THE ANATOMYES of the True Physition, and counterfeit Mounte-banke: wherin both of them, are graphically described, and set set out in their right and Orient colours.
Antithesis. 1. Part. 1.
WHosoeuer purposeth to attaine the right noble, 1 and diuine Science of Physicke, and to become a true, and worthie Asclepiadean: before all things, it is requisite, that he be wholly carryed, and as it were rauished, with a naturall & heroicall instinct and inclination vnto that Studie.
For it is not possible for any man, vnlesse 2 he be cast in Natures mould, and by her fashioned for that Profession, to performe any thing therein, worth a Rush.
But he that is therevnto framed, and disposed by Natures indowment, 3 doth not only in a short time, make happie proceedings in the knowledge of that high and learned Facultie, but doth likewise, wittily and discreetly, apply himselfe vnto the preceptions, acting, and performing in the view of the world, some famous Worke, of great applause, and admiration.
Especially if he be of an ingenuous, and Schollerlike Disposition, 4 willing and readie to receiue Instruction and Profit, by whomsoeuer.
For this is the very store-house of Erudition, the most necessary 5 and precious Iewell of life, the Treasure, and Light of Science.
Who before hee set vpon, so long and laborious a Studie, beside 6 honestie of life, and ciuilitie of manners, is polished and adorned with Pallas golden chaine: I mean throughly furnished, with those Arts and Tongues, which are most requisite and necessary in a Physition.
For these are the well-springs and Fountaines of all humanitie, [Page 2] wherewith if our Physition be not throughly watered, he can neuer bring forth any good or wholesome Fruite. For as these liberall and generall Arts leade vs (as it were by the hand) to the sweete and siluer streames of Naturall Philosophie: so Philosophie bringeth vs (after some good acquaintance with her) to the spacious, goodly, & beautifull Field of Physicke.
It is needfull likewise, that hee bring with him an eager appetite, and insatiable Desire, to penetrate, and diue into the Mysteries of that profound Science: wherein there are so many hidden secrets, farre remoued from the Eyes & Sence of the Vulgar sort.
Wherevpon, that hee may the more easily and happily attaine the knowledge of these things, he placeth himselfe in some famous Vniuersitie, replenished by the benigne aspect of Heauen, & clemency of the Aire & Soyle, with refined and braue Wits: where (as in a Mart of Phisicke) he doth not only store himselfe with varietie of medicinal furniture of all kindes; but doth likewise often enter into the lists with his Corriuals, & exerciseth himself in discussing the difficult Controuersies, of that learned Facultie: chusing for his Maisters & Standerd-bearers, such as are of greatest learning, and most renowmed & happy Practise, and such as do teach the Art painfully and faithfully, that by these meanes he may more ioyfully and speedily aspire vnto the top of his Desires.
Neither is he wanting to himselfe, but duly waying that Occasion is swift, slippery, and bald behind, he catcheth her by her fore-lockes: with daily and singular diligence he striketh the Iron, while it is hote, and taketh the Time whilest Time serueth.
By this meanes, he layeth a sound and sure foundation of his Art, readily apprehending, firmly retaining the precepts thereof, and prudently applying them to the vse of his Patients.
Moreouer, he seriously bethinketh himselfe, that this diuine, and most learned Study, requireth not a laizie, drowzie, and slothful-snorring Therfites: but a painfull, vigilant, and industrious Vlisses, hauing a chearfull and vndanted Mind, against all dangers, and troubles whatsoeuer.
Herevpon he daily & painfully exerciseth himselfe in reading the learned volumes of those auncient Worthies, who haue faithfully, and fruitfully deliuered this Art vnto Posterity, the only Solace of humane Life: he diligently frequenteth the publike Lectures of Anatomy: and afterward himselfe doth make open Dissection. To conclude, he spareth no paine, but climbeth the high & steep Mountains, rangeth [Page 3] thorow the low vallies, pierceth the woods and thickets, entereth the Caues and hollow Dens of the earth, searcheth thorowly the spatious and wild fields, the banks of sweet & running Riuers, to attain the true knowledge and nature of multiforme Simples.
And that bee may comprehend and vnderstand the nature, properties, and vertues of all these, he refuseth no trauaile, nor forbeareth any cost, referring and applying them all, to the commoditie, benefit, and health of Men.
In the meane while (like a Diogenes or Timon, who desires to be alone and singular) he doth not refuse to ioyne with learned Phisitions, when they visit their Patients, and conferre together about the curatiō of Diseases: but doth heedfully obserue those learned Colloquies, and Consultations, and carefully commit them to memory: putting likewise his owne hand by little and litle vnto the worke, and in Cases of difficultie and danger, is nothing ashamed to follow the Aduise and Direction of skilfull and well-pratised Physitions.
But to atchiue all these things happily, and successiuely, sufficient Time and Opportunitie are necessarily required.
For the learned, ample and diuine Art of Physicke, which requireth a whole man, is not learned in the space of one or two yeares: but for the largenesse, excellency, worthinesse, and profunditie thereof, the whole Life of man is hardly sufficient.
If we expect that this heauenly Science implanted in the mind, and purchased by so many sweats, and more then Herculean Labors, should yeeld a plentifull haruest to the good, & welfare of Mankind.
Thus you haue briefly (as it were) the birth, education, & institutiō of a true Aesculapian: to whom if you oppose your Changeling and masking Mounte banke, you shall finde them to agree like Harpe and Harrow. 2.
For it is clearer thē the Sun, that the whole Rable of these Quacksaluers, are of a base wit, & peruerse Nature, hauing no more naturall Inclination, or Dispositiō vnto this study, then the Asse to the harpe.
For all these Bragadocian Thessali, which boast of their skill in this Profession, couering their Asses eares, with the honest tytles of Doctors & Physitions, as with a comely Mantel, and practising Physick to the vnauoydable and lamentable hurt and danger, of their poore and miserakle Patients, if you consider them aright, for the most part are the abiect & sordidous scumme, and refuse of the people, who hauing runne away from their Trades and Occupations, learne in a corner, to get their liuings, by killing of Men.
[Page 4]And if we plucke off the vizards wherein these disguised Maskers do march, & bring thē to the Light which (like Owles) they cannot abide, they will appeare to be runnagate Iewes, the cut-throats and robbers of Christians, slowbellyed Monkes, who haue made escape from their Cloysters, Simoniacall and periured shauelings, busie Sir Iohn lacklatines, Thrafonical, and vnlettered Chymists, shifting & outcast Pettifoggers, light-headed, and triuiall Druggers, and Apothecaries, Sun-shunning night birds, and Corner-creepers, dull-pated, and base Mechanickes, Stage-players, Iuglers, Pedlers, prittle-pratling Barbers, filthie Grasiers, curious Bath-keepers, common shifters, & cogging Caueliers, bragging Soldiers, Bankerupt marchāts, lazy Clowns, one-eyed or lamed Fencers, toothlesse and tatling old wiues, chattering Char-women, and Nurs-keepers, long tongued Midwiues, scape-Tibornes, Dog-leethes, and such like baggage, and earth dung.
In the next Ranke, to second this goodly and sweet Troupe, follow Poysoners, Inchanters, Soothsayers, Wizards, Fortune-tellers, Magitians, Witches, Hags, with a rablement moe, of that damnable Crew, the very filth and drosse of the world.
Now, if you take a good view of these sweet Companions, you shall finde them, not only meere Dolts, Idiots, and Buzzards: but likewise Conremners and Haters of all good learning.
For the greatest part of them disdaine booke-learning, being altogether vnacquainted with liberal Arts, and neuer came where Learning grew.
For euery one of them, though in his own opinion an other Chiron, yet either hath no bookes at all, or if hee haue a great Library, to make the world beleeue hee is a great Clarke, yet hee layeth them by the walles to feed the Moathes, but neuer peruseth them: nay many times cannot, so grosse is his Ignorance.
For Bookes (witnesse Galen, the incomparable Maister of Physicke) are Monuments, and Registers, of those who are before learned; and no perfect Instruction for Rudsbies, and Idiots.
Neither doth the possession of a great Library, and multitude of Bookes, make a man learned: no more then Aiax armor would make Thirsites a stout Souldier: But the painful and diligent reading them, and applying them to vse: as the skilfull vse of weapons, not the wearing of them showeth and proueth a good Warriour.
But these (for the most part) rush into Apolloes Temple, with vnwashen handes, and vnlettered heades: and as they are as blinde as Beetles, so they haue not so much as a desire to see into the mysteries [Page 5] of that abstruse Facultie: they either vse no Teachers at all, or else make choise of some Thessalicall Empericks as learned as themselues, or some smoaky Chymist, or black Vulcane, able to teach them nothing but that which must afterward be vntaught: yet notwithstanding they swell like the Terentian Thraso, with a vaine and phoppish conceit of skill and knowledge, as though they were the onely profound Doctors, and learned Phisitions of the world. To conclude, they are such as cannot abide to take any paines or trauell in studie: they reiect incomparable Galens learned Commentaries, as tedious and friuolous Discourses, hauing found thorow Paracelsus Vulcanian shop, a more compendious and short way to the Wood: spending Tyme, the most noble and precious creature of God, either with dooing nothing, or vainly and foolishly, about toyes, as in finding the Foolosophers stone, making Potable gold, or in doing that which is euill and pernitious, as in making some pleasant & refined poysons, vnder the names of Turbith minerall, or Butyrum Arsenici, to keepe Charon from wanting worke; or else with a troubled and shittle head, tossed too and fro like a feather, and turning as oft as the weather-cock, they neuer bring any thing to good effect, or perfection.
Others are so notoriously sottish, that being ouer head and eares in the myrie puddle of grosse Ignorance, yet they will by no meanes see or acknowledge it: so that they know not so much, as that they know nothing.
For to giue an instance in the most absolute, exquisite, and diuine frame of mans Body, if they can shewe a rude Description thereof, hanging in their chamber, and nick-name two or three parts (so as it would make a horse to breake his halter to heare them) they think themselues iolly fellowes, and are esteemed great Anatomists in the eyes of the Vulgars.
Now in the knowledge of Plants they are old excellent, and will roundly shewe you Spynach in stead of Sorrell, a Nettle for Betony, and Colchicū for Saffron, & that very demurely without any blushing.
Others (as wise as these) affirme very confidently, if not impudently, that the knowledge of Plants and other simples, appartaineth not vnto them, but to the Apothecaries.
But it seemeth to me very ridiculous, if not altogether dishonorable, and ignominious, that he who taketh vpon him to be an other Apollo and great Doctor, should not know the Instruments of his owne Art.
Now they are not so ignorant & doltish, but they are as enuious, [Page 6] impudent, and wainscot-faced. And since there is no punishment allotted vnto Ignorance in the weale publike, sauing the blot and brand of Infamy, that is so familiar and accustomed vnto them from the cradle, that it toucheth them no more then a flea-byting. And Impudencie is so rooted in the bones, and bred in the flesh, that they not onely in secret lash and whip with their venemous and serpentine Tongues, all honest and learned Phisitions, but at their pleasures do tyrannise and excarnificat mens bodies, and through their bayard like boldnesse, and licentious impunitie, make hauocke of their silly Patients, making experiments, and trying their Tartareall conclusions, by more then Tragicall Deaths.
For there is no crime so haynous or odious, which lewd and lost Companions do not perpetrate, vnlesse they be bridled and restrained by feare of punishment: but if the Magistrate looke thorow the fingers, and winke at their naughtinesse, or else maintaine and patrocinate them therin, then they carrie all away smoothly, and sleep soundly on both sides.
But these men should doo farre better, neuer to vndertake those things wherein they haue no skill, then to professe those Arts which they neuer learned.
Now it is the honestest and safest course for good and learned Phisitions, (since they haue no power in their hand to redresse these Enormities, and that there is small hope of a better world) to haue no societie with these Barbarians, enemies to all Antiquitie, Humanitie, and good learning, least they heare the old saying, Like will to like. As was said of the Diuell dauncing with the Collier.
Antithesis. 2. 1. Part.
IF we from hence proceed to the Course of life, and practise of a right Aesculapian, wee shall see him differ as much as white and blacke, from the croaking, and hedge creeping Quack-saluer.
His maine and principall drift and endeuour, by meanes of his education in those studies, which wholly rauish the mind with the loue of Vertue, is, that as a faithfull friend, and well-willer of Nature he may religiously, vnspottedly, & charily preserue the precious healt [Page 7] and life of man, and conserue the Estimation & Dignitie of that most honorable and worthy Profession.
For he thorowly wayeth and considereth the excellencie of his Arts subiect, Man, that noble, admirable, and incomparable worke of Iehouah, the Temple of the holy Ghost, the most eminent and cleare Myrrour, & Spectacle among all creatures, of the diuine wisedome, Iustice, Goodnesse, I say Man framed after the similitude of the Eternall.
Which noble and worthy Creature, committeth his dearest Selfe and Life into the hands and trust of our Phisition.
Concerning whom, together with all his Operations, & Practises in his Facultie, he is to giue account vnto Nature and the Author therof: the Eternall as a carefull Inspector, & sincere Iudge of them, in the day of that great & general Assise, & euerlasting Sabaoth of the world.
When hee seriously and diligently pondereth these things, hee must needs remember his owne Condition, and that it concernes him to looke well to the vpshot and Conclusion.
Herevpon he attempteth nothing, he appointeth and determineth nothing, but with sound Aduice, Councel, & Iudgemēt, searching out with great care, industrie, and diligence, the nature and force of present Maladies (weighing all things in the ballances of Reasō) with great and singular Dexteritie repelling them, and with admirable wisedome, foretelling and presaging future Calamities.
He accounteth nothing more deare vnto him, then the Health of his Patients, wherevnto he is wholly deuoted, refusing no labour or danger, be it neuer so imminent, to attaine that end. Nay he cōsumeth himselfe with griefe and care for other mens Calamities, reckoning their woes, his owne miseries: and all to this end, that hee may performe the office of a true Phisition, and deliuer his Patients from vnauoydable Perils, and rescue men as it were out of the iawes of Death.
For Phisicke being the Art of helping and healing, not of killing and excarnificating, (as Scribonius saith well) the Professor thereof, our Phisition, dooth not value men by their Fortunes, and Places in the world, but reacheth out his helping and healthfull Hand vnto all that desire his assistance, and maketh sure neuer to hurt any, but helpe as many as possibly he can.
Herevpon, as beseemeth a good and vertuous Man, hee carrieth not two faces vnder one Hood, but his Heart and Tongue, his words and actions agree and goe hand in hand together.
[Page 8]For he endeuoreth by all meanes to shew himselfe prudent, bashfull, trustie, graue, modest, constant, couragious, courteous, and affable.
For all these faire Vertues do vsually attend them, who haue bene rightly conuersant, and trained vp in Apolloes Schoole.
Among other Vertues hee greatly embraceth Taciturnitie, and Secresie. For there are many Misteries of the Art, many Diseases of Patients, which to blab abroad, were neither seemly nor expedient. Many things are said and done by these like parties, many Accidents fall out in their houses, which are to be concealed as Secrets, and not to be carried out of doores, and cryed at the Crosse.
For it is a Signe and argument of a Gentleman-like Disposition, and amiable Discretion, to keepe close things to be secreted, least all our Wit seeme to lie in our tongues end, and not to be lodged in the Head or Heart.
And as he is secret and discreet, so is he likewise Sober and Temperate, that he may be fit & readie to visite his Patients, at any houre of the day or night: being as good an afternoones-man, as a mornings-man.
For as Galen witnesseth, a good Phisition ought to bee as studious of Sobrietie, as of Veritie.
So in his attire there is no superfluous Curiositie, Courtlike Pomp, far-fetched & foolish Finicallitie: no nor Diogenicall nastinesse, and Lazerlike slouenie: but therein he laboureth to be decent, comely, and frugall.
Moreouer he is contented with a mediocritie, and ioyeth in a meane Estate, not greedily gaping and breathing after Riches, being sufficient to himselfe, and knowing that they of their owne accord, follow an industrious and laborious Hand, vnlesse a Mans lot fall among such as are altogether Clownes and Sowters.
And that he may auoyd all sinister Cogitations, and Suspitions of euill, and vnhonest dealing, he cautelously shunneth and shutteth out all churlish, malignant, new-found, & suspected medicines, admitting those onely in his Practise, which are easie, safe, benigne, vndoubted, secure, and approued by long Vse, and certaine Experience of the ancient Worthies, and great Maisters in Phisicke.
And in all these things hee carrieth himselfe discreetly, ingenuously, & without Cunning and Deceit: not refusing to submit his Prescripts and Formes (if need require) to the Censure and Iudgement of learned Phisitions, willingly yealding to conferre with them, and (to [Page 9] vse great Hippocrates words) embracing willingly any learned Colloquie, least by any meanes he should seeme to play the Coward or Flincher.
For Truth being of that Nature, that she neuer hideth her Face, or feareth to behold the Light, so the true Philosopher or Phisitiō, (for those two in our Age make one) is sociable, & readie to communicate, hearing other mens Opinions and Iudgement with great delight, only to this intent, that by this friendly Conference, and diligent Inuestigation, he may be confirmed and incouraged in his good Course, and the Patient receiue more assured, and certaine Benefites.
2. Antithesis. 2. Part.
NOw if you compare with him, our suborned and masking Mounte-barke, whose wits are as dull as a doore nale, they will be found as farre different and distant, as Michaels Mount, and Cheuen Hills.
For where shal you finde any one in this Crew, who hath any spark of Religion, or drop of Charitie? where one that hath any right sence of Compassion, or common Humanitie? But to speake plaine, (though it be horrible, so much as to thinke) the greatest part of this Packe, are no better then ranke and arrant Atheists.
And to speake within compasse, you shall sooner finde a blacke Swan, then an honest man in this Bunch: but if you prye narrowly into them, you shall discerne notorious Impostores, olde beaten Foxes, and Cozeners; not Friends and Fauorites, but sworne Enemies to Nature, and Man-kinde: laughing in their sleeues at their Budget full of wyles which they carrie in their bosome, most basely and wickedly, prostituting both Themselues, and the Art.
For this lost Companion, hauing a Foxes Head, and an whorish and wainscotted Face, considering that nothing is set by in this Age, but that which is profitable, that wealth is more esteemed then Honestie, and that Riches make the Gentleman, and that Money maketh Vertue stand behinde the doore, he setteth this downe as a Maxime, and Conclusion, that wealth must be had, though with the Iniurie and wracke of Pietie, Equitie, Humanitie, and common Honestie, & therfore [Page 10] prising Man, that immortall, and excellent Creature, the grand Myracle of the Eternall, at naught, hee carrieth himselfe Impiously, Desperately, and Craftily, in all his Courses, casting as it were the Dice vpon his Patients.
Herevpon he pronounceth all Things darkly and doubtfully, as if Apollo should gaue Oracles from his Threefooted stoole. And if he happen at any Time on a Truth, you must pardon him, it was more then he was aware of. Now, all is Cocke sure, hee will pawne his Life and Credit (not both worth a Rush) all shall bee well. By and by, with a Stoicall Countenance, he threatneth Daunger and Death: breathing at once both cold and hotte, and all to this End: that which way so euer the World waggeth, hee may bee thought by his great Wisedome, and deepe reach in Diuining, to haue foreseene and presaged the Euent: which he foreknew as much as a Woodcocke.
So that beeing himselfe more variable then the Polyp, hee is in twentie seuerall Mindes in an houre, turning and winding, too and fro, like a Tragedians Buskin, and vttering quite Contraryes.
Thus doth this base and lewd Couzener mocke God, and despise Man, for whose cause the Eternall created the goodly and beautifull Frame of the World: and in whose Bodie, whatsoeuer is more largely in that Spatious, and Gorgious Pallace, and Theater delineated, is more briefly comptised, and as it were Epitomised, and represented a short Summe or Viewe. Against this Noble Creature, the small Counterfeit of the Great GOD, hee dooth oft times rage more sauagely, then any wilde Beare, or Tygar, refusing all good, safe, and wholsome Medicines, and purposely making Choise of them which were inuented by Sathan or his Imps, for the ruine, and Destruction of Mankind.
Now his Manners and Conditions (the liuely Characters of the Minde) wherein there is no one graine of Honestie, declare plainly what a sweet Companion this is. For if a man consider his Person, he shall finde him Lewd, Shamelesse, a Hater mortall of all Good Men, well seene and practised in all Couzening, Legerdemaine, Coney-catching, and all other cunning Shifts, & Sleights, a cracking Boaster, Proud, Insolent, a secret Back-biter, a cotentious Wrangler, a common Iester, a Lyar, a Busie-body, a Runnagate Wanderer, a Cogging Sycophant, and Trencher-Chaplaine, a couetous Exactor, and Wringer of his Patients: in a word, a Man, or rather Monster, made [Page 11] of a Mixture of all Vices.
For hauing spent all his Tyme in learning these Feates, and long Custome hauing bred an Habit or second Nature, it cannot bee but that in Vertues Place there succeedeth a whole Troupe, and as it were a bottomelesse Whirlepoole of all Vice, and odious Naughtinesse and Filthinesse.
Herevpon hee neither Fearing God, nor Caring for the good Lawes of Man, (I am ashamed to speake that, which they shame not to commit) refuseth not to giue Horrible and Detestable Counsell, for the murthering of Poore Infants in their mothers bellyes, procuring them to fall from the Tree, like vntimely Fruite. And being as lasciuious as a Sparrow in the Spring, hee maketh no bones to corrupt and sollicite to vncleannesse, young beautifull Maidens (hauing a speciall Facultie in Curing the Greene Sicknesse) yea, and comely Matrons and Wiues, if he may handsomely come into their Chambers: blushing no whit to spend many houres in Carowsing in Tauernes, and dallyance among Curtemans.
And according to the diuers Dispositions and Humours of Men, that hee may fit and Please all, he layeth aside the Behauiour and Grauitie of a Phisition, and putteth vpon Him the Person of a Sycophant, and Parasite, making account as the World goeth, to thriue better thereby, then by his profession: refusing no Seruitude, or Drudgery, how base so euer, that hee may creepe into Fauour with his Good Maisters, and Mistresses, and get into that Great Lord, or Rich Ladies Bookes. One while hee playeth the Apothecarie, an other while the Cooke, an other while the Seruing Man: other whiles serueth in stead of Mother Midnight, and sometime hee is content to carrie the Pisse pot, abasing Himselfe to euery Seruile and Slauish Office. Nay by your leaue, Sometimes (which is of all other most vnworthy, and vnbefitting) hee playeth the Foole and Iester, and now and then (which is worst of all) the Bawd and Pandore.
And he is so farre from being thought worse for all this, by the Vulgars, that he is counted an Obsequious, Officious, Neat & Necessary Man, a Merry, and good Fellow, and the Onely Phisition.
Among other things hee laboureth to excell in Garrulitie, and much Babling: his Tongue being like a Lambs Tale, or Aspen leafe, which neuer lyeth still, but is alwayes wagging. And since he cannot come neare others in sound Learning, Iudgement, and Skil in his Art, he will be sure to goe farre beyond them in Childish, Foolish, Vnsauourie, Tedious, and Tiersome Loquacitie. So that by a vaine and [Page 12] fond boasting of Learning, and impudent promising, and vndertaking many and great Matters, he is accounted a great and profound Doctor among the rude and ignorant Multitude, especially among simple & credulous Women, (who through their weaknesse of Iudgement, shallownesse of Conceit, and Leuitie of Minde, are of all other most readie to embrace old wiues Tales, Lyes, and Forgeries) he keepeth a foule Coyle, playing the Champion, and Warriour with his Tongue, vaunting aboue measure of his great and noble Acts, in killing I know not how many Chymaeras; despising, & that with a Grace, all the Learned Phisitions of the Place, and sometimes Age wherein he liueth, barking and byting, reuiling, and calumniating them, at his Pleasure, as not worthy to carry his Bookes, or once to be named, or compared with his sweete Selfe, our great Magnifico, and all to the end that he might alienate Mens Minds from Them, & by his shamelesse Cauils and Slaunders, impaire their Reputation, and brand them with the blacke Coale of Infamy and Reproach.
Now if by these cunning sleights, vnsauourie Pratling, secret Calum [...]ation, he haue scraped together a few Crownes, that he may trauel [...] into some forraine Countrey, hee will make sure to fawne vpon the Female kinde, and to purchase the Fauour of honourable Ladies and Dianaes, with some rare, and pretious Gifts, suppose a peece of Counterfeit Vnicomes-horne, or a Bezoat-stone, made of Powder of Post, or glassie Sand, the Onely, and Soueraigne Antidote, and Medicine, (if you will beleeue my great Maister) of all Maladie, Treacle, Diatessaron, or some Counterfeit Drugge closed hard with the Venetian Seale, or a litle white Clay: which hee calleth Terra Lemnia, or some such like precious Iewell, not worth a button.
Now he impudently, with a whole streame of prittle prattle, setteth out to the vttermost his goodly Gifts, that they are worth twise their waight in Gold: that they must be laid vp in their Caskets, amōg their most costly Ornaments, and kept as their Life.
Thus with these cunning sleights, fawnings, and flattering words, and Gifts not worth a strawe, (which notwithstanding silly Women haue not the wit to reiect, but take them with both hands, and locke them vp for Treasures, extolling and praising them to the Skyes among their Gossips) he winneth the Spurres among the Multitude: and being in high Admiration, Credit, and renowme with my Gossip Prittle Prattle, his Fame is by & by, spread through the whole Town, as with Bell and Clapper, and hee reckoned the onely Learned and profound Doctor.
[Page 13]For he cannot possibly make so loud and impudent a Lye, but it straight way runneth for currant, among these credulous and poore Soules. For among Blinde, the Blinker easily ruleth the Rost.
So that by his lewd and lowd Lyes, and other pretie Shifts, and nimble Sleights, he bringeth to passe, that hee is applauded in euery Corner, and magnified by the common sort, as an other Apollo.
For they delighting altogether in Noueltie, and loathing their old accustomed Physitions, though neuer so learned, if there come any straunge Beast, or Monster, out of Barbary, or Iacke an Apes from Cataia, they doo gaze vpon him with Admiration, flocke after him by whole Troupes, and set him out, in highest Degrees of Commendations.
And being compassed with this Crew of Idiots, and sitting in his Chaire of State with his Cap of Maintenance, by his silly Patient, it is a world to heare how his Tongue rowleth and walketh at randome, (but not one wise word, or any way appertaining to the matter, if he might gaine thereby a Kingdome.) One while with magnificall, bombasted, and ell-long words, he boasteth of his straunge and admirable Cures, (you may take time to beleeue them) an other while, he telleth endlesse, long, and headlesse Stories, of his rare, and hard Aduentures, in Trauailes and Perigrinations, vttering oft times, and that with great arrogancie, and shamelesse Impudencie, as many Lyes, as words. Otherwhile he taketh vp the Person of a leaster, and playeth the Foole in the Play very singularly. For that Part of all other (as it pleaseth himselfe and his fond Fauourites the best) so it becommeth him right well.
But he hath one propertie, which by the way is worthy of speciall Commendation. If he see or heare any Thing in the House of his Patient, it were as good to haue bene cryed at the Crosse. He cannot abide to keepe Counsell.
For it is not possible that a Man of many words, should haue any Truth or Secrecie in him.
And as he is a Babler, so is he likewise a good Trencher man, or Good fellow as they call them, louing company and good cheare passing well: and the Chesse, the Dice, a Cup of neat Wine, better a great deale then his Booke.
For if you misle him at any Tyme, you may be sure to finde him either in the Tauerne, or at Bowles, or at some Feast or Meeting of Good-fellowes.
For our Smell-feast, will be sure to haunt the Houses and Tables [Page 14] of Rich and great Men, partly to fill his Paunch, and partly that he may be thought to know all fashions, and that hauing wonne the fauour of Grosse-headed and credulous Rich Capen-caters, hee may by their meanes be preferred and aduanced.
And though he make glorious & vaunting Pollicitations of binding Beares, and moouing Mountaines, yet if trusting to his big and Bugge words, vpon some vrgent necessitie you desire his Counsell in some sodaine Symptom and headlong Disease, by and by you shall finde him falter at the first onset, as a Man beside his wit, and not knowing which way to turne himselfe, or at what End to begin.
Then not able any longer to couer his Ignorance, he getteth into a Corner to peruse his Note-booke, which he hath patched from some Apothecaries File, or else some English Pamphlet of Surgery, which he yet vnderstands not without an Interpreter, or else he flieth to those old S [...]esbies, and Trudge blew-coats Antimony, and Mercury Precipitate, and if these good-fellowes chance to faile him, then wanting all found Learning and Iudgement, it is a Good sport to see how hee sumbleth and confoundeth himselfe, running into twentie Errors, and Absurdities, euery one greater then another.
So that by this meanes the Disease doth oftimes sooner dispatch the Patient, then our Pretie and Gay Doctor can resolue of a Course to be taken.
But that nothing may be wanting to our barred Cumanyst, hee laboureth in his Gate, Gesture, and Attire, to resemble the right Aesculapian: but so, that he is like an Ape clad in Purple, with a whole table of Toyes and Trinkets that by Garish, Outlandish, and vncouth Apparell, his great Gold Chaine, and glistering Rings vpon euery Finger, he may draw to him the Concourse, and Admiration of the People, and more readily vtter his Cart-load of Leasings.
Now as this Stage like Brauery requireth no small cost: so doeth it greatly further our Magnifico in many Prettie and Cunning Shifts and Tricks of Gaining.
Among other Feats, if any of them is more Craftie, or hath a litle more broken Latine in his Budget, then the Common Sort, hee pryeth into the Practise of other Physitions, and layeth about diligētly for those Medicines, which he hath heard or knowne to do good: and hauing once gotten a Transcript of them, hee vseth them hand ouer head, without Art, or Reason.
Which notwithstanding if wee giue credite to Herophilus, [Page 15] vnlesse they passe through the Hand of Skilfull and Iuditiall Physitions, do more hurt then Good. That which is one Mans Blisse, is an other Mans Bane.
The greater Part of these Study, and that seriously, the Art of Sophistry, Cousening, and plaine Cony-catching, aduauncing, and setting to sale with Great applause and Concourse, their witlesse Nostrums, which they haue patched together by the marring of two or three good Medicines, to make a third worst of all, feeding the Common People with Toyes, Trifles, Bables, Nut-shels, plaine Chaffe in stead of Wheate, which notwithstanding they set out, to the vtmost, with more then Hyperbolicall, or rather Paracelficall Commendations.
Thus they inescate and circumuent poore silly Soules, leauing them as much mony in their Purses, as they haue Wit in theyr Heads: especially if they prepare theyr Medicines themselues, at home in theyr Selles, and hyre two or three Brokers, to blaze theyr Commendations in euery Corner of the Citie.
And if they can perswade them (according to the foolish opinion of Many) that nothing is wholesome, effectuall and Soueraine, but that which is far fetcht and deare bought (for they fill the Purse) they haue halfe wonne the Goale. For all ordinary and common Gifts of Nature, are despised and set at naught by these Braue Magnificos, which haue nothing but Vnicornes horne, Bezoar stone, Magistery of Pearles, and I knowe not what Precious, and Forreine Bugges and Drugges in theyr Mouthes.
These our Mounts-banke proclaimeth lyke a Daw vpon a Perke, to be infallible and sure Cardes, approoued and ratified by long and good Experience, laying oft times his Head to pawne, that they are such as whereof common and triuiall Galenicall Doctors (for with that Style hee brandeth all learned Physitions) are altogether Ignorant.
Wherevpon that hee may by all meanes auoyd to treade in the steppes of the auncient and moderne Worthies, this blinde, and sottish Impostor, carefully shunneth all benigne, safe, well-experienced, Iudiciall, and Rationall Medicines, and maketh choyse, of Churlish, Violent, Vncouth Drugges, inuented not to Purge, but to torment and excarnificat: not to saue, but to Kill Men, couering theyr strong Poyson, in a small Dose, giuing them sometimes in Bozenges, sometime in Wine, that the poore Patient, looking vppon the fayre and pleasaunt Bayte, may not deserye [Page 16] the Hooke and Poyson lurking within: and all this he doth with great Boldnesse and Impudencie, not knowing the Daunger and Perill ensuing.
For they beeing (by all Classicall and Rationall Phisitions) raunged in the Ranke of Poysons, do therefore violate Nature, not onely by their Quantitie, but likewise by their Qualitie, be their Dose neuer so small.
Others as blinde and bold Bayards as the former, bring out of their Budgets, and dispearse abroad as Soueraigne Salues, certaine Powders, Alcola, Vnguents, Cerats, Oyles, not worth a rotten threed, not knowing whereof they are compounded, and oft times being not able to Name them aright.
Other, vnder the Names and Tytles of Elixir of Lyfe, Quin-Essence of Gold, Pearle, Azoth, and Panacea, which they themselues haue made, and account Secrets of Secrets (whereby they haue fetched backe I know not how many Soules embarked alreadie in Charons boate) do sell certaine Gimmalls, with great applause, and for graet summes of money, and by their Factors dispearse them abroad into forraine Countries.
Others, that they may colourably and cunningly hide their grosse Ignorance, when they know not the Cause of the Disease, referre it vnto Charmes, Wichcrafts, Magnificall Incantations, and Sorcerie, vainely, and with a brazen forehead, affirming that there is no way to help them, but by Characters, Circles, Figure castings, Exercismes, Coniutarions, and other Impious, and Godlesse Meanes.
Other set to sale at a great price, certaine A mulets of Gold and Siluer, stamped vnder an appropriate and selected Constellation of the Planets, with some Magicall Character, Shamelesly boasting that they will cure all Diseases, and worke I know not what other wonders.
O gratefull and delightfull Comedie vnto the Diuell, whereat he is ready to burst Himself with loud Laughter, to see how he leadeth by the Nose the Common people, with these Iugling Illusions, and Sophistications, and thereby greatly amplifieth and inlargeth his Kingdome.
Others swelling with a big conceit, and vaine ostentation, of skill, and deepe insight in their Facultie, by the sole and bare Inspection of the stinking Pispot, like an old Hag, or Sorceresse, shewing great wonders in her Christall Glasse, neuer once seeing the Patient, nor pondering with Iudiciall consideration, the Indications Curatiue, [Page 17] doo vnsauourly and Idly discourse of the Nature, Causes, and Cure of Diseases, before silly Chare-women, and simple Boyes and Gyrles, that in whole troupes flocke to their Houses, with a Glasse Pisle-pot in their Hands: confidently auouching, or rather manifestly and shamelesly Lying, contrarie to the Part and Office of an Ingenuous and honest Man, that they finde out and discerne all these Things by gazing vpon the Putrified and strong-sented Vrine.
But these Men esteeme Gaine to be sweete, though it come by impudent Lying, and vnhonest Couzening: whereby they send whole Multitudes of silly Soules, insnated in their Gins, vnto Plutos Kingdome.
Others most impudently, and falsly affirme, that all Diseases and Maladies how contrarie in Nature so euer, may indifferently, and easily be cured with one Medicine, or Panacea.
And that we need not so many Compositions, and Prescripts, as are now vsed: but that our Apothecaries may spare their Labour, shut vp their Shops, and seeke out some new Occupation, since it is a matter of small Difficultie, to make one Cacolicke, (I should haue said Catholike) which may serue for all Turnes.
But since Experience hath neuer yet approued, this phantasticall and senselesse Fiction, of some crazed and addle Braine, neither Any Man made Demonstration thereof by good and sound Reason: it remaineth that these Idle and bruised-headed fellowes, are notable Impostores, Quack-saluers, and Such as offer most dishonourable and intollerable violence to Physicke, and all her faire and beautifull Nymphes.
Yet the Poore and Silly Multitude admireth such, as Petite Chirons and Apollos, not knowing that these Magicall Arts, and cunning Sleights of Legerdemaine, and plaine Coney-catching, are growne into a great Mysterie and Occupation, and in a manner the onely Way to thriue: being indeed no better then plaine Theeuing, or Robbing of men by the high way.
He therefore that hath bene trained vp in Cunning, and nimble Shifts, and Cousenings from his youth, and desireth to fill his bagge speedily, and withall to haue the ringing Name and Fame of a great and profound Phisition, let him take Order to make his Medicines at home in a Corner, or Seller, or at least giue it out, that they are so prepared by Himselfe, though he secretly buy them abroad at the Apothecaries; or let him haue alwaies at Hand one, or at the most two or three Medicines (if one of them be a Charme it is no matter, but all [Page 18] the better, wherewith let him promise Boldly, confidently, and peremptorily, without blushing any more then a blacke Dogge, that he will Cure all Diseases whatsoeuer.
For by this meanes he shall be sure to vtter his Wares at a dearer and higher rate, then Reason or Honestie would require, and to make a good round Market when other stand still and coole theyr Heeles.
And beside that, the Common people will flocke to such a One in whole Thraues, as vnto an Oracle of Apollo, hee shall gaine this thereby, that neither the Patient, nor his Friends, shal be able to know whether in stead of a Soueraigne Medicine, far fet, and deare bought, they receiue rank poyson, or at leest some vncouth, vnfitting, or counterfeit Dregge, or Drugge.
Neither neede hee to feare any sharpe Censure, of his superabounding Skill, and double Diligence, and least being in Consultation with other Learned Phisitions, he be compelled to bewray his Sottish and barred Ignorance, if (as the fashion is of Men of his Cognizance and Coate, hee can set a good Face on the matter, and Clamour a loud, that these are hidden and abstruse Secrets, not to be reuealed to any, that they are no where to be had, eyther for Loue or Gold, but at his House, or from his Apothecarie, and that no Man in the World knoweth how to turne his hand to the making of them, saue Himselfe alone.
But it is one of the greatest Mischiefes and Miseries in the World, that such should professe themselues Artists and Phisitions, who know not how to performe any one Part or Office of a true & worthy Phisition.
For these are not the properties of any Ingenuous, Liberall, and Salutiferous Science, or Qualities of a Learned, Sufficient, and Skilfull Artist or Professor, but rather euident Arguments, of a Peruerse, Illiberall, and monstrous Disposition, thus like an Owle, or Night-Rauen, to flye, and shun the Light.
For it is appropriate onely to crooked, and ill mannered Natures, and those that are altogether vnacquainted, with Humanitie, and all good Letters, to traduce and calumniate, among the rude and simple Idiots, the actions and workes of Cunning, and Learned Artists, most skilfully and artificially accomplished: and withall magnifically to extoll, and commend, with bombasted, and transcendent Termes, their owne False, Sophisticate, and Adulterate Wares, [Page 19] and to inuent these Sathanicall Delusions, and in inexpiable Crafts, and subtill Deuices, to insnare and abuse the Simple and Common Sort.
So that by these Courses they both deceiue themselues in the end, and deceiue, delude, and abuse others most Impiously, lewdly, and Nefariously.
We conclude therefore, and that as wee Suppose, vpon good and sufficient Ground, that Incomparable, and Diuine Hyppocrates, did most truly, and wisely affirme, that there are many great Phisitions, in Name and Estimation of Men: but in Truth and Substance, but very fewe, rightly deseruing that Reputation and Style.
And that they who are Complete and accomplished Phisitions, are by the Verdit and Iudgement of all the Sages, and Wise Men, that either haue or do liue in the World, worthy of all Honour, Praise, and high Estimation.
And these alone, hauing passed thorow the Course of Learning, and giuen sufficient Testimony and Proofe of their sound Skil, Iudgement, and Experience, grounded vpon Reason, Art, and Sence, are able and fitted to exercise the Diuine Art of Phisicke, to the Welfare and Health of Mankinde.
And they alone doo happily atchieue these three maine Scopes, of Curing Speedily, without lingring Delayes, which are worse then a short dispatch of Death, Safely without hazarding, or running the Patients Life vpon those Rockes, wherevpon the Quack-saluer (as an vnskilfull Pilot) doth for the most part most lamentably wracke them, pleasantly without that loathsomenesse and Tediousnesse wherewith they are choaked by the counterfeit Mounte-banke and Slabtaker.
As for them who doo more eagerly affect and hunt after the Name of Physitions, then the substance and sufficiencie, esteeming it inough for their purpose, if they bee created Doctors at Dawes Crosse, by the rude, and vnskilfull Multitude, and so be reputed, and passe Currant Physitions, and great Clarkes among them, who are indeed disguised and counterfeit Impostors, Iuglers, and Couzeners, they should bee rightly serued, and the Weale-publike, Prudently and Religiously prouided for, if they should bee interdicted to practise that Art which they neuer learned: or in imitalatio of Cato Censorininus, proscribed, banished, and expelled by whole Troupes out of those Cities and Prouinces, wherein they haue nestled, or at the least should bee punished for [Page 20] their vnbridled and intollerable Boldnesse, in Butchering, and Excusicating Mens Bodies, according to the Nature and Qualitie of their Offence.
That by this meanes they might be restrained and reduced into their proper Ranke, and Order, & not through Polypragmony, which is the Companion of Ignorance, Well spring of Disorder and Confusion, and common Pest of Mankinde, busily intrude themselues, and thrust in their Sickle into other Mens Haruest.
So it would come to passe, that Honest, Good, and Learned Phisitions, should not vndergo a most Vniust, & Vnworthy Conditiō: that is, in beholding daily Knaues, Couzening Shifters, and ranke Asses, preferred before them, or at least equally valued, esteemed, and respected: and that Gate and Gap would be shut and stopped, whereby these blind Buzzards, and bold Bayards, these butcherly Impostores, doo freely enter to excruciat their poore Patients, and kill Men without controllment.
But a good Magistrate, to whom nothing is more deare & precious, then the safegard both of the Goods, and Persons of his Subiects, is alwayes a Louer and Fauourer of Learning, and Liberall Arts, a Patron, and Mecaenas of Learned Men, and therefore in his Wisedome, vertuous Disposition, and watchfull Care for the Common Good, prouideth by all meanes, that no Man be wronged or wracked in his Estate or Person, and preuenteth all Occasions, of such Schythicall, or rather Sathanicall torturing and massacring of Men.
But he that Winketh, and looketh thorow the Fingers at these matters, and like a sleeping and drowsie Shepheard, letteth the Rauenous Wolfe at his pleasure, pray vpon the poore Sheepe, cannot possibly be excused among the vertuous. For that euill and corrupt Custome, which hath euery where preuailed, redounding greatly to the ruine and Confusion of Mankinde, can by no meanes free the Magistrate from blame. Nay it rather argueth, and conuinceth both the Practiser, Consenter, and Conniuer, at such horrible Crimes (for a small and base Bribe) to be worthy of the same Punishment.
But they who are altogether Illiberall, Vnlettered, and Slaues to absurd, and erronious Opinions, loathing, and prosecuting with Vatinian hatred, all True and Learned Phisitions, nay Truth and Learning it selfe, haue this bred in the Bones, and rooted in the Flesh, through the Crooked peruersitie of their Dispositions, and Ruditie of their Wits, to barke against Learned Men, and their wholsome Counsells, and honest Courses, and to be delighted with monstrous, and [Page 21] vncouuth Conceits, or rather Deceits, and with such sottish and foolish Quacksaluers; who are worthy to fall into the hands of these notorious Impostors, so well fitting their Humours, that according to the Old Saying, Like Lips may be serued with like Lettuce.
But these grand Seniors should do farre better if they imployed their swelling and high Conceit of deepe Wisdome in their owne Affaires, and containe themselues within their Shops and Ware-houses, and not arrogate to themselues, to Iudge of Matters whereof they are altogether ignorant, (it belonging to Artist to Iudge of Art) least they be compelled to heare against their Will, That the Shoomaker must not meddle beyond his Shooe.
Now (thou blinde Empericke, and vaine-vaunting Mountebanke, whosoeuer thou art) let me in Conclusiō, intreat thee, to learne by this short Discourse, this short Lesson, To Know thy selfe, which though it be briefe, yet is it the Chiefe, and Choyse of all other Documents.
Dwell with thy Selfe, and breake not thy Ranke, but keepe within Compasse, and thou shalt easily perceiue thine owne Pouertie, Want, and Weaknesse.
I for my part, wish thee from my Heart, a more sound Head, and honest Heart, that thou mayest either fundamentally learne the Noble and Excellent Art of Physicke, and proceed in thy Cures by a certaine and right Lyne and Method, without foolish Superstition, or wicked Imposture, or else that thou wouldest honestly giue ouer that learned Profession, till Apollo haue more clearly enlightned thee, with his shyning and bright beames, least to thy indeleble Ignominy, Shame, and Reproach, some wise Man pronounce against thee this Sentence: That thou art either an Asse, a Foole, or a Cony-catcher.
Be Bold and Constant in well dooing: for when all is done, Veritie will in the end, obtaine the Victorie.