*118 $
#54 $
THE HAPPY APPLE $
02 MURRAY , MAINE AND SPENDER ? $
01 DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK ? $
02 MURRAY , MAINE AND SPENDER ? $
01 DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK ? $
02 MURRAY , MAINE AND SPENDER ? $
01 DON'T YOU EVER KNOCK ? $
02 IS MR MURRAY IN ? $
01 HE 'S OUT TO LUNCH . $
02 IT 'S THREE O'CLOCK . $
01 HE LIKES TO CHEW HIS FOOD WELL . $
WHAT DO YOU WANT ? $
02 WE 'RE FROM THE COMPLETE OFFICE EQUIPMENT HIRE COMPANY .
$
01 WE DON'T WANT ANY OFFICE EQUIPMENT , WE CAN'T PAY FOR WHA
T WE GOT . $
02 THAT 'S WHY WE 'RE HERE . $
WE 'VE COME TO TAKE IT BACK . $
01 OH . $
CLEVER , AREN'T YOU ? $
WELL , HE 'S OUT WITH A VERY IMPORTANT CLIENT . $
YOU 'LL HAVE TO COME BACK . $
02 CAN'T DO THAT . $
WE 'VE GOT OTHER CALLS TO MAKE . $
01 YOUR COMPANY MUST BE HAVING A BAD TIME . $
02 NOT AS BAD AS YOURS . $
THAT 'S ALL THE GOODS YOU HIRED . $
THE ONES TICKED ARE THE ONES WE 'RE TAKING BACK . $
01 THEY 'RE ALL TICKED . $
02 THAT 'S RIGHT , WE 'RE TAKING THEM ALL BACK . $
WE 'LL START IN THERE , KENILWORTH . $
01 IF YOU GO IN THERE I 'LL CALL THE POLICE . $
02 WHAT FOR ? $
01 ASSAULT . $
02 I HAVEN'T TOUCHED YOU . $
01 YOU 'LL HAVE TO - TO GO IN THERE . $
03 COULDN'T WE - COME BACK ? $
02 I 'LL HANDLE THIS , KENILWORTH . $
01 WHY DON'T YOU LET HIM HANDLE IT ? $
02 HE 'S NEW ON THIS JOB . $
01 YOU COULD DO WITH A FRESH APPROACH . $
02 THE CONTRACT CLEARLY STATES THE COMPANY 'S ENTITLED TO RE
COVER ITS GOODS BY CALLING AT ANY REASONABLE TIME . $
01 I DON'T THINK THREE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON 'S REASONABL
E . $
DO YOU ? $
03 WELL - I SUPPOSE IT 'S MORE REASONABLE THAN THREE O'CLOCK
 IN THE MORNING . $
02 NO MORE CHATTER . $
LET 'S MAKE A START . $
01 YOU SHOULD 'VE PHONED FIRST . $
02 WE DID . $
THE PHONE 'S NOT WORKING . $
01 WHAT ? $
02 IT 'S BEEN CUT OFF . $
YOU DIDN'T PAY THE BILL . $
01 HELLO ? $
HELLO ? $
#55 $
04 A SUPERB LUNCH , CHARLES . $
A BIT EXPENSIVE , I THOUGHT . $
05 OH , WE DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT MONEY , THESE DAYS . $
05 GOING FOR REPAIR ? $
02 IT 'S GOING FOR GOOD . $
05 AS I WAS SAYING , WE 'VE DONE RATHER BETTER THAN WE EXPEC
TED SINCE WE - LEFT ... DOBSON'S ... $
01 THEY 'RE TAKING THE OFFICE EQUIPMENT BACK . $
05 OH . $
WELL , WE COULD DO WITH A CHANGE . $
01 THEY 'RE NOT CHANGING IT ! $
05 WE LIKE TO CHANGE THE OFFICE FURNITURE ONCE A YEAR . $
IT GIVES THE PLACE A FRESH LOOK . $
01 THIS 'LL GIVE IT AN EMPTY ONE . $
05 THANK YOU , NANCY . $
01 YOU DON'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND , MR MURRAY ... $
05 THANK YOU , NANCY . $
I 'LL CALL YOU IF I NEED YOU . $
SIT DOWN , MR BASSINGTON . $
04 WHAT AN ATTRACTIVE GIRL . $
HAVE YOU HAD HER LONG ? $
05 NO . $
04 I COULD DO WITH SOMETHING LIKE HER IN MY OFFICE . $
05 HOW 'S YOUR WIFE , MR BASSINGTON ? $
04 OH , ALL RIGHT . $
HER ARTHRITIS IS STILL PLAYING ME UP . $
05 AS I WAS SAYING OVER LUNCH , WHAT BASSINGTON ICE-CREAM RE
ALLY NEEDS IS A NEW APPROACH . $
04 I THINK DOBSON'S WILL GIVE IT TO US . $
05 I DON'T THINK THEY CAN . $
FRANKLY , SINCE MAINE AND SPENDER LEFT THEY HAVEN'T HAD A TR
ULY CREATIVE STORYBOARD TEAM THERE . $
04 I 'M NOT DENYING THEY 'RE CLEVER . $
GOD KNOWS , WE 'VE HAD CAUSE ENOUGH TO BE GRATEFUL TO THEM I
N THE PAST . $
05 THEY PUT BASSINGTON ON THE MAP THREE YEARS AGO . $
04 THAT WAS THREE YEARS AGO . $
05 THEY CAN DO IT AGAIN . $
04 I 'M NOT SURE THEIR APPROACH WORKS ANY MORE . $
05 GOOD IDEAS ALWAYS WORK , MR BASSINGTON . $
04 BUT TODAY YOU CAN'T PULL THEM OUT OF A HAT . $
THEY 'VE GOT TO BE BASED ON PROPER STUDIES . $
05 I 'D BACK MAINE AND SPENDER'S INTUITIVE APPROACH ANY DAY
AGAINST AN ARMY OF RESEARCH WORKERS . $
04 I 'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ORDINARY MARKET STUDIES . $
I 'M TALKING OF PROPER MOTIVATIONAL RESEARCH , SCIENTIFICALL
Y CONDUCTED . $
SINCE YOU LEFT DOBSON'S , THEY 'VE CREATED A TEAM THAT IS DO
ING SOME MAGNIFICENT FIELD WORK . $
01 BUT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SIT ON ! $
05 NANCY , STOP YELLING LIKE THAT ! $
01 HE 'S TAKING MY CHAIR ! $
05 WELL , USE THAT ONE ! $
WELL , WE 'LL BE GETTING NEW ONES , SHORTLY . $
AND I KEEP TELLING YOU NOT TO SHOUT . $
YOU 'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRETARY . $
01 A SECRETARY 'S SUPPOSED TO SIT DOWN . $
05 WELL , YOU 'LL HAVE TO STAND UP FOR A WHILE ! $
01 I 'M NOT EMPLOYED AS A STANDING UP SECRETARY ! $
05 YOU WON'T BE EMPLOYED AT ALL IF YOU DON'T GET BACK TO THA
T OFFICE ! $
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY TRAIN THEM , THESE DAYS . $
YOU CAN HEAR HER VOICE ALL OVER LONDON . $
04 WHAT DID YOU SAY HER NAME WAS ? $
05 NANCY GRAY . $
04 PRETTY LITTLE THING , ISN'T SHE ? $
05 YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT DOBSON'S MOTIVATIONAL RESEARCH . $
04 OH , YES . $
THEY 'VE BEEN DOING DEPTH STUDIES . $
THEY 'VE DONE FIVE SO FAR FOR OTHER PEOPLE AND THE RESULTS A
RE BREATH-TAKING ... $
05 THEY 'RE UP THERE . $
04 OH , YOU 'VE GOT THEM ? $
05 WE - BORROWED THEM , JUST TO SEE WHAT THEY WERE DOING . $
04 THEN YOU 'LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN . $
05 WORD ASSOCIATION , INK-BLOT TESTS , PICTURE CARDS - ALL T
HE NEW MUMBO-JUMBO OF ADVERTISING . $
04 IT 'S NOT MUMBO-JUMBO , CHARLES . $
THREE HUNDRED INTERVIEWS , SOME OF THEM LASTING TWO FULL DAY
S WITH EACH CONSUMER - JUST TO FIND OUT WHAT PEOPLE REALLY T
HINK ABOUT YOU . $
SOME OF THE RESULTS MAKE YOU WISH YOU HADN'T BOTHERED . $
03 EXCUSE ME . $
05 WELL ? $
03 I 'M JUST GOING TO EMPTY THE FILING CABINET . $
05 WELL , GET ON WITH IT ! $
04 DON'T YOU FIND IT A BIT OF A BORE , CHANGING YOUR FURNITU
RE SO OFTEN ? $
05 I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO BE HERE NOW . $
THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE IT LATER . $
YOU SHOULD 'VE DONE IT LATER . $
02 WE SHOULD 'VE DONE IT EARLIER . $
04 THE POINT IS , CHARLES , IF WE 'RE GOING TO SPEND A LOT O
F MONEY , WE WANT TO BE SURE WE 'RE PULLING THE RIGHT TRIGGE
RS . $
AND YOU 'RE NOT REALLY IN A POSITION TO CARRY OUT THAT KIND
OF STUDY . $
05 THAT SORT OF RESEARCH IS USELESS WITHOUT TRULY CREATIVE I
DEAS TO BACK IT UP . $
LET ME GIVE YOU AN EXAMPLE . $
IT WON'T TAKE A MINUTE . $
04 ALL RIGHT . $
05 IT SHOWS THE WAY MAINE AND SPENDER HAVE BEEN THINKING ABO
UT BASSINGTON ICE CREAM . $
IT 'S FOR TV OR FILM . $
THERE 'S A PICTURE - IN A GILT FRAME , HANGING ON AN OAK PAN
ELLED WALL . $
04 WHAT SORT OF PICTURE ? $
05 A PORTRAIT - SOMETHING DIGNIFIED , STATELY , OLD-SEVENTEE
NTH CENTURY . $
04 ANYONE SPECIAL ? $
05 THE PRINCE CONSORT - OR SOMEONE LIKE THAT . $
03 NOT IN THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY . $
05 WHAT ? $
03 NOT IN THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY . $
YOU WERE THINKING OF ALBERT , WEREN'T YOU ? $
05 ALBERT , ALBERT WHO ? $
04 YOU REALLY ARE INCREDIBLE , CHARLES . $
I 'VE NEVER KNOWN A MAN WHO KNEW SO LITTLE OUTSIDE HIS OWN B
USINESS . $
05 I NEVER MENTIONED ANY ALBERT . $
03 QUEEN VICTORIA'S HUSBAND - NINETEENTH CENTURY , NOT SEVEN
TEENTH . $
05 SUPPOSE YOU GET ON WITH MOVING THAT FILING CABINET . $
ANYWAY , SOMEBODY'S ANCESTOR . $
NOW , BELOW THE PORTRAIT THERE 'S A TABLE AND ON THE TABLE A
 TUB OF BASSINGTON ICE CREAM . $
THE CAMERA MOVES IN CLOSE AND WE SEE THE EYES IN THE PORTRAI
T MOVE . $
FURTIVELY , THEY SURVEY THE EMPTY ROOM . $
SUDDENLY , IT REACHES DOWN , PICKS UP THE ICE CREAM AND EATS
 IT . $
04 NOT BAD . $
05 IT GOES BACK INTO THE FRAME AND BECOMES A PICTURE AGAIN .
 $
THE DOOR OPENS AND AN OLD FAMILY RETAINER COMES IN . $
HE SEES THE EMPTY TUB , LOOKS AT THE PORTRAIT , SHAKES HIS H
EAD AND SAYS IN A QUAVERY VOICE ... $
01 NO ! $
LEAVE IT ALONE ! $
05 NANCY ! $
01 HE 'S TAKING THE CARPET ! $
05 WELL , LET HIM TAKE IT ! $
02 IT 'S ON THE LIST . $
#56 $
03 " ... AND SAYS IN A QUAVERY VOICE ... ? " $
05 ' HE NEVER COULD RESIST A BASSINGTON'S . ' $
JUST GET ON WITH YOUR WORK , WILL YOU ? $
' HE NEVER COULD RESIST A BASSINGTON'S . ' $
WHAT DO YOU THINK ? $
04 WELL , IT 'S FUNNY , CHARLES . $
I DON'T THINK WE MADE ICE CREAM IN THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY .
 $
DO YOU MIND IF I PHONE MY WIFE ? $
05 OF COURSE NOT . $
04 I 'M TAKING HER TO COVENT GARDEN , TONIGHT . $
05 OH , IT 'S A WONDERFUL PLACE AT NIGHT - ALL THOSE VEGETAB
LE TRUCKS . $
04 THE OPERA , CHARLES , THE OPERA - NOT THE MARKET . $
DON'T YOU EVER GO ANYWHERE ? $
I DON'T SEEM TO BE ABLE TO GET A DIALLING TONE . $
05 NANCY ! $
WHAT 'S WRONG WITH THE PHONE ? $
01 THERE 'S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT . $
05 WELL , IT WON'T WORK ! $
01 OF COURSE IT DOESN'T WORK , IT 'S BEEN CUT OFF ! $
05 WELL , YOU SHOULD HAVE REMINDED ME TO PAY THE BILL ! $
YOU 'RE SUPPOSED TO BE A PERSONAL SECRETARY ! $
01 WELL , TO BE PERSONAL , IT WAS YOU WHO TOLD ME NOT TO ! $
04 NOT TO WORRY , CHARLES , I 'LL CALL HER FROM THE OFFICE .
 $
01 AND THAT 'S A LIST OF THE FURNITURE THEY 'RE ' CHANGING '
 . $
05 I WISH TO GOD SHE WAS ON IT . $
03 ARE YOU GOING TO SEE WANDA CORNELIUS ? $
04 YES , I AM . $
03 SHE 'S SINGING FLAT , YOU KNOW . $
04 REALLY ? $
03 IT 'S VERY MARKED . $
I THINK SHE 'S DIETING TOO MUCH . $
SHE 'S LOSING HER SUPPORT . $
04 GOOD HEAVENS ! $
03 YOU KNOW WHO 'S AT THE FESTIVAL HALL , DON'T YOU ? $
04 MYRA TALOMA . $
WE COULDN'T GET SEATS . $
03 PITY . $
YOU 'D HAVE LIKED HER . $
04 WE 'LL TRY AGAIN . $
03 I KNOW THE HOUSE MANAGER THERE . $
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO GET A COUPLE FOR YOU ? $
04 COULD YOU ? $
THAT 'S AWFULLY DECENT OF YOU . $
LOOK , HERE 'S MY CARD . $
03 I 'LL CALL YOU WHEN I 'VE GOT THEM . $
04 DON'T MIND MY SAYING THIS , BUT - IT SEEMS A LITTLE ODD .
.. $
03 ODD ? $
OH , I SEE . $
I - I USED TO WORK FOR THE BRITISH COUNCIL . $
04 GOOD HEAVENS ! $
WHEREABOUTS ? $
03 NORTH BORNEO , MAINLY . $
I USED TO PLAY TAPES OF BEETHOVEN TO THE NATIVES . $
04 THAT MUST HAVE BEEN QUITE AN ACHIEVEMENT ? $
03 IT WOULD HAVE BEEN , I SUPPOSE , EXCEPT - I USED TO PLAY
THEM ALL BACKWARDS . $
04 BACKWARDS ? $
WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DO THAT ? $
03 THEY PREFERRED THEM THAT WAY . $
IT 'S VERY DIFFICULT ARGUING WITH HEAD-HUNTERS . $
ANYWAY , THE BRITISH COUNCIL SAID I 'D BETRAYED A TRUST AND
ASKED ME TO LEAVE . $
02 ARE YOU READY WITH THAT FILING CABINET ? $
03 YES , GEORGE . $
02 RIGHT , LIFT YOUR END . $
04 EXTRAORDINARY . $
05 WHAT ABOUT THE ACCOUNT , MR BASSINGTON ? $
YOU DID SAY WHEN WE LEFT DOBSON'S ... $
04 I DIDN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES , CHARLES . $
05 OF COURSE NOT . $
04 AS I SAY , WE HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH THE TIMES , AND WHAT '
S NEEDED NOW IS GOOD , SOLID STUDIES IN DEPTH . $
YOU CAN'T REALLY DO THAT , CAN YOU ? $
05 MAINE AND SPENDER ARE HARD AT WORK AT THIS VERY MOMENT .
$
I HAVE ABSOLUTE FAITH IN THEM . $
WHEN 'S YOUR BOARD MEETING ? $
04 FRIDAY . $
05 CAN I PHONE YOU BEFORE THEN ? $
04 OF COURSE , CHARLES , ANY TIME . $
WE 'RE OLD FRIENDS , YOU KNOW THAT . $
WHAT AN EXTRAORDINARY CHAP . $
05 WHO ? $
04 THE ONE WHO 'D BEEN WITH THE BRITISH COUNCIL . $
I SUPPOSE IT 'S THE BEST SORT OF JOB HE COULD GET . $
SHAME , REALLY . $
YOU DO MAKE SOME AWFUL GAFFS , CHARLES . $
' ALBERT WHO ? ' $
' VEGETABLE TRUCKS ' . $
GOD , YOU 'RE A FUNNY MAN . $
DON'T BOTHER TO COME DOWN . $
THANKS FOR LUNCH . $
' ALBERT WHO ! ' $
05 SILLY SOD . $
WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS ? $
NANCY ! $
01 WHAT ? $
05 GO AND GET MR MAINE AND MR SPENDER . $
THEY 'RE IN THE PUB . $
01 I THOUGHT YOU SAID THEY WERE HARD AT WORK ? $
05 GO AND GET THEM ! $
07 WE JUST SAW BASSINGTON . $
05 WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ? $
07 OVER THE PUB . $
05 IT SHUT AN HOUR AGO . $
07 WE 'VE BEEN THINKING , HAVEN'T WE , FREDDIE ? $
06 YES , I THINK WE HAVE . $
07 WHAT ABOUT BASSINGTON ? $
ANY LUCK ? $
05 I TOLD HIM WE WERE WORKING ON IT . $
07 HE DIDN'T GIVE IT TO US ? $
05 NOT YET . $
07 YOU SAID IF WE LEFT DOBSON'S WE 'D TAKE BASSINGTON ICE CR
EAM WITH US . $
YOU LIED , PALE FACE . $
06 WHITE MEN SPEAK WITH FORKED TONGUES . $
05 IT 'S NOT MY FAULT IF HE 'S BACKING OUT ! $
OH , COME ON , WE CAN STILL PULL THIS OFF . $
BASSINGTON LIKES US . $
06 ONCE MY PEOPLE GREW FAT IN THE LAND OF THE BUFFALO . $
07 WHY YOU KILL BUFFALO , WHITE MAN ? $
05 WILL YOU STOP THIS BLOODY INDIAN TALK ! $
I DONHT UNDERSTAND IT . $
WHEN YOU WORKED FOR DOBSON'S YOU WERE FULL OF IDEAS ! $
WONDERFUL IDEAS ! $
MY GOD , I REMEMBER THE NIGHT YOU PUT BASSINGTON ON THE MAP
WITH THOSE ANIMATED ICED LOLLIES . $
07 BASSINGTON ICED LOLLIES ON PARADE . $
WEARING BUSBIES AND SLOPING ARMS . $
06 SUNNING THEMSELVES ON THE RIVIERA . $
07 PLAYING POLO BEFORE A VAST AUDIENCE OF BASSINGTON ICE CRE
AMS . $
06 BASSINGTON CIRCUS COMES TO TOWN , DO YOU REMEMBER THAT ?
$
07 DO I REMEMBER IT ! $
IT WAS A TRULY CREATIVE IDEA . $
06 IT GAVE EVERYBODY THE CREEPS IN THE END . $
THEY BEGAN TO LOOK AS IF THEY WERE TAKING OVER . $
07 I WONDER IF THE MARTIANS HAVE EVER THOUGHT OF THAT ? $
06 WHAT ? $
07 DISGUISING THEMSELVES AS ICED LOLLIES ? $
05 OH , FOR GOD'S SAKE ! $
07 WELL , YOU 'D NEVER SUSPECT AN ICED LOLLY , WOULD YOU ? $
06 YOU WOULD IF YOU FOUND IT LOITERING SOMEWHERE - OUTSIDE T
HE BBC , FOR INSTANCE . $
07 THEY WOULDN'T DO THAT , THOUGH , WOULD THEY ? $
THEY MIGHT GET PICKED UP BY A KID ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL . $
06 WELL , I NEVER DID THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA IN THE FIRST
PLACE . $
05 WILL YOU SHUT UP ! $
WE 'VE GOT A PROBLEM TO SOLVE ! $
NOW CONCENTRATE ! $
07 I THINK THIS WHOLE VENTURE IS DOOMED . $
05 OH , DON'T START THAT AGAIN ! $
DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK AND WORK FOR DOBSON'S ? $
07 AT LEAST WE ALWAYS HAD A CHEQUE AT THE END OF THE MONTH .
 $
FREDDIE , HAVE YOU GOT A CHEQUE BOOK ON YOU ? $
#57 $
GOOD GRIEF , WHERE DID YOU GET IT ? $
06 THE BANK . $
07 THEY GAVE IT TO YOU ? $
06 A LONG TIME AGO . $
07 I HAVEN'T SEEN ONE OF THESE FOR YEARS . $
LOOK , CHARLES , THERE ARE CHEQUES IN IT . $
05 YOU 'VE DONE NOTHING BUT MOAN EVER SINCE YOU LEFT DOBSON'
S . $
07 WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED WITH DOBSON'S . $
05 YOU CAN'T BE A FOETUS ALL YOUR LIFE ! $
YOU 'VE GOT TO GET OUT INTO THE WORLD ! $
07 WHY ? $
05 BECAUSE THERE 'S MONEY IN IT ! $
DID YOU EVER HEAR OF ANYONE GETTING RICH WORKING FOR SOMEBOD
Y ELSE ? $
07 I 'M NOT SURE I WANT TO GET RICH . $
05 NOT SURE YOU ... $
07 NO , I 'M NOT SURE ! $
05 BUT YOU WERE ALWAYS MOANING YOU WEREN'T GETTING PAID ENOU
GH . $
07 WELL , I WASN'T ! $
05 OH , HELL , FREDDIE , YOU TALK TO HIM . $
YOU 'RE A PSYCHOLOGIST , BRAINWASH HIM . $
07 IF I HAD ANY BRAINS I WOULDN'T BE HERE . $
HOW MANY ACCOUNTS HAVE YOU GOT US IN THE LAST SIX MONTHS ? $
05 BUT IT 'S ALWAYS HARD AT THE BEGINNING . $
07 HOW MANY ? $
05 THE FIRST YEAR OF A BUSINESS IS ALWAYS THE WORST . $
07 HOW MANY ? $
05 I DON'T KNOW ! $
07 ONE ! $
ONE SOLITARY ACCOUNT . $
FOR A PRODUCT LADIES USE AND MEN AREN'T SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABO
UT . $
05 DID YOU OR ... $
07 WHY COULDN'T YOU GET US A PRODUCT EVERYBODY WANTS ? $
05 DID YOU ... $
07 WHY COULDN'T YOU GET US BASSINGTON'S ? $
05 DID YOU ... $
07 YOU SAID WE 'D BRING THE ACCOUNT WITH US . $
05 DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT ... $
07 WHAT ? $
05 YOU 'VE MADE ME FORGET WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY ! $
OH - DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT LOATHE DOBSON LIKE YOUR OWN FATH
ER ? $
07 I NEVER KNEW MY FATHER , HE DIED IN CHILDBIRTH . $
05 ANSWER THE QUESTION ! $
07 ALL RIGHT ! $
I WOULD 'VE LOATHED HIM IF I 'D KNOWN HIM ! $
05 THAT 'S NOT WHAT I MEAN ! $
DID YOU HATE DOBSON AND DOBSON ? $
07 YES - BOTH OF THEM ! $
05 YOU WERE GROANING UNDER THE WEIGHT OF A DEAD HAND ! $
07 YES ! $
05 YOUR TALENT WAS BEING EXPLOITED ? $
07 YES ! $
05 AND SQUANDERED ? $
07 YES ! $
05 AND ABUSED ? $
07 YES , YES ! $
05 THEN WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GRUMBLING ABOUT ! ! $
07 I WAS BEING PAID ! ! ! $
05 PAID ! $
07 YES , PAID ! $
WITH REAL MONEY ! $
YOU COULD BUY THINGS WITH IT . $
YOU WENT INTO SHOPS AND PEOPLE GAVE YOU THINGS . $
ISN'T THAT RIGHT , FREDDIE ? $
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS GIVE THEM MONEY . $
05 EVERY MORNING , REGULAR AS CLOCKWORK YOU CAME INTO MY OFF
ICE AND COMPLAINED . $
YOU DRANK MY COFFEE AND ATE MY BISCUITS AND GRUMBLED ABOUT D
OBSON'S . $
' I CAN FEEL THEIR FINGERS ROUND MY THROAT , CHARLIE , ' YOU
 SAID ... $
07 I NEVER CALLED YOU CHARLIE . $
05 IN THOSE DAYS YOU DID ! $
07 WELL , I TAKE IT ALL BACK . $
05 NOW YOU TAKE IT BACK ! $
NOW ! $
BUT WHO WAS THE ENEMY THEN ? $
NOT ME ! $
OH , NO ! $
IT WAS DOBSON ! $
DOBSON WAS THE NIGGER IN THE WOODPILE , THEN . $
07 NEGRO . $
05 NEGRO IN THE WOODPILE . $
I WAS PALSY-WALSY ! $
WE WERE THE THREE CAVALIERS . $
07 MUSQUETEERS ! $
DON'T YOU HAVE ANY CULTURE ? $
05 I 'VE GOT BUSINESS BRAINS , I DON'T NEED CULTURE ! $
07 THAT 'S ME FINISHED FOR THE DAY ! $
I 'M GOING HOME . $
05 A FEW HOME TRUTHS AND HE 'S OFF . $
07 I 'M NOT GOING TO TALK TO A MAN WHO THINKS CULTURE 'S A C
ONSOLATION PRIZE FOR THOSE WHO CAN'T MAKE MONEY ! $
06 NOW , CALM DOWN , ARTHUR . $
CHARLES MAY BE LESS CULTURED THAN US , BUT HE HASN'T HAD OUR
 OPPORTUNITIES . $
05 THAT 'S RIGHT . $
06 HE NEVER WENT TO A UNIVERSITY . $
05 I HAD TO WORK FOR MY LIVING . $
06 EXACTLY . $
AND HE COULDN'T STUDY AT NIGHT BECAUSE HE WAS AFRAID OF THE
DARK . $
05 YOU THINK YOU 'RE VERY CLEVER , THE PAIR OF YOU . $
WELL , LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING . $
IF WE DON'T PAY THE RENT IN A FORTNIGHT WE 'RE OUT ON OUR NE
CKS ! $
SO PUT THAT ON YOUR DEGREES AND FRAME IT ! $
02 SIGN HERE , PLEASE . $
06 BASSINGTON WILL GO TO DOBSON'S FOR THEIR ADVERTISING BECA
USE DOBSON'S CAN MOUNT RESEARCH IN DEPTH INTO THEIR PRODUCT
AND WE CAN'T . $
05 YOU DON'T NEED TO ! $
INTUITION , THAT 'S YOUR WEAPON . $
AND YOU WERE THE BEST THERE EVER WAS ! $
06 FACTS ARE FACTS , CHARLES . $
WE SHOULD HAVE FACED THEM MONTHS AGO WHEN THEY DID THE SURVE
Y ON FIGS . $
05 FIGS ! $
06 YES , FIGS . $
FOR INTERNATIONAL FIG IMPORTERS . $
WE HANDLED THAT ACCOUNT FOR YEARS AND WHAT DID WE COME UP WI
TH ? $
' IT 'S HEALTHY TO EAT FIGS . ' $
05 SO IT IS . $
06 ' FIGS ARE GOOD FOR YOU . ' $
05 SO THEY ARE . $
06 DO YOU EAT WHAT 'S GOOD FOR YOU ? $
05 WELL , WHAT DID DOBSON'S PROVE ? $
06 READ THE SURVEY , CHARLES . $
07 IT DOESN'T HAVE ANY PICTURES IN . $
05 I DON'T BELIEVE IN THE MUMBO-JUMBO ! $
06 IT 'S NOT MUMBO-JUMBO . $
THOSE SURVEYS ARE EXPENSIVE BUT THEY PAY FOR THEMSELVES IN T
HE END . $
01 I MADE YOU SOME TEA . $
06 ASK NANCY , SHE 'LL TELL YOU . $
05 I DON'T NEED TO ASK NANCY . $
07 WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FIGS , NANCY ? $
01 FIGS ? $
07 YES , FIGS . $
01 I NEVER EAT THEM . $
07 NEITHER DO I . $
I CAN'T STAND THEM . $
06 JUST A MINUTE , NANCY . $
I 'LL SHOW YOU SOMETHING . $
YOU NEVER EAT FIGS ? $
01 NO , MR MAINE . $
I DON'T LIKE THEM . $
06 HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU NEVER EAT THEM ? $
01 WELL , I - I JUST DON'T LIKE THEM . $
06 THEY 'RE GOOD FOR YOU . $
THEY TASTE NICE . $
01 I JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT BUYING FIGS . $
06 YOU THINK ABOUT BUYING APPLES . $
01 OH , YES , APPLES . $
06 YOU LIKE APPLES ? $
01 OF COURSE I LIKE APPLES . $
06 WHY ' OF COURSE ' ? $
01 WELL , EVERYONE LIKES APPLES ! $
06 WHY ? $
01 I DON'T KNOW ! $
#58 $
05 OH , FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE , FREDDIE ! $
01 WELL , I DON'T LIKE FIGS ! ! $
IT 'S NOT MY FAULT , IS IT ? $
06 NOW , JUST A MINUTE , LET 'S NOT GET EXCITED . $
I JUST WANT TO PROVE SOMETHING . $
01 I 'M NOT GETTING EXCITED . $
06 NANCY , I WANT TO ASK YOU A FEW SIMPLE QUESTIONS ABOUT TH
E FIG . $
01 I TOLD YOU , I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT FIGS . $
06 IF YOU KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT FIGS , NANCY , I WOULDN'T BE A
SKING YOU . $
IT 'S BECAUSE YOUR MIND IS TOTALLY UNCLOUDED BY THOUGHT THAT
 YOU CAN BE USEFUL TO US . $
01 OH . $
06 NOW , YOU WANT TO BE USEFUL TO US , DON'T YOU ? $
01 YES , MR MAINE . $
06 GOOD . $
01 BUT I DO THINK ABOUT SOME THINGS . $
06 BUT NOT ABOUT FIGS . $
01 NO . $
NOT ABOUT FIGS . $
06 ARTHUR , GET A PENCIL AND PAPER . $
01 FIGS . $
WHO THINKS ABOUT FIGS ? $
05 OH , STOP THAT MUMBLING . $
IT 'S LIKE HAVING AN OUTBOARD MOTOR TICKING OVER ALL THE TIM
E . $
06 NANCY , ALL I 'M TRYING TO DO IS TO FIND OUT WHAT THE FIG
 MEANS TO YOU . $
01 I KEEP TELLING YOU , MR MAINE , I DON'T EAT THEM . $
06 WE 'RE TRYING TO FIND OUT WHY . $
JUST TO PROVE SOMETHING TO MR MURRAY . $
01 YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING TO HIM , HE NEVER LISTENS . $
06 NOW , NANCY , I 'M GOING TO PUT SOME WORDS TO YOU IN PAIR
S , THAT MAY OR MAY NOT DESCRIBE THE FIG . $
I WANT YOU TO CHOOSE ONE OF EACH PAIR , AND I WANT YOU TO CH
OOSE IT QUICKLY . $
NO WAITING , YOU UNDERSTAND ? $
01 YES , MR MAINE . $
06 YOU READY , ARTHUR ? $
07 READY . $
06 HAPPY OR SAD ? $
01 I WAS ALL RIGHT TILL HE CAME IN . $
06 I 'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU , NANCY , I 'M TALKING ABOUT F
IGS . $
01 FIGS ? $
06 YES , FIGS. $
01 HAPPY OR SAD FIGS ? $
06 I JUST WANT TO SEE WHICH OF THE TWO WORDS YOU ASSOCIATE W
ITH THE FIG , THAT 'S ALL . $
THAT 'S SIMPLE ENOUGH , ISN'T IT ? $
01 IT 'S SIMPLE ALL RIGHT . $
06 WELL , ANSWER THE QUESTION . $
01 I CAN 'T , IT 'S SILLY . $
05 OH , I 'VE HAD ENOUGH ! $
06 JUST A MINUTE , CHARLES , DON'T BE SO IMPATIENT . $
05 I 'M DAMN SURE DOBSON'S DON'T HAVE TO WORK WITH MATERIAL
LIKE THAT ! $
06 NANCY , FORGET ABOUT MR MURRAY FOR A MOMENT . $
01 THAT 'S NOT HARD . $
06 THINK OF AN APPLE . $
NOW , YOU 'VE EATEN LOTS OF APPLES . $
THINK OF ONE NOW . $
THERE IT IS , IN YOUR MIND'S EYE , A RED , ROUND , ROSY LITT
LE THING . $
01 LIKE A LITTLE BABY ? $
06 IF YOU LIKE . $
IS IT HAPPY OR SAD ? $
01 HAPPY . $
06 THAT WASN'T SO DIFFICULT , WAS IT ? $
01 NO . $
06 WELL , THEN - WHAT ABOUT THE FIG ? $
HAPPY OR SAD ? $
01 SAD , DEFINITELY . $
06 OLD OR YOUNG ? $
01 OLD . $
06 FAST OR SLOW ? $
01 SLOW . $
06 RESERVED OR FRIENDLY ? $
01 RESERVED . $
06 CRAFTY OR HONEST ? $
01 CRAFTY . $
06 COLD OR HOT ? $
01 COLD . $
06 CLEVER OR STUPID ? $
01 STUPID . $
06 BRIGHT OR DULL ? $
01 DULL . $
06 MALE OR FEMALE ? $
01 MALE . $
06 SENSITIVE OR INSENSITIVE ? $
01 INSENSITIVE . $
06 UNTIDY OR NEAT ? $
01 UNTIDY . $
06 APPLE OR FIG ? $
01 FIG ! $
YOU BEEN ASKING ME ABOUT FIGS ! $
06 VERY GOOD , NANCY . $
NOW , ARTHUR ... $
07 WHAT IS A FIG ? $
A FIG IS SAD , OLD , SLOW , RESERVED , CRAFTY , COLD , STUPI
D , DULL , MALE , INSENSITIVE AND UNTIDY . $
CHRIST , NO WONDER PEOPLE DON'T EAT THEM . $
05 THAT 'S THE MOST LUDICROUS THING I EVER HEARD ! $
01 YOU DO BETTER ! $
05 WHAT CAN YOU PROVE BY QUESTIONING ONE GIRL ? $
06 JUST A MINUTE , I HAVEN'T FINISHED YET . $
NOW , NANCY , I JUST WANT YOU TO CHAT GENERALLY ABOUT FIGS .
 $
ANYTHING THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND . $
TALK FREELY . $
FOR INSTANCE , DID YOUR MOTHER EAT FIGS ? $
01 NO . $
07 OR COME FROM IRELAND ? $
01 SHE COMES FROM BRIXTON . $
06 SHUT UP , ARTHUR . $
AND YOUR FATHER ? $
01 STREATHAM HILL . $
06 DID HE EVER ... $
01 NO ! $
06 YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS ? $
01 NO ! $
06 OR YOUR FRIENDS ? $
01 NO ! $
06 YOU HAVE NEVER , THEN , HAD ANY CONTACT WITH THE FIG WHAT
SOEVER ? $
01 WHATSOEVER ! $
WELL ... $
06 YES ? $
01 WELL , IT 'S NOT THE SAME , REALLY . $
06 ANYTHING , NANCY , ANYTHING . $
01 WELL , I - DON'T LIKE TO SAY . $
06 PLEASE , NANCY , DON'T SPARE OUR FEELINGS . $
01 WELL - WHEN WE WERE KIDS - YOU KNOW - WE USED TO GET A BI
T CONSTIPATED , SOMETIMES , AND MUM USED TO GIVE US SYRUP OF
 FIGS . $
06 FIG SYRUP ? $
01 SHE USED TO HOLD OUR NOSES AND POUR IT DOWN OUR THROATS ,
 AND WE 'D BE SICK ALL OVER THE FLOOR , YOU KNOW WHAT KIDS A
RE LIKE , I MEAN THEY JUST THROW EVERYTHING BACK ... $
07 ALL RIGHT , NANCY . $
01 WELL , THERE WAS SIX OF US , YOU KNOW , AND EVERY FRIDAY
NIGHT ... $
07 YES , YES , NANCY , WE GOT THE PICTURE . $
06 AND YOU TELL ME THOSE SURVEYS ARE A WASTE OF TIME . $
THAT 'S WHAT YOU GET BY QUESTIONING ONE GIRL . $
TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY INTERVIEWS CARRIED OUT IN DEPTH BY DOB
SON'S FOR INTERNATIONAL FIG IMPORTERS . $
SUMMARY OF FINDINGS . $
LISTEN TO IT , CHARLES . $
' THERE CAN BE LITTLE DOUBT THAT THE FIG IS VISUALISED IN TH
E MIND OF THE CONSUMER AS A SHRIVELLED , BARREN OBJECT . $
THIS IMAGE IS , IN ITSELF , ENOUGH TO PREVENT THE SPREAD OF
THE FIG IN THE EATING HABITS OF THE PEOPLE , BUT WHEN , ALLI
ED TO THIS IS THE SUBCONSCIOUS CHILDHOOD ASSOCIATION WITH ST
OMACHACHE , IT IS SMALL WONDER THAT AS A FRUIT IT FAILS MISE
RABLY TO SUPPLANT THE HAPPY APPLE IN THE MIND AND HEARTS OF
THE PEOPLE . ' $
THE HAPPY APPLE , CHARLES , AND THE SAD FIG . $
05 HAPPY APPLE ! $
06 YES , CHARLES , THE HAPPY APPLE . $
THE FIG WAS BEING KILLED OFF BY A STRANGLER MORE DEADLY THAN
 JACK THE RIPPER , AND WE NEVER KNEW . $
BUT THEY DID . $
NANCY COULD HAVE TOLD THEM . $
BUT ALL WE COULD SAY WAS , ' FIGS ARE GOOD FOR YOU . ' $
07 THIS TEA 'S COLD . $
01 WELL , WHAT D' YOU EXPECT ? $
05 YOU COULD 'VE TOLD US IT WAS HERE . $
01 I DID TELL YOU . $
BUT ALL YOU KEPT TALKING ABOUT WAS FIGS ! $
#59 $
07 THERE 'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT THIS OFFICE . $
06 DIFFERENT ? $
IN WHAT WAY ? $
07 IT LOOKS LESS - CLUTTERED . $
05 THEY 'VE TAKEN THE BLOODY FURNITURE BACK , THAT 'S WHY IT
 LOOKS LESS CLUTTERED . $
06 WE CERTAINLY PICKED THE WRONG TIME TO LEAVE DOBSON'S . $
05 ANY TIME WOULD BE THE WRONG TIME WITH YOU TWO . $
07 NO , CHARLES , THAT 'S WHERE YOU 'RE WRONG . $
THE FAULT LIES NOT IN OURSELVES BUT IN OUR STARS . $
06 JULIUS CAESAR . $
07 CORIOLANUS . $
06 CAESAR . $
05 OH , WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHO WROTE IT ! $
07 WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHO WROTE IT ? $
05 WELL , IT 'S NOT IMPORTANT , IS IT ? $
07 THE POINT IS , WHICH PLAY DOES IT COME FROM , NOT WHO WRO
TE IT . $
DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ? $
THEY WERE BOTH WRITTEN BY THE SAME MAN . $
05 SHAKESPEARE , I SUPPOSE . $
07 HE SUPPOSES SHAKESPEARE . $
EVEN NANCY WOULD KNOW THAT . $
05 NO SHE WOULDN'T . $
07 OF COURSE SHE WOULD ! $
NANCY ! $
05 WHAT ARE YOU DOING ? $
07 NANCY ! $
COME IN HERE ! $
05 OH , DON'T BE SO STUPID ! $
01 WHAT NOW ? $
07 NANCY , WHO WROTE CORIOLANUS ? $
01 SHAKESPEARE . $
07 AND WHO WROTE JULIUS CAESAR ? $
01 SHAKESPEARE . $
07 THANK YOU , NANCY , THAT 'S ALL I WANTED . $
06 WHO WROTE STRADIVARIUS , NANCY ? $
01 SHAKESPEARE . $
05 HA ! $
07 WHAT ON EARTH MADE YOU SAY THAT ? $
01 WELL , IT 'S NEARLY ALWAYS SHAKESPEARE , ISN'T IT ? $
07 STRADIVARIUS IS THE NAME OF A VIOLIN . $
01 WELL , I CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO KNOW THE NAME OF EVERYBODY'
S VIOLIN , CAN I ? $
WHO WROTE , ' ONLY THE GODS CAN TELL ? ' $
07 WHO WROTE WHAT ? $
01 ' ONLY THE GODS CAN TELL . ' $
07 I DON'T KNOW . $
01 HELEN PFUTZHEIMER . $
07 HELEN PFUTZHEIMER ? $
01 HELEN PFUTZHEIMER . $
I 'M SURPRISED YOU NEVER HEARD OF HER . $
THERE 'S A WHOLE SHELF IN THE LIBR'Y GOT NOTHING BUT HELEN P
FUTZHEIMER . $
06 IT SOUNDS LIKE A FORM OF WOODWORM . $
01 WELL , IT 'S NOT . $
IT 'S A WOMAN . $
SHE WRITES LOVE STORIES AND THEY 'RE VERY GOOD . $
YOU SEE , YOU CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING , CAN YOU ? $
NOBODY CAN . $
07 YOU KNOW , I THINK NANCY HAS EXPOSED A GAP IN OUR READING
 . $
05 OH , TO HELL WITH NANCY ! $
07 TO HELL WITH NANCY ? $
THAT GIRL IS THE END TO WHICH ALL OUR CREATIVE EFFORTS ARE D
IRECTED . $
05 WHAT CREATIVE EFFORTS ! $
07 OUR CREATIVE EFFORTS WHEN WE HAVE THEM ! $
SHE IS THE PEOPLE , CHARLES . $
05 THE PEOPLE ! $
07 YES , THE PEOPLE - WHOSE MONEY YOU GREEDILY COVET BUT FOR
 WHOM YOU HAVE NOTHING BUT CONTEMPT . $
05 I LOVE THE PEOPLE AS MUCH AS YOU DO ! $
07 YOU LOVE THE PEOPLE ! $
YOU DON'T KNOW ANY PEOPLE . $
NOT REAL PEOPLE . $
05 SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE ORDINARY , EVERYDAY PEOPLE !
$
07 WHO ? $
05 WHO ? $
07 YES , WHO ? $
NAME ONE . $
05 I 'M NOT GOING TO STAND HERE AND ... $
07 YOU CAN'T ! $
NOT ONE , SIMPLE , ORDINARY PERSON CAN YOU COUNT AMONG YOUR
FRIENDS , CAN HE , FREDDIE ? $
COMPANY DIRECTORS , SALES EXECUTIVES , ADVERTISING PEOPLE ..
. $
05 ALL RIGHT , JIMMY BARKER . $
07 JIMMY BARKER ? $
05 YES , JIMMY BARKER . $
I WAS AT SCHOOL WITH HIM . $
HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND WHAT 'S MORE HE STILL IS . $
07 WHAT DOES HE DO ? $
05 HE 'S A BAKER'S ROUNDSMAN IN EAST CROYDON . $
07 YOU 'RE MAKING IT UP . $
05 OH , NO I 'M NOT . $
HE 'S GOT THREE KIDS AT SECONDARY MODERN SCHOOL AND ONE ON P
ROBATION . $
HE LIVES IN A SEMI-DETACHED HOUSE WITH THREE BEDROOMS , WATC
HES ITV EVERY NIGHT UNTIL TEN AND THEN GOES TO BED . $
07 NO ONE COULD BE THAT ORDINARY . $
05 PHONE HIM UP AND ASK HIM - GO ON ! $
HE 'S IN THE BOOK . $
07 ALL RIGHT , ALL RIGHT , ONE SWALLOW DOESN'T MAKE A SUMMER
 . $
06 THE COMPETITIVE ETHIC IN THIS OFFICE REALLY WORKS OVERTIM
E . $
CAN'T WE EVER STOP THIS BICKERING ? $
05 WELL , IT 'S HIM ! $
HE 'S ALWAYS GOT TO BE ONE UP . $
I WORK MYSELF TO A SHADOW FOR THIS BUSINESS . $
I BELIEVE IN IT ! $
I BELIEVE IN US ! $
WITH OUR TALENT WE COULD BE AS BIG AS DOBSON'S . $
BIGGER . $
BUT YOU 'VE GOT TO HAVE CONFIDENCE , YOU 'VE GOT TO HAVE COU
RAGE , YOU 'VE GOT TO HAVE FAITH ! $
07 SOMEBODY UP THERE DOESN'T LIKE YOU , CHARLES . $
05 IT MUST BE A POWER-CUT . $
01 THEY 'VE CUT THE LIGHTS OFF . $
05 IT 'S A POWER-CUT . $
01 THEY 'RE ON EVERYWHERE ELSE . $
05 WELL , IT 'S A POWER-CUT TO US PERSONALLY ! $
01 WELL , I 'M JUST TELLING YOU ! $
07 I 'M GOING TO PHONE DOBSON AND ASK FOR OUR JOBS BACK . $
05 YOU CRAVEN , COWARDLY ... $
07 ABUSE WILL GET YOU NOWHERE , CHARLES . $
I 'M GOING BACK TO DOBSON'S . $
I 'M GOING TO SAVE EVERY PENNY I GET AND I 'M GOING TO BUY A
 FARM IN EAST ANGLIA . $
THAT 'S THE LIFE FOR ME - THE RAIN ON MY FACE AND THE WIND I
N MY HAIR . $
05 BY THE TIME YOU GET IT YOU WON'T HAVE ANY HAIR . $
07 SNEER ALL YOU LIKE . $
BUT WHEN YOU 'RE STILL GRUBBING FOR TWOPENNY HA'PENNY ACCOUN
TS , AND YOUR NERVES ARE AS FRAYED AS YOUR CUFFS , I 'LL BE
LEANING ON A STILE , SOMEWHERE , STARING INTO A SETTING SUN
AND HEARING A CHURCH BELL TOLL THE END OF ANOTHER DAY . $
05 THE COUNTRY SQUIRE . $
06 ARTHUR 'S RIGHT . $
IT 'S TIME WE CUT OUR LOSSES AND PACKED THE WHOLE THING IN .
 $
05 HOW MUCH WOULD IT COST TO SET UP A RESEARCH TEAM LIKE DOB
SON'S ? $
06 IT 'S OUT OF THE QUESTION . $
05 HOW MUCH ? $
06 IT 'S NOT WORTH THINKING ABOUT . $
05 BUT IF WE ... $
06 NO . $
05 WELL , PERHAPS YOU 'RE RIGHT . $
06 I KNOW I 'M RIGHT . $
LOOK AT THAT SURVEY THEY DID FOR ROLEX SEWING MACHINES . $
07 ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT COMPETITION BETWEEN MOTHER AND DAUGH
TER . $
WHO WOULD 'VE THOUGHT OF THAT ? $
06 YOU CAN'T ARRIVE AT RESULTS LIKE THAT ON INTUITION . $
07 I THINK I 'LL GO IN FOR DAIRY FARMING , WHAT DO YOU THINK
 , FREDDIE ? $
06 WELL , YOU 'LL GET PLENTY OF CREAMY MILK , THAT 'S GOOD F
OR YOU . $
07 PLENTY OF CREAMY MILKMAIDS , TOO . $
06 OH , ARTHUR ... $
07 WELL , AT LEAST I 'D BE IMMUNE TO SMALLPOX . $
05 WHAT DID YOU SAY ? $
06 HE THINKS IF YOU GO TO BED WITH A MILKMAID YOU 'RE IMMUNE
 TO SMALLPOX . $
07 HAVEN'T YOU READ JENNER ? $
05 NO , NO - ABOUT ROLEX SEWING MACHINES . $
06 OH , WHO CARES . $
YOU 'VE GOT IT ALL WRONG , ARTHUR . $
I 'M SURE HE DIDN'T GET THE IDEA FROM SLEEPING WITH A MILKMA
ID . $
05 NO , WHAT WERE YOU SAYING , FREDDIE ? $
06 ABOUT WHAT ? $
05 THE SEWING MACHINE SURVEY ? $
06 DOBSON'S DID A SURVEY ON WHY THE YOUNGER HOUSEWIFE DIDN'T
 SEW AT HOME LIKE HER MOTHER . $
#60 $
05 AND WHAT DID IT SAY ? $
06 IF YOU 'RE TOO LAZY TO READ REPORTS THAT AFFECT YOUR OWN
BUSINESS ... $
05 DID IT SAY THAT IN REJECTING SEWING THEY WERE REJECTING T
HE MOTHER FIGURE ? $
06 YES . $
05 THAT THEY LIKED SEWING WHEN THEY WERE LITTLE BUT AS THEY
GOT OLDER THEIR MOTHERS GOT MORE AND MORE CRITICAL OF THEIR
EFFORTS ? $
06 YES . $
05 THAT SEWING AT HOME WAS ASSOCIATED WITH ECONOMY AND DRUDG
ERY ? $
06 WELL , IF YOU 'VE READ IT WHAT ARE YOU GOING ON ABOUT ? $
05 I HAVEN'T READ IT . $
06 OH , CHARLES , THIS IS SUCH A CHEAP TRICK . $
05 NO , WAIT A MINUTE . $
I DIDN'T READ THAT SURVEY . $
06 YOU JUST INTUITIVELY UNDERSTOOD WHY ROLEX COULDN'T SELL S
EWING MACHINES TO YOUNG PEOPLE ? $
05 NO . $
NANCY DID . $
SHE TOLD ME VIRTUALLY THE SAME THING . $
06 I DON'T BELIEVE IT . $
05 IT 'S TRUE . $
SHE WAS SITTING HERE SEWING A NEW ZIP INTO HER SKIRT YESTERD
AY MORNING . $
YOU KNOW THE WAY SHE CHATTERS ON . $
EVERYTHING SHE SAYS ABOUT IT TIES IN WITH WHAT THAT SURVEY S
AYS . $
06 SUCH AS WHAT ? $
05 HOW HER MOTHER WOULD NEVER LET HER FINISH ANYTHING - HAD
TO GET UP AND SHOW HER . $
HOW HER MOTHER USED TO GO ON ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE WAS SAVING T
HEM ALL . $
HOW NANCY ONCE MADE A SHIRT FOR HER FATHER AND HER MOTHER UN
PICKED IT ALL AND STITCHED IT UP AGAIN . $
06 YOU 'RE MAKING IT UP . $
05 I 'M NOT ! $
AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAID TO ME ? $
' I SUPPOSE MUM DIDN'T WANT THE OLD MAN TO KNOW THERE WAS SO
MEONE ELSE IN THE HOUSE WHO COULD DO FOR HIM . ' $
07 EVEN DOWN TO THAT BASIC , PRIMAL ANTAGONISM . $
06 COINCIDENCE . $
05 TWICE ? $
07 JUST A MINUTE , FREDDIE , YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE 'S SAYIN
G . $
06 I KNOW WHAT HE 'S SAYING . $
HE 'S SAYING THAT GIRL COULD DO FOR US WHAT THREE HUNDRED HO
USEWIVES DO FOR DOBSON'S . $
05 IS IT IMPOSSIBLE ? $
06 STATISTICALLY , IT 'S VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE . $
05 BUT IS IT IMPOSSIBLE ? $
06 YES ! $
07 BUT HER RESPONSES HAVE BEEN RIGHT ON THE NAIL - TWICE . $
06 A FLUKE . $
07 THERE 'S EVEN A TERM FOR IT . $
WHAT IS IT ? $
COME ON , FREDDIE , PLAY FAIR . $
THERE 'S A TERM IN YOUR BUSINESS FOR A PERSON WHO 'S AN EXAC
T CROSS-SECTION OF A GIVEN SAMPLE OF THE POPULATION . $
WHAT IS IT ? $
06 A MEDIAN TYPE . $
05 MEDIAN ? $
07 MEANING AVERAGE , MEAN . $
THEIR RESPONSES TO GIVEN SITUATIONS EXACTLY CORRESPOND TO TH
E AVERAGE RESPONSE OF A STATISTICALLY VALID SAMPLE OF THE PO
PULATION . $
CORRECT ? $
06 CORRECT . $
BUT SHE 'S NOT IT . $
07 HOW DO YOU KNOW ? $
HER REACTION TO BOTH THOSE SURVEYS WERE UNCANNY . $
06 LOOK , I KNOW WHAT HE 'S TRYING TO DO . $
HE 'S TRYING TO STOP US GIVING UP THIS BUSINESS AND GOING BA
ACK TO DOBSON'S . $
IT 'S AS DESPERATE A RUSE AS I EVER HEARD . $
07 BUT HER RESPONSES WERE NOT JUST IN LINE WITH HUNDREDS OF
OTHER INTERVIEWEES . $
THEY WERE PRACTICALLY THE INTERPRETATIVE SUMMARIES OF THOSE
INTERVIEWS . $
SHE HAS TWICE GIVEN US THE GUTS OF A RESEARCH PROGRAMME THAT
 COST THOUSANDS . $
06 I 'M TELLING YOU , A FLUKE . $
05 TEST IT . $
06 I DON'T NEED TO TEST IT ! $
07 I 'LL TEST IT . $
06 I 'M GOING HOME . $
07 WHAT IS THERE TO LOSE ? $
06 IT 'S A CHEAPSKATE IDEA - SUGGESTING WE CAN DO WITH HER W
HAT A PROPER RESEARCH TEAM TAKES WEEKS TO DO WITH A PROPER S
AMPLE . $
07 BUT NOT IF SHE 'S A MEDIAN TYPE . $
06 SHE 'S NOT A MEDIAN TYPE ! $
05 BUT SHE MAY BE NEAR IT , THAT 'S ALL WE 'RE SAYING . $
06 THERE 'S NO SUCH THING AS NEAR IT . $
YOU 'RE EITHER A MEDIAN TYPE OR YOU 'RE NOT . $
07 TEST IT . $
05 TEST IT , FREDDIE . $
ARTHUR 'S RIGHT , WHAT 'S THERE TO LOSE ? $
06 ALL RIGHT . $
CARSON'S ' COUNTESS ' SHAMPOO . $
05 YOU 'RE JOKING ! $
06 IF SHE 'S WHAT YOU SAY SHE IS , LET HER TELL US WHY CARSO
N'S CAN'T SELL THEIR COUNTESS SHAMPOO TO WOMEN WHEN THEY 'VE
 SWEPT THE MARKET WITH THEIR MICHAEL O'SHANNIGAN SHAMPOO FOR
 MEN . $
05 BUT IT TOOK WEEKS TO FIND THAT OUT ! $
06 IT 'S A FAIR TEST . $
05 YOU CAN'T EXPECT NANCY TO TELL US . $
06 WHY NOT ? $
05 BECAUSE NO WOMAN WOULD ADMIT IT . $
THEY HATED THAT MICHAEL O'SHANNIGAN CHARACTER . $
GOD , EVEN I HATED HIM . $
07 IT 'S TRUE , FREDDIE . $
NONE OF THEM WOULD SAY SO OPENLY BECAUSE IT MADE THEM LOOK R
IDICULOUS . $
BUT THEY GOT THEIR OWN BACK BY NOT BUYING CARSON'S COUNTESS
WHEN IT CAME OUT . $
THEY SAW MICHAEL O'SHANNIGAN WRITTEN ALL OVER IT . $
06 NEVERTHELESS , IF SHE 'S WHAT YOU SAY SHE IS , SHE 'LL TE
LL US . $
SHE 'S TOO INNOCENT TO DISGUISE HER REAL FEELINGS . $
SHE 'S MORE OPEN , HONEST , SINCERE , DIRECT , NAIVE , GULLI
BLE AND STUPID THAN THE AVERAGE . $
NANCY ! $
IF SHE 'S A TRUE MEDIAN TYPE SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE THINKS ABOUT
 COUNTESS AND SHE 'LL TELL US . $
NANCY , WE JUST WANT TO ASK YOU A FEW MORE QUESTIONS . $
01 AGAIN ? $
06 SIT DOWN A MINUTE . $
01 WHAT SORT OF QUESTIONS ? $
06 VERY SIMPLE ONES . $
JUST RELAX AND LET YOUR MIND WANDER . $
01 I HAVE TROUBLE KEEPING IT STILL . $
06 ARE YOU READY ? $
01 READY . $
06 WHAT DO YOU WASH YOUR HAIR IN ? $
01 THE SINK . $
06 NO . $
NO , THAT 'S NOT QUITE WHAT I MEANT . $
I MEAN , NANCY , DO YOU USE A SHAMPOO ? $
01 OF COURSE I USE A SHAMPOO . $
06 WHOSE ? $
01 MY OWN , WHOSE DO YOU THINK ? $
06 I THINK WE 'RE AT CROSS PURPOSES , NANCY . $
I MEANT , WHICH MAKE ? $
01 OH . $
WELL , I USE FENWICKS LANOLIN BASED SUPER GLOSS FOR DRY HAIR
 . $
06 WHY ? $
01 BECAUSE I 'VE GOT DRY HAIR ! $
06 DO YOU EVER BUY ANY OTHER KIND OF SHAMPOO ? $
01 SOMETIMES . $
06 SUCH AS WHAT ? $
01 WELL , I SOMETIMES BUY SAMPSON'S . $
06 SAMPSON'S ? $
IS THAT A GOOD SHAMPOO ? $
01 IT KILLS THE FLEAS . $
06 IT KILLS THE WHAT ? $
01 FLEAS . $
06 FLEAS ? $
01 YES , IT KNOCKS 'M COLD , YOU CAN SEE 'M FLOATING ABOUT I
N THE WATER . $
05 ARE YOU TELLING US THAT IN THIS DAY AND AGE ... $
01 NOT ME ! $
THE DOG ! $
06 WE 'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT DOG SHAMPOOS , NANCY . $
01 YOU ASKED ME IF I EVER BUY ANY OTHER KIND OF SHAMPOO ! $
06 ALL RIGHT . $
YOU BUY DOG SHAMPOOS , AND CAR SHAMPOOS , AND UPHOLSTERY SHA
MPOOS AND CARPET SHAMPOOS . $
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT SHAMPOOS FOR THE HUMAN HEAD . $
01 WELL , YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT WAS ALL YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT
 . $
07 IT 'S TRUE , FREDDIE , YOU DIDN'T . $
06 WELL , AT LEAST WE 'VE GOT THAT SORTED OUT . $
05 CAN WE GO ON ? $
01 HUMAN HEAD . $
06 NANCY , YOU 'VE HEARD OF CARSON'S ' COUNTESS ' SHAMPOO ?
$
01 OF COURSE I 'VE HEARD OF IT . $
EVERYBODY 'S HEARD OF IT . $
06 EVERYBODY 'S HEARD OF IT , NANCY . $
DO YOU EVER BUY IT ? $
01 NO . $
06 WHY NOT ? $
01 BECAUSE I BUY FENWICK'S LANOLIN BASED SUPER GLOSS FOR DRY
 HAIR . $
06 YES , I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU 'D SAY THAT . $
LET ME SEE IF I CAN'T REPHRASE THE QUESTION SLIGHTLY . $
JUST TO SNEAK IT IN PAST THAT INCREDIBLY WATCHFUL BRAIN OF Y
OURS . $
IT NEVER SLEEPS , DOES IT ? $
#61 $
01 NO ! $
06 DO YOU BUY OTHER SHAMPOOS OCCASIONALLY ? $
HAIR SHAMPOOS , OF COURSE . $
01 I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN , I 'M NOT STUPID . $
THE HUMAN HEAD , THAT 'S WHAT YOU MEAN . $
06 YES . $
WELL , DO YOU ? $
I MEAN , MOST WOMEN CHANGE THEIR SHAMPOO NOW AND THEN . $
01 I DO SOMETIMES . $
06 YOU NEVER THINK OF BUYING CARSON'S COUNTESS ? $
01 NO . $
06 WHY NOT ? $
01 I DON'T LIKE IT . $
06 YOU EVER TRIED IT ? $
01 I TRIED IT ONCE . $
I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS MUCH . $
06 DID YOU KNOW THAT CARSON'S DID A TEST WITH A HUNDRED WOME
N ? $
THEY PUT THE COUNTESS LABEL ON A BOTTLE OF FENWICKS AND THE
FENWICKS LABEL ON A BOTTLE OF COUNTESS . $
01 WHAT HAPPENED ? $
06 THE WOMEN USING THE COUNTESS BOTTLE ALL COMPLAINED THEY D
IDN'T LIKE IT . $
01 I KEEP TELLING YOU , NOBODY LIKES THAT SHAMPOO . $
06 I DON'T THINK I 'M GETTING VERY FAR . $
01 WHERE DID YOU WANT TO GET ? $
06 NANCY , A LOT OF THE WOMEN WHO COMPLAINED ABOUT THE COUNT
ESS SHAMPOO ACTUALLY PREFERRED FENWICK'S . $
01 I KNOW , I PREFER IT MYSELF . $
06 BUT THEY WERE , IN FACT , USING FENWICK'S ! $
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ? $
AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW IT ! $
01 A TRICK . $
06 YES ! $
01 I DON'T THINK IT 'S RIGHT TO DO THAT TO PEOPLE . $
06 IT WAS A TEST ! $
A SCIENTIFIC TEST ! $
01 I DON'T THINK IT 'S SCIENTIFIC . $
I THINK IT 'S DESPICABLE . $
06 ALL RIGHT , IT 'S DESPICABLE . $
BUT AT LEAST WE FOUND OUT THAT IT WASN'T THE SHAMPOO PEOPLE
OBJECTED TO BUT THE LABEL ! $
01 WELL , I DON'T LIKE THE SHAMPOO , AND IF YOU 'RE TELLING
ME IT 'S THE LABEL I DON'T LIKE YOU MUST BE BONKERS . $
I DON'T WASH MY HAIR WITH A LABEL ! $
I WASH IT WITH WHAT 'S IN THE BOTTLE . $
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE WHAT IT 'S CALLED ? $
I WOULDN'T MARRY A MAN BECAUSE I LIKED HIS NAME , AND I WOUL
DN'T NOT MARRY HIM BECAUSE I DIDN'T - UNLESS IT WAS SOMETHIN
G STUPID LIKE MICHAEL O'SHANNIGAN ! $
THAT 'S A NAME THAT REALLY GOES WITH A FACE . $
STUPID ] $
YOU 'VE ONLY GOT TO LOOK AT IT TO KNOW IT 'S STUPID . $
THINKING EVERYBODY'S PANTING TO GET INTO BED WITH HIM ! $
WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS ? $
HE 'S NOT THE ONLY MAN IN THE WORLD THAT WASHES HIS HAIR ! $
I WOULDN'T GO WITHIN A MILE OF HIM IF HE SHAMPOOED HIS BRAIN
S AS WELL ! $
IF HE HAD ANY BRAINS , WHICH HE HASN'T . $
YOU CAN TELL THAT BY ... $
WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT FOR ? $
05 I TOLD YOU . $
I TOLD YOU ! $
06 FANTASTIC ! $
07 SHE 'S A FREAK . $
01 A WHAT ? $
07 A FREAK . $
01 YOU 'RE MAD - THE THREE OF YOU . $
07 SHE 'S MORE NORMAL THAN NORMAL . $
SHE 'S ABNORMAL . $
06 NANCY , SIT DOWN . $
01 I JUST GOT UP . $
06 SIT DOWN AGAIN , PLEASE . $
NOBODY 'S GOING TO HURT YOU , I PROMISE . $
07 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ? $
06 SHUT UP ! $
NANCY , LISTEN . $
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY ? $
06 NO , NO , NOTHING LIKE THAT ! $
WE 'RE ALL PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE PEOPLE ! $
NANCY , ALL YOU 'LL HAVE TO DO IS ANSWER A FEW QUESTIONS NOW
 AND THEN . $
01 WHAT SORT OF QUESTIONS ? $
06 SIT DOWN , NANCY . $
PUT YOUR LEGS UP , MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE . $
01 YOU LEAVE MY LEGS OUT OF IT . $
07 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ? $
06 QUIET . $
NANCY - WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ICE CREAM ? $
01 ICE CREAM ? $
06 ICE CREAM . $
THINK ABOUT IT . $
COOL , DELICIOUS . $
WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ? $
TELL US ABOUT YOUR FIRST ICE CREAM . $
01 WELL - I USED TO EAT A LOT , WHEN I WAS YOUNGER . $
06 WHAT DID IT MEAN TO YOU ? $
IMAGINE , YOU 'RE A SCHOOLGIRL AGAIN . $
YOU 'RE WALKING DOWN A STREET SUCKING AN ICE CREAM CORNET .
$
WHAT 'S YOUR STRONGEST IMPRESSION ? $
01 WELL , IT WAS USUALLY SUNNY - AND THE ICE CREAM WAS ALL P
ILED UP ON TOP , BIG - YOU KNOW - HUGE . $
THEY ALWAYS SEEMED TO BE HUGE , AND MELTING , ALL DRIPPING O
VER THE SIDES . $
AND YOU NEVER SEEMED TO GET TO THE END OF IT , IT ALWAYS SEE
MED ... $
07 GOD , THAT 'S IT ! $
06 WHAT IS ? $
07 DON'T YOU SEE ? $
THAT 'S IT ! $
WE 'VE SOLD FLAVOUR , COLOUR , QUALITY , COOLNESS , SOFTNESS
 - BUT WE 'VE NEVER SOLD QUANTITY . $
THAT 'S WHAT PEOPLE REMEMBER ABOUT ICE CREAM , THE MOUTH-WAT
ERING SIZE OF IT . $
TO A CHILD IT LOOKS HUGE , GIGANTIC . $
THAT 'S WHAT WE HAVE TO SELL ! $
THAT 'S THE TRIGGER - THE QUANTITY OF IT ! $
SHOW IT IN BULK , ENDLESS STREAMS OF IT , WAGONS OF IT DRIPP
ING ALL OVER THE SIDES ! $
GOD , I COULD EAT ONE NOW JUST THINKING ABOUT IT . $
01 CAN I GO NOW ? $
06 I NEED A DRINK . $
07 WE 'D BETTER GO TO THE CLUB . $
01 CAN I GO NOW ? $
07 GET YOUR COAT , NANCY , WE 'RE GOING OUT FOR A DRINK . $
01 WHAT FOR ? $
06 WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU . $
GET YOUR COAT , DON'T ARGUE . $
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT . $
05 I MUST CALL BASSINGTON . $
BLAST ! THEY 'VE CUT IT OFF ! $
06 CALL HIM FROM THE CLUB . $
AND YOU 'D BETTER CALL OUR SOLICITORS . $
05 WE DON'T HAVE ANY SOLICITORS . $
06 THEN WE 'D BETTER GET SOME . $
SHE 'S GOT TO BE SEWN UP IN A CONTRACT . $
05 IT 'S LIKE FALLING INTO A GOLD MINE . $
01 READY , MR MURRAY . $
08 MURRAY , MAINE AND SPENDER ... $
NO , I 'M AFRAID MR MURRAY 'S NOT HERE ... $
' LORD ILCHESTER , CONNAUGHT BREWERIES ' ... $
HE 'S AT THE FILM STUDIO , HE 'S BEEN THERE ALL DAY ... $
WELL , HE 'LL BE BACK SHORTLY ... $
I 'LL TELL HIM ... $
PARDON ? $
#62 $
THE EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK ... $
NO , IT 'S NOT MUSIC WHILE YOU WORK , IT 'S MR MURRAY'S CULT
URAL ADVISER RUNNING A TAPE ... YES , IT IS LOVELY - THE FIR
ST TIME YOU HEAR IT . $
GOODBYE . $
DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT , YET . $
03 NO . $
HE KEEPS CONFUSING IT WITH THE ALBANIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM . $
08 HOW ON EARTH DOES HE MANAGE THAT ? $
03 HE SAYS IT SOUNDS LIKE IT . $
08 DOES IT ? $
03 I DON'T KNOW . $
I 'VE NEVER HEARD THE ALBANIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM . $
08 PERHAPS THAT 'S WHY HE SAYS IT ? $
03 NOW , MISS WHEELER , I 'VE TOLD YOU BEFORE , I WILL NOT T
OLERATE THAT KIND OF REMARK . $
IT 'S CYNICAL , AND CYNICISM IS LIKE RUST , IT CORRODES THE
HUMAN SPIRIT QUICKER THAN ANYTHING . $
08 I 'M SORRY , MR KENILWORTH . $
03 YOU REALLY MUST TRY TO TAKE A MORE POSITIVE VIEW OF MR MU
RRAY'S EFFORTS . $
A LITTLE SYMPATHY AND ENCOURAGEMENT CAN WORK MIRACLES . $
08 I 'LL TRY . $
GOD KNOWS WE NEED ONE . $
04 HELLO , MISS WHEELER . $
KENILWORTH . $
AH , THE EINE KLEINE NACHTMUSIK - WHAT A DELIGHTFUL PIECE TH
AT IS . $
IS HE IN ? $
08 HE 'S STILL AT THE FILM STUDIO . $
HE 'LL BE BACK SHORTLY . $
04 I JUST CALLED IN TO GO OVER THE NEW STORYBOARD WITH HIM .
 $
IS - A - $
08 SHE 'S IN HER OFFICE . $
04 AH ! $
08 SHE HAS A WORK SESSION WITH MR MAINE AND MR SPENDER THIS
AFTERNOON . $
THEY 'RE ON THEIR WAY UP FROM THE COUNTRY . $
04 MY , THEY 'VE DONE WELL , HAVEN'T THEY ? $
A FARM IN EAST ANGLIA AND NOW FREDDIE 'S BOUGHT A CLINIC IN
SURREY . $
VERY SMART BOYS . $
08 BY THE WAY , I GOT THE TICKETS FOR COVENT GARDEN , TONIGH
T . $
03 THANK YOU . $
08 MR MURRAY WON'T BE GOING , THOUGH . $
HE PHONED TO SAY HE 'D BE WORKING LATE . $
04 ACQUIRING CULTURE 'S THE WORK OF A LIFETIME . $
08 AT THE RATE HE 'S GOING HE 'LL HAVE TO COME BACK . $
SORRY MR KENILWORTH . $
I 'D BETTER GO BACK TO MY OFFICE AND SCRAPE OFF SOME OF THIS
 RUST . $
04 I 'LL JUST GO IN AND SAY ' HELLO ' TO NANCY - MISS GRAY .
 $
03 PUT IT UP THERE . $
MIND THE DESK ! $
THAT 'S IT ! $
THE HOOK 'S IN ALREADY . $
03 DO YOU THINK IT GOES ? $
08 I SHALL BE SURPRISED IF IT DOESN'T ! $
01 NO ! $
OUT ! $
04 NOW , NANCY ... $
01 YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF ! $
04 IT JUST CAME OVER ME , NANCY , I WAS TAKEN BY SURPRISE .
$
01 YOU WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE ! $
03 WHAT HAPPENED ? $
01 NEVER MIND ! $
03 DID YOU LAY A HAND ON HER ? $
01 BOTH HANDS ! $
03 THAT 'S DESPICABLE . $
WHAT WOULD YOUR WIFE SAY ? $
08 WHAT HAPPENED ? $
03 I COULDN'T POSSIBLY TELL YOU , MISS WHEELER , YOU 'RE MUC
H TOO REFINED . $
08 SOMETIMES , I JUST HATE MYSELF . $
04 IT 'S NO USE LOOKING AT ME , KENILWORTH , I 'M OBSESSED W
ITH HER . $
01 THE LUST OF IT ! $
I TURN MY BACK FOR A SECOND ... $
04 WELL , COME TO NICE WITH ME FOR A WEEK ! $
01 I DON'T GO TO NICE WITH STRANGE MEN ! $
04 THEN COME TO BRIGHTON ! $
01 I 'VE BEEN TO BRIGHTON ! $
LOTS OF TIMES . $
03 WHAT 'S WRONG WITH NICE ? $
01 IF I WENT TO NICE I MIGHT COME BACK AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT
 GIRL . $
MR MAINE EXPLAINED THAT TO ME VERY CLEARLY . $
AND MR MURRAY EXPLAINED IT TO YOU . $
03 SHE 'S A VERY DELICATE MECHANISM . $
04 I KNOW ALL THAT ! $
01 I 'M A VALUABLE ECONOMIC ASSET AND I HAVE TO BE CAREFUL .
 $
04 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN STAND BEING JUST NOBODY . $
01 I AM NOT JUST NOBODY , MR BASSINGTON . $
I 'M JUST ' ANYBODY ' . $
ANYBODY CAN BE NOBODY , BUT NOBODY CAN BE JUST ' ANYBODY ' -
 AS EVEN A PRACTISING PSYCHOLOGIST COULD TELL YOU . $
AND ANOTHER THING . $
I BOUGHT ONE OF YOUR CORNETS THE OTHER DAY AND I COULD TASTE
 THE PORK FAT ! $
04 THEY KEEP THAT GIRL IN COTTON WOOL - CONTROL HER ENVIRONM
ENT LIKE A GUINEA PIG . $
SHE MUST BE STUPID TO PUT UP WITH IT . $
03 SHE SIGNED A SEVEN YEAR CONTRACT . $
04 SHE MUST HAVE BEEN STUPID TO SIGN IT . $
05 FILM PEOPLE ! $
WE SPENT THE WHOLE MORNING TRYING TO MAKE A KING-SIZED CIGAR
ETTE LOOK BIGGER THAN AN ORDINARY ONE ! $
I COULD GET BETTER RESULTS WITH A BROWNIE . $
MISS WHEELER ! $
08 YES , MR MURRAY . $
05 HAVE MAINE AND SPENDER ARRIVED YET ? $
08 THEY 'RE ON THEIR WAY , SIR . $
05 I RUN THIS BUILDING SINGLE HANDED AND THEY CAN'T EVEN GET
 TO AN APPOINTMENT ON TIME . $
08 LORD ILCHESTER PHONED . $
05 WHAT DID HE WANT ? $
08 HE SAID WOULD YOU CALL HIM BACK ? $
05 IF HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME HE CAN PHONE ME . $
A YEAR AGO I COULDN'T GET IN TO SEE HIM . $
08 YES , SIR . $
AND THOSE LETTERS ARE FOR SIGNATURE . $
THAT 'S THE MORNING POST . $
05 YOU 'RE HERE EARLY , AREN'T YOU ? $
04 I WAS NEARBY SO I DIDN'T BOTHER TO GO BACK TO THE OFFICE
. $
05 HAVE YOU BEEN OGLING NANCY AGAIN ? $
04 NO , CHARLES , OF COURSE NOT ! $
05 WE 'VE GONE TO A LOT OF TROUBLE KEEPING THAT GIRL THE WAY
 SHE IS . $
I DON'T WANT YOU GIVING HER IDEAS . $
04 OH , DAMMIT , I WOULDN'T HARM HER . $
SHE 'D ENJOY HERSELF . $
05 SHE 'S HAPPY AS SHE IS ! $
SHE 'S SIGNED , SEALED AND DELIVERED TO US IN A SEVEN YEAR C
ONTRACT THAT 'S IN THAT SAFE . $
SHE GETS HALF OF ONE PER CENT OF THE PROFITS AND ALL SHE DOE
S IS SIT IN HER OFFICE POLISHING HER FINGERNAILS . $
04 HALF OF ONE PER CENT ! $
05 SHE 'S A PARTNER IN THE FIRM , SHE 'S NEVER HAD IT SO GOO
D . $
04 YOU 'RE A HARD MAN , CHARLES . $
05 JUST LEAVE HER ALONE . $
WE 'RE HAVING ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH HER AS IT IS . $
#63 $
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ? $
03 AN ENAMEL . $
05 I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BUY A PAINTING ? $
03 IT IS A PAINTING . $
YOU PUT IT ON ENAMEL AND BAKE IT IN AN OVEN . $
05 I ASKED FOR A WORK OF ART , NOT A MEAT PIE ! $
HOW MUCH DID IT COST ? $
03 FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUNDS . $
05 I SEE . $
I 'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE . $
DON'T WORKS OF ART USUALLY COST MORE THAN THAT ? $
03 THEY - VARY . $
WHAT DON'T YOU LIKE ABOUT IT ? $
05 IT LOOKS TO ME AS IF SOMEBODY 'S THROWN HIS DINNER AT THE
 WALL . $
03 DO YOU HAVE ANY PREFERENCES ? $
05 I LOVE ALL GREAT ART , KENILWORTH . $
I 'VE BEEN STARVED OF IT EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD . $
03 I CAN SEE THAT . $
05 BUT I DON'T WANT TO DICTATE TO YOU . $
I 'M IN YOUR HANDS , YOU FOLLOW ME ? $
03 YES , MR MURRAY . $
05 GOOD . $
YOU KNOW , IT WAS THE BEST DAY'S WORK I EVER DID , GETTING Y
OU FROM THE COMPLETE OFFICE EQUIPMENT HIRE COMPANY . $
THAT MUST HAVE BEEN A NIGHTMARE FOR A SENSITIVE CHAP LIKE YO
U . $
05 YES ? $
08 LORD ILCHESTER ON THE PHONE , SIR . $
05 THANK YOU . $
08 YES , MR MURRAY ? $
05 DO YOU MEAN LORD ILCHESTER IS ON THE PHONE OR HIS SECRETA
RY ? $
08 WELL , IT 'S HIS SECRETARY , SIR , SHE 'S WAITING TO PUT
YOU THROUGH . $
05 WELL , I 'LL PICK UP THE PHONE WHEN LORD ILCHESTER 'S ON
 THE PHONE . $
MY TIME 'S JUST AS VALUABLE AS HIS . $
I 'M NOT WAITING ABOUT FOR SOME TWOPENNY HA'PENNY SECRETARY
TO PUT ME THROUGH . $
WHO DO THESE PEOPLE THINK THEY ARE ? $
LOOK , I 'LL ONLY BE A MINUTE , KENILWORTH . $
03 ABOUT THESE TICKETS FOR COVENT GARDEN ... $
05 OH , I 'M SORRY ABOUT THAT , BUT YOU 'LL FIND SOMEONE TO
TAKE , WON'T YOU ? $
I KNOW IT 'S ALWAYS HAPPENING , BUT - I 'LL SPEAK TO YOU ABO
UT THAT LATER . $
03 MR MURRAY ? $
05 WELL ? $
03 I THINK AT LEAST YOU COULD DO YOUR EXERCISES . $
05 NOW ? $
03 THEY ONLY TAKE FIVE SECONDS . $
05 VERY WELL . $
BUT YOU KNOW HOW I HATE DOING IT . $
03 WE ALL HATE MOST WHAT DOES US MOST GOOD . $
ON THE CHAIR I THINK IS BETTER . $
05 CAN'T I DO IT HERE ? $
03 I DON'T THINK IT 'S SOMETHING TO BE TOSSED AWAY CASUALLY
. $
05 ' MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING , MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING , MONEY
 ISN'T EVERYTHING , MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING , MONEY ISN'T EVE
RYTHING . ' $
I THOUGHT IT WAS A BIT BETTER THAT TIME ? $
03 LESS FORCED . $
05 YOU SAID IT WOULD GET EASIER . $
DOES IT BEGIN TO LOOK AS IF I MEAN IT ? $
03 LOOKING IS NOTHING , MR MURRAY , FEELING IS EVERYTHING .
$
05 YES - WELL - I 'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE . $
I 'M SURE IT 'S DOING ME GOOD . $
01 ' BY HEAVEN YOU DO ME WRONG . $
ARE YOU NOT A TRUMPET ? $
03 STRUMPET . $
01 EH ? $
03 STRUMPET ! $
HE DIDN'T LIKE A PAINTING . $
01 WHAT DID HE SAY ? $
03 HE SAID IT LOOKED AS IF SOMEBODY HAD THROWN HIS DINNER AT
 THE WALL . $
01 WELL , HE DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ART BUT HE DOES KNOW ABOU
T THROWING DINNERS AT THE WALL . $
HE 'LL NEVER LEARN ANYTHING , WILL HE ? $
03 OH , WE MUSTN'T TAKE THAT ATTITUDE . $
ROME WASN'T BUILT IN A DAY . $
01 BUT JUST HAVING YOU AROUND YOU 'D THINK HE 'D LEARN SOMET
HING . $
03 I 'VE BEEN AROUND YOU MORE THAN HIM AND WHAT HAVE YOU LEA
RNED ? $
01 BUT I 'M DIFFERENT ! $
I 'M TYPICAL OF THE BRITISH PUBLIC ! $
HE 'S NOT . $
HE 'S AN EMBARRASSMENT TO THE FIRM . $
03 HE 'S TRYING , AND THAT 'S WHAT COUNTS . $
I 'M SURE THERE 'LL BE A BREAK THROUGH , SOON . $
I CAN FEEL IT COMING . $
IF ONLY HE COULD RECOGNISE THE EINE KLEINE NACHT ... $
OH , WELL , I 'VE ANOTHER TICKET GOING SPARE . $
01 THAT 'S JUST WHAT I MEAN ! $
WHY ISN'T HE GOING ? $
03 HE 'S WORKING LATE . $
01 BUT HE NEVER GOES ! $
HE 'S JUST WASTING HIS MONEY ! $
03 OH , NO ! $
HUMAN ENDEAVOUR IS NEVER A WASTE , MISS GRAY . $
ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT . $
01 I THINK IT 'S WONDERFUL - THE WAY YOU NEVER GIVE UP . $
I THINK YOU 'RE WONDERFUL ALL TOGETHER . $
03 YOU 'LL COME WITH ME , THEN , AS USUAL ? $
01 DON'T I ALWAYS ? $
WHAT 'S IT TONIGHT ? $
03 THE OPERA . $
01 WHICH ONE ? $
03 AIDA . $
01 WE 'VE SEEN IT . $
03 THAT 'S RIGHT . $
01 LAST MONDAY . $
03 THAT WAS CARMEN . $
01 AIDA . $
03 IT WAS CARMEN . $
01 HOW CAN YOU TELL ? $
03 THE STORY WAS DIFFERENT . $
01 WHEN DID I GET MY HAIR DONE ? $
03 LAST WEDNESDAY . $
01 THAT 'S WHEN WE SAW AIDA ! $
03 THAT 'S WHEN WE SAW TOSCA . $
01 BUT I BOUGHT MY LITTLE BLUE DRESS WHEN WE SAW TOSCA ! $
03 YOU BOUGHT YOUR LITTLE BLUE DRESS WHEN YOU SAW CARMEN . $
01 I BOUGHT THE BLACK COAT WITH THE WHITE COLLAR WHEN WE SAW
 CARMEN ! $
03 YOU BOUGHT THE BLACK COAT WITH THE WHITE COLLAR WHEN YOU
SAW OTHELLO ! $
01 WELL , WHAT DID I DO WHEN I SAW AIDA ? $
03 SLEPT ALL THROUGH IT !! $
01 YOU 'RE RIGHT . $
I TOOK THE BLUE DRESS BACK AND CHANGED IT FOR THE BLACK COAT
 WITH THE WHITE COLLAR . $
THAT 'S WHAT CONFUSED ME . $
05 I 'VE LEFT BASSINGTON DOWN THERE . $
NOW , KENILWORTH ... $
01 WHY AREN'T YOU GOING TO COVENT GARDEN , TONIGHT ? $
05 WHAT ? $
01 WHY AREN'T YOU GOING TO COVENT GARDEN , TONIGHT ? $
05 WHAT 'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH YOU ? $
01 THEY 'RE PLAYING AIDA . $
05 I DON'T CARE IF THEY 'RE PLAYING BINGO , THAT 'S MY BUSIN
ESS ! $
01 BUT HE KEEPS BUYING TICKETS FOR YOU ! $
05 IT 'S STILL GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU ! $
01 HOW CAN HE TEACH YOU ANYTHING IF YOU DON'T DO WHAT HE TEL
LS YOU ? $
05 HE 'S NOT HERE TO TEACH ME , HE 'S HERE TO ADVISE ME . $
01 WELL , HE 'S ADVISING YOU TO GO TO GOVENT GARDEN TONIGHT
! $
05 AND I 'M ADVISING YOU TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS ! $
01 I 'VE GOT A STAKE IN THE FIRM ! $
05 YOU 'LL HAVE A STAKE UP THE BACKSIDE IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP
 ! $
I 'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING LIKE IT . $
01 STAKE UP THE BACKSIDE . $
#64 $
05 WILL YOU SHUT UP ! $
01 HOW VULGAR . $
05 SILENCE ! $
I THINK I 'M GOING MAD . $
I ASK YOU HERE TO SLAKE A GENUINE THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE AND I
 END UP BEING PATRONISED BY THE OFFICE GIRL . $
NOW YOU TAKE THAT SECONDARY MODERN MIND OF YOURS BACK TO YOU
R OWN OFFICE . $
I 'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU FOR ONE DAY . $
01 SOME MEN ARE BORN CULTURED . $
OTHERS ACHIEVE IT . $
AND SOME I KNOW COULDN'T HAVE IT THRUST UPON THEM . $
05 THERE 'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT GIRL . $
03 WRONG ? $
05 WELL , WHY IS SHE TALKING LIKE THAT ? $
03 PERHAPS SHE READ IT SOMEWHERE ? $
05 NO , NO , SHE NEVER READS ANYTHING EXCEPT WOMEN'S MAGAZIN
ES , NONE OF THEM DO . $
03 NONE OF WHOM ? $
05 HER GROUP . $
03 HOW DO YOU KNOW ? $
05 OH , KENILWORTH , WE 'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS , BELI
EVE ME . $
THEY READ WOMEN'S MAGAZINES IN TUBES , BATHS , OFFICES AND B
EDS . $
THEY WATCH ONE OF ANY TEN SERIALS ON TV THAT HAS THE LOWEST
LITERARY CONTENT , SPEND 22 % OF THEIR INCOMES ON CLOTHES UN
TIL THEY MARRY WHEN IT DROPS TO NINE . $
THEY VOTE LABOUR WHEN THEY 'RE SINGLE AND TORY WHEN THEY 'RE
 NOT . $
THEY SPEND AN AVERAGE OF NINETY-TWO MINUTES A DAY ON THEIR M
AKE-UP , TURN TO THEIR HOROSCOPES FIRST IN THE EVENING PAPER
S , BELIEVE IN FAMILY PLANNING BUT MAKE A MESS OF IT AT LEAS
T ONCE . $
THEY DON'T GO TO CHURCH UNTIL THEY 'RE THIRTY-FIVE WHEN THEY
 GET FEELINGS OF GUILT AND SEND THEIR CHILDREN INSTEAD . $
AT HER AGE SHE THINKS SHE 'S A REBEL BUT IN FACT SHE 'S A WA
LKING MASS OF CONDITIONED RESPONSES THAT WOULD MAKE ANY ROBO
T LOOK HUMAN . $
THEY 'VE GOT NO IMAGINATIONS BUT HAVE , INSTEAD , A LITTLE B
OX OF FANTASIES WHICH THEY GRADUALLY USE UP AS THE YEARS GO
BY . $
AND THEY 'RE HAPPY , KENILWORTH , THEY THINK THE WORLD IS A
WONDERFUL SUPERMARKET WHERE THEY EXERCISE FREEDOM OF CHOICE
BUT IN FACT THEY CHOOSE BETWEEN SIX BRANDS OF THE SAME WASHI
NG POWDER , SIX BRANDS OF THE SAME RELIGION , SIX BRANDS OF
THE SAME NEWSPAPER , SIX BRNDS OF THE SAME GOVERNMENT AND SI
X BRANDS OF THE SAME READY-MADE OPINIONS ON ANY GIVEN TOPIC
. $
AND WHEN REALLY PUT TO THE TEST , THEY CAN'T EVEN TELL STORK
 FROM BUTTER . $
NO , THEY DEFINITELY DON'T TALK LIKE THAT . $
03 THAT IS THE MOST CYNICAL OBSERVATION I HAVE EVER HEARD IN
 MY LIFE . $
05 CYNICAL ? $
WHAT 'S CYNICAL ABOUT IT ? $
03 YOU CAN'T PARCEL PEOPLE UP INTO PACKAGES AND LABEL THEM I
N THAT WAY ! $
05 WHY NOT ? $
03 BECAUSE IT 'S NOT HUMAN ! $
05 BUT IT 'S VERY CONVENIENT , KENILWORTH . $
03 I DON'T CARE IF IT 'S CONVENIENT , MR MURRAY , IT 'S NOT
HUMAN . $
AND WHAT 'S MORE , IT 'S INACCURATE ! $
05 NOW , THERE , KENILWORTH , YOU GO TOO FAR . $
I 'M QUITE PREPARED TO LISTEN TO YOU ON MATTERS OF ART . $
BUT DON'T TRY TO TEACH ME MY BUSINESS . $
BUSINESS IS ONE THING , CULTURE 'S ANOTHER . $
03 NO , MURRAY , IT IS NOT ! $
CULTURE IS INDIVISIBLE . $
IT 'S AN ATTITUDE OF MIND , NOT JUST A NIGHT AT THE OPERA .
$
IT SHOULD INFUSE EVERYTHING YOU DO , ALTER YOUR WAY OF LOOKI
NG AT THINGS , MAKE YOU MORE TOLERANT AND UNDERSTANDING . $
05 BUT IT 'S DOING THAT , KENILWORTH , IT 'S DOING THAT ! $
THERE 'S NOBODY MORE TOLERANT THAN I AM . $
IT 'S JUST THAT THAT GIRL DRIVES ME UP THE WALL ! $
YES ? $
08 I EXPLAINED THE SITUATION TO LORD ILCHESTER'S SECRETARY A
ND SHE EXPLAINED IT TO LORD ILCHESTER . $
05 WELL ? $
08 HE SAID HE WOULD LIKE TO THINK ABOUT IT . $
05 WELL , LET HIM THINK ABOUT IT . $
NOW , KENILWORTH , MUSIC TIME . $
WHAT IS IT TODAY ? $
03 MUSICAL RECOGNITION . $
05 AH ! $
THAT 'S NOT THE SAME AS APPRECIATION , IS IT ? $
03 NO , THAT COMES AFTER - GIVEN A MODICUM OF GOOD LUCK . $
05 GOOD . $
FIRE AWAY , KENILWORTH . $
05 YES - YES , I 'VE HEARD THIS BEFORE . $
07 SORRY I 'M LATE , CHARLES . $
I GOT TWO MILES DOWN THE ROAD AND FOUND A HERD OF BLOODY COW
S FACING ME . $
05 HELLO , ARTHUR . $
TURN THAT THING OFF , KENILWORTH , WE 'LL PICK IT UP LATER .
 $
07 SOME LONDONER , I SUPPOSE , OUT WALKING , LEFT THE GATE O
PEN . $
THEY DON'T REALISE , THESE CITY PEOPLE , THE DAMAGE THEY DO
. $
HELLO , KENILWORTH , HOW ARE YOU ? $
STILL KEEPING UP THE GOOD WORK ? $
03 WE 'RE DOING OUR BEST , MR SPENDER . $
07 GOOD FOR YOU . $
APPLES . $
I HAD OLD JOE SELECT THEM SPECIALLY . $
LOOK AT THAT - STRAIGHT OFF THE TREE . $
05 IT 'S NOT ! $
07 I SWEAR IT . $
05 MY GOD , IT STILL FEELS WARM . $
THAT 'S A VERY HAPPY APPLE , ARTHUR . $
07 CHARLES , THOSE TREES NEVER STOP LAUGHING . $
HERE , THEY 'RE YOURS . $
BY THE WAY , COME OUT AND LOOK AT MY NEW FERRARI . $
05 NOW ? $
07 WE 'VE GOT TIME . $
FREDDIE 'S NOT HERE , YET . $
06 FREDDIE 'S HERE . $
HELLO CHARLES . $
05 I WISH YOU 'D GET TO THESE CONFERENCES ON TIME . $
IT THROWS MY DAY OUT . $
06 SORRY , CHARLES . $
WE HAD A PIE-THROWING THERAPY SESSION AT THE CLINIC . $
IT WENT ON LONGER THAN WE THOUGHT . $
05 PIE-THROWING ? $
THAT 'S A FUNNY SORT OF THERAPY , ISN'T IT ? $
06 OH , YOU 'D BE AMAZED AT THE RESULTS WE GET . $
IT DOES THE PATIENTS A WORLD OF GOOD THROWING PIES AT EACH O
THER . $
05 WHAT ARE THEY - CUSTARD ? $
06 STEAK AND KIDNEY . $
HELLO , KENILWORTH , HOW ARE THINGS ON THE CULTURE FRONT ? $
03 PROGRESSING , MR MAINE . $
06 SPLENDID . $
WELL , WHERE 'S NANCY ? $
LET 'S GET ON WITH IT . $
AND LET 'S HOPE IT 'S A LITTLE BETTER THAN THE LAST SESSION
. $
05 I WANT A WORD WITH YOU TWO ABOUT THAT . $
KENILWORTH , WOULD YOU MIND ? $
WE 'LL CONTINUE OUR LITTLE DISCUSSION AFTERWARDS . $
06 WHAT 'S ALL THIS ABOUT , CHARLES ? $
05 I 'M WORRIED ABOUT NANCY . $
SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO ME TO BE QUITE THE SAME GIRL ANYMORE . $
06 WELL , SHE 'S A YEAR OLDER , CHARLES . $
AT HER AGE , THAT CAN MAKE A LOT OF DIFFERENCE . $
05 HOW MUCH DIFFERENCE ? $
06 SEXUALLY , SOCIALLY OR PSYCHOLOGICALLY ? $
05 AS A HUMAN BEING ? $
06 AH , YOU 'VE GOT ME THERE . $
07 WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT , CHARLES ? $
05 WELL , THIS HAS ONLY CROPPED UP SINCE YOUR LAST SESSION W
ITH HER ABOUT A FORTNIGHT AGO . $
07 IT WASN'T VERY PRODUCTIVE , YOU MEAN ? $
05 NO . $
YOU SAID SO YOURSELVES . $
06 IT COULD HAVE BEEN ANYTHING . $
WOMEN HAVE MORE OFF DAYS THAN MEN , YOU KNOW . $
05 BUT YOU SAID YOURSELF THE MATERIAL YOU EXTRACTED FROM HER
 DURING THE DEPTH INTERVIEW WASN'T AS VALUABLE AS BEFORE . $
YOU SAID IT LACKED SPONTANEITY . $
06 SHE COULD BE HAVING A LOVE AFFAIR WITH SOME FACTORY WORKE
R OR SHOP ASSISTANT . $
THAT WOULD UPSET HER . $
05 PERHAPS I 'VE BEEN WORRYING UNNECESSARILY . $
06 YOU WOULDN'T LIKE TO COME DOWN TO THE CLINIC FOR A COUPLE
 OF WEEKS - THROW A FEW PIES AT PEOPLE ? $
05 NO , I 'LL BE ALL RIGHT . $
06 WELL , DON'T HESITATE TO LET ME KNOW . $
ANYTIME . $
NOW , LET 'S GET ON . $
CALL NANCY . $
06 WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $
05 THAT TUNE . $
I KEEP HEARING IT . $
WHAT IS IT ? $
06 I DON'T KNOW . $
07 IT SOUNDS FAMILIAR . $
05 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK IT IS ? $
06 WHAT ? $
05 THE ALBANIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM . $
#65 $
06 WHY SHOULD NANCY BE PLAYING THE ALBANIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM
? $
05 I DON'T KNOW . $
PERHAPS SHE 'S TURNING COMMUNIST ? $
07 DON'T BE RIDICULOUS . $
06 WHERE DID YOU HEAR THE ALBANIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM ? $
05 I WENT TO AN EMBASSY RECEPTION ONCE , YEARS AGO . $
IT STUCK IN MY MIND FOR SOME REASON . $
07 IT 'S NOT THE ALBANIAN NATIONAL ANTHEM ! $
05 HAVE YOU EVER HEARD IT ? $
07 NO , BUT I 'VE HEARD THAT . $
I JUST CAN'T THINK WHAT IT IS , THAT 'S ALL . $
05 LET 'S ASK HER . $
06 NO , I THINK THAT WOULD BE A MISTAKE . $
LET 'S PLAY IT SOFT . $
TELL HER WE 'RE READY TO START . $
05 NANCY ? $
NANCY !!! $
01 YES , MR MURRAY ? $
05 IF YOU 'D REMEMBER TO PUT THAT SWITCH BACK I WOULDN'T HAV
E TO SHOUT . $
MR MAINE AND MR SPENDER ARE READY TO BEGIN . $
01 RIGHT . $
06 NOW , STOP WORRYING , CHARLES . $
BEFORE THE DAY 'S OUT WE 'LL HAVE A COUPLE OF SPLENDID IDEAS
 FOR YOU . $
COME ON , NANCY , LET 'S DO SOME WORK . $
01 LEAD ON MACDUFF ! $
05 MISS WHEELER ? $
ASK MR KENILWORTH TO COME IN . $
08 YES , MR MURRAY . $
05 FIND THE PORTER AND LET 'S HAVE THAT DOWN , KENILWORTH .
$
03 YES , MR MURRAY . $
05 YOU KNOW , KENILWORTH , I 'VE BEEN THINKING . $
IT REALLY DOES GET AWFULLY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO GET OUT OF AN
 EVENING AND SEE THESE THINGS YOU WANT ME TO SEE . $
03 WELL , YOU MUST TRY . $
05 YES , YES , OF COURSE . $
BUT - WOULDN'T IT BE SIMPLER IF WE GOT THEM TO COME HERE ? $
03 HERE ? $
05 WELL , WHY NOT ? $
THEY ONLY WORK IN THE EVENING . $
I WORK ALL DAY . $
NATURALLY , I WOULDN'T EXPECT THE WHOLE COVENT GARDEN OPERA
TO COME . $
WE 'D NEVER GET THEM ALL IN . $
BUT THE PRINCIPALS . $
WE COULD HAVE THE REST ON TAPE , WHAT DO YOU THINK ? $
03 BUT THE COST ? $
05 OH , THE COST IS NOTHING . $
ANYWAY , IT 'S NOT JUST THE OPERA . $
ALL THOSE PLAYS YOU WANT ME TO GO AND SEE . $
I 'VE HAD MISS WHEELER DO A LITTLE RESEARCH . $
MOST OF THEM HAVE VERY SMALL CASTS , YOU KNOW . $
03 THEY 'D NEVER COME . $
05 OF COURSE THEY WOULD , IF THEY WERE PAID PROPERLY . $
YOU SAID YOURSELF ARTISTS USED TO PERFORM AT THE COURTS . $
03 BUT THAT WAS FOR ROYALTY ! $
05 WELL ? $
03 MR MURRAY - EVEN THE QUEEN GOES TO THE THEATRE ! $
05 WELL - THE QUEEN HAS HER WAYS AND I HAVE MINE . $
ANYWAY , THINK ABOUT IT . $
WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT LINED UP FOR ME ? $
03 WELL , THERE 'S A NEW PLAY AT THE ROYAL COURT . $
IT 'S CALLED ' THE DANCING PUPIL ' . $
IT 'S ABOUT A DWARF WHO DECIDES TO TAKE UP BALL-ROOM DANCING
 AND FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIS LADY TUTOR . $
05 HOW MANY IN THE CAST ? $
03 FIVE . $
05 INCLUDING THE DWARF ? $
03 INCLUDING THE DWARF . $
05 YOU SEE , THAT 'S JUST THE SORT OF THING I WAS TALKING AB
OUT . $
WE 'D GET THEM IN HERE NICELY . $
TRY TO ARRANGE IT . $
WHAT ELSE ? $
03 THERE 'S THE THIRD LECTURE ON ETHICS AND VALUES IN MODERN
 SOCIETY ON BBC 2 AT 10.15 TOMORROW . $
05 OH , YES , I MISSED THE FIRST TWO . $
WILL IT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE ? $
03 I SHOULDN'T THINK SO . $
AND JASHA KORNITZ AT THE FESTIVAL HALL A WEEK ON FRIDAY . $
HE 'S THE VIOLINIST . $
05 WASN'T HE AN INFANT PRODIGY ? $
03 NO . $
THAT WAS YEHUDI MENHUIN . $
05 OH , YES , MENHUIN . $
I WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM . $
08 LORD ILCHESTER WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A PROPOSAL TO END THE D
EADLOCK , SIR . $
05 WHAT IS IT ? $
08 HE SUGGESTS YOU SYNCHRONISE WATCHES AND BOTH PICK UP THE
TELEPHONE AT A PREARRANGED TIME . $
05 ALL RIGHT . $
08 I 'LL GET TIM ON THE LINE , SIR . $
05 FIND THE PORTER AND LET 'S GET THAT DOWN , NOW . $
KENILWORTH . $
03 YES , MR MURRAY . $
07 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ? $
06 I DON'T KNOW ! $
LET ME THINK FOR A MINUTE . $
07 BUT THIS IS DREADFUL ! $
06 IT 'S NOTHING YET . $
DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS . $
05 WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $
07 HOPELESS ! $
HOPELESS ! $
06 NOW , DON'T PANIC . $
05 WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $
06 I DON'T KNOW . $
05 WHAT HAPPENED ? $
07 NOTHING ! $
THAT 'S WHAT HAPPENED ! $
VIRTUALLY NOTHING ! $
05 YOU MEAN IT WAS THE SAME AS LAST TIME ? $
07 WORSE ! $
YOU WERE RIGHT , CHARLES . $
SOMETHING 'S HAPPENING TO HER . $
05 I TOLD YOU . $
WHAT HAPPENED ? $
WELL , TELL ME . $
07 WE SAT HER DOWN AND STARTED AS USUAL WITH A SIMPLE WORD A
SSOCIATION TEST . $
COLOURS , THAT 'S ALL . $
THE FIRST WORD WAS ' BLACK ' AND WE EXPECTED HER TO SAY ' WH
ITE ' . $
05 WHAT DID SHE SAY ? $
07 COMMONWEALTH IMMIGRATION ACT . $
05 COMMONWEALTH IMMIGRATION ACT ? $
WHAT 'S THAT ? $
07 IT REGULATES THE NUMBER OF COLOURED PEOPLE WHO COME INTO
THE COUNTRY . $
05 I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD ONE OF THOSE . $
07 WELL , WE DO ! $
THEN WE SAID ' RED ' , EXPECTING HER TO SAY ' WINE ' OR ' BL
OOD ' OR ANYTHING - IT 'S JUST A WARMING UP EXERCISE , REALL
Y . $
05 WHAT DID SHE SAY ? $
07 SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T AGREE WITH IT . $
05 WITH THE COLOUR RED ? $
07 WITH THE COMMONWEALTH IMMIGRATION ACT , WE COULDN'T GET H
ER OFF THE SUBJECT ! $
05 WHAT DID YOU DO ? $
07 WELL , FREDDIE TOOK HER OFF WORD ASSOCIATION AND TRIED HE
R ON INCOMPLETE SENTENCES . $
YOU KNOW - ' AS SOFT AS ... ' AND SHE HAS TO SAY ' SILK ' OR
 SOMETHING LIKE THAT . $
05 DID THAT WORK ? $
07 IT WORKED ALL RIGHT TILL WE GOT TO ' SMOOTH ' , DIDN'T IT
 , FREDDIE ? $
FREDDIE SAID , ' AS SMOOTH AS ... ' AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE
 SAID ? $
05 WHAT ? $
07 ' MONUMENTAL ALABASTER ' . $
05 MONUMENTAL ALABASTER ? $
07 ' AS SMOOTH AS MONUMENTAL ALABASTER , ' THAT 'S WHAT SHE
SAID . $
06 IT RINGS A BELL , TOO , THAT 'S THE INFURIATING PART . $
05 ' AS SMOOTH AS MONUMENTAL ALABASTER . ' $
WHY SHOULD ANYONE SAY THAT ? $
07 GOD KNOWS . $
BUT HERE 'S THE BEST THING . $
FREDDIE WHIPPED HER OFF THOSE AND GAVE HER THE PICTURE CARDS
 - YOU KNOW , TO FILL IN THE THOUGHT BALLOONS . $
05 WHAT HAPPENED ? $
07 ONE PICTURE SHOWED A TYPICAL HUSBAND , RELAXING IN AN ARM
CHAIR AFTER WORK , SMOKING HIS PIPE , WHILE HIS WIFE WAS BUS
Y AT A SEWING MACHINE . $
05 GO ON . $
07 A TYPICAL DOMESTIC SCENE . $
ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS FILL IN WHAT SHE THOUGHT THE HUSBAND W
AS THINKING . $
NATURALLY , WE EXPECTED HER TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE , ' WHAT
 A GOOD WIFE SHE IS , SAVING MONEY ON THE CHILDREN'S CLOTHES
 ' . $
05 NATURALLY . $
#66 $
07 DO YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WROTE IN THAT MAN'S THOUGHT BALLOON
? $
' WHY DOESN'T THAT SILLY COW EVER READ A BOOK ? ' $
05 I TOLD YOU THIS WAS HAPPENING , DIDN'T I ? $
07 WE 'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ! $
SHE 'S A WASTING ASSET . $
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HER WE 'RE FINISHED . $
05 YOU 'RE RIGHT . $
07 GOD , THE MORTAGE ON THE FARM ! $
AND THE FERRARI ! $
THAT 'S NOT PAID FOR YET ! $
06 YOU 'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT 'S INCURRED DEBTS , ARTHUR
 . $
07 I 'M THE ONLY ONE THAT 'S INCURRED MY DEBTS ! $
05 WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ? $
06 DON'T LET 'S PANIC . $
WE MAY BE COMPLETELY MISINTERPRETING THE SYMPTOMS . $
05 IF YOU ASK ME , SHE 'S GOING A BIT ROUND THE BEND . $
SHE 'S BECOMING ECCENTRIC . $
06 WHAT HAVE WE GOT ? $
TWO BAD WORK SESSIONS AND A FEW VAGUE HINTS FROM CHARLES . $
THAT 'S NOT NEARLY ENOUGH EVIDENCE . $
I SUGGEST , CHARLES , YOU KEEP HER UNDER STRICT OBSERVATION
FOR A WHILE . $
TAKE NOTES . $
WATCH HER . $
IF ANYTHING STRANGE OCCURS , CONSULT WITH ME BEFORE YOU DO A
NYTHING . $
05 RIGHT . $
06 MEANWHILE , LET 'S GET ON WITH THIS ACCOUNT . $
WE 'VE GOT SOME HARD THINKING TO DO BEFORE WE LEAVE , TONIGH
T . $
SHE DIDN'T GIVE US MUCH TO GO ON . $
07 WHY DON'T YOU GO AND HAVE A LOOK AT THE FERRARI ? $
IT 'LL CHEER YOU UP . $
05 ALL RIGHT . $
07 HERE , TAKE THE KEYS . $
RIDE IT ROUND THE BLOCK . $
IT DRIVES LIKE A DREAM . $
08 PLEASE STAND BY FOR YOUR CALL TO LORD ILCHESTER , SIR . $
05 RIGHT . $
HELLO , FRANK , NICE TO HEAR FROM YOU ... WELL , YOU KNOW WH
AT THESE SECRETARIES ARE ... $
YES , I 'D BE GLAD TO ... ALL RIGHT ... $
GOODBYE . $
05 LORD ILCHESTER WAS CALLING TO INVITE ME TO DINNER ON FRID
AY . $
EIGHT O'CLOCK . $
PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT . $
03 THE PORTER 'S COMING . $
05 GOOD . $
WE 'LL MAKE A FRESH START , KENILWORTH . $
04 WELL , I 'M OFF , NOW . $
MISS GRAY ABOUT ? $
I 'M OFF NOW , NANCY ! $
01 YOU ALWAYS WAS ! $
04 LITTLE FIREBRAND . $
I 'LL HAVE HER IF IT TAKES THE WHOLE BASSINGTON FORTUNE . $
01 AND ANOTHER THING ... $
03 HE 'S JUST GONE . $
01 ICED-PORK-FAT LOLLIES ! $
01 WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO PUT IT ? $
03 IN YOUR ROOM . $
01 EH ? $
03 WHY NOT ? $
YOU 'RE A PARTNER . $
01 THAT 'S TRUE . $
TAKE IT TO MY ROOM . $
03 LEAVE IT THERE FOR THE MOMENT . $
05 MISS WHEELER ? $
TELL MR MAINE AND MR SPENDER I WANT TO SEE THEM AT ONCE . $
08 YES , MR MURRAY . $
07 WHAT ON EARTH 'S HAPPENED ? $
05 YOU MAY WELL ASK . $
THIS HAS GONE A LOT FURTHER THAN YOU EVER DREAMED OF , FREDD
IE . $
06 WELL , TELL US . $
05 I WENT OUT TO LOOK AT ARTHUR 'S FERRARI . $
07 WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT ? $
05 NEVER MIND WHAT I THINK OF IT . $
YOU MAY NOT HAVE IT LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO TELL YOU . $
I HAPPENED TO PASS NANCY'S MINI PARKED NEARBY . $
07 WELL ? $
05 I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS . $
06 TRY . $
05 I HAPPENED TO GLANCE IN THROUGH THE WINDOW OF THE CAR . $

WHY I DID IT I 'LL NEVER KNOW , BUT I DID . $
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK I SAW INSIDE ? $
A PELICAN . $
07 A PELICAN ? $
05 A PELICAN . $
I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT . $
I JUST STOOD THERE , STARING AT IT . $
07 ARE YOU TELLING US SHE GOES ABOUT WITH A PELICAN IN THE C
AR ? $
05 I SWEAR IT , ARTHUR . $
IT WAS LYING ON THE SEAT AS LARGE AS LIFE . $
07 SHE IS ROUND THE BEND . $
06 NOT NECESSARILY . $
07 WELL , IT MUST LOOK DAMNED ODD IN A MINI , THAT 'S ALL I
CAN SAY . $
06 ODD , PERHAPS . $
BUT IF SHE WANTS TO GO ABOUT WITH A PELICAN , WHAT HARM CAN
 IT DO ? $
05 WHAT HARM CAN IT DO ? $
DON'T YOU SEE , IT COULD HAVE THE WORST POSSIBLE EFFECT ON H
ER ! $
A PELICAN ? $
OF COURSE ! $
THEY CAN HAVE A TERRIBLE INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE ! $
06 ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT ? $
05 OF COURSE I AM ! $
YOU DON'T SEEM TO APPRECIATE THE SIGNIFICANCE OF IT ! $
THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY WHO 'VE LEARNED EVERYTHING
THEY KNOW FROM PELICANS . $
AND PENGUINS . $
07 AND PENGUINS ? $
05 OF COURSE ! $
THEY 'RE THE UNIVERSITY OF THE BOOKSTALL . $
ONCE PEOPLE START READING THEM SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THEM . $

FOR A MOMENT THERE , THERE WAS A RATHER FRIGHTENING FAILURE
OF COMMUNICATION . $
THIS IS , INDEED , SERIOUS . $
05 OH , NOW YOU REALISE ! $
07 PELICANS - OH GOD , THAT 'S THE ROT ALL RIGHT . $
THAT REALLY IS THE ROT . $
05 I ALWAYS SAID THEY SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED INTO THE COUNTRY
. $
06 I DON'T SEE HOW THIS HAPPENED . $
WE 'VE CAREFULLY CONTROLLED HER ENVIRONMENT . $
WE WERE AWARE OF THE DANGER THAT TOO MUCH LEISURE AND MONEY
CAN BRING AND WE ALLOWED HER LITTLE OF EITHER . $
05 I TOLD YOU HALF OF ONE PER CENT WAS TOO MUCH , YOU WOULDN
'T LISTEN . $
07 SHE HASN'T DONE THIS ON HER OWN , THAT 'S CERTAIN . $
05 I 'M TELLING YOU , SHE 'S MET AN ALBANIAN ! $
I 'M BLOODY SURE THAT TUNE 'S THEIR NATIONAL ANTHEM . $
06 LET 'S HAVE HER IN . $
WE 'VE GOT TO SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL . $
CHARLES , GET HER IN . $
01 ALAS , WHY GNAW YOU SO YOUR NETHER LIP ? $
SOME BLOODY PASSION SHAKES YOUR VERY FRAME ; $
03 LET 'S START AGAIN . $
ROUNDER TONES . $
01 IT IS THE CAUSE , IT IS THE CAUSE MY SOUL , LET ME NOT NA
#67 $
ME IT TO YOU , YOU CHASTE STARS IT IS THE CAUSE . $
YET I 'LL NOT SHED HER BLOOD , NOR SCAR THAT WHITER SKIN OF
 HERS THAN SNOW AND SMOOTH AS MONUMENTAL ALABASTER ... $
05 IT 'S HIM ! $
THAT LONG-HAIRED NIT , IT 'S HIM ! $
06 I DON'T BELIEVE IT ... $
05 IT 'S HIM , I TELL YOU ! $
DIDN'T YOU HEAR ? $
THEY 'RE IN THERE TOGETHER NOW ! $
06 MY GOD ! $
05 THE NERVE OF IT ! $
I GET HIM HERE TO TEACH ME AND HE SPENDS HIS TIME TEACHING H
ER ! $
ON MY MONEY ! $
HE 'S TAUGHT ME NOTHING , NOTHING ! $
I THINK I SHALL GO MAD . $
06 OH , CALM DOWN , CHARLES . $
THE POINT IS , WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT NANCY ? $
05 WE CAN SACK THAT LONG-HAIRED NIT FOR A START ! $
06 IT DOESN'T HELP CALLING HIM NAMES , CHARLES . $
05 IT HELPS ME ! $
06 WELL , SACKING HIM WON'T GET US ANYWHERE . $
SHE COULD STILL GO ON SEEING HIM IF SHE WANTED TO . $
THE REAL QUESTION IS , HOW FAR HAS THE ROT GONE ? $
07 I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT WAS OBVIOUS . $
06 IS IT ? $
THERE ARE MANY DISEASES THAT SEEM AT THE TIME TO BE INCURABL
E AND YET - SOMETHING HAPPENS AND THE PATIENT RECOVERS . $
07 THE WILL TO LIVE ? $
06 IF YOU LIKE . $
ONE CAN NEVER UNDERESTIMATE IT . $
05 WELL , IN THIS CASE IT DOESN'T APPLY , AND SHALL I TELL Y
OU WHY ? $
BECAUSE SHE LOVES IT . $
SHE 'S GOT A TASTE FOR IT . $
SHE 'S HOOKED ON IT . $
AND ONCE THAT HAPPENS , YOU NEVER GET THEM OFF IT . $
07 HE 'S RIGHT . $
05 OF COURSE I 'M RIGHT . $
' WILL TO LIVE ! ' $
IF YOU TELL HER THAT SHE 'LL TAKE OUT HER PELICAN AND DIE LA
UGHING . $
07 IT ISN'T EVEN AS THOUGH YOU COULD CARRY OUT A LOBOTOMY OR
 SOMETHING . $
IS IT ? $
06 NO . $
05 WHEN I THINK OF HIM WALKING IN HERE ... $
07 A LUDDITE , THAT 'S WHAT HE IS , A MODERN LUDDITE . $
05 WHAT 'S THAT ? $
07 VANDALS WHO USED TO WRECK FACTORY MACHINERY . $
05 HOW COULD ANYONE DO THAT ? $
WHAT 'S THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE ? $
06 WE 'LL HAVE TO BUY HIM OFF . $
07 THAT 'S JUST CLOSING THE STABLE DOOR WHEN THE HORSE HAS G
ONE . $
06 NOT NECESSARILY . $
SHE MAY NOT BE A COMPLETE WRECK . $
06 MAY NOT . $
06 THE IMPORTANT THING IS SHE MUSTN'T BE TOLD WHAT 'S HAPPEN
ING TO HER . $
SHE 'S HOOKED , BUT SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHE 'S HOOKED . $
IF WE STOP THE ROT NOW , BREAK THE CONTACT , THERE 'S A CHAN
CE SHE MAY SLIDE BACK INTO HER OLD ROUTINE . $
05 THE WOUND WOULD HEAL ON ITS OWN ? $
06 IT 'S POSSIBLE . $
BUT FIRST WE HAVE TO GET KENILWORTH TO AGREE TO HAVE NOTHING
 MORE TO DO WITH HER . $
07 YOU CAN'T BUY OFF A MAN LIKE KENILWORTH . $
05 HE 'S NO DIFFERENT TO ANYONE ELSE . $
07 OF COURSE HE IS ! $
MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING . $
05 HAVE YOU BEEN HAVING LESSONS AS WELL ? $
07 OF COURSE NOT ! $
I 'M JUST SAYING IT DOESN'T MEAN AS MUCH TO SOMEONE LIKE KEN
ILWORTH AS IT DOES TO US . $
06 CALL HIM IN , CHARLES . $
I THINK HE 'LL AGREE . $
05 HE 'D BETTER AGREE . $
NANCY - TELL KENILWORTH I WANT TO SEE HIM . $
01 I THINK HE WANTS HIS PICTURE BACK . $
05 SHE 'S EVEN GOT MY PICTURE IN HER ROOM ! $
07 WHAT PICTURE ? $
05 HAS SHE GOT MY PICTURE IN THERE ? $
03 YES , MR MURRAY . $
06 NEVER MIND ABOUT THE PICTURE . $
KENILWORTH , WE 'RE IN RATHER A SPOT . $
03 AH , YOU WANT TICKETS FOR THE NATIONAL AND YOU CAN'T GET
THEM . $
05 NO , WE DO NOT WANT TICKETS FOR THE GRAND NATIONAL ! $
06 LET ME HANDLE THIS , CHARLES . $
KENILWORTH , YOU 'VE DONE SOMETHING TO NANCY . $
03 I BEG YOUR PARDON ? $
05 YOU 'VE BEEN MUCKING ABOUT WITH HER ! $
03 MUCKING AB ... $
HOW DARE YOU ! $
I 'VE DONE NO SUCH THING ! $
I 'VE NEVER TOUCHED HER - NOT SO MUCH AS A FINGER ... $
05 NOT HER BODY , HER MIND ! ! $
06 LET ME HANDLE THIS , CHARLES . $
05 GOD - DOESN'T ANYONE THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BUT SEX IN THIS
 COUNTRY ? $
WHY DON'T THEY THINK ABOUT MONEY FOR A CHANGE ! $
03 HER MIND ? $
06 YES , KENILWORTH , HER MIND . $
YOU 'VE BEEN HAVING AN EFFECT ON HER . $
03 ME ? $
BUT I 'VE NEVER HAD AN EFFECT ON ANYONE . $
05 YOU HAD NONE ON ME ! $
03 THERE YOU ARE , YOU SEE . $
YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN . $
06 WE ARE NOT MISTAKEN , KENILWORTH . $
YOU 'VE DONE THAT GIRL A SERIOUS DAMAGE . $
03 OH , NO , YOU 'VE GOT THE WRONG PERSON , MR MAINE . $
IT MUST BE SOMEONE ELSE . $
05 IT 'S YOU , YOU LONG HAIRED NINCOMPOOP ! $
07 LET FREDDIE HANDLE THIS , CHARLES . $
06 THERE 'S NO DOUBT ABOUT IT , KENILWORTH . $
THIS - CULTURE DRUG YOU 'VE BEEN ADMINISTERING TO MR MURRAY
, HAS HAD UNFORTUNATE SIDE EFFECTS ON MISS GRAY . $
03 I DON'T BELIEVE IT . $
06 THE POINT IS , WHAT 'S TO BE DONE ABOUT IT ? $
03 YOU MEAN - SHE 'S NO LONGER MORE AVERAGE THAN AVERAGE ? $
05 OH , BRILLIANT ! $
03 SHE 'S ACTUALLY BRIGHTER AS A RESULT OF MY BEING HERE ? $
06 EXACTLY . $
03 AND I 'VE DONE IT . $
ME , EDWARD KENILWORTH . $
THIS NEVER HAPPENED IN NORTH BORNEO . $
THIS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME ANYWHERE BEFORE . $
06 NOW , THE POINT IS ... $
03 THIS IS A BREAKTHROUGH , NO QUESTION . $
06 THE POINT ... $
03 I ALWAYS KNEW THERE WAS THE TEACHER IN ME , SOMEWHERE . $
06 THE POINT ... $
03 PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE PERSEVERED WITH THOSE HEAD HUNTERS
? $
PERHAPS ... $
05 WILL YOU STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF FOR A MINUTE ! $
GOD , THE SELFISHNESS OF THESE PEOPLE ! $
03 YOU 'RE RIGHT . $
YOU 'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT . $
HERE AM I REJOICING IN THE MOMENTARY TRIUMPH OF A STAR PUPIL
 , AND FORGETTING THE LAME ONE LIMPING BRAVELY ALONG BEHIND
 . $
05 THE LAME ONE WHAT ? $
03 YOUR TURN WILL COME , MR MURRAY . $
I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU . $
I 'M THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME . $
06 WHERE ARE YOU GOING ? $
03 TO TELL MISS GRAY . $
05 HAVE YOU COMPLETELY TAKEN LEAVE OF YOUR SENSES ? $
03 WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $
06 SIT DOWN , KENILWORTH . $
03 BUT DON'T YOU WANT HER TO KNOW ? $
07 WHAT 'S HIS GAME , FREDDIE , EH ? $
WHAT GAME 'S HE PLAYING ? $
06 SIT DOWN , KENILWORTH . $
KENILWORTH , THE LAST THING WE WANT IS FOR MISS GRAY TO KNOW
 . $
IF SHE KNOWS SHE 'S SOMETHING ' BETTER ' THAN AVERAGE , THER
E 'LL BE NO HOLDING HER . $
03 NATURALLY . $
06 WE WANT YOU TO PROMISE TO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH HER . $
JUST FORGET ABOUT IT , LET THE WHOLE THING TAPER OFF . $
IN THAT WAY , I THINK THERE 'S A CHANCE SHE 'LL GO BACK TO B
EING WHAT SHE WAS , AND SHE 'LL NEVER BE ANY THE WISER . $
07 THERE 'LL BE A CONSIDERATION , OF COURSE , WON'T THERE ,
CHARLES ? $
WHAT ARE YOU PAYING HIM NOW ? $
#68 $
05 SEVEN FIFTY . $
07 WELL , WE 'LL DOUBLE THAT , WON'T YOU ? $
05 YES - I THINK WE CAN MANAGE THAT . $
07 AND LET 'S FACE IT , YOUR MARKET VALUE 'S NOT VERY HIGH E
LSEWHERE , IS IT ? $
WELL ? $
03 I 'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING SO PREPOSTEROUS IN ALL MY LIFE
 ! $
DEPRIVE THAT GIRL OF HER BIRTHRIGHT ? $
I 'M SURPRISED AT YOU , MR MURRAY - A PUPIL OF MINE ! $
NOW I BEGIN TO SEE THE CONSEQUENCES OF MISSING THOSE LECTURE
S ON ETHICS AND VALUES . $
I 'LL SPEAK TO YOU LATER . $
05 KENILWORTH ! $
03 ENOUGH ! $
MISS GRAY , WILL YOU COME IN HERE , PLEASE ? $
05 IF YOU TELL ... $
03 SILENCE ! $
MISS GRAY ! $
01 EH ? $
03 SOMETHING WONDERFUL HAS HAPPENED ! $
01 SOMETHING WONDERFUL ? $
03 A MIRACLE ! $
01 HE DON'T WANT HIS PICTURE BACK ? $
03 NO , NO ! $
01 WHAT THEN ? $
03 YOU 'VE CHANGED ! $
01 CHANGED ? $
03 YOU 'RE NO LONGER THE SAME GIRL ! $
01 NO LONGER THE ... $
03 NO ! $
NO LONGER A MEDIAN TYPE ! $
01 EH ? $
03 YOU 'VE GROWN OUT OF IT ! $
YOU 'RE NO LONGER MORE AVERAGE THAN AVERAGE ! $
YOU 'RE BETTER THAN AVERAGE ! $
AND I 'VE DONE IT ! $
ME , EDWARD KENILWORTH ! $
MISS GRAY ! $
01 IDIOT ! $
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME ! $
03 DONE TO YOU ? $
01 YOU 'VE RUINED ME ! $
03 RUINED YOU ? $
01 I WAS A DELICATE MECHANISM ! $
03 BUT I ... $
01 I WAS A VALUABLE ECONOMIC ASSET ! $
03 BUT YOU 'VE CHANGED ! $
01 I DIDN'T WANT TO CHANGE ! $
I WAS EARNING MORE THAN YOU ! $
OH , MR MAINE , TELL ME IT 'S NOT TRUE ? $
05 IT 'S TRUE ALL RIGHT . $
06 IT 'S TRUE , NANCY . $
YOUR REACTIONS ARE NO LONGER SPONTANEOUS . $
01 THAT 'S HIS FAULT ! $
HE 'S INTERFERED WITH ME ! $
OH , MR MAINE , HELP ME ! $
06 HELP YOU ? $
HOW ? $
01 I WANT TO BE NORMAL AGAIN . $
05 HA ! $
01 I 'LL DO ANYTHING ! $
03 MISS GRAY ! $
05 SHUT UP ! $
01 HELP ME , MR MAINE ! $
07 HELP HER , FREDDIE , HELP HER ! $
06 I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN . $
07 CAN YOU RESIST A CRY OF HELP FROM A FELLOW CREATURE ? $
05 THIS CHANGES IT , FREDDIE ! $
IT 'S THE WILL TO LIVE ! $
CHRIST , EVEN I CAN SEE IT ! $
06 YOU MAY BE RIGHT , I THINK YOU MAY BE RIGHT . $
01 WHAT SHALL I DO , MR MAINE ? $
I JUST WANT TO BE THE SAME AS I EVER WAS . $
06 YOU REALLY WANT IT , NANCY ? $
NOTHING CAN BE DONE UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT IT . $
01 I DO , I DO ! $
06 ALL RIGHT , NOW LISTEN . $
THE FIRST THING IS STOP WORRYING . $
HAVE FAITH IN ME . $
WITH PROPER CARE AND ATTENTION WE 'LL GET YOU BACK TO NORMAL
 . $
01 OH , I HOPE SO . $
PLEASE TRY ! $
06 THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS REST . $
COMPLETE REST . $
05 LISTEN TO HIM , NANCY . $
HE 'S ONE OF THE CLEVEREST MEN IN ENGLAND . $
01 I AM LISTENING , MR MURRAY . $
REST . $
PROPER REST . $
06 THAT 'S IT . $
READ ALL THE WOMEN'S MAGAZINES YOU CAN FIND . $
READ THEM FROM COVER TO COVER . $
01 EVEN THE LETTERS ? $
06 ESPECIALLY THE LETTERS . $
SOAK THEM UP . $
BELIEVE IN THEM . $
05 MISS WHEELER ! $
PLACE AN ORDER AT SMITH'S ! $
WE WANT EVERY WOMAN'S MAGAZINE ON THE BOOKSTALL ! $
08 YES , MR MURRAY . $
05 WE 'LL PAY FOR THEM , NANCY . $
DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THAT . $
01 THANK YOU , MR MURRAY . $
06 LISTEN TO THE RADIO A LOT - HAVE IT RUNNING IN THE BACKGR
OUND THE WHOLE TIME . $
NOT THE BBC - RADIO LUXEMBOURG OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT . $
YOU CAN WATCH TV BUT ONLY THE COMMERCIALS . $
01 NOT EVEN CORONATION STREET ? $
06 NO , NANCY , NOT EVEN CORONATION STREET . $
PERHAPS LATER , BUT NOT NOW . $
YOU CAN PLAY A LITTLE BINGO , IF YOU WANT TO , BUT NOT TOO M
UCH . $
ABOVE ALL , DON'T THINK . $
IF YOU FIND YOURSELF THINKING - I MEAN PROPERLY - SWITCH ON
THE RADIO OR DO SOME KNITTING . $
07 I THINK THE SIGHT OF A WOMAN KNITTING IS ONE OF THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL THINGS IN THE WORLD . $
01 I 'LL KNIT YOU SOME SOCKS , MR SPENDER . $
07 THAT WOULD BE LOVELY , NANCY . $
01 WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU LIKE ? $
07 WHAT ABOUT RED ? $
01 I DON'T AGREE WITH IT . $
THAT 'S FUNNY . $
06 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT , NANCY . $
JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT . $
07 MAKE THEM GREEN , NANCY . $
GREEN 'S A NICE , NEUTRAL COLOUR . $
01 ALL RIGHT , GREEN . $
06 AND NOW I SUGGEST YOU GO HOME AND LIE DOWN FOR A WHILE .
$
YOU 'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO . $
01 OH , I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN . $
P'RHAPS IT 'S HOPELESS ? $
06 YOU CAN DO IT , NANCY , YOU CAN DO IT ! $
01 NO , IT 'S HOPELESS . $
I SEEM TO HAVE LOST THE WILL TO GO ON . $
07 NANCY , THINK OF US . $
THINK OF WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO US ! $
YOU 'VE GOT TO DO IT FOR OUR SAKE ! $
01 OH , I WOULD IF I THOUGHT I COULD , MR SPENDER . $
05 LET ME HANDLE THIS . $
YOU WON'T GET HER TO DO THINGS BY ASKING HER TO THINK OF OTH
ER PEOPLE . $
NOW , LISTEN TO ME , NANCY . $
DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING JUST NOBODY AGAIN ? $
01 NO , MR MURRAY . $
05 TYPING LETTERS AND TAKING MESSAGES ALL DAY ? $
01 NO . $
05 THEN PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER . $
NOW , I KNOW YOU 'VE GOT TO MAKE AN EFFORT OF WILL . $
I KNOW IT 'S HARD . $
I KNOW YOU NEED ENCOURAGEMENT . $
AND I KNOW THERE 'S NO GREATER INCENTIVE THAN MONEY . $
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I 'M GOING TO DO ? $
01 NO , MR MURRAY ? $
05 I 'M GOING TO TEAR UP YOUR CONTRACT AND WRITE YOU A NEW O
NE . $
YES , I AM . $
DON'T TRY AND STOP ME . $
IF NANCY COMES BACK TO HER OLD , SIMPLE SELF , IF SHE CAN RE
ALLY FORGET THIS NONSENSE - ONE PER CENT OF THE PROFITS FROM
 NOW ON . $
01 OH ! $
07 HE MEANS IT , NANCY . $
01 OH , MR MURRAY , IT 'S NOT THE MONEY , YOU KNOW THAT . $
05 I KNOW IT , NANCY . $
IF I THOUGHT IT WAS I 'D TELL YOU TO GO AND STUFF YOURSELF -
 YOU KNOW ME , I DON'T MINCE MATTERS . $
NOBODY HOLDS ME OVER A BARREL . $
NOBODY POINTS A GUN AT MY HEAD . $
BUT EVERYBODY NEEDS A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT . $
NO ONE KNOWS THAT BETTER THAN ME . $
I WANT YOU TO GO HOME AND WORK AT IT , CONCENTRATE . $
GET ALL THIS RUBBISH OUT OF YOUR HEAD . $
AND IF YOU FIND YOURSELF FLAGGING , JUST THINK WHAT 'S WAITI
NG FOR YOU WHEN YOU COME BACK . $
A NEW CONTRACT , NANCY , THE OLD ONE TORN TO SHREDS . $
07 WE 'RE WITNESS TO THAT , NANCY . $
WE 'LL HOLD HIM TO IT . $
01 YOU 'D DO THAT FOR ME ? $
05 THE MOMENT YOU WALK THROUGH THAT DOOR , THE SAME SWEET NA
NCY WE ALWAYS KNEW - THAT CONTRACT WILL BE TORN INTO A THOUS
AND PIECES . $
YOU HAVE MY WORD AS AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN . $
01 I 'LL DO IT , MR MURRAY . $
NOT FOR THE MONEY , BUT ... $
05 YOU DO IT FOR THE MONEY , NANCY , YOU 'LL DO IT A LOT BET
TER . $
NOW , OFF YOU GO . $
05 AND THEY TALK ABOUT THE PLAYING FIELDS OF ETON ! $
IT 'S HERE , IN OFFICES LIKE THIS UP AND DOWN THE COUNTRY TH
AT BATTLES ARE WON . $
#69 $
06 WELL , I MUST GET BACK TO THE CLINIC . $
07 AND I MUST GET BACK TO OLD JOE . $
YOU DIDN'T REALLY SEE THE FERRARI , DID YOU ? $
COME AND HAVE A LOOK . $
05 LUDDITE ! $
08 WHAT 'S THAT ONE ? $
03 08 THE EINE KLEINE NACHT . $
08 DOESN'T HE RECOGNISE IT YET ? $
03 NOT YET . $
08 I 'VE HEARD OF TIN EARS , AND I 'VE HEARD OF CLOTH EARS ,
 BUT HIS MUST BE MADE OF SUET DUMPLING . $
I WISH HE COULD REMEMBER IT . $
03 I WISH I COULD FORGET IT . $
08 EVERYTHING I HEAR SOUNDS LIKE THE EINE KLEINE NACHT . $
I HAD THREE CATS OUTSIDE MY WINDOW , LAST NIGHT , I SWEAR TH
EY WERE HOWLING THE EINE KLEINE NACHT . $
03 WELL - IT WAS MORE LIKELY TO BE THEM THAN HIM . $
WHAT WAS THAT ? $
08 RUST . $
03 HAVE YOU REMINDED HIM THAT JASHA KORNITZ IS COMING AT FOU
R ? $
08 FREQUENTLY . $
03 I DON'T WANT HIM RUSHING OFF SOMEWHERE . $
THESE CONCERT PERFORMERS GET RATHER TEMPERAMENTAL . $
08 I 'M SURPRISED HE 'S COMING AT ALL . $
03 OH , PEOPLE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR MONEY . $
08 EVEN ARTISTS ? $
03 ESPECIALLY ARTISTS . $
HE 'S GOT THE CAST OF THE DANCING PUPIL COMING ON FRIDAY . $
08 INCLUDING THE DWARF ? $
03 INCLUDING THE DWARF . $
IT 'S TO BE A PRODUCTION WITHOUT DECOR . $
08 FROM THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT I THINK I 'D PREFER THE DECO
R WITHOUT THE PRODUCTION . $
THERE . $
I THINK NANCY WILL APPRECIATE THOSE , DON'T YOU ? $
03 I 'M SURE SHE WILL . $
08 SHE SHOULD BE HERE , SOON . $
YOU LOOK A BIT ON EDGE . $
03 IT 'S THE ONLY POSITION I CAN RELAX INTO . $
05 MISS WHEELER ! $
OH , THERE YOU ARE . $
NANCY HERE , YET ? $
08 NO , MR MURRAY . $
05 IF I 'M NOT THERE WHEN MR BASSINGTON ARRIVES , TAKE HIM S
TRAIGHT DOWN TO THE ART DEPARTMENT . $
NOW DON'T TELL ME , KENILWORTH , I KNOW WHAT IT IS . $
IT 'S NOT THE ALBANIAN ... $
03 NO , MR MURRAY . $
05 NO , I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS . $
08 IF I MAY SAY SO , MR MURRAY , THERE 'S SOMETHING ABOUT YO
U THIS MORNING THAT SIMPLY INSISTS ON A BUTTONHOLE . $
05 WHAT A GOOD IDEA . $
IT DOES RATHER SUIT ME . $
08 I WOULD SAY THAT YOU SUIT IT . $
05 THAT WOMAN 'S DEVOTED TO ME , YOU KNOW . $
03 ALL YOUR STAFF ARE , MR MURRAY . $
05 DO YOU THINK SO ? $
03 THEY COULDN'T WORK HERE AND NOT BE . $
05 WELL , WE WORK AS A TEAM , KENILWORTH , THAT 'S THE IMPOR
ANT THING . $
08 OH , BY THE WAY , I GOT TWO TICKETS FOR THE OPERA , TONIG
HT . $
05 OH , HELL , I FORGOT ! $
I 'M HAVING DINNER WITH A CLIENT . $
YOU USE THEM , KENILWORTH , I 'M SURE YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE T
O TAKE . $
ON SECOND THOUGHTS , PERHAPS YOU 'D BETTER JUST TAKE ONE . $
05 YOU KNOW , KENILWORTH , I 'M VERY GLAD I DIDN'T SACK YOU
. $
03 THANK YOU , MR MURRAY . $
05 I MUST ADMIT , I WAS TEMPTED THAT DAY . $
BUT THEN I THOUGHT , IF HE COULD DO THAT FOR HER , WHAT COUL
DN'T HE DO FOR ME ? $
I MEAN , SHE 'S REALLY HOPELESS , ISN'T SHE ? $
SHE HAS NO MUSICAL EAR . $
AND NO BASIC DESIRE TO IMPROVE HERSELF . $
AND YET , YOU DID AFFECT HER , KENILWORTH . $
03 YES , MR MURRAY . $
I DID AFFECT HER . $
05 OH , I REALISE IT WAS COMPLETELY UNINTENDED . $
STILL , YOU COULD HAVE DONE US A LOT OF HARM . $
03 YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THAT JASHA KORNITZ IS COMING AT FOU
R ? $
05 NO , I HAVEN'T . $
WHAT 'S HE PLAYING ? $
03 LISZT'S HUNGARIAN RHAPSODY . $
05 HAVE I HEARD IT BEFORE ? $
03 YESTERDAY . $
05 GOOD . $
IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE WHEN A THING 'S FAMILIAR . $
YOU KNOW , KENILWORTH , I THINK IT 'S A WONDERFUL THING FOR
PEOPLE LIKE ME TO PATRONISE THE ARTS , DON'T YOU ? $
03 YES , MR MURRAY . $
05 THAT IS THE RIGHT WORD , ISN'T IT ? $
03 I CERTAINLY COULDN'T THINK OF A BETTER ONE . $
07 IS SHE HERE , YET ? $
05 NOT YET , WHERE 'S FREDDIE ? $
07 HE 'S COMING ALONG . $
HE WANTS TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU . $
05 WHAT ABOUT ? $
07 I 'VE NO IDEA . $
05 ALL RIGHT , KENILWORTH . $
WE 'LL SEE YOU WHEN MISS GRAY GETS HERE . $
06 HAS SHE ARRIVED ? $
05 NOT YET . $
YOU DON'T THINK ONE OF US SHOULD HAVE GONE TO FETCH HER , DO
 YOU ? $
06 NO , NO , THERE WAS NO NEED FOR THAT . $
05 SHE 'S GOING TO BE ALL RIGHT , FREDDIE , ISN'T SHE ? $
06 OH , YES . $
SHE 'S ENORMOUSLY IMPROVED . $
THE REST HAS DONE HER GOOD . $
HER REACTIONS ARE QUITE NORMAL AGAIN . $
BUT I 'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THINKING . $
05 WHAT SORT OF THINKING ? $
06 ABOUT THE PAST - AND THE FUTURE . $
YOU SEE , WE TRIED TO KEEP HER MORE OR LESS OCCUPIED THE WAY
 SHE WAS . $
WE THOUGHT WE HAD CONTROLLED HER ENVIRONMENT PRETTY THOROUGH
LY AND THAT 'S WHERE WE MADE OUR MISTAKE . $
IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE TO DO IT COMPLETELY FROM THE OUTSIDE . $
07 HENCE KENILWORTH ? $
06 EXACTLY . $
05 BUT WE 'VE DEALT WITH THAT . $
06 AND WHO 'S TO SAY IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN ? $
07 NANCY . $
SHE 'LL BE MORE CAREFUL IN FUTURE . $
06 BUT NANCY 'S NOT VERY BRIGHT , IS SHE ? $
05 NONE OF THEM ARE . $
06 SO , WE CAN HARDLY LEAVE THE FUTURE OF OUR BUSINESS IN TH
E HANDS OF SOMEONE LIKE NANCY . $
05 WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST ? $
06 WE COULD MAKE SURE THAT THE WORK SHE DOES HAS A DEADENING
 EFFECT ON HER MIND . $
THERE 'S NOTHING MORE CALCULATED TO KILL THE DESIRE FOR CHAN
GE THAN THAT . $
05 THAT 'S STUPID ! $
SHE 'D NEVER ACCEPT IT . $
06 THERE IS A WAY . $
WHAT WORK IS MORE DEADENING , WHAT CONDITION IS MORE INIMICA
L TO THOUGHT , WHAT DRUDGERY IS MORE LIKELY TO KILL THE BUD
OF REASON AND YET - IS WILLINGLY TAKEN UP BY EVERY WOMAN IN
THE COUNTRY ? $
05 WHAT ? $
06 MARRIAGE . $
05 IT SOUNDS FINE , BUT WHO 'S GOING TO MARRY NANCY ? $
#70 $
06 THAT 'S A GOOD QUESTION . $
05 07 WELL , IT 'S NO USE LOOKING AT ME ! $
05 I 'M ALREADY MARRIED . $
07 DIVORCED . $
05 IT 'S THE SAME THING ! $
I 'VE DONE IT ONCE , I 'M NOT GOING THROUGH IT ALL AGAIN . $
07 WELL , SHE 'S NEVER CARED FOR ME ! $
AND I 'M NOT GIVING UP WHAT I 'VE GOT FOR THAT . $
05 WHAT 'S SACRED ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE ? $
07 NOTHING ! $
AND I WANT TO KEEP IT THAT WAY . $
IT 'S A RIDICULOUS PROPOSITION , FREDDIE . $
NONE OF US IS WILLING TO DO IT . $
06 I WASN'T THINKING OF US . $
07 WHO THEN ? $
06 KENILWORTH . $
05 YOU 'RE JOKING ? $
06 NO , I 'M NOT . $
05 BUT HE 'S THE LAST PERSON TO PUT HER WITH ! $
THEY 'D LIE IN BED EVERY NIGHT LISTENING TO THE THIRD PROGRA
MME ! $
06 NOT IF HE HAD A STAKE IN THE FIRM . $
05 A STAKE IN THE FIRM ! $
HAVE YOU GONE MAD ? $
THIS ISN'T JOHN LEWIS'S ! $
06 BUT IF HE MARRIED NANCY , HE 'D HAVE ONE , WOULDN'T HE ?
$
THROUGH HER . $
05 IT 'S FIENDISHLY CLEVER . $
BUT SHE MAY NOT WANT TO MARRY HIM ? $
06 I THINK SHE DOES . $
THAT 'S WHY IT MUST BE KENILWORTH . $
YOU SEE , GIRLS LIKE NANCY DON'T TAKE UP WITH THIS SORT OF T
HING  ON THEIR OWN . $
THEY DO IT IF THE MAN THEY LIKE DOES IT . $
ONCE THEY 'VE GOT HIM , THEY FORGET ALL ABOUT IT . $
AND THESE LAST FEW WEEKS SINCE SHE 'S BEEN TAKING THE CURE ,
 SHE 'S ASKED AFTER HIM CONSTANTLY . $
07 WHAT ABOUT KENILWORTH ? $
05 HE 'LL DO IT . $
HE 'LL DO WHAT HE 'S TOLD OR THIS TIME THE ONLY CONSIDERATIO
N HE 'LL GET IS THE SACK ! $
01 HELLO , HELLO , HELLO ] $
05 NANCY ! $
OUR NANCY ! $
01 I 'M BACK ! $
05 NANCY ! $
HOW ARE YOU ? $
01 FINE , MR MURRAY . $
BUTTONHOLE . $
05 IN HONOUR OF YOU , NANCY . $
WE 'VE MISSED YOU TERRIBLY , HAVEN'T WE , FREDDIE ? $
06 HELLO , NANCY . $
01 HELLO , MR MAINE . $
07 ' OFT I HAD HEARD OF NANCY GRAY , AND WHEN I CROSSED THE
WILD ... ' $
06 LUCY GRAY . $
07 NANCY . $
' ... I CHANGED TO SEE AT BREAK OF DAY , THAT SOLITARY CHILD
 . ' $
01 HOW ARE YOU , MR SPENDER ? $
07 ALL THE BETTER FOR SEEING YOU . $
01 HOW 'S THE FARM ? $
07 LOWING O'ER THE LEA , NANCY . $
01 AND OLD JOE ? $
07 HOMEWARD PLODDING HIS WEARY WAY , AS ALWAYS . $
YOU MUST COME DOWN , SOMETIME . $
01 I 'D LOVE TO . $
06 WE MAY WANT YOU TO DO A LITTLE WORK THIS AFTERNOON , NANC
Y . $
IF YOU FEEL UP TO IT , THAT IS . $
01 OH , I 'M TIRED OF DOING NOTHING . $
05 YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DOING NOTHING , NANCY . $
YOU 'VE BEEN RECUPERATING , THERE 'S ALL THE DIFFERENCE IN T
HE WORLD . $
01 AND HOW IS MR KENILWORTH ? $
05 COULDN'T BE BETTER , NANCY . $
WHAT A CLEVER CHAP HE IS . $
AND SUCH AN ATTRACTIVE MAN . $
01 DO YOU THINK SO ? $
05 WHAT WAS I SAYING , FREDDIE , JUST BEFORE NANCY CAME IN ?
 $
06 MAGNETIC , I THINK WAS THE WORD YOU USED . $
05 MAGNETIC - THAT 'S HOW I DESCRIBED HIM . $
07 MOST OF THE WOMEN IN THIS BUILDING ARE MAD ABOUT HIM , FR
EDDIE , DID YOU KNOW THAT ? $
01 THEY 'RE NOT ! $
07 I SWEAR IT ! $
I CAN'T THINK WHY . $
01 OH , I CAN ! $
05 FREDDIE , ARE YOU - ER - $
06 OH , YES . $
NANCY , I 'M GOING TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE TEST , DO YOU MIND ?
 $
01 ANOTHER ONE ? $
06 IT 'S NOTHING . $
YOU 'VE DONE IT ALL BEFORE . $
IT 'S REALLY MORE FOR YOU THAN FOR US . $
SIT DOWN . $
YOU 'RE NOT NERVOUS , ARE YOU ? $
01 OF COURSE I 'M NOT NERVOUS . $
06 GOOD , ARTHUR , THE CARDS . $
05 AND REMEMBER , NANCY , AN ENTIRELY NEW CONTRACT I 'M A MA
N OF MY WORD . $
06 NOW , NANCY , QUICK AS YOU LIKE . $
NO PAUSING , NOTHING . $
JUST LET IT STRAIGHT OUT . $
01 RIGHT . $
06 ALL SET ? $
01 READY , MR MAINE . $
06 HERE WE GO . $
01 OH , I NEVER SHOWED YOU THIS . $
MR. MAINE BOUGHT IT FOR ME , SO 'S I 'D HAVE MUSIC WHEREVER
I GO . $
05 HOW LOVELY . $
SHALL WE GET ON ? $
01 DID YOU SEE IT , MR SPENDER ? $
07 IT 'S SPLENDID , NANCY . $
01 I 'M GOING TO KEEP IT IN MY OFFICE . $
05 GOOD , GOOD . $
SHALL WE GET ON ? $
06 ALL RIGHT , NANCY ? $
01 RIGHT , MR MAINE . $
06 HERE WE GO . $
01 OH , I ALMOST FORGOT . $
05 WHAT IS IT ? $
01 SOCKS . $
05 SOCKS ? $
01 YOU WEAR SOCKS , DON'T YOU ? $
05 YES , YES , OF COURSE . $
CAN WE GET ON ? $
01 JUST A MINUTE . $
WHAT SIZE DO YOU TAKE ? $
05 SIZE ? $
MISS WHEELER ! $
08 YES , MR MURRAY ? $
05 WHAT SIZE SOCKS DO I TAKE ? $
08 SIZE ELEVEN . $
05 SIZE ELEVEN . $
01 I 'VE GIVEN YOU THE WRONG ONE . $
THAT 'S NOT RIGHT . $
05 CAN WE SORT IT OUT LATER ? $
01 NO , I THINK IT 'S RIGHT , NOW . $
07 IT WAS VERY SWEET OF YOU , NANCY , TO KNIT US ALL SOCKS ,
 WASN'T IT , CHARLES ? $
05 VERY SWEET . $
CAN WE GET ON ? $
06 READY , NANCY ? $
01 READY , MR. MAINE . $
06 HERE WE GO . $
BLACK . $
01 WHITE . $
06 RED . $
01 BLOOD . $
06 BLUE . $
01 BIRD . $
06 SILVER . $
01 GOLD . $
06 BLACK $
01 WHITE . $
06 BROWN . $
01 BAG . $
06 GREY . $
01 SKY . $
06 GREEN . $
01 GRASS . $
#71 $
06 BLACK . $
01 WHITE . $
06 ORANGE . $
01 APPLE . $
06 YELLOW . $
01 JAUNDICE . $
06 SCARLET . $
01 O'HARA . $
05 BRAVO ! $
07 BRAVO ! $
06 WONDERFUL , NANCY ! $
01 WAS IT ALL RIGHT ? $
06 COULDN'T BE BETTER . $
NOW I 'VE GOT SOME INCOMPLETE SENTENCES HERE , I WANT YOU TO
 COMPLETE THEM . $
YOU KNOW HOW IT 'S DONE . $
NO PAUSING . $
01 YES , MR MAINE . $
06 YOU 'VE HEARD THEM ALL BEFORE , ALL RIGHT ? $
' AS HARD AS ... ' $
01 NAILS . $
06 ' AS WHITE AS ... ' $
01 MILK . $
06 ' AS SOFT AS ... ' $
01 SNOW . $
06 ' AS DARK AS ... ' $
01 NIGHT . $
06 ' AS CLEAR AS ... ' $
01 DAY . $
06 ' AS SWEET AS ... ' $
01 HONEY . $
06 ' AS LARGE AS ... ' $
01 LIFE . $
06 ' AS GOOD AS ... ' $
01 GOLD . $
06 ' AS FAST AS ... ' $
01 LIGHT . $
06 ' AS COLD AS ... ' $
01 ICE . $
06 ' AS WARM AS ... ' $
01 TOAST . $
06 ' AS HEAVY AS ... ' $
01 LEAD . $
06 ' AS SMOOTH AS ... ' $
01 SILK . $
07 WELL DONE , NANCY . $
05 THAT 'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME . $
01 I 'M BACK TO NORMAL AGAIN , AREN'T I ? $
05 YOU NEEDN'T WORRY ABOUT THE REST , FREDDIE . $
AS FAR AS I 'M CONCERNED , THAT 'S IT . $
06 JUST ONE MORE , CHARLES . $
NANCY I 'VE JUST GOT ONE PICTURE CARD , HERE . $
I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT IT . $
IT SHOWS A MAN RELAXING IN A CHAIR AFTER A HARD DAY'S WORK ,
 SMOKING HIS PIPE . $
HIS WIFE SITS NEAR HIM , SEWING A MACHINE . $
A SIMPLE , DOMESTIC SCENE . $
WHEN I GIVE IT TO YOU , I WANT YOU JUST TO TELL ME WHAT YOU
THINK THE MAN IS THINKING - AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN . $
ALL RIGHT ? $
01 HE 'S THINKING - ' I DON'T KNOW WHAT I 'D DO WITHOUT HER
 , SHE 'S SUCH A CAREFUL WIFE . ' $
05 THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION , MISS WHEELER ! $
01 WAS IT ALL RIGHT ? $
06 PERFECT ! $
PERFECT ! $
05 WELCOME BACK , NANCY . $
MISS WHEELER ! $
08 YES , MR MURRAY $
05 TELL THE PORTER TO BRING UP THE CHAMPAGNE . $
08 YES SIR . $
05 AND MISS WHEELER ? $
EVERY MEMBER OF MY STAFF PAYS NATIONAL HEALTH AND IS ENTITLE
D TO DEAF AID IF THEY NEED ONE . $
08 YES , SIR . $
07 I DIDN'T KNOW YOU 'D BOUGHT CHAMPAGNE , CHARLES ? $
05 I THOUGHT WE 'D HAVE A LITTLE OFFICE PARTY . $
04 DID I HEAR SOMEONE SAY ' PARTY ' ? $
01 HELLO , MR BASSINGTON . $
04 NANCY ! $
I HEARD YOU WERE COMING BACK TODAY . $
I JUST HAD TO COME OVER . $
DOESN'T SHE LOOK WELL , CHARLES . $
STILL QUEEN OF MY THOUGHTS , NANCY . $
HOW 'S YOUR RESISTANCE ? $
01 AS STIFF AS EVER , MR BASSINGTON . $
05 AND HOW 'S YOUR WIFE ? $
04 AS STIFF AS EVER . $
I 'M OFFERING YOU THE WORLD , NANCY . $
05 THAT 'S ENOUGH . $
04 OH , STOP BEHAVING LIKE A MOTHER HEN . $
05 NANCY 'S IN OUR CARE AND WE 'RE RESPONSIBLE FOR HER . $
04 MY INTENTIONS ... $
05 I KNOW WHAT YOUR INTENTIONS ARE ... $
07 DISGUSTING ! $
04 I 'M THINKING OF HER FUTURE , CHARLES . $
05 AND I 'M THINKING OF YOUR PAST . $
NOW DID YOU COME TO LOOK OVER THE BUDGET ? $
04 THAT WAS MY RATHER FEEBLE EXCUSE , YES . $
05 THEN SUPPOSE YOU GO AND DO IT . $
NANCY , WHY DON'T YOU GO AND LOOK AT YOUR OFFICE ? $
I 'VE HAD IT FILLED WITH FLOWERS . $
01 OH , LOVELY . $
I THINK I 'D BETTER FRESHEN UP , ANYWAY , IF WE 'RE GOING TO
 HAVE A PARTY . $
05 I 'LL CALL YOU AS SOON AS THE CHAMPAGNE ARRIVES . $
04 WELL , THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS INVITE ME TO THE PARTY .
 $
05 YOU CAN DROP IN PROVIDED YOU GIVE A SOLEMN PLEDGE OF GOOD
 BEHAVIOUR . $
04 OH , VERY WELL . $
YOU HAVE MY WORD . $
03 AM I INTERRUPTING ? $
05 NO , KENILWORTH , COME IN . $
03 HAS MISS GRAY ARRIVED ? $
05 SHE 'S JUST GONE INTO HER OFFICE . $
WE WANT TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU . $
THE OTHER WAY OUT , HAROLD . $
05 SIT DOWN , KENILWORTH . $
03 HAVE I DONE SOMETHING WRONG , AGAIN ? $
05 NO , NO , NOTHING LIKE THAT . $
FREDDIE , WOULD YOU LIKE TO HANDLE THIS ? $
06 ALL RIGHT . $
KENILWORTH - HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT OF GETTING MARRIED ? $
03 MARRIED ? $
06 YES ? $
HOW OLD ARE YOU ? $
03 FORTY . $
06 DON'T YOU THINK IT 'S TIME YOU SETTLED DOWN ? $
03 WHO HAD YOU GOT IN MIND ? $
06 THAT 'S A FAIR QUESTION . $
WE 'RE THINKING OF MISS GRAY . $
03 WHY ON EARTH SHOULD I MARRY MISS GRAY ? $
05 WE 'RE COMING TO THAT , KENILWORTH , JUST WAIT . $
06 LET ME PUT IT THIS WAY . $
WE WOULD LIKE TO ENSURE AGAINST THE KIND OF TROUBLE WE HAD A
BOUT A MONTH AGO . $
07 AND WHICH YOU WERE THE CAUSE OF . $
06 UNINTENTIONALLY , OF COURSE . $
03 BUT HOW WOULD MY MARRYING MISS GRAY DO THAT ? $
06 IT 'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE . $
WHEN A WOMAN MARRIES , IN THE NORMAL WAY OF THINGS SHE HAS N
EITHER THE TIME NOR THE INCLINATION TO PURSUE ANY INTEREST O
UTSIDE OF THE HOME . $
MENTALLY , SHE 'S ARRESTED , BLOCKED - AND BY AN INCREDIBLY
FORTUNATE ARRANGEMENT OF THINGS SHE 'S QUITE HAPPY ABOUT IT
. $
05 AND YOU 'LL BE HAPPY , KENILWORTH , THAT 'S THE POINT . $
YOU 'LL HAVE SOMEONE TO LOOK AFTER YOU , CHILDREN - YOU DO L
IKE CHILDREN , DON'T YOU ? $
03 YES , MR MURRAY . $
05 GOOD . $
I 'VE NOTHING BUT CONTEMPT FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE CHILDRE
N . $
AND YOU 'LL HAVE AN INTEREST IN THE FIRM THROUGH NANCY - PRO
VIDED , OF COURSE , SHE REMAINS THE WAY SHE IS . $
07 MARRIAGE IS A WONDERFUL INSTITUTION , KENILWORTH , ISN'T
IT , CHARLES ? $
05 WONDERFUL . $
AND IT DOESN'T HAVE TO INTERFERE WITH YOUR SEX LIFE . $
I NEVER LET IT INTERFERE WITH MINE . $
WHAT DO YOU SAY ? $
03 I - I COULDN'T DO IT . $
05 COULDN'T DO IT ? $
03 NO , MR MURRAY , I COULDN'T DO IT . $
#72 $
05 DON'T BE RIDICULOUS , OF COURSE YOU CAN DO IT ! $
03 I COULDN'T , MR MURRAY , I 'M - I 'M MARRIED ALREADY . $
05 WHAT DO YOU MEAN , ' MARRIED ALREADY ' ? $
03 I DON'T KNOW ANY OTHER WAY OF PUTTING IT . $
I 'M A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN . $
05 WHO TO ? $
03 TO WHOM . $
05 TO WHOM ? $
03 A GIRL IN NORTH BORNEO . $
05 HOW CAN YOU BE HAPPILY MARRIED IF SHE 'S IN NORTH BORNEO
 AND YOU 'RE HERE ? $
07 DO YOU KNOW A BETTER WAY OF BEING HAPPILY MARRIED ? $
05 IS THIS SOME KIND OF JOKE ? $
03 CERTAINLY NOT ! $
05 WHAT 'S HER NAME ? $
03 MRS KENILWORTH . $
05 I MEAN HER FIRST NAME . $
03 HUNG-TE-LA . $
05 HUNG-TE-WHAT ? $
03 LA $
05 YOU MEAN SHE 'S BLACK ! $
03 THERE 'S NO OTHER COLOUR OUT THERE , MR MURRAY . $
06 IT 'S A BIT OF A PROBLEM , ISN'T IT ? $
05 PROBLEM , RUBBISH ! $
WE 'LL GET A DIVORCE ! $
MISS WHEELER ! $
03 A DIVORCE ! $
YOU CAN 'T GET A DIVORCE OUT THERE . $
05 WHY NOT ? $
03 THEY 'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT . $
08 YES , SIR ? $
05 GET MY SOLICITORS ON THE PHONE . $
08 YES , SIR . $
05 THEY 'LL HAVE HEARD OF IT BY THE TIME I 'M THROUGH WITH T
HEM . $
NOW , DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT . $
IF NECESSARY WE 'LL BUY HER OFF . $
BLACK , YOU SAY ? $
03 YES . $
05 WE 'LL GET SOME COLOURED BEADS AT WOOLWORTH'S AND FLY OUT
 THERE . $
03 BUT I 'M A CATHOLIC ! $
05 THEN WE 'LL GO VIA ROME AND SEE THE POPE ! $
NOTHING 'S IMPOSSIBLE ! $
YES ? $
08 YOUR SOLICITORS , MR MURRAY . $
05 HELLO , HARPER ... YES , MURRAY HERE . $
LISTEN , WE WANT A DIVORCE FROM A GIRL IN NORTH BORNEO ... $
NO , NOT ME , ONE OF MY STAFF ... $
HER NAME 'S HUNG TE LA KENILWORTH ... LA , YES ... $
WHAT 'S HER ADRESS ? $
03 PINEAPPLE TREE COTTAGE , SARAWAK , NORTH BORNEO . $
05 PINEAPPLE TREE COTTAGE , SARAWAK , NORTH BORNEO ... WHAT
DO YOU MEAN , WHAT GROUNDS ? $
ON THE GROUNDS THAT SHE 'S A HEAD-HUNTER , I SUPPOSE ... $
WELL , HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE MARRIED TO A HEAD-HUNTER ? $
WELL , I 'M NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR PERSONAL PROBLEMS . $
YOU GET ROUND HERE TOMORROW MORNING , WE 'LL WORK THE DETAIL
S OUT THEN . $
THERE 'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT , KENILWORTH . $
WE 'VE FIXED WORSE THINGS THAN THIS . $
JUST FORGET YOU WERE EVER MARRIED . $
NOW , COME ON , KENILWORTH , CHEER UP ! $
GOOD GOD, YOU SHOULD BE ON YOUR FEET AND REARING TO GO AT TH
E THOUGHT OF MARRYING NANCY . $
I WISH IT WERE ME . $
JUST THINK , A HOUSE FULL OF BUDDING LITTLE CULTURAL ADVISER
S . $
06 THE PATTER OF LITTLE MEDIAN TYPES ! $
05 OH , KENILWORTH ... $
I HADN'T THOUGHT OF THAT . $
07 OF WHAT ? $
05 LITTLE MEDIAN TYPES . $
07 WHAT DO YOU MEAN ? $
05 WHAT DO I MEAN ? $
WHAT DO I MEAN ? $
I MEAN WE COULD BREED THEM ! $
YOU 'RE IN - FAIRLY GOOD SHAPE , AREN'T YOU , KENILWORTH ? $
03 YES , MR MURRAY . $
05 I MEAN - THERE 'S NO INSANITY IN YOUR FAMILY ? $
03 NOT IN MINE , MR MURRAY . $
05 THERE YOU ARE THEN . $
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET NANCY 'S CONSENT TO THE WEDDING .
$
03 I DON'T KNOW , MR MURRAY ... $
05 OH , KENILWORTH , DON'T BE SO FAINT-HEARTED ABOUT EVERYTH
ING . $
03 IT SEEMS WRONG TO ME . $
05 NOW , KENILWORTH , YOU 'RE A REASONABLE MAN , AND I 'M GO
ING TO TALK TO YOU REASONABLY . $
I 'M NOT GOING TO REMIND YOU THAT IF YOU DON'T MARRY NANCY Y
OU 'LL BE OUT OF HERE ON YOUR NECK IN TEN SECONDS FLAT . $
IT HAPPENS TO BE TRUE BUT I 'M NOT GOING TO REMIND YOU OF IT
 . $
WHAT I WANT TO SAY TO YOU , IS DON'T BE A FOOL ALL YOUR LIFE
 . $
DON'T BE A MUG . $
I 'VE GOT NOTHING AGAINST SCRUPLES . $
SCRUPLES ARE FINE FOR THE VERY POOR , AND THEY 'RE FINE FOR
THE VERY RICH . $
THE POOR HAVE NO HOPE AND THE RICH DON'T NEED ANY . $
BUT FOR THAT MIDDLE CLASS OF PERSON IN BETWEEN , IT 'S DIFFE
RENT . $
IF THERE 'S MONEY TO BE MADE , WHY SHOULDN'T YOU GET SOME OF
 IT ? $
WHY SHOULD A TALENTED , SENSITIVE CHAP LIKE YOU BEAT HIS BRA
INS OUT FOR A LOUSY FEW BOB A WEEK WHEN HE COULD BE PUTTING
ASIDE ENOUGH FOR A LEISURELY OLD AGE ? $
YOU 'VE GOT PLENTY OF TIME FOR SCRUPLES , KENILWORTH , YOU '
RE ONLY JUST FORTY . $
03 I THINK YOU 'RE RIGHT . $
05 OF COURSE I 'M RIGHT . $
DON'T GET LEFT OUT , KENILWORTH , DON'T GET LEFT BEHIND . $
03 YOU 'RE RIGHT , MR MURRAY . $
WHAT HAVE I BEEN ALL THESE YEARS ? $
A VILLAGE SCHOOLMASTER . $
A PLODDING PEDAGOGUE , TRYING TO KNOCK A LITTLE CULTURE INTO
 THE BRAINLESS HEADS OF PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T WANT IT . $
05 RIGHT ! $
WITH ONE OBVIOUS EXCEPTION THAT 'S A PRETTY FAIR STATEMENT O
F THE CASE . $
03 IT 'S TIME I WOKE UP . $
05 ABSOLUTELY ! $
03 I 'VE BEEN ASLEEP ALL MY LIFE . $
05 WHAT HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOU ? $
03 LIGHT IS BEGINNING TO DAWN . $
YOU MIGHT EVEN SAY THE INTELLECTUALS ARE ON THE MARCH , THE
SLEEPING GIANT IS BEGINNING TO STIR . $
05 YOU JUST HAVE TO PROPOSE TO NANCY , KENILWORTH , NOT TAKE
 OVER THE WORLD . $
03 I 'LL DO IT , MR MURRAY , I 'LL DO IT ! $
06 BRAVO , KENILWORTH , BRAVO ! $
01 WHERE 'S THE PARTY , THEN ? $
HELLO , MR KENILWORTH . $
03 HELLO , MISS GRAY . $
ER - NANCY . $
05 I 'M JUST GOING TO SEE ABOUT THE CHAMPAGNE , NANCY . $
FREDDIE , ARTHUR , COULD I HAVE A WORD WITH YOU ? $
01 I MISSED YOU . $
03 DID YOU ? $
OH , DID YOU ? $
01 I KEPT THINKING ABOUT YOU . $
I FELT SO AWFUL , WHAT I DID TO YOU THAT DAY . $
HITTING OUT AT YOU LIKE THAT . $
I FLUSHED EVERY TIME I THOUGHT OF IT , I REALLY FLUSHED . $
HOT ALL OVER . $
03 NO , NO - YOU WERE RIGHT , NANCY , QUITE RIGHT . $
01 DID YOU - MISS ME AT ALL ? $
03 WELL , THAT 'S JUST THE POINT , NANCY , I - I MISSED YOU
MORE THAN I EVER THOUGHT I COULD . $
NANCY THERE 'S ... $
01 OH , I NEARLY FORGOT ! $
I 'VE GOT A PRESENT FOR YOU . $
IT 'S A SWEATER . $
03 OH , NANCY ... $
01 GO ON , OPEN IT . $
ONLY , DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO THEM - I ONLY KNITTED THEM SOCK
S AND I WOULDN'T WANT TO HURT THEIR FEELINGS . $
03 IT 'S LOVELY , NANCY . $
JUST WHAT I NEEDED . $
01 IT LOOKS A BIT BIG . $
03 IT 'S PERFECT . $
01 FUNNY - I REMEMBERED YOU AS BEING A LARGE FORTY BUT YOU '
RE REALLY JUST A SMALL THIRTY-EIGHT . $
STILL , IT 'LL SHRINK . $
03 NANCY , THERE 'S SOMETHING I WANT TO ASK YOU . $
YOU SAID , YOU MAY REMEMBER , THAT WHILE YOU WERE AWAY YOU M
ISSED ME $
#73 $
01 OH , I DID . $
03 AND I SAID THAT I MISSED YOU . $
01 IT 'S HARD TO BELIEVE , ANYONE ACTUALLY MISSING ME . $
03 NANCY - WHEN TWO PEOPLE WHO ARE APART , MISS EACH OTHER V
ERY MUCH , IT CAN ONLY HAVE ONE MEANING . $
I MEAN , IT 'S PLAIN TO ANYONE , THAT IF THEY MISS EACH OTHE
R VERY MUCH , WELL THEN - THEY OUGHT NEVER TO BE - APART . $
DO YOU FOLLOW ME ? $
01 NO . $
03 WHAT I 'M TRYING TO SAY IS - I 'M ASKING YOU TO MARRY ME
 . $
WELL - WILL YOU ? $
YES , NANCY - YOU ! $
WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $
WHY ARE YOU CRYING ? $
01 I NEVER THOUGHT ANYONE WOULD EVER SAY THAT TO ME . $
03 OH , NANCY ! $
01 I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GO THROUGH MY WHOLE LIFE AND NEV
ER GET ASKED ! $
03 BUT YOU 'RE ONLY JUST EIGHTEEN ! $
01 THAT 'S IT , YOU SEE - I LACK CONFIDENCE ! $
BUT I 'LL BE SUCH A GOOD WIFE TO YOU ! $
YOU 'LL SEE ! $
YOU WON'T BE ASHAMED OF ME ! $
I 'LL GO TO NIGHT SCHOOL ! $
03 NO , NANCY ! $
01 I 'LL TAKE COURSES ! $
03 NO ! $
NO ! $
01 I 'LL IMPROVE MY MIND ! $
03 NO , NANCY , NO !! $
01 BUT I WANT TO BE WORTHY OF YOU ! $
03 NANCY , ARE YOU MAD ! $
YOU 'RE A DELICATE MECHANISM ! $
YOU 'RE A VALUABLE ECONOMIC ASSET . $
01 BUT I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT NOW ! $
03 BUT I DO ! $
NOW , NANCY , IT 'S QUITE UNNECESSARY . $
I LOVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU ARE . $
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ANYTHING MORE THAN THAT . $
01 BUT THAT 'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID BEFORE . $
YOU WERE ALWAYS TELLING ME ... $
03 I WAS WRONG . $
NOW , LISTEN . $
YOU 'RE VERY YOUNG - BUT YOU HAVE A GREAT GIFT , A GIFT MORE
 PRECIOUS THAN ALL THE GOLDEN TREASURIES OF LITERATURE IN TH
E WORLD . $
YOU DON'T WANT TO LOSE IT , DO YOU ? $
01 YOU SOUND LIKE MR MURRAY . $
03 WHERE 'S THE HARM IN THAT ? $
HE 'S A REMARKABLE MAN ! $
A BORN LEADER . $
LOOK WHAT HE 'S DONE FOR ALL OF US ? $
LOOK WHAT HE 'S DONE FOR YOU ? $
IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR HIM , WHAT WOULD YOU BE NOW ? $
01 NOBODY . $
03 AND WHAT ARE YOU INSTEAD ? $
01 ANYBODY . $
03 BUT IT TOOK HIM TO DISCOVER THAT , HIS SHARP EYE , HIS SH
REWD BRAIN . $
01 YOU HAVE CHANGED . $
03 THAT MAN IS A REVELATION TO ME ! $
I 'VE DONE HIM A GRAVE INJUSTICE ! $
01 PERHAPS YOU OUGHT TO MARRY HIM . $
03 OH , NANCY , WHO BETTER TO TAKE CARE OF YOU THAN I ? $
WHO BETTER TO LAUNCH YOU ON THE SEA OF LIFE AND STEER YOU SA
FELY PAST THE JAGGED ROCKS THAT MENACE YOU AT EVERY TURN ? $
01 HE 'S NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS , YOU KNOW - US GETTING MARR
IED . $
03 YOU 'RE WRONG , NANCY , WRONG ! $
IT WAS HIS IDEA ! $
01 HIS ? $
03 OF COURSE ! $
THAT MIND OF HIS IS NEVER STILL ! $
IT PROBES THE FUTURE LIKE AN ALL SEEING EYE ! $
OH , NANCY , WHAT A LIFE STRETCHES BEFORE US ! $
WHAT HAPPINESS ! $
WHAT BLISS ! $
05 WELL , WELL , WHAT 'S ALL THIS ? $
03 NANCY AND I ARE ENGAGED . $
05 YOU 'RE NOT ! $
WELL , YOU COULD KNOCK ME DOWN WITH A ... $
MISS WHEELER ! $
08 YES , SIR ? $
05 BRING IN THE CHAMPAGNE ! $
CONGRATULATIONS , NANCY . $
01 THANK YOU . $
05 IT COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED TO TWO NICER PEOPLE , COULD IT
, FREDDIE ? $
07 CONGRATULATIONS , NANCY . $
AND REMEMBER , IF YOU NAME THE FIRST AFTER ME YOU GET A YEAR
'S FREE SUPPLY OF FRESH CREAM DAIRY MILK . $
01 THANK YOU , MR SPENDER . $
06 I 'M VERY PLEASED , NANCY . $
FANCY ME , A PSYCHOLOGIST , NOT SPOTTING WHAT WAS GOING ON .
 $
08 MR JASHA KORNITZ IS HERE , SIR . $
05 JASHA WHO ? $
08 KORNITZ . $
03 THE VIOLINIST , MR MURRAY . $
05 OH , YES . $
ASK HIM TO WAIT . $
08 IT 'S FOUR O'CLOCK , SIR . $
05 THAT 'S ALL RIGHT , HE 'S GETTING WELL PAID . $
MISS WHEELER , I HOPE YOU 'LL JOIN US . $
08 THANK YOU , MR MURRAY . $
05 IT 'S A GREAT DAY , KENILWORTH , ISN'T IT ? $
03 A GREAT DAY , MR MURRAY . $
05 I 'M JUST AN OLD REACTIONARY , REALLY , I LOVE THINGS TO
BE THE WAY THEY WERE . $
EVERYBODY , CHAMPAGNE ! $
04 EVERYONE INTO MY BED ! $
WHOOPS ! $
05 COME IN , HAROLD . $
04 IF YOU DID THIS MORE OFTEN , CHARLES ... $
05 I 'D BE FLAT BROKE . $
08 OH , I LOVE A GOOD PARTY ! $
07 IF YOU 'D WARNED ME , CHARLES , I 'D HAVE BROUGHT UP A FE
W MILKMAIDS . $
04 ARE YOU HAVING TROUBLE KEEPING THEM DOWN ? $
06 1957 . $
THE YEAR WE STARTED AT DOBSON'S . $
05 YOU 'RE JUST AN OLD SENTIMENTALIST AT HEART . $
CHEERS , EVERYONE ! $
09 CHEERS ! $
06 SHALL WE ? $
01 WHY NOT ? $
05 ARTHUR , FILL THEM UP AGAIN . $
MISS WHEELER , MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE ? $
08 FROM THE LOOK OF MY PROGRAMME , MR MURRAY , YOU CAN HAVE
ALL OF THEM . $
04 YOU CAN'T GET AWAY , KENILWORTH . $
03 I 'VE HAD MY EYE ON YOU ALL EVENING , MR BASSINGTON . $
07 IF OLD JOE COULD SEE US NOW . $
05 WHAT WOULD HE SAY , ARTHUR ? $
07 ' THEM CITY DWELLERS , ' HE 'D SAY , ' A LOAD OF OL' 'ORS
E MANURE , MR SPENDER , JUST A LOAD OF OL' 'ORSE MANURE . '
$
THE GOOD OLD QUEEN 'S ENGLISH , THAT 'S WHAT THEY SPEAK UP T
HERE . $
08 IF THAT 'S THE ENGLISH THE QUEEN SPEAKS , NO WONDER PEOPL
E LOOK DAZED WHEN THEY COME OUT OF THE PALACE . $
05 WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $
07 HAVEN'T YOU FORGOTTEN SOMETHING , CHARLES ? $
05 FORGOTTEN SOMETHING ? $
07 THE CONTRACT . $
05 OH , YES , THE CONTRACT . $
I MADE A PROMISE , DIDN'T I ? $
07 AS AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN . $
05 NANCY , IT MAY HAVE CROSSED YOUR MIND THAT I WOULDN'T KEE
P THAT PROMISE . $
#74 $
01 OH , NO , MR MURRAY ! $
05 WELL , IT CERTAINLY CROSSED MINE . $
OH , ONLY NOW AND THEN , BUT IT DID . $
I 'D BE LESS THAN HONEST IF I DIDN'T CONFESS IT . $
BUT THEN , THERE 'S NO VIRTUE WITHOUT A STRUGGLE - IS THERE
 , KENILWORTH ? $
03 ETHICS AND VALUES - THIRD LECTURE . $
05 I TOLD YOU THAT IF YOU CAME BACK TO US WHOLE , THAT CONTR
ACT WOULD BE TORN INTO A THOUSAND PIECES . $
AND I MEAN TO KEEP MY WORD . $
NOW WATCH THIS . $
YOU TRUSTED ME , NANCY , AND I 'M TOUCHED , DEEPLY TOUCHED .
 $
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY ? $
BECAUSE THAT 'S JUST THE SORT OF MAD , GENEROUS THING THAT I
 'D DO . $
YES , NANCY , WE 'RE THE MUGS OF THIS WORLD , YOU AND ME , Y
OU TRUST PEOPLE . $
WE 'RE TOO TRUSTING ! $
PEOPLE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF US . $
BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN YOU TRUST SOMEONE LIKE ME AND IT PAYS
 OFF . $
PAYS OFF IN A BIG WAY . $
04 YOU 'RE TREMBLING , CHARLES . $
05 IT 'S THE CHAMPAGNE - IT ALWAYS DOES THAT . $
NANCY 'S CONTRACT . $
07 WELL ? $
05 YES . $
A THOUSAND PIECES . $
06 OH , COME ON , CHARLES , GET IT OVER WITH . $
05 WHAT WAS THAT ? $
07 YOUR BUST . $
05 HOW DID THAT HAPPEN ? $
06 WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE ? $
MISS KRANZ CAN START A NEW ONE , TOMORROW . $
A THOUSAND PIECES , CHARLES . $
07 BRAVO , CHARLES . $
05 MY SOLICITOR 'S COMING IN THE MORNING , NANCY . $
WE 'LL DRAW UP A NEW ONE . $
FROM NOW ON - ONE PER CENT OF THE PROFITS ! $
I WANT TO PROPOSE A TOAST . $
HAS EVERYONE GOT A DRINK ? $
05 TO NANCY - AND TO ALL THE OTHER NANCIES OF THIS WORLD - S
WEET , UNSPOILED , UNAFFECTED , UNASSUMING . $
WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT THEM ? $
THEY ARE THE BACKBONE OF THE COUNTRY , MAKE NO MISTAKE . $
THEY ARE THE TRUE WEALTH OF ENGLAND , LET US NEVER FORGET IT
 . $
NANCY , I SALUTE YOU , AND SAY - GOD BLESS NANCY . $
07 AND ALL WHO SAIL IN HER . $
05 SPEECH - SPEECH - SPEECH ! $
01 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY , REALLY - EXCEPT , FROM TOMORRO
W , I 'LL WANT FIFTY PER CENT OF THE PROFITS . $
05 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I THOUGHT YOU SAID ? $
01 THAT I 'D WANT FIFTY PERCENT OF THE PROFITS . $
05 YES . $
01 THAT 'S WHAT I DID SAY . $
06 NANCY , YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS ? $
01 OH , YES I AM . $
FIFTY PER CENT OR I WALK OUT OF HERE AND GO TO DOBSON'S . $
07 YOU WOULDN'T ? $
01 OH , YES I WOULD . $
FIFTY-FIFTY , I CAN'T BE FAIRER THAN THAT . $
07 BUT THERE ARE THREE OF US ! $
01 THAT 'S NOT MY FAULT , IS IT ? $
05 YOU DON'T SERIOUSLY THINK I 'M GOING TO GIVE YOU FIFTY PE
R CENT OF THE PROFITS , DO YOU ? $
03 WHY NOT ? $
I HADN'T THOUGHT OF IT BEFORE BUT - WHAT A GOOD IDEA ? $
05 YOU 'VE GOT SOME HOPES . $
03 HER CONTRACT 'S ON THE FLOOR , MR MURRAY . $
YOU PUT IT THERE . $
SHE 'LL SIGN A NEW ONE TOMORROW . $
05 WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO DO WITH THIS ? $
03 YOU FORGET . $
NANCY AND I ARE TO BE MARRIED . $
NATURALLY , MY INTERESTS ARE THE SAME AS HERS . $
05 I 'LL SEE YOU IN HELL FIRST ! $
01 YOU 'LL SEE ME IN DOBSON'S ! $
DOWN ON YOUR KNEES ! $
05 WHAT ? $
01 DOWN ON YOUR KNEES ALL THREE OF YOU ! $
OR FIFTY PER CENT OR NOT I 'M GOING TO DOBSON'S ! $
06 YOU WANT US ... $
01 YES ! $
07 TO YOU ? $
01 YES ! $
06 DOBSON'S ? $
01 DOBSON'S ! $
05 I 'LL SEE YOU IN ... $
06 GET DOWN , CHARLES ! $
01 THAT 'S BETTER . $
03 WELL DONE , NANCY ! $
I MUST SAY , YOU REVEAL AMAZING DEPTHS . $
05 YOU SNAKE IN THE ... $
03 DOWN ! $
01 AND YOU ! $
03 AND ... $
ME ? $
01 YES , YOU ! $
03 NANCY ! $
01 LAUNCH ME ON THE SEA OF LIFE , EH ? $
03 NANCY , I ... $
01 YOU WORM ! $
I BELIEVED IN YOU ! $
I THOUGHT YOU WAS DIFFERENT , BUT YOU 'RE NOT ! $
YOU 'RE THE SAME AS THEM ! $
03 NANCY , I 'M NOT ! $
01 YOU 'RE WORSE ! $
THEY DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER ! $
BUT YOU DO ! $
OH , MEN ! $
YOU WAS GOING TO MARRY ME , JUST TO KEEP ME THE WAY I WAS .
$
03 IT 'S NOT TRUE , NANCY ! $
05 OF COURSE IT 'S TRUE ! $
01 AND I LOOKED UP TO YOU ! $
I THOUGHT YOU WAS DIFFERENT ! $
03 BUT I AM ! $
01 I MUST 'VE BEEN MAD ! $
LARGE FORTY ! $
YOU WAS ALWAYS A SMALL THIRTY-EIGHT ! $
ON YOUR KNEES ! $
03 NEVER ! $
01 DOWN ! $
03 WHY SHOULD I ? $
01 FOR A SHARE OF THEIR FIFTY PER CENT - ON YOUR KNEES OR NO
THING ! $
05 MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING , KENILWORTH . $
01 MISS WHEELER - HAVE YOU EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE , S
O MANY MEN ON THEIR KNEES IN FRONT OF ONE WOMAN ? $
08 NOT SINCE HOOP SKIRTS , MISS GRAY . $
01 LOOK AT THEM - THEY ALL WANT SOMETHING FROM ME ! $
04 ARE THEY GOING TO GET IT ? $
01 OF COURSE THEY ARE - BUT FIRST THEY CAN BEG FOR IT . $
01 NOT YOU ! $
04 LET ME BE INCLUDED , NANCY ! $
06 NANCY , THIS IS CHILDISH ... $
01 SILENCE ! $
YOU ROTTEN LOT ! $
I DIDN'T MIND BEING STUPID BECAUSE I THOUGHT YOU LIKED ME .
$
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIENDS . $
#75 $
I 'D 'VE DONE ANYTHING FOR YOU , ANYTHING . $
BUT MONEY 'S ONE THING - LOVE 'S ANOTHER . $
AND WHEN YOU PUT HIM UP TO MARRYING ME - THAT 'S WHERE YOU M
ADE A BIG MISTAKE ! $
05 YOU LONG-HAIRED NIT ! $
01 SILENCE ! $
CLASP YOUR HANDS ! $
01 STRAIGHTEN UP , CHESTS OUT , SHOULDERS BACK ! $
01 WHAT 'S HAPPENING ? $
05 THE EINE KLEINE NACHT ! $
01 NO ! $
03 MR MURRAY ... $
06 IT DIDN'T WORK ! $
07 SHE 'S REVERTED ! $
06 IT WASN'T PERMANENT ! $
01 NO ! $
OH , NO ! $
07 REVERTED ! $
GONE BACK ! $
05 THE EINE KLEINE NACHT ! $
03 MR MURRAY ! $
05 A WASHOUT ! $
NOTHING ! $
01 NO ! $
NO ! $
NO ! $
05 YOU AND YOUR BLOODY CURE , SHE 'S USELESS ! $
03 MR MURRAY ! $
05 LEAVE ME ALONE ! $
YOU TOLD ME YOU CURED HER ! $
06 BUT I THOUGHT I HAD ! $
05 YOU SAID YOU WIPED ALL THAT STUFF OUT OF HER HEAD ! $
03 MR MURRAY ! ! ! ! $
05 WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE ! $
03 BUT YOU DID IT ! $
05 DID WHAT ! $
03 YOU RECOGNISED IT ! $
05 RECOGNISED WHAT ! ! ! $
03 THE EINE KLEINE NACHT ! $
05 I DID . $
01 HE DID . $
05 HE 'S RIGHT . $
04 I HEARD IT , CHARLES . $
03 SING IT AGAIN . $
05 WHAT ? $
03 SING IT AGAIN - PLEASE ! $
05 NOW ? $
03 BEFORE IT FADES INTO OBLIVION - PLEASE . $
OH , GOD , THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE . $
FIRST NANCY , NOW YOU . $
THIS WIPES OUT NORTH BORNEO COMPLETELY ! $
05 I THINK YOU 'RE A GENIUS ! $
03 I THINK I MAY BE . $
05 AT THE VERY LEAST - A GREAT TEACHER . $
HE TAUGHT ME THAT TUNE . $
03 THEME , MR MURRAY . $
05 THEME . $
I 'VE LEARNT IT . $
KENILWORTH , I 'LL NEVER FORGET YOU FOR THIS . $
03 AND I 'LL NEVER FORGET YOU . $
OR YOU , NANCY . $
MY PUPILS , BOTH OF YOU . $
YOU TRIED TO FORGET , BUT YOU COULDN'T . $
YOU TRIED TO REMEMBER AND YOU DID . $
I CONFESS TO YOU , MR MURRAY , THERE WERE TIMES WHEN I WOULD
 RATHER HAVE BEEN CULTURAL ADVISER TO A FAMILY OF GORILLAS T
HAN STAY ANOTHER DAY LONGER WITH YOU . $
BUT I TAKE IT BACK . $
I TAKE IT ALL BACK . $
YOU 'RE WONDERFUL . $
05 NO , KENILWORTH , YOU 'RE WONDERFUL . $
THIS IS YOUR TRIUMPH . $
03 LET 'S SAY , IT 'S A TRIUMPH FOR THE HUMAN SPIRIT . $
06 HAVE YOU QUITE FINISHED ? $
03 NOT QUITE , MR MAINE . $
NANCY , I SHALL ALWAYS BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO YOU , FOR SH
OWING ME THE WAY . $
FOR ONE BRIEF MOMENT , I FALTERED , LOST MYSELF . $
I LOOKED BACK ON MY OWN LIFE AND IT SEEMED TAWDRY AND OF NO
ACCOUNT . $
HE SHOWED ME ALL THE KINGDOMS OF THE EARTH , AND I WAS DAZZL
ED - SUCH IS THE POWER MONEY EXERTS ON THE MINDS OF MEN . $
YES , MR MURRAY , DON'T DENY IT . $
FOR A BRIEF MOMENT , I WAS YOUR PUPIL INSTEAD OF YOU BEING M
INE . $
BUT I BEAR YOU NO GRUDGE , BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I TOUCHED YOU
 IN A DEEPER PLACE THAN YOU TOUCHED ME . $
YOU 'LL UNDERSTAND THAT BETTER IN THE FULLNESS OF TIME . $
BUT TO NANCY , MY HEART GOES OUT . $
04 OH , AND MINE , TOO . $
05 SHUT UP , BASSINGTON ! $
03 SHE DEALT WITH ME ACCORDING TO HER TRUE LIGHTS , HER UNER
RING INSTINCTS SORTED ME OUT AND SHOWED ME WHAT I HAD BECOME
 . $
01 WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO , MR KENILWORTH ? $
03 I 'M GOING BACK TO NORTH BORNEO , IF THE BRITISH COUNCIL
WILL HAVE ME . $
I 'VE SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS WITH THOSE HEAD-HUNTERS . $
NO LONGER THE LAME ONE LIMPING BEHIND . $
05 MY RESPECTS TO MRS KENILWORTH . $
01 WHO ? $
05 WHOM ! $
OH , IT 'S A LONG STORY . $
THE EINE KLEINE NACHT . $
01 HE REMEMBERED IT . $
05 SO DID YOU . $
06 HAVE YOU FINISHED ? $
05 WHAT ? $
06 HAVE YOU COMPLETELY TAKEN LEAVE OF YOUR SENSES ? $
05 WHAT 'S THE MATTER ? $
06 SHE 'S RUINED ! $
PERMANENTLY TAMPERED WITH ! $
FINISHED ! $
GONE ! $
05 MY GOD , THAT 'S TRUE . $
07 SHE 'S NO USE TO US ANY MORE ! $
SHE 'S NO MORE A MEDIAN TYPE THAN YOU ARE ! $
HE 'S RUINED HER ! $
05 I 'D FORGOTTEN . $
IN THE EXCITEMENT OF THE MOMENT I 'D FORGOTTEN . $
07 WELL , YOU 'D BETTER START REMEMBERING ! $
01 WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE HIM ALONE ? $
07 AND YOU SHUT UP ! $
01 IT 'S NOT HIS FAULT . $
05 OH , SHUT UP ! $
01 I 'M TAKING YOUR PART ! $
05 I DON'T NEED YOU TO TAKE MY PART ! $
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ? $
01 AND WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ! $
JUST BECAUSE YOU RECOGNISED A TUNE ! $
05 THEME ! $
THEME ! $
01 IT TOOK YOU SIX MONTHS TO LEARN IT ! $
05 BUT I LEARNT IT ! $
01 AND YOU 'LL HAVE FORGOTTEN IT AGAIN BY TOMORROW ! $
05 OH , NO I WON'T ! $
01 OH , YES YOU WILL ! $
05 OH , NO I WON'T ! $
01 OH , YES YOU ... $
05 SILENCE ! $
THE IMPERTINENCE OF THE GIRL ! $
WHEN I LEARN SOMETHING I LEARN IT . $
01 SING IT THEN . $
05 WHAT ? $
01 SING IT . $
05 I WILL NOT SING IT . $
01 YOU CAN'T , THAT 'S WHY . $
YOU 'VE FORGOTTEN IT . $
A GRASSHOPPER MIND , THAT 'S WHAT YOU 'VE GOT . $
05 I 'VE NEVER HEARD ANYTHING LIKE IT . $
06 WELL , SING IT . $
05 WHAT ? $
06 SING IT ! $
IF WE CAN'T PROCEED UNTIL THE POINT IS SETTLED , SING IT AND
 SETTLE IT ! $
05 I DON'T FEEL LIKE SINGING . $
07 OH , FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE , CHARLES , SING THE BLOODY TUNE A
ND LET 'S FORGET ABOUT IT ! $
05 IF YOU 'RE SO CLEVER , YOU SING IT . $
07 WHAT ? $
06 OH , FOR GOD'S SAKE SING IT AND GET IT OVER WITH . $
07 YOU SING IT . $
06 OH , NO ! $
#76 $
01 WAIT A MINUTE - I THINK I 'VE GOT IT . $
WELL , IT WASN'T MY FAULT ! $
I DIDN'T ASK HIM TO COME HERE . $
PEOPLE CHANGE - THEY DON'T ALWAYS STAY THE SAME . $
CAN I HAVE MY OLD JOB BACK ? $
05 NO . $
04 NANCY , YOU 'RE WORTH MORE THAN THAT ! $
THERE 'S A VILLA IN NICE AND THE BASSINGTON FORTUNE WAITING
 TO BE SQUANDERED . $
01 NO , I COULDN'T LEAVE LONDON , MR BASSINGTON . $
04 WHY NOT ? $
01 I 'D MISS THE CULTURAL LIFE . $
04 THEN I 'LL BUY YOU A FLAT IN PARK LANE AND A SEASON TICKE
T TO EVERY THEATRE THAT ISSUES THEM ! $
01 NO , MR BASSINGTON - BUT DON'T THINK I DON'T APPRECIATE I
T , THE PRICE OF TICKETS BEING WHAT THEY ARE . $
BUT MR KENILWORTH WAS RIGHT - MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING . $
04 YOU FIND ME SOMETHING PEOPLE WILL TAKE IN ITS PLACE AND Y
OU CAN HAVE THAT , TOO . $
I LOVE YOU , NANCY . $
IT 'S AN ODD THING , BUT I REALLY DO . $
01 WHAT 'S THAT ? $
08 A TICKET FOR THE OPERA TONIGHT . $
01 HIS ? $
HE 'LL NEVER LEARN ANYTHING , WILL HE ? $
04 WHAT WILL YOU DO , NANCY ? $
01 I DON'T KNOW . $
BUT I WON'T SIT AROUND AND MOPE . $
I LOST ONE FORTUNE TODAY AND REFUSED ANOTHER . $
THAT 'S NOT SUCH A BAD START TO LIFE . $
I GOT TWO HANDS , A HEART AND A BRAIN , AND I CAN REMEMBER A
 TUNE THAT 'S A HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD , AND THAT 'S NO
T SUCH A BAD START TO LIFE , EITHER . $
AS A MATTER OF FACT , TAKING ALL IN ALL , I 'M ALMOST A PROP
ER PERSON . $
AND WHO KNOWS , PERHAPS ONE DAY , YOU 'LL ALL BE PROPER PERS
ONS , TOO . $
05 IF THERE 'S ONE THING I CAN'T STAND IT 'S THE CHEERFUL ,
BRAINLESS , PENNILESS OPTIMISM OF THE WORKING CLASS . $
04 PITY , CHARLES - BECAUSE I THINK YOU 'RE GOING TO NEED AN
 AWFUL LOT OF IT . $
08 MR MURRAY ? $
MR KORNITZ ... $
#77 $
05 OH , TO HELL WITH KORNITZ ! $
07 ' YOU YET MAY SPY THE FAWN AT PLAY , THE HARE UPON THE GR
EEN , BUT THE SWEET FACE OF NANCY GRAY WILL NEVER MORE BE SE
EN . ' $
06 LUCY . $
I SHALL MISS HER . $
SHE WAS A - HAPPY APPLE . $
07 I THINK I 'LL PHONE DOBSON'S . $
05 OH , NO YOU WON'T ! $
YOU 'LL DO NOTHING OF THE KIND . $
YOU 'LL COME TO THE OFFICE EVERY DAY AND YOU 'LL WORK ! $
WORK ! $
07 WHAT 'S THE POINT WITHOUT NANCY ? $
05 WE CAN WORK WITH SURVEYS , NOW , LIKE ANYONE ELSE . $
07 SHE WAS BETTER THAN SURVEYS . $
06 SHE WAS NOT ONLY BETTER , SHE WAS CHEAPER - AND BY GOD WE
 COULD DO WITH SOME MORE OF THAT IN THIS COUNTRY RIGHT NOW .
 $
05 NEVER MIND ALL THAT ! $
YOU JUST REMEMBER - NO ONE EVER GOT RICH WORKING FOR SOMEBOD
Y ELSE . $
YOU BOTH BE HERE AT NINE O'CLOCK TOMORROW MORNING . $
AND YOU CAN SELL THAT FARM ! $
AND THAT CLINIC ! $
THEY 'RE WHITED SEPULCHRES , BOTH OF THEM ! $
07 ELEPHANTS . $
05 WHITED ELEPHANTS , THEN . $
JUST SELL THEM ! $
06 AT LEAST WE WON'T HAVE ANY MORE OF THIS CULTURE NONSENSE
 . $
05 RIGHT ! $
FROM NOW ON , WE 'RE HERE TO MAKE MONEY , AND DON'T LET ANY
OF US FORGET IT ! $
07 I SAY , FREDDIE , DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A PUB ACROSS THE
 ROAD ? $
05 NINE O'CLOCK ! $
AND YOU CAN FORGET THE PUB ! $
08 HE WON'T WAIT ANY LONGER , SIR ! $
05 LISZT ? $
10 LISZT . $
08 YES , MR MURRAY ? $
05 I 'VE CHANGED MY MIND . $
I THINK I 'LL JOIN KENILWORTH AT THE OPERA , TONIGHT , AFTER
 ALL . $
BRING ME IN THAT OTHER TICKET , WILL YOU ? $
DID YOU HEAR ? $
MISS WHEELER ? $
MISS WHEELER ! ! ! $