NOctem peccatis, & fraudibus obiice nubem. There is no such fine time to play the knaue in, as the night. I am a Goose or a Ghost at least; for what with turmoyle of getting my fooles apparell, and care of being perfit, I am sure I haue not yet supt to night. Will Sum­mers Ghost I should be, come to present you with Summers last will, and Testament. Be it so, if my cousin Ned will lend me his Chayne and his Fiddle. Other stately pac't Prologues vse to attire themselues within: I that haue a toy in my head, more then ordinary, and vse to goe without money, without garters, without girdle, without a hat-band, without poynts to my hose, without a knife to my dinner, and make so much vse of this word without, in euery thing, will here dresse me with­out. Dick Huntley cryes, Begin, begin: and all the whole house, For shame come away; when I had my things but now brought me out of the Lawndry. God forgiue me, I did not see my Lord before. Ile set a good face on it, as though what I had talkt idly all this while, were my part. So it is, boni viri, that one foole presents another; and I a foole by nature, and by arte, do speake to you in the person of the Idiot our Play­maker. He like a Foppe & an Asse, must be making himselfe a publike laughing stock, & haue no thanke for his labor; where other Magisterij, whose inuention is farre more exquisite, are content to sit still, and doe nothing. Ile shewe you what a [Page] scuruy Prologue he had made me in an old vayne of similitudes: if you bee good fellowes, giue it the hearing, that you may iudge of him thereafter.

The Prologue.

AT a solemne feast of the Triumuiri in Rome, it was seene and obserued, that the birds ceased to sing, & sate solita­rie on the house tops, by reason of the sight of a paynted Serpēt set openly to view. So fares it with vs nouices, that here betray our imperfections: we, afraid to looke on the imaginary serpent of Enuy, paynted in mens affections, haue ceased to tune any musike of mirth to your eares this tweluemonth, thinking, that as it is the nature of the serpent to hisse: so childhood and ig­norance would play the goslings, contemning, and condem­ning what they vnderstood not. Their censures we wey not, whose sences are not yet vnswadled. The little minutes will be continually striking, though no man regard them. Whelpes will barke, before they can see, and striue to byte, before they haue teeth. Politianus speaketh of a beast, who, while hee is cut on the table, drinketh, and represents the motions & voy­ces of a liuing creature. Such like foolish beasts are we, who, whilest we are cut, mocked, & flowted at, in euery mans com­mon talke, will notwithstanding proceed to shame our selues, to make sport. No man pleaseth all, we seeke to please one. Didymus wrote foure thousand bookes, or as some say, six thou­sand, of the arte of Grammar. Our Authour hopes, it may be as lawfull for him to write a thousand lines of as light a sub­iect. Socrates (whom the Oracle pronounced the wisest man of Greece) sometimes daunced. Scipio and Lelius by the sea­side played at peeble-stone. Semel insaniuimus omnes. Euery man cannot, with Archimedes, make a heauen of brasse, or dig gold out of the iron mynes of the lawe. Such odde trifles, as Mathematicians experiments be, Artificiall flyes to hang in the ayre by themselues, daunsing balles, an egge-shell that shall clyme vp to the top of a speare, fiery breathing goares, Poetae noster professeth not to make. Placeat sibi quis (que) heebit. What's a foole but his bable? Deepe reaching wits, heere is no deepe [Page] streame for you to angle in. Moralizers, you that wrest a ne­uer meant meaning, out of euery thing, applying all things to the present time, keepe your attention for the common Stage: for here are no quips in Characters for you to reade. Vayne glozers, gather what you will. Spite, spell backwards, what thou canst. As the Parthians fight, flying away: so will wee prate and talke, but stand to nothing that we say.

How say you, my masters, doe you not laugh at him for a Coxcombe? Why, he hath made a Prologue longer then his Play: nay, 'tis no Play neyther, but a shewe. Ile be sworne, the sigge of Rowlands God-sonne, is a Gyant in comparison of it. What can be made of Summers last will & Testament? Such another thing, as Cyllian of Braynfords will, where shee bequeathed a score of farts amongst her friends. Forsooth, be­cause the plague raignes in most places in this latter end of sum­mer, Summer must come in sicke: he must call his officers to account, yeeld his throne to Autumne, make Winter his Exe­cutour, with tittle tattle Tom boy: God giue you good night in Watling street. I care not what I say now: for I play no more then you heare; & some of that you heard to (by your leaue) was extempore. He were as good haue let me had the best part: for Ile be reueng'd on him to the vttermost, in this person of Will Summer, which I haue put on to play the Prologue, and meane not to put off, till the play be done. Ile sit as a Chorus, and flowte the Actors and him at the end of euery Sceane: I know they will not interrupt me, for feare of marring of all: but looke to your cues, my masters; for I intend to play the knaue in cue, and put you besides all your parts, if you take not the better heede. Actors, you Rogues, come away, cleare your throats, blowe your noses, and wype your mouthes e're you enter, that you may take no occasion to spit or to cough, when you are non plus. And this I barre ouer and besides, That none of you stroake your beardes, to make action, play with your cod-piece poynts, or stād fumbling on your buttom, when you know not how to bestow your fingers. Serue God, and act cleanly; a fit of mirth, and an old song first, if you will.

A couple of pratty boyes, if they would wash their faces, and were well breecht an houre or two. The rest of the greene men haue reasonable voyces, good to sing cat­ches, or the great Iowben by the fires side, in a winters euening. But let vs heare what Summer can say for himselfe, why hee should not be hist at.

I will, my Lord. Ver, lusty Ver, by the name of lusty Ver, come into the court, lose a marke in issues.

By my troth, they haue voyces as cleare as Christall: this is a pratty thing, if it be for nothing but to goe a begging with.

If you will daunce a Galliard, so it is: if not, Falangtado, Fa­langtado, to weare the blacke and yellow: Falangtado, Falāg­tado, my mates are gone, Ile followe.

The truth is, this fellow hath bin a tapster in his daies.

About, about, liuely, put your horse to it, reyne him harder, ierke him with your wand, sit fast, sit fast, man; focle, hold vp your ladle there.

O braue hall! O, well sayd, butcher. Now for the credit of Wostershire. The finest set of Morris-dauncers that is betweene this and Stretham: mary, me thinks there is [Page] one of them daūceth like a Clothyers horse, with a wool-pack on his backe. You friend with the Hobby-horse, goe not too fast, for feare of wearing out my Lords tyle-stones with your hob-nayles.

So, so, so, trot the ring twise ouer, and away. May it please my Lord, this is the grand capitall summe, but there are certayne parcels behind, as you shall see.

Beshrew my heart, of a number of ill legs, I neuer sawe worse daunsers: how blest are you, that the wen­ches of the parish doe not see you!

Troth, my Lord, to tell you playne, I can giue you no other account: nam quae habui, pordidi; what I had, I haue spent on good fellowes, in these sports you haue seene, which are proper to the Spring, and others of like sort, (as giuing wenches greene gownes, making garlands for Fencers, and tricking vp children gay) haue I bestowde all my flowry trea­sure, and flowre of my youth.

A small matter. I knowe one spent in lesse then a yere, eyght and fifty pounds in mustard, and an other that ranne in det, in the space of foure or siue yeere, aboue foureteene thousand pound in lute strings and gray paper.

What talke you to me, of liuing within my bounds? I tell you, none but Asses liue within their bounds: the silly beasts, if they be put in a pasture, that is eaten bare to the very earth, & where there is nothing to be had but thistles, will ra­ther fall soberly to those thistles, and be hungerstaru'd, then they will offer to breake their bounds; whereas the lusty cour­ser, if he be in a barrayne plot, and spye better grasse in some pasture neere adioyning, breakes ouer hedge and ditch, and to goe, e're he will be pent in, and not haue his belly full. Per­aduenture, the horses lately sworne to be stolne, carried that youthfull mind, who, if they had bene Asses, would haue bene yet extant.

Thus we may see, the longer we liue, the more wee shall learne: I ne're thought honestie an asse, till this day.

This world is transitory, it was made of nothing, and it must to nothing: wherefore, if wee will doe the will of our high Creatour, (whose will it is, that it passe to nothing) wee must helpe to consume it to nothing. Gold is more vile then men: Men dye in thousands, and ten thousands, yea, many times in hundreth thousands in one battaile. If then, the best husband bee so liberall of his best handyworke, to what ende should we make much of a glittering excrement, or doubt to spend at a banket as many pounds, as he spends men at a bat­taile? Me thinkes I honour Geta the Romane Emperour, for a braue minded fellow: for he commaunded a banket to bee made him of all meats vnder the Sunne; which were serued in after the order of the Alphabet; and the Clarke of the kitchin following the last dish (which was two mile off from the for­most) brought him an Index of their seuerall names: Neyther did he pingle when it was set on the boord, but for the space of three dayes and three nights, neuer rose from the Table.

O intolerable lying villayne, that was neuer begotten without the consent of a whetstone.

Tell me, I pray, wherefore was gold layd vnder our feete in the veynes of the earth, but that wee should contemne it, and treade vpon it, and so consequently treade thrift vnder our feete? It was not knowne, till the Iron age, donec facinus inuasit mortales, as the Poet sayes; and the Scythians alwayes detested it. I will proue it, that an vnthrift, of any, comes nee­rest a happy man, in so much as he comes neerest to beggery. Cicero saith, summum bonum consistes in omnium rerum vaca­tione, that it is the chiefest felicitie that may be, to rest from all labours. Now, who doeth so much vacare à rebus, who rests so much? who hath so little to doe, as the begger? Who can sing so merry a note, as he that cannot change a groate? Cui nil est, nil deest: hee that hath nothing, wants nothing. On the other side, it is said of the Carle, Omnia habeo, nec quicquam habeo: I haue all things, yet want euery thing. Multi mihi vi­tio vertunt, quia egeo, saith Marcus Cato in Aulus Gellius, at ego illis, quia nequeunt egere: Many vpbrayde me, sayth he, be­cause I am poore: but I vpbrayd them, because they cannot liue if they were poore. It is a common prouerbe, Dines (que) miser (que), a rich man, and a miserable: nam natura paucis cōtenta, none so contented as the poore man. Admit that the chiefest happines were not rest or ease, but knowledge, as Herillus, Al­cidamas, & many of Socrates followers affirme; why, paupertas omnes perdocot artes, pouerty instructs a man in all arts, it makes a man hardy and venturous; and therefore it is called of the Poets, Paupertas audax, valiant pouerty. It is not so much subiect to inordinate desires, as wealth or prosperity. Non habet vnde suum paupertas pascat amorem: pouerty hath not wherewithall to feede lust. All the Poets were beggers: all Alcumists, and all Philosophers are beggers: Omnia mea me­cum porto, quoth Bias, when he had nothing, but bread and cheese in a letherne bagge, and two or three bookes in his bo­some. Saint Frauncis, a holy Saint, & neuer had any money. It is madnes to dote vpon mucke. That young man of Athens, (Aelianus makes mention of) may be an example to vs, who [Page] doted so extremely on the image of Fortune, that when hee might not inioy it, he dyed for sorrow. The earth yelds all her fruites together, and why should not we spend them together? I thanke heauens on my knees, that haue made mee an vn­thrift.

Heigh ho. Here is a coyle in deede to bring beggers to stockes. I promise you truely, I was almost asleep; I thought I had bene at a Sermon. Well, for this one nights exhortation, I vow (by Gods grace) neuer to be good husband while I liue. But what is this to the purpose? Hur come to Powl (as the Welshman sayes) and hur pay an halfepenny for bur seat, and hur heare the Preacher talge, and a talge very well by gis, but yet a cannot make hur laugh: goe a Theater, and heare a Queenes Fice, and he make hur laugh, and laugh hur belly-full. So we come hither to laugh and be merry, and we heare a filthy beggerly Oration, in the prayse of beggery. It is a beggerly Poet that writ it: and that makes him so much commend it, because hee knowes not how to mend himselfe. Well, rather then he shall haue no imployment but licke dishes, I will set him a worke my selfe, to write in prayse of the arte of stouping, and howe there was neuer any famous Thresher, Porter, Brewer, Pio­ner, or Carpenter, that had streight backe. Repayre to my [Page] chamber, poore fellow, when the play is done, and thou shalt see what I will say to thee.

Solstitium, come into the court without: peace there below; make roome for master Solstitium.

Fye, fye of honesty, fye: Solstitium is an asse, perdy, this play is a gally-maufrey: fetch mee some drinke, some body. What cheere, what cheere, my hearts? are not you thirsty with liftening to this dry sport? What haue we to doe with scales, and hower-glasses, except we were Bakers, or Clock-keepers? I cannot tell how other men are addicted, but it is against my profession to vse any scales, but such as we play at with a boule, or keepe any howers, but dinner or supper. It is a pedanticall thing, to respect times and seasons: if a man be drinking with good fellowes late, he must come home, for feare the gates be shut; when I am in my warme bed, I must rise to prayers, because the bell rings. I like no such foolish customes. Actors, bring now a black Iack, and a rundlet of of Renish wine, disputing of the antiquity of red noses; let the prodigall childe come out in his dublet and hose all greasy, his shirt hanging forth, and ne're a penny in his purse, and talke what a fine thing it is to walke summerly, or sit whistling vnder a hedge and keepe hogges. Go forward in grace and vertue to proceed; but let vs haue no more of these graue matters.

I thinke the Sunne is not so long in passing through the twelue signes, as the sonne of a foole hath bin dis­puting here, about had I wist. Out of doubt, the Poet is bribde of some that haue a messe of creame to eate, before my Lord goe to bed yet, to hold him halfe the night with riffe, raffe, of the rumming of Elanor. If I can tell what it meanes, pray god, I may neuer get breakefast more, when I am hungry. Troth, I am of opinion, he is one of those Hieroglificall writers, that by the figures of beasts, planets, and of stones, expresse the mind, as we doe in A. B. C. or one that writes vnder hayre, as I haue heard of a certaine Notary Histions, who following Da­rius in the Persian warres, and desirous to disclose some se­crets of import, to his friend Aristagoras, that dwelt afarre off, found out this meanes: He had a seruant that had bene [Page] long sicke of a payne in his eyes, whom, vnder pretence of cu­ring his maladie, he shau'd from one side of his head, to the other, and with a soft pensill wrote vpon his scalpe, (as on parchment) the discourse of his busines, the fellow all the while imagining, his master had done nothing but noynt his head with a feather. After this, hee kept him secretly in his tent, till his hayre was somewhat growne, and then wil'd him to go to Aristagoras into the countrey, and bid him shaue him, as he had done, and he should haue perfit remedie. He did so: Aristagoras shau'd him with his owne hands, read his friends letter; and when hee had done, washt it out, that no man should perceyue it else, and sent him home to buy him a night­cap. If I wist there were any such knauery, or Peter Bales Brachigraphy, vnder Sols bushy hayre, I would haue a Barber, my hoste of the Murrions head, to be his Interpretour, who would whet his rasor on his Richmond cap, and giue him the terrible cut, like himselfe, but he would come as neere as a quart pot, to the construction of it. To be sententious, not superfluous, Sol should haue bene beholding to the Barbour, and not the beard-master. Is it pride that is shadowed vn­der Imberbis Apollo, a beardles Poet. this two-leg'd Sunne, that neuer came neerer heauen, then Dubbers hill? That pride is not my sinne, Slouens Hall, where I was borne, be my record. As for couetousnes, intem­perance and exaction, I meet with nothing in a whole yeare, but a cup of wine, for such vices to bee conuersant in. Pergite porro, my good children, and multiply the sinnes of your ab­surdities, till you come to the full measure of the grand hisse, and you shall heare how we will purge rewme with censuring your imperfections.

Orion, Vrion, Arion; my Lord thou must looke vp­on: Orion, gentleman dogge-keeper, huntsman, come into the court: looke you bring all bounds, and no bandogges. Peace there, that we may heare their hornes blow.

Faith, this Sceane of Orion, is right prandium caninum, a dogs dinner, which as it is without wine, so here's a coyle about dogges, without wit. If I had thought the ship of fooles would haue stay de to take in fresh water at the Ile of dogges, I would haue furnisht it with a whole kennell of col­lections to the purpose. I haue had a dogge my selfe, that would dreame, and talke in his sleepe, turne round like Ned foole, and sleepe all night in a porridge pot. Marke but the skirmish betweene sixpence and the foxe, and it is miracu­lous, how they ouercome one another in honorable curtesy. The foxe, though he weares a chayne, runnes as though hee were free, mocking vs (as it is a crafty beast) because we ha­uing a Lord and master to attend on, runne about at our plea­sures, like masterles men. Young sixpence, the best page his master hath, playes a little, and retires. I warrant, he will not be farre out of the way, when his master goes to dinner. Learne of him, you deminitiue vrchins, howe to behaue your selues in your vocation, take not vp your standings in a nut­tree, when you should be waiting on my Lords trencher. Shoote but a bit at buttes, play but a span at poyntes. What euer you doe, memento mori: remember to rise betimes in the morning.

Haruest, by west, and by north, by south and southeast, shewe thy selfe like a beast. Goodman Haruest yeoman, come in, and say what you can: roome for the sithe and the siccles there.

Answere? why friend, I am no tapster, to say, A­non, anon, sir: but leaue you to molest me, goodman tawny leaues, for feare (as the prouerbe sayes, leaue is light) so I mow off all your leaues with my sithe.

Hooky, hooky, if you were not my Lord, I would say you lye. First and formost you say I am a Grocer. A Grocer is a citizen: I am no citizen, therefore no Grocer. A hoorder vp of graine: that's false; for not so much but my el­bows eate wheate euery time I leane on them. A Carle: that is as much to say, as a conny-catcher of good fellowship. For that one word, you shall pledge me a carouse: eate a spoonfull of the curd to allay your choller. My mates and fellowes, sing no more, Merry, merry: but weep out a lamētable hooky, hooky, and let your Sickles cry, Sicke, sicke, and very sicke, & sicke, and for the time; for Haruest your master is abusde without reason or rime. I haue no conscience I; Ile come neerer to you, and yet I am no scabbe, nor no louse. Can you make proofe where euer I sold away my conscience, or pawnd it? doe you know who would buy it, or lend any money vpon it? I thinke I haue giuen you the pose; blow your nose, master constable. But to say that I impouerish the earth, that I robbe the man in the moone, that I take a purse on the top of Paules steeple; by this straw and third I sweare, you are no gentle­man, no proper man, no honest man, to make mee sing, O man in desperation.

I, I, nought seeke, nought haue: an ill husband is the first steppe to a knaue. You obiect I feede none at my boord. I am sure, if you were a hogge, you would neuer say so: for, surreuerence of their worships, they feed at my stable, table, euery day. I keepe good hospitality for hennes & geese; Gleaners are oppressed with heauy burdens of my bounty. They rake me, and eate me to the very bones, till there be no­thing left but grauell and stones, and yet I giue no almes, but deuoure all. They say when a man cannot heare well, you heare with your haruest eares: but if you heard with your haruest eares, that is, with the eares of corne, which my almes­cart scatters, they would tell you, that I am the very poore mans boxe of pitie, that there are more holes of liberality open in haruests heart, then in a siue, or a dust-boxe. Suppose you were a craftsman, or an Artificer, and should come to buy corne of mee, you should haue bushels of mee, not like the Bakers loafe, that should waygh but sixe ounces, but vsury for your mony, thousands for one: what would you haue more? Eate mee out of my apparell, if you will, if you suspect mee for a miser.

Hay, Gods plenty, which was so sweete and so good, that when I ierted my whip, and said to my horses but Hay, they would goe as they were mad.

I sing hay-ree, that is, hay and rye: meaning, that they shall haue hay and rye their belly-fulls, if they will draw hard; So wee say, wa, hay, when they goe out of the way: meaning, that they shall want hay, if they will not doe as they should doe.

My oates grew like a cup of beere that makes the brewer rich: my rye like a Caualier, that weares a huge feather [Page] in his cap, but hath no courage in his heart; had a long stalke, a goodly huske, but nothing so great a kernell as it was wont: my barley, euen as many a nouice is crossebitten, as soone as euer hee peepes out of the shell, so was it frost-bitten in the blade, yet pickt vp his crummes agayne afterward, and bade, Fill pot, hostesse, in spite of a deare yeere. As for my Pease and my Fetches, they are famous, and not to be spoken of.

Rest from my labours, and let the husbandmen sing of my prayse? Nay, we doe not meane to rest so; by your leaue, we'le haue a largesse amongst you, e're we part.

No, that there is not, goodman Lundgis: I see, charitie waxeth cold, and I thinke this house be her habitatiō, for it is not very hot; we were as good euen put vp our pipes, and sing Merry, merry, for we shall get no money.

Well, go thy waies, thou bundle of straw; Ile giue thee this gift, thou shalt be a Clowne while thou liu'st. As lustie as they are, they run on the score with Georges wife for their posset, and God knowes who shal pay goodman Yeo­mans, for his wheat sheafe: they may sing well enough, Trowle the blacke bowle to mee, trowle the blacke bowle to mee: for, a hundreth to one, but they will bee all drunke, e're they goe to bedde: yet, of a slauering foole, that hath no conceyte in any thing, but in carrying a wand in his hand, with commendation when he runneth by the high way side, this stripling Haruest hath done reasonable well. O that some bodie had had the wit to set his thatcht suite on fire, and so lighted him out: If I had had but a Iet ring on my finger, I might haue done with him what I list; I had spoild him, I had tooke his apparrell prisoner; for it being made of straw, & the nature of let, to draw straw vnto it, I would haue nailde him to the pommell of my chaire, till the play were done, and then haue carried him to my chamber dore, and laide him at the threshold as a wispe, or a piece of mat, to wipe my shooes on, euerie time I come vp durtie.

Bacchus, Baccha, Bacchum, god Bacchus, god fat­backe, Baron of dubble beere, and bottle ale, come in & shew thy nose that is nothing pale: backe, backe there, god barrell­bellie may enter.

Wherefore didst thou call mee, Vertumnus? hast any drinke to giue mee? One of you hold my Asle while I light: walke him vp and downe the hall, till I talke a word or two.

What, Bacchus: still animus in patinis, no mind but on the pot?

Why, Summer, Summer, how would'st doe, but for rayne? What is a faire house without water comming to it? Let mee see how a smith can worke, if hee haue not his trough standing by him. What sets an edge on a knife? the grindstone alone? no, the moyst element powr'd vpō it, which grinds out all gaps, sets a poynt vpon it, & scowres it as bright as the firmament. So, I tell thee, giue a soldier wine before he goes to battaile, it grinds out all gaps, it makes him forget all scarres and wounds, and fight in the thickest of his enemies, as though hee were but at foyles, amongst his fellows. Giue a scholler wine, going to his booke, or being about to inuent, it sets a new poynt on his wit, it glazeth it, it scowres it, it giues him acumen. Plato saith, vinum esse fomitem quēdam, et incit abi­lem ingenij virtutisque. Aristotle saith, Nulla est magna scientia absque mixtura dementiae. There is no excellent knowledge without mixture of madnesse. And what makes a man more madde in the head then wine? Qui bene vult poyein, debet axtá pinyen, he that will doe well, must drinke well. Prome, prome, potum prome: Ho butler, a fresh pot. Nunc est bibēdum, nunc pede libero terra pulsanda: a pox on him that leaues his drinke be­hinde him; hey Rendouow.

A fiddlesticke, ne're tell me I am full of words. Foecundi calices, quem non fecere desertum: aut epi, aut abi, eyther [Page] take your drinke, or you are an infidell.

Vinum quasivenenum, wine is poyson to a sicke body; a sick body is no sound body; Ergo, wine is a pure thing, & is poy­son to all corruption. Try-lill, the hūters hoope to you: ile stand to it, Alexander was a braue man, and yet an arrant drunkard.

Our vintage, was a vintage, for it did not work vpon the aduantage, it came in the vauntgard of Summer, & winds and stormes met it by the way, and made it cry, Alas and welladay.

Faith, shal I tel you no lye? Because you are my coūtry­man, & so forth, & a good fellow, is a good fellow, though he haue neuer a penny in his purse: We had but euen pot luck, a little to moysten our lips, and no more. That same Sol, is a Pa­gan, and a Proselite, hee shinde so bright all summer, that he burnd more grapes, then his beames were worth, were euery beame as big as a weauers beame. A fabis abstinendum: faith, he shuld haue abstaind: for what is flesh & blud without his liquor?

Hear'st, thou dow-belly, because thou talkst, and talkst, & dar'st not drinke to me a black Iack, wilt thou giue me leaue, to broach this little kilderkin of my corps, against thy backe? I know thou art but a mycher, & dar'st not stand me. A voni, moūsieur Winter, a frolick vpsy freese, crosse, ho, super nagulū. Knockes the Iacke vpon his thumbe.

What, giue me the disgrace? Goe to, I say, I am no Pope, to pardō any man. Ran, ran, tarra, cold beere makes good [Page] bloud. S. George for Englād: somewhat is better then nothing. Let me see, hast thou done me iustice? why so: thou art a king, though there were no more kings in the cards but the knaue. Summer, wilt thou haue a demy culuering, that shall cry husty tusty, and make thy cup flye fine meale in the Element?

This Pupillonian in the fooles coate, shall haue a cast of martins, & a whiffe. To the health of Captaine Rinocerotry: looke to it, let him haue weight and measure.

What an asse is this? I cannot drinke so much, though I should burst.

Foole, doe not refuse your moyst sustenance; come, come, dogs head in the pot, doe what you are borne to.

If you will needs make me a drunkard against my will, so it is, ile try what burthen my belly is of.

Crouch, crouch on your knees, foole, when you pledge god Bacchus.

Ho, wel shot, a tutcher, a tutcher: for quaffing Toy doth passe, in cup, in canne, or glasse.

Now on my honor, Sim Summer, thou art a bad member, a Dunse, a mungrell, to discredit so worshipfull an arte after this order. Thou hast curst me, and I will blesse thee: Neuer cup of Nipitaty in London, come neere thy niggardly habitation. I beseech the gods of good fellowship, thou maist fall into a consumption with drinking smal beere. Euery day maist thou eate fish, and let it sticke in the midst of thy maw, for want of a cup of wine to swim away in. Venison be Vene­num to thee: & may that Vintner haue the plague in his house, that sels thee a drop of claret to kill the poyson of it. As many wounds maist thou haue, as Casar had in the Senate house, and get no white wine to wash them with: And to conclude, pine away in melancholy and sorrow, before thou hast the fourth part of a dramme of my Iuice to cheare vp thy spirits.

Nay soft, brother Summer, back with that foote, here is a snuffe in the bottome of the Iack, inough to light a man to bed withall, wee'le leaue no flocks behind vs what­soeuer wee doe.

Farewell, sir Robert Tosse-pot: sing amayne, Mounsieur Myngo, whilest I mount vp my Asse.

Of all gods, this Bacchus is the ill-fauourd'st misshapen god that euer I sawe. A poxe on him, he hath crist­ned me with a newe nickname of sir Robert Tosse-pot, that will not part frō me this twelmonth. Ned fooles clothes are so per­fumde with the beere he powrd on me, that there shall not be a Dutchmā within 20 mile, but he'le smel out & claime kindred [Page] of him. What a beastly thing is it, to bottle vp ale in a mās belly, whē a man must set his guts on a gallō pot last, only to purchase the alehouse title of a boone companion? Carowse, pledge me and you dare: S'wounds, ile drinke with thee for all that euer thou art worth. It is euē as 2. men should striue who should run fur­thest into the sea for a wager. Me thinkes these are good hous­hold termes; Wil it please you to be here, sir? I cōmend me to you: shall I be so bold as trouble you? sauing your tale I drink to you. And if these were put in practise but a yeare or two in tauernes, wine would soone fall from six and twentie pound a tunne, and be beggers money, a penie a quart, and take vp his Inne with wast beere in the almes tub. I am a sinner as others: I must not say much of this argument. Euerie one when hee is whole, can giue aduice to them that are sicke. My masters, you that be good fellowes, get you into corners, and soupe off your prouender closely: report hath a blister on her tongue: open tauerns are tel-tales. Non peccat, quicun (que) potest peccasse negare.

What an olde Asse was that? Me thinks, hee should haue coynde Carret rootes rather: for as for money, he had no vse for, except it were to melt, and soder vp holes in his tub withall.

Very true, for I haue heard it for a prouerbe many a time and oft, Hunc os fatidum, fah, he stinkes like a phi­sicion.

Out vpon it, who would be a Scholler? not I, I promise you: my minde alwayes gaue me, this learning was such a filthy thing, which made me hate it so as I did: when I should haue beene at schoole, construing Batte, mi fili, mi fili, mi Batte, I was close vnder a hedge, or vnder a barne wall, playing at spanne Counter, or Iacke in a boxe: my master beat me, my father beat me, my mother gaue me bread and butter, yee all this would not make me a squitter-booke. It was my desti­nie, I thanke her as a most courteous goddesse, that shee hath not cast me away vpon gibridge. O, in what a mightie vaine am I now against Horne-bookes! Here before all this compa­nie, I professe my selfe on open enemy to Inke and paper. Ile make it good vpon the Accidence body, that In speech is the diuels Pater noster: Nownes and Pronounes, I pronounce you as traitors to boyes buttockes, Syntaxis and Prosodia, you are tormenters of wit, & good for nothing but to get a schoole­master two pence a weeke. Hang copies, flye out phrase books, let pennes be turnd to picktooths: bowles, cards & dice, you are the true liberalsciēces, Ile ne're be Goosequil, gentlemē, while I liue.

A vertuous sonne, and Ile lay my life on't, he was a Caualiere and a good fellow.

This same Harry Baker is such a necessary fel­low to go on arrants, as you shall not finde in a country. It is pitty but he should haue another siluer arrow, if it be but for crossing the stage, with his cap on.

I haue dispatcht, my Lord, I haue brought you them you sent mee for.

I, antiquity was the mother of ignorance: this latter world that sees but with her spectacles, hath spied a pad in those sports more then they could.

No nor to say, by my troth, if I may get a good bargaine.

Why, thou should'st spend, thou should'st not care to get. Christmas is god of hospitality.

So will he neuer be of good husbandry. I may say to you, there is many an old god, that is now growne out of fashion. So is the god of hospitality.

No other reason, but that Gluttony is a sinne, & too many dunghils are infectious. A mans belly was not made for a poudring beefe tub: to feede the poore twelue dayes, & let them starue all the yeare after, would but stretch out the guts wider then they should be, & so make famine a bigger den in their bellies, then he had before. I should kill an oxe, & haue some such fellow as Milo to come and eate it vp at a mouth-full. [Page] Or like the Sybarites, do nothing all one yeare, but bid ghestes against the next yeare. The scraping of trenchers you thinke would put a man to no charges. It is not a hundreth pound a yeare would serue the scullions in dishclouts. My house stands vpon vaults, it will fall if it be ouer-loden with a multitude. Be­sides, haue you neuer read of a city that was vnderminde and destroyed by Mowles? So, say I keepe hospitalitie, and a whole faire of beggers bid me to dinner euery day, what with making legges, when they thanke me at their going away, and setling their wallets handsomly on their backes, they would shake as many lice on the ground, as were able to vndermine my house, and vndoe me vtterly: It is their prayers would builde it againe, if it were ouerthrowne by this vermine, would it? I pray, who begun feasting, and gourmandize first, but Sardanapalus, Nero, Heliogabalus, Commodus, tyrāts, whoremasters, vnthrifts? Some call them Emperours, but I respect no crownes, but crownes in the purse. Any mā may weare a siluer crowne, that hath made a fray in Smithfield, & lost but a peece of his braine pan. And to tell you plaine, your golden crownes are little better in sub­stance, and many times got after the same sort.

I, I, such wise men as you, come to begge at such fooles doores as we be.

And I can tell you, that's as plentifull almes for the plague, as the sheriffes tub to them of Newgate.

What wormes do another day I care not, but Ile be sworne vpon a whole Kilderkin of single Beere, I will not [Page] haue a worme-eaten nose like a Pursiuant, while I liue. Feasts ere but puffing vp of the flesh, the purueyers for diseases, tra­uell, cost, time ill spent. O, it were a trim thing to send, as the Romanes did, round about the world for prouision for one ban­quet. I must rigge ships to Samos for Peacocks, to Paphos for Pigeons, to Austria for Oysters, to Phasis for Phesants, to Ara­bia for Phaenixes, to Meander for Swans, to the Orcades for Geese, to Phrigia for Woodcocks, to Malta for Cranes, to the Isle of Man for Puffins, to Ambracia for Goates, to Tartole for Lampreys, to Egypt for Dates, to Spaine for Chestnuts, and all for one feast.

O sir, you need not, you may buy them at Lon­don better cheape.

Liberalit as liberalit ate perit, loue me a little and loue me long: our feete must haue wherewithall to feede the stones, out backs walles of wooll to keepe out the colde that besiegeth our warme blood, our doores must haue barres, our dubblets must haue buttons. Item, for an olde sword to scrape the stones before the dore with, three halfe-pence for stitching a wodden tanckard that was burst. These Water-bearers will empty the conduit and a mans coffers at once. Not a Porter that brings a man a letter, but will haue his penny. I am afraid to keepe past one or two seruants, least hungry knaues they should rob me: and those I keepe, I warrant I do not pamper vp too lusty, I keepe them vnder with red Herring and poore Iohn all the yeare long. I haue dambd vp all my chimnies for feare (though I burne nothing but small cole) my house should be set on fire with the smoake. I will not deny, but once in a dozen yeare when there is a great rot of sheepe, and I know not what to do with them, I keepe open house for all the beg­gers, in some of my out-yardes, marry they must bring bread with them, I am no Baker.

As good men as you, and haue thought no scorne to serue their prentiships on the pillory.

I, that bounty would I faine meete, to borrow money of, he is fairely blest now a dayes, that scapes blowes when he begges. Verba dandi & reddendi, goe together in the Grammer rule: there is no giuing but with condition of resto­ring: ah Benedicite, well is he hath no necessitie of gold ne of su­stenance; slowe good hap comes by chance; flattery best fares; Arts are but idle wares; faire words want giuing hāds; the Leto begs that hath no lands; fie on thee thou scuruy knaue, that hast nought, and yet goest braue; a prison be thy death bed, or be hangd all saue the head.

No by my troth, nor mothers neither, I am sure I could neuer finde it. This Back-winter playes a rayling part to no purpose, my small learning findes no reason for it, except as a Back-winter or an after winter is more raging tempestuous, and violent then the beginning of Winter, so he brings him in stamping and raging as if he were madde, when his father is a iolly milde quiet olde man, and stands still and does nothing. The court accepts of your meaning; you might haue writ in the margent of your play-booke, Let there be a fewe rushes laide in the place where Back-winter shall tumble, for feare of raying his cloathes: or set downe, Enter Back-winter, with his boy, bringing a brush after him, to take off the dust if need re­quire. But you will ne're haue any ward-robe wit while you liue. I pray you holde the booke well, we be not nonplus in the latter end of the play.

How is't? how is't? you that be of the grauer sort, do you thinke these youths worthy of a Plaudite for pray­ing for the Queene, and singing of the Letany? they are poore fellowes I must needes say, and haue bestowed great labour in sowing leaues, and grasse, and strawe, and mosse vpon cast suites. You may do well to warme your hands with clapping, before you go to bed, and send them to the tauerne with merry hearts. Here is a pretty boy comes with an Epilogue, to get Enter a [...]tle boy with an Epilogue. him audacity. I pray you sit still a little, and heare him say his lesson without booke. It is a good boy, be not afraide, turne thy face to my Lord. Thou and I will play at poutch, to mor­row morning for a breakfast. Come and sit on my knee, and Ile daunce thee, if thou canst not indure to stand.