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 When I was five years old and my sister only three, my parents separated. They decided to have joined custody. We should live with both of them, one week at the time. I have always seen this as a good decision. Therefor I was a bit shocked when I read in the morning paper that it is not. According to some experts, it is actually dangerous! Children, who are forced to live like this, are at risk of being unsociable and insecure. Of having trouble with long term relationships and of being unable to see things as part of a greater whole, all according to Torgny Gustavsson, chief physician at the clinic of child psychiatry in Växjö. This statement made me think. If this is true, what does that make of me? After reading a bit more about this issue, I concluded that the experts were wrong. I believe that the best thing for all children is to, if possible, live with both their parents! In this essay, I will argue this statement with my own experiences as basis and some experts* to support me.
That every child needs both a male and a female role model to develop into proper functioning social creatures, is a recogized fact. The best way to achieve this is, undoubtedly, to have a close relationship with both parents. Therefor it must be preferred to live with both of them. Whether they live together or not is of less importance. In many cases the latter is if anything an advantage. It gives the child the opportunity to really get to know both its parents, in many core families the father takes (or is allowed) little part in the child's upbringing. The separate homes can also provide a smoother relationship between the child and its parents since they do not have to see each other all the time.
According to Gustavsson, only some elitist parents are able to provide a safe environment for their children in two different homes. His suggestion is that the children should live with their mother and see their father as often as possible. I think that he is underestimating the parents. Perhaps they are not the best of friends after a split but as long as they respect, and live reasonably close to, one another I believe that joined custody is the best solution. The parents will grow with the task. They will learn to cooperate for the sake of the children. Furthermore I would argue that [m1]a relationship were the father remains a close parent even when his children live with their mother is very hard to obtain. Researches have shown that the father often becomes a weekend character and than, bit by bit slips away. Gustavsson also shows an old fashioned way of looking at domestic problems. By maintaining that the children preferably should live with their mother, he states that she is always the best parent and the father secondary. In my opinion it is wrong to degrade one or the other, both parents are equally essential to the child's upbringing. Consequently both should take even part in its life.
Although quite a few experts agree with Gustavsson in these matters, none of them has been able to provide any real evidence. Moreover, just as many experts support my case. For instance recent studies at the University of Örebro show that children commuting between their parents are very happy about it. They do not show any signs of being insecure or unsociable. On the contrary. Several studies in the United States show that those children get stronger self-confidence and closer relations to their parents than children who had lived with only one. 
I maintain that the advantages with joined custody outbalance the disadvantages. Although it can be problematic to commute between two homes, it is nothing compared to the problems of an absent father. If you live with both your parents you are never a guest in their homes, and you never have to choose between them. A divorce is never an easy matter but it is important that parents learn to cooparate for the sake of the children. This will eliminate the risk of them turning the children against the other parent. The children feel wanted and loved by both parents instead of rejected by the absent one.
Finally, I would like to stress that the most important thing for a child is a safe environment and a close relationship with both its parents. How this is created is of less importance but I do believe that all parents should try joined custody and the two-safe-homes model. Gustavsson and some other experts may claim that this is dangerous but they have not been able to proof anything. I maintain that they are wrong. Children need both of their parents!

* All expert opinions, including T. Gustavssons, are from www.dn.se/halvtid
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