Gammer Gvrtons nedle
Gammer Gvrtons Nedle
1. The Prologue.
As Gammer Gurton, with manye a wyde styche
Sat pesynge & patching of Hodg her mans briche
By chance or misfortune as shee her geare tost
In Hodge lether bryches her needle shee lost,
When Diccon the bedlem had hard by report
That good Gammer Gurton was robde in thyssorte,
He quyetly perswaded with her in that stound
Dame Chather deare gossyp this needle had found,
Yet knew shee no more of this matter (alas)
Then knoeth Tom our clarke whatthe Priest saith at masse
Here of there ensued so fearfull a fraye,
Mas Doctor was sent for these gossyps to staye,
Because he was Curate and estemed full wyse
Who found that he sought not by Diccons deuice,
When all thinges were tombled and cleane out of fassion
Whether it were by fortune or some other constellacion
Sodenlye the neele Hodge found by the prickynge
And drew it out of his bottocke where he felt it stickynge
Theyr hartes then atrest with perfect securytie.
2. The fyrst Acte.
2.1. The fyrst Acte. The fyrst Sceane
Diccon.
Diccon
Many a myle haue I walked, diuers and sundry waies
And many a good mans house haue I bin at in my daies
Many a gossips cup in my tyme haue I tasted
And many a broche and spyt, haue I both turned and basted
Many a peece of bacon haue I had out of thir balkes
In ronnyng ouer the countrey, with long and were walkes,
Yet came my foote neuer, within those doore cheekes,
To seeke flesh orfysh Garlyke Onyons or Leekes,
That euer I saw a sorte, in such a plyght
As here within this house appereth to my syght,
There is howlynge and scowlyng, all cast in a dumpe,
With whewling and pewling, as though they had lost a trump
Syghing and sobbing they weepe and they wayle
I maruell in my mynd, whatthe deuill they wayle
The olde Trotsyts groning,with alas and alas,
And Tib wringes her hands,and takes on in worse case
With poore Cocke theyr boye they be dryuen in such fyts
I feare mee the folkes be not well in theyr wyts
Aske them what they ayle, or who brought them in this staye?
Whan I saw it booted not out at doores I hyed mee
And caught a slyp of Bacon, when I saw that none spyed mee,
Which I intend not far hence vnles my purpose fayle
Shall serue for a shoinghorne to draw on two pots of ale.
2.2. The fyrst Acte. The second Sceane.
Hodge. Diccon.
Hodge
See so cham arayed with dablynge in the durt
She that set me to ditchinge, ich wold she had the squrt
Was neuer poore soule that such a life had ?
Gogs bones thys vylthy glaye hase drest mee to bad
Gods soule, see how this stuffe teares
Iche were better to bee a Bearward and set to keepe Beares
By the Masse here is a gasshe, a sharnefull hole in deade
And one stytch teare furder, a man may thruste in his heade
Diccon
By my fathers soule Hodge, if I shulde now be sworne
I can not chuse but say thy breech is foule be-torne
But the next remedye in such acaseand hap
Is to plaunche on a piece, as brode as thy cap.
Hodge
Gogs soule man, tis not yet two dayes fully ended
But cham made such a drudge to trudge at euery neede
Chwold rend it though it were stitched wyth sturdy pacthreede,
Diccon
Hoge, let thy breeches go, and speake and tell mee soone
What deuill ayleth gammer gurton, & Tib her mayd to frowne,
Hodge
Tush man thart deceyued tys theyr dayly looke,
They coure so ouer ye coles, theyr eyes be bleard with smooke,
Diccon
Nay by the masse, I perfectly perceiued as
I came hether
That eyther Tib & her dame hath ben by the eares together
Or els as great a matter as thou shalt shortly see.
Hodge
Now iche beseeche our Lord they neuer better agree.
Diccon
By gogs soule there they syt as still as stones in the streite
As though they had ben taken with fairies or els wt some il sprite
Hodge
Gogs hart, I durst haue layd my cap to a crowne
Chwould lerne of some prancome as sone as ich came to town.
Diccon
Why Hodge art thou inspyred? or dedst thou therof here?
Hodge
Nay but ich saw such a wonder as ich saw nat ths vii. yere
Tome Tannkards Cow (be gogs bones) she set me vp her saile
And flynging about his halfe aker fysking with her taile,
As thoughthere had ben in her ars a swarme of Bees,
Diccon
Why Hodg lies the connyng in Tom tankards cowes taile?
Hodge
Well ich chaue hard some say such tokens do not fayle,
But canst yu not tell in faith Diccon, why she frownes or wher at
Hath no man stolne her Ducks or Henes, or gelded gyb her Cat
Diccon
What deuyll can I tell man, I cold not haue one word
They gaue no more hede to my talk then thou woldst to a lorde
Hodge
Iche can not styll but muse what meruaylous thinge it is
Chyll in and know my selfe what matters are arnys.
Diccon
Then farewell hodge a while, synce thou doest inward hast,
For I will into the good wyfe Chats, to feele how the ale dooth taste.
2.3. The fyrst Acte. The thyrd Sceane.
Hodge. Tyb.
Hodge
CHam agast by the masse, ich wot not what to do
Chad nede blesse me well before ich go them to
Perchaunce sonie felon sprit may haunt our house indeed,
And then chwere but a noddy to venter where cha no neede
Tib
Cham chyd cham blamd, and beaton all thoures on the daye,
Lamed and hunger storued, prycked vp all in Jagges
Hauyng no patch to hyde my backe, saue a few rotten ragges.
Hodge
I say Tyb, if thou be Tyb, as I trow sure thou bee,
What deuyll make a doe is this betweene our dame and thee.
Tyb
Gogsbreade Hodg thou had a good turne thou warte not here this while.
It had ben better for some of vs to haue ben hence a myle
My Gammer is so out of course, and frantyke all at ones
That Cocke our boy, & I poore wench haue felt it on our bones.
Hodge
What is the matter, say on Tib wherat she taketh so on.
Tyb
She is vndone she sayth (alas,) her ioye and life is gone
If shee here not of some comfort, she is sayth but dead
Shall neuer come within her lyps, one inch of meate ne bread.
Hodge
Bur Ladie cham not very glad, to see her in this dumpe
Cholde a noble her stole hath fallen, & shee hath broke her rumpe
Tyb
Nay and that were the worst, we wold not greatly care
For bursting of her huckle bone, or breakyng of her Chaire
Hodge
Gogs woundes Tyb, my gammer has neuer lost her Neele?
ryb
Her Neele.
Hodge
Her Neele?
rib
Her neele by him that made me, it is true Hodge
I tell thee.
Hodge
Gogs sacrament, I would she had lost tharte out of her bellie
The Deuill or els his dame, they ought her sure a shame
How a murryon came this chaunce. (say Tib) vnto our dame?
Tyb
My gammer sat her downe on her pes, & bad me reach thy breeches
And by & by, a vengeance in it or she had take two stitches
To clap a clout vpon thine ars, by chaunce a syde she leares
And gyb our cat in the milke pan, she spied ouer head and eares
Ah hore out thefe she cryed aloud, & swapt the breches downe
Up went her staffe, and out leapt gyb, at doors into the towne
And synce that time was neuer wyght, cold set their eies vpon it
Gogs malison chaue Cocke and I, byd twenty times light on it.
Hodge
And is not then my breches sewid vp, to morow yt I shuld were
Tyb
No in faith hodge thy breeches lie, for al this neuer the nere.
2.4. The fyrste Acte. The.iiii. Sceane.
Gammer. Hodge. Tyb. Cocke.
Gammer
ALas hoge, alas I may well cursse and ban
This daie that euer I saw it, with gyb and the inylke pan
For these and ill lucke to gather, as knoweth
Cocke my boye
Haue stacke away my deare neele, and robd me of my boye
My fayre longe strayght neele that was myne one y treasure
The fyrst day of my sorow is, and last end of my pleasure.
Hodge
Might ha kept it when ye had it, but fooles will be fooles styll.
Lose that is vast in your handes, ye meede not but ye will.
Gammer
Go hie thee tib, and run thou hoore, to thend here of the towne
Didst cary out dust in thy lap, seeke wher thou porest it downe
And as thou sawest me roking, in the asshes where I morned.
So see in all the heape of dust, thou leaue no straw vnturned.
Tyb
That chal gammer swythe and tyte, and sone be here agayne.
Hodge
Here is a prety matter, to see this gere how it goes
By gogs soule I thenk you wold loes your ars, and it were loose
Your neele lost, it is pitie you shold lack care and endlesse sorow
Gogs deth how shall my breches be sewid, shall I go thus to morow
Gammer
Ah hodg, hodg, if that ich cold find my neele by the reed
Chould sow thy breches ich promise ye, wt full good double threed
And set a patch on either knee, shuld last this monethes twaine
Now god & good Saint Sithe I praye, to send it home againe.
Hodge
Wherto serued your hands & eies, but this your neele to kepe
What deuill had you els to do, ye kept ich wot no sheepe
Cham faine a brode to dyg and delue, in water, myre and claye
Sossing and possing in the durte, styll from day to daye
A hundred thinges that be abrode, cham set to see them weele
And foure of you syt idle at home, and can not keepe a neele.
Gammer
My neele alas ich lost it hodge, what time ich me vp hasted
To saue the milke set vp for the, which gib our cat hath wasted
Hodge
The Deuill he burst both gib, and Tib, with all the rest
Where ha you ben fidging abrode, since you your neele lost
Gammer
Withm the house and at the dore, sittmg by this same post
Wher I was loking a long howre, before these folks came here,
But welaway, all was in vayne, my neele is neuer the nere.
Hodge
Set me a candle, let me seeke and grope where euer it bee
Gogs hart ye be so folish (ich thinke) you knowe it not when you it see
Gammer
Come hether Cocke what Cocke I say.
Cocke
Howe Gammer.
r
Goe hye thee soone and grope behynd the old brasse pan,
Whych thing when thou hast done
Ther shalt thou fynd an old shooe, wher in if thou looke well
Thou shalt fynd lyeng an inche of a whyte tallow candell,
Lyght it, and brynge it tite awaye.
Cocke
That shalbe done anone.
Gammer
Nay tary hodg til thou hast light, and then weele seke ech one.
Hodge
Cum away ye horson boy, are ye a slepe; ye must haue a crier.
Cocke
Ich cannot get the candel light here is almost no fler.
Hodge
Chil hold the a peny chil make ye come if yt ich may catch thine eares
Art deffe thou horson boy ? cocke I say, why canst not heares.
2.5. The.i.Acte The.v.Sceane
Gammer. Tyb. Cocke. Hodge
Gammer
How now Tyb quycke lets here,what newes thou hast brought hether
Tyb
Chaue tost and tumbled yender heap our & ouer againe
And winowed it through my fingers as men wold winow grain
No so much as a hens turd but in pieces I tare it
Or what so euer clod or clay I found, I did not spare it
Lokyng within and eke without, to fynd your neele (alas)
But all in vaine and without help, your neele is where it was.
Gammer
Alas my neele we shall neuer meete, adue, adue for aye.
Tyb
Not so gammer, we niyght it fynd f we knew where it laye.
Cocke
Gogs crosse Gammer if ye will laugh looke in but at the doore
And see how Hodg lieth tomblynge and tossmg amids the floure
Rakyng there some fyre to find amonge the asshes dead
Where there is not one sparke, so byg as a pyns head,
At last in a darke corner two sparkes he thought he sees
Puffe quod hodg thinking therby to haue fyre without doubt
With that Gyb shut her two eyes, & so the fyre was out
And by and by them opened, euen as they were before,
With that the sparkes appered euen as they had done of yore,
And euen as hodge blew the fire as he did thincke
Gyb as she felt the blast strayght way began to wyncke,
Tyll Hodge fell of swering as came best to his turne,
The fier was sure bewicht and therfore wold not burne:
At last Gyb vp the stayers, among the old postes and pinnes,
And Hodge he hied him after till broke were both his shinnes:
Cursynge and swermg othes, were neuer of his makyng,
That Gyb wold fyre the house, if that shee were not taken.
Gammer
See here is all the thought that the foolysh Urchyn taketh,
And Tyb me thinke at his elbowe almost as mery maketh
This is all the wyt ye haue when others make their mone,
Come downe Hodge, where art thou and let the Cat alone.
Hodge
Gogs harte, help and come vp, Gyb in her tayle hath fyre,
And is like to burne all if shee get a lytle hier:
The house commeth downe on your heads if it take ons y thatch.
Gammer
It is the cats eyes foole that shineth in the darke.
Hodge
Hath the Cat do you thinke in euery eye a sparke.
Cammer
No, but they shyne as lyke fyre as euer man see.
Hodge
By the masse and she burne all, yoush beare the blame for mee
Gammer
Cum downe & help to seeke here our neele that it were found
Downe Tyb on the knees I say,downe Cocke to the ground.
To God I make a vowe, and so to good Saint Anne
A candell shall they haue a peece, get it where I can,
If I may my neele find in one place or in other.
Hodge
Now a vengeaunce on gib light, on gyb and gybs mother
And all the generacyon of Cats both far and nere
Looke on the ground horson thinks thou the neele is here.
Cocke
By my trouth gammer me thought your neele here I saw
But when my fyngers toucht it, I felt it was a straw.
Tyb
SeeHodgewhats thys mayitiiotbe within it,
Hodge
Breake it foole with thy hand and see and thou canst fynde it.
Tyb
Nay breake it you Hodge accordyng to your word.
Hodge
Gogs sydes fye it styncks; it is a Cats tourd,
It were well done to make thee eate it by the masse.
3. The.ii. Acte.
3.1. The.ii. Acte. Fyrste a Songe.
Backe and syde go bare, go bare, booth foote and hande go colde:
But Bellye god sende thee good ale ynoughe, whether it be newe or olde.
I Can not eate but lytle meate, my stomacke is not good:
But sure I thmke that I can drynke with him that weares a hood.
Thoughe I go bare take ye no care, I am nothinge a colde:
I stuffe my skyn so full within, of ioly good Ale and olde.
Backe and syde go bare go bare, booth foote and hand go colde:
But belly god send the good ale inoughe whether it be new or olde.
I loue no rost but a nut browne toste and a Crab layde in the fyre,
A lytle bread shall do me stead much breade I not desyre:
No froste nor snow, no winde I trowe can hurte mee if I wolde,
I am so wrapt, and throwly lapt of ioly good ale and olde.
And Tyb my wyfe that as her lyfe loueth well good ale to seeke,
Full ofte drynkes shee tyll ye may see the teares run downe her cheekes:
Then dooth she trowle to mee the bowle euen as a mault worme shuld,
And sayth sweete hart I tooke my part of this ioly good ale and olde.
Backe and syde go bare &c.
Now let them drynke tyll they nod and winke, euen as good felowes shoulde doe
They shall not mysse to haue the blisse, good ale doth bringe men to:
And all poore soules that haue scowred boules or haue them lustely trolde,
God saue the lyues of them and theyr wyues whether they be yonge or olde.
Backe and syde go bare &c.
3.2. The fyrst Sceane.
Diccon. Hodge.
Diccon
Well done be Gogs malt well songe and well sayde,
Come on mother Chat as thou art true mayde.
One fresh pot of ale lets see to make an ende
Agaynst this colde wether, my maked armes to defende,
This gere it warms the soule, now wind blow on the worst,
And let us drink and swill, till that our bellies burste
Now were he a wyse man, by cunnynge colde defyne
But one good turne I haue be it by nyght or daye
South East North or west I am neuer out of my waye
Hodge
Chym goodly rewarded, cham I not, do you thyncke?
Chad a goodly dynner for all my seate and swyncke,
Neyther butter cheese, mylke onyons fleshe nor fyshe
Saue thys poor pece of barly bread, tis a pleas costly dishe.
Diccon
Haile fellow Hodge & well to fare wt thy meat, if yu haue any?
But by thy words as I then smelled thy damtrels be not manye.
Hodge
Daintrels diccon (gogs soule man) saue this pece of dry horsbred,
Cha byt no byt this lyue longe daie no crome come in my hed
My gutts they yawle crawle and all my be rumbleth
The puddynges can not lye still ech one ouer other tumbleth
By gogs harte cham so vente and in my belly pende
Chould one peece were at the spittlehouse another at ye castels ende.
Diccon
Why hodge was there none at home thy dinner for to set:
Hodge
[Note: Which bacon Diccon stole, as is declared before.]
Godgs bread Diccon ich came to late, was nothing ther to get
Gib (a fowle feind might on her hght) lick ye milke pan so clene
A pestilence lyght on all ill lucke, chad thought yet for all thys
Of a morsell of bacon behynde the dore at worst shuld not misse,
But when ich sought a slyp to cut, as ich was wont to do
Gogs soule Diccon, gyb our Cat had eate the bacon to.
Diccon
Ill luck quod he mary swere it hodg, this day ye trueth to tel
Thou rose not on thy right syde, or els blest thee not wel,
Thy mylk slopt vp thy bacon filtched, that was to bad luck hodg.
Hodge
Nay nay ther was a fowler fault, my gammer ga me ye dodge
Seest not how cham rent & torn, my heels, my knees & my breech
Chad thought as ich sat by the fire, help here & there a stitch,
But there ich was powpte indeede.
Diccon
Why Hodge?
Hodge
Bootes not man to tell,
Cham so drest amonst a sorte of fooles, chad better be in hell,
My gammer (cham ashamed to say) by god serued me not weele
Diccon
How so Hodge?
Hodge
Bootes not man to tell,
Cham so drest amonst a sorte of fooles, chad better be in hell,
My gammer (chain ashamed to say)by god serued me not weele
Diccon
How so Hodge?
Hodge
Hase she not gone trowest now and lost her neele.
Diccon
Her Eele Hodge who fysht of late? that was a damty dysh.
Hodge
A lytle thing with an hole in the end, as bright as any syller,
Small, longe, sharpe at the poynt, & straight as any pyller.
Diccon
I know not what a deuil yu menest, yu brigst me more in doubt
Hodge
Knowest not wt what tom tailers man, sits broching throughe a clout
A neele, neele, a neele, my gammers neele is gone.
Diccon
Her neele Hodge, now I smel thee, yt was a chaunce alone,
By ye masse yn hadst a shamefull losse & it wer but for thy breches
Hodge
Gogs soule man chould giue a crown chad it but iii stitches.
Diccon
How sayest yu Hodg, what shuld he haue, again thy neele got
Hodge
Bem vathers soule, and chad it chould giue him a new grot.
Diccon
Canst thou keepe counsaile in this case.
Hodge
Els chwold my tonge were out.
Diccon
Do thou but then by my aduise, & I will fetch it wtout doubt,
Hodge
Chyll runne chyll ryde, chyll dygge, chyl delue, chill toyle, chill trudge shalt see:
Chill hold chil drawe, chil pull, chill pynche chill kneele on my bare knee.
Chill scrape chill scratche, chill skte, chyll seeke, chill bowe, chill bende, chill sweate,
Chil stoop, chil stur, chil cap chil knele, chil crepe on hands & feete,
Chil be thy bondman Diccon, ich sweare by sunne and moone
And channot sum what to stop this gap, chaiu vtterly vndone
Pointing behind to his torne breeches
[Page 18]
Diccon
Why, is ther any special cause, thou takest hereat such sorow
Hodge
Kirstian Clack Tom simsons maid, bi the masse coms hether to morow
Chamnot able to say, betweene vs what may hap,
She smyled on me the last sonday when ich put of my cap,
Diccon
Well Hodge this is a matter of weight, & must be kept close,
It might els turne to both our costes as the world now gose,
Shalt sware to be no blab Hodge.
Hodge
Chyll Diccon.
Diccon
Then go to,
Lay thine haud here say after me as thou shalt here me do
Haste no booke?
Hodge
Cha no booke I.
Diccon
Then needes must force vs both,
Upon my breech to lay thme hand, and there to take thme othe.
Hodge
I Hodge breechele,
Sweare to Diccon rechelesse
By the crosse that I shall kysse,
To kepe his counsaile close
And alwayes me to dispose
To worke that his pleasure is.
Here he kysseth Diccons breeche.
Diccon
Now Hodge see thou take heede
And do as I thee byd
For so I iudge it meete,
This nedle againe to win
Thgere is no shift therin
But coniure vp a spreet.
Diccon
Yea in good faith, that is the waye,
Fet with some prety charme.
Hodgc
Softe Diccon be not to hasty yet,
By the masse for ich begyn to sweat
Cham afrayde of some harme.
Diccon
Come hether then and sturre the nat
One mche out of this Cyrcle plat
But stande as I thee teache.
Hodge
And shall ich be here safe from theyr clawes:
Diccon
The mayster deuill with his longe pawes
Here to thee can not reache:
Now will I settle me to this geare.
Hodge
I saye Diccon heare me heare:
Go softely to thys matter.
Diccon
What deuyll man art afraide of nought
Hodge
Canst not tarrye a lytle thought
Tyll ich make a curtesie of water.
Diccon
Stand still to it why shuldest thou fearehym?
Hodge
Gogs sydes Diccon me thinke ich heare him
And tarrye chal mare all.
Diccon
The matter is no worse then I tolde it,
Hodge
By the masse cham able no longer to holde it,
To bad iche must beraye the hall.
Diccon
Stand to it Hodge sture not you horson,
What Deuyll be thine ars strynges brusten?
Thy selfe a while but staye,
The deuill I smell hym wyll be here anone.
3.3. The .ii. Acte. The ii. Sceane.
Diccon. Chat.
Diccon
Fy shytten knaue, and out vpon thee
Aboue all other loutes fye on thee,
Is not here a clenly prancke?
But thy matter was no better
Nor thy presence here no sweter,
To flye I can the thanke:
Here is a matter worthy glosynge
Of Gammer Gurtons nedle losynge
And a foule peece of warke,
A man I thyncke myght make a playe
And nede no worde to this they saye
Being but halfe a Clarke.
Softe let me alone I will take the charge
This matter further to enlarge
Withm a tyme shorte,
If ye will marke my toyes and note
I will geue ye leaue to cut my throte
If I make not good sporte,
Dame Chat I say where be ye within?
Chat
Who haue we there maketh such a din:
Diccon
Here is a good fellow maketh no great daunger,
Chat
What diccon? come nere ye be no straunger,
We be fast set at trumpe man hard by the fyre,
Thou shalt set on the king if thou come a litle nyer.
Diccon
Nay, nay, there is no tarying: I must be gone againe
Chat
Come hether Dol, Dol, sit downe and play this game,
And as thou sawest me do, see thou do euen the same
Thereis 5. trumps beside the Queene, ye hindmost yu shalt finde her
Take hede of Sim glouers wife, she hath an eie behind her,
Now Diccon say your will.
Diccon
Nay softe a litle yet,
I wold not tel it my sister, the inatter is so great,
There I wil haue you sweare by our dere Lady of Bullaine,
S Dunstoue, and S. Donnyke, with the three Kinges of Kullaine,
That ye shal keepe it secret.
Chat
Gogs bread that will I doo,
As secret as mine owne thought, by god aud the deuil two.
Diccon
Here is gammer gurton your neighbour, a sad heuy wight
Her goodly faire red Cock, at home, was stole this last night.
Chat
Gogs soule her Cock with the yelow legs, yt nightly crowed so iust?
Diccon
That cocke is stollen.
Chat
What was he fet out of the heus ruste?
Diccon
I cau not tel where ye deuil he was kept, vnder key or locke,
But Tib hath tykled in Gaminers eare, that you shoulde steale the cocke
Chat
Haue I strouge hoore? by bread aud salte.
Diccon
What softe I say be styl.
Say hot one word for all this geare.
Chat
I wil haue the yong hore by the head, & the old trot by ye throte
Diccon
Not one word dame Chat I say, not one word for my cote.
Chat
Shall such a begars brawle as yt thinkest yu make me a theefe
The pocks light on her hores sydes, a pestlence & a mischeefe
Come out thou hungry nedy bytche, o that my nails be short.
Diccon
Gogs bred woman hold your peace this gere wil els passe sport
I wold not for an hundred pound this matter shuld be knowen,
That I am auctour of this tale or haue abrode it blowen
Did ye not sweare ye wold be ruled before the tale I tolde
I said ye must all secret keepe and ye said sure ye wolde.
Chat
Wolde you suffer your selfe diccon such a sort, to reuile you
With slaunderous words to blot your name, & so to defile you?
Diccon
No goodwife chat I wold be loth such drabs shulde blot my name
But yet ye must so order all, yt Diccon beare no blame.
Chat
Go to then, what is your rede? say on your minde, ye shall mee rule herein.
Diccon
Godamercye to dame chat, in faith thou must the gere begin
It is twenty pound to a goose turd, my gammer will not tary
To brawle with you about her cocke, for well I hard Tib say
The Cocke was rosted in your house, to breafast yesterday,
And when ye had the carcas eaten, the fethers ye out flunge
And Doll your maid the legs she hid a foote depe in the dunge.
Chat
0h gracyous god my harte it burstes.
Diccon
Well rule your selfe a space
And gammer gurton when she commeth anon into thys place
Then to the Queane lets see tell her your inynd & spare not
So shall Diccon blamelesse bee, and then go to I care not.
Chat
Then hoore beware her throte, I can abide no longer
In faith old witch it shalbe seene, which of vs two be stronger
And Diccon but at your request, I wold not stay one howre.
Diccon
Well keepe it in till she be here, and then out let it powre,
In the meane while get you in, and make no wordes of this
More of this matter wtin this howre to here you shall not misse
Because I know you are iny freind, hide it I cold not doubtles
Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your owne busines
So fare ye well.
3.4. The ii. Actt. The iii.Sceane.
Hodge. Diccon.
Diccon
Ye see masters ye one end tapt of this my short deuise
Now must we broche thoter to, before the smoke arise
And by the time they haue a while run, I trust ye need not craue it,
But loke what heth in both their harts ye ar hke sure to haue it
Hodgc
Yea gogs soule, art aliue yet? what Diccon dare ich come?
Diccon
A man is wel hied to trust to thee, I will say nothing but inum
But and ye come any nearer I pray you see all be sweete.
Hodge
Tush man is gammers neele found, that chould gladly weete
Diccon
She may thanke thee it is not found, for if yu had kept thy standing
The deuil he wold haue fet it out, euen hodg at thy commaunding
Hodge
Gogs hart, & cold he tel nothing wher the neele might be found
Diccon
Ye folysh dolt, ye were to seek ear we had got our ground,
Therfore his tale so doubtfull was, that I cold not perceiue it.
Hodge
Then ich se wel something was said, chope one day yet to haue it,
Diccon
If yu hadst taryed where thou stoodst, thou woldest haue said so
Hodge
Durst swere of a boke, chard him rore, streight after ich was gon
But tel me diccon what said ye knaue: let me here it anon.
Diccon
The horson talked to mee. I know not well of what
One whyle his tonge it ran and paltered of a Cat,
Another whyle he stamered styll vppon a Rat,
Last of all there was nothing but euery word
Chat, Chat,
But this I well perceyued before I wolde him rid,
Betweene Chat and the Rat and the Cat, the nedle is hyd,
Now wether Gyb our cat haue eate it in her mawe,
Or Doctor Rat our curat haue found it in the straw,
Or this dame chat your neighbour haue stollen it, god hee knoweth
But by ye morow at this time, we shal learn how the inatter goeth
Hodge
Canst not learn to night man, seest not what is here,
Pointyng behind to his torne breeches.
Diccon
Tys not possyble to make it sooner appere,
Hodge
Alas Diccon then chaue no shyft but least ich tary to longe
Hye me to Sym glouers shop, theare to seeke for a Thonge,
Ther with this breech to tatche and tye as ich may.
3.5. The ii. Acte. The iiii. Sceane.
Diccon. Gammer.
Diccon
Now this gere must torward goe, for here my gammer commeth,
Be still a while & say nothing, make here a litle romth.
Gammer
Good lord, shall neuer be my lucke my neele agayne to spye?
Alas the whyle tys past my helpe, where tis still it must lye.
Diccon
Now Iesus gammer gurton, what driueth you to this sadnes:
I feare me by my conscience you will sure fall to madnes.
Gammer
Who is that, what Diccon chaue lost man fye fye.
Diccon
Mary fy on them yt be worthy, but what shuld be your troble,
Gammer
Alas the more ich thinke on it, my sorow it waxeth doble
My goodly tossing sporyars neele, chaue lost ich wot not where.
Diccon
Your neele whan?
Gammer
My neele (alas ich myght full ill it spare,
As god him selfe he knoweth nere one besyde chaue.
Diccon
If th s be all good gammer, I warrant you all is saue.
Gammer
Why know you any tydings which way my neele is gone?
Diccon
A see a thing this inatter toucheth within these .xx. howres,
Euen at this gate, before my face, by a neyghbour of yours,
She stooped ine downe, and vp she toke a nedle or a pyn:
I durst be sworne it was euen yours, by all my mothers kyn.
Gammer
It was iny neele diccon ich wot, for here euen by this poste
Ich sat, what time as ich vp starte, and so my neele it loste:
Who was it leiue son? speke ich pray the, & quickly tell me that?
Diccon
A suttle queane as any in thys Towne your neyghboure here dame Chat.
Gammer
Dame chat diccon let me be gone, chil thyther in post haste.
Diccon
Take my councell yet or ye go, for feare ye walke in wast,
It is a inurrion crafty drab and froward to be pleased,
And ye take not the better way our nedle yet ye lose it:
For when she tooke it vp euen here before your doores
What soft dame chat (quoth I) that same is none of yours
Auant (quoth she) syr knaue, what pratest thou of that I fynd:
I wold y hadst kist me I wot whear: (she inent I know behind)
And home she went as brag, as it had ben a bodelouce,
And I after as bold, as it had ben, the goodinan of the house:
But there and ye had hard her, how she began to scolde
The tonge it went on patins, by hym that judas solde,
Ech other worde I was a knaue, and you a hore of hores,
Because I spake in your behalfe, and sayde the neele was yours.
Gammer
Gogs bread, and thinks ye callet thus to kepe my neele me fro?
Diccon
Let her alone, and she minds non other but euen to dresse you so
Gammer
By the masse chil rather spend the cote that is on my backe
Thinks the false quean by such a slyght, that chill my neele lacke
Diccon
Slepe not your gere I counsell you, but of this take good hede
Let not be knowen I told you of it, how well soeuer ye spede.
Gammer
Chil in Diccon a cleene aperne to take, and set before me,
And ich may my neele once see, chil sure remember the
3.6. The ii. Acte. The v. Sceane.
Diccon.
[Page 28]
Diccon
HEre will the sporte begin, if these two once may meete.
Their chere durst lay money will proue scarsly sweete
My gammer sure entends, to be vppon her bones,
Dame Chat on the other syde, it she be far behynde
I am right far deceiued she is geuen to it of
He that may tarry by it a whyle, and that but shorte
I warrant hym trust to it, he shall see all the sporte
Into the towne will I, my frendes to vysit there
And hether straight againe to see thend of this gere
In the meane time felowes, pype vpp your fiddles,
I saie take them
And let your freyndes here such mirth as ye can make them.
4. The.iii. Acte.
4.1. The iii. Acte. The i. Sceane.
Hodge.
Hodge
SYm glouer yet gramercy, chain meetlye well sped now,
Thart euen as good a felow as euer kyste a cowe,
Here is a thonge in dede, by ye masse though ich speake it
Tom tankards great bald curtal, I thinke could not breake it
And when he spyed my neede to lie so straight and hard,
Hays lent me here his naull, to set the gyb for-ward,
As for my Gammers neele, the flyenge feynd go weete,
Chould make shyfe good inough and chad a candels ende,
The cheefe hole in my breeche, with these two chil amende.
4.2. The iii. Acte. The i.i.. Sceane.
Gammer. Hodge.
Gammer
HOw Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee
Ich knowe who hais my neele, ich trust soone shalt it see
Hodge
The deuyll thou does, hast hard gammer in deede, or doest but iest
Gammer
Tys as true as steele Hodge.
Hodge
Why, knowest well where dydst leese it?
Gammer
Ich know who found it, and tooke it vp shalt see or it be longe.
Hodge
Gods mother dere, if that be true, farwel both naule an thong
But who hais it gammer say on: chould faine here it disclosed.
Gammer
That false fixen, that same dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest.
Hodge
Who tolde you so:
Gammer
That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.
Hodge
Diccon: it is a vengeable knaue gammer, tis a bonable horson,
Can do mo things then that els cham deceyued euill:.
O the knaue cryed ho, ho he roared and he thundred,
And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.
Gammer
Was not thou afraide Hodge to see him in this place :
Hodge
No, and chad come to me, chould haue laid him on the face,
Chould haue promised him
Gammer
But Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe:
Hodge
As long as your two armes, saw ye neuer Fryer
Rushe
Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle
And crooked clouen feete, and many a hoked nayle?
For al the world (if I shuld iudg) chould recken him his brother
Loke euen what face Frier Rush had, the deuil had such another
Gammer
Now Iesus mercy hodg, did diccon in him bring:
Hodge
Nay gammer (heare me speke) chil tel you a greater thing,
The deuil (when diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel)
Sayd plainly (here before vs), that dame chat had your neele.
Gammer
Then let vs go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it,
Seing we know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.
4.3. The iii. Acte. The iii. Sceane.
Gammer. Chat Hodge.
Gammer
Dame Chat cholde praye the fair, let me haue yt is mine
Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne
Therfore giue me mine owne & let me liue besyde the
Chat
Why art thou crept from home hether, to mine own doores to chide me.
Hence doting drab, auaunt, or I shall set the further.
Intends thou and that knaue, mee in my house to murther:
Gammer
Tush gape not so on me woman, shalt not yet eate mee,
Nor all the frends thou hast, in this shall not intreate mee [mdash ]
Mine owne goods I will haue, and aske the no beleue,
What woman: pore folks must haue right, thongh the thing you agreue.
Chat
Giue thee thy right, and hang thee vp, wt al thy baggers broode
What wilt thou make me a theefe, and say I stole thy good:
Gammer
Chil say nothing (ich warrant thee), but that ich can proue it well
Thou fet my good euen from my doore, cham able this to tel,
Gammer
Ich can not tel, but vp thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne,
Chat
Mary fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart.
Gammer
Nay fy on thee yu rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte.
Chat
A vengeaunce on those lips yt laieth such things to my charge.
Gammer
A vengeance on those callats hips, whose con-science is so large
Chat
Come out Hogge
Gammer
Come out hogge, and let me haue right.
Chat
Thou arrant Witche.
Gammer
Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night.
Chat
A bag and a wallet.
Gammer
A carte for a callet.
Chat
Why wenest thou thus to preuaile,
I hold thee a grote,
I shall patche thy coate,
Gammer
Thou warte as good kysse my tayle:
Thou slut, yu kut, yu rakes, yu iakes. will not shame make ye hide the
Chat
Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, yu glotton,
I will no longer chyd the
But I will teache the to kepe home.
Gammer
Wylt thou drunken beaste.
Hodge
Sticke to her gammer, take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast.
Smyte I saye gammer,
Byte I say gammer,
I trow ye wyll be keene:.
Where be your nayls ? claw her by the iawes, pull me out bothe her eyen,
Gogs bones gammer, holde vp your head,
Chat
Tary yu knaue I hold the a grote, I shall make these hands blesse thee
Take yu this old hore for amends, & lerne thy tonge well to tame
And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame.
Hodge
Where is the strong stued hore, chil geare a hores marke,
Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke
Up gammer and ye be alyue, chil feyght now for us bothe,
Come no nere me thou scalde callet, to kyll the ich wer loth.
Chat
Art here agayne thou hoddy peke, what doll bryng me out my spitte.
Hodge
Chill broche thee wyth this, bim father soule, chyll coniure that foule sprete:
Let dore stand Cock, why coms in deede? kepe dore yu horson boy.
Chat
Stand to it yu dastard for thine eares, ise teche ye a sluttish toye.
Hodge
Gogs woundes hore, chil make the auaunte, take heede Cocke, pull in the latche,
Chat
I faith sir loose breche had ye taried, ye shold haue found your match.
Gammer
Now ware thy throte losell, thouse pay for al
Hodge
Well said gammer by my soule,
Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule
Chat
Comst behynd me thou withered witch, & I get once on foote
Thouse pay for all, yu old tarlether, ile teach the what longs to it
Hodge
Up gammer stand on your feete, where is the olde hore?
Haith woulde chad her by the face choulde racke her callet crowne
Gammer
A hodg, hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe.
Hodge
By the masse Gammer, but for my staffe Chat had gone nye to spyl you
Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com to kill you but shall we loose our neele thus ?
Gammer
No Hodge chwarde lothe doo soo.
Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand, no hodg ich tell the no
Hodge
Chold yet this fray wer wel take vp, & our own neele at home
Twill be my chaunce els some to kil, wher euer it be or whome
Gammer
We haue a parson, (hodge thou knoes) a man estemed wise
Mast doctor Rat, chil for hym send, and let me here his aduise,
He will her shriue for all this gere, & geue her penaunce strait
Wese haue our neele, els dame chat comes nere wtin heauen gate
Hodge
Ye mary gammer, yt ich thmk best: wyll you now for him send
The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wese ha an ende,
And here gaminer Dyccons deuill, (as iche re-member well)
Of Cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat a felloneu tale dyd tell,
Gammer
Chil ha him strait call out ye boy wese make him take the payn
Hodge
What coke I saye, coine out what deuill canst not here.
Cocke
How now hodg ? how does gammer, is yet the wether cleare?
What wold chaue me to doo?
Gammer
Come hether Cocke anon [mdash ]
Hence swythe to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone,
And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease,
Shalt haue him at his chamber, or els at mother Bees,
Els seeke him at Hob fylchers shop, for as charde it reported
There is the best ale in al the towne, and now is most resorted.
Cocke
And shal ich brynge hyin with me gainmer?
Gammer
Yea, by and by good Cocke.
Cocke
Shalt see that shalbe here anone, els let me haue one the docke
Hodge
Now gammer shal we two go in, and tary for hys commynge
What deuill woman plucke vp your hart, & leue of al this glomming
So
Though she were stronger at ye first, as ich thinke ye did find her
Yet there ye drest the dronken sow, what time ye cam behind her
4.4. The iii:. Acte. The iiii. Sceane.
Tyb. Hodge Gammer. Cocke.
Tyb
Se gammer, gammer, gib our cat, cham afraid what she ayleth
She standes me gasping behind the doore, as though her winde her faileth:
Now let ich doubt what gib shuld mean, yt now she doth so dote
Hodge
Hold hether, ichould twenty pound, your neele is in her throte
Grope her ich say, me thmkes ich feele it, does not pricke your hand?
Gammer
Ich can feele nothing
Hodge
No, ich know thars not within this land
A muryner Cat then Gyb is, betwixt the tems and Tyne,
Shase as much wyt in her head almost as chaue in mine.
Tyb
Faith shase eaten some thing, that wil not easely downe
Whether she gat it at home, or abrode in the towne
Iche can not tell
Gammer
Alas ich feare it be some croked pyn,
And then farewell gyb, she is vndone, and lost al saue the skyn.
Hodge
Tys your neele woman, I say gogs soule geue me a knyfe
And chil haue it out of her mawe, or els chal lose my lyfe.
Gammer
What nay hodg, fy kil not our cat, tis al the cats we ha now.
Hodge
Go to then Tyb to this geare, holde vp her tayle and take her,
Chil see what deuil is in her guts chil take ye pain es to rake her
Gammer
Rake a Cat Hodge, what woldst thou do ?
Hodge
What thinckst that cham not able?
Did not Tom Tankard rake his Curtal toore day standing in the stable.
Gammer
Soft be content, lets here what newes Cocke bringeth from maist Rat
Cocke
Gammer chaue ben ther as you bad, you wot wel about what
Twill not be long before he come, ich durst sweare of a booke
He byds you see ye be at home, and there for him to looke.
Gammer
Where didst thou find him boy was he not wher
I told thee?
Cocke
Yes, yes euen at hob filchers house, by him yt bought and solde me
A cup of ale had in his hand, and a crab lay in the fyer,
Chad much a do to go and coine, al was so ful of myer.
And Gammer one thing I can tel, Hob filchers naule was loste
And Doctor Rat found it againe, hard beside the doore poste,
I chould a penny can say something, your neele againe to fet
5. The.iiii. Acte.
5.1. The iiii. Acte. The i. Sceane.
Doctor Rat. Gammer Gurton.
D. Rat
A Man were better twenty times be a bandog & barke,
Then here among such a sort, be parish priest
Where he shal neuer be at rest, one pissing while a day
But he must trudge about the towne, this way, and that way,
Here to a drab, there to a theefe, his shoes to teare and rent
And that which is worst of al, at euery knaues commauindement
I had not sit the space, to drmke two pots of ale
But Gammer gurtons sory boy, was straite way at my taile,
And she was sicke, and I must come, to do I wot not what,
If once her fingers end but ake, trudge, call for Doctor Rat
And when I come not at their call, I only therby loose,
For I am sure to lacke therfore, a tythe pyg or a goose
I warrant you when truth is knowen, & told they haue their tale
The inatter where about I come, is not worth a half peny worth of ale,
Yet must I talke so sage and smothe, as though I were a glosier
What worke ye gammer gurton? hoow here is your frend M. Rat.
Gammer
A Sood M. Doctor cha trobled, cha trobled you, chwot wel that
D. Rat
How do ye woman: be ye lustie, or be ye not wel at ease:
Gammer
By gys inaster cham not sick, but yet chaue a disease.
Chad a foule turne now of late, chill tell it you by gigs.
D.Rat
Hath your browne cow cast hir calfe, or your sandy sowe her pigs
Gammer
No, but chad ben as good they had, as this ich wot weel.
D. Rat
What is the matter ?
Gammer
Alas alas, cha lost my good neele,
My neele I say, and wot ye what: a drab came by and spied it
And when I asked hir for the same, the filth flatly denied it.
D. Rat
What was she that:
Gammer
A dame ich warrant you: she began to scold and brawle
Alas, alas, come hether Hodge: this wretche can tell you all.
5.2. The iiii. Acte. The ii. Sceane.
Hodge. Doctor Rat. Gammer. Diccon. Chat.
Hodge
God morow gaffer Vicar
D. Rat 2 Come on fellow let vs heare.
Thy dame hath sayd to me, thou knowest of all this geare,
Hodge
Bym fay sir that ye shall,
What matter so euer here was done, ich can tell your maship all
My Gammer gurton heare see now, sat her downe at this doore, see now:
And as she began to stirre her, see now, her neele fell in the floore, see now.
And while her staffe she tooke, see now, at Gyb her Cat to flynge, see now,
Her neele was lost in the floore, see now is not this a wondrous thing, see now?
Then came the queane Dame Chat, see now to aske for hir blacke cup, see now:.
And euen here at this gate, see now: she tooke that neele vp, see now.
My Gammer then she yeede, see now hir neele againe to bring, see now
And was caught by the head see now is not this a wondrous thing, see now
She tare my Gammers cote see now and scratched hir by the face, see now
Chad thought shad stopt hir throte, see now is not this a wondrous case, see now ?
When ich saw this, ich was wrothe see now and start betwene them twaine, see now
Els ich durst take a booke othe, see now my Gammer had bene slaine, see now.
Gammer
This is euen the whole matter, as Hodge has plainly tolde
And chould faine be quiet for my part, that chould
But helpe vs good master, beseech ye that ye doo
Els shal we both be beaten and lose our neele too
D. Rat
What wold ye haue me to doo? tel me that I were gone
But be ye sure dame Chat hath this your neele founde [mdash ]
Gammer
Here comes the man that see hir take it vp of the ground,
Aske him your selfe master Rat if ye beleue not me
And helpe me to my neele, for gods sake and samt charitie.
D. Rat
Come nere diccon and let vs heare, what thou can expresse.
Wilt yu be swome yu seest dame chat. this womans neele haue?
Diccon
Nay by S. Benit wil I not, then might ye thmke me raue.
Gammer
Why didst not yu tel me so euen here canst yu for shame deny it
Diccon
I mary gammer. but I said I wold not abide by it,
D. Rat
Will you say a thmg, and not sticke to it to trieit?
Diccon
Stick to it quoth you master rat, mary sir I defyit,
Nay there is many an honest main, when he suche blastes hath blowne
In his freindes eares, he woulde be loth the same by him were knowne
If such a toy be vsed oft among the honestie
It may beseme a simple man, of your and my degree
D. Rat
Then we be neuer the nearer, for all that you can tell,
Diccon
Yes mary sir, if ye will do by mine aduise and counsaile,
If mother chat se al vs here, she knoweth how the matter goes
And I will into dame chats house, and so the matter vse,
That or you cold go twise to church, I warant you here news,
She shal looke wel about hir, but I durst lay a pledge,
Ye shal of gammers neele, haue shortly better knowledge.
Gammer
Now gentle Diccon do so, and good sir let vs trudge.
Diccon
Tys but a litle while man, what take so much paine,
If I here no newes of it I will come sooner againe.
Hodge
Tary so much, good master Doctor of your gentlenes.
D. Rat
Then let vs hie vs inward, and Diccon speede thy busines.
Dicon
Now sirs do you no more, but kepe my counsaile iuste,
And Doctor Rat shall thus catch, some good I trust,
But mother Chat my gossop, talke first with all I must:
For she must be chiefe captaine to lay the Rat in the dust.
God deuen dame Chat in faith, and wel met in this place.
Chat
God deuen my friend Diccon, whether walke ye this pace?
Diccon
By my truth euen to you, to learne how the world goeth,
Chat
O yes diccon, here the olde hoore, & hodge that great knaue
But in faith I would thou hadst sene, o lord I drest them braue
She bare me two or three souses behind in the nape of the necke
Till I made hir olde wesen, to answere againe kecke
And Hodge that dirty dastard, that at hir elbow standes,
If one paire of legs had not bene worth two paire of hands
He had had his bearde shauen, if my nayles wold haue serued
And not without a cause, for the knaue it well deserued.
Diccon
By the masse I can the thank wench, yu didst so wel acquite the
Chat
And thadst seene him Diccon, it wold haue made ye beshite the
For laughter. The horsen dolt at last caught vp a club,
As though he would haue slaine the master deuil Belsabub,
But I set him soone inwarde.
iccon
O Lorde there is the thing
That Hodge is so offended, that makes him starte and flyng
Chat
Why? makes the knaue any moyling, as ye haue sene or hard
iccon
Euen now I sawe him last, like a mad man he farde,
And sware by heauen and hell, he would a wreake his sorowe
Therfore marke what I say, and my wordes see that ye trust
Your hens be as good as dead, if ye leaue them on the ruste.
Chat
The knaue dare as wel go hang himself, as go vpon my ground
Diccon
Wel yet take hede I say, I must tel you my tale round,
Haue you not about your house, behind your fumace or leade.
A hole where a crafty knaue, may crepe in for neade?
Chat
Yes by the masse, a hole broke down, euen wtin these ii. dayes.
Diccon
Hodge, he intendes this same night, to slip in there awayes.
Chat
O christ that I were sure of it, in faith he shuld haue his mede.
Diccon
Watch wel, for the knaue wil be there as sure as is your crede
I wold spend my selfe a shilling: to haue him well.
Chat
I am as glad as a woman can be, of this thing to here tell
By gogs bones when he commeth, now that I know the matter
He shal sure at the first skip, to leape in scalding water:
With a worse turne besides, when he will, let him come.
Diccon
I tell you as my sister, you know what meaneth mum,
Now lacke I but my doctor, to play his part againe.
D. Rat
What good newes Diccon? fellow, is mother chat at home,
Diccon
She is syr, and she is not, but it please her to whome:
Yet did I take her tardy, as subtle as she was.
D. Rat
The thing that thou wentst for, hast thou brought it to passe?
Diccon
I haue done that I haue done, be it worse, be it better.
And dame Chat at her wyts ende, I haue almost set her.
D. Rat
Why hast thou spied the neele quickly I pray thee tell
Diccon
I haue spyed it in faith sir, I handled my selfe so well,
And yet the crafty queane, had almost take my trumpe.
But or all came to an ende, I set her in a dumpe:
D. Rat
How so I pray thee Diccon?
Diccon
Mary syr will ye heare?
She was clapt downe on the backside, by cocks mother dere
And there she sat sewing a halter, or a bande,
With no other thing saue gammers nedle in her hande,
As soone as any knocke, if the filth be in doubte,
She needes but once puffe, and her candle is out:.
Now I sir knowing of euery doore the pin,
Came nycely, and said no worde, till time I was within,
And there I sawe the neele, euen with these two eyes,
Who euer say the contrary, I will sweare he lyes.
D. Rat
O Diccon that I was not there, then in thy steade.
Diccon
I will bring you to a place, as the house standes.
Where ye shall take the drab, with the neele in her handes
D. Rat
For Gods sake do so Diccon, and I will gage my gowne
To geue thee a full pot, of the best ale in the towne,
Diccon
Follow me but a litle, and marke what I will say.
Lay downe your gown beside you, go to, come on your way.
Se ye not what is here? a hole wherin ye inay creepe
Into the house, and sodenly vnwares among them leape,
There shal ye finde the Bitchfox, and the neele together
Do as I bid you man, come on your wayes hether.
D. Rat
Art thou sure diccon, the swil tub standes not here aboute.
Diccon
I was within my selfe man euen now, ther is no doubt,
Go softly, mike no noyse giue me your foote sir John,
Here will I waite wpon you tyl you come out anone.
D. Rat
Helpe Diccon, out alas, I shal be slaine among them
Diccon
If they giue you not the nedle, tel them that ye will hang them
Ware that, hoow my wenches, haue ye caught the Fuxe,
That vsed to make reuel, among your hennes and
Cocks:.
Saue his life yet for his order. though he susteine some paine
D. Rat
Wo worth the houre that I came heare.
And wo worth him that wrought this geare,
A sort of drabs and queanes haue me blest,
Was euer creature halfe so euill drest?
Who euer it wrought, and first did inuent it,
He shall I warrant him, erre long repent it,
I will spend all I haue without my skinne
But he shall be brought to the plight I am in,
Master Bayly I trow and he be worth his eares,
Will snaffle these murderers and all that them beares,
I will surely neither byte nor suppe
Till I fetch him hether this matter to take vp
6. The.v. Acte.
6.1. The v. Acte. The i. Sceane,
Master Bayly. Doctor Rat.
Bailie
I Can perceiue none other, I speke it from my hart
But either ye ar in al the fault or els in ye greatest part
D. Rat
If it be counted his fault, besides all his greeues
When a poore man is spoyled: and beaten among theeues?
Then I confesse my fault herein, at this season,
But I hope you wil not iudge so much against reason.
Baily
And me thinkes by your owne tale, of all that ye name,
If any plaid the theefe you were the very same.
The women they did nothing, as your words make probation
If that a theefe at your window, to enter should begin,
Wold you hold forth your hand, and helpe to pull him in:.
Or you wold kepe him out: I pray you answere me.
D. Rat
Mary kepe him out, and a good cause why:.
But I am no theefe sir but an honest learned
Clarke,
Baily
Yea, but who knoweth that, when he meets you in the darke
I am sure your learning shines not out at your nose,
Was it any maruaile, though the poore woman arose
And start vp, being afraide of that was in hir purse
Me thinke you may be glad that your lucke was no worse.
D. Rat
Is not this euill ynough, I pray you as you thinke,
Showing his broken head.
Baily
Yea but a man in the darke, if chaunces do wincke,
As soone he smites his father, as any other man,
Because for lacke of hght, disceme him he ne can,
Might it not haue ben your lucke, wt a spit to haue ben slaine.
D. Rat
I thinke I am litle better, my scalpe is clouen to the braine,
If there be all the remedy, I know who beares the knockes
Baily
By my troth and well worthy, besides to kisse the stockes
I know non such, vnles they long to haue their braines knockt out
D. Rat
Well, wil you be so good sir, as talke with danie Chat ?
And know what she intended. I aske no more but that.
Bayly
Let her be called fellow because of master doctor,
I warrant in this case, she wil be hir owne Froctor,
She will tel hir owne tale in metter or in prose,
And byd you seeke your remedy, and so go wype your nose.
6.2. The v. Acte. The ii Sceane,
M. Bayly. Chat. D Rat. Gammer. Hodge. Diccon.
Bayly
DAme Chat, master doctor vpon you hcre complained
That you & your maides shuld him much mis-order.
And taketh many an oth, that no word he fained,
Laying to your charge, how you thought him to murder:
And on his part againe, that same inan saith furder
He neuer offended you in word nor intent,
To heare you answer hereto, we haue now for you sent.
Chat
That I wold haue murdered him, fye on him wretch,
And euil mought he thee for it, our Lord I besech,
I will swere on al the bookes that opens and shuttes
For this seuen weeks with me, I am sure he sat not downe,
Nay ye haue other minions, in the other end of the towne,
Where ye were liker to catch such a blow,
Then any where els, as farre as I know.
Baily
Belike then master Doctor, yon stripe there ye got not?
D. Rat
Thinke you I am so mad, that where I was bet,
I wot not?
Will ye beleue this queane, before she hath tryd it?
It is not the first dede she hath done and after-ward denide it.
Chat
What man, will you say I broke your head?
D. Rat
How canst thou proue the contrary?
Chat
Nay, how prouest thou that I did the deade
D. Rat
To plainly, by S. Hary.
This profe I trow may serue, though I no word spoke.
Showing his broken head.
Chat
Bicause thy head is broken, was it I that it broke?
I saw thee Rat I tel thee, not once within this fortnight,
D. Rat
No mary, thou sawest me not, for why thou hadst no light,
But I felt thee for al the darke, beshrew thy smothe cheekes,
And thou groped me, this wil declare, any day this six weekes
Showing his heade.
Baily
Answere me to this M. Rat, when caught you this harme of yours?
Baily
Dame Chat was there none with you: (confesse I faith) about that season.
What wonian, let it be what it wil, tis neither felony nor treason
Chat
Yes by my faith master Bayly, there was a knaue not farre
Who caught one good Philup on the brow, with a dore barre
And well was he worthy, as it semed to mee,
But what is that to this inan, since this was not hee
Baily
Who was it then? lets here.
D. Rat
Alas sir, aske you that?
Is it not made plain inough (by the owne mouth of daine chat)
The time agreeth, my head is broken, her tong can not lye,
Onely vpon a bare, nay she saith it was not I.
Chat
No mary was it not indeede ye shal here by this one thing,
This after noone a frend of mine, for good wil gaue me warning
And bad me wel loke to my ruste, and al niy Capons pennes,
For if I toke not better heede, a knaue wold haue my hennes,
Then I to saue my goods, toke so much pains as him to watch
And as good fortune serued me, it was my chaunce him for to catch
What strokes he bare away, or other what was his gaines
I wot not, but sure I am, he had something for his paines
Chat
Who it was a false theefe,
That came like a false Foke, my pullaine to kil and mischeefe.
Baily
But knowest thou not his name?
Chat
I know it but what than,
It was that crafty cullyon Hodge my gammer gurtons man.
Bailie
Cal me the knaue hether, he shal sure kysse the stockes.
I shall teach him a lesson, for filching hens or cocks
D. Rat
I maruaile master bayly, so bleared be your eyes.
An egge is not so ful of meate, as she is ful of lyes:.
When she hath playd this pranke, to excuse al this geare,
She layeth the fault in such a one, as I know was not there.
Chat
Was he not thear loke on his pate, that shalbe his witnes.
D. Rat
I wold my head were half so hole, I wold seeke no redresse.
Baily
God bless you gammer Gurton.
Gammer
God dylde you master mine. wtin thy house, hodge, a ser-uant of thine.
They tel me that busy knaue, is such a filching one,
That Hen, Fig, goose or capon, thy neighbour can haue none,
Gammer
By god cham much ameued, to heare any such reporte:
Hodge was not wont ich trow, to baue him in that sort.
Chat
Many a truer man then he, hase hanged vp by the halse
And thou his dame of al his theft, thou art the sole receauer
For hodge to catch, and thou to kepe, I neuer knew none better
Gammer
Sir reuerence of your masterdome, and you were out adoore,
Chold be so bolde for al hir brags, to cal hir arrant whoore,
And ich knew Hodge so bad as tow, ich wish me endlesse sorow
And chould not take the pains, to hang him vp before to morow?
Chat
What haue I stolne from the or thine: thou ilfauored olde trot.
Gammer
A great deale more (by Gods blest,) then cheuer by the got,
That thou knowest wel I neade not say it.
Baily
Stoppe there I say,
And tel me here I pray you, this matter by the way:.
How chaunce hodge is not here him wold I faine haue had.
Gammer
Alas sir, heel be here anon, ha be hapdled to bad.
Chat
Master bayly, sir ye be not such a foole wel I know,
But ye perceiue by this lingring, there is a pad in the straw.
Thinking that Hodg, his head was broke, and that gammer
Wold not let him come before them
Gammer
Chil shew you his face, ich warrant the, now where he is.
Bailie
Thy neighbours hens yu takest, and playes the two legged foxe
Their chikens & their capons to, & now and then their Cocks.
Hodge
Ich defy them al that dare it say, cham as true as the best
Baily
Wart not yu taken within this houre, in dame chats hens nest?
Hodge
Taken there? no master chold not dot, for a house ful of gold.
Chat
Thou or the deuil in thy cote, sweare this I dare be bold
D. Rat
Sweare me no swearing quean, the deuill he geue the sorow,
Is not worth a gnat, thou canst sweare till to morow,
Where is the harme he hath? shew it by gods bread,
Ye beat him with a witnes, but the stripes light on my head.
Hodge
Bet me? gogs blessed body, chold first ich trow haue burst the
Ich thinke and chad my hands loose callet chould haue crust the.
Chat
Thou shitten knaue I trow yu knowest ye ful weight of my fist
I am fowly deceiued, onles thy head & my doore bar kyste.
Hodge
Hold thy chat whore yu criest so loude, can no man els be hard
Chat
Well knaue, & I had the alone, I wold surely rap thy costard.
Bayly
Sir answer me to this, is thy head whole or broken?
Hodge
Is my head whole? ich warrant you, tis neither scuruy nor scald
What you foule beast, does think tis cither pild or bald.
Nay ich thanke god: chil not for al that thou maist spend
That chad one scab on my narse, as brode as thy fingers end
Bayly
Come nearer heare.
Hodge
Yes That ich dare
Bayly
By our Lady here is no harme,
Hodges head is hole ynough, for al dame Chats charme.
Chat
By gogs blest, how euer the thing he clockes or smolders,
I know the blowes he bare away, either wt head or shoulders,
Camest yu not knaue within this houre, crepmg mto my pens
And there was caught within my hous, gropig among my hens.
Hodge
A plage both on thy hens & the, a carte whore, a carte,
Chould I were hanged as hie as a tree, & chware as false as yu art
Geue my gammer again her washical, yu stole away in thy lap.
Gammer
Yea maister baily there is a thmg, you know not on may hap
This drab she kepes away my good, ye deuil he might her snare
Ich pray you that ich might haue, a right action on her.
Chat
Haue I thy good old filth, or any such old sowes?
Gammer
Many a truer hath ben hanged, though you escape the daunger
Chat
Thou shalt answer by gods pity, for this thy foule slaunder
Baily
Why, what can ye charge hir withal? to say so, ye do not well.
Gammer
Mary a vengeance to hir hart, yt whore hase stoln my neele.
Chat
Thy nedle old witch, how so? it were almes thy scul to knock
So didst thou say, the other day, that I had stolne thy Cock
And rosted him to my breakfast, which shal not be forgotten,
The deuil pul out thy lying tong, and teeth that be so rotten
Gammer
Geue me my neele, as for my cocke, chould be very loth
That chuld here tel he shuld hang, on thy fals faith and troth.
Baily
Your talke is such, I can scarse learne who shuld be most in fault bred & salt
Baily
Kepe ye content a while, se that your tonges ye holde,
Me thinkes you shuld remembre, this is no place to scolde,
Nedle had?
Gammer
To name you sir the party, chould not be very glad.
Baily
Yea but we must nedes heare it, & therfore say it boldly.
Gammer
What time this drunken gossip, my faire long neele vp tooke
Diccon (master) the Bedlam, cham very sure ye know him.
Bailie
A false knaue by Gods pitie, ye were but a foole to trow him,
I durst auenture wel the price of my best cap,
That when the end is knowen, all wil turue to a iape,
Tolde he not you that besides she stole your
Cocke that tyde?
Gammer
No master no indede, for then he shuld haue lyed,
My cocke is I thanke Christ, safe and wel a fine
Chat
Yea but that ragged colt, that whore that tyb of thine
Said plainly thy cocke was stolne, & in my house was eaten,
That lying cut is lost, that she is not swinged and beaten,
And yet for al my good name, it were a small amendes
I picke not this geare (hearst thou) out of my fingers endes
But he that hard it told me, who thou of late didst naine
Diccon whom al men knowes, it was the very same.
Baily
This is the case, you lost your nedle about the dores
And she answeres againe, she hase no cocke of yours,
Thus in your talke and Action, from that you do intend,
She is whole fiue inile wide, froin that she doth defend.
Gammer
No mery sir that chil not,
Bayly
Will you confesse hir neele?
Chat
Will I? no sir I will not
Bayly
Then there lieth all the matter.
Gammer
Soft master by the way,
Ye know she could do litle, and she cold not say nay.
Bayly
Yea but he that made one he about your Cock stealing,
Wil not sticke to make another, what time lies be in dealing
Tweene, the ende wil proue, this brawle did first arise,
Upon no other ground, but only Diccons lyes.
Chat
Though some be lyes as you belike haue espyed them,
Yet other some be true, by proof I haue wel tryed them.
Bayly
What other thing beside this dame Chat.
Chat
Mary syr euen this,
The tale I tolde before, the selfe same tale it was his,
He gaue me like a frende, warning against my losse,
Els had my hens be stolne, eche one, by Gods crosse:
He tolde me Hodge wold come, and in he came
But as the matter chaunsed, with greater hast then speede,
This truth was said, and true was found, as truly
I report.
Bayly
If Doctor Rat be not deceiued, it was of another sort.
D. Rat
Betweene you and Hodge, I beare away the boxes,
Did not diccon apoynt the place, wher yu shuldst stand to mete him
Chat
Yes by the masse, & if he came, bad me not sticke to speet hym.
D. Rat
Gods sacrament the villain knaue hath drest vs round about,
He is the cause of all this brawle, that dyrty shitten loute:.
When gammer gurton here coinplained, & made a ruful mone
I heard him sweare yt you had gotten, hir nedle that was gone,
And this to try he furder said, he was ful loth how be it
He was content with small adoe, to bring me where to see it.
And where ye sat, he said ful certain, if I wold folow his read
Into your house a priuy way, he wold me guide and leade,
And where ye had it in your hands, sewing about a clowte,
And set me in the backe hole, therby to finde you out
And whiles I sought a quietnes, creping vpon my knees,
I found the weight of your dore bar, for my reward and fees,
Such is the lucke that some men gets, while they begin to mel
In setting at one such as were out, minding to make al wel.
Hodge
Then chad ben drest be like, as ill by the masse, as gaffar vicar
Bayly
Mary sir, here is a sport alone, I loked for such an end
If diccon had not playd the knaue, this had ben sone amend
My gammer here he made a foole, and drest hir as she was
And goodwife Chat he set to scole, till both partes cried alas,
And D. Rat was not behind, whiles Chat his crown did pare,
I wold the knaue had ben starke blind, if hodg had not his share.
Hodge
Cham meetly wel sped alredy amongs, cham drest like a coult
And chad not had the better wit, chad bene made a doult
Bayly
Sir knaue make hast diccon were here, fetch him where euer he bee
Chat
Fie on the villaine, fie, fie, yt makes vs thus agree,
Gammer
Fie on him knaue, with al my hart, now fie, and fie againe.
D.Rat
Now fie on him may I best say, whom he hath almost slaine.
Lo where he commeth at hand, belike hewas not fare
Diccon heare be two or three, thy company can not spare.
Diccon
God blesse you, and you may be blest so many al at once
Chat
Come knaue, it were a good deed to geld the by cockes bones
Diccon
A vengeance on those hands lite, for my hands cam not nere hym
The horsen priest hath lift the pot, in some of these ale wyves chayres
That his head wolde not serue him, belyke to come downe the stayres.
Baily
Nay soft, thou maist not play ye knaue, & haue this language to
If thou thy tong bridle a while, the better maist
Confesse the truth as I shall aske, and cease a while to fable.
And for thy fault I promise the, thy handlmg shalbe reasonable
Hast thou not made a lie or two, to set these two by the eares?
Diccon
What if I haue? fiue hundred such haue I seene within these seuen yeares:
I am sory for nothing else but that I see not the sport
Which was betwene them when they met, as they then selues report
Bayly
The greatest thing master rat, ye se how he is drest.
Diccon
What deuil nede he be groping so depe, in good-wife Chats hes nest
Bayly
Yea but it was thy drift to bring him into ye briars.
Diccon
Gods bread, hath not such an old foole, wit to saue his eares?
He showeth himselfe herein ye see, so very a coke,
The Cat was not so madly alured by the Foxe,
To run into the snares, was set for him doubtlesse,
D. Rat
Well and ye shift no better, ye losel, lyther, and lasye,
I will go neare for this, to make ye leape at a Dasye
In the kings name master Bayly, I charge you set him fast.
Diccon
What fast at cardes, or fast on slepe? it is the thing I did last.
D. Rat
Nay fast in fetters false varlet, according to thy deedes.
Bayly
Master doctor ther is no remedy, I must intreat you needes
Some other kinde of punishment
D. Rat
Nay by all Halowes,
His punishment if I may iudg, shalbe naught els but the gallous
Bayly
That were to sore, a spiritual man to be so extreame.
D. Rat
Is he worthy any better, sir how do ye iudge and deame?
Bayly
I graunt him worthie punishment, but in no wise so great
Gammer
It is a shame ich tel you plaine, for such false knaues intreat
He has almost vndone vs al, that is as true as steele:
And yet for al this great ado'cham neuer the nere iny neele.
Bayly
Canst yu not say any thing to that diccon, with least or most?
Diccon
Yea mary sir, thus much I can say wel, the nedle is lost,
Bayly
Nay canst not thou tel which way, that nedle may be found
Hodge
Thou her lickdish didst not say the neele wold be gitten ?
Diccon
No hodge by the same token, you where that time beshitten?
For f eare of Hobgobling, you wot wel what I meane,
As long as it is sence, I feare me yet ye be scarce cleane
Bayly
Wel master rat, you must both learne, & teach vs to forgeue
Since Diccon hath confession made, & is so cleane shreue
If ye to me conscent, to amend this heauie chaunce,
I wil inioyne him here, some open kind of pen-aunce.
Of this condition, where ye know my fee is twenty pence
For the bloodshed, I am agreed with you here to dispence,
Ye shal go quite, so that ye graunt, the matter now to run,
To end with mirth emong vs al euen as it was begun.
Chat
Say yea master vicar, & he shal sure confes to be your detter
And al we that be heare present, wil loue you much the better
D. Rat
My partis the worst,but since you alhere on agree.
Go euen to master Bayly, let it be so for mee,
Bayly
How saiest thou diccon, art content this shal on me depend
Diccon
Go to M. Bayly say on your mind, I know ye are my frend?
Bayly
Then marke ye wel, to recompence this thy former action
Before their faces, here kneele downe, & as I shal the teach
For thou shalt take on othe, of hodges leather breache
First for master Doctor, wpon paine of his cursse,
Where he wil pay for al, thou neuer draw thy pursse,
And when ye meete at one pot, he shal haue the first Pull,
And thou shalt neuer offer him the cup, but it be full
To goodwife chat thou shalt be swome, euen on the same wyse
If she refuse thy inoney once, neuer to offer it twise.
Thou shalt be bound by the same here, as thou dost take it
When thou maist drinke of free cost, thou neuer forsake it.
For gammer gurtons sake, againe sworne shalt hou bee
To helpe hir to hir nedle againe if it do lie in thee
And hkewise be bouind: by the vertue of that
To be of good abering to Gib hir great Cat
Last of al for Hodge, the othe to scanne,
Thou shalt neuer take him, for fine gentleman.
Hodge
Come on fellow Diccon chalbe euen with thee now.
Bayly
Thou wilt not sticke to do this Diccon I trow.
Diccon
No by my fathers skin, my hand downe I lay it?
Loke as I haue promised, I wil not denay it,
But Hodge take good heede now, thou do not beshite me.
And gaue him a good blow on the buttocke.
Hodge
Gogs hart thou false villame dost thou bite me?
Hodge
He thrust me into the buttocke, with a bodkin or a pin,
I saie Gammer, Gammer?
Gammer
How now Hodge, how now.
Hodge
Gods malt Gammer gurton.
Gammer
Thou art inad ich trow.
Hodge
Will you see the deuil Gammer.
Gammer
The deuil sonne, god blesse vs.
Hodge
Chould iche were hanged Gammer.
Gammer
Mary so ye might dresse vs.
Hodge
Chaue it by the masse Gammer
Gammer
What not my neele Hodge?
Hodge
Your Neele Gammer, your neele.
Gammer
No fie, dost but dodge.
Hodge
Cha found your neele Gammer, here in my hand be it
Gammer
For al the loues on earth Hodge, let me see it.
Hodge
Soft Gammer.
Gammer
Good Hodge.
Hodge
Soft ich say, tarie a while.
Gammer
Nay sweete Hodge say truth, and do not me begile.
Hodge
Cham sure on it ich warrant you [mdash ] it goes no more a stray
Gammer
Hodge when I speake so faire: wilt stil say me nay
Hodge
Go neare the light gammer, this wel in faith good lucke:
Chwas almost vndone [mdash ] twas so far in my buttocke
Gammer
Tis min owne deare neele Hodge, sykerly I wot
Hodge
Chani I not a good sonne gammer, cham I not,
Gammer
Christs blessing light on thee, hast made me for euer
Hodge
Ich knew that ich must finde it, els choud a had it neuer.
Chat
By my troth Gossyp gurton, I am euen as glad
Bayly
And I by my concience, to see it so come forth,
Reioyce so much at it, as three nedles be worth.
D. Rat
I am no whit sory to see you so reioyce.
Diccon
Nor I much the gladder for al this noyce:
Yet say gramercy Diccon, for springing of the gaine
Gammer
Grammercy Diccon twenty times, o how glad cham,
If that Chould do so much, your masterdome to come hether,
Master Rat, goodwife Chat, and Diccon together:
Cha but one halfpeny, as far as iche know it,
And chil not rest this night, till ich bestow it.
If euer ye loue me, let vs go in and drinke
Bayly
I am content if the rest thmke as I thinke?
Master Rat it shalbe best for you if we so doo,
Then shall you warme you and dresse your self too.
Diccon
Soft syrs, take vs with you, the company shalbe the more,
As proude coms behinde they say, as any goes before,
But now my good masters since we must be gone
And leaue you behinde vs, here all alon:
Since at our last ending thus mery we bee,
For Gammer Gurtons nedle sake, let vs haue a plaudytie.