An Oration, including most of the miscrea­ted words and sentences in the Doc­tors Booke.

REnowmed and amicable Readers, from whom it is not concealed, that Silence is a flaue in a chaine, and the Pen the hot shot of the musket:

Marke, marke, a sentence, a sentence.

that when the caitife Planet raigneth, of Punical war ther is no end, & of the coūter-tenor of an offended Sirē, no ela.

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Theres two, keepe tally.

Tell mee (I pray you) was [...]uer Pegasus a cow in a cage, Mercury a mouse in a cheese, Dexteritie a dog in a dub­let, Ledgerdemaine a slow-worme, Vi [...]acitie a lazy bones, Entelechie a slug-plum, Humanitie a spittle-man, Rhe­torique a dummerell, Poetrie a tumbler, Historie a banq­rout, Philosophie a broker?

I marry, now it workes.

I bely him not a word; iust as it is there, in his owne text it comes together.

VVhy should I then, that haue been an incorruptible A­reopage,

Stay that same Areopage, hee is a forreyner newe come ouer, set vs examine him if hee bee the Queenes friend or no, ere he passe.

without anie pregnant cause be thus pres [...]igiously besiedg­ed and marked with an Afteriske by them that are super­ficiall in Theory?

On my vertuous chastitie & in veritie, preg­nant, prestigious, superficiall and pretie.

In manie extraordinarie remarkeable energeticall lines, and perfuncto [...]ie pamphlets both in ambiaexteritie and omnidexte [...]itie, together with matters adiop [...]or all haue I disbalased my minde, & not let slip the least occasionet of aduantage, to acq [...]aint the world with my pregnant propositions and resolute Aphorismes.

That word Aphorismes, Greenes Exequu­tors may claime from him; for while hee liu'd, he had [Page] no goods nor chattles in commoner vse than it.

Away, away, I cannot be perswaded hee wold euer come forth with anie one of these balduct­um bastardly termes.

You cannot: then cannot I be perswaded that you cannot bee perswaded; since I haue as much reason not to credit your bare assertion, where you say you are perswaded it is not so, as you to distrust my deep vehement protestatiōs, wherin I wold perswade you it is so: but if none of these perswasions or pro­testations may preuaile with your incredulitie, bring me to the booke if you please (the Doctours Booke s [...]bintelligitur) and that will soone resolue you.

It shall not need, I beleeue thee, since thou standst in it so seriously: yet I wonder thou [...]etst not downe in figures in the margent in what line, page & folio, a man might find euerie one of these fragments which would haue much satisfied thy Readers.

What, make an Errata in the midst of my Booke, and haue my margent bes [...]ratcht (like a Mer­chants booke) with these roguish Arsemetrique gib­bets or flesh-hookes, and cyphers or round oos, lyke pismeeres egges? Content your selfe, I will neuer do it: or if I were euer minded to doo it, I could not, since (as I told you some few leaues before) in more than a quarter of that his tumbrell of Confutation he hath left the Pages vnfigured; foreseeing by deuinati­on (belike) that I should come to dis [...]igure them.

I warrant thee I, thou hast figu'd him well enough as it is; and if thou hadst tooken the paynes of quotations or figures as he would haue thee, I doubt whether there be anie would euer haue bestowed so [Page] much paines to conferre or examine them.

On forward good Piers Respo [...]dent with your Oration, for I am hungrie vpon it; and with this I haue heard alreadie, my appetite is nothing stancht, but rather whetted.

Beare wit [...]es my masters, if hee dye of a surset, I cannot doo withall, it is his owne seeking, not mine [...]as long as I haue it, I am no niggard of i [...], at all aduentures I will set it before him.

Omitting (sicco pede) my encomiasticall Orations, and mercuriall and martiall discourses of the terr [...]bilitie of war, in the active & cheuatrous vaine, every way cōpara­ble with the Caualcads of Bellerophon, or Don Alphō [...]sod' Aualos, my Seraphicall visions in Queene P [...]etrie, queint theorickes, melancholy proiects, and pragmaticall discourses; whose beau-desert and rich [...]onomie, the in­spiredest Heliconists & Arch-patrons of our new Omni­scians, haue not stickt to equipage with the ancient Quin­quagenarians, Centurions, and Chiliarkes: not withstan­ding all which Idees of monstrous excellencie, some smirking Singutarists, brag Reformists, and glicking Re­membrancers, [...]not with the multiplying spirite of the Al­chumist,) but the villanist) seeke to bee masons of infinite contradiction; they (I say) with their frumping Con­tras, tickling interiections, together with their vehement incensiues and allectiues, as if they would be the onely A per se a's, or great A's of puissance, like Alexander, (whom yet some of our moderne VVorthies disdaine to haue sceptred the est Amen of val [...]re) commensere doub­table Monomachies against mee, and the dead honn [...]e­bee my brother.

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A per se, con per se, tittle, est, Amen! Dost thou not feele thy selfe spoyld? why he comes vppon thee (man) with a whole Horn-booke.

what a supernaturall Hibble de beane it is, to call his brother a dead honnie-bee?

I laughd at nothing so much, as that word Arch-patrons. Goe thy wayes thought I: thou art a Ciuilian, and maist well fetch metaphors from the Ar­ches, but thou shalt neuer fish anie monie from thence whilest thou liu'st.

Troth I would hee might for mee (that's all the harme I wish him) for then we neede neuer wish the Playes at Powles vp againe, but if we were wearie with walking, and loth to goe too farre to seeke sport, into the Arches we might step, and heare him plead; which would bee a merrier Comedie, than euer was old Mother Bomby. As for an instance: suppose hee were to sollicite some cause against Martinists, were it not a iest as right sterling as might be, to see him stroke his beard thrice, & begin thus. Graue Heliconists, sera­phicall Omniscians, & the only Centurions, Quinquage­narians and chiliarks of our time; may it please you to be aduertised, how that certaine sm [...]rking singularists, brag Reformists, and glicking Remembrancers, not with the [...]ltiplying spirit of the Alchumist but the villanist, have sought to be Masons of infinite contradiction, and with their melancholy pro [...]ects, frumping contras, tick­ling interiections, and vehement incensi [...]es & allectiues in all pragmaticall terribilitie, commense redoubtable Monomachies against you, & the beau-desert &: [...]dees of of your encomiasticall Church go [...]ernment, and partic [...] ­lar & peculiar [...]onomi [...]s. O we should haue the Pro­ctors [Page] and Registers as busie with their Table-books as might bee to gather phrases, and all the boyes in the Towne would be his clients to follow him. Marry it were necessarie the Queenes Decypherer should bee one of the high Commissioners; for else other-while he would blurt out such Brachmannicall fuldde-fubs, as no bodie should be able to vnderstand him.

You make too long gloses on the text, at­tend how it followes.

But Mercury sublimed is some-way a coy & stout fellow.

Verie true, for it is a good medicine for the itch.

and spite as close a se [...]retarie as a scummer,

Secretarie Spite and Secretarie Scum­mer, giue me your hands: I beseech you, what No­ble-men about Court doo you belong too?

Resolution a forward mate, and Valour a braue man;

O braue man, will you buy a braue dog?

Impudencie and Slaunder, two arrant vagabonds.

I crie you mercie, I alwaies tooke them for the two Brothers.

The world neuer such a Scogin as now, and the diuell ne­uer such a knaue as now.

What a diuell ayles he to rayle so vppon a poore painfull diuell, that dooes for him all he can?

Whist, silence on euerie hand, for here is the very S. Georges robes of rhetorique, a speach that I haue tooke vp by the lumpe, as it lies in his Booke.

VVhat's the saluation of Dauid Gorge? A Nullitie. VVhat the deification of H. N? A Nullitie. VVhat the glorification of Ket? A Nullitie. VVhat the sanctifi­cation of Browne? A Nullitie. VVhat the communitie of Barrow? A Nullitie. VVhat the plausibilitie of Martin? A Nullitie; yea and a wofull Nullitie, and a pi­teous Nullitie.

What a piteous noyse like a spirit in a wal doth he here make with his Nullities? I should sure run out of my wits, if one should come to my cham­ber doore at midnight, with nothing but such a dismall note of A Nullitie, a Nullitie.

Nay, be you Load-stones to exhale what I say. Martin is a Guerra, Browne a browne-bill, & Barrow a wheel­barrow; Ket a kight, H. N. an o. k. and to conclude, as the VVheele was an ancient Hierogliphicke amongst the Aegyptians, so some tooles are false Prophets.

That's the cause wee haue so manie bad work-men now a daies: put vp a Bill against them next Parliament.

But if he had said, manie men have some tooles that are litle for their profit, he had hit the mark somewhat nearer.

Iudas the Gaulonite in the raigne of Herod was a hot toast,

It cannot choose but the lou'd ale well then.

and present examples we haue as hot as fresh, that he that hath time hath life.

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In good time be it spoken.

A good admonition to Musitions to keepe time with their instruments, if they be desirous to liue long.

Duke Allocer on his lustie cock-horse is a hot familiar,

Let him but liue in London halfe a yeare, and there be them that wil take him downe and coole him, were he twice as hot.

and no such Arte memoratiue as the crab-tree deske:

No; what say you to a crab-tree cudgell? if it were well husbanded about his shoulders, I thinke it would make him remember it time enough.

for vnder correction of the arte notorie be it spoken, en­uic is a soaking register, and mortall fewde the claw of an adamant.

Hath adamant such sharpe clawes? that makes it hold yron so fast when it hath it.

Harke, harke, how hee praiseth Sir Philip Sidney.

Sweete Sir Philip Sidney, he was the Gentleman of cur­tesie, and the verie Esqu [...]re of industrie?

The Esquire of industrie? O scabbed scald squire ( Scythian Gabriell) as thou art, so vnder-foot to commend the cleerest myrrour of true Nobilitie.

What a mischiefe does he taking anie mans name in his vlcerous mouth? that being so festred and ranckled with barbarisme, is able to rust and canker it, were it neuer so resplendent.

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In all his praises he is the most fore-spoken and vnfortunate vnder heauen, & those whom he ser­uentest striues to grace and honour, he most dishonors and disgraceth by some vncircumcised fluttish epithi [...]e or other: and euen to talke treason he may be drawn vnwares, and neuer haue anie such intent, for want of discretion how to manage his words.

It is a common scoffe amongst vs, to call anie foolish prodigall yong gallant, the gentleman or floure of curtesie▪ & (if it were wel scand) I am of the opinion, with the same purpose hee did it to scoffe and deride Sir Philip Sidney, in calling him the Gentleman of cur­tesie, and the verie Esquire of industrie.

Poore tame-witted silly Qu [...]rko, on my conscience I dare excuse him hee had neuer anie such thought, but did it in as meere earnest, as euer in com­mendation of himselfe and his brothers hee writ these two verses, Singular are these three, Iohn, Richard Gabriel Haruy,

For Logique, Philosophie, Rhetorique, Astronomie. as also in like innocent wel meaning added he this that ensues.

His Entelechy was sine Greece, and the finest Tuscanisme in graine. Although I could tickle him with a con­trarie president, where he casts Tuscanisme, as a hor­rible crime in a Noble-mans teeth.

Bodie of mee, this is worse than all the rest, he sets foorth Sir Philip Sidney in the verie style of a Diers Signe. As if hee should haue said:

[Page]HEERE WITHIN THIS PLACE IS ONE THAT DI­ETH ALL KINDE OF EN­TELECHY IN FINE GREECE, AND THE FINEST TVSCA­NISMEIN GRAINE THAT MAY BEE, OR ANY COLOVR ELSE YE WOLD DESIRE. AND SO GOD SAVE THE QVEENE.

More Copie, more Copie; we leese a great deale of time for want of Text.

Apace, out with it; and let vs nere stand pau­sing or looking about, since we are thus far onward.

But some had rather be a pol-cat with a stinking stirre, than a Muske-cat with gracious fauour.

I smell him, I smell him: the wrongs that thou hast offred him are so intollerable, as they would make a Cat speake; therefore looke to it Nashe, for with one Pol-cat perfume or another hee will poyson thee, if he be not able to answere thee.

Pol-cat and Muske cat? there wants but a Cat a mountaine, and then there would be old scrat­ching.

I but not onely no ordinarie Cat, but a Muske-cat; and not onely a Muske cat, but a Muske­cat with gracious fauour (which sounds like a Prin­ces stile Dei gratia): not Tibeult or Isegrim Prince of Cattes, were euer endowed with the like Title.

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Since you can make so much of a little, you shall haue more of it.

To vtter the entrayles of a spheri [...]all heart in few silla­bles, Muske is a sweete curtezan, and sugar and h [...]ncy daintie hipocrytes.

O sweeter and sweeter, some bodie lend me a hand kercher, that I may carrie some home in my pocket for my little God-sonne.

Madame Muske, if you be a curtezan (as the Doctour informes vs), sure you haue drest a num­ber of my friends sweetly, haue you not? But you were neuer otherwise like, for mans apparaile & wo­mans apparaile, all was one to you; and some myste­rie there was in it, that they alwayes cride, Foh, what a stinke is heere? and stopt their noses when you came neere them. For your worships, Master Sugar & Ma­ster Honie, (be you likewise such daintie hipocr [...]tes as he giues testimonie) I doubt not but at one time or o­ther we shall taste you.

Stay, let me looke vpon it: I it is the same, right Isenborough good, or neuer trust mee. A speach or sudden exclamation, which after hee had been in a deadly sound for sixe or seauen houres (vppon what fear-procured sicknes I leaue you to imagine) was the first words vpon his reuiuing he vttered.

O Humanitie my Lullius, and Diuinitie my Paracelsus.

As much to say, as all the humanitie he hath, is gathered out of Lullius, and all his diuinitie or reli­gion out of Paracelsus.

Let him call vppon Kelly, who is better [Page] than them both; and for the spirites and soules of the ancient Alchumists, he hath them so close emprisoned in the firie purgatorie of his fornace, that for the welth of the King of Spaines Indies, it is not possible to re­lease or get the third part of a nit of anie one of them, to helpe anie but himselfe.

Whether you call his fire Purgatorie or no, the fire of Alchumie hath wrought such a purga­tion or purgatory in a great number of mens purses in England, that it hath clean fir'd thē out of al they haue.

Therefore our Doctor (verie well heere towards the latter end of his Oration) comes in with a cooling card.

Cordially I could wish, that the pelting horne of these sturres (according to the foeciall law) were rebated, wher­by our populars might taste of some more plausible Pane­gericall Orations, fine Theurgie, and profound essentiall God-full arguments.

Soft, ere I goe anie further, I care not if I draw out my purse, and change some odde peeces of olde English for new coyne; but it is no matter, vpon the Retourne from Guiana, the valuation of them may alter, and that which is currant now be then cop­per. Onely this word God-full goes with mee, if it be but to court a widdow in Christ, or holy sister of ours with, that weares Thy spirit be with vs, for the posie of her ring.

But the arte of figges had euer a dappert wit, and a deft conceit, Saint Fame give him ioy of his blacke cole & his white chalke.

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Saint Fame is one of the notorious nicke­names he giues thee, as also vnder the arte of figges (to cleaue him from the crowne to the waste with a quip) he shadowes Master Lilly: but if betweene you you doo not so chalke him vp for a Crimme & Maniquen­becke, and draw him in cole more artificially than the face in cole that Michaell Angelo and Raphaell Vrbin went to buffets about, I would you might be cole car­riers or pioners in a cole-pit, whiles colliers ride vpon collimol cuts, or there be any reprisalls of purses twixt this and Cole-brooke.

Pacifie your conscience, and leaue your imprecations, wee will beare no coales, neuer feare you. As for him (whom so artlesse and against the haire of anie similitude or coherence) hee calls the arte of figges, he shall not need long to call for his figs, for hee will be choakt soone inough with them; they hauing lyne ripe by him readie gathered (wanting nothing but pressing) anie time this twelue month. For my owne proper person, if I doo not (in requitall of S. Fame) ensaint and canonize him for the famousest Paliard and Senior Penaquila, that hath breathed since the raigne of S. Tor, let all the droppings of my pen bee sea­zed vpon by the Queenes Takers for Tarre to dresse ships with. I tarry too tristing superfluously in the twittle cum-twattles of his Text: take it with a wenni­on altogether, if you will haue it.

Embellishtly I can resolue them, here they shall not meete with chalke for cheese; and though some drinke oyle of prickes for a restorati [...]e, they shall have much adoo to void sirrupe of Roses: for it is not euerie mans blab that casts [Page] a sheepes eye out of a calues head, and for ought I know, I see no reason why the VVheel wright may not be as honest a man and pregnant m [...]echanic [...] an as the Cutler, the Cut­ler as the Drawer, the Drawer as the Cutter, and the VVriter as the Printer. And so I recommend euery one and them all to your curtesies. Your mindfull debter, Gabriell Haruey.

Thou hast opprest vs with an Inundation of Biscanisme; Biscanism the most ba [...]barous Spanish, cue as the Northren tung of the English. and though we would saine haue made him stand in a white sheet for his baudie oyle of pricks, (a common receipt for the greene sicknes); as also ex­amind his sirrupe of roses, wherein Rose Flowers is best experimented, yet time & tide (that staies for no man) forbids vs to tire any more on this carrion, being more than glutted with it alreadie.

But yet to giu [...] him this one comfort at the parting, it had not been amisse, that whereas he stands in such feare of ca [...]ing his sheeps eye out of his calues head, thou neuer meantst it, but if it were an oxes hee should still keepe it, and rather thou wouldst enlarge it than empayre it.

I, make it vp a paire (I sweare) rather than he should bee vnprouided. Responde breuiter Senior Importune, haue not I comprehended all the Doctors workes brauely, like Homers I liads in the compasse of a nut-shell? Now where be our honorable Caualiers, that keepe such a prating and a gabrill about our Ga­briell and his admirable stile, (nothing so good as Lit­tletons with his Iohn a Nokes and Iohn a Stiles) let them look to it I wold aduise them, for the course they take [Page] in commending this course Himpenhempen Slampamp, this stale Apple-squire Cockledemoy; who some 18, yeares since, when these Italionate carnation painted horse tayles were in fashion, in selfe same sort was a bout (if his chamber fellow had not ouer-rulde him) to haue seutchaneled and painted his pickerdeuant, to make it trauer like antick: [...]this iadish course, this iauel [...] course, this drumbling course, this dry braind course, if you perseuer and insist in, and on the toppe of asses buskind eares, thus labour to build trophees of theyr praise, canonizing euerie Bel-shangles the water-bearer for a Saint, and the contemptiblest worlds dish-cloute for a Relique; inspiredly I prophecie, your endes will be Ale and Shorditch, that all preferment and good spi­rits will abandon you: and more, (to plague you for your apostata conceipts) ballets shall be made of your base deaths, euen as there was of Cutting Ball.

Ho Ball, ho; in the name of God, whether wilt thou?

To Saffron-walden as fast as I can, though I goe a little way about.

Vnfortunate Gabriell, I am sorry for him, for he hath been a man of good parts.

Good parts? Ile name you one of seauen times better parts than he, whom you and I and euery one heere, haue knowen from our childhood.

Who is that?

In Speach with his eight Parts. But with­out further speach, that you may throghly be resolu'd what those good parts are you enable the Doctor for, here haue I set downe his whole life from his infancie to this present 96, euē as they vse in the beginning of a [Page] Book to set down the life of anie memorable ancient Author. Dispense with it though it drink some inck, or prodigally dispend manie Pages, that might haue been better employd; for if it yeeld you not sport for your money, at the same price shall you buye mee for your bond-slaue, that my Booke costs you.

On that condition, wee will make thee a lease of our attention for three liues and a halfe, or a hundred lacking one.

The life and godly education from his childhood of that thrice famous clarke, and morthie Orator and Poet Gabriell Haruey.

GAbriell Haruey, of the age of fortie eight or vp­wards, ( Turpe senex miles, tis time for such an olde foole to leaue playing the swash-buckler) was borne at Saffron walden, none of the obscurest Townes in Essex. For his parentage, I will say as P [...] ­lidore Virgill saith of Cardinall VVolsey, Parentem ha­buit v [...]rum probum, at lanium, he had a reasonable ho­nest man to his father, but he was a butcher; so Gabri­ell Haruey had one Good-man Haruey to his [...]ather, a true subiect, that paid scot and lot in the Parish where he dwelt, with the best of them, but yet he was a Rope­maker: Id quod reminisci nolebat (as Polidore goes for­ward) vt rem utique persona illius indignam, that which is death to Gabriell to remember, as a matter euerie way derogatorie to his person, quare secum totos dies cogit abat, qualis esset, non vnde esset; wherefore, from time to time he doth nothing but turmoile his thoghts how to raise his estate, and inuent new petegrees, and [Page] what great Noble-mans bastard hee was likely to bee, not whose sonne he is reputed to bee.

Giue me leaue before thou readst any further. I would not wish thee so to vpbraid him with his birth, which if he could remedie it were another matter: but it is his Fortune and Natures, & neither his fathers fault nor his.

Neither as his fathers nor his fault doo I vrge [...], otherwise than it is his fault to beare himselfe too arrogantly aboue his birth, and to contemne and forget the house from whence he came; which is the reason that hath induced mee (as well in this Treat [...]se as my former Writings) to remember him of it, not as anie such hainous discredit simply of it selse, if his [...] pride were not; ‘ [...] Namo genus & pronaues, & quae non secim [...] [...]’ It is no true glorie of ours what our fore-fathers did, no [...] are we to answere for anie sinnes of theirs. De­mosthenes was the sonne of a Cutler, Socrates of a Mid­wife; which detracted neyther from the ones elo­quence, nor the others wisedome: (farre be it that ey­ther in eloquence or wisedome I should compare G [...] ­briell to either of them) Marry for [...] or Socrates to be ashamed or take it in high d [...]ri [...] (which they neuer did) the one to be said to haue a Cutler to his father; or the other that hee had a Mid­wife to his mother (as H [...]r [...]ey doth to haue himselfe or anie of his brothers called the sonnes of a Rope maker, which by his own priuate confession to some of my friends, was the onely thing that most set him a fire against me): I wil [...] [...]stify it, might argue thē or him more inferio [...] & despi­cable, [Page] than anye Cutler, Mid-wife, or Rope maker. Turne ouer his two bookes he hath published against me, (where on he hath clapt paper Gods p [...]entie, if that would presse a man to death) and see if in the waye of answer or otherwise he once mention the word rope­maker, or come within fortie foot of it: except in one place of his first booke where hee nameth it not nei­ther, but goes thus cleanly to worke, (as her [...]tofore I haue set downe) though hee [...] no roome in the expence of 36. Sheetes of [...] to resute it. And may [...] his father? (a Periphrasis of a Rope maker, which (if should shryue my selfe) [...] neuer heard before). This is once, I haue given him cause enough I wot [...] haue stumbled [...], and take [...] of it; for where in his first bo [...] hee [...] [...] begger in my dish [...] third sillable, and so like an Emperour triump [...]s ouer mee, as though he had the Philosophers Stone to play at foot bal with, & I were a poore Alchumist new [...] [...], that had s [...]arce money to buy [...] for my fornace. In kind g [...]er don and requitall, h [...]olde him in Piers [...] That be [...] (like the [...] for he was but the sonne of a Rope-maker; [...] would not [...]ave a shoo to put on his feete if his father' had [...]. And in an [...]ther place, where he brought the Towne Seale or next Iustices where he brought the Towne Seale or next I [...] hands (as it were) to witnes▪ that his father was an ho­nest man; which no man denide or impaired anie sur­ther, than saying, [...] [Page] which is more, three proud sonnes, that when they met the hang man (their fathers best [...] stomer) would not put off their hatts to him; with other by glances, to the like effect: which he silently ouer-skippeth, to withdraw men (lapwing like) from his neast, as much as might bee. Onely hee tells a foolish twittle twattle boasting tale, (amidst his impudent brazen-fac'd defamation of Doctor [...]) of the Funerall of his kinsman Sir Tho­ [...] Smith, (which word kinsman, I wonderd he causd not to be set in great capitall letters), and how in those Obsequies he was a chiefe Mourner. I wis his father was of a more humble spirit; who in gratefull lieu and remembrance of the hempen mysterie that hee was beholding too, and the patrons and places that were his trades chiefe maintainers and supporters, proui [...]ded that the first letter each of his sonnes names began with, should allude and correspond with the chrese marts of his traffick, & of his profession & occupati­on▪ as Gabriell his eldest sonnes name, beginning with a G. for Gallowes, Iohn with an I. for Iayle, Richard with an R. for Rope-maker; as much to say, as all his whole liuing depended on the Iayle, the Gallowes, & making of Ropes. Another brother there is, whose name I haue forgot, though I am sure it iumpes with this Alphabet. Iumpe or iarre they with me as they see cause, this counsaile (if the ease were mine) I would giue them, not to bee daunted or blancket anie whit, had they ten hundred thousand legions of hang­ [...] [...] or per collum pe [...]dere debes to their fathers, and any should twit them or gaule them with it neuer so: but as Agathocles comming from a durt [...]kneading Potter to be a King, would (in memorie of that his first [Page] vocation) be serued euer after, as well in earthen dish­es, as sumptuous royal plate; so, had they but one roy­all of plate or sixe pennie peece amongst them, they shuld plat (what euer their other cheere were) to haue a salt eele in resemblance of a ropes end, continuallye seru'd in to their tables; or if they were not able to be at such charges, let them cast but for a two-penny rope of onions euerie day to be brought in, in stead of frute for a closing vp of their stomackes. It cannot doo a­misse, it will remēber them they are mortal, & whence they came, & whether they are to goe. Were I a Lord (I make the Lord God a vow) and were but the least a kin to this breath strangling linage, I would weare a chain of pearle brayded with a halter, to let the world see I held it in no disgrace, but high glorie to bee dis­cended howsoeuer: and as amongst the ancient Ae­gipt [...]ans (as Massarisus de ponderibus writes) there was an Instrument called Funiculus, conteining 60. sur­longs, wherewith they measured their fields and their vine yards; so from the plough harnesse to the slender hempen twist that they bind vp their vines with, wold I branch my al [...]iance, and omit nothing in the praise of it, except those two notable blemishes of the trade of rope-makers, Achitophel and I [...]das, that were the first that euer hangd themselues.

Thereto the Rope-makers were but acciden­tally accessarie, as any honest man may be, that lends a hal­ter to a thiefe, wherewith (unwitting to him) he goes & steales a horse: wherefore, how euer (after a sort) they may be said to haue their hands in the effect, yet they are free and innocent from the cause.

As though the cause and the effect (more [Page] than the superficies and the substance) can bee sepera­ted, when in manie things, causa sine qua non is both the cause and the effect, the common distinction of po­tentia non actu approuing it selfe verie crazed and im­potent herein, since the premisses necessarily beget the conclusion, and so contradictorily the conclusion the premisses; a ha [...]ter including desperation, [...]nd so despe­ration concluding in a halter; without which fatall conclusion and priuation, it cannot truly bee termed desperation, since nothing is said to bee, till it is borne▪ and despaire is neuer fully borne, till it ceaseth to bee, and hath depriu'd him of beeing, that first bare it and brought it forth. So that herein it is hard to distinguish which is most to be blamed of the cause or the effect; the Cause without the effect beeing of no effect, and the effect without the cause neuer able to haue been. Such another paire of vndiscernable twins and mutuall married correllatiues are Nature & Fortune. As for example; If it be any mans fortune to hang him­selfe and abridg his naturall life, it is likewise natural to him (or allotted him by Nature) to haue no better for­tune.

Better or worse fortune, I pry thee let vs heare kow thou goest forward with describing the Doc­tor and his life and fortunes: and you my fellow Audi­tors, I beseech you trouble him not (anie more) with these impertinent Parentheses.

His education I will handle next, wherein he ran through Didimus or Diomedes 6000. books of the Arte of Grammer, besides learnd to write a faire capitall Romane hand, that might well serue for a boone-grace, to such men as ride with their face to­wards [Page] the horse taile, or set on the pillory for cousnage or periurie. Many a copy-holder or magistrall scribe, that holds all his liuing by setting school-boies copies, comes short of the like gift. An old Doctor of Oxford snewd me Latine verses of his, in that flourishing flan­titanting goutie Omega fi [...]t, which hee presented vnto him (as a bribe) to get leaue to playe, when hee was in the heigth or prime of his Puer es cupis at que doceri. A good qualitie or qualification I promise you truely, to keepe him out of the danger of the Statute gainst wil­full vagabonds, rogues and beggers. But in his Gram­mer yeares, (take me thus farre with you) he was a ve­rie graceless litigious youth, and one that would pick quarrels with old Gulielmus Lillies Sintaxis and Pr [...] ­sodia, [...]ucrie howre of the daye. A desperate stabber with pen-kniues, and whom he could not ouer-come in disputation, he would be sure to break his head with his pen and ink-horne. His father prophecyde by that his ventrus manhood and valure, he would proue an other S. Thomas a Becket for the Church. But his mo­ther doubted him much, by reason of certaine strange dreames she had when she was first quicke with childe of him; which wel she hoped were but idle swimming fancies of no consequence: till being aduisde by a cun­ning man (her frend, that was verie farre in her books) one time shee slept in a sheepes skinne all night, to the intent to dreame true, another time vnder a lawrell tree, a third time on the bare ground starke naked, and last on a dead mans tomb or graue stone in the church in a hot Summers after-noone: when no barrel better herring, she sped euen as she did before. For first shee dreamed her wombe was turned to such another hol­low [Page] vessell full of disquiet fiends, as Salomons brazen Bowle, wherein were shut so manie thousands of di­uels; which (deepe hidden vnder ground) long after the Babilonians (digging for mettals) chaunced to light vpon, and mistaking it for treasure, brake it ope verie greedily, when as out of Pandor as Boxe of maladyes which Ep [...]metheus opened, all manner of euills flewe into the world; so all manner of deuills then broke loose amongst humane kinde. Therein her drowsie diuination not much dece [...]i'd her: for neuer wer Em­pedocles deuils so tost from the aire into the sea, & from the sea to the earth, and from the earth to the aire a­gaine exhaled by the Sunne, or driu'n vp by windes & tempests, as his discontented pouertie (more disquiet than the Irish seas) hath driu'n him from one professi­on to another. Deuinitie (the Heauen of all Artes) for a while drew his thoughts vnto it, but shortly after the [...] world the flesh and the diuell with-drewe him from that, and needes he would be of a more Gentleman-like lustie cut; whereupon hee fell to morrall Epistling and Poetrie. He sell I may well say, & made the price of wit and Poetrie fall with him, when hee first began to be a sripler or broker in that trade. Yea, from the aire he fell to the sea, (that my comparison may hold in euerie point) which is▪ he would needs crosse the seas to fetch home two penniworth of Tuscanisme: from the sea to the earth againe he was toft, videlicet shortly after hee became a roguish Commenter vppon earth quakes, as by the [...]amous Epistles (by his owne mouth onely made famous) may more largely appeare. Vlti­malinea rerum, his finall entrancing from the earth to the skies, was his key colde desence of the Cleargie in [Page] the Tractate of Pa [...]-hatchet, intermingled like a small Fleete of Gallies, in the huge Armada against me. The second dreame his mother had, was that shee was de­liued of a caliuer or hand-gun, which in the discharg­ing burst. I pray God (with all my heart) that this cali­uer or caualier of Poetrie, this hand gun or elder-gun that shoots nothing but pellets of chewd paper, in the discharging burst not. A third time in her sleep she ap­prehended and imagined, that out of her belly there grew a rare garden bed, ouer-run with garish weedes inn [...]merable, which had onely one slip in it of herb of grace, not budding at the toppe neither, but like the floure Narcissus, hauing flowres onely at the roote; whereby she augur'd and coniectur'd, how euer hee made some shew of grace in his youth, when he came to the top or heighth of his best proofe, he would bee found a barrain stalk without frute. At the same time (ouer and aboue) shee thought that in stead of a boye, (which she desired) she was deliuerd and brought to bed of one of these kistrell birds, called a wind-fucker. Whether it be verisiable or onely probably surmised, I am vncertaine, but constantly vp and downe it is bru­ted, how he pist incke as soone as euer hee was borne, and that the first cloute he fowld, was a sheete of pa­per; whence some mad wits giu'n to descant, euen as Herodotus held, that the A [...]thiopians seed of generati­on was as blacke as inke, so haply they vnhappely wold conclude, an Incubus in the likenes of an inke-bottle, had carnall copulation with his mother when hee was begotten. Should I reckon vp but one halfe of the mi­racles of his conception, that verie substantially haue been affirmed vnto me; one or other like Bodine wold [Page] start vp and taxe mee for a miracle-monger, as hee taxt Li [...]y, saying that he talkt of nothing else, saue how ox­en spake, of the flames of fire that issued out of the Scipioes heads, of the Statues of the Gods that swet, how I upiter in the likenes of a childe or yong-man ap­peared to Hanniball, and that an Infant of six months olde proclaymed triumph vp and downe the streetes. But let him that hath the poyson of a thousand Gorgons or stinging Basi [...]iskes full crammed in his inke-horne, tamper with mee, or taxe mee in the way of contradi­ction neuer so little, and he shall finde (if I finde him not a toad, worthie for nought but to be stampt vnder foote) that I will spit fire for fire, fight diuell fight dra­gon, as long as he will. No vulgar respects haue I, what Hoppenny Hoe & his fellow Hankin Booby thinke of mee, so those whom Arte hath adopted for the pe­culiar Plants of her Academie, and refined from the dull Northernly drosse of our Clyme, hold mee in a­nie tollerable account.

The wonders of my great Grand father Har [...]eys Progeniture, were these.

In the verie moment of his birth, there was a calse borne in the [...]me Towne with a dubble tongue, and hauing [...]ares farre longer than anie asse, and his seete [...]urned backward like certaine people of the Tartars, that neuertheles are reasonable swift.

In the houre of his birth there was a most darksome Eclipse, as though hel and heauen about a consultation of an eternall league had met together.

Those that calculated his nati [...]itie said, that Saturne and the Moone (either of which is the causer of mad­nesse) were melancholy conioynd together (contrarie [Page] to all course of Astronomie) when into the world hee was produced. About his lips, euen as about Dions ship, there flocked a swarme of waspes, as soone as e­uer he was laid in his cradles. Scarce nine yeres of age he attaind too, when by engrossing al ballets that came to anie Market or Faire there-abouts, he aspired to bee as desperate a ballet maker as the best of them. The first frutes of his Poetrie, beeing a pittifull Dittie in la­mentation of the death of a Fellow, that at Queene Maries coronation, came downward with his head on a rope from the Spyre of Powles steeple, and brake his necke. Afterward he exercised to write certaine gra­ces in ryme dogrell, and verses vppon euerie Month, manie of which are yet extant in Primers and Alma­nackes. His father with the extreame ioy of his to­wardnesse wept infinitely, and prophecide he was too forward witted to liue long. His Schoole-master ne­uer heard him peirse or conster, but he cryde out, O a­cumen Carneadum! O decus addite diuis! and swore by Susenbrotus and Taleus, that he would prooue ano­ther Philo Iudeus for knowledge and deep iudgment, who in Philosophie was preferd aboue Plato; and bee a more rare Exchequer of the Muses, than rich Gaza was for wealth; which tooke his name of Cambyses laying all his Treasure there, when hee went to make warre against Aegipt.

By this time imagin him rotten ripe for the Vniuer­sitie, and that hee carries the poake for a messe of por­redge in Christs Colledge: which I doo not vpbraid him with, as anie disparagement at a [...]l, since it is a thing eue­tie one that is Scholler of the House, is ordinarily sub­iect vnto by turnes, but onely. I thrust it in for a Peri­phrasis [Page] of his admission or ma [...]riculation. I am sure you will bee glad to heare well of him, since hee is a youth of some hope, and you haue been part­ly acquainted with his bringing vp.

In sadnes I would be loath to discourage ye, but yet in truth (as truth is truth, and will out at one time or other, and shame the diuell) the coppie of his Tutors Letter to his father I will shew you, about his carriage and demeanour; and yet I will not positiuely affirme it his Tutors Letter neither, and yet you maye gather more than I am willing to vtter, and what you list not beleeue, referre to after Ages, euen as Paul [...] Iouius did in his lying praises of the House of Medices, or the importunate Dialogue twixt Charles the fifth and him, of Expedire te op [...]rtet, & parare calames: or his tem­pestuous thunder-bolt Inuectiue against Seli [...]us.

The Letter of Harueys Tutor to his Father, as touching his manners and behauior.

SIr, Grace and peace vnto you premised. So it is, that your sonne you have committed to my charge, is of a passing forward carriage & profiteth very soundly.

That is, beares himselfe very forward on his tip-toes, (as he did euer) & profits or battles sound­ly, and is a youth of a good size.

[Page]

I would our Gurm [...] Hidruntum, were like wise banisht with him, for he can hotch-potch whole Decades vp of nothing, and talks idlely all his life time.

The spirit of foolery out of this Archibald Rupenrope he shall neuer be able to cast, were the Ne­ [...]tar of his eloquence a thousand times more supera­bundant incessant sourding.

VVhat is your censure, you that bee of the common counsaile, may this Epistle passe or no without a demurre or prouiso?

Passe in the way of pastime, and so foorth; it being no indecorum at all to the Comedie we haue in hand to admit Piers himselfe for his Tutor, for if he proceed in the seuere discipline he hath begun, he is like to humble him, and bring him to more goodnes, than anie Tutor or Master he euer had since he was borne

Leauing his childhood, which hath leaue or a lawe of priuiledge to be fond; & to come to the first prime of his pamphleting, which was much about the setting vp of the Bull by Felton on the Bishop of Londons gate or rather some prettie while before; when for an aslay or nice tasting of his pen, he capitulated on the births of monsters, horrible murders, and great burnings: and afterward in the yeare when the earth-quake was he fell to be a familiar Epistler, & made Powles Church­yard [Page] resound or crie twang againe with foure notable famous Letters: in one of which hee enterlaced his short but yet sharpe iudiciall of Earth-quakes, & came verie short and sharpe vppon my Lord of Oxford, in a r [...]tling bund [...]e of Eng [...]i [...]h Hexameters. How that thriu'd with him, some honest Chronicler helpe me to remember, for it is not comprehended in my braines Diarie or Ephemerides: but this I can iustifie, that im­mediately vpon it, he became a common writer of Al­manackes. Tis meruaile if some of you amongst your vnsatiable ouerturning of Libraries, haue not stumbled on such an approued architect of Calenders, as Gabriel Frend the Progno [...]ticator. That Frend I not a little sus­pect (if a man should take occasion to trye his Frend) would be found to bee no Frend, but my constant ap­proued mortall enemie Gabriell Haruey Well, I may say to you, it is a difficult rare thing in these dayes to finde a true Frend. But the probable reasons which driue me to cōiecture that it is a false Frend which de­ludes vs with these durtie astronomicall predictions, & that Gabriell Ha [...]uey is this Frend in a corner, which no man knowes of, be these that follow. First, he hath been noted in manie companies where hee hath been, very suspitiously to vndermine, whither any man knew such a fellow as Gabriell Frend the Progno [...]ticator or no? or whether they euer heard of anie that euer saw him or knew him? Wheretoo, when they all aunswe­red with one voyce, not guiltie to the seeing, hearing or vnderstanding of anie such Starry Noune Substan­tiue; vp starts me he (like a proud school-master, when one of his Boyes hath made an Oration before a countrey Maior that hath pleasd) and bites the lip, and [Page] winkes and smiles priuily, and lookes pertly vpon it, [...] who s [...]ould say, [...] quem querit is a [...]s [...]m: and after some little coy bridling of the chi [...], and nice simpr [...]ng and wrything his face; o waies, tels them flatly that vp­pon his credit and knowledge (both which are hardly worth a candles end to helpe him to bed with) there is no such Quarter-master, [...]r master of the 4. Quarters, or Writer in redde letters, as that supposed flower of Frend-ly curtesie, Gabriell Frend the Prognosticator; but to vse plaine dealing amongst frends, a frend of his it is he must cōceale, who thoght good to shroud him­selfe vnder that title. Now if ye will allow of my verdit in this behalfe, I hold vnusquisque proximus ipse sibi, e­uery man is the best Frend to himself, & that he himself & no other, is that Frend of his he must conceale. The 2. argument that confirmes me in this strong article of my creede, is, for none is priuy to a blank maintenance he hath, & some maintenāce of necessity he must haue, or else how can he maintaine his peak in true christen­dome of rose-water euerie morning? By the ciuil law peraduenture you wil alleage he [...]etches it in: nay ther­in ye are deceiud, for he hath no law for that. I will not deny but his mother may haue su'd in forma pauperis, but he neuer sollicited in form of papers in the Arches in his li [...]e. How then, doth he fetch it aloft with his po­etrie? Dii faciant laudis summa fit ista suae. I pray God he neuer haue better lands or liuing till he die. Shall I discharge my conscience, being no more than (on my soule) is most true, the Printers and Stationers vse him as he wer the Homer of this age, for they say vnto him, Si nihil attuleris, ibis Homere foras, Haruey if ye bring no mony in your purse ye get no books printed here. [Page] Euen for the printing of this logger-head Legend of lyes, which now I am wrapping vp hot spices in, hee ran in debt with VVolfe the Printer 36. pound & a blue coate which he borrowed for his man, and yet VVolfe did not so much as brush it when hee lent it him, or presse out the print where the badge had been. The Storie at large a leafe or two hence you shall heare. The last refuge and sanctuarie for his exhibition (after his lands, law & poetrie are confiscated) is to presume he hath some priuy benefactors or patrons that holde him vp by the chin. What hee hath had of late, my in­telligence failes me, but for a number of yeares past, I dare confidently depose, not a bit nor cue of anie be­nefactor or patron he had, except the Butler or Man­ciple of Trinitie Hall (which are both one) that trust­ed him for his commons & sizing; so that when I haue toyled the vtmost that I can to saue his credite and ho­nestie, the best wit craft I can turn him too to get three pence a weeke, and keepe the paper soales and vpper leather of his pantoffles together, is to write Progno­stications and Almanackes; and that alone hath beene and must bee his best Philosophers Stone till hys last destiny.

I was sure, I was sure at one time or other I should take him napping. O eternall ieft (for Gods sake helpe me to laugh): What, a graue Doctor, a base Iohn Do­leta the Almanack-maker, Doctor Deuse-ace and Doc­tor Mery-man? Why from this day to proceed, Ile ne­uer goe into Powles Church-yard to enquire for anie of his workes, but (where euer I come) looke for them behinde the doore, or on the backe-side of a screene, (where Almanackes are set vsually) or at Barbers or [Page] Chandlers shop [...]euer to misse of them. A maker of Almanackes quoth a, God forgiue me, they are readi­er money than Ale and cakes, and are m [...]re familiar read than Tullies [...]amiliar Epistles, or the Discourse of Debitor & Creditor, especially of those that ordinary write Letters, or haue often occasion to paye money. They are the verie Di [...]lls of dayes, the Sunnes ghesses; and the Moones months-mind. Here in London streets if a man haue busines to enquire for anie bodie, and he is not well acquainted with the place, he goes filthely halpering, and asking cap in hand from one shop to an­other, where's such a house and such a signe? But if we haue busines to speak with anie in the skie, buy but one of Gabriell Frend or Gabriell Harueys Almanacks, and you shall carry the signe & house in your pockets, whether Iupiters house, Saturnes house, Mars hys house Venus house, or anie hot-house or baudy house of them all. To conclude, not the poorest walking-mate, or thred-bare cut purse in a countrey, that can well be without them, be it but to know the Faires & Markets when they fall: & against who dare I will vp­hold it, that theres no such necessarie Book of common places in the earth as it; as for example, From London to Yorke, from Yorke to Barwicke, and so backwardes. It is a strange thing I should be so skilfull in Phisiogno­mie, and neuer studied it. I alwaies saw in the Doctors countenaunce, he greedily hunted after the high way to honour, and was a busie Chronicler o [...] high wayes, he had such a number of vgly wrinckled high wayes in his visage. But the time was when he would not haue giuen his head for the washing, and would haue tooke foule scorne that the best of them all should haue out­fac'd [Page] him. I haue a tale at my tungs end if I can happen vpō it, of his hobby-horse reuelling & dominering at A [...]dley-end, when the Queene was there: to which place, Gabriell (to doo his countrey more worship & glory) came ruffling it out huffty tuffty in his suite of veluet. There be thē in Cambridge that had occasion to take note of it, for he stood noted or scoard for it in their bookes manie a faire day after: and if I take not my markes amisse, Rauen the botcher by Pembrook-hal (whether he be aliue or dead I know not) was as pri­uie to it euerie patch of it from top to toe, as hee that made it; and if euerie one would but mend one as of­ten as hee hath mended that, the world would bee by 200. parts honester than it is: yet be he of the mending hand neuer so, and Gabriell neuer able to make him a­mends, he may blesse the memorie of that wardrope, for it will be a good while ere hee meete with the like customer as it was to him at least 14. yere together, fal­ling into his hands twice a yeare as sure as a club, be­fore euery Batchelors and Masters Commensment, or if it were aboue, it was a generall Item to all the Vni­uersitie, that the Doctor had some ierking Hexameters or other shortly after to passe the stampe, hee neuer in all his life (till lately he fel a wrangling with his sister in law) hauing anie other busines at London. The rotten mould of that worme eaten relique (if hee were well searcht) he weares yet, meaning when he dies to hang it ouer his tombe for a monument: and in the meane time, though it is not his lucke to meete with euer a substantiall baudie case (or booke case) that carries rem in re, meate in the mouth in it (A miserable intollera­ble case, when a yong fellow & a yong wench cannot [Page] put the case together, and doo with their owne what they lift, but they shalbe put to their booke to confesse, and be hideously perplext) yet I say daily and hourely doth he deale vpon the case notwithstanding. You wil imagine it a fable percase which I shall tell you, but it is x. times more vnsallible, thā the newes of the Iewes ri­sing vp in armes to take in the Land of promise, or the raining of corne this Summer at VVake [...]ield. A Gentle­man (long agoe) lent him an old veluet saddle, which when he had no vse for, since no man else would trust him for a bridle, and that he was more accustomed to be ridden than to to ride, what does me he, but deem­ing it a verie base thing for one of his standing in the V­niuersity to be said to be yet d [...]nsing in Sadolet, & with all scorning his chamber shuld be employd as an oftry presse to lay vp iades riding iackets and trusses in, pre­sently vntrusseth & pelts the out-side from the lining, and vnder benedicite here in priuate be it spoken, dealt verie cunningly and couertly in the case, for with it he made him a case or couer for a dublet, which hath ca­sed and couerd his nakednes euer since, and to tell yee no lye, about two yeare and a halfe past, hee creditted Newgate with the same metamorphized costly vesti­ment. As good cheape as it was deliuerd to mee (at the second hand) you haue it. Nil habeo praeter audi­tum, I was not at the cutting it out, nor will I binde your consciences too strictly to embrace it for a truth, but if my iudgement might stand for vp, it is rather like­ly to be true than false, since it vanisht inuisible and was neuer heard of: and besides, I cannot deuise how he should behaue him to consume such an implement, if he cōfiscated it not to that vse, neither lending it away, [Page] nor selling it; nor how hee should otherwise thrust himselfe into such a moth-eaten weed, hauing neyther money nor frends to procure it. Away, away, neuer hauke nor pause vpon it, for without all par-anters it is so; and let them tattle and prate till their tongues ake, were there a thousand more of them, and they should set their wit to his, he would make them set besides the saddle, euen as he did the Gentleman. A man in hys case hath no other shift, or apparaile which you will, but he must thus shift other-while for his liuing, espe­cially liuing quiet as he dooth without anie Crosses (in his purse subaudi) and being free from all couetous in­cumbraunces: yet in my shallow foolish conceipt, it were a great dea [...]e better for him if he were not free, but crost soundly, & cōmitted prisoner to the Tower, where perhaps once in his life he might be brought to look vpon the Queenes coine in the Mynt, & not thus be alwaies abroad and neuer within, like a begger. I must beg patience of you, thogh I haue been somwhat too tedious in brushing his veluet, but the Court is not yet remou'd from Audley end, and we shall come time enough thether to learne what rule he keepes.

There did this our Talatamtana or Doctour Hum, thrust himselfe into the thickest rankes of the Noble­men and Gallants, and whatsoeuer they were arguing of, he would not misse to catch hold of, or strike in at the one end, and take the theame out of their mouths, or it should goe hard. In selfe same order was hee at his pretie toyes and amorous glaunces and purposes with the Damsells, & putting baudy riddles vnto them. In fine, some Disputations there were, and he made an Oration before the Maids of Honour, and not before [Page] her Maiestie, as heretofore I misinformedly set down, beginning thus;

He would haue had the Maids of Honor thriftely cudgeld belike, and lambeakt one after another.

They vnderstood it not so.

No, I thinke so, for they vnderstood it not at all.

Or if they had, they would haue driu'n him [...]o his guard.

Or had the Guard driu'n him downe the [...]taires, with Deiu vous garde Monsieur, goe and prate in the yard Don Pedant, there is no place for you here.

The proces of that Oration, was of the same woofe and thrid with the beginning: demurely and maidenly scoffing, and blushingly wantoning & making loue to those soft skind soules & sweete Nymphes of Helicon; betwixt a kinde of carelesse rude ruffianisme, and cu­rious finicall complement: both which hee more ex­prest by his countenance, than anie good iests that hee vttered. This finished (though not for the finishing or pronouncing of this) by some better frends than hee was worthie of, and that afterward found him vnwor­thie of the graces they had bestowed vpon him, he was brought to kisse the Queenes hand, and it pleased her Highnes to say (as in my former Booke I have cyted) that he lookt something like an Italian. No other in­citement he needed to rouze his plumes, pricke vp his [Page] [...]ares, and run away with the bridle betwixt his teeth, and take it vpon him; (of his owne originall ingrafted disposition theretoo he wanting [...]) but now he was an insulting Monarch aboue Monarcha the Ita­lian, that ware crownes on his shooes; and quite re­nounst his naturall English accents & gestures, & wre­sted himselfe wholy to the Italian puntilios, speaking our homely Iland tongue strangely, as if he were but a raw practitioner in it, & but ten daies before had en­tertained a schoole master to teach him to pronounce it. Ceremonies of reuerence to the greatest States (as it were not the fashion of his cu [...]tray) he was very par­simonious and niggardly of, & would make no bones to take the wall of Sir Philip Sidney and another ho­nourable Knight (his companion) about Court yet at­tending; to whom I wish no better fortune, than the fore lockes of Fortune he had hold of in his youth, & no higher fame than hee hath purchast himselfe by his pen: being the first (in our language) I haue encoun­tred, that repurified Poetrie from Arts pedantisme, & that instructed it to speake courtly. Our Patron, our Phabus, our first Orpheus or quintessence of inuention he is: whersore, either let vs iointly inuent some wor­thy subiect to eternize him; or let Warre call back Bar­barisme from the Danes, Pictes and Saxons to suppres our frolicke spirits, and the least sparke of more eleua­ted sence amongst vs finally be quenched and die, ere we can set vp brazen Pillers for our Names and Scien­ces, to preserue them from the Deluge of Ignorance. But to returne from whence I haue strayd, Dagober [...] Coppenhagen in his iollitie persisteth; is Haile fellowe well met with those that looke highest: and to cut it off [Page] in three syllables, follows the traine of the delicatest fa­uorites and minions, which by chaunce being with­drawne a mile or two off, to one Master Bradburies, where the late deceased Countesse of Darbie was then harbinged, after supper they fell to dansing, euery one choosing his mate as the custome is; in a trice so they shuffled the cards of purpose (as it wer to plague him for his presumption) that will he nill he must tread the measures about with the fouleft foulest vgly gentlewo­man or fury that might be, (then wayting on the fore­said Countesse) thrice more deformed than the wo­man with the horne in her head. A turne or two hee mincingly pac't with her about the roome & solemn­ly kist her at the parting: Since which kisse of that squinteyd Lamia or Gorgon, as if she had been another Circe to transforme him, he hath not one houre beene his owne man. For whilst yet his lips smoakt with the steame of her scortching breath, that partcht his beard like sun-burnt graffe in the Dog-dayes, he ran headlong violently to his study as if he had bin born with a whirl­winde, and strait knockt me vp together a Poem calde his Aedes Valdinenses, in prayse of my L. of Leycester, of his kissing the Queenes hand, and of her speech & comparison of him, how he lookt like an Italian, what vide sayth he in one place; Did I see her Maiesty quoth a? I mo, vide ipse loquentem cum Snaggo, I saw her con­ferring with no worseman then Master Snagge. The bu [...]gerliest ve [...]rses they were that euer were scande, beeing most of them hought and cut off by the knees out of Virgill, and other Authors. This is a patterne of one of them, VVodde meusque tuusque suusque Bri­tannorumque suorumque, running through all the Pro­nounes [Page] in it, and iumpe imitating a verse in As in pre­senti, or in the demeanes or adiacents I am certaine. I had forgot to obserue vnto you out of his first foure fa­miliar Epistles, his ambicious stratagem to aspire; that whereas two great Pieres beeing at iarre, and their quarrell continued to bloudshed, he would needs vn­cald and when it lay not in his way steppe in on the one side which indeede was the safer side (as the foole is cra [...]ty inough to sleepe in a whole skin) and hewe and slash with his Hexameters, but hewd and slasht he had beene as small as chippings, if he had not playd ducke Fryer and hid himselfe eight weeks in that Noblemans house, for whome with his pen hee thus bladed. Yet neuerthelesse Syr Iames a Croft the olde Controwler ferrited him out, and had him vnder hold in the Fleete a great while, taking that to be aimde & leueld against him, because he cald him his olde Controwler, which he had most venomously belched against Doctour Per [...]e. Vppon his humble submission, and ample ex­position of the ambiguous Text, and that his foremen­tioned Mecenas mediation, matters were dispenst with and quallified, & some light countenance like sunshine after a storme, it pleased him after this to let fall vppon him, and so dispatcht him to spurre Cut backe againe to Cambridge. Whereafter his arriuall, to his associ­ates and companions he priuatly vaunted what redou­bled rich brightnes to his name, this short eclipse had brought, and that it had more dignified and raisd him, than all his endeuours from h [...]s childhood. With such incredible applause and amazement of his Iudges hee bragd hee had cleard himselfe, that euery one that was there ran to him and embrast him, and shortly hee [Page] was promist to be cald to high prefermēt in court, not an ace lower than a Secretariship, or one of the Clarks of the Councell. Should I explaine to you howe this wrought with him, and howe in the itching heate of this hopefull golden worlde and hony moone, the ground would no longer b [...]are him, but to Sturbridge Fayre, and vp and downe Cambridge on his foot-cloth maie [...]ftically he would pace it, with manie moe madde trickes of youth nere plaid before; in stead of making his heart ake with vexing, I should make yours bur [...]t with laughing. Doctor Perne in this plight nor at anie other time euer met him, but he would shake his hand and crie Vanitas vanitatum, omnia vanitas, Vanitie of vanities, and all things is vanitie.

His father he vndid to furnish him to the Court once more, where presenting himselfe in all the coulours of the raine-bow, and a paire of moustachies like a black horse tayle tyde vp in a knot, with two tuffts sticking out on each side, he was askt by no meane personage Vnde hac insania? whence proceedeth this folly or madnes? & he replied with that wether-beaten peice of a verse out of the Grammer, Semel insaniuimus om­nes, once in our dayes there is none of vs but haue plaid the ideots; and so was he counted and bad stand by for a N [...]dgscombe. He that most patronizd him, pry­ing more searchingly into him▪ d finding that he was more meete to make sport with, than anie way deeply to be employd, with faire words shooke him of, & told him he was fitter for the Vniuersitie, thā for the Court or his turne, and so bad God prosper his studies & sent for another Secretarie to Oxford.

Readers, be merry; for in me there shall want no­thing [Page] I can doo to make you merry. You see I hau [...] brought the Doctor out of request at Court, & it shall cost me a fall, but I will get him howted out of the V­niuersitie too, ere I giue him ouer. What will you giue mee when I bring him vppon the Stage in one of the principallest Colledges in Cambridge? Lay anie wager with me, and I will; or if you laye no wager at all, Ile fetch him aloft in Pedantius, that exquisite Comedie in Trinitie Colledge; where, vnder the cheife part, from which it tooke his name, as namely the concise and fir­king finicaldo fine School-master, hee was full drawen & delineated from the soale of the foote to the crowne of his head. The iust manner of his phrase in his Ora­tions and Disputations they stufft his mouth with, & no Buffianisme throughout his whole bookes, but they bolsterd out his part with; as those ragged remnaunts in his foure familiar Epistles twixt him and Senior Im­merito, Raptim scripta, Nosti manum & stylum, with innumerable other of his rabble routs: and scoffing his Musarum Lachrymae, with Flebo amo [...]em meum, etiam Musarum lachrymis; which to giue it his due, was a more collachrymate wretched Treatise, than my Piers Pennil [...]sse, being the pittifullest pangs that euer a­nie mans Muse breathd foorth. I leaue out halfe; no [...] the carrying vp of his gowne, his nice gate on his pan­toffles, or the affecte, [...]ccent of his speach, but they personated. And if I should reueale all, I thinke they borrowd his gowne to playe the Part in, the more to flout him. Let him denie this (and not damne himselfe) for his life if hee can. Let him denie that there was a Shewe made at Clare-hall of him and his two Bro­thers, called; ‘ [Page]Tarra [...]antantara turba tumultuosa. Trigonum, Tri-Harueyorum, Tri-harmonia.’ Let him denie that there was another Shewe made of the little Minnow his Brother Dodrans Dicke at Peter­house, called; ‘ Duns furens. Dick Haruey in a frensie.’ Whereupon Dick came and broke the Colledge glasse windowes; and Doctor Perne (being then either for himsel [...]e or Deputie Vice-chancellour), caused him to be fetcht in, and set in the Stockes till the Shew was en­ded, and a great part of the night after.

The first motiue or caller foorth of Gabriels English Hexameters, was his falling in loue with Kate Cotton, and VViddowes his wife the Butler of Saint Iohns. And this was a rule inuiolate amongst the fraternitie of them, Gabriell was alwayes in loue, Dick still in hate, either with Aristotle, or with the great Beare in the fir­mament, which he continually bayted; or with Reli­g [...]on, against which in the p [...]blique Schooles he set vp Atheistical Questions, and besides compared his beard so Perphirian blasphemously, as I am afraid the Earth would swallow me, if I should but rehearse, It fell to my lot to haue the perusing of a letter of his to Doc­tor Fulke, then lying at a Preachers house neere Cri­plega [...]e in London, as touching his whole persecution by the [...]ellowes of the House about it, & how except he had mer [...]ie on him, he were expulst and cast awaye without redemption.

The third Brother ( Iohn) had almost as iil a name as the Spittle in Shorditch, for the olde r [...]akes hee kept [Page] with the wenches in Queenes Colledge Lane; and if M. VVathe his ancient ouer wharter, (betwixt whom & him there was such de [...]dly emulation) had bin furnisht with those instructions therof which I could haue lent him, he had put him downe more handsmoothe than he did, though at a Commensment dinner in Queenes Colledge, (as apparantly as might be) he graueld and set a ground both him and his brother Gabienus. This Iohn was hee, that beeing entertaind in Iustice Meades House (as a Schoole-master) stole away his daughter, and to pracifie him, dedicated to him an Almanacke; which daughter (or Iohns wife) since his death, Gabriel (vnder pretence of taking out an Administration, ac­cording as she in euery Court exclaimes) hath gone a­bout to circumuent of al she hath: to the which effect, (about 3. yere agoe) there were three Declarations put vp against him, & a little while after I heard there were Attachments out for him; whether he hath compoun­ded since or no, I leaue to the Iurie to enquire.

Pigmey Dicke aforesaid, that lookes like a pound of Gold-smiths candles, is such another Venerian steale Placard as Iohn was, being like to commit folly the last yeare in the House where he kept (as a frend of his ve­rie soberly informd me) with a Milke-maid; & if there had not bin more gouernmēt in her than in him (for all his diuinitiship) the thing you wote of, the blowe that neuer smarteth had been strooke, and she carried away to Saffron-walden, he sending for her to to one Philips his house at the signe of the Bel in Bromley, & there sea­fting her to that end. Fast and pray luxurious Vicar, to keepe vnder thy vnruly members, and wrap thee in a Monkes Cowle, which (they say) is good to mortifie; [Page] or drinke of the water of Saint Iues by Iohn Bale (out of Romish Authors) produced to be good against the temptations of the petticoate; or (which exceedeth them both) trie Master Candishes Roote hee brought out of the Indies, giu'n him by a venerable Hermit, with this pr [...]batum est or vertue, that he which tasted it should neuer lust after; by that token he could meet with none about Court or in London, that was con­tent to be an Eunuch for the Kingdome of Heauen, or lou'd his pleasure so little, as to venture vpon it. I haue not yet seald and shakt hands with him for making two such false Prophets of Saturne & Iupiter, out of whose iumbling in the darke and coniunction copulatiue, he denounced such Oracles and alterations to ensue, as if (like another Thebit Bencorat) he had liu'd 40. yere in a mountain, to discerne the motion of the eighth Orbe: but as he (for all his labour) could not attaine to it, no more could Dick (with his predictions) compasse anie thing but derision, being publiquely preacht against for it at Powles Crosse by the Bishop of London that then was, who (according to Arte, if such a Coniunction had chanc'd) disproou'd the reuolutions to bee cleane contrarie; and besides a singular Scholler one Master Heath, (a Follower of the right Honrable and worthie Lord of Hu [...]sdon that now is) set vpon it and answered it in Print pell mell cape a pee, by probable reason, and out of all Authors perspicuously demonstrating what a lying Ribaden, and Chincklen Kraga it was, to constel­late and plannet it so portentously. I am none of the Cashiers or Prouiditores for lame Souldiours, or men of desert, but were I one; as the Athe [...]ians (in the no­blest Schoole of their Academy) erected to Berosus the [Page] Astrologer a Statue with a golden tongue, for his pre­dictions were true; so wold I largely disburse toward the building him a Statue on Sophisters Hills by Cam­bridge, with a tongue of copper or ockamie (neerely counterfetting siluer) such as organe pipes & serieants maces are made of, because his predictions are false & erronious. And so lightly are all the trade of them, ne­uer foretokening or fore-telling anie thing, till after it be come to passe: and then if it bee a Warrior or Con­queror they would flatter, who is luckie and succesfull in his enterprises, they say he is borne vnder the auspi­cious Signe of Capricorne, as Cardan saith Cosmo de Me­dices, Selimus, Charles the fifth, and Charles Duke of Burbon were; albeit I dare be sworne, no wizardly A­stronomer of them all euer dreamd of anie such Cal­culations, till they had shewd themselues so victorious, and their prosperous raignes were quite expired. On the other side, if he be disastrous or retrograde in hys courses, the maleuolent Starres of Medusa and Andro­meda, inferring suddaine death or banishment, predo­minated his nati [...]itie. But (I thank heauen) I am none of their credulous disciples, nor can they they cousen or seduce me with anie of their iugling coniecturalls, or winking or tooting throgh a six penny Iacobs Staffe; their spels, their characters, their anagrams, I haue no more perswasion of, than I am perswaded, that vnder the inuersed denomination or anagram of this Word September, (as some of our late Deuines and auncient Hebrue Rabbines would enforce vpon vs) is included the certaine time of the Worlds first Creation; or that he which is born vnder Aries, shall neuer goe in a third bare cloake, or be troubled with the rheume, because [Page] the Sunne arriuing in that Poynt, cloatheth the Earth with a new fleece, and sucks vp all the Winters super­fluous moysture; or that he which is borne vnder Li­bra shall bee a Iudge or Iustice of Peace, because the Sunne in that Signe equally poyzeth the daies & nights alike. Heilding Dicke (this our Ages Alb [...]mazar) is a temporist that hath faith inough for all Religions, euen as Thomas Deloney the Balletting Silke-w [...]auer hath rime inough for all my racles, & wit to make a Garland of good will more than the premisses, with an Epistle of Momus and Zoylus; whereas his Muse from the first peeping foorth, hath flood at liuery at an Ale-house wifpe, neuer exceeding a penny a quart day nor night; and this deare yeare, together with the siiencing of his looms, scarce that; he being constrained to betake him to carded Ale: whence it proceedeth, that since Can­dlemas or his Iigge of Iohn for the King, not one mer­rie Dittie will come from him, but The Thunder-bolt a­gainst Swearers, Repent England repent, & The strange iudgements of God. No more will there from Dick qui­bus in terris, Dick Pa [...]tor of Cheselhurst, that was wont to pen Gods iudgements vpon such and such and one, as thicke as Water-men at VVestminster-bridge. The miracles of the burning of Brustur with his Wench in adulterie he writ for Binneman; which a villaine ( Bru­sturs owne kinsman) long afterward at the Gallowes tooke vppon him, and shewed what Ninnies a vayne Pamphleter (one Richard Haruey) had made of the world, imputing it to such a wonderfull vengeance of adulterie, when it was nought but his murdrous kna­uerie. Dead sure they are in writing against the dead; dauncing Moriscoes & Laualtoes on the silent Graues [Page] of Plata, Buchanan, Sinesius, Pierius, Aristotle, & the whole Petigree of the Peripat [...]ians, Sophisters, & Sor­bonists; the most of whole mouthes, clods had bungd vp manie Olimpiades since, [...] they to s [...]ifle and choak them again with waste paper: when (in thys in­nouating selfe-loue Age) it is disputable, whether they haue anie frend [...] or no left to defend them. This is that Dick, that set Aristotle with his heeles vpward on the Schoole gates at Cambridge, and asses eares on hys head: a thing, that in perp [...]tuam rei memoriam, I will record and neuer haue done with. This is that Dick, that comming to take one Smiths (a yong Batchelour of Trinitie Colledge) Questions, and they being such as he durst not venture on, cride Aquila non capit muscas, an Eagle catcheth no flies; and so gaue them him a­gaine: wheretoo, the other (beeing a lustie big boand fellow, & a Golias or Behemoth in comparison of him) strait retorted it vpon him, Nec elephas mures, no more doth an elephant stoope to myce; and so they parted. This is that Dick, of whom Kit Marloe was wont to say, that he was an asse, good for nothing but to preach of the Iron Age: Dialoguizing Dicke, Io Paean Dicke, Synesian and Pierian Dick, Dick the true Brute or noble Troian, or Dick that hath vowd to liue and die in de­fence of Brute, and this our iles first offspring from the Troian, Dick against baldnes, Dick, against Buchanan, little and little witted Dicke, Aquinas Dicke, There­fore Lipsi­an Dicke, because lamely & lubb [...]rly hee striues to imitate and bee another English Lipsius: when his lippes hang so in his light, as hee can neuer come neere him. Lipsian Dick, heigh light a loue a Dick, that lost his Benefice & his Wench both at once; his benfice for want of suf­ficiencie, and his wench for want of a Benefice or suf­ficient [Page] liuing to maintaine her, Dilemma Dick, dissen­tious Dick; with ab [...] in malam crucem, that is, get all thy frends in their prayers to commend thee, I shut vp the congested Index of thy redundant opproby, and hast backe to the right worshipfull of the Lawes Master D. Garropius thy brother, (as in euerie Letter that thou writ'st to him thou tearmst him): who for all he is a ci­uill Lawier, will neuer be Lex loquens, a Lawier that shall lowd throate it, with Good my Lord consider this poore mans case. But thogh he be in none of your Courts Licentiate, and a Courtier otherwise hee is ne­uer like to be; one of the Emperour Iustinians Cour­tiers (the Ciuill Lawes chiefe Founder) malgre he will name himselfe: and a quarter of a yeare since, I was aduertised, that aswell his workes, as the whole body of that Law compleat, (hauing no other employment in his Facultie) hee was in hand to tourne into English Hexameters; and if he might haue had his will, whiles he was yet resident in Cambridge, it should haue been seuerely enacted throghout the Vniuersitie, that none should speake or ordinarily conuerse, but in that cue. For himselfe, hee verie religiously obseru'd it, neuer meeting anie Doctor or [...]rend of his, but he would sa­lute him or giue him the time of the day in it most he­roically, euen as hee saluted a Phisition of speciall ac­count in these tearmes, ‘Nere can I meet you sir, but needs must I veile my bonetto.’

Which he, (loth to be behinde with him in curtesie) thus turnd vpon him againe, ‘Nere can I meet you sir, but needs must I call ye knauetto.’

Once hee had made an Hexameter verse of seauen feete, whereas it would lawfully beare but sixe; which [Page] fault a pleasant Gentleman hauing found him with, wrapt the said verse in a peece of paper, & sent a lowse with it, inserting vnderneath This verse hath more feet than a lowse. But to so Dictionarie a custome it was grown with him, that after supper if he chaunst to play at Cards, and had but one Queen of Harts light in his hand, he would extempore in that kinde of verse runne vppon mens hearts and womens hearts all the night long, as ‘Stout hart & sweet hart, yet stoutest hart to be stooped.’ No may-pole in the streete, no wether cocke on anie Church steeple, no garden, no arbour, no lawrell, no ewe tree, that he would ouerslip without haylsing af­ter the same methode. His braynes, his time, all hys maintenance & exhibition vpon it he hath consumed, and neuer intermitted, till such time as he beganne to Epistle it against mee, since which, I haue kept him a work indifferently: and that in the deadest season that might bee; hee lying in the ragingest furie of the last Plague, when there dyde aboue [...]600. a week in Lon­don, inck- [...]quittring and printing against me at VValfes in Powles Church-yard. Three quarters of a yere thus cloystred and immured hee remained, not beeing able almost to step out of dores, he was so barricadoed vp with graues, which besiedged and vndermined his ve­rie threshold; nor to open his window euening or morning, but a dampe (like the smoake of a Cannon) from the fat manured earth with contagion (being the buriall place of [...]iue parishes), in thick rouling clowds would strugglingly funnell vp, & with a full blast puffe in at his casements. Supply mee with a margent note some bodie that hath more idle leasure than I haue at [Page] the post hast hudling vp of these presents, as touching his spirites yearning empassionment, and agonizd fiery thirst of reuenge, that neglected soule & bodies helth; to compasse it, the helth of his bodie, in lying in the hell mouth of infection, & his foules health, in minding any other ma [...]ters than his soul; nay, matters that were vtter enemies to his soul (as his first offring of wrong, & then prosecuting of it) when his soule and bodie both, euerie hower wer at the hazard poynt to be seperated. The argument (to my great reioycing & solace) frō hence I haue gathered, was, that my lines were of more smarting efficacie than I thought, & had that steele and mettall in them, which pierst & stung him to the quick, and droue him vpon the first searching of the wounds I had giu'n him, to such rauing impatience, as he could rest no where, but through the poysonf [...]llest iawes of death, and fire and water he would burst, to take ven­geance, and not onely on the liuing, but the dead also, (as what will not a dogge doo that is angerd, bite and gnarle at anie bone or stone that is neere him): but ra­ther I deeme that from the harsh grating in his eares & continuall crashing of sextens spades against dead mens bones, (more dismall musique to him, than the Voyce or Ghosts Hearse) he came so to be incenst & to inueigh against the dead, therewith they exasperating and set­ting his teeth on edge, more than hee would. But let that rest, which would not let him rest, at VVolfes he is billetted, sweating and dealing vpon it most intentiuely; and for he would (as nere as was possible) remoue all whatsoeuer encumbrāces, that might alienate or with­draw him from his studie, hee hath vowd (during his a­bode there) not to haue a denier in his purse, or see mo­ney, [Page] but let it run on the score and goe to the diuell if it will, he is resolute, and means to trouble himselfe with none of this trash: and yet it is a world to heare how malicious tongues will slaunder a man with truth, and giue out, how of one Mighell (somtimes Dexters man in Powles Church-yard, though now he dwells at Exce­ter) he should borrow ten shillings to buy him shooes and stockings, and when it came to repayment, or that he was faine to borrow of another to satisfie and paye him, (as he will borrow so much fauor of him he nere saw before) no lesse than halfe a crowne out of that ten shillings he forswore, & rebated him for vsurie. Con­tēt your self, it was a hard time with him, let not Mighel and Gabriell (two Angels) fal out for a trifle: those that be his frends will consider of it & beare with him, euen as Beniamin the Founders father who dwels by Fleete-bridge, hath borne with him this foure yere for a groat which he owes him for plaisters; and so Trinitie Hall hath borne with him more than that, he being (as one that was Fellow of the same House of his standing in­formed mee) neuer able to pay his Commons, but from time to time borne out in almes amongst the rest of the Fellowes; how euer he tells some of his frends he hath an out-brothership or beads [...]mans stipend of ten shil­lings a yeare there still comming to him, and a Library worth 200. pound. Iohn VVolfe sayes nothing, and yet hee beares with him asmuch as the best, and if hee had borne a little longer, he would haue borne till his back broke, though Gabriell lookes big vpon it, and protests by no bugges, he owes him not a dandiprat, but that VVolfe is rather in his debt than hee in his, all recko­nings iustly cast. In plaine truth and in verily, some [Page] pleasurs he did VVolfe in my knowledge. For first and formost he did for him that eloquent post-script for the Plague Bills, where he talkes of the series the classes & the premisses, & presenting them with an exacter me­thode hereafter, if it please God the Plague continue. By the style I tooke it napping, and smelt it to be a pig of his Sus Mineruam the Sow his Muse as soone as euer I read it, and since the Printer hath confest it to mee. The vermilion VVrinckle de crinkledum hop'd (belike) that the Plague would proceed, that he might haue an occupation of it. The second thing wherein he made VVolfe so much beholding to him, was, that if there were euer a paltrie Scriuano, betwixt a Lawiers Clark & a Poet, or smattring pert Boy, whose buttocks were not yet coole since he came from the grammer, or one that houers betwixt two crutches of a Scholler and a Traueller, when neither will helpe him to goe vpright in the worlds opinion, & shuld stumble in there with a Pamphlet to sell, let him or anie of them but haue con­ioynd with him in rayling against mee, and feed his hu­mor of vaine-glorie, were their stuffe by ten millions more Tramontani or Transalpine barbarous than bal­letry, he would haue prest it vpon VVolfe whether he would or no, and giu'n it immortall allowance aboue Spencer. So did he by that Philistine Poem of Parthe­nophill and Parthenope, which to compare worse than it selfe, it would plague all the wits of France Spaine or Italy. And when hee saw it would not sell, hee cald all the World asses a hundred times ouer, with the stam­pingest cursing and tearing he could vtter it, for that he hauing giu'n it his passe or good word, they obstinately contemnd and mislik'd it. So did he by Chutes Shores [Page] VVife, and his P [...]ocris and Cephalus, and a number of Pamphlagonian things more, that it would rust & yron spot paper, to haue but one sillable of their names brea­thed ouer it. By these complots and carefull puruey­ance for him, VVolfe could not choose but bee a huge gainer, a hundred marke at least ouer the shoulder: & which was a third aduantage to hoyst or raise him, be­sides the Doctors meate and drinke, which God payd for, and it is not to be spoken of, he set him on the score for sack centum pro cento, a hundred You must con­sider it was the dog daies, and he did it to [...] coole him. quarts in a seuen­night, whiles he was thus saracenly sentencing it against mee. Towards the latter end, he grew weary of kee­ping him and so manie asses (of his procuring) at liuery, and would grumble and mutiny in his hearing of want of money. Tut man, mony would he say, is that your discontent? plucke vp your spirites and bee merry, I cannot abide to heare anie man complaine for want of money. Twice or thrice hee had set this magnificent face vpon it, and euer VVolfe lookd when hee would haue terrifide the table with a sound knock of a pursse of angels, and sayd, There's for thee, paye mee when thou art able: but with him there was no such matter, for he put his hand in his pocket but to scrub his arme a little that itcht, and not to pluck out anie cash, which with him is a stranger shape than euer Cacus shrowded in his den, and would make him if he should chop on anie such churlish lumpe vnawares, to admire & blesse himselfe, with ‘Quis nonus hic nostris successit sedibus hospes.’ Iesu, how comes this to passe? here is such geere as I neuer saw. So bles [...]e himselfe he could not, but beeing a little more roundly put to it, he was faine to confesse, [Page] that he was a poore impecunious creature, & had not trasfiqut a great while for anie of these commodities of Santa Cruz, but as soone as euer his rents came vp, which he expected euerie howre, (though I could ne­uer heare of anie he had, more than his ten shillings a yeare at Trinitie Hall, if he haue that) he would most munificently congratulate correspond and simpathize with him in al interchangable vicissitude of kindnes; & let not the current of time seeme too protractiue ex­ten [...]led, or breed anie disvnion betwixt them, for he would accelerate & festinate his procras [...]inating mi­nisters and commissaries in the countrey, by Letters as expedite as could bee. I giue him his true dialect and right varnish of elocution, not varying one I tittle from the high straine of his harmonious phrase, wherein he puts downe Hermogenes with his Art of Rhetorique, and so farre out-strips ouer-tunged Beldam Roome, or her super-delicate bastard daughter ceremonious dis­sembling Italy, as Europe puts down all the other parts of the World in populous societies and fertilenes. A Gentleman, a frend of mine, that was no straunger to such bandyings as had past betwixt vs, was desirous to see how he lookt since my strappadoing and torturing him; in which spleene he went and enquird for him: answere was made he was but new risen, and if it wold please him to stay, he would come down to him anon. Two howres good by the clocke he attended his plea­sure, whiles he (as some of his fellow In-mates haue since related vnto mee) stood acting by the glasse, all his gestures he was to vse all the day after, and currying & smudging and pranking himsel [...]e vnmeasurably. Post [...] casus, his case of tooth-pikes, his combe case, his [Page] case of head-brushes and beard-brushes run ouer, & tot discrimina rerum, rubbing cloathes of all kindes, downe he came, and after the bazelos manus, with am­plifications and complements hee belaboured him till his eares tingled, and his feet ak'd againe. Neuer was man so surfetted and ouer-gorged with English, as hee cloyd him with his generous spirites, renumeration of gratuities, stopping the posternes of ingratitude, bear­ing the launcier too seuere into his imperfections, and trauersing the ample forrest of interlocutions. The Gentleman swore to mee, that vpon his first apparition (till he disclosed himselfe) he tooke him for an Vsher of a dancing Schoole, neither doth he greatly differ from it, for no Vsher of a dauncing Schoole was euer such a Bassia Dona or Bassia de vmbra de vmbra des los pedes, a kisser of the shadow of your feetes shadow, as he is. I haue perused vearses of his written vnder his owne hand to Sir Philip Sidney, wherein he courted him as he were another Cyparissus or Ganimede; the last Gor­dian true loues knot or knitting vp of them is this;

Not halfe a yeare since comming out of Lincolnshyre, it was my hap to take Cambridge in my waye, where I had not been in sixe yeare before, when by wonderful destenie, who (in the same Inne and very next chamber to mee, parted but by a wainscot doore that was naild vp, either vnwitting of other) should be lodgd but his Gabrielship, that in a manner had liu'd as long a Pilgrim from thence as I. Euerie circumstance I cannot stand [Page] to reckon vp, as how wee came to take knowledge of one anothers being there, or what a stomacke I had to haue scratcht with him, but that the nature of the place hindred mee, where it is as ill as pettie treason, to look but awry on the sacred person of a Doctour, and I had plotted my reuenge otherwise; as also of a meeting or conference on his part desired, wherein all quarrells might be discust and drawne to an attonement, but non vult fac, I had no fancie to it, for once before I had bin so cousend by his colloging, though personally we ne­uer met face to face, yet by trouch-men and vant-cur­riers betwixt vs: nor could it settle in my conscience, to loose so much paines I had tooke in new arraying & furbushing him, or that a publique wrong in Print, was to be so sleightly slubberd ouer in priuate, with Come come, giue me your hand, let vs bee frends, and there­vpon I drinke to you. And a further doubt there was if I had tasted of his beife and porredge at Trinity Hal as he desired, ( not andum est, for the whole fortnight together that he was in Cambridge, his commons ran in the Colledge detriments, as the greatest curtesie hee could doo the House whereof he was, to eate vp their meate and neuer pay anie thing); If I had (I say) rusht in my selfe, and two or three hungrie Fellowes more, and cryde Doo you want anie guestes? what, nothing but bare Commons? it had beene a question (conside­ring the good-will that is betwixt vs) whether he wold haue lent me a precious dram more than ordinarie, to helpe disgestion: he may be such another craftie mor­tring Drugg [...]ir, or Italian porredge seasoner, for anie thing I euer saw in his complexion. That word com­plexion is dropt [...]oorth in good time, for to describe to [Page] you his complexion & composition, entred I into this tale by the way, or tale I found in my way riding vp to London. It is of an adust swarth choll [...]rieke dye, like restie bacon, or a dride scate-fish; so leane and so mea­gre, that you wold thinke (like the Turks) be obseru'd 4. Lents in a yere, or take him for the Gentlemans man in the Courtier, who was so thin cheekd and gaunt and staru'd, that as he was blowing the fire with his mouth the smoke tooke him vp like a light strawe, and carried him to the top or funnell of the chimney, wher he had flowne out God knowes whether if there had not bin crosse barres ouer-whart that stayde him; his skin rid­dled and crumpled like a peice of burnt parchment; & more channels & creases he hath in his face, than there be Fairie circles on Salsburie Plaine, and wrinckles & stets of old age, than characters on Christs Sepulcher in Mount Caluarie, on which, euerie one that comes, scrapes his name, and sets his marke, to shewe that hee hath been there: so that whosoeuer shall he hold him, ‘Esse putet Boreae triste furentis opus,’ will sweare, on a booke I haue brought him lowe, and shrowdly broken him: which more to confirme, look on his head, and you shall finde a gray haire for euerie line I haue writ against him; and you shall haue all his beard white too, by that time hee hath read ouer this booke. For his stature, he is such another pretie Iacke a Lent as boyes throw at in the streete, and lookes in his blacke sute of veluet, like one of these ieatdroppes which diuers weare at their eares in stead of a iewell. A smudge peice of a handsome fellow it hath beene in his dayes, but now he is olde and past his best, and fit for nothing but to be a Noble mans porter, or a Knight [Page] of VVindsor; cares haue so cra [...]ed him, and disgraces to the verie bones consumed him, amongst which hy [...] missing of the Vniuersitie Oratorship, wherin Doctor Perne besteaded him, wrought not the lightliest with him; and if none of them were, his course of life is such, as would make ani [...] man looke ill on it, for [...]e wil endure more hardnes than a Camell, who in the burn­ing sands will liue foure dayes without water, & feeds on nothing but thi [...]tles and wormewood, & such lyke, no more doth he feed on anie thing when he is at Saf­fro [...]-walden, but trotters, sheepes porknells, and but­terd rootes; and other whi [...]e in an Hexame [...]er medita­tion, or when hee is inuenting a new part of Tully, or hatching such another Paradoxe, as that of Nicholaus Copernieus was, who held, that the Sun remains im­moueable in the center of the World, & that the Earth is moou'd about the Sunne, he would be so rapt, that hee would remaine three dayes and neither eate nor drinke, and within doores he will keepe seauen yeare together, and come not abroad so much as to Church. The like for seauen and thirtie weekes space together he did, while he lay at VVolfes coppying against mee, neuer stirring out of dores or being churched all that while, but like those in the West country, that after the Paulin hath cald them or they haue seene a spirit, keep themselues darke 24. howres; so after I had plaid the spirit in hanting him in my 4. Letters cōfsuted, he could by no means endure the light, nor durst venter himself abroad in the open aire for many mōths after, for [...]eare he should be fresh blasted by all mens scorne and deri­sion. My instructions of him are so ouer-flowing and numberlesse; that except I abridge them, my Book will [Page] grow such a bouncer, that those which buy it must bee saine to hire a porter to carry it after them in a basket. For breuitie sake, I omit twentie things, as the conflict betwixt my Hostesse of the Dolphin in Cambridge and him at my beeing there, about his lying in her house a fortnight, and keeping one of the best Chambers, yes neuer offring to spend a penie; the Hackney-mens of Saffron-waldens pursuing him for their horses, he hiring them but for three dayes and keeping them fifteene, & telling him very flatly when he went about to excuse it, that they could not spare them from their Cart so long, they being Cart horses which they set him on. The de­scription of that poore Iohn a Droynes his man, whom he had hyred for that iourney, a great big-boand thre­sher, put in a blue coate too short wasted for him, & a sute made of the inner linings of a sute turnd outward, being white canuas pinkt vpon cotton; his intollera­ble boasting at VVolfes to such as wold hold him chat, & he could draw to talk with him, that he thought no man in England had more learning than himselfe, hys threatning anie Noble-man whatsoeuer, that dur [...] take my part, and vowing he would do this and that to him if he should; his incensing my L. Mayor against me that thē was, by directing vnto him a perswasiue pamphlet to persecute mee, and not to let ship the aduantage hee had against mee, and reporting certaine words I shuld speake against him that Christmas at a Tauerne in Lon­don, when I was in the [...]le. of VVight then and a great while after. His inciting the Preacher at Poules Crosse, that lay at the same house in VVood-streete which hee did, to preach manifestly against Master Lilly and mee, with VVoe to the Printer, woe to the Seller, woe to the [Page] Buyer, woe to the Author. But in none of these will I in­sist, which are remnants in comparison of the whole peice I haue to shew; only I will haue a short much at VVolfes and his parting, and so make an end o [...] an old song, and bid God night to this Historie.

Pierses Supererogation printed, the charge whereof the Doctor had promist to desray and be countable to VVolfe for, amounting (with his diet) to 36. pounds, from Saffron-walden no argent would bee heard of, wheresore downe he must go amongst his tenaunts as he pretended, (which are no other than a company of beggers, that lye in an out barne of his mothers some­times) and fetch vp the grand summes, or legem pone. To accomplish this, VVolfe procur'd him horses and money for his expences, lent him one of his Prentises (for a seruing creature) to grace him, clapping an olde blue coate on his backe, which was one of my Lord of Harfords liueries, (he pulling the badge off) & so away they we [...]t. Saint Christopher be their speed, and send them well backe againe; but so prayes not our Domi­nico Ciuilian, for he had no such determination: but as soone as euer he had left London behinde him, he insi­nuated with this Iuuentus, to run away frō his Master, and take him for his good Lord and supporter. The Page was easily mellowd with his attractiue eloquēce, as what heart of adamant or enclosed in a Crocodyles skin (which no yron will pierce) that hath the power to withstand the Mercurian heauenly charme of hys Rhetorique? With him he stayes halfe a yere, rubbing his toes, and following him with his sprinkling glasse & his boxe of kissing comfets from place to place; whiles his Master fretting & chafing to be thus colted of both [Page] of them, is readie to send out Processe for the Doctor, and get his Nouice cride in euerie market Towne in Essex: but they preuented him, for the impe or strip­ling being almost staru'd in this time of his beeing with him, gaue him warning he would no longer serue him but wold home to his master what euer shift he made. Gabriell thought it not amisse to take him at his word, because his clothes were all greasie and worne out, & hee is neuer wont to keepe anie man longer than the sute lasteth he brings with him, and then turne him to grasse and get one in newe trappings; and euer picke quarrells with him before the yeares end, because hee would be sure to pay him no wages: yet in his proui­dent forecast, he concluded it better policie for him to send him backe to his Master, than he should goe of his owne accord, and whereas he was to make a iourney to London within a weeke or such a matter, to haue his blue coate (being destitute of euer another trencher-carrier) credit him vp, though it were thrid bare. So considered, and so done, at an Inne at Islington hee alights, and there keepes him aloose, London being too hot for him. His retinue (or attendaunt) with a whole cloke-bag full of commendations to his master he dis­misseth, and in stead of the [...]6. pounds hee ought him, wild him to certefie him, that verie shortly hee would send him a couple of Hennes to Shroue with. VVolfe receiuing this message, and holding himselfe palpablye slouted therein, went and feed Baylies, and getts one Scarlet (a frend of his) to goe and draw him foorth, & hold him with a tale whiles they might steale on him & arrest him. The watch-word giu'n them when they should seaze vpon him, was VVolfe (I must needes say) [Page] hath vsde you verie grosely: and to the intent he might suspect nothing by Scarlets comming, there was a kind letter [...]ram'd in VVolfes name, with To the right wor­shipfull of the Lawes in a great Text hand for a super­scription on the out side; and vnderneath at the bot­tome, Your worships euer to commaund, and prest to do [...] you seruice, Iohn Wolfe. The contents of it, were about the talking with his Lawier, and the eager pro­ceeding of his Sister in law against him. This letter de­liuerd and read, and Scarlet and he (after the ta [...]ing of a cup of dead beere, that had stood pawling by him in a pot three dayes) descending into some conference, he began to finde himselfe ill apaid with VVolfes encroa­ching vpon him, and asking him money for the Print­ing of his Booke, and his diet whiles he was close pri­soner, attending and toyling about it, & obiecting how other men of lesse desert wer liberally recompenst for their paines, whereas he (whose worth ouer balaunst the proudest) must be constrained to hire men to make themselues rich. I appeale to you (quoth hee) whe­ther euer anie mans workes sold like mine. I, euen from a childe good master Doctor replide Scarlet, and made a mouth at him ouer his shoulder, so soothing him on forward till the Baylies Cue came of VVolfes abusing him verie grosely, which they not failing to take at the first rebound, stept into the roome boldly (as they were two well bumbasted swaggering fat bellies, hauing fa­ces as broad as the backe of a chimney, and as big as a towne bag-pudding) and clapping the Doctor with a lusty blow on the shoulder, that made his legs bow vn­d [...]r him, & his guts cry quag againe, by your leaue they said vnto him (in a thundring yeoman vshers diapason) [Page] in Gods name and the Queenes wee doo arrest you. Without more pause away they hurried him, & made him beleeue they wold carry him into the Citie where his Creditor was, whē comming vnder Newgate they told him they had occasion to goe speake with one there, and so thrust him in before them for good man­ners sake, because he was a Doctour, and their better, bidding the Keeper as soone as euer he was in to take charge of him. Some lofty tragicall Poet helpe mee, that is dayly conuersant in the fierce encounters of Raw-head and bloody bones, and whose pen like the Plowes in Spayne that often stumble on golde vaines, still splits and stumpes it selfe against olde yron and ra­king ore battred Armour and broken Truncheons, to recount and expresse the more than Herculean fury he was in, when hee sawe hee was so notably betrayd and bought and solde: Hee fumde, he stampt, he buffeted himselfe about the face, beat his head against the walls, and was ready to byte the flesh off his armes if they had not hindred him, out of doores hee would haue gone (as I cannot blame him) or hee swore hee would teare downe the walls and set the [...]ouse on fire if they re [...]isted him; whither quoth he you villaines haue you brought mee? To Newgate good Master Doctour with a lowe legge they made answer: I knowe not where I am. In Newgate agayne replyed they good Master Doctour: into some blinde corner you haue drawne me to be murdred; to no place (replyed they the third time) but to Newgate good Master Doctour. Murder, murder (he cryed out) some body breake in or they will murder mee. No murder but an action of debt sayd they good Master Doctour. O you pro­phane [Page] Plebeyans exclaymed hee, I will massacre, I will crucifie you for presuming to lay hands thus on my re­uerent person. All this would not serue him no more than Hackets counterset madnesse woulde keepe him from the Gallowes, but vp he was had and shewed his lodging where hee should lye by it, and willed to deli­uer vp his weapon. That wrung him on the withers worse than all the rest, what my armes, my defence, my weapon, my dagger quoth hee, my life then I see is conspired against, when you seek to bereaue me of the instruments that should secure it. They ratled him vp, soundly, and told him if he would be conformable to the order of the prison so it was, otherwise hee should bee forc't: Force him no forces, no such mechanicall drudges should haue the honor of his artillery, marry if some worthy Maiestrate came, as their Master or Mi­stresse, it might be vppon good conditions for his lifes safetie and preseruation hee woulde surrender. The Mistresse of the house (her husband beeing absent) vn­derstanding of his folly came vp to him, and went a­bout to perswade him. At her sight somewhat calm'd hee was, as it is a true amorous Knight, and hath no power to deny any thing to ladies & gentlewomen, & he told her if she would command her seruants forth, (whom hee scornd should haue theyr eyes so much il­luminated as to beholde any martiall engin of his) hee would in all humillity dispoyle himselfe of it. Shee so farre yeelded to him, when as soone as they were out he runs and swaps the doore too, & drawes his dagger vpon her with O I will kill thee, what could I doo to thee nowe? and so extreamely terrified her, that shee scritcht out to her seruants, who bur [...] in in heapes, as [Page] thinking he would haue rauisht ther. Neuer was our Tapthartharath (though hee hath run through manie briers) in the like ruthfull pickle hee was then, for to the bolts he must amongst theeues and rogues, and tast of the Widdowes Almes, for drawing his dagger in a Prison: frō which there was no deliuerance, if basely hee had not falne vppon his knees, and askt hir for­giuenes. Dinner being readie, he was cald downe, & there beeing a better man than hee present, who was plac'd at the vpper end of the boord, for very spite that hee might not fit highest, he straight flung to his cham­ber againe, and vowd by heauen and earth and all the flesh on his backe, he would famish himselfe, before he would eate a bit of meate as long as hee was in New­gate. How inuiolably hee kept it, I will not conceale from you. About a two howres after, when he felt his craw emptie, and his stomacke began to wamble, hee writ a Supplication to his Hostesse, that he might speak with her; to whome (at her approaching) hee recited what a rash vow he had made, and what a commotion there was in his entrayles or pudding [...]house for want of food; wherefore, if she would steale to him a byt secretly and let there be no words of it, hee would, I marry would hee (when hee was releast) perfourme mountaines. She (in pittie of him) seeing him a brain­sicke bedlam and an innocent, that had no sense to go­uerne himselfe, being loth he should be damnd and go to hell for a meales meate, hauing vowd, and through famine readie to breake it, got her husband to go forth with him out of dores, to some Cockes shop at Pye­corner there-abouts, or (as others will haue it) to the Tap-house vnder the Prison; where hauing eaten suf­ficient [Page] his hungrie bodie to sustaine, the diuell a scute had he to pay the reckoning, but the Keepers credite must goe for it. How he got out of this Castle dolorus, if anie be with childe to know, let them enquire of the Minister then seruing at Saint Albanes in VVood-street, who in Christian charitie onely for the names sake (not being acquainted with him before) enterd bōd for him to answere it at law, & satisfied the House for his lodg­ing and Mangerie. But being restored to the open aire, the case with him was little altred, for no roose had he to hide his noddle in, or whither he might go to set vp his rest, but in the streets vnder a bulk he should haue been constraind to haue kenneld, & chalkt out his cab­bin, if the said Minister had not the second time stood his friend, and preferd him to a chamber at one Rolfes a Serieants in VVood-streete; whom (as I take it) he al­so procured to be equally bound with him for his new cousens apparance to the law, which he neuer did, but left both of them in the lurtch for him; and running in debt with Rolfe beside for house-roome and diet, one day when he was from home, he closely conuaid away his truncke foorth of doores, and shewde him a fayre paire of heeles. At Saffron-walden (for the most part) from that his flight to this present hath hee mewd and coopt vp himselfe inuisible, being counted for dead & no tidings of him, till I came in the winde of him at Cambridge. And so I winde vp his thrid of life, which I feare I haue drawne out too large, although in three quarters of it (of purpose to curtall it) I haue le [...]t des­cant, and taskt me to plaine song: whereof, that it is a­nie other than plaine truth let no man distrust, it being by good men and true (word for word as I let it fly a­mongst [Page] you) to mee in the feare of God vttred, all yet aliue to confirme it: wherefore settle your faith im­moueably, and now you haue heard his life, iudge of his doctrine accordingly.

His life and doctrine may both be to us an [...]ns [...]mple, for since the raigne of Queen Gueniuer was there neuer seene worse.

Yet for all he is such a vaine Basilisco and Captaine Crack-stone in all his actions & conuersation, & swarmeth in vile-Canniball words, there is some good matter in his booke against thee.

We will trie tha [...] matter immediately, for my minde euer giuing [...]ee, that wee should haue you and such like Humorists of your Faction, runne from one matter to another, & from the matter to the man­ner, and from the manner to the forme, and from the forme to the cause, and from the cause to the effect, I prouided to match you at all weapons And here next his life, I haue draw [...]n an Abridgement or Inuentorie of all the materiall Tractates and Contents of hys Booke.

Then thou hast done well, for it is it that I all this while lookt for. I pray thee let me read it my selfe.

A Summarie or breife Analysis of such matters as are handled in the Doctors Booke.

INprimis, one Epistle of a sheete and more of paper, to his gentle & liberall frends Master Barnabe Barnes Master Iohn Thorius: Master Anthonie Chuse, and [...] ­ [...]erie fauourable Reader.

[Page]

O ho, those whom hee calls the three orient wits. Mine eyes are partly accessarie vnto it. It is to thanke them for their curteous Letters and commendate­rie Sonnets, writ to him from a farre, as namely out of the hall into the kitchin at Wolses, where altogether at one time they lodged and boorded. VVith a great manie maidenly excuses, of tis more of your gentlenes than my deseruing, and I cannot without blushing repeate, and without shame remember. Then he comes vpon thee with I'le, I'le, I'le.

What should I say, I will and commaund like a Prince? hee might as well write against Poules for hauing three IIes in it.

Hee calls thee the greene Popiniay, & saies thou art thine owne idoll.

Let him either shew how or wherein, or I will not beleeue him, & my negatiue (in any ground in England) is as good as his affirmatiue.

And so proceeds with complement and a little more complement, and a crust of quippes and a little more complement after that; then he falls in exhorting those his three Patrons to goe forward in maturitie, as they haue begun in pregnancie; whose Parthenophils and Parthenopes embellished, and Shores Wife eternized, shall euer lastingly testifie what they are.

And so haue I testifide for them what they are, which will last time enough.

Hee bids Barnabe of the Barnes, bee the gallant Poet like Spencer, or the valiant Souldiour like Baskeruile; and euer remember his French Seruice vn­der such a Generall.

What his Soldiourship is I cannot iudge, [Page] but if you haue euer a chaine for him to runne awaye with, as hee did with a Noble-mans Stewards chayne at his Lords enstalling at VVindsore; or if you would haue anie rymes to the tune of [...]link-a-pisse, hee is for you. In one place of his Parthenophill and Partheno­pe, wishing no other thing of Heauen, but that hee might bee transformed to the Wine his Mistres drinks, and so passe thorough her.

Therein hee was verie ill aduisde, for so the next time his Mistres made water, he was in danger to be [...]ast out of her fauour.

Of late he hath set soorth another Booke which hee entitles no lesse than A deuine Centurie of Sonets, and prefixeth for his Posie, ‘Altera Musavenit, quid ni sit & alter Appollo?’ As much to say, as why may not my Muse bee as great an Appollo or God of Poetrie, as the proudest of them? but it comes as farre short, as Paris Garden Cut of the heigth of a Cammell, or a Cocke-boate of a Carricke: such another deuice it is, as the godly Ballet of Iohn Carelesse, or the Song of Greene sleeues moralized.

For his Caualiership since thou art not in­structed in it, let mee tell thee, it is lewder by nine score times than his Poetry; since his doughtie seruice in France fiue yeares agoe, I not forgetting him: where hauing fol­lowd the Campe for a weeke or two, and seeing there was no care had of keeping the Queenes Peace, but a man might haue his braines knockt out, and no Iustice or Cun­stable neere hand to send foorth precepts, and make hue and crie after the murdrers; without farther tarrying or consultation, to the Generall he went, and told him he did not like of this quarrelling kinde of life; and common oc­cupation [Page] of murdring, wherein (without anie Iurie or triall, or giuing them so much leaue, as to saye their praiers) men were run thorough and had their throats cut, both against Gods lawes, her Maiesties lawes, & the lawes of all Nations: wherefore hee desir'd license to depart, for hee stood euerie howre in [...]eare and dread of his per­son, and it was alwaies his praier, From suddain death good Lord deliuer vs. Vpon this motion, there were di­uers warlike Knights and principall Captaines, who ra­ther than they would bee bereau'd of his pleasant compa­nie, offred to picke out a strong guard amongst them for the safe engarisoning and better shielding him from per­rill. Two stept foorth and presented themselues as mus­kettiers before him, a third and fourth as targatiers be­hinde him, a fifth and sixt vowd to trie it out at the push of the pike, before the malicious foe should inuade him. But home hee would, nothing could stay him, to finish Par­thenophil and Parthenope, and write in praise of Ga­b [...]iell Haruey.

Hee was wise, hee lou'd no blowes: but what said the Doctor to his other two copesmates?

VVhy thaus; Be thou Iohn the many tungd linguist like Androwes, or the curious Intelligencer like Bodley; & neuer forget thy Nether landish Traine vn­der him, that taught the Prince of Nauarre, now the va­lorous King of France.

Of this Iohn Thorius more sparingly I wil speake, because hee hath made his peace with mee, & there bee in him sundrie good parts of the Tungs and otherwise; though thirtie parts comming, behinde & limping after Doctor Androwes: who (if it bee no of­fence so to compare him) is tanquam Paulus in Cathe­dr [...], [Page] powerfull preaching like Paul out of his chaire; and his Church another Pantheon, or Templum [...] deorum; the absolutest Oracle of all sound Deuini­tie heere amongst vs; hee mixing the two seuerall pro­perties of an Orator and a Poet both in one, which is not onely to perswade, but to win admiration. Thori­us being of that modestie and honestie I ascribe to him, cannot but bee irksomly ashamed, to bee resembled so hyperborically, and no lesse agreeu'd than Master Bod­ley (a Gentleman in our Common-wealth of singular desertiue reckoning & industrie, beeing at this present her Maiesties Agent in the Low countries) ought he to bee at the hellish detested Iudas name of an Intelligen­cer, which the Doctor in the waye of friendship hath throwne vpon him. Master Bodley calls him rascall & villaine for his labour, and before his going ouer was mad to know where he might hunt him out to bee re­uengd: which both hee and Thorius haue reason for, since but to be couertly suspected for an Intelligencer, (much more to be publikely registred in Print for such a flearing false brother or Ambodexter) is to make ey­ther of them worse pointed and wondered at than a [...]uckold or wittall, and set them vp as common marks for euerie iackanapes Prentise to kicke, spit, or throw durt at. To bee an Intelligencer, is to haue oathes at will, and thinke God nere regards them; to frame his religion and alleageance to his Prince according to e­uerie companie he comes in. A lew he is, that but for the spoile loues no man; a curre, that flatters & fawns vpon euerie one, low crowching by the ground like a tumbler, till hee may spie an aduantage and pluck out his throate. An ingratefull slaue, that there spendeth [Page] the bitterest of his venome, where hee hath receiued most benefites; a hang-man, that dispatcheth all that come vnder his hands; a drunken serieant or sumner, that could not liue, it (like the diuell) hee did not from time to time e [...]quire after the sinnes of the people; a necessarie member in a State to bee vsde, to cut off vn­necessarie members. Such same hath he preferd Ma­ster Bodley too, and wisheth Thorius to emulate. By his Netherlandish trayne vnder him that taught the Prince of Nauarre, now the valorous King of France, is not to bee gathered that hee was schoole-fellow to the King of France, as he would saine put the world in a fooles Paradice, because hee hath sonnetted it in hys praise, but that hee was Doctor Coranus sonne of Ox­ford, who was Tutor to the said King, as well he might bee, and that no argument his sonne should be so well improou'd as he is.

The last of them is Chute, to whome hee thus dilateth. Be thou Anthonie the flowing Oratour like Doue, and the skilfull Herald, like Clarencius; and euer remember thy Portugall Voyage vnder Don An­thonio.

Chute, is hee such a high Clearke in hys Bookes? I knew when hee was but a low Clarke, and carried an Atturnies bookes after him. But this I will say for him though hee bee dead and rotten, and by his obsequies hath preue [...]ted the vengeaurce I meant to haue executed vpon him; of a youth that could not vnderstand a word [...]f Latine, hee lou'd lycoras and drunke posset [...], the best that euer put cuppe to mouth, and for his Orators [...]ip, it was s [...]ch, that I haue seene him non plus in giuing the charge, at the creating [Page] of a new Knight of Tobacco; though to make amends since, he hath kneaded and daub'd vp a Commedie, called The transformation of the King of Trinidadoes two Daughters, Madame Panachaea and the Nymphe Tobacco: and to approue his Heraldrie, scutchend out the honorable Armes of the smoakie Societie. His voi­age vnder Don Anthonio was nothing so great credit to him, as a French Var [...]et of the chamber is; nor did he follow Anthonio neither, but was a Captaines Boye that scornd writing and reading, and helpt him to set downe his accounts, and score vp dead payes. But this was our Graphiel Hagiels tricke of VVily Beguily herein, that whereas he could get no man of worth to crie Placet to his workes, or meeter it in his commen­dation, those worthlesse Whippets and Iack Strawes hee could get, hee would seeme to enable and com­pare with the highest. Hereby hee thought to conny­catch the simple world, and make them beleeue, that these and these great men, euerie waye sutable to Sy [...] Thomas Baskeruile, Master Bodley, Doctor Androwes, Doctor Doue, Clarencius and Master Spencer, had sepe­rately contended to outstrip Pindarus in his Olympicis, and sty alost to the highest pitch, to stellifie him aboue the cloudes, and make him shine next to Mercury. Here some little digression I must borrow, to reuenge his base allusion of Sir Thomas Baskeruile, euen as I haue done of Doctor Androwes; neither of them be­ing men that euer saluted mee, or I rest bound vnto in anie thing: otherwise than by Doctor Androwes own desert, and Master Lillies immoderate commending him, by little and little I was drawne on to bee an Au­ditor of his: since when, whensoeuer I heard him, I [Page] thought it was but hard and scant allowance that was giu'n him, in comparison of the incomp [...]rable gifts [...]hat were in him. For Sir Thomas Baskeruile, France, Eng­land, the Low Countries & India acknowledgeth him, and though it was neuer my hap, but once in a young Knights Chamber in the Strand (none of my coldest well-wishers) to light in his comparie, yet for Syr Re­ger VVilliams testimonie of him, (a noble Gentleman that a yeare and a halse before his death, I was exces­siuely beholding too, & on whom I haue vowd when my business are a little ouercome, to bestow a memori­all Epitaph, such as Plato would in no more but soure verses to bee set vpon the graues of the dead) downe his throate I will thrust this turn br [...]ach comparison of a chicken and a chrisome, with one of the most tryed Souldiours of Christendome. Doctor Doue and Cla­rencius, I turne loos [...] to bee their owne Arbitratours and Adu [...]cates; the one being eloquent inough to de­send himselfe, and the other a Vice roy & next Heyre apparant to the King of Heralds, able to emblazon him in his right colours, if hee finde hee hath sustained any losse by him: as also in like sort Master Spencer, whom I do not thrust in the lowest place, because I make the lowest valuation of, but as wee vse to set the Summ' tot' alway vnderneath or at the bottome, he being the Sum tot' of whatsoeuer can be said of sharpe inuenti­on and schollership.

Of the Doctor it may be said, as Ouid sayth of the Scritch owle, ‘Alijsque (dolens) fit causa dolendi.’ Hee cannot bee content to bee miserable himselfe, but hee must draw others to miscarrie with him. And as Plato [Page] had his best beloued Boy Agatho, Socrates his Alcibia­des, Virgill his Alexis; so hath hee his Barnabe and An­thony for his minions and sweet-harts▪ though therein I must needes tell him (as Fabritius the Romanc Consull writ to Pirrhus when hee sent him back his Phisition that offred to poyson him) hee hath made as ill choyce of frends as of enemies; seeking like the Panther to cure himselfe with mans dung, and with the verie excrements of the rubbishest wits that are, to reslore himselfe to his bloud, and repaire his credit and estimation.

If his Patrons bee such Peter Pingles and Moundragons, hee cannot chuse but bee sixtie times a more poore Slauontan arse-worme.

Tender itchie brainde infants, they car'd not what they did so they might come in print: and of that straine are a number of mushrumpes more, who pester the World with Pamphle [...], before they haue heard of Terence Pamphilus, & can construe & pearse Proh Du immortales; being like those barbarous Peo­ple in the hot Countries, who when they haue bread to make, doo no more but clap the dowe vpon a poast on the out-side of their houses, and there leaue it to the Sunne to bake; so their indigested conceipts (farre raw­er than anie dowe) at all aduentures vpon the poastes they clap, pluck them off who's will: and if (like the Sunne) anie man of iudgement (though in scorne) do but looke vpon them, they thinke they haue strooke it dead, and made as good a batch of Poetrie as may be. Neither of these princockesses ( Barnes or Chute) once cast vp their noses towards Powles Church-yard, or so much as knew how to knock at a Printing-house dore, till they consorted themselues with Haruey, who infe­cted [Page] them within one fortnight with his owne spirit of Bragganisme; which after so increased and multiplied in them, as no man was able to endure them. The first of them (which is Barnes) presently vppon it, because hee would bee noted, getting him a strange payre of Babilonian britches, with a codpisse as big as a Bologni­an sawcedge, and so went vp and downe Towne, and shewd himself in the Presence at Court, where he was generally laught out by the Noble-men and Ladies: and the other (which is Chute) because Haruey had praised him for his Oratorship & Heraldry, to approue himselfe no lesse than hee had giu'n his word for him, sets his mouth of a new key, and would come foorth with such Kenimnawo compt metaphors and phrases, that Edge was but a botcher to him; and to emblazon his Heraldrie, he painted himself like a Curtizan, which no Stationers boy in Poules Church-yard, but discouerd and pointed at. One of the best Articles against Barnes I haue ouer-slipt, which is, that he is in Print for a Brag­gart, in that vniuersall applauded Latine Poem of Ma­ster Campions; wherein an Epigram entituled In Bar­num, beginning thus ‘Mortales decemtela inter Gallica caesos.’ he shewes, how hee bragd when he was in France he slue ten men, when (fearfull cowbaby) he neuer heard peice shot off, but hee fell flat on his face. To this effect it is, though the words somwhat varie.

Alloune, alloune, let vs march, and from armes and skirmishing, cast thy selfe in the armes of a sweete Gentlewoman, that here at the end of the Epistle stands readie to embrace thee. Gabriell calls her the ex­cellent Gentlewoman, his patronesse or rather champio­nesse [Page] in this quarrell, meeter by nature, and fitter by nurture, to bee an inchaunting Angell with a white quill, than a tormenting furie with her blacke incke.

What, is he like a Tinker, that neuer tra­uailes without his wench and his dogge? or like a Ger­mane, that neuer goes to the warres, without his Tan­nakin and her Cocke on her shoulder. That Gentle­woman (if she come vnder my fists) I will make a gen­tle-woman, as Doctor Perne said of his mans wise.

Then it is sport worth the seeing when he and his wo­man lye crouching for mercie vnder my feete. I will bestow more cost in belabouring her, because through­out the whole pawnch of his booke, hee is as infinite in commending her, as Saint Iereme in praise of Virgi­nitie; and oftener mentions her, than Virgill & Theo­critus Amarillis. In one place he calls her the one shee, in another the credible Gentlewomen, in a third the hea­uenly plant, and the fourth a new starre in Cassiopeia, in the fifth the heauenly creature, in the sixth a Lion in the field of Minerua, in the seuenth a right Bird of Mercu­ries winged chariot, with a hundred such like: he saith, shee hath read Homer, Virgill, the diuine Architipes of Hebrue, Greeke and Romane valour, Plutarch, Polien, Agtippa, Tyraquell.

I haue found him, I haue the tract of him: hee thinkes in his owne person if hee should raile grosely it will bee a discredit to him, and therefore hereafter hee would thrust foorth all his writings vnder the name of a Gentlewoman; who howsoeuer shee scolds and playes the vixen neuer so, wilbe borne with: and to preuent that he [Page] be not descride by his alleadging of Authors (which it will hardly bee thought can proceed from a woman) hee casts forth this Item, that she hath read these and these books, and is well seene in all languages.

Shall wee haue a Hare of him then? a male one yeare, and a female another: or as Pliny holds there is male and female of all things vnder heauen, and not so much but as of trees and precious stoanes; so cannot there be a male Con [...]uter, but there must be a female con­futer too; a Simon Magus, but hee must haue his whoore Silenes; an Aristotle that sacrificed to his harlot Her­mia, but euerie Silius Poeta must insitate him? Doth he when his omne wits faile, crie Da Venus consilium? Ho­ly Saint Venus inspire mee? But as Bentiuole hath wel put its, Pars minima est ipsa puella sui. I beleeue it is but a meere coppy of his countenaunce, and onely hee does it to breed an opinion in the world, that he is such a great man in Ladies and Gentlewomens bookes, that they are readie to run out of their wits for him, as in the Turkes Alchoron it is written, that 250. Ladies hanged them­selues for t [...]e loue of Mahomer, and that like another Numa Pompilius he doth nothing without his Nymph Egeria.

Nay, if Iupiter ioynd with the Moone ( Har­uey and his Gentlewoman) conspire against thee, & that like another Messier Gallan the Hang-man of Antwerp he hath a whole Burdel vnder his gouernement, it can­not chuse but goe hard with thee. She will say as the Ita­li [...]n Lady did, Kill my children as long as thou wilt, here is the mould to make more.

VVe read that Semiramis was in loue with a Ho [...]se, but for a Gentlewoman to bee in loue with an [Page] Asse, is such a tricke as neuer was.

It would doo you good to heare how he gallops on in commending her, hee sayes shee enuies none but art in person and vertue incorporate, and that she is a Sappho, a Penelope, a Minerua, an Arachne, a Iuno, yeelding to all that vse her and hers well, that she stands vpon masculine and not feminine termes, & her hoatest [...]ury may bee resembled to the passing of a braue Careere by a Pegasus, and wisheth haruly that he could dispose of her recreations.

Call for a Bendle and haue him away to Bridewell, for in euery sillable be commits letchery

He threats shee will strip m [...] wit into his shirt were that fayre body of the sweetest Venus in pri [...]t, & that it will then appeare as in a cleare Vrinall whose wit hath the greene sicknes.

If she strip thee to thy shirt, if I were as thee, I wold strip her to her smocke.

That were to put that fayrest body of Ve­nus in Print indeede with a witness, and then shee neuer need to haue her water cast in an vrinall for the greene sicknes.

She may be Queene Didoes peere for ho­nestie for anie dealings I euer yet had with her; but a­nie Gentlewomans name put in his mouth, it is of more force to discredite it, than Licophrons penne was to discredite Penelope, who notwithstanding Homers Praises of her, saith shee lay with all her wooers.

VVhether shee bee honest or no, he hath done enough to make her di [...]honest, since as Ouid writes to a Leno, Vendibilis culpa facta puella sua est. he hath set her commonly to sale in Poules Church-yard.

[Page]

Let vs on with our Index or Catalogue, and descant no more of her, since I am of the minde that for all the stormes & tempests Haruey from her denounceth, there is no such woman, but tis onely a Fiction of his, like Menanders Fable or Comedie cald Thessala, of women [...]at could pluck back the Mcone when they listed; or En­nius inuention of Dido, who writing of the deedes of Scipio, first gaue life to that Legend. The Epistle De­dicatorie past, the Gentlewomans demurre or Prologue staggers next after, the first line whereof is stolne out of the Ballet of Anne Askew; for as that begins

Bids thee hazard not panting quill thy aspen selse, calls thee bombard-goblin, and most railipotent for euerie raine; then followeth shee with a counter Sonnet or cor­rection of her owne preamble, where there is nothing but braggardous affronts, white liuerd tronts, where doth the vra [...]ie or surie ring, pulcrow implements, Danters scar-crow Presse; and endes; with Vltrixaccincta fla­gello.

Yea Madam Gabricla, are you such an old ierker, then Hey ding a ding, vp with your petticoate, haue at your plum-tree: but the style bewraies it, that no other is this goodwife Megara, but Gabriel himself; so doth the counter-sonnet and the correction of pre­ambles, which is his methode as right as a fiddle. I will neuer open my lips to consute anye rag of it, it consu­ting [Page] it self [...]e suficiently in the verie rehearsall. And so doth that which is annexed to it, of her olde Comedie new intituled, where she saith her prose is as resolute as Beuis sword, calls mee rampant beast informidable-hide, with I wot not what other Getulian slabberies; scarre­bugges thee with a Comedie, which shee hath scrawld and scribeld vp against mee. But wee shall lenuoy him, and trumpe and poope him well enough if the winde come in that doore, and he will needes fall a Comedi­zing it. Comedie vpon Comedie he shall haue, a Mo­rall, a Historse, a Tragedie, or what hee will. One shal bee called The Doctors dumpe, another Haru [...]y and his excellent Gentlewoman Madame VVhipsidoxy, a third The triumphes of Saffron-walden, with the merrie con­ceipts of VVee three; or The three Brothers; a fourth, Stoope Gallant, or The Fall of pride; the fifth and last, A pleasant Enterlude of No foole to the old Foole, with a [...]igge at the latter ende in English Hexameters of Oneighbour Gabrie [...]l, and his wooing of Kate Cotton. More than half of one of these I haue done alreadie, and in Candlemas Tearme you shal see it acted, though better acted than hee hath been at Cambridge, hee can neuer bee; where, vpon euerie Stage hee hath beene brought for a Sicophant and a Sow-gelder.

VVilt thou haue nere a plucke at him for Dan­ters scar-crow Presse, and so abusing thy Printer?

In pudding time you haue spoken, my Prin­ter who euer, shall sustain no damage by me: & where hee tearmeth his Presse a Scar-crow Presse, he shall find it will scare & crow ouer the best Presse in London, that shall Print a Reply to This. Hee that dares most, let him trie it, (as none will trie it, that hath a care to [...] [Page] by his trade, not a hundred of anie Impresion of the Doctors bookes euer selling). My Printers Wife too hee hath had a twitch at in two or three places about the midst of his booke, and makes a maulkin & a shoo­clout of her, talkes of her moody tung, and that she wil teach the florme winde to scolde English; but let him looke to himselfe, for though in all the time I haue lyne in her House, and as long as I haue knowen her, I ne­uer saw anie such thing by her; yet since hee hath giu'n her so good a cause to finde her tung, and so vniustly & despitefully prouokt her, shee will tell him such a tale in his eare the next time shee meetes him, as shall bee worse than a Northern blast to him, and haue a hand­full of his beard (if hee defend not himselfe the better) for a maulkin or wispe to wype her shooes with.

The Gentlewoman hauing taken her Lenuoy or Farewell, Barnabe Barnes steps in with An Epistle to the right Worshipfull his especiall deare Frend M. Ga­briell Haruey, Doctor of the Law.

It were no booke else, if one or other were not drawne in to call him Right VVorshipfull: & when hee hath no bodie to help him, he gets one of his Bro­thers to Epistle it to him, or in their absence [...]aines an E­pistle in their names, where his stile to the ful shalbe set in great letters, like a Bill for a House to be let: and vp­pon paine of excommunication with bell book & can­dle, none of his Brothers must publish anie thing, but to his Dottel ship they must frame the like dedication.

The tenure of that scrimpum scrampum of Barneses, is no more but this, to exhort the sweet Doctor (as hee names him) to confound those viperous critical [...] monsters, wheretoo hee is manifestly vrged; tho [...]gh he be [...] [Page] fitter to encounter some more delicate Paranymphes, and honour the Vrany of Du Bartas. Hee hath a Sonet with it, wherein hee muokes and contures vp all Romes lear­ned Orators, sweete Grecian Prophets, Philosophers, wi­sest States-men, reuerend general Councells, all in one to behold, the Doctors ennobled Arts, as precious stones in gold. At the foote of that (like a right Pupill of the Doctors bringing vp) hee inserteth his post-scrist or cor­rection of his Preamble, with a Counter-sonnet, superscri­bed Nash, or the confuting Gentleman. In which hee besmeares & [...]uiles thee with all the cutpurse names that is possible, and sayes hee cannot bethinke him of names ill enough, since thou raylst at one, whom Bodine & Sidney did not flatter.

No more will I flatter him, hee may build vpon it. Thus it is, there was sometimes some prety expectation of this Patter-wallet & Megiddo, that now I am a salting and poudring of, and then Sir Philip Sid­ [...]ey (as he was a naturall cherisher of men of the least towardnes in anie Arte whatsoeuer) held him in some good regard, and so did most men; & (it may be) some kinde Letters hee writ to him, to encourage and ani­mate him in those his hopefull courses he was entred into: but afterward, when his ambitious pride and va­nitie vnmaskt it selfe so egregiously, both in his lookes, his gate, his gestures, and speaches; and hee would do nothing but crake and parret it in Print, in how manie Noble-mens fauours hee was, and blab euerie light speach they vttred to him in priuate, cockering & coy­ing himselfe beyond imagination; then Sir Philip Sid­ney (by little and little) began to looke askance on him, and not to care for him, though vtterly shake him off [Page] hee could not, hee would so sawne & hang vpon him. For M. Bodines commendation of him, it is no more but this, one cōplementarie Letter asketh another; & Gabriell first writing to him, and seeming to admire him and his workes, hee could doo no lesse in humanitie (beeing a Scholler) but returne him an answere in the like nature. But my yong Master Barnabe the bright, and his kindnes (before anie desert at all of mine to­wards him, might plucke it on or prouoke it) I neither haue nor will bee vnmindfull of.

Here is another Sonet of his, which hee cals Haruey, or The sweete Doctour, consisting of Sidney, Bodine, Hatcher, Lewen, Wilson, Spencer; that all their life time haue done nothing but conspire to lawd and honour Poet Gabriell.

Miserum est fuisse foelicem. It is a misera­ble thing for a man to be said to haue had frends, and now to haue nere a one lest.

VVhat saist thou to the Printers Aduertise­ment to the Gentleman Reader?

I say, ware you breake not your shins in the third line on preambles and postambles; and that it is not the Printers, but Harueys.

In it he makes mention of Thorius & Chutes sonets to bee added, pre [...]ixed, inserted or annexed at the latter ende.

The latter end? but the beginning of the tyde it may bee for the flowing.

As also a third learned French Gentlemans verses Monsieur Fregeuile Gautius, who both in French and Latine hath publisht some weightie Treatises.

Were they weightie Treatises? the Prin­ters [Page] purse neuer so; but in this respect they might bee tearmd to be weightie, that they were so heauie, they would [...]ere come out of Poules Church-yard. I will haue a sound list at him anone, for all his Mathematical deuices of his owne inuention, wherewith hee hath acquainted Ma. Doctour Haruey, nothing so good as a knife with prickles in the hast, or these Boyes paper­dragons that they let fly with a pack-thrid in the fields.

His booke.

Hand off, there is none but I will haue the vnclasping of that, because I can doo it nimblest. It is deuided into foure parts; one against mee, the second against M. Lilly, the third against Mart [...]nists, the fourth against D. Perne. Neither are these parts seuerally di­stinguished in his order of handling, but like a Dutch stewd-pot iumbled altogether, and linsey-wolsey wo­ [...]en one within another. But one of these parts falleth to my share, I being bound to answer for none but my selfe; yet if I speake a good word now & then for my frends by the way, they haue the more to thanke mee for.

You ly, you ly Gabriell, I know what you are about to saye, but Ile shred you off three leaues at one blowe. You were most willing to vndertake this controuersy, for els you would neuer haue first begun it; you wold neuer haue lyne writing against mee here in London in the verie hart of the Plague a whole Summer; or after (through your Frends intreatie) wee were reconcide, popt out your Booke against me. Now say what you will of being vrgd, loofing of time, impudencie and slan­der, [Page] & another Table Philosophie that ye fancy; for there is not a dog vnder the table that will beleeue you.

hath Apuleius euer an Atturney here? One Apuleius (by the name of Apule [...]us) he endites to be an engrosser of arts and inuentions, putting downe Plato, Hippocrates, Aristtle, and the Paragraphs of Iustinian. Non est i [...] [...] ent us: there's no such man to be found; let them that haue the Commission for the Cōcealments looke a [...]ter it, or the Man in the Moone put for it. Ga­briell casts a vile learing eye at me, as who should saye, he quipt me secretly vnder it, if he durst vtter so much, Also in that which succeedeth, of One that is a common contemner of God and man, stampes and treades vnder his foote the reuerentest old and new VVriters, [...]pposeth himselfe against Vniuersities, Parliaments and generall Councells, encloseth all within his owne braine, and is a changer, an innouater, a cony-catcher, a rimer, a rayler, that out-faceth heauen and earth. But sost you now, how is all this or anie part of this to bee prou'd? make account he will (vpon his oath) denie it. Hath he spo­ken, printed, written, contriued or imagined, or cau­sed to bee spoken, written, printed, contriued or ima­gined anie thing against these? or exprest in his counte­naunce, the least wincke of dishke of them? Let some instance of that be produced, and he be not able to re­sute it; Ile vndertake for him (which is the most igno­minious imposition he can tie himselfe to) her shall giue thee his tung for a rag to wype thy taile with, and haue his right hand cut off, for thy Mother to hang out for an ale house signe. Cannot a man declaime against a Catalonian and a Hethite, a Moabite Gabriell and an A­morite Dicke, but all the ancient Fathers, all the renou­med [Page] Philosophers, Orators, Poets, Historiographers, and old & new excellent Writers must bee disparaged and trode vnder foote, God and man contemned and set at nought? Vniuersities, Parliaments, general Coun­cells oppugned? and he must be another Romane Pa­lemon, who vaunted all Science began and ended with him? a changer, an innouater, a cony-catcher, a railer, and out-facer of heauen and earth.

Is there such high treason comprehended vnder cal­ling a soppe a [...]oppe, & cudgelling a curre for his snarl­ing? Or it is thus, our iracundious Stramutzen Gabri­ell standing much vpon his reading, and that all the Li­braries of the auncient Fathers, renowmed Philoso­phers, Poets, Orators, Historiographers, and olde and new excellent Writers, are hoorded vp in the Amal­thaeas Horne of his braine, with whatsoeuer Constitu­tions and Decretalls of generall Councells and Parlia­ments, and for he hath commenst in both Vniuersities; therefore he concludes, He which writes against him must write against them all, & so) per consequens) vaunt him aboue all; and if he vaunts him aboue them all, he is a changer, an innouater, an impostor, a railer at all, & consounds heauen and earth. This is the tydiest Argu­ment he can frame to make his matter good, though it followes no more, than that a man should bee helde a traitor and accused to haue abusde the Queene and Counsaile, and the whole State, for calling a fellowe knaue that hath read the Booke of Statutes, since by them all in generall they were made.

Thou art unwise to canuaze it so much, for hee thrust it in but for a Rhetoricall figure of amplification.

Rhetoricall figure? and if I had a hundred [Page] sonnes, I had rather haue them disfigur'd & keep them at home as cyphers, than send them to schoole to learn to figure it after that order.

You may haue them worse brought vp, for so you should be sure neuer to haue them counted lyers, since Rhetoricians though they lye neuer so groscly, are but said to haue a luxurious phrase, to bee eloquent an­pli [...]iers, to bee full of their pleasant Hyperboles, or speake by Ironies; and if they raise a slaunder vpon a man of a thing done at home, when hee is a 1000. mile off, it is but Prosopopeya, personae fictio, the supposing or faining of a person: and they will alledge Tully, Demosthenes, Demades, Aeschines, and shew you a whole Talaeus & Ad Herennium of figures for it, foure and fiftie times more licentious. These Arithmetique figurers are such like iugling transformers, lying by Addition and Nume­ration, making frayes and quarrelling, by Diuision, get­ting wenches with childe by Multiplication, stealing by Substraction; and if in these humors they haue consumd all and are faine to bre [...]ke, they doo it by Fraction.

That last part of Arithmetique (which is Fraction or breaking) I intend to teach Gabriel; thogh to all the other, as Addition, Deuision, Rebating or Substraction, of his owne ingrafted disposition hee is aptinough, and so hee is to Multiplication too, hee ha­uing since I parted with him last got him a Gentlewo­man.

Both the [...] and hee talke much of that Gentle­woman, but I would we might know her, and see her vn­hukt and naked once, as Paris in Lucians Dialogues, de­sires Mercury hee might see the three Goddesses naked, that stroue for the golden Ball.

[Page]

The Venus shee is that would win it from them all, if the controuer sie were now a [...]toate againe: and which thou pretermitted [...] before, hee puts her in print for a Venus, yet desires to see her a Venus in print; pub­lisheth her for a strumpet (for no better was Venus) and yet he would haue her a strumpet more publique.

By that name had hee not so publisht her, yet his peacocke pluming her like another Pandora, (from Poets too parasiticall commending of whome first grew the name of Pandare, though Sir Philip Sid­ney fetcheth it out of Plautus) through his incredible praising of her I say (wherein one quarter of his Book is spent) he hath brought all the world into a perswasi­on, that shee is as common as Rubarbe among Phisiti­ons; since (as Thucidides pronouhceth) shee is the ho­nestest woman, of whose praise or dispraise is least spo­ken. My pen he prodigally insulteth shee shall pumpe to as drie a spunge as anie is in Hosier Lane, and wring our braines like emptie purses. I dem per idem in sense he speakes, though it be not his comparison, and Tam­burlain- like hee braues it indesinently in her behal [...]e, setting vp bills like a Bear-ward or Fencer, what fights we shall haue and what weapons she will meete me a [...].

Fasilia the daughter of Pelagius King of Spain, was torne in pe [...]ces by a Beare; & so I hope thou wilt tear her and tug with her, if she begin once to playe the Deuill of Dowgate: but as there was a woman in Roome, that had her childe slaine with thunder and lightning in her wombe ere she was deliuerd; so it is like inough hers will bee, and proue an Embrion, and we shall neuer see it: or if wee doe, looke for another armed Pallas issuing out of Ioues braine, or an Amazonian Hippolite, that will bee [Page] good inough for Theseus; or the female of the Aspis, who (if her mate be kild by any passenger in the way), tho­rough fire, thorough the thickest assembly she will pursue him, or anie thing but water.

In some Countreys no woman is so honor able as she that hath had to doo with most men, and can giue the lusteest striker oddes by 25. times in one night as Mes­salina did; and so it is with this his braiche or bitch-foxe.

Agelastus Grand-father to Crassus, neuer laught but once in his life, and that was to see a mare eate thistles; so this will be a iest to make one laugh that lyes a dying, to see a Gillian draggell taile r [...]n her taile into a bushe of thornes, because her nailes are not long inough to soratch it, & play at wasters with a qu [...]l for the britches.

Multi illum iuuenes, multae petiere puellae, Boyes, wenches, and euerie one pursue him for his beauty. ‘Non caret effectu, quod voluere duo,’ Thou canst neuer hold out, if thou wert Hercules, if two to one encounter thee.

Quis nisiment is inops tenerae declamat amic [...]. Who but an ingram cosset would keepe such a court­ing of a Curtezan to haue her combat for him; or doo as Dick Haruey did, (which information piping hot in the midst of this line was but brought to mee) that ha­uing preacht and beat downe three pulpits in inueigh­ing against dauncing; one Sunday euening, when hys Wench or Friskin was footing it alo [...]t on the Greene, with foote out and foote in, and as bufie as might be at Rogero, Basilino, Turkelony, All the flowers of the broom, Pepper is black, Greene sleeues, Peggie Ramsey, he came sneaking behinde a tree and lookt on, and though hee was loth to be seene to countenance the sport, hauing [Page] laid Gods word against it so dreadfully, yet to shew his good-will to it in hart, hee sent her 18. pence in hugger mugger to pay the fidlers: let it sink into ye, for it is true & will be verefide. Let Gabrtel verefie anie one thing so against mee, and not thinke to carrie it away with hys generall extenuatings, ironicall amplifications, and de­clamatorie exclamations. Nor let him muck ehill vp so manie pages in saying he lookt for termes of aqua fortis and gumpowder, and that I haue thundred and giu'n [...]ut tragically, when nought appeares but the sword of cats-meat [...], and the fire-brand of dogs-meate, and Aut nunc aut nunquam, and two staues and a pike: but let him shew what part of that his first Booke I haue not from the crowne to the little toe consuted, and laid as open as a custard or a cowsheard; and if my Booke bee cats-meate and dogs-meate, his is much worse, since on hys mine hath his whole foundation and dependance, and I doo but paraphrase vpon his text. Something that he grounds this cats-meate and dogs-meate on, I will not with stand but I haue lent him; as in my Epis [...]le to Apis lapis, where I wish him to let Chaucer be new scowrd a­gainst the day of battaile, and Terence but come in now and then with the snus [...]e of a sentence and Dictum puta, wee'l strike it as dead as a doore-naile, Haud terun [...]ij e­stimo, we haue cats-meate & dogs-meate inough for these mungrels. Hence, as if I had continually harpt vppon it, in euerie tenth line of my Book he faith I do no­thing but assaile him with cat-meat & dogs-meat; when there is not anie more spoken of it, than I haue shewd you. So Aut nunc aut nunquam he brings in for a mur­dring shot, beeing neuer my Posie, but Aut nunquam tentes, aut perfice at the latter end of my Foute Letters; [Page] speaking to him, that he shuld not go about to answere me, except he set it soundly on; for otherwise, with a sound counterbuffe I would make his eares ring a­gaine, and haue at him with two staues & a pike, which was a kinde of old verse in request, before he fell a ray­ling at Turberuile or Elderton. Some Licos [...]henes read­ing (which showes plodding & no wit) he hath giu'n a twinckling glimps of, & like a school-boy said ouer his gear to his vnckles & kinsfolk, and tels what Authours he hath read, when he floted in the sea of encounters; which for ought he hath alleadgd out of them, he may haue stolne by the whole sale out of Ascanius or An­drew Maunsells English Catalogue. No villaine, no A­theist, no murdrer, no traitor, no Sodomite, hee euer read of but he hath likend mee too, or in a superlatiue degree made me a monster beyond him, for no other reason in the earth, but because I would not let him go beyond me, or be won to put my finger in my mouth, & crie mumbudget, when be had baffuld mee in print throughout England. The victorioust Captaines and Warriours, the inuinciblest Caesars and Conquerours, the satyricallest confuters, and Luthers (like whom the Germanes affirme neuer anie in their tung writ so forci­ble) in an Alphabet he trowles vp, and sayes I out-strip them all, I set them all too schoole. The quorsum or quare if you demaund, is this, I haue out stript and set him to schoole, and he is sure he is a better man than a­nie of them. The verie guts and garbage of his Note­book, he hath put into this tallow loa [...]e, & not lest anie Frezeland, Dutch or Almain scribe (where they Com­mence and and doo their Actes with writig Bookes) that hath but squibd foorth a Latin Puerilis in Print, or [Page] set his name to a Catechisme, vncōpared or vnscoard. Atrue Pellican he is, that peirceth his breast & lets out all his bowels to giue li [...]e to his yong. No Author but himselfe and Nashe heereafter he can cyte, which hee hath not s [...]ellified worse than Sapiēs dominabiturastris, the ordinarie Posie for all Almanackes, or the present­ing of Artaxerxes with a cup of water, vsde in euerie Epistle Dedicatorie; and those two hee hath wrought reasonably vpon, hauing worne the first (which is him­selfe) naplesse, & the other owes him nothing. Against blasphemous Seruetus or Muretus or Sunius, that haue been so bold with her Maiestie and this State, was thys Inuectiue of his first armd and aduanced; which (vp­pon the missing his preserment or aduauncement in Court) he supprest, and in the bottom of a rustie ham­per let it lye asleepe by him, (euen as he did the Aduer­risement against Pap-hatchet & Martin, which he hath yoakt with it, by his own date euer since [...]9.) and now with putting in new names here and there of Nashe & Piers Pennilesse, he hath so pannyerd and drest it that it seemes a new thing, though there be no new thing in it that claimes anie kindred of mee, more than a dozen of fami [...]ht quips, but like a lose French cassock or gab­berdine would fit any man. Those more appropriate blowes ouer the thumbe, are these. My praising of A­retine; so did he before me, the verie words whereof I haue set downe in my other Booke: my excepting a­gainst his Doctorship; better Doctors than euer he wil be put it in my head, and if therein I misrepor, I erre by authoritie. My calling him a fawn [...]-guest messenger betwixt M. Bird and M. Demetrius, in the companie of one of which, he neuer din'd nor supt this [...] yeres; & for­th [...] [Page] other, he neuer drunke with to this day: he may be a [...]awn-guest in his intent neuertheles, and if he neither eate nor drunck at M. Demetrius, why did he so famili­arly write to him, M. Demetrius, in your absence I found your wife verie curteous? For a great irespasse he layes it to me, in that I haue praised her Maiesties affabilitie towards Shollers, and attributed to Noble-men so much pollicy & wisdome, as to haue a priuy watch word in their praises, and crossing his sleight opinion of Inuectiues & Satyres. Like Sophisticall Disputers that only rehearse not answere, he runs on telling, how I haue fatherd on him a new Part of Tully, which he fetcht out of a wall at Barnwell, euen as Poggius in an old Monasterie found out a new Part of Quintillian, after it had bin manie hun­dred yeres lost; my taking vpon me to be Greenes aduo­cate, my threatning so incessantly to haunt the Ciuilian & the Deuine, that to auoid the hot chase of my fierie quill, they shall be constrained to enskonse themselues in one of their Phisition Brothers old vrinall cases; my calling him butter-whore, & bidding him Rip, rip, you kitchin-stufle wrangler; my accusing him of carterlyderisions and milk­maids girds, as Good beare bite not, A man's a man thogh he hath but a hose on his head. Pulchre mehercule dictum, sapienter, lautè, lepide, nil suprà, nothing so good as the iests of the Councell Table asse, Richard Clarke.

Yes that he doth more than rehearse, for he maintains them to be the Ironies of Socrates, Aristopha­nes, Epicharmus, Lucian, Tully, Quintillian, Sanaza­rius, K. Alphonsus, Cardan, Sir Th. Moore, Isocrates; looke the first 156. Page of his Booke, & ye shal [...]inde it so.

VVhat, had they no better iests, than Good beare bite not, or A man is a man though he hath but a [Page] hose on his head, Pulchre mehercule dictum? O dis­honor to the house from whence they come.

He chargeth mee, to haue derided and abused the most valorous Mathematicall Arts; let him shewe me wherein, and I will answere: of palbable Atheisme he condemnes me, for drinking a cup of lambswooll to the health of his Brothers Booke, cald The Lamb of God & his Enemies; then what Atheists are they that turne it to wast paper and goe to the priuy with it? as to no o­ther vses it is conuerted, it lying dead & neuer selling: and againe with the Atheist he spur-gals mee, in that I iested at heauen, calling it the hauen where his deceased Brother is arriued.

Is it a iest that his brother is arriu'd in hea­uen? he is in hell then belike.

A more likelier peice of Atheisme thou maist vrge against him, where he saith in one leafe, that one a­cre of performance, is worth twentie of the Land of Promise: as though God had not performd to the Chil­dren of Israel, the Land of Promise he vowd to them.

The deepe cut out of my grammer Rules Astra pet it disert [...]s he hits me with. I am sorry for it I slanderd him so, for he was neuer eloquent; if he bee not aboue the starres, I would hee were. Hee com­plaines I doo not regard M. Bird, M. Spencer Mounsi­eur Bodin. In any thing but in praising him, and therin as Aristotle non vidit verum in spiritualibus, nor Barnard all things; so they may haue theyr eyes daze­led. To a bead-roll of learned men and Lords hee appeales, whether he be an Asse or no, in the forefront of whom, he puts M. Thomas VVatson, the Poet: A man he was that I dearely lou'd and honor'd, and for [Page] all things hath le [...]t few his equalls in England, he it was that in the company of diuers Gentlemen one night at supper at the Nags head in Cheape; first told me of his vanitie, and those Hexameters made of him,

For the other graue men, they all speak as their fore­man. His imprisonment in the Fleete he affirmes is a lewd supposall (the Hexameter vearse before prooues it) as also his writing the welwillers Epistle in praise of himselfe, before his first foure Letters a yeare ago. The Compositor that set it, swore to mee it came vn­der his owne hand to bee printed. Hee bids the world examine the Preamble before the Supplication to the di­uell, and see if I doo not praise my selfe, and that the te­no [...]r of the stile, & identity of the phrase proues it to be mine. He needed not go so far about to sent me out by my stile and my phrase, for if he had euer ouerlookt it he would haue seene my name to it, and besides ano­ther argument that he neuer read it is, which (whosoe­uer shal peruse it wil finde) it is altogether in my owne dispraise and disabling, and grieuing at the imperfect printing and misinterpreting of it, let him shewe mee but one tittle or letter in it tending to any other drist He vpbraides me by the poore fellow my Fathers putting me to my scribling shifts, and how I am beholding to the Printing-house for my poore shifts of apparai [...]e: My Fa­ther put more good meate in poore mens mouthes, than all the ropes & liuing is worth his Father left him, together with his mother and two brothers; and (as another Scholler) he brought me vp at S. Iohns, where [Page] (it is well knowen) I might haue been Fellow if I had would: and for deriuing my maintenaunce from the Printing-house, so doo both Vniuersities, and whoso­euer they be that come vp by Learning, out of Prin­ted Boookes gathering all they haue; and would not haue furre to put in their gownes, if it, or writing were not. But if hee meane that from writing to the Presse, I scrape vp my exhibition, let him s [...]rape it out for a lye; till the Impression of this Book, I hauing got nothing by Printing these three yeres. But when I doo play my Prizes in Print, Ile be paid for my paines that's once, & not make my selfe a gazing stocke and a publique spec­tacle to all the world for nothing as he does, that giues money to be seene and haue his wit lookt vpon, neuer Printing booke yet, for whose Impression he hath not either paid or run in debt. Printers (aboue all the rest) haue nothing to thanke him for, in his Praise of the asse, he putting in the Presse for the arrantest Asse of all, be­cause it is such a meanes to presse him to death, and confound him. Danters Presse sweares after three Forme a day, since he hath giuen it the Presse and dis­grac't them it will (how euer others neglect it) neuer haue done Printers beating with inke balles. beating vppon him, nor hath it acquited him for calling me Danters gentleman, who is as good at all times as VVolfes right worshipfull Gabriell, or the gentleman he brings in reading a Chapter (Colledge fashion at dinner time) against Piers & his proceedings, and the approbation of his Docterly reincounter. Ap­plaud and partake with him who list, this is my defini­tiue position, which Anaxandrides a Comick Poet said of the Aegyptian superstition, Maximam Anguillam quam Deum putant, comedo; canem quem colunt, ver­bero. [Page] They worship the great Eeele for a God, which I eate or disgest; and the Dog they adore, I spurne or driue out of dores. Hidr as heads I should go about to cut off, (as Tacitus saies of them that thinke to cut off all discommodities or inconueniences from the Lawes) if I should vndertake to run throghout all the foolish friuolous reprehensions & cauils he hath in his Booke. I will take no knowledge of his late of ten egs for a penny, and nine of them rotten, a gormandizing breakfast he saies I was at of egs and butter; which if he can name where when or with whom, I will giue him an annuitie of eg-pyes. No more will I of his calling me Captaine of the boyes, and Sir Kil-prick; which is a name fitter for his Piggen de wiggen or gentlewoman: or els because she is such a hony sweetikin, let her bee Prick-madam, of which name there is a flower, & let him take it to himselfe, and raigne intire Cod-pisse Kin­ko, and Sir Murdred of placards durante bene placito, as long as he is able to please or giue them geare. Like­wise the Captainship of the boyes I tosse backe to him, he hauing a whole Band of them to write in his praise: but if so he terme me in respect of the minoritie of my beard, he hath a beard like a Crow with two or three durtie strawes in her mouth, going to build her neast. See him & see him not I will, about that his meaziid in­uention of the Good-wife my mothers finding her daugh­ter in the ouen, where she would neuer haue sought her, if she had not been there first her selfe: (a hackny prouerb in mens mouths euer since K. Lud was a little boy, or Belinus Brennus brother, for the loue hee bare to oy­sters built Billinsgate;) therfore there is no more to be said to it, but if he could haue told how to haue made [Page] a better lye he would. I will not present into the Ar­ches or Commissaries Court, what prinkum prankums Gentlemen (his nere neighbors) haue whispred to me of his Sister, and how shee is as good a fellow as euer turnd belly to belly, for which she is not to be blam'd, but I rather pitie her and thinke she cannot doo with­all, hauing no other dowrie to marie her. Good Lord, how one thing brings on another; had it not bin for his baudy sister, I should haue forgot to haue answerd for the bau [...]ie rymes he threapes vpon me. Are they rimes? and are they ba [...]die? and are they mine? Well, it may be so that it is not so; or if it be, men in their youth (as in their sleep) manie times doo something that might haue been better done, & they do not wel remember.

O Yes. Be it knowen vnto all men by these pre­sents, that what soeuer names of Duns, asse, or Dorbell I haue giu'n Gabriel Haruey, or of a kit­chin stuffe wrangler, and reading the Lecture of Ram al­ley, I will still perseuer and insist in; as also, that I wilbe as good as my word in desending any (but abhomina­ble Atheists) that shall write against him, that I will still maintaine there is in court but one true Diana, & so wil all that are true subiects to her Maiestie; that I think as reuerently of London as of any Citie in Europe, though I doo not cal it the He might as vvell haue cald it the Countesle, or Duches Tovvue, Madam Towne of the Realme, as he hath done, and that I hold no place better gouerned, how euer in so great a sea of all waters, there cannot chuse but be some quick-sands and rockes & shelues, that I neuer so much as in thought detracted from Du Bartas, Buchanan, or anie generall allowed moderne Writer, howere Gnimelse Hengist here giues out, with [Page] out naming time place or to whome I did how I vowd to confute them all; that Mast. Lilly neuer procur'd Greene or mee to write against him, but it was his own first seeking and beginning in The Lamb of God, where he and his Brother (that loues dauncing so wel) scum­merd out betwixt thē an Epistle to the Readers against all Poets and Writers, & M. Lilly & me by name he be­rusfianizd & berascald, cōpar'd to Martin, & termd vs piperly make-plaies and make-bates, yet bad vs holde our peace & not be so hardie as to answere him, for if we did, he would make a bloodie day in Poules Church-yard, & splinter our pens til they stradled again, as wide as a paire of Compasses. Further be it knowen vnto you, that be­fore this I praisde him (after a sort) in an Epistle in Greenes Menaphon.

But [...] thou so?

O what do you meane to hinder my Pro­clamation? I did, I did, as vnfainedly and sincerely as in his first butter-fly Pamphlet against Greene he praisd me for that proper yong man, Greenes fellow VVriter, whom (in some respects) he wisht well too; as also in hys Booke he writ against Greene and mee, he raild vppon me vnder the name of Piers Pennilesse, and for a bribe that I should not reply on him praisd me, and reckond me (at the latter end) amongst the famous Schollers of our time, as S. Philip Sidney, M. VVatson, M. Spencer, M. Daniell, whom he hartily thankt, & promised to en­dow with manie complements for so enriching our Eng­lish Tongue.

Then what an Asse is hee to call thee an Asse for praising him, & after thou hadst praisd him (though it was but pretie and so, for a Latine Poet after others) [Page] vpon a good turn done him (& no iniurie fore-running) to build the foundation of a quarrell.

Further than further bee it knowne (since I had one further before) I neuer abusd Marloe, Greene, Chettle in my life, nor ani [...] of my frends that vsde me like a frend: which both Marloe and Greene (if they were aliue) vnder their h [...]nds would testi [...]ie, euen as Harry Chettle hath in a sh [...]rt note here.

Yes Greene he conuinces thee to haue abused, in that thy defence of him is a more biting commen­dation than his reproose.

It is so hereticall a falsifier, a man had not need talke with him without a Bible in the roome; for it may be he hath some care of his oath, if it be not in a matter of reconciliation, or repaying of money, as to Dexters man: but his ipse dixit, his report otherwise is nothing so currant as beggers about the Courts re­moue. Nere tell me of this or that he sayes I spake or did, except he particularize and stake downe the verie words, and catching them by the throate like a thee [...]e [Page] say, these are they that did the deed, I arrest you, and I charge you all gentle Readers to aid me. What truly might be spoken of Greene, I publisht, neither discom­mending him, nor too much flattering him (for I was nothing bound to him); whereas it maye be alleadgd against Gabriel, as it was against Paulus Iouius, Quae ve­rissime s [...]ribere potuit noluit, & quae voluit non potuit: Those things which hee might haue related truely hee would not, and those which he would hee could not, for want of good intelligence. How he hath handled Greene and Marloe since their deaths, those that read his Bookes may iudge: and where like a iakes barreller and a Gorbolone he girds me with imitating of Greene, let him vnderstand, I more scorne it, than to haue so foule a iakes for my groaning stoole as hys mouth; & none that euer had but one eye with a pearle in it, but could discern the difference twixt him & me; while he liu'd (as some Stationers can witnes with me) hee sub­scribing to me in any thing but plotting Plaies, wherein he was his cra [...]ts master. Did I euer write of Conycat­ching? stufft my stile with hearbs & stones? or appren­tisd my selfe to running of the letter? If not, how then doo I [...] him? A hang-by of his (one Valentine Bird, that writ against Greene) imitated me, & would embezill out of my Piers Pennilesse sixe lines at a clap, and vse them for his owne. Nay he himselfe hath pur­loyned something from mee, and mended his hand in confuting by fifteen parts, by following my presidents. There is two or three mouth fulls of my Oo yes yet behinde, which after I haue drawne out at length, you shall see me (like a Crier, that when he hath done kire­elosoning it, puts of his cap, and cries God saue the [Page] Queene, & so steps into the next ale-house) steale out of your companie before you bee aware, and hide my selfe in a Closet no bigger than would holde a Church Bible, till the beginning of Candlemas Terme, and then if you come into Poules Church-yard, you shall meete mee.

Oo yes, be it knowne, I can ryme as wel as the Do­ctor, for a sample whereof, in stead of his ‘Noddy Nash, whom euerie swash,’ and his occasionall admonitionatiue Sonnet, his Apostrophe Sonnet, and tynie titmouse Lenuoy, like a welt at the edge of a garme [...]t, his goggle-eyde Sonnet of Gorgon, and the wonderfull yeare, and another Lenuoy for the chape of it, his Stanza declaratiue, VVriters post-script in meeter, his knitting vp Cloase, and a third Lenuoy, like a fart after a good stoole; In stead of all these (I say) here is the tufft or labell of a rime or two▪ the trick or habit of which I got by looking on a red nose Ballet­maker that resorted to our Printing-house. They are to the tune of Labore Dolore, or the Parlament tune of a pot of ale and nutmegs and ginger, or Eldertons an­cient note of meeting the diuell in conture house lane. If you hit it right, it will go maruellous sweetly.

Or that's not it, I haue a better.

[Page] What more haue I in my Proclamation to yalp out? No more but this, that in both my bookes I haue ob­iected some perticular vice more against him than pumps and panto [...]les, which those that haue not faith i­nough to beleeue, may toote & superuize when they haue any literall idle leysure. The Tragedie of wrath, or Priscianus vapulans, promised in the epilogue Son­ne [...] of my Foure Letters, (three or foure words wher­of as Awayte, and paint, and tread no common path, he mumbles and chewes in his mouth like a peece of Al­lom, or the stone of a horse-plum to sucke off all the meate of it,) let him take this for it, whereby I am out of his debt, if not ouer plus. And where he terrefies mee with insulting hee was Tom Burwels the Fencers Scholler, and that he will squeaze and mazer me whensoe­uer he met me, why did hee it not when hee met me at Cambridge, we lying backe to backe in the same Inne, and but two or three square trenchours of a wainscot dore betwixt vs? By our reconciliation he cannot ex­cuse it, since the law-day was out, and the feude open againe by his breach of truce, and my defiance to him in an Epistle to the Reader in Christs tears. But let him hence forth prouide him of two or three sturdie Plow men (such as his swines fac't blue-coate was) when I legerd by him in the Dolphin, for otherwise not all the [...]ence he learnd of Tom Burwell shall keepe mee from cramming a turd in his iawes (and no other bloud will I draw of him.) I haue bespoken a boy and a nap [...]in already to carry it in. Last of all there is nothing I haue bragd of my writing in all humors, no not so much as of his fleshly humours, but shall be anuilde for true steele on his standish, I making an indenture twixt God and [Page] my soule, to consume my bodie as slender as a stilt or a broome-staffe, and my braine as poore and compen­dius, as the pummell of a scotch saddle, or pan of a Tobacco pipe, but as the Elephant and the Rinoceros neuer fight but about the best pastures, so will I winne from him his best Patrons, and driue him to confesse himselfe a Conundrum, who now thinks he hath lear­ning inough to proue the saluation of Lucifer; Apo­logize it for him as many Chutes, Barnesses, or vile [...]rig­gers, or Fregeuiles as there will.

Thou promisedst to haue a dead lift at that Fregeuile.

I, here I am come to his verses, but let mee take them in order as they lie; Thorius is first, with a Letter, and Sonnet, and Post-script of Chutes

More Post-scripts and preambles, hath he (as with his Thrasonisme) infectea them all with his me­thode of Lenuoyes, Post-scripts and Preambles.

From Master Thorius I haue a Letter vn­der his owne hand which hee sent mee to be printed, vtterly disclaiming the wrong which the Doctour (vn­der his name) hath thrust out against mee. This is the conuterpaine of it.

[Page] Chute that was the bawlingest of them all, & that bobd me with nothing but Rhenish furie, Stilliard clyme, oy­ster whore phrase, claret spirit, and ale-house passions, with talking so much of drinke, within a yere and a halfe af­ter died of the dropsie, as diuers Printers that were at his buriall certefide mee. Beeing dead, I would not haue reuiu'd him, but that the Doctor (whose Patron he was) is ali [...]e to answere for him. Mounsieur Fregu­s [...]us or Mounsieur Fregeuile Gautiu [...], that prating wea­zell fac'd vermin, is one of the Pipers in this consort, and he is at it with his Apologie of the thrice learned and thrice eloquent Doctour Haruey, befooles and besots mee in euerie line, pleads the Doctors innocence, and the law­fulnes of his proceedings; praiseth his moderate stile, saies he is sorie he is so vniustly pusht at' and being pusht at glad he hath so acquited him, and that his Answere [...] reasona­ble and eloquent.

I am sorie I haue no more roome to reason the ma [...]ter with him; for if I had, I did not doubt but to make him a fugitiue ou [...] of England as well as he is ou [...] of his owne Countrey: & in this great dearth in Eng­land, we haue no reason but to make him a Fugitiue or banish him, since he is the rauenousest [...]ouen that euer lapt porredge, and out of two Noblemens houses he had his Mittimus of ye may be gone, for he was such a peruerse Ramisticall heretike, a busie reprouer of the principles of all Arts, and [...]ower of seditious Paradox­es amongst kitchin boyes.

My clue is spun, the Tear me is at an end, wherefore here I wil end and make Vacation: but if you wil haue a word or two of Doctour Perne and Master Lilly, in [...] of one of Gabriels Apostrophe Sonnets or Len­uoyes, [Page] by Struthio Belliue [...]ento de Compasso Callpe­ro and the Contents of it I protest and adiure, you shall. [...]

Against Doctor Perne our Poditheck or Tolmach hath in his booke twilted and stitcht in a whole penny­worth of paper, which his Gossipship that had the na­ming of the child, dubs the Encomium of the Foxe. In it he endorseth him the puling Preacher of Pax vobis & humilitie, (to both of which Gabriell alwaies was an e­nemie, euen as Doctor Perne was to his loue-lockes & his great ruffes and pantostes;) the triangle turne-coate, (I wold he had anie coat to turne but that he weares:) and for triangles, one angle or corner he wilbe glad of to hide him i [...] after this Booke is out, & brickil & ouen vp his stinking breath, (which smells like the greasie snase of a candle) that I maye not come within aleuen­teene score nose length of it. He brings in his coffin to speake, what a wodden iest is that? An ap [...]stata, an hi­pocryte, a Machauill, a co [...]sner, a iugler, a letcher hee makes him, and saies he kept a Cubbe at Peter-house; that his hospitalitie was like Ember weeke or good Friday: & if a man should haue writ against Sergius that was the first setter vp of Mahomet, he could not haue parbra­ked more vilenes, than he hath done against him. Vin­cit qui patitur he saith (or a great Counseller that giues that Posie) can vnrip the whole packet of his knauerie, making him a broker to his se [...]tcherie. The whole Quire thankes you hartily. Doctor Perne is caskt vp in lead, and cannot arise to plead for himselfe: where­fore this (as dutie to those some way bindes mee that were somwhat bound to him) I wil commit to inke & paper in his behalfe. Few men liu'd better, though like [Page] [...] but that a chie [...]e Father of our Common [...]wealth lou'd him▪ (in whose house he died) hee [...].

[...] [...]pon the place he had, and for his [...] & learning, they that mislike, want the like [...] a [...]d [...], or else they would haue more indgement to dis­c [...]rne of it. For Master Li [...]te (who is halues with me in this indignitie that is offred) I will not take the take [...] ou [...] o [...] his mo [...]th, for he is better [...] I am able to say he is able to [...] himsel [...]e, a [...]d in as much time as hee spendes [...]taking Tobacco [...] w [...]eke, he can compile that, which would make [...] repent himselfe all his li [...]e after. With a [...] [...]nt he meanes shortly to bee at his chamber window for calling him the Fiddlesticke of Oxford. In that he [...]wa [...]leth, it had bin better to haue confuted Mar [...]in by [...] Cooper, than such [...]; tell mee why was hee not then con [...]uted by Reuerend Cooper, or made to hold his peace, till Master Li [...]te and some [...] with their pens drew vpon him? A day after the [...] when he is hangd Haruey takes him i [...] hand, but [...] had beene aliue now, euen as he writ [...] the Cooper, so would hee haue writ [...] Harueys whoope diddle▪ or the non- [...]uting [...]. I haue a laughing [...] him saye, hee was once [...]suspected for Martin [...] ▪ whe [...] there is nere a Pursiuant in England▪ in the [...] on his boots, euer thought of him or imputed to him so much wit. The bangingest thinges which I can [Page] picke out, wherein he hath [...]e [...]ered Martin or de [...]en­ded Bishops are [...]hese: For a pol [...]shed stil [...] [...]ew goe be­yond Car [...]right; his ray [...]ing at mee, for speaking against Beza, the grand Champion against Bishops; his ma [...]ci­ous de [...]amation of Doctour Perne; where af [...]er hee hath polluted him with all the scandale hee could, hee [...]aies The Clergie neuer wāted excellent fortune-wrights. [...] he was one of the chee [...]est: as though the Church of England were vpheld and A [...]lassed by corruption, M [...]chauelisme, apos [...]atisme, hipocrysie and [...]reacherie; in all these hee making him notorious in the highest [...], dooth giue out, that he was one of the Churches [...]heife fortune-wrights: and besides, (to mend the mat­ [...]r) he asks, VVhat Bishap or Politician in England was so great a Temporiser as hee? I hope there be some Bi­s [...]ops within the compasse of the two Metrapolitane Seas, that can fish [...] a [...] meaning out of this word Temporiser, and doo disdaine their high Cal­ling should be so G [...]atho [...]ically compar'd, for such is a Tem [...]oriser; and with their profession it stands to bee no state Po [...]ticians, but onely to meddle with the state of heau'n. Then he hath a tale out of Pontane against Bishops, for their riding vpon horses, & not asses as Christ did: aswe [...] he might restrain them to ride vpon mares, as Iohn Bale saith our English Bi [...]ops wer limitted too heretofore. Such another tale of a Horse hee hath of Gelo a Tyrant of [...]cily, whom he [...] the politique Tyrant, for bringing in his great [...] instead of a harper, into his Banquetting [...]ho [...]se; to d [...]g and stale amongst his guests. It is a [...]ale [...]inking Apotheg; but Benè [...] [...] interfectus; (as Vi [...]ellius said) the sweete sauer of an enemie slaine takes away the▪ he smell of it.

[Page]More battring engi [...]s I had in a readines prepared to shake his walles, which I keepe backe till the next Tearme, meaning to insert them in my Foure Letters Con [...]uted, which then is to be renewed and reprinted a­gaine.

So be your leaue God be with you I was bold to call in. Spectatores, the faults escaped in the Printing I wish may likewise escape you in reading. In the Epistle Dedi­catorie correct Willington and put in Williamson: in the midst of the Booke vide make vidi: about the latter end stellified stalified, and Sunius Surius: with as many other words or letters, too much or too-wanting as ye will.

The Paradoxe of the Asse, M. Lilly hath wrought vp­pon, as also to him I turne ouer the Doctors Apothecarie tearmes he hath vsed throughout, & more especially in his last Epistle of notable Contents.

Herewith the Court breakes vp and goes to dinner, all generally concluding with Traian; The Gods neuer suffer anie to be ouer-come in battail, but those that are enemies to peace.