CHAP. I. Containing, 1. The manner of my arrest. 2. The descrip­tion of a brace of Sergeants. 3. Their counsaile to me, 4. My comming into prison. 5. The Description of a Iaylor. 6. And my entertainment into the Masterside.

WAlking (not long since) in an euening through the city, when the Heauens were muffled vp in clowdes, as ma­ny of our moderne Gallants faces are in their cloakes, and being in a fixt meditation with my selfe, a Tri­nobantine Burger (comming in haste) ranne full but at me with his head, so that he had nigh goar'd me into the kennell, (I tooke him to be some compleat harnes­sed [Page 2] benchbeleagerer, for hee had a wrought night-cap on his head to keepe the broath of his wit warme, sat­ten sleeues, a taffata ierkin to couer his canuasse backe; and a paire of veluet hose.) I, for his vnexpected cur­tesie, not forgetting to giue him the good time of the night, vp with my sword scabbard and all, and tooke him a sound knock o'rethwart the pate, that if the most head-strongst oxe that euer was sacrificed in Saint Ni­cholas Shambles, had receiued but halfe such a blow, it would haue staggered him; but hee like a valiant and prouident Tradesman, bare it off with his Sinciput and shoulders and ranne away.

I (as glad I was rid of him as he of me) posted as fast to my lodging, as a releast prisoner (hey ho a prisoner) from the Iayle, for feare he should run to the Compter and enter an action against me; but hauing escap't the Charybdis of this danger, I instantly fell into the Scylla of a more deepe and dreadfull then the first, for as I was making homewards, a brace of Bandogs belonging to one of the Compters, most cowardly came snarling be­hind me, and fastened on my shoulder, giuing me this salutation. Sir we arrest you in the Kings Maiesties name, and we charge you to obey vs.

These Rauens had no sooner croak't out this omi­nous message, but I lookt as blancke as those that solde all their estate, and ventured it at a lottery and drew blancke, or an olde Vsurer when hee heares of a Priuie seale, or a coppy-holder plow-holder when be is serued with a Sub poena; but all could not preuaile, I was forc't to obey them for feare of further inconuenience, so rendred my weapon into their hands; and my body to the Lawes of my Soueraigne, telling them the thunder I so much feared, was now fallen on mine head. Yet the thought of my arrest did not so much affright me as the coūtenances of those peuterbuttond, shoulderclap­ping Catch-poles that seazed on my body. The one [Page 3] had a face ten times worse then those Iewes that are pi­ctured The descrip­tion of a brace [...] of Sargeants. in Arras-hangings whipping Chirst, his blacke haire hung dangling about his eares like Elfelockes, that I cannot be perswaded, but some Succubus begot him on a Witch, his nose was precious, richly rubified, & shined brighter then any Sumners snout in Lanca­shire. The other of these Pagans had a phisnomy much resembling the Sarazens head without Newgate, and a mouth as wide vaulted as that without Bishops­gate: I was in a great doubt whether he were an English­man or no, for I was certified a Dane begot him on a Switzers wife: and to make him shew the more like himselfe, his ill-fauoured visage was almost eaten through with pock-holes, (the Grand I hope) so that halfe a parish of children might easily haue playd at cherry-pit in his face.

These Furies had no sooner fastened their sharpe flesh-hookes on my shoulders, but they (as their fa­shion is) began to exhort mee to patience, telling mee, I ought not to be incenst against them, for they were but the Ministers and Executioners of the Law, and that the Mace which they held in their clutches, was put into theirs by the hand of Iustice, that they were both for the good of the Common-wealth, and the discharge of their owne consciences, sworne to execute their office though it were vpon their owne father, that I being so gracious in the Court, could not long be de­tained in the Compter, that after I had beene resident there but one quarter of a yeere (if it should bee my ill fate to stay there so long) I would not lose the rich ex­perience I should learne there for ten times so much debt I was arrested for. And lastly, swore as they were Christians, they would doe me what kindnesse lay in their power, either perswading my Creditour to come to a reasonable composition, or prouide me Baile, the Cormorants tolde me true, for they swore as they were [Page 4] Christians they would doe me good, but being contra­ry to them, playde the Iewes, and falsified their oathes with me, for I neuer saw them after I was mewed vp in the Compter. But before I was matriculated in one of these city vniuersities, by perswasion they got mee into a Tauerne not farre from (the inchanted Castle) the Prison, and there milk't me out of all my money to stuffe their paunches with wine and good cheere: but their guts and garbidge being full-gorg'd, they told me it was time to repaire to the Compter, for if the Sheriffe their master should be certified of their detai­ning a Prisoner so long after an arrest, it would bee a great preiudice to them, and small good to my selfe: so I discharging the reckoning, wishing them choak't, and all their fellow varlets, that euer after should taste of my bounty (when I began to sent their rogery) came ouer with them, so bid them farewell and behang'd.

But heere is one serious point not to be slipt ouer, for the Cerberus that turned the key of the Compter-gate, no sooner saw those hell-guides bringing me in, but he set the doore as wide open to receiue me, as Westmin­ster Hall is in the terme-time to country Clients, which put me in minde of that odde olde verse in the Poet,

I no sooner was entred into this Infernal Iland (where many men lie winde-bound sometimes foure or fiue yeeres together) but a fellow (whom at first sight I tooke to bee a Gardiner, because hee had somewhat a reddish beard and turn'd vp withall) called mee to a booke (no Bible or Diuinity, but rather of Negroman­cy, for all the Prisoners called it the Blacke-booke) com­ming to it, hee demanded my name, I tolde him, and then hee set it downe as horses are in Smithfield at the Tole-booth. This ceremonie being ended, hee askt me whether I would go to the Masterside, the Knights ward, or any other place of a cheaper rate; I answered [Page 5] the best, though it were the dearest, for I did hope to get my liberty before a weeke was expired: vpon this determination there was one call'd to shew me the way to my lodging, who vpon the first call made no delay, but instantly came wadling downe staires. Hee was a The descipti­on of one of the vnder­iaylours. grosse fellow, one that had a fat body though a leane braine, a face of a sanguine complection, and an heart correspondent to the same, hee had a motly beard cut round like a rubbing brush, so that if all the skinne of his body had beene like that of his face, it would haue serued excellent well when he had beene dead to make cloakebags of: This lumpe of mans flesh (that like a fore-man of a Iury could speak nothing so well as guilt) conuayed me vp a paire of staires, and so to a doore, where another Fury like himselfe sate, telling me, that if I meant to haue entrance there, I must pay my fees, or else I could haue no farther passage that way, a shil­ling was his demand, which hee would haue, or else I must returne the same way I came; I (seeing nothing but a siluer key would open this locke) gaue him his fee, wishing the waight of that twelue pence in Aqua fortis or Mercury water in his necke, but hauing shot this gulfe, my corpulent conductour brought mee through a little Gallery, which led vs to a spacious Roome, and then into a Hall hung round about with the story of the Prodigall childe (a very edifying peece of worke-man-ship for the guests of that place) being come into this vncouth and strange place, my guide (with a countenance as sowre as any mustard-maker in the City) bad mee welcome, and tolde mee that there was a garnish to be payd: But I that vnderstood the Hebrew, the Syriake or Caldean language as well as his speech, askt him what that was, hee tolde mee two shil­lings would discharge it, I mildely certified him, I was not at that vnhappy present so well furnisht, besides I was ignorant whether any such thing were due to him, [Page 6] or no; at this answer hee rouz'd himselfe vp like an an­gry mastiffe, and being in coller, in a currish manner barkt out these words to me. Sir, if you meane to lie on this side, you must and shall pay mee my fees, or (though you be no Alderman) I will bee so bolde as to vncloake you. I seeing him so resolute, and my selfe Ioath to lie without a bedde, because it was late, put mine arme into my pocket, which was so soare with the Sargeants griping, that I had much adoe to pull two shillings out of it; that being discharged, like a base violl) he went grumbling vp staires with me, and brought me to my lodging, richly hung with cob-web­lawne. So hauing shewed me my bed, whereon he clapt a paire of sheetes, that neuer came nigh Holland by three hundred mile, left mee a peece of candle scarce so long as his nose, lockt vp the doore, bidde mee good­night, went downe gingling his keyes, and left mee to my repose.

CHAP. II. 1. Mine acquaintance with my fellow-prisoners. 2. Mine entertainment at dinner time the next day. 3. The cha­racter of a prison. 4. The Keepers kindnesse to me while I had money. 5. Their vnkindnesse to mee when I had none. 6. Lastly their transporting me from the Master­side to the Knights ward.

BVt what with change of my lodging, and medita­ting of mine entertainment, I slept not at all, but like a true Male-content, made my brains the minutes to euery clocke I heard, betwixt whose seuerall sounds the watch of mine inuention beating vp my panting heart hammered foorth a hundred strange cogitations: [Page 7] thus lay I longing for day, at whose approach, I might descerne the manner of my new distastefull lodging, which lookt so confused, rasty and ominous, that euery obiect presented new greefe, and strucke mee into fur­ther consideration of this worse then wofull purgatory, wherein I lay plunged by the froward will of Fate, drea­ding the danger I was in, and doubting how long this vnwelcome affliction might continue. In the middest of my musing, my chamber-fellowes awak't, whom I coniectured to bee of the same fellowship of affliction that I my selfe was: I saluted them with a Bon-iour, they perceiuing me to be a stranger, gratified my good-mor­row with a Bien, asking of me whether I came in vpon an arrest or a command; I answered, with a deepe sigh and sad voyce, faith Gentle-men I am arrested to my greefe, God help me, at which words I could scarce refraine from teares, which caused my kinde chamber­fellowes to pitty my present sorrowes, and apply some words of comfort to expell them. In the same cham­ber lay an Attourney: who beganne to bee more busie then the rest, who perceiuing I was apt to giue eare to any new conceited hope, slipt on his blacke suit (which was worne bare for want of brushing) and comming to my bed side, whispered in mine eare, and tolde mee if I would rise he could tell mee something for my good; these words possest each part with more then haste to heare this vnexpected kindnes, so being with speed ap­parrelled, down the staires posted I and my Atturney, who taking me by the hand, demanded of me whether I were in vpon action or execution, I answered, an a­ction of 100▪ pound, to which he replied he would haue me out presently, and with an Habeas Corpus remooue my cause to the Kings Bench and so farewell. I (thin­king the dores had beene blowen open already by his breath) stood in a maze, considering with my selfe whe­ther he were mortall or no, yet marking that his crab­bed [Page 8] countenance accorded with his counsell, for which he greedily gaped for ten groates, I began to pause with my selfe, & askt him what the charge would amount to, he told me for 40. shillings he wold vndertake to set me free, I told him I would consider a little of it, & then he should heare my resolue: & so we transcended to our former lodging chamber, where we found all our asso­ciates vpon their legs, some buttoning, some trussing, others taking Tobacco, to expell noisome sauors, they all kindly saluted me, & so from complementing & tal­king, we fel to drinking (the only remedy to driue away melancholly, and bring strangers acquainted) thus we past away the morning while seruicetime, which being spent in deuotion, the table was couered and vp came our dinner, at which each man sate downe without re­specting of persons, for he that first comes is first seated like those that come to see playes; or goe to dinner at an ordinary, but I (being the youngest prisoner as their fashion is) sat at the vpper end of the table, to which preferment by much entreaty, I was aduanc't, short grace serued for sharp stomacks, & so to't they fell without circumstance. But I seeing all their teeth labo­ring so hard, thought foule shame mine should stand idle, began to accompany my quicke shauers, but as I was about to put meat into my mouth, one with his mouth halfe full, mumbled out and ill tuned speech of a garnish, the Vintners boy that waights for such pur­poses, was ready with a pottle of clarret, who filling a boule brimme-full, set it on my trencher, and so I was entreated to drinke to all the society, and compelled to pay for it when I had done: these plagues diued deeper into my pockets then Graues-end searchers doe into shippes, to finde out vncustomed commodities. Thus hauing finisht our feast (and waiting for no banquet) we rose, euery man disposing of himselfe as he pleased, onely my selfe guided by the euill Fatewalkt into the [Page 9] fore-roome, where the fraternity of Keepers and other seruants of the house were feeding on the fragments that were reserued from our table, I with a common sa­lutation bad much good do them, but when they had emptied their cramd iawes, told me there was a certaine garnish to bee payd, I now being too well acquainted with that language, tolde them plainely I would pay no more, to which they replied and sayd, that then I should haue my liberty no more, for all the rest of my fellow-prisoners had payd it, and except I would bee their imitators and come off roundly, I should bee bar­red of that priuiledge the rest of my associates had, I, loath to be pent vp like a Lyon in the Tower, and haue no more liberty then to looke through an iron grate, demanded the summe, they told me six-pence, to send for a quart of clarret wine, which was the last testor that remained in my peacefull pockets, at last, flinging it to them, I walkt vp to my lodging againe, and thereby chance espied a standish and a sheet of vndefiled paper, which being fit for my purpose, I made bolde with, and in the middest of melancholly, writ this character of a prison.

It is a Fabricke built of the same stuffe, the Keepers of it are made of, stone and iron: It is an vnwholesome full-stuffed humorous body. which hath an Hole in the posteriors of it, whence it vents many stinking, noy­some and vnsauoury smels, which is the onely cause there is such a perpetuall sicknesse and disease in it: It is a booke where an honest man may learne and read a lesson of bettering himselfe, and where a bad man may study to be ten times worse: it is a costiue creature, that surfets almost all the yeere long, yet very seldome doth purge it selfe; and when it doth it leaueth abundance of ill humours behinde; when Epimetheus opened Pan­dora's box, there did not more mischiefes and maladies flie out of it into the world, then there is in this cursed [Page 10] place, for it hath more sicknesses predominating in it, then there are in twenty French Hospitals, or at the Bathe, in the spring or fall of the leafe; It is a Bankrupts banquetting house, where he sits feasting himselfe with dishes borrowed from other mens tables, without any honest determination to repay them againe: It is a Pro­digals purgatory, and a sicknesse that many young Gentle-men, and Citizens sonnes and heires are inci­dent to be troubled with, at the age of one and twenty or much thereabout, It is a dicing house, where much cheating is vsed, for there is little square dealing to be had there, yet a man may haue what baile hee will for his money.

This being finisht, I veiwed it ouer, but as I was rea­ding of it, I was called downe to speake with a friend that came to visit me in my new transformation, and after some formall gossipping discourses, as I am sorry to see you beere, How were you met with all, and what hard hap had you, and such like) lent mee a brace of Angels, the sight of which two faire creatures, made me coura­gious, and a companion for the best, I then rouz'd▪ my heart vp to a straine of mirth, which caus'd the Gentle­mē to delight in my cōpany, the keepers began to wax diligent, I could no sooner name a bottle of Ale, but it was ready to flie into my face, the Vintners boy was ready at mine elbow, that if I calld but for a quart of sacke or clarret, would forget his errand by the way, and for his owne profit present me with a pottle. In this iouiall vaine I wasted my money and time, neuer de­siring to deale with mine Attourney for my liberty, be­cause I vnderstood by others, that it was onely a tricke to worme mee out of my money. Many such supplies I had to vphold my mirth, but none to dischage my debts, which began to increase, for euery day brought in a new action, till the totall summe of my debts had drawen a head, & ioyn'd their forces in the Paper-house.

[Page 11]But at the end of the weeke when they vse to call for their reckoning (which is for diet and lodging) they willingly trusted mee, telling mee there was no such haste, thus I frolikt out three weeks on the Masterside, thinking my credit stood built on the firme rocke of their kindnesse, whereas indeede (as the sequell shall vnfolde) it was suncke in the quickesands of their cru­elty. For hauing run my selfe into a moneths arrerages, my friends beganne to wax weary of supplying my wants, and the keepers (knowing of it) vnwilling to trust me any farther, thus both my friends and hopes shook hands with me, and bad me farewell; to bee briefe, the month being ended, my fat fellow (before mentioned) like a watch-man came with a bill in his hand, to make a priuy search in my purse, but finding it altogether vn­prouided for his purpose, returned the bill to the book without any crosse language, vpon the view of these vn­satisfied figures, there arose a thunder-clap of conspi­racie against mee, for my present transportation ouer from the Masterside to the Knights ward, but I that scorned to bee frighted with the first flash of false fire, defended my selfe with good words that night, and so went to bed, determining with my selfe (rather then be offensiue to them which might more incense them a­gainst me) the next day to goe quietly ouer my selfe, and not to discredit my selfe so much, as to bee forced ouer by compulsion; so the next morning, as soone as I was ready, I tooke my leaue of all my fellowes on that side, and instantly went ouer, writing these few verses in a little peece of paper, and left them to the perusing of my kinde Comrades.

Thus leauing the Masterside, I kindely entreat your patience to walke ouer to the Knights ward with mee, and partake of the fruits of my new society, & strange vnexpected entertainment.

CHAP. III. 1. Mine entrance into the Knights ward. 2. My rough vsage. 3. The description of a commanding officer in that place. 4. My strange ac­quaintance with a company of Gentle-men, being all prisoners. 5. The occasion of this ensuing discouery. 6. And lastly, the entrance into this discouery.

I No sooner came downe the Masterside staires, but a key was turned for me, so vp went I into the Knights side, but did goe as heauily (howsoeuer I layd a braue and guilded out side vpon my heauy and leaden dis­content) as those poore prisoners that goe vp New-gate staires, after they come condemned from the Sessions house. At first I went through a long darke gallery, that represented the place it was most like, Hell; for it was as gloomy, as if the Rauen-like wings of night did continually couer it, hauing past through this Aegyp­tian fogge, on a sudden I stept into the Hall, where men were walking vp and downe, as thicke as Marchants doe on the Exchange betweene twelue and one in the afternoone, being entered, I began to play my part as well as I could, and thus to salute them.

Gentle men, God saue you all, may that you all long for happen vnto you all, Liberty; courteously they re­turned the like to me, and badde me welcome holding me in discourse concerning my forsaking the Master­side, but as I was making an Apologeticall defence for [Page 13] my pouerty, and a true narration of their cruelty that turned me ouer, I was interrupted by a fellow, whose character I thus will describe vnto you. Hee was a tall rawboned thing, and might very well at Mid▪ summer­time, haue serued in steed of a May-pole, had he been in a coūtry town, for all the hob-nail-wearers in the pa­rish to dance about; his face was much like a withered warden, and wrinckled all ouer-like an Apple-Iohn of a yeere olde, he was chapfalne, and lookt like the picture of Famine, the haire that grew vpon his mussell was so blacke, that I thought he had a couple of blacke pud­dings round about his chaps, besides all these exteriour endowments, his internall vertues were as many, for he was as proud as a new made Constable, and would mooue his hat no more to any man that came within his iurisdiction, then a Lawyer will to a poore client, though he stand two houres together bare before him, this compound of ill qualities (I say) very roughly came to me, when Heauen knowes I never dream't of such a mischeefe, and thus accosted me.

Sir are you a Prisoner? yea sir, said I, Fortune and the world haue beene my heauy aduersaries, who con­spiring together, haue concluded that I must lie heere while the Diuine prouidence doth break the Adaman­tine bond of my dull and Saturnine mishaps. But sir, sayd he, haue you any money? If I haue none (sayd I) make no doubt but my supplies will come in to mor­row, and then what is fit to be done, I will see satisfied: nay (said he) I must not be procrastinated, prorogued or demurred withall, I must haue a Garnish of you, a parcell of eighteene pence, I will not spare you if you were my father; I beleeued him, therefore gaue him faire words, desiring him to bee calmer, and the next money that I was blest withall, hee should participate of, at this answer hee beganne to looke as scuruily on me, as a whore on a constable, a begger on a bead [...] or [Page 14] whipping post, as a cheater on a Iustice; and began to rent out three or foure three-pild, huge Basilisco oaths, that would haue torne a Roring-boyes eares in a thou­sand shatters, telling mee, that the quality of my vsage should bee according to the quantity of my money: which I found true, for when it drew neere bed time, he brought me to a priuy lodging (of indeede a lodging neighbouring nigh the Priuy) for the chamber stinkes worse all the yeere long, then a lakes-farmers clothes doth at twelue a clocke at night. But dayes rosiate fin­ger had no sooner boared out the eyes of night, but I got vp, and beganne in a solitary and sadde manner to mourne and pitty my selfe, being more amazed then those that dreamed they saw hell, and had felt the tor­tures thereof, or those that drunke of Circes cups, and felt themselues turning monsters. Being thus drencht in a boundlesse sea of melancholly, for the space of a fortnight or three weekes together, Iresolued to walke into the yard, to see if I could espie any of my friends that were in the Master-side, purposing to spend the day away in discourse, but I walkt there an houre or more, and saw none but such as were as melancholly as my selfe, so I determined to walke vp againe, but by chance I turned my head aside, and saw the cellar doore standing open, gaping to swallow any prisoner that drew neere, so hoping to finde some of mine olde ac­quaintance there, I stept downe, and being no sooner descended, but I beheld a company of Gentlemen, all prisoners, sitting at a square table, making themselues exceeding merry with the musike the cans made, being as brimfull of beere, at mine heart was of melancholly, or theirs of mirth, some hauing the pipes neuer out of their mouthes, who puft more smoake out of their no­ses, then euer came out of Cole-harbar chimneyes, or any brew-house in Saint Katherines: some againe sin­ging as merrily, as if they had been as free as the moun­taine [Page 15] aire, I seeing them in these Bacchanaliall rages, faine would haue slipt by them, but one that sat at the vpper end of the table (hauing a Can in one hand and a pipe in the other) desired me to approach and bee one of their society (protesting more kindnesse to me, then a Dutch-man will when he is drunke) so proffered mee halfe a can; I tolde him I could not pledge him so much, but I would drinke a whole one in conceit; why quoth he, not drinke, Foot, man it is the soule of good fellowship, the marrow of a Poets Minerua, it makes a man as valiant as Hercules, though he were as cowardly as a French man when he is sober, besides I will prooue it necessary for a man to be drunke sometimes, for sup­pose you should kill a man when you are drunke, you should neuer be hanged for it while you are sober, therfore I thinke it is good for you to be alwaies drunk, againe, it is the kindest companion and friendliest sin of all the seauen, for whereas most sinnes leaue a man (by some accident) before his death, this trusty Trojan Drunkennesse will neuer forsake him while the breath is out of his body; and lastly, a full bowle of sacke or clarret, or a Can of strong beere, will drownd all sor­rowes; indeede sir, sayd I, whether it will drownd all sorrowes or no, I am not greatly experienct in, but I am sure it will drownd our soules, yet sir, for your kind­nesse I will bestow the curtesie of the cellar vpon you, and so I called for halfe a dozen, and dranke a little to them all; another that was opposite against mee, askt me if I would drink Tobacco, so proffered me the pipe, which I denied, telling him that I would not be conuer­sant with that Indian whore, that not onely the Lords and Gentry of the Land had committed adultery with, but also euery Tinker, Cobler and Dray-man of the City. Why, said he, it is an excellent purge for the head, true, sayd I, but it is a vilde purge for the purse, and that for mine owne part, I had rather haue a peece of [Page 16] pudding of an inch long for mine owne eating, then twenty yards of pudding Tobacco for my drinking, they seeing my fixt and sollid resolution, let me alone to haue mine owne humour as they had theirs; so that we sat exceeding merry without any melancholly fit, and at the last, I began to giue them a touch of my qua­litie, but after we began to bee more familiar together, he that first entertained me, whispered me in the eare, and tolde mee, if hee thought I would bee secret, hee would reueale that to me, which should not onely for euer gaine me a neuer-dying memory, but also would be an vnknowen profit to the Common-wealth, I pro­mised him to be as secret as any Surgeon, then hee cal­led me aside from the rest of our company, and tolde me, if I would repaire to him in the morning, he would vnbowell the hugest bulke of villany, that euer was burthen some to the world, that hee would anatomize vice, and lay the vlcers and sores of this corrupted age, so apparant to the sight of this Kingdom, that the most Ospray and Owle-eyed spectator should not chuse but confesse, there neuer was a more necessary and commo­dious discouery reuealed. Why sir, sayd I, there is a booke called Greenes Ghost haunts Cony-catchers; ano­ther called Leger demaine, and The Blacke Dog of New­gate, but the most wittiest, elegantest and eloquentest Peece (Master Dekkers, the true heire of Apollo compo­sed) called The Bell-man of London, haue already set foorth the vices of the time so viuely, that it is vnpossi­ble the Anchor of any other mans braine can sound the sea of a more deepe and dreadfull mischeefe. These indeede, sayd he, haue done (especially the last) most exquisitely, both for their owne reputation, and their countreyes good, but I haue that lockt vp in the closet of my brest, that when it is opened and made apparant to you will amaze you. Therefore I admire that the Fabricke of the earth is not continually shaken with [Page 17] earth-quakes, that the Earth it selfe (as shee is a mother to beare all kinde of fruit) doth not in gender all kinde of murthering and killing creatures, as Harpies, Cocka­trices, wolues and Hyenas to destroy those that are con­tinually trampling on her teeming wombe; that the aire is not choaked with fogs, and that blacke pitel [...]y mists doth not perpetually masque the face of Heauen, and leaue the world in obscurity, putting vs in minde of our sinnes, a thousand times blacker then that ec­clipse; and lastly, that the sea is not turnd all to blood to put vs in minde of the cruelty and vnconscionable vsage of one man toward another, for there are vices in this sinne drownd age, that are able to pull the two edged sword of vengeance on our heads, and plucke fire from the forge of heauen, I admire that we haue not leane-faced Famine, meager mortality, pale sicknesse, and grim-faced warre tyrannizing in this Land, as once it did in Ierusalem, in the time of Titus and Vespasian▪ when the glorious Sanctum Sanctorum was set on fire; when the fields were filled with slaugh­tered carkasses, and when the mother for want of food, was driuen to kill her owne child, to quench her owne hunger. Hee would haue proceeded farther in his dis­course, but that I entreated him to containe himselfe while the morning, telling him I would rather faile of my liberty, then to meet him to heare this discouery, vpon this resolue we both went to our former seats, and fell to our former familiarity, but on a sudden, the Kee­pers broke off our mirth, and commanded euery man to his lodging, so not daring to displease their authori­ty, wee payd the shot, in a friendly and kinde manner tooke our leaues one of each other, went vp staires, and euery man to his seuerall ward and lodging. But my braines like the wandring stars; or clocks on Shroue-Tuesdayes were neuer at quiet, but all night I lay won­dring and musing what discouery this should be, there­fore [Page 18] I longed more to see the day, then an hungry Courtier will a table groaning vnderneath the waight of well-fill'd dishes: but the Day-starre no sooner be­gan to cherish the world with his all-reuiuing light, but I sprung from mine hard couch, made mee ready, and when the dores were open (by much intreaty) got into the yard, where hauing not walked halfe a dozen turns, but I made my repaire into the Cellar, more a thirst to haue my mindes pallate quencht with his discourse, then my mouth with the best liquor in all the barrels, but hauing called for two Cans of beere, I sent for a quart of sacke to whet the point of his wit, that it might wound vice the deeper, that being come, I sent for my friend who lay in the Hole, who was foorth with let out (being an olde prisoner) and being come downe, thus I began to salute him.

Ingenious friend, as well come to me as this faire day is to the world, this night hath seemed long, but the burning desire I had to conferre with you, concerning the discouery (you out of your loue promised to re­ueale) made it more tedious, & if you will but disclose the maine body, let me alone to vnmasque the face, and lay euery member open to the worlds eye. Sir (quoth he) you seeme so compleat in your quality, that I hope you will publish what I shall relate, if you should smo­ther it, I rather would keepe it to my selfe then impart it, but not doubting of your diligence in this matter, I will venture my discourse, and good sit giue a diligent attention. I (as glad to heare as he to speake) tooke vp a roome in a priuate place, and loth to hold my selfe in delayes, first of all, swept cleane the channell of mine at tention with a cup of sacke, drunke an health to him, and the liberty of all poore distressed prisoners that lay labouring vnderneath the burthen of misery, which be­ing pledg'd in this (or such a) manner, he began.

As the maine Ocean is nourished by the armes and [Page 19] riuers, that pay howerly tribute to him with the siluer streames, and especially out of our Land, by swan-blest Thames, swift Seuerne, dangerous passing Humber, and smooth-faced Trent, so is this turbulent sea the Compter by these foure eurrents heereafter mentioned: First, Vnconscionable Citizens: Secondly, Politike Prodigals, alias Ingeneers: Thirdly. Catch-poles: Fourthly and lastly, Constables and their adherents, as the Beadle and his Watch-men, all whose abuses I will strip naked, and ierke with my tongue, till I fetch blood; the first of whom haue beene the onely cause of my detaining in prison this foure yeeres, yet let no man thinke that I speake a­gainst all Citizens. No, as I hope for eternall happi­nesse, I reuerence that Worshipfull, ancient, and fame­worthy order, I meane such as maintaine themselues and their families, I touch not those that care not who looke and pry into their consciences, because their dea­lings haue beene so square and honest: but such as en­rich themselues by fraud, deceipt and sinister meanes, working vpon the infirmity of youth, and greene-wit­ted Gallants, to increase their owne store, caring not how much they decrease other mens estates: such there are in the most flourishing and religious Common­wealths in the world; In the most famous vniuersities in Christendome there are some dunces resident. that not onely disgrace themselues, but also their fel­low-students; It is impossible, but that in the most ver­tuous Court there will be some Parasites, so in the most goodly & glorious city vnder Heauens Canopy there are some aspes lurking, that sting the reputation of their brethren by their poysonous and corrupt dealings, such as these I will portray and limme foorth to you, and first of all I will discourse vnto you the extreame abuse of Gaine-greedy Citizens, and in order will touch the Po­litike Prodigals, alias Ingeneers, and (I thinke Soule-lesse [Page 20] Sargeants, and Constables and Beadles: but first of the first.

CHAP. IV. Containing 1. The Subtilty of many vnconscionable Citi­zens An vnconsci­onable Citi­zen, the first current that paies howerly tribute to the Sea the Compter. that intangle young Gentle-men and lap them into bonds. 2. The craft and cunning of their Confederates (Gentle-men-like Broakers) by whose wicked and vn­christian like dealing, many elder brothers and braue Gentle-men are vndone.

I Haue read that Italian Mountebanckes, before they speak in their drug-tongue & Fustian language to the auditory of innocent and ignorant people, furnish out the play, where they sing their owne Encomians, with viols, painted boxes, and bils of all the famous cures they pretend to haue done in many forraine parts of Christendome, which base and vsuall iugglings are onely to enrich themselues, and defraud the generall rout that flocke about them. Many Mountebancke-Ci­tizens haue we in this most sumptuous (but most sub­till and sinnefull) City of London, that when they would rauish the minde, and take the intuitiue sence of many profuse Prodigals, and melting Heires with their Sy­ren-like seducings lay open their wares, as satten, vel­uets, gold and siluer lace, or any other braided com­modities (or rather indeede discommodities) which though they shew rich, yet are out of fashion or not saleable, these are springes to catch young Countrey Woodcockes, or our City Dottrels, that had rather bee out of the world then out of the fashion, who will bee braue for the present time, though their gallantry cost them all their future fortunes, who with more feruency▪ [Page 21] and protestation wooe the Citizen for his trash and trumpery, then many decayed Knights will rich wid­dowes to inherit their possessions; but our tradesman perceiuing their forwardnesse and follies, playes the rope-maker and will bee extreame backeward, and will not be brought to trust them with any of his Bartholo­mew faire-stuffe vpon any condition; bonds hee refu­seth, recognizances he disdaineth, iudgements hee will not heare off, statutes he scorneth, & tels them in a Pu­ritanicall fashion, that he had rather trust a Gentle-man on his word, then his bond or oath. For (saith he) they that will not haue a care to keepe their words, will not sticke to haue so large a conscience as to breake their day, and slight the payment of their bonds, againe, he tels them the danger he is in of leesing of his debt: for (saith hee) when the bonds come to be due, and pay­day at hand, may not they straight flie ouer into the Low-countreyes, or take Sanctuary in Milford lane, Duke Humphreyes Ordinary, or get a Protection Royall from the King, and so defraud me of my debt, and many such collops as these haue beene cut from the body of mine estate since I haue beene a Tradesman. Therfore good Gentle-men (saith he) I cannot dare trust any longer, for my kindnesse hath bred mine owne calamity, then set vp your resolutions and trouble me no more, for I haue giuen you your answer.

Thus are my young nouices strucke to the heart at the first venny, and dares come no more for feare of as sharpe a repulse.

Alas, alas, this is but to grinde the blunt apperite of my commodity taker into a sharper edge, and make them more greedy of their owne ruines, imitating the cunning and deceit of pretty, but petulant and close Curtezans, that are nice when a sicke-brain'd yoong Gallant importunes them vpon any kindnesse, onely to make him more fierce vpon his owne confusion, [Page 22] holding him off, like a Fencer, at distance a moueth or two, because he shall come vp the roundlier to her pur­pose: but to the matter.

But some or one of my young Gallants that neuer giues ouer plodding with himselfe how hee might get into the bookes of some Gold-smith, Habberdasher, Silk­man, Woollen or Linnen-draper, hath some Broker or o­ther comming earely in a morning and certifies him, that if it pleased him, he should haue a commodity that lay ready to bee carried away, if hee would enter into bond for it, nominating the same man that gaue him the former repulse. My young heire (whose hart knocks against his ribs for ioy) kindely bids the Broaker well­come, sends for a cup of wine, and drinkes to him with all his heart, resoluing to entertaine his proffer vpon any condition, protesting rather then he will let such a blest opportunity slip, will set his hands to more parchment then a whole flocke of sheepe are able to furnish a Scri­uener with; but my Broaker (before instructed by the commodity-letter) tels him that though he heard him speake something doubtfull of him, yet if he would be ruled by him, hee would vndertake to make his credit passe as firme as any Farmers or Yeomen in Kent, for (saith hee) I am a great friend of this Tradesmans, and make no doubt but may preuaile as much with him as any man in this Towne, especially if you will bee ruled by me, you must not be too importunate, but as scorn­full as he is disdainefull, tell him that you are your fa­thers heire, and that such lands he hath you must inhe­rit, and that the entailement cannot be cut off, though he were neuer so hainous an enemie of yours, besides you must tell him you are about to marry some rich widdow which you know you might win, so that you could but haue a hundred pound or two, to put your selfe in good cloathes.

These spels charmes my poore Prodigall, so at last he [Page 23] and the Woolfe (that came as Legate from the Tyger) go together, and finde my Citizen busie in his shop, not taking any notice of their comming, but (as to other passingers) at first askes them what they lack, and what they would buy, but boldly they come into the shoppe and after acquaintance taken, the Broaker vnfoldes the matter, and the occasion of their comming to him, tel­ling him that he came with a friend of his about a com­modity, and if hee were a friend, as hee alwaies tooke him to bee, as to condescend to the Gentle mans re­quest, and let him haue an hundred pound: for (saith he) I know his friends are of faire possessions, he is his fathers eldest son, besides on my conscience he would not trouble you at this present, if he were not to marry with a rich widdow, whom he may lose for want of set­ting forth, and then no doubt when the match is made vp, but he will haue an honest care to pay in your mo­ney▪ with a million of thankes for your kindnesse. Now all the while the Broaker is pleading, mine Innocent doth second him, and will rather then goe without his trinkets, binde whatsoeuer the Broaker saith with halfe a score oathes.

The Citizen begin to hearken after this, and pro­tests to my greene gosling, that he would be glad to do any man a pleasure, but that he hath had so many losses alreadie, and that he would bee willing to let him haue an hundred pounds worth of commodities, if so be he thought it would redound to his good, and that hee might bee sure at the sixe moneths end to haue his money paid in, the young Gallant protests, the Broa­ker warrants it, and at last, though very loah, the Citi­zen condescends, but how, thus, that if hee could pro­cure as good a man as himselfe to be bound with him, he should haue what ware he could desire, for, saith he, mans life is fraile and brittle, and you may die a fort­night or a weeke hence, for ought that I know, nay, to [Page 24] morrow, or soone at night, and then where is nine hundred pound, therefore, good Sir, looke out some of your most especiall and indeered friends, and get one of them to be bound with you, and you shall haue the wares at a quarter of an houres warning. The tide now is turn'd, and Signior Unthrift put to his non-plus, and at last fals to intreat Master Broaker to bee the man, who for two or three daies together, will by no meanes or perswasions bee won to enter into bond with him, ex­cept hee must share halfe. Is not this extreame and al­most incredible villany? and most vnconscionable dealings, thus to snare in the Gentry of the land, and ruine his fortunes but newly in the spring, knowing that he will rather let him haue three quarters of the Com­modity then goe without it, because, as many others do, hee would goe gallant, haue money in his purse, and keepe company with satten and veluet out-sides.

But suppose the commodities are deliuered, after they haue both sealed the bonds (you must suppose the Heire alwaies to bee the principall) how must these Hobby horses, Reames of browne paper, Iewes-trumps and Bables, Babies and Rattles be solde, the Gentle-man is ashamed to proffer them to sale himselfe, no, he trusts the other that shares halfe with him, to put them off▪ who must be hired to sell them, and perhaps when they are all solde out right, will haue to his owne share three quarters of them, are not these dealings worthy of the the sharpest rodde Iustice euer did holde in her righte­ous hands, they are and haue beene soundly lasht, and seuerely punisht, by that most noble, graue, wise and prouident States-man, the Right Honourable the Lord high Chancellor of England, yet for all this there will such false play be acted, though the Sword of Iustice continually were hanging ouer their heads: but I will returne to our former subiect, let vs now suppose my young Gallant reuelling in a Tauerne or Ordinary: [Page 25] you may bee sure the Broaker is triumphing, that hee pluckt the feathers of this young gull, and meanes ere long to leaue him as bare of meanes as he is of braines. Now my vsurious Citizen dreames of nothing but his day, which he hopes my nouice will breake, which is no sooner expired, but instantly, by some stratagem or other, gets him within the liberty, then inuites him to supper (by giuing him faire words) either to his owne or some of his neighbours houses, and when they haue almost made an end, insteed of a messe of fruit, or a peece of Banbury cheese to close vp their stomackes, a Brace (or more) of Sargeants are not farre from his shoulder, and except he presently pay▪ he must present­ly to prison. Are these worthy the names of Citizens? no, no, such may be Citizens of London, but neuer of Heauenly Ierusalem. At this period I began to speake to him, saying: Sir, I protest you haue reuealed a strange and monstrous abuse to the Gentry of this land, if I did not take you to bee (what I thinke you are) an honest man, I should stand in a great doubt, whether your dis­course did taste of truth or no: but good Sir proceede. Sir, as I hope for saluation, sayd he, (an oath not for a Christian to dally with) I relate no vntruth, but what is as nigh a kin to truth as I am to misery, for what I haue spoken, I finde by mine owne wofull experience to be true, and what hath beene practised on my selfe by these City-Cormorants, these trickes haue beene put on me, and for which I haue suffered a long imprison­ment, and yet they will haue no compassion on mee, but rather see mee starue then releeue mee, and either haue my carkasse or their coyne, yet their consciences know, what I had from them was nothing but rotten, base & moth▪eaten commodities, an hundred pounds worth, of which (according to their rate) I neuer made fifty of, yet they sticke not to demand an hundred of me, beside the interest and all their charges.

[Page 26]Againe, marke the policy they haue to keep a poore prisoner in fetters of aduersity: if they suppose the pri­soner goeth about to sue out an Audita querela, foorth­with they either put their debt ouer to some Alderman, or else agree with some Officer in the Exchequer, and so put their debt ouer to the king, faining they owe him so much money, knowing that the Cauncery wil not, or cannot allow any thing, in such a case as this, to proceed against his Maiesty. This is a speeding tricke, and such a one I am now trounc't with, and many besides my selfe.

I haue read when Iewes haue bought a red hair'd boy, at first they will cloath him in silkes and taffaties, rauish him with all delights that can bee thought on, neuer haue musique from his eares or banquets from his taste, and thus vse him vntill such time they know he is plump, fat and fit for their purpose; but when the poore Christian least thinkes of his imminent ruine, he is taken by a brace of slaues, and tied vp by the heels, so by degrees beaten to death with cudgels, hauing Mummie made of his braines: Such as these are vncon­scionable Citizens, that at first will cloath our young Prodigals in silkes and veluets, golde and siluer lace, inuite him home to dinner, vse him very courteously, but whē his bonds are due, & that he lest dreams of his misfortunes, a couple or two of Sargeants are set vpon him, and hurry him to the Compter, where perhaps he shall lie two▪ three, foure or fiue yeere, nay a dozen or twenty yeeres together before hee can get himselfe released, or if hee chance to preuaile so much with his creditors, as to enfranchize him, it must be vpon some vnreasonable, vnconscionable condition, as to giue him fiue hundred pound for an hundred at the death of his father. Vulcan fell from Heauen into the Ile of Lemnos, and by that fall lost the vse of one of his feete, let all such vnconscionable Citizens take heede they fall [Page 27] not from the earth to Hell, and lose their soules.

These are the Boares that plow vp whole acres, nay whole fields of Gentlemens lands with their snoutes, these are swine that eate vp whole Orchards, and these are they whose fiery consciences drinke vp whole fish­pooles at a drought; their vsurious dealings make so many Cornutos in the City as there are, for when young Gentlemen haue beene beggered by their extortion they haue no other meanes then to fall in with their wiues and seek to them for supply: It is this that makes Newmarket heath, and Royston-dounes about Christ­mas time so full of high-way men that poore Coun­trie people cannot passe quietly to their Cottages, but some Gentleman will borrow all the mony they haue (only indeed they will make them take their bonds) this makes Tiburne and Wapping haue so many han­gers-on, and this is the cause so many such Citizens sonnes are plagued after their fathers deaths as their fa­thers when they were liuing haue plagued others, for most commonly some knaue or debosht fellow lurch the fooles their sons as cunningly after their fathers dis­cease as they did others only to make their sonnes Gen­tlemen, who at last may as miserably die in the Hole for want of sustenance as some of his fathers debtors haue done before him.

Vpon this I began to interrupt him saying, sir in this short time that I haue beene here I haue seen some Cre­ditors bring their Debtors both meat, drinke, and mo­ny when they haue beene sicke, and ill at ease.

Tis true sir said he, I acknowledge it, but did you ne­uer heare that when a Lion hath got a pretty bleating lambe or kid in his pawes hee will play and tumble vp and downe with them a little while, but you must not thinke it is for any loue hee beares them, but onely to chafe their blood and make them eate more sweete, and tender: Such are these kinde of vnkinde Citizens [Page 28] that when they haue got young Gentlemen into prison will (if the summe be any thing weighty) relieue him with meate, drinke, and mony, (if they see him begin to droope) but do you thinke this is in loue to him? no, if you doe you wander a thousand leagues from a true construction, hee doth it to keepe him aliue that hee may haue his mony if any meanes should fall to him, and that the world may take notice of his charitie, alas, alas this is but a fained holinesse, which is a double in­iquity: This kindnesse is but like Alchimy, or Saint Martins rings that are faire to the eye, and haue a rich outside, but if a man should breake them a sunder, and looke into them, they are nothing but brasse, and copper. The Apples of Gomorrha haue glorious rinds but infectious cores.

It is an extreame misery for a Prisoner to be indeb­ted to a rich man, or a very poore man; for the first (most commonly) will haue all or none, for if his debtour chance to die, the losse he may well spare, but if it is his fortune to liue, and pay him it addes to his estate, the other (that is) the poore man will haue no pitty because it may be the debt is all he is worth.

Thus doe many Gentlemen perish vnder the hands of cruell Creditours, nay a father that hath brought vp his childe with care and paine, griefe and heart break­ing, and thinkes to leaue him such faire possessions af­ter his decease, that he may liue in his Countrey like a Gentleman (as his auncestors haue done before him) either in his life time doth see his sonne lie rotting in prison, or is not able to shew his face out of his fathers gates, or after his decease, his brothers, sisters, friends and kinsfolkes see his lands extended on, his woods felled downe before his face, those legacies and porti­ons he should pay to his brothers and sisters, paide a­way to satisfie his debts (being base commodities) and so beggers a whole worshipfull Family, who before that [Page 29] cursed time had liued a hundred yeares or more in grace and fauour in his Country. Alas, alas, with that the teares fell from his eyes, and hee could speake no more for weeping, yet I desired him to proceed, but he crau'd my pardon, and tould me that he was at the far­thest end of that discourse, and thus (quoth he) haue I shewed you the nature, property, and quality of this maine arme that hourely paies tribute to the Ocean the Compter, now will I go to the second arme which is concerning Gentlemen-Cheaters.

CHAP. V. 1. The true nature and quality of many of our moderne Spent-Callants the second current. spent-Gallants. 2. Their tricks to fetch in young Heires to set their hands to bonds. 3. And a true narration of their vitious, and lewd course of life.

HOw can those Tyrants flourish in their king­domes, when the foundation of their raigne is built on the Sepulchers of the right and lawfull Heire they haue murthered? And how can those men prosper whose raisings are reared vpon other mens ruines? Many such there are in these most sinfull daies who being gulled themselues when they were ignorant-sots by knaues, turne knaues themselues, and study to cheate, defeate, and cosen young Heires. Is not this a strange Metamorphosis? It is better to bee a poore foole then a rich Knaue. Many of these vn­luckie, and ominous Starres wagge, and wander per­petually raigning in the Spheare of this City, that hunt after young Heires as greedily as the Diuell doth after Vsurers soules when they be vpon their death beds, for [Page 30] these like Pyrats or Bandites liue onely vpon the spoile.

These Souldiers hauing beene beaten to the world (or indeed beaten by the world) beginne to summon vp their sences, and call their idle braines to a strickt reckoning how to get that vp againe their riot and fol­lies haue spent, and thinking there is no way to recouer themselues but by that they haue ruined themselues, cast about-them and beginne to fish after this order.

They prepare their lines, prouide their baites, make ready their hookes which shall haue such constant and firme batbs, that after they haue strucke a gudgeon in the gills shall bee sure to hold him though they suffer him to play a little in the streame: when they haue all these things in readinesse they seeke into diuers floods, as the Temple, Inns of Court, Citizens-houses, as wealthy Marchants, and gold Smiths pry into Ordinaries, and inquire if there be any in that place worthy abaite, if these faile then they repaire into Pauls-Church, to Play­houses, Cockpits, Brothells, and Tauernes, and leaue no place vnsearcht, but like the Aire visit all parts rather then they will go without their prey, and if they haue found any that is agreeable to their minds, or that they thinke may easily bee wrought vpon, in this fashion they vse him.

Like his shaddow they will neuer be from his heeles, but dogge him into what place soeuer hee goes, especi­ally if he bee a young country-Gentleman whom his father hath sent vp to the City to see fashions, and ra­ther then he shall go out of towne as raw as he came in they will season him, and giue him a little of the City poudring: They will first seeke what meanes his father doth allow him, then of what nature he is, either mer­ry or melancholly, milde or dogged, and according to the garbe and fashion he is of, beare themselues toward him: He shall not go into a Tauerne, Ordinarie (or [Page 31] almost any friends house) but they will be as nigh his body as his sinnes are his soule, and by some sinister way, sement, and glue themselues into his familiaritie whatsoeuer it cost them. This being brought to perfe­ction and themselues growne something familiar (as in much company keeping a man shall ioyne himselfe to much society) they neuer will bee from his elbow but seem to be his bosome friend, his masculine sweete heart, and that like Hypocrates Twinnes they must liue and die together.

The golden-leaued marigold neuer opens her leaues while the sun doth rise, and neuer closeth her selfe while he doth set; so these politicke Prodigalls, neuer will be stirring while my Heire is rising, and neuer sleepe while they see him inclining that way: because they would be sure to haue him in their sight. But hauing by much industry and sweat apted and fitted him to their humor and purpose, and wrought him to such a soft and waxen temperature (that they may cast him into what mould they list) bring him to their Rendeuous (an Ordinary) where this decaied Knight salutes him, that poore Es­quire doth embrace him, the other beggerly Gentle­man kindly entertaines him, and all their seruants vaile bonnet to him, none vse him discurteously but all most louingly, they will haue him to play-houses, inuite him to a Tauerne to supper, and as yet let him not pay a penny, what company soeuer he comes in: and if hee chance to borrow forty or fifty shillings of them (nay three or foure pound) they will not aske a penny, yet all this while hee runnes but on that vnconscionable score, which they will make him discharge to the last farthing before they leaue him.

This young innocent (scarce hauing sented the Cit­ty aire) all this while thinkes himselfe in a heauen vpon earth, that he is in Elisium and sees more delights then the Turkes Paradise affords, thinkes himselfe much [Page 32] graced (as to be so much beholding to them) as to be entertained among Gallants, that were wrapt vp in sat­ten suites, cloakes lined with veluet, that scorned to weare any other then Beauer hats, and gold bands, rich swords and scarfes, silke stockings and gold fring'd gar­ters, or russet bootes and gilt spurres, and so compleate cape ape that he almost dares take his corporall oath the worst of them is worth (at least) a thousand a yeere, when Heauen knowes the best of them all for a month nay sometimes a yeere together haue their pockets worse furnished then Chandelors boxes that haue no­thing but two-pences, pence, halfepence, and leaden tokens in them, yet he still is confidently perswaded the Country he was borne in yeelds not such a man as the worst he hath associated himselfe with.

Alas, alas, I truly pittie them, and would as truly re­lieue them if it lay within my poore power, but when youth is in the height and full vigor of their desires, nei­ther wholesome councell, or lamentable examples can giue them sufficient warning of their future falls. But they hurt themselues not mee. Why sir (said I) this dis­course tends not to a young Gentlemans hurt, but (as I suppose) rather to his good.

Sir said he, you as much erre from the true conceiu­ing of this busines as my young Gentleman from a true course of life. This is but the Praeludium or Prologue to the play that is to come after, for my Country-nouice being honnied with these sweete and Nectar delights (that these false brethren serue him with) thinks that all the kindnesse he can returne them is not able to giue them a true and due satisfaction, and if at any time these practitioners perceiue my fresh-Gallant to droop or languish, with these (or the like) speeches (which are as wholesome as a Whore in the Dog-daies) will striue to shake off his mellancholly: Why how now my noble spirit, what is it that lies within the reach of [Page 33] our abilities that we can supply you with? Speake, you shall not want it; it may be you mourne because you are not so well accoutred as those you keepe Company with, come our Taylor shall furnish you, we will haue you strip of this Deuonshire-kersie suite, and put on sat­ten, you shall cast off this course cloath-cloake, and be furnish't with one lined with veluet, your foureshilings dutch felt shall be conuerted to a three pound Beuer, your woosted stockings and neatsleather-shooes to rus­set boots and guilt spurres: then courage man, is it not better to liue in the City among a braue society of Gal­lants, then in the Countrey with a heard of gulls? what man is so stupid and blockish as to drinke the running streames when he may quaffe Greek-wines? who will feede on course cates when he may hourely tast of de­licates? who will weare poore serg D'bois when he may go in sattens? and who will liue in a smoakie Country­cottage, when he may lead his life in a braue Ordinary in the City? You are your Fathers Heire, therefore lay it on while you may, if it should bee your fortune to bee clapt vp, doe you thinke your friends will see their on­ly sonne and Heire (the sole hopes of their house) pe­rish in a prison? no, therefore play the Lyon and rouse your selfe vp, and be not so Lamblike and still, but free­ly vnfold your thoughts to vs, and as wee are Gentle­men and your sworne friends wee will indeuour with our vtmost strength and abilitie to redresse you, or in any other fashion to pleasure you.

This draught of poyson (administred to him in a golden boule) swells his heart vp with such hopes that he is ready to burst, he refuseth not their proffer'd kind­nesse but takes them as willingly as they trecherously meant them, and thinkes that a rich suite will immorta­lise him. But yet these cloathes are but like the shirt Deianira sent to Hercules which being poisoned with a Centaures blood wrought his death▪ so these rich trap­pings [Page 34] in short time after either cost foure or fiue yeeres imprisonment (if his friends are not the more affectio­nate to him) or pay foure or fiue hundred pound or more to ransome him out, for after he is thus inuested it may be he reuells it vp and downe the City with his familiars, drinkes, domineers, and declares in euery company hee comes in how much he is beholding to such Gentlemen, and hauing his braines throughly warmed with wine vowes to doe them any kindnesse that lies in his power, but marke the sequell. At last as a whole Congregation of these Caterpillers (that eate vp some of the chiefest fruit that growe in the Gar­den of this Common-wealth) are carrousing healths to some Strumpet or other, there must enter (hauing his Cue giuen him) a Scriuener with a bond of fiue or six hundred pound ready made for one of these Gal­lants my prodigall doth most of all doate on, telling him if he can procure some Gentleman either of pre­sent meanes or future hopes to be bound with him hee might instantly vpon the sealing of the bonds haue so much mony he lately spake for laide downe to him; my Polititian being in a counterfeit maze, at first be­ginnes to fret, fume, and sweare, saying that his credit was neuer before this time so slighted as not vpon his owne bond to be trusted for so small a matter, then he beginnes to trie his consorts about him desiring them to stand bound with him, they tell him plainely they will not enter into bonds for their brother, but if hee had neede of a hundred or six score pound they would make it vp among them & lend him Pox▪ of it (saith he) I am to purchase such a Lordship of such a Knight and two or three hundred pound will not serue my turne, for I haue some two thousand pound ready and if I had this full summe the Lordshippe were mine own; which if I should misse I might leese three or foure hundred pound which easily I may get if I were furnished; be­sides [Page 35] if I could stay while next Terme I should haue a thousand pound paide to mee vpon a bond, and then I could easily cancel this. At this Simon Sandbox the Scri­uener is about to depart, and Signior Shift, chafes, frets, and is ready to teare his haire for grief that he cannot be furnished: At last hee comes to Corkebraine my Coun­try-nouice desiring him to stand his friend; and stand bound with him for that summe of money, and that he should stand only for a Cipher, and that hee rather would leese all his Lands (you may beleeue him) then preiudice him in the least thing the world might taxe him with, Now my young Gallant (that neuer before this time was lapped vp in Lambskinne, and would ra­ther set his hand to his owne vndoing then displease him) takes it as a kindnesse that he would intreate him to do him such a curtesie, so without any reading ouer the bond (to see how the condition runnes) seales and deliuers it to Signior Security the Scriuener, neuer drea­ming that he is put principall, or of the after-claps that will fall heauy on him about sixe months after, or that this bond he seald to, was for some base commodities to furnish his supposed friend, or lastly, that it is some old debt, that now hee hath shifted from himselfe and laide on the Nouices backe, but still holds him as deare to him as his life blood is to his heart, and still they will reuell together when all this while my Cosen neuer lookes into the ensuing danger because he neuer consi­ders of the day or what the penaltie of forfeiting a bond is; so to be short, when the time is expired (that the mony should be paide in) the Scriuener and the Cheat plot to arrest him knowing him the best able to pay, and on a sudden, when they haue him within the Citty with the help of halfe a dozen Puttocks belonging to one of the Compters lay their clawes on him, and sel­dome stay (except he bee able to discharge the debt) while they haue incarcerated him.

[Page 36]Thus is this poore Gentlemans fortunes (by his own kindnes and this villaines policie) vtterly ouerthrowne, who neuer comes at him, sends to him, nay or so much as once thinkes on him. Many of these most detestable and dishonest trickes haue I known practised on young Gentlemen newly come to the Temple, Inns of Court, and other places that now my heart bleeds to think on. Sir, said I, I haue heard much of those that lie in priui­ledged places being in debt daring not shew themselus, but I neuer heard they practised such abuses.

Sir, said he, if what I speake tast of vntruth may I ne­uer inherit eternall happinesse, what good would it do [...] mee to wrong them and do my selfe no good onely to hold you in a discourse? yet these are not halfe the vices that are daily practised among them, for let a Gentle­man come into their companie you shall heare some cursing and damning for mony they haue lost either at cards or dice, others chafing and swearing they haue lost twentie pound when their conscience knowes they haue wonne as much more, others stabbing one ano­ther about some triuiall word passing betweene them, so that there will bee such a confused Babylonian lan­guage of blasphemy among them that none (but their truchman the Diuell) can interpret it, and when they haue lost that in a quarter of an houre at cards, dice, tables, or bowles they haue borrowed of some raw­freshman (that lately was admitted into their worse then lesuiticall Colledge) what will they doe? but start out some this way and the rest another, some be­take themselues to their geldings, pistols, and a good sword, and not sticke to bidde a Traueller good mor­row, and for that curtesie lighten him of his purse be­cause he might ride the easier, and then returne home againe.

Others lie in their beds musing (hauing their Tutor the Deuill not farre from them) where they may finde [Page 37] out some easie Gull of whom they must borrow some mony for a day or two, but whatsoeuer they borrow for one houre is borrowed for one age, for though they binde it with a thousand Dam-mees (that they will re­pay it againe within the space of a weeke) you may as well neuer bestow lippe-labour to demand your mony for you shall be sure neuer to haue it againe.

Others lie penning baudy letters to Citizens-wiues, inticing them to let them haue mony or wares, but if they will not be instructed by their diuelish doctrine (as to deceiue their husbands to supply their wants) what will they doe? but raise causelesse scandalls and imputations against them and so contrary to the will of God go about to part man and wife. These are they that care for no body but themselues, nay not them­selues, for if they did they would not so often hazard their liues in the field vpon the refusall of some drun­ken health, or in speaking against some painted, pro­stituted Curtesan, and he that kills the most men is ac­counted the brauest man.

These are they that like Owles dares not shew their faces into the Citty in the day time, but as the Dogges of Aegypt when they come to drinke of the streame of Nilus lappe here and there and dare not stay long in one place for feare the Crocodiles (that lie lurking with­in the bankes) should pull them into the current: so these, when they chance to skulke out of their dennes to some Tauerne to be merry, dare not stay long there, but straight shift to an other for feare some Sergeants that lay watching about the stalls should fasten on them and pull them into one of the Compters.

These are they that go braue by running in debt and neuer care how to pay so they haue it: I once read a pretty tale of a Popiniay that against the time he should appeare before the Eagle (who had summoned all the birds to come before him) borrowed of euery one of [Page 38] his acquaintance a feather, the Peacocke lent him one of his plumes brauely shining with variety of cullors, the Parrot lent him one of his greene fethers, the gold­finch one of his yellow, so that as soone as he was drest and had presented himselfe before the Royall and princely Bird, and dismist, he flew vp and downe the woods so proudly that euery inferiour Bird) as the Titmouse, the Hedgsparrow, and Wren) began to adore him: At last these birds that he had been so much beholding to, came to challenge their fethers of him, and (though very loath) he was constrained to render them back againe, that when he was bare and naked he lookt ten times worse then those poore birds that late­ly did admire him. Such Popiniayes are these that bor­row of euery Citizen to make them shew glorious in the worlds eye, but when the Goldsmiths, Marchants, Silkemen, and Haberdashers come to claime their own and get it, they will seeme ten times more foule then lately they did faire and glorious. These are the instru­mentall causes that many fathers disinherit their right Meires (and put in their second sonnes) who at last are forced to marry some whore for want of meanes, or flie into the Lowcontries and for halfe a crowne a weeke serue in some Garrison towne, for if they are caught (being by their meanes runne into debt) they will be clapt into prison, and there lie and rot, where in processe of time (when these cheating Gallants grow old and their trickes faile) may lie themselues and fat­ten a prison, and end their daies in the Hole, in pouer­ty, famine, and extreame wretchednesse. Thus haue I described to you the nature of the second arme that continually runnes to the maine Ocean the Compter, now will I hast to the third which is

Villanous Sergeants.

CHAP. VI. Containing 1. The condition of Sergeants. 2. Their na­ture, The third current, Mace­mongers. and property. 3. A Paradox in praise of them. 4. Their abuses, their trickes and sleights in arresting of men. 5. In what garbe, and fashion they often-times ap­parell themselues, and lastly their vnsufferable extorting from his Maiesties subjects, and their crueltie toward them.

IN heauen there are many times ingendred Meteors, Exhalations, and fiery Comets: In many Coun­tries there are many Monsters, as in Russia rugged beares, in Germany tusked-Boares, in Clenoma taile­strong Lyons, in Ireland cruell blood-sucking backbi­ting sixfooted Creepers: but the most rauening and cruell Monsters in our Land are the shoulder clapping pursebiting mace-bearers. A necessarie euill and plagu­sorein the body of an infected City, and a disease that the most of the Gentry is sicke of. For as in the most medicinable phisicke there is most infectious poyson (which else would not bee forcible or haue any ver­tue) so in the most peacefull, and populous Common­wealth there must be such necessarie instruments or else it would not long continue: these are they that strike with the axe of Law and lustice deeper cuts then they haue authority for, so that sometimes they murther a whole family at a blow, and haue no more mercy when they strike then a Spanish-army when they are vpon the execution or slaughter of their enemy. Yet thus much I will say for them when a Gentlemans fortunes begin to be sicke and crasie, most commonly they will apply him with caudles and cordials which only haue [Page 40] but this fault they tast some thing too much of the Mace, a spice more familiar in England then in the East-Indies: for the most base sort of people in the Land are neuer without it in their pockets. But now I thinke on it I will not be inuectiue against them because no subiect plaies his part to the life so well as these do, then what kinde of vocation is more necessarie in a Commonwealth? I hold them very religious men, for they will continually watch and pray, watch a whole day together to catch young Gentlemen, and after they haue clutcht them pray vpon them: They are ve­ry valiant men for they will strike the brauest spirit that walkes in the streete, I haue known many Knights run away at the sight of them: they are men of great respect and reuerence, for I haue seene many Gentlemen giue them the wall, and rather then they will iustle with them let them haue the whole streete at their com­mand: They are men of good consciences for they will do nothing without warrant vnlesse it be now and then for their aduantage: They are very louing crea­tures for I haue seene them come running to a Gentle­man and hange about his necke and not leaue him to the death: They are very familiar and as sociable as any whore, for they will be drunke with any man (so it bee not of their owne cost) And lastly, very kinde and af­fable for they will promise a young Gentleman more curtesie then a Courtier wil a citizen: Why then should we not thinke well of Sergeants? Sir (said I) I am sure you speake this Paradox only to make your selfe (and mee) merry, for on my conscience what you now speak is rather in an ironicall kinde of fashion then serious or true, for if you will haue my opinion of them, they are the excrement that proceeds from the body of a Commonwealth, whose vilde doings haue beene so vnsauorie to mee that (for euer as all the world else be­side do) I shall hate them worse then a Butcher doth [Page 41] Lent, or a Fishmonger Christmas or Easter weekes, therefore good Sir be not partiall in your proceedings but lash them at the whipping post of Iustice and Equi­tie, while you fetch as much blood from their ribbes as they haue teares from many poore men and womens eyes.

Faith Sir (said he) indeed to tell you true I am like a kinde mother, that hauing seene her child doe some wittie vnhappie tricke stands in doubt whether shee shall laugh at him and let him escape, or frowne at him and correct him: so I hauing seene the cleanely and smooth practises of these fellowes know not whether I shall smile at them, and let them escape the scourge of my tongue, or grieue at them and correct their enor­mities, but howsoeuer I haue so braue and constant a Champion on my side as Truth I will go on though all the Sergeants belonging both to Poultry and Woodstreet Compter were within eareshot of mee, therefore thus I will charge vpon them with a volley shall wound some of their consciences (if it is possible for them to haue any.)

In ancient Rome the Lictores, or Sergeants went alwaies with their staues of Office in their hands, and in such apparell that the whole City knew them, and yet to this day in this forme, and fashion they continue, or cary about them some marke of difference: So in many o­ther Countries they are so markeable that they are no sooner seene then knowne: But here in England (where they once went in pide coates and white roddes in their hands as a badge of infamie) they will alter their fashion of habite oftner then a Whore doth her lodge­ing, or a French Count his shirts in summer-time: Pro­teus neuer changed shapes oftner then these fellowes, for sometime they will go accoutred like a scholler, then like a Merchant, sometime like a Councellor, then a Butcher, Porter, or Countrie-gentleman with [Page 42] their bootes and spurres as durty as if they had rid fiue hundred mile through the deepest slowy way that e­uer was trauelled; but this is (most commonly) when they go to arrest some Farmer or Yeoman of the Coun­try that is either but newly come into his Inne, or go­ing out of towne, and a hundred more such stratagems haue they in their heads when they are well greased in the hand; or when the arrest is something dangerous. Therfore first of all I will relate the manner they often­times arrest a man to make you a little merry, and then proceed to the manner of their vsage of a man after they haue arrested him. A Norwich man being ex­ceedingly indebted to certaine Londoners (who often laide waite to arrest him) came to the City so priuate that they knew not how to come at him, though some­time they had intelligence where he was; and when (as it was very seldome) the Citizens came to parley with him it was out of a window, but he could by no means be drawne nigh their forces for hee was too subtile for them, and alwaies left word with the seruants in the house where he lay, that none should haue accesse to him before such time he himselfe had seene them, espe­cially if they were in satten doublets, cloakes faced with taffatie, and ruffes of a Marchants sett; at last his Creditors being incensed against him (caring not what cost they were at so they might Incounter him) came to the Compter in Woodstreete and feed halfe a score Sergeants promising them if they could take him they should haue a lacobus a piece besides, one of these sen­ting the busines, straight forged a deuice which was in this manner, hee was certified that this Norwich man had weeekly some letters come to him out of Norfolke, and that the Porter that brought them had free accesse to him, this Sergeant instantly prouided a frocke, a red-cappe, a rope about his shoulders (which would haue become his necke better) and with letters in his [Page 43] hand directed to the same party, trudges to his lodging being iust on that day the Porter was accustomed to come to him; knocking at the doore and being de­manded his busines told them that he had letters out of Norfolke for such a Gentleman, vpon this he was di­rected vp staires to the Chamber-doore, who no sooner knockt but the Gentleman did start vp from his bed to the Chamber-doore peeping before through the key-hole, and seeing him to be a Porter let him in, as soone as hee was entred hee bidde his worshippe good morrow, vales his bonnet, and deliuers him a let­ter that should come from a Gentleman of his acquain­tance, but as he was opening of it, what doth my Por­ter doe but pulls his mace out of his pocket (the Gen­tleman not dreaming of such a breakfast) and laide on his shoulders, and arrested him, telling him that he was not what he seemed to be (a Porter) but what hee was a Sergeant, and that there was no way with him but ei­ther to giue satisfaction to his Creditors, or to prison, therefore make your selfe ready, and along. So he see­ing how hee was betraide and arrested went quietly with him to the Compter, and died in execution. As pretty a pranke as this the same Sergeant plaide by an other Gentleman that stood vpon his guard, who ha­uing his Creditors with him the day before seemed to grow to a composition with him vpon the sealing of certaine bonds, promising to release him while a far­ther day, telling him that the next day they would bee with him, and bring a Councellor, and a Scriuener: a Councellor to giue them direction for the managing of the busines on both sides, and the Scriuener to make and write what they should determine. The Creditors hauing taken their leaue straight plotted together ouer night how they might arrest the Gentleman in the morning, and hauing inuented the proiect, forth-with went to the Compter and there did see these Sergeants [Page 44] and halfe a dozen more with them to dispatch this bu­sines: the Sergeants being well oyled in the hand with Aurum potabile were as hot vpon the exploite as an Ita­lian on a wench of fiueteene, and did long to put their deuice in practise, the Sergeant would needes take vp­on him to be the Councellor, and his Yeoman the Scri­uener, who had attired themselues so quaint that they who had neuer seene them before would haue sworne they had beene the same they counterfeited, for the Sergeant had a Barristers gowne on his backe (that e­uer after could not choose but infect the true Owner with knauery) a double ruffe about his necke, and his beard cut as close as a stubble field; his Yeoman (that had as villanous a looke as any Scriuener betweene Charing, crosse and Pauls) had his inkehorne at his gir­dle, his pen in his care, and his parchment and waxe in his hand, and away they go with a score more of their Comrades, whom they had appointed not to be farre from them but to come and releiue them when they heard a pistoll discharged (which lay in the Gentle­mans window ready charged to guard himselfe with) the Citizens led the way, and my Councellor and Scri­uener trot after vntill they came to the house, so the folkes seeing there was no body but such as had beene there the day before (except a Councellor and a Scri­uener) conducted them vp into the Gentlemans chamber (where were halfe a dozen of his men about him for feare of the worst (so the Gentleman and the creditors began to lay open the matter to the Coūcellor who desired the Gentleman to dismisse his seruants for halfe an hower, for it was not fit they should heare any of their proceedings; they were so then the Councel­ler begins to vtter his opinion, wh [...]e the Scriuener▪ be­gan to sneake nigh the window, and when hee saw his time, discharged the pistoll▪ and then instantly arrested him, the other Sargeants hearing the watch word gi­uen, [Page 45] straight ran vp into the chamber with their swords drawen, and layd hold on him, telling him their intent and what they were, so the poore Gentle-man seeing himselfe thus caught (rather then goe to prison) payd the debt, so sent the Sargeants and Citizens away.

Other such dog-trickes as these haue they plaid, as vpon a Marchant, that (either vpon pollicy or-pouerty) broke, and hauing made all his goods ready to goe into the Low-Countryes wanted nothing to dispatch, but to mend three or foure dry-fats, which he ment to put his goods in, and gaue order to his Maide, to prouide two or three Coopers to mend them, but shee (being brib'd by his Creditors) betrayd her masters purpose to them, so they prouided halfe a dozen Sargeants, to goe like Coopers the next morning, to mend this Mar­chants dry-fats, and were let in to dispatch it, and had direction from the Marchant himselfe how to finish it: but as he was busie about them, insteed of hooping the barrels, they hoopt him in their armes, and arrested him, so that before they left him, they made him pay the executions they had to charge him withall, and was glad to giue them a fee beside, that they should lay no more actions on him.

An hundred such stratagems they haue beene fortu­nate in, and came off without dread or danger, but now I haue related to you the manner of their arresting many men, now will I tell you how they vse many (or most) men they haue arrested. If they perceiue the par­ty whom they haue ceas'd on to be a Country-Gentle­man, they will be busie with him to know whether this were the first time he was arrested, if it bee, they haue the better subiect to worke on, and know (as they term it) how to milke them the better. First they will carry him to some Tauerne (but it shall bee nigh one of the Compters) where they will call for pottle after pottle, and such meat as the house affords, holding him in de­layes, [Page 46] while their guts are full, telling him they will do him what pleasure they can for him, and that they only keepe him there, because they would haue his aduersa­ries come to him, and dispatch him with all expediti­on, swearing to him, that they were sorry to doe their office vpon him, and that if his creditor had not beene with them, they had rather haue giuen a crowne to an­other to arrest him, then take a twenty-shilling peece to execute their office. Vpon this, one of them will makes as though hee goes to fetch his Aduersary, when God knowes, he goes vp and downe Cheap-side, and o­ther places of the City, enquiring among the Trades­men, whether such a Gentle-man bee indebted to him or no if he bee, then hee will tell them, if hee will giue him a peece of money hee will vndertake to arrest him, for he by chance had intelligence where hee supt, and when he hath his fees, what will hee doe but goe to the Compter, enter an action, takes his warrant out of the office, and comes to the Tauerne againe, telling him, he hath beene with his Aduersary, and that hee could not possible come to him this three or foure hours yet, and that if he would giue them any money, they would stay with him, if not, they must haue him to the Comp­ter, for they had or her businesses to dispatch, that they might get fiue pound by, if he offer them an Angell or a Marke for two or three houres waiting with them, account it nothing, and scorne to stay so long for so small a matter, knowing the poore Gentle man will ra­ther disburse the value of twenty shillings, then goe to prison, still expecting his Aduersaries comming, of whose approach there is no more hope, then of the Kings: little thinking of the villanie they are practizing against him, yet stil he expects his Aduersary, but when it begins to bee late they call for something to supper, and according to the lining of the poore mans purse will sauce him, if they see he hath good store of crowns, [Page 47] they will councell him to goe and lie in their house a day or two, telling him it is a thousand to one whether his Aduersary will come or no, for though he promi­sed he would not faile, yet hee seem'd very vnwilling, besides (say they) if you feare any other actions, wee can keepe you so safe in our house, that none of them shall know where to finde you; whereas if you were in prison, they would all come thundering vpon you, so it may be you may be laid vp for two or three winters: These speeches terrifies my poore Gentle man, and still rather then he would goe to prison, would giue all the money in his purse, at last, hauing discharged all the rec­koning at the Tauerne, away he goes with them, and lies in some of their houses a day or two, which is e­nough (for it will cost him at least twenty shillings day and night) and yet the poore man is farther from his li­berty, then when he was first arrested, and when these purse-leeches haue suckt him dry, then they bring him to prison.

Why Sir (said I) when I was arrested I neuer saw any such abuses among them, it may be so, said he, then they perceiued you had no money, or that you were too wise to be cheated, for I haue seene diuers Gentle men come into prison (after they haue laine a fortnight or three weekes at some of their houses, at an excessiue rate) without either cloake, sword or hat which the Sar­geants haue got from them, onely bearing them in hand that they will get them baile.

Againe, if he be a poore simple fellow, as some Ser­uing-man, or Countrey Tradesman, they will carry him to some blinde Ale-house, and there practize on him, telling him, that if hee goe to prison, it will cost him at first entrance a marke or fourteene shillings, and that he must haue irons put on his legs, as soone as hee comes in, and put into a place where hee shall neither see foot or hand, while he hath discharged the debt, and [Page 48] that he would giue them so much money, they ought to haue for arresting him, and something to drinke be­sides, they would if it should bee his fortune to go thi­ther speak to the Keepers to vse him kindly. This trick I haue knowen them serue a poore Country fellow, and brought him to prison with neuer a penny in his purse: once they seru'd a friend of mine so, but I think I made them render the money backe againe, and be glad they could be rid so quietly of him.

If I should but repeat but halfe their abuses, I should fill a reame of paper, I haue seene them come dragging in a poore man by the heels, that his head hath knockt against the stones for a quarter of a mile together, and so battered and martyred, that a man could scarce know whether he were a man or no. Sometimes when they know a man in feare of arresting, they will, with­out warrant from the Creditor, giue him a cast of their office, onely to get some money out of him, and so let him goe againe: sometime when they are feed to arrest a man, they will send the party word to keepe out of their way, hoping to haue a gratitude from him: some­time when they haue arrested a man (if the creditours be not by) will not sticke to take a brace or two of An­gels and let him goe, telling his aduersary the next time he meets him, he cannot set eye of him, and whereas a Sargeants fee from the Creditor is no more then one shilling for an arrest, they scorne to step from the gate vnder a Crowne, a Noble or an Angell, and whereas there is a statute that none of them shall take aboue a groat of him that is arrested, they will not sticke to milk him out of all his money, and turne him into prison without either hat, cloake or sword,

They haue other tricks as bad as these, as for example, when they haue arrested any man, either vpō an execu­tion or action, & if any Gentleman or Tradsman, or of what fashion so ere he be, by chance do but iustle them [Page 49] as they are bringing their prisoner to the Compter, for if they call them by their right names, Varlets, they (without warrant or any authority from some Superi­our power, as Iustice or Constable, but by the vertue of their owne office) will carry him to prison, and either lay my Lord Maiors command on him, or clap some heauy action on him, that except he haue good friends or a fat purse to compound with them, he may lie and rot there for all them. *I know a poore man that did One Atkinson now dwelling at High gate. but offer to rescue his friend, was clapt vp by them, and could neuer get free from them while hee was worth a tester, and if the Iudge, before whom hee was bail'd, had not beene more pitifull then they were con­scionable, he had beene in prison all his life time.

If any man they arrest, in his struggling to make an escape from them, chance to hit any of them, either on the legs, face or brest, so that they haue no hurt at all, they will gripe, beat and pinch the poore man so mise­rably, that hee shall not bee able to lift his arme to his head, and then enter an action of battery against him, which will more vex and disturbe him then all the rest: I my selfe haue beene eye-witnesse of the like, for in the beginning of August, 1616. they arrested a poore Iohn Rogers. Seruing-man, who had an action entered against him by them, because hee offered to make an escape from them, and when he had all his other actions withdrawn he could by no meanes get free from them, they were so vnreasonable in compounding with him, that hee tooke a strong conceit, and the nineteenth of the same month ended his life.

Thus haue I portrayed foorth in my freshest cullours the abuses and wrongs his Maiesties subiects daily su­staine by these Sargeants, for which they can haue little or no remedy, and as well as I could, waded through the third arme that paies tribute to the Maine Ocean the Compter. Now will I proceede to the fourth and last.

CHAP. VII. Containing, 1. The nature of a Constables office. 2. An obiection concerning the abnses his Maiesties subiects suffer by Beadles and Watch-men that vnderstand not the vertue of their office. 3. And lastly, an answer in their defence.

REason (the Soule of Law) and Law (the life of a Common-wealth) should shine and be tralucent in those that beare the office of a Constable, for hee be­ing the Kings Deputy for the night, is the King of the night, therfore being so, he should impartially with his staffe which representeth Iustice, beate downe disor­der, and defend Equity, Peace and Innocence: but there are many Constables in these dayes, that through their ownenegligence (not wilfulnesse) doe contrary to the nature of their office, for very often the Beadle and Watch-men in his absence, commit that which the Constable himselfe is much blam'd for, who vnder the pretence of seeing good order kept, as I haue heard, are the first that breed disorder: but for mine owne part I neuer was eye-witnesse of any of their misdemeanours, but onely as I haue heard it reported, therefore I dare nor will goe no further then truth doth guide me. For first, I should wrong that worthy office, in relating what I haue no probability for, and secondly my selfe, in ma­king my selfe a dishonest man in print. Why Sir, said I, I haue often heard it reported, that the Beadles and Watch-men are in fee with the Keepers of both the Compters, and that for euery man they commit they receine a groat, and therefore onely for gaine, will (vp­on any light or slight fault) carry any man that comes in their way to prison, or if any man fee them, they will [Page 51] (if he be neuer so drunke, vnruly or disordered) con­uay him to his lodging; or otherwise, if hee bee vnfur­nisht, conuay him to one of the Compters. And to mine owne knowledge I haue knowne a Beadle committed to the Gatehouse for committing a Noble­mans seruant (who went vpon speciall busines for the Lord his Master) therefore if he had not first wronged this Gentleman, and secondly the force, and nature of his Office, why should he being an Officer be commit­ted for his misdemeanour? Againe I haue seene many men come into prison (since I came hither) that haue been extreamly hackt and maimed with their halberds: which in (my opinion) they cannot answer, for though they haue authority to commit, they haue none to kill or wound, therefore in my iudgement these abuses are vnsufferable, and onely are vpholden by their Head the Constable.

Sir (said he) you must vnderstand that a Constable is but an Iland brooke that paies but small tribute to the Ocean the Compter, he is but causa accidentalis, an accidentall cause, and by chance fattens the grosse and vast body of it, for after his watch is set hee is bound by oath to performe his office both for the discharge of his owne conscience, and the good of his Prince, and Countrey, in which duty euery good subiect is bound in duty to assist him. For a Constable is the preseruer of peace, the attacher of vice, and the Intelligencer of in­iuries, and hath as strong and forcible power to com­mit Offendors in the night as any Iustice of peace hath in the day: nay if any Lord, Knight, or Gentleman of what degree, or fashion soeuer he bee, comming in the night-time through the watch in an vnruly fashion is as subiect to his command and authority as the poorest subiect that walkes the streetes: and if hee should not sometimes nay many times clappe vp such personages, they would be thought very slacke in their office and [Page 52] not worthy of that authoritie, and power the King hath giuen them; for many men though they haue braue outsides may commit or act as great, or more hei­nous mischiefe then those that are of a poore ranke, for if the Constable should not stand Centinell, how many men would beerob'd in the space of one weeke, nay of one night, which by his industry and care hee preserues. But here it is obiected that the Beadle and Watchmen haue for euery man they commit a groat, whether it be true or false I neuer could confidently speake of, if they haue, it is fit that for so many nights as they sit vp for the good of the Commonwealth they should haue something allowed, and who is the fittest to allow it but such as haue offended and they haue beene troubled with the night before: Againe you say they will commit such as haue no mony to giue them, though it be vpon a sleight occasion, and let such passe though their fault bee neuer so heynous so they will grease them in the fist. This obiection I will thus an­swer, if this abuse is offered it cannot enter into my minde that the Constable hath any hand in it, for there are many occasions that may call him away after his watch is set, and he that is his Deputy may commit the offence (knowing not what truely belongs to his office or place) and if sometimes they let a Drunkard escape without going to prison, it is a thousand to one but they that conduct him to his lodging will haue the house-Keeper, passe his word for his comming foorth in the morning to answere what shall bee laide to his charge before the Iustice: and I thinke a [...]ester or a shilling is well bestowed vpon them for such a curtesie: againe if they chance to let any vnruly Gallant passe, it is either vpon his submission to the Constable or his Deputy, or else he must alledge some firme and constant reason what the occasion is of his being so late out of his lodg­ing. And though there are many men hurt in the [Page 53] watch, the fault lies most of all in themselues and not in the Watchmen, for when a company of Gallants come from some Tauerne, or worse place high gon in wine, and will not render an account of their walking at such an vntimely season, but draw their swords and fall to hacking them, therefore they are bound first of all by the Kings lawes to apprehend them, and secondly by the law of nature to defend themselues, and rather of­fend then to bee offended. Thus haue I answered your obiectious desiring to draw to an end, for this is a subiect I haue no firme or sollid ground to worke on, if Constables, Beadles, and Watchmen, are consci­ous or guilty of these obiections I haue defended, I desire they may amend and correct them and giue no occasion to haue any pen busie it selfe in describing the abuses; thus haue I set foorth in order the foure armes that pay tribute to the Ocean the Compter, now will I come to the Compter it selfe.

CHAP. VIII. Containing 1. Aresemblance betweene the Sea, and the Compter. 2. With the true nature and conditions of such as liue in it.

NOw I haue crost the armes of this maine Ocean the Compter I will saile in the Ocean it selfe; and well may the Compter hold similitude with the Sea, for as the Sea is oftentimes disturbed with stormes, gusts, and tempests, so is the Compter with continuall stormes of griefe; gusts of sorrow, and tempests of tri­bulation which are continually beating vpon the head and heart of many a poore Prisoner. The Sea as Phi­losophers hold is rul'd by the Moone and according to [Page 54] the nature of her fourequarters, she doth ebbe and flow, rise or fall, so is the Compter maintained by the Law and the foure-Tearmes, and according to their nature and property, it is full and empty. The sea hath many fearefull and hideous monsters in it, so hath the Comp­ter an abundance of Sergeants. In the Sea the great ones eate vp the little ones, so in the Compter the Iay­lors and Officers feed vpon the poore Prisoners. In the Sea there are many rocks and quicksands, so in the Compter is the booke where many poore men pay their fees, and the Paper house where he hath his dis­charge: in the Sea there are many shippes cast away by wracks and tempests, so in the Compter are many men by extortion and cruell Creditors: And lastly, as in a storme at sea a braue shippe Royall-well man'd that hath store of skilfull Marriners and a good Pilot may ride out the fury and rage of the tempest when a poore rotten weatherbeaten Pinke destitute of Anchor, sailes, munition, men and Skilfull Pilots, is soone drowned: So in the Compter in the most horredst wracke of affliction, a rich man well friended, well monyed (his chiefest Pilot) may make way through the fearefullest storme of aduersity, and come againe to the Port and Hauen of Liberty, while the poore man destitute of friends and mony is soone cast away in a small brunt and shocke of aduersitie: but now to the matter.

In Noahs Arke there were some of all sort of Crea­tures, so in the Compter some of all kinde of people, for to say the right of it, it is a Commonwealth though very little wealth bee common there. There lies your right-worshipfull poore Knight, your worshipfull beg­gerly Esquire, your distressed Gentleman, your Me­chanicke Tradsman, your prating Pettifogger, and iuggling (lyers I would say) Lawyers, all these like so many beasts in a Wildernesse desire to prey one vpon [Page 55] the other, for I thinke there are as many sinnes looking through the grates of a Prison as there are walking through the gates of a City: For though we are all Pri­soners yet the causes of our restraint are diuers, some are in for debt, some for other more heynous and cri­minall actions, some there are that are in vpon con­straint, and such are they that come in for debt and can no way shunne what they suffer, or haue no meanes to giue satisfaction to their Creditors: Others there are that are voluntary and such are they that come in of purpose, who (if it please themselues) may keepe themselues out, of which I finde foure kinde of peo­ple that are good subiects to this Commonwealth the Compter, and they are these, the first your subtile Ci­tizen, the second your riotous-Vnthrift, the third your politicke High way-man, and the fourth and last your crafty mechanicke.

The first of these is the firmest legge the body of this Commonwealth doth stand vpon, for after hee hath been a Tradsman some fiue or six yeeres or longer, ha­uing borne vp his head as high as his neighbours, hath had good credit on the Exchange among the Mar­chants, and continually paying them at the day ap­pointed, may if it please him (hauing kept his word so faithfully with them) haue what goods he pleaseth at halfe a yeere or yeeres day of payment: at last when he finds his best oppo [...]tunity, what doth he, but gets fiue­hundred pounds worth of wares of one marchant, as much more of an other, and so runnes ouer all those he hath had doings with, and when hee hath got the quantity of foure, or fiue thousand pounds worth of goods into his hands, a moneth or six weekes before the day of payment, my Citizen in priuate sells all these commodities by whole sale for ready mony at the best rate, and hauing all this cash in his purse straight flies into the Countrie among his friends, and lies there per­haps [Page 56] a summer together for his owne pleasure, and when hee heares of any writs that are out for him re­turnes againe to the Cittie, and lies close making none acquainted with his lodging but some man he knowes will breake before the next quarter, and imploies this partie to go to his Creditors to certifie them of the mi­serie he is in, and that by trusting young Gentlemen he hath vndone himselfe, desiring them to bee good to him, protesting that they shall haue all that is left a­mong them if they will be content to let him walke the streetes quietly to vse some meanes to raise his fortunes once againe: his Creditors perhaps giues his friendes good wordes telling him they will not be rough with him hoping with this baite to catch my cittizen abroad and so clappe him vp, which my Bankrupt little cares for, knowing that after he hath laine in prison a yeere or two they will be glad to take a quarter of their debts and let him out, what cares he for Actions, Executions, Iudgements, Statutes, or any other Writs, hee hath e­nough to keepe himselfe in prison and will make them come to composition with him as hee list himselfe, or they get none at all, so his Creditors at last seeing his re­solution so fixt and setled will (though very loath) take one quarter of their debts rather then loose all, and it may bee not halfe of that in mony, but young Gentlemens bonds, and desperate debts that God knowes whether they shall euer recouer one penny: thus doe many Banrupts ly in diuers prisons about this Towne inriching themselues, and by their policie are good for nothing but to defraud his Maiesties subiects, and fatten a loathsome prison, and this is the first of these voluntary Souldiers.

The second of these are such that will compound with a brase of Sergeants to arrest them, and such are many young Gentlemen that want mony to supply some vitious vse or other (knowing they haue kinde [Page 57] friends) will voluntarily haue an action enter'd against them and be arrested, so perhaps will lye there a day or two while their friends heare of it, who if it bee but a matter of foure or fiue pound will not sticke to dis­charge it, which being no sooner done but straight they go to the party to whom the mony was paide▪ and there giue the Sergeant an Angell, and share the rest among themselues, many trickes of this kinde haue I seen put in practise since I came hither; but one thing I will not forget which was this: One of these fellowe▪ that had vsed this tricke three or foure seuerall times, and beene fetcht out by his friends for seuerali summes of mony, did once more put it in practise, which his friends (at last) perceiuing, let him lie there some two or three yeeres together, and the most part of his imprisonment was in the Hole, and if at last he had not got off cleere by his owne industry he might haue beene a Prisoner there while this time for all them. How say you sir was not this a pretty tricke? yes faith sir (said I) I would all such voluntary prisoners might be seru'd so, but (good sir) to the third of these voluntaries.

The thirst sort of these are such that hauing beene in prison, and lying in the Hole haue beene released by Legacies, but being freed and feeling thesweetnesse of it, will purposely once a yeere (as about Christmas or Easter, when they know Legacies come in) get some friend of theirs to arrest them for a matter of thirty or forty shillings and then make suite to the Marchants (that yearely come and release prisoners if their debts be not aboue that value) which if they get, they haue so much mony cleere to bee merry with. These base trickes are vsuall though they be not lookt into, or cor­rected, for it is an extreame wrong first to the party that giues it in cheating of him, and secondly in de­frauding other poore Prisoners that lie in for due debts.

[Page 58]The fourth and last sort of these are young Gallants that now and then will make a steppe to Newmarket­heath or some such place, and after they haue that they long lookt for, come posting to London, and if the hews and [...]ies come too hotly after them, instantly gets themselues arrested into one of the Compters, and lie there while the matter cooles, for who will looke into such a place for any such Offenders? Thus haue I laide downe in my best methode the nature of these volun­tary Prisoners that fatten this Common-wealth the Compter Sir (said I) these reports strike mee into a masement: I protest I thought there could not haue beene such villany extant in a Realme much lesse in a prison: But I hope sir you are come to treat of the Kee­pers, I am sir, said he, and thus began.

CHAP. IX. Containing 1. A Character of a Iaylor. 2. Their true nature and disposition. 3. Their cruelty, and extortion, And 4. and lastly such abuses that haue been discouered, liuely displaied.

DAre you write? Why not? my dore is shut. They that pinch me see not how I pinch them. But, but when your discourse comes out the Keeper will hold you in the faster. Tush my booke must helpe me out. I hope to see Pauls▪ Churchyard as soone as it. If I doe not, the worst censure that can passe, will be a Rayler against a laylor. Bold Muse hold on thy pace. If the world is a Body, then I cannot be perswaded but laylors and Keepers of Prisons are the nailes of it, for they scratch exceedingly, and like sicke men possest with lunacie snatch at any thing: These kinde of fel­lowes [Page 59] are as nigh a kinne to Sergeants as Brokers are to Vsurers, both of them are inseparable purseleaches, and are men that hauing runne through their trades as they haue their estates, at last are forced to take vpon them this most base, and odious kinde of life, which they no sooner haue obtained but are as proud of it, as a lousie prisoner of a fresh sute, or a beggerly Rimer of tweluepenny dole when hee oweth ninepence for ale. They are men that haue no quality in them but one, and that is to aske mony, and like Lawyers without their fees will doe nothing. They imitate Rauens, Kites and Crowes that feede vpon the corruption, stinking garbige and guts of any carrion lying in the fields, and leaue that part that is most wholesome vntouch't, so these feed vpon the follies and vices of the age, & haue nothing to doe with any thing that is good. If a Gen­tleman come into their Confines that hath his purse well lined with crownes they will haue no more mercy ouer him then a Dog killer hath ouer a diseased Curre in the plague time. Which makes me call to mind that Motto I haue often seene and read Homo homini Lupus man is to man a Wolfe. If a man should trauell into the Wildernesse or some vast desert, and bee deuoured by sōme Reare, or Boare, or such like sauage Creature, it were but their kinde to doe so being prickt and stung with hunger; But for one man like a Canniball to feed vpon the other, what more monstrous and worse then crueltie is this which euery day is seene in this place. Yet in their crueltie they will vse deliberation and feed vpon a man while he hath mony, and make as dainty of him as a Spaniard will of a piece of beife or mutton, and make many sweete meales of him: Or like some cruell Surgeons that haue a rich man in cure of some dangerous disease, will not at first send him to purge in another aire, but let him by lingring, and as they call them with their compounding plaisters make him [Page 60] smart while they haue got more money from him, and while they haue drawne his life to the last thread, and thinke here is no more to be got out of him, straight post him to his graue; so Iaylors when a mans mony is spent turne him into the Hole.

Sir (said I) I haue seene some of their doings since I came hither, and haue admired they should bee so hardened that their hearts cannot bee mollified with the oile of compassion, no nor cut with the Diamond of compunction, or that they haue no sense or feeling of their owne inhumanity and hard-heartednesse, nor once thinke that God may one day make them in as wretched a plight as those they thus tyrannize ouer. Sir (said he) you shall seldome see a Butchers-dogge that continually lies in the shambles without a bloudy mouth, and those Officers that liue in this place hauing once their finger dipt in the blood-boule of crueltie, seldome or neuer can be reduced to a milder kinde of vsage: Custome is a second nature with them, and be­cause they daily do it they thinke it is as naturall with them as their meate and drinke.

But I will leaue their strickt dealing with old Priso­ners while an other time, and come to their vsage and behauiour to new-come Prisoners at their first en­trance.

At the first entrance of any man into this Dedalean Labyrinth, after they haue viewed him and know his name, then according to the fashion of his cloaths (but most especially the weight of his purse) they beare themselues towards him, Flies neuer come to painted gallipots for their gay outsides, but their sweet insides as suckets, sugars, and other preserues, so these rather respect the purse, then the person; for they had rather know he hath a siluer inside then see him to haue a gol­den outside. If they know hee hath good friends that will not see him want, or that hee hath meanes of his [Page 61] owne correspondent to their expectation, they will fawne and flatter him in euery respect more then a funerall sermon will a dead man; he shall want nothing while he wants not money, euery Officer will haue a cappe and a knee for him, euery time they see him hee shall command all the house be Dominus fac totum, what abuse soeuer he offers shall be smothered suffering him to doe any wrong, yet take none, when a poore man for the least offence shall be clapt into irons, and cast in­to the Hole, and there shall remaine while such time he submits himselfe in all humilitieto Master Keeper.

If they see a young Nouice come in, who liberally and freely will pay all the large fees of the house with­out much asking, and sometimes grease their perpetu­all dry palmes with a tester or a shilling, he shall not on­ly command their hats, but also their hearts, a couert parasite will not be more submisse to his best Patrone then these Compter Spaniells will bee before such pro­fuse prodigalls. But if a Gentleman of a rectified and sollid vnderstanding chance to be arrested, and being demanded the fees and garnish stand vpon interroga­tories with them, asking them what warrant they can shew for the taking of such mony (being loath to cast away his mony) they will instantly answere it is a custome. A custome! Oh heauens is custome become Law, and must it because it is vsuall with them be law­full for them to grinde the faces of his Maiesties sub­iects, who will not for the most part stand and capitu­late with them but rather condescend to them so they may get good vsage of them, and when they are dis­charged neuer thinke of their abuse, but are glad they haue got from them, and will rather leaue their cruelty to be punished by Gods hand then the Lawes.

I desire to know the reason, why, when a Gentleman comes to the Masterside he must before hee is suffered to come into the dining roome pay twelue pence for [Page 62] turning the key, which not long since was but a groat, by what authoritie or warrant are they now to take two groats more then there due: nay indeede, why should they haue any at all, because I neuer read in any place in the statutes of England that such fees are due, there­fore hauing no warrant from thence, I admire they dare venture to take that which may turne to their vndoing, if any Informer should prosecute this extortion against them.

Againe, suppose a man payes the shilling is deman­ded of him by the porter, why should hee pay for his bed the first night two shillings (which extortion is di­uided betweene the cheefe Keeper and the Chamber­laine his seruant) they can yeeld none other reason but this, that it is a custome: and if they bee hardly put to it, they will say that is the pleasure of the Sheriffes, on my conscience they doe be lye their Worshipfull Ma­ster, for though they are Masters of the House where prisoners are, yet they are not Masters of their purses: besides no man can bee so ignorant and simple, to be­leeue that they will deuise lawes of themselues, for which they haue no warrant out of the statutes: besides the statutes of the Compter were wont fiue yeeres since to hang in the yard, that euery man might see what was Prisoners v­sed worse then slaues, whose price appeareth written on their backes. due to the house and euery officer, but now they are cut downe and buried in obliuion, that they may de­mand what they list, which they cannot iustifie, for if they could, they would when they are put to it, stand to the vertue of their authoritie and office, which not long since I saw tryed, which euer since made mee confidently beleeue, that no such large fees (they vsual­ly take) are due to them.

For a Gentle-man (they afterward clapt into the Hole, because hee plainely and boldly tolde them of their abuses) being arrested came into the Master side, & being demanded his fees and garnish, which hee very [Page 63] well had beene acquainted with, because hee often, by his owne confession, had beene a prisoner, tolde them there was none due and none he would pay, for, sayd he, howsoeuer you may fetch ouer young guls for their money, I will not be so soone caught, what I call for, I will make a shift to see discharged, otherwise I deter­mine to pay nothing, and so resolue your selues.

The Chamberlaine (the cheefest officer on that side) be gan to take the repulfe very hainously, and thought he would one way or other be euen with him, making no account that hee should lose his fees by him, earely the next morning before the Gentleman was vp, came into his chamber, where he found him sleeping, and his cloake (the marke he shot at) lying on the table by him, so tooke it vp and went downe staires againe, but when the Gentle-man was awake, and began to make him­selfe ready, he found his cloake missing, so that hee be­gan to enquire of his chamber-fellowes if they saw it not, but they denied it, at last he had intelligence that the Chamberlaine had got it for his fees, vpon this hee first went and demanded his cloake of him, who refu­sed to deliuer it, vnlesse he would pay him his garnish, for, quoth hee, you haue met with no fooles, no faith, said the Gentle man, I rather think I am come among a crue of cunning knaues, and vnlesse you redeliuer me my cloake againe, I will make some of you appeare so before yours and my betters. And so foorthwith sent his letter by a friend of his to the next Iustice, demanding his warrant for the apprehending of such a fellow, na­ming of him, that the same night had rob'd him, so layd flat fellony to his charge: The Iustice hearing the matter could doe none other, seeing he purposed to sweare against him, and being for the King granted him his warrant for the attaching of the same Chamberlain and to bring him before him to be examined, he seeing how he was seru'd with this warrant, would haue giuen [Page 64] the Gentle-man his cloake againe, which he refused but at last by much perswaston he was intreated to take it a­gaine, if so bee hee might heare no more of the matter, and with all his heart for gaue him all such fees he before demanded of him and was glad he escapt so well. And that the world may know this is no fiction of mine owne inuention that I haue related, I will tell the name of him that did this, who was one M ^r Venard (that went by the name of Englands Ioy) that afterward died heere in misery, plagued by the Keepers, being more guilty of his death then his cruell aduersaries, for after hee be­gan to tell them of that they were loath to heare of, they thrust him into the Hole, being in winter, where lying without a bedde, hee caught such an extreame cold in his legges, that it was not long before he depar­ted this life.

Now I would know of them, if their fees had beene due, why did they not stand to the maintaining of their due, or if the Sheriffes did appoint such fees to bee ta­ken▪ why did they not appeale to him, and desire his aide in the matter, and since that time why did they not procure of him that the Articles might bee hung vp by the gate, that all prisoners as soone as they are brought in vpon an arrest or command, may read them and not stand in contention, but paie what the Right Worshipfull Sheriffes and Court of Aldermen thinke fit to be paide.

That the extortion of these Iaylors are extreame, 23. of his raigne. looke into the statutes of Henry the sixt, where it was appointed by act of Parliament, that a Iaylour should take of any prisoner committed to ward but a groat, in this iniunction there is not set downe any due belon­ging to the dore-keeper, there is no shilling mentio­ned for him, no two shillings for the Chamberlaine, no six-pence for the Porter, or large fees for the Booke­keeper, but heere is onely mention made of a groat for [Page 65] the Iaylor and no more: this is the iniunction after which followes the penaltie, which is this, (mentioned in the same Statute) And if any Iaylor shall any waies doe contrarie to this aforesaid ordinance he shall loose to the partie thus endammaged or greiued his treble dammages, and forfeit forty pound at euery time that any of them doe contrary in any point of the same, whereof the Queene shall haue one halfe to be emploi­ed onely to the vse of her house, and the partie that will sue the other halfe, only the Warden of the Fleete and of the Queenes-Pallace at Westminster for the time be­ing shal not be preiudiced by this Ordinance in the du­tie of his office. Thus you haue heard the iniunction and penaltie of this Statute which was made in King Henries the sixts time, which were in force in Queene Elizabeths time, & which now is of vertue and efficacie in our Soueraigne Iames his time, for these Statutes ne­uer since they were first made in the Honourable house of Parliament were repealed: Therefore I admire they knowing the Statutes wil in danger themselues so much euery day as to infringe this ordinance, by the brea­king of which they reape an infinite gaine yearely, for of so many thousands that come into their iurisdictions they let none scape but haue fiue times more then this Statute allowes them, nay sometimes tenne times, nay twentie times more then they can answere; for I haue seene some men pay ten groates for his fees at booke, some ten shillings, some a marke, some twenty shillings, nay I haue noted it they haue not beene ashamed to aske fortie shillings for his fees, besides garnish, and o­ther charges which will amount to the matter of a no­ble or seuen shillings if hee lie heere but one night, let him go the nighest way to worke he can. Therefore I haue many times wished a Promooter at some of their backes to see their vnconscionable dealing, that hee might serue them out of the Exchequor with a sub paena [Page 66] for their horrible extortion, and make some of the worst of them (if there can be one worse then another) examples for the rest, for no Iaylor will stand to triall if he be wise, but will rather confesse it, and plead guilty, which if he do he confesseth his extortion; but if he be so valiant as to stand to a iustification, he hath no war­rant to exceede his limitation. Therefore whether he pleades guilty, or stands to his iustification he cannot chuse but shew himselfe an extorter, as on Carman that Carman and Bud, secundo of the King in Michael▪ mas Terme▪ And How and Bud, quarto of the king in Trinity Terme. lay in the Compter of the Poultry two or three yeare had like to prou'd one of his Keepers if hee had stood to the triall, but he was glad to compound with him and giue him a piece of mony to let his suite fall, which if many other Prisoners would take example by this fellow, and call their good doings in question, it would be a great ease to many poore mens purses. For what extreame extortion is it when a Gentleman is brought in by the watch for some misdemeanour committed, and staies but while the next morning, that must pay at least an Angell before he be discharged, hee must pay tweluepence for turning the key at the masterside dore, two shillings to the Chamberleine, tweluepence for his garnish for wine, ten pence for his dinner, whe­ther he stay or no, and when he comes to be discharged at the Booke it will cost at least three shillings and six­pence more, besides sixpence for the Booke-keepers paines, and sixpence for the Porter. But this abuse was once complained on by one that had beene wronged in this nature, and my Lord Maior sent word and com­manded that no man comming in by the watch should be receiued into the master-side, yet within sixe or seuen weekes after they could not forget their old wont but fell to it againe, imitating the Fox that was comman­ded by the Lyon for killing many geese and hens to go a pilgrimage for his sinnes, yet he could not choose but cast his eyes on euery flocke of geese he saw grasing on [Page 67] euery greene he trauelled through, and at last for all the Lyons command cast off his Pilgrimmes weed be­fore he had gone halfe his iourney, and fell to his olde trade againe. But they haue other trickes as badde as these, which are as followeth: when a Gentleman that hath beene long resident in the masterside, and hath paide all their demand there, and chanceth to be turn'd ouer to the Knights-ward for want of meanes he, must be forced to pay all the fees ouer againe, or else they will either pull his cloake from his backe, or his hat from his head, and the Steward of that ward will stand as peremptorily vpon it as if it were confirmed to him by Act of Parliament, or had it vnder all the Priuie Councells hands: And if a Gentleman stay there but one night he must pay for his garnish sixteene pence besides a groate for his lodging, and so much for his sheetes, and still he that receiues it, saies, it is a custome, & that it is toward the buying of such things he wants. why if it be so I thinke euery Prisoner is of vnderstan­ding sufficient to buy these things himselfe, and not to trust his money▪ in other mens hands, and stand to their kindnesse for such things he shall want; but these are onely trickes to get money, for I haue seene them put to their nonplus, and dared by Gentlemen that vn­derstood their dealings to pull their cloakes from their backes, telling them that there was no such exactions due, at which hot repulse they haue beene as calme as midnight; but if they meete with some raw young fel­low that will swallow and digest such wrongs they will triumph ouer him, and not let him passe while they haue made him open his purse and giue them their demand.

When a Gentleman is vpon his discharge, and hath giuen satisfaction for his executions they must haue fees for irons, three-halfe-pence in the pound, besides the other fees, so that if a man were in a thousand or [Page 68] fifteene hundred pound execution, they will if a man is so madde haue so many three-halfe-pence, but I thinke the Keeper of one of the Compters that tooke such vnlawfull fees was forced to pay backe againe what he had receiued with a thousand thankes as soone as hee perceiued he had a subpaena was seru'd vpon him out of the Exchequor: Thus if some men would but take this order with them, and ierke them with such rods they would learne a better and honester lesson.

To mine owne knowledge I saw a Promooter that Iupus lupum n [...]uit, & surem sur. was arrested vsed more kindly and respectiuely then a Gentleman of fiue hundred pound a yeere, hee had what in reason he called for in the Celler, and might haue broath and meate out of the Kitchin at any time whensoeuer hee would call for it: but will any man thinke that this was in loue to him, no it was in feare for not many yeeres since hee had informed against them for extortion, therefore this considered vnlesse they knew themselues guiltie of such faults they did suspect he would sent out, why should they stand so much in feare of him, and if they had tooke nothing but their due, they might haue let him gone like an in­forming Knaue as he was, and scorne his worst of ma­lice, for Truth is a brasen tower and will retort the shot of malice into their owne faces that shoot them, Ver­tue is like a bedde of Camomill the more it is trodden on the more it flourisheth, the more she is deprest the more she expresseth her selfe. What a strange thing is it when a man is arrested & puts▪ himselfe to the knights­ward must pay a groat a night for his lodging, and a groate for euery paire of sheetes heelies in, what con­science haue they to exact so much when the best bedde in that side is not worth a Seruing-mans yearely wages; but I haue heard their due is but twopence a night if a man lie alone, and a penny a night if he haue a bedfel­low, and that in the twopenny-ward where they receiue [Page 69] fourteene pence a weeke their due is but seuenpence, then what excessiue gaines is this in a yeare, when I haue heard it credibly reported that within the circuit of one yeare there is committed and discharged both vpon command & arrest at the least fiue thousand Prisoners, what might this amount to besides their fees at the booke and their garnishes, but no more of this, for if I hope my booke shall meet with a Printer that neuer married Iaylours daughter. any keeper should easdrop vs, and be witnesse of what I relate, I perpetually should be lockt vp into the Hole, or neuer haue a good looke of the well-fauouredst of them all. Therfore my pen shall sleep in silence, & re­ueale no more of their abuses that lie hid frō most mē.

Sir, said I, I perceiue you are either loath to pro­ceede in your discourse, or else you grow weary with discoursing, therefore I will giue you some expausion & breathing time, & vnfold vnto you what I heard of others since I came in, concerning them, and if in any point I erre in the relation, I desire you to be my guide and put me into the right way, for I am loath to wrong them, though they wrong most men they haue power ouer, but would haue the body of my discourse stand vpon the feet of truth.

I haue heard it reported, when any Legacies come into the house, towards the release of the poore people of the Hole, the Keepers sometimes takes them into their hands, promising those that deliuer them, that they shall be layd foorth toward the discharge of the poore, but contrary to the wil of the Benefactor decea­sed, releeue not only the poore in the loathsome dun­geon of the Hole, to whom it was soly giuen, but help those out with them that lie in the two-penny ward, be­cause they owe them money for their lodging, and so not for any good will to them, helpe them to a Lega­cie, that they might be payd themselues out of it, or else they might lie there like the rest of their fellowes. Thus they first wrong the charitable Benefactours, that [Page 70] on their death-beds bequeath their bounty to the poor, and lastly, the poore themselues, in depriuing them of that which is due to them, in making them stay, it may be two months or a quarter of a yeere before they can be released, expecting other Legacies, when as halfe a score or more of them may die before they come in. Againe, I haue heard some murmure at their plots, in keeping men in by pollicy that haue store of money, letting them not goe before such time their money is almost spent, and when their Creditors come to heare of them, will not sticke to tell them that they haue money enough in their pockets, & that it was fit they should haue their due before they withdrew their acti­ons: yet when they see his coine begin to wast, will not stand out to perswade their aduersaries to take pity of them, and come to some reasonable composition: for what should they doe with them when they haue no more cash: dealing with them as some dainty Lady will with a Woodcocke, cares not what becomes of the body, when shee hath eaten vp his braines, or as Huntsmen doe with foxes, fling the carkasse into some ditch or on some dunghill, after they hane stript his skin ouer his eares. Besides these trickes I haue heard that when a young Gentle-man is arrested, and hath competent allowance from his friends, as weekely his diet and his lodging discharged, they continually will certifie his friends or his father of the least misdemea­nour he shall commit, nay, rather then faile to relate all, will adde more to it, to make it more hainous, so that hee might bee incensed against his childe, and still keepe him in prison, which policy is onely for this cause, that they might still haue so good a guest as hee is, knowing his friends will see such things hee cals for truely discharged▪

These things (say they) are common with them, and when a Tradesman is arrested vpon seuerall actions [Page 71] they will giue (being feed well) intelligence to their Ad­uersaries whether they meane to put in baile or no to them, or what they determine to get their release by, ca­ring not what becoms of the poore man, wife and chil­dren, so they themselues gaine but twelue-pence. Some, say they, will not sticke to take fees of dead men, and scarce let the coffin goe out of their gates, before his friends hath payd his fees, therefore if these reports bee true, it is first most abhominable for them to act, and most lamentable to heare. Therefore, good Sir, let me haue your aduise and opinion in this matter, and truly without any fallacie or equiuocation, whether these things I lately was certified, of are true or no, after a lit­tle pausing he began to resolue me in this manner.

Indeede Sir, some of these deuises I haue found pra­ctised vpon my selfe, but for some others, that you haue made mention of I will not boldly warrant to bee true, but you haue heard no more reported then I haue heard spoken: but this I can iustifie to be true, as a true token and signe of their wooluish disposition and in­gluvious appetites, there cannot a dish of meat come into the gates, but they must and will haue a share of it, nay, and thinke that the poore prisoners are much be­holding to them, that they are so much graced, or haue so much fauour as to haue them partake with them: but if any man hating their society will neither giue them entertainment, or inuite them to any peece of meate hee shall bee sure to bee lockt vp all that weeke that Keeper waits, and doe him some villanous mischiefe whensoeuer he conueniently can contriue it. Or on the contrary, if any young nouice that hath no execution against him, bee pliant to their humour, they will vse him with as great a respect as any Noble-mans heire, if they see him profuse and riotous, they will not leaue vrging him to go abroad with them to take some com­position with his creditors, when Heauen knowes, it is [Page 72] not for any good they purpose to him, but themselues. For they vse him as Anglers doe the fish, giue him a bait, but it is for his bane, so these are kinde, but it is for some benefit they expect from him, for they will ne­uer goe abroad with any of these vnder two shillings or halfe a crowne, if they stay but an hower with them, besides in what company soeuer they come in, and stay at dinner & supper, either at an Ordinary or Tauerne, or any friends house, they pay not a penny, thus doe they perswade many abroad with them (that else would stay at home, I meane in Prison) first that they might furnish their purses with money, and their bellies with good cheere, and bring them home at night, as bare of money as a sheepe is of wooll that all day long hath beene feeding among bushes and briers.

But suppose this man from whom they haue recei­ued so much kindnesse, as good diet, money and other fauours, fall into want and distresse, doe you thinke they will releeue him, no they will let him lie and break his heart with his owne sighes, wash his couch with his owne teares, grinde his teeth into powder, and make himselfe bread of it to eat, before they will releeue or helpe him, or if by chance they doe releeue any poore man (as it is very seldome) they will in a Pharesaicall ostentation report it to any friend that comes to visit him.

I haue seene an Embleme, where the picture of Cha­rity held in one hand loaues of bread, distributing it to the poore standing round about her, and in the other, a Trumpet to report to the world her beneuolence. Such are these Iaylours, that vpon the least taste of friendship or kindnesse shewed to a man, will bee sure to haue all the people in the house know of it, yet these curtesies come as seldome from them, as virgins out of Pickt­hatch, or sound horses out of Smith-field.

But for one good qualitie they haue ten badde, and [Page 73] what iniury or wrong soeuer they doe a man hee must not complaine, a rugged behauiour towards them pre­uailes not. If a man rush through a quicke-set hedge in hast he cannot chuse but haue his face scratcht▪ wher­as if hee temperately did diuide the bushes with his hands he might go through without any hurt: when a poore man comes nigh a churlish mastiffe he must not spurne at him if he meane to goe quietly by him, but flatter and stroake him on the backe, and spit in his mouth: So must Prisoners if they meane not to bee prickt with a Iaylors thorny disposition must vse him gently, or if he will not bee bitten with his currish and dogged vsage let him giue faire words and sometimes if he be able flinge a soppe or two into his gaping and all-deuouring iawes.

They doe as all the world else, more for money then merit, for I haue seene a fellow come in with scarce a ragge on his backe being some Cheate or Decoy that hath beene preferred to the Masterside, because the Keepers knew they of his trade would fetch him out speedily, and pay all the fees: when on the contrary, I haue knowne a Gentleman of good reputation whose behauiour and outward habiliments shewed his desert, clapt vp into a darke roome without any light among halfe a score men, and if there were no spare bedde for him to lie on, let him take vp his lodging on the bourds which he must pay for before he and they part. Other mens miseries makes them merry, and the more Priso­ners they haue committed the more is their gaine, for I haue often heard them (when my Lord Maiors offi­cers haue brought in Bakers for making their bread an ounce or two too heauy) whisper in their eares telling them they haue had but a fewe Prisoners that weeke which is an instigation to them, to bring as many as they can possible; besides the Booke-keepers, doe not much stand vpon it to giue sometime a pint or a quart [Page 74] of wine to a Beadle that hee might not forget him the next night following, but wake the watchmen if they should chance to nodde, [...]o by that meanes might loose a night walker.

Their cruelty is as great as their policy for I haue heard since I haue been Prisoner a poore sicke man, that not halfe an hower before he died cald about midnight for water to quench his thirst, yet none of thesehard-hear­ted Keepers would rise to releiue him, but were deafe to his lamentable and sad complaints: so that the poore soule before day tooke his leaue of the world. But what comes all the durt and drosse to, they thus scrath and scrape together? most commonly to nothing, for what they are getting in three or foure yeere they may loose in an after noone, so that it is as rare to see a rich laylor, as a droue of fat Oxen in Spaine; for sometimes when they go abroad with Prisoners for tweluepence or eighteene pence gaine, may loose them before they come in again, & so are forced to compound with their Creditors. And that I may recreate your spirits (too much dull'd I feare with my tedious discourse) I will tell you three or foure pretty trickes, three or foure se­uerall Prisoners serued those Keepers that went abroad with them.

A poore man hauing beene two or three Winters in the Hole, and along time frost bitten with calamitie and want, desiring to free himselfe because neither his friends nor his cruell aduersaries would do so much for him, came to a Keeper desiring him to go abroad with him telling him he had a firme hope to make a finall a­greement with all his Creditors: for hee was going to a friend of his to receiue so much mony (naming the summe to him) as would release him: and if hee would take the paines to go out with him he would before hee stept one foote out of the gates giue him content: The Keeper that had as excellent a gift in taking money as [Page 75] any leaking boate hath in taking water, vouchsafed to receiue his fees, and (to be short) wentabroad with him: the best part of the day they spent in walking vp and downe the City from friend to friend, yet they could not get so much as one sixpenny piece from any: at last to prolong the time, the Prisoner desired the Keeper but to go with him to one friend more, and there hee made no doubt but to speede: well, away they go toge­ther, but they found no more mony there then they did at diuers places they had beene at before, so that they were comming home againe as emprie of money as they went out: for the Keeper would not stay a mi­nute longer when he saw there was non Lariohn to bee had, so he hastens his Charge to go a little faster that they might be at home betimes, nay faith said the Pri­soner seeing you haue been so good as to stay out with me so long, I desire you to doe me that honest office as to go into a Barbers shoppe and stay while I am trim'd which I haue not been this twelue-moneth, and to re­compence you for your paines I will giue you your sha­uing; the Keeper not refusing this curtesie thinking to saue a groate or sixpence in his purse by the bargaine, went with him into the next Barbers shoppe they came to, where the Barber after a finnicall congratulation biddes them welcome, and prouides his chaire and his napkins, his combs, and his Sizers, his balls and his spunges, and falls first about the Prisoners eares: Who being dispatcht gaue him a tester and went to the win­dow to put on his band, the Keeper instantly vpon his rising beganne to fall into his roome, and being set fell a talking with the Barber about what newes hee heard in the City, but they had not discoursed long, but Cut­b [...]rd stopt his mouth with a washing ball, desiring him to shut hi lippes for feare the suddes should come into his mouth, and to close his eyes for hee was trimming him with a stinging ball: the Keeper did so, now in this [Page 76] time the Prisoner had made himselfe ready, slipt out of doores, went quite away, and was neuer heard of again. Now the Barber had no sooner tooke the basen from the Keepers chinne, and was carrying it to the window but the Keeper admiring hee could not heare his Pri­soners tongue walke all this while, opened his eyes (venturing a smarting) to see whether the Prisoner were in the shoppe or no, whom hee no sooner mist, but vp he starts, runnes out of doores bearing the Bar­ber ouer and ouer, that came with his rasor in his hand to shaue him, and ran into the streetes with the Barbers cloathes about his shoulders, with his choppes all white with the froth and suddes that hung about them, so that he looked like a Boare that foamed at mouth, or a well trauelling horse, and in this order runnes he mad­ding vp and downe the streete inquiring for his Priso­ner, the Barber followes him for his cloathes, and mo­ny for his trimming, while euery man, woman, and childe that met him gaue him way, thinking hee had newly broke out of Bedlam; but my Barber at last o­uertooke him, laide holde on him, and got his cloaths, and his mony of him before he would let him go: and so my Keeper was forced to turne backe to the Comp­ter without his Prisoner, so that when all his fellowes heard the conceit they almost laught him out of coun­tenance, besides the plague he was put to in compoun­ding with the Prisoners Aduersaries.

But in my conceit the best iest was of a fellow who was committed to the Compter (for getting a Wench with childe) by a Iustice, who sent this prouiso to the Keepers, that they should not permit him to go abroad vntill such time hee had put in sufficient baile to dis­charge the Parish of the burthen: Now the wench was not yet deliuered but looked euery hower, in the mean time this fellow made continuall suite to go abroade to seeke baile, at last one of the Booke keepers let him go [Page 77] to some of his friends hauing for his Keeper one of the Messengers belonging to the house, now the Prisoner being abroad and seeing his time and oportunity, most nimbly and like an Irishfootman betooke himselfe to his heeles, and ran quite away, I cannot say cleane a­way, for he was in such a fright that a man might haue smelt him a furlong; but to conclude, the Messenger went home to the Compter as like an Asse as he went out, and brought home the sadde tidings which was as welcome to the Booke-keeper as a Prisoner that had neuer a penny in his purse. Well to be short, the Pa­rish complained of the Keepers negligence, who laide the fault on the Messengers head, at last it fortuned so, that the Wench was brought abedde, but with what in the name of God? by my troth, with two chopping boyes, which the Iustice hearing of, to ease the Parish of such a charge, sent for the Booke-keeper and the Messenger, and made the Booke-keeper keepe one of them, and the Messenger the other, and this was their iust and righteous doome.

Thus with my best Arte and industrie according to my promise I haue compiled in as briefe a method as I could the state of the Compters Commonwealth re­hearsing Compendium, imò suspendiū. the best and chiefest subiects belonging to it, as subtile Citizens, politicke Prodigalls, villanous Serge­ants, and officious Constables and Beadles which are the foure maine Pillars that support it: then I discoursed to you of the nature of the place it selfe and the inhabi­tants, their extortion, and crueltie: I could now relate to you the villany of the Messengers, that are members of the same body, who insteed of going to mens friends with letters (which concernes their liberty or reliefe) will sit drinking in some Alehouse and neglect their busines, which it may be is a perpetuall vndoing to the poore man. I could display the abuses of drunken Tap­sters that poyson poore Prisoners with their stinking [Page 78] sower beere, which they sell as deare as if it were as good as euer died any nose in graine: for the most wee haue is as you see, scarce a wine pint for a penny, and they will not suffer vs to send for it out of doores where wee may haue farre better, and better measure, but will breake such bottles our friends send in too for our releife, and wil neither trust vs when we haue no mony, nor suffer vs to send for it where we may be trusted, but serue vs with drinke that the worst Iaylor among them will scorne to tast of, but when we are all lockt vp into our Wardes will send for better out of doores, and will bee drunke when many a poore soule is so drie that they are readie to choake. I was intreated to haue a [...]ke at the Pa­perhouse, which I could not bee wonne to, because I know nothing in their office worthy of displaying, for if I should expresse more then I know, both the wrong and disgrace would redound to my selfe, therefore if there be any coruption or double dealing among them I will leaue it to their owne consciences. And thus will I leaue of this discourse, desiring you if you meane to put these obseruations in print I haue deliuered, not to nominate me, or reueale from whom you haue had this discouery.

Sir (said I) I will be as close as an Aldermans doore at dinnertime, yet good Sir let it not seeme tedious or trouble some to you, to acquaint mee with one secret more, and I shall rest your friend in the highest degree of loue and affection, which is that you (though con­cisely) would expresse to me the nature of the Hole, what place it is, and what gouernment they haue there, for I haue heard much of the authority among them­selues. At this hee beganne to smile, telling mee hee was one of the chiefest in that place, and if it should be knowne that hee reuealed any of them secrets, hee should not onely haue a fine put vpon his head, but also should be put out of share. I seeing his backeward­nesse [Page 79] drunke a cuppe of sacke to him, and at last (though very loath) hee beganne to mee once more as followeth.

CHAP. X. Containing 1. The miserie of such as liue in the Hole. 2. A resemblance betweene Ierusalem and it. 3. An answer to certaine obiections. 4. A resemblance between the Hole, and a well gouern'd Citty. 5. The authoritie of the Steward and the twelue oldest Prisoners. 6. Their manner of sitting in counsell, And lastly their Iustice, Law, and Equitie.

HE that would see the strange miracles of God, let him take some long voiage to sea, and hee that would see the miseries of man let him come into this place the Hole, that stinkes many men to death, and is to all that liue in it, as the Dog daies are to the world, a causer of diseases, except a few whom I haue seene so stout and tough (stinkeproofe, nay plagueproofe I thinke) that no infection could pierce their hearts. Ierusalem when it was sackt had not more calamities feeding vpon her heart then this place, and I thinke it was the true Idea and shaddow of this loathsome Dun­geon we liue in, for as there as pinching famine in Ie­rujalem, so in this place there are many men that for want of sustenance vtterly perish. In Ierusalem there was sicknesse, so in this place a man shall not looke a­bout him but some poore soule or other lies groaning and labouring vnder the burthen of some dangerous disease, the childe weeping ouer his dying Father, the mother ouer her sicke childe, one friend ouer an other, who can no sooner rise from him, but hee is ready to [Page 80] stumble ouer an other in as miserable a plight as him he but newly tooke his leaue of, so that if a man come thither he at first will thinke himselfe in some Church­yard that hath beene fatned with some great plague, for they lie together like so many graues. In Ierusalem the warres ruined millions of soules, so in this place the continuall warre that hard hearted Creditors make against the liues of their poore debters destroy many wretched and most miserable Creatures: and as in Ie­rusalem a mother was forced through hunger to eate her owne childe to saue her owne life, so in this place one man is ready to prey vpon the other, so that they walke vp and downe like so many Ghosts for want of food to relieue them. Lastly in Ierusalem were intestine And fighting against vs in our owne clothes. seditions, so here innumerable assaults of our home­bred friends descended from our owne flesh. But (Sir said I) I haue heard it reported for truth that there are many liuing in that place that go Gentleman-like, haue money continually in their purses, eate good meate, liue as merrily as the best of the house, if this be true it cannot chuse but hinder them from much charity that else would be sent vnto them, for what neede charita­ble Benefactors send them meanes when so many of them go so neate and hansome, for it is not giuen them to lay on their backes but to put into their bellies, for in such a place the coursest garments are the best: a­gaine (they say) there is a certaine company of them that take what they list themselues of what reliefe soe­uer comes in, and the rest as the poorest, haue their lea­uings, so then this is obiected to bee one of the chiefe causes that there is such continuall sicknesse, pouerty, and famine there: And lastly, that what meanes or money soeuer comes in to them, in the space of an hower after will either in wine, beere, or Tobacco make themselues drunke for the present time, which is the cause they fast a weeke after, therefore good sir re­solue [Page 81] me these doubts, and I shall cease to trouble you any more: He instantly condiscended and thus began to answere me.

Sir (said he) it is granted that there be some in this place that go decent and hansome, but you must not be perswaded that they get it from such charities as are sent in to them, their owne indeauours and labours procures it them, and it may be some of them as they haue liued like Gentlemen abroad, so they would bee glad to shew themselues still though they be in prison: Besides, their friends sometimes furnish them with such necessaries as are fit to keepe them cleane, and han­some. Againe, whereas you say that there are some of them haue what they list, and leaue what they dislike to the poore, is not to be credited, for there is nothing that comes in but the youngest hath as great a share as the eldest (I as Master Steward himselfe) therefore whosoeuer informed you of this, spake it out of enuie towards vs, yet wee confesse at Easter', or Christmas when any good Legacie comes in, it is fittest that those Prisoners that haue beene of fiue or sixe yeeres stan­ding should haue the profit of it before such as haue beene there but two or three moneths, and this breeds a mutiny many times among them, because the youn­gest hath not that priuiledge the eldest ought to haue. And lastly, whereas you alledge how riotous they liue there when they haue mony, may be very well denied: for they haue no money deliuered into their hands, but into the Stewards disposing, who carefully pro­uides them such necessaries as they want, onely at Christmas and Easter or such times when the liberality of the Cittie is more ample then at any other time of the yeere else, they (though vnwillingly) may fall in­to some error being kept from a full diet so long time as many of them are And now Sir I hope I haue cleer­ed your doubts, therefore now I will proceede to [Page 82] the gouernment of the place.

This little Hole is as a little Citty in a Common­wealth, for as in a Citty there are all kinde of Officers trades and vocations, so there is in this place, as we may make a pretty resemblance betweene them. In steede of a Lord Maior we haue a Master Steward to ouer-see and correct all such misdemeanours as shall arise, hee is a very vpright man in his dealings though he stoope in his body, but the weight of the office he beares is the cause he bends, which is a great signe of humilitie. And as the Cittie hath twelue Companies that exceede all the rest for authoritie, antiquitie, and riches; so hath this place twelue old Prisoners that helpe the Steward in his proceedings, who by the generall voice of the house rule and beare sway ouer all the rest; and heere as in a Cittie is Diuine seruice said euery euening, and morning; heere as in a Citty is a commanding Con­stable, that vpon any misdemeanours offered by any man either to the Steward, or the Twelue shall bee brauely mounted and haue ten pounds with a purse, that the print of their iustice shall sticke vpon his but­tockes foure and twenty howers after. And lastly as in a Citty there is all kindes of Trades, so is there heere, for heere you shall see a Cobler sitting mending olde showes, and singing as merrily as if hee were vnder a stall abroad; not farre from him you shall see a Taylor sit crosse-legged (like a Witch) on his cushion, threat­ning the ruine of our fellow Prisoners the Aegyptian vermine: In an other place you may behold a Sadler empannelling all his wits together how to patch this Scotchpadde hansomely, or mend the olde Gentlewo­mans Crooper that was almost burst in pieces: You may haue a Phisition here that for a pottle of sack will vndertake to giue you as good a medicine for melan­cholly as any Doctour will for fiue pound, and make you purge vpward and downeward as well as if you [Page [83]] had taken downe into your guts all the drugges in Loth­bury. Besides if you desire to bee remoued before a Iudge you shall haue a Tinker-like Atturney not farre distant from you, that in stopping vp one Hole in a bro­ken cause will make twenty before hee hath made an end, and at last will leaue you in prison as bare of mo­ny as he himselfe is of honesty: Heere is your Chole­ricke Cooke that will dresse our meate when wee can get any as well as any greasie Scullion in Fleetlane or Pyecorner. And twentie more then these there are, which for breuitie sake I will leaue out, because I would discourse vnto you the maiestie and state of these Offi­cers, when euery Saterday at night they sit in counsell about their affaires, and thus it is.

About the time that Bowbell summons the toast and butter Eaters to shut vp their shoppes, the Councell beginne to flocke together, and then the youngest man of the Twelue prouides a broome and makes the little cockeloft as cleane as any Cittizens wiues chamber in the Towne, then spreads a greene carpet on the board not much bigger then a Horses saddle-cloath iust be­fore the place the Steward sits in, and then takes three or foure stoopes in his hands and trudges downe to the Cellar, calling for the best liquor, telling Froath the Tapster that it is for Master Steward and the rest of his brethren, who giues them of the best because they are his best Customers: when he hath his full load of drink I meane his armes and not his head full, away he goes to the Councell-chamber not forgetting to carry with him halfe a dozen papers of Tobacco: Hauing ascen­ded the Ladder in a most comely order hee places the Canns on the Table, and fills halfe a score pipes of To­bacco, thus hauing all things in readinesse he requests the Steward and the rest of the Twelue to comevp, who being ascended beginne to sucke out the braines of the barrells to adde to their owne, and light the [Page [84]] pipes and let them go merrily round. The reason that they drinke so much before they determine of any thing, is this, that they may the easier cast vp their rec­konings; and why they drinke so much Tobacco, is, that if any man be brought before them for any abuse committed, they might smoake him soundly. When they haue deuoured all their drinke, and Trinidado, they sift and boult out what expences they haue beene at that weeke, what pepper, salt, vineger, faggots, and candles they haue spent, how many dozen of bread, sheepes gathers, and barrells of foureshillings beere they haue had brought in that weeke. This businesse of moment dispatched, the youngest of the priuie Councell calls vp all such as haue had wrong done them any time that weeke, and preferres their bills of complaint vp to the whole body of the Councell, or else are permitted to relate, but with all modesty and deliberation, the nature of the offence, and so pro­ducing their witnesses, shall without all partiality haue the Law passe vpon the Offender, who must either fine for the fault, or if he be not worth so much, will make his posteriours pay for it. If any man be knowne to be a common Drunkard he shall, if he be able, fine for it, or else his punishment shall be to go a dry while he can get mony to quench his thirst, or else must either drink water, or choake. If any man steale any of his fellowes meate▪ if it be knowne he shall fine for it, but if hee be not able, the Twelue will take such order with him that hee gets not a penny loafe three daies after. Whoso­euer forsweares himselfe if hee be able, hee shall fine for it, if hee be not▪ shall go and be damn'd as long as hee stayes in the house, and neuer haue so much credit as runne one penny on the Tapsters score.

Againe if they chance to fall together by the eares themselues about any thing they enact, so that they beat the Canns about each others eares, they will not [Page [85]] long beare enuie in their hearts, but at the approach of the other halfe dosen quench that fire of debate, drinke a health to some of their best Benefactours, shake hands, be sworne friends, breake vp Councell for that night, and go to their beddes (if they haue any.)

Thus haue I beguiled the time, and I feare my selfe, in relating to you the true nature of the Hole, the mi­serie of it; my defence to the slanderous obiections, and the authoritie and iustice of the Steward and the Twelue, therefore I will touch one point more and draw to a conclusion. But as hee was going forward in his discourse the Bell of the Master-side range to din­ner, and by this meanes wee were both called vp; so I promised him secresie as hee intreated mee, made an end of our sacke, put a small token of my loue into his hand, so he went to his Hole, and I to my Ward, but I no sooner was entered into my chamber, but with all expedition I tooke penne, inke, and paper, writing what I could remember of his discourse, which I haue made bold to publish to the world, hoping that those that read it will not thinke a misse of mee for setting it foorth, for I doubt not but if it be seriously perused, it will giue true content to them. So remembring my best loue and seruice to all those that affect me, and my willing labours, I rest theirs to bee commanded, and remaine their poore and then impri­soned friend▪