heard it within these two hours?

No, Sir, it was actually done within these two hours; Ari­stander cut his own Throat, Sir, within these two hours in the Tower, Sir; I came but just from thence.

Heavens bless us! Is it true then?

He did it with a Razor, and with a good will too, for he has almost cut his Head off; and after he had done it, he steps to the Window, and throws out the Razor, that he might not be found Felo de se.

Oh! my misgiving Soul, how true a Prophet hast thou proved!

I can tell you father, that the good Lord Poliarchus is up­on his Trial found Guilty of High Treason.

ACT V. Scene III.
The Vestry belonging to the Jebusites Chappel at St. Jacques.

[Page 57]

Our Holy Prophet knows, most Reverend Fathers,'tis not Ambition prompts my eager Soul, thus to ascend the Throne my Brother fills; Nor can it Interest be, since all the Kingdom, my Treasures mount almost to In­finite; nor can the other Darling of ones Soul, Revenge, allure me to com­mit this Deed.

Why, when he speaks thus, he certainly pretends to banter us.Ud­slife, sure he would not mock us: Not Ambition, quoth he! No, not Ambition by any means; though he could dispence with, and intreigue and endeavour to supplant his Brother, before he enjoy'd his Crown: But that's all one; he does but blandish our own Weapons; and we'll give him leave to talk, so we get but our Ends of him. And then again, 'Tis not Interest: Ha, ha, ha; I'll vow he makes me laugh: No, not Interest? though by Traffick and Merchan­dising, by the best Places of Profit, and by cheating his Brother, he has scrap'd up half the Money of the Kingdom, for this very Use and Design: And then for Revenge, since I am never like to be his Enemy, and consequently not liable to it, I'll not trouble my self much with it; though by the bye, I could instance in a Cloud of Witnesses, to bear Testimony of his calm forgiving Nature.

ACT V. Scene IV.
Scene St. Jacques.

WHO waits there? Enter Waiter: Where is Erone?

May it please your Majesty, she waits the Dutchess's com­ing in the Antichamber: You both can sing Damon's Farewel. Call her, and let me hear it.

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'Tis a good Melancholly Humour; Is it not Brother?

Sir, I am no admirer of dull, heavy, Love Songs; I am for the noise of Drums and Trumpets, and Shrieks of Conquer'll Enemys: I hope to see him make me a little such Musick by and by: This Song might serve for an Epi­taph; I wonder how the Devil he came to hit on this unluckly Humour! I hope he has no dying thoughts of a sudden, that may spoil our design

It grows pretty late; I wish your Majesty would honour us with your Com­pany at Supper.

Ay, come lead on.

Come all sit down; we must be equal here:

Le Talbo, thou must wait; the rest retire:

Some Wine Le Talbo.

Sir I be bold to Whisper; Long last Corinna's Charms.

Come with all my heart; I love the little Jade strangely: She has some little Pouting looks, that take me very much.

I have that will take him more: Come fill to D'Arlin.

Your Highness is in a very pleasant humour; I Cogratulate it: Has your Highness any extraordinary Occasion for it?

Why verily, D' Arlin, that which revives all Mankind

The bravest Bona, Roba, Fresh and Plump, Fine and Gay. Your Ma­jesty will give me leave to part in time, for the Minute draws near.

For his Destruction.

Prithee, Caligula; thou hast put me a gadding too. Le Talbo, get me Chocolate before I part.

Fortune still waits upon me! Why he thrusts himself upon it, without my Advice or Assistance. Well, I may say my Conscience is clear. ( Aside.) Come, D' Arlin, thou hast a sweet Tooth left, a ticklish Vain doubtless

'Tis well made; and a good taste.

Well, I'll straight be ready to go.

I'll warrant thee ready to Dye presently.

What strange dizzyness is this that o're whelms my Brain! My Spirits sink and throb about my Heart: Heaven keep us from Treachery: I'll give the King a hint, Heavens preserve him, and I care not.

It works too soon, I fear

Never fear; if he fall now, there's his Old Distemper will bear the worst can be said;

he has been us'd to an Apoplexy, and this will symbolize with it.

I must take my leave of your Majesty, while I send this Note.

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No, stay 'till we all go.

Read this, Great Sir! I have just

Life enough to wish you safe

Heavens save ihe King!

Save him! What dost mean? His Life? If thou wer't another Bro­ther, thou should'st pay for that Word, if he should recover; I'll not have so much as one good Wish, during my Reign, which I reckon is well be­gun. Here, make a noise, and Alarm the Court! We must have the For­mality of Mourning. Well, Is not this an easie way of obtaining a King­dom?