SATYRES: AND SATYRICALL EPIGRAM'S: With Certaine Obseruations at Black-Fryers? By H: F: Of LINCOLNES-INNE Gent:
Horat: Serm: Lib. 1.
—Nil mî officit vnquam
Ditior hic aut est quia Doctior: est Locus vnicui
(que) suus:—
It neuer vexeth me a whit
That this man hath more welth or wit:
Euery one hath where he may sit.
LONDON Printed by Edw: All-de, for Miles Patrich, and are to be sold at his shop neare St. Dnnstons-Church in Fleet-street. 1617.
The Author in praise of his owne BOOKE.
COmmend my
Selfe? No! But my
Booke I may!
And boldly (blamelesse) 'tis
Praise-worthy fay.
How so? The sencelesse Substance well may plead
My
Selfe I was not, when the
Booke I made.
Of his deare Friend the Author, H. F.
OF what is heere thou'lt not haue any write
Prayses: that willing, would: and iustly might,
Permit me then! For Ile
Praise what I see
Deficient heere (thy name FITZ-IEOFFERY,)
Where English FITZ aright, and I ha' done
So rightly art thou called IEOFFERYES-Sonne.
Then adde time
Age but to thy industry,
In thee againe will liue
Old-IEOFFERY.
NATH: GVRLYN.
The Author's Answer.
OF what is
Heere I forbid any
Write
Praises. Why? Nothing
Heere can merite it:
Yet Ile
Permit thee. Thoul't but
Praise my
Name.
And that's
Deficient. Then
Praise not for shame
Where do (FITZ)
right: Write, place it to
[...] minde:
Stil
rightly must (FITZ) IEOFFERYES come behind wrought:
French must turne
English first, (strange wonders)
(Olde) be a new
Borne: The
(Sonne) brought to nought.
HORAT: De Arte Poeti.
NVnc satis est dixisse, Ego mira poemata pango:
Occupet extremum scabies!
Anglicè sic
NOw 'tis inough to speake,
I wondrous Poemes make:
Then, Diuell the hindmost take.
Satyra prima.
LIB: 1.
VVHo'd not at venture
Write? So many waies
A man may proue a
Poet now a daies?
Does
Nature witt afford to breake a Iest?
This is a
Poet: and his friends protest
He is to blame he
Writes not: when (indeed,)
Th' Illiterate Gull can neither
write nor
read.
Let
Nature faile! Takes he but so much
Paine,
To
write obscurely: adding so much
Braine.
As end his crabbed sencelesse verse in
Rime:
This might a
Poet beene in
Perseus time.
[Page] And more! (Though
Horace in his book reherses)
(Nature and Arte are both requir'd in Ʋerses.)
There are those, of their
Poetry will vaunt,
Which do (God wote) both
Wit & Learning want:
I know them! Such as they at Table sit
Each
Iest you speake, will to a
Metre fit.
And thus your
Witt's sell for their priuate gaine
And bee accouted
Poets for their paine.
Others there are, that
Others workes suruay,
And must from all thinges some thing
filtch away.
Who if to weaker
Braines they can vnfolde
A
Learned Author: nick a Phrase thats olde:
Or change but one word in a line or two:
Straight all's their owne, they
write, who doubts it so?
When I wood scarce beleeu't, though they, in fine,
To euery Verse subscribe:
By Ioue 'tis mine.
Nor is't inough they this in priuate show,
But these are
Poets, all the world must know.
[Page] 'Tis strange to see what stretching is of
Wit
[...],
What spare of speech this plentious
Presse begets.
Some (if you keepe them company) you'l finde
As choise to breake a
Iest as to bteake winde.
And what's the reason thinke ye? Onely this:
All they can speak's too little for the
Presse.
Where 'tis not losse of
Friend, Life, Libertie,
Shall cause them keepe a
Iest in secrecy.
Others haue helpes: when their
Inuention faile,
Straight they begin abusiuely to raile.
Then out comes
Whelps of the olde Dog: for sport:
Shall barke at Great ones: bite the meanet sort:
When the On-setters (after all their paine:
For feare, woo'd gladly call them in againe.
And these will
Poets bee accounted too:
Because they
Dare doe more then others doe.
Though they their
Verses write, (a man may say:)
As Clown's get Bastards, and straight runne away.
Montanus needes will bee a
Poet! why?
Because the
Muses on a
Mountaine hy
Inhabited.
Peto for that his
Name
Denotes him
Poet in the Anagrame:
And Quaint
Castilio: (since his Father dy'd!)
Who many
Volumes publish't: and beside
Diuers neglected, Left vnto his Son:
Which dubbes him
Poet, by praescription.
True! And
Castilio will approued bee,
Or he will
Print his Fathers
Legacy.
And marke
Crisippo, but what shifts he'l finde,
Ere he'l bee counted once to come behinde,
In euery
Booke he will bespeake afore:
The comming out, roome for halfe a score
Or a dozen
Verses, which he'l hugely puffe
With commendations of the Authors stuffe.
And in
Hyperbolyes his
Name extoll
Yond Homer, Virgill, Ouide, Iuuenall.
And that himselfe hath had a
Hand in it.
Oh this vaine-
Praise-Affecting Poetry
Is a
bewitching-itching Leoprosie:
That makes men
Rub, scrub, rouz and
touz their
Braine,
Pump their
Pates dry for
Iests: and all to gaine
So much
Report: might serue to make them vaunt,
They are
Applauded (though of
Ignorant.)
They'l
snatch, and
scratch, and
scrape (though nere so ill)
And rather smart then holde their fingers still:
Be there a Citty show: or sight at Court:
Of Acts Heroicke: or of Princely sport:
[...]which right to
write of, or in Type to tell:
Might taxe a
Daniels or a
Spencers quill.)
Marke how these hungerbit
Inuentions scud
To eye! to spy! All for no other good
Then onely this! poore this! But to obtaine:
[...]ome fodder for their needy greedy straine.
See then how
(Enuy) gin's her eyes to
[...]at
On dainties plenty, and repines thereat:
How muttering
Momus (that knowes not to bite,)
Grumbles and mumbles mouthfuls out of spite.
How currish
(Critticks) most seuerely harke:
Ready at each sound of applause to barke.
How all together, and how each a part
Stretch, retch, faine, strain, Inuention, Iudgement Art,
Raile, Lybell: what not? Rather then labour loose
Iest on your Gesture: or be-lye your cloathes.
A subiect fitter for a Beadles fist
Then the tart lines of a smart Satyrist.
Let Natures causes (which are too profound
For euery blockish sottish
Pate to sound.)
Produce some
monster: some rare
spectacle:
Some seauen yeares
Wonder: Ages
miracle:
Bee it a worke of nere so sleight a waight,
It is recorded vp in
Metre straight,
[Page] And counted purchase of no small renowne,
To heare the
Praise sung in a Market-towne.
How many
Volumes lye neglected thrust
In euery Bench-hole? euery heape of dust?
Which from some
Gowries practise,
Powder plot,
Or
Tiburne Lectur's, all their substance got:
Yet to
[...]se our Time-stalles youll admire the rout
Of carelesse fearelesse
Pamphlets flye about.
Bookes,
made of Ballades: Workes:
of Playes,
Sightes, to be
Read: of my
Lo: Maiors day's:
Post's, lately set forth: Bearing (their Backe at)
Letters, of all sorts: An intollerable Packet.
Villains discouery, by Lanthorn and Candle-light:
(strange if the author should not see it to hādle right)
A Quest
of Inquirie: (Iacke a Douer's)
The
Iests of
Scoggin: and diuers others
(which no man Better the
Stationer knowes)
Wonderfull Writers;
Poets in
Prose.
Springes for Woodcockes: Doctor Merriman:
Rub and a good Cast:
Taylor the Ferriman.
Fennor,
with his Vnisounding E'are word;
The vnreasonable Epigramatist of
Hereford:
Rowland with his
Knaues a murninall;
No
[...] worth the calling for, a sire burne em all:
And number numberlesse that march (vutolde)
Mongst
Almanacks and
Pippins, to be solde.
Apologie.
THese
Ill which berter
Dare thē know to
wrig
Makes those (I know) not
dare w
[...] better mig
[...]
For who ist now attempts to Print, but knowes,
He must be one or censured on, of
Those!
[Page] For my part (Gallants) it was nere my hap,
On high
Pernassus Top, to take a nap:
Or the Diuine
Nine sisters
Fount to see:
Whence I might steale a sip of
Poetry.
These
Idle Ʋerses (which I
Idle made)
None but the
Idle I request to read:
Then what
Applause looke I for, all may guesse,
When none may
looke for
Praise from
Idlenes.
Finis Saty: Primae.
Satyra Secunda.
A MORALL SATYRE.
A Morall Satyre.
Sunt | Videntur. | ||
Q Vidam | & non | ||
Videntur | Sunt |
Proaemium.
I Taxe no Times, I beare no
Furyes scourge:
I bring no powerfull
Fountaine springes to purge
This vicefull
Lerna, this
Augean stye,
From long neglected noysome filthery.
Vaunt Varlots
then: Grizely Tartarian curres:
Vice-Pack-horses: Swaines
of inchanting pleasures:
Wallow in Lake of
Leaudnesse: racket: yell
And all the world with thundring vproare fill,
Till angry
Ioue his
Chaos drench agen
And a new nature of milde molde begin.
Yet knowe
(Earths Of-scums) I haue force, and woo'd
Vncase, vnlase, your Leaudnes: make ye scud:
Lash at Lines length: and instrike such a print,
Shu'd make ye startle, had ye hartes of flint,
Coo'd I finde Patrons to maintaine me in't.
Satyra.
BVt range my
Muse! find out some fresher
Game,
Some
Mayden matter, some vnchased
Theam
[...].
Beat through the throwes of these disordered
times.
The thorny thickets of contagious crimes,
And rouz from squat, pursue with aeger cry,
The lurking Leaudnesse, strong scent villany,
Of those close
Foxes, who (in milder skins)
Inuey, and guesse inuectiuely at Sinnes:
Bite with sharpe censure: and seuerely scan
The inward
Vertues, by the outward man.
Beshrow mee (Sirs) if I dare strout in
[...]treet,
Winke at a
Window: A
God-dam-me greet:
Vsher a
Lady: but salute her
Gloue:
Or
Kisse a Maide for manners more then
Loue:
Cringe to a
S
[...]riuener: be conuersing seene
In
Ludgate, with a broken
Citizen:
Or walke atended with my
Hackney Page:
Pace Turnball, Shorditch, Long-lane:
or Pickt-hatch,
Least I be taken by this heedfull watch.
These pickthanke Pesants; that with
Lynceus eye,
Inspect mans Actions too Iniuriously.
First to yon Masse of man: yon loade of
Guts,
That all he handles in his belly puts:
Who euery meales meate makes a Massecry,
Of Shambles, Poultry, Sea variety.
How on the Table he his Panch doth rest,
And stuffes it as a Wallet of the best▪
Yet close his Buttockes rammes vp as in Pound
For feare o'th worst, to'th' good-behauiour bound.
Snorts at mid-day: yet startles at the sturre,
Of a betraying Boote, or tel-tale Spurre:
Cryes out of
Fashions, as of
Fasting-dayes,
Rebukes
Excesse: gainst
Vanityes inueyes:
In sight of a (Sir reuerence)
Saffron-band.
Tell him his
Worship is so strictly wise:
His closest
Trounces, full as full of vice.
As wide from
Vertues meane as Largest size.
Next to yon
Prester Iohn, that Learned
Clarke:
Who after all my closest acts doth harke.
A man, that for a
Wise one sure woo'd passe,
Shu'd there but 6. bee, as there 7. was:
Hee heretofore (out of his
Loue exceeding)
Woo'd euer bee examining my Reading:
Now (more
Officious) euer
Checking is:
A strickt
Remembrancer of all amisse.
Bid him bee lesse in
Office: more in
Loue:
Least he ere long
Iacke out of Office proue.
Laugh, Laugh,
Demorritus! who can hold to hear
[...]
Socraticke Doctors,
Catoes most austeer.
To frame
Abridgements for youth's
Liberty.
Accuse
Wits folly.
Times strange alterations:
The vaine expence of cloth consuming fashions,
When their allowance was (themselues can tell)
At least vnto a Codpisse halfe an Ell.
Lend me
Athenian but a while thy light:
To scowre the scoutes, the Lurking holes of
Spite,
And execrable
Enuy: see the rout
Of Rascals: venome
Vermin, I'le finde out:
Cankermouth'd
Catchpoles, that in Ambush lye,
To wreck, to seck
Vertues aeternitie:
With poysnous blast of miscreant
Infamy.
(Iustmian) is too
Fortunate to beare
The name of
Iust: (Flora) too
Curtious farre
To harbour
Honesty: (Varro) held to bee
Vaine, for his skilfull vaine in
Poetry.
(Fantasticke) cannot with his Flaunders feete
Lock'd in his foure-wheele-casket vex the street:
Knocke in a Tauerne, but his Father heares,
Some 20 Leagues off.
Luxurio feares
Retaine a seruant fairer then his wife:
Nor will
Lorella in despaire of Life
Tell of her side-stitch or the Belly-ake,
Least she bee said
Lucinas ayde to lacke.
Who is from scourge of
Censure can scape free,
Yea
(Temperate Nature) men will jerke at thee!
How suffer some but for a
Sanguin Nose?
A
Scarlet scone? when each Logitian knowes
'Tis
Vertues colour. How enuy some at
[...]
A
Stirrill Chin? Or a top naked
Pate?
Emblem of
Truth, and
Graces. What reproofe
Goes with a
Limping Leg? Or
Vulcan Hoofe?
Yea some so farre presume, as to define
Knaues, by their
Bunch-back's, and their
Goggle-eyne
Not Naturall cause no note but in Spirit.
Peace then
Melampus, peace
Albertus, Cocles:
Ptoloemie, Rafis,
and Auerroes.
Gallon, Palemon: hence be silent all,
Or proue the cunning
Huperphisicall.
And all lesse learn'd in Rules of
Phisnomy:
That
Natures notes, holde markes of
Infamy.
Else
(mincing Madam's) why doe we
(alas!)
Pine at your
Pencill and conspiring
Glasse?
Your
Curles, Purles, Perriwigs, your Whal eb on
[...] wheels▪
That shelter all defects from head to heeles.
Making but
Good what these count
Vicious:
Yet not iniustly termed odious.
To strout in
Purple or rich
Scarlet dye
With siluer barres begarded thriftily:
To set in print the
Haire: Character the
Face:
Or dye in graine the
Ruffe for Visage grace.
[Page] To clog the
Eare with plummets: clag the wrests
With Busk-points, Ribbons,
or Rebato-Twists:
From Barbors tyranny to saue a locke,
His Mistris wanton fingers to prouoke:
Such
Trifles, Toyes: in these sharpe
Crittitks view,
Throwes vs in number of the damued
Crue.
As if a
Frounced, pounced, Pate coo'd not,
As much
Braine couer, as a
Stoike cut.
Or practicke
Vertue, might not lodge as soone
Vnder a
Silken, as a
Cynicke gowne.
Fond fond
Philosophers: who e're definde
Vertue a
Habite of the
Cloathes but
minde?
Tell me (precisely) what auailes it ware,
A Bongraco Bonnet, Eye-brow shorter Haire?
A Circumcized Ruffe? Conuerting Eye?
[...] Sadnesse?
Yes Indeed?
Yea Verily?
To beare a
Bible euery
Edifying day
Of an Armefull, (beside the
Apochriphay?)
[Page] To carry no more cloath then skin: to sho
[...]
The Stockens worne at Knees, the Shooes at Toe?
If thou but nod at
Fryers, Or be tane
Cloasly conuerting an impure Queane?
Found in a
Morgage, not a minute spare?
Or turne
Informer for a demyshare.
Who
Vertue holdes a bare apparant
Good,
Makes nothing
Ʋice, that may assume a hood,
A vaile of
Well, pure
honesty no more
Then flat
Hypo
[...]risie: a painted Whore.
Countes nothing more (when indeed nothing lesse
Then others mens
Opinions Happines.
And
Vertue (rare!) All thinges to be at
End:
When euery action needs to
Good must tend.
Giue me a
Genius: a well tempred minde
which no
Feare vrge: no
Syren note can winde
From way of
Right: that doth all
Good approue
For no Good else, but for bare
Vertues Loue.
[Page] Whome not
Cymerian darknes, more then day:
Nor
Gyges Ring could corrupt any way.
A Minde well mounted, that will scoffe at
Hate,
[...]rample on
Fortune, feircel Incounter
Fate,
[...]purne at the sound of
Vulgar praise as base:
[...]pit a defiance in proud
Enuyes face:
An armed
Conscience that dares grapple with
A mu
[...]ter of
Opinions, in the teeth:
Who though a
Theater should striue bring out
[...]is closest grosest
Faults, and all about
[...]et on to barke: durst boldly stand it out.
Who thinks to trauerse so vpright the Stage
(Free from
[...] of this
C
[...]nsorious Age:
Or aimes in Action at the
Vulgar grace,
Of
Hydra-He
[...] multitude,
Appl
[...]use;
Need frame him selfe a
Nature that will brooke
[...] many shapes as euer
Proteus tooke.
To crye
God
[...] you with a Courtly grace,
To act the
Cros-point Longey sleightly:
Is held Affecting Proud Humility.
To
Vaile the
Bonnet: stiffe as
Elephant,
A Furlong off to cast a
Complement:
To titch the Brimmes: or scarceto speake at all:
Wee stately, scornefull, hatefull
Gesture call.
And carelesse carriage argues,
Loues neglect:
In best endeauours
Critticks finde defect.
Let me no oftner then
Apollo appeare
To
Laugh, to skip
[...]
Phaebus) once a yeare,
To goe more formall then my won
[...]ed fashion,
Corrected in my Taylours last Edi
[...]ion▪
To rectifie my
Fore-top: or assume,
For one nights Reuel▪ a 3. story P
[...]me:
(Though some will
Lases weare, and
Leekes as of
And with a more (p
[...]rchance) Ambitious thought
Straight 'tis surmised, rumord r
[...]d about
[Page] I roare, I score, I lauish, lash it out.
Trifle
Times Treasure: And keepe open port,
To all Companions of licentious sort▪
When in a day or two, being found alone,
Hemmed in the hopefull habite of a
G
[...]rne.
By me a
Plowdon or a
Littleton.
Lord! what a new bred fame gins hence to passe,
How I am changed from the man I was?
Thus I can expectation
[...]alsify:
Weary out
Censure in vncertainty:
Redeeme
Time as I list: proue
Want of Wit
In those that most inue
[...]tiue jerke at it:
And most precize, of greatest vice condemne.
Making my
Faults theirs: by
Belying them.
Know I can Frolique be with
(Fr
[...]gio)
Court it in Comptest phrase with
(Curio.)
Come deepe the Caster: and Carouce it free▪
(As farre as
Vertues limites Licence mee.)
[Page] In as rich
Grograns, Sattins, Tissues, goe
As
Florence, Carles, Tartary can showe.
Meet, and crye farwell, to those spirits bolde
By
Pistolltenure that their Liuings holde,
Confer with Crop-eard knights ath'post; heare tell
Of
Stangate prizes, and of
Shooters Hill,
Of
Brothells, Stewes, of vil
[...]st
villanies,
And learne out
Vertue by her contraries.
Fond
Affectation, to be counted
Great,
To be
The man held: to be pointed at.
I e're neglected.
Singularitye
May sometimes vertue b
[...]:
nere Poli
[...]ye.
Who is a man of Note (note this from me)
Is sure ne're to offend in
secrecie:
To liue in
Bondage in
Fa
[...]es Iealosie.
Tis not the mouthfull of mans breath I care,
Nor seuere Censure of strict
Critick
[...] feare
In spite of
Enuy, Hate 'twas neuer known:
And now, when
Vertue Vice is held: whome is't
We may not
Praise or
Dispraise as wee list?
THen
(Snarling curres) turne to this gally slyme.
Feed on the putrid substance of my
Ryme,
Heer's
Hotch-pot: Sosse: prouided filling stuffe
Shall finde your greedy
Censures worke inough.
Where if I finde ye! Or but spie a traine:
A fresh haue at yee
(Varlots) once againe.
FINIS.
To his worthy Friend vpon these Satyres.
SAtyres in English? I pray God your fate,
Send's you not into the world too late
To proue there may be such: For there ha's bin
So much deceit in
Satyres, 'tis a
Sin
(Almost) to hope for good ones: They who best
Haue done, haue onely
Dar'd: and more exprest
Their
Passions, then a
Poem. Nay eeuen all
Doe but conuert their little Braines to gall:
And bee it
bitter once they care not then
How
venomous it be. Which errors when
I see, and see how well approu'd they are,
'Tis more then miracle, Your's be so farre
Distinguished. And that you suruiue to
Write,
More out of true discerning then of
Spite.
I. STEPHENS.
THE SECOND BOOKE: OF Satyricall Epigram's.
To his True Friend Tho: Fletcher of LINCOLN'S-INNE Gent:
TOM!) 'twas thy
Speeches did me first possesse
These
scattered Epigramm's deseru'd the
Presse.
VVhose Learned
Iudgement, and
Loue, I knew such,
Might wel
Commend, and
Command, twice as much.
If
(Reader) then heer's ought may breed delight,
Giue halfe the thankes to him it brought to light.
Nor blush not
(Tom!) nor blame not! that I seeme,
Thee the halfe-parent of my
Booke to deeme.
Heer's nought but
Good (if nothing they
mis-scan!)
Let
Critticks, Momus, All, say what they can!
Th'are
Good: who doubts it? not, for ought I know:
Yet
Good Ile sweare: because
Thou saist th'are so.
Satyricall Epigrammes.
Ad Emptorem. Epig: 2.
THese
Epigrams thou see'st whose are they? mine?
No! The
Book-binders: buy thē, they are thine.
In Thrasonem. Epig: 2.
SInce
(Thraso) met one stoutly in the field,
He cracks his
Spirit knowes not how to yeeld.
Looks big! Sweares! stroutes with set-side armes the
Yet gently yeelds the wall to all he meets. (streets:
And to his Friend that askes the reason why
His Answer's this: my selfe I grace thereby.
For euery one, the common Prouerbe knowes:
That All-wayes to the Wall the weakest goes.
Of a Rayling Clyent.
Epig. 3.
I Call'd one
Knaue: who answered:
(Sir) not so!
The Knaue doth all-way's with the Lawyer goe.
How could I well but well approue his speech?
Each
Lawyer walkes, his
Clyent at his breech.
Of Debt. Epig. 4.
TO bee
Indebted is a
shame (men say!)
Then 'tis
Confessing of a
shame, to
Pay.
In Medicum. Epig. 5.
WHen
(Mingo) cries
How do you sir! tis thought
He
Patients wanteth? & his practic's nought.
Wherefore of late now euery one he meeteth,
But who'l beleeue him now, when all can tell
The world goes
Ill with him when all are
Well?
Against the Accademicks of their abusiue * Ignoramus. Epig. 6.
THe
Law is in our
Hands! How dare ye then
Abusiue bee? Cause ye are
Law-lesse men:
Your fault was great! but wee neglect the same,
For ye excuse your
Error in the *
Name.
In Cornutum. Epig. 7.
ONe tolde his wife a
Harts-head he had bought
To hang his Hat vpon: and home it brought,
To whome his frugall Wife: what needs this care?
I hope
(sweete Hart) your
Head your hat can bear
[...].
No-lawes Reformation.
Epig: 8.
SInce
(No-law's) Father did him Counsaile giue
And said▪ hee onely by his
Booke must liue.
Ha's bought the
Law: and vowes his life to mend,
And most on's time will in his
Studdy spend.
And (doubtlesse) so he meanes, for wot ye why?
Has cha ng'd his
Bed, and doth in's
Studdy lye:
How like ye
(No-law) now? Is hee not wise?
Thus he is certaine by
[...]he
Law to
Rise.
Of
Lucus and his long Haire.
Epig: 9.
LVcus) long locks down to his shoulders weares:
And why? He dares not cut them
for his Eares.
Francisco's Trauels. Epig: 10.
TEn monthes (I take it) are not fully gone,
Sinee bolde
(Francisco) crost the
Seas alone.
VVho late returned (one woo'd thinke it much)
A compleat
Linguist: skilfull in the
Dutch.
And more (if you knew all) for wot yee what?
In the
Low-cuntry's hee the
French hath got.
Of Braggado and his Valour.
Epig: 11.
GIue one bad word out comes
Braggadoes sword,
And sweares (in rage) to sheath it in your guts.
But draw and stifly stand vnto your word,
[...]nd gently vp againe his blade he puts.
[...]raues your acquaintance▪ vowes he loues all such
[...]s on their
Reputation stand so much.
[Page] But bee he
One that can his wroth containe,
He
Scornes to strike him! Hee'l not strike againe.
When will
Braggado then his manhood proue?
When he
[...] meets one he doth not
scorne, or
Loue.
Of
Duke and his Imprisonment.
Epig. 12.
DVke) lyes for
Debt, yet nothing owes he'l sweare
Beleeu't, 'tis false, as sure as hee
Lyes there.
Againe: Of
Duke and the Debt.
Epig. 13.
DVke's not in debt: yee doe him wrong to say it:
The
Debt is—God knowes whose. His that w
[...] pay i
[...]
(Guido's)
Bounty.
Epig. 14.
GIft-gobling
Guido alwayes, as he takes,
Vnto his Friend this hopefull answere makes.
I thanke you kindely: You haue beene at cost:
But (if I liue) you shall not finde it lost.
Then can I euer hope to liue and finde
Close-fisted
Guido in the
Giuing minde?
Nor can I thinke
guifts lost, though
Guido dye?
For who can
loose that he doth
Giue away?
Of Lawyers. Epig. 15.
SOme,
Lawyers praise: & some their sect defame:
The first I cann't: the last I will not blame.
Nor yet esteeme
Those lesse
Praise-worthy, when
All
loue not
Vertue: No not most of men.
But rather him a
Temporizer call.
When
Two contend for, what but
One must haue,
Who can doe Right and eithers fauours saue?
When one mans
Losse anothers
Game doth make,
And
Loosers must, and will haue leaue to speake.
Then
Ge
[...]tle Lawyers,) thinke it more then well,
If the ha
[...]e part of men your
Praises tell.
To his Fellow Students.
Epig. 16.
TO
Rise by
Law, a
Life wee couet all.
Why? 'Tis
Death to vs, by the
Law to
Fall.
Of Him selfe. Epig. 17.
A Friend of mine, (and yet no friend to mee,)
Comes oft and craues my
Epigram's to see.
[Page] He waighes each word, & highly doth cōmend 'em
And much intreats me to the
Presse to send 'em.
Thus
(Foole!) my
Labour's I let him pertake,
That
Labour's mee a
Foole imprint to make.
Of Phantasmo a Mistris Boaster.
Epig. 18.
FY! fie
(Phantasmo!) cease to raise
Such
Trophaeis in thy Mistris
Praise.
[...]hee's
Faire! what then? The house most white
[...]eeme
Venus Birds most to inuite.
And
Trees that fairest
Fruite doe beare
VVith
Stones assaulted oftnest are.
[...]hee's Pretty! Witty!
cruell Wit,
[...]f not
Wisdome, Ioyn'd with it!
[...]hee's
Kinde! 'Tis true! what better knowne?
[...]Vhat worse? when
Kinde to more then one.
[Page] Wrong not then my
Purest Faire,
With this meane this skin compare.
Rather by thy
Sonnets, seeke,
To make her
Praises Venus like.
How ere she
Propper: Faire her
Feature:
Beleeu't shee's but a
Common creature.
In Sextum. Epig. 19.
SExtus) 6.
Pockets weares: 2. for his
Vses:
The other 4. to
Pocket vp
Abuses.
Epig. 20.
KIt) I commend thy care of all I know,
That p
[...]un'dst thy
Cushion for a Pipe of
To—
Now thou art like (though not to studdy more!)
Yet ten-times
Harder then thou didst before.
Cynna's Theft. Epig. 21.
STolne Fruite is sweete:
So cannot Cynna
say,
That
Stole a Wench, and had her tooke away.
Of Luce and her 4. Husbands, 3. of them thus Named, Small, Forman, Middleton. Epig. 22.
LVce) late is left a
Wealthy widdow:
(How can it other bee then so?)
[...]oure Husbands she hath buryed,
Yet would not stick againe to wed,
Which on her
Hand she thus doth cast:
[...]mall, Forman, Middleton:
And my Last.
Counting for euery finger
One)
Which all (God wot) are dead and gone.
Then
(Luce) beware a
Fift to take,
[...]east so a Hand of all you make.
More-dew's Payment.
Epig. 23.
MOre-dew) the Mercer (with a kinde salute)
Woo'd needs intreat my Custome for a
Sute
[...]
He'r
Sir (quoth hee) for
Sattins, Vel
[...]ets, call:
VVhat ere you please, Ile take your word for all.
I thank't! Tooke! Gaue my word! (say than?)
Am I at all indebted to this man?
Clyms Account. Epig. 24.
CLym calls his
Wife and reckoning all his neighbor
Iust
Halfe of them are
Cuckolds he auer's.
Nay fie (quoth she!) I would they heard you speak
You of your
selfe it seemes no
Reckoning make.
Of
Sim, and his speedy Marriage.
Epig. 25.
SIx months (quoth
Sim) a
Sutor and not sped?
I in a Sennet did both
Woe and
Bed.
: Who greene Fruit
Loues must take long paines to shake.
Thine was some
Downe-fall I dare vndertake.
A Manly Woman the best Wife.
Epig. 26.
FAire! manly! Wise! Imagine which of these
In Wedlock choise would best my
fancy please?
Of all: giue me the
Woman halfe a
Man:
So I shall (happy) haue but
halfe a Woman.
The Womans Answer. Epig. 27.
IF
Halfe a woman best your
Humour fit:
'Twere best to
marry an
Hermophrodite.
Tom's good Fortune in being Rob'd.
Epig. 28.
TOm) tels hee's
Rob'd, and counting all his
losses,
Concludes: All's gone
the world is full of Crosses.
If all
be gone (Tom) take this comfort then,
Th'art certaine neuer to haue
Crosse agen.
Of Lawyers and Poets.
Epig. 29.
NO mar'le that
Lawyers, rich:
Poets, poore liue,
One
giues to
take, the
other, takes
to Giue.
In Ignotum. Epig. 30.
VVHat bred a
Seholler: borne a
Gentleman,
Of 5. yeares
standing an
Oxonian.
And shall I basely now turne
Seruing-Creature?
(Foole!) hug thy fortune. S'fut 't may be thy making
A
Ladyes proffered
Seruice not worth taking?
Who her
serues (sure) shall be well
Borne: (and
One knowne sufficient for the
Turne before. (more)
The more thy
Standing, greater
(Foole) thy
Grace.
And thou farre fitter to supply the place.
For men in seruing
Ladyes much may
get,
Then men of
Best-parts soonest they'l admit.
In Sprusam. Epig. 31.
WHen men speake
Baudy knowest thou what's the matter.
(Sprufa) so often spitteth? (not to flatter!)
The cause (I take't) is this:
Her teeth doe water.
Of the Riming Sculler.
Epig. 32.
HOrace the
Poet, in his Booke reherses,
That Water-drinkers
neuer make good Verses.
Yet I a
Poet know, And (in his
Praise!)
Hee's
one has liu'd by Water all his day's.
Sues Slip. Epig. 33.
SVe swore she
Lou'd mee: and vow'd faithfully
Neuer to
match with any but with mee.
Now she hath chang'd her minde: and of
All men
Will none of
mee. Hath she not
match't mee then?
Tell her she
Trifles. Aske but to what end
She swore
shee Lou'd? She meant but as a Friend.
[Page] Aske why
Loue tokens she did priuate send?
Still shee replyes: She meant but as a Friend.
Aske why sh' Inuited mee to walke alone
where she her
thoughts more fully did make known
Binding
with Oathes, Deliuering Hand
on that,
Sealing with
Lippes, In Wttnesse I know what:
Casting her selfe downe by mee: where I could
And might haue tooke, what
Suerty I would.
Still blamelesse, shamelesse,
Shee will all defend,
Saying in all: Shee meant but as a Friend.
Then bee
Su
[...] such to all her
Friends, as mee,
I'ad rather shee my
Friend then
Wife shu'd bee.
Of
Win and her Sutors.
Epig: 34.
WIn is much wooed to, but not
wonne of any:
The troth on't is:
She doth
admit too many.
Tym's Studiosity. Epig. 35.
MArke ye how studious
(Tym) is turnd of late?
How he breakes Company to meditate?
Does hee but thus continue, certainly,
Hee'l bee (at least) a
Sargeant, ere hee dye.
Hee may doe (doubtlesse) much! yet I can tell,
Hee'l not come neere a
Sargeant, by his will.
Aenigma.
A
Begger once exceeding poore
A penny pray'd mee giue him:
And deeply vow'd n'ere to
aske more:
And I, nere
more, to giue
Him.
Next day he
Begg'd againe, I
gaue,
Yet
Both of vs onr
Oathes did
saue.
Of an Egregious Whoore.
Epig. 36.
THy Belly is thy God.
I well may say!
All thy care is to
serue it
Night and
Day.
Feare then thy
God: least (whil'st thou worship so!)
He Rise, and
Hellish torments put the to.
Of
Felo and his Poetry.
Epig. 37.
FElo) that lately kist the
Gaole, hath got
A smacke of
Poetry! yea more then that!
Hee will maintaine none can bee truely said
A
Poet, that was neere
Imprisoned.
: No Bird sings sweet
[...]r then the Bird in Cage.
: And Satyrists (like Dogs) ty'd, fiercest rage.
[Page] Thus will fond
(Felo) proue by Disputation,
That
New-gate is the
Muses habitation.
But how so? when some there
cannot reherse,
In a
month's Learning, for their
Liues a Verse.
To his Vnconstant Mistris.
Epig. 38.
I Dare not much say when I
thee commend,
Least
Thou bee
changed ere my
Praises end.
Woman
(quasi) Woe-man.
Epig. 39.
HAd I not felt it misery to
W
[...]e,
I had beene
marryed (certaine) long agoe.
Had I
Not marryed, straight
(Moroco) sayes,
I had not once felt
Woe in all my dayes.
Woe worth the
Man with
Woman hath to doe.
For Lawyers. Epig. 40.
I Muse that
Lawyers feare no more to
marry
That from their Wiues must all the
Terme-time tarry.
O Sir! If
Termely absence breeds the
Feare,
How many
Frights each
Lawyer, in a yeare?
Speudall's Pollici
[...].
Epig. 41.
NOuerint Vniuersi per prae—
Thus began
(Notario) read, ere hee'd his
Coyne forgoe.
Holde (cryes young
Spendall:) S'fut you marre all man!
By any meanes my
Father must not know.
For any money I'de not haue it so.
Of Liber too wary to Thriue.
Epig. 42.
LIber) is late set vp, and wanteth
Custome.
Yet great
resort hath got: but hee'l not
Trust 'em.
Is not his Loue vnto his Friend the greater?
Hee'l
want himselfe, ere hee'l see him
a Debtor.
In Lesbiam, ingratam.
Epig. 43.
WHy I should
Loue thee I no
Reason see:
Then Out of Reason
(Lesbia) I Loue thee.
Sir Hughes mistake. Epig. 44.
IN
Marriage, Woman promise makes:
To serue her Husband all her Life.
[...]hat
vses Seruants as his
Wife.
[...]nd further yet the sence doth wrest,
[...]ouing
Her most that
serues him best.
In Pontum. Epig. 45.
[...]Ontus comes
Posting almost euery day,
And cryes
How doe you Sir? Come, what's th
[...] play?
Who doubts but much his labour hee hath lost,
nere coo'd tell, no more then coo'd the
Post.
In Milonem. Epig: 46.
MIlo) much blames mee, that in all my
Ʋerse,
I nothing in my
Mistris Praise reherse.
[...]now I haue
Volumes, and wou'd (I confesse.)
ut can not get consent of Her to
Presse.
Of Wine. Epig. 47.
PHysitians) Wine at
Spring-Time poyson call;
I hold! It neuer hurteth but ith'
Fall.
In Presbiterum.
Epig. 48.
PResbyter) that of late his
Parish crost,
By his loose
Liuing, hath his
Liuing lost.
And will turne
Begger: hoping by his
Wittes,
To raise a
Benefice from
Benefitts
Foole! Studdy better, better meanes to liue.
To
Learned Beggers, rare, or ne're men giue.
Where
Art and
Pouerty together dwell,
'Tis shrowdly to bee fear'd all is not well.
Men doe by
Beggiug Liuings get (we see!)
Yet few get
Liuings by their
Beggery.
In Ignotum. Epig. 49.
A
Cornish Citizen came to his
Wife,
Swore he had beene in danger of his life.
How man (quoth shee!) Faith pointing but at
One
Counted the
arrant'st Cuckold in the Towne.
[...]ay Lord
(quoth shee!) what meant you
Man to say it?
[...]ye you forget your Selfe
too bad, be quiet.
The Iealous Man.
Care: I
Feare: I
Vexe full sore:
To
Know of what would
Vexe mee more.
The Wittall.
Know my Fate, and that must beare,
And since I
Know I need not
Feare.
Epig. 50.
HOw can
(Sir Amorous) in his
sute speede
ill,
That hath his
Mistris, euery where at
Will.
Then worke thy
Will of her, for know, of
Olde,
Tayle Tenure hath been held the
surest holde.
Incerti Authoris Of a Bald-man. Epig. 51.
THy
Haires, and
sinnes, no man may aequall cal
For as thy
Sinnes increase thy
Haires doe
Fall
[...]
An Answer to the same.
Epig. 52.
YEs: If thy
Haires fall, as thy
Sinnes increase,
Both will ere long proue
aequall, Numberlesse.
In Philippum. Epig: 53.
CAll
Phillip, Flat-nose, straight hee frets thereat!
And yet this
Phillip hath a
Nose, that's
Flat.
To his Ingenious Friend
Will: Goddard of his Booke intituled:
Waspes▪
Epig. 54.
TRue
Epigrams most fitly
likned are
To
Waspes, that in their taile a sting must beare.
[...]hine being
Waspes. I say, (who'st will repine!)
[...]hey are not
Epigrams are not
like Thine.
Amor ex visu.
Of a Blind-man, Louing.
Epig. 55.
[...]F
Loue comes but by
Sight: (as
[...]rue we finde.)
Then needs must
(Caec
[...]) see: for he is
Blinde.
Maxima amicitia inter aequales.
The
Younger Brother to the
Elder.
Epig. 56.
IF Amongst aequals greatest Friendship bee,
Our
Loue was
Best in our minoritie.
When as this mutuall Lesson wee were taught,
To bee as
Equall branches from
One graft.
Then did wee
Goe and
Grow alike, as
One,
No
Difference had in Education.
So our Affections
Sympathiz'd in all,
That no euent could come but
mutuall.
So
Neare so
Deare, we both did
Loue and
Liue,
That each
ones Breath to each might
Being giue,
What more? So
Life, and
Loue, in all did linke vs,
That
One that knew vs both, both
one wou'd think v
Which in our
Father br
[...]d this foule mistake,
Who gaue
One all, and so did
Difference make.
Vaitas non est numerus.
Epig. 57.
ROme for
(Reuersio:) there's but
One, Ile swear
[...]
Betwixt him and 5. hundred a
Yeare.
O happy, thrice
(Reuersio) if that
One,
(As none a
Number) thou coo'dst
number none!
Againe: Vnus Homo nullus homo.
Epig. 58.
ONe Man is no man: Proue that if you can,
(Re
[...]ersio) you for euer make a
Man.
Natura nihil agit frustra.
Against Painted Women.
Epig. 59.
MOst are of minde that
Women are lesse
Fair
[...],
And more
Deformed: then of
Olde they were.
To
giue them
Beauty, that can
Beauty make.
To his Hearts conciled Honor.
THen
Thee, the
Goddesse did
Diuinely frame,
For her
Art's glory, and the
[...]e
Artists shame.
In Amicam dotem quaerentem.
Epig. 60.
(—) Loues me, and woo'd
wed, but wot ye what?
Vnlesse I make her
Ioynture shee will not.
And whats this Ioynture. A future Estate
: Purchast by Prouidence, possest by Fate.
Whereon to Hopes
vnkindnesse, griefe t'inioy,
A
Sin, to
wish for, in it
selfe a
toy.
[Page] A meerly neerl'
Inuention, onely fit
To part false hearts, and not to
Ioyne on it.
Then (—) on
Ioynture doe not so much stand,
: All faithfull
Louers are not borne to Land.
It breeds
Distrust: Inferres
suspition
Of other dislikes, to dislike thee on.
For was thy
Loue, so firme as
mine! with me
Thou'dst thinke no other but to liue and die.
Yet bee't as 'twill! ere Ile my
Loue forgoe,
For want of what I need not: this Ile doe,
Take mee! Ile play th'
Good-husband, and I will
Both
Day and
Night bee
getting for thee still.
And what I get (and I will get for
Life,)
Dying Ile wholly leaue vppon my
Wife.
[...]f this contents not! marke then what Ile say.
Dues must not bee demaunded till the
Day.
And then aske
Ioynture when it shall grow
Due.
Of a Lawyer and a Physitian, which the Better man.
Epig. 61.
A Quaint
Physitian that had tooke Degree,
Like in his
Habite: aequall in his
Fe
[...].
Being a man of
Vniuersall grace,
Contended with a
Lawyer for the place:
Sir (quoth
'Physitian) I am
One you know
That before Lords and Ladyes vse to goe.
My
Life secure, voide of seditious strife.
Not one dares once molest me,
for his Life.
I oft am sent for,
Lawyer then (bee se'd)
And haue
to doe, with
Ladyes in their bed.
Lawyer.
Be Patient
(Doctor,) And take this from mee,
Tis not your
Grace: like
Habite: aequall
Fee:
[Page] Nor Priuiledges
all: (say what you can)
May make you bee, or seeme the better man:
I (as
Apollo) am the God, to whome.
All Countryes croutching doe for
Counsaile come.
Iudge then my state! how
Honored I liue:
How
Liberall: Counsaile vnto all I
Giue:
How
Honest, That am sought too: free from
Hate
When men will trust mee with their whole estate.
No not the statelyest
Lady in the Land,
Will sticke to put her
Case into my hand:
Goe to our
Practise! (for my Countries care)
I most am stirring where
Contentions are.
You in
Infections, and
Diseases raining,
Make out of
Others losse and
Hurt, your gaining.
I to suppresse
Deceit, Truth's Causes vrge:
You, Humours to exhale, with
Glisters purge.
Mistake not
Doctor then, and you shall finde.
It is your
Office for to come
behinde.
Of 2. Painters contending for Praeeminence in their Ar [...]. Epig. 62.
TWo
Painters on a time at variance fell,
Which might each other in his
Art excell.
One thinking straight to end so vaine a strife,
Pluckes forth the curious Picture of his
Wife,
Swearing if ought of his could this surpasse,
Hee, of the
Two the better
Artist was:
The other more Learned in
Philosophie.
Saves All compares must amongst ae
[...]ua
[...]ts bee.
Now then (if this mu
[...] the Contention end)
You of necessity your
Wife must lend.
Then let me presently her with me take,
And I hee Image shall more
Liuely make.
Let no suspition cause you to deny her,
Ile make it speedily: And send it by her.
This done! The
Artist cuuningly did bid her,
Before him stand, as when her
Husband did her,
[Page] Who speedily his
Percill forth did plucke,
And close him
[...]elfe vnto his worke betooke.
So Iustly
Her hee fitted euery where,
She swore her
Husband could not him come neere.
: No better
Iudge then, can I
haue, nor
Will,
: Goe home and tell thy
Husband of my
Skill.
At whose returne the
Good-man (fond to know)
Askt her the
Ensigne of his
Art to show.
(Quoth she) this time the
Ground he onely laide,
It shall in time bee perfected (hee saide.)
Oft was he vrgent, (and woo'd Answer none,)
From day to day hee'd aske
(What ha's h
[...] done?)
It chanced so that in some 10. Months after,
Shee was deliuered of a goodly
Daughter.
So like in all, to th' Mother was this
Elfe,
That none could thought bee mother but
herselfe.
Which
Born
[...], she tooke, and to her
Man did send it
Loe heere my Picture: Trie if you can mend it.
FINIS.
To the worthy Author vpon these Epigrams.
LEt me not whilst I praise an
Epigram,
Deserue a
Satyre: Let not me who am
As nice in praising as dispraisiug still,
Commend your worke as trading
Poets will:
For then I might praise Bookes I neuer read,
Bookes sencelesse, at least not Interpreted,
And sweare I know them good. Thus many doe
Commend and yet maintaine, their credits too:
Which, my poore Innocence hath much admir'd,
Till I perceiu'd these
Poets who are hir'd,
In all respects are
Shop-keepers: And they
Grow Bankroupts, if forsworne but once a day:
So these in wit grow beggerly whose sloath
Hath nothing but a Wager, or an Oath
To proue their owne or other mens desert:
[Page] And did not my per-vsall now conuert
My Iudgement to consider what I praise:
I might (as they) approue, and many wayes
Recant hereafter: But I giue them leaue
To
Write vpon me, when they shall perceiue
Such scorn'd Inconstancie; and if they please
To doo't in
Epigrams, Let them first learne
These.
Which if they can learne, they may truely boast▪
They haue aduantage gotten with the most.
IO: STEPHENS.
Epigram.
To his Lou: Chamber-Fellow, and nearest Friend NAT: GVRLIN Of
Lincolnes-Inne Gent.
NAT) Counsaile me! (faith!) what wod'st hau
[...] me doe
My priuate
Notes produce in publique
view?
Tush! mooue me not: yet (doubtles) tis rare stuff
And may Take, why not? if so!
Good inough.
How ere
(Nat) Patronize it, thou canst tell,
(If ought mislike:) I
meant, and
wish all
well.
Then,
Good: or
Bad heer
(Sirs!) on liking take it
If
Good, 'tis I: If
Bad: 'tis you that make it.
Notes from Black-Fryers.
WHat
(friend Philemo) let me thy corpes Imbrace!
So jumpe met in this vnfrequented place?
Then, faith! 'lets Frolique't: pre'thee whats the
Play?
(The first I visited this twelue monthes day.)
(They say) A new Inuented Toy of
Purle
That ieoparded his Necke, to steale a Girle
Of
12: And (lying fast impounded for't)
Hath
[...]ither sent his Beard, to Act his part.
Against all those in open Malice bent,
That would not freely to the Theft consent.
Faines all to's wish, and in the Epilogue,
Goes out applauded for a famous—)
Now hang me if I did not looke at first,
For some such stuffe by the fond peoples thrust.
Then stay! Ile se
[...]'t, and sit it out (what ere)
Had I at comming forth tooke a
Glister:
Had
Fate fore-read me in a
Croude to dye:
To bee made
Adder-deafe with
Pippin-crye.
Come▪ let's bethink our selue
[...] what may be found
To deceiue
Time with, till the second sound:
Out with these
matches fore-runners of Smoake,
This
Indian pastime I could neuer brooke.
SEe
(Captaine Martin) he ith'
Renounce me Band▪
That in the middle Region doth stand
Woth' reputation steele! Faith! lets remoue,
Into his
Ranke, (if such discourse you Loue)
Hee'l tell of
Basilisks, Trenches, Retires:
Of Pallizadoes, Parepets, Frontires:
What to bee
Harquebazerd: to lye in
Perdue:
How many men a
Souldier ought to slay
For a
Lieutenant-ship: or Twelue month
Pay.
Hee'l read a Lecture (by his skill exceeding)
O
[...]
Reputation: when▪ it lyes a
Bleeding:
When Tutcht:
when Ingaged:
when quite Dead,
[...] How none may euer Fight once Baffled.
What satisfaction for the Lye:
and when
Quarrels
are mortall:
when Sec
[...]nds may come in▪
Then of the
Nether-lands! what
Passes there:
What stout
Performances: wherein hee'l sweare
As many weekely fall but for the
Lye,
As did in ho
[...]test time of
Si
[...]knesse dye.
Last for his
Manhood: how in furie (cro
[...]t)
For a false reckoning once he slew his
Host.
And late in
England, (since his comming o're)
[...]nto the
Channell flung an
Oyster-whoore.
[Page] For taking th'wall of him: seeme but to doubt
(The least) of these: straight he will plucke ye out
Handfuls of
Reputation: gain'd of those
That dared not his
Valour counterpose.
But wronging him: and
call'd to account for't
In Satisfaction
from their Hands woo'd part.
Which he puts vp, and gloriously puts forth
In Ordinaries to proclaime his
worth,
Thinking to get (what common sence denyes)
Credit:
by Pocketting vp Iniuryes.
Then
Learne of him, he'l teach you how yee might
Be counted
Valiant, and neuer
Fight.
LOok next to him to,
One we both know well,
(Sir
I
[...]and Hunt) a Trauailer that will tell
Of stranger Things then
Tatterd Tom ere li't of,
Then
Pliny, or
Heroditus e're writ of:
How he a remnant lately brought with him
At the
Barmodies bow the Fishes fly.
Of Lands inriched by a
Lottery.
Of
Affricke, Aegypt: with strange Monsters fil
[...] ▪
Such as nere
Noahs Arke: nere
[...]den held.
And rarer
Rarities, then all of these:
Iust now to bee discouered (if yee please!)
Such as woo'd make a Blind-man fond to see:
Conuicted Gallants loose their hopes and flie,
Most younger
Brothers sell their Lands to buy,
Guyantan Plumes: like
Icarus to fly.
BVt stay! see heere (but newly Entred,)
A
Cheapside Dame, by th' Tittle on her head!
Plot (Villain!) plot! Let's lay our heads together▪
We may deuise perchance to get her hither.
(If wee to-gether cunniningly compact)
Shee'l holde vs dooing till the Latter
Act.
[Page] And (on my life) Inuite vs Supper home,
Wee'l thrust hard for it▪ but wee'l finde her rome,
Heer
Mis—(pox ont! she's past, sh
[...]'l not come ore,
Sure shee's bespoken for a box before.
KNowest thou yon world of fashions now comes in
In
Turkie colours carued to the skin.
Mounted
Pelonianly vntill hee reeles,
That scornes (so much)
plaine dealing at his heeles.
His Boote speakes
Span
[...]sh to his
Scottish Spurres,
His Sute cut
Frenchly, round besiucke with Burres.
Pure
Holland is his Shirt, which proudly faire,
Seemes to out-face his
Doublet euery where,
His Haire like to your
Mo
[...]r's or
Irish Lockes,
His chiefest Dy
[...]t,
Indian minced Dockes.
What Countrey
may-game might wee this suppose,
Sure one woo'd thinke a
Roman by his
Nose.
ee is of
England by his
Yellow Band.
NOw
Mars defend vs! seest thou who comes yonder?
Monstrous! A
Woman of the
Masculine Gender.
[...]oke! thou mayst well descry her by her groath,
[...]t, point not man! Least wee be beaten both.
e her a little, marke but where shee'l goe,
ow (by this hand) into the Gallants Roe.
[...]ther her alone! What ere she giues to stand,
ee'l make her selfe a gayner,
By the Hand.
VHat think'st thou of yon plumed
Dandebrat,
Yon Ladyes Shit
[...]le-cocke, Egyptian Rat:
[...]n Musk-ball, Milke-sop:
yon French Sincopac
[...]:
at Vshers in, with a
Coranto graco.
This is the
Puppet, which the Ladyes all
Send for of purpose and solicite so
To daunce
with them. Pray (Sir) a step or two.
A
Galliard or a
Iigg: Pox ont! cryes hee,
That ere I knew this Toyling
faculty.
Yet marke! No sooner shall the
Cornets blow,
But ye shall haue him skipping too and fro.
A Stoole and Cushion! Enter
Tissue slop!
Vengeance! I know him well, did he not dr
[...]
Out of the
Tyring-house? Then how (the duse)
Comes the mishapen
Prodigall so spruse,
His year's
Reue
[...]ewes (I dare stand vnto't,)
Is not of
worth to purchase such a
Sute.
Tush! is it now to question
Gallantry,
When
No-land for a rich
Gratuity,
[Page] May Seale as deepe as can
Auare's Heire,
That may
dispend fiue hundred a yeare?
When
Tradesmen take by whole sale all they can,
Venting it
out, on
day, to any Man.
And then themselues for Twelu-pence in the pound,
Will in the payment of the Debt be bound
And escape free by
Breaking. This an age
To feare preferment? When a Rascall
Page
An
Abiect outside shall presume to Woe
Rich bruted
(Cashia:) and hope better too,
Then hee that of the
Of-scums of his
Braine,
Can a man better then the (Vice) maintaine.
(Tut! 'tis the
Mothers plot! Now she shall see
The
Court sometimes! Oh
Carnall Pollicy!)
Then who in
Studdy woo'd spend Time in vaine
[...]
Omit youth's pleasures for a fruitlesse paine?
Or for an Ayrie puffe of Enuy'd
Praise,
Liue bound to th'
Good-behauiour all his dayes.
[Page] Hang't! Let's be
Iouiall! Braue it whilft we can!
Whats
Coyne ordain'd for, but the vse of
Man?
To Borrow is a
Vertue, when to Lend,
Is to beget an euerlasting freind:
And may a man haue more said in his grace,
Then to bee
Credited in euery place?
Hee's not a Gentleman I dare maintaine,
Whose
Word runnes nor as Current as his
Coyne.
A Pipe heere (Sirra) no
Sophistocate.
(Villain) the
best: what ere you
prize it at.
Tell yonder Lady, with the
Yellow fan,
I shall be proude to
Vsher her anon:
My Coach stands ready. Lord how me thinkes I long!
To carue the inside of a dry'd
Neats-tong.
England cannot afford a kinder relish,
For Backragg,
Deale, or your more pleasing
Re
[...]ish
When shall we make a pleasant cut to
Douer,
In a mad merry
Humor? And send ouer?
[Page] A Laugh shall rouz the Hage: shake
Lesbou walls:
And raise in Armes the fearfull
Portugalls.
Say Gallants (faith) shall's neuer see the day,
When wee shall
Fish-street once againe suruey.
A butterd
Crab or
Lobsters leg to get,
O Venus! How a Life I sauour it?
Who woo'd not all his Land spend had hee more,
Then in a day a
Kite could hoouer ore.
T'inioy the pleasant
Harmony that wee
Finde in this
Microcosme, Man's societie.
When all is gone, tis weaknesse to dispaire,
Are there not wealthy
Widdowes eu'ry where.
Ambitious Sick, woo'd part from all their
Good;
To crowne their latter dayes with a
French-hood?
Are there not
Pates, in strange discoueries teaching
Wh
[...]re mountains are of
Gold? s'fut, tis but fetching!
Twenty such
Fe
[...]ches hath the (Shar
[...]e) to moue
[...]
Gallants of the first
Head, but to approue
[Page] His swaggering
Humor▪ vowes that all he spends,
He getteth brauely by his
[...]ingers ends.
There's not a
Cheapside Mercer (if he looke)
That will not sweare to▪t deeply on his booke.
No note
[...]
No ary in
Cornwell row,
But is subscribed
Witnesse there too.
Silkmen. Haberdashers▪ Tradesm
[...]n
all:
Inamor'd on him, for his Custome call,
And he takes
all of them But woe to him
If he bee
taken but by
one of
Them.
:W' Ant it for Women w
[...]e shu'd all be men.
I cannot present better instance, then
In you Spruse
Coxcombe, yon Affecting
Asse,
That neuer walkes without his
Looking-glasse,
In a
Tobacco box, or
Diall set,
That he may priuately conferre with it.
Whether his Band strings ballance equally:
Which way his
Feather wagg's: And (to say truth)
What wordes in vtterance best become his mouth.
Oh! Hadst thou yesterday beheld the
Valour
I saw him exercising on his
Taylour▪
How,
out of measure, hee the R
[...]scall beat,
Not fitting to his
minde his Doublet.
Lord! how I laught to see the witlesse Noddy,
Durst not reply, he meant it to his
Body.
See Villain, Rogue! (And in he shrinks his brest)
Oh Heauens! Too wide a handfull at the least,
Straight it is Cut! And then proues (being try'd)
As much too little on the other side.
But what skil't! Hee'l haue an attractiue
Lace,
And
Whalebone-bodyes, for the better grace.
Ad nit spare
dyet, on no sustnance feed,
But
Oatmeale, Milke, and crums of
Barly-bread.
[Page] Vse Exercise vntill at l
[...]st hee fit:
(With much adoe) his Body vnto it.
Hee'l not approach a
Tauerne, no nor drinke ye
To saue his life
Hot-water, (wherefore thinke ye,)
For heating's
Liuer! Which some may suppose
Scalding hote, by the
Bubbles on his
Nose.
Hee'l put vp any
publique foule disgrace,
Rather then hazzard cutting of his
Face.
If in his Element you'd haue the
(F
[...]ole!)
Aske him when he came from the
Dauncing-school
Whereas much
Leather he doth dayly waste
In the French
Cringe, which
Ieremy brought last.
And more, then
C
[...]iat (I dare maintaine)
In going to the
Alp
[...] and backe againe.
Whereof, that all the world may notice take,
See! euery step an
H
[...]r hee doth make
That Ladyes, may
denote him with their
Fa
[...],
As he goes by, with a
Lo: Hee's the man.
[Page] IS't not a thing to bee admired at
That any man should
Sing himselfe in debt.
Then who'd not giue as willingly a groate,
To heare
(Fantasticks) admirable note?
As see a
Mandrake, or a
Sea-monster:
Edwards blade:
with the Tombes
at Westminster.
The
Eagle at the
Tower: St.
Iames's Rarityes:
The
Estrich, or
Beauer, that woo'd worrey Trees?
(Amorous
Fantasticke) that did neuer ayme at
A smaller
Rise, then
Ela in the
Gamat.
That ne're conuersed but with men of
Note,
Your Crotchet
Pate, and your
Organick Throat.
Neuer
Ambitious more then to be able,
But to attaine vnto a Chamber
Treble.
Wondrous proficient! See how the Gentlewomen
Throng to his
Chamber doore, but dare not come in,
Why? least he
rauish them! Tush! Laugh ye not,
H'as done (I wosse) as great exploites as that.
[Page] (Or else he cracks) the sweetnesse of his voyce
Ore-heard of Ladyes, hath procur'd him choyse
Of
Matches: Noble, Rich: but hee'l not meddle,
And why (I pray?) for cracking of his
Treble.
No! hee'l with better industry make tryall,
If hee can
Match his Treble to the
Ʋioll.
Gainst when, hee hath proclaim'd throughout the Citty,
To
All your Witts, an Angell for a Ditty:
Faith! was he heere wee'd bargain for a
Rime,
And heere he comes. So truely he keepes Time.
BVt h'st! with him Crabbed
(Websterio)
The
Play-wright, Cart-wright: whether? either!
ho-
No further. Looke as yee'd bee look't into:
Sit as ye woo'd be
Read: Lord! who woo'd know him?
Was euer man so mangl'd with a
Poem?
See how he drawes his mouth awry of late,
[Page] How he scrubs: wrings his wrests: scratches his Pate.
A
Midwife! helpe! By his
Braines coitus,
Some
Centaure strange: some huge
Bucephalus,
Or
Pallas (sure) ingendred in his
Braine,
Strike
Vulcan with thy hammer once againe.
This is the
Crittick that (of all the rest)
I'de not haue view mee, yet I feare him least,
Heer's not a word
cursiuely I haue
Writ,
But hee'l
Industriously examine it.
And in some 12. monthes hence (or there
about)
Set in a shamefull sheete, my errors
out.
But what care I it
will be so obscure,
That none shall vnderstand him (I am sure.)
Others may chance (that know me not a right,)
Report (iniuriously) all my delight,
And strength of studdy I doe wholly bend
[Page] To this
Losse-labour and no other end.
To these I wish my scanda
[...]d
Muse reply
In as plaine tearmes as may bee
'Tis a lye.
Heer's but Pate-pastime: Play-house Obseruation,
Fruits of the vacants howers of a
Vacation.
Then (say all what they can) I am sure of this,
That for
Play-time it is not spent amisse.
‘
Semel insaniuimus omnes.’
Once wee haue all
Beene Iouiall.
FINIS
To his worthy Friend, H. F. vpon his Notes from BLACK-FRYERS.
HAd the
Black-Fryers beene still vn-suppressd,
I cannot thinke their Cloysters had bin blessd
With better contemplations: Seeing now
[...]esse may be gleand from
Puritanes then you
Haue gathered from the
Play-house. And I must
(Though't bee a
Players vice to be vniust,
To Verse not yeelding coyne) let
Players know
They cannot recompence your labour: Though
They grace you with a Chayre vpon the Stage,
And take no money of you nor your Page.
[...]or now the
Humours which oppresse
Playes most,
[...]hall (if the owners can feele shame) be lost:
And when they so conuerted doe allow,
What they dislik'd once,
Players must thanke you,
[Page] And
Poets too: for both of them will saue
Much in true Verse, which hisses might depraue:
Since you haue so refin'd their Audience,
That now good
Playes will neuer neede defence.
IO: STEPHENS
Epilogue.
The Author for Himselfe.
J Am no Poet! (yet I doe not know
Why I should not: or why I should be so.)
I can (I must confesse) a
Metre scan:
And Iudge of
Verses as an other man.
I haue been Trayn'd vp'mongst the
Muses: (more!)
The sacred Name of
Phaebus I adore.
[Page] Yet
I no Poet am! (I'de haue ye know)
I am no Poet (as the world goes now.)
: My
Muse cannot a
Note so poorly frame,
: As Inuocate a
Penny-Patrons name.
: I cannot speake and vnspeake (as I list:)
: Exchange a
sound friend for a
broken Iest:
: Conferre with
Fountaines: or conuerse with
Tree▪
: Admit in my discourse
Hyperbolyes.
[Page] I cannot highly praise
Those highest are
Because they sit in
Honours l
[...]ty chayre.
[...]or make their States in
S
[...]ts happy knowne,
Being (perchan
[...]e) lesse happy then mine owne.
I cannot sing my
Mistris shee is
Faire:
T
[...]ll her of her
Lilly Hand▪ her golden
[...],
Fetch a Comparison (beyond the
Mo
[...],)
To proue her constant in
A
[...]ction.
: Or say I haue a
Mistris at all.
: Why? Ere too morrow, she will changed bee:
: And leaue me laught at for my
Poetry.
Had I of
Scoggins Crowes writ: or set out
In
Womans Praises what I was about.
I am perswaded (yet I cannot tell)
I had a
Poet prou'd against my will.
[Page]
[...]et (ye vnproued good) blame not because
yet as (doubtfull on your merits) pause.
will produce and
Patronize it too:
[...]inde I but one amongst so many true.
[...]ut
Faine I cannot, heere is not a word,
Which I dare not maintaine true with my sword.
[...]oets men
Lyers call. If so! Then (know it)
[...]ee is a
Poet, doth mee call a
Poet.
Post-script to his Book-binder.
STationer) A
Good turn
[...] to thee I owe:
Heere! I will pay thee no
[...] in
Folio.
But stay! Not soe: that I woo'd haue thee put
Mee in the
Folio: or the
Q
[...]art
[...] e
[...]t.
Rather con
[...]riue mee to the
Smallest
[...],
Lea
[...] I bee eaten vnder
Pippin-pyes.
Or in th'
Apothicaryes shop bee seen
[...]
To wrap
Drugg's: or to dry
Tobacco in.
First (might I chu
[...]e) I would be
bound to w
[...]pe▪
Where he discharged last his
Glister-pipe.
So I bee plainly vnderstood of all.
Onely preserue mee from the sight of
Those,
That cannot but must
Read me in the
Nose.
Then care to cast mee: not ith'
Learned Roe,
Least I the
Learned c
[...]nsure vndergoe.
Not lay me with scald
Poets least I titch,
And so become infected with
Their itch.
Let not each
Pesant, each
Mecannick Asse,
That neer knew further then his
Horn-booke crosse.
Each rauin-
Rustick
[...]: each illiterate
Gull:
Buy of my
Poesie, by pocket full.
Booke-like
made-D
[...]shes may for
Daintyes goe,
Yet will not euery
pall
[...] taste 'em so:
[Page] Then were it good, I should inioyne the
Sell.
Mee vnto none but those that loue me well.
If any Puff-paste, Bumbaste
Iobernole,
Wrapt in the Hangings of a
Brokers-stall.
A halfe-
Nose: or a Carbonado'd face:
Of a suspitious subtill Serpents pace.
Trust to a
Basket-hilt: chances to drop.
But for a
Resting-roome into thy shop.
And catches in his fatall hand my
Rime.
To lurke in it, vntill hee see his
Time.
Thrust him out head-long, for (beleiue him not)
Now (by the
Mace) itis a
Counter-plot.
If thou behold a Courtca
[...]t
Satten-show,
Fallen from the Fa
[...]hion a Degree or two.
To Iest
[...]is
[...]ungry stomacke into
meales.
That with a m
[...]rry pocket▪
Pamp
[...]let will,
For a weeke after Laugh his
Be
[...]y full.
Send him to Sojourne with Duke
Humfrey,
Let him starue ere hee g
[...] a bit
[...] of mee▪
Least lying
(Read) neglected in his
Slop▪
I bee conueyed vnto the
Brokers-shop.
Or by his theeui
[...]h
Page discouered:
Quickly conuerred into
Gi
[...]g
[...]r-bread▪
If any
Younger Brother▪ that noe more
Hath then a Daggle▪tayl'd
She
[...]p-skin kept in store▪
Whose An
[...]all
[...]leec
[...] will but bare me
[...]nes afford,
And with the
Echer of
[...]i
[...] Brothers bord.
[Page] That sits a
Ledger at his Fathers Table:
My
Booke woo'
[...]
[...]oudly purchase: (hardly able,)
To win, the presence by the
[...]ers side,
Of Mrs.
Sis, or
Sue the Dary-maide.
Or chooke the
Rusticke Leather-lobs with laughter▪
Bid him goe studdy how to liue hereafter:
Read where mor
[...]
[...]ollid substance hee may get
To
Liue vpon, or learne to goe in
Debt.
Ye, ye,
Braue Gallants: Patrons of liuely mirth:
Ye, the young hopefull
Land-Lords of the Earth:
The youth of youth! That read most libe
[...]ally,
More out of
[...] then
nec
[...]ty.
Y
[...]e worthy Worthyes! Non
[...] elss (
[...]ight I chus
[...])
Doe I desire my
[...] p
[...]ruse▪
[Page] For to saue charges: ere the
Playes begin:
Or when the Lord of
Libertie comes in.
And if a
Booke must needs a
Patron haue,
Yours is the onely Patronage I craue.
Others I wish the
Stationer fore-warne▪
With a Hand's off: It is not for your turne▪
FINIS.
Errors in the Printing.
Ye pro your, Folio 2. | Saty: 1. |
Rome for halfe, pro Rome for some halfe: | |
Eare-word, pro Er'e-word. | |
Non pro not. |
Demoritus pro Democritus▪ | Saty: 2. |
So pro too. | |
Scoue pro Sconce. | |
Longey pro Congey. |
- Whos't pro whose. Ep [...]g. 54.
- L [...]ec [...] pro C [...]ec [...]. in aliquibus. Ep [...]g. 55.
- Puts pro Pull's. Lib: 3. page 6.
- Yee pro you.