THE CAPTIVE Taken from the STRONG: OR, A true Relation of the gratious release of Mistrisse Deborah Huish (by the Arm of the Almighty) from under the Power of the Tempter, by whose firy Conflicts she had been sorely vexed for about fourteen years; as it was Faithfully written from her own mouth, BY WILLIAM ALLEN, Late Adjutant-General in Ireland.

He brought me up also out of an horrible Pit, out of the miry Clay, and set my feet upon a Rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new Song in my mouth; even praise unto our God: Many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. Psal. 40.2, 3.

I will never forget thy Precepts, for with them thou hast quickened me. Psal. 119.93.

London, Printed for Livewel Chapman, at the Crown in Popes-head-Alley. 1658.

To the Christian READER.

READER,

THou hast here a true Narra­tive of the various and won­derful dealings of the Lord with this his poor Hand-maid, now made rich in Faith, (through grace) after fourteen years exercise, under great horrour, and soul-dismaying di­stresse, as it was taken from her own mouth, at several times, by my self, since the Lord by his grace inlarged her heart, causing her thus to speak to his praise.

The matter herein contained needs not Epistles of commendation, at least from one so weak and unworthy as my self, who to my grief and shame may say, have not yet attained to the least part of this rich portion the Lord hath bless'd her soul with. And indeed, the whole is an Epistle that may be seen [Page] and read by all discerning Christians, to have been written on her heart, by the Spirit of the living God; which I hope will more commend it to every gracious soul, then any thing from man can do: though when I call to mind the deep distresses of soul I have known her in, for some years pass'd; with the gratious deliverance the Lord hath now wrought for her, agreeable to that pray'd for in Psal. 126.4. O Turn again our captivity, O Lord, as the streams in the south; and fulfil­ling that pretious promise in the 5. and 6. verses of that Psal. They that sow in tears, shall reap in joy, &c. I may truely say, I am in my own thoughts (as to the gratious surprizing nature of this special mercy) even as one that dreams.

Reader, be not offended at the homely dresse this comes forth in, ei­ther as to often repetitions of the same things, with little variation, the want of Oratory, eloquence, or what else the wisedom of this world calls ornament: [Page] this being intended chiefly for the use of those that little mind such things; it was judged, it's own natural simple Attire would best become it. Besides, this gratious soul, since her rescue out of Satans power, hath been under very frequent and renewed assaults from him, who hath set upon her often with the same temptation; and the Lord hath taught her to use the same Wea­pons he gave her at the first, with great successe, to oppose him at those several times; which were thought necessary to be set down accordingly (as appears more particularly in the insuing Nar­rative) That so the Devil's rest­lesse malice to disturbe and de­stroy; and the Lord's continued faithfulnesse to succour and deli­ver, might the better be observed: But if it be substance thou seekest (and that will satisfie) I dare be bold to say, thou wilt here find it; yea rich treasure (though in a poor earthen Vessel; (which will render the praise of this pretious mercy more [Page] properly due to God, unto whom alone it belongs.) She was, when she declared these things, much in that frame of Spirit, mentioned in 1 Cor. 2.3. In weaknesse, in fear, and in much trembling. And her speech (though plain and mean) thou wilt find in some measure, answering that in the fourth verse of that second Chapter, viz. in the demonstrati­on of the Spirit, and of Power.

And of whom I may further say, she delights not to make a fair shew in the flesh, but rather to be found glo­rying onely in the cross of Christ Jesus, by which the world is cru­cified unto her, and she much cru­cified unto the world.

The ends of Publishing this Nar­rative (next to giving the glory of this mercy to the Lord, to whom alone it is due) are, first, to warn sinners (especially such as make a mock at sin, as in Prov. 14.9.) to take heed, how they make light of that which the Lord can (and frequently [Page] doth) make so weighty, when he binds it on the conscience of the sinner (as in the insuing Narrative more at large appears; which I desire such may with fear and trembling read, and consider well.)

If God did so deal with this green Tree, what then may be ex­pected he will do to the drie ones? that so, if possible, such might be stopped in their Carreer in wayes of sin and Ruine, and caused to return by this poor souls sad experience, who having indeed known the terrours of the Lord, doth declare them, to that end that she may perswade men. But secondly, and more especially, that poor, drooping, disconsolate, dis­couraged souls, who are, or may be ready to faint under the weight of their Iniquities, and just dis­pleasure of the Lord discovered against them; who by reason there­of may be ready to say, as in Lament. 3.18. That their strength and hope is perished from the Lord: and as [Page] in Isai. 49.14. That the Lord hath forsaken them) might here­by be succored, supported, and in­couraged, to look towards the Lord, and the strength and length of those everlasting Armes, menti­oned in Deut. 33.27. Which may be underneath, when not discerned, as in this poor souls case; they were en­compassing and upholding (though not comforting) her, when she ex­pected nothing but the stretching them out to her eternal ruine. In her four­teen years dangerous Voyage through such a tempestuous troubled Sea, when all that time (as it were) neither Sun, Moon, nor Stars appeared, and her soul with continual Billows going over it, was sorely afflicted, tossed with tempest, and not comforted; yet he (whose way is in the waters, and his footsteps in the great deeps, was then with her, as in Isai. 43.2. (when thou passest tho­row the waters, I will be with thee, &c. Checking the proud [Page] Waves; and as is said, Job 38.11.8. Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further; and here shall thy proud waves be staid:) and his thoughts towards her, even all this time, as in Jer. 29.11. Thoughts of peace, and not of evil, &c. and doubtlesse shall also in due time appear to be the same, towards all his poor tossed troubled ones (who for the pre­sent may walk in darknesse, and see no light, as in Isai. 50.10.) and yet (he that hath promis'd to bring the blind by a way that they know not, as in Isa. 42.16.) is lea­ding them in the return, in that path mentioned, Jer. 31.9. They shall come with weeping, and with sup­plications will I lead them, &c. And surely such shall have cause in the end ( with this late redeemed captive, and other pretious ones) to admire the Riches of God's infinite grace; and say as in Rom. 11.33. O the depth of the Riches, both of the wisedom and knowledge of [Page] God! how unsearchable are his judgements, and his wayes past finding out! And in the mean time may hereby be helped to put some check to their own troubled thoughts, at least so far as not to make them (as is too u­sual) the Rule and measure of those in­finite transcendent thoughts and wayes of God towards them.

And truely the bringing forth of such a glorious work as this, out of such a barren Womb of apprehended impossibilities (when even Faith, hopes, and hearts, of the strong­est failed concerning it) I cannot but think was given in at such a sea­son, to raise our Faith and hope in the Lord, by looking upon this si­gnal mercy, at a pledge and pattern of what God will yet do, not onely for poor disconsolate souls in like conditi­ons; but also for the recovery and raising his publicke works, so far gone back in these Nations, in this sad declining day, as causeth many of Zions Friends to speak sadly and [Page] doubtfully of them, as they of Christ, Luke 24.20, 21, 22, 23. Who were sad in the sense of his being taken from them (as in v. 17.) and to be mourning as Mary, in John 20.13. And some of them are ready to faint with crying, Lord, how long? and, Help Lord, as in Psal. 12.1. While their Enemies insult, as in Lament. 2.16. Saying, Certainly, this is the day that we looked for. And as in Psa. 35.20, 21. are devising de­ceitful matters against them that are quiet in the Land; and yet are subject to say, as in Jer. 50.7. They offend not, &c. Yea some of Zions pretended lovers raised and lifted up (it's to be feared too highly) by her, are dealing unkindly with her; and that under highest pretences of real affection to the name and cause of God, and interest of his people ( as in Isai. 66.5. Saying, Let the Lord be glorified, &c. all so much invol­ved in our late publicke transacti­ons, but now almost all given up in­to [Page] the hands of those that hate, re­proach, and scorn them; which is a sad cause of lamentation; and O, that it may lie with due sense upon the hearts of all Zions mourners, to spread before the Lord as a lamentation; and more especially the causes of it, (some of which are mention'd (as I judge) Lament. 1.8, 9. Jerusalem hath grievously sinn'd, &c.) That so we may be led thereby to the cure (which I fear we much want) as they of old, Jer. 8.6. They spake not a­right, no man repented him of his wickedness, saying, What have I done! Ah! the Lord hath yet a work to do on Mount Zion, before the rod can will be removed, as in Isa. 10.12. Wherefore it shall come to passe, that when the Lord hath performed his whole work upon Mount Zion, and on Jerusalem, &c. And were that done, judgement would soon return to Righteousnesse, and all the upright in heart should fol­low it.

But alluding to the Acts 26.8. I would yet say, Why should it be thought a thing incredible that God should raise the dead? consi­dering what he hath done in this late captives case; and what is Prophe­sied and promised he will do more pub­lickely in the most needful season, Isai. 5.9. from the first to the sixteenth, much our case (as thou maiest read at leasure) and yet his cure reacheth it, mention'd in v. 17. compare also Isa. 51.3. where he hath promised to comfort Zion with all her waste places, &c. and in v. 22, 23. Thus saith thy Lord, the Lord and thy God, that pleadeth the cause of his people; Behold, I have taken out of thine hand the cup of trem­bling, even the dregs of the cup of my fury, thou shalt no more drink it again, but I will put it into the hand of them that afflict thee, &c. And many other pretious words of the like import, which I shall not mention here, being well considered, doth af­ford [Page] us (in this vally of Achor) a door of hope.

But that I may not detain thee from this Feast of fat things, the best of which is last (according to Christs old Method) John 2.10. I shall haste to a close, in the words of the Psalmist, Psal. 107.43. Whoso is wise, and will observe these things, even they shall understand the loving kindnesse of the Lord: Which that my soul with thine may be taught to do, and improve accordingly; I beg thy earnest supplications for me at the throne of grace, who am the most unworthy to make mention of the name of the Lord, (or any concerns of his) yet desire to be found in this evil day, bearing my part with his poor Mourners; having much cause, under the sence of my own, and sight of o­ther abominations abounding in this day, calling to that duty: Yet cannot but rejoyce in this great deliverance wrought for this poor soul; hoping and longing for the remaining deliverances, purchased for (and promised to) whole Zion: which the Lord hasten in his time: even so, AMEN.

W. ALLEN.
Sand in Devon the second day of the first Moneth, 1657.

To every true Mourner over his own, and Zion's sins and sorrows; especially to such in the Churches of Christ in Ireland, to whom the soul-sinking sor­rows of Mistrisse Deborah Huish, the Subject of the ensuing treatise, was well known: John Vernon, their Bro­ther in Christ, and Companion in Hea­vinesse, for Zions sake, wisheth grace for strength in weaknesse, to wait still in weeping, and supplication until the times of refreshment shall come from the pre­sence of the Lord, Amen. Even so come Lord Jesus, come quickly, Amen.

BEloved, you have herewith brought unto you an Olive-branch, shew­ing forth the floods abatement, and the rest and safety of the soul that is entered into the Ark of God; the ransome of a poor Prisoner out of the Pit indeed, in which there was no wa­ter: which will be, I know, the more welcome to some of you (I hope only to the praise and glory of God on high) because you so long wept before his Heavenly Throne, and made your humble supplication to him almost un­to fainting for her, who was bound of Satan so many years: yet that the [Page] height and depth, length and breadth of the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord, might be the more admired of all, and magnified herein; And this Monument of mercy may remain in the Churches, throughout all ages, to­wards the support of such as sit in dark­nesse, and see no light: I am willing, (though most unworthy) to adde my mite towards the compleating this ac­count of the grace of God, extended to my poor (late distressed) Sister, Mi­strisse Deborah Huish; who is now made rich in Faith, through grace, and the wise Virgin-subject of this ensuing Relation: to the truth of which, as de­livered by her with much fear and joy, with trembling received, and faithful­ly written from her lips, by my dear Brother Allen, I can do no lesse then bear my testimony, that (to those who judge us faithful) it may out of the mouth of two or three witnesses be established.

Yet because many may be subject, with Thomas, called Dydimus, to que­stion what their eyes see not, and their fingers feel not; These shall ad­vertise any who do esteem soul-con­cernments of the greatest consequence, [Page] and desire to be informed more per­fectly in some part of the truth hereof, for the help of their own souls, or (as natural members of the body of Christ) to administer some assistance unto their sister, the subject of this ensuing trea­tise, towards her continued walking uprightly and humbly with her God; That she is the third Daughter of James Huish Esquire of Sidbury, in the County of Devon; To whom God Al­mighty to save, hath already granted an hopeful place in his house, to the joy of the faithful Churches in Christ Jesus, who have more diligently then some in our dayes, weighed the truth of their high and heavenly calling, in the Balance of the sanctuary, and inqui­red into their soveraigne love to Christ, and sutable conversation to the word of God, before they gave the right hand of Fellowship unto them: One of the three now is not, but having witnessed unto death a good confession before many witnesses (and running best at last, even in these worst dayes of de­clining, wherein Sun-shine and world­ly Professors are so puzzled, and put to their shifts, how to get with cre­dit again into their wider place, out [Page] of the faithful Churches) is fallen a­sleep in Jesus, whom God will bring with him at his coming, and her works shall follow her. In her stead hath God seasonably raised this her Sister to supply the breach made in the visi­ble body of Christ, and in the Spirit of many faithful members, who (having sorely lamented their too little im­provement of her, and some other dear Friends, lately taken from the evil to come (of whom this world, yea the Churches (or many amongst them) yet in too much Fellowship with the world, I fear, were not worthy) will learn wisedome (I trust) to know their day, for treasuring the Gold granted us, though through Earthen Vessels; and better improve the small remnant of Gods Elect, amongst the great bo­dies of outward Israel, who remain yet amongst them.

This blessed workmanship in Christ Jesus, was through his good provi­dence (as her Sister) from a Child in­structed in the holy Scriptures, by their truely vertuous Mother: which edu­cation the Lord Sanctified, to make her very serious in her infancy, re­straining her from common foolish and [Page] vain communication. She was at a­bout fourteen years old, first sensibly assaulted by the tempter, and that fu­riously, as you will perceive by the Se­quel: And from thenceforward you have her own Relation, to which I shall refer the serious Reader: but must remind many of the poor mourning Saints in Ireland, what they have of­ten heard from her; which may per­haps prove helpful to them, and other dejected souls, according to my ear­nest wish; to whose use her rest and shelter (through rich grace, after a fourteen years sad stormy Voyage, and bewildered wandering) is now Dedi­cated. For I judge her deep casting down, and powerful raising up, was not onely for her sake, and private uses; but as a Pillar should be erected for common caution against unbelief, and every sin which cost her so dear, and for encouragement out of such dis­mal deeps, to look yet unto God's ho­ly Temple, and to flee for hope and re­fuge alwayes, onely to our one strong­hold. And whoso is wise, and will ob­serve these things: even they sh [...]ll under­stand the loving kindnesse of the Lord. Psal. 107.43. Let us remember then [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] what a meeting in, of almost all the complaints of the deserted, darkened, and disconsolate ones on Scripture re­cord, have refted on her poor soul, to the sore afflicting also of some of yours, before the Throne of God, who did defer, but not deny, to answer your poor Prayers on her behalf: but at last hath heard, after you have heard her bemoaning herself, as H [...]man the Ez­rahite, Psalm 88.6. Thou hast layed me in the l [...]west Pit, in darknesse, in the deep; thy wrath lieth hard upon me; and thou hast afflicted me with all thy Waves: I am afflicted and ready to die from my youth up, while I suffer thy terrours I am distracted, verse 15. with Job 7.3, 4. So am I made to possesse months of Vanity; and wearysome nights are appointed to me: when I lie down, I say, When shall I arise, and the night be gone? I am full of tossings to and fro, unto the dawning of the day, mourning without the Sun, &c. Chapter 30.28. with Hezekiah, reckoning till morning, that as a Lion so would he break all my bones from day even till night wilt thou make an end of me. Isai. 38.13. And he hath both spoken to me, and him­self hath done it: I shall go softly all my years in the bitternesse of my soul: Yea, [Page] with David she might have said, I m [...]y tell all my bones Psal. 22.17. and ag [...]in, my heart is smitten and withered like grasse, so that I forget to eat my bread: by reason of the voice of my groaning, my bones cleave to my skin. And Psal. 102.4, 5. and again, When I kept silence, my bones waxed old, through my roaring all the day long; for day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turn­ed into the drought of Summer. Psal, 32.3, 4. and with the Church, Lam. 3.18. My strength and my hope is perished from the Lord: nay, with the desperate hath she not said, in the hearing of many, There is no hope? Jer. 18.12. And with Cain, My punishment is greater then I can bear: Or, my Iniquity is greater then that it may be forgiven. I have sinn'd unpardonably; you sin in praying for me: I am undone and rejected; I know the very time when it was sealed to me; I know it, I am sure I am damned for ever, &c. Oh! how have we been terrified together in our as­semblings on her behalf, who have seen her sorrow, and disability to speak, un­lesse sometimes in such like Language against her soul, and our seeking her Salvation; who was as a very fearful spe­ctacle [Page] pining away (even like to an Anatomy) before us: and how many of us, like the Friends of Job, came at first to mourn, and comfort her; but fainted, left off, relinquished her, con­cluding hopelessely! how hath a whole Church flagged in their Faith herein, (who resolved to fast and pray for her until deliverance) fainted and left off, yea drop'd away as weary, or ashamed? how have some holy women (skilfull in mourning) assembled? what private indeavours by some obtaining her to their houses, have been assayed? but all as water spilt upon the ground, in their esteemes: Yea, to the glory of the grace of God alone herein, (who then loves to approve himself most favorable to his chosen, when they are most friend­less, helpless, destitu [...]e, & most stand in need of succour from him,) let me adde further this observa [...]ion to yours, that a special Friend, whose affection led him further, and longer at a certainty then mine, or any I observed to weep for her, and to reprove others for fain­ting, and neglects of her before him, yet lately wrote from Ireland to me his despairing also concerning her; at the very interim God our God, who [Page] comforteth those that are cast down, was surely succoring her, and incoura­ging his poor mourning fainting fol­lowers, whose Spirits were willing, though the Flesh was weak, as he will further do in their sight, unto publick admiration, for those who in this evil time shall go forth weeping bearing pretious seed, according to his promise, Psal. 126.5, 6. and their Prayers in the fourth verse: Yea, when there is but little Faith in the Earth; for alas, how have we, even we that were nearest re­lated also, left off our hope for this poor soul? Yea, how have I, to my shame, that had the charge of her, fail­ed most herein! I must say indeed, to my abasement, the weights and fear of her untimely end; the cares of keeping her from any Instrument to accomplish it; and the dread of divers kinds that so long encompassed me concerning her, with the trouble we had to get her eat her bread, and to gaining her under hearing the word of God (which is more necessary) with the discouraging influence of living under the dayly droppings of those many dismal predi­ctions she uttered of her suddain and certain ruine & destruction, after more [Page] then three years care of the kind a­foresaid, and so many attempts and faintings: Alas, Paimed now at no more in my own mind, then to get her safe again delivered into her dear Pa­rents hands, that my face might not be covered with shame, according to my fear of her untimely end, at such di­stance from them: which being accom­plished by the good hand of God, (in our safe Voyage through his special grace, who led us and our little ones through his stormy deep, and after some hazzards landed us in safety; which I wish we may not let slip) alas, she almost fell out of my memory, and was seldom in my Prayer; the Lord grant me the mercy of her earnest sup­plications; for which Jobs Friends were made humbly to apply to him through like frailty towards him in his sorrow, as I have reason to impute to my self towards her herein.

Thus hath the Lord our God stain­ed the pride of all glory, as he shall yet more publickely do unto his praise; and give grace to the humble, that they who glory, might onely glory in him, as the great end of his works of wonder, his great Salvations, and the [Page] operations of the Almighty in the Earth; that the faint, who relie on the Lord, may be revived; that youths, and every confident one may faint, and be humbled before him. Where­fore Beloved, I beg the best effects in every heart, of this unspeakable mercy, and to the glory of God in the highest, which I trust is the onely end, why my poor Brother and Companion in mourning for our own sins, and short­nesse, and for yours also, which have the greatest hand in hiding good things, yea the expected publicke Sal­vations also from us, have agreed by the Advice of divers, who are also in the dust for Zion, in this dark declining day, to recommend this token of good from God our Father and yours, unto you, towards the support of your sink­ing souls, in his cloudy, gloomy houre, with our poor Epistles, full of affection to your pretious souls, affixed to this gratious earnest of releasing, drooping, dying Captives; who shall draw nigh to, and alone depend on God: And these I trust shall come to every hand, with some effect of our earnest Prayer, that the Lord God (Almighty to save) would accompany it, and greatly bless [Page] this grain of Mustard seed, to make it grow and multiply unto the Faith and refreshment of many, the abasement of all, and the glorious exaltation of our King, who sitteth at the right hand of the Father for us, and sends the Comforter to succour his feeble ones, in earnest of his care of those who cast their care upon him, who onely hath the healing Medicines, and will surely (right soon) therewith visit such in every Nation; When all the proud, (how high soever) and they who still do wicked­ly, shall be as stubble before him. Mal. 4.1, 2. 2 Sam. 22.28. Oh that this pre­tious answer to your supplications (in the best season) might be now impro­ved, as a prop to uphold your hands, with the Rod of God therein, in this doubtful day, that Amalek may not prevail: Oh! wrestle fervently in the unspeakable priviledge of Faith; and (with Christ in your Armes) present your weepings, and spread your suppli­cations before the Father in other di­stressed cases still before you, by this incouragement; yea, let us improve it to publicke as well as private bene­fit; for surely patterns of mercy should be so made use of, 2 Cor. 1.10. And [Page] call for Faith in the path of them, as the most natural improvement. 1 Tim. 1.16. Heb. 13.5. as well as to dread the expectation of a contrary portion, in the contrary path. Psal. 125.5. And as the Declaration of Judgements, with the cause assigned, or the way in­to them, warneth all, and speaks incou­ragement to none; so the manifestati­on of grace, and the path thereof, is an incouragement to all in the same path, and Spirit; which was eminently seen of old, in God's special presence with Israel, in driving back Jordan by his mighty Power for their present deli­verance (and their adversaries destru­ction) for which they erected Pillars of praise, to encourage the future Faith and hope of faithful ones that should follow God fully, as his Servant Jo­shua did: Yet could not Israel then have the least ground to expect the dri­ving back of Jordan again, or remo­ving other difficulties, to have incoura­ged their retreat, or furthered any hu­mane design, to which they were some­times subject through unbelief: Nei­ther in our dayes have any persons ground to suppose (much lesse to con­clude) that the Lords eminent pre­sence [Page] in the high places of the field, scil. Naasby and other parts with his people, while they faithfully followed him, can now yeeld any incouragement to expect the like presence of God, while they are turning back, and de­clining from him.

Neverthelesse, new appearances of the like glorious presence with the truely humble followers of the Lord, (as the matter should require) might again be safely expected from the Ma­jesty on high; who by the former no doubt manifested his right-hand Pow­er, for the strengthening of the Faith and hope of all upright followers of him, according to Psal. 33.8, 9, 10, 11. and Psal. 36.6, 7, 8, 9. and Mic. 6.5.

And the very end of the Lords de­ferring to relieve Lazarus, whom he loved until he was dead, and laid in the Grave, and so no visible hopes left unto his Disciples touching his pre­sent resurrection, was to the intent they might believe, Joh. 11.15. not that he raised him onely; which every sen­sual beholder would believe: but that in future distresses, in their greatest depths, they might depend on him by [Page] that proof of his Power to save to the uttermost.

And no doubt Israel of old, of whom its said, They soon forgot his works, was so ravish'd with the red Sea won­der, that they ever retained the Theory thereof, and could all of them relate it to any that should ask them, either in matter or manner concerning it: but their not retaining the Teaching sence thereof for use, in point of thankful­nesse for past deliverances, and of Faith in their future straits, in the way of following God; left them to those fears, through which they fell short of obeying God, and entring Canaan. Now therefore, thou poor sinking de­spairing soul, who sittest in darknesse, and seest no light; Learn thou assured­ly, this pattern of mercy and long suf­fering is to manifest to thee, that the Lord's thoughts are higher then thine; that so thy soul may be encouraged, under the sentence of death, by reason of sin, through believing, to have life and hope in him: If thou sayest, Is any sorrow like my sorrow? Yea, is any sin like my sin? and truely considerest the sorrow of this soul, and most de­sperate sin of a secret Devilish mind, [Page] in this case related, with her confident expectation of Hell thereupon, on the one hand; and the gratious pity and acceptance she found from Christ, be­ing embraced by him as in open Arms, so soon as truely perswaded humbly to come unto him, on the other hand: I hope it will silence such suggestions di­stressing thee, and seal to thy comfort the truth of that promise, that is so richly confirmed to her, John 6.37. Now if any accepted through grace, should abate in their Faith, because their present Feast seems not so full, nor their entertainment so sensibly free, as that whereat this soul now sits so fully refresh'd; I trust, if (in their weaknesse) supporting grace be surely afforded, and they found waiting in their Fathers house and affaires, that word shall suffice to balance them from fainting and fretting at such grace to others, recorded, Luke 15.31, 32. And that her years of sorrow shall be by such considered, according to Ps. 90.15. Make us glad, according to the dayes wherein thou hast afflicted us. And oh! that this might warn all of every sin, and neglect, which being bound on her soul, have been found so long and [Page] so heavy a load: but how shall I utter the evil and bitter effects thereof, better then by asking the serious soul, what debasing, defiling, and enslaving misery himself hath experienced, as the effect of but eating the forbidden fruit at first, and that by another? Yea, with design to be made more Spiritual, nei­ther have good mens good meanings excused the least transgression or er­ror: This treatise will tell you also what those poor souls lose, who ne­glect, or are slighty in family-endea­vours, in the word and Prayer; in both which she found more benefit (through grace) then in more able publick Ad­ministrations, under which some can scarcely profit, through their horrid ne­glect herein; and will have poor kind­red, Children, and Servants, one day complain of their loss, by living under the shadow of such, few of whom will shine as Stars in the Firmament, ac­cording to the promise, Dan. 12.3. if they persist in the neglect thereof, and forget that exhortation, Eph. 6.4.

That I may not make an end of these poor hints, towards the improving this mercy, without remembring the Mourners in Dublin, of another (elect [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] [...] [Page] one I trust) whose secret sins, standing in the light of God's countenance, humbly waited for his Salvation, so many solemne dayes among them, possessing Months and years of sorrow, and they of tears for her poor soul, who alas is not now found in the way of the true converts path, Psal. 116.17, 18, 19. And will surely, as Jacob, have her fears renewed, for building short of Bethel, when new troubles shall incompasse her, and the Courts (short of the Lord's) prove unable to comfort: Oh that this effectual expe­rience of breaking the bands of Sa­tan for another (who was with lesse hope and expectation so oft joyned with her in your intercessions) may re­new your strength in supplication for her; whose seeming weanednesse from the world, and the weights of such vain Company as now beset her, sometimes administred hopes, that she would never be ashamed to chuse affli­ction with the people of God, nor be otherwayes then as Hester in the Court of the miss-informed and enra­ged against them. Oh! that by fer­vent wrestlings she might be raised a­gain from every false rest; and as being [Page] plucked by the Arm of the Almighty, as a fire-brand out of the fire, might be saved from all vain pomp, infecting Company, and customes; the fury of the highest of men, and from smoother temptations more near unto her, pro­mising her liberty in neglects; and so beguiling her of her choisest good, as the Tempter beguiled Eve: yea, work­ing I fear with the stumbling-Block of the falls of some, (found in the wayes of God) improved to the utmost in this evil day, to prejudice souls with them; so that many indeed are now offended in Christ, and I much long that a Sove­rain love to his holy wayes, might pre­serve her from that evil: According to Psal. 119.11, 165. Yea, let the kind­nesse of Gideon be remembered, to oblige us herein; who unweariedly with unparalell'd uprightnesse, shew­ed forth his labour of love to the Lord, and to us in the Lord unto death, re­sting much in the perswasion, that his dearest relation (and Children left be­hind him amongst us) would never more be beset with the unexpected snares of that sort now encompassing; but be in the constant special care of the most faithful of the Saints; delight­ing [Page] herself with David, in those that excel in vertue.

Me thinks this mercy improved a­right (without diversion) may be ex­tended also, to Administer reviving to the poor Prisoners for righteousnesse sake (who (onely in a way of righteous­nesse) shall humbly wait for the Salva­tion of God) notwithstanding the pub­licke reproach cast upon them, by men of corrupt minds: For behold, the hand of the Lord, who led Joseph through Imprisonment, slanders, and many difficulties, and thereby fitted him for further special publick relief and benefit; (though his Brethren meant not so, Gen. 50.20) is not yet shortened, but here shewed gloriously in the ransome of this sometimes poor hopelesse Prisoner, that distressed ones may have hope in him, Who causeth light to arise out of darknesse; leading his Prisoners forth in his set time and season; who will say shortly to his Captives, Shew your selves, according to Isai. 49.9. And surely this may help to succour also the whole Zion of God; though she be ready to say, My God hath forgotten me. Oh that therefore that travel spoken of Isa. 66.6, 7, 8. &c. [Page] were now begun by all that have their hearts heavy loaden, with their own (and others) Iniquities; and that such might never hold their peace, nor give the Lord rest: but in the strength of Jacob, by weeping and supplication, wrestle with the Mighty one of Jacob, till he return in pitty unto Zion, to their own souls, and to all the distres­sed who wait upon him; and to the stopping the mouth of all Iniquity in the Nations (so lately rescued by his hand) even till the dry bones live, and the heart of those that weep now, greatly rejoyce, and flourish like an herb; and the hand of the Lord be known towards his Servants, and his indignation towards his Enemies; yea, to that effect in Isai. 66.12. For thus saith the Lord, Behold, I will extend peace to her as a River, &c. and Jer. 30.21. And their Nobles shall be of them­selves, &c. That the glory of the Lord may be redeemed in the Land.

Let us still wait on the Arm of the Lord, who caused Ahasuerus to be restless in the night, till he had read the records of the Chronicles of the good service of Mordecai, to the changing his heart from his wicked decree, and [Page] turning it against his treacherous Flat­terers; and who have taught us to re­member his hand upon the haughty of old, and to plead it in future distresse, as in Isai. 51.9. Awake, awake, put on strength, Oh Arm of the Lord! awake, as in the antient dayes, &c. For hereby hath he gratiously given us a fresh proof of his Power, to performe whatever may make to our relief and comfort in every condition, whether we be in­compassed with publicke, or private distresses: wherefore I have somewhat enlarged upon this opportunity of Printing on this occasion, which other­wayes I love not, thus variously to im­prove this instance (though some men may esteem them unnecessary diversi­ons) for the begetting of Faith in God by this Example of dread, and incou­ragement; which can onely inable to meet him acceptably in humiliation, and before the decree be gone forth, as against Shil [...]e of old, and Judah, who perished with the signes of God's pre­sence in their hand, through their not observing aright, to Sanctifie his name, who had made them so strong and suc­cesseful against their Adversaries. And seeing the Lord alone can heal our sick­nesse, [Page] and our wound, and the breach upon us, which is wide as the Sea; let every true Mourner humbly approach before him, on the behalf of our selves, and whole Zion, the Prophets, Rulers, Judges, Laws, Customes of these Nati­ons; & on the behalf of the afflicted, de­serted, unbelieving, divided, and there­by liable to be destroyed people; and to turn the heart of those that are en­raged, and ready to do evil, because it is in the Power of their hands to do it: for now all men almost see our sick­nesse, and our wound, how foolish ma­ny Physitians and our false refuges have proved.

Let us therefore now cease not on­ly from Babylon, Egypt, Ashur; Horses, Armies, fenced Cities, &c. But also from those other fair shews in the flesh, to which some fearful Friends would compel us to conform, which have too oft deceived us: Neither let us humour the lusts of men and multitudes, nor be found in the indirect path of fretting proud wrath, envying and grudging one against another; nor in rash inga­ging, submitting to traditions, tempo­rizing, &c. But in deep humiliation, and brokennesse of soul, let us be as [Page] Doves of the Valley, every one mourning over his Iniquities, which is the most hopeful path of refreshment from his presence, who hath hereby shewed us his right hand; which will certainly relieve, and that right soon, those that truely sowe in teares; for according to his faithful word, Psal. 126.5, 6. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing pretious seed, shall doubtlesse return again with rejoycing, bringing his sheaves with him: When the Blos­some of pride shall wither, and the bands of mockers will be made strong: Let my soul and yours be imbarked with those that weep this day before the Lord, chusing affliction with his people, rather then with those who rejoyce now, and are not sensible of the afflictions of Jo­seph; but make merry with the nakednesse of Noah: and that the Counsel given us for sup­port, in Isai. 26.20, 21. may be accompa­nied with the residue of the Spirit for our gui­dance and succour, as being given us to be a word of gratious Counsel for such a day as this: And that though Satan be seen yet fur­ther to fall, as lightening from Heaven; We may chiefly rejoyce, in that our names are writ­ten in the Book of Life. And now to be still freely admitted with this precious soul, to that Feast that fadeth not for evermore; is the humble and earnest desire (on the behalf of himself, and all Saints) of

The unworthiest of those who yet stand by Faith, through the up­holding grace of God, JOHN VERNON.

TO THE READER.

READER,

THou hast here presented to thy view, and serious consideration; an eminent pattern of Go [...]'s faithfulnesse, in fulfilling that good word, Matth. 12.20. A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoaking Flax shall he not quench, till he send forth Judgem [...]nt unto Victory. Which may help to confirme thee in that great truth, that there is nothing too hard for him. Gen. 18.14. compared with Job. 42.2. Who can, and will work when he pleaseth, and none shall let it, Esai. 43.13. Neither the height of Satan's malice, nor the depth of sinners misery, can hinder the free Communication of his mercy to such as look for Salvation from him, (to which all are freely invited) Esai. 45.22.

And although I judge, two such testimonies as are annexed to this treatise, suffic [...]ent to sa­tisfie such as know them, of the truth of what they assert: Yet I having been (by the provi­dence of God) for some years past, an eye and ear-witness in the Family, to the sad and deplo­rable condition of this poor soul, now inrich­ed from above, (who is the subject of the insu­ling Narrative) I have thought meet to adde my mite, and thereby signifie my consent to the truth of what is contained in the two fore­going Epistles, concerning the late distressed state of that Daughter of Abraham, now loo­sed by the loving kindnesse of the Lord. She hath been indeed for a long season in the depth of misery (as to her inward man) being bound in affliction, and Iron, by the Tempter, who [Page] was suffered to assault, and buffet her poor soul even to despair of all help or hope; and ma­king her often to conclude, that her sins were greater then could be forgiven: but that God, who is rich in mercy, hath appeared gratiously (in his own time) to hear, and answer the Pray­ers of his people in her behalf, in relieving her poor soul, and making her to see, and acknow­ledge to his praise, that the former suggestions concerning him (and her souls irrecoverable estate) was from the Father of lies; whose work it is, to intice and tempt souls unto sin, and then wound them in the sence of it, endeavou­ring by all means to perswade such, that they have out-sinn'd the mercy of God.

But behold here the God of truth, whose grace is sufficient to support under, and deliver effectually from such soul-sinking considerati­ons, making Satan appear to be (what indeed he is) a Lier. And seasonably succouring this dejected despairing soul, who for a long time had the sentence of death in her self, and was far from expecting that blessed issue that is fince brought forth in her soul (by the mighty Power, and naked Arm of the Lord) who hath hereby helped her to see what little reason she had, or hath, to trust in her self; and the sure ground he hath now given her, to stay on him as the living God, who raiseth the dead; so that she is now made able (yea willing) to ac­knowledge, His great gooddesse that hath deli­vered her from so great a death, 2 Cor. 1.9, 10. and doth deliver; and is still helped to hope and trust that he will yet deliver, and strengthen her Faith, to quench all the fl [...]y darts of the Devil.

Behold yet further the exceeding Riches [Page] of God's grace not a little illustrated by set­ting free this Prisoner, sometimes even past hope in her own (and some others) apprehen­sions: She that was for a long season sadly con­cluding with the distressed Church, in Lament. 3.18. That her strength and hope was perish'd from the Lord, Is now saying with Saul, in Acts 9.6. Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And with the Psalmist thankfully inquiring, What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits to­wards me? And in some measure inabled to resolve with him, To take the Cup of Salvation, and to call upon the name of the Lord, as Psal. 116.12, 13, 14. And she, that was lately (in her own esteem) not so good as a Dog; yea (to use her own words) worse then any Devil, is now, (By the Father of mercies, and God of all consolations) made meet to be partaker of the inhe­ritance of the Saints in light: The sad sentences she had oft past upon her self (in the sense of her sins) being now gratiously reversed by her Heavenly Father, who hath set her feet in a large place: so that now, if sin, Satan, her own corruptions, or any other spiritual Adversary, comes to lay any thing to her Clarge, she may be ready (the Lord assisting) to produce her pardon; and able to say from blessed expe­rience, as in Rom. 8.33, 34. It is God that ju­stif [...]eth; who is he that condemneth? that it is Christ that died, yea rather that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us

And I hope this eminent instance of his grace abounding above the abounding of sin, (added to other Examples of this kind recorded in his holy word) will help to support and suc­cour [Page] some poor souls under the like discou­ragement to hope in his mercy, who waits to be gratious; and surely he hath gratious ends in affording this (and such like) delive­rances, which greatly concernes all persons to labour to understand, and improve aright.

First then, let sinners of all sorts (both in Zion and out of it) from the insuing narrative, take notice of the sad, ensnaring, and soul-destroy­ing nature of sin, and the wages of it, which this poor soul (as she feared) had certainly found to be eternal death, had not the God of grace, (whose loving kindnesse is better then life) cau­sed her to hear the joyful sound of the voice of the Son of God, that her soul might live, John 5.25.

Secondly, from the consideration of the mercy she hath obtained, let poor sinners be incited and incouraged, to come unto God through Christ for mercy, who knows how to multiply pardon to the worst of sinners, as in Isai. 55.7. with Nehe. 9 17. Especially let such as are inquiring the way to Zion, with their faces thi­therward, Though with trembling hands & hearts; and all that are planted in the house of the Lord, be incouraged to wait upon God, who will in no wise cast out those that come unto him. Let the first of these labour to look to the Lord, that they may be enlightened: Psalm 34.5. And let the other be confirm'd, in the experience they have had of his great goodnesse, that so God may have all the glory from both, as a Fruit of this special favour afforded to this his hand-maid, in so signal a return of many Prayers; for which proportionable praises should wait for, (and be duly rendered unto) our God in Zion, [Page] who is a present help in the needful time of trouble. I shall not adde, but to intreat thee to read, and consider well, before thou censurest, (or seeme to despise) the ensuing subject, as the day of small things; but labour rather, to weigh the worth of this mercy in the Balance of the Sanctuary;

That so thou mayest understand the end and use of it, and be help'd to improve it aright, to the praise of the Author of every good and perfect gift, and the profit of thine own soul; that so thou mayest be able to say with the Prophet of old, Micha 7.18. Who is a God like unto thee, that pardoneth Iniquity, and passeth by the trans­gressions of the remnant of his heritage! that re­taineth not his anger for ever, because he delight­in mercy: And from thence be incouraged to wait upon him for the fulfilling that faithful word, Isai. 40.29, 30, 31. He giveth power to the faint, and to them that have no might, he increa­seth strength, &c. Compared with Psal. 27.14. Wait on the Lord, and be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

ROB. DOYLY.

To all, both small and great, that have either tasted of the rich grace of God, or desire to be made par­takers thereof, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Men, and Brethren,

THough we were very much stran­gers, both to the person and state of this gratious hand-maid of the Lord (the subject of this ensuing treatise, du­ring the time of her sore bondage, and captivity of Spirit; and so had no share with those that in a solemn manner (ex­presly on her account) sympathized, sighed, and groaned to God in her behalf: Yet ha­ving now through grace (we trust, we may say) to the advantage of our souls, heard out of her own mouth, in the midst of the Congregation to which we belong, (to wit, the Church of Christ at Dalwood in Dorset) the wonderful deliverance which God hath wrought f [...]r her poor soul: We cannot, but in a special manner rejoyce with her, and blesse the Most High for his unspeakable mercy.

That this work is of the Lord, and soul-work indeed; it speaks for it self to all the wise in heart. That the Relation is very faithfully made, We do hereby testify, ha­ving [Page] (as we said before) heard out of her own mouth the substance of the whole; who then (in point of circumstance) would have been more particular and large, had not time, and the earnest sollicitation of a near Relation of hers (whom God had used in some good measure, as an Instrument of her enlargement) concurr'd to prevent her.

Two or three of our observations, while she related this unto us, we cannot but mind the Reader of.

1. That having layen so long (as the Narrative mentioneth) under such [...]error of soul; And having now newly received her enlargement, she was so filled with admiration at the exceeding Riches of the grace of God in her deliverance, as that it many times stopt her Spirit, for a consi­derable season: and she could in all appea­rance) have dwelt long between sentence and sentence, in a secret, inward silent lif­ting up of her soul to God in thanks-giving.

2. We observed very much faithfulness, and tendernesse of soul in her faithfulnesse; in that she dwelt as long upon, and spake as largely to, the darkest passages of her blaspheming God, and maligning his people (though doubtlesse the remembring of such things was with grief of soul to her) as in speaking to the highest manifestations of [Page] the grace of God, in her present enjoyments of her soul; expressing her self to the same effect with the Apostle, Rom. 5.20. Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.

Tendernesse, In that with very much circumspection she endeavoured to keep even to a tittle, both to the matter and Me­thod of Gods dealing with her: And if at any time she (or any else, who knew her in her afflicted estate, and endeavoured to help her memory) slipt, she would presently correct both herself and them, and state the matter aright, and in its place, before she would let it passe.

3. That her rejoycing was mixed with much holy fear and trembling; still esteem­ing her self as a poor Worm before the Migh­ty God of Israel, though exalted to many glorious Priviledges through his rich grace.

We might speak further, what we ob­served of the crafty wiles of Satan, in the manner of his working with her poor soul; first training her on from sin to sin, and from degree to degree, still forestalling her with a perswasion that she was already both in the sin, and in the degree which he would train her into: And when by that slight he had got her further on, then [Page] perswading her, that she had out-sinned all grace; so endeavouring to destroy all hope. And indeed this is our common observation of the working of Satan, (to wit) That to persons that are in a wret­ched state, and insensible thereof, he lesse­neth sin, and wideneth grace, that they may run the more greedily in their evil wayes; making out to them, as if the gate of grace, opening to life, were wide enough for all persons to passe in at, with all their sins. But to those persons that are brought to the sight of their sins, and their wret­chednesse thereby, he wideneth sin, and narroweth grace; making out to them, as though their sins (though not against the Holy Ghost) are greater then can be forgi­ven: in both which, he is a grievous de­ceiver.

Also we might here more largely shew the Rea­der, what subtle slights Satan used with this Ser­vant of the Lord, to hinder her obedience to the Commandments of Christ, and particularly to that of Baptisme; presenting it as a poor low thing, &c. But as to that, we shall in this place onely give thee notice, that when she was in the highest revelati­ons, and had the most sealing Testimonies of the grace of God to her soul, She was then led forth most affectionately to own the Lord Jesus in that despised Ordinance and appointment of his; as may be seen more at large in the Narrative it self; suitable to that word given to Paul, after his great [Page] revelations of grace, Act. 22.16. where it was said unto him by the Spirit, And now why tarriest thou? arise, and be Baptized, and wash away thy sins, calling on the name of the Lord.

What we shall further say in this matter, shall be onely to signifie, that upon the whole (she desiring to give up her self to the Lord, to walk in all his Com­mandments blamelessely, and to have fellowship and communion with his people, in the exercise of all the Gospel-Priviledges instituted by Christ their King and Head, for his Body the Church; and particularly with this Congregation, to watch (and be watched over by them) She was with universal satisfaction accepted, and accordingly Baptized, and received. Many fierce Assaults hath the Enemy of her peace made against her, since the chain of her bondage was broken: but against all, the Lord hath made very gracious provision through the word; bringing home (through the Power of his Spirit) many sull promises to her soul, and establishing her through them.

To the God of Peace, who (through his own Rich and free love, after many years horrour of soul) is become her Peace; do we desire to commit all his chosen Vessels to honour, for his calling in his sea­son unto, and for his establishing and growth of those that are called in the truth, as it is in Jesus: which Jesus we desire to own as our King, our Crown, and hope of glory; and to whose appearing with that glorious Kingdom, we desire to be dayly better prepared: That at his coming we may have the honour to be of that blessed number that shall wait upon him with Hallelujahs, singing forth praise, glory and honour to the Father and to the Lamb, for ever and ever, Amen.

Your Friends and Brethren in the hope of the Gospel, Hen. Parson. Jo. Owen. Jam. Hill. 1658.

The Captive taken from the strong, or a true Relation of the gratious Re­lease of Mistriss DEBORAH HUISH, (by the Arme of the Almighty) from under the power of the Tempter, by whose firy Con­flicts she had been sorely vexed for about fourteen years; as it was faith­fully written from her own Mouth, &c.

ABout fourteen years a­go I was cast into deep despair, by rea­son of blasphemous thoughts cast into my mind, when I was ap­plying my self to the reading the word of the Lord; which thoughts were despising, slighting, and contemning God, his word, works, and wayes: with which being frequently assaulted, I came to gather Conclusions, that [Page 2] God had past an irrecoverable decree against me for my final condemnation; and though I had reluctancy in my heart against such thoughts, yet many times I did give my consent to them, and approved of them; and from thence came to have great horrour seize upon me, for many dayes and nights after. Causing me to conclude these to be but the fore-runners of that great destruction from the Lord, which I judged was prepared for me: and such thoughts as these at first were (continually almost) born in with great weight upon my soul: about which time my Sister Anne Vernon (then Huish) observing my dejected frame, desired to know the cause; I told her then that God had rejected me for my blasphemous thoughts I had conceived against him, worse then any Devil; but my Sister indeavored to perswade me, these thoughts were not mine, but the Devil's: this gave me some respit for a little time. bur I was suddenly assaulted again, and have continued under such assaults eversince, more or less, till the time hereafter spe­cified, when the Lord of his free Mer­cy [Page 3] began to make way for my escape.

I do also remember that I had not onely despising, slighting thoughts of God, but also of his people, calling them in my thoughts (though not with my lips) lyars.

But when I did think I consented to such thoughts, then horrour would seize upon me, even to overwhelme me: and in this condition I remained till my going into Ireland, which was about June 1654.

After my coming there, the Lord vi­sited me with the Small-pox; and in that time of sicknesse I thought I had some refreshment from the Lord, by consulting his word; but was sudden­ly after assaulted with more and worse blasphemous thoughts then ever be­fore, and then did verily believe I was possessed with the Devil, and did think I talked with him, and heard him say, that God loved to torment and bring misery upon his Creatures; which thoughts were so pressing upon me, that I was ready to wish the destruction of the Almighty; and did to my think­ing hate him; crying out (in the hear­ing of many) I am undone to Eterni­ty: [Page 4] and so remaineth till lately: And so dreadful were these (last mentioned) thoughts to my soul, that from that time I concluded, I had committed the sin against the holy Ghost, which be­fore I did onely think I had, but now was confirmed in it, and began to think I had really trampled under foot the blood of Jesus Christ, and had done despite to the Spirit of grace; and thence concluded that nothing now re­mained, but a fearful looking for of vengeance, that should devour the Ad­versary: and this put me into unexpres­sible torments night and day, thinking the Devil would come and fetch me away, and I believed I was certain of it: and when any went to pray for me, I thought that hastened my destructi­on, and therefore I hated them for it, and had in my mind many sad wishes as to those that prayed for me, count­ing Hell my portion, and that I should by such means be sooner cut off, and that they sin'd in praying: I having sin'd against the holy Ghost, thought they ought to hate me, but not pray for me: I did also think I alwayes heard a fearful sound in my ears, espe­cially [Page 5] when it was windy or rainy weather, and then thought I should be cast into Hell presently: which made an unexpressable torment of mine to think of it; and yet under all the means used to seek God for me, I found no benefit.

But at Dublin, when dayes were set apart, to seek God for me, I dreaded those dayes, above all o­ther, thinking verily that God was ingaged in honour, to come out against me in fierce indignation, as also against such as sought him on my behalf: and I did many times think the Lord in a way of judgement would turn me into some filthy hateful Mon­ster or other, as a Memorial of his just displeasure against me; and all the time that prayers were put up for me (which was very frequent in Dublin, as also discourses very often with me) I could not perceive that any ever took the least hold on my heart, but still I had that Scripture oft on my thoughts: Psal. 65.5. By terrible things in righteousnesse wilt thou answer them: which I understood to be some answer in a way of judge­ment as to me: I had also that Scripture [Page 6] much on my heart: Matth. 12.31, 32. He that sins a­gainst the holy Ghost, shall never be for­given in this world, nor in that which is to come.

And as to reading the Scriptures, my heart was much averse to it; oneiy sometimes out of compassion to others I did read, and sometimes did mind them what the casting off the Scrip­tures had cost me, who is now rejected for ever, wishing them to take heed of the like: but it was very seldome that I did this, and long ere I could bring my heart to it.

I do also remember when I lived at Clantarfe in Ireland, and used to go to Dublin sometimes, to hear the word; I have often thought, when I went, I should be destroyed ere I came back again; and when I did hear, I strove all I could to forget what I heard, or read, having my expectations of Hell so heightened by all such means, that I could not endure it; & would have gi­ven any thing I might never have gone to have heard, or prayed more, it did so increase the torments of my soul. And when I came into the place where I used to hear, I st [...]ll expected to hear [Page 7] some sudden voice from Heaven, de­claring my destruction; and did think many times that the wind arose just as I came to that place to hear, and did believe the Lord must needs appear in judgement against me for coming, and sitting as one of his people among them, whom I in my heart hated: and would long that the duties might be ended, that I might be free from those feares that were upon me while there.

I do also remember that almost e­very thing did afright me; either a clou­dy day, the Sun or Moon Eclipsed, or the Suns rising red in a morning, or the wind blowing high: All these I thought were signes of my destruction, that I did believe the Lord would ex­ecute upon me for my hatred against him and his wayes. And indeed such an inveterate hate I had against him, that I judged, I loathed and abhorred the doing good to any, saying in my self, that the Lord would damn and destroy me; and why should I do any good? I also wished many times, I had never been born, or had never had eyes to see, or ears to hear, or else had been made the most contemptible [Page 8] Creature in the world, because when they die there is an end of them; but when I die, my mis [...]ry then begins. I also wished, I might [...]ever hear any one speak more from the Scriptures to me, for I reckoned all that had spoken to me, either in sicknesse or in health, would be witnesses against me, and so aggravate my sin and misery, because I had such warnings, and had not hark­ened to them, but to the Devil; and especially Mr. Patient, a Minister of the word in Dublin, coming to me in the time of my sicknesse, and speaking of the great danger of an impenitent state if the Lord should cut the thrid of life, that such persons would drop imme­diately into Hell, the which he endea­voured to demonstrate to me, that I thought he would be the principal witnesse against me, of all that had spoke with me: so that I now saw my self without hope, and the mercy of the Lord utterly taken from me, not as it was from Saul, but far worse; I having sinned against far greater light, and more warnings, and after such tasts and enlightnings to fall away, it was im­possible to renew me again unto re­pentance, [Page 9] but concluded I should sud­dainly be destroyed, and that without remedy.

This being my case, I remember, af­ter my sickness in Dublin aforemention­ed, what fretful hateful thoughts I had of God, saying in my mind, I wil do this or that in despight of God, and I could not think otherwise; and such a hate­ful bent of spirit I had against the Lord, that I was oft ready to say in my heart, I will curse God and die; and at last through the strength of temptation I was so far prevailed upon, as I did in my thoughts curse God and all I could think of that belonged to him, and then concluded my self damned indeed, and that I was sure of it: and then said to my self, I am now sure I have committed the sin against the ho­ly Ghost, which is unpardonable, and should now to Eternity be tormented with the Devil and his Angels: and this sorely afflicted and overwhelmed me, in so much that I was once tempted to cast my self down out of a window to kill my self, onely the dread of Hell I thought deterred me from it: I did al­so strive to put horrour out of my mind [Page 10] all I could, by enjoying outward com­forts, but alas these were all imbitter­ed to me, when I saw the end of such comforts: I did also sometimes endea­vour to divert these thoughts by busi­nesse I set my self about; but being sometimes hot at work, I should have the heat of Hell-fire thereby brought to my mind, and the terriblenesse of that represented to me. But the grea­test ease I had in these distracting ter­rours, was by setting my self upon busi­nesse, but found my self so continually harrased with thoughts of Hell, that my heart grew hard, and stupid, so that though I knew that was my portion, yet I was unsensible of it, unlesse at sometimes, when horrour would vio­lently break in upon me, especially at such times as I was forced to go to hear, when I still expected God to witnesse against me by some sore judge­ment from Heaven, which (upon eve­ry dark and stormy day especially) I expected, and did oft times judge I saw flashes of fire come upon my face, put­ting me in mind of that horrible pit of darknesse I should one day fall into: And many times when I went to bed, I [Page 11] have been afraid to sleep, lest I should be cast into Hell ere I waked again: to prevent which, I have oft resolved not to sleep, onely sometimes through a stupid senslesse frame I should lye down and sleep, not thinking of my danger: but when I waked, I wonder­ed I was not in Hell; yet could not be thankful for it, but still thought I should be there shortly; and though I lived never so long, yet to be there at last would swallow up all this time, as if it had not been; and all the comforts I now enjoyed, would but aggravate my sorrow and misery then, when I shall be deprived of all, and suffer for what I now enjoy: upon which account, all my comforts were bitter to me; and when I tasted any thing, I still thought what I should tast ere long in Hell, which made me hard­ly able to eat my meat, for I should thus reason: Why should I eat and drink, when I am in dayly expectation of being cast into Hell? and then was that Scripture brought to mind, Esa. 57.20, 21. The wicked are like the troubled Sea that cannot rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt: there is no peace to the wicked: [Page 12] And many times when I have been at work, suddain flashes of Hell have been as it were darted into my soul; so that I have run out of the room where I was, and would have run out of the Lords presence also, if I could: but a­las, my foul had no refuge to flye to from him, nor can I remember that I had a heart so much as to seek for mer­cy, onely in some great distresses some­times I think I have used the words, LORD HAVE MERCY UPON ME, but without any hope or expe­ctation of obtaining what I prayed for; but concluded God would not save me, unlesse he would deny him­self, and his word: and though an Angel from Heaven should have told me of mercy, I could not have believed it, being so confident of the contrary; and therefore I would tell those that endeavoured to fasten counsel & com­fort upon me, it was but a casting Pearls before Swine, and holy things to Dogs, which God forbids. And when seve­ral good women in Dublin did meet, to seek the Lord on my behalf; I thought sometimes (especially once in Mistriss Patients house) I smell'd Brimstone [Page 13] burning, and expected nothing but de­struction; in the sence of which I did tremble exceedingly, out of that deep horrour that was on my soul: but still I got no sensible good in any of these meetings: and when I have seen the mist ascend sometimes, that minded me of that Scripture where 'tis said, Rev. 14.11. The smoak of their torment ascendeth up for ever: And I have oft, as I have judged, seen Michaels meeting-house in Du­blin, where we met to hear, full of smoak: all which I judged sealed and confirmed my destruction.

I do also remember when my dear Sister Allen died at Dublin in Ireland, I had little or no sence of that with o­ther like heavy stroaks of the Lord a­bout that time, upon divers other pre­tious ones; but did believe they were taken away for my sake, because they prayed for me, and that I was onely left to fill up the measure of my Ini­quity, and therefore the Lord stopped many of their mouths by death, that they might not pray any more for me, but that I might be left to heap up wrath, and aggravate my misery.

I do likewise remember one morn­ing [Page 14] particularly at Dublin, when (I be­ing in bed, and called to rise) I did be­lieve verily I saw grievous flashes of lightning flie in my face, which put me in strange honour: And also another morning seeing the Sun rise in a misty frosty morning very red, I had that Scripture come into my mind, Joel 2.31. of the Suns being turned into blood, before the great and notable day of the Lord; which I believed was then near, to my destruction.

Another time being at a Christian Friends (Mistriss Roe's house in Dublin) in the night season I heard a voice (as I judged) over my head; a great voice, to which I hearkened, and was there­by put into great horrour, thinking it to be the Devil, come to fetch me a­way; and at last through anguish of soul was put into great trembling and sweat; by reason of which, I spake to Mistriss Roe, who told me it was the people that lay over my head, that tal­ked: But I did not believe her, but still thought it was the Devil; and to­wards morning I heard a ratling of Chains (as I thought) which I judged to be the Devils hasting to fetch me a­way, [Page 15] with great rejoycing that they had got me; then I asked Mistriss Ree what that noise was; who told me, it was onely people opening Shop-win­dows: but that satisfied not me, but I remained still in an inexpressible horrour.

I likewise remember the cause of my going to lie at Mistriss Roe's, was to get out of the room I lay in at my Bro­thers, where I was sensible I had so sin­ned by wicked thoughts against God, as aforesaid, from whose presence also, as well as from that room, I would if I could have fled, it was so dreadful to me: But alas! my fears were not at all abated, but increased by going thither; it being the house where the Church met, and where was frequent speaking and praying. At which I still thought the Lord would come out, and wit­nesse against me, making me an exam­ple of his justice in the sight of all his people; whose often speaking, to me, and praying for me, I did believe would aggravate my condemnation greatly: And when any of them spake of the promises to me, it was a great terrour to my soul, to see them cast such [Page 16] Pearls before Swine, to whom they did not belong: by all which things, spoken to me, I was kept in a more certain looking for a fearful firy indig­nation from the Lord, to destroy me; and my heart was the more enraged with an inveterate hatred (as I judg­ed) against God and his people, by all the means used about me.

And after all these things, coming to Waterford with my Brother Vernons Fa­mily, and remaining there, I had not the like terrour as before; but was stupid, and more sencelesse, being (as I judged) given up to a seared consci­ence and heart, yet many times sorely terrified with the like thoughts as a­foresaid: But was exceeding glad some­times, that I was forgotten in Prayer as I thought, and then did believe, it was revealed to them that prayed; so that they, knowing what I was, prayed not for me: for I had a great dread on my heart still, about being prayed for, judging it hastened my destruction, and that I should by that means be made a fearful example of vengeance, to shew to others what I was; and thus it con­tinued all the time I was at Waterford; [Page 17] no words spoken to me, or to the Lord for me, doing me any good as I could perceive; so that I still concluded God could not lie, nor repent, there­fore I must be damned; and that it was but in vain to attempt the con­trary.

I also do remember when we came to Sea, to come for England, we were in a storm: but I was in a sencelesse, stupid condition, little minding my danger all the time.

And after my Brother and Sister Vernon landed at Milford, and the rest of our Family with my self and Brother Allen were come to Sea again, to go for Minhead, in a night and a day we had a very gracious passage given us, bringing us safe into the Bay of Minhead: And when there coming from the Ship-side, being all in the Boat, we had also an eminent delive­rance; the Boat being in great dan­ger to be turn'd over by a Rope that was catched about the top of the Boats Mast, just as we put off from the Ship, which, had it not been suddenly loos'd, had pull'd the Boat over, and buried us in the Sea: I was yet under all these [Page 18] mercies with a senselesse frame of Spi­rit; onely I had some few thoughts of the infinite power of God in up­holding all things, and believed I was preserved for the sake of them I came with in the Ship: But coming into the Town of Minhead, and finding a hand of visitation in that place, I concluded that was for my sake, and that I was now come into the mouth of destru­ction; yet I was something grieved to see the prophanenesse of the place and house where we were, which was as to sin worse then Ireland, whence we came; and then I thought of the terrible Judgements of God, against sin, and sinners, that lived under such rich means of grace, as they here in England did. But leaving Minhead, and coming towards my Fathers house in Devonshire, I did not now doubt, (though I had spoken confidently be­fore, that the Lord would never let me see England, nor my Friends at home) but the Lord would bring us safe thi­ther; yet remember not any thankfull sense I had of the mercy received: but was thinking most part of the way as I came home, what a grief I should be to [Page 19] my Friends and relations again; yet sometimes a little sense seemed to be on my heart, of the mercies aforesaid, as I remember, and I did speak of them to some in the Family after I came home: But soon after, I was in a dead stupid posture as before, perceiving no good to me, either by speakings or prayer, though used by some Friends then in the Family frequently; nor could I, nor durst I pray; believing my Prayer was abominable: and therefore when my Sister Vernons hour of Child-bearing drew near, I could not seek God f r her, but was unsensible of her danger approaching: and after her delivery I was then in greater terror then before, thinking then that God would bring swift destruction upon me, as upon a Woman in travel, and I should not escape.

Now as to the Lords manner of work­ing on my heart of late: It here followeth.

ON the tenth day of the eleventh Moneth 1657. hearing a Ser­mon upon Col. 3.3. Col. 3.3 about per­sons [Page 20] in a natural estate, being dead, it was of an afrightning consideration to me, to think that Death and Hell was their Portion, and that Worms (as in the discourse was mentioned) should feed on such, Even that Worm of con­science that should gnaw continually; withal considering (as was then hinted) how loathsome a dead Creature is, fit onely to be fed on by all other de­vourers: which I saw also to be my state, and saw my loathsomnesse in all my Actions, as also that without Faith it is impossible to please God; which was set home upon my heart, and also that I was a subject of his wrath, which did abide upon me, & so should do to Eternity: Yet all this did not put me upon the use of any means to get out of my condition, in which I still re­main'd, despairing of any way for my escape.

After this, on the four and twen­tieth day of the eleventh Moneth, I heard again from another subject, Psal. 50.23. Psalm. 50.23. about Gods salva­tions being shewed to those that or­der their conversations aright: I had from this discourse many fears on my [Page 21] heart, especially from that oft repeated Scripture, Psal. 119.155. Salvation is far from the wicked, because they keep not thy Law: Which was very terrible to me; and considering how abominable I was in God's sight, by casting his Laws behind my back; that Scripture was much on my heart, Psal. 50.16. What hast thou to do to take my Words into thy mouth, seeing thou hatest to be Reformed? Which made me believe he would deal with me, as is mention­ed in vers. 22. of that Psalm, even tear me in pieces, and none should deliver; And because I had rejected him as I had done, I should suddenly be de­stroyed, and that without remedy: And hearing that passage mentioned out of Hannah's Song, 1 Sam. 2.10. The Enemies of the Lord shall be broken to pieces; out of Heaven will he thunder upon them: And I being (as I judged) one of his Enemies, it did sorely terrify me.

After this, on the six and twentieth day of the eleventh Moneth, in the night season, my soul was much took up with thoughts about my sad estate; and I was brought to conclude I was a Subject of the Lords displeasure, and should lie under the weight of his [Page 22] wrath to Eternity: And this sorely terrified me, to think what a sad thing it was to be cast out of Gods sight, and that for ever, and tormented with the Devil and his Angels, and this for ever, without any hopes of release, or dram of comfort. This I thought to be a pit indeed, in which was no water, not the least refreshment; but unsupport­able miseries, and that to Eternity; and it seemed strange to me that I was out of Hell so long, considering what I had been, and done against the Lord; and also considering his infinite power, who could in a moment cast me there, who had so provoked him as I had done.

I came then to suppose this with my self; were I now in Hell, and had but a possibility of escape, what means would I use to escape that horrible Pit? I also considered again, being once there, there was was no Redemption for ever: & considering what great dan­ger I was in dayly, of being cast there, were the thrid of my life cut, which might suddenly be, and so I drop into Hell, past recovery.

I being not yet there, and believing [Page 23] no Redemption from thence, when there; I came then to think, if yet there were any possibility of using means for my escape, I would try: for if I lie still, I shall certainly perish; and if I attempt the use of means, and misse obtaining what I seek for, I can but pe­rish: and many very great sinners have escaped through mercy; therefore I would try (and the Lord encouraged me from those words of Esther, Esth. 4.16. I will go in to the King; if I perish, I perish: As also the resolution of the Lepers, 2 King. 2.4. In the Siege of Samaria) to use the means, though without hope of successe. I being in such a deplorable condition, was prest to up and be doing, seeing the danger of lying still; at last I came to resolve to go hear at a Meeting in Sydbury: but I could not pray for a blessing, believing my Pray­er was abominable to the Lord; and I had also (after I had resolved) much ado to go, considering I was but an Hypocrite, and such a one should not stand before God; also considering what my thoughts against God were, and had been: I went with great fears on my heart, thinking (as formerly) [Page 24] the Lord would meet me in a way of rebuke, witnessing against me: but then I thought also I could but perish; and I had had such thoughts of the Lords witnessing against me formerly, which I had been mistaken in, and so might be in these; and still urged this to my heart, To abide in a way of unrighte­ousnesse is nothing but death: onely in a way of righteousnesse is life; so that I had great fears each way, of go­ing or staying: But considering my nights resolution, I fear'd if I went not I should be found a Mocker of God; and so I went: but when I came there, my fears were renewed again, as to the Lords witnessing against me: but I strove against them, by calling to mind former mistakes of this kind, and endeavoured to hear attentively; and after a while the Lord abated my fears aforesaid, and afterwards almost clean removed them: The Subject spoken of at that time was sloth; which having been so much my souls disease, I was very sorely reproved by it, especially afterward, when I seriously Meditated upon it: but yet I resolved to wait in the use of means, blessing God (as I [Page 25] was able) for what I heard this day; but yet remained in a very helplesse condition, having little or no hope of deliverance. This night afterwards, at prayers in the Family, I had my heart affected with some expressions used in Prayer about the dreadfulnesse of Christs appearing to his Adversa­ries, for their rejecting him in his ten­ders to them.

On the seven and twentieth day at night, I had many fears on my heart, in so much that I was afraid to stay in any room; and would, if I could, have fled from the presence of God, it was so terrible to me. And about twelve of the Clock at night I came into my Si­ster Vernons Chamber; but horrour so seized on me in all places, as I was forced once this night to go and cry to the Lord for mercy: but whilst I was in my Sisters Chamber, I heard one walking in another room near, which made me afraid to go back again, be­lieving it was the Devil; but after un­derstanding it to be one of the Maids that was up, I return'd again then into the Chamber somewhat freed from my fears, and went to bed; but having got [Page 26] cold with being up, I found my self much distempered, both in my body and head.

And kept my Bed the next day till night: Then I got up for refreshment for a while, but remember not any re­markable passage farther this night; but had many sad grieving thoughts for my rejecting Christ, which were often on my heart this day; and also I had a little view of the excellency of Christ, and spake to some in the Family of it in these words, His Fruit is better then Life; which I thought aggravated my Iniquity in rejecting him, besides whom there is not another that can save; and that I should reject him, it sorely afflicted me: But I had some­times that day these words, He waits to be gratious; which somewhat incoura­ged, and revived me to wait: And it grieved me exceedingly for my reje­cting him, his word and counsel, who shall be the desire of Nations; yea that Tree of Life, whose Leaves are for the healing of Nations, with whom is Riches and Honour; yea dureable Riches and Righteousnesse: All these representati­ons of Christ to me, heightened my sin, [Page 27] and grief for my rejecting him: And even broke my heart in the sence of it most part of this day.

On the eight and twentieth day fol­lowing, I heard again in the Family from the 28. Chapter of the Proverbs; the first Verse of which Chapter took hold on me, as such a one as there is mentioned, fleeing from the Lord as from my pursuer, which I have many a time done: but in that discourse it was shewn, that despair is the High­way to Hell; which much dwell'd with me in the night season: and a­wakening in the night, and hearing the wind blow hard, it sorely terrifyed me; being the voice (as I thought) of God my terrible Judge, considering him as a consuming fire against all Im­penitent Rejectors of him, of which number I was one; and looking on him as a God of infinite power, able to cast me into Hell in a moment: and I remaining a Subject of his wrath, in a state of unbelief, it made me fear ex­ceedingly: but withal considering, that still to remain in this condition, no­thing but destruction could be expe­cted; as also that there was no flying [Page 28] from his presence, before whom all places, persons, and things are open and bare, and from whom nothing can be hid; Hell and destruction be­ing open, and known to him, how much more the hearts of the Sons of Men? I hence concluded my condi­tion to be exceeding sad; and then considering what a Rebel I had been, setting at nought his counsels, and ca­sting his Laws behind my back; yea despising, hating, and contemning him, it made me afraid to go to him: But seeing no way to go from him, and my self in this desperate condition, I must needs be ruin'd by him, if I came not unto him. He at last led me to this re­solution of flying to him, begging mer­cy at his hands, for the sake of Christ, as one who saw my self in the High­way to Hell; and knowing that his right hand would easily find out all his Adversaries that had hated and oppo­sed him.

So that there would be no escaping, but by flying to Christ; there being NO OTHER NAME UNDER HEAVEN GIVEN FOR SAL­VATION, UNTO POOR [Page 29] SINNERS, BUT THIS ONELY. And so out of this great depth I was inabled to look towards his holy Tem­ple, crying to him for mercy, without which I saw I was undone for ever; so I continued crying to him, and stri­ving with my own soul, to hope that the Lord would for Christs sake shew mercy to me, because he had shewed mercy to very vile sinners; though I knew none so vile as I, being the chief of sinners, having long despised and re­jected that mercy that then I sought; yet seeing what a woefull condition I should for ever be in without it, I cryed to him for it; and then had some Me­ditations given in, of the way of God's shewing mercy, considering how he had found out a way for mercy and truth to meet together in Christ, for the Salvation of poor sinners, yea the chief of sinners: and the Lord brought at that time some passages to my re­membrance, that I had heard about the City of refuge, provided in the time of the Law; which was then minded typed out Christ, as the City of refuge prepared of God for poor pursued sin­ners to flie unto from that wrath that [Page 30] all would be else concluded under to Eternity: And the Lord also was gra­tiously pleased to enable me, to have recourse to Christ, as the onely refuge left for my poor soul; begging hard for mercy upon his account, and the ac­count of what he had done and suffer­ed for such poor sinners as I was; and I was helpt also to consider the large extent of his mercy to the vilest of sinners; and suddenly after, I was gratiously helpt to hope in his mercy, and supported and incouraged from that good word (then brought with power upon my soul) John 3.7. He that co­meth to me, I will in no wise cast out; which did greatly support me in good hopes of mercy from him; and after that, this other good word was brought in with great power upon my heart, Heb. 7.25. Where­fore he is able to save to the uttermost, all that come unto God by him, seeing he ever lives to make intercession for them.

This also added much to the ground of my hope in his mercy, that though I had been such a Rebel, and great trans­gressor, as I had been; yet he having said he would in no wise cast out any that came to him, & was able to save to the [Page 31] uttermost; it much upheld and com­forted my soul in looking towards him.

Another Scripture brought in at the same time to my heart, was, Esai. 43.12, 13. I am God, and besides me there is no Savior; I will work, and none shall let it; whence I was inabled to believe that he was a­ble to do all things by the word of his power, and to break through all oppo­sitions that stand in his way; that he was able to break down every strong hold, and subject every high thought to his obedience. I then had Medi­tations of the heights, and depths; lengths, and bredths, of that infinite mercy that was in Jesus Christ: and the Lord by such Meditations on his ho­ly word, did greatly incourage, streng­then, and raise up my poor, weak, un­worthy soul, very often (and power­fully) repeating these Scriptures, last mentioned, over and over to my poor soul: and now was my soul greatly re­freshed in hopes of his mercy to me; but a little after, the same night, Her first Assault af­ter comfort received. I was sorely assaulted again, to call in question all the hopes I had of mercy from the Lord: in the sense of which, I was made to cry, yea roar out in bitter distress to [Page 32] the Lord, striving not to let go my hold, but to call to mind what he had be­fore spoken: Namely, That those that come to him, he will in no wise cast out; together with the rest of the Scrip­tures before mentioned, given in at first for my incouragement: and the Lord again, in this sore conflict, brought in all those Scriptures afresh upon my heart, and so relieved me gratiously at this time also.

Her second Assault.But yet the tempter continued his assaults; tempting me yet to cast off my confidence in the Lord, as also to bla­spheme God: But the Lord upheld me, by putting and keeping under his everlasting Armes; By which I was stayed upon him, trusting in him, and was not left to the will of mine Enemy: but was inabled still to hope in his mercy, and hang upon that word of his promise, He that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out: & then the Lord was pleased eminently to proclaim his name unto my soul: The Lord, the Lord God, pardoning iniquity, transgression, and sin. And thus I was inabled (through his infinite mercy, and by his Almighty Power) to stay my self upon him, by [Page 33] hoping still in his mercy, for ever bles­sed be his name. And the same Scrip­tures were kept on my heart all the first day of the week following, with great life and power, succouring me a­gainst Satans temptations, that this day also I was assaulted with, some­times to cast away my confidence as a­foresaid, from thoughts of what I had been, and done against Christ: but the Lord inabled me to withstand that temptation also by his good word, in which he had caused me to trust: namely, He that comes to me, I will in no wise cast out: As also that he would work, and none should let: So that I went to God (through Christ) desiring he would inable my soul to follow hard after him: begging in order thereto, that he would uphold me, causing my soul to experience the truth of his word, that it doth and shall indure for ever: that I might be able from experience to witness to it, as so enduring, by his ne­ver failing, nor forsaking me. But that I might know him as a God that keeps Covenant and mercy for ever with his peo­ple: which last words were this day made sweet to my Meditation.

Also this day hearing in the Family from Psalm 63.8. My soul followeth hard after thee, thy right hand upholds me; I was able to say, I had experien­ced right hand upholdings: and my soul was now taught to beg earnestly for a heart inabled to follow hard after him, that hath so upheld, that I might follow him resolutely, patiently, expectingly, and constantly, as was then minded in that Sermon. I also begged I might be kept low in my own eyes, under the receipt of mercy, looking on the Lord Jesus, as the Spring and Fountain of all in me, and to me, owning the free­nesse of his grace to me.

Especially considering what a Rebel I had been against him, and how just­ly he might have cast me off for ever, had it not pleased him to advance rich­es of grace to me, a poor vile undone Creature, who desires his name alone may have all the glory; and since he hath shewed this mercy to me, my souls great fears are, lest I should sa­crifice to my self: But I desire I may for ever be kept in the sence of my own unworthinesse of the least mercy from him, upon any other account then [Page 35] the good pleasure of his own will, made known in and by Christ, to poor sinners. Her third Assault. Yet this night I was assaulted again with many blasphemous thoughts darted into my soul, against God, by the tempter, causing fears and faintings some­times: Yet I strove against them, crying to the Lord for help, to resist the De­vil, desiring he would also work such a holy fear in my heart, as I might never more dishonour him, who had so gra­tiously helpt me out of such depths, to look towards him, and to hope in his mercy, who was pleased this night a­gain very gratiously to support me with the same promises at first given in, and now again afresh, as it were repeated, and confirm'd further to my soul. And by these he now also upheld me against departing from him; & after great striving and strugling to keep my hold on the promises, I had also a pre­tious view of the love of God given in­to my soul, though the vilest of sinners, which did greatly refresh me, enabling me (more fully) to believe in him: and this Scripture 2 Cor. 5.21. was much set upon my heart, That he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin, that we might be made [Page 36] the Righteousnesse of God in him: As also that, 1 Cor. 1.30. He is made unto us of God, Wisdome, Righteousnesse, Sanctification, and Redemption: So that I was inabled now to see my self justified, and ac­quit in the sight of God, through Christ, from all my iniquity, which was now hid, and covered; and God in Christ well pleased with me, upon the account of his righteousnesse onely; so that I was (being thus refreshed) inabled to admire his grace to such a poor worthlesse Creature as I was; and I had my soul then much enlarged in desires after him, that I might be kept in time to come, from dishonouring him by unbelief, or any other way, who had been so gratious, yea rich in mercy to one so unworthy; yea even unto me, who had been such a bitter Enemy unto him. Oh, this did much com­mend his love to my soul, causing me the more to admire it, by reflecting up­on what I had been, and what I had done against him.

On the second day of the week I was also carried on for the most part, in a holy Admiration of his kindnesse to me: Desiring, I might still be inabled [Page 37] to depend on him, and his grace ma­nifested through Christ Jesus to me; and might be inabled still to press hard after him, from the manifestation of his love through Christ to my soul: as also that I might be inabled to give glory to God by believing; and that I might never more by an evil heart of unbelief, depart, or fly from the Lord, or dishonour him by hearkning to the voice of the tempter; but might hear and know his voice, and follow him, and no more the voice of strangers, but onely him, who had been so abun­dantly gratious to such an unworthy Creature, who never deserved the least dram of his grace or mercy, but the greatest of his wrath and fury to be poured out upon me: And that such a sence of my undone condition, and his right-hand-help extended to me in it, might teach me for ever to ascribe grace & glory to his name, & that only: it also was now my souls Request that I might be inbled to return thanks in truth to him by my unfeigned obedience to all his commands, also by searching af­ter the more clear knowledge of his will, in any thing wherein I might yet [Page 38] be dark, or ignorant; desiring that I might neither despise, neglect, or con­temn any of his Commands, though reckoned small or contemptible in the eye of the world: but that, what ever his mind is, I should do; I might be inabled to honour him therein, freely and sincerely, though never so weakly, and might never willingly neglect any Command of his: but might with full purpose of heart cleave to him, and his wayes, no more sinfully to depart from them, whatever I may be exposed to, & that the truth and integrity of my heart might even appear to the glory of God, in my being sound a follower of those, who through faith and patience inherit the promises.

The second day of the week at night, I had a more large view of the Lords love, and more refreshings then I had before. And I was now inabled to see that all sorts of good was laid up for me in Christ, both for soul and body, from that Scripture, Col. 1.19. For it pleased the Father that in him should all fulnesse dwell: And this fulnesse I saw was laid up in him for all believers: and I was made to see that all that good contain­ed [Page 39] in any of the promises, it was in him and by him given out to believers, through the promises; and that it should be enjoyed by believers in him, with unspeakable safety and certain­ty, he never failing any that trust in him: for he hath said, None that trust in him shallbe desolate, nor should any be able to pluck them out of his hand, nor out of his Fathers hand, who is greater then he. These with many other pretious promises did then flow in abundantly to my soul, carrying me out of my self by faith to him, so that I was inabled to resign up my self, and commit the keeping of my soul, and all that I have, and am, to him whom I had found thus faithful, (and also able) to keep what was committed to him, and to present me before his Father, without spot, and blamelesse, at that great day of his ap­pearing: And I was now made willing to be at his dispose, and to be govern­ed by him; desiring that he onely might have Dominion in my soul; and I be inabled by him to follow him whithersoever he goes, and into what condition soever he would carry me: according to that Character given of [Page 40] his redeemed ones, Rev. 14.4. These are they which follow the Lamb, whithersoever he goeth: Which Scripture was at that time born in, with great weight on my soul, making me earnestly beg, That I might be inabled to deny my self, and take up his Crosse, and follow him; depending on him for whatever I might stand in need of, being inabled (through grace) to believe, that all the promises are in him yea, and Amen: Yea the good of every of them laid up in him, more fully then in them. And afterwards I was inabled to resign up my self to him, as before expressed; and then did the promises plentifully flow into my soul.

As first, That I should Isa. 45.17. be saved with an everlasting Salvation, and should not be ashamed world without end; and that none should be able to pluck any be­liever out of Christ's hand: So that I was inabled to say, Isa 45.24, 25. In him have I righteousnesse, and strength: And in him shall all the Seed of Israel be justified, and shall glory: And that promise also, Psalm 84.11. He will be a Sun, and ashield; yea grace and glory will he give, and no good thing will he withhold, &c. And I was inabled to [Page 41] believe, That I should be kept by the mighty Power of God, through Faith un­to Salvation. These, with many more pretious promises, with the comforts of them, in a far larger measure then I can now relate, were given in to me. I had also particular promises for gui­dance and leading given in to my soul: as that, John 7.17. If any man will do my will, he shall know of the Doctrine, whether it be of God, or not: And Psalm 32.8. I will guide them with mine eye; and Hos. 6.3. Then shall ye know, if you follow on to know the Lord: And that also Prov. 8.20. I lead in the way of righte­ousnesse in the midst of the paths of Judg­ment.

And I had many promises also, as to provision, as Psalm 36.8. They shall be abundant­ly satisfied with the fatnesse of thy house; and shall drink of the Rivers of thy plea­sures: And also that Isai. 25.6. In this Moun­tain will the Lord make a Feast of fat things; a Feast of Wine on the lees well refined. And I was inabled now to be­lieve, My life was hid with Christ in God: and that because he lived, I should live al­so; and that he was come, that we might have life, and might have it more abun­dantly; as also that he ever liveth to make [Page 42] intercession for us: and that he was come into the world, that whosoever believes in him, should not abide in darknesse: and that he would be a Sun as well as a shield; yea he would give grace, and glory, and no good thing will he withhold, &c. And in contemplation on these promises, and the grace contain'd in them, & the dura­blenesse of them, (which I was assured should not fail in one tittle to be made good) I was kept up the third day of the week, in a holy Admiration of my soul, enjoying sweet refreshment for the most part, from the considerati­on of the infinite goodnesse of God, set off, and exceedingly heightened to my soul, by the consideration of that abounding evil in me, to whom all this rich mercy had been shewed: And in this frame for the most part, both the fourth day of the week, and the night also, and likewise on the fifth day of the week, it was much the same with me.

But on the fifth day at night again, the Enemy assaulted, Her fourth Assault from Satan. and conflicted very sore with me, To make me look on all the grace received, as a poor and low thing: And I was also tempted to fil­thy and blasphemous thoughts against God: [Page 43] This was before I went to lie down to take my rest; which storm caused me to fly to my refuge, the Lord Jesus, for help in this needful time: Saying unto him in my soul, Because thou hast been my refuge, therefore under the shadow of thy Wings will I put my trust. I then also pleaded the Lord's good word, in which he had caused me to hope: Namely, That those that came un­to him, he would in no wise cast out; and that he had said, he would never leave, nor forsake me, nor would turn away from me, or let my soul depart from him: All which I pleaded with him; earnestly begging from him strength, to resist the Enemies temptations, that I might not dishonour the Lord by hearkning or consenting to any of his temptati­ons or suggestions. I also pleaded with him his good word, of treading down Satan under foot shortly; and his making good that word, that the Gates of Hell shall not prevail against his Saints: This being his word which he hath said should endure for ever, in which my soul hath trusted: Yet still these Assaults were continued, Assaults continued. to cause me to cast off my hope: but the Lord [Page 44] succoured and upheld me, and at last through mercy vanquished my Ene­mies for me; also giving me such a wrest­ling frame of Spirit, during the conflict, that I could not let him go, till he had bless'd me, by making good the word I pleaded with him, in many respects to my poor soul.

For ever blessed be his Name, for such Riches of grace as he came in to my soul with. In this conflict also, making me witnesse to the truth of his word, that he is indeed a God that keeps covenant and mercy, and that for ever, with such as fear him. And after I had been thus conflicting, I was enabled to read in his word comfort­ably, without molestation any more this night; and had my heart much refresh'd, in beholding the Lord's faith­fulnesse to me in my hour of tryal; which made my soul more firmly rest upon him, & trust in him, seeing he had not suffered his faithfulnesse to fail, nor altered the thing gone out of his mouth, nor removed, nor took away his loving kindnesse from me. And so I lay down to rest, having been thus eminently refresh'd, and supported by [Page 45] the Lord: I had also my sleep made sweet to me; and when I awoke in the night season, it was with this Scripture, Zeph. 3.17. He will rest in his love, he will re­joyce over thee with singing: As also this Scripture, He will never leave thee, nor forsake thee: Then also had I a most pre­tious view of the eternal love of God to my soul, letting me see the reason, why I was not (long since) consumed; which was, because he had made an everlasting Covenant on my behalf, in Christ Jesus my Lord, in all things well ordered and sure, and that he was ever mindful of his Cove­nant. Oh! this was sweet, and this (even this) was the reason I was not cast off in my rebellions; because he hath loved me with an everlasting love, therefore with loving kindnesse hath he drawn me, and that for his own name sake he deferr'd his anger: that he cut me not off, nor did he retain his anger for ever, because mercy pleased him, & he delighted to be gratious. The coming in of these did even satis­fie my soul, as with Marrow, in the thoughts of his infinite, Eternal, un­changeable love: Which I saw indeed was the reason of my not being con­sumed, because he is God, and changeth [Page 46] not: and in his protection, and infinite love, and mercy, my soul did now re­joyce, seeing its safety under the sha­dow of his Wings, believing I should for ever be kept by him, and he would uphold me with the right hand of his righteousnesse, and would never fail, nor forsake me; but would rest in his love.

The sixth day I was kept up much in the sense of love, peace, and joy af­forded me the night before from God my gratious Father; my soul still trust­ing in his word, with which he had re­freshed and supported me: And still I was inabled to believe, to my great comfort, That his word should endure for ever: from which word, last mention­ed, I have been inabled to plead with God, in my conflicts, after this manner.

Lord, thou hast promised, that they that come to thee, thou wilt in no wise cast out; and if so, then canst thou not turn away from doing thy people good; but wilt according to thy good word, sprinkle them with clean water, and from all their idols and Iniquities thou wilt cleanse them; yea thou wilt take away the stony heart, and give them hearts of Flesh, with thy Laws writen in them, and thy fear put so into [Page 47] their inward parts, as they shall not depart from thee: this Lord is thy word, in which thou hast caused my soul to trust. Thus have I been inabled to plead his new Covenant-mercy to my souls support, and upholding in straits; blessed be his name.

This night I had a good nights rest, and was much refresh'd, on the seventh day in the morning, with thoughts much enlarged upon the great good laid up by the Lord, for them that fear him: and had many promises presented a­fresh to my soul, for future encourage­ment; so that I was inabled (through his grace) to admire his infinite love in Jesus Christ, and to have my soul fully satisfied in that onely, and to testifie my satisfaction therein, by desiring and endeavouring for ever to be, to the praise of his rich grace made known to me, by being dedicated wholly to his service; Whose workmanship I am, being created in Christ Jesus to good works, to the end we should walk in them: Giving glory and honour to Christ, Who alone is worthy to receive it from us, having re­deemed us out of all kindreds and tongues, &c. and having wash'd us in his own [Page 48] Blood, and made us Kings and Priests un­to God the Father; and we shall Reign for evermore. I also considered it was for this end, that he gave himself to re­deem us, that we might be a peculiar people to himself, zealous of good works: And to this end I desired, My soul might have Fellowship with him in his death, sufferings, and resurrection, being made conformable to him in his death, and raised up, and brought forth by the power of his Spirit, in the Fellowship of his resur­rection.

Fifth As­sault from Satan.But this seventh day at night I was again assaulted with blasphemous thoughts, and tempted to slighty and low thoughts af all his grace and love made known to me: And was seized with much fear (as I am usually in all these conflicts) lest I should be overcome, and dishonour God by hearkning, & consenting to the suggestions of his and my Enemy: But the Lord this night also was not want­ing to me, but did uphold me in wait­ing upon him; inabling me to seek to him, & rest upon him, his word in which he had caused my soul to trust. And in this way he came in to me, manifest­ing himself exceeding gratious to my [Page 49] relief, and helped me to vanquish those temptations; giving me strength against them, and inabling me to speak to his praise, what he had done for my soul, to the end it might be recorded: yet when I came this night to speak of these things, that so they might be re­corded, I was much afraid I should not be able, being much straitened, and shut up: but the Lord opened my heart, and my mouth spake (through his assistance) to his praise.

The seventh day at night I went to bed late; and when I awaked in the morning, the Lord made my Medita­tions of him to be sweet to me, causing me much still to rejoyce in the love of God my Saviour. My first Meditation being of his infinite love and wisdom, in finding out a way for recovering and reconciling poor, lost, fallen man to him­self; and such a way wherein mercy and truth might meet together, righteousn [...]sse and peace might k [...]sse each other. And this Scripture was much on my heart, 1 Joh. 1.9. If we confesse our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. And that was sweet, to see it was not onely mercy, but faithfulnesse, and justice, to [Page 50] forgive sins unto poor penitent sinners for the sake of Christ, The Mediator between God and man, in whom God saw himself and Justice fully satisfied; and the poor believer might see him­self fully acquitted, as if he had not sin­ned: And all this I saw as the Fruit of Christs death and resurrection, he ha­ving in our stead fully discharged our debts, which we else could never have sati [...]fied; by whom onely we receive the Atonement. I had also a far more pretious and inlarged discovery of these things, then I am now able to mention, with many choice Scriptures brought to my mind, as to this head: Namely, Psalm 68.18. Thou hast ascended on high: Thou hast led captivity captive: Thou hast received gifts for men, yea for the re­bellious also, that the Lord God might dwell among them: and that by Christ all hand­writings that were against us, were taken out of the way, and nailed to his Cross, who hath spoiled principalities and Powers, triumphing over them openly: And that by him the sting of death, and strength of the Law were taken away: According to his good word: 1 Cor. 15.55, 56, 57. Oh Death, I will be thy death: O Grave, I will be thy destru­ction. [Page 51] The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the Law: But thanks be to God, who giveth us the Victory through our Lord [...]esus Christ. Oh! these Scriptures were FOOD AND STRENGTH to my soul: At this time also that Scripture was given in, Titus 3.4. After the kindnesse and love of God our Saviour towards man appeared; not by works of righteousnesse, which we have done: but according to his mercy he sa­ved us, by the washing of regeneration, and renewing of the holy Ghost, which he shed on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Saviour: So that I saw our Sanctificati­on was the Fruit of his purchase for us, and Free-gift to us; it being one great end in his laying down his life, that he might redeem & purifie to himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. I had many Meditations also, Ezek. 16.6, &c. about the Lords passing by us, when we lay polluted in our blood, and cast out to the loathing of our persons, in the day we were born, that then he should say to us, Live; and that this should be the time of love, and spreading his skirt over us: as also to consider, that the promise of Christ, Gen 3.15. (And I will [Page 52] put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed: It shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel) was given to fallen man, in that nick of time of the greatest mise­ry, which he had brought on himself and posterity.

I had then also many Meditations of God's power, by which he is able to keep us through faith unto Salvation; with many promises given in to that purpose, as, that Psalm 34.22. none that trust in him shall be desolate: As also that was made sweet to my soul: Isai. 33.16, 17. namely, His place of defence shall be the munition of Rocks: bread shall be given him, and his Waters shall be sure; and thine eyes shall see the King in his Beauty, and behold the Land that is very far off. These were MEAT TO ME INDEED at that time, Thus to consider the safety of believers as founded upon the Rock of ages.

And also that Scripture, Isai. 26.12. Lord thou wilt ordain peace for us, for thou also hast wrought all our works in us: and likewise that, Prov. 10.3. the Lord will not suffer the soul of the righteous to famish: but he casts away the substance of the wicked: [Page 53] And Prov. 10.29. the way of the Lord is strength to the upright; but destruction shall be to the workers of Iniquity: And that, John 14. [...]7. Peace I leave with you; my peace Is give unto you, not as the world giveth give I unto you: Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid: And John 14.13. because I live, you shall live also: And Job 5.19. he shall deliver thee in six troubles, yea in seven, there shall no evil touch thee: And Isai. 58.11. their souls shall be as a watered Gar­den, that God hath blessed: And Isai. 27.3. I the Lord do keep it; I will water it every mo­ment, lest any hurt it: I will keep it night and day. With these promises was my soul refresh'd greatly this night; and from hence was I led to meditate on the great care, love, and tender pity of the Lord, towards his poor people, in making so many pretious promises for support and succour for his poor Saints: which made me even (with Astonish­ment) admire his grace herein: and then was that good word brought in sweetly refreshing me, Isai. 41.17. When the poor and needy seek water, and there is none, and their tongue faileth for thirst, I the Lord will hear them; I the God of Israel will not forsake them. I then cal­led [Page 54] to mind how largely my soul had experienc'd the truth of that word, that even when I was ready to fail and sink, & my soul even scorcht up with the heat of the wrath of the Lord, without any re­freshment, yea without a heart to seek it; he made good this to me: For ever blessed be his name, and the Riches of his grace, made known in Christ to my soul.

And now did the Lord bring my soul to this Well of consolation, and made me drink abundantly of the River of his pleasures streaming out in these promises: and gave me Fruit indeed from the Tree of Life; feeding me from that word also Isai. 55.3. I will make an everlasting Covenant with you, even the sure mercies of David: Which I saw were sure in­deed, as laid no in Christ for believers. E [...]en in him whom God hath exalted as a Prince and a Saviour, to give repentance unto Israel, for remission of sins: who him­self was tempted, that he might be able to succour those that are tempted; Whom God hath raised from the dead, that our li [...]e and hope might be in him, who hath called poor and weary souls to come to him for rest, and hath made me amongst others largely experience [Page 55] the truth of that word, in causing my soul to find rest onely in him, after a long and sore travail, and wearysome jour­ney. Yet again, this first day of the week I was assaulted in hearing the word Preached, Her sixth Assault from Satan. with many filthy sugge­stions cast in, to cause me to undervalue the grace of God made known: And this was both forenoon, and afternoon: but yet I was gratiously helpt to strive against them; and to cry out to the Lord for help and assistance, to resist the wicked one; begging, The Lord would not suffer me to dishonour his holy name, by consenting to the temptors suggestions: and then I call'd to mind that word, wherein he had caused me to trust: Namely, Heb. 13.5. That he vvould never leave me, nor forsake me: but vvould put his fear so in my heart, as I should not depart from him; neither should the Gates of Hell prevail against me: And thus by flying to him as my Sanctuary, I was inabled to resist, and overcome my Enemies, who else had been too hard for me.

I had also this day, Her se­venth As­sault from Satan. while I was hear­ing, some sad considerations about fal­ling avvay, after grace received; which [Page 56] made my soul to tremble in the thoughts of it, to think how dishonour­able that would be to the name of God: but I had some hopes in his word, which supported and strenghthened me against these fears: Namely, That the Lord vvould keep me by his Povver through faith unto Salvation; and would also according to his Covenant put his fear in my heart, that I should not (at least utterly) depart from him: but yet had many fears, that if he should but eclipse his love to my soul, that might also be to the dishonour of his name, and an occasion of stumbling to others; which also made my soul full of fears in the thoughts of it. But this some­what flay'd me, that he, who hath be­gun a good work, will finish it, and will be careful of his own glory, which in my souls upholding is so much con­cerned.

She is help­ed to consi­der what she owed unto the Lord for all his mercy.I was after these conversings with the Lord, and sweet Communion with him, led to consider what all this calls for at my hand, and was caused to desire to testifie my love to Jesus Christ, in wayes of obedience to all his Com­mands, who had so plentifully manife­sted [Page 57] his love to my soul: and at last was led to some Meditations about Baptism, looking upon it as a duty in­cumbent upon all believers, whereby they did evidence their love to Christ, in obedience to his Commands. But withal, I had some fears on my heart, about my being carried on in that du­ty, which I see to be so contemn'd and despised: but did judge, these were but the tempters suggestions; and there­fore did earnestly desire of the Lord, that he would inable me to evidence my sincerity to him, by following him in his most despised paths; and that I might not dare to neglect any duty he calls for at my hands: then also was I brought to mind that Scripture, Phil. 1.29. To you it's given not onely to believe, but al­so to suffer for his sake: And that he onely could give this gift, which was a great honour to be conferr'd upon his poor Saints, to be counted worthy to suffer for his name; and I begg'd, It might ever be so accounted by me: that Scripture also I had on my mind, Matth. 10.37. He that loveth Father or Mother more then me, is not worthy of me: As likewise Mar. 10.29. No man that hath left house [Page 58] or Brethren, or Sisters, or Father, or Mo­ther, or Wife, or Children, or Lands for my sake, and the Gospels, but he shall receive an hundred fold now in this time; houses, and Brethren, and Sisters, and Mothers, and Children, and Lands, with persecution, and in the world to come, life Eternal.

Now by a hundred fold in this life, I understood to be in peace of consci­ence, that would be more then all the comforts I could forsake for it; Besides in the world to come life everlasting: And that Scripture also I had, 2 Cor. 4.17, 18. For our Light afflictions, which are but for a moment, do work for us a far more exceed­ing and Eternal weight of glory, whilest we look not at the things which are seen, but at those things that are not seen: for the things that are seen, are temporal; but those that are not seen, are Eternal: I also minded, Moses his eying the recom­pence of reward, made him despise the pleasures of Pharaoh's Court; and like­wise what the Saints mentioned, Heb. 11. had endured by eying the glory set before them, and looking to that City that had foundations, whose builder and maker is God: And upon these and such like considerations my soul was [Page 59] incouraged to follow Christ, resolving in his strength, I would do so in every of his Commands, he should make known to me to be my duty to walk in; although by so doing I were a re­proach and scorn; minding David's words, Psalm 71.7. I am a wonder unto men: but thou art my strong refuge. And thence I reasoned, if God were my refuge I did not care, though I were a wonder unto men, in pursuit of my duty: & up­on some further considerations, I saw Baptisme more clear to be my duty; I being commanded, Heb. 6.12. To follow those who through Faith and patience inherit the promises: And this path of Baptism I find Christ and all his Disciples walk'd in, and therefore in this I judg­ed I was to follow; being commanded to be a follower of them: I also con­sidered, Acts 2.41. Then they that gladly recei­ved the word were Baptized, &c. I like­wise considered Christs Commission, Matth. 28.19. Go teach all Nations, Baptizing them, &c. Teaching them to observe all things that I Command you; Of which I find Baptisme to be one: this still cleared it up to my soul further as a duty; I also considered that the Laws of a King [Page 60] were to be obeyed by all his Subjects; and this I judged one of the Laws of Christ, and therefore to be obeyed by all his Subjects: I also weighed several other Scriptures about the nature, use, and ends of Baptisme, particularly Rom. 6.4, 5. which did manifest to me, that Ba­ptisme was a duty injoyned to all be­lievers; they thereby manifesting their conformity to Christ in his death, in order to their being raised up by him again, and brought forth in the Fellow­ship of his Resurrection unto newnesse of life; all which I found much in­couraging and ingaging my heart to that duty.

This night also my sleep was made very sweet to me, through the Lord's goodnesse: I waked often, and slept again, and still found sweet refresh­ings in my soul, seeing my self very safe under the protection of Christ: I then endeavoured to sleep again, minding what had been told me, that I ought to have compassion on my body; and my sleep was comfortable to me: Eve­ry time I awaked, having these words given Zep. 3.17. to me, He will rest in his love: And these, Mal. 3.6. I am God, I change not, [Page 61] and I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee: So that I was sweetly composed, and inabled to rejoyce, under the pro­tection of Christ, having those words also brought to my mind, Psalm 31.21. The Lord hath shewed me his marvelous loving kind­nesse in a strong City, and hath laid help upon one that is mighty: And that Scri­pture, Isai. 26.3. Trust in the Lord for ever, for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength; in which my soul rejoyced greatly; as also in that word, Isai 40.11. He shall gather the Lambs in his Arms, and carry them in his bosome, and gently lead those that are with yong: From which the Lord gave me faith in my soul, that he was able to keep me, so as none should be able to pluck me out of his hand; so that I was made to rejoyce in that unspeakable safety that I had under his Protection. Another pretious pro­mise to me was, Isai. 42.3, 4. A bruised Reed shall he not break, nor smoaking Flax shall he not quench, till he bring forth judge­ment to victory: He shall not fail, nor be discouraged till he have set judgement in the Earth, and the Isles shall wait for his Law: And hence I considered, that he was my Counseller as well as my Pro­tector; [Page 62] and what a wonderful Coun­seller he is! which I considered at large from Isai. 9.6. Unto us a Child is born, and un­to us a Son is given; the Government shall be upon his shoulders: and his name shall be called the wonderful Counseller, the ever­lasting Father, the Prince of peace; and of his Government and Kingdom there shall be no end: As likewise those words came to my mind, Acts 3.22. A Prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you, of your Brethren, like unto me him shall you hear in all things that he shall speak: then was my heart lifted up, blessing the Lord for that plentious redemption, which he had let me see in Christ, ac­cording to that word, Psalm 103. blessing him with whom there is such plentiful re­demption, to redeem Israel from all his iniquities, who Crowneth us with loving kindnesse, &c. and who hath bless'd us with all Spiritual blessings in Christ; having raised us, and made us sit together in Heavenly places in Christ, that in the ages to come he might shew, what is the exceeding Riches of his grace, in his kindnesse to­wards us in Christ, who hath delivered us from the Kingdom of darknesse, and [Page 63] hath translated us into the Kingdom of his dear Son.

I had also some pretious Meditati­ons upon that great deliverance I had by Jesus Christ, from the dominion of sin, Satan, and that greatest bondage of all, to be in a natural condition; and that Christ had purchased perfect li­berty and freedom: so that I was now made free indeed, and made a parta­ker of the inheritance of the Saints in light. Yet after all this, Her eighth Assault. I was again sorely assaulted, and tempted, to have low undervaluing thoughts of the grace of God, as if it were but a poor low thing; as also to blaspheme against God: but the Lord did gratiously make me to cry to him for his assistance, to cause my soul to resist the Devil, and loath and abominate his filthy sugge­stions, that so I might not dishonour him by hearkning or consenting there­to, seeing he had promised, He would never leave me, nor forsake me: That he would now make good his word, in which he had caused me to trust; and by these (and many other promises) he inabled me to plead with him, who had said, He would save to the ut­most, [Page 64] and would tread down Satan under soot shortly; and that the Gates of Hell should not prevail against me: All which I pleaded earnestly with him, that he would still cause me to experience the truth of this his-word, in which he had made my soul to hope: and at length (through his rich grace) I was inabled to say to his praise, That he was indeed a God that did never leave nor for­sake them that trusted in him; but did keep Covenant and mercy for ever, in that he had vanquished the Devil, and caused me to relie on himself, by gi­ving me Faith in that pretious promise, That he would not break the bruised reed, till he had brought forth Judgement unto Victory: So that in the sense of his ne­ver failing nor forsaking me, my soul was made now greatly to rejoyce.

Further Assaults from Satan.The second day at evening, I had many firy darts, and filthy suggestions of Satan cast into me: Which were excee­ding terrible unto me, and were born in with such violence, as though the Devil strove with all his might to cause me to cast off my hopes that I had in God; urging me to blaspheme God, and to think meanly and lowly of the grace of [Page 65] God; Which caused in me great fears: but the Lord of his grace did not so leave me, as to suffer me to cast off my confidence: But great was my fears, lest I should be left to dishonour him by unbelief, after I had profess'd such hope in him; and thereby also should wound the peace of my own soul. I also considered, that if I should conti­nue in this condition, my life would be a burden to me, and I should have cause to repent of the Profession I had made of my hope in God; thinking what a great dishonour this would be to his Name and Gospel, and cause of stumbling to them who had heard me professe my hope, causing them to dis­honour him also.

But the Lord did help me (through his grace) to flie to him as my strong re­fuge, with secret breathings in my soul, that he would not deliver me up to the will of my Enemies: but he would now remember his good word, in which he had caused me to hope, that those that came to him, he would in no wise cast out, but save to the utmost, treading down Sa­tan under the feet of such: And I begg'd that he would open and inlarge my [Page 66] strait heart, that my mouth might speak of his goodnesse, to the praise of his name. And the Lord did cause my soul again to experience his faithful­nesse, that he is a God that keeps Co­venant and mercy for ever; and he did gratiously cause the Devil to flie, and gave great inlargement to my soul, con­sidering how greatly it was straitened; and made me able to speak to his praise; and did (by his good Spirit) bring these things to my remembrance, which I was not able to think of be­fore, and was again inabled to believe (through his grace) that he is a God that will keep truth for ever, and that no soul, that trusts in him, should be desolate: So that my soul was now made to say, Psalm. 146.5. Blessed is the man that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God, which made the Heavens, the Earth, the Seas, and all that is in them, and who keepeth truth for ever with them that fear him. Blessed be his name. I have been since pondering further the duty of Baptisme aforesaid, and had at some times much clearnesse in it as a duty: yet doubts and questions have been cast into my mind about it; and [Page 67] thus I remained, debating it in my own thoughts, and consulting Scriptures a­bout it, until the twentieth day of this eleventh Moneth at night; at which time I was set upon with terrible sugge­stions about the lownesse and mean­nesse of it, being much tempted to de­spise and slight it; which, when I had considered, caused great fears and fain­ting in me, lest I should in my heart consent to those suggestions, and there­by hinder my obedience to the Lord, as aforesaid: And I was enabled to lift up my soul to the Lord for help at this time, against these suggestions and temptations, that I might resist them; and the Lord inabled me now to con­sider, that no Command of Christ was to be accounted low, or small Conside­ring also I owed all service and obedi­ence to the Lord, both as I was his Creature, but more especially as I was redeemed by him so marvellously as I have been, and with so great a price as the Blood of Jesus. I also thought, what a sad condition Adam brought all his Posterity into, by dis­obedience at first, in but eating an Ap­ple, which was forbidden; as also [Page 68] what a poor Creature man was; and how unfit, unworthy, and unbecoming it was for him, to be disputing with his Creator; who might do with all of us, as the Potter with his Clay, make or marre us at his pleasure; and what a proud presumptuous Creature I was, to suffer such a thing to enter into my thoughts, that any of his Commands should be disputed, or thought by me to be low, or contemptible, which I looked on as an abominable evil in me; and desired the Lord to look with an eye of Pardon and compassion upon me; and not to suffer me to hearken to the Devil's suggestions, to dishonour him, but make me esteem highly of all his Commands; desiring he would (according to his promise) put his fear into my heart, that I might not depart from him; and that seeing he is able to save to the utmost, and had promised so to do, as also to tread down Satan under foot, and to work, and none should let: All which he having given me experience of his making them good to my soul formerly, I now begg'd he would further strengthen my Faith concerning them, as also in that good [Page 69] word of his, in keeping me by his Al­mighty Power through Faith unto Salva­tion: And now did I find the Lords gratious answer to my poor souls de­sire, in many of these things: as first, in upholding and keeping me against the Tempters suggestion, as I had desired, that I was not overcome by them; though when I awaked this night, the Tempter met me again with his Assaults: but I was helpt to strive against them, crying to the Lord for help to stand, & strength to overcome; and he did help and succour me a­gainst them, and incouraged me to be­lieve his word, and to call to mind the depths of distresses he had by his out-stretched Arm, and infinite love and pitty raised my soul out of: and he minded me, how he had supported me, when I was ready to sink under the weight of my Iniquities, and wrath due to them; yet he then upheld me, and delivered me, and had said he would not forsake me.

These considerations did support and enable me still to trust in him, that had wrought so wonderfully, and appeared so eminently for my poor soul, as he [Page 70] had done; and I was now inabled to believe that good word, Isai. 49.10. They shall not hunger nor thirst, neither shall the heat of the Sun smite them: for he that hath mercy on them shall lead them, even by the springs of Waters shall he guide them: As also that, John 7.38. He that believeth on me, the Scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow Rivers of living waters: These (with many more promises) were now given in, fully answering to all my wants, and removing my fears: I was also inabled to judge him faithful that had promised, and so to look upon his promises as so many love-tokens from him, in the way of his free grace to my soul, through Christ my Redeemer: and seeing Baptism now (upon all the con­siderations aforesaid) my duty, to which again was added afresh this Scripture, Rom. 6.4, 5. Therefore we are buried with him by Baptism into death, &c. And my soul laid under the Power of the truth in it, that as I did expect advantage by the Lord Christ his death and Resurrection to my poor soul, so I ought by my visible obedience to this his Command, to declare my putting him on, and my being planted in the likenesse of his [Page 71] death, being buried with him by Ba­ptism into death; and also my being raised with and by him, and the Power of his Resurrection, unto newnesse of life; and my resolving (in his strength) to walk accordingly: all which ends Baptism, (according to this Scripture) I judged lively held forth; I was upon the whole inabled to come to resolve, (through grace) to yield obedience thereunto, as unto a Command of Christ my Lord, expecting his assistance and blessing therein: According to his word, John 14.21. He that hath my Command­ments, and keepeth them, he it is that lo­veth me; and he that loveth me, shall be lo­ved of my Father; and I will love him, and will manifest my self unto him: As also that word, Isai. 64.5. Thou meetest him that rejoyceth, and worketh Righteousness, those that remember thee in thy wayes. In the Faith of which promises, and fear of the name of the Lord, I intend (through his gratious assistance) to yeeld obedience accordingly in that and all his Commandments; the love of Christ being of a constraining nature to my soul, by which I have been cau­sed to consider what he hath done for [Page 72] me, in perfecting the work of my Re­demption, and also to think how little I am called to do or suffer for him, who hath done so much for my sake, Isai. 53.5. He being wounded for our transgres­sions, and bruised for our Iniquities, the chastisements of our peace being on him, by whose stripes we are healed: Philip. 2.7. Who being in the Forme of God, thought it no robbery to be equal with God, yet made he himself of no Reputation, but humbled himself, and became obedient to death, even to the death of the Crosse for our sakes: These considerations are of a Constraining nature to my soul, to obey him in all things.

I also considered what I should have undergone to Eternity, had it not been for what he hath done and suffer­ed, to deliver me from wrath to come; I also thought how little all the suffer­ing of this world are to those I should have under-gone, had not he Redeem­ed me from those Eternal miseries, which indeed makes all the afflictions of this present life seem little and light to me, when I seriously think of them: According to that, Rom. 8.18. For I rec­kon the sufferings of this present time are not [Page 73] worthy to be compared with the glory that shall be revealed in us; and that, 2 Cor. 4.17, 18. our light affliction that is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding, and Eternal weight of glory, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are Eternal; and that, 2 Cor. 5.14. the love of Christ constrains us, because we thus judge, that if Christ died for all, then were all dead, that they which live should not live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again: And that, 1 Cor. 6.20. for you are bought with a price, therefore glorify God, both in your souls and bodies, which are his; and ought to be offered up as a living sa­crifice, Rom. 12.1. Holy and acceptable unto him, which is but our reasonable service, ac­cording to the will of him who hath of his own will begotten us unto a lively Faith in Christ Jesus, unto whom be glory in the Churches (by Christ Jesus) thorowout all Ages, World without end, AMEN.

FINIS.

An abstract of the prin­cipal parts of the fore-go­ing Narrative, which the Rea­der will find to be in substance as followeth; though by rea­son of the mixture and variety of the matter, it cannot be so distinctly composed, as other­wise it might be.

I. A Particular Relation of her distressed estate and conditi­on, for fourteen years time, wherein she was exercised with various tempta­tions, concluding herself guilty of the unpardonable sin, and so a subject of the wrath of God; Whch she day­ly expected to be poured down upon her, and was hopelesse of any deliverance, notwithstanding the frequent means used by many for her relief, both by fervent Prayers for her, and Faithful endeavours by Christian advice and counsel to her; from Pag. 1. to Pag. 19.

II. A Particular discovery of the [Page] Lords manner of working on her heart by his word and Spirit, convincing her of her sinful state, and helping her to look unto Christ alone for Salvati­on; notwithstanding many fears mix­ed with her hopes: From Pag. 19. to Pag. 31.

III. A discovery of several As­saults from the Tempter, and gratious supplies of strength from the Lord, by which she was helped to resist them, and to flie unto him for refuge: From Pag. 31. to Pag. 40.

IV. Several pretious promises, and seasonable words, brought in p [...]werfully to her soul, for her support and succour under several Assaults: From Pag. 40. to Pag. 56.

V. She is helped to consider what she shall render unto the Lord for all his benefits and special deliverances he hath wrought for her, and is helped to resolve in his strength, to give up her self as a living and acceptable sa­crifice unto his service: From Pag. 56. to the end.

A TABLE, Containing several Texts of Scripture that were variously ap­plied, according to her state and condition; as the Reader may perceive, by comparing them with the several places to which this Table directs.

I. Scriptures made use of to increase terror in her distressed estate.

  • HEb. 10.27, 29. Pag. 4
  • Psalm 65.5. Pag. 5
  • Matth. 12.31. Pag. 6
  • Heb. 6.4, 5, 6. Pag. 8
  • Isai. 57.20, 21. Pag. 11
  • Matth. 15.26. Pag. 12
  • Rev. 14.11. Pag. 13
  • Joel 2.31. Pag. 14

II. Scriptures made use of to convince her of her sinful and sad estate.

  • COl. 3.3. Pag 19
  • Psalm 50.23. Pag. 20
  • [Page] Psalm 119.155. Pag. 21
  • Psalm 50.16. Pag. Idem.
  • 1 Sam. 2.10. Pag. Idem.

III. Scriptures made use of to incou­rage her to wait upon the Lord in the use of means, to trust in him, and to follow him fully.

  • HEster 4, 16. Pag. 23
  • 2 Kings 7.4. Pag. Idem.
  • John 6.37. Pag. 30
  • Heb. 7.25. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 43.13. Pag. 31
  • Psalm 63.8. Pag. 34
  • 2 Cor. 5.21. Pag. 35
  • 1 Cor. 1.30. Pag. 36
  • Col. 1.19. Pag. 38
  • Rev. 14.4. Pag. 40

IV. Several choice promises, and pre­tious words brought powerful­ly to her soul, for her sup­port & engaging to duty.

  • ISai. 45.17, 24, 25. Pag. 40
  • Psalm 84.11. Pag. Idem.
  • John 7.17. Pag. 41
  • [Page] Psalm 32.8. Pag. Idem.
  • Hosea 6.3. Pag. Idem.
  • Prov. 8.20. Pag. Idem.
  • Psalm 36.8. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 25.6. Pag. Idem.
  • Zeph. 3.17. Pag. 45
  • Heb. 13.5. Pag. Idem.
  • 1 John 1.9. Pag. 49.
  • Psalm 68.18. Pag. 50
  • 1 Cor. 15.55, 56, 57. Pag. Idem.
  • Titus 3.4, 5. Pag. 51
  • Ezekiel 16.6. Pag. Idem.
  • Gen. 3.15. Pag. Idem.
  • Psalm 34.22. Pag. 52
  • Isai. 33.16, 17. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 26.12. Pag. Idem.
  • Prov. 10.30. Pag. Idem.
  • Prov. 10.29. Pag. 53
  • John 14.27. Pag. Idem.
  • John 14.19. Pag. Idem.
  • Job 5.19. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 58.11. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 27.3. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 41.17. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 55.3. Pag. 54
  • Malach. 3.6. Pag. 60
  • Psalm 31.21. Psalm 61
  • Isai. 26.3. Pag Idem.
  • Isai. 40.11. Pag Idem.
  • [Page] Isai. 42.3, 4. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 9.6. Pag. 62
  • Acts 3.22. Pag. Idem.
  • Psalm 103.3. Pag. Idem.
  • Heb. 13.5. Pag. 55
  • Rom. 12.1. Pag. 73
  • 1 Cor. 6.20. Pag. Idem.

V. Scriptures convincing and confir­ming her in the duty of Bap­tism, and even constrai­ning her thereunto.

  • HEb. 6.12. Pag. 59
  • Acts 2.41. Pag. Idem.
  • Matth. 28.19. Pag. Idem.
  • Rom. 6.4, 5. Pag. 60
  • John 14.21. Pag. 71
  • Isai. 64 5. Pag. Idem.
  • Isai. 53.5. Pag. 72
  • Phil. 2.7, 8. Pag. Idem.

VI. Scriptures supporting her in the thoughts of sufferings.

  • PHil 1.29. Pag. 57
  • Matth. 10.37. Pag. Idem.
  • Marke 10.29. Pag. Idem.
  • [Page]2 Cor. 4.17, 18. Pag. 58
  • Heb. 11. Pag. Idem.
  • Psalm 71.7. Pag. 59
  • Rom 8.18. Pag. 72

VII. Scriptures by which she was relieved against her fears, under several Assaults: And had her hopes of fresh supplies from the Lord increased.

  • HEb. 13.5. Pag. 55
  • Rom. 16.20. Pag. 65
  • John 6.37. Pag. 30
  • Heb. 7.25. Pag. Idem.
  • Psalm 146.5. Pag. 66
  • Isai. 49.10. Pag. 70
  • John 7.38. Pag. Idem.

The Reader is desired to take notice, that some of the Texts in this Table are not mentioned in the Margent; onely the words expressed in the Page, which being but short, may soon be discerned.

ERRATA.

READER,

SEveral Faults having escaped the Presse; I have pointed out the Chief, which thou art desired to take notice of. viz.

In the first Epistle, Page 11. Line 9. read Isai. 59. In the Book, p. 2. l. 1. for irrecoverable re. irrevo­cable. p. 4. l. 1. r. remained. p. 5. l. 3. r. made it. and l. 4. re. mind. p. 7. l. 21. re. hatred. p. 22. Margent, re. 2 Kings 7.4. pag. 30. Margent, read John 6.37.

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