THE Merry Wiues of Windsor. Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616 University of Oxford Text Archive
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ota@oucs.ox.ac.uk http://ota.ox.ac.uk/id/5716 1106027159 9781106027153 Distributed by the University of Oxford under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License Revised version of The texts were originally prepared by Trevor Howard-Hill for use in his single volume concordances to Shakespeare (OUP, 1969f). They have since been reformatted to modern standards and carefully proofread by staff of Oxford University Press' Shakespeare Department for use in the new "Old Spelling" Oxford Shakespeare, under the general editorship of Dr Stanley Wells: The complete works / William Shakespeare; general editors, Stanley Wells and Gary Taylor ; editors Stanley Wells ... [et al.] ; with introductions by Stanley Wells. -- Oxford : Clarendon Press, 1986. -- (Oxford Shakespeare). -- ISBN 0-19-812926-2 THE Merry Wiues of Windsor. Shakespeare, William, 1564-1616 Lee, Sidney, Sir, 1859-1926 xxxv, 908 p. : facsims. ; 39 cm. Clarendon Press Oxford 1902 "One thousand copies of this facsimile have been printed"--verso of half t.p. Facsim. reprint of ed. published, London : printed by Issac Iaggard and Ed.[ward] Blount, 1623 with original t.p.: Mr. William Shakespeares comedies, histories, & tragedies Original colophon reads: Printed at the charges of W.[illiam] Iaggard, Ed.[ward] Blount, I.[ohn] Smithweeke [i.e. Smethwick], and W.[illiam] Aspley, 1623 Contents: The tempest. The two gentlemen of Verona. The merry wives of Windsor. Measvre, for measure. The comedie of errors. Much adoe about nothing. Loues labour's lost. A midsommer nights dreame. The merchant of Venice. As you like it. The taming of the shrew. All's well, that ends well. Twelfe night, or what you will. The winters tale. The life and death of King Iohn. The life and death of King Richard the second. The first part of Henry the fourth. The second part of Henry the fourth. The life of Henry the fift. The first part of Henry the sixt. The second part of Henry the sixt. The third part of Henry the sixt. The tragedy of Richard the third. The famous history of the life of King Henry the eight. The tragedie of Troylus and Cressida. The tragedy of Coriolanvs. The lamentable tragedy of Titus Andronicus. The tragedie of Romeo and Ivliet. The life of Tymon of Athens. The tragedie of Ivlivs Caesar. The tragedie of Macbeth. The tragedie of Hamlet, Prince of Denmarke. The tragedie of King Lear. The tragedie of Othello, the moore of Venice. The tragedie of Anthonie, and Cleopatra. The tragedie of Cymbeline Lower case y with smaller lower case u above Abbreviation for thou in Elizabethan typesetting entity ythou Lower case y with smaller lower case e above Abbreviation for the in Elizabethan typesetting entity ythe Lower case y with smaller lower case t above Abbreviation for that in Elizabethan typesetting entity ythat Lower case w with smaller lower case c above Abbreviation for which in Elizabethan typesetting entity wwhich University of Oxford Text Archive Subject Headings Library of Congress Subject Headings English Plays -- England -- 16th century Plays -- England -- 17th century Comedies -- England -- 16th century Comedies -- England -- 17th century Tragedies -- England -- 16th century Tragedies -- England -- 17th century Header normalised THE Merry Wiues of Windsor.
Actus primus, Scena prima. Enter Iustice Shallow, Slender, Sir Hugh Euans, Master Page, Falstoffe, Bardolph, Nym, Pistoll, Anne Page, Mistresse Ford, Mistresse Page, Simple. Shallow. Sir Hugh, perswade me not: I will make a Star-Chamber matter of it, if hee were twenty Sir Iohn Falstoffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow Esquire. Slen. In the County of Glocester, Iustice of Peace and Coram. Shal. I (Cosen Slender) and Cust-alorum. Slen. I, and Ratolorum too; and a Gentleman borne(Master Parson) who writes himselfe Armigero, in anyBill, Warrant, Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero. Shal. I that I doe, and haue done any time these threehundred yeeres. Slen. All his successors (gone before him) hath don't:and all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: theymay giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate. Shal. It is an olde Coate. Euans. The dozen white Lowses doe become an oldCoat well: it agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast toman, and signifies Loue. Shal. The Luse is the fresh-fish, the salt-fish, is an oldCoate. Slen. I may quarter (Coz). Shal. You may, by marrying. Euans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it. Shal. Not a whit. Euan. Yes per-lady: if he ha's a quarter of your coat,there is but three Skirts for your selfe, in my simple con-iectures; but that is all one: if Sir Iohn Falstaffe hauecommitted disparagements vnto you, I am of the Churchand will be glad to do my beneuolence, to make attone-ments and compremises betweene you. Shal. The Councell shall heare it, it is a Riot. Euan. It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot: thereis no feare of Got in a Riot: The Councell (looke you)shall desire to heare the feare of Got, and not to heare aRiot: take your viza-ments in that. Shal. Ha; o'my life, if I were yong againe, the swordshould end it. Euans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and endit: and there is also another deuice in my praine, whichperaduenture prings goot discretions with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity. Slen. Mistris Anne Page? she has browne haire, andspeakes small like a woman. Euans. It is that ferry person for all the orld, as iust asyou will desire, and seuen hundred pounds of Moneyes,and Gold, and Siluer, is her Grand-sire vpon his deaths-bed, (Got deliuer to a ioyfull resurrections) giue, whenshe is able to ouertake seuenteene yeeres old. It were agoot motion, if we leaue our pribbles and prabbles, anddesire a marriage betweene Master Abraham, and Mistris Anne Page. Slen. Did her Grand-sire leaue her seauen hundredpound? Euan. I, and her father is make her a petter penny. Slen. I know the young Gentlewoman, she has goodgifts. Euan. Seuen hundred pounds, and possibilities, isgoot gifts. Shal. Wel, let vs see honest Mr Page: is Falstaffe there? Euan. Shall I tell you a lye? I doe despise a lyer, as Idoe despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is nottrue: the Knight Sir Iohn is there, and I beseech you beruled by your well-willers: I will peat the doore for Mr. Page. What hoa? Got-plesse your house heere. Mr.Page. Who's there? Euan. Here is go't's plessing and your friend, and Iu-stice Shallow, and heere yong Master Slender: that perad-uentures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow toyour likings. Mr.Page. I am glad to see your Worships well: Ithanke you for my Venison Master Shallow. Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much gooddoe it your good heart: I wish'd your Venison better, itwas ill killd: how doth good Mistresse Page? and I thankyou alwaies with my heart, la: with my heart. M.Page. Sir, I thanke you. Shal. Sir, I thanke you: by yea, and no I doe. M.Pa. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender. Slen. How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heardsay he was out-run on Cotsall. M.Pa. It could not be iudg'd, Sir. Slen. You'll not confesse: you'll not confesse. Shal. That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault:'tis a good dogge. M.Pa. A Cur, Sir. Shal. Sir: hee's a good dog, and a faire dog, can therebe more said? he is good, and faire. Is Sir Iohn Falstaffe heere? M.Pa. Sir, hee is within: and I would I could doe agood office betweene you. Euan. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake. Shal. He hath wrong'd me (Master Page.) M.Pa. Sir, he doth in some sort confesse it. Shal. If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not thatso (M[aster]. Page?) he hath wrong'd me, indeed he hath, at aword he hath: beleeue me, Robert Shallow Esquire, saithhe is wronged. Ma.Pa. Here comes Sir Iohn. Fal. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complaine of me tothe King? Shal. Knight, you haue beaten my men, kill'd mydeere, and broke open my Lodge. Fal. But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter? Shal. Tut, a pin: this shall be answer'd. Fal. I will answere it strait, I haue done all this:That is now answer'd. Shal. The Councell shall know this. Fal. 'Twere better for you if it were known in coun-cell: you'll be laugh'd at. Eu. Pauca verba; (Sir Iohn) good worts. Fal. Good worts? good Cabidge; Slender, I brokeyour head: what matter haue you against me? Slen. Marry sir, I haue matter in my head against you,and against your cony-catching Rascalls, Bardolf, Nym, and Pistoll. Bar. You Banbery Cheese. Slen. I, it is no matter. Pist. How now, Mephostophilus? Slen. I, it is no matter. Nym. Slice, I say; pauca, pauca: Slice, that's my humor. Slen. Where's Simple my man? can you tell, Cosen? Eua. Peace, I pray you: now let vs vnderstand: thereis three Vmpires in this matter, as I vnderstand; that is,Master Page (fidelicet Master Page,) & there is my selfe,(fidelicet my selfe) and the three party is (lastly, and fi-nally) mine Host of the Garter. Ma.Pa. We three to hear it, & end it between them. Euan. Ferry goo't, I will make a priefe of it in mynote-booke, and we wil afterwards orke vpon the cause,with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistoll. Pist. He heares with eares. Euan. The Teuill and his Tam: what phrase is this?he heares with eare? why, it is affectations. Fal. Pistoll, did you picke M[aster]. Slenders purse? Slen. I, by these gloues did hee, or I would I mightneuer come in mine owne great chamber againe else, ofseauen groates in mill-sixpences, and two Edward Sho-uelboords, that cost me two shilling and two pence apeece of Yead Miller: by these gloues. Fal. Is this true, Pistoll? Euan. No, it is false, if it is a picke-purse. Pist. Ha, thou mountaine Forreyner: Sir Iohn, andMaster mine, I combat challenge of this Latine Bilboe:word of deniall in thy labras here; word of denial; froth,and scum thou liest. Slen. By these gloues, then 'twas he. Nym. Be auis'd sir, and passe good humours: I willsay marry trap with you, if you runne the nut-hooks hu-mor on me, that is the very note of it. Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: forthough I cannot remember what I did when you mademe drunke, yet I am not altogether an asse. Fal. What say you Scarlet, and Iohn? Bar. Why sir, (for my part) I say the Gentleman haddrunke himselfe out of his fiue sentences. Eu. It is his fiue sences: fie, what the ignorance is. Bar. And being fap, sir, was (as they say) casheerd: andso conclusions past the Car-eires. Slen. I, you spake in Latten then to: but 'tis no mat-ter; Ile nere be drunk whilst I liue againe, but in honest,ciuill, godly company for this tricke: if I be drunke, Ilebe drunke with those that haue the feare of God, and notwith drunken knaues. Euan. So got-udge me, that is a vertuous minde. Fal. You heare all these matters deni'd, Gentlemen;you heare it. Mr.Page. Nay daughter, carry the wine in, wee'lldrinke within. Slen. Oh heauen: This is Mistresse Anne Page. Mr.Page. How now Mistris Ford? Fal. Mistris Ford, by my troth you are very wel met:by your leaue good Mistris. Mr.Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come,we haue a hot Venison pasty to dinner; Come gentle-men, I hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse. Slen. I had rather then forty shillings I had my bookeof Songs and Sonnets heere: How now Simple, wherehaue you beene? I must wait on my selfe, must I? youhaue not the booke of Riddles about you, haue you? Sim. Booke of Riddles? why did you not lend it to Alice Short-cake vpon Alhallowmas last, a fortnight a-fore Michaelmas. Shal. Come Coz, come Coz, we stay for you: a wordwith you Coz: marry this, Coz: there is as 'twere a ten-der, a kinde of tender, made a farre-off by Sir Hugh here:doe you vnderstand me? Slen. I Sir, you shall finde me reasonable; if it be so,I shall doe that that is reason. Shal. Nay, but vnderstand me. Slen. So I doe Sir. Euan. Giue eare to his motions; (Mr. Slender) I willdescription the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. Slen. Nay, I will doe as my Cozen Shallow saies: Ipray you pardon me, he's a Iustice of Peace in his Coun-trie, simple though I stand here. Euan. But that is not the question: the question isconcerning your marriage. Shal. I, there's the point Sir. Eu. Marry is it: the very point of it, to Mi[stris]. An Page. Slen. Why if it be so; I will marry her vpon any rea-sonable demands. Eu. But can you affection the 'o-man, let vs commandto know that of your mouth, or of your lips: for diuersPhilosophers hold, that the lips is parcell of the mouth:therfore precisely, ca[n] you carry your good wil to the maid? Sh. Cosen Abraham Slender, can you loue her? Slen. I hope sir, I will do as it shall become one thatwould doe reason. Eu. Nay, got's Lords, and his Ladies, you must speakepossitable, if you can carry-her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must:Will you, (vpon good dowry) marry her? Slen. I will doe a greater thing then that, vpon yourrequest (Cosen) in any reason. Shal. Nay conceiue me, conceiue mee, (sweet Coz):What I doe is to pleasure you (Coz:) can you loue themaid? Slen. I will marry her (Sir) at your request; but ifthere bee no great loue in the beginning, yet Heauenmay decrease it vpon better acquaintance, when weeare married, and haue more occasion to know one ano-ther: I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content:but if you say mary-her, I will mary-her, that I am freelydissolued, and dissolutely. Eu. It is a fery discretion-answere; saue the fall is inthe 'ord, dissolutely: the ort is (according to our mea-ning)resolutely: his meaning is good. Sh. I: I thinke my Cosen meant well. Sl. I, or else I would I might be hang'd (la.) Sh. Here comes faire Mistris Anne; would I wereyong for your sake, Mistris Anne. An. The dinner is on the Table, my Father desiresyour worships company. Sh. I will wait on him, (faire Mistris Anne.) Eu. Od's plessed-wil: I wil not be abse[n]ce at the grace. An. Wil't please your worship to come in, Sir? Sl. No, I thank you forsooth, hartely; I am very well. An. The dinner attends you, Sir. Sl. I am not a-hungry, I thanke you, forsooth: goe,Sirha, for all you are my man, goe wait vpon my Cosen Shallow: a Iustice of peace sometime may be beholdingto his friend, for a Man; I keepe but three Men, and aBoy yet, till my Mother be dead: but what though, yetI liue like a poore Gentleman borne. An. I may not goe in without your worship: theywill not sit till you come. Sl. I' faith, ile eate nothing: I thanke you as much asthough I did. An. I pray you Sir walke in. Sl. I had rather walke here (I thanke you) I bruiz'dmy shin th' other day, with playing at Sword and Dag-ger with a Master of Fence (three veneys for a dish ofstew'd Prunes) and by my troth, I cannot abide the smellof hot meate since. Why doe your dogs barke so? bethere Beares ith' Towne? An. I thinke there are, Sir, I heard them talk'd of. Sl. I loue the sport well, but I shall as soone quarrellat it, as any man in England: you are afraid if you see theBeare loose, are you not? An. I indeede Sir. Sl. That's meate and drinke to me now: I haue seene Saskerson loose, twenty times, and haue taken him by theChaine: but (I warrant you) the women haue so crideand shrekt at it, that it past: But women indeede, cannotabide 'em, they are very ill-fauour'd rough things. Ma.Pa. Come, gentle M[aster]. Slender, come; we stay for you. Sl. Ile eate nothing, I thanke you Sir. Ma.Pa. By cocke and pie, you shall not choose, Sir:come, come. Sl. Nay, pray you lead the way. Ma.Pa. Come on, Sir. Sl. Mistris Anne: your selfe shall goe first. An. Not I Sir, pray you keepe on. Sl. Truely I will not goe first: truely-la: I will notdoe you that wrong. An. I pray you Sir. Sl. Ile rather be vnmannerly, then troublesome: youdoe your selfe wrong indeede-la. Exeunt.
Scena Secunda. Enter Euans, and Simple. Eu. Go your waies, and aske of Doctor Caius house,which is the way; and there dwels one Mistris Quickly; which is in the manner of his Nurse; or his dry-Nurse; orhis Cooke; or his Laundry; his Washer, and his Ringer. Si. Well Sir. Eu. Nay, it is petter yet: giue her this letter; for it isa 'oman that altogeathers acquainta[n]ce with Mistris Anne Page; and the Letter is to desire, and require her to soli-cite your Masters desires, to Mistris Anne Page: I prayyou be gon: I will make an end of my dinner; ther's Pip-pins and Cheese to come. Exeunt.
Scena Tertia. Enter Falstaffe, Host, Bardolfe, Nym, Pistoll, Page. Fal. Mine Host of the Garter? Ho. What saies my Bully Rooke? speake schollerly,and wisely. Fal. Truely mine Host; I must turne away some of myfollowers. Ho. Discard, (bully Hercules) casheere; let them wag;trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a weeke. Ho. Thou'rt an Emperor (Cesar, Keiser and Pheazar)I will entertaine Bardolfe: he shall draw; he shall tap; saidI well (bully Hector?) Fa. Doe so (good mine Host.) Ho. I haue spoke; let him follow; let me see thee froth,and liue: I am at a word: follow. Fal. Bardolfe, follow him: a Tapster is a good trade:an old Cloake, makes a new Ierkin: a wither'd Seruing-man, a fresh Tapster: goe, adew. Ba. It is a life that I haue desir'd: I will thriue. Pist. O base hungarian wight: wilt thou the spigot wield. Ni. He was gotten in drink: is not the humor co[n]ceited? Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this Tinderbox: hisThefts were too open: his filching was like an vnskilfullSinger, he kept not time. Ni. The good humor is to steale at a minutes rest. Pist. Conuay: the wise it call: Steale? foh: a fico forthe phrase. Fal. Well sirs, I am almost out at heeles. Pist. Why then let Kibes ensue. Fal. There is no remedy: I must conicatch, I must shift. Pist. Yong Rauens must haue foode. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this Towne? Pist. I ken the wight: he is of substance good. Fal. My honest Lads, I will tell you what I am about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. No quips now Pistoll: (Indeede I am in the wastetwo yards about: but I am now about no waste: I am a-bout thrift) briefely: I doe meane to make loue to Fords wife: I spie entertainment in her: shee discourses: sheecarues: she giues the leere of inuitation: I can construethe action of her familier stile, & the hardest voice of herbehauior (to be english'd rightly) is, I am Sir Iohn Falstafs. Pist. He hath studied her will; and translated her will:out of honesty, into English. Ni. The Anchor is deepe: will that humor passe? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of herhusbands Purse: he hath a legend of Angels. Pist. As many diuels entertaine: and to her Boy say I. Ni. The humor rises: it is good: humor me the angels. Fal. I haue writ me here a letter to her: & here ano-ther to Pages wife, who euen now gaue mee good eyestoo; examind my parts with most iudicious illiads: some-times the beame of her view, guilded my foote: some-times my portly belly. Pist. Then did the Sun on dung-hill shine. Ni. I thanke thee for that humour. Fal. O she did so course o're my exteriors with sucha greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye, did seemeto scorch me vp like a burning-glasse: here's anotherletter to her: She beares the Purse too: She is a Regionin Guiana: all gold, and bountie: I will be Cheaters tothem both, and they shall be Exchequers to mee: theyshall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade tothem both: Goe, beare thou this Letter to Mistris Page; and thou this to Mistris Ford: we will thriue (Lads) wewill thriue. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,And by my side weare Steele? then Lucifer take all. Ni. I will run no base humor: here take the humor-Letter;I will keepe the hauior of reputation. Fal. Hold Sirha, beare you these Letters tightly,Saile like my Pinnasse to these golden shores.Rogues, hence, auaunt, vanish like haile-stones; goe,Trudge; plod away ith' hoofe: seeke shelter, packe: Falstaffe will learne the honor of the age,French-thrift, you Rogues, my selfe, and skirted Page. Pist. Let Vultures gripe thy guts: for gourd, andFullam holds: & high and low beguiles the rich & poore,Tester ile haue in pouch when thou shalt lacke,Base Phrygian Turke. Ni. I haue opperations,Which be humors of reuenge. Pist. Wilt thou reuenge? Ni. By Welkin, and her Star. Pist. With wit, or Steele? Ni. With both the humors, I:I will discusse the humour of this Loue to Ford. Pist. And I to Page shall eke vnfoldHow Falstaffe (varlet vile)His Doue will proue; his gold will hold,And his soft couch defile. Ni. My humour shall not coole: I will incense Ford to deale with poyson: I will possesse him with yallow-nesse, for the reuolt of mine is dangerous: that is mytrue humour. Pist. Thou art the Mars of Malecontents: I secondthee: troope on. Exeunt.
Scoena Quarta. Enter Mistris Quickly, Simple, Iohn Rugby, Doctor,Caius, Fenton. Qu. What, Iohn Rugby, I pray thee goe to the Case-ment, and see if you can see my Master, Master Docter Caius comming: if he doe (I' faith) and finde any bodyin the house; here will be an old abusing of Gods pati-ence, and the Kings English. Ru. Ile goe watch. Qu. Goe, and we'll haue a posset for't soone at night,(in faith) at the latter end of a Sea-cole-fire: An honest,willing, kinde fellow, as euer seruant shall come in housewithall: and I warrant you, no tel-tale, nor no breede-bate: his worst fault is, that he is giuen to prayer; hee issomething peeuish that way: but no body but has hisfault: but let that passe. Peter Simple, you say yourname is? Si. I: for fault of a better. Qu. And Master Slender's your Master? Si. I forsooth. Qu. Do's he not weare a great round Beard, like aGlouers pairing-knife? Si. No forsooth: he hath but a little wee-face; witha little yellow Beard: a Caine colourd Beard. Qu. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Si. I forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, asany is betweene this and his head: he hath fought witha Warrener. Qu. How say you: oh, I should remember him: do'she not hold vp his head (as it were?) and strut in his gate? Si. Yes indeede do's he. Qu. Well, heauen send Anne Page, no worse fortune:Tell Master Parson Euans, I will doe what I can for yourMaster: Anne is a good girle, and I wish —— Ru. Out alas: here comes my Master. Qu. We shall all be shent: Run in here, good youngman: goe into this Closset: he will not stay long: what Iohn Rugby? Iohn: what Iohn I say? goe Iohn, goe en-quire for my Master, I doubt he be not well, that heecomes not home: (and downe, downe, adowne'a. &c. Ca. Vat is you sing? I doe not like des-toyes: prayyou goe and vetch me in my Closset, vnboyteere verd;a Box, a greene-a-Box: do intend vat I speake? a greene-a-Box. Qu. I forsooth ile fetch it you:I am glad hee went not in himselfe: if he had found theyong man he would haue bin horne-mad. Ca. Fe, fe, fe, fe, mai foy, il fait for ehando, Ie man voi a leCourt la grand affaires. Qu. Is it this Sir? Ca. Ouy mette le au mon pocket, de-peech quickly: Vere is dat knaue Rugby? Qu. What Iohn Rugby, Iohn? Ru. Here Sir. Ca. You are Iohn Rugby, and you are Iacke Rugby: Come, take-a-your Rapier, and come after my heele tothe Court. Ru. 'Tis ready Sir, here in the Porch. Ca. By my trot: I tarry too long: od's-me: que ay ie oublie: dere is some Simples in my Closset, dat I vill notfor the varld I shall leaue behinde. Qu. Ay-me, he'll finde the yong man there, & be mad. Ca. O Diable, Diable: vat is in my Closset?Villanie, La-roone: Rugby, my Rapier. Qu. Good Master be content. Ca. Wherefore shall I be content-a? Qu. The yong man is an honest man. Ca. What shall de honest man do in my Closset: dereis no honest man dat shall come in my Closset. Qu. I beseech you be not so flegmaticke: heare thetruth of it. He came of an errand to mee, from Parson Hugh. Ca. Vell. Si. I forsooth: to desire her to —— Qu. Peace, I pray you. Ca. Peace-a-your tongue: speake-a-your Tale. Si. To desire this honest Gentlewoman (your Maid)to speake a good word to Mistris Anne Page, for my Ma-ster in the way of Marriage. Qu. This is all indeede-la: but ile nere put my fingerin the fire, and neede not. Ca. Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, ballow mee somepaper: tarry you a littell-a-while. Qui. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had bin through-ly moued, you should haue heard him so loud, and so me-lancholly: but notwithstanding man, Ile doe yoe yourMaster what good I can: and the very yea, & the no is, yFrench Doctor my Master, (I may call him my Master,looke you, for I keepe his house; and I wash, ring, brew,bake, scowre, dresse meat and drinke, make the beds, anddoe all my selfe.) Simp. 'Tis a great charge to come vnder one bodieshand. Qui. Are you a-uis'd o'that? you shall finde it a greatcharge: and to be vp early, and down late: but notwith-standing, (to tell you in your eare, I wold haue no wordsof it) my Master himselfe is in loue with Mistris Anne Page: but notwithstanding that I know Ans mind, that'sneither heere nor there. Caius. You, Iack'Nape: giue-'a this Letter to Sir Hugh, by gar it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in deParke, and I will teach a scuruy Iack-a-nape Priest tomeddle, or make:—— you may be gon: it is not goodyou tarry here: by gar I will cut all his two stones: bygar, he shall not haue a stone to throw at his dogge. Qui. Alas: he speakes but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter 'a ver dat: do not you tell-a-medat I shall haue Anne Page for my selfe? by gar, I villkill de Iack-Priest: and I haue appointed mine Host ofde Iarteer to measure our weapon: by gar, I wil my selfehaue Anne Page. Qui. Sir, the maid loues you, and all shall bee well:We must giue folkes leaue to prate: what the good-ier. Caius. Rugby, come to the Court with me: by gar, ifI haue not Anne Page, I shall turne your head out of mydore: follow my heeles, Rugby. Qui. You shall haue An-fooles head of your owne:No, I know Ans mind for that: neuer a woman in Wind-sor knowes more of Ans minde then I doe, nor can doemore then I doe with her, I thanke heauen. Fenton. Who's with in there, hoa? Qui. Who's there, I troa? Come neere the house Ipray you. Fen. How now (good woman) how dost thou? Qui. The better that it pleases your good Worshipto aske? Fen. What newes? how do's pretty Mistris Anne? Qui. In truth Sir, and shee is pretty, and honest, andgentle, and one that is your friend, I can tell you that bythe way, I praise heauen for it. Fen. Shall I doe any good thinkst thou? shall I notloose my suit? Qui. Troth Sir, all is in his hands aboue: but not-withstanding (Master Fenton) Ile be sworne on a bookeshee loues you: haue not your Worship a wart aboueyour eye? Fen. Yes marry haue I, what of that? Qui. Wel, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is suchanother Nan; (but (I detest) an honest maid as euerbroke bread: wee had an howres talke of that wart; Ishall neuer laugh but in that maids company: but (in-deed) shee is giuen too much to Allicholy and musing:but for you —— well —— goe too —— Fen. Well: I shall see her to day: hold, there's mo-ney for thee: Let mee haue thy voice in my behalfe: ifthou seest her before me, commend me. —— Qui. Will I? I faith that wee will: And I will tellyour Worship more of the Wart, the next time we haueconfidence, and of other wooers. Fen. Well, fare-well, I am in great haste now. Qui. Fare-well to your Worship: truely an honestGentleman: but Anne loues him not: for I know Ans minde as well as another do's: out vpon't: what haue Iforgot. Exit.
Actus Secundus. Scoena Prima. Enter Mistris Page, Mistris Ford, Master Page, Master Ford, Pistoll, Nim, Quickly, Host, Shallow. Mist.Page. What, haue scap'd Loue-letters in theholly-day-time of my beauty, and am I now a subiectfor them? let me see? Aske me no reason why I loue you, for though Loue vse Rea-son for his precisian, hee admits him not for his Counsailour: you are not yong, no more am I: goe to then, there's simpathie: you are merry, so am I: ha, ha, then there's more simpathie: you loue sacke, and so do I: would you desire better simpathie? Let it suffice thee (Mistris Page) at the least if the Loue of Souldier can suffice, that I loue thee: I will not say pitty mee,'tis not a Souldier-like phrase; but I say, loue me:By me, thine owne true Knight, by day or night:Or any kinde of light, with all his might,For thee to fight. Iohn Falstaffe. What a Herod of Iurie is this? O wicked, wicked world:One that is well-nye worne to peeces with ageTo show himselfe a yong Gallant? What an vnwaiedBehauiour hath this Flemish drunkard pickt (withThe Deuills name) out of my conuersation, that he daresIn this manner assay me? why, hee hath not beene thriceIn my Company: what should I say to him? I was thenFrugall of my mirth: (heauen forgiue mee:) why IleExhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting downeof men: how shall I be reueng'd on him? for reueng'd Iwill be? as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Mis.Ford. Mistris Page, trust me, I was going to yourhouse. Mis.Page. And trust me, I was comming to you: youlooke very ill. Mis.Ford. Nay Ile nere beleeue that; I haue to shewto the contrary. Mis.Page. 'Faith but you doe in my minde. Mis.Ford. Well: I doe then: yet I say, I could shewyou to the contrary: O Mistris Page, giue mee somecounsaile. Mis.Page. What's the matter, woman? Mi.Ford. O woman: if it were not for one trifling re-spect, I could come to such honour. Mi.Page. Hang the trifle (woman) take the honour:what is it? dispence with trifles: what is it? Mi.Ford. If I would but goe to hell, for an eternallmoment, or so: I could be knighted. Mi.Page. What thou liest? Sir Alice Ford? theseKnights will hacke, and so thou shouldst not alter the ar-ticle of thy Gentry. Mi.Ford. Wee burne day-light: heere, read, read:perceiue how I might bee knighted, I shall thinke theworse of fat men, as long as I haue an eye to make diffe-rence of mens liking: and yet hee would not sweare: praise womens modesty: and gaue such orderly and wel-behaued reproofe to al vncomelinesse, that I would hauesworne his disposition would haue gone to the truth ofhis words: but they doe no more adhere and keep placetogether, then the hundred Psalms to the tune of Green-sleeues: What tempest (I troa) threw this Whale, (withso many Tuns of oyle in his belly) a'shoare at Windsor?How shall I bee reuenged on him? I thinke the best waywere, to entertaine him with hope, till the wicked fireof lust haue melted him in his owne greace: Did you e-uer heare the like? Mis.Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of Page and Ford differs: to thy great comfort in this my-stery of ill opinions, heere's the twyn-brother of thy Let-ter: but let thine inherit first, for I protest mine neuershall: I warrant he hath a thousand of these Letters, writwith blancke-space for different names (sure more): andthese are of the second edition: hee will print them outof doubt: for he cares not what hee puts into the presse,when he would put vs two: I had rather be a Giantesse,and lye vnder Mount Pelion: Well; I will find you twen-tie lasciuious Turtles ere one chaste man. Mis.Ford. Why this is the very same: the very hand:the very words: what doth he thinke of vs? Mis.Page. Nay I know not: it makes me almost rea-die to wrangle with mine owne honesty: Ile entertainemy selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall: forsure vnlesse hee know some straine in mee, that I knownot my selfe, hee would neuer haue boorded me in thisfurie. Mi.Ford. Boording, call you it? Ile bee sure to keepehim aboue decke. Mi.Page. So will I: if hee come vnder my hatches,Ile neuer to Sea againe: Let's bee reueng'd on him: let'sappoint him a meeting: giue him a show of comfort inhis Suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till heehath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the Garter. Mi.Ford. Nay, I wil consent to act any villany againsthim, that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty: ohthat my husband saw this Letter: it would giue eternallfood to his iealousie. Mis.Page. Why look where he comes; and my goodman too: hee's as farre from iealousie, as I am from gi-uing him cause, and that (I hope) is an vnmeasurable di-stance. Mis.Ford. You are the happier woman. Mis.Page. Let's consult together against this greasieKnight: Come hither. Ford. Well: I hope, it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtall-dog in some affaires:Sir Iohn affects thy wife. Ford. Why sir, my wife is not young. Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich & poor,both yong and old, one with another (Ford) he loues theGally-mawfry (Ford) perpend. Ford. Loue my wife? Pist. With liuer, burning hot: preuent:Or goe thou like Sir Acteon he, withRing-wood at thy heeles: O, odious is the name. Ford. What name Sir? Pist. The horne I say: Farewell:Take heed, haue open eye, for theeues doe foot by night.Take heed, ere sommer comes, or Cuckoo-birds do sing.Away sir Corporall Nim: Beleeue it (Page) he speakes sence. Ford. I will be patient: I will find out this. Nim. And this is true: I like not the humor of lying:hee hath wronged mee in some humors: I should haueborne the humour'd Letter to her: but I haue a sword:and it shall bite vpon my necessitie: he loues your wife;There's the short and the long: My name is Corporall Nim: I speak, and I auouch; 'tis true: my name is Nim: and Falstaffe loues your wife: adieu, I loue not the hu-mour of bread and cheese: adieu. Page. The humour of it (quoth 'a?) heere's a fellowfrights English out of his wits. Ford. I will seeke out Falstaffe. Page. I neuer heard such a drawling-affecting rogue. Ford. If I doe finde it: well. Page. I will not beleeue such a Cataian, though thePriest o' th' Towne commended him for a true man. Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well. Page. How now Meg? Mist.Page. Whether goe you (George?) harke you. Mis.Ford. How now (sweet Frank) why art thou me-lancholy? Ford. I melancholy? I am not melancholy:Get you home: goe. Mis.Ford. Faith, thou hast some crochets in thy head,Now: will you goe, Mistris Page? Mis.Page. Haue with you: you'll come to dinner George? Looke who comes yonder: shee shall bee ourMessenger to this paltrie Knight. Mis.Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: shee'll fit it. Mis.Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne? Qui. I forsooth: and I pray how do's good Mistresse Anne? Mis.Page. Go in with vs and see: we haue an hourestalke with you. Page. How now Master Ford? For. You heard what this knaue told me, did you not? Page. Yes, and you heard what the other told me? Ford. Doe you thinke there is truth in them? Pag. Hang 'em slaues: I doe not thinke the Knightwould offer it: But these that accuse him in his intenttowards our wiues, are a yoake of his discarded men: ve-ry rogues, now they be out of seruice. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry were they. Ford. I like it neuer the beter for that,Do's he lye at the Garter? Page. I marry do's he: if hee should intend this voy-age toward my wife, I would turne her loose to him;and what hee gets more of her, then sharpe words, let itlye on my head. Ford. I doe not misdoubt my wife: but I would beeloath to turne them together: a man may be too confi-dent: I would haue nothing lye on my head: I cannotbe thus satisfied. Page. Looke where my ranting-Host of the Gartercomes: there is eyther liquor in his pate, or mony in hispurse, when hee lookes so merrily: How now mineHost? Host. How now Bully-Rooke: thou'rt a GentlemanCaueleiro Iustice, I say. Shal. I follow, (mine Host) I follow: Good-euen,and twenty (good Master Page.) Master Page, wil you gowith vs? we haue sport in hand. Host. Tell him Caueleiro-Iustice: tell him Bully-Rooke. Shall. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, betweene Sir Hugh the Welch Priest, and Caius the French Doctor. Ford. Good mine Host o'th' Garter: a word with you. Host. What saist thou, my Bully-Rooke? Shal. Will you goe with vs to behold it? My merryHost hath had the measuring of their weapons; and (Ithinke) hath appointed them contrary places: for (be-leeue mee) I heare the Parson is no Iester: harke, I willtell you what our sport shall be. Host. Hast thou no suit against my Knight? my guest-Caualeire? Shal. None, I protest: but Ile giue you a pottle ofburn'd sacke, to giue me recourse to him, and tell himmy name is Broome: onely for a iest. Host. My hand, (Bully:) thou shalt haue egresse andregresse, (said I well?) and thy name shall be Broome. Itis a merry Knight: will you goe An-heires? Shal. Haue with you mine Host. Page. I haue heard the French-man hath good skillin his Rapier. Shal. Tut sir: I could haue told you more: In thesetimes you stand on distance: your Passes, Stoccado's, andI know not what: 'tis the heart (Master Page) 'tis heere,'tis heere: I haue seene the time, with my long-sword, Iwould haue made you fowre tall fellowes skippe likeRattes. Host. Heere boyes, heere, heere: shall we wag? Page. Haue with you: I had rather heare them scold,then fight. Ford. Though Page be a secure foole, and stands sofirmely on his wiues frailty; yet, I cannot put-off my o-pinion so easily: she was in his company at Pages house:and what they made there, I know not. Well, I wil lookefurther into't, and I haue a disguise, to sound Falstaffe; ifI finde her honest, I loose not my labor: if she be other-wise, 'tis labour well bestowed. Exeunt.
Scoena Secunda. Enter Falstaffe, Pistoll, Robin, Quickly, Bardolffe,Ford. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. Pist. Why then the world's mine Oyster, which I,with sword will open. Fal. Not a penny: I haue beene content (Sir,) youshould lay my countenance to pawne: I haue grated vp-on my good friends for three Repreeues for you, andyour Coach-fellow Nim; or else you had look'd throughthe grate, like a Geminy of Baboones: I am damn'd in hell, for swearing to Gentlemen my friends, you weregood Souldiers, and tall-fellowes. And when Mistresse Briget lost the handle of her Fan, I took't vpon mine ho-nour thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteenepence? Fal. Reason, you roague, reason: thinkst thou Ile en-danger my soule, gratis? at a word, hang no more aboutmee, I am no gibbet for you: goe, a short knife, and athrong, to your Mannor of Pickt-hatch: goe, you'll notbeare a Letter for mee you roague? you stand vpon yourhonor: why, (thou vnconfinable basenesse) it is as muchas I can doe to keepe the termes of my honor precise: I, I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing the feare of heauen onthe left hand, and hiding mine honor in my necessity, amfaine to shufflle: to hedge, and to lurch, and yet, youRogue, will en-sconce your raggs; your Cat-a-Moun-taine-lookes,your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating-oathes,vnder the shelter of your honor? youwill not doe it? you? Pist. I doe relent: what would thou more of man? Robin. Sir, here's a woman would speake with you. Fal. Let her approach. Qui. Giue your worship good morrow. Fal. Good-morrow, good-wife. Qui. Not so, and't please your worship. Fal. Good maid then. Qui. Ile be sworne,As my mother was the first houre I was borne. Fal. I doe beleeue the swearer; what with me? Qui. Shall I vouch-safe your worship a word, ortwo? Fal. Two thousand (faire woman) and ile vouchsafethee the hearing. Qui. There is one Mistresse Ford, (Sir) I pray come alittle neerer this waies: I my selfe dwell with M[aster]. Doctor Caius: Fal. Well, on; Mistresse Ford, you say. Qui. Your worship saies very true: I pray your wor-ship come a little neerer this waies. Fal. I warrant thee, no-bodie heares: mine ownepeople, mine owne people. Qui. Are they so? heauen-blesse them, and makethem his Seruants. Fal. Well; Mistresse Ford, what of her? Qui. Why, Sir; shee's a good-creature; Lord, Lord,your Worship's a wanton: well: heauen forgiue you,and all of vs, I pray ——. Fal. Mistresse Ford: come, Mistresse Ford. Qui. Marry this is the short, and the long of it: youhaue brought her into such a Canaries, as 'tis wonder-full: the best Courtier of them all (when the Court layat Windsor) could neuer haue brought her to such a Ca-narie: yet there has beene Knights, and Lords, and Gen-tlemen, with their Coaches; I warrant you Coach afterCoach, letter after letter, gift after gift, smelling so sweet-ly; all Muske, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silkeand golde, and in such alligant termes, and in such wineand suger of the best, and the fairest, that would hauewonne any womans heart: and I warrant you, they couldneuer get an eye-winke of her: I had my selfe twentieAngels giuen me this morning, but I defie all Angels (inany such sort, as they say) but in the way of honesty: andI warrant you, they could neuer get her so much as sippeon a cup with the prowdest of them all, and yet there hasbeene Earles: nay, (which is more) Pentioners, but Iwarrant you all is one with her. Fal. But what saies shee to mee? be briefe my goodshee- Mercurie. Qui. Marry, she hath receiu'd your Letter: for thewhich she thankes you a thousand times; and she giuesyou to notifie, that her husband will be absence from hishouse, betweene ten and eleuen. Fal. Ten, and eleuen. Qui. I, forsooth: and then you may come and see thepicture (she sayes) that you wot of: Master Ford her hus-band will be from home: alas, the sweet woman leadesan ill life with him: hee's a very iealousie-man; she leadsa very frampold life with him, (good hart.) Fal. Ten, and eleuen. Woman, commend me to her, I will not faile her. Qui. Why, you say well: But I haue another messen-ger to your worship: Mistresse Page hath her heartiecommendations to you to: and let mee tell you in youreare, shee's as fartuous a ciuill modest wife, and one (Itell you) that will not misse you morning nor eueningprayer, as any is in Windsor, who ere bee the other: andshee bade me tell your worship, that her husband is sel-dome from home, but she hopes there will come a time.I neuer knew a woman so doate vpon a man; surely Ithinke you haue charmes, la: yes in truth. Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of mygood parts aside, I haue no other charmes. Qui. Blessing on your heart for't. Fal. But I pray thee tell me this: has Fords wife, and Pages wife acquainted each other, how they loue me? Qui. That were a iest indeed: they haue not so littlegrace I hope, that were a tricke indeed: But Mistris Page would desire you to send her your little Page of al loues:her husband has a maruellous infectio[n] to the little Page:and truely Master Page is an honest man: neuer a wife in Windsor leades a better life then she do's: doe what sheewill, say what she will, take all, pay all, goe to bed whenshe list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and truly shedeserues it; for if there be a kinde woman in Windsor, sheis one: you must send her your Page, no remedie. Fal. Why, I will. Qu. Nay, but doe so then, and looke you, hee maycome and goe betweene you both: and in any case hauea nay-word, that you may know one anothers minde,and the Boy neuer neede to vnderstand any thing; for'tis not good that children should know any wickednes:olde folkes you know, haue discretion, as they say, andknow the world. Fal. Farethee-well, commend mee to them both:there's my purse, I am yet thy debter: Boy, goe alongwith this woman, this newes distracts me. Pist. This Puncke is one of Cupids Carriers,Clap on more sailes, pursue: vp with your sights:Giue fire: she is my prize, or Ocean whelme them all. Fal. Saist thou so (old Iacke) go thy waies: Ile makemore of thy olde body then I haue done: will they yetlooke after thee? wilt thou after the expence of so muchmoney, be now a gainer? good Body, I thanke thee: letthem say 'tis grossely done, so it bee fairely done, nomatter. Bar. Sir Iohn, there's one Master Broome below wouldfaine speake with you, and be acquainted with you; andhath sent your worship a mornings draught of Sacke. Fal. Broome is his name? Bar. I Sir. Fal. Call him in: such Broomes are welcome to mee,that ore'flowes such liquor: ah ha, Mistresse Ford and Mi-stresse Page, haue I encompass'd you? goe to, via. Ford. 'Blesse you sir. Fal. And you sir: would you speake with me? Ford. I make bold, to presse, with so little prepara-tion vpon you. Fal. You'r welcome, what's your will? giue vs leaueDrawer. Ford. Sir, I am a Gentleman that haue spent much,my name is Broome. Fal. Good Master Broome, I desire more acquaintanceof you. Ford. Good Sir Iohn, I sue for yours: not to chargeyou, for I must let you vnderstand, I thinke my selfe inbetter plight for a Lender, then you are: the which hathsomething emboldned me to this vnseason'd intrusion:for they say, if money goe before, all waies doe lyeopen. Fal. Money is a good Souldier (Sir) and will on. Ford. Troth, and I haue a bag of money heere trou-bles me: if you will helpe to beare it (Sir Iohn) take all,or halfe, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserue to bee yourPorter. Ford. I will tell you sir, if you will giue mee the hea-ring. Fal. Speake (good Master Broome) I shall be glad tobe your Seruant. Ford. Sir, I heare you are a Scholler: (I will be briefewith you) and you haue been a man long knowne to me,though I had neuer so good means as desire, to make myselfe acquainted with you. I shall discouer a thing toyou, wherein I must very much lay open mine owne im-perfection: but (good Sir Iohn) as you haue one eye vp-on my follies, as you heare them vnfolded, turne anotherinto the Register of your owne, that I may passe with areproofe the easier, sith you your selfe know how easie itis to be such an offender. Fal. Very well Sir, proceed. Ford. There is a Gentlewoman in this Towne, herhusbands name is Ford. Fal. Well Sir. Ford. I haue long lou'd her, and I protest to you, be-stowed much on her: followed her with a doating ob-seruance: Ingross'd opportunities to meete her: fee'd e-uery slight occasion that could but nigardly giue meesight of her: not only bought many presents to giue her,but haue giuen largely to many, to know what sheewould haue giuen: briefly, I haue pursu'd her, as Louehath pursued mee, which hath beene on the wing of alloccasions: but whatsoeuer I haue merited, either in myminde, or in my meanes, meede I am sure I haue receiuednone, vnlesse Experience be a Iewell, that I haue purcha-sed at an infinite rate, and that hath taught mee to saythis,"Loue like a shadow flies, when substance Loue pursues, "Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues. Fal. Haue you receiu'd no promise of satisfaction ather hands? Ford. Neuer. Fal. Haue you importun'd her to such a purpose? Ford. Neuer. Fal. Of what qualitie was your loue then? Ford. Like a fair house, built on another mans ground,so that I haue lost my edifice, by mistaking the place,where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose haue you vnfolded this to me? For. When I haue told you that, I haue told you all:Some say, that though she appeare honest to mee, yet inother places shee enlargeth her mirth so farre, that thereis shrewd construction made of her. Now (Sir Iohn) hereis the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of ex-cellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admit-tance, authenticke in your place and person, generallyallow'd for your many war-like, court-like, and learnedpreparations. Fal. O Sir. Ford. Beleeue it, for you know it: there is money,spend it, spend it, spend more; spend all I haue, onely giue me so much of your time in enchange of it, as to layan amiable siege to the honesty of this Fords wife: vseyour Art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if anyman may, you may as soone as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of youraffection that I should win what you would enioy? Me-thinkes you prescribe to your selfe very preposterously. Ford. O, vnderstand my drift: she dwells so securelyon the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my souledares not present it selfe: shee is too bright to be look'dagainst. Now, could I come to her with any detectionin my hand; my desires had instance and argument tocommend themselues, I could driue her then from theward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow,and a thousand other her defences, which now are too-too strongly embattaild against me: what say you too't,Sir Iohn? Fal. Master Broome, I will first make bold with yourmoney: next, giue mee your hand: and last, as I am agentleman, you shall, if you will, enioy Fords wife. Ford. O good Sir. Fal. I say you shall. Ford. Want no money (Sir Iohn) you shall want none. Fal. Want no Mistresse Ford (Master Broome) you shallwant none: I shall be with her (I may tell you) by herowne appointment, euen as you came in to me, her assi-stant, or goe-betweene, parted from me: I say I shall bewith her betweene ten and eleuen: for at that time theiealious-rascally-knaue her husband will be forth: comeyou to me at night, you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance: do you know Ford Sir? Fal. Hang him (poore Cuckoldly knaue) I knowhim not: yet I wrong him to call him poore: They saythe iealous wittolly-knaue hath masses of money, forthe which his wife seemes to me well-fauourd: I will vseher as the key of the Cuckoldly-rogues Coffer, & ther'smy haruest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might a-uoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanicall-salt-butter rogue; I wilstare him out of his wits: I will awe-him with my cud-gell: it shall hang like a Meteor ore the Cuckolds horns:Master Broome, thou shalt know, I will predominate o-uer the pezant, and thou shalt lye with his wife. Cometo me soone at night: Ford's a knaue, and I will aggra-uate his stile: thou (Master Broome) shalt know him forknaue, and Cuckold. Come to me soone at night. Ford. What a damn'd Epicurian-Rascall is this? myheart is ready to cracke with impatience: who saies thisis improuident iealousie? my wife hath sent to him, thehowre is fixt, the match is made: would any man hauethought this? see the hell of hauing a false woman: mybed shall be abus'd, my Coffers ransack'd, my reputati-on gnawne at, and I shall not onely receiue this villanouswrong, but stand vnder the adoption of abhominabletermes, and by him that does mee this wrong: Termes,names: Amaimon sounds well: Lucifer, well: Barbason, well: yet they are Diuels additions, the names of fiends:But Cuckold, Wittoll, Cuckold? the Diuell himselfehath not such a name. Page is an Asse, a secure Asse; heewill trust his wife, hee will not be iealous: I will rathertrust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welsh-man with my Cheese, an Irish-man with my Aqua-vitae-bottle,or a Theefe to walke my ambling gelding, thenmy wife with her selfe. Then she plots, then shee rumi-nates, then shee deuises: and what they thinke in theirhearts they may effect; they will breake their hearts butthey will effect. Heauen bee prais'd for my iealousie:eleuen o' clocke the howre, I will preuent this, detectmy wife, bee reueng'd on Falstaffe, and laugh at Page. Iwill about it, better three houres too soone, then a my-nute too late: fie, fie, fie: Cuckold, Cuckold, Cuckold. Exit.
Scena Tertia. Enter Caius, Rugby, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host. Caius. Iacke Rugby. Rug. Sir. Caius. Vat is the clocke, Iack. Rug. 'Tis past the howre (Sir) that Sir Hugh promis'dto meet. Cai. By gar, he has saue his soule, dat he is no-come:hee has pray his Pible well, dat he is no-come: by gar(Iack Rugby) he is dead already, if he be come. Rug. Hee is wise Sir: hee knew your worship wouldkill him if he came. Cai. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill killhim: take your Rapier, (Iacke) I vill tell you how I villkill him. Rug. Alas sir, I cannot fence. Cai. Villaine, take your Rapier. Rug. Forbeare: heer's company. Host. 'Blesse thee, bully-Doctor. Shal. 'Saue you Mr. Doctor Caius. Page. Now good Mr. Doctor. Slen. 'Giue you good-morrow, sir. Caius. Vat be all you one, two, tree, fowre, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foigne, to see theetrauerse, to see thee heere, to see thee there, to see theepasse thy puncto, thy stock, thy reuerse, thy distance, thymontant: Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Fran-cisco? ha Bully? what saies my Esculapius? my Galien? myheart of Elder? ha? is he dead bully-Stale? is he dead? Cai. By gar, he is de Coward-Iack-Priest of de vorld:he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castalion-king-Vrinall: Hector of Greece (my Boy) Cai. I pray you beare witnesse, that me haue stay,sixe or seuen, two tree howres for him, and hee is no-come. Shal. He is the wiser man (M[aster]. Doctor) he is a curer ofsoules, and you a curer of bodies: if you should fight, yougoe against the haire of your professions: is it not true,Master Page? Page. Master Shallow; you haue your selfe beene agreat fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Body-kins M[aster]. Page, though I now be old, andof the peace; if I see a sword out, my finger itches tomake one: though wee are Iustices, and Doctors, andChurch-men (M[aster]. Page) wee haue some salt of our youthin vs, we are the sons of women (M[aster]. Page.) Page. 'Tis true, Mr. Shallow. Shal. It wil be found so, (M[aster]. Page:) M[aster]. Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home: I am sworn of the peace:you haue show'd your selfe a wise Physician, and Sir Hugh hath showne himselfe a wise and patient Church-man: you must goe with me, M[aster]. Doctor. Host. Pardon, Guest-Iustice; a Mounseur Mocke-water. Cai. Mock-vater? vat is dat? Host. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is Valour(Bully.) Cai. By gar, then I haue as much Mock-vater as deEnglishman: scuruy-Iack-dog-Priest: by gar, mee villcut his eares. Host. He will Clapper-claw thee tightly (Bully.) Cai. Clapper-de-claw? vat is dat? Host. That is, he will make thee amends. Cai. By-gar, me doe looke hee shall clapper-de-clawme, for by-gar, me vill haue it. Host. And I will prouoke him to't, or let him wag. Cai. Me tanck you for dat. Host. And moreouer, (Bully) but first, Mr. Ghuest,and M[aster]. Page, & eeke Caualeiro Slender, goe you throughthe Towne to Frogmore. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there, see what humor he is in: and I willbring the Doctor about by the Fields: will it doe well? Shal. We will doe it. All. Adieu, good M[aster]. Doctor. Cai. By-gar, me vill kill de Priest, for he speake for aIack-an-Ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: sheath thy impatience: throw coldwater on thy Choller: goe about the fields with meethrough Frogmore, I will bring thee where Mistris Anne Page is, at a Farm-house a Feasting: and thou shalt wooeher: Cride-game, said I well? Cai. By-gar, mee dancke you vor dat: by gar I loueyou: and I shall procure 'a you de good Guest: de Earle,de Knight, de Lords, de Gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which, I will be thy aduersary toward Anne Page: said I well? Cai. By-gar, 'tis good: vell said. Host. Let vs wag then. Cai. Come at my heeles, Iack Rugby. Exeunt.
Actus Tertius. Scoena Prima. Enter Euans, Simple, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Caius,Rugby. Euans. I pray you now, good Master Slenders seruing-man, and friend Simple by your name; which way haueyou look'd for Master Caius, that calls himselfe Doctorof Phisicke. Sim. Marry Sir, the pittie-ward, the Parke-ward:euery way: olde Windsor way, and euery way but theTowne-way. Euan. I most fehemently desire you, you will alsolooke that way. Sim. I will sir. Euan. 'Plesse my soule: how full of Chollors I am, andtrempling of minde: I shall be glad if he haue deceiuedme: how melancholies I am? I will knog his Vrinalls a-bout his knaues costard, when I haue good oportunitiesfor the orke: 'Plesse my soule: To shallow Riuers to whose falls: melodious Birds sings Madrigalls: There will we make our Peds of Roses: and a thousand fragrant posies. To shal-low: 'Mercie on mee, I haue a great dispositions to cry. Melodious birds sing Madrigalls: —— When as I sat in Pa-bilon: and a thousand vagram Posies. To shallow, &c. Sim. Yonder he is comming, this way, Sir Hugh. Euan. Hee's welcome: To shallow Riuers, to whose fals: Heauen prosper the right: what weapons is he? Sim. No weapons, Sir: there comes my Master, Mr. Shallow, and another Gentleman; from Frogmore, ouerthe stile, this way. Euan. Pray you giue mee my gowne, or else keepe itin your armes. Shal. How now Master Parson? good morrow goodSir Hugh: keepe a Gamester from the dice, and a goodStudient from his booke, and it is wonderfull. Slen. Ah sweet Anne Page. Page. 'Saue you, good Sir Hugh. Euan. 'Plesse you from his mercy-sake, all of you. Shal. What? the Sword, and the Word?Doe you study them both, Mr. Parson? Page. And youthfull still, in your doublet and hose,this raw-rumaticke day? Euan. There is reasons, and causes for it. Page. We are come to you, to doe a good office, Mr.Parson. Euan. Fery-well: what is it? Page. Yonder is a most reuerend Gentleman; who(be-like) hauing receiued wrong by some person, is atmost odds with his owne grauity and patience, that eueryou saw. Shal. I haue liued foure-score yeeres, and vpward: Ineuer heard a man of his place, grauity, and learning, sowide of his owne respect. Euan. What is he? Page. I thinke you know him: Mr. Doctor Caius therenowned French Physician. Euan. Got's-will, and his passion of my heart: I hadas lief you would tell me of a messe of porredge. Page. Why? Euan. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen , and hee is a knaue besides: a cowardly knaue, asyou would desires to be acquainted withall. Page. I warrant you, hee's the man should fight withhim. Slen. O sweet Anne Page. Shal. It appeares so by his weapons: keepe them a-sunder: here comes Doctor Caius. Page. Nay good Mr. Parson, keepe in your weapon. Shal. So doe you, good Mr. Doctor. Host. Disarme them, and let them question: let themkeepe their limbs whole, and hack our English. Cai. I pray you let-a-mee speake a word with youreare; vherefore vill you not meet-a me? Euan. Pray you vse your patience in good time. Cai. By-gar, you are de Coward: de Iack dog: IohnApe. Euan. Pray you let vs not be laughing-stocks to othermens humors: I desire you in friendship, and I will oneway or other make you amends: I will knog your Vrinalabout your knaues Cogs-combe. Cai. Diable: Iack Rugby: mine Host de Iarteer: haue Inot stay for him, to kill him? haue I not at de place I didappoint? Euan. As I am a Christians-soule, now looke you:this is the place appointed, Ile bee iudgement by mine Host of the Garter. Host. Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaule, French & Welch, Soule-Curer, and Body-Curer. Cai. I, dat is very good, excellant. Host. Peace, I say: heare mine Host of the Garter,Am I politicke? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiuell?Shall I loose my Doctor? No, hee giues me the Potionsand the Motions. Shall I loose my Parson? my Priest?my Sir Hugh? No, he giues me the Prouerbes, and theNo-verbes. Giue me thy hand (Celestiall) so: Boyes of Art, I haue deceiu'd you both: I haue directed you towrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skinnes arewhole, and let burn'd Sacke be the issue: Come, lay theirswords to pawne: Follow me, Lad of peace, follow, fol-low, follow. Shal. Trust me, a mad Host: follow Gentlemen, fol-low. Slen. O sweet Anne Page. Cai. Ha' do I perceiue dat? Haue you make-a-de-sotof vs, ha, ha? Eua. This is well, he has made vs his vlowting-stog:I desire you that we may be friends: and let vs knog ourpraines together to be reuenge on this same scall scur-uy-cogging-companionthe Host of the Garter. Cai. By gar, with all my heart: he promise to bringme where is Anne Page: by gar he deceiue me too. Euan. Well, I will smite his noddles: pray you follow.
Scena Secunda. Mist.Page, Robin, Ford, Page, Shallow, Slender, Host,Euans, Caius. Mist.Page. Nay keepe your way (little Gallant) youwere wont to be a follower, but now you are a Leader:whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your ma-sters heeles? Rob. I had rather (forsooth) go before you like a man,then follow him like a dwarfe. M.Pa. O you are a flattering boy, now I see you'l be a(Courtier. Ford. Well met mistris Page, whether go you. M.Pa. Truly Sir, to see your wife, is she at home? Ford. I, and as idle as she may hang together for wantof company: I thinke if your husbands were dead, youtwo would marry. M.Pa. Be sure of that, two other husbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cocke? M.Pa. I cannot tell what (the dickens) his name is myhusband had him of, what do you cal your Knights name sirrah? Rob. Sir Iohn Falstaffe. Ford. Sir Iohn Falstaffe. M.Pa. He, he, I can neuer hit on's name; there is such aleague betweene my goodman, and he: is your Wife at home indeed? Ford. Indeed she is. M.Pa. By your leaue sir, I am sicke till I see her. Ford. Has Page any braines? Hath he any eies? Hath heany thinking? Sure they sleepe, he hath no vse of them:why this boy will carrie a letter twentie mile as easie, asa Canon will shoot point-blanke twelue score: hee pee-ces out his wiues inclination: he giues her folly motionand aduantage: and now she's going to my wife, & Fal-staffes boy with her: A man may heare this showre singin the winde; and Falstaffes boy with her: good plots,they are laide, and our reuolted wiues share damnationtogether. Well, I will take him, then torture my wife,plucke the borrowed vaile of modestie from the so-see-ming Mist[ris]. Page, divulge Page himselfe for a secure andwilfull Acteon, and to these violent proceedings all myneighbors shall cry aime. The clocke giues me my Qu,and my assurance bids me search, there I shall finde Fal-staffe: I shall be rather praisd for this, then mock'd, forit is as possitiue, as the earth is firme, that Falstaffe isthere: I will go. Shal. Page, &c. Well met Mr Ford. Ford. Trust me, a good knotte; I haue good cheere athome, and I pray you all go with me. Shal. I must excuse my selfe Mr Ford. Slen. And so must I Sir,We haue appointed to dine with Mistris Anne, And I would not breake with her for more monyThen Ile speake of. Shal. We haue linger'd about a match betweene An Page, and my cozen Slender, and this day wee shall haueour answer. Slen. I hope I haue your good will Father Page. Pag. You haue Mr Slender, I stand wholly for you,But my wife (Mr Doctor) is for you altogether. Cai. I be-gar, and de Maid is loue-a-me: my nursh-a-Quicklytell me so mush. Host. What say you to yong Mr Fenton? He capers,he dances, he has eies of youth: he writes verses, heespeakes holliday, he smels April and May, he wil carry't,he will carry't, 'tis in his buttons, he will carry't. Page. Not by my consent I promise you. The Gentle-man is of no hauing, hee kept companie with the wildePrince, and Pointz: he is of too high a Region, he knowstoo much: no, hee shall not knit a knot in his fortunes,with the finger of my substance: if he take her, let himtake her simply: the wealth I haue waits on my consent,and my consent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you heartily, some of you goe homewith me to dinner: besides your cheere you shall hauesport, I will shew you a monster: Mr Doctor, you shalgo, so shall you Mr Page, and you Sir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well:We shall haue the freer woing at Mr Pages. Cai. Go home Iohn Rugby, I come anon. Host. Farewell my hearts, I will to my honest Knight Falstaffe, and drinke Canarie with him. Ford. I thinke I shall drinke in Pipe-wine first withhim, Ile make him dance. Will you go Gentles? All. Haue with you, to see this Monster. Exeunt
Scena Tertia. Enter M.Ford, M.Page, Seruants, Robin, Falstaffe,Ford, Page, Caius, Euans. Mist.Ford. What Iohn, what Robert. M.Page. Quickly, quickly: Is the Buck-basket —— Mis.Ford. I warrant. What Robin I say. Mis.Page. Come, come, come. Mist.Ford. Heere, set it downe. M.Pag. Giue your men the charge, we must be briefe. M.Ford. Marrie, as I told you before (Iohn & Robert)be ready here hard-by in the Brew-house, & when I so-dainly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, orstaggering) take this basket on your shoulders: that done,trudge with it in all hast, and carry it among the Whit-sters in Dotchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddieditch, close by the Thames side. M.Page. You will do it? M.Ford. I ha told them ouer and ouer, they lacke no direction. Be gone, and come when you are call'd. M.Page. Here comes little Robin. Mist.Ford. How now my Eyas-Musket, what newes with you? Rob. My M[aster]. Sir Iohn is come in at your backe doore(Mist[ris]. Ford, and requests your company. M.Page. You litle Iack-a-lent, haue you bin true to vs Rob. I, Ile be sworne: my Master knowes not of yourbeing heere: and hath threatned to put me into euerla-sting liberty, if I tell you of it: for he sweares he'll turneme away. Mist.Pag. Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thineshall be a Tailor to thee, and shal make thee a new dou-blet and hose. Ile go hide me. Mi.Ford. Do so: go tell thy Master, I am alone: Mi-stris Page, remember you your Qu. Mist.Pag. I warrant thee, if I do not act it, hisse me. Mist.Ford. Go-too then: we'l vse this vnwholsomehumidity, this grosse-watry Pumpion; we'll teach himto know Turtles from Iayes. Fal. Haue I caught thee, my heauenly Iewell? Whynow let me die, for I haue liu'd long enough: This is theperiod of my ambition: O this blessed houre. Mist.Ford. O sweet Sir Iohn. Fal. Mistris Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate (Mist[ris]. Ford ) now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy Husbandwere dead, Ile speake it before the best Lord, I wouldmake thee my Lady. Mist.Ford. I your Lady Sir Iohn? Alas, I should bee apittifull Lady. Fal. Let the Court of France shew me such another:I see how thine eye would emulate the Diamond: Thouhast the right arched-beauty of the brow, that becomesthe Ship-tyre, the Tyre-valiant, or any Tire of Venetianadmittance. Mist.Ford. A plaine Kerchiefe, Sir Iohn: My browes become nothing else, nor that well neither. Fal. Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst makean absolute Courtier, and the firme fixture of thy foote,would giue an excellent motion to thy gate, in a semi-circled Farthingale. I see what thou wert if Fortune thyfoe, were not Nature thy friend: Come, thou canst nothide it. Mist.Ford. Beleeue me, ther's no such thing in me. Fal. What made me loue thee? Let that perswadethee. Ther's something extraordinary in thee: Come, Icannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a-manieof these lisping-hauthorne buds, that come like womenin mens apparrell, and smell like Bucklers-berry in sim-ple time: I cannot, but I loue thee, none but thee; andthou deseru'st it. M.Ford. Do not betray me sir, I fear you loue M[istris]. Page. Fal. Thou mightst as well say, I loue to walke by theCounter-gate, which is as hatefull to me, as the reeke ofa Lime-kill. Mis.Ford. Well, heauen knowes how I loue you,And you shall one day finde it. Fal. Keepe in that minde, Ile deserue it. Mist.Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you doe;Or else I could not be in that minde. Rob. Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford: heere's Mistris Page atthe doore, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildely,and would needs speake with you presently. Fal. She shall not see me, I will ensconce mee behindethe Arras. M.Ford. Pray you do so, she's a very tatling woman.Whats the matter? How now? Mist.Page. O mistris Ford what haue you done? You'r sham'd, y'are ouerthrowne, y'are vndone for euer. M.Ford. What's the matter, good mistris Page? M.Page. O weladay, mist[ris]. Ford, hauing an honest manto your husband, to giue him such cause of suspition. M.Ford. What cause of suspition? M.Page. What cause of suspition? Out vpon you:How am I mistooke in you? M.Ford. Why (alas) what's the matter? M.Page. Your husband's comming hether (Woman)with all the Officers in Windsor, to search for a Gentle-man, that he sayes is heere now in the house; by yourconsent to take an ill aduantage of his absence: you arevndone. M.Ford. 'Tis not so, I hope. M.Page. Pray heauen it be not so, that you haue sucha man heere: but 'tis most certaine your husband's com-ming, with halfe Windsor at his heeles, to serch for sucha one, I come before to tell you: If you know your selfecleere, why I am glad of it: but if you haue a friend here,conuey, conuey him out. Be not amaz'd, call all yoursenses to you, defend your reputation, or bid farwell toyour good life for euer. M.Ford. What shall I do? There is a Gentleman mydeere friend: and I feare not mine owne shame so much,as his perill. I had rather then a thousand pound he wereout of the house. M.Page. For shame, neuer stand (you had rather, andyou had rather:) your husband's heere at hand, bethinkeyou of some conueyance: in the house you cannot hidehim. Oh, how haue you deceiu'd me? Looke, heere is abasket, if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creepein heere, and throw fowle linnen vpon him, as if it weregoing to bucking: Or it is whiting time, send him byyour two men to Datchet-Meade. M.Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do? Fal. Let me see't, let me see't, O let me see't:Ile in, Ile in: Follow your friends counsell, Ile in. M.Page. What Sir Iohn Falstaffe? Are these your Let-ters, Knight? Fal. I loue thee, helpe mee away: let me creepe inheere: ile neuer —— M.Page. Helpe to couer your master (Boy:) Callyour men (Mist[ris]. Ford.) You dissembling Knight. M.Ford. What Iohn, Robert, Iohn; Go, take vp thesecloathes heere, quickly: Wher's the Cowle-staffe? Lookhow you drumble? Carry them to the Landresse in Dat-chet mead: quickly, come. Ford. 'Pray you come nere: if I suspect without cause,Why then make sport at me, then let me be your iest,I deserue it: How now? Whether beare you this? Ser. To the Landresse forsooth? M.Ford. Why, what haue you to doe whether theybeare it? You were best meddle with buck-washing. Ford. Buck? I would I could wash my selfe of the Buck:Bucke, bucke, bucke, I bucke: I warrant you Bucke,And of the season too; it shall appeare.Gentlemen, I haue dream'd to night, Ile tell you mydreame: heere, heere, heere bee my keyes, ascend myChambers, search, seeke, finde out: Ile warrant wee'levnkennell the Fox. Let me stop this way first: so, nowvncape. Page. Good master Ford, be contented:You wrong your selfe too much. Ford. True (master Page) vp Gentlemen,You shall see sport anon: Follow me Gentlemen. Euans. This is fery fantasticall humors and iealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no-the fashion of France:It is not iealous in France. Page. Nay follow him (Gentlemen) see the yssue ofhis search. Mist.Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mist.Ford. I know not which pleases me better,That my husband is deceiued, or Sir Iohn. Mist.Page. What a taking was hee in, when yourhusband askt who was in the basket? Mist.Ford. I am halfe affraid he will haue neede ofwashing: so throwing him into the water, will doe hima benefit. Mist.Page. Hang him dishonest rascall: I would allof the same straine, were in the same distresse. Mist.Ford. I thinke my husband hath some speciallsuspition of Falstaffs being heere: for I neuer saw him sogrosse in his iealousie till now. Mist.Page. I will lay a plot to try that, and wee willyet haue more trickes with Falstaffe: his dissolute diseasewill scarse obey this medicine. Mis.Ford. Shall we send that foolishion Carion, Mist[ris]. Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into the water,and giue him another hope, to betray him to anotherpunishment? Mist.Page. We will do it: let him be sent for to mor-row eight a clocke to haue amends. Ford. I cannot finde him: may be the knaue bragg'dof that he could not compasse. Mis.Page. Heard you that? Mis.Ford. You vse me well, M[aster]. Ford? Do you? Ford. I, I do so. M.Ford. Heauen make you better then your thoghts Ford. Amen. Mi.Page. You do your selfe mighty wrong (M[aster]. Ford) Ford. I, I: I must beare it. Eu. If there be any pody in the house, & in the cham-bers, and in the coffers, and in the presses: heauen for-giue my sins at the day of iudgement. Caius. Be gar, nor I too: there is no-bodies. Page. Fy, fy, M[aster]. Ford, are you not asham'd? What spi-rit, what diuell suggests this imagination? I wold not ha your distemper in this kind, for the welth of Windsor castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault (M[aster]. Page) I suffer for it. Euans. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife isas honest a o'mans, as I will desires among fiue thou-sand, and fiue hundred too. Cai. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well, I promisd you a dinner: come, come, walkin the Parke, I pray you pardon me: I wil hereafter makeknowne to you why I haue done this. Come wife, comeMi[stris]. Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray hartly pardon me. Page. Let's go in Gentlemen, but (trust me) we'l mockhim: I doe inuite you to morrow morning to my houseto breakfast: after we'll a Birding together, I haue a fineHawke for the bush. Shall it be so: Ford. Any thing. Eu. If there is one, I shall make two in the Companie Ca. If there be one, or two, I shall make-a-theturd. Ford. Pray you go, M[aster]. Page. Eua. I pray you now remembrance to morrow on thelowsie knaue, mine Host. Cai. Dat is good by gar, withall my heart. Eua. A lowsie knaue, to haue his gibes, and his moc-keries. Exeunt.
Scoena Quarta. Enter Fenton, Anne, Page, Shallow, Slender,Quickly, Page, Mist.Page. Fen. I see I cannot get thy Fathers loue,Therefore no more turne me to him (sweet Nan.) Anne. Alas, how then? Fen. Why thou must be thy selfe.He doth obiect, I am too great of birth,And that my state being gall'd with my expence,I seeke to heale it onely by his wealth.Besides these, other barres he layes before me,My Riots past, my wilde Societies,And tels me 'tis a thing impossibleI should loue thee, but as a property. An. May be he tels you true.No, heauen so speed me in my time to come,Albeit I will confesse, thy Fathers wealthWas the first motiue that I woo'd thee (Anne:)Yet wooing thee, I found thee of more valewThen stampes in Gold, or summes in sealed bagges:And 'tis the very riches of thy selfe,That now I ayme at. An. Gentle M[aster]. Fenton, Yet seeke my Fathers loue, still seeke it sir,If opportunity and humblest suiteCannot attaine it, why then harke you hither. Shal. Breake their talke Mistris Quickly. My Kinsman shall speake for himselfe. Slen. Ile make a shaft or a bolt on't, slid, tis but venturing. Shal. Be not dismaid. Slen. No, she shall not dismay me:I care not for that, but that I am affeard. Qui. Hark ye, M[aster]. Slender would speak a word with you An. I come to him. This is my Fathers choice:O what a world of vilde ill-fauour'd faultsLookes handsome in three hundred pounds a yeere? Qui. And how do's good Master Fenton?Pray you a word with you. Shal. Shee's comming; to her Coz:O boy, thou hadst a father. Slen. I had a father (M[istris]. An ) my vncle can tel you goodiests of him: pray you Vncle, tel Mist[ris]. Anne the iest howmy Father stole two Geese out of a Pen, good Vnckle. Shal. Mistris Anne, my Cozen loues you. Slen. I that I do, as well as I loue any woman in Glo-cestershire. Shal. He will maintaine you like a Gentlewoman. Slen. I that I will, come cut and long-taile, vnder thedegree of a Squire. Shal. He will make you a hundred and fiftie poundsioynture. Anne. Good Maister Shallow let him woo for him-selfe. Shal. Marrie I thanke you for it: I thanke you forthat good comfort: she cals you (Coz) Ile leaue you. Anne. Now Master Slender. Slen. Now good Mistris Anne. Anne. What is your will? Slen. My will? Odd's-hart-lings, that's a prettieiest indeede: I ne're made my Will yet (I thanke Hea-uen:)I am not such a sickely creature, I giue Heauenpraise. Anne. I meane (M[aster]. Slender) what wold you with me? Slen. Truely, for mine owne part, I would little ornothing with you: your father and my vncle hath mademotions: if it be my lucke, so; if not, happy man bee hisdole, they can tell you how things go, better then I can:you may aske your father, heere he comes. Page. Now Mr Slender; Loue him daughter Anne. Why how now? What does Mr Fenten here?You wrong me Sir, thus still to haunt my house.I told you Sir, my daughter is disposd of. Fen. Nay Mr Page, be not impatient. Mist.Page. Good M[aster]. Fenton, come not to my child. Page. She is no match for you. Fen. Sir, will you heare me? Page. No, good M[aster]. Fenton. Come M[aster]. Shallow: Come sonne Slender, in;Knowing my minde, you wrong me (M[aster]. Fenton.) Qui. Speake to Mistris Page. Fen. Good Mist[ris]. Page, for that I loue your daughterIn such a righteous fashion as I do,Perforce, against all checkes, rebukes, and manners,I must aduance the colours of my loue,And not retire. Let me haue your good will. An. Good mother, do not marry me to yond foole. Mist.Page. I meane it not, I seeke you a better hus-band. Qui. That's my master, M[aster]. Doctor. An. Alas I had rather be set quick i'th earth,And bowl'd to death with Turnips. Mist.Page. Come, trouble not your selfe good M[aster]. Fenton, I will not be your friend, nor enemy:My daughter will I question how she loues you,And as I finde her, so am I affected:Till then, farewell Sir, she must needs go in,Her father will be angry. Fen. Farewell gentle Mistris: farewell Nan. Qui. This is my doing now: Nay, saide I, will youcast away your childe on a Foole, and a Physitian:Looke on M[aster]. Fenton, this is my doing. Fen. I thanke thee: and I pray thee once to night,Giue my sweet Nan this Ring: there's for thy paines. Qui. Now heauen send thee good fortune, a kindeheart he hath: a woman would run through fire & wa-ter for such a kinde heart. But yet, I would my Maisterhad Mistris Anne, or I would M[aster]. Slender had her: or (insooth) I would M[aster]. Fenton had her; I will do what I canfor them all three, for so I haue promisd, and Ile bee asgood as my word, but speciously for M[aster]. Fenton. Well, Imust of another errand to Sir Iohn Falstaffe from my twoMistresses: what a beast am I to slacke it. Exeunt
Scena Quinta. Enter Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Quickly, Ford. Fal. Bardolfe I say. Bar. Heere Sir. Fal. Go, fetch me a quart of Sacke, put a tost in't.Haue I liu'd to be carried in a Basket like a barrow ofbutchers Offall? and to be throwne in the Thames? Wel,if I be seru'd such another tricke, Ile haue my braines'tane out and butter'd, and giue them to a dogge for aNew-yeares gift. The rogues slighted me into the riuerwith as little remorse, as they would haue drown'de ablinde bitches Puppies, fifteene i'th litter: and you mayknow by my size, that I haue a kinde of alacrity in sink-ing: if the bottome were as deepe as hell, I shold down.I had beene drown'd, but that the shore was sheluy andshallow: a death that I abhorre: for the water swelles aman; and what a thing should I haue beene, when Ihad beene swel'd? I should haue beene a Mountaine ofMummie. Bar. Here's M[istris]. Quickly Sir to speake with you. Fal. Come, let me poure in some Sack to the Thameswater: for my bellies as cold as if I had swallow'd snow-bals, for pilles to coole the reines. Call her in. Bar. Come in woman. Qui. By your leaue: I cry you mercy?Giue your worship good morrow. Fal. Take away these Challices:Go, brew me a pottle of Sacke finely. Bard. With Egges, Sir? Fal. Simple of it selfe: Ile no Pullet-Spersme in mybrewage. How now? Qui. Marry Sir, I come to your worship from M[istris]. Ford. Fal. Mist[ris]. Ford? I haue had Ford enough: I was throwninto the Ford; I haue my belly full of Ford. Qui. Alas the day, (good-heart) that was not herfault: she do's so take on with her men; they mistooketheir erection. Fal. So did I mine, to build vpon a foolish Womans promise. Qui. Well, she laments Sir for it, that it would yernyour heart to see it: her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her, be-tweene eight and nine: I must carry her word quickely,she'll make you amends I warrant you. Fal. Well, I will visit her, tell her so: and bidde herthinke what a man is: Let her consider his frailety, andthen iudge of my merit. Qui. I will tell her. Fal. Do so. Betweene nine and ten saist thou? Qui. Eight and nine Sir. Fal. Well, be gone: I will not misse her. Qui. Peace be with you Sir. Fal. I meruaile I heare not of Mr Broome: he sent meword to stay within: I like his money well.Oh, heere he comes. Ford. Blesse you Sir. Fal. Now M[aster]. Broome, you come to knowWhat hath past betweene me, and Fords wife. Ford. That indeed (Sir Iohn) is my businesse. Fal. M[aster]. Broome I will not lye to you,I was at her house the houre she appointed me. Ford. And sped you Sir? Fal. Very ill-fauouredly M[aster]. Broome. Ford. How so sir, did she change her determination? Fal. No (M[aster]. Broome) but the peaking Curnuto her hus-band (M[aster]. Broome) dwelling in a continual larum of ielou-sie, coms me in the instant of our encounter, after we hadembrast, kist, protested, & (as it were) spoke the prologueof our Comedy: and at his heeles, a rabble of his compa-nions, thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper,and (forsooth) to serch his house for his wiues Loue. Ford. What? While you were there? Fal. While I was there. For. And did he search for you, & could not find you? Fal. You shall heare. As good lucke would haue it,comes in one Mist[ris]. Page, giues intelligence of Fords ap-proch: and in her inuention, and Fords wiues distraction,they conuey'd me into a bucke-basket. Ford. A Buck-basket? Fal. Yes: a Buck-basket: ram'd mee in with fouleShirts and Smockes, Socks, foule Stockings, greasieNapkins, that (Master Broome) there was the rankestcompound of villanous smell, that euer offended no-strill. Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall heare (Master Broome) what Ihaue sufferd, to bring this woman to euill, for yourgood: Being thus cram'd in the Basket, a couple of Fords knaues, his Hindes, were cald forth by their Mi-stris, to carry mee in the name of foule Cloathes to Datchet-lane: they tooke me on their shoulders: metthe iealous knaue their Master in the doore; whoask'd them once or twice what they had in their Bas-ket? I quak'd for feare least the Lunatique Knauewould haue search'd it: but Fate (ordaining he shouldbe a Cuckold) held his hand: well, on went hee, fora search, and away went I for foule Cloathes: Butmarke the sequell (Master Broome) I suffered the pangsof three seuerall deaths: First, an intollerable fright,to be detected with a iealious rotten Bell-weather:Next to be compass'd like a good Bilbo in the circum-ference of a Pecke, hilt to point, heele to head. Andthen to be stopt in like a strong distillation with stink-ing Cloathes, that fretted in their owne grease:thinke of that, a man of my Kidney; thinke of that,that am as subiect to heate as butter; a man of conti-nuall dissolution, and thaw: it was a miracle to scapesuffocation. And in the height of this Bath (when Iwas more then halfe stew'd in grease (like a Dutch-dish)to be throwne into the Thames, andcoold, glowing-hot, in that serge like a Horse-shoo;thinke of that; hissing hot: thinke of that (Master Broome.) Ford. In good sadnesse Sir, I am sorry, that for my sakeyou haue sufferd all this.My suite then is desperate: You'll vndertake her nomore? Fal. Master Broome: I will be throwne into Etna, as I haue beene into Thames, ere I will leaue her thus;her Husband is this morning gone a Birding: Ihaue receiued from her another ambassie of mee-ting: 'twixt eight and nine is the houre (Master Broome.) Ford. 'Tis past eight already Sir. Fal. Is it? I will then addresse mee to my appoint-ment: Come to mee at your conuenient leisure, andyou shall know how I speede: and the conclusionshall be crowned with your enioying her: adiew: youshall haue her (Master Broome) Master Broome, you shallcuckold Ford. Ford. Hum: ha? Is this a vision? Is this a dreame?doe I sleepe? Master Ford awake, awake Master Ford: ther's a hole made in your best coate (Master Ford:) this'tis to be married; this 'tis to haue Lynnen, and Buck-baskets: Well, I will proclaime my selfe what I am:I will now take the Leacher: hee is at my house: heecannot scape me: 'tis impossible hee should: hee can-not creepe into a halfe-penny purse, nor into a Pepper-Boxe: But least the Diuell that guides him, shouldaide him, I will search impossible places: thoughwhat I am, I cannot auoide; yet to be what I wouldnot, shall not make me tame: If I haue hornes, to makeone mad, let the prouerbe goe with me, Ile be horne-mad. Exeunt.
Actus Quartus. Scoena Prima. Enter Mistris Page, Quickly, William, Euans. Mist.Pag. Is he at M[aster]. Fords already think'st thou? Qui. Sure he is by this; or will be presently; buttruely he is very couragious mad, about his throwinginto the water. Mistris Ford desires you to come so-dainely. Mist.Pag. Ile be with her by and by: Ile but bringmy yong-man here to Schoole: looke where his Mastercomes; 'tis a playing day I see: how now Sir Hugh, noSchoole to day? Eua. No: Master Slender is let the Boyes leaue to play. Qui 'Blessing of his heart. Mist.Pag. Sir Hugh, my husband saies my sonne pro-fits nothing in the world at his Booke: I pray you askehim some questions in his Accidence. Eu. Come hither William; hold vp your head; come. Mist.Pag. Come-on Sirha; hold vp your head; an-swere your Master, be not afraid. Eua. William, how many Numbers is in Nownes? Will. Two. Qui. Truely, I thought there had bin one Numbermore, because they say od's-Nownes. Eua. Peace, your tatlings. What is (Faire) William? Will. Pulcher. Qu. Powlcats? there are fairer things then Powlcats,sure. Eua. You are a very simplicity o'man: I pray youpeace. What is (Lapis) William? Will. A Stone. Eua. And what is a Stone (William?) Will. A Peeble. Eua. No; it is Lapis: I pray you remember in yourpraine. Will. Lapis. Eua. That is a good William: what is he (William) thatdo's lend Articles. Will. Articles are borrowed of the Pronoune; and bethus declined. Singulariter nominatiuo hic, haec, hoc. Eua. Nominatiuo hig, hag, hog: pray you marke: geni-tiuo huius: Well: what is your Accusatiue-case? Will. Accusatiuo hinc. Eua. I pray you haue your remembrance (childe) Ac-cusatiuo hing, hang, hog. Qu. Hang-hog, is latten for Bacon, I warrant you. Eua. Leaue your prables (o'man) What is the Foca-tiue case (William?) Will. O, Vocatiuo, O. Eua. Remember William, Focatiue, is caret. Qu. And that's a good roote. Eua. O'man, forbeare. Mist.Pag. Peace. Eua. What is your Genitiue case plurall (William?) Will. Genitiue case? Eua. I. Will. Genitiue horum, harum, horum. Qu. 'Vengeance of Ginyes case; fie on her; neuername her (childe) if she be a whore. Eua. For shame o'man. Qu. You doe ill to teach the childe such words: heeteaches him to hic, and to hac; which they'll doe fastenough of themselues, and to call horum; fie vpon you. Euans. O'man, art thou Lunatics? Hast thou no vn-derstandings for thy Cases, & the numbers of the Gen-ders? Thou art as foolish Christian creatures, as I woulddesires. Mi.Page. Pre'thee hold thy peace. Eu. Shew me now (William) some declensions of yourPronounes. Will. Forsooth, I haue forgot. Eu. It is Qui, que, quod; if you forget your Quies, your Ques, and your Quods, you must be preeches: Goeyour waies and play, go. M.Pag. He is a better scholler then I thought he was. Eu. He is a good sprag-memory: Farewel Mis[tris]. Page. Mis.Page. Adieu good Sir Hugh: Get you home boy, Come we stay too long. Exeunt.
Scena Secunda. Enter Falstoffe, Mist.Ford, Mist.Page, Seruants, Ford,Page, Caius, Euans, Shallow. Fal. Mi[stris]. Ford, Your sorrow hath eaten vp my suffe-rance; I see you are obsequious in your loue, and I pro-fesse requitall to a haires bredth, not onely Mist[ris]. Ford, in the simple office of loue, but in all the accustrement,complement, and ceremony of it: But are you sure ofyour husband now? Mis.Ford. Hee's a birding (sweet Sir Iohn.) Mis.Page. What hoa, gossip Ford: what hoa. Mis.Ford. Step into th' chamber, Sir Iohn. Mis.Page. How now (sweete heart) whose at homebesides your selfe? Mis.Ford. Why none but mine owne people. Mis.Page. Indeed? Mis.Ford. No certainly: Speake louder. Mist.Pag. Truly, I am so glad you haue no body here. Mist.Ford. Why? Mis.Page. Why woman, your husband is in his oldelines againe: he so takes on yonder with my husband, sorailes against all married mankinde; so curses all Eues daughters, of what complexion soeuer; and so buffetteshimselfe on the for-head: crying peere-out, peere-out,that any madnesse I euer yet beheld, seem'd but tame-nesse, ciuility, and patience to this his distemper he is innow: I am glad the fat Knight is not heere. Mist.Ford. Why, do's he talke of him? Mist.Page. Of none but him, and sweares he was ca-ried out the last time hee search'd for him, in a Basket:Protests to my husband he is now heere, & hath drawnehim and the rest of their company from their sport, tomake another experiment of his suspition: But I am gladthe Knight is not heere; now he shall see his owne foo-lerie. Mist.Ford. How neere is he Mistris Page? Mist.Pag. Hard by, at street end; he wil be here anon. Mist.Ford. I am vndone, the Knight is heere. Mist.Page. Why then you are vtterly sham'd, & hee'sbut a dead man. What a woman are you? Away withhim, away with him: Better shame, then murther. Mist.Ford. Which way should he go? How should Ibestow him? Shall I put him into the basket againe? Fal. No, Ile come no more i'th Basket:May I not go out ere he come? Mist.Page. Alas: three of Mr. Fords brothers watchthe doore with Pistols, that none shall issue out: other-wise you might slip away ere hee came: But what makeyou heere? Fal. What shall I do? Ile creepe vp into the chimney. Mist.Ford. There they alwaies vse to discharge theirBirding-peeces: creepe into the Kill-hole. Fal. Where is it? Mist.Ford. He will seeke there on my word: NeytherPresse, Coffer, Chest, Trunke, Well, Vault, but he hathan abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goesto them by his Note: There is no hiding you in thehouse. Fal. Ile go out then. Mist.Ford. If you goe out in your owne semblance,you die Sir Iohn, vnlesse you go out disguis'd. Mist.Ford. How might we disguise him? Mist.Page. Alas the day I know not, there is no wo-mans gowne bigge enough for him: otherwise he mightput on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchiefe, and so escape. Fal. Good hearts, deuise something: any extremitie,rather then a mischiefe. Mist.Ford. My Maids Aunt the fat woman of Brain-ford, has a gowne aboue. Mist.Page. On my word it will serue him: shee's asbig as he is: and there's her thrum'd hat, and her mufflertoo: run vp Sir Iohn. Mist.Ford. Go, go, sweet Sir Iohn: Mistris Page andI will looke some linnen for your head. Mist.Page. Quicke, quicke, wee'le come dresse youstraight: put on the gowne the while. Mist.Ford. I would my husband would meete himin this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brain-ford; he sweares she's a witch, forbad her my house, andhath threatned to beate her. Mist.Page. Heauen guide him to thy husbands cud-gell: and the diuell guide his cudgell afterwards. Mist.Ford. But is my husband comming? Mist.Page. I in good sadnesse is he, and talkes of thebasket too, howsoeuer he hath had intelligence. Mist.Ford. Wee'l try that: for Ile appoint my men tocarry the basket againe, to meete him at the doore withit, as they did last time. Mist.Page. Nay, but hee'l be heere presently: let's godresse him like the witch of Brainford. Mist.Ford. Ile first direct my men, what theyshall doe with the basket: Goe vp, Ile bring linnen forhim straight. Mist.Page. Hang him dishonest Varlet,We cannot misuse enough: We'll leaue a proofe by that which we will doo,Wiues may be merry, and yet honest too:We do not acte that often, iest, and laugh,'Tis old, but true, Still Swine eats all the draugh. Mist.Ford. Go Sirs, take the basket againe on yourshoulders: your Master is hard at doore: if hee bid youset it downe, obey him: quickly, dispatch. 1 Ser. Come, come, take it vp. 2 Ser. Pray heauen it be not full of Knight againe. 1 Ser. I hope not, I had liefe as beare so much lead. Ford. I, but if it proue true (Mr. Page) haue you anyway then to vnfoole me againe. Set downe the basketvillaine: some body call my wife: Youth in a basket:Oh you Panderly Rascals, there's a knot: a gin, a packe,a conspiracie against me: Now shall the diuel be sham'd.What wife I say: Come, come forth: behold what ho-nest cloathes you send forth to bleaching. Page. Why, this passes M[aster]. Ford: you are not to goeloose any longer, you must be pinnion'd. Euans. Why, this is Lunaticks: this is madde, as amad dogge. Shall. Indeed M[aster]. Ford, this is not well indeed. Ford. So say I too Sir, come hither Mistris Ford, Mi-stris Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the vertu-ous creature, that hath the iealious foole to her husband:I suspect without cause (Mistris) do I? Mist.Ford. Heauen be my witnesse you doe, if yoususpect me in any dishonesty. Ford. Well said Brazon-face, hold it out: Come forthsirrah. Page. This passes. Mist.Ford. Are you not asham'd, let the cloths alone. Ford. I shall finde you anon. Eua. 'Tis vnreasonable; will you take vp your wiuescloathes? Come, away. Ford. Empty the basket I say. M.Ford. Why man, why? Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, there was one con-uay'dout of my house yesterday in this basket: whymay not he be there againe, in my house I am sure he is:my Intelligence is true, my iealousie is reasonable, pluckme out all the linnen. Mist.Ford. If you find a man there, he shall dye a Fleasdeath. Page. Heer's no man. Shal. By my fidelity this is not well Mr. Ford: Thiswrongs you. Euans. Mr Ford, you must pray, and not follow theimaginations of your owne heart: this is iealousies. Ford. Well, hee's not heere I seeke for. Page. No, nor no where else but in your braine. Ford. Helpe to search my house this one time: if I findnot what I seeke, shew no colour for my extremity: Letme for euer be your Table-sport: Let them say of me, asiealous as Ford, that search'd a hollow Wall-nut for hiswiues Lemman. Satisfie me once more, once more serchwith me. M.Ford. What hoa (Mistris Page,) come you andthe old woman downe: my husband will come into theChamber. Ford. Old woman? what old womans that? M.Ford. Why it is my maids Aunt of Brainford. Ford. A witch, a Queane, an olde couzening queane:Haue I not forbid her my house. She comes of errandsdo's she? We are simple men, wee doe not know what'sbrought to passe vnder the profession of Fortune-telling.She workes by Charmes, by Spels, by th' Figure, & suchdawbry as this is, beyond our Element: wee know no-thing. Come downe you Witch, you Hagge you, comedowne I say. Mist.Ford. Nay, good sweet husband, good Gentle-men, let him strike the old woman. Mist.Page. Come mother Prat, Come giue me yourhand. Ford. Ile Prat-her: Out of my doore, you Witch,you Ragge, you Baggage, you Poulcat, you Runnion,out, out: Ile coniure you, Ile fortune-tell you. Mist.Page. Are you not asham'd?I thinke you haue kill'd the poore woman. Mist.Ford. Nay he will do it, 'tis a goodly creditefor you. Ford. Hang her witch. Eua. By yea, and no, I thinke the o'man is a witch in-deede: I like not when a o'man has a great peard; I spiea great peard vnder his muffler. Ford. Will you follow Gentlemen, I beseech you fol-low: see but the issue of my iealousie: If I cry out thusvpon no traile, neuer trust me when I open againe. Page. Let's obey his humour a little further:Come Gentlemen. Mist.Page. Trust me he beate him most pittifully. Mist.Ford. Nay by th' Masse that he did not: he beatehim most vnpittifully, me thought. Mist.Page. Ile haue the cudgell hallow'd, and hungore the Altar, it hath done meritorious seruice. Mist.Ford. What thinke you? May we with the war-rant of woman-hood, and the witnesse of a good consci-ence, pursue him with any further reuenge? M.Page. The spirit of wantonnesse is sure scar'd outof him, if the diuell haue him not in fee-simple, withfine and recouery, he will neuer (I thinke) in the way ofwaste, attempt vs againe. Mist.Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how wee haueseru'd him? Mist.Page. Yes, by all meanes: if it be but to scrapethe figures out of your husbands braines: if they can findin their hearts, the poore vnuertuous fat Knight shall beany further afflicted, wee two will still bee the mini-sters. Mist.Ford. Ile warrant, they'l haue him publiquelysham'd, and me thinkes there would be no period to theiest, should he not be publikely sham'd. Mist.Page. Come, to the Forge with it, then shape it:I would not haue things coole. Exeunt
Scena Tertia. Enter Host and Bardolfe. Bar. Sir, the Germane desires to haue three of yourhorses: the Duke himselfe will be to morrow at Court,and they are going to meet him. Host. What Duke should that be comes so secretly?I heare not of him in the Court: let mee speake with theGentlemen, they speake English? Bar. I Sir? Ile call him to you. Host. They shall haue my horses, but Ile make thempay: Ile sauce them, they haue had my houses a week atcommaund: I haue turn'd away my other guests, theymust come off, Ile sawce them, come. Exeunt
Scena Quarta. Enter Page, Ford, Mistris Page, MistrisFord, and Euans. Eua. 'Tis one of the best discretions of a o'man as e-uer I did looke vpon. Page. And did he send you both these Letters at aninstant? Mist.Page. Within a quarter of an houre. Ford. Pardon me (wife) henceforth do what thou wilt:I rather will suspect the Sunne with gold,Then thee with wantonnes: Now doth thy honor stand (In him that was of late an Heretike)As firme as faith. Page. 'Tis well, 'tis well, no more:Be not as extreme in submission, as in offence,But let our plot go forward: Let our wiuesYet once againe (to make vs publike sport)Appoint a meeting with this old fat-fellow,Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it. Ford. There is no better way then that they spoke of. Page. How? to send him word they'll meete him inthe Parke at midnight? Fie, fie, he'll neuer come. Eu. You say he has bin throwne in the Riuers: andhas bin greeuously peaten, as an old o'man: me-thinkesthere should be terrors in him, that he should not come:Me-thinkes his flesh is punish'd, hee shall haue no de-sires. Page. So thinke I too. M.Ford. Deuise but how you'l vse him whe[n] he comes,And let vs two deuise to bring him thether. Mis.Page. There is an old tale goes, that Herne theHunter (sometime a keeper heere in Windsor Forrest)Doth all the winter time, at still midnightWalke round about an Oake, with great rag'd-hornes,And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,And make milch-kine yeeld blood, and shakes a chaineIn a most hideous and dreadfull manner.You haue heard of such a Spirit, and well you knowThe superstitious idle-headed-EldReceiu'd, and did deliuer to our ageThis tale of Herne the Hunter, for a truth. Page. Why yet there want not many that do feareIn deepe of night to walke by this Hernes Oake:But what of this? Mist.Ford. Marry this is our deuise,That Falstaffe at that Oake shall meete with vs. Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come,And in this shape, when you haue brought him thether,What shall be done with him? What is your plot? Mist.Pa. That likewise haue we thoght vpon: & thus: Nan Page (my daughter) and my little sonne,And three or foure more of their growth, wee'l dresseLike Vrchins, Ouphes, and Fairies, greene and white,With rounds of waxen Tapers on their heads,And rattles in their hands; vpon a sodaine,As Falstaffe, she, and I, are newly met,Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at onceWith some diffused song: Vpon their sightWe two, in great amazednesse will flye:Then let them all encircle him about,And Fairy-like to pinch the vncleane Knight;And aske him why that houre of Fairy Reuell,In their so sacred pathes, he dares to treadIn shape prophane. Ford. And till he tell the truth,Let the supposed Fairies pinch him, sound,And burne him with their Tapers. Mist.Page. The truth being knowne, We'll all present our selues; dis-horne the spirit,And mocke him home to Windsor. Ford. The children mustBe practis'd well to this, or they'll neu'r doo't. Eua. I will teach the children their behauiours: and Iwill be like a Iacke-an-Apes also, to burne the Knightwith my Taber. Ford. That will be excellent,Ile go buy them vizards. Mist.Page. My Nan shall be the Queene of all theFairies, finely attired in a robe of white. Page. That silke will I go buy, and in that timeShall M[aster]. Slender steale my Nan away,And marry her at Eaton: go, send to Falstaffe straight. Ford. Nay, Ile to him againe in name of Broome, Hee'l tell me all his purpose: sure hee'l come. Mist.Page. Feare not you that: Go get vs propertiesAnd tricking for our Fayries. Euans. Let vs about it,It is admirable pleasures, and ferry honest knaueries. Mis.Page. Go Mist[ris]. Ford, Send quickly to Sir Iohn, to know his minde:Ile to the Doctor, he hath my good will,And none but he to marry with Nan Page: That Slender (though well landed) is an Ideot:And he, my husband best of all affects:The Doctor is well monied, and his friendsPotent at Court: he, none but he shall haue her,Though twenty thousand worthier come to craue her.
Scena Quinta. Enter Host, Simple, Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Euans,Caius, Quickly. Host. What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thickskin) speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke,snap. Simp. Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir Iohn Fal-staffe from M[aster]. Slender. Host. There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle,his standing-bed and truckle-bed: 'tis painted aboutwith the story of the Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knockand call: hee'l speake like an Anthropophaginian vntothee: Knocke I say. Simp. There's an olde woman, a fat woman gone vpinto his chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she comedowne: I come to speake with her indeed. Host. Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb'd:Ile call. Bully-Knight, Bully Sir Iohn: speake from thyLungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thineEphesian cals. Fal. How now, mine Host? Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar taries the commingdowne of thy fat-woman: Let her descend (Bully) lether descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie, priua-cy? Fie. Fal. There was (mine Host) an old-fat-woman euennow with me, but she's gone. Simp. Pray you Sir, was't not the Wise-woman of Brainford? Fal. I marry was it (Mussel-shell) what would youwith her? Simp. My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to herseeing her go thorough the streets, to know (Sir) whe-ther one Nim (Sir) that beguil'd him of a chaine, had thechaine, or no. Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Sim. And what sayes she, I pray Sir? Fal. Marry shee sayes, that the very same man thatbeguil'd Master Slender of his Chaine, cozon'd him of it. Simp. I would I could haue spoken with the Woman her selfe, I had other things to haue spoken with hertoo, from him. Fal. What are they? let vs know. Host. I: come: quicke. Fal. I may not conceale them (Sir.) Host. Conceale them, or thou di'st. Sim. Why sir, they were nothing but about Mistris Anne Page, to know if it were my Masters fortune tohaue her, or no. Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What Sir? Fal. To haue her, or no: goe; say the woman toldme so. Sim. May I be bold to say so Sir? Fal. I Sir: like who more bold. Sim. I thanke your worship: I shall make my Masterglad with these tydings. Host. Thou art clearkly: thou art clearkly (Sir Iohn)was there a wise woman with thee? Fal. I that there was (mine Host) one that hath taughtme more wit, then euer I learn'd before in my life: andI paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my lear-ning. Bar. Out alas (Sir) cozonage: meere cozonage. Host. Where be my horses? speake well of them var-letto. Bar. Run away with the cozoners: for so soone asI came beyond Eaton, they threw me off, from behindeone of them, in a slough of myre; and set spurres, andaway; like three Germane-diuels; three Doctor Fau-stasses. Host. They are gone but to meete the Duke (villaine)doe not say they be fled: Germanes are honest men. Euan. Where is mine Host? Host. What is the matter Sir? Euan. Haue a care of your entertainments: there is afriend of mine come to Towne, tels mee there is threeCozen-Iermans, that has cozend all the Hosts of Reading, of Maidenhead; of Cole-brooke, of horses and money: Itell you for good will (looke you) you are wise, and fullof gibes, and vlouting-stocks: and 'tis not conuenientyou should be cozoned. Fare you well. Cai. Ver' is mine Host de Iarteere? Host. Here (Master Doctor) in perplexitie, and doubt-full delemma. Cai. I cannot tell vat is dat: but it is tell-a-me, datyou make grand preparation for a Duke de Iamanie: bymy trot: der is no Duke that the Court is know, tocome: I tell you for good will: adieu. Host. Huy and cry, (villaine) goe: assist me Knight, Iam vndone: fly, run: huy, and cry (villaine) I am vn-done. Fal. I would all the world might be cozond, for Ihaue beene cozond and beaten too: if it should cometo the eare of the Court, how I haue beene transformed;and how my transformation hath beene washd, andcudgeld, they would melt mee out of my fat drop bydrop, and liquor Fishermens-boots with me: I warrantthey would whip me with their fine wits, till I were ascrest-falne as a dride-peare: I neuer prosper'd, since Iforswore my selfe at Primero: well, if my winde werebut long enough; I would repent: Now? Whence comeyou? Qui. From the two parties forsooth. Fal. The Diuell take one partie, and his Dam theother: and so they shall be both bestowed; I haue suf-fer'dmore for their sakes; more then the villanous in-constancy of mans disposition is able to beare. Qui. And haue not they suffer'd? Yes, I warrant; spe-ciously one of them; Mistris Ford (good heart) is beatenblacke and blew, that you cannot see a white spot abouther. Fal. What tell'st thou mee of blacke, and blew? Iwas beaten my selfe into all the colours of the Raine-bow: and I was like to be apprehended for the Witchof Braineford, but that my admirable dexteritie of wit,my counterfeiting the action of an old woman deliuer'dme, the knaue Constable had set me ith' Stocks, ith' com-mon Stocks, for a Witch. Qu, Sir: let me speake with you in your Chamber,you shall heare how things goe, and (I warrant) to yourcontent: here is a Letter will say somewhat: (good-hearts)what a-doe here is to bring you together? Sure,one of you do's not serue heauen well, that you are socross'd. Fal. Come vp into my Chamber. Exeunt.
Scena Sexta. Enter Fenton, Host. Host. Master Fenton, talke not to mee, my minde isheauy: I will giue ouer all. Fen. Yet heare me speake: assist me in my purpose,And (as I am a gentleman) ile giue theeA hundred pound in gold, more then your losse. Host. I will heare you (Master Fenton) and I will (atthe least) keepe your counsell. Fen. From time to time, I haue acquainted youWith the deare loue I beare to faire Anne Page, Who, mutually, hath answer'd my affection,(So farre forth, as her selfe might be her chooser)Euen to my wish; I haue a letter from herOf such contents, as you will wonder at;The mirth whereof, so larded with my matter,That neither (singly) can be manifestedWithout the shew of both: fat Falstaffe Hath a great Scene; the image of the iestIle show you here at large (harke good mine Host:)To night at Hernes-Oke, iust 'twixt twelue and one,Must my sweet Nan present the Faerie-Queene: The purpose why, is here: in which disguiseWhile other Iests are something ranke on foote,Her father hath commanded her to slipAway with Slender, and with him, at Eaton Immediately to Marry: She hath consented: Now Sir,Her Mother, (euen strong against that matchAnd firme for Doctor Caius) hath appointedThat he shall likewise shuffle her away,While other sports are tasking of their mindes,And at the Deanry, where a Priest attendsStrait marry her: to this her Mothers plotShe seemingly obedient) likewise hathMade promise to the Doctor: Now, thus it rests,Her Father meanes she shall be all in white;And in that habit, when Slender sees his timeTo take her by the hand, and bid her goe,She shall goe with him: her Mother hath intended(The better to deuote her to the Doctor; For they must all be mask'd, and vizarded) That quaint in greene, she shall be loose en-roab'd,With Ribonds-pendant, flaring 'bout her head;And when the Doctor spies his vantage ripe,To pinch her by the hand, and on that token,The maid hath giuen consent to go with him. Host. Which meanes she to deceiue? Father, or Mo-ther. Fen. Both (my good Host) to go along with me:And heere it rests, that you'l procure the VicarTo stay for me at Church, 'twixt twelue, and one,And in the lawfull name of marrying,To giue our hearts vnited ceremony. Host. Well, husband your deuice; Ile to the Vicar,Bring you the Maid, you shall not lacke a Priest. Fen. So shall I euermore be bound to thee;Besides, Ile make a present recompence. Exeunt
Actus Quintus. Scoena Prima. Enter Falstoffe, Quickly, and Ford. Fal. Pre'thee no more pratling: go, Ile hold, this isthe third time: I hope good lucke lies in odde numbers:Away, go, they say there is Diuinity in odde Numbers,either in natiuity, chance, or death: away. Qui. Ile prouide you a chaine, and Ile do what I canto get you a paire of hornes. Fall. Away I say, time weares, hold vp your head &mince. How now M[aster]. Broome? Master Broome, the mat-ter will be knowne to night, or neuer. Bee you in theParke about midnight, at Hernes-Oake, and you shallsee wonders. Ford. Went you not to her yesterday (Sir) as you toldme you had appointed? Fal. I went to her (Master Broome) as you see, like apoore-old-man, but I came from her (Master Broome)like a poore-old-woman; that same knaue (Ford hir hus-band) hath the finest mad diuell of iealousie in him (Ma-ster Broome) that euer gouern'd Frensie. I will tell you,he beate me greeuously, in the shape of a woman: (for inthe shape of Man (Master Broome) I feare not Goliathwith a Weauers beame, because I know also, life is aShuttle) I am in hast, go along with mee, Ile tell you all(Master Broome:) since I pluckt Geese, plaide Trewant,and whipt Top, I knew not what 'twas to be beaten, tilllately. Follow mee, Ile tell you strange things of thisknaue Ford, on whom to night I will be reuenged, and Iwill deliuer his wife into your hand. Follow, straungethings in hand (M[aster]. Broome) follow. Exeunt.
Scena Secunda. Enter Page, Shallow, Slender. Page. Come, come: wee'll couch i'th Castle-ditch,till we see the light of our Fairies. Remember son Slen-der, my Slen. I forsooth, I haue spoke with her, & we hauea nay-word, how to know one another. I come to herin white, and cry Mum; she cries Budget, and by thatwe know one another. Shal. That's good too: But what needes either yourMum, or her Budget? The white will decipher her wellenough. It hath strooke ten a' clocke. Page. The night is darke, Light and Spirits will be-come it wel: Heauen prosper our sport. No man meanseuill but the deuill, and we shal know him by his hornes.Lets away: follow me. Exeunt.
Scena Tertia. Enter Mist.Page, Mist.Ford, Caius. Mist.Page. Mr Doctor, my daughter is in green, whenyou see your time, take her by the hand, away with herto the Deanerie, and dispatch it quickly: go before intothe Parke: we two must go together. Cai. I know vat I haue to do, adieu. Mist.Page. Fare you well (Sir:) my husband will notreioyce so much at the abuse of Falstaffe, as he will chafeat the Doctors marrying my daughter: But 'tis no mat-ter; better a little chiding, then a great deale of heart-breake. Mist.Ford. Where is Nan now? and her troop of Fai-ries? and the Welch-deuill Herne? Mist.Page. They are all couch'd in a pit hard by HernesOake, with obscur'd Lights; which at the very instantof Falstaffes and our meeting, they will at once display tothe night. Mist.Ford. That cannot choose but amaze him. Mist.Page. If he be not amaz'd he will be mock'd: Ifhe be amaz'd, he will euery way be mock'd. Mist.Ford. Wee'll betray him finely. Mist.Page. Against such Lewdsters, and their lechery,Those that betray them, do no treachery. Mist.Ford. The houre drawes-on: to the Oake, to theOake. Exeunt.
Scena Quarta. Enter Euans and Fairies. Euans. Trib, trib Fairies: Come, and remember yourparts: be pold (I pray you) follow me into the pit, andwhen I giue the watch-'ords, do as I pid you: Come,come, trib, trib. Exeunt
Scena Quinta. Enter Falstaffe, Mistris Page, Mistris Ford, Euans,Anne Page, Fairies, Page, Ford, Quickly,Slender, Fenton, Caius, Pistoll. Fal. The Windsor-bell hath stroke twelue: the Mi-nute drawes-on: Now the hot-bloodied-Gods assist me:Remember Ioue, thou was't a Bull for thy Europa, Loueset on thy hornes. O powerfull Loue, that in some re-spects makes a Beast a Man: in som other, a Man a beast.You were also (Iupiter) a Swan, for the loue of Leda: O omnipotent Loue, how nere the God drew to the com-plexion of a Goose: a fault done first in the forme of abeast, (O Ioue, a beastly fault:) and then another fault,in the semblance of a Fowle, thinke on't (Ioue) a fowle-fault.When Gods haue hot backes, what shall pooremen do? For me, I am heere a Windsor Stagge, and thefattest (I thinke) i'th Forrest. Send me a coole rut-time(Ioue) or who can blame me to pisse my Tallow? Whocomes heere? my Doe? M.Ford. Sir Iohn? Art thou there (my Deere?)My male-Deere? Fal. My Doe, with the blacke Scut? Let the skieraine Potatoes: let it thunder, to the tune of Greene-sleeues, haile-kissing Comfits, and snow Eringoes: Letthere come a tempest of prouocation, I will shelter meeheere. M.Ford. Mistris Page is come with me (sweet hart.) Fal. Diuide me like a brib'd-Bucke, each a Haunch:I will keepe my sides to my selfe, my shoulders for thefellow of this walke; and my hornes I bequeath yourhusbands. Am I a Woodman, ha? Speake I like Herne the Hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience,he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit, welcome. M.Page. Alas, what noise? M.Ford. Heauen forgiue our sinnes. Fal. What should this be? M.Ford. M.Page. Away, away. Fal. I thinke the diuell wil not haue me damn'd,Least the oyle that's in me should set hell on fire;He would neuer else crosse me thus. Enter Fairies. Qui. Fairies blacke, gray, greene, and white,You Moone-shine reuellers, and shades of night.You Orphan heires of fixed destiny,Attend your office, and your quality.Crier Hob-goblyn, make the Fairy Oyes. Pist. Elues, list your names: Silence you aiery toyes.Cricket, to Windsor-chimnies shalt thou leape;Where fires thou find'st vnrak'd, and hearths vnswept,There pinch the Maids as blew as Bill-berry,Our radiant Queene, hates Sluts, and Sluttery. Fal. They are Fairies, he that speaks to them shall die,Ile winke, and couch: No man their workes must eie. Eu. Wher's Bede? Go you, and where you find a maidThat ere she sleepe has thrice her prayers said,Raise vp the Organs of her fantasie,Sleepe she as sound as carelesse infancie,But those as sleepe, and thinke not on their sins,Pinch them armes, legs, backes, shoulders, sides, & shins. Qu. About, about:Search Windsor Castle (Elues) within, and out.Strew good lucke (Ouphes) on euery sacred roome,That it may stand till the perpetuall doome,In state as wholsome, as in state 'tis fit,Worthy the Owner, and the Owner it.The seuerall Chaires of Order, looke you scowreWith iuyce of Balme; and euery precious flowre,Each faire Instalment, Coate, and seu'rall Crest,With loyall Blazon, euermore be blest.And Nightly-meadow-Fairies, looke you singLike to the Garters-Compasse, in a ringTh' expressure that it beares: Greene let it be,More fertile-fresh then all the Field to see:And, Hony Soit Qui Mal-y-Pence, writeIn Emrold-tuffes, Flowres purple, blew, and white,Like Saphire-pearle, and rich embroiderie,Buckled below faire Knight-hoods bending knee;Fairies vse Flowres for their characterie.Away, disperse: But till 'tis one a clocke,Our Dance of Custome, round about the OkeOf Herne the Hunter, let vs not forget. Euan. Pray you lock hand in hand: your selues in order set:And twenty glow-wormes shall our Lanthornes beeTo guide our Measure round about the Tree.But stay, I smell a man of middle earth. Fal. Heauens defend me from that Welsh Fairy,Least he transforme me to a peece of Cheese. Pist. Vilde worme, thou wast ore-look'd euen in thybirth. Qu. With Triall-fire touch me his finger end:If he be chaste, the flame will backe descendAnd turne him to no paine: but if he start,It is the flesh of a corrupted hart. Pist. A triall, come. Eua. Come: will this wood take fire? Fal. Oh, oh, oh. Qui. Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire.About him (Fairies) sing a scornfull rime,And as you trip, still pinch him to your time. The Song. Fie on sinnefull phantasie: Fie on Lust, and Luxurie:Lust is but a bloudy fire, kindled with vnchaste desire,Fed in heart whose flames aspire,As thoughts do blow them higher and higher.Pinch him (Fairies) mutually: Pinch him for his villanie.Pinch him, and burne him, and turne him about,Till Candles, & Star-light, & Moone-shine be out. Page. Nay do not flye, I thinke we haue watcht younow: Will none but Herne the Hunter serue yourturne? M.Page. I pray you come, hold vp the iest no higher.Now (good Sir Iohn) how like you Windsor wiues?See you these husband? Do not these faire yoakesBecome the Forrest better then the Towne? Ford. Now Sir, whose a Cuckold now?Mr Broome, Falstaffes a Knaue, a Cuckoldly knaue,Heere are his hornes Master Broome: And Master Broome, he hath enioyed nothing of Fords, but his Buck-basket, his cudgell, and twenty pounds ofmoney, which must be paid to Mr Broome, his horses arearrested for it, Mr Broome. M.Ford. Sir Iohn, we haue had ill lucke: wee couldneuer meete: I will neuer take you for my Loue againe,but I will alwayes count you my Deere. Fal. I do begin to perceiue that I am made an Asse. Ford. I, and an Oxe too: both the proofes are ex-tant. Fal. And these are not Fairies:I was three or foure times in the thought they were notFairies, and yet the guiltinesse of my minde, the sodainesurprize of my powers, droue the grossenesse of the fop-pery into a receiu'd beleefe, in despight of the teeth ofall rime and reason, that they were Fairies. See nowhow wit may be made a Iacke-a-Lent, when 'tis vpon ill imployment. Euans. Sir Iohn Falstaffe, serue Got, and leaue yourdesires, and Fairies will not pinse you. Ford. Well said Fairy Hugh. Euans. And leaue you your iealouzies too, I prayyou. Ford. I will neuer mistrust my wife againe, till thouart able to woo her in good English. Fal. Haue I laid my braine in the Sun, and dri'de it,that it wants matter to preuent so grosse ore-reaching asthis? Am I ridden with a Welch Goate too? Shal I hauea Coxcombe of Frize? Tis time I were choak'd with apeece of toasted Cheese. Eu. Seese is not good to giue putter; your belly is alputter. Fal. Seese, and Putter? Haue I liu'd to stand at thetaunt of one that makes Fritters of English? This is e-nough to be the decay of lust and late-walking throughthe Realme. Mist.Page. Why Sir Iohn, do you thinke though weewould haue thrust vertue out of our hearts by the headand shoulders, and haue giuen our selues without scru-ple to hell, that euer the deuill could haue made you ourdelight? Ford. What, a hodge-pudding? A bag of flax? Mist.Page. A puft man? Page. Old, cold, wither'd, and of intollerable en-trailes? Ford. And one that is as slanderous as Sathan? Page. And as poore as Iob? Ford. And as wicked as his wife? Euan. And giuen to Fornications, and to Tauernes,and Sacke, and Wine, and Metheglins, and to drinkingsand swearings, and starings? Pribles and prables? Fal. Well, I am your Theame: you haue the start ofme, I am deiected: I am not able to answer the WelchFlannell, Ignorance it selfe is a plummet ore me, vse meas you will. Ford. Marry Sir, wee'l bring you to Windsor to oneMr Broome, that you haue cozon'd of money, to whomyou should haue bin a Pander: ouer and aboue that youhaue suffer'd, I thinke, to repay that money will be a bi-ting affliction. Page. Yet be cheerefull Knight: thou shalt eat a pos-set to night at my house, wher I will desire thee to laughat my wife, that now laughes at thee: Tell her Mr Slen-der hath married her daughter. Mist.Page. Doctors doubt that;If Anne Page be my daughter, she is (by this) Doctour Caius wife. Slen. Whoa hoe, hoe, Father Page. Page. Sonne? How now? How now Sonne,Haue you dispatch'd? Slen. Dispatch'd? Ile make the best in Glostershireknow on't: would I were hang'd la, else. Page. Of what sonne? Slen. I came yonder at Eaton to marry Mistris Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy. If it had not benei'th Church, I would haue swing'd him, or hee shouldhaue swing'd me. If I did not thinke it had beene Anne Page, would I might neuer stirre, and 'tis a Post-mastersBoy. Page. Vpon my life then, you tooke the wrong. Slen. What neede you tell me that? I think so, whenI tooke a Boy for a Girle: If I had bene married to him,(for all he was in womans apparrell) I would not hauehad him. Page. Why this is your owne folly,Did not I tell you how you should know my daughter,By her garments? Slen. I went to her in greene, and cried Mum, andshe cride budget, as Anne and I had appointed, and yetit was not Anne, but a Post-masters boy. Mist.Page. Good George be not angry, I knew ofyour purpose: turn'd my daughter into white, and in-deede she is now with the Doctor at the Deanrie, andthere married. Cai. Ver is Mistris Page: by gar I am cozoned, I ha married oon Garsoon, a boy; oon pesant, by gar. A boy,it is not An Page, by gar, I am cozened. M.Page. Why? did you take her in white? Cai. I bee gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, Ile raise allWindsor. Ford. This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne? Page. My heart misgiues me, here comes Mr Fenton. How now Mr Fenton? Anne. Pardon good father, good my mother pardon Page. Now Mistris:How chance you went not with Mr Slender? M.Page. Why went you not with Mr Doctor, maid? Fen. You do amaze her: heare the truth of it,You would haue married her most shamefully,Where there was no proportion held in loue:The truth is, she and I (long since contracted)Are now so sure that nothing can dissolue vs:Th' offence is holy, that she hath committed,And this deceit looses the name of craft,Of disobedience, or vnduteous title,Since therein she doth euitate and shunA thousand irreligious cursed houresWhich forced marriage would haue brought vpon her. Ford. Stand not amaz'd, here is no remedie:In Loue, the heauens themselues do guide the state,Money buyes Lands, and wiues are sold by fate. Fal. I am glad, though you haue tane a special standto strike at me, that your Arrow hath glanc'd. Page. Well, what remedy? Fenton, heauen giue theeioy, what cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd. Fal. When night-dogges run, all sorts of Deere arechac'd. Mist.Page. Well, I will muse no further: Mr Fenton, Heauen giue you many, many merry dayes:Good husband, let vs euery one go home,And laugh this sport ore by a Countrie fire,Sir Iohn and all. Ford. Let it be so (Sir Iohn:)To Master Broome, you yet shall hold your word,For he, to night, shall lye with Mistris Ford: Exeunt